- 8 hours ago
Animal Control S04E12 (2026) [xa6yram] [Full Movie] [Long Version]Full EP - Full
Category
š„
Short filmTranscript
00:01Good morning, Seattle, and welcome to Old Town's 17th annual Wiener Parade!
00:07We've got boot trucks, we've got marching bands, and of course, the Wiener Queen!
00:12At 17 years old, Her Majesty is the longest living wiener in Washington's history!
00:17I don't like one bit of this. Something feels off.
00:20I just say that every time we experience whimsy.
00:23No, a parade is no place for whimsy. Whimsy is for college improv teams before they all have sex with
00:27each other, ruining the dynamic.
00:28James, this is Ace. I've got a pocket queen. Check in. Does everything go prosthetic?
00:32No, it's your worst nightmare, Frank. People are having fun.
00:34Yeah, everything's cool. There's all that and a bag of chips.
00:38You want to eat something, Vince?
00:44Put your hands together for the memorial high school marching band, the Fighting Badgers!
00:50For the love of God, no. Dachshunds hunt badgers. It's in their DNA, along with short legs and back problems.
00:59Take your head off! Show him you're a man!
01:03Take your head off!
01:06Take him! I need to take him!
01:11Where are you?
01:12I lost the queen. She's old and blind. She doesn't stand a chance.
01:16I got eyes on the queen. Unfortunately, she's in the middle of a sausage party, and we're all invited.
01:21I saved the queen! I mean, it's a dog, but still! Dressed like a queen! It's peeing all over me!
01:30Excited for the Animal Control Officer of the Year award weekend in Bellingham!
01:35Are you going to be like this for the entire two-hour bus ride?
01:38Well, I for one am jazzed, because two of our cootie nominees hail from our very own precinct.
01:43We have Frank Shaw.
01:44Yeah!
01:47And Templeton Dunn.
01:50Future winners get the board of the bus first!
01:52Let's bring home that hard win, T-Rofy!
01:54You know, there's a world where Templeton's compression socks cut the blood off to his heart, and I win by
01:58default.
01:59Frank, I'm really excited to watch you. Glad hand on the campaign trail, but I do have one note.
02:03Too handsome?
02:03Yeah, it's a curse I've had to deal with most of my life since a very successful puberty.
02:07We need to talk handshakes.
02:08You come from a time when it was fun to squeeze hard, but that's not where we're at now.
02:12Yeah, see that? That's crazy!
02:14I need you to win the Golden Moose so that Templeton doesn't, because I know him, and he's going to
02:17try and leverage a win to take over the precinct.
02:19So, no pressure, but I need you at your most charming and least offensive.
02:22Well, it's tricky because people find my offensiveness charming.
02:25If he takes over, I mean, it's going to be a nuclear winter.
02:27Forced overtimes, creepy one-on-one performance reviews.
02:29And say goodbye to riddle of the day!
02:32Uh, riddle of the day is the first thing to go.
02:34After that, we're going gender-specific uniforms, girls in skirts, boys in shorts.
02:42Are you leaving for good?
02:44Supplies for my annual cocktail party.
02:45We had a huge crowd for Speakeasy for Sheezy last year.
02:48This year's theme is Freaky Tiki. I don't know what to expect.
02:51I'm loving a Cootie Patel, man.
02:5348 hours away from the family, so full of life.
02:55It's a little glimpse of what could have been, brother.
02:57Okay, no flaming cocktails, though, because after the fire that Victoria started last year, we're kind of on thin ice
03:01with the menu.
03:02Um, you neglect to mention me saving all of our co-workers by pulling the fire alarm, all without spilling
03:06my margarita al fuego.
03:07Thanks to you, I spent the evening shivering on the sidewalk.
03:10Yeah, because you ripped your shirt off as you were running down the hallway.
03:12That was for speed.
03:13Look, I'm sure it was an accident, sort of, but you know you're banned from the hotel, right?
03:17No, no, no. I'm banned from booking a room at the hotel.
03:20That doesn't mean that I can't find someone to crash with.
03:22And this is like the horniest animal control weekend of the year.
03:24I'm sure someone will take an astray.
03:26All right, let's get everyone on the bus.
03:31Welcome, everybody. I'm Wayne Peters, and I'm running this year's cooties.
03:34Quick administrative housekeeping note.
03:36I've noticed a few officers walking around in these What Happens in Bellingham t-shirts.
03:41This is a work event, and we do not want a repeat of last year.
03:45No, we do not. You?
03:47Because what happens in Bellingham can wind up on your professional record.
03:50Okay, let's go get them.
03:53Meantime, cocktails and so forth. Enjoy yourselves.
03:57Hey, so I haven't checked in yet. Should we try to get conjoining rooms?
04:01What? No, of course not. Didn't you hear what Wayne said? This is still work.
04:05Wait, so everybody's gonna hook up with a co-worker here except for us?
04:08Exactly.
04:11Morgan from Oregon. Oh, I barely recognize you with that pretty dress. Get out of here, girl.
04:15Jerry! Hey, congrats on the empty nest, brother.
04:18How my kids are doing great, though? I got one in travel soccer, the other one's doing debate.
04:22Wait, what am I talking about my kids at a party?
04:24Big thing you know, I'll be trying to show you pictures of my baby eating with a fork.
04:28It is pretty cute, though.
04:31Hey, cheers to last year's a cootie winner.
04:34Did they put you up in a penthouse?
04:35No, just a garden unit.
04:37Tell me more about this unit.
04:38It's pretty nice. It's got one of those retractable clotheslines in the shower and everything.
04:42My clothes get so wet.
04:43And he looks confident.
04:45I was a nervous wreck this time last year, and I didn't even have to write a speech.
04:48Wait, Frank has to give a speech?
04:50Yeah.
04:51Can I talk to you out here for a second?
04:52Okay, everybody here is going nuts on each other.
04:56On the walk over, every other door had a do not disturb sign on.
04:59Just try not to think about it. You know, enjoy the party.
05:02Okay, yeah, this is rough.
05:03He was really getting in there.
05:05Yeah.
05:05You can count on the guy that rescued 24 animals in 24 hours.
05:09Hey, um, did you know that you have to make a speech tomorrow night?
05:12Yeah, acceptance.
05:13No, this is a speech about what being an animal control officer means to you, and it's a new thing
05:17this year.
05:18Whoa, wait, wait.
05:18You have to give a speech and you didn't know about it?
05:20Guys, I know that I have to give a speech.
05:22Now, if you'll excuse me.
05:27Are you enjoying the party?
05:29Damn it, if you'll excuse me.
05:30Okay.
05:32Yoo-hoo!
05:33Hello, Erin, do you mind if I just jump in here real quick?
05:35That was like calm all over again.
05:38But don't take my word for it.
05:40Take mine.
05:43Confirming you can still see the teleprompter with the video?
05:45I don't need it.
05:46I memorized this three weeks ago.
05:47I have a photographic memory.
05:48That's why women don't change in front of me.
05:50Yeah, that's one of the reasons why.
05:52You kept the speech requirement from me?
05:53I did.
05:54When I took over your desk, I started intercepting your emails.
05:57Oh, your dentist says happy birthday, by the way.
06:00I lost a molar because I didn't get that appointment reminder.
06:02I don't think you're gonna be smiling anyway,
06:04sputtering improvised sentence fragments in front of a full room of your very judgmental peers.
06:08Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a fitting,
06:10because you just ruined my rehearsal.
06:12We're done.
06:13The 2-3 is coming for you.
06:14Are you afraid?
06:15Because you should be.
06:17No, I'm not afraid.
06:19Stop it.
06:20Stop.
06:20Stop.
06:29Hi.
06:30Oh, if it isn't the almost arsonist of Bellingham.
06:33Oh, I can't talk right now.
06:35I'm writing the speech.
06:37I just hit a flow state.
06:38Oh, let's see what's flowed out of you so far.
06:41Well, the faucet's not fully cranked.
06:43What does job mean to Frank?
06:45Uh, Templeton really screwed you over.
06:46You might as well do your go-to and rip your shirt off,
06:48because you're not gonna win people over with this.
06:50I just started an hour ago.
06:52I'll tell you what.
06:53I'll help you with your speech.
06:55You let me crash here.
06:56So your alley cat and heat strategy didn't work on anyone?
06:59You know what?
06:59I think I've underestimated the emotional trauma
07:02escaping a burning building leaves on people.
07:04And I bought these to sweeten the deal.
07:06Screwtops.
07:07Way to go.
07:08Hey.
07:12Thanks for meeting me here.
07:13I know it's not the honeymoon suite, but, you know, it's ours.
07:20Okay, why are you kissing me like I'm your grandmother?
07:24Okay, I know.
07:25This whole thing is hard.
07:27Yeah, it is.
07:28You won't come to my room, but we have to meet in, like,
07:30the coldest place in the hotel.
07:32You know I hate it too, but there's nothing we can really do about it.
07:34Yeah, but there is, though.
07:36You said we could tell people two months ago, and it's been four months.
07:39Okay, well, the two month thing was just kind of like an estimate.
07:41It's just starting to feel like maybe you don't want people to know
07:44because I'm not worth the risk.
07:46Like...
07:46What?
07:47That you don't think this can actually work.
07:50Ugh, this is hopeless.
07:53No, you just, you have to hook people emotionally.
07:56That's the only way to win them over because people are stupid
07:59and they're ruled by their dumb hearts.
08:00I've spent a lifetime bottling up my feelings.
08:03Want me to spill it to these plebs?
08:04Yes, give me a good sob story.
08:07Ugh, this is so beneath me.
08:12I had an awful dog named Buddy.
08:14Okay, not a great start.
08:15Here's the sad part.
08:16My mom got sick.
08:18Great, we're getting somewhere.
08:19Okay, let me write this down.
08:20And I don't know how, but Buddy sensed that I needed him,
08:25and he turned into the sweetest guy.
08:29And on the morning my mom died, Buddy wouldn't leave my side.
08:33He knew...
08:34My pain.
08:37Animals are amazing.
08:39Growing up, my bird always knew when I was high.
08:43Every time.
08:46He was the best.
08:47Sometimes when I'm in the field and I see a dog that looks like Buddy,
08:51it reminds me of how great animals are to us.
08:56And I want to try my best with them.
08:59Unless the Buddy lookalike is a rabbit, and then, of course, I keep my distance.
09:04I don't think I've ever heard you talk like an actual person before.
09:08Please do not tell anyone what has transpired here.
09:13I'm going to tell everyone.
09:20Frank! Frank, are you pooping? I need you, man!
09:25What is it?
09:26Hey, ma'am, me and Emily had a fight and I just...
09:30I need a bro to lean on right now.
09:31Wait, what happened? Is Emily okay?
09:33Ah, she's fine. I'm distraught.
09:36I'm sorry. Do you mind? I think the boys need the room.
09:39Okay.
09:44I... I will... text you the speech.
09:49Oh, love.
09:53Emily!
09:54Take off your sleep apnea mask and turn off your rainforest soundscape.
09:57I need to sleep.
09:58And I want to make sure you're okay.
10:01Do you mind shutting the hell up?
10:03Uh, yeah, I do mind, actually, because I have nowhere to go,
10:06and nobody wants to have seats with me, which never happens, so...
10:16Fine. You can bunk with me. Yes.
10:17But I'm a very active sleeper, so don't crowd me or you might get punched.
10:35Daddy!
10:37Hi. Are you okay?
10:39Hi. Uh, what are you guys doing here?
10:42Let's go to the table.
10:43Let's go to the table.
10:43Hi, kids. I miss you so much.
10:45Oh, my God, you'll love this place.
10:47You have to come.
10:48I mean, I'm telling you, the only thing that's good about my life is my family.
10:51Guys, Daddy, uh...
10:52I had a lot to drink last night. Can we just...
10:55Thank you, Raquel St. James and Lieutenant Peaches.
10:58Uh, I'd also like to ask everyone else, please act respectfully to the nominees.
11:02It takes a lot of courage to get up here.
11:05Stop saying moose. It sounds like you're booing.
11:07Let's keep this a cootie train moving, huh?
11:10With our next nominee, Templeton Dutch, who has asked me to issue a strobe light warning to pregnant women and
11:16the weak.
11:18Pay attention. You might learn something.
11:22Cue the fog.
11:31Daisy, cut the fog.
11:34I had a feast for the eyes plan, but tonight's about the animals.
11:37So I want to speak from the heart.
11:40Growing up, I had an awful dog named Buddy.
11:43Then, my mom got sick.
11:45No.
11:46Cue the strings.
11:48What the hell's happening?
11:50I...
11:50And it's like he knew that I needed him.
11:54He turned into the sweetest guy.
11:57And when my mom died, he...
11:59He never left my side that day.
12:01First he steals my bear rescue, then he steals my desk, and now he steals my dead mom.
12:06Sometimes when I'm in a field and I see a dog that looks like Buddy, I'm reminded of all the
12:10great things that animals do for us.
12:11So I try to do my best for them.
12:20That's my slop.
12:21You fed you my slop.
12:23Let me get my slop.
12:24Daisy must have stolen it off my phone.
12:27I sure did. I put that sleeping mug up to the face ID.
12:30Two, three, four, live.
12:34Let's bring up our final nominee.
12:36Frankie Frankshaw.
12:38Yeah!
12:39I was supposed to follow that.
12:40That was great.
12:40I said following myself.
12:42Woo-hoo!
12:44Woo-hoo!
12:46Woo-hoo!
12:48Woo-hoo!
13:01Woo-hoo!
13:02Woo-hoo!
13:05This is like watching an old man get confused at the post office.
13:08We're screwed.
13:09Seriously, you just gave me the award.
13:11He's got nothing.
13:12I win them.
13:13Guys.
13:16Frank, this is not the time.
13:18Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
13:20Fuck, I was joking when I see Tangled.
13:21Oh, shit.
13:22Oh, God, I can't watch.
13:23Is he getting naked?
13:25Oh, there it is.
13:30This guy's jacked!
13:32Woo-hoo!
13:34Woo-hoo!
13:38Woo-hoo!
13:39Woo-hoo!
13:41Woo-hoo!
13:41Woo-hoo!
13:42Woo-hoo!
13:43Woo-hoo!
13:44Woo-hoo!
13:46Woo-hoo!
13:47And the Animal Control Officer of the Year is...
13:53Frank Shaw.
13:54Yes!
14:03Once again, the hedonistic spirit of Belgium has spoken.
14:07Officer Shaw...
14:11Thank you for sitting in your work!
14:16You must know if you want bounces...
14:30Hi. Hi. So, I didn't hear my name in your
14:33acceptance speech, which is crazy because I'm basically where you won. My dedication to
14:37pro team is why I won, but thank you. I think I saw the Portland team walking
14:41each other on leashes. When I have tracks with people from Oregon, this thing gets messier every
14:46year. Yeah, things happen here that maybe wouldn't happen at home. Did you find a
14:54place to crash tonight? Yeah, Table 12 gave me some molly, so I think I'm just
14:59gonna dance until I pick up time tomorrow.
15:09Hey, you got my text. I was worried you weren't gonna come.
15:15Hotel rooms are off-limits, but tiny little photo booths are okay. I'm sorry. That was- I didn't mean
15:21it. That sounded bad.
15:22No, no, no. I've- I've been thinking a lot about what you said, and I'm really sorry, because the
15:30truth is you are just, in every way, completely, definitely worth the risk.
15:37So I'm gonna call my boss first thing on Monday. Wait, really? Yeah, cuz I-
15:44Well, I love you, and I just want to be with you.
15:49I love you. I love you, too. You sure you want to do this? Yeah.
15:59Okay, okay, let's just stagger our entrances to be safe, cuz we're so close, so let's not mess up now.
16:03Homestretch. Okay. Monday. Mm-hmm.
16:05Mm-hmm. Ooh! Okay.
16:09I'll be good for my passport photo. Pardon me, folks. Good to see you. Good to see you. Good to
16:17see you.
16:18Look at that!
16:25This is bad. This is really bad.
16:29I heard they're serving sherbet in a few minutes.
16:35Something bad happened.
16:39Oh, my God.
16:41How fast can we turn that into a poster?
16:43Business center's open 24-7.
16:46Turn, turn, turn, turn.
16:48Kids are finally asleep. Who's ready to party?
16:51What?
16:54Oh, my God.
16:55Oh, God, it's late.
16:56I'm getting tired. Oh, my God, this is it.
16:57I have to do something.
17:00Don't worry, I'm gonna save you.
17:02Oh, God, oh, my God.
17:05You are fired!
17:06Come on! This way! This way, the exit, this way!
17:09I'm glad I knew where this was.
17:16All right, see you.
17:26Feels right.
17:27Mm-hmm.
17:28Hey, congrats again, Frank.
17:30And I don't say it enough, but you're my hero, man.
17:33You say it all the time.
17:34Now, ditch that wobbly hall table and reclaim your desk.
17:37Really?
17:39In fact, all shall return to their proper desks now that I've vanquished the pale, muscularly
17:45at-the-feet beast.
17:46Normalcy is returned.
17:49Thank God.
17:50The napping was no good under this desk.
17:54Hey, um, can I have everyone's attention?
17:56I have a little announcement.
17:58Um, due to my relations with Shred, um, yeah, I've been suspended, um, pending an investigation.
18:07What?
18:07Wait, I consented.
18:08It's okay.
18:09I consented to the whole thing.
18:10Yeah, um, this means there'll be an interim supervisor filling my position until, um, yeah, further notice.
18:17Who's taking over?
18:18Uh, yeah, it's, um...
18:31I guess I did die in that dachshund parade.
18:33I meant how?
18:34I'm still your god.
18:35Will you be the devil?
18:37Will I be your boss?
18:44The meetings won't be the same without you.
18:47He's already threatening to ban meeting snacks.
18:49Come on.
18:49It's not goodbye, guys.
18:51It's see you later.
18:52Ending a thorough investigation and ethics board review and reinstatement confirmation from the mayor's office.
18:57I just hope they don't subpoena our texts.
18:59I sent you that Jessica Rabbit gift on your birthday.
19:01I-
19:01You're gonna be fine.
19:03And in the meantime, we'll make Templeton's life as hellish as possible.
19:05Come on.
19:06I've already started.
19:08Daisy, grab me a tire jack!
19:11Flat!
19:11Again!
19:12Wait, is this what it's like to not be the boss?
19:14I kinda like it.
19:15Can I throw something?
19:16I'd be disappointed if you didn't.
19:18I'd be disappointed if you didn't.
19:19Okay.
19:23Who am I?
19:25I've never respected you before
Comments