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Chasing Her Ashes The Fallen Arbiter I - Full
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00:01In Midgard, I used my power to force Sigrid into marriage, tearing him away from his beloved.
00:06After death, he ascended, as the Arbiter of Helheim, imprisoning and torturing me.
00:11For a hundred years, he made sure every soul in Helheim knew I was his wife.
00:16Then, upon finding his dead childhood companion, he drove dozens of hell-forged spikes into my body.
00:22He declared, my heart was vile, my hands stained with the lives of the innocent,
00:26and he flooded my soul with darkness.
00:29Then, before every watching eye, he gave me two choices.
00:32Remain and become his companion's servant as penance, or enter the Hall of Anguish, the corrupted soul,
00:39to suffer endlessly and be reborn into servitude across every life, never to know a good death.
00:43He knew I feared pain, feared suffering.
00:46But even if I had to endure every torment, even if my next life would know no peace,
00:50I could not bear to remain at his side one moment longer.
00:53After a hundred years imprisoned beside Sigrid, I was finally released from that lightless dungeon.
00:58When the iron chains fell from my pierced collarbones, I thought I would feel lighter.
01:02Instead, all I felt was the dense, crushing wave of pain across my shoulders.
01:06Seeing me hesitate, a death guard shoved me hard from behind.
01:09My lord, some don't come to the one of us.
01:13Move!
01:14Don't make me late with my dream.
01:16His expression was stone cold.
01:18He had no fear that I would disobey, because Sigrid had placed a curse on me.
01:22From the moment I entered Helheim, I was every soul's dog, summoned, dismissed, forbidden to resist.
01:28Now, I lowered my eyes, swallowed the pain, and walked out of the Arbiter's Hall.
01:33The moment I entered the city, a force seized me and wrenched me down.
01:38In Midgard, I crashed hard to the ground.
01:41The wounds on my shoulders tore open, another bloom of blood and rot.
01:45Sorin, standing at Sigrid's side, let a flash of pleasure cross her eyes.
01:49Then she twisted her face into fear and reddened her eyes.
01:53Sigrid!
01:54What did I ever do to make Rowan hate me so much, that she would sever my limbs and have
01:59me tortured to death?
02:00The moment she spoke, Sigrid's gaze turned to ice.
02:03Don't be afraid. I'll make her pay.
02:06He never merely said things.
02:07The moment the words left his lips, he drove dozens of hellforged spikes into my forearms.
02:11The agony hit like a collapsing sky.
02:14I couldn't hold back my scream.
02:15Every wound Sorin bore, I will return to you a hundredfold.
02:21Rowan's heart is rotten.
02:23She has taken lives without mercy.
02:25Her crimes are unforgivable.
02:27Under Sorin's cues, the crowd began to point and condemn.
02:29A woman like her deserves to be cast into the deepest abyss of Nif'him, never to be reborn.
02:36Hearing their words, Sigrid poured more darkness into my soul, his voice cold as iron.
02:41I give you two choices.
02:43Either remain and serve Sorda in penance, or enter the Hall of Anguish as a corrupted soul,
02:48be reborn into slavery across every life, and never know a good death.
02:53The pain was so absolute, I couldn't form a single word.
02:56Of course. You're too selfish, too cowardly.
02:59Why would you ever choose the cycle of Yggdorick?
03:03He turned and took Sorin's hand.
03:04Let's go. We have a wedding to plan.
03:08He knew I feared pain, feared suffering.
03:10He didn't believe I would choose rebirth, and so he went off cheerfully to plan his wedding.
03:14What he didn't know, was that the moment I was released from the dungeon, I had already gone to the
03:19Hall of Anguish to register for the cycle of Yggdrasil.
03:21Even if I had to endure every torment, even if my next life would know no peace, I could not
03:26bear to remain at his side one moment longer.
03:30I crashed.
03:31By now, every soul in Helheim knew the story.
03:34In Midgard, I had used my power to force Sigrid into Mary.
03:37I had murdered his aging mother.
03:39I had ordered Sorin's limbs, severed, and left her to be tortured.
03:42He had hated me with everything he had.
03:44In Midgard, he endured it all in silence.
03:47And in the tenth year of our marriage, he slaughtered the entire Rowan clan, dozens of lives, and then killed
03:52me.
03:53After my death, I learned the truth.
03:55He was the arbiter of Helheim, the High Valkyrie.
03:57Because of his hatred for me, he kept me imprisoned at his side for a century, and subjected him to
04:02every torment he could devise.
04:04But what he didn't know, was that he had hated the wrong woman.
04:07I had never killed his mother.
04:09I had never touched Sorin.
04:15For the first ten years of my imprisonment, I never stopped trying to explain.
04:19It wasn't me.
04:20But Sigrid would grab me by the throat, eyes blazing red, and scream,
04:24I only believe what I saw with my own eyes.
04:26Time wore me down.
04:27I went numb.
04:28I stopped explaining.
04:30Now he told every soul, it was I who had taken him by force, and compelled him into marriage.
04:34He had forgotten.
04:35The year we first met, he was huddled among beggars.
04:38And he took the bowl of porridge I extended to him, and he looked up at me.
04:42That young man had gazed at me with something pure and shy in his eyes.
04:45My lady, do you need a guard?
04:48I'll work for a meal.
04:49It was a time of war and chaos.
04:51My heart had gone soft.
04:52I brought him home.
04:54I had people care for his ailing mother and younger brother.
04:56Years passed.
04:57He stood in front of me, unyielding, when danger came.
05:00Then came the day the royal house called for concerts.
05:02He grabbed my hand with reddened eyes and pleaded,
05:04Don't go.
05:06I'll work until I'm worthy of you.
05:09Can't you just consider me?
05:11I had no desire to marry some prince, and he had moved me just a little.
05:15So I said yes.
05:16He said he loved me.
05:17He said he would give himself fully and would not waver for a lifetime.
05:20After we wed, he gave me everything.
05:22He was tireless, devoted, always striving.
05:25Ten years passed.
05:26We were bound without doubt or shadow.
05:27Then came the moment he raised a bow and put an arrow through my chest,
05:30and I finally understood he had never loved me at all.
05:37For the first ten years, now he looked at my wretched figure,
05:40with not a single flicker of emotion in his eyes.
05:44In seven days, Sorda and I will be wed.
05:46Right now I need to take her to be fitted for wedding robes.
05:48Crawl back on your own and prepare to begin your penance.
05:51With that, he left with Soren.
05:53The onlookers needed no invitation.
05:55The sneering words came fast.
05:56She entered Helham and immediately called herself his wife.
05:59I almost believed they were tundants.
06:01They were devoted to each other.
06:03Turns out he only kept her around to let his beloved vent her anger.
06:06They laughed.
06:06They sneered.
06:07I did not raise my head.
06:08I used every last fragment of strength to drag myself forward.
06:12Blood trailed in thin streaks across the road.
06:14I ignored the pain consuming my body,
06:16and crawled, truly crawled, back to the Arbiter's Hall.
06:21Now he looked.
06:23When I finally looked up,
06:24I did not know how much time had passed.
06:26Sigrid and Soren returned to find me at the gates, drenched in blood.
06:29Soren let out a sharp cry and rushed over, pulling me upright.
06:33Robes.
06:34Why are you covered in blood like this?
06:36She asked, though she already knew.
06:38The delight behind her eyes was unmistakable.
06:40My stomach turned.
06:41I tried to pull my hand free.
06:42Soren crumpled straight to the ground.
06:44Sigrid's eyes went wide with fury.
06:46Soren!
06:47He caught her immediately.
06:48When he saw she had fainted, his expression darkened.
06:51Without pause, he blasted me away.
06:53I was hurled a dozen meters and slammed into a wall.
06:55I couldn't stop the blood that came up with the impact.
06:58The pain in my body doubled.
06:59I clenched my fist against it.
07:01Out of the corner of my eye,
07:02I watched Sigrid carry Soren on his back and leave swiftly,
07:05pausing only to give a cold order.
07:07Throw Rowan into the chasm of Niggdug.
07:09Let her learn her place.
07:11I won't have her forgetting what she is.
07:13He didn't hesitate for a single breath
07:15before concluding it was I who had harmed Soren.
07:17He never once asked,
07:18what could I, a hollowed out soul, have even done?
07:21I said nothing.
07:22I did not call after him.
07:23I simply let the death guards drag me away.
07:26Because I already knew Sigrid would never believe me.
07:28The pain was overwhelming.
07:29I couldn't stop my eyes from closing.
07:33When I finally looked,
07:35I drifted in and out of consciousness,
07:37as they hauled me off the street.
07:38They were not gentle.
07:39They dragged me through thorns,
07:41leaving me torn and raw,
07:42a figure made of blood.
07:43The guards felt nothing.
07:45They simply pitched me over the edge
07:46and into the chasm of Nidhugger.
07:48The chasm is the one place every soul dreads most.
07:51The void serpents down there
07:52will keep you drowning in your own suffering,
07:54alive enough to wish you weren't.
07:56Every soul in this realm can see
07:58how much Soren means to our lord.
08:01You still went and provoked her.
08:04You deserve exactly this.
08:06They believed I deserved it.
08:07They walked away,
08:08not knowing I had done nothing.
08:10But I understood.
08:11Even if they knew,
08:12they would not help me.
08:14Without Hala present,
08:15Helheim answered to Sigrid.
08:16There was nothing more to say,
08:18nothing that would matter.
08:19The wind screamed past my ears.
08:21Then came the impact.
08:22I hit the floor of the chasm
08:23and the force tore more blood from me,
08:25painting my pale face crimson.
08:26The void serpents caught the scent
08:28and struck without waiting.
08:29Fangs sank into my arm.
08:30As the venom spread,
08:31it closed my eyes.
08:36Long buried memories were pulled free
08:38and without meaning to,
08:39I smiled.
08:40Yet a single tear slipped into my hair.
08:42At the start of the story,
08:43my eyes had been full of happiness.
08:44Then a snowstorm passed
08:46and my eyes were dyed in blood.
08:47My beautiful husband came with an army
08:49and slaughtered my entire clan.
08:51When he looked at me,
08:52his eyes held nothing but hatred.
08:53That night,
08:54surrounded by the bodies of everyone I had loved,
08:56I screamed until I had nothing left.
08:58But my parents,
08:59who had cherished me,
09:01my sister,
09:02not one of them would ever answer me again.
09:04Secret stood with a bow in his hands,
09:06soaked in the blood of the Rowan clan,
09:07his eyes cold with savage satisfaction.
09:09I watched,
09:11numb,
09:11as he stepped forward
09:12and drove his blade through my chest
09:13without flinching.
09:14Before I fell,
09:15I asked him,
09:16Why?
09:17He stepped closer.
09:18With quiet tenderness,
09:20he wiped the blood from the corner of my lips,
09:22then smiled,
09:23and the smile was winter.
09:24I only ever saw Saul as a younger sister.
09:27Even if she was in love with me,
09:28why did you have to destroy her utterly?
09:31My mother treated you with nothing but kindness.
09:33You didn't spare her either.
09:35Rowan,
09:35how can you be this cruel?
09:37Desolation rose from somewhere deep in my chest.
09:39He was my husband,
09:40and without a single question,
09:42he had butchered my entire family
09:43and laid every crime at my feet.
09:45I had barely crossed paths with Sorin
09:46more than a handful of times.
09:48I had loved him with everything I had.
09:50Why would I ever have harmed his family?
09:52But it didn't matter.
09:53Nothing had ever been real between us.
09:55There was no tenderness to speak of.
09:57Not once.
09:57Not ever.
10:00Long buried
10:02self-loathing sank into the marrow of me.
10:04I could not stop the anguished sounds
10:06that tore from my throat,
10:07nor the tears that fell without ceasing.
10:10The void serpents fed greedily on my suffering,
10:12curling the corners of their mouths in satisfaction.
10:14My family appeared before me,
10:16and their accusations came one after another.
10:18Rowan,
10:19how can you still love the one who destroyed us?
10:22He killed your family.
10:23Why haven't you made him pay?
10:25Rowan.
10:26If you hadn't let jealousy drive you
10:28to hurt Sorin and Sigran's mother,
10:31we would never have died.
10:32The whispers and the contempt circled me without end.
10:36I shook my head violently.
10:37The disappointment in their eyes broke something inside me.
10:40I didn't do it.
10:41My voice came out as a ragged rasp.
10:43My eyes were so swollen I could barely see.
10:45The suffering pouring from me
10:46drew more and more void serpents close.
10:48They sank their fangs in again,
10:50extracting the anguish,
10:51harvesting it.
10:52There was no escape.
10:53I could only relive it,
10:54drown in it,
10:55again and again,
10:56until I lost consciousness entirely.
10:59Self-loathing.
11:01When I opened my eyes again,
11:02I was no longer in the chasm of Nidhugger.
11:04The familiar surroundings told me at once,
11:06this was Sigrid's estate.
11:09Rowan,
11:09I'm so sorry.
11:10I never expected Sigrid to misunderstand
11:12and throw you into the chasm.
11:14I only fainted yesterday
11:16because I can't stand the sight of blood.
11:18Startled myself, really.
11:19I'm terribly embarrassed about it.
11:22Rowan is so kind-hearted.
11:24You'll forgive me, won't you?
11:26After all,
11:27I've decided not to hold a grudge
11:29about what you did to me in Nidwar.
11:31Her eyes were filled with triumph.
11:32She was telling me plainly,
11:34even the smallest incident
11:35would be enough to make Sigrid
11:36turn his fury on me.
11:37I didn't speak,
11:38but Sigrid's face had already hardened.
11:40Sorin came to apologize in good faith,
11:42and this is how you respond?
11:43She's chosen not to pursue
11:45what you did to her in Midland,
11:46and you can't even offer
11:47a single word of apology.
11:49Today,
11:50you will apologize to Sorin.
11:52If you don't,
11:54I have no problem
11:55keeping you in the chas of Nindo
11:56or indefinitely,
11:57suffering every single day.
11:59Rowan,
11:59just bend a little.
12:01After this,
12:01we can be friends again.
12:03Her contempt was clear as glass.
12:05It pricked at something in me.
12:07I'm sorry.
12:09I had no desire to apologize,
12:10but I knew with certainty
12:11Sigrid would make me pay
12:12on Sorin's behalf regardless.
12:14Good.
12:16At least you know when to yield.
12:18I couldn't afford to lose my chance
12:19at the cycle of Yggdrasil.
12:21That apology bought me
12:22a brief, fragile peace.
12:24A few days later,
12:25the moment I was well enough
12:26to leave my chamber,
12:27I moved to go,
12:28but Sorin stepped into my path.
12:32Going out to enjoy yourself, Rowan?
12:35Then bring me back a lantern.
12:37I'm too occupied
12:38with the wedding to bother.
12:41When I opened my eyes,
12:42I had no desire to humor her,
12:44but even less desire
12:45to endure her wheedling.
12:46I agreed.
12:47The moment I stepped out
12:48of the estate,
12:49I went straight
12:50to the hall of anguish.
12:51The warden led me inside,
12:52but no sooner had I faced
12:54the first trial of love
12:55and hatred
12:56than I nearly came apart
12:57at the seams,
12:58my soul unraveling.
13:02The warden brought me back out,
13:05shaking his head with a sigh.
13:08You cannot yet withstand
13:09the torments of love,
13:11hate,
13:11and obsession.
13:14I'll hold your place.
13:16Come back when you've recovered.
13:19There was nothing to be done.
13:20I could only return
13:21to the Arbiter's Hall.
13:22Secret's curse left me no choice.
13:24When Sorin saw me,
13:25she immediately took the lantern
13:26from my hands with a smile.
13:27I wanted to leave.
13:28Someone grabbed my wrist.
13:32I had no desire.
13:34I turned.
13:35You went to the hall of anguish?
13:37I lowered my eyes slightly.
13:39I merely passed by.
13:41He looked at my ashen face,
13:42pressed the unease back down.
13:44What?
13:46You saw the trials
13:47and were frightened
13:48into looking like that?
13:49He exhaled with quiet relief,
13:51a scornful thought
13:52crossing his mind.
13:53I was so small
13:54and so cowardly.
13:55Why would I ever enter
13:56the cycle of Yggdrasil
13:57just to leave him?
13:58I said nothing more.
14:00I turned to go,
14:00then heard Sorin
14:01let out a sharp cry
14:02and collapse,
14:03vomiting blood.
14:04The lantern had been unwrapped.
14:06The warmth of Midgard
14:07still clung to it.
14:09Any soul who had passed
14:10into Helheim
14:11would be burned
14:11by such living light.
14:14Do you hate Sura so much
14:15you'd see her soul torn apart?
14:17I pressed my lips together
14:18and said nothing.
14:19Since you love the light
14:20of the living world so much,
14:23let me give you
14:24your fill of it.
14:28I turned
14:30at noon the following day
14:31I was taken to Midgard.
14:33The blazing sun
14:34fell on me like a judgment.
14:35The pain was beyond bearing.
14:37In the shadows,
14:38a death guard shuddered.
14:39You can offend
14:41your enemy
14:41in this realm.
14:43Just join Sorin.
14:44My lord is merciless.
14:47For one moment
14:48I felt myself
14:48beginning to dissolve.
14:49Then Sigrid reappeared
14:50and wrenched me back
14:51into Helheim.
14:52I was forced to my knees
14:53before Sorin.
14:54Sigrid's voice was flat
14:55as still water.
14:56Apologize.
14:58He stood firm.
14:59I said nothing.
15:01Sorin glanced between us
15:02and waved Sigrid off.
15:04Let me have a word
15:05alone with Rowan.
15:06Of course.
15:10At noon the following day
15:11The moment he left,
15:13Sorin rose from her sickbed
15:14as though nothing
15:14had happened at all
15:15and produced a memory stone.
15:17Look at these people.
15:19Do you recognize them?
15:21I looked up instinctively.
15:23My parents.
15:24My family.
15:25All of them.
15:26Surrounded by something
15:27that looked like
15:28the inside of a furnace.
15:30Because of you
15:31Sigrid and I
15:32were torn apart.
15:36And your family.
15:38They deserved
15:38what they got.
15:40Sigrid kept them around
15:41all this time
15:42so I could buy anger.
15:45They're screaming.
15:46Isn't it lovely?
15:47Don't you want to hear it?
15:49Her smile was radiant.
15:50Her eyes were full of cruelty.
15:51My vision flooded red.
15:52I couldn't stop myself.
15:54My hands closed
15:54around her throat.
15:56You deserve to die.
16:00The moment he left
16:01but she laughed
16:02and then her face
16:03crumpled into fear.
16:06Sigrid!
16:06One word.
16:08Sigrid came at once
16:09pulling her free
16:09and the rage that blazed
16:11in his eyes
16:11when he turned on me
16:12was absolute.
16:13Since hatred is all you have
16:15I'll send you to the
16:16Hall of Anguish
16:17and strip it out of you.
16:21I won't have you thinking
16:22about hurting Sorin
16:23ever again.
16:27In an instant
16:28I was thrown before
16:28the gates of the Hall of Anguish.
16:30Sigrid expected me to beg.
16:32I didn't look back.
16:32I walked straight through
16:33the doors
16:34into the blazing Hall of Hatred
16:35without hesitating
16:36for a single step.
16:38Sigrid watched.
16:39Something lodged
16:39in his chest
16:40but he turned
16:41and left anyway.
16:44But she laughed.
16:45In the days that followed
16:46Sigrid went through
16:47the motions
16:48of preparing the wedding
16:49distracted and hollow.
16:51And I
16:51inside the Hall of Anguish
16:52walked through
16:53every trial there was.
16:55On the day of their wedding
16:56I finally stepped
16:57onto the path
16:57of Ibtressil's cycle.
16:59The old woman
17:00held out the meat of oblivion
17:01I drained it
17:02in one swallow
17:02and left no trace
17:03of it on my lips.
17:05She watched my retreating back
17:06and shook her head quietly.
17:08All things are written
17:09in fate.
17:10Before the wedding ceremony
17:11began
17:11Sigrid turned his gaze
17:12toward the Hall of Anguish
17:14as if drawn by something
17:15he couldn't name.
17:16Zoran concealed the malice
17:17in her eyes
17:17and spoke with a bright smile.
17:19Why don't we bring Rowan back?
17:22I'd like her here
17:23to bless us.
17:24He gave her the opening
17:25she needed.
17:26Sigrid's face shifted.
17:27I'll go.
17:28I won't be long.
17:31He went to retrieve me
17:32but the warden of the Hall
17:33stopped him cold.
17:35Rowan has already endured
17:36all four trials
17:37as a corrupted soul
17:38and entered the cycle
17:39of Yugdara.
17:42In the day
17:43Sigrid could not believe it
17:45but when the warden
17:45summoned the vision
17:46from an hour prior
17:47all the color drained
17:48from his face
17:49because I had truly
17:50stepped into the cycle
17:51and I had not looked back.
17:53Not once.
17:54A sharp pain
17:55struck him in the chest.
17:56He stood there
17:56stunned.
17:57Something nameless
17:58and bitter rising
17:59through him.
18:00Soren
18:00tired of waiting
18:01came after him.
18:02She took one look
18:03at his hollowed expression
18:04and reached out
18:04to tug at his sleeve
18:05barely masking her impatience.
18:08Sigrid
18:08the ceremony
18:09is about to begin.
18:10Let's go back.
18:12She had no interest
18:13in where Rowan had gone.
18:14All she knew
18:14was that if she didn't
18:15hold on to what was
18:16in front of her right now
18:17she would never
18:17have another chance.
18:19But Sigrid
18:19who had always been
18:20so tender with her
18:21wrenched her arm
18:22free without a word
18:22and flew toward
18:23the gate of the cycle.
18:24Sigrid!
18:25Soren screamed after him
18:26but he didn't turn back.
18:28Her expression darkened.
18:29She almost followed
18:30then stopped herself.
18:32The memories she carried
18:33from Midgard
18:33were not ones
18:34she wanted to revisit.
18:35she bit her lip
18:35and sent a spirit messenger
18:37to bring him back.
18:41She could not believe
18:45today marks
18:46the tenth year
18:46of our marriage.
18:54Skiron!
18:55You're home!
19:03Why?
19:04Because the woman I love
19:05has always been Daphne.
19:07You should have
19:07stepped aside
19:08a long time ago.
19:11Daphne?
19:13My demigod sister?
19:14I never knew.
19:16If you loved her
19:17why didn't you
19:18refuse me ten years ago?
19:20You're Zeus'
19:20favorite daughter.
19:22When he ordered
19:22the marriage
19:23I had no choice.
19:27If it weren't for you
19:29Daphne and I
19:30would have belonged
19:31to each other.
19:49I gave you
19:51everything.
19:52I made you
19:53the most powerful
19:54god on Olympus.
19:56How could you
19:57be this cruel?
20:06Please save me.
20:08If you do
20:09I swear
20:10I won't tell
20:12my father.
20:13He'll never know.
20:20Your father
20:21won't get the chance
20:22to know.
20:24What does she mean?
20:32I've unleashed
20:33the beasts
20:34of Tartarus.
20:35Zeus is already
20:36fighting to survive.
20:38The throne of Olympus
20:40is overdue
20:41for a new ruler.
20:43What?
20:43No!
20:44No!
20:45No!
20:46No!
20:47No!
20:48No!
20:48No!
20:49No!
20:50No!
20:50No!
20:51No!
20:51No!
20:52No!
20:52No!
20:53No!
20:54No!
20:54No!
20:54No!
20:54No!
20:54No!
20:55No!
20:55No!
20:56No!
20:57No!
21:00No!
21:03Ten years
21:04and I never
21:05realized how
21:06deeply my husband
21:07hated me.
21:09My foolish love
21:10destroyed my father.
21:12Oh fates
21:13if I could live it
21:14again
21:15I would never
21:16choose him.
21:21I can end
21:21so much
21:21and I
21:21so
21:21in
21:21and
21:22and
21:22and
21:22I
21:22I
21:22I
21:24I
21:41I
21:46I
21:46I
21:46I
21:46I
21:59I'm alive. I've returned to the day of the choosing. The fate's heard me.
22:05You've always favored Scyron. If he can make my precious daughter happy, then choose him.
22:19No, father. What is it? I won't choose Scyron. I choose him. It's him?
22:40Why did I choose him? My worst night.
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