- 7 hours ago
Aaron Chen Funny Garden 2026
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:28Satsang with Mooji
00:46Satsang with Mooji
01:02Satsang with Mooji
01:03This is the biggest show I've done in New York
01:08The biggest one I've done since I left the cast of Shen Yun
01:14Some of the best days of my life
01:16I must say
01:19It's good to be out here in New York
01:22I know you guys haven't seen a lot of this
01:26You don't have this combo
01:29Guys that look like this and sound like this
01:32I'm Chinese-Australian
01:34My dad, he moved from China to Australia
01:37To give us a better life
01:38I moved to America to make it worse again
01:45I love America
01:46It's going in a great direction
01:49There are Chinese people in Australia
01:52We've got Chinese guys
01:53There's a lot of them
01:54I went to a school that was 90% Chinese and Indian kids
01:59Which you can't officially legislate
02:03You're not allowed to just pick them
02:06But you can make the test really hard
02:09I was doing the exam
02:14I'm like, these questions are difficult
02:16In a way that's racist
02:17I was very offended doing the test
02:24I've been travelling around America
02:25I've been all around
02:27I've been to the South
02:28Your enemy
02:31I like the South
02:32I do, I like it
02:33It gets a better
02:34I like the South
02:35It's one of my favourite directions
02:36I like it so much
02:39When people say things are going South
02:40I say good
02:43Let's go further
02:45Let's go to Mexico
02:47I've been to San Francisco
02:52Every time I go back
02:53These commies are up to something new
02:55These commies
02:58They've got driverless cars now
03:00You've seen this
03:02Waymo
03:04Waymo
03:05I like it
03:06I hope we eliminate all humans
03:10One day I'd love to perform to just Waymo
03:14That'd be good
03:16Those commies
03:19It's good to be out here
03:20What a place
03:21It took me a long time to fly out here
03:24Australia to America
03:2622 hours in the air
03:28That's unbelievable
03:29They've got meals on the plane now
03:32They always had that
03:33But it's still going
03:36They only have two options
03:39Chicken or fish
03:40That's all they ever had
03:41And that's not enough information
03:45What's the chicken?
03:46What's the fish?
03:47They don't tell you
03:48In the carts
03:48They go quick
03:49So you're not allowed to ask them questions
03:51I panic
03:52I say fish
03:53But it turns out that chicken is a pasta
03:56Which is my absolute favourite
03:59Chicken alfredo
04:01Oh my gosh
04:03Fish was a milkshake
04:08Horrible stuff
04:13But you guys got good airlines here
04:15Beautiful airlines
04:18Very nice
04:19I flew on Southwest Airlines
04:22You heard about this?
04:24They have a thing called open seating
04:26You can pick whichever seat you want
04:28When you're on the plane
04:30It's unbelievable
04:31I didn't know that
04:32They didn't tell me that
04:32There was nothing
04:33There was no email
04:36I found out when I was on the plane
04:39That's squid games
04:40You know
04:41I was having a panic attack in the aisle
04:43People were stepping over my body
04:46I got the worst seat on the plane
04:48You know
04:49I just had to sit there
04:50Think about my life
04:51It's horrible
04:52At one point in the flight
04:53A woman got up to go to the toilet
04:55I took her seat
05:00She comes back
05:01She's like
05:01What's going on?
05:02I'm like
05:02It's open seating lady
05:04You know
05:05I'm using her iPad
05:08Looking after her child
05:11Very good kid
05:12Very good
05:13No more chips
05:15Until you finish your fish smoothie
05:16We gotta
05:20I came to New York two years ago
05:23I flew in
05:24I landed via JFK airport
05:26What a beautiful airport
05:28This is
05:28It's really good
05:30Really nice
05:30They got great Wi-Fi
05:34Unbelievable Wi-Fi
05:35You gotta log in to the Wi-Fi
05:36They don't just let you on
05:38You log on
05:39Right
05:39And they got a log on page
05:41At the bottom of the log on page
05:42There's a box you can click
05:44And it says
05:45Would you like to receive JFK airport news
05:49I'm like
05:50Who's that for?
05:51Who wants JFK airport news?
05:54But I accidentally clicked it
05:56On the way to logging in
05:57So now I'm getting JFK airport news
06:01But I don't even read the regular news
06:05So my main source of news
06:09It's JFK airport news
06:11It's JFK airport news
06:11That's not helpful
06:13You know
06:14New York's a high level city
06:16You know about this?
06:20This is a low level crowd
06:21This is
06:23A lot of low level guys in here
06:25They're low level
06:28No I'm serious
06:29I was at a dinner party the other night
06:31Not to brag
06:33And I was sat next to one of these guys
06:35Right
06:35High level guy
06:38And I was doing pretty good
06:39You know
06:40I was keeping up
06:41If you saw me
06:42You'd be like
06:42This guy's keeping up
06:45And I was
06:46Right
06:46But at one point
06:47He turns to me
06:48And he's like
06:50What do you think about the conflict in Ukraine?
06:53And I was like
06:57How about the renovations at Hudson News?
07:02What do you think about that?
07:03You know
07:05Because if you want to talk
07:06We can talk
07:09But it does have to be about JFK
07:11You know
07:11Like
07:12Let's be reasonable
07:15I don't know
07:16There are conflicts
07:17I do know about them
07:17They got
07:18They got more than technology now
07:20I've seen it
07:21They got tanks
07:22Oh my goodness
07:23How
07:24How did they come up with that?
07:26Some believe it
07:27War the invention
07:28A guy
07:29He must have saw a gun
07:30He'd be like
07:32Yeah
07:32I'd like to drive that
07:38Well it's good to be here in America USA
07:40What a pl
07:41Whoa
07:44She loves it
07:46It's great
07:47It's great to be here
07:48It's hard to come here
07:49You know
07:50It takes a lot to come here
07:51You gotta get a visa
07:53Anyone here got a visa?
07:55You got a visa?
07:56What are you on?
07:58E3
07:59E3 visa
08:00This is a rare visa?
08:03This is an Australians only visa?
08:06It was a gift from America to Australia
08:09Because we helped out in the Iraq war
08:12So for us it was not a pointless war
08:18We got a visa out of it
08:20Get them boys
08:24And we did get them
08:26We got them
08:27Visa secured
08:30I'm not on that visa
08:32I didn't support the war
08:33She loves it
08:34She really likes it
08:38I'm on a visa
08:39It's called the O1 visa
08:40That's an alien of extraordinary ability
08:45This is it
08:49What I'm doing right now
08:50No American could do
08:52This is
08:53This is Australian excellence
08:57It's a hard process to get the visa
08:59It's very difficult
09:00You know
09:01It took me one year
09:02It cost me $10,000
09:05Australian dollars
09:06So 20 USD
09:07It was
09:08A lot for me
09:11And at the end of it
09:12They make you do a 100 part questionnaire
09:14And it's psycho
09:17It's a psycho questionnaire
09:18I never
09:19Question one
09:20It lures you in
09:21Question one
09:22What's your name?
09:24At that point I'm pretty confident
09:26You know
09:26I think I got this
09:28Questions 90 to 100
09:30They go crazy
09:31Question 90
09:32Have you ever been involved
09:34In a terrorist organisation?
09:36Question 95
09:37Have you been a government official
09:39In charge during a genocide?
09:43And then question 100
09:44The last question they ask you
09:46Before you enter America is
09:47Have you ever employed a child soldier?
09:52Now I'm reading these questions
09:54And I'm like
09:55I guess everyone has to fill out forms
09:59You know
10:00Like there's some guy out there
10:01Answering yes to these
10:04Who is that?
10:06It's just like a warlord
10:08He's sitting with his child soldier
10:12He's like
10:12I'm sorry kid
10:13I don't think we're going to Broadway
10:18I don't know if you'll get to see
10:20Nicole Schlesinger in Cats
10:23I don't know if she's in Cats
10:30It's good to be here in New York
10:31What a place
10:32I went to the Natural History Museum
10:35Yeah I took my friend
10:37Who's a vegan
10:38And they had an exhibition
10:41It was on carnivorous plants
10:43I'm like these guys are the opposite
10:44You know
10:48Who's going to get who?
10:49But it's
10:52Things are on a different scale in America
10:54You know
10:54You guys have
10:55You guys do things on a big scale
10:57It's
10:58Because like
10:59For example
11:00Your most famous statue
11:01Is called the Statue of Liberty
11:04This is
11:05It represents all your
11:06Like freedom
11:07All in one statue
11:08You got
11:09You got the Washington Monument
11:11That represents something also
11:16In Australia
11:17Our most famous statue
11:19It's called the Big Banana
11:22It represents a regular banana
11:25But we wanted to see how big we can get it
11:29Turns out pretty bloody big
11:34But it's good to be out here
11:36What a place
11:37You do have to be brave to live in New York
11:41Only some of the bravest guys live here
11:44There's a lot of bravery
11:45I saw a guy jumping over the turnstiles at the subway
11:49What?
11:51That's unbelievable
11:52I could never do that
11:54I crawl under
11:57You got to be brave to live here
11:59You know
11:59Because you can get tricked
12:01I'm getting tricked
12:02I'm getting tricked
12:05I'm serious
12:06They're tricking me a lot
12:07You know these guys
12:08They sell the charities at you
12:09They got the vests on
12:10You know these
12:11They got the clipboard
12:13They're good
12:15They're unbelievable
12:15You know
12:16They're always tricking me
12:17They got little riddles
12:19You know
12:19They got traps and stuff
12:21If you get any of them wrong
12:23You have to solve world hunger
12:24It's
12:26The first trap they have
12:28Is they say
12:28I love your shirt
12:30It took me two or three times
12:32To realise they did not love my shirt
12:35This is not a coincidence
12:37You know
12:38What I learnt is
12:39You're meant to say
12:39Thank you so much
12:40And you keep walking
12:42You've got to ignore these guys
12:43But then they've got a second riddle
12:46And they say
12:47Do you know the only state
12:48That ends with the letter K
12:51That's very hard not to stop for
12:55That's very intriguing
12:56I'm like
12:57I don't know
12:58Kentucky
13:01And they say
13:02No
13:03It's New York
13:06Isn't that charming?
13:08Isn't that nice?
13:10That's where we are right now
13:12The answer was beneath our feet
13:15This is unbelievable
13:18But you get it wrong
13:19And I have to give them all my credit cards
13:22But I've adapted
13:23You've got to adapt to the city
13:25I'm adapting
13:26I know what you're supposed to do
13:28The other day they tried to get me
13:29They work in twos
13:30I'm walking on the street
13:32One of them comes up to me
13:33He's like
13:33I like your shirt
13:34I say thank you
13:35And I keep going
13:36And the other guy
13:37He goes
13:38Well do you know the only state
13:39And I say New York
13:42He perishes
13:43He's dead
13:45Keep going
13:46You know
13:49You've got to be brave
13:50People are brave here
13:51People are obsessed with crimes in New York
13:54They love it
13:54They love
13:55I know they're obsessed
13:57Because you guys got an app called Citizen
14:01Yeah
14:01Get a girl
14:06It's unbelievable
14:07You know
14:07This app
14:08If you don't know what it is
14:10It shows you a map of New York City
14:12And it shows you every single crime
14:14Going on at that exact moment
14:17There's a second map on there
14:18It shows you every registered sex offender
14:21That lives near you
14:22It's unbelievable
14:22People are obsessed with this app
14:24There's a premium function
14:26You can pay money to it
14:27You know
14:28I think you match with them
14:29I don't know
14:32I don't know
14:32Sorry
14:36It's good to be
14:37It's a busy busy city
14:38Can we all admit that
14:40Very busy this city
14:42Very busy
14:43Some people
14:43They even call
14:44They call it
14:44The city that
14:47Is very busy
14:48It's
14:49It's busy
14:50Some people are so busy
14:51They're eating overnight oats
14:54Have you heard about this
14:56They don't have time in the morning
14:58To make oatmeal
14:59They've got to make it the night before
15:02That's too busy
15:05Oatmeal is not traditionally a 24 hour dish
15:08You know
15:09We never had to plan for oatmeal before
15:12For hundreds of years
15:13We've been making oatmeal when we feel like it
15:17It's too busy
15:18Since moving here
15:20I've become too busy for overnight oats
15:23When I go to sleep
15:24I put the oats in my mouth
15:25You know
15:27I wake up and I swallow
15:28I'm like
15:29Let's go
15:34But you have to eat oats
15:35You do
15:37That's what they say
15:38It's a super food
15:40You know about this
15:43The food system's all messed up
15:46I swear
15:47They've got our microplastics now
15:49You've heard about this
15:50One of my friends
15:51He was telling me
15:52Allegedly the average person
15:54Eats one credit card a week
15:59That's too much
16:02I don't
16:03I take one bite
16:04I'm like
16:04That's enough
16:04You know
16:08But you've got to eat healthy
16:09You know
16:09You do have to eat healthy
16:12I've been having smoothies
16:15You guys don't do smoothies
16:18I'm doing smoothies
16:19You've got to do smoothies now
16:21I don't know what to put in the smoothies
16:22I don't know who to trust
16:24I've got like
16:24I've just got everything in there
16:26Anyone
16:28Anything anyone says
16:29You've got to put in a smoothie
16:30I'll put it in there
16:31You know
16:32I don't know who to trust
16:33Left wing
16:34Right wing
16:35They all have great ideas on smoothies
16:38I've got elk meat
16:40And AstraZeneca
16:41You know
16:43I'm having diarrhea and autism
16:52It's crazy to be out here
16:56It's a beautiful place America
16:58Because you guys have the diversity here
17:02Not in this room
17:04But
17:05Generally there is diversity
17:07You know
17:08It's beautiful
17:09We've got diversity in Australia
17:12But we've got different guys to you
17:15You guys have got different guys here
17:17And I think that's nice
17:19I think that's good
17:21It's good to see new guys
17:22I've been seeing new
17:24I saw a Korean man
17:25I saw a Korean man
17:26Yelling at a Hasidic Jew
17:28In Spanish
17:31Isn't that beautiful?
17:34Isn't that what we've been working towards?
17:37That's gorgeous
17:38That's nice
17:39It's because you have Latin culture
17:41Latin culture is infused into American society
17:44It's beautiful
17:45We don't really have Latin culture in Australia
17:48We've got a couple of guys
17:52They're called Guzman and Gomez
17:57They're kind of entrepreneurs
17:58It's a part of American society
18:01And I love it
18:02I've been embracing it a lot
18:03I went to a Mexican restaurant
18:07It's called Chipotle
18:08And
18:10Very beautiful culture
18:11Very beautiful
18:12I went to a Mexican restaurant one time in Los Angeles
18:16And it was a beautiful restaurant
18:17Very long line
18:18I was lining up
18:19And I was lining up behind this middle-aged man
18:22And he was with his mother
18:23And they were speaking Spanish to each other
18:26That's traditional
18:29At one point he leaves a line
18:31To go get his mother a menu
18:32But he also got me a menu
18:36Isn't that gorgeous?
18:37That's really nice
18:39That's really
18:40So I look him in the eyes
18:41And I say
18:43Gracias
18:46He looks at me
18:47He says I speak English
18:49You don't need to practice your Spanish on me
18:52And that's a learning moment for me
18:55You know
18:55I'm humbled
18:56I'm not from around here
18:57All I can do
18:58I bow my head
18:59And I say
19:00Lo siento
19:08But
19:20But
19:21But my life's not going well
19:23I
19:26I'm serious
19:27I realised my life wasn't going well
19:28Cos Spotify recommended me a playlist
19:31Called Sad Girl Vibes
19:35That's not good man
19:37The world's gone nasty
19:39The internet's gone nasty
19:41Don't you think?
19:42The internet's very nasty now
19:43I was on gmail.com
19:47Very nasty stuff they got going on
19:49They got a new notification
19:51It says you sent this email four days ago
19:54They haven't replied
19:57It's like you don't need to tell me that
19:59I've been thinking about that for four days
20:03It's nasty
20:04They have a thing now
20:06It's called AI
20:09I heard they're introducing it at JFK airport
20:12It's
20:18I heard it's going to affect the future of jobs
20:21That's what it's saying
20:22It's saying the job
20:23The article I was reading
20:25It was saying
20:25The jobs that are most secure
20:27They're the ones you can define
20:28Just by reading the job title
20:30Like just by reading the job title
20:31You need to know what the job's about
20:33Job's like a soccer player
20:36That's really good
20:37You know
20:39Nurse
20:39That's a doing word
20:44Yeah yeah
20:47Not to brag but stand up comedy
20:49That's very secure
20:51Comedy make people laugh
20:53It even tells you what position to do it in
20:55You know
20:56Like
20:57Upright
20:59But I get worried
21:00Because I have a family friend
21:01And he's a management consultant
21:04I can't even begin to know what that is
21:06You know
21:06I don't even know what management is
21:09I guess you manage
21:10But so does everyone
21:12You know
21:14Even people who are struggling
21:16You say do you need help
21:18They say I'll manage
21:19You know
21:21I'm worried about him on multiple levels
21:23Because even
21:23Even family friends
21:29That's someone who's neither family
21:30Nor a friend
21:31You know
21:32That's a guy you have to hang out with
21:34Because of your dad
21:40But my life's not going well
21:41I'm serious
21:43I clogged my drain the other day
21:47I did
21:47I clogged it right up
21:49I had to get a bottle of Drano
21:50This guy
21:51He shows me around the store
21:52For like 10 minutes
21:53At the end of it
21:55He's like
21:55This is unbelievable
21:56I have no idea where they're putting it
22:00I was like
22:00I thought you were them
22:01You know
22:02Like
22:03But I go home
22:04I take the Drano home
22:06This drain is clogged up
22:08It's really bad
22:10I had to pour the whole bottle of Drano
22:11Down there to get it unclogged
22:13I thought that's what you're supposed to do
22:14I told my friend this
22:16He said that's disgusting
22:18It's like do you know how bad that is
22:20For the dolphins
22:22And to be honest
22:23Like I didn't even consider the dolphins
22:25You know
22:26I didn't know that it got to them
22:28That's so far away
22:31I'm on the 7th floor
22:34But when he told me that
22:35I felt horrible
22:36You know
22:37I was disgusted with myself
22:39I had to make a peace offering
22:41I poured a can of tuna down there
22:45Please have that
22:46You know
22:46Please
22:47It wouldn't really go down
22:49So I had to put a little bit of Drano
22:50To
22:52Ease it through
22:53You know
22:54We've got to get it to the dolphins
23:00Other stuff's going well
23:01I got a dishwasher
23:03Yeah
23:03Thank you
23:07That's the biggest clap of the show
23:09That's
23:11I got a dishwasher
23:13It's been going pretty good
23:15I used to rinse the dishes
23:17Before I put them in
23:18But I heard that
23:19You're not supposed to do that
23:21You know
23:21I heard that
23:22If you rinse them
23:22Before you put them in
23:23It's actually really bad
23:25For the dishwasher's
23:26Self-confidence
23:26Like
23:27It needs to be built on trust
23:29You know
23:32I don't risk it anymore
23:33I've been
23:33I go dining now
23:35I'm eating out
23:36You guys dine?
23:39Hell yeah
23:42You guys dine?
23:43Wow
23:44Table for
23:45Table for two?
23:47Pretty good
23:49Pretty good
23:50I've been doing table for one
23:52Nothing wrong with that
23:53It's not illegal yet
23:55They're probably going to
23:56Try to make it
23:57But I
23:57Table for one
23:59You can book online
24:02Resi.com
24:05What is this?
24:05An open table crowd?
24:11I'm
24:11I'm
24:12I'm
24:18I'm
24:18Booking online
24:19I
24:20I am
24:21Table for one
24:22Table for one
24:22They always ask you if it's an occasion
24:24I always put something
24:25You know
24:26Cause it's funny
24:28On the page
24:29It looks funny
24:30Table for one
24:31There's an occasion?
24:33Are you kidding me?
24:36That's unbelievable
24:39You get there
24:40It's not funny
24:43They're very sad for you
24:44You know
24:48Happy anniversary
24:49Happy anniversary
24:56But I mean
24:57Yeah
24:57I've been dining out too much
24:59Probably
24:59I've been dining out a lot
25:00My body is falling apart
25:03It's falling apart
25:04I got
25:04I had a tooth
25:05It was decaying so bad
25:06I went to the dentist
25:07And she's like
25:08Yeah
25:08We're gonna
25:09We're gonna have to put a crown on it
25:10I was like
25:11Why are you putting a crown on that one?
25:13That's the worst tooth
25:16You gotta put it on the canines
25:18I love those dogs
25:22But she's like
25:23No it's urgent
25:23We're gonna
25:23Have to do it now
25:24And she did the root canal
25:26Put the crown on
25:28And she's like
25:28I'm sorry
25:29I'm sorry
25:30But you're gonna have to hold off
25:31From flossing that area
25:33For about two weeks
25:35And I was like
25:36I've been holding off
25:36For a lot longer than that
25:38You know
25:39On your word doc
25:40Yeah
25:43My body's falling apart
25:44I
25:44I got a fungal infection
25:46On my toe
25:47You know
25:47Sorry to have to tell you that
25:49But
25:50That is what's going on
25:51In my life
25:52And
25:52I went to the doctors
25:53And he said
25:54You know
25:54In the past
25:56Traditionally
25:56Like how people
25:57Would prevent infection
25:58They used to urinate
26:00On the feet
26:01I was like
26:02I'm gonna need
26:03A second opinion
26:03On that
26:05Before you do it
26:06Like
26:06Yeah
26:09But I
26:10I need to get into shape
26:11I do
26:11I'm a family man now
26:13I got a sister
26:16I got a sister
26:18I'm trying to get into shape
26:19I'm getting inspired
26:20I watched my friend
26:22Do the
26:22Triathlon
26:24That's running
26:25Swimming
26:25And cycling
26:26I don't think
26:27I've done those activities
26:28In the same calendar year
26:30You know
26:31It's very
26:32Inspiring
26:32I gotta get inspired
26:34To work out
26:35I've been watching sports
26:36You seen this
26:39They're fit
26:39These guys
26:40I
26:41I've been watching soccer
26:43I watched the game
26:44Just today
26:45You know
26:46At half time
26:47They got the commentators
26:48To come on
26:49Talk about the first half
26:50Of the match
26:50And one of them
26:51He was talking about
26:52A player
26:53He said
26:53This is the most
26:54Creative player
26:55We've ever seen
26:56He's like a book
26:57With hundreds of pages
26:59And every page
27:00Is different
27:02I'm like
27:03That's every book
27:06If your book
27:07Has the same pages
27:09I'd say
27:09Your book is broken
27:10You know
27:11You need to get
27:12A new book
27:14But I'm doing it now
27:15I'm working out
27:16I go
27:16I work out
27:17I go to a gym
27:18I go to one of these gyms
27:20Everyone's looking gorgeous
27:21You know
27:22You know
27:23These
27:23Some gyms
27:24People don't look good
27:26The gym I'm at
27:27Everyone's gorgeous
27:28But they work out
27:29With an intensity
27:30In their eyes
27:31That suggests
27:32That they don't believe
27:33They look good
27:35That's a real tragedy
27:37It breaks my heart
27:38You know
27:39I have to remind people
27:41You know
27:42I announce it
27:43In the change room
27:44I
27:45My fellas
27:46You're looking good
27:48You're looking nice
27:50The ladies
27:50Got to know too
27:51I don't go
27:51I yell it
27:52Into the change room
27:53There's no laws
27:55Against that
27:59Not yet
28:04But I don't know
28:06It's good to be out here
28:07You know
28:08I'm married now
28:10Thank you
28:11Yeah
28:13What a beautiful institution
28:15I went to Thailand
28:18For the honeymoon
28:21Yep
28:23We love Thailand
28:24I told my dad this
28:26I texted him
28:26I said
28:27We're going to Thailand
28:29For the honeymoon
28:29He doesn't text back
28:31He calls back immediately
28:32He's like
28:33Don't go to Thailand
28:34They're harvesting the organs
28:36Of Taiwanese nationals
28:39And immediately
28:40I know what's going on
28:41Right
28:41Because my dad
28:43He's on an app
28:44Called WeChat
28:45And what this is
28:46It's a Chinese messaging app
28:48Where all my family
28:49Have a group chat
28:50With one another
28:51And they share
28:51Conspiracy theories
28:53Often in the form
28:54Of a JPEG
28:58And the one of that day
28:59Was about harvesting
29:00Taiwanese organs
29:02I pushed back
29:03I'm like
29:03Dad
29:03I'm not Taiwanese
29:05He knows that
29:07You know
29:08We've known each other
29:09Quite some time
29:11But he's adamant
29:12He keeps pushing
29:13Right
29:14And I want to convince him
29:15Once and for all
29:16That these are conspiracy theories
29:17Like anyone can do them
29:18I'm pretty good at Photoshop
29:21So what I did was
29:22I got a picture
29:23Of the Australian Prime Minister
29:25And I put a caption on it
29:26I said that
29:27They're beheading Chinese people
29:28In Hornsby
29:31That's where he lives
29:32And
29:34I post that in the group chat
29:35Ten minutes later
29:36The group chat's going crazy
29:37It's
29:39My uncle calls me
29:40He's like
29:40We're locking down
29:41You know
29:44I defied my father's orders
29:46I went to Thailand anyway
29:48Beautiful country
29:49It's one of the great
29:50Massage cultures
29:53You got Thailand
29:55Sweden
29:57And there's other
30:02But
30:03They have
30:04They have these
30:05Massage places
30:06That are run entirely
30:07By female
30:08Ex-prisoners
30:09It's beautiful
30:10Because a lot of society
30:12They write these women off
30:13Right
30:13Some of them have
30:14Petty crime charges
30:15Some of them even
30:16Have assault charges
30:17But these places
30:19They see these women
30:20And they said
30:21What you did
30:23Could you focus that
30:24On the neck and the shoulders
30:25Like
30:31My dad
30:31My dad's a great guy
30:32He's a good guy
30:33He helped me invent
30:34My signature
30:35You know
30:35He sat me down
30:37I was eight years old
30:38He's like
30:38You're a man now
30:39And
30:39I remember
30:40It was such a tender moment
30:41He helped me
30:42Do every jag
30:43And every curve
30:44With the signature
30:45But
30:46Immediately after
30:47He helped me
30:48Commit my first tax fraud
30:49He
30:50Like
30:51Sign here
30:51Where it says
30:52You work for me
30:52And
30:54I didn't work for him
30:55So
30:55I was reluctant
30:56You know
30:57But he had to take me
30:58To his accountant
30:59To try to strong arm me
31:01And
31:02She's a Chinese woman
31:03And
31:03She was
31:04Really
31:05Flexing on me
31:06And
31:06How you do this
31:07In Chinese culture
31:08Is you
31:09You bring up
31:09A lot of stories
31:10From history
31:11Show off your knowledge
31:12Like
31:13You've got to know
31:13A lot of idioms
31:14Stuff like that
31:15And she sits me down
31:16And she's like
31:17Do you know
31:18Michelangelo
31:19And I was like
31:20Yeah
31:21I thought it was a turtle
31:27But
31:27She says
31:28When he finished
31:29Building the
31:29Statue of David
31:30And I was like
31:31There's another one
31:36But when he finished
31:37Someone came up to him
31:39And
31:39They said
31:40Was it hard
31:41And he said
31:42No
31:42It was easy
31:43I just took away
31:44From the marble
31:45Everything
31:46That wasn't David
31:48And I was like
31:49What's that got to do
31:50With my tax return
31:51You know
31:52And she said
31:53Well the block of marble
31:54That's your income
31:55David
31:57That's your tax return
32:00And I didn't know
32:00What that meant
32:02But I thought
32:03We were both
32:03Going to jail
32:04For sure
32:07But it's good
32:08Being married
32:09Beautiful thing
32:10To be married
32:11My wife
32:12She moved
32:12From Australia
32:14To America
32:15With me
32:15She quit her
32:16Corporate job
32:16In Australia
32:17And now
32:18She's at
32:18Culinary school
32:22After that
32:23We'll send her
32:23To cleaning school
32:31Sorry for saying that
32:36But a lot of you
32:37Did like it
32:38So
32:40I wanted to
32:41I wanted to
32:42Cut that out
32:43Of the special
32:43But you liked it
32:44Too much
32:47She goes to a culinary
32:48School in Manhattan
32:49It's called the
32:50Institute of Culinary
32:52Education
32:53That's ice
32:56It's an unbelievable
32:57Time to be going
32:58To a school
32:58Called ice
32:59They like the name
33:01They think it's good
33:02It's on big letters
33:03On her backpack
33:04Ice
33:06She catches a subway
33:07Like that
33:08I'm like
33:09I'm going to get
33:10A different one
33:13If you want to go
33:14To culinary school
33:15In New York
33:16The two options
33:17That you have
33:17Is ice
33:18Or the Culinary
33:19Institute of America
33:22CIA
33:24This is unbelievable
33:26She's going to have
33:27To do a postgrad
33:28Abroad
33:29She's going to
33:30Al Qaeda
33:31It's a
33:32Beautiful school
33:35But it's good
33:36To be married
33:37We're having a couple
33:38Of arguments
33:38That's healthy
33:40That's beautiful
33:43Our main source
33:44Of argument
33:44At the moment
33:45Is how we sort
33:45The laundry
33:46You know
33:47How we organise
33:47The clothes
33:48Because I'm quite
33:49The simple guy
33:51Simpleton
33:51That kind of thing
33:52You know
33:52I have a very simple
33:54System of organising
33:55My laundry
33:56It follows the human form
33:57It goes top shelf
33:59Tops
33:59Bottom shelf
34:01Bottoms
34:01Middle shelf
34:02Obviously belts
34:06But she has a much
34:07More complex system
34:08You know
34:08She's very intelligent
34:09She tries to trick me
34:11And
34:12She doesn't just
34:13Have three categories
34:14She's got subcategories
34:15And some of the categories
34:17Are subjective
34:18She's got a category
34:20Called cute little tops
34:23I'm like
34:24How am I supposed
34:24To do that
34:25You know
34:26We're having big fights
34:27I'm like
34:27Honey
34:27I don't think
34:28That top's that cute
34:34But it's
34:35Taking me a long time
34:35To sort the laundry
34:36You know
34:37So I've been reading
34:38The tags
34:40There's stuff
34:40There's content
34:41You know
34:42I don't know
34:43Everywhere you look
34:45You can find content
34:47That's really good
34:48There's content
34:49On the tag
34:49I was reading
34:50One of the shirts
34:51And one of the tags
34:52It said
34:52I'm made of
34:53100%
34:54Recycled
34:55Plastic bottles
34:57I was shocked
34:57I took the shirt up to
34:58I said
34:59We're doing pretty well
35:01I can get you
35:02Something better
35:02You know
35:04Made of anything
35:05You want
35:06Even new bottles
35:07Like we can
35:08We can do that
35:11But that's not to say
35:12That I don't have
35:13Crazy clothes of my own
35:14I've got a set
35:15Of pyjamas
35:16That's tops
35:17And bottoms
35:19Where's that going
35:20You know
35:21Can't go with the belts
35:24But the pyjama
35:25At the top
35:26It's a button down top
35:27Right
35:27And that's more formal
35:29Than I wear day to day
35:31I imagine
35:32An outside observer
35:33Looking in
35:34They'd see me
35:34Take off my t-shirt
35:36And putting on
35:37A button down
35:39They'd be like
35:39This guy is serious
35:40About sleep
35:42You know
35:42I'm like
35:43Let's hit those
35:43KPIs
35:46But since we moved
35:47In together
35:47We have new stuff
35:49There's new stuff
35:50In the house
35:50It's unbelievable
35:51I didn't
35:52The bathroom
35:53Has more things
35:56Before I got married
35:57I had three liquids
35:59You had the hand wash
36:02Toothpaste
36:03And then
36:03Three in one
36:05And that would cover
36:07All realms
36:07Of the body
36:09But now
36:10We've got
36:10A lot of liquids
36:11There's new sources
36:14We've got
36:14A skin care regime
36:15Now
36:16And it is a regime
36:17Very oppressive
36:18It's
36:22It's daily
36:23It's this new
36:24There's new liquids
36:25That I never heard of
36:26Before
36:26The other day
36:28She said to me
36:29Can you pass the toner
36:30And I was like
36:31We don't have a printer
36:32You know
36:33Like
36:41But it's good
36:42You know
36:42It's
36:44You've got to put
36:45The effort in
36:49That's really my advice
36:50You do
36:50I've been putting
36:51The effort in
36:52I did the love language test
36:55It's so important
36:57It's one of the most
36:58Important things you can do
36:59And I did it
37:01I did the love language test
37:04It turns out
37:04My love language
37:05Is not gift giving
37:06And it was my wife's birthday
37:08The other week
37:10So what I did
37:11Was I put my hand
37:11On her shoulder
37:13And I said
37:14Good on you
37:16That's words of affirmation
37:19And touch
37:20You know
37:20Kind of
37:21Got her two things
37:24Really spoiled her
37:27Quality time
37:27Two hours straight
37:28We did it
37:30Good on you
37:31Good on you
37:32You know
37:33She does like quality time
37:35She loves it
37:36She loves going to
37:36Cultural events
37:37Isn't that
37:38Good
37:41We went to the opera together
37:42We went
37:43I struggled
37:45I must admit
37:48She's like
37:48Why are you closing your eyes
37:49I'm like
37:50I'm really into it
37:55But I think you were snoring
37:56I was like
37:57I was singing along
37:58I love that bit
38:02I
38:06But you learn a lot
38:07From being married
38:08You do
38:08I've been learning a lot
38:10Before I got married
38:11I had the same pillow
38:13For ten years
38:15I didn't know
38:16You weren't allowed
38:18I thought that was good
38:20Like cost per use
38:21That kind of thing
38:22You know
38:22By the time I was finished
38:23With it
38:24It was wafer thin
38:26It was a memory foam pillow
38:27You know
38:28Ran out of storage space
38:33Well I got married
38:34I found out that you're not allowed
38:35To have one pillow
38:36For ten years
38:37It's disgusting
38:39It's against God
38:41You have to have four pillows
38:43All the time
38:44Two of the pillows you use
38:46And two of the pillows you put on the floor
38:48Straight away
38:51Every single night
38:53You never use them
38:54Right
38:54Your neck couldn't sustain that angle
38:56For the duration of the night
38:58These are decorative pillows
39:01What are they decorating?
39:03The other pillows
39:06It's unbelievable
39:07They're high quality pillows too
39:09In my household
39:10These pillows
39:12They're the same as the main pillows
39:13That's a lot of potential
39:15Going wasted on the floor
39:16Every night
39:17They're like
39:19A neon coach
39:21I could change this
39:22They're waiting for the main pillows
39:23To get drooled out
39:25And I am drooling
39:27I hate to admit it
39:28But I have to wear a mouth guard
39:30To go to sleep
39:32Anyone do that?
39:35That's humiliating
39:36It's
39:38It's horrible to admit
39:41It's
39:41Because
39:42Back in the day
39:43Mouth guards
39:44They were reserved for
39:45Professional boxers
39:47NFL players
39:48But nowadays
39:50My life's gotten so stressful
39:52That the act of going to sleep
39:54Is the same as
39:55Blunt force head trauma
39:59It's humiliating
40:01Wearing this thing
40:01And so many oats
40:02Get stuck in it
40:09It's
40:10But it's good
40:10We've been travelling
40:12We travel
40:13We went to
40:14Mexico
40:17What a beautiful place
40:18Mexico City
40:23There's a few
40:25Attempted claps tonight
40:29We went to Mexico City
40:31We went to watch
40:32The Lucha Libre
40:33You know about
40:34You don't have to start
40:38We saw the Lucha Libre
40:40These guys
40:41Luchas
40:42They wear the masks
40:43You know
40:43They wear the masks
40:46If you don't know
40:46The Lucha
40:47The most famous Lucha
40:48Is called
40:49Jack Black
40:53And we went to
40:54Watch the Lucha Libre
40:55The first match
40:56We watched
40:56It was between
40:57A Lucha
40:58The guy wearing
40:58The mask
40:59And he was
41:00Fighting a caveman
41:02And everyone
41:03Was booing
41:03The caveman
41:04I didn't know
41:05What was going on
41:06So I had to ask
41:06Someone
41:07I was like
41:07What's happening
41:07And he said
41:08That they like
41:09The Lucha more
41:10Because the Lucha
41:11Is more traditional
41:12But I would have
41:13Thought that the caveman
41:14Is more traditional
41:16You know
41:16That's one of the
41:17Original guys
41:19But if you thought
41:20That I was confused
41:21My wife didn't know
41:22That wrestling was fake
41:25So she thought
41:26That this was a real fight
41:28And they were still
41:28Choosing to backflip
41:30You know
41:30Like they
41:32They thought
41:33That was a good use
41:33Of their time
41:36Her mind was
41:36She took like
41:37A hundred Instagram stories
41:38On the night
41:39All with the captions
41:40Like wow
41:42OMG
41:42It was the best
41:43Night of both
41:44Of our lives
41:45It was unbelievable
41:46At one point in the fight
41:47A little person
41:48Came into the ring
41:50And he threw the referee
41:51Out of the ring
41:53And at that point
41:54I thought
41:54The jig is up
41:58The jig was not up
42:00She turned to me
42:01She's like
42:01Is that allowed?
42:05I'm like
42:05I don't know
42:06It's a real
42:06Perversion of justice
42:07You know
42:10We were walking home
42:11From the night
42:13From the event
42:13And we were both
42:14Feeling very good
42:15We were on cloud nine
42:17But as we were walking
42:18The pieces
42:18Start to fall into place
42:20And she started
42:20To get messages
42:21From back home
42:22From her friends
42:23They're like
42:23You do know
42:24That wrestling
42:25Isn't real
42:27And she was
42:28Furious at me
42:29She was like
42:30Why didn't you
42:30Tell me that
42:31Wrestling was fake
42:32And I was like
42:33I wouldn't know
42:34Where to begin
42:36Like do you know
42:37That cavemen
42:38Aren't around
42:42We don't have that anymore
42:46Dude this is a beautiful crowd
42:47What a beautiful crowd
42:49This is amazing
42:50What a night
42:51Did any of you come
42:53To this show
42:54Because you know me
42:54From Fisk
42:57A few Fisk heads
42:58If you don't know
42:59What Fisk is
43:00It's kind of a legal comedy
43:02It's created by
43:04The Australian government
43:05And I think it's a psyop
43:08I
43:10No it is
43:11It's
43:11It changed my life
43:13Because before I did Fisk
43:14I was
43:15I was just doing
43:16Stand up comedy
43:17You know
43:17And I always look like this
43:20This is all I had to offer
43:22And I would go on
43:24YouTube and Instagram
43:25To see the demographics
43:26Like who was
43:27Who was watching the stuff
43:28And it was always 90% male
43:3125 to 34
43:33Anyone fit that demographic
43:37This is not a good demographic
43:39A lot of incels
43:44These guys
43:45They don't come out to the show
43:46They're busy planning something
43:49I don't know
43:51But it was a very dark path
43:53I was going down
43:54It couldn't continue that way
43:56But then God intervened
43:58He sent the prophet
44:00Kitty Flanagan
44:02And she cast me in this show
44:04Fisk
44:04Overnight
44:05The demographic changed
44:06Women 45 to 54
44:11What a beautiful sound
44:13This is
44:14Overnight these angels
44:16Descended into my shows
44:18These beautiful white angels
44:23They love coming to the shows
44:26They are
44:27But that's why
44:27I had to leave Australia
44:29I had to get away
44:30From all these mamas
44:31But I
44:32Alright that's my time
44:33Thank you very much
44:34New York
44:34I
44:35Anyway
44:38Thank you
44:38I
44:39I
44:39I
44:40I
44:41I
44:46I
44:48Oh
44:50I
44:50I
44:50I
44:54I
44:56I
44:56I
44:59I
45:01I
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