- 10 hours ago
Hacks S05E04-5 (2026)
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00:01And so, without further ado, welcome to the stage, you know her, she pays you, Debra Vance!
00:12Thank you, thank you.
00:16So, I know you haven't seen me in a while.
00:18When Hollywood wants to get rid of a woman, they just say she was difficult.
00:22But a man gets away with having sex with his stepdaughter because, well, that's just his process.
00:26Am I right, y'all?
00:30The reports of my death were fake news.
00:34As was Us Weekly every time they published, I didn't wear it better, y'all.
00:38Y'all again. What is that?
00:43Sorry.
00:45Let's get to the Persecution Pyramid!
00:51Every woman who has ever done something brave or unexpected is either called crazy, shot in the face, or even
00:56worse,
00:58thwarted!
00:58By a contract she didn't read closely, you know.
01:00Yeah.
01:01Aha!
01:03Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:04Hey, you.
01:05Yeah, I'm just in the meeting.
01:07Alright, let's take a break.
01:11So, yeah, maybe we want to rethink the Persecution Pyramid and also the, um, just all of it, I think.
01:16No, it's the crowd. I mean, they work for me. I paid people to be here. It's a completely different
01:21dynamic than at a comedy club.
01:23Besides, Josefina's in a mood because I don't like her no water filter.
01:25Totally. I think maybe we want to focus on, like, what's been funny about the past few years, and then
01:30we can sort of work in the systematic oppression of it all, if we must.
01:34I'm gonna get to the funny, but if comedy says something, it's supposed to make you uncomfortable.
01:38I mean, you're the one who always says that it doesn't have to be a laugh a minute.
01:40No, I know, but it's kind of a Smith College commencement address at the moment.
01:44So sorry about that. That was the Paley Center. Unfortunately, they're not willing to move the Who's Making Dinner event.
01:49Do they know that I won't be able to speak at it because of the gag order?
01:53Yes, but they're adamant that the anniversary event should take place on the anniversary night, you know, nine months later.
01:58Oh, people are so dramatic about time. Why can't they just be more flexible about dates? You know, like I
02:03am, but my birthday.
02:04Not everybody is as easy to work with as you are. But look, they still want you to attend, you
02:07know, and pose for some photos.
02:08And I can circle back with your lawyer. Maybe you learning sign language is a fungupole.
02:12Oh, I know, a little. Oh.
02:15Hey.
02:16Okay, well, I'm sorry.
02:17That's not nice.
02:19I think she's hangry.
02:20Always.
02:21She doesn't eat.
02:22But you, I have really good news for her.
02:24Oh.
02:24So, remember Jessica Duncan, the exec who made my bad?
02:27Yeah.
02:27Well, she got a huge new job.
02:28And guess what?
02:29What?
02:30She loved your script.
02:31You know what?
02:33She is one of the good ones.
02:34I have always liked her.
02:34Well, she wants to sit down with you.
02:36And I'm going to schedule a meeting when you're in town for the Who's Making Dinner event.
02:38Oh, my God.
02:38You are the best in the biz.
02:39I'm planning, but thank you.
02:41This thing on?
02:42Because I've got a couple things to get off my chest, too.
02:45First up, these Russians, and I'm not talking about the dolls!
02:49Make my lips bigger.
02:51Bigger.
02:54Whoa.
02:54Do we have any art sale?
02:56Oh, the Paley Center wants some memorabilia and photos for the Who's Making Dinner exhibition.
03:00How's this?
03:01That's good.
03:01I've got to give Frank some dark circles and a big fat double chin.
03:05Cloning now.
03:06What are you doing?
03:07We're...
03:08What did you call it?
03:09We're yassifying Deborah.
03:11And we're de-yassifying Frank.
03:12I mean, if I can't speak at the event honoring my show, the least I can do is make my
03:17nasty bastard-ass cheating ex-husband look like shit.
03:20Not sure a media preservation nonprofit's going to love that.
03:23I'm just giving them options.
03:26Apparently Kathy already sent some photos over.
03:28She's not going to be there.
03:29Thank God.
03:31Is this the original pilot script?
03:34Yeah.
03:36I'm sorry.
03:37How the hell did he get Soul Creator credit?
03:40We wrote the pilot together and then he said,
03:43Oh, Deb, I'm just going to put my name on this first one and then you can put yours on
03:48the second one.
03:49I was so naive, I didn't know that whoever writes the first episode from then on is considered the creator.
03:55Right.
03:56He said it was an innocent mistake, but he knew what he was doing.
03:59He never wanted me to get any credit.
04:02Now I have another bastard trying to erase me.
04:05That's why my MSG show has to be historic.
04:08Has to be record breaking.
04:10How's this?
04:11Before.
04:12Before.
04:13And after.
04:14Amazing.
04:15That is exactly how I remember it.
04:16Wow.
04:17Oh, you think that's good?
04:18Wait till you see what she did to my grandson.
04:19Ah.
04:21No.
04:21Isn't he adorable?
04:22You guys can't Photoshop a baby.
04:24Yes, you can.
04:25Oh, my God.
04:26Did you snatch his waist?
04:28Oh, yes.
04:28He's so fit.
04:37I just have to say, I am so proud of the work we did together on Debra's special.
04:44I was so pleased when I saw that they took it down.
04:47It was motherfuckers.
04:48No, we, yeah, we were devastated.
04:50And what Bob Lipka did to my girl Debra?
04:53I mean, that is bullshit.
04:55Piece of shit.
04:55Oh, completely agree.
04:56Guillotine.
04:56Think.
04:57Fucking.
04:58I don't work there anymore.
05:00Mm-hmm.
05:00Oh, okay.
05:01All right.
05:01Vibe shift.
05:02Yes.
05:03Mall girl.
05:04Yeah.
05:05You know, Jimmy said that I would like her script.
05:07I didn't.
05:09I loved it!
05:13That is so nice.
05:14A modern-day retelling of The Wizard of Oz set in a 90s mall literally written for me.
05:22It's so smart.
05:26You know, see, I loved when the girl gets her ears pierced and it gets infected and then
05:30the Hot Topic Goths have to take her to the hospital.
05:33My heart broke for her.
05:35Oh, that's really nice to hear.
05:38No, it's so nuanced.
05:40It's so specific.
05:43So original.
05:44So obviously we can never make it.
05:47Oh.
05:48Yeah.
05:49But what else you got?
05:51That was all that I was kind of doing at the mom.
05:55At the mom all.
05:56Well, I really want your next TV show.
05:59So here's what I'm going to do.
06:00Sight unseen, whatever you got, I will buy a cash advance blind script deal.
06:04Oh my god.
06:04Really?
06:06Could, I mean, could Mall Girl be a series?
06:09No.
06:10No.
06:10So something you're more passionate about, right?
06:12But also hits the Young Demo.
06:14Okay.
06:14Diverse, of course.
06:16Queer.
06:16Queer counts.
06:18Yes.
06:18I see a girl.
06:19Ugly beauty.
06:20AIQ+.
06:20Not too political.
06:22Not too poor.
06:23Hard.
06:23Funny.
06:24Funny.
06:24Okay.
06:25But passion first.
06:26Well, I mean, look, it's, I think for me, finding an idea that I'm immediately passionate
06:31about.
06:31Right, right.
06:32Easy as pot.
06:33Yeah.
06:33Yeah.
06:33But no limited series.
06:34Yeah.
06:35Limited series, bad.
06:35Bad.
06:36Bad.
06:37Bad.
06:38Bad.
06:39Bad.
06:39Bad.
06:40Bad.
06:45Bad.
06:46Because I am not the prettiest girl you ever did see.
06:53And even if I don't have such a wonderful personality.
07:00So she didn't start as a stand-up?
07:02No, she starred in the show with her husband, and she got famous from the sitcom.
07:05I mean, I think she's cute there, but I also think she's hotter now.
07:08I like the one with a little patina on them, eh?
07:10Oh, yeah.
07:11Jimmy.
07:12Buff!
07:13Oh, hi.
07:14It's so nice to finally meet you in person.
07:16Wow.
07:19This is Kayla and Randy.
07:20Hi, welcome to PaleyFest.
07:22Thanks for having us.
07:23Yeah.
07:23I had my bat mitzvah here.
07:24I'm not Jewish, but the theme was on a Ferris.
07:27Yeah, it was a great bat mitzvah.
07:28Anyway, thank you again for all your help.
07:30I know there was a lot of back and forth with all the Debra stuff.
07:32It is literally my pleasure.
07:33And I actually remembered that you are a coffee snob.
07:36Guilty.
07:37So I just got you a cold brew.
07:38That is so nice.
07:40Well, cold brew is like sex, even when it's bad.
07:44I'm grateful.
07:45So true.
07:48Yeah.
07:49No, but seriously, the coffee here is just dog shit.
07:51But welcome to the non-profit world.
07:53You know what I mean?
07:53I'm like, take me with you, please.
07:56Wish we could.
07:57You know, we are downsizing.
07:59God, stop.
08:00I'm talking to someone.
08:01I have to take this, but I will find you in a little bit.
08:04Okay, cool.
08:05Bye.
08:05Thank you again.
08:07Cheers.
08:10Wow.
08:11What the hell is going on?
08:13What?
08:13You're being sexual at work.
08:16You're never like that.
08:17I mean, it was like watching two jail rats ratting up the bathroom.
08:19What are you talking about?
08:20You were laughing at her voices?
08:22You were like, ah, ah, ah, ah.
08:24What?
08:24We were just being...
08:25That wasn't even the best voice.
08:26I mean, it was kind of funny, but not anything like my Jamaican accent.
08:28We retired your Jamaican accent after what happened with that waiter.
08:31And I was just being nice.
08:32We've been emailing each other for months, you know?
08:33Your email's first base.
08:34I mean, the last person I emailed, we ended up fucking Jimmy.
08:37Oh my God, the HVAC guy?
08:39Ew, no.
08:40The exterminator.
08:40You slept with Adnan?
08:41Yeah.
08:42Whatever.
08:43My emails were strictly professional.
08:44Yeah, I don't know.
08:45I was on those emails, boss, and you were using a lot of exclamation marks.
08:49Which, for a man, is the equivalent of exposing his genitals.
08:53Whatever.
08:53I was just being friendly.
08:54Oh yeah?
08:55Is it friendly to have your tits out?
08:56Button up, slut.
08:58She wants you to lay that pipe down, I'm telling you.
09:00You really think so?
09:01I mean, that's flattering.
09:02I never get cruised, but...
09:03She was wearing a wedding ring.
09:05She's married.
09:05Who cares?
09:06You never had sex with a married person?
09:08Not that I know of.
09:09Have you?
09:09Yeah, I just told you.
09:10Adnan.
09:12Who cares?
09:12It's LA.
09:13I mean, 90% of the marriages are open, and the other 10% heading for a divorce.
09:16Because they tried being open.
09:17Hmm.
09:17Not my fault.
09:18Alright.
09:18I think you two are really over-exaggerating.
09:20Okay?
09:21Hmm.
09:22We'll see what happens.
09:23Enjoy your coffee and tea on this.
09:25Nice and cute together.
09:27Yeah, so now I just have to come up with the premise for our show.
09:29And you know what's always been interesting to me?
09:31The woman in urgent care who comes in before the doctor.
09:35She's not a nurse, you know?
09:36She's something else.
09:38Like, what if I told her story?
09:40Very compelling.
09:41I know, right?
09:44Oh, my God.
09:46Wow.
09:47You know, it's so cool that something you made so long ago is being celebrated like this.
09:52Well, it endured because it was important if it said something.
09:55That's what I've been saying I want my MSG show to do.
09:57Totally, totally, totally.
10:06The oven line, that was so good.
10:08I liked it.
10:09Yeah, you wrote it too, right?
10:10Did I write that one?
10:11You know you did.
10:13Oh, yeah, I did.
10:14Okay.
10:15Check out this hottie.
10:19Oh, yeah, Gino.
10:21He was wonderful.
10:23He died of AIDS.
10:24He was so young.
10:25Can you imagine being me in this situation?
10:27I point to a photo of a Hawkeye and you're like, he died of AIDS?
10:30Just lie to me, you maniac.
10:32But I'm sorry for your loss.
10:36Yeah, stop.
10:42He's like he's dead or there'd be a bullet with his name on it.
10:45Uh-huh.
10:50Where are you going?
10:51You can find a martini with my name on it.
10:57My dentist is such a pervert.
10:59And she's a girl.
11:00Oh.
11:04Shit.
11:05I think you guys are right.
11:06I think that she might be interested.
11:08I feel bad for you.
11:09You're basically bragging.
11:10No, I'm not bragging.
11:11Okay, she's coming.
11:12She's coming.
11:13Showtime.
11:15She's here.
11:17Hey.
11:18Hello, Beth.
11:19I reserved a seat for you up front next to me.
11:22Oh, wow.
11:23Thank you so much.
11:24But you know what?
11:24I think I'm just going to do my own thing and bop around.
11:27During the screening?
11:28Mm-hmm.
11:29Because it'll be dark.
11:30So you're going to have to climb over the people sitting down.
11:33He gets restless leg syndrome in the middle of the day.
11:36Yeah.
11:36I think it's good to just keep it moving.
11:38You know, get my steps in.
11:39Get the circulation going.
11:41Sorry.
11:41Oh, don't step on that.
11:42Sorry.
11:42Oh, oh, oh.
11:44Jesus.
11:45Oh, my God.
11:45I'm so sorry.
11:47She ran right into me.
11:48She came out of nowhere.
11:48Can people just give her some space?
11:50Jesus.
11:51Give her a little bit of space.
11:52Are you seeing this?
11:52My pelvis.
11:54Jimmy, are you there?
11:54Can you hold my hand?
11:55Wait, what?
11:55My pelvis.
11:56Look, she's fine.
11:57She's fine.
11:58Oh.
12:00Perfect.
12:00Kittle, one martini, two olives, a little dirty.
12:04Hi, Deborah.
12:12Thanks, Marcia.
12:13Yeah.
12:14She's not crazy.
12:16And that was just Friday, right?
12:17So imagine what I did Saturday.
12:19Oh.
12:19It's just a lot.
12:20Yeah.
12:20If you were there, you could have protected me.
12:22Here's your martini, Marley.
12:25Thank you, Deborah.
12:25Eddie fucking Bean is here.
12:27He's like my favorite director from when I was a kid.
12:29This is a little before your time, no?
12:32No.
12:32What are you talking about?
12:33I grew up on Nick at Night.
12:34Bewitched was the closest thing we had to drag race back then.
12:37Well, I'll introduce you.
12:38He's a doll.
12:39Eddie.
12:41Excuse me.
12:41Wow.
12:42Eddie.
12:42Wow.
12:42I didn't know you were going to be here.
12:43Of course.
12:44Don't miss it.
12:45Hi.
12:46So glad to see you.
12:47This is Ava.
12:48Ava Daniels.
12:48Eddie Bean.
12:49How's it going?
12:50I'm such a huge fan.
12:51My Tinder bio used to be your quote about the power of story.
12:54I didn't meet my soulmate, but a bunch of people did ask me to read their scripts,
12:57and that's something.
12:58Sure.
12:59Eddie directed the pilot of Who's Making Dinner First.
13:01God, I've launched my whole career.
13:03So basically, you owe me 10% of everything you've got.
13:05Yeah.
13:06Oh, Deb.
13:07Glad to see you still have your sense of humor.
13:09I'm just glad to see you're out.
13:12I heard about the breakdown.
13:15I have a friend who has the mental troubles.
13:18It's rough stuff.
13:20Thank you, Eddie.
13:21It means a lot.
13:22Oh, did you hear?
13:23They're going to show some new footage of Frank tonight.
13:26Excuse me?
13:26Yeah, an unaired interview.
13:31I'm so glad Frank's being allowed to speak.
13:33Wish I could say the same for Joan of Arc.
13:35She's doing a lot of research on Joan of Arc right now for comedy.
13:41Hmm.
13:43Funny.
13:44Hard, Deb.
13:46Take care.
13:50I always hated that guy.
13:52Yeah.
13:52He thinks I have mental problems.
13:54He is clearly in cognitive decline.
13:56Yeah.
13:56And his prostate's probably the size of a cantaloupe.
13:59Deborah, can we get some photos with you?
14:01Absolutely.
14:02Great.
14:02Right this way.
14:04Of pastry?
14:05Oh, no, thank you.
14:06I've been pretty weird with dairy ever since this guy I dated sawed me in half.
14:11Hey, can I ask you something?
14:13Would you watch a show about gator waiters?
14:15And maybe every episode takes place at a different event?
14:18Like Party Down.
14:19Really great show.
14:20Great.
14:22Ideas.
14:23Ideas.
14:23Something in a dome?
14:25Shit.
14:25Under the dome.
14:26Everything's been done.
14:27Every single day.
14:28Can you take a picture of someone for me?
14:30Oh, sure.
14:30Jimmy.
14:31Oh, hi.
14:32Could I get a photo of you too?
14:34Yeah, sure.
14:38Yeah.
14:38Oh my god.
14:39I cannot wait to get home and rip off this microthong.
14:41If it's still there, my fat ass is eating it up.
14:44Okay, Beth.
14:46I think I need to clear the air, all right?
14:47I've clearly misled you and we need to keep things professional
14:49because I'm just not in a place of relationship right now.
14:52I'm married, so.
14:54I know, and I can't do the open thing, all right?
14:56It's just not for me.
14:56I'm not stigmatizing it.
14:57It's just, I wouldn't be a good third, you know?
14:59My needs are too big.
15:00Yeah, I'm not open, and I'm not interested in you like that, so.
15:05Oh, well, good.
15:08I mean, or, I guess not good, but I just, I'm sorry.
15:10Oh my god, this is a little bit inappropriate.
15:12I'm like, ooh.
15:12Okay, I'm sorry.
15:13I just was picking up a vibe.
15:14You know, you're being, like, incredibly nice, and.
15:16It's kind of my job to be incredibly nice, you know?
15:20Oh, sure, but your job is really to coordinate events that preserve television history, right?
15:24You don't have to be that nice.
15:25You can just be cordial, or you can be rude, even, you know?
15:28We'll certainly keep that in mind moving forward.
15:30Not a problem.
15:31Okay, great.
15:32Well, I'm glad we talked.
15:33Me too.
15:34And, um, yeah, if you need any coffee, just help yourself to the craft over there.
15:38I'm not sure if it's been sitting all day, but.
15:40Beth, don't, don't do that.
15:42Beth.
15:45Not into you, boss.
15:46I know that.
15:47You told me she was into me.
15:48You two were both, like, she's drooling, boss, you said?
15:51We were sniffing each other like rats.
15:52What is this compulsive need for honesty?
15:55I didn't think you were going to say anything.
15:56That was so weird.
15:57Oh my god!
15:59Oh my god!
16:16Thank you so much.
16:17Wow.
16:17Um, thank you to the network, everyone who supported the show and gave us a chance.
16:21Thank you to Debra Vance.
16:22Debra, I love you.
16:24Thank you to my entire team at William & Morris, Sheila.
16:27Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
16:29Welcome.
16:30We are so proud to be celebrating the 50th anniversary of the groundbreaking sitcom,
16:35Who's Making Dinner?
16:39We are so lucky to have so many writers and cast here today, especially the incomparable
16:46Debra Vance.
16:52Hope you're all enjoying the exhibition.
16:54I want to take a moment to thank our partner brands.
16:56The arts would be nothing without you.
16:58Okay, before we get to our screening, we have a special announcement.
17:03As of today, stage 15 on the Warner Brothers lot, where every episode of Who's Making Dinner
17:10was filmed in front of a live audience, in addition to the many iconic game shows that
17:14Frank went on to produce, will be officially renamed the Frank Vance Stage.
17:23Frank Vance will forever be enshrined in Hollywood history.
17:27Well, please enjoy more past apps, courtesy of TJ Maxx and Duolingo, and we will see you
17:31shortly in the theater.
17:34I can't believe this.
17:35He's upstaging me, even from beyond the grave.
17:38I don't think he's upstaging you.
17:39They are literally putting him up on a stage.
17:43Here.
17:47Hey.
17:49I want to introduce the screening.
17:50If Frank's allowed to speak, then I want to speak, too.
17:52I get that, but you definitely can't.
17:54They're live streaming it.
17:55Then get them to turn off the stream.
17:57I thought you said you had a contact here.
18:01If the people aren't on the right marks, then we're fucked.
18:03So if you could just make sure that doesn't happen, that would be wonderful.
18:05Excuse me, Beth?
18:08Hello.
18:09Hmm.
18:10Okay.
18:10You mind if I ask you a really quick favor?
18:12Well, I wouldn't want to give you the wrong impression, right?
18:14And do any special favors for you?
18:16And I appreciate that.
18:17I respect that.
18:18It's actually, you know what?
18:19It's not for me.
18:19It's for Debra Vance.
18:21Debra would like to speak, introduce the screening, and she's legally prohibited from
18:24doing that.
18:25So if you could just turn off the live stream camera just briefly, just while she's up
18:28there.
18:28Hmm.
18:29Can't do that.
18:30Please, please.
18:30I am begging you.
18:32The answer's no.
18:33See?
18:33This is why I don't get into romantic relationships with work colleagues.
18:36We were not in a romantic relationship.
18:38Beth, I don't have time to get into our history and relitigate this.
18:40All right?
18:40We both know what happened.
18:41Can you just please do it?
18:43No.
18:45Fuck.
18:48You know what?
18:50When you were dating Jimmy, I really thought we could be friends.
18:53But now I know you're just another selfish blonde, aren't you?
18:56You're a bitch.
18:59Jimmy!
19:02Stop.
19:02Stop looking at that.
19:03I know I'm on the list.
19:04I'm just going to speak for a second.
19:05It's okay.
19:05It's okay.
19:06Tell Debra Vance that it was okay.
19:07It's okay.
19:08Debra, wait.
19:09Wait.
19:09I tried.
19:10But they won't turn the cameras off.
19:11I'm sorry.
19:12Look.
19:12Look, even if publicist people don't see it, as we've experienced, someone could just leak
19:15it anyway.
19:16I really don't think you should do this.
19:17I'm not just doing this for me.
19:19I'm doing this for all women who have been silenced.
19:25How?
19:27Thank you all so much for coming tonight.
19:29You know, we may not have figured out who's making dinner, but we figured out who's getting
19:32all the credit, Frank Vance.
19:36Oh, no, I know.
19:37That's not fair.
19:38What is going on?
19:38I tried to stop it, but I couldn't.
19:41Frank gave me a lot of credit.
19:42Becky gave me solo credit for that house fire.
19:45You remember that one, y'all?
19:47Y'all's back.
19:49The only woman who knows fire better than I do is my sister in the struggle, Joan of Arc.
19:53I was told not to speak tonight, but at least Joan got to scream when she was burned at the
19:57stake.
19:59Lucky bitch.
20:03Did I ever mention that Frank's family had slaves?
20:09Nasty stuff.
20:13Okay, let's roll that clip.
20:23Deborah, stop sulking.
20:25They won't let you get a credit card.
20:26You can just use mine.
20:27No.
20:28I'm going to tell them I'm...
20:32Mr. Danny Vanceatore.
20:36Well, that's funny.
20:37I always thought I'd be the one who's water broke.
20:39Deborah, why are you dressed like a man?
20:41Well, if the bank won't let a woman open a credit card because it doesn't see me as
20:44a full person.
20:45You're going to force them?
20:46How about that?
20:47Not even five minutes being a man, and already I'm forcing people against their will.
20:51Hmm.
20:52Yeah, I was just saying, hey, you need four roommates to afford this house.
20:54Yeah.
20:55You remember roommates?
20:56No, I actually have roommates after the mom because I have bathroom stuff.
21:01Is that an idea for a show?
21:03Bathroom stuff?
21:03Like someone who lives alone?
21:04No, it's sad.
21:05No.
21:06It's something based on this where, like...
21:09I don't know, where, like, their grandkid inherits this house and then has a bunch of
21:12roommates that's about, like, chosen family, that sort of thing?
21:16You know, reboots are really sellable.
21:18Existing IP is very, very good.
21:20They could actually be about something, you know?
21:21They could be grappling with the fact that, like, our generation is, like, never going
21:24to find the success that our parents found.
21:26Like, what does that success mean?
21:27And, like, how do we redefine it?
21:28You know what I mean?
21:29Like, community building.
21:30Like, downward mobility.
21:31Yeah, but funny.
21:33Yeah.
21:33I think that's really good.
21:35I think if you can do a reboot that's about something, that could be excellent.
21:38You should definitely flesh it out and pitch it to Jessica.
21:40Deborah doesn't have the rights, though.
21:42That's okay.
21:42I'll look into it.
21:44Okay.
21:44Okay.
21:45I like that.
21:47I think it's good.
21:48So, do you need something, Gina, or...
21:49I got myself in a mess.
21:50Oh, okay.
21:54Frank, thank you so much for sitting with us.
21:56I was planning to talk to you earlier this year, and I wanted to go back to the very beginning
22:00to talk about this like a sitcom.
22:02What do you think made Who's Making Dinner such a groundbreaking show?
22:06Well, you know, we weren't trying to be groundbreaking.
22:09We were making a show about our relationship.
22:13And the only reason people even paid attention to it was because it was funny.
22:20And you two had never worked in TV before, so how did you know that what you were making
22:23was funny?
22:26Because of Deborah.
22:29Deborah was the funny one.
22:34She was always the funniest person in any room.
22:46And as you transitioned into producing game shows, what was your inspiration for...
23:05Hey.
23:08You okay?
23:11No.
23:13Yeah.
23:14Because he bombed super hard.
23:16It was rough.
23:17No.
23:20That's what Frank said.
23:24But he said you were the funny one.
23:25I feel like that would be nice to hear, no?
23:27It was.
23:29That's the problem.
23:33It's been...
23:34It's been 50 fucking years.
23:37Why do I still need to hear that?
23:41Why should I care about what some kid who I met when I was 18 years old thinks about me?
23:46It's pathetic.
23:50Yeah.
23:50I mean, I get that.
23:54Sometimes there's just one person we want to impress.
24:02I have to ask, what was the mess that Gina was getting into in that episode?
24:09Was there chaos?
24:11Did hijinks ensue?
24:12We didn't get to find out.
24:14I'll tell you in the car.
24:24Oh my god.
24:25I always want to be like, you don't have to run.
24:27There's no rush.
24:28I like it when they run.
24:30Debra Vance.
24:32Yes?
24:33I've got a call.
24:34You violated a restraining order tonight.
24:35You need to come with us.
24:37Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
24:38Nope.
24:38You're actually going to arrest me?
24:39Yep.
24:40I'm sorry.
24:41She wasn't even funny tonight.
24:42That was barely even comedy.
24:44Let's go.
24:45No.
24:45Yes.
24:46No.
24:46Do you know where I keep my bail cash?
24:49Yeah, in Vegas.
24:49It's underneath the bathroom sink.
24:51But where is it in LA?
24:53Debra, where is it in LA?
24:55Call Josefina.
24:57Watch the hair.
24:58What?
24:59Fuck shit.
25:01Yo, LA.
25:03Pick up the paint.
25:11What are you in for?
25:14Stand-up comedy.
25:16You?
25:18Shoplifting from Macy's.
25:20Oh.
25:21That's really wrong.
25:22If you're going to shoplift, make it Neiman Marcus.
25:30What are you in for?
25:32I, uh, I got a DUI.
25:35Oh, honey.
25:36We're going to get you an Uber account.
25:38At least a pair of rollerblades.
25:40Jesus.
25:43You know, it's not my first time in jail.
25:45I mean, I, uh, was in an actor jail once.
25:47I did a Lifetime movie called A Prayer for Mommy's Slippers.
25:51I was guilty for not running when I heard the title.
26:01Hi.
26:01I never do for the amps.
26:04Is that enough?
26:06That's all right.
26:07That's all right.
26:07I've been cuffed before.
26:08They usually involve some boundaries and a safe word.
26:12Oh, she now is so afraid.
26:15You have a bail.
26:17Made bail.
26:18Ah, that's my time.
26:20Oh, hey, can I bail out my friends here?
26:25You got the cash.
26:26All right, what do you need?
26:27500 for me.
26:278,000.
26:2820,000.
26:29Damn, what did you do?
26:31I punched a police horse.
26:33Oh, Jesus.
26:33Come on, let's go.
26:38How was it in there?
26:39Was it bad?
26:39It was amazing.
26:42Really?
26:43Frank was right.
26:45Don't walk.
26:45The only reason that people paid attention to Who's Making Dinner is because it was funny.
26:49But that's what I need to be focusing on with my garden show.
26:52It doesn't need to be important.
26:54It just needs to be funny.
26:56Yeah, I mean, I feel like I said that, but then a man said it louder, but it's okay.
27:02I'll just repress it and make me funnier in the long run.
27:04I'm sorry I didn't listen.
27:06I have just been consumed by my anger.
27:10I didn't see the forest for the trees.
27:12I mean, what people are going to remember is if I made them laugh.
27:16Yes.
27:17Exactly what I was saying.
27:18Love.
27:18Yeah.
27:19Great.
27:20Yeah.
27:21Hey, who's hungry?
27:22No.
27:23Okay, let's go to Norm's.
27:25I want to try out more material.
27:26Okay.
27:28You know, it's been a real pleasure sharing an open toilet with you ladies.
27:32But Bethany, I'm a little concerned about the color of your peep.
27:35I know.
27:36God!
27:43Look at that speed.
27:44Damien.
27:45He's clocking at nine miles per hour.
27:48Ooh, let's get his info.
27:50The Harris team is looking good.
27:51They were the laughingstock of the Hospitality Olympics last year, but they've really turned
27:55things around.
27:56They've got a strong anchor.
27:57Yeah.
27:58She's quick, but I worry about precision.
28:01We're only staffing the best of the best at the diva.
28:03Ooh, is that what you're calling the casino?
28:05Mm-hmm.
28:06The diva.
28:07I like that.
28:08Diva.
28:11Ooh, look at that little one.
28:13He lets the sock of the vacuum pull him.
28:16He'll be less prone to injury.
28:18Smart.
28:25I like his passion.
28:26No.
28:27Can't do it.
28:28Horrible at trivia.
28:29Call it.
28:29Call it, Ray.
28:30Yes!
28:31Who do you think you are?
28:32I am.
28:33I am Ray, motherfuckers!
28:36We did good.
28:37Come on, let's go.
28:38You need to be perfect.
28:39Work for this.
28:39Work for this.
28:40This is where a hotel succeeds or fails.
28:42A well-made bed.
28:43That's almost all there is.
28:44Look at him in the vest.
28:46I like the way he handles a top sheet.
28:49Go, Sophie, go!
28:50Go!
28:50I did not want to bring you tonight.
28:51Prove me wrong!
28:52He's a surgeon.
28:53Quick but measured.
28:55Efficient but not careless.
28:57Fold that top!
28:58Hospital quarters!
28:59We went over there, Sophie!
29:01Jesus Christ!
29:02Check!
29:03Check!
29:06Check!
29:12Girl, I see you.
29:15Moment of truth.
29:18Yes!
29:19Good girl!
29:20See, I'm on your side, girl.
29:22You know what I miss?
29:23Go fish.
29:24Mom!
29:25Mom!
29:25Hi, guys.
29:26Mom, I need you.
29:27Oh, no.
29:28Honey, is Aiden leaving you?
29:30This is what men do.
29:31They leave.
29:32Okay, you've got to make sure that all the vehicles are in your name.
29:35No.
29:35Are they?
29:35No, no, no, no.
29:36Are they?
29:36Mom!
29:37They're finally doing Celebrity Amazing Race!
29:41Oh.
29:42Remember, you said that you would go on it with me if they ever made it.
29:44Oh.
29:45Oh, yeah.
29:46No, DJ, you know that I gagged.
29:48I can't do any TV, no performing for months.
29:50Nice try.
29:51I called your lawyer.
29:52You called Stuart?
29:53Well, that's what you get for suing me for criminal negligence for breaking Grandma's teapot,
29:56okay?
29:56Stuart and I have developed a lovely working relationship, and he says you're in the clear
30:00as long as this season airs after the non-compete expires, and it does, so suck it!
30:04No, you are not allowed to do a reality show.
30:07That has always been our rule.
30:08Mom!
30:09This is really important to me, okay?
30:11You know it's important to me.
30:13Amazing Race got me sober.
30:15Excuse me, I think $400,000 worth of rehab got you sober.
30:19Nope.
30:19That failed.
30:20Episodes of the Amazing Race got me through some really dark times, okay?
30:23Phil Kogan is my higher power, and you promised me that if I got sober, we would go on together.
30:28Okay.
30:28Okay.
30:29You're right.
30:30I'll think about it.
30:30Yeah, think about it.
30:31But I need an answer by five o'clock, okay?
30:33Plus, if we win, we get a million dollars, which covers my allowance for the year.
30:36Well, honey, I think all that money goes to charity.
30:39Oh, fuck.
30:40Really?
30:40Ugh.
30:41That's so stupid.
30:42You know what?
30:42I'm sure there's a workaround.
30:43I still want to do it.
30:44I'm going to go practice driving on the wrong side of the road.
30:48Christ.
30:48Yeah.
30:49Look, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world for you to go on a reality show.
30:52I mean, there'll be a big announcement revealing the cast, and you can get them to plug MSG in
30:55the press release.
30:56You know, she's right.
30:57Reality shows do give celebrities fresh relevance.
31:00That's true.
31:01The problem with reality shows is you cannot control the narrative.
31:05I mean, that's why I've turned down Andy Cohen more than every twink on Fire Island.
31:08And they can make you look however they want.
31:10I mean, don't worry about me, but I mean, they could really make DJ look like a fool.
31:13I mean, she doesn't seem too worried to me.
31:16Yeah.
31:17And having her as my teammate, we'd probably be out on the first leg.
31:20I could be home in a week.
31:22You do need to sell tickets.
31:24Well, I guess it looks like I'm doing the amazing race.
31:27Woo!
31:28Girl, I cannot wait to watch your ass.
31:30It's going to be great.
31:37Oh, that's bad, too.
31:40Food waste is so depressing.
31:42You know, this is the fourth blackout we've had this year.
31:43It's the sixth.
31:45Two happen during separate 12-hour naps you were taking.
31:48Not sleeps.
31:48Naps.
31:49And you slept those nights, too.
31:51It's even worse.
31:53Thank God I'm such a good napper, I'd be even more stressed out about the climate crisis.
31:56And don't monitor my sleep.
31:58It's private.
31:59But it's fascinating.
32:04Jimbo!
32:05What's up?
32:06Hey, so I just finished lunch with Jessica Duncan, and I have great news.
32:09She loves the who's making dinner idea.
32:11She wants to hear it.
32:12Are you serious?
32:13Yeah, she flipped out.
32:15Are you peeing?
32:16What?
32:16Call me back if you're peeing.
32:17I can talk to you in a second.
32:17No, I'm making coffee.
32:19Although, I have peed over on the phone before.
32:22Okay.
32:23Anyway, I want to get you and Debra in a room with her.
32:25Is Debra excited?
32:25Because this could be really big.
32:27Um, I have not yet.
32:29I haven't talked to Debra yet.
32:30Well, you need to ASAP.
32:32Also, I do need to flag one issue with the rights.
32:36Apparently, when Frank died, he left them to Kathy.
32:38Please tell me you mean to Jimmy.
32:39Why would I mean Kathy and Jimmy?
32:41Now, Kathy, her sister, the one who hates her.
32:43I even tried to grease the wheels.
32:44I gave her a call today, but she wanted to get off the phone because she said I was, quote,
32:47an enabler of her abuser.
32:49Who?
32:49Which I think is unfair, but you know what?
32:50We all have our narrative, so whatever.
32:52Whatever to her.
32:53She's a fucking bitch.
32:54Okay, well, uh, I'll talk to Debra.
32:57Let me know what our girl says, and if she is not happy, don't tell me.
33:00Just internalize it.
33:04I think you're packing too much stuff.
33:06You really have room for six rolls of toilet paper?
33:08Oh.
33:08You can't just downgrade your toilet tissue out of nowhere.
33:11I haven't had time to build up any kind of a tolerance.
33:13It's a shock to the system.
33:14You can go to the hospital.
33:15Totally.
33:16Um, hey, while I have you, so you know how I have that blind script deal?
33:21Mm-hmm.
33:22Well, um, I figured out what I want to do.
33:25Uh, I want to reboot Who's Making Dinner.
33:28Oh.
33:29Um, yeah, it would take place in the same house, but instead of a young couple,
33:32it would follow some Gen Z friends who have to all live together to afford it.
33:36I could pitch it, and then you could just, like, totally rewrite it if you wanted to.
33:38Like, just whichever version works for you, I feel like, yeah, down with.
33:42But, um, I just wanted to run it by you, because...
33:44I really don't want to do a reboot of Who's Making Dinner.
33:47Oh.
33:48Okay.
33:49But you should.
33:51No, no, no, no, I wouldn't want to do it without you.
33:54No, no, no, I'm moving forward with the garden, but I give you my blessing.
34:00Are you sure?
34:01I mean, I know it's, like, triggering for you when people rewrite your story.
34:06Well, I would trust you to do it.
34:10Thanks.
34:12I won't let you down.
34:14I know.
34:15But, you know, I don't have the rights, so I can't help you with that.
34:19Well, maybe you can.
34:32Look at that headshot.
34:34It's at least 20 years old.
34:36We have two offers already, and two others are writing.
34:40So, if you're interested, I suggest you come in aggressively.
34:42Okay, great, thanks.
34:46What the hell are you doing here?
34:48Nice bones, Kathy.
34:49Not you, the house.
34:51How did you find me?
34:52Do you still have that P.I. following me?
34:54P.I.?
34:55What P.I.?
34:57You died.
34:59Is there somewhere we can sit?
35:00If we must.
35:05I was surprised you weren't at the christening.
35:07What?
35:07We both were.
35:09I'm AJ's godmother.
35:11I am AJ's godmother.
35:12Oh, God.
35:13DJ must have had two christenings.
35:16You want to alternate months?
35:19So, listen.
35:20I know why you're here.
35:21I talked to Jimmy against the advice of my healer.
35:25Debra, you are not getting the rights to that show.
35:27The thing is, they're not for Debra.
35:29They're for me.
35:29Ah, sure.
35:30No, really, they are.
35:31What are you going to do with them?
35:33Nothing.
35:34Well, you don't know that.
35:35I journal.
35:36So, what's your price?
35:37You obviously need the money.
35:38I don't remember you having a passion for selling real estate.
35:41You weren't even good at playing house.
35:42Well, you always made me be the maid.
35:44Well, you were a natural.
35:45I'm surprised you could remember anything at all.
35:48I read that you had a psychotic break live on air.
35:51No surprise there.
35:52Hope you're getting help.
35:53Just like you got help in the 90s with Prozac?
35:56How did you...
35:56I had DJ go through your trash like a good little girl.
35:58Okay, my sisters?
36:00Let's turn the volume down.
36:01Kathy, is there anything we could do to change your mind?
36:07Well...
36:08There is one thing.
36:10No, no.
36:11Let's go.
36:12What?
36:12When we were little, our mother had these salt and pepper shakers.
36:15Do not waste your breath.
36:17They were cherubic, porcelain, little blonde girls.
36:19She used to say they looked exactly like us.
36:21We loved them.
36:22That's why we started shaker collections of our own.
36:25Then when mom passed, Deborah stole them from me.
36:27I never stole them.
36:29Mom said she always wanted me to have them.
36:30I'll give you the rights if you give me back the shakers.
36:32Which is never going to happen.
36:34See?
36:34She's deliberately crushing your dreams.
36:37Sadistic, really.
36:38This woman is sick.
36:39This woman is sick!
36:44Let's leave.
36:45Okay?
36:45It's great.
36:46Don't even think about coming back without those shakers!
36:50Oh.
36:52Windows crowd.
36:52Candles are lit.
36:53There's them all.
36:53Run.
36:54Run.
36:58Hello.
37:00I'm sorry.
37:03I would pay anything.
37:04I just can't...
37:05I can't do that.
37:06I get it.
37:07I get it.
37:07It's okay.
37:08Thank you for trying.
37:09Okay.
37:21Amazing Grace contestants.
37:22Take your places, please.
37:25Oh, my God.
37:26This is the best day of my life.
37:27Thank you so much for doing this.
37:29Well, you're welcome, sweetie.
37:30Just remember our deal, okay?
37:31You're representing the family.
37:32Yeah.
37:33So, when on camera, no swearing.
37:35Right.
37:35No unladylike behavior.
37:36Mm-hmm.
37:37No talking back.
37:38Okay, when in doubt, ask yourself, WWMD.
37:41What would mommy do?
37:42I know.
37:42Yes, what would mommy do?
37:43I understand.
37:44Don't talk back.
37:44I didn't.
37:45I talked with.
37:46We said the same thing.
37:47Okay.
37:47Hey, everyone.
37:48Yes!
37:49Fail!
37:49I would officially like to welcome you all to the amazing race.
37:57Now, since this is our first celebrity race, why don't we just talk a little bit about
38:01why you were taking part?
38:03Drew and Jonathan, what inspired you to be here today?
38:06Well, we love to compete, so, not if, but when we win.
38:10Very confident.
38:11Yeah.
38:11Yeah.
38:11Okay.
38:12We're going to be donating our prize money to the Alzheimer's Association.
38:14We have a family member who died from Alzheimer's, so we're going on this journey for the patients
38:19and doctors who are running the much harder race, the one for a cure.
38:22Okay, that's a great cause.
38:24Great cause.
38:24Yeah.
38:25Yeah.
38:25Yeah.
38:26Now, JR and Richard.
38:28We are playing for the United Negro College Fund.
38:30Right.
38:30Who also support HBCUs throughout the country.
38:33Yeah, and the million dollars that we are going to win, correct?
38:35That's just a fraction of the $26 million that the United Negro College Fund donates every
38:40single year to scholarships.
38:41Awesome.
38:41Another great cause.
38:44Now, what about you, Debra and DJ Vence?
38:47I'm here to promote my comeback show at Madison Square Garden, September 11th.
38:54Okay.
38:55How about we get this race started, everybody?
38:59Are you ready for your life-changing adventure?
39:02Yes, we are.
39:03Let's go.
39:04Good luck.
39:05Travel safe.
39:07Let's go.
39:13Oh, this is going to be interesting.
39:16Let's go.
39:18Let's go.
39:20Let's go.
39:20Let's go.
39:21Let's go.
39:21Let's go.
39:21Let's go.
39:22Let's go.
39:25Okay, drive yourselves to LAX and fly to Oaxaca, Mexico.
39:28When you land, make your way to Capo Los Molinos.
39:30You have $50 for this leg of the race.
39:31Okay, back, back, back, back.
39:33Mom, this wedding hair is a stink.
39:35No, no, no, no.
39:35How did we have talked about a racerback cut on your...
39:37Stop it.
39:38Get in the car.
39:47They'll be expecting us.
39:49Right there, right there.
39:52You're next flight to Oaxaca, Mexico.
39:54Hola.
39:54We went the same flight they're getting.
39:56Yes, yes, please, please.
39:57Hi, Debra.
39:57I'm like, I love you so much.
39:59I have to say, I went as you for Halloween all of middle school.
40:02Got the fucking shit kicked out of me.
40:03Worth it.
40:04No, I'm obsessed with you.
40:06Jordan just told me you do comedy too.
40:09You had to tell you that?
40:10Well, now that I know I'm obsessed, we should totally work together.
40:13The blonde comedy girls.
40:16You're a comedian?
40:17Yeah.
40:17Well, I can also talk really, really, really fast.
40:18And what else?
40:19Oh, I can do ASMR.
40:21Do you feel it?
40:22Do you feel it on the back of your neck?
40:23She's major.
40:24She's a generational talent.
40:25This is online comedy.
40:26Well, I've also done Broadway and the Hollywood Bowl.
40:29Yeah, she sold out in like under two seconds.
40:31Yeah, it was super fun.
40:33So, should we make this official?
40:35Alliance?
40:36Alliance-iana?
40:36Alliance-iana.
40:38We could call ourselves the funny honeys.
40:40I don't think so, thanks.
40:43Wait, no, Mom.
40:44Mom, no, no.
40:44Alliances are a huge part of the race.
40:47Okay, so listen, what if there's a puzzle and we can't figure it out?
40:49Don't you want them to give us a hint on their way out?
40:51That happens literally all the time.
40:53Absolutely not.
40:54She says we're both comedians.
40:55How dare she compare herself to me?
40:56God.
40:57They will get last and we will win this race.
40:59Come on, let's go.
41:03Go, break it, push.
41:04Go, break it, push.
41:05Get out of my way.
41:07Don't be afraid to shove.
41:08Don't be afraid to shove.
41:10Go, go, go, go.
41:11Go, go, go.
41:13Go, go, go.
41:13This is not YouTube.
41:15Okay, okay, okay.
41:17Okay, okay.
41:17That's right.
41:18That's right.
41:19Go, go, go.
41:24I get it.
41:25It's good to be.
41:25It's good to be.
41:26We need to go there.
41:29Are you paying attention?
41:30This is very important.
41:32We are in a race for one million doleros.
41:34We are in a race for one million doleros.
41:42We are in a race for one million doleros.
41:51We are in a race for one million doleros.
42:04This one's addressed to me.
42:05Mom, every single contestant is a celebrity, okay?
42:07Get out of my way.
42:08What's wrong with your fingers?
42:09Transport a wheel of cheese down the hill using a traditional antique cheese rack.
42:11Once there you'll receive your next clue.
42:11Oh, yeah.
42:11I understand every word of that.
42:13Transport a wheel of cheese down the hill using a traditional antique cheese rack.
42:17Once there you'll receive your next clue.
42:18Huh?
42:19Okay.
42:20Okay.
42:20This sounds complex.
42:21I think I should do this one.
42:22You're not that coordinated.
42:23No, no, no.
42:23I'm going to do it.
42:24I'm going to do it.
42:24Hopefully you can complete this quick and catch up to the other teams.
42:26Wait, honey.
42:27Honey, you're fly away.
42:28Stop!
42:28Okay.
42:28All right.
42:29Could you take that again?
42:46What are you doing?
42:47Are you tying it?
42:48Just tie the cheese.
42:52Bitch.
42:55I wanted to say before, um, I know you got canceled.
42:58It's an American pen and everything.
42:59I just want to say, like, from cancel queen to cancel queen, like, it hurts the soul, helps
43:03the wallet.
43:04Just if I could give you any advice, you know, who am I to say?
43:06I'm, you know, 19.
43:10Okay, baby.
43:11You got this.
43:16That's it, girl.
43:17Come on, honey.
43:18No.
43:19No?
43:19Grant every footstep, but don't hunch.
43:21You're on camera.
43:23Steady.
43:24Steady.
43:25Threshaw, where are you?
43:27Out of sight.
43:28Oh, there's it.
43:29You got this, Thresh.
43:32Okay.
43:33Okay.
43:34Help!
43:35Oh, my God.
43:39Oh, my God.
43:46Oh, my God.
43:49Oh, my God.
43:51Oh, my God.
43:52Stop whippering.
43:53Stop whippering.
43:53It shows weakness.
43:54All right.
43:55Sweetie, one more thing.
43:56You're going to have to get back up and grab the cheese and finish the challenge, okay?
43:59Fuck!
44:02She's good.
44:03She's good.
44:31All right.
44:33You're good.
44:42What are you doing me just me yeah oh nothing or I just came down to get a
44:48midnight snack but then by the time I got here I was not hungry anymore as the
44:50house is so big it took me so long to get down here
44:52totally what's up with you what are you doing up just walking the dogs okay at
44:56this hour that's curious well when debbers out of town they get super
44:59anxious and just like shit everywhere oh oh sorry I'm so tired mm-hmm I gotta go
45:08to bed but yeah it was good to see you good night I'm gonna go on this is me
45:13I'm headed this I know good night okay good night good night Damien okay
45:20now I kind of want a snack
45:36honey be careful okay that's the last clue that means no I have to beat that
45:42idiot woman we can still make up time okay we can make up time because in this
45:46race the game's not over until you're standing on that mat and Phil says you're
45:49eliminated all right it's another roadblock who's got milk okay now sweetie
45:54why don't you sit this one out and rest your ankles no mom what if it's a food
45:57challenge we both know you are not gonna be caught dead eating full fat
46:00dairy on camera so I will be doing it well that's true but you didn't do so
46:02well in the last one this is my dream all right and I said I would be doing the
46:06roadblock so the rules say that I have to do the roadblock okay all right milk a
46:10goat milk a goat until you have two quarts when you think you've completed this
46:13task present your milk to the goat farmer to receive your next clue problem
46:17okay all right all right all right all right okay there it is there it is you got it
46:22you got it just grab the gear jesus she really is multi-talented aren't these
46:30goats so cute I'm gonna get like six or seven when I get home I don't like them
46:33they're demonic are their eyes so far apart I'm done oh we're done yay good to see
46:40you hey hey don't don't hold on hold on hold on get your boobs easy for me DJ DJ why
46:49don't you
46:49watch the nice man do it for a minute before you try I don't need to watch the man okay
46:52don't you remember when I had that past life regression therapy and I found out I was a
46:55milkmaid who was secretly a princess I got this sure you have to hold okay well she's being a
47:01bitch that's not that's not my fault pinch the top of the teat DJ the top of the teat hey
47:05mom
47:05hey mom if you could shut up for a second that would help you're distracting me okay what the top
47:09of the teat what does that mean which end is the top just just watch the guy watch the guy
47:13and then
47:13do it the way he's doing it don't yell at me shut the fuck up I need to watch the
47:17guy Debra it's a
47:18roadblock you cannot help your partner I know Elise you gotta relax into it oh huh huh you gotta
47:26relax into that past life oh my god
47:38look at you guys
47:41whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa calm down it doesn't work but I will hit you with it and don't you
47:47dare touch
47:47anything in this shop you harlot I remember you you threatened to smash a limoge vase to strong on me
47:54into selling to Debra Vance I did I did do that I was in a desperate situation and I am
47:59once again in a
48:00desperate situation but I come in peace I need your help just some information ha go straight to hell I'd
48:07never help you oh that's too bad to hear seems like you've got a lot of um inventory around here
48:16and I did happen to notice some items on your website are heavily discounted maybe times are
48:22tough your generation doesn't understand antiques but it'll come around it's always cyclical well if
48:30you want to wait for that to happen be my guest but what if I told you that I could
48:33take half your
48:34inventory right now at market value I wouldn't believe you you're lying piece of shit that's wise
48:40I can't but I know someone who can Marcus
48:49Sam Mr. Vaughan you're looking fit thank you I'm decorating and furnishing an entire new casino
48:56with all vintage pieces if you help my friend here I'm sure we can make a deal what's the style
49:02art deco where the old paradiso fabulous I need someone who can make me an exact replica of these
49:12why would you ask an antiques dealer where you could get a fake well I seem to remember a certain
49:20psychotic bitch telling me that you once fooled her with a counterfeit george of sconce I remember
49:26because she called it the worst betrayal of her life mind you her husband porked her sister
49:31so I need to know who your forger is because he's obviously very good
49:37well lucky for you you're looking at him god I love the stone
49:45can you use your bathroom no
49:48I don't see anything
49:50are you looking of course I'm looking
49:53I don't know
49:53I'd still be running and if I saw it
49:56wait stand there stand there look look look
49:57there it is finally come on
50:00okay ready
50:04this will be the one
50:05this is it okay detour
50:08all right break or dance
50:10break enter a room filled with 10,000 Mexican ceramics and smash them on the floor until you find one
50:13containing a clue
50:15dance put traditional clown makeup on each other then learn a clowning dance from a demonstration
50:18once you successfully complete the dance to your judge's satisfaction you will receive your next clue
50:22okay okay
50:23okay
50:23I get what you do the pottery
50:25what
50:25I mean that's it's simple something any idiot can do
50:27why are you gesturing at me
50:28I'm not I'm gesticulating I'm Italian
50:30you're not Italian no
50:31mom that'll take forever we are already coming in last
50:33we've got to make up time
50:35if we get the clown dance on the first try we can pass somebody
50:37well we didn't get it on the first try
50:38why let's just try
50:40look look I'm not going to put on clown makeup and do a silly little dance with you
50:45I
50:46I will look stupid
50:49no you're worried that I'm going to look stupid
50:51you think I'm going to embarrass myself don't you
50:54well yes I do I do
50:55I don't think you're going to learn a clowning routine
50:56and I don't think that you were a milkmaid in a past life
50:59a princess who chose to be a milkmaid
51:03what about your leg you cannot dance with that ankle
51:05what are you talking about I just got that steroid shot from the Mexican street doctor
51:08my tits itch but my ankles feeling great
51:11do you want a chance at beating that girl
51:13yes
51:13do you
51:14yes
51:14we're not going to do it standing around smashing pottery for hours
51:16yeah well think about grandma's teapot
51:18you were pretty good about breaking
51:19shut up about grandma's teapot
51:23let's go
51:30Charlie
51:30Charlie
51:31and Chaplin
51:31and Chaplin
51:32and Bonnie
51:33you know how
51:34well I don't know hold on a second
51:35gotta be a clown
51:36do you look
51:36how's this
51:39finally
51:39took us like eight tries y'all
51:41it's hard
51:42good luck
51:42roll down
51:43out of a high
51:44we're so fun and nice
51:45let's go
51:45okay let's try it
51:46that was great
51:46thank you senior
51:47what that was so fast
51:48come on
51:49you we'll take you
51:50just do it
51:52oh god
51:52this is
51:53uno
51:54dos
51:54tres
51:56uno
51:56da
51:57ocho
51:58okay
51:59we got the car
52:00oh that was so much fun
52:01what
52:02the judges were like getting emotional watching us
52:04it was really sweet to see
52:05oh ready
52:06mom we gotta go
52:07we gotta go
52:07we gotta go
52:08we don't know the dance
52:09we just have to try
52:10we are
52:10listen to me
52:11we are in last place
52:12i know that
52:12if we get this on the first try
52:13we have a shot
52:14mom look at me
52:15let me try
52:16please
52:17let's go
52:17go go go
52:26sorry i i didn't throw it
52:27i didn't throw it
52:27that's my bad
52:28that's my bad
52:29go again
52:29go again
52:34it's the
52:34i um
52:35i did the wrong foot
52:36we're good
52:36got it
52:36yeah
52:36you know where you went wrong
52:37yeah yeah
52:38okay
52:43i kicked it on four
52:45i kicked it on four
52:45she kicked it on four
52:46that i saw
52:47start over
52:47start over
52:48go
52:48quick
52:52can i help
52:53i've got it
52:54i've got it
52:55no
52:57no
52:58no
53:02no
53:03no
53:04no
53:04no
53:04oh
53:05oh
53:05fuck
53:07oh
53:08come on
53:08come on
53:09come on
53:10come on
53:11come on
53:13come on
53:13come on
53:14come on
53:39obviously i'm here for a reason
53:44i know it's been a hard couple of days
53:47and dj you've had your injury and been struggling with this clown challenge
53:51i mean a little bit
53:51you've been here four hours
53:53i know
53:53and all the other teams have checked into the pit stop
53:56oh
53:56different dj
53:57dj i'm really sorry to tell you that you've been eliminated from the race
54:03we didn't do it
54:05we didn't do it
54:31i got to do it
54:32i got to spend more time with my mom than i have in years and that's really all i wanted
54:37you feel like you feel like you're really bonded with your mom
54:39yeah
54:40it was beautiful
54:42you feel the same way deborah
54:44yeah
54:45same
54:47um phil
54:48um phil can i ask a favor
54:49i can't get you back on the race
54:51no no no
54:52i understand
54:52we're eliminated
54:53but if i could just
54:54take one more crack at this dance
54:56i know i could nail it
54:57are you serious
54:57i'm serious
54:58we got so close this last time
55:00i don't know if you were watching
55:00but we got so close
55:01didn't we
55:02yeah
55:03absolutely
55:04i mean give it another shot
55:06actually mom
55:08this one's for us
55:09okay
55:11okay we can do this
55:12we can do this
55:17okay
55:23oh fuck me
55:24fuck
55:24shit
55:25just forget it
55:26just fuck it
55:26you know what i don't even care
55:27i never care
55:28i don't care
55:29phil
55:31stop fucking filming me
55:32it's done
55:32it's over
55:34oh
55:43oh
55:44oh
55:45oh
55:47yeah
55:47oh my
55:49oh
55:50they're just how i remember them
55:53good
55:54i can feel her
55:57i can feel mommy
55:58in the pepper shaker
55:59she's in there
56:01oh thank you
56:02ava
56:02thank you so much
56:04but how did you convince her
56:06she doesn't know
56:09i stole them
56:10i don't know what deborah's gonna do
56:11when she realizes you stole them
56:13i don't want to know
56:15yeah
56:16this is probably
56:18you must really really want those rights
56:21yeah
56:22yeah i do
56:24so do we have a deal
56:26yes
56:27yes you've earned them
56:30i'll have my lawyer call jimmy in the morning
56:33welcome home guys
56:35aw
56:45now boarding group one
56:47oh
56:48aw
56:48i remember boarding groups
56:51fun
56:52they never let aiden and me pre-board
56:54because they don't count mma as military service
56:57fucking bullshit
57:00i'm sorry we lost
57:02it's my fault
57:04if you had done the roadblocks
57:05we would have won
57:06no you're
57:07kind of good at everything
57:08and super annoying
57:09no that's
57:10not true
57:11i've never been good at
57:13failing and moving on
57:17i'm proud of you
57:19now you
57:19let things roll off your back
57:21during this race
57:22you just threw yourself into everything
57:24you didn't even care how you look
57:25oh thanks so much mom
57:26no no that's good
57:28it's good
57:32you're tougher than me
57:34you are
57:35i mean
57:36i've always cared too much about what people think
57:40because i know how hard it is when people make fun of you
57:42or
57:43call you crazy
57:46like they're doing to me right now
57:51i think that's why i tried to protect you from all that and why i didn't let you try trapeze
57:55or
57:56you know release your reggae album
57:59or
57:59go on qbc
58:01yes
58:04i
58:06overcorrected
58:06i didn't let you try enough
58:08because you could have handled it
58:14you're right you do care what the world thinks
58:18i've only ever cared what one person thinks
58:21i've only ever cared what one person thinks
58:23phil
58:32no no no no no no no no tell me again tell me again she really said i can feel
58:36mommy
58:37stop laughing i feel really bad she cried
58:41this is the best
58:43oh my god
58:45well you are an evil bitch
58:48i've never felt closer to you
58:51well let's just hope i'm proud and make a good show
58:54so it's worth it
58:56even if you don't
58:57recently i have warmed up to the value of falling flat on your face and embarrassing yourself
59:01okay maybe just say you're gonna do great
59:04oh
59:04you're gonna do great thank you
59:07and we're live in five
59:08four
59:09three
59:10two
59:11welcome back folks
59:13okay i am thrilled because we have an amazing new designer here with us today
59:19please welcome deborah jr vance
59:22okay how many times has your baby
59:26reached for your earrings
59:27and almost pulled your entire ear clean off your skull
59:30so many
59:31well it's never gonna happen again
59:32do you wanna know why
59:34detachables
59:35oh my god
59:36because they detach
59:38that's right no more bloody lobes
59:40moms get it
59:41amazing
59:42wow these are flying off the shelf
59:45they are going fast
59:45if you want your own to jewelry
59:47you better call in now
59:48and i think we have a call right now
59:51oh
59:51oh
59:52oh
59:52oh
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