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American Dad - Season 22 - Episode 06: The Treasure of Old Chinatown
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00:03Good morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day, the sun in the sky
00:11has a smile on his face, and he's shining a salute to the American race, oh boy it's
00:21well to say, good morning USA, I love dim sum, so many bites of delicious fun, spin the lazy
00:39Susan for another one, oh, there they are, oh it's so good to see you, even under such
00:46awful circumstances, I can't believe they're tearing down winsome, loseome, dim sum, they're
00:52tearing down all of Chinatown, for what, dumbass apartments no one wants to live in, we're
00:59building New Chinatown Town, which I think is a great name, not to replace what came before
01:05it, but to honor it, that is why both cheesecake factories in New Chinatown Town are renaming
01:12their world famous bang bang chicken to old dirty Chinatown chicken, man Vic Mancuso is
01:19the best, the confidence to wear gator skin shoes to a construction site, I wish I had
01:25that, enough chit chat, let's eat, excited to try this place, never been here and I'm aspiring
01:30food vlogger Jake Eats, I go to food places, sit in my car and film myself eating and talking
01:36about it all while masturbating just below frame, don't worry everybody, I can handle the ordering,
01:41we'll have a large meat lover's pizza, nine Oreo McFlurries, a bloomin' onion and a pitcher
01:46of Mountain Dew code red, okay, you know Steve, the history of Chinatown goes back all the
01:53way to the 15th century, what, during the Ming dynasty, the sailor Zhang He captained a great
02:00fleet, every ship filled with treasure, treasure, shh, to show the world China's wealth he sailed
02:09to India and then to Africa and some people think he then sailed here
02:14how'd he sail on land, now you dummy, using his magical compass, Zhang He sailed all the
02:21way to America and buried his treasure right here in Langley Falls, and Chinatown grew over
02:29it, yes dummy, legend says there's an amulet that can lead you to the start and I have it,
02:37oops, these are my dog tags from Madonna's Express Yourself tour, ah here, I wanted in a poker game,
02:45I had three eights, Baba, are you talking about treasure to my son? No, we were talking about
02:53pleasure, right Steve? Yeah, pleasure, why is it we always say it's a pleasure to meet you,
03:00it's a little early to know, right? Ugh. Good cover, Steve. 15 plates of chicken feet. Gross.
03:10What? Roger. Hey, no way I ordered 15 of these, and I'm still waiting for that picture of Code Red.
03:16Forget it, Jake Eats, it's Chinatown. Well, I don't think I'm beating that one, see you next week.
03:27It was so cool hanging with Mama and Baba the other day. Don't think I didn't hear you two
03:32talking about treasure. Most of my friends' grandparents are into lame stuff, like the
03:37show Blue Bloods and dying. I love that Baba's into treasure hunting. He's a fool! Why are you
03:43so harsh on Baba? A fool, I say! A fool of the highest order! You know why, Steve? Because the
03:50treasure doesn't exist. It's a bogus legend. Possibly the dumbest treasure story ever told.
03:58Sixty-two ships, all bigger than the Titanic, all full of treasure, which they hauled by foot,
04:0642 miles to Langley Falls? She's questioning how Baba got the magic amulet in a poker game with three
04:16eights. Three-eighths? If you had something of immense value, you don't put it down on a hand that could
04:23lose to three-eighths! Okay, I get it. The whole treasure thing's dumb. Can we go? I've had to poop
04:30for
04:30five errands. Holy cow, what a line! Thanks for helping, guys. I'm having a tough time launching my
04:39channel. I've only put two videos up. One's an out-of-focus video of my shoe, and the other was
04:45when a wild turkey wandered into our yard. Kind of blew up, but it got demonetized because counting crows
04:50was playing in the background. Don't worry. All Hayley and I do is watch TikTok. Being a food vlogger
04:55is easy. Make a bunch of noises while you eat, then say what you like about it. It's your boy,
05:00Jake Eats, and I'm at the Chili Hat. It's a burger place, but they're known for their chili.
05:06Let's take the lid off and get a good whiff. A little spicy.
05:15Sorry, I'll go get some napkins.
05:19They made me wait in line just for more napkins. And did you get the chili too?
05:25I'll be back. Leave the napkins! Catch!
05:31I'll get some more napkins too.
05:38Where are you going with all those big menus?
05:41These are books on Chinese lore. Just because Mom doesn't want to entertain Baba's sweet little
05:46treasure fantasy doesn't mean I can't. That's exactly what it means.
05:50Mom, don't you want me to connect with Baba?
05:52Of course. Just not over treasure.
05:56Which is everything with him. That's why I forbid you to hang out with him.
06:00You're so unfair! And I did not like that thing you just did where you pretended to be nice and
06:06then changed.
06:09Wow, that was a lot to process. I need to stop thinking for a while.
06:15I need to stop thinking for a while.
06:16That's better.
06:23Oh look, a note!
06:34Hey Steve, I'm sorry.
06:43English leather and hot Takis. Baba.
06:52Steve, you got my pigeon!
06:54My mom's gonna kill me if she sees I'm gone.
06:56Not if we find a treasure!
06:59Watching time go by. Guarding the start. According to legend, the key to the entrance was an ancient sundial.
07:08Unfortunately, I think they built that clock tower over it. Then last night, I remember seeing that the other day.
07:17Watching time go by. That lion's watching the old sundial.
07:23Wait! Those books I read said that in Chinese culture, it's bad luck to enter a lion by the mouth.
07:30Then I guess that means your grandma isn't a lion.
07:33Ugh, I'm serious. It's why MGM Las Vegas had to change its original lion's head entrance.
07:39Maybe it goes somewhere else?
07:41Steve, get your hand out of that lion's butt. I knew I couldn't trust you, Baba.
07:47Come on, Steve. We're going home.
07:57Oh my god, it's the entrance!
07:59Come on, let's check it out!
08:04Great. Now I have to go save him.
08:07Oh, boo hoo. Francine has to go on an exciting treasure hunt.
08:14Ah, my bones.
08:18Quit lying around, you two. That's treasure to find.
08:32Wow, it's beautiful.
08:35When I arrive, you can go.
08:39These are Chinese numbers. Maybe it's a date?
08:43Oh, to your junk who came to America. You know it, Franny. Sing it.
08:47Zheng He sailed for fun, came to Langley in 1421.
08:51That's it. Although extremely lacking in pizazz.
09:05We thinking this water's a good thing? Whisk us away to the next area?
09:10Oh, yeah. It'll whisk us away.
09:12To our deaths.
09:13Mom, you're doing the nice to mean thing.
09:15This makes no sense. All the research points to 1421.
09:20Damn it, Baba. Your stupid obsession is going to get us killed.
09:24Stupid obsession? We're probably 15 feet from all the treasure of 15th century China.
09:3015th century China? We're idiots. They didn't use the same calendar as us.
09:38Our 1421 was their 4118. We are so stupid.
09:52A few more seconds and I'd have brain damage.
09:55Wait, do I have brain damage?
09:57Ask me Snot's social security number.
09:59985-007199. Oh, thank God.
10:05Good to see you again. Oh, you're not Dana.
10:07Well, let me catch you up. I've been through this line six times over the last nine hours,
10:11and I still haven't been able to review your chili.
10:13Once, I sneezed it all over my RAV4. Twice, I dropped it.
10:17Then some teenagers slapped the bowl out of my hands.
10:20Guess it's called a chili check? Pretty funny.
10:22Then I got clipped by a VW Golf.
10:24But that was my fault because I was walking backwards through the parking lot,
10:27having a heated exchange with an off-duty baseball coach.
10:30So anyway, one small chili, please.
10:36Chili check!
10:37Ha! Still funny.
10:39I got chili checked again. I gotta hop back in line.
10:43Oh, no. Looks like the shark's nest just let out.
10:46They must have given up three touchdowns in the fourth quarter,
10:49so everyone's cashing in their free cheer-up chili.
10:51Sometimes when you lose, you really win.
10:55Hey, there's still some chili in here.
10:58Chili check!
11:01Look, the door!
11:05But look! Moonlight! A way out!
11:08This whole place is falling in on itself! We gotta get out of here!
11:13Get out? We're closer now than we've ever been!
11:16We'll finally be crazy rich Asians! Just like in that movie, Parasite!
11:20This is what you always did! Put treasure ahead of everyone!
11:25You wasted my whole childhood training me for treasure hunting!
11:29Rock climbing! Chinese lore! Krav Maga!
11:33Dislocating my limbs to fit through tight spaces!
11:37Well, can I offer one rebuttal in my defense?
11:39What?
11:45Go! Woo!
11:49I think of all the good times that I've missed
11:53But that sweet treasure I just cannot reveal
11:58Ow!
12:00I got it bad, got it bad, got it bad
12:03I'm half a treasure
12:07I got it bad, so bad
12:11I'm half a treasure
12:14Take it, Steve!
12:17Dad!
12:21Come on! We're gonna get smushed!
12:26Let's go, Steve! We can still get the treasure!
12:30Sorry, Mom!
12:31Steve, no!
12:35I must have slid weird
12:37Look away, Baba!
12:42Vic Mancuso!
12:43Vic Mancuso!
12:45Vic Mancuso?
12:47Vic Mancuso!
12:48Thank God you're working in the dead of night!
12:51I know this sounds crazy, but my father and son are stuck underground in a dangerous web of treasure tunnels!
13:00Please, calm down, step into my little portable construction office thingy, I don't know what they're called, do you?
13:08Let's just go inside!
13:10I don't get why Mom's still upset! You were right about everything!
13:15There's another room down there!
13:18Not again!
13:20I'll be right about everything!
13:21Yes!
13:22Oh my spine! My precious spine!
13:27Sorry, what were you saying? Something about a tiger's butt?
13:31Lion's butt!
13:32The lion statue right here in the square, please excuse my silk hon-fu robe
13:38I'm in the middle of one of my many daily suit changes. Of course
13:41I see you've noticed from my object dart and Jackie Chan posters that I appreciate fine Chinese things
13:49I could watch rush hour to all day. Yeah, it's great movie
13:54I need some henchmen in here. Wait, what? Francine
13:57I didn't buy old dirty Chinatown just to turn a profit if the legends are true
14:03Zheng He's
14:04mythical compass is right below us with that power I
14:09Could redevelop the world wait a second
14:14You're a bad guy
14:16Listen up this lady a grandpa and some dumb kid found the entrance to the treasure before you
14:23You knew about the treasure now?
14:26It will be super easy to catch up to your family force the old guy to lead us to the
14:30treasure and kill them
14:32Ah, sometimes I'm so smart and sometimes I so dumb
14:38Also guys, I think getting outsmarted by this group of ragtags is another example of how our hybrid work schedule
14:45is just not working
14:46Henchmen work is something best done in person
14:49Everyone's got to start coming in more. No more zoom. Sorry boss. You cut out for a second. What'd you
14:55say?
14:56Ugh, never mind
15:03You do anything to my son and I swear I will find you and I will hurt you
15:10You can do whatever you want to my dad. Oh, you're not going anywhere
15:14You sure you're good to watch her Trevor? Yeah, I'm good Vic. It's just like I'm there. She pulls anything
15:20I'll slack you now. It's time to catch these dorks get jung-ho's compass and become the most powerful
15:27Real estate developer in the world right after I change my suit one more time. I'm just worried this one
15:33won't go with the compass
15:36I'm telling you Steve mama is insatiable
15:40Please stop I should have stayed with mom and I gotta pee
15:44That's like the 8th time you had to pee. So anyway, I don't know if it's her or just my
15:49sex appeal, but mama can go all
15:51Night. Oh my god. Stop
16:01Hey Trevor, do I hear the bluey theme song in the background? Didn't you tell your daughter no more screen
16:07time?
16:07Are you kidding me presley?
16:15Hey presley was asleep
16:18Later Trevor I gotta save my son. Oh, no you were lying gotta stop trusting everyone Trevor
16:37My Chinese is a little rusty this either means quick way or quick death. I'll take my chances
16:51Another pee puddle they must have a dog or something
16:56But if you really want to juice your grandma's orange
17:00Mommy shh
17:01And Kuso's henchmen are all over the place the guy rebuilding Chinatown
17:06He's only doing it to get his hands on saying who's compass. Let's get moving before one of them catches
17:11up to us too late
17:14We can take these guys
17:17Okay, I got this
17:23I mostly do throat punches good thing these guys all had throats
17:29Okay, okay, okay. We are clean. We have the chili. Let's do this
17:34Burgers more burgers fries
17:37They forgot the chili
17:43That's chili, huh damn it. She did say be careful the chili is under the burgers. She said it twice
17:49actually
17:51This can't be the end it doesn't make sense
17:54I'm gonna go pee again
17:56You know I didn't have to include you in my treasure obsession when you were growing up
18:00I did it because I enjoy spending time with you
18:03I like spending time with you too. The problem was once it wasn't treasure related. You didn't want to spend
18:10time with me anymore
18:11I'm sorry. I just thought if I could get the treasure
18:14I could give you and your sister and your mom a better life
18:18I think I would have just preferred you more in the life. We did have guys. I think my pee
18:24found something
18:26Maybe we have to twist this rock. I'm not touching pee
18:29Me either
18:32Ah, Steve has pee hands
18:38There's an indentation we need to fill it with something not just something junk host lucky gold medallion
18:46Didn't we use that to get in here? No, that was junk host amulet
18:51I'm talking about junk husband medallion, which I gave to you for your 12th birthday
18:56No, you gave me
18:59My necklace I knew you'd keep it safe
19:21Jungho's compass
19:23It's magnificent
19:25and it's all
19:26Magnifi mine
19:28No, I'll have the power to develop the whole world into a crappy mixed-use retail space
19:36Where parking is only free for the first 30 minutes and no validations
19:43Ja-ha
20:02You don't need that. You already have treasure and so do I
20:17Win some, lose some, dim some
20:20Let's go some
20:33You fools! I had it in my hands
20:40I
20:41Say that dummy's life's just so he could die
20:43Hey, Baba, I have one question
20:45What were you gonna do without my necklace?
20:48Hi, Steve
20:49I knew you'd show up
20:53Suckers! Shoulda gone back in
21:06What up? It's your boy Jake eats and I'm here to tell you what I think of the chili hat
21:28Well, guess we better find a way home.
21:30Chitty-check!
21:32Bye-bye, see you soon!
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