- 20 hours ago
Mike Epps: Delusional
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00:08That's a big ol' watch, a big ol' chain, a big-ass truck.
00:13How you get the big ol' crib, a bad chick with a big ol' butt.
00:18If I want it, I'm a bad nigga trust.
00:21I don't check the price, nigga, I don't give a fuck.
00:23Ladies and gentlemen, live from Yamaha Theater,
00:27put your hands together for Mike and...
00:45What's up, Yamaha?
00:50We're the sexy lady there!
00:57Man, y'all lookin' good as hell out here tonight, man.
01:01Thank y'all for comin' out.
01:05Where the Mexicans at?
01:11Now, I got a side door just in case ice is outside.
01:16You know them dirty motherfuckers is out here.
01:19Y'all know where they had to hit the Mike M show tonight.
01:24Yeah, man, Donald Trump fuckin' with the Mexicans.
01:26I ain't had a taco in two weeks!
01:29My taco man runnin' now.
01:32He been sellin' this shit out the house.
01:34Come to the house! Come to the house!
01:39But I love the Mexicans, man.
01:40They can't keep the Mexicans out, man.
01:42They can't keep them out.
01:48The Mexicans is cold, they'll come through a cloud on your ass.
01:53I seen a Mexican jump out of a Mexican.
01:55Motherfuckers just jumped out of a Mexican.
01:57I said, hey, man, there was a Mexican inside that Mexican, man.
02:02Donald Trump ain't shit, man.
02:04He made the Mexicans build a wall.
02:11I better not go to jail cause I won't be gettin' pardoned after this shit.
02:15He's like, no, you said some nasty things about me after y'all.
02:20And I heard that shit, Mike.
02:25He don't give a fuck, man.
02:27You know what I mean?
02:29Half the motherfuckers that he's fuckin' with voted for him.
02:34Ain't that a bitch?
02:37And street niggas love Trump.
02:38I'm tellin' you that right now.
02:39Drug dealers, they love him.
02:42Cause they crooks, too.
02:43That's why they like him.
02:46He need to stop wearin' them cheap-ass suits.
02:48I know that.
02:50He got to be gettin' them suits for Macy's, man.
02:54And his team ain't shit.
02:56He got Dr. Oz standin' behind him.
02:58What the fuck?
02:59What is his punk ass gonna do?
03:04They got these motherfuckers.
03:05They got these motherfuckers.
03:05All my shit is out there on these ships.
03:07I can't even get half my shit.
03:10I'm gonna get a boat and go out there and get my fuckin' clippers off that goddamn ship.
03:15They throw them goddamn clippers off that ship.
03:19They got a lot of stuff on them tariffs.
03:22You know, that tariff shit is real.
03:24One of the first things I seen on there was hair weave.
03:30Now, I'm gonna tell you, you hoes better load up.
03:32Cause he bout to...
03:34They bout to be some bald head, new boy chickens out...
03:43Gonna look like some onions around this motherfucker.
03:53If black people think we gon' get away, niggas is next.
03:58We gon' come outside.
03:59There gon' be a bunch of boats lined up.
04:01We gon' think it's that carnival cruise.
04:03We gon' come out there.
04:05This is how we do it.
04:09Nigga, get back on that boat.
04:17You know black people can't stick together.
04:20Soon as black people get some money, the first thing we do...
04:23Uh-uh, I don't wanna be around no black people.
04:25Get them...
04:26There go some black people.
04:28Get them niggas away from here.
04:29I don't deal with no black people.
04:34If black people got a spot where we eat at...
04:37And we think we the only black people there...
04:39If we see some more black people go...
04:41Oh, there go our spot right there.
04:43They done fucked our spot up.
04:46This ain't John's spot!
04:54That's messed up, man.
04:56I thought Diddy was getting out, man.
04:57I thought he was getting out.
05:00Yeah, that's fucked up, man.
05:01They got Diddy on a...
05:02Not a Rico charge, but a Freako charge.
05:06The man is in jail for being a freak, man.
05:10If they found out some of the shit I did, I'd be in the electric chair right now.
05:15All the late night midget bitches I done fucked all over the United States.
05:28Man, they would have let Diddy out early, but they had him on camera with that towel running out of
05:33there.
05:34Kick Cassie in the foot and ran back in the room.
05:37I could see that's what sent him to jail right there.
05:43Yeah, I was never invited to the Diddy parties.
05:47I used to sing, but he never invited me.
05:50Cause I know I'd have had my dick out somewhere in that part...
05:55Diggle Mike out!
05:58I'm telling you, he in this room right here. Come here!
06:11Everybody in here a freak, if they put a red light on everybody's head, this whole place will light up.
06:20You know, I don't feel sorry for the girls who got drugged, cause they was in there drinking free drinks.
06:24That's where the drugs is at.
06:27You want some free shit? Come on!
06:30Let me get some of this free drug punch.
06:37They got to be fucked up to be famous, man, and locked up.
06:43They probably walk up to Diddy all the time, man.
06:45What's that one song y'all did?
06:48Damn!
06:49Oh yeah, you and Faith Evans, man.
06:54You know what fucks me up?
06:56White people think we all the same.
06:58Black people, they don't know us from a can of paint.
07:01I'm sitting on the plane with a wall with a white lady.
07:03I'm just sitting there, everybody speaking to me.
07:05Hey, my guest, my guest, my guest.
07:07She's sitting right next to me.
07:08She said, who are you?
07:10I said...
07:12I said, Chris Brown.
07:13I said...
07:16I said, yup, Chris Breezy, that's me.
07:22I'm Chris Brown on my way to do a show right now.
07:29And she must have been on the phone with her daughter, telling her daughter she's sitting next to Chris Brown.
07:33And I could tell the way she was looking, her daughter must have said, that is not no fucking Chris
07:38Brown.
07:38Now, whoever that man is, is fucking lying to you.
07:43Cause she started looking at me on the phone like this.
07:51I said, whoever on the phone with you, let her know I'm Chris Brown.
07:54And I'm...
08:06Yeah!
08:09Yeah!
08:12There's some beautiful ladies in here tonight.
08:14Where the beautiful ladies at?
08:15Where the beautiful ladies?
08:20There's some ugly bitches here, too, man.
08:23Yeah, some ugly bitches just snuck in, too.
08:30I can't stand for an ugly motherfucker to play hard to get.
08:33Hell, you're hard to want, shit.
08:49Let me tell you something.
08:50If you're ugly, work out.
08:54Go to the gym.
08:56And stay clean.
08:59And I'll fuck you.
09:06Yeah, just because you look good don't mean you smell good.
09:10I done had some fine fishy holes in my motherfucking lifetime.
09:15You know what I do?
09:16I turn that seat heater on.
09:19And when I smell a fish fillet frying, I tell you, get up out of here.
09:34Women always think we done gave them some, my coochies itch you.
09:38You done drunk a case of Pepsi.
09:43Pepsi will eat your pussy up, too.
09:47Look, there's a bump.
09:48There's a bump.
09:49Buss it.
09:50It's Pepsi in it.
09:58New generation pussy.
10:01Buss it.
10:01Betsy.
10:06Every man in here thought he had AIDS at least once.
10:10Come on, fellas.
10:10Let's admit it.
10:12We didn't fuck some woman raw and couldn't sleep for two years.
10:15Where you at?
10:17Sitting there self-diagnosing yourself.
10:19Yep, that's me right there.
10:22Can't sleep.
10:22Diarrhea.
10:23Headaches.
10:23I'm dead.
10:28You start going to the gym, I'm going to run this shit out of me.
10:42You ever fucked a girl raw and couldn't sleep for two years after that?
10:47You just kept calling, looking at the shit, and then you just called a girl.
10:51You're like, you can't call a girl if you fuck a girl raw and ask her the next day, do
10:55you have AIDS?
10:58No, you got to say, boy, I'm glad you were clean.
11:04And she don't say nothing.
11:05You're like, hey, did you hear what the fuck I just said?
11:15I don't know how people get in these long, fucked up relationships,
11:18because you ought to be able to tell on the first date.
11:22Serious.
11:23People tell you who the fuck they are.
11:25Are you sitting there with a woman and you just say, girl, you crazy?
11:28If she say, I know, everybody say that.
11:35It's time to get the fuck out right now.
11:38Let's stop right now.
11:39Don't order, nothing else.
11:40Let's go.
11:43Same with you ladies.
11:44You're sitting there with a guy, y'all sitting there.
11:46Some of you got diamonds on, got a big Rolls Royce.
11:49You're like, so what do you do?
11:50And he's like, uh-oh, yeah, I got a lawn care service.
11:55And you done got excited, and you finna get indicted.
11:58Both of y'all going to jail.
12:00He's a drug dealer.
12:04What's up with these girls with these big-ass BBLs that come with the teeth, too?
12:09You got the ass in them.
12:17Is that a package?
12:19The booty and the teeth come together?
12:23Look like baby shoes in their mouth.
12:33What the fuck?
12:38And I don't know what it is.
12:39The finer the women are in, the broker they are.
12:44Beautiful and poor as hell.
12:48No, that's real shit.
12:50All the women that look like Kodak black bank account.
12:54These hoes got 413 CKs.
12:57Is that what they call it?
12:58I don't know what the fuck it is.
13:01I didn't get the education I was supposed to get,
13:04but I fucked around and got famous.
13:13So you're looking at a slow guy that made it.
13:21Because I didn't go to fuckers.
13:23I don't, my math is fucked up, you know?
13:26And common sense has helped me survive in my life.
13:30I don't know if you have any, but common sense helped me survive.
13:34Serious.
13:35Because I remember when I first got in the business, man,
13:37and I had this accountant, and they was handling my money,
13:40but I really wasn't good at math.
13:42And I just used to say, yeah, yeah, I understand,
13:44but I didn't understand.
13:46I said, so how the fuck can I get them to stop stealing my money?
13:51So you know what I did?
13:52They had a big-ass meeting one day.
13:54I was sitting in the meeting.
13:55I just dropped the gun out of my pocket.
13:58Sorry about that.
13:59I didn't mean to drop that.
14:01I hope you guys have a great evening.
14:05Right then, I said, they'll never steal nothing else.
14:08If they were stealing, they ain't gonna steal again.
14:10Because I'm gonna shoot shit out of you if I find out.
14:17There's all kind of beautiful women in here.
14:19We got white, Spanish.
14:21We got all kind of...
14:22I've been with black women my whole life.
14:24I'm gonna just give it up, you know what I'm saying?
14:26That's all I've ever been with.
14:30And I'm tired.
14:31Y'all have wore me out.
14:34You helpers have took millions of dollars from me.
14:44No, I'm serious.
14:45That's all I've ever been with was black women, man.
14:48You know?
14:48And if anything ever happened, which I pray and hope not,
14:52that I never had to deal with another black woman.
14:53I'm gonna go get me a little Asian woman that don't speak English.
14:55I'm tired of this shit.
14:58And all she's gonna say is,
14:59Oh, Mikey, dick is too big, nigga.
15:03You hurt a bitch, bro.
15:08Oh, your dick is too big, nigga.
15:15I'm gonna go in there and turn that green tea on like I asked you to earlier in the day.
15:26There's a lot of guys in here sitting with their, I don't know if it's your wife, your woman, or
15:30your girlfriend, or whatever it is.
15:32But I just want to tell you, your position with her, I don't care how much money you got, that's
15:37your caretaker.
15:40That's right.
15:41These women are your caretaker.
15:44They might as well hold your arm while you walk.
15:49Because these women take care of us.
15:51These are our caretakers.
15:53Now, I'm gonna tell you something.
15:54Caretakers, yeah, that's right.
15:56That's right.
15:57Women are caretakers.
16:00Your money ain't shit if you ain't got nobody to help you take care of it.
16:06Ain't that right, ladies?
16:09You need somebody to take care of that money, man.
16:14And that's why God gave them a little bit more sense than us.
16:18God made them a little smarter, a lot more smarter than us.
16:21A lot of us are real slow when it comes to most of us.
16:25All of us are usually dumb as a motherfucker when it comes to women.
16:31All right?
16:32Now, women don't tell you you're dumb because they know that it'll shatter your life.
16:37That'll fuck your life clean up.
16:41But they will tell their friends.
16:44And when they're on the phone with their friends and you're not around, that's what they say.
16:48This is the dumbest motherfucker that I've ever met.
16:52God, he's dumb.
16:54Girl, let me tell you what his dumb ass did last night.
16:59Big dumb dumb has just walked in.
17:02I'll call you back.
17:04They got all kind of nerve.
17:09Goofy's home.
17:10I'll call you back.
17:14We don't even know they saying this shit about us.
17:21You know what else they say about us?
17:23This one that really fucked you up.
17:24They tell you this in your face.
17:26Wow.
17:30Really?
17:30Wow.
17:32That mean you are the dumbest motherfucker.
17:44Ladies, you want to hear what we say about you?
17:47You want to hear it?
17:49You want to hear it?
17:51Shut the fuck up.
17:55Shut the fuck up.
17:58Go get some ozempic or something.
18:00I was just laughing at you.
18:06Oh, oh, oh.
18:07It's magic.
18:09It's dumb.
18:15See, they don't want to hear that shit.
18:17They mad now because I said that.
18:23Women, I ask God to fuck you up for them.
18:27God, please get him in the name of Lord Jesus.
18:31Hallelujah.
18:31Get this, nigga.
18:37That's what the women say, y'all.
18:39Boy, you in trouble.
18:40God, don't play about me.
18:42Karma's coming back on your ass right now.
18:45God, don't play about me.
18:47That shit you did to me yesterday,
18:49God is coming.
18:50I'm telling you.
18:54I'm telling you.
18:56I didn't do nothing but use your products.
18:58You going to put God on me because I use your products?
19:04Women break up with a man and just go the fuck on with their life.
19:09You be looking at them like,
19:10you supposed to be fucking hurt like me.
19:14No, they go golfing and shit.
19:18That's what women do.
19:19When they break up with a man,
19:20they go start doing new shit you ain't never seen them do.
19:23Go get a haircut.
19:25Got to look like a rooster now.
19:27You're like, what the fuck?
19:28This new guy got you looking crazy as fuck.
19:37We don't know how to go on with our life.
19:41We start picking scumbag bitches to be our wife.
19:45You don't want your wife to see your new wife.
19:48Oh, God.
19:50You went backwards.
19:55This new bitch you got
19:57made me feel like I shouldn't have never dealt with you.
20:03She looks horrible.
20:08When you break up with your woman,
20:09they give your friend a chance to say all the shit
20:11he been wanting to say about her.
20:13Fuck her, man.
20:15Shark face bitch.
20:16You go, hey, hey, hey.
20:18I still love her.
20:19Relax, man.
20:21We still got a chance.
20:31Women are powerful as hell.
20:33They know how to turn the whole fucking house on your ass.
20:38Kids ain't talking to you.
20:40Even the dog run past.
20:42I said, fuck you too, you little bitch.
20:44All the chicken bones I done gave you your punk ass.
20:51The whole family be in one bedroom.
20:53You got the house to the rest of yourself.
20:56You see them bringing food from the kitchen.
20:58Love you, daddy.
21:01We're praying for you.
21:04You're in the living room hungry and lonely as hell.
21:08Ain't no TV on nothing.
21:11And if you don't get with nobody,
21:13you just go to the Whole Foods
21:14and just stand there
21:15with a whole bunch of other lonely-ass men
21:18at the hot bar.
21:21There ain't no food at the house.
21:25I'm gonna tell y'all something
21:26you might not know about me.
21:28When I was young,
21:29I fucked a lot of older women, man.
21:31That was one of my things.
21:32A lot of my auntie's friends, I fucked them.
21:38One of my auntie's had a friend named Nell
21:40and, boy, I was nailing her.
21:44And she told me one day,
21:45you better not tell.
21:46I said, I ain't gonna say shit.
21:48Don't you?
21:49Don't you say nothing.
21:51That's the key.
21:54I'm watching a lot of black men
21:56try to figure out how to survive.
21:58And one of the hustles
21:59and one of the great survival tactics
22:01is getting a white girl.
22:06And when I see brothers with white girls,
22:08it look like they hold on
22:09a life raft in the ocean.
22:13And it look like they're floating.
22:21No chance of drowning.
22:23You and a white girl just hit that
22:24hit a big wave.
22:27Hold on to the white girl.
22:30That's right.
22:32Yeah.
22:33Because you got a white girl,
22:34especially if you got a white girl,
22:35y'all riding in the car,
22:37the police pull you over.
22:37Handle that, Sarah.
22:38Just go out to the good guy's car.
22:42White girls are mean to the police.
22:44Why are you pulling us over?
22:54Black girl, get out.
22:55They're gonna hit that bitch in the head
22:56with a billy club,
22:57lock her up,
22:59take her to the county jail.
23:06That's another reason why
23:07black guys date white women.
23:09You ain't gonna fucking pay rent
23:10when you live with them.
23:13They feel so guilty about all the shit
23:15that happened to black people.
23:17That's why they don't charge you rent
23:19when you live with them.
23:21You can pay a white girl
23:23a renting dick.
23:25I'm gonna give you $3,500
23:27worth of this dickhead mother
23:28to clear the water,
23:29life, everything.
23:31Black women come to your goddamn job
23:33looking for your check.
23:34You working.
23:37Shanini is outside in the park.
23:39Who the fuck?
23:42See you in the parking lot.
23:43I'm waiting on the check.
23:47Can I get the fuck off work first?
23:58Black women, white women,
23:59all different kind of ethnicities,
24:01they're all different.
24:02Like a white woman,
24:03you can cheat on her.
24:04She won't get mad.
24:05She'll say,
24:06okay, that's it.
24:07You need help.
24:10You really do.
24:11You need help.
24:13I get it.
24:14Someone fucked you
24:15when you were a kid.
24:16Now you want to fuck everybody else.
24:17She's like, hey,
24:19when did I tell you that?
24:24I get it, Raymond.
24:37The black people are dying laughing.
24:40The other ethnicities are in here like...
24:45This really goes on in their culture?
24:50It's a lot of trauma.
25:06Looks like the city of Compton
25:07is here tonight.
25:10Yeah.
25:16Because that's what I attract.
25:17I attract all kinds
25:18of different types of people, man.
25:20That's my group right there.
25:21You know what I mean?
25:22Yeah.
25:24Yeah.
25:25Someone have your baby.
25:31I don't give a fuck
25:33what you want to do.
25:36I'm going to tell you
25:37what ain't going to happen.
25:43I love you too.
25:46All these years,
25:47I thought I was getting women
25:48off my looks.
25:50Nope.
25:51I've been spending money
25:52the whole time.
25:54I'm a fucking trick.
25:59Because that's what I do.
26:00First off,
26:01I buy you a purse.
26:03Yeah.
26:04I buy you a purse.
26:06Then I buy you a car.
26:09Then I take you traveling.
26:11Yeah.
26:11You want to go traveling?
26:13Only in the United States, though.
26:15I'll take you to Florida
26:16or something like that.
26:17You haven't earned
26:18a passport yet.
26:21Then I get engaged to you.
26:24Ha, ha, ha.
26:26Then I marry you.
26:29Then you catch me cheating
26:30and take me to court
26:31and take everything you got.
26:34In that order.
26:37Because I'm going to tell you
26:38some real shit.
26:39Women cheat in their head.
26:41You know what I mean?
26:43They think about
26:44who they want to fuck.
26:47If you could see the men
26:48that your woman
26:49is fucking in her head,
26:51you would get rid of her
26:52right now.
26:54You'd be like,
26:55Melvin,
26:56the fucking UPS man?
26:59This nigga got the nice legs
27:00with the box.
27:07I'm going to kill his ass
27:09in the morning.
27:12Melvin, you're dead.
27:19And I'm looking at
27:20all the people in here, man.
27:21You know what I'm saying?
27:22And I don't like to pick
27:23on white people,
27:24but I think all white people
27:25are the police.
27:27That's right.
27:28All white people
27:29are the fucking police.
27:31Because they can get them
27:32there quicker than you.
27:35I was at the,
27:36I was at the sporting goods,
27:38Dick's Sporting Goods,
27:39and a black dude
27:40had all his shit up there.
27:41He got his shit at the counter,
27:43paying for his shit,
27:44got all his shit up there.
27:45He told the lady,
27:47hey, man,
27:47I got to grab something else.
27:48She said,
27:48if you get out the line,
27:50you see it's a long line,
27:51I got to let the rest
27:52of the people.
27:52He said,
27:53ma'am, relax.
27:54I'm going right there.
27:56She said,
27:57sir, if you do,
27:58so he got mad.
27:59He was like,
27:59that's a bullshit.
28:01Man,
28:01there was a white dude
28:02standing in line
28:03and he had nothing
28:04to do with it.
28:05Said,
28:06calm down, buddy.
28:17I said,
28:18oh, shit.
28:20So the black dude
28:21got mad.
28:22Motherfucker,
28:22you ain't got
28:23nothing to do with this.
28:24I said,
28:25oh, here the shit go.
28:27Do you know
28:28the fucking white guy
28:29pulled some handcuffs
28:30out his pocket?
28:33And I don't know
28:33what it is about black people,
28:35but sometimes
28:35we just get relaxed
28:36when the police,
28:38we just,
28:38he just put his arm
28:39and he said,
28:40man,
28:40I ain't do nothing.
28:44Do you know
28:45this fucking white guy
28:47put the handcuffs
28:48on this dude
28:48and pulled his
28:50regular phone out
28:51and called the police?
28:54So everybody was like,
28:55wait a minute,
28:56he ain't the fucking police.
28:58So the dude
28:59started going crazy.
29:00He's like,
29:01motherfucker,
29:01take these handcuffs.
29:04Police show up
29:0515 deep.
29:06Guns out,
29:08police everywhere.
29:09Locked the white guy
29:10up for being
29:11a fake cop.
29:12Did you see that shit?
29:15Locked him up
29:15for impersonating
29:16the police.
29:20I'm looking for
29:21the black guy.
29:22I said,
29:22where's the black guy?
29:23He's still in handcuffs
29:24in the car.
29:26They've been looking
29:27for this motherfucker
29:28for 10 years.
29:34I said,
29:34it's hard to help
29:35a fugitive, man.
29:36I'm telling you, man.
29:41You know what's crazy?
29:42I've been thinking,
29:42I thought I was black
29:43all these years.
29:44I'm 55 years old.
29:45I'm thinking
29:46I'm a black,
29:46I'm a black man,
29:48black to the power.
29:49I've been calling
29:49white people crackers
29:50and all kind of
29:52shit I ain't supposed
29:53to be saying
29:54about white people.
29:56I go to Africa,
29:58I ain't never
29:59going back over
30:00there again.
30:04Because I'm thinking
30:05I'm black.
30:06Man, I'm getting
30:07my bag and
30:08two African dudes
30:09over there,
30:10my mother can say,
30:11they're not like us.
30:12I said, who?
30:12I ain't like y'all.
30:15He talking about me.
30:19I said, what the fuck
30:20you talking about?
30:21He said, no,
30:21you're not like us.
30:22I said, who am I like?
30:24He said, I don't
30:25know who you are.
30:25I said, oh,
30:26that's some bullshit.
30:28I said, I'm a black
30:29man from Amazing.
30:30No, no, no, no,
30:31no, no, no, no.
30:33You need to go do
30:34your Ancestry.com
30:38to tell a little
30:39more about who you are.
30:42I said, okay,
30:43I'm going to go do it.
30:43Smart ass motherfucker,
30:44I'm going to go do it.
30:45I went and did it
30:46like a fucking dummy.
30:49You know how they
30:50got the box
30:50to show you
30:51the ethnicity?
30:52White man popped up
30:54in the second box.
30:56I'm white.
31:00Look at my nose
31:01from the side.
31:02There ain't no
31:02nigga nose.
31:04I look like the man
31:05on the dime.
31:06Look at the little
31:07white man on the dime.
31:10I've been talking
31:11all this black power
31:12shit and I'm white
31:13as hell.
31:19Ain't that a bitch?
31:24You know the crazy
31:24thing about life,
31:25man, a lot of people
31:26think they're going
31:26to heaven and they're
31:27not.
31:31Especially old people.
31:32They swear up and down
31:33because they lived
31:34a lot of years
31:34they're going to heaven.
31:38Yeah.
31:39Oh, good Lord
31:40waiting on me.
31:41No, you did some shit
31:42in the 40s.
31:44You're going to get
31:44your ass.
31:45You ain't getting
31:45away with that.
31:47Think you're
31:47going to outlive
31:48your sin?
32:06That sound like
32:07some cabbage and shit
32:08over there,
32:08don't they?
32:15Yeah, you ain't
32:15getting away around
32:16this motherfucker
32:17because people
32:18be talking about,
32:18oh man, he's in
32:19a better place
32:20like hell is empty.
32:26Yeah.
32:27And you're going
32:27to get to heaven.
32:28You're going to get
32:29up there and see
32:30a lot of people
32:31that didn't get in
32:31like your friend's
32:32grandmother,
32:33Miss Turner.
32:35Miss Turner,
32:36what you are?
32:37Baby, I don't
32:38know what happened.
32:44And I looked
32:45at Jesus,
32:45he seen me
32:46and kept going
32:47in there.
32:53You've seen
32:53the Bible ministry
32:55that I do.
32:58Mental health
32:59is real,
33:00I'm telling you,
33:00man.
33:01Mental health
33:02is fucking real.
33:03And if you know
33:04anybody who have
33:05mental health problems,
33:06man,
33:06be really,
33:07really patient
33:07with them.
33:08You know,
33:08because it's
33:09really real,
33:09you know.
33:10And they need
33:11people that love
33:11them, you know.
33:12Like I had a friend
33:13call me the other
33:14day, he was sad
33:15and shit.
33:15I said,
33:16what's wrong with me?
33:16He said,
33:17I don't want to do
33:17it no more.
33:18I said,
33:18hey man,
33:19we don't do that.
33:21You know what I
33:21mean?
33:21We got faith in God,
33:23we're going to stay
33:24strong,
33:24we're going to give
33:25ourselves another day.
33:26You know what I'm
33:26saying?
33:27Yeah.
33:29Yeah, we don't
33:29give up that song.
33:31We only give one
33:31life, we ain't giving
33:32up in this life.
33:33Just time to go,
33:34right?
33:35I said, yeah,
33:36I'm talking to him.
33:36That's because I
33:37know what he was
33:37going through.
33:38So I put some
33:39money in, I sent
33:40him some money
33:40and shit and I
33:42called him the next
33:42day.
33:42I said, how you
33:43doing?
33:43He said, a lot
33:44better.
33:59Two weeks later,
34:00his wife called.
34:01Oh man, Ray don't
34:02want to do it no more.
34:03I said, oh God.
34:05I said, hey, hey,
34:07hey, hey, hey, hey,
34:07hey, let him do it
34:09this time.
34:09I'm tired.
34:10I'm tired.
34:11He's tired.
34:14You're tired.
34:16The earth ain't a
34:17place for him.
34:18Let him go on.
34:19Everybody don't do
34:20well here.
34:21I'm tired of it.
34:23And I don't have no
34:24more save your money
34:25to save no poor
34:25lives.
34:29I thought I was
34:29having a heart attack
34:30the other day.
34:31I'm laying on the
34:31ground, paramedics and
34:32shit.
34:33This is real shit.
34:33I'm laying on the
34:34ground.
34:34Something told me,
34:35look up.
34:36I seen the police.
34:37I said, wait a minute.
34:38No, no, no, no, no.
34:39I didn't call y'all.
34:40Get y'all's ass out
34:41of here.
34:42Don't start that shit
34:44right there.
34:46Because while I'm on
34:47the ground, they in
34:47the house searching for
34:48shit.
34:49Them niggas in the
34:49back.
34:52They find something.
34:53We're going to get
34:54it after this.
34:54We got you.
34:55Look what we got
34:55right here.
34:56When they done with
34:57you, look what we
34:58got.
34:58So go on.
34:59Let them.
35:02Now I might, you
35:03know, be shining up
35:04here and, you know,
35:05trying to look like
35:06something, but I
35:06ain't always, you
35:07know, had a little
35:08gloss to me.
35:09Y'all, I started
35:10off dusty, you
35:11know?
35:13Y'all started off
35:14real dusty.
35:15That's why they
35:15talking about cutting
35:16them food stamps
35:16off.
35:17I done already
35:17been there.
35:18I done had mine
35:18cut off a long
35:19time ago.
35:21I've been on
35:22food stamps,
35:23then got cut
35:23off and all that
35:24shit.
35:25I grew up with a
35:26social worker coming
35:27to our house.
35:29Some white lady
35:30come in there,
35:30your mother,
35:30y'all go play.
35:34You stay to listen
35:35to your mother,
35:35your mother be
35:36cussing out.
35:36Bitch, I don't
35:37have to tell you
35:37nothing about my
35:38personal house.
35:44Back in the day,
35:45if you was on
35:46food stamps, you
35:47couldn't have a
35:47man at your
35:48house.
35:49So your uncle
35:50be over there and
35:51the social workers
35:52show up.
35:53Get out of here,
35:54Tony!
35:54You see your
35:54uncle run out.
36:01They're like,
36:02we seen a man in
36:03your house.
36:04We're going to
36:05cut your food stamps.
36:10That's crazy as a
36:11motherfucker, man.
36:14You know, I started
36:15off working jobs.
36:16I had a lot of
36:17jobs, you know.
36:18I worked at
36:19Hardee's.
36:20You ever heard of
36:21that?
36:22That's some
36:22Midwest shit, yeah.
36:24I worked at
36:24Hardee's.
36:26Every job I worked
36:27at, I sold drugs
36:28on it.
36:32So I was the
36:33weed man on
36:33all my jobs.
36:36And the boss
36:36would wonder why
36:37I had more than
36:38the rest of the
36:38employees.
36:42When you sell
36:43drugs on a job,
36:44you can give out
36:44credit till Friday.
36:53Then I graduated.
36:55Because that's
36:56how I was doing.
36:56I was working at
36:577-Eleven.
36:58I was bagging
36:58groceries and shit.
37:00And my friends
37:00that started selling
37:01crack was coming
37:02in the store
37:04buying baggies.
37:05You know the
37:05little sandwich
37:05baggies?
37:06They was coming
37:07in there buying
37:08baggies.
37:08They had jewelry
37:09on.
37:09They was laughing
37:09at me.
37:10They were like,
37:10you still
37:11psychic crap?
37:11I'm like,
37:12what y'all
37:12doing?
37:13See, I had
37:14no business
37:15selling drugs
37:15because I was
37:16a Jehovah
37:16Witness.
37:20How do you
37:21go door to
37:21door to
37:22car to
37:22car?
37:26Yeah.
37:27I didn't
37:27have no business.
37:28My mother
37:29didn't know
37:29I was selling
37:29crack.
37:30I was so
37:31excited to
37:31sell crack
37:32and I didn't
37:33know what
37:33I was doing
37:33because I
37:34was watching
37:34the videos
37:35and shit.
37:36I was listening
37:36to NWA
37:37and I was
37:38like, oh,
37:38I'm getting
37:39in this shit.
37:41And my
37:41big brother
37:41John, he
37:42just kept
37:42saying, yeah,
37:43I got a
37:43black suit
37:44for you.
37:45For what?
37:46He's like,
37:46nigga, you
37:47gonna get
37:47fucked up.
37:49But don't
37:50forget I
37:50was a
37:50Jehovah
37:51Witness,
37:51so I
37:51was a
37:52nice
37:52drug
37:52dealer.
37:54That's
37:54why the
37:54drug addicts
37:55liked me.
37:56You know,
37:57I was real
37:57nice.
37:57I felt
37:58sorry for
37:58the people
37:58that were
37:59selling dope.
37:59Before I
38:00give it to
38:00them, I
38:00say, you
38:01really need
38:01to change
38:01your life.
38:04And then
38:04I'll sell
38:05it to
38:05them.
38:05Give me
38:05the money
38:06anyway.
38:07Somebody
38:07else
38:07is gonna
38:07get the
38:08money.
38:12And one
38:12time I
38:13sold it
38:13to an
38:14informant.
38:16It was a
38:17club called
38:18M&J's.
38:19It was like
38:19a nightclub.
38:20And I had
38:20just copped.
38:22I had just
38:22got my, you
38:23know how when
38:23you first
38:23cop, I just
38:24spent my money
38:25on my dope.
38:26I bagged it
38:26up.
38:27And I'm
38:27sitting over
38:28in the car
38:28at the park.
38:29And I sold
38:30some dope.
38:31The dude,
38:31something told me
38:32don't sell this
38:33shit to this
38:33motherfucker.
38:34Cause he,
38:34cause he was
38:34moving too fast.
38:35He's like,
38:35come on,
38:36I gotta get,
38:36I gotta get up
38:37out of here.
38:39And I sold
38:39it to him,
38:40man.
38:40As soon as
38:41I sold it
38:41to him and
38:42I got out
38:43the car,
38:43the motherfucker
38:43narcos rode
38:44up on me,
38:45took me to
38:46jail for
38:46dealing in
38:47possession of
38:48cocaine over
38:48seven grams.
38:49And if you
38:50Google Mike
38:51Epps mugshots
38:52on your phone
38:52right now,
38:53you'll see
38:54where I caught
38:55that case,
38:551990.
38:57Look at
38:57the picture.
38:59Yeah,
38:59look at the
39:00picture.
39:00I'm gonna
39:00give you a
39:00second.
39:01Oh,
39:01you ain't
39:01gonna phone?
39:10Imagine me
39:10in 1990.
39:13When you
39:14get home,
39:15Google that
39:15shit.
39:17Yeah,
39:17I'm sitting
39:18there,
39:18man,
39:18motherfucker
39:19got,
39:19and I
39:20kept trying
39:20to tell
39:21the drug
39:21officer,
39:22I'm like,
39:22man,
39:23I'm a
39:23user.
39:24He said,
39:24no,
39:24you ain't
39:24no user.
39:25I said,
39:26yes,
39:26I am.
39:27I use
39:27drugs.
39:28He said,
39:28no,
39:28that was
39:28too much
39:29for a
39:29user.
39:30You
39:31was
39:31selling
39:31it.
39:32So the
39:33guy who
39:33set me
39:34up was
39:34a drug
39:34addict
39:35too.
39:35They
39:36couldn't
39:36find him.
39:37They
39:37were trying
39:38to make
39:38him come
39:38to court
39:39to testify
39:39on me,
39:40but they
39:40couldn't
39:40find him.
39:41So I
39:42went from
39:4220 years
39:44to eight
39:44years.
39:46They
39:46suspended
39:47five,
39:47and I
39:48did two
39:48years in
39:49a Marion
39:50County
39:50jail in
39:50my hometown.
39:51Two
39:52years in
39:53a Marion
39:54County
39:54jail.
39:55And I'm
39:55sitting up
39:56in a
39:56motherfucking
39:56jail,
39:57man,
39:57and I
39:58don't look
39:58that much
39:59different than
39:59I do
40:00now.
40:00I ain't
40:00had no
40:01hair on
40:01my face,
40:01had curly
40:02hair.
40:02I'm
40:03sitting
40:03in there
40:03with some
40:03real goons.
40:05And when
40:05that story
40:06about don't
40:07drop the
40:07soap and
40:08the predators,
40:09that shit's
40:09real.
40:13I'm
40:13sitting up
40:13in the
40:14jail,
40:14and a
40:14dude just
40:15walked up
40:15to me.
40:15I don't
40:16know where
40:16the fuck.
40:16I'm
40:17talking about
40:17this motherfucker
40:17looking like
40:18a swollen
40:18snake.
40:19He was
40:19big.
40:20He just
40:21walked up
40:21on me and
40:22said,
40:22I'm going
40:22to hit you
40:22in your
40:23motherfucking
40:23throat.
40:24I said,
40:24what the
40:24fuck?
40:25What?
40:25Nigga,
40:25I ain't
40:25even did
40:26in the
40:26house.
40:26I don't
40:33bully you,
40:34and then
40:34if you
40:35let them
40:35bully you,
40:36they bully
40:36you.
40:38So I
40:38guess he
40:39thought he
40:39was trying
40:40to set
40:40me up
40:40for that.
40:41I said,
40:41oh,
40:41I got
40:41to figure
40:42something.
40:42I kept
40:43saying to
40:43myself,
40:43I'm going
40:44to bite
40:44this
40:44nigga,
40:45if nothing
40:45else.
40:46A bite
40:47is a
40:47bad
40:48motherfucker,
40:48yeah.
40:49Somebody
40:50get you
40:50on the
40:50ground,
40:51bite them.
40:51They're
40:51getting up.
40:54I'm
40:54biting the
40:54shit out
40:55you,
40:55nigga.
40:58Big Mac
40:59style,
40:59wherever you
40:59got me
41:00on the
41:00ground,
41:01I'm
41:01biting the
41:02fuck
41:02out
41:02of
41:02you.
41:05Nigga
41:05didn't
41:05know I
41:06was
41:06going
41:06to
41:06use
41:06my
41:06mouth
41:07on
41:07that
41:07nigga
41:07for
41:07real.
41:15And
41:16I'm
41:16sitting up
41:16in the
41:16jail,
41:17I'm
41:17like,
41:18damn,
41:18boy,
41:18I'm
41:18nervous
41:19as
41:19hell,
41:19and
41:20I
41:20seen
41:20a
41:20dude
41:21man
41:21named
41:21Louie,
41:22he
41:22was
41:22big,
41:23he
41:23looked
41:24crazier
41:25than
41:25the
41:25other
41:25dude,
41:25and
41:26he
41:26said,
41:26Mike,
41:27I
41:27said,
41:27Louie,
41:29and
41:29he
41:29was a
41:30drug
41:30addict,
41:30this
41:31dude,
41:31Louie,
41:31on
41:31the
41:31street,
41:32he
41:32was
41:32a
41:32drug
41:32addict,
41:33on
41:33the
41:33street,
41:33he
41:33was
41:33real
41:34shriveled
41:34up,
41:35he
41:35was
41:35dirty,
41:36but
41:36in
41:36jail,
41:37when
41:37he
41:37get
41:38his
41:38rest,
41:38and
41:38he's
41:39eating,
41:39and
41:39working
41:39out,
41:40he
41:40looked
41:40like
41:40a
41:40monster.
41:42And
41:42I
41:42said,
41:43Louie,
41:43he said,
41:44Mike,
41:44what you
41:44doing here?
41:45I said,
41:45man,
41:45I was
41:45trying to
41:46sell some
41:46dough,
41:47he
41:47said,
41:47man,
41:48you
41:48know you
41:49ain't
41:49the
41:49person
41:49supposed to
41:50be in
41:51there,
41:51he said,
41:51man,
41:51how's your
41:52sister Julie?
41:52Because he
41:53know my
41:53sister,
41:53he said,
41:54how's Julie
41:54doing?
41:55I said,
41:55man,
41:55she doing
41:55good.
41:56He said,
41:57man,
41:57you have
41:57any
41:57problems?
41:58I said,
41:58I got
41:59one right
41:59now.
42:08I said,
42:08God is
42:09good,
42:09nigga,
42:09and I
42:10got
42:10favor,
42:10you hear
42:11me?
42:11I got
42:12favor.
42:14He said,
42:15who?
42:15I said,
42:16he's
42:16standing over
42:17there right
42:17now.
42:19He
42:19said,
42:20point him
42:20out.
42:20I said,
42:21no,
42:21I said,
42:22he's
42:22looking
42:23at us.
42:24Because I
42:25didn't know
42:25if I
42:26pointed at
42:26him,
42:26I said,
42:27I ain't
42:27pointing
42:27at him,
42:28he's
42:28over
42:28there.
42:30Man,
42:30he went
42:31over there
42:31and whispered
42:32in the
42:32dude's
42:32ear,
42:33and when
42:34he backed
42:34up,
42:35he came
42:35back to
42:36me,
42:36he said,
42:36yeah,
42:36Mike,
42:37check this
42:37out,
42:38man,
42:38the dude
42:38right
42:38there,
42:39he's a
42:40bully,
42:40but he's
42:40a bitch,
42:41he ain't
42:42supposed to
42:42look at
42:42you,
42:42talk to
42:43you walk
42:43past,
42:44I said,
42:44oh,
42:44thank you.
42:45So the
42:46whole time
42:46I was in
42:47jail,
42:47this how
42:47the dude
42:48was walking
42:48past me
42:49like this.
42:51I go,
42:51oh,
42:52Lord,
42:52what the
42:52fuck
42:53did he
42:53say to
42:53him?
42:57Thank
42:57you.
42:59So,
43:00you know,
43:00I got
43:01out of
43:01jail,
43:02I started
43:02sleeping on
43:03my sister's
43:03couch,
43:04I ain't
43:04had nowhere
43:04to stay.
43:05You know,
43:05I just
43:06had a new
43:06baby,
43:07which is
43:07my daughter
43:07Breed,
43:09my oldest
43:10daughter.
43:12If I
43:12could do
43:12anything in
43:13the world,
43:14man,
43:14if I
43:15could explain
43:16to my
43:16daughter that
43:17I was a
43:18kid when I
43:18had you,
43:20I wasn't
43:20going to be
43:21a good
43:21dad.
43:22You know
43:22what I
43:22mean?
43:23Sometimes
43:23it takes
43:23years for
43:24you to
43:25become a
43:25good dad.
43:26You know,
43:27it's called
43:27babies having
43:28babies.
43:29And when
43:30your baby
43:30is mad at
43:31you because
43:31she don't
43:32realize you
43:32was a baby
43:33when you
43:33had her.
43:34So it
43:34takes time
43:35to grow.
43:36So I
43:37have my
43:37daughter,
43:37I'm sleeping
43:38on my
43:38sister's
43:39couch,
43:39I ain't
43:40got no
43:40education,
43:41I ain't
43:41got no
43:41job,
43:42selling
43:43motherfucking
43:43drugs,
43:44I ain't
43:44got no
43:45money,
43:45I owe
43:45a couple
43:46drug dealers
43:47money in
43:47the city,
43:47I'm laying
43:48on the
43:48couch,
43:49and I'll
43:49never forget
43:49my baby
43:50mama,
43:50she had
43:51an auntie
43:51named Janet,
43:52real sweet,
43:53used to come
43:54to Indiana
43:54from Atlanta,
43:55she said,
43:55Mike,
43:56here you
43:56having a
43:56hard time
43:57in Indianapolis,
43:58if you
43:58ever need
43:59to get
43:59out of
44:00Indianapolis
44:01and move
44:01to Atlanta
44:02and change
44:02your life,
44:02you can
44:03come and
44:03stay with
44:03me.
44:04So I
44:04said,
44:05okay,
44:05I'm going
44:05to hold
44:06you to
44:06that,
44:06Janet,
44:07meanwhile,
44:08they got
44:08a comedy
44:09competition
44:09on the
44:10radio,
44:11come to
44:11next week's
44:12comedy
44:12competition
44:13here at
44:13Club Seville's,
44:15and I got
44:16two buddies,
44:17a buddy named
44:17Otis Brown,
44:18Gary Bates,
44:19they betting
44:19me,
44:20they said,
44:20Mike,
44:21you funny
44:21around here,
44:22you funny
44:23in jail,
44:23you all
44:24that shit,
44:24but I bet
44:25you can't
44:25go up there
44:26and be funny
44:26in front of
44:27people,
44:27I said,
44:28bet,
44:28we go to
44:29Club Seville's,
44:30they betting
44:30me $500,
44:31when we walk
44:32in the club,
44:32it's a bar
44:33and grill,
44:33ain't nothing
44:34but street
44:35motherfuckers in
44:35there,
44:35I'm talking
44:36about smoke
44:37everywhere,
44:38I'm standing
44:38in the back
44:38getting drunk,
44:39I said,
44:40oh,
44:40I'm scared
44:40to moan,
44:40I'm tearing
44:41their ass up,
44:42I'm in the
44:43back getting
44:43drunk,
44:43they booing
44:44everybody off
44:45the stage,
44:46I get up
44:47on the stage,
44:48I make
44:48everybody laugh,
44:49boom,
44:50everybody laughing,
44:52first time
44:52I went on
44:53stage,
44:55the next week
44:55my name was
44:56on the radio,
44:57come next week,
44:58Club Seville,
44:59Mike Gaffs,
44:59new comedian,
45:00da,
45:00da, da,
45:01so now the
45:02whole city
45:02coming up to me,
45:03man,
45:04I heard you
45:04on the radio,
45:05you doing,
45:05you comedy,
45:05I said,
45:06yeah,
45:06I'm doing
45:06my comedy thing,
45:07I invited my
45:08mama,
45:09my neighborhood,
45:10everybody out
45:11the next week,
45:13I went and
45:13got a suit,
45:15had to tie
45:16everything,
45:16as soon as I
45:17walked up in
45:18the club,
45:18I seen two
45:19dudes I owe
45:19some money to,
45:20I said,
45:21oh lord,
45:22that fucking
45:23radio done
45:23told everybody
45:24to come up
45:25here,
45:26they like,
45:27yeah,
45:27I know where
45:27to find his
45:28ass at that
45:29comedy show
45:29next week,
45:31two motherfuckers
45:31I owe money
45:32to,
45:32so I'm nervous
45:33now,
45:34do you know
45:34I went up
45:35on that stage
45:36and bombed,
45:37everybody booed me
45:37off the stage,
45:39wasn't funny,
45:40I'll never forget,
45:41I'm riding down
45:41the street,
45:42riding down
45:43Michigan street,
45:44and I'm crying,
45:46because I'm like,
45:47damn,
45:47I've been a failure
45:50since the first grade,
45:53fuck a life,
45:54I've been failing
45:55since a baby,
45:59you know how that
45:59feel,
46:00to keep failing,
46:01so I'm riding
46:02and I called
46:03my baby mama's
46:04auntie,
46:04she came out
46:05and said,
46:05Janet,
46:06I said,
46:06remember you
46:07said I can
46:07come to Atlanta,
46:08I'm ready to
46:09get away from
46:09here,
46:09I'm trying
46:10to be a
46:10comedian,
46:11she said,
46:11Mike,
46:12I got bad
46:12news,
46:13I said,
46:13what,
46:13she said,
46:14I got married,
46:15she said,
46:16I got married,
46:16I got a new
46:17husband,
46:17he's different,
46:18he ain't as cool
46:19as I thought
46:20he was,
46:21I went anyway,
46:22I said,
46:22fuck that shit,
46:24I went and
46:25bought a bus ticket
46:25from Greyhound,
46:27my sister gave me
46:28$85 in food stamps,
46:30that's when you
46:30could rip them
46:31out the little book,
46:33I had $85 in food stamps
46:35and I had a 38
46:36that had a pen
46:37and it fucked up
46:38and it skipped
46:39like this,
46:40click,
46:40click,
46:40wow,
46:42click,
46:42click,
46:42click,
46:43wow,
46:45so if you stayed
46:46for them clicks,
46:48it was gonna pop you
46:50on the third one,
46:51so you could stay there
46:52and look at the
46:53ragged ass gun
46:54if you want to,
46:54it's gonna pop,
47:01so by the time
47:02I get to Atlanta,
47:03I called Janet
47:04on the phone,
47:05so I said,
47:05Janet,
47:05I'm in Atlanta
47:06and she said,
47:07Mike,
47:08it's three in the morning,
47:08what you doing in Atlanta?
47:09I said,
47:10I came anyway,
47:11she said,
47:11I told you
47:12you couldn't come down,
47:13I said,
47:14Janet,
47:14I tell you what,
47:16in the morning,
47:17come pick me up
47:18and take me
47:19to the Salvation Army,
47:22I was going,
47:22this is how,
47:23I wanted to change
47:24my life that bad
47:27that I told her,
47:28come pick me up,
47:29take me to the Salvation Army,
47:31I'm gonna sleep
47:31with the homeless people
47:32because I just wanted
47:33to get the fuck away
47:34from Indiana
47:34because I knew
47:35I was gonna die
47:36or go to prison,
47:37I said,
47:37I got a talent,
47:38I found my talent,
47:40which was comedy,
47:41I knew I was gonna
47:42get down there,
47:43so she was riding me
47:44and we riding down 85
47:46and she started crying
47:48and,
47:51she said,
47:52Mike,
48:04she said,
48:05Mike,
48:05I can't take you to,
48:06I can't take you to the home,
48:07I can't take you there,
48:09she said,
48:09you can come and stay with me,
48:11but my husband works
48:12second shift,
48:13you can't come out the basement
48:14until three o'clock.
48:18So I'm in the basement
48:19hiding like Anne Frank.
48:23I hear the TV on,
48:25I hear people walking,
48:25but I can't move yet.
48:28About two weeks
48:29didn't went past,
48:30I just snuck upstairs,
48:31man,
48:31and he hadn't went to work.
48:34I come up out the basement,
48:35I got a pair of boxer drawers
48:36on and a bowl of syrup
48:38and when he turned around,
48:39he said,
48:39who the fuck is you?
48:40I said,
48:40I'm Janet's nephew.
48:41He said,
48:42I don't know no Janet's nephew,
48:43so he called her on the phone.
48:45She talked to him,
48:46me and him sat down,
48:47I said,
48:48hey man,
48:49I'm just trying to save my life.
48:52I told him everything
48:53I was trying to do,
48:54the man let me live with them
48:55for a whole year.
48:57Got me a job.
49:03So a whole year went past,
49:05I got my tax check
49:06and I claimed one of my nephews
49:08on it so I can get
49:09an extra $500 on there.
49:10You know how back in the day
49:11you could claim somebody
49:12on the check?
49:13I claimed my nephew
49:14on the tax,
49:15he's got an extra $500.
49:18T.K. Kirkland,
49:19a comedian named T.K. Kirkland,
49:20you heard of T.K.
49:21T to the motherfucker, K?
49:23He said,
49:24you a bad motherfucker.
49:25He said,
49:25man,
49:25but you ain't gonna make it
49:26in Atlanta.
49:27I said,
49:27where I got to go?
49:28He said,
49:28you either got to go
49:29to Hollywood or New York.
49:30I said,
49:31I'm going to Hollywood.
49:32He said,
49:32you ain't ready.
49:33He said,
49:33you need to move
49:34to New York.
49:35The next week
49:35I was gone to New York,
49:37he had a manager
49:38about this big
49:39named Dave Klingman,
49:40looked like a little Jewish dude,
49:41who looked like Danny DeVito.
49:44I went to New York
49:45and I met him
49:46at Port Authority.
49:47He picked me up,
49:48took me all around New York,
49:50started taking me
49:51in comedy clubs.
49:52The first comedy club
49:52I went in,
49:53my man Roy Yell
49:55that's directing the show,
49:56he was hosting it.
49:57It was snow all on the ground,
49:58it was right in Brooklyn.
50:00After he took me
50:01to the comedy club,
50:01he said,
50:02man,
50:02you good,
50:03but you need
50:04a little work,
50:05so you're gonna have
50:06to go back to Indiana.
50:08I'm sad than a motherfucker.
50:09I gotta go back
50:10to Indiana.
50:11I'm crying
50:12because I know
50:13it's over with.
50:13I done failed again.
50:15On my way back there,
50:17every white person
50:18got a black friend.
50:20Not every white person,
50:21but a lot of you
50:22motherfuckers
50:22got black friends.
50:25This little Jewish dude
50:26had a black friend
50:28named TC.
50:29And TC,
50:30he said,
50:30man,
50:31I'm,
50:31he said,
50:32I wanna introduce you
50:32to somebody
50:33because I was talking shit.
50:34I'm from the hood
50:35and shit.
50:36I done called
50:36the white man
50:37three,
50:37four white mans
50:38and all kind of shit.
50:39He said,
50:40I'm gonna introduce you
50:41to somebody.
50:41So he introduced me
50:42to TC.
50:43TC was a professional
50:45squatter.
50:46He knew how to squat.
50:48He became friends
50:49with real rich white people
50:50and squatted their house
50:51while they gone out of town.
50:54So he was letting me
50:55live in these white people's
50:56house while they was gone.
50:57He's like,
50:57you better get out of here
50:58by Tuesday.
50:58Help me to bubba
50:59with white people out.
51:01Donnie LaLon,
51:02there was a boxer
51:03named Donnie LaLon.
51:04I'm in his apartment,
51:05right?
51:05I'm down in Soho.
51:06I'm living in his apartment
51:08but they selling
51:09their apartment.
51:09I'm laying in the motherfucker
51:10on a,
51:11on an air mattress.
51:12Me and a girl
51:13laying in there
51:13and the lady walk in
51:14to show somebody
51:15the punk.
51:16I said,
51:17yeah,
51:17I'm getting out of here.
51:18I ain't supposed
51:18to be in here.
51:22The first show
51:23that I ever did
51:24in New York
51:25was called
51:26New York Undercover.
51:27I don't know
51:27if you remember
51:27New York Undercover
51:28but it had Malik Yobo
51:30and another
51:31little Spanish dude.
51:34Yeah,
51:35then I did
51:35Showtime at the Apollo.
51:36Remember,
51:37Showtime at the Apollo.
51:40But I,
51:40I came as an entertainer
51:42and you know
51:43who I was on the show with?
51:45Destiny's Child.
51:46That's,
51:46they,
51:46they wasn't even
51:47nobody yet.
51:48They got out of
51:48an old raggedy-ass limo.
51:50They walked up in the tank.
51:52We was all dusty.
51:53I'm telling you
51:54some real shit.
51:55This early 90s,
51:57we all dusty.
51:58Ain't nobody got shit.
52:00Man,
52:01I did the Apollo.
52:02Then I got on
52:02Def Comedy Jam.
52:03I did Def Comedy Jam.
52:06Then I got on
52:07the Def Comedy Jam tour.
52:09I said,
52:10oh man,
52:10I gotta go now.
52:11I got time to go to L.A.
52:13So I took a bus
52:14from New York to L.A.
52:16Took seven days
52:16to get here.
52:19I called a buddy
52:20named Red Grant.
52:21I said,
52:22man,
52:22I'm out here.
52:22He said,
52:23man,
52:23I ain't got no furniture
52:23in my house
52:24but you can come
52:25sleep on my floor.
52:26I went over
52:26to Red Grant's house
52:27sleeping on his floor.
52:29While I'm staying
52:30in the apartments,
52:31it was apartments
52:31called Waseca Trails.
52:33I'm living in the apartments
52:34over at Waseca Trails.
52:35I ran into
52:36a little young dude,
52:37man,
52:37but he had a good ass heart.
52:38He was a good dude.
52:39His name was Marcus.
52:40He was telling everybody
52:41he was my manager.
52:42We riding around,
52:43yeah,
52:43this is my manager.
52:45But I didn't know
52:46who he was.
52:47I didn't know.
52:49People was like,
52:49you know who that is,
52:50though.
52:51I said,
52:51no,
52:51he's nice to me.
52:52I don't know
52:53what the fuck he do.
52:57Man,
52:57we riding around
52:58doing a show
52:58at the comedy club.
53:00We at the comedy store
53:01and when I got off stage,
53:02Marcus said,
53:03man,
53:04Ice Cube
53:04want to holler at you.
53:05When I turned around,
53:06Ice Cube
53:07and John Singleton
53:07was standing right there.
53:11I said,
53:12oh,
53:12man.
53:14Ice Cube said,
53:16what up?
53:17I said,
53:17what's up?
53:18He said,
53:19can you act?
53:20I said,
53:20hell yeah,
53:20I can act.
53:24I started auditioning
53:25for the movie.
53:26He made me audition
53:26for that movie
53:27about seven times.
53:29Every time I thought
53:29I had the movie,
53:30he'd look at me,
53:31kept going like this,
53:32like,
53:33you got the movie.
53:34And I was looking at him
53:35like,
53:36thank you.
53:38But every time
53:39I come back,
53:40it was more comedians
53:41reading for it.
53:42I'm like,
53:42oh,
53:42he playing with my head.
53:44So I got the role.
53:46I got the role.
53:52I called my mother.
53:54My mother was living
53:54in some apartments,
53:55man.
53:56And I called my mother.
53:57I said,
53:57mama,
53:57what you want?
53:58She said,
53:59just buy me a wash and dryer.
54:00That's all I want.
54:02I said,
54:02I'm going to buy you a house.
54:04She said,
54:04no,
54:04you're going to fuck
54:05my social security up.
54:08I get 700 a month
54:11and you're not
54:12going to fuck
54:12my social security up
54:14because she wouldn't
54:15let me give her
54:15no check or nothing
54:16because the social security
54:17people,
54:17I had to fold
54:18the money up
54:19and back it to her
54:20like this
54:21and slide it to her.
54:28Sometimes she pulled by.
54:29I said,
54:29what's wrong?
54:30She said,
54:30they got ways
54:30of finding out
54:31everything.
54:32I said,
54:33mama,
54:33we in the kitchen.
54:34Fuck social security.
54:43And I've been sober
54:44for 20 years.
54:47I've been sober
54:48for 20 years.
54:51I worked with
54:52some of the best actors
54:53and actresses
54:54in the world.
54:55You know what I mean?
54:56First movie I did
54:57was Next Friday.
54:58Yeah.
55:00The second movie I did
55:02was all about
55:02the Benjamins.
55:06I was on Coke
55:07by then.
55:08I'm in the
55:08motherfucking movie.
55:10Go watch that movie
55:11again.
55:12I was high
55:12in the motherfucking
55:13half.
55:14When I was saying
55:1515,
55:1630,
55:1735,
55:1840,
55:2245,
55:2347.
55:23I was on Coke
55:25like a motherfucker.
55:31I did Bernie Mac's
55:33last movie,
55:34y'all.
55:34It was called
55:35Soul Men,
55:36y'all.
55:37I was on the set
55:38with Bernie Mac
55:39in his last movie,
55:41man.
55:42Man,
55:42you couldn't pay
55:43for this shit.
55:44And I'm sitting there
55:45talking to Bernie Mac
55:46and he had
55:46an oxygen tank,
55:47man.
55:48He was,
55:48yeah,
55:49he had an oxygen tank.
55:50But one thing
55:51I could say about him,
55:52he was still having fun.
55:53He was still talking shit.
55:54He was like,
55:54fuck these motherfuckers.
55:56Fuck motherfuckers.
56:00And I said,
56:00Bernie Mac,
56:01give me some advice.
56:02What's the best advice
56:02you can give
56:03a young comic?
56:04He said,
56:04don't do nothing
56:05for money.
56:06I said,
56:06huh?
56:09You can't tell no
56:11young poor ass
56:11comedian that.
56:15The next movie I did
56:16was Welcome Home,
56:18Roscoe Jenkins.
56:20Then I did a movie
56:21called Jump in the Broom.
56:23Then I did a movie
56:24called Petey Green.
56:26You ain't never seen that,
56:28have you?
56:29Go check it out.
56:31Me,
56:31Don Cheadle,
56:32Taraji,
56:33Chewetel.
56:34Go check it out.
56:35These are independent films.
56:36Then I did another movie
56:37with Forrest Whitaker
56:39called Vipaka.
56:40And I played a nigga
56:41in all these movies,
56:42y'all.
56:45I got a chance to work
56:46with the great
56:47Whitney Houston,
56:48man.
56:48And just,
56:49yeah,
56:50just coming on the set
56:51with her every day
56:52was crazy
56:52because she,
56:53come on,
56:53she didn't want to
56:54fuck with nobody
56:55with me.
56:55She,
56:55come on,
56:56let's go smoke
56:56a cigarette.
56:57And me and her
56:57on the,
56:59this is how she was
56:59on the side of the building
57:00smoking a cigarette
57:01like this.
57:05I said,
57:05this the best time
57:06to ask Whitney Houston
57:07some real shit.
57:09I said,
57:10did I continue
57:11to have anything
57:11on you and Bobby Brown?
57:13She said,
57:13hell no.
57:16They didn't have
57:17shit on us.
57:22I just want
57:23to tell y'all,
57:23man,
57:24the whole time
57:24I was on that journey,
57:26I was delusional.
57:29And I just like
57:30to tell y'all
57:31that it's okay
57:32to be delusional.
57:34You know what I'm saying?
57:35Sometimes
57:37you got to be delusional.
57:39You got to be
57:39out of your
57:41motherfucking mind
57:42to be successful,
57:44to become great.
57:46You got to be
57:47blissful.
57:51Delusion comes
57:52from trauma.
57:54It comes from
57:55not being accepted.
57:57So whatever
57:58you got to do
57:59to make it
57:59to become
58:00who you need
58:00to become,
58:02stay delusional.
58:03I'm Mike Yves,
58:04man.
58:04I love y'all.
58:06You got to be
58:07out of your way.
58:08out of your way.
58:10I'm alive.
58:11It's melting around
58:13but I can't
58:14keep going.
58:17I can't get over you.
58:23Fast as a jet airplane
58:25on foot I can't
58:28beat the Japanese bullet train
58:30but I can't get over you.
58:35I can't get over you.
58:41Every day without you,
58:43girl, you know that
58:44I'll be getting better.
58:46Can't let you break me down.
58:48Oh, no, Lord.
58:49I can't let her do me the way she did.
58:59Every day without you, girl,
59:01you know that
59:02I'll be getting better.
59:04Can't let you break me down.
59:06Oh, no, Lord.
59:07I can't let her do me the way she did.
59:16I can't let her do me the way she did.
59:43I can't let her do me the way she did.
59:44I can't let her do me the way she did.
59:44I can't let her do me the way she did.
59:44I can't let her do me the way she did.
59:45I can't let her do me the way she did.
59:45I can't let her do me the way she did.
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