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8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown - Christmas Special 2025 - 24 December 2025 [Full Movie] [English Subs]Full EP - Full
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00:00Ladies and gentlemen, please, thanks for the noise to Mr. Jimmy Carlton!
00:13The power!
00:15Thanks for coming out. Merry Christmas, everyone. You all right?
00:19OK, so we've got an amazing line-up.
00:20We've got team captains John Richardson and Rob Beckett,
00:23Judy Love, Daisy May Cooper, Katie Norris, Susie Dent and Rachel Riley.
00:28That's for sure.
00:32Let's have you here.
00:35Christmassy.
00:41OK.
00:45Say one more moment?
00:46I'm worried I don't look Christmassy enough.
00:49Should we do this?
00:50Yeah, yeah.
00:52We should do this.
00:57Why not be as talented as—
01:00Whatever the shocker.
01:01Why not be any other universe?
01:27I did not know.
01:28Hello and welcome to the 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Christmas special, a show about
01:33letters, numbers, conundrums and Christmas.
01:36OK, let's meet tonight's players.
01:37First up, it's team captain John Richardson.
01:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:45John does look like one of Santa's elves, but the one that works in accounts.
01:50LAUGHTER
01:51Who would now?
01:52LAUGHTER
01:54And John's team-mate, Daisy Mae Cooper.
01:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:01Daisy claims she once attempted to have sex with a ghost.
02:04I bet that put the willies up here.
02:06LAUGHTER
02:07Up against them this evening, team captain Rob Beckett.
02:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:14Rob Beckett loves Christmas because of the huge smiles on his kids' faces,
02:18which, sadly for them, are genetic.
02:23LAUGHTER
02:23And joining Rob tonight is Judy Love.
02:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:30Judy Love attended drama school for four months but left after she fell pregnant.
02:34And that is as close as Hackney is going to get to the Nativity Story.
02:38LAUGHTER
02:39So you're at drama school and you fell pregnant, so that's...
02:41Yeah, it was... No...
02:42That's a hell of an improv session.
02:43It was proper. It was live, everyone enjoyed it.
02:46It was a different kind of show.
02:48LAUGHTER
02:49Did you do any more acting after that?
02:51We could do an improv moment right now.
02:53OK.
02:55That night...
02:55Yeah.
02:57..it was so special to me.
03:01LAUGHTER
03:01Wait, is he the dad?
03:06John, have you ever been asked to turn on a town's Christmas lights?
03:09You sound very unwell, Jimmy.
03:11The voice box is the only thing I haven't had replaced, and now look.
03:15LAUGHTER
03:18Er...
03:18Yeah, I did a few last year, actually, but none of them have asked me back.
03:23Erm...
03:23I hooked them all up to sparkmeters.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27I had a few booked in this year, but then Andrew became available.
03:34You can't beat a royal who wants to work cash in hand.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:39All right, Daisy, what was it like growing up with your brother, Charlie?
03:43Traumatic.
03:44Er, Christmases were very traumatic.
03:46Our great nan came to stay with us one Christmas.
03:49I was about eight, Charlie was about five, and we had bunk beds.
03:54Christmas Eve, we heard the door open and we thought,
03:57oh, my God, it's Santa Claus.
03:59Right.
03:59And it wasn't.
04:00It was our, er, great nan, who was naked, er, sleepwalking with night terrors,
04:06right?
04:06She just walked into our room and screamed.
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10Horrendous.
04:11So, what part of her...
04:12Edna said, what part...
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14So, what part of her made you think it was Father Christmas?
04:17The long beard.
04:18The long beard.
04:20LAUGHTER
04:21It was awful.
04:22He tripped over it.
04:23It was horrible.
04:24Rob, what element of Christmas would you ban?
04:27I would ban, erm, The Snowman.
04:29The depressing cartoon?
04:30Yeah, that.
04:31It's on every year.
04:32Why?
04:32Oh, it's shit.
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35Chill away.
04:36It's a shit-drawing.
04:37Like, we've got Moana now.
04:39Proper CGI.
04:40LAUGHTER
04:40Animation's moved on.
04:42I don't want to watch something worse at the special time.
04:44Do you know what I mean?
04:45So, yeah, I'll get rid of The Snowman.
04:48Sorry, I've upset the entire nation.
04:50LAUGHTER
04:51Do you like The Snowman?
04:52Yeah, I do.
04:53Yes!
04:54He dies at the end.
04:55Do you not like that bit when he dies?
04:56He dies?
04:56Oh, I'll watch it this year.
04:59LAUGHTER
05:00Judy, are you a good cook?
05:02Do you do Christmas dinner?
05:03Yeah, it depends on whether, you know, the spirit takes me,
05:06and the spirit is called rum.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:09Your food situation at Christmas, we've spoke about this before,
05:12it's mental, how much food do you make?
05:13Yeah, I mean, we do everything.
05:14We do rice and peas, then we do plain rice,
05:16then we do curry goat, and then we do jerk chicken,
05:19then we have fried chicken.
05:20But in the morning, we have fried fish,
05:22Escobar fish with Ardo bread, we might have ackee and saltfish,
05:25then we kind of add our little British culture,
05:27which is a bit of toast.
05:29And then...
05:33Then we have dessert, we've got the black cake,
05:35we've got everything, fruits and cream.
05:37It feels like you could cut the plain rice course.
05:40Oh, no, no, no.
05:41This is a Jamaican household, there's nothing plain in there,
05:43even the plain white rice is seasoned.
05:45It's washed, it's got salt, it's got butter,
05:47you put a bit of wine...
05:49Oh, let's not go there, white people, please!
05:51LAUGHTER
05:53You wash it and then you let it bubble up and you put butter
05:56and you put salt, you put a bit of thyme,
05:58and I like to, with my plain white rice,
06:00I get a Scotch bonnet when it's simmering
06:02and I put the Scotch bonnet in the middle and just let it simmer down.
06:04Don't let it burst.
06:05Let me tell you something, you will never...
06:07Like they say, once you go black, you don't go back.
06:09Once you go white rice with a Scotch bonnet, you won't go back.
06:13I'm telling you.
06:14Try it, people! Sounds good.
06:16Thank you, thank you for the one clap.
06:18LAUGHTER
06:19OK, John, have you got a mascot? I have.
06:22What have you got?
06:22Erm, well, it's all about Christmas traditions.
06:25For me, the best tradition of Christmas
06:27is when you get your Christmas morning bin bag.
06:33Yes.
06:39I start looking for mine about September.
06:43I'd start filling it with that soup.
06:45LAUGHTER
06:47So, you know, you've got to start thinking about
06:49what sort of load it's going to take,
06:51what thickness of bag you want.
06:53You know, you get the wrong Christmas bag,
06:54and the kids have been up at R5,
06:56your three Christmas bin bags in by six o'clock,
06:58you ain't coming back from that.
06:59Yeah.
06:59Christmas Day's over.
07:00Is that a heavy duty?
07:01It's not full heavy duty, no,
07:02cos then I think there's too much heft to it.
07:05Right.
07:05And it sort of takes...
07:06You want the crinkle.
07:07Yeah, yeah.
07:08Some of that Christmas...
07:09Are you struggling with that?
07:10It feels like you're struggling.
07:11I am struggling a little bit.
07:12LAUGHTER
07:13I don't think you've picked the right bag.
07:16LAUGHTER
07:17LAUGHTER
07:18Oh, I like that.
07:20Don't criticise his black bag.
07:21No.
07:22I've been having Christmas bags for years.
07:24You always remember...
07:25Oh, I get emotional looking at this picture.
07:27Your first Christmas bin bag is a real thing.
07:32LAUGHTER
07:32Is that...
07:33Is that really you?
07:35That's me, yeah.
07:36Which one?
07:38LAUGHTER
07:41Yeah, my sister's in that picture,
07:42but the team have taken the decision to edit her out
07:45and put the bag where she was stood.
07:47So that's a...
07:48That's a conversation we'll have at my real family Christmas.
07:52LAUGHTER
07:53Daisy, have you got a mascot?
07:55Do you want to bring him out?
07:56Oh, this is my son, Benji, dressed as a Christmas pudding.
08:00Aw.
08:02Thank you, babe.
08:03Aw, hello, Poppet.
08:05He...
08:06Erm...
08:06Yeah, I...
08:07It's only because I sort of fucked up a bit with childcare.
08:11LAUGHTER
08:13I said, can I bring him?
08:15And they said, fine.
08:17And they said, have you bought a mascot?
08:18And I said, no.
08:20You'd be a bit scared of Jimmy earlier, won't you, darling?
08:24He's not the Grinch.
08:26Look, there he is, he's a nice man.
08:29And then you wave to him.
08:30Stop it.
08:32Hi.
08:34How old are you?
08:35You are 17 months.
08:3717 months?
08:38Well, talk me through the conception.
08:41LAUGHTER
08:41It was really great, actually.
08:44LAUGHTER
08:45In a travelodge.
08:48Really, yeah.
08:49I've had the best times there.
08:52Straight talk.
08:52Are you 100% sure that's not Rob Beckett?
08:56LAUGHTER
08:57LAUGHTER
08:58Show us your teeth, love.
09:00That's so good.
09:02Thanks, darling.
09:03He's not going to bite you, the nasty man.
09:05Can I ask are you...
09:07Oh!
09:08Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.
09:09He doesn't want to go past him.
09:10And you've picked up a child before, have you?
09:15APPLAUSE
09:18Judy, have you got a mascot?
09:19I have got a mascot, my Jamaican Crackers.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:25Yeah, I'm Jamaican, if you didn't know.
09:27It just brings you into, like, my kind of household and my vibes
09:31with different words and stuff that I can teach you.
09:34OK.
09:34So, put it open.
09:36Woo!
09:37Now, can you read what that says?
09:40With your best Jamaican accent.
09:42Oh.
09:45Bye, Rob.
09:46No.
09:49Lickle more?
09:50Yes!
09:51Lickle more.
09:51Lickle more?
09:52Do you know what that means?
09:53A little more?
09:54Lick it more.
09:55Oh.
09:56No, it doesn't.
09:57Lickle more, yeah, it means a little more.
09:59Lickle more.
09:59Or you could say in the same thing, like,
10:01I'll see you soon.
10:02Lickle more.
10:03Lickle more?
10:05A gunfinger.
10:05All right, then, Rob.
10:08Just got carried on.
10:09Rob definitely counselled after that.
10:11Woo!
10:13Go on, take it.
10:14Merry Christmas.
10:14Let's see if...
10:14Let's see if John...
10:15Let's give it to John.
10:16Yeah, say that.
10:18Go on, John.
10:19Yeah.
10:21Me-day-ya.
10:22Me-day-ya.
10:23Say it faster, though.
10:24Me-day-ya.
10:24Me-day-ya.
10:25Where are you?
10:26Me-day-ya.
10:26Me-day-ya.
10:27You can't see me.
10:27Me-here.
10:28You're there.
10:29Yeah!
10:30Yeah!
10:31Say it with your chest, though, John.
10:32Mommy, I'm here.
10:34No!
10:36I'm right here.
10:37Judy.
10:37You've missed that.
10:38Me-day-ya.
10:39Me-day-ya.
10:40Where are you there, John?
10:40John?
10:41Me-day-ya.
10:42Yeah!
10:45But, Jimmy, I will say, you definitely know your language,
10:50because the other one is usually wagwana.
10:52You said it before even being prompt.
10:55So, big up yourself, Jimmy.
10:57Do you see?
10:59LAUGHTER
11:00Sometimes look at me like I'm some sort of bumper car.
11:03Yeah!
11:09Rob, have you got a mascot?
11:11Can it not be racist?
11:13LAUGHTER
11:13The answer's yes and then no.
11:16Yeah, I do have a mascot.
11:18What I've got is, I was getting the Christmas decorations out the loft,
11:21as you do.
11:22Yeah.
11:22And I stumbled across a box full of Christmas presents
11:25that I've got my wife and Lou in the past.
11:27Mm-hmm.
11:27That she's never used.
11:28These are presents you bought for the good lady?
11:31These are presents I've bought for my wife that she doesn't want,
11:33and I think she's bang out of order.
11:36LAUGHTER
11:38It's already good.
11:39She's into arts and crafts.
11:41Right.
11:42I've got her a seven-piece chisel set.
11:44LAUGHTER
11:46This was a good one.
11:48Wood varnish.
11:50LAUGHTER
11:50She kept on saying she wanted that fence painted,
11:52so I got this.
11:53She did fuck all with it.
11:56LAUGHTER
11:57We wanted to try and spice things up in the bedroom.
11:59Right.
12:00You know, you're in a marriage, you sort of think...
12:02I don't know.
12:02So I got a little outfit.
12:03You don't know?
12:05What about spicing the things up in the bedroom?
12:07I'm not married.
12:07You have plain sex with a scotch bonnet in the middle, do you?
12:13APPLAUSE
12:17Anyway, so I thought I'll get her an outfit to wear
12:20for a bit of sexy time, so I got her this.
12:25But I thought that might be quite nice, a bit of role-play.
12:27She never wore it.
12:28It's a little piss-take.
12:29It's a beautiful gift.
12:30You know, this one, she didn't want this one either.
12:32A bottle of champagne.
12:33What could be the problem with a bottle of champagne?
12:35Oh, that's all right.
12:35You know?
12:36What's the say on the label?
12:37To Rob, thanks for all your hard work on the BAFTAs.
12:40LAUGHTER
12:42APPLAUSE
12:47Jimmy, I'll have the wood varnish.
12:49He's Dua.
12:49You're Dua Rico.
12:51LAUGHTER
12:54Over in Dictionary Corner, it's Katie Norris.
12:57APPLAUSE
12:57Thank you, sir.
12:59Merry Christmas, Jimmy.
13:01Well, Merry Christmas to you.
13:02It's your first time on the show.
13:03Tell us a little bit about yourself.
13:04Well, my name's Katie.
13:05And people often think I've got divorced woman energy.
13:08But...
13:10I've actually never been married.
13:13And I'm not a mum, just a woman with a tight snatch,
13:15a loose tongue and a social lie.
13:17LAUGHTER
13:18Can I just get a bit of commotion for the outfit?
13:20Yeah.
13:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:27I only wear this for special occasions.
13:29There was a bit of an issue with the crotch, though,
13:31because it started to erode.
13:34But the designers sewed into my crotch a professor's elbow,
13:38you know, like a suede patch.
13:40LAUGHTER
13:40Which does feel quite funny to me,
13:42because I'm not used to feeling a professor's elbow down there.
13:44LAUGHTER
13:45I wanted to feel confident.
13:48LAUGHTER
13:50Could you tell us less about yourself?
13:52LAUGHTER
13:54I've got a gift for you, Jimmy.
13:56Excellent.
13:56Christmas.
13:57It took me eight and a half hours.
13:58So I've recently trained to become a taxidermist.
14:02LAUGHTER
14:02LAUGHTER
14:03Oh...
14:04LAUGHTER
14:06This is Boo.
14:06Oh.
14:07Boo Radley.
14:09I mean, Boo-Boo's showing her Boo-Boo.
14:11LAUGHTER
14:11Yes, her Boo-Boo.
14:12Yeah.
14:13There's a squirrel's elbow down there.
14:16LAUGHTER
14:17And with Katie, of course, it's Susie Dent.
14:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:24Susie's books make a great last-minute Christmas gift
14:26for people you don't like.
14:28LAUGHTER
14:29What's your favourite festive word, Susie?
14:31Oh, wonder clout.
14:34And a wonder clout is something that looks really promising.
14:38You think it's going to be great
14:39and it ends up being really disappointing.
14:41LAUGHTER
14:41Oh, I got one of those.
14:43Yeah.
14:44Yeah.
14:45Actually, there is in wrestling, there is a Christmas hold,
14:49which is when one wrestler gets the other by the crotch,
14:52and so it's a handful of nuts.
14:54I think that's what your squirrel has.
14:56Was that nuts on the squirrel, then, or a bulky vagina?
14:59No, these are nuts.
15:01LAUGHTER
15:01Did you just ask, was it nuts or a bulky vagina?
15:07I think it's a fair question.
15:09No, I don't think we're using the phrase bulky vagina nut
15:13on our Christmas show.
15:15And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley!
15:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:23I'm not saying Rachel's Christmas dress is short,
15:25but I think I can see her grotto.
15:30It's not bulky, either.
15:36Thanks for sharing.
15:38Merry Christmas.
15:39Rachel.
15:41What is your favourite Christmas statistic?
15:43You know how people put food out for Santa and the reindeer,
15:46so some people put milk out?
15:48Apparently in the UK, 1.3 million cans of beer
15:50get put out for Santa on Christmas Eve,
15:52which is about 2.5 million units of alcohol,
15:56so Santa's about 600,000 times the drink drive limit
16:00when he's going around up there.
16:02So you can't even read that naughty list,
16:04which explains why my little one gets presents every year
16:07and she's an absolute shit.
16:10Rachel Riley, everyone.
16:14OK, and the prize the teams will be competing for tonight
16:17is definitely not an elf on a shelf.
16:19For legal reasons, it's the Countdown elf upon a mantelpiece.
16:24LAUGHTER
16:32Thanks for lending him the gear, John.
16:36OK, let's Countdown, everyone.
16:38Time for our first game.
16:39Rob, Judy, you get first poke of the letters.
16:41Er, consonant.
16:43Hey, straight in.
16:43Thank you, Judy.
16:44R.
16:45You can pick.
16:46Can I get a vowel, please?
16:47Yeah.
16:48I am.
16:48O.
16:50Another vowel, please.
16:52E.
16:52Consonant, please.
16:54N.
16:54Am I still going?
16:55Yeah, it looks like it.
16:58Another consonant, please.
16:59C.
17:00Vowel.
17:01You.
17:02Do you want to go? No?
17:03Vowel.
17:03No, do you want to start writing it down, then?
17:06A.
17:06Oh, I thought I was saying that you were writing it.
17:08Vowel, please.
17:10Are you sure?
17:11Er, I wasn't, but now I am, just to piss you off.
17:13Yeah.
17:15Oh.
17:15And then, er, fuck it, another vowel.
17:17Yeah.
17:19Yeah, we have to have four, um, overruling.
17:23That would have a consonant.
17:24Yeah, let's have four consonants on this game.
17:25Yeah.
17:25T.
17:26Oh, I see a word.
17:28Oh, yeah.
17:33Merry Christmas, everyone.
17:37And for the first time today, here's the countdown clock.
17:41It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:45Ooh.
17:47Everywhere you go.
17:50Tales to look in the five and ten.
17:53Listening once again.
17:55With candy canes and silver lanes aglow.
17:58It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
18:04Ties in every store.
18:05It's quite hard to read.
18:07But the prettiest sight to see
18:09Is the holly that will be
18:11On your own
18:13Front door.
18:17Er, Rob, what have you got?
18:23A four.
18:25Judy, how many?
18:26Seven.
18:27Seven?
18:27Yeah.
18:28Daisy, how many?
18:28I got six.
18:30OK.
18:31John?
18:31Seven.
18:32Rob, what is your broadcastable four-letter word?
18:35Cart.
18:36Daisy, your six?
18:37Toucan.
18:38Mmm, nice.
18:40Er, Judy, your seven?
18:42Counter.
18:43Mm-hmm.
18:43Oh, my God!
18:44Oh, my God!
18:46Oh, wow!
18:49And, John, your seven?
18:51Cartoon.
18:51Oh!
18:53Oh!
18:53Oh, my goodness!
18:56Wow!
18:57Seven points to both teams.
18:58Katie, Susie, what could they have had?
19:00Well, you could have had an eight.
19:02Oh!
19:03Courant.
19:04Er, it's a 16th-century court dance.
19:07Short steps forward, short steps back.
19:09It's a bit mincing.
19:10I think you'd be quite good at this, Jimmy.
19:13Christmasy.
19:14Merry Christmasy.
19:14Nice.
19:14So, at the end of that, both teams have seven points.
19:17Well done, Judy.
19:18Er, OK, on to our first numbers round.
19:21Er, John, Daisy, your turn to pick the numbers.
19:23Would you like to pick the numbers?
19:24No.
19:26Two big ones, please.
19:28Three.
19:29Three.
19:30Five.
19:31Four.
19:32Fifty.
19:33And 75.
19:34And the target...
19:36667.
19:37OK, and your time starts now.
19:39.
19:40.
19:51.
19:52.
20:10OK, so the target was 667.
20:13Rob, did you get it?
20:15I got 669, so no.
20:18Judy, did you get it?
20:19No.
20:19Daisy, did you get it?
20:21I got nine.
20:24.
20:24I've written five plus four equals nine, question mark.
20:28.
20:30Judy done that as 33, not two lots of three.
20:34.
20:35Er, John, did you get it?
20:36Er, 666.
20:38Ooh!
20:39.
20:40The number of the beast.
20:42Mm-hmm.
20:43At Christmas, John.
20:44How could you?
20:45How did you do it?
20:46Er, five plus four is nine.
20:48Mm.
20:49Satanic.
20:5075.
20:51Evil.
20:52675.
20:53And then three threes are nine.
20:55Mm.
20:56Take it away.
20:57666.
20:58Wow.
20:58Seven points to John.
20:59.
21:03Rachel, could it be done?
21:05It could if you say four times three is 12, times 50 is 600.
21:12Yes.
21:12And then add the 75 and take the other three.
21:14What are you saying, yes, four?
21:15Yeah.
21:17.
21:17.
21:19OK, so Rob and Judy have seven, John and Daisy have 14 points.
21:23Wow.
21:25And here is your teaser.
21:27The words are, I, Rob Snow, and the clue is, the thicker the better.
21:31That's, I, Rob Snow, the thicker the better.
21:33See you after the break.
21:34.
21:36.
21:50Welcome back.
21:51The answer to the teaser, the words were, I, Rob Snow.
21:53The clue was, the thicker the better.
21:55It was, of course, unibrows.
21:57So, John and Daisy are in the lead.
22:00They've been playing in teams so far, but this game is just for Rob and Daisy.
22:04So, Daisy, your turn to choose.
22:06Three vowels, please.
22:07Three vowels.
22:07OK, three.
22:08I think this is the moment where we can get our points.
22:10You're not playing.
22:11And another one.
22:12E, U, E, and O.
22:15And the rest, the other ones.
22:18Whatever.
22:19We've got S.
22:20Wow, thanks for taking such an interest in it.
22:23N.
22:25Another S.
22:27Another G.
22:28Oh, wow.
22:29Hang on.
22:30OK, and your time starts now.
22:32Just see those sleigh bells jingle and ring-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding.
22:38I want this lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.
22:43Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling you
22:48On this lovely weather, of course, we ride together with you
22:52Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
23:10This is a sweet ride
23:16I've got presents
23:19Who's that for me or Rob?
23:20That's for you. Can I open it now? Yeah, I think that's a special place for your life.
23:25Oh, my God. That's all I need.
23:27Oh, wow.
23:29Oh, is that the first facelift?
23:31This one, this, this one.
23:37Hang on.
23:38Oh.
23:41Casey, I got you that. I thought you...
23:43Oh, what's this?
23:44Oh! Oh, my gosh.
23:48Oh, yes!
23:49Yes!
23:52They're not like, it's not like posed or cheesy, it's just...
23:56I could talk you through them, they're just candid shots.
23:58Oh, January, yes!
24:01I mean, Jimmy, why didn't I get one of those?
24:03Because I fancy Jimmy.
24:04I really fancy him.
24:06Yeah, I can't talk when he's there.
24:08What is he like about him?
24:10I just think he's really fit.
24:16Which one of his faces do you like most?
24:18Yeah.
24:19All of them!
24:21What's your biggest fantasy that you have about Jimmy?
24:24What's your biggest fantasy?
24:25He says, don't worry about the maths bit,
24:29and we just get it on under the desk.
24:30LAUGHTER
24:35The thing is, he's going to use that when he's about 90,
24:38still doing TV.
24:40Driving himself in the studio like Elton John in a tracksuit.
24:46Oh.
24:47All right?
24:52Do you want to...
24:54Do you all come for a ride?
24:55I would love that.
24:57Yeah.
24:58Why not?
24:58Oh, are you getting in with him?
24:59Can you do the maths bit?
25:01Yeah.
25:01LAUGHTER
25:06Look at that.
25:08Woo!
25:10Yeah.
25:11Charles, big prime time inside.ams.
25:14Bad man.
25:17Daisy! Oh,
25:19my God,
25:24you're stupid.
25:24There you go. Oh, fuck.
25:26He's on route to accept all odds.
25:29Oh, Daisy, how many?
25:31What?
25:33Oh, right, yes, letters.
25:36Do you remember the countdown?
25:37I got snogs.
25:39You got snogs?
25:42Did you?
25:59You got snogs, OK. Rob?
26:01I got five. Guess.
26:04Yes.
26:06Pretty good.
26:08I'm going to have to drop you home.
26:11Oh, I love this.
26:13Doesn't sound great, does it?
26:16Do you know, I lost my virginity in a Cleo.
26:26Five points to both teams.
26:34Nice little Christmas drive.
26:36Good.
26:37Good.
26:38That's fine.
26:42The Bipolar Express.
26:50Katie, Susie?
26:52Neguses.
26:52What?
26:53Neguses.
26:54Neguses.
26:55Yes, they are hot toddies.
26:57Hot drinks, port sugar, lemon and spice, perfect for Christmas,
27:00named after Colonel Francis Negus, who created it.
27:03So, at the end of that, Rob and Judy have 12 points.
27:06John and Daisy have 19.
27:13Well, it says here now it's time for John and Judy to go head-to-head in the maths.
27:17But is there any point of that?
27:19Should we just...
27:21Judy, your turn to pick the numbers.
27:23Three small and three big numbers.
27:26Three and three.
27:26We've got balance.
27:27Here we go.
27:28We've got ten, five, three, seventy-five, one hundred and fifty.
27:34And the target, nine hundred and fifty-seven.
27:37Your time starts now.
27:41The kick-clock is turning me off.
27:50Help me.
27:51What's your name?
27:59Wait, wait.
28:09OK, so the target was nine, five, seven.
28:12John, did you get it?
28:13I think I got nine, five, three.
28:15Judy, did you get it?
28:17Yeah.
28:18Rachel, take it easy.
28:19Judy's got this.
28:20Why didn't Judy do it on the board?
28:24Don't punch Rachel right now again.
28:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:38We both got it.
28:39Oh, you're a petty, petty man.
28:41I just...
28:41You know.
28:42Please keep making sure that Judy doesn't see the answers
28:45cos I'm amongst another seven points.
28:48Cos I know the rules.
28:50Fuck off.
28:52Now it feels like Christmas.
28:55I did...
28:57Come on, Judy.
28:57..10 times...
28:5975.
29:00Yeah, is...
29:01..which is 750.
29:04Five and...
29:06..and eight and three, right?
29:09Hold on.
29:10And I added a hundred.
29:12That makes what?
29:13Eight...
29:1470.
29:15No, 50.
29:16Hold on.
29:19No, two times 50.
29:23That made nine, seven, five.
29:26And then I took the eight away,
29:28and then I took away the ten.
29:33957.
29:38Oh!
29:38Numbers.
29:39There's numbers.
29:39I used the numbers.
29:40Well, there isn't a two up there.
29:41Huh?
29:42Where was there a two?
29:43Who said anything about two?
29:4650 times two.
29:47I don't know where...
29:48You need to sort your maths out, babes.
29:51John, what did you get again?
29:53953.
29:54Go on, how did you do it for seven points?
29:56100 minus five.
29:5895.
29:5895.
29:59Times ten.
30:00950.
30:01Add three.
30:02953, seven points.
30:03Oh!
30:04Sorry!
30:07I know how I've got 920.
30:09Wait, hold on.
30:10No.
30:10Ten times?
30:11Can I just...
30:12No.
30:13Happy New Year!
30:14Yes!
30:21Rachel, could it be done?
30:22If you say 75 plus five is 80.
30:26Yeah.
30:27100 over 50 is two.
30:29Exactly.
30:29Add it to 10 for 12.
30:31Ties them together for 960 and take away the three.
30:34There you go.
30:35I see it.
30:35APPLAUSE
30:41OK, time now to go across to Dictionary Corner.
30:44Katie, what have you got for us?
30:46Oh, well, Jimmy.
30:47I'm a female comedian, so men are terrified of me.
30:49I don't know why.
30:50You know, all I'm thinking when I meet a shy, introverted man
30:53in his mid-thirties is,
30:55Speak up, you little simp.
30:57What do you mean you don't know how to drive?
31:00Do you drive?
31:02I'm driven.
31:03LAUGHTER
31:10So, I'm actually...
31:11I'm taking a short break from dating at the moment
31:13to focus on my career as a godmother.
31:15I love being a godmother because you don't just spread your legs
31:17and become a godmother, do you?
31:20You're chosen.
31:24Right, I think I'm going to sing now.
31:26And...
31:31Now, Countdown.
31:33Where would anybody want to become a godmother?
31:35Well, I'll tell you, darlings.
31:36It's the power.
31:37It's the prestige.
31:38Come with me to the bottom of the garden.
31:41Let's go see the toads.
31:44Each of them used to be my boyfriend.
31:47What is one of those?
31:49A suitor, a sweetheart, a fellow or a fellow.
31:52Just make sure they're not a DJ of the techno.
31:55What's a DJ?
31:56A boy who cannot love.
31:58Now, may I introduce you to Geordie?
32:00This toad is Simon.
32:02His pits were always smelly.
32:03Little Jason Hill I took come upon my belly.
32:06Racist, sexist, crude and dry.
32:07Poor Charlie had a chode.
32:08And this one's just a regular toad.
32:11I'm your godmother now.
32:12Listen to my tales.
32:14Eat my wordy warnings.
32:15My magic never fails.
32:17God, Mummy, Katie, Biddle Diddle Dom.
32:19I am brilliant, amazing woman.
32:23Then why aren't you married, Auntie Katie?
32:38Oh, thank you.
32:39So, I did sing that to my godson Jasper, who's five.
32:43And he looked up at me and he said,
32:45Katie, do you have friends?
32:48He said, yeah, Jasper, I've got loads of friends
32:50because I don't have any children.
32:52LAUGHTER
32:57Katie Norris, everyone.
32:58Woo!
33:00OK, so, Rob and Judy have 12 points.
33:03John and Daisy have 26.
33:05Well done.
33:08And here is your teaser.
33:10The words are Elf's tits.
33:12The clue is, which way are they leaning?
33:14That's Elf's tits.
33:15Which way are they leaning?
33:16See you after the break.
33:21APPLAUSE
33:34Welcome back. The answer to the teaser.
33:35The words were Elf's tits.
33:37The clue was, which way are they leaning?
33:39It was, of course, leftists.
33:40OK, before we go on, he's not on the show tonight,
33:43but he's turned up anyway.
33:45It's Joe Wilkinson.
33:48APPLAUSE
34:08Right, Jimmy.
34:11Um...
34:11Just bought some egg milk.
34:13Cos I love egg milk, so...
34:16What, Merry Christmas?
34:17LAUGHTER
34:18Oh, wuss.
34:22Uh...
34:22Joe...
34:23Er...
34:24Joe...
34:26Er...
34:26Joe?
34:27Joe?
34:28Although, although, it can make my head swell up.
34:32LAUGHTER
34:33Basically, I'll be honest, I'm eggnog intolerant.
34:38But it's Christmas, so you can't not have eggnog, can you?
34:43You weren't drinking quite a lot of eggnog there.
34:45Fabio, do you mind bringing on a bit more eggnog on that eggnog?
34:50LAUGHTER
35:01Thank you, mate.
35:04LAUGHTER
35:09Joe, what's going on?
35:11Oh, you're wondering why, um, Fabio brings his eggnog in his motorcycle sidecar?
35:17LAUGHTER
35:18Cos he's a fucking idiot.
35:20LAUGHTER
35:27What's happening?
35:29Oh, John's upset.
35:30Oh, right, yeah.
35:31I know it's John's upset.
35:32I know what's going on here.
35:33You can sense when someone thinks they can drink more eggnog than me.
35:37LAUGHTER
35:41It's his gift.
35:43Well...
35:45John, you reckon you can drink more eggnog than me?
35:47Well, all right, let's put your money where your mouth is.
35:49Let's play a little game I like to call
35:52Can You Drink More Eggnog Than Me?
35:54Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:57Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:59LAUGHTER
36:04APPLAUSE
36:05It's a simple game, John.
36:08It's to see if you can drink more eggnog than me.
36:11LAUGHTER
36:12When you're ready, Jimmy.
36:13Gentlemen, your time starts now.
36:17CHEERING
36:19I can feel the boils swelling up on the back of my head.
36:22Hold on, I can feel the boils swelling up on the back of my head.
36:26That is not good.
36:27There's a...
36:27Come on, John.
36:28It's gritty.
36:29It's gritty.
36:29It's definitely...
36:30John, you haven't even down the first one.
36:31It's the balls!
36:32Come on, John!
36:34Come on, John.
36:38John, come on!
36:41Don't let me slow you down, John.
36:42Yeah, I think...
36:44There's pus in the...
36:46This is a very expensive suit.
36:48There's pus in the eggnog.
36:50There's pus in the eggnog.
36:52There's pus in the eggnog.
36:52There's some pus in the eggnog.
36:53There's some pus in the eggnog.
36:56There is...
36:57I'm going to warn you, there's pus in the eggnog.
36:59There's pus in my hair!
37:01Do you know what?
37:02To be fair to John, there is some pus in the eggnog.
37:07Do you know what?
37:08Let's call it a draw.
37:09There's pus in the eggnog.
37:10We'll play.
37:11Let's play Countdown!
37:21OK, on with the game.
37:22We were playing Countdown before whatever the fuck that was.
37:26Rob and Judy, your turn to choose.
37:28Right, here we go.
37:29Are you going to help?
37:30All right, I'll have a little sit down.
37:32You pick, darling.
37:33Are you doing it, Joe?
37:34Yeah.
37:34Can I get two vowels, please?
37:37Absolutely.
37:37Thank you, Jesus.
37:39I and an E, you all right?
37:40Yes, please, yeah.
37:41Three consonants.
37:42Three consonants, seems too many.
37:45P, M, W, or an H. PH.
37:49What's one of them?
37:51Three of them?
37:52Yeah, three of them, please.
37:53That could be M's or W's, it's up to you.
37:56I like it when Rachel does it.
37:58That could be one of those.
38:01You had a P earlier.
38:03Where's the P gone?
38:03Where's the P?
38:04It's absolutely none of your fucking business.
38:07Write down your shit and I'll do mine.
38:11Can I just confirm what we've got there?
38:13Can you read those letters to me?
38:15E, umla, ouch, and...
38:20A vowel, please.
38:22A vowel.
38:22Are we not having the P, then?
38:24He's gone wrong.
38:25He's gone wrong.
38:25All right, OK.
38:28What's that one?
38:29Another Flavio now.
38:31OK, your time starts now.
38:35I don't know how to spell it or subtract it.
39:04OK.
39:05Rob, how many?
39:06Four.
39:06Four?
39:07Judy, how many?
39:08Four.
39:09Home is my four.
39:11John, how many?
39:12Five.
39:13Ooh.
39:14OK, Daisy?
39:15Five, if that's definitely a W.
39:18OK, Rob?
39:19C-O-M-E, come.
39:21As in all ye faithful.
39:23All right, John, your five?
39:24Chime.
39:26Chime?
39:26Ooh!
39:27Oh, and Christmassy.
39:28Daisy, your five?
39:29Yeah.
39:30I got hole.
39:32You got what?
39:34Hole.
39:34Can you stop trying to seduce me, please?
39:38Hole with a W.
39:40With an L?
39:41How did you get...
39:42Oh, well, what's that, then?
39:43Oh, gosh.
39:45Now I've got nothing.
39:46I'm afraid at Christmas there's no L.
39:48Oh!
39:50John McPherson.
39:55Five points to John and Daisy.
39:59Top round.
40:01Katie, Susie, could they have done any better?
40:03Just vibes.
40:04Yeah.
40:04Could have had homey.
40:05OK.
40:06John and Daisy are in the lead with 31 points.
40:09APPLAUSE
40:13And here is your final teaser.
40:15The words are,
40:16elf sex ad,
40:17and the clue is,
40:18it's very good for you.
40:19That's elf sex ad,
40:20it's very good for you.
40:22See you after the break.
40:24APPLAUSE
40:39Welcome back.
40:39The answer to the teaser.
40:40The words were,
40:42elf sex ad,
40:42the clue was,
40:43it's very good for you.
40:44It was, of course,
40:45flaxseed.
40:46OK, before we go on,
40:47as it's Christmas,
40:48let's play a quick game.
40:49I'll read out the first line
40:51of some classic Christmas cracker jokes.
40:52All you have to do is buzz in
40:54when you think you know the punchline.
40:55Could not be simpler.
40:56Five bonus points up on offer.
40:58So let's play,
40:59Pull My Cracker.
41:05Annoyingly, it does that when I say,
41:06Pull My Cracker.
41:07.
41:12Probably best if no-one says it.
41:13Pull My Cracker.
41:16.
41:18.
41:19.
41:23Ouch!
41:25OK,
41:26what comes at the end of Christmas Day?
41:28Father Christmas.
41:30.
41:33.
41:34Boxing Day.
41:34.
41:35Any other guesses?
41:36Letter Y.
41:38.
41:38That's the right boring answer.
41:40Yeah.
41:41.
41:41.
41:41.
41:42.
41:42.
41:43.
41:43.
41:43.
41:45.
41:45.
41:46.
41:46.
41:46.
41:46.
41:47.
41:47.
41:48.
41:49.
41:50.
41:50.
41:50.
41:50.
41:50.
41:51.
41:51.
41:52.
41:52.
41:54.
41:55.
41:55.
41:55.
41:56.
41:57.
41:57.
41:57.
41:57.
41:58.
41:58.
41:58.
41:58.
41:59.
42:00.
42:00.
42:01.
42:02.
42:02.
42:02.
42:02.
42:02.
42:03.
42:03.
42:04.
42:04.
42:05.
42:08.
42:09.
42:09.
42:09.
42:09.
42:10.
42:10.
42:11.
42:12.
42:12.
42:12.
42:12Jimmy Carter?
42:18Sorry, Judy?
42:20I was just going to say Jimmy.
42:22What, white and minty? Yeah.
42:24Yeah, that's exactly how I imagine him tasting.
42:30How's your son?
42:35Oh, Judy's gone.
42:46A polo bear?
42:47A polo bear is the right answer.
42:50OK, John got the most right, so John gets the points.
42:53Oh, for Pete's sake.
42:55Oh, my God.
42:58OK, time for our final letters game.
43:00John, Daisy, your turn to choose.
43:03You're welcome to choose, but if you're just going to do
43:05that three vowels, five consonants shit, I might do it myself.
43:07Can you do it? Yep.
43:08Can we have four vowels and five consonants, please?
43:10LAUGHTER
43:11It's got A, O, E, U, D, T, B, L...
43:16And D.
43:18And a bonus T.
43:20LAUGHTER
43:22OK, and your time starts...
43:26now.
43:26Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
43:30but the fire is so delightful.
43:33And since we've no place to go...
43:36Oh!
43:37Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
43:40Oh, the fire is slowly dying.
43:44And, my dear, we're still good-bying.
43:47Oh, God.
43:48It's quiet.
43:49It's quiet.
43:50It's quiet.
43:51Let it snow.
43:53Let it snow.
43:54Oh, God.
43:55Let it snow.
43:55Full of the nightclub in Essex.
44:05Oh, God.
44:07Daisy, how many?
44:08Four.
44:09Four.
44:10OK, John, how many?
44:11Uh, seven.
44:13How many, Rob?
44:14Five.
44:14Five.
44:15Judy?
44:16Five.
44:17You're four, Daisy?
44:18Lube.
44:18Tubed.
44:19It's all out of my lips, isn't it?
44:21Rob, your five.
44:23Tubed.
44:25Tubed.
44:27It's been tubed.
44:28Is that good?
44:29Yes.
44:29Thank you, actually.
44:31Judy, your five.
44:32Adult.
44:33Adult.
44:34John for the seventh.
44:36Uh, doubled.
44:37Whoa.
44:38Oh, my God!
44:40Seven points to John.
44:41Wow!
44:42I've got to get Jimmy.
44:43I've got to get Jimmy.
44:44On the count of three.
44:46One, two, three.
44:47Hail Jimmy!
44:48Oh, my God!
44:53Um, Katie, could they have done any better?
44:55Yeah, they could have had buttload for eight.
44:57Dead hot.
44:58Is that a real word?
44:59Buttload?
45:00It is now.
45:03OK, so Rob and Judy have 12 points.
45:05John and Daisy have 43.
45:12Now, as it's Christmas, you know we always do this on the show, yeah?
45:15The conundrum at Christmas is worth 32 points.
45:18Yes!
45:19That's always been the tradition on this show.
45:22So, for 32 points, here's today's crucial Christmas countdown conundrum.
45:38Oh, great.
45:38I'm sorry.
45:41It's right there.
45:45R-E.
45:47Come on, it's right there.
45:48You can see it.
45:49I can see it, but I can't say it.
45:52They go round and round.
45:54Merry Cycles.
45:55Sorry, sorry.
45:56Merry Cycles.
45:57Come on.
45:58Go round and round.
46:00Come on.
46:01Come on.
46:04Carousels.
46:04Carousels.
46:11Merry Christmas.
46:18So, the final scores are John and Daisy have 43 points.
46:22Well done.
46:23Which means our winners, Rob and Judy, with 44 points.
46:26It's a Christmas miracle.
46:31Congratulations.
46:32You're now the proud owner of this, the countdown, Elf Upon a Mantlepiece.
46:41Thanks to all our panelists, our wonderful studio audiences,
46:44for all of you for watching at home.
46:45That's it from us.
46:46Good night and Merry Christmas.
46:47Thank you so much.
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