- 9 hours ago
Bloomin Mud Shuffle _ Free Comedy Movie_FULL MOVIE ENGLISH SUB
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:23Hey Jaywalkers, hey, you motherfucker, you best be crossing the light.
00:00:30You gotta get fucked up, no, you're gonna hear, you see, you fucking fuck, you don't
00:00:39see a sign man, what's good if you pay the taxes on sign, you're not gonna use it, oh shit,
00:00:46see, fucking working for everybody bro, working for everybody, go ahead.
00:01:00Fuck this sign, fuck this sign, fuck this sign.
00:01:06Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
00:01:10Oh, come on, don't be an asshole!
00:01:28Why was he acting like that?
00:01:30I don't know, he's just been a really big baby.
00:01:31And you only have one sibling, right?
00:01:33Yep, my little bro.
00:01:34You guys get along?
00:01:35Yeah, we hang out all the time.
00:01:36You hang out?
00:01:37Like drink beer in the garage with friends.
00:01:40Oh, that sounds awesome.
00:01:42I look forward to it.
00:01:45Me and my sister, we'll go to concerts and chill together.
00:01:49You think it's weird that we talk about sex?
00:01:51Who?
00:01:52Me and my sister.
00:01:54You have sex with your sister.
00:01:56What?
00:01:56No, no, no.
00:01:57We talk about sex.
00:01:59She'll be like, yeah, I was fucking this dude.
00:02:00He had all this shit in his teeth.
00:02:01And I'll tell her about the girls I've been boning.
00:02:04And she'll come right back at me.
00:02:05I don't really want to hear about that.
00:02:06What?
00:02:06That's weird.
00:02:07That's not weird.
00:02:08Let's go.
00:02:08Time for work.
00:02:10What?
00:02:10Okay, so I guess that's it.
00:02:11Let's go.
00:02:13But all day today, I'll think about seeing you tomorrow.
00:02:16Aww.
00:02:16See how nice he can be?
00:02:18Friends.
00:02:18Hey, Monica.
00:02:19Monica!
00:02:20Come on.
00:02:20Let's go.
00:02:22Grab it up.
00:02:23Is it weird that I think she's really hot?
00:02:25No.
00:02:26She's beautiful.
00:02:26I guess she had a boyfriend enough.
00:02:29Yeah, but she don't like him.
00:02:30How do you know?
00:02:32How long did it take for her to bring him up?
00:02:34I don't know.
00:02:34A while.
00:02:35Exactly.
00:02:36I met the dude.
00:02:37He's kind of a pill.
00:02:38A pill?
00:02:38What do you mean?
00:02:39Like a mope?
00:02:40Yeah, like a mope.
00:02:42He's the guy she was fucking in college and now she doesn't know how to get rid of him.
00:02:46You assume.
00:02:51Yeah, I do.
00:02:52And when I assume, I'm usually right.
00:02:55That's what happens when you're brought up Catholic and you go to college and you want
00:02:59to fuck.
00:02:59You pick a fella out that doesn't disgust you and you call it a boyfriend.
00:03:03It eases the bread in guilt.
00:03:05Objection.
00:03:07Grounds.
00:03:08That you did not go to college.
00:03:11Overruled.
00:03:12Overruled.
00:03:12Overruled why?
00:03:13Because I fucked a lot of college girls.
00:03:25What are you doing?
00:03:37You know what's fucked up?
00:03:39People still talk about Seinfeld.
00:03:41You say something to somebody and they're like, oh yeah, like that Seinfeld.
00:03:43Did you ever see that Seinfeld?
00:03:45It's weird man.
00:03:45The show's been off the air for like 10 years.
00:03:48More than 10 years.
00:03:50We were in high school and that show went off the air.
00:03:53No.
00:03:53No.
00:03:54For sure.
00:03:56Wait.
00:04:00Okay.
00:04:03And what year did we graduate again?
00:04:06I don't care.
00:04:09No.
00:04:1098.
00:04:12We graduated in 1998?
00:04:15No, that's what it says here.
00:04:18What did we graduate in 1998?
00:04:19No, it's at Seinfeld.
00:04:20Oh, Seinfeld in 1998.
00:04:21What year did we graduate?
00:04:22No, I think we graduated in 1998 too.
00:04:24Oh, so they both happened in 1998.
00:04:25We both graduated in 1998.
00:04:27We both graduated in 1998.
00:04:28Yeah.
00:04:29What the fuck have we been doing for the last 10 years, man?
00:04:3216 years.
00:04:34Holy shit.
00:04:39I'm gonna stop thinking about that right now.
00:04:43That's probably a good idea.
00:04:49Okay, here you go.
00:04:50Alright, thank you.
00:04:51Um, my dog got into some of that stuff you were using.
00:04:54The mud?
00:04:55Yeah, he ate some of it.
00:04:56Is that bad?
00:04:57It ain't good.
00:04:59Any idea what I should do?
00:05:00Just, just keep an eye on them.
00:05:02Make sure they poop in the next 24 hours.
00:05:03It happens.
00:05:04Oh, okay.
00:05:04They love that stuff for some reason.
00:05:06Alright, thank you.
00:05:07Nothing to worry about.
00:05:08Alright.
00:05:09Come on, guys.
00:05:12Bert.
00:05:13Yeah, babe.
00:05:35You heard about those kids in Romeoville?
00:05:37Uh-uh.
00:05:39No one should I have heard.
00:05:41Fucking kids are nuts.
00:05:42They take their friend.
00:05:43Light him on fire.
00:05:44Then they were gonna cut him up and bury him.
00:05:46That didn't work.
00:05:47They take and throw him in the back of his mother's car.
00:05:50And then they go play video games all night.
00:05:52Jesus Christ, that's fucked up.
00:05:53Yeah, I know.
00:05:54You know what?
00:05:54This whole Chicago area is going to hell.
00:05:56Yeah, Romeoville, right?
00:05:57Yeah, Romeoville, Chicago.
00:05:59Just aggravates the hell out of me.
00:06:11Hey, did you drive tonight, Len?
00:06:14No.
00:06:15I didn't.
00:06:15I walked from home.
00:06:17Okay, well then...
00:06:17Yeah, I was at home.
00:06:18I didn't want to be there.
00:06:20So I figured I would come down here and hang out with you.
00:06:22Fucking sad as that sounds.
00:06:24Come on, it's not that fucking sad.
00:06:25It's not that fucking sad.
00:06:26Come on, I'm not that bad, am I?
00:06:28No, you're not that bad.
00:06:29Come on.
00:06:29Here.
00:06:30Let's make it a little happier.
00:06:31Oh, happier.
00:06:32Isn't alcohol a depressant?
00:06:34In that winter, it's free.
00:06:36Haha.
00:06:37There you go, Phil.
00:06:38Thanks, Phil.
00:06:39Alright.
00:06:40Salud.
00:06:40Salud.
00:06:43What do I owe you for everything?
00:06:45You know what?
00:06:46Just call it 25.
00:06:47Okay.
00:06:48Oh, shit.
00:06:48Thanks.
00:06:51There you go.
00:06:52Have a good night.
00:06:53Alright, you too.
00:06:57Be careful out there, okay?
00:07:00See you tomorrow.
00:07:30Oh, shit.
00:07:52The old man is at nine hour.
00:07:53I don't know.
00:07:53Fine, I'm just looking a little.
00:07:54I'm just getting angry.
00:07:55I'm just particular.
00:07:55I'm just looking forward to the side.
00:07:56I'm just looking forward to the side of my face.
00:08:04Let's go.
00:08:39I can't see anything.
00:08:41Oh, you dick.
00:08:44Oh, my purse.
00:08:45No, I got it. Hey, hey, no, no.
00:08:46Hey, come here. I got it. It's right here.
00:08:49I feel my shoulder.
00:08:57Wait.
00:08:59Wait, what?
00:09:02What the hell was that?
00:09:05I don't know.
00:09:10Okay.
00:09:12Okay, come on.
00:09:19Come on.
00:09:20Turn over.
00:09:23Come here.
00:09:24Come here.
00:09:25Come here, dance.
00:09:30Here, sit. Sit up.
00:09:32Are you talking again?
00:09:34Yeah, I guess so.
00:09:36Gross.
00:09:37I'm going to go sleep on the couch, okay?
00:09:39No, you're supposed to stay here with me.
00:09:41Okay.
00:09:42I don't think that's a good idea.
00:09:44Come here.
00:09:46No, stop fucking me, please.
00:09:49Fine.
00:09:51Pussy.
00:09:52Okay.
00:09:55Okay.
00:09:57Okay.
00:10:02Okay.
00:10:05Okay.
00:10:13Okay.
00:10:15Okay.
00:10:33All right.
00:11:49Guess how many miles I ran yesterday.
00:11:51A million miles!
00:11:53Why you gotta guess so high? No, I ran five miles.
00:11:56Should I have guessed four and a half?
00:11:58Let me tell you. It was really hard, but I powered through it, I was having a good time, and
00:12:02now I got the shin splits.
00:12:03You don't have shin splits.
00:12:04Well, they hurt like hell.
00:12:06Of course it hurts. When was the last time you exercised?
00:12:10No.
00:12:11You ran five miles?
00:12:13No, I jogged five miles.
00:12:14Jogged five miles.
00:12:15Five miles, though.
00:12:16Your shins are sore, but you don't have shin splints. Your butt's probably sore?
00:12:20It is.
00:12:21Do you have ass splints?
00:12:21No.
00:12:22It's like the most annoying thing in the world when people start jogging and then they quit because they've heard
00:12:26of shin splints.
00:12:26Well, he always explains things to me, so he understands them.
00:12:30Somebody's got some money. Somebody's got some money.
00:12:34And then we'll go in otherwise.
00:12:38What?
00:12:46What?
00:12:55No.
00:12:56What the hell, dude? Come on.
00:12:58No.
00:12:59Fuck.
00:13:00I'm leaving you alone.
00:13:05I'm leaving you alone.
00:13:11Mike.
00:13:15Michael.
00:13:19Michael.
00:13:22Mike.
00:13:25Can I trade you one of my oranges?
00:13:31From one of your, your special oranges?
00:13:41Pull.
00:13:44You hear about that old guy?
00:13:46He shot one of the intruders that was robbing his house?
00:13:49No, I didn't. What happened?
00:13:50He was totally fucked.
00:13:52The guy was running the other way, so he wasn't in any danger.
00:13:55You know, I don't really give a shit about that. You know what scares me is the other people.
00:13:58That's what we're saying, dickhead.
00:13:59Pull.
00:14:01The time, uh, somebody gets shot, it's always the gun they're after.
00:14:04Right, cause you'd be a lead pipey to beat those kids to death with it.
00:14:07Here's the thing, though.
00:14:08What the fuck's that mean?
00:14:08Think about it, idiot.
00:14:09Pull.
00:14:10Listen.
00:14:12If the guy hadn't had those guns, he wouldn't have shot those people, right?
00:14:15Yeah.
00:14:15You asked him?
00:14:16No, I assumed. And when I assumed...
00:14:18You make him hit?
00:14:19No, I am usually right when I assume.
00:14:21Alright.
00:14:22Hold on a second, let me load the fucking truck.
00:14:23You see a guy raping a girl.
00:14:24Can you shoot him?
00:14:26Pull.
00:14:26I'm pulling.
00:14:27No, you can tell him to knock it off.
00:14:30Self-defense on me.
00:14:31You want me to...
00:14:31No, I got it.
00:14:32Alright.
00:14:33I got it.
00:14:36You know, sometimes I get so bored or so drunk, nothing about blowing my head off.
00:14:42Or shooting it out the window.
00:14:44Why don't you?
00:14:46I don't know, just lazy.
00:14:49Pull.
00:14:50It's like fucking jamble.
00:14:51Easy.
00:14:53Wait, what do you mean like fucking jamble?
00:14:54What are you talking about?
00:14:55He fucking killed himself.
00:14:57Wait, when?
00:14:58Pull.
00:14:59Hold on.
00:15:01New Year's Eve.
00:15:01No, it's December 18th.
00:15:04I heard it.
00:15:04Nobody told me.
00:15:05Wait, what did you say?
00:15:06December 18th.
00:15:07December 18th.
00:15:09This...
00:15:09Dude, December 18th.
00:15:10Nobody told me though.
00:15:11Yeah man, it's Campbell.
00:15:12It's not like they set up a scholarship fund for the fucking guy.
00:15:15Why the fuck didn't anybody tell me?
00:15:16I guess we filed it in our give a shit file and moved on.
00:15:19Pull.
00:15:20Seriously.
00:15:20I think someone would have seen me.
00:15:22Pull.
00:15:23Will someone tell me what the fuck actually happened though?
00:15:27I don't think there's a funeral or anything.
00:15:29Pull.
00:15:30He was with a girl.
00:15:34She got tired of being with a drunk, I guess.
00:15:36New Year's Eve.
00:15:37Lonely.
00:15:38Probably.
00:15:39Drunk out of his mind.
00:15:40Yeah.
00:15:40Fucking killed himself.
00:15:45You surprised?
00:15:47No.
00:15:48Not really.
00:15:50Pull.
00:15:55Yeah, it sounds like a really good time.
00:15:58No, it sounds like you're gonna be having a really fun time.
00:16:03You still there?
00:16:05You alright?
00:16:08I guess I'll just go fuck myself then.
00:16:11Well, they already got the tickets and everything, so...
00:16:15I didn't buy them.
00:16:19I don't know how to answer that.
00:16:41The $0.50 box.
00:16:44Four.
00:16:45Seven.
00:16:45Three.
00:16:47Nine.
00:16:49One.
00:16:50Six.
00:16:51One.
00:16:521-0-8-8-3-1-6-1-6.
00:17:02Hi Monica.
00:17:03Chuck's out back already.
00:17:06Okay, I'll just go fuck myself then.
00:17:08Oh my God, would you?
00:17:10How's your morning going?
00:17:12Who died?
00:17:16Fine, Lonnie. How is your morning that is just beginning going so far?
00:17:20It's good. This part. I like this part. It's fun. It's about to suck.
00:17:27How'd that test go?
00:17:28It wasn't a test, but it was good.
00:17:29My smartphone is fucking stupid.
00:17:32458 on the work order. Fairview.
00:17:34Do you know where 458 Fairview was at?
00:17:36Did you plug the street address in?
00:17:38Yeah, I plugged it in.
00:17:40Okay, first of all, you have to use the passcode. Do you know what the passcode is?
00:17:44You gotta do that first.
00:17:45Yeah, you have to unlock it. Do you know the password?
00:17:47No uncertain terms. She feels awful about it. Just terrible.
00:17:50Hey, part time.
00:17:52Never touches the drum thing again. Just sits there.
00:17:54Blind totally to waste collecting dust. So what do we do?
00:17:56We buy a house. We buy a house so she can play the video game drums at 9pm on a
00:18:01Tuesday.
00:18:02Chopping off your head to fix a toothache.
00:18:04Yeah, exactly. I like it though. It's nice.
00:18:06It's nice to have a to-do list you actually give a shit about.
00:18:08Oh yeah. Yeah, what school district?
00:18:11Uh, 99?
00:18:13That's good. That's where we were before we moved.
00:18:15Oh yeah? Yeah.
00:18:16Yeah. It's nice.
00:18:17The only part about the neighborhood I don't like, kind of bothers me, is you have to drive everywhere.
00:18:21Yeah.
00:18:21You know, literally everywhere. You want to get a gallon of milk, you gotta get in your car and go
00:18:24like two miles down the road.
00:18:25It's kind of fucking with me.
00:18:27Yeah. Well, at least you know where your money's going for the next 30 years, right?
00:18:30Thanks. That's helpful to know.
00:18:32Good time to buy.
00:18:33Yeah.
00:18:35Communities used to build themselves. Now you gotta buy your way in.
00:18:40It's all become a grid. Home Depot, Meijer, Benny's, Sam's, Ikea.
00:18:46Three miles down the road, Benny's, Home Depot, Office Max.
00:18:50Walmart.
00:18:50Then how much you make determines which grid and how far you are from black people.
00:18:59We do leave near Section 8 housing.
00:19:09Shut the fuck up. Shut up.
00:19:14This is what I get for fucking playing 13 year olds.
00:19:18Piece of shit. Does your mom know you're up this late?
00:19:21Huh? You little bitch.
00:19:25All right. Now watch how...
00:19:29Watch how a fucking man does it, huh?
00:19:32Oh!
00:19:38Oh!
00:19:39Oh!
00:19:40Oh!
00:19:41Oh!
00:19:41Oh!
00:19:48Oh!
00:19:59That sounds really nice.
00:20:01It is.
00:20:02Okay.
00:20:03Well, just think of me here, standing around with my thumb up my ass while you're there.
00:20:07I don't know what to say to that.
00:20:08Yeah, you don't know what to say to anything.
00:20:11You and your feelings.
00:20:12Okay.
00:20:14How about this?
00:20:16I don't want to be just the guy that you're fucking.
00:20:18Which, I love.
00:20:19I love that part.
00:20:19I'm not complaining about that.
00:20:21But, please, let me know so I don't feel like I'm gonna die standing around waiting, wondering whether or not
00:20:27you're gonna invite me to a Sunday dinner at some point.
00:20:29Okay.
00:20:31I'm not ready for that.
00:20:33Ouch.
00:20:34But, okay.
00:20:35Why don't we just say that instead of you standing around shuffling your feet and scratching at the countertop.
00:20:41I just...
00:20:41Yeah, I get...
00:20:42I get scared because every relationship I'm in, I get bored.
00:20:46Every relationship?
00:20:47How many relationships have you been in?
00:20:49I just broke up with my boyfriend for you.
00:20:53What is that cunty face?
00:20:56You act like you're 40 years old and have been engaged three times.
00:21:00I don't know what that means.
00:21:01It means that the best day of my life is when you broke up with that dude, but...
00:21:05Come on.
00:21:06Come on, what?
00:21:07What?
00:21:08Don't piss me off, just...
00:21:09It was a long distance thing that you weren't that into.
00:21:11And a relationship is just a little bit more than having sex with somebody in your group of friends at
00:21:16college.
00:21:17Otherwise, that's just Catholic at college.
00:21:19You don't...
00:21:20I need to mention him for like an entire month after we started hanging out.
00:21:27I don't want to talk about this.
00:21:32Okay.
00:21:34So, what is it like to know everything?
00:21:36Oh, I get pretty tired of people resenting me for it all the time.
00:21:47I'm gonna go.
00:21:49Okay.
00:21:52Hey.
00:21:55You know what I mean though, right?
00:21:58Yeah.
00:22:04Uh, so these snake head fish are apparently the...
00:22:08Uh, I don't want to talk about snakes.
00:22:09Can I get three wet?
00:22:10It sounds gross.
00:22:11Two with a hundred and one with sweet pepper and cheese to go.
00:22:14You can avoid them all you want, but sooner or later they're gonna be coming round.
00:22:16Looking for you.
00:22:18You know what we could do?
00:22:19We could just not go to...
00:22:221794.
00:22:23I got you.
00:22:24Yeah, that's...
00:22:25That's really good.
00:22:28Thanks, man.
00:22:29Thank you very much.
00:22:30Have a good day.
00:22:40Oh!
00:22:41Oh shit!
00:22:42Sully, what's up, man?
00:22:43What's up, Lonnie?
00:22:44How you doing?
00:22:45Oh my god, it's good to see you.
00:22:46How's it going?
00:22:47Good, good.
00:22:47Hey, this is my wife, Catherine.
00:22:49Your wife?
00:22:50Oh my god.
00:22:51Holy shit, Sully got married.
00:22:52Two years.
00:22:53Two years, congratulations.
00:22:54This is so funny.
00:22:55What's so funny?
00:22:56We were just talking about how whenever we come out here, everyone starts calling him
00:22:59Sully.
00:23:00Oh yeah, you know what?
00:23:01I know, I know.
00:23:02And if someone had actually asked me his first name, it would have taken me a minute to remember.
00:23:06So where are you guys living?
00:23:08Yorkville.
00:23:09Oh, Jesus.
00:23:10Really?
00:23:10No wonder you're here.
00:23:12That's where she's from.
00:23:13That's where I'm from.
00:23:13Are people from Yorkville?
00:23:14Really?
00:23:16So what are you doing?
00:23:17I'm good.
00:23:18I've just been working with Chuck.
00:23:19I'm here.
00:23:20I'm gonna get some beef.
00:23:20I'm just gonna see my dad.
00:23:21We're gonna watch the game.
00:23:22Yeah?
00:23:22How's he doing?
00:23:23He's good.
00:23:23He's fucking crazy.
00:23:24He's good though?
00:23:25Yeah, he's good.
00:23:27How's it going with you?
00:23:27Did you ever get that mole removed off your dong?
00:23:30I think that's somebody else's dong.
00:23:33I think that's your dong.
00:23:34Somebody dong.
00:23:35I know.
00:23:35There's a lot of them.
00:23:38We're pregnant.
00:23:39We're pregnant.
00:23:40Oh my god.
00:23:42Wow, that's awesome.
00:23:43Thanks.
00:23:45Thanks.
00:23:45We're excited.
00:23:46That's awesome.
00:23:47Wow.
00:23:47What was your name again?
00:23:49Lonnie.
00:23:50Sorry.
00:23:53She used to say, hold on.
00:23:55We used to work when you were a baby.
00:23:58So she kept doing it.
00:24:01He would come home from school during lunch and he'd be like,
00:24:05Mom!
00:24:06Mom!
00:24:07Mom!
00:24:08Mom!
00:24:10I don't know.
00:24:11Where are your counters?
00:24:13Good question.
00:24:14When are they coming?
00:24:14Okay.
00:24:16I don't know what to say to these kind of people, right?
00:24:18Tell them to fuck off.
00:24:20That'd be nice.
00:24:21Yeah, you'd like to.
00:24:22So anyway, we jump in the truck.
00:24:26Fucking fly out to Romeoville.
00:24:28Monica?
00:24:31Monica!
00:24:33How's Brian doing?
00:24:34We never see him anymore.
00:24:36Oh, that's because we're not together anymore.
00:24:38No.
00:24:38Oh, no.
00:24:39It's like cement.
00:24:40Like nicely.
00:24:40It's okay.
00:24:41I broke up with him.
00:24:43Oh, sweetie.
00:24:44You two are so cute together.
00:24:45Were we?
00:24:46I'm sure you were.
00:24:47No, no.
00:24:48I think it was just me.
00:24:53So, how's school going?
00:24:55It's good.
00:24:57Good.
00:24:57Yeah.
00:25:01And we lost her.
00:25:02There she goes.
00:25:05Hey.
00:25:05Hey.
00:25:06I need sleeves for that shirt.
00:25:07I got some inside.
00:25:08I'm good.
00:25:08All right.
00:25:09Thanks.
00:25:09Thanks.
00:25:10Yeah.
00:25:14Huh?
00:25:14Yeah, it's cool.
00:25:15All right.
00:25:16So what else is going on?
00:25:18Nothing.
00:25:19My clan made 50.
00:25:21What the hell does that mean?
00:25:22The guys I play video games with.
00:25:23We made 50.
00:25:24You're still with that shit, huh?
00:25:2550 all over the world, Dad.
00:25:26Yeah.
00:25:27What's bad for your head, that shit?
00:25:28So staying in so much.
00:25:29What's going on with that girl?
00:25:32Nothing.
00:25:33You know what, though?
00:25:34I think it's okay because I'm handsome.
00:25:35Well, you gotta be more than handsome if she's the prize you're describing.
00:25:39No.
00:25:39I meant like I don't look like a video game guy, so it's okay.
00:25:43I'm Stan's the reason.
00:25:44Right?
00:25:44I thought you were bringing beef.
00:25:45I did.
00:25:46It's right there.
00:25:47You're starving, right?
00:25:49Hello?
00:25:49Hi.
00:25:49Aren't you gonna say anything about Dad's cool invention?
00:25:51Wow.
00:25:52That's awesome.
00:25:53Come on, Dad.
00:25:54Gros before hoes.
00:25:55Let's go.
00:25:55I don't even know what that thing does.
00:25:57Grandpa used to say.
00:25:58I can't do that anymore.
00:25:59I just...
00:25:59Brethren, let's go to the Chinese food restaurant.
00:26:01Let's go to the Chinaman.
00:26:04Let's call up the Chinaman.
00:26:05Sure.
00:26:06I used to make a stir fry.
00:26:08Wow.
00:26:10A girlfriend of mine lived next door when we were in the house on Cicero gave me the recipe.
00:26:15I probably made it twice a month.
00:26:17I used to go to this place, uh...
00:26:19Then when the house...
00:26:20You know, it's like near the zoo.
00:26:21It's called the...
00:26:22I'd make a pot of soup.
00:26:23Mike.
00:26:23That'd last him a week.
00:26:25What was that?
00:26:27That's it?
00:26:29That's it.
00:26:31Is that a guitar?
00:26:33Yeah.
00:26:34It's awesome.
00:26:36I haven't made you stir fry in a long time.
00:26:39I'm gonna make that next week.
00:26:41He said, no, no, don't worry about it.
00:26:44I'm gonna make you your stir fry.
00:26:46Holy shit.
00:26:47And he says, Lil, I never really cared for your stir fry.
00:26:54What'd you say?
00:26:56I just said, okay.
00:26:58I won't make it.
00:27:00Oh, big ones.
00:27:01Took it 30 years to say something.
00:27:04I think it was like five feet.
00:27:05Jesus Christ.
00:27:08But they had some pretty good...
00:27:09Thought you were bringing Sebastian.
00:27:10You know Dan knows his fucking name.
00:27:12It's Brett, right?
00:27:13Brock.
00:27:13It's not funny.
00:27:14I have Brock.
00:27:15Trevor.
00:27:16No.
00:27:18Tootsie, right?
00:27:18It was Tootsie.
00:27:19Your rival Tootsie.
00:27:21Come on.
00:27:22You said you were bringing him.
00:27:23You know what?
00:27:24I actually think that he's made up.
00:27:25I think you made up Brock the hunk because you were ashamed to admit that you were a dyke.
00:27:31Fuck off, Lonnie.
00:27:34Well, next time we come, I'll bring him by then.
00:27:36Something come up?
00:27:37What?
00:27:37Family work?
00:27:38What?
00:27:38Work.
00:27:40So how's it with that girl?
00:27:41Can you go limping her yet?
00:27:43Once you see how fucking beautiful she is, you'll want to hit that ship.
00:27:46Thanks for the warning.
00:27:48I don't know.
00:27:50Tell her how I feel.
00:27:51I tell her what's up.
00:27:52She's weird.
00:27:54She's not like that.
00:27:54She says she doesn't feel anything.
00:27:56Stupid.
00:27:56I know.
00:27:57It's weird.
00:27:59I don't like her.
00:28:00But you don't know her.
00:28:01I want to punch her in the face.
00:28:03Don't know why.
00:28:03Well, if you don't care, then why are you asking me?
00:28:06If she doesn't tell you how she feels, it's because she doesn't feel the same way.
00:28:08Quit like you know everything, John.
00:28:13Where's my purse?
00:28:15Last time I used it, I put it back where it belongs.
00:28:20Listen, she's young.
00:28:22Keep your mouth shut.
00:28:23Have fun.
00:28:24I don't know.
00:28:25It's just, I've never felt this way before.
00:28:26I don't know.
00:28:27No.
00:28:28You don't.
00:28:28Really?
00:28:29Could've swore, you just told me.
00:28:30I don't know, Dad.
00:28:31The thing is...
00:28:32I'm saying, I know the feeling.
00:28:34Right?
00:28:35No, you don't.
00:28:37One of these days, I'm going to say, I understand, and you just say, thanks.
00:28:43The fuck is this?
00:28:44The fuck is this, Dad?
00:28:45Look, it's for my doctor, alright?
00:28:47It's enough.
00:28:47Just give it to me.
00:28:47Well, what are you having all these tests for?
00:28:49Look, if you would bother to read...
00:28:50Well, you had to have a biopsy.
00:28:51You don't fucking tell anybody.
00:28:52It's a little thing.
00:28:53They felt they should look, alright?
00:28:54No, no, no.
00:28:55You don't fucking do this, Dad.
00:28:56You don't keep shit like this to yourself.
00:28:58I'm gonna foot the mouth.
00:28:58Jesus, I'm gonna foot the mouth.
00:28:59Don't you yell at me.
00:29:00I know you're Mr. Tough Guy.
00:29:01We don't fucking get shit like this to us.
00:29:03You don't do it.
00:29:04Fine.
00:29:04No, fine.
00:29:05Not fine.
00:29:06You don't do that.
00:29:08Okay.
00:29:09Why?
00:29:10That's the one we're here for.
00:29:11That's why we're here.
00:29:15Weren't you scared?
00:29:17What a nice talk to somebody, huh?
00:29:21So pissed at you.
00:29:26You okay, though?
00:29:28Yeah.
00:29:30Weren't you worried?
00:29:32Yeah.
00:29:33Yeah.
00:29:34Well, that's what we're here for.
00:29:37I appreciate you not bothering me, though.
00:29:40Suck a dick, Lonnie.
00:29:41Well, do you talk to your friends like that?
00:29:42Go after them.
00:29:43Who are you talking about?
00:29:44What the fuck I want?
00:29:44You're some kind of saint or something?
00:29:46I can make it through a sentence without sounding like trash.
00:29:48Oh, trash!
00:29:48No!
00:29:52You okay?
00:29:53You alright?
00:29:53Moving on?
00:29:59What'd you want to tell me?
00:30:00What?
00:30:01Your purse.
00:30:02You said something about your purse.
00:30:03Alright.
00:30:08Anything else good?
00:30:10Yeah, it's good.
00:30:11Good.
00:30:11Listen.
00:30:12That girl, hmm?
00:30:14She'll bring her around.
00:30:15Yeah, she's weird.
00:30:16She's good at that one.
00:30:17Alright, it's good.
00:30:19Yeah?
00:30:19Yeah.
00:30:25Dad.
00:30:28Come on, I want to go.
00:30:29Huh?
00:30:30Dad, come on.
00:30:32Okay.
00:30:35I'm up.
00:30:35I'm up.
00:30:43Why the hell are we watching cartoons?
00:30:47Dad, should I wake you up?
00:30:49Hmm?
00:30:50I'm going.
00:30:52Hmm.
00:30:52Should I let you sleep?
00:30:53No.
00:30:54No.
00:30:55I'm up.
00:30:56I'm up.
00:30:57Okay.
00:30:57I'm going.
00:30:57Wake up.
00:30:58Bye.
00:30:59Bye.
00:31:00Ow!
00:31:01Ow!
00:31:04Wake up.
00:31:06Wake up.
00:31:07No, just fucking wake up.
00:31:08I love you.
00:31:09Love you.
00:31:10Bye.
00:31:19Oh.
00:31:21Hello.
00:31:41Hey.
00:31:42I'm really sorry.
00:31:44Oh, it's okay.
00:31:44Come in.
00:31:44Oh, it smells really good in here.
00:31:45Oh, thanks.
00:31:46I fell asleep on the train, so I'm not tired.
00:31:49Oh, is that a problem?
00:31:50Yeah, I was a little bit worried about that.
00:31:52What's the problem?
00:31:52No, the last train is like an hour from now.
00:31:54I might.
00:31:55Oh, I didn't.
00:31:55Yeah, I know, but it's okay.
00:31:56It's fine.
00:31:57I'll show some moderate self-control.
00:31:59I just didn't want you to have to drive me home.
00:32:04I just didn't want you to have to drive me home.
00:32:13That's good.
00:32:15Yep.
00:32:16Surprise!
00:32:16No more living on takeout for me.
00:32:18Looks good.
00:32:19Mm-hmm.
00:32:20I already feel so much better.
00:32:22Like, immediately.
00:32:23I don't feel like I shoved a sandwich up my ass and I have to take a nap for the
00:32:27next,
00:32:27like, six hours.
00:32:30Oh, and I remember just how much I love vegetables.
00:32:33They stopped looking like food to me at a certain point.
00:32:35Mm-hmm.
00:32:36You smoke?
00:32:38Oh, no.
00:32:39I quit.
00:32:40Cigarettes in your freezer.
00:32:42Yeah, these are stress cigarettes.
00:32:45So you do smoke?
00:32:46No, I keep these in here so that when I start to have a craving I won't freak out,
00:32:52I won't buy a pack, I'll smoke one, I'll throw it away, and then I'll feel like shit about myself.
00:32:55Just knowing that they're in there is like a relief for me.
00:32:57Security blanket.
00:32:59Exactly.
00:33:00Yeah, I picked it up from this guy that I used to work for.
00:33:02He used to carry a pack in his breast pocket for like 25 years.
00:33:06When?
00:33:06In high school.
00:33:07When did you quit?
00:33:10When you agreed to see me outside of work.
00:33:15You are such a weirdo.
00:33:17Really?
00:33:17Don't say that.
00:33:18Come on, don't say that.
00:33:19Do you have any limes?
00:33:21I do.
00:33:22I got everything.
00:33:25I also got you a toothbrush and a hair dryer because you know I figured that those could
00:33:28be some things that you would use.
00:33:34Wow, that is sweet.
00:33:35That's what?
00:33:36That's really sweet.
00:33:37Thoughtful.
00:33:38How about this?
00:33:38Every time you say, you are such a weirdo, all I will hear you saying is, you are so goddamn
00:33:44cute.
00:33:44You are so good looking.
00:33:46I will take that too.
00:33:47Now that is from that Seinfeld episode where they say, instead of God bless you, when people
00:33:52sneeze they say, you are so good looking.
00:33:55I see your surprise.
00:33:56You alright?
00:33:57Is this wet?
00:33:58Hell yeah.
00:33:58Oh.
00:34:00Are you going to, is it, am I going to end up in a trunk?
00:34:04I don't know, why did I say that?
00:34:07I don't know, I mean there's some, there's some up there.
00:34:09The moon seems pretty bright.
00:34:10It is.
00:34:11That might be part of the problem.
00:34:12That is, that's pretty.
00:34:13My family has this place, we call it camp, but it's actually like a little house and has
00:34:18plumbing and everything, but it's kind of off the beaten track.
00:34:21Like the last three miles getting there are all dirt road.
00:34:25And at night if you walk away from the fire and you let your eyes adjust you can see so
00:34:33many stars it's like dizzying because there's like more stars than there is black.
00:34:40All these white dots.
00:34:42I'm not describing it well.
00:34:44When I laid down and stared at them I just got really sad because we can't see the stars where
00:34:52we live.
00:34:54All of the, it all gets drowned out by all the, the light.
00:35:00The ambient light.
00:35:00The ambulance light.
00:35:02Ambulances and ambience.
00:35:06I think it's a combo.
00:35:07It's a combo.
00:35:08I'll accept ambulance lights.
00:35:10Yeah, it's just stupid.
00:35:11Like you can't believe that all that man-made shit could out do the stars, you know?
00:35:16Where's the wonder in that?
00:35:18That just sucks.
00:35:20You know, stars don't really shine, they're just there.
00:35:23It's some bullshit.
00:35:25It is some bullshit.
00:35:28Do you like your surprise?
00:35:30I love it.
00:35:32You're welcome.
00:35:33Not too cheesy.
00:35:36A little baby.
00:35:38Fuck.
00:35:43Why are you so nice to me?
00:35:47Really?
00:35:48Come on.
00:35:49Don't.
00:35:52I know that you're not comfortable with me telling you that I love you, but I do.
00:35:57Just don't fucking bait me into saying it.
00:36:00Don't fuck with me.
00:36:11Oh my god, you're the angriest elf right now.
00:36:13You're an angry elf.
00:36:19Don't be angry.
00:36:21You wanna dance with me up here?
00:36:23Yes, you know that I do.
00:36:26Alright.
00:36:27Ooh!
00:36:29Come on.
00:36:30Come on.
00:37:04I agree.
00:37:07Hey.
00:37:10What do you mean?
00:37:12No, come on. Come here.
00:37:13Come on. I have morning breath, too.
00:37:15It'll cancel out.
00:37:16No, mine's the worst.
00:37:19I've never been telling you this before
00:37:21because I thought you'd judge me,
00:37:23but bad breath is a fetish of mine.
00:37:26I swear.
00:37:27I bet it is.
00:37:28I need stink.
00:37:31Oh, my God. That smells like an abortion.
00:37:34What the fuck?
00:37:36That's terrible.
00:37:37Oh, come on. You like it.
00:37:45Okay.
00:37:49I know you're just fucking with me,
00:37:51but I'm not playing this game.
00:37:53Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:37:55I'm really hungry and I need to poop.
00:37:56Oh, awesome.
00:37:58You're not supposed to give blowjobs
00:38:00on an empty stomach, you know.
00:38:01Is that true?
00:38:02Mm-hmm.
00:38:03Where'd you hear that from?
00:38:05My gammy.
00:38:06Really?
00:38:07Yeah, my grandmother.
00:38:13You're perfect.
00:38:15Shut up.
00:38:16I'm serious.
00:38:19You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
00:38:22You're nice.
00:38:23I'm including all print media in that, too.
00:38:27Where is my bra?
00:38:30I don't know.
00:38:31But last time I used it, I put it back where it belongs.
00:38:35You text all the time and shit.
00:38:36It's just she's either, like, too tired from school
00:38:40or it's some family shit, which, you know what,
00:38:43I totally get.
00:38:45What sucks is when she's like,
00:38:47yeah, oh, I can't really go out
00:38:49because I'm doing things with friends tonight.
00:38:52What's wrong with the...
00:38:54Oh, yeah.
00:38:55Yeah.
00:38:56I don't know.
00:38:57I'll just go fuck myself, right?
00:39:00I, you know, the thing is,
00:39:01I just don't want to be all, like,
00:39:03oh, but what about me?
00:39:07Can I come out and play, too?
00:39:09If she wants to invite me, she will.
00:39:11Otherwise, you know, I don't, you know,
00:39:12I just feel like an asshole.
00:39:14You can't put her in a position
00:39:16if she's having to come up to answers
00:39:17with all your crazy fucked up questions.
00:39:19What crazy questions?
00:39:21I'm just saying, save some shit for yourself, you know?
00:39:24Let it happen.
00:39:25You go to a diner, you eat some food,
00:39:27talk about the food, you know?
00:39:29You go out and take a shit, talk about the shit.
00:39:32That's where the shit comes from, by the way.
00:39:35I'm just tired of putting myself out there.
00:39:36I'm tired of being clear and honest,
00:39:39and she didn't give anything back, you know?
00:39:41And she'll say, oh, I broke up with my boyfriend for you,
00:39:43and I want to tell her, hey, you know what?
00:39:45We were fucking before you did.
00:39:48Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:39:49No, you never do that.
00:39:50You never, ever, ever use that against her, ever.
00:39:53Why?
00:39:53It's fucking true.
00:39:54One thing you never do,
00:39:55that's one thing everyone knows,
00:39:56you never use a woman's indiscretions against her, ever.
00:40:00You know?
00:40:00You never buy a used car from a friend,
00:40:02you never ask a pediatric surgeon that was day-wending.
00:40:05Wait, who said that?
00:40:06I said that.
00:40:08You said that?
00:40:09I said that.
00:40:10I'm fucking funny.
00:40:10It took you so long.
00:40:11Let me see that out.
00:40:16Hey.
00:40:16Hey.
00:40:17How are you guys?
00:40:17Oh, no.
00:40:19This room's supposed to be blue.
00:40:22How's it going?
00:40:24It's good.
00:40:25How's it going in here?
00:40:25Good.
00:40:26Yeah?
00:40:26Smooth sailing.
00:40:27All right.
00:40:28Good to hear.
00:40:33All right.
00:40:33I'm going out for like an hour.
00:40:35Do you guys need anything from me or?
00:40:38No, I'm getting there.
00:40:38Winning a lotto ticket would be great.
00:40:41Yeah.
00:40:41All right.
00:40:42I'll see what I can do.
00:40:43Okay.
00:40:44Be safe.
00:40:45I am.
00:40:51Make sure you tell all the annoyed motorists we said what's up.
00:40:56Right?
00:40:57There's the one form of exercise that puts yourself into other people's lives.
00:41:00Right?
00:41:01Like, I get it.
00:41:02You know, you buy some clothes.
00:41:04Boom, it's a hobby because you invest a little bit of money.
00:41:06But know this.
00:41:06You are fucking annoyed.
00:41:08You're basically forcing your shit into other people's lives.
00:41:11And no one, no one invited you.
00:41:14Know that.
00:41:14You know what doesn't bother me, though?
00:41:16Is a Mexican going to work.
00:41:18Yeah, sure.
00:41:19God bless them.
00:41:19They're absolutely leisurely on the sidewalk.
00:41:21It's the over-the-hill, middle-aged spandex burrito motherfuckers that get me.
00:41:27Spandex burrito.
00:41:28Yeah, it's because they look like a burrito made in a spandex.
00:41:30I get it.
00:41:32All right.
00:42:06Tiny dancer.
00:42:07I don't really thank you for a dancing guy, man.
00:42:09I fucking hate dancing.
00:42:11Yeah, me too.
00:42:13You know what I also fucking hate?
00:42:14What?
00:42:15The beach.
00:42:16We went to Florida for our last vacation.
00:42:18One huge beach.
00:42:19It was awful.
00:42:21You know what I also hate?
00:42:22At what?
00:42:23Roller coasters.
00:42:25Went to Six Flags for my birthday.
00:42:28That's all right.
00:42:28I like doing stuff with her.
00:42:30I'll dance with her.
00:42:33That's what she taught.
00:42:34She taught me.
00:42:34The guy sitting down is never going to get the girl in the dance.
00:42:39That's the smartest thing that anyone has ever said to me.
00:42:43You should consider it.
00:42:44I will.
00:42:45Like now.
00:43:11Like now.
00:43:42I'll be right back.
00:44:05Oh my god, you're so little.
00:44:06I feel it.
00:44:21You're really pretty.
00:44:25I really like it when you're here.
00:44:36Listen, it takes less than five minutes to get there.
00:44:38I promise.
00:44:39I've done it like a hundred times.
00:44:40You're fine on time.
00:44:41Do you have an extra train schedule, please?
00:44:43No, but there's a big one man on the outside of the wall at the train station.
00:44:46Don't say that on no good feet.
00:44:48I had fun.
00:44:49They come off on this time of day.
00:44:51Don't say the tracks do I need to be on.
00:44:52Other side.
00:44:52Hey.
00:44:54Who's breath?
00:44:55Five.
00:44:56Five.
00:45:11Four.
00:45:27That's all.
00:45:55That's the most important one.
00:46:07Yeah, keep smiling, you fucking moron.
00:46:15Hey, I can't sit here. I can't.
00:46:17Just relax.
00:46:19You know what, you fucking relax.
00:46:21Alright, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry.
00:46:25I'm sorry.
00:46:27Let's just all agree we want to murder the shit out of that guy and just move on.
00:46:30I love you.
00:46:35I love you.
00:46:37I love you.
00:47:01I just thought it was hilarious though.
00:47:03Hey, here's my buddy.
00:47:04That's your home team.
00:47:10What'd he say?
00:47:10I personally know that we'll leave now, so we'll have to see the stick back and start celebrating.
00:47:15But if we have to listen to this asshole as we are, we'll have to do it.
00:47:20This is an angry elf.
00:47:21It's a very angry elf.
00:47:23Angry.
00:47:24Right?
00:47:25Angry elf.
00:47:26Yes.
00:47:29Angry elf?
00:47:31Angry elf.
00:47:31Yes.
00:47:32Angry elf.
00:47:33Angry elf.
00:47:34Angry elf.
00:47:35Angry elf.
00:47:37Angry elf.
00:47:38Angry elf.
00:47:39Angry elf.
00:47:40Angry elf.
00:47:40Okay, here we go.
00:47:41Is anybody here a member of our wing ring?
00:47:43We get an email twice a month with special offers, discounts, goings on, anything like that?
00:47:47No.
00:47:48No, we're okay.
00:47:49You want to sign up?
00:47:50The wing ring?
00:47:51Mm-hmm.
00:47:51No, we're okay.
00:47:53No, wait.
00:47:54Can we take some money?
00:47:54No, we're not signing up for the wing ring.
00:47:55We're adults.
00:47:56We're not going to join Club That Rhyme.
00:47:59Okay?
00:48:02A little while back, we were visiting her parents.
00:48:04Do you remember this?
00:48:05We were driving back to our place, and we needed to get food for the turtle.
00:48:09So we stopped at this pet store.
00:48:11Pet store we've never been to before.
00:48:12The catered registers.
00:48:14No, you don't.
00:48:14At the register, he's checking us out.
00:48:15He says, do you want to sign up for our saver rager reward discount card, or whatever it's called?
00:48:20And I'm like, no, actually, I just want to go home and take a three-hour nap, okay?
00:48:24You know what?
00:48:24And the kid's like, you see this money that's in your hand right now?
00:48:28You could get more money in your hand right now if you sign up for this discount.
00:48:32She's already walking to her car.
00:48:33It doesn't give a fuck, right?
00:48:35The kid's going on and on and on about the benefits, and I'm just like, you know what?
00:48:39Can you just give me the money?
00:48:40Because.
00:48:41Whatever the difference would be if I were to sign up for your stupid fucking membership,
00:48:43could you just put the money in my hands?
00:48:45Every single store has a card.
00:48:47Every single one.
00:48:47It undermines the very notion of membership, okay?
00:48:50Am I supposed to feel allegiance or some sort of special quality if everyone else is doing
00:48:54the same fucking thing?
00:48:55No.
00:48:56I live where I live, and the fucking convenient options are limited, so don't patronize me
00:48:59with your bullshit, and don't compromise my dignity by having me have 37 fucking plastic
00:49:04cards in my wallet.
00:49:05Chuck, here.
00:49:06Thanks.
00:49:07No.
00:49:07No one really gives a fuck about this story, either.
00:49:10I'm sorry your vagina hurts, Lonnie.
00:49:12I'm really, really sorry, but it bugs me.
00:49:14The shit bugs me.
00:49:15It fucking bugs me.
00:49:16Everything bugs them, so here you go.
00:49:21Look, I see the world for what it is, okay?
00:49:23And it makes absolutely zero sense to me.
00:49:26That's all I'm saying.
00:49:26That's why I keep you around, honey, because you make sense.
00:49:28You're the one thing that makes sense in this world.
00:49:31Let's just pick.
00:49:32Can we go?
00:49:32Yeah, we can go.
00:49:33Let's go.
00:49:33Steve Madden purse that she really liked, and I was like, I'll get it for you.
00:49:36Don't worry.
00:49:37Went there and gone.
00:49:38Oh, no.
00:49:39Jesus.
00:49:43Have a nice, sweetheart.
00:49:44Oh, shit!
00:49:46Stop!
00:49:46Stop!
00:49:47No, no, no!
00:49:47I'm sick!
00:49:48Come back out!
00:49:53Get the fuck out of me, man!
00:49:54Get the fuck out of me, man!
00:49:56Stand back!
00:50:43I've tried the same thing.
00:50:43I thought it was a good thing.
00:50:43I think it's a good thing.
00:50:43And it's a good thing.
00:50:48I know it's a good thing.
00:51:12Where the fuck are you?
00:51:16You're late as hell, you know that?
00:51:17Yes, sir.
00:51:21Are you drunk?
00:51:22Yeah, a little bit, but I woke up that way, so it's not my fault.
00:51:52Euro?
00:51:54Sure.
00:52:00You know what song I heard recently, I realize I hear it all the time?
00:52:04Life is a highway.
00:52:06That is not a good song.
00:52:08That is a very bad song.
00:52:11It's amazing how such a lame metaphor can be so catchy, you know?
00:52:16Love is a flower.
00:52:18I want to watch it bloom.
00:52:23I just made that up.
00:52:29When was the last time you bought an album?
00:52:33When was the last time you cared that an album was coming out?
00:52:37Hmm?
00:52:37That's the problem.
00:52:38Everything's about the singles now.
00:52:40The hits.
00:52:41Hits.
00:52:42You know, you listen to a song, you like a song, you buy the song, and then people buy it,
00:52:46it becomes a hit.
00:52:47Think about what that does to a young developing musician, to their mind.
00:52:52Think about how it wires that mind.
00:52:54Write a song, hopefully it's popular, it becomes a hit.
00:52:58Next time, write a song, make a bigger hit.
00:53:00Instead of, write a hundred songs, whittle it down to the best handful of songs, form
00:53:06a bigger idea, figure out a way for that bigger idea to shape who you are as a musician.
00:53:11What are you talking about?
00:53:13I'm talking about what music has withered down to, which is old dudes writing shitty songs
00:53:20for slutty young twats who lip-sync those songs in front of 12-year-old boys who are rolling
00:53:25on oxy.
00:53:26That's what I'm talking about.
00:53:28Instead of young developing musical minds crafting, crafting music, honing their fucking shit.
00:53:37That's the thing is that the choruses are way too catchy.
00:53:40That's the problem.
00:53:41In the upskirts, way too easy to find on the internet.
00:53:43They're all over the place.
00:53:46Then yeah, maybe I'm talking about the mainstream, but guess what?
00:53:48That's what most people out here get.
00:53:50The popular stuff.
00:53:52It's like if you kill 99% of the bacteria, the 1% that survives, that 1% germ is
00:53:58so much
00:53:58stronger and more resilient than the other germs.
00:54:00And over time, you know what you get?
00:54:03Super germ.
00:54:05Think about that.
00:54:06The timeline expands.
00:54:08It's longer.
00:54:17When was the last time you hummed a song?
00:54:20You know?
00:54:21Remember when you saw hum songs?
00:54:23You'd hum it to your buddies.
00:54:25Hopefully, one of them would recognize and figure out the tune.
00:54:27Now you can just Google anything in a second.
00:54:30Think about what that does to the human brain.
00:54:33It makes everything so easy, we just shrivel up into these fucking morons.
00:54:38Just shut the fuck up, please.
00:54:43When you're in a bad mood, you just make it everybody's problem, don't you?
00:55:00When did every Asian get good at dancing?
00:55:04Have you noticed that?
00:55:05Every fucking Asian can dance now.
00:55:07When did that happen?
00:55:09Look on the dance floor.
00:55:10This breaking ass, bad driving motherfucker just getting nasty out there.
00:55:14Right?
00:55:15You almost done with that.
00:55:17If I shut my mouth for a second, yeah.
00:55:52I think I'm gonna go.
00:55:54Wait, what?
00:55:55I'm just really tired.
00:55:58Okay.
00:55:59You can crash here if you want.
00:56:01No, I'm gonna go home.
00:56:04Okay.
00:56:06Will you do me a favor?
00:56:07Will you text me when you get home and let me know that you got home okay?
00:56:09I don't remember.
00:56:11Alright, fuck it.
00:56:13I'm going.
00:56:14Yep.
00:56:38I'm gonna go get it.
00:56:39Alright, um, yeah, it's definitely different.
00:56:51Stop staring at me, weirdo.
00:56:54I can't help it.
00:56:57I'll try.
00:56:58The creep.
00:57:04Revolution.
00:57:05Best thing ever made.
00:57:06You watched it?
00:57:07So good.
00:57:08I watched the first three episodes.
00:57:10I fell asleep halfway through the fourth.
00:57:11It's incredible.
00:57:12Do you understand that?
00:57:12It's the best thing made by people in the history of everything ever made by anyone.
00:57:15Let's just put it on the list.
00:57:16What is this?
00:57:17It's a TV show she told me about.
00:57:18It's on the list.
00:57:19TV show?
00:57:20Yeah.
00:57:20So good.
00:57:22What?
00:57:23Why?
00:57:24You know where the world starts out really awesome with electricity going out and then it just sucks?
00:57:28No.
00:57:29Then never mind.
00:57:33Okay.
00:57:34Ready for work?
00:57:36Bye, Monique.
00:57:38Bye, Monique.
00:57:47That was for you.
00:57:48I was trying to keep the game interesting.
00:57:54Everything alright?
00:57:56It ain't happening.
00:57:58What ain't happening?
00:58:00Come on, man.
00:58:01You know what ain't happening.
00:58:04Look good from here.
00:58:06Fuck it though, right?
00:58:08Fuck it.
00:58:09Fuck it.
00:58:10Everything alright?
00:58:11She ain't coming.
00:58:13You know what?
00:58:14Fuck her.
00:58:16I'm sorry, Lonnie.
00:58:18That's cool.
00:58:26No.
00:58:28Let me get another one of these.
00:58:30Hold the ice.
00:58:31Or else I'll just kill myself.
00:58:52Hey, Jaywalkers.
00:58:55Hey, motherfucker.
00:58:56Fuck her, you're best when you cross into the light.
00:58:59You gotta get fucked up.
00:59:02No, you do it here.
00:59:06You fucking fucked.
00:59:08You don't see the sign, man?
00:59:10What's good is you pay the tax on the sign and you're not gonna use it.
00:59:14Oh, fuck the sign.
00:59:17Fuck the sign.
00:59:18Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:59:20What do you mean?
00:59:20What do you mean?
00:59:22Oh, fuck.
00:59:51I don't know.
01:00:41So, let's go.
01:01:12Nice job, asshole.
01:01:14Fuckin' moron.
01:01:31Oh, shit.
01:01:33Night, Lonnie?
01:01:35Shit, I didn't even drive here.
01:02:04I'm failing to see the point in getting up in the morning.
01:02:08Go on.
01:02:10What I do most days seems pointless, because what's it supporting?
01:02:15You know, most days I'm too...
01:02:18I used to look forward to seeing this girl I liked, right?
01:02:26You know what?
01:02:27No.
01:02:32There was this guy that I knew from like a lifetime ago, right?
01:02:36Right.
01:02:37He killed himself.
01:02:39He offed himself on New Year's Eve.
01:02:43Not only was...
01:02:45Not only did I not really care, but...
01:02:49I really wasn't surprised and it made sense to me.
01:02:52Him killing himself or killing oneself in general?
01:02:56Killing oneself in general.
01:02:59You have any idea why he'd do such a thing?
01:03:01Oh, yeah.
01:03:01Because he was way too drunk and way too lonely and I know that feeling.
01:03:07You were about to mention a girl?
01:03:10Yeah.
01:03:13I'm just kind of seeing this girl that I'm really crazy about.
01:03:17But I don't think anything's gonna happen.
01:03:20No.
01:03:21You know what?
01:03:21Nothing is gonna happen.
01:03:24She doesn't feel the way that I feel.
01:03:25I'm just saying it hurts.
01:03:31Go on.
01:03:33Really, that...
01:03:34That's it.
01:03:36Before I could have...
01:03:37Before I could look forward to seeing her at least.
01:03:40Even if she just came over and slept, which she did do a couple of times.
01:03:43It was just nice having somebody there with me.
01:03:45I mean, what am I supposed to do now?
01:03:47Get a fucking cat?
01:03:48Sorry.
01:03:51Some sense of community, no matter how small, is what makes life worth living.
01:03:57You ever consider volunteering here at the church?
01:04:00That sounds awful.
01:04:01Why?
01:04:02I don't know.
01:04:03I don't know why I said that either.
01:04:04I sound like an asshole.
01:04:06Shit.
01:04:07All right.
01:04:07I'm gonna...
01:04:08I'm just gonna shut up.
01:04:10Taking the Lord's name in vain is the only cursing that I'm aware of.
01:04:13And you did sound like an asshole.
01:04:17But you see why I suggest living your life not just with but for someone is what makes life worth
01:04:21living.
01:04:22Worth getting out of bed in the morning.
01:04:24Someone looking forward to seeing you and you them.
01:04:27I assume you don't attend mass regularly?
01:04:31No, I do not.
01:04:33Mm-hmm.
01:04:34And a little problem with the cigarettes and booze?
01:04:37Yeah.
01:04:38I do know that.
01:04:39I can smell it.
01:04:40Oh, right.
01:04:41Dumb.
01:04:42Is it a problem?
01:04:44Is it a problem?
01:04:44Mm.
01:04:44I'm aware of what I do.
01:04:46I'm trying to make healthier habits.
01:04:49That's why I ask about mass.
01:04:51Any particular reason?
01:04:52Yeah, the girl was kind of a health nut.
01:04:54Any particular reason you don't attend a weekly service?
01:04:58Oh.
01:04:59Um.
01:05:00I don't know.
01:05:03After my mom died, my sister and I kept going out of respect or something, but my dad, he just
01:05:08wasn't that into it.
01:05:09So I kind of hit her off.
01:05:14But I hear what you're saying, Father.
01:05:16It's just, I feel like an idiot, you know?
01:05:21Wanting to live your life with someone feels great, doesn't it?
01:05:27Yeah.
01:05:28Yeah.
01:05:30Yeah.
01:05:30But who that someone is is not up to you.
01:05:33You think it's this girl.
01:05:37I guess it's not.
01:05:40Just relax.
01:05:42Look around.
01:05:44Pay attention.
01:05:45Take the opportunities when they present themselves.
01:05:48And they will.
01:05:58I feel like I should shake your hand or something.
01:06:00Should I come out there?
01:06:02Is that...
01:06:02Nah, we're good.
01:06:04Well, now I feel awkward, so what about like one of these up here?
01:06:09You got that?
01:06:10Is...
01:06:11Are we fist bumping?
01:06:12I think we are.
01:06:15Come on.
01:06:15Here you go.
01:06:16Give me a little something, Father.
01:06:17Got it.
01:06:17Got it.
01:06:18Thanks.
01:06:19Thanks for talking with me.
01:06:21My pleasure.
01:06:22What else am I going to do in here?
01:06:23I don't know.
01:06:23You could be playing Angry Birds or something.
01:06:26Yes, I could be.
01:06:28I'm Lonnie, by the way.
01:06:30Nice to meet you, Lonnie.
01:06:32Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too, Father.
01:06:33Um...
01:06:34Tony.
01:06:35Huh.
01:06:36Father Tony.
01:06:37Seems like a weird name for a priest.
01:06:39Does it?
01:06:40No.
01:06:41And I don't know why I said that, either.
01:06:43It's a first.
01:06:45I'm just trying to keep your energy to us.
01:06:47You take care of yourself, Lonnie.
01:06:49I will.
01:06:50Thanks again, Father.
01:06:51I haven't done anything, Lonnie.
01:07:21Hey, hey.
01:07:22How's everybody?
01:07:24Hey.
01:07:24Hey.
01:07:24Hey, guys.
01:07:25Hi.
01:07:25Hi.
01:07:27Hi.
01:07:27Hi.
01:07:27What's up, Calzone?
01:07:28Hey, hey, hey.
01:07:29I heard that.
01:07:31You're the great Calzone show.
01:07:33Call your coffee.
01:07:34They don't have any good stuff.
01:07:36Hey, guys.
01:07:37Hey, there's a creamer in the room.
01:07:38How's going on, boy?
01:07:40Hey, how you doing?
01:07:41Hey, how you doing?
01:07:41Hey, how come we don't see that Brian guy?
01:07:43Hey, hey, hey.
01:07:43Oh, there you go.
01:07:47I guess I'll explain.
01:07:49Hi.
01:07:52This is Brock's first ever Freddy's Pizza.
01:07:54Wait, you've never taken that before?
01:07:56You could get around to it.
01:07:57I've got the jarredine.
01:07:58I know.
01:07:58Nice to meet you.
01:07:59You too.
01:08:00What did you say you got the what?
01:08:01I was gonna bust your balls.
01:08:03You know what it is? You're too tall.
01:08:06I can't bust your balls.
01:08:06Wait, you've never had Jardine before?
01:08:11Florida? That's weird.
01:08:12This doesn't get outlet.
01:08:13I was born in Michigan. Is that answer any questions?
01:08:16No.
01:08:17Go ahead.
01:08:19Straight in? Yep.
01:08:23It's amazing. I love it.
01:08:24Hey, I'll get your jar.
01:08:26I'll give you this jar.
01:08:27She looks dirty.
01:08:28She looks dirty.
01:08:31I like that.
01:08:34That's nice.
01:08:35And you know, Connie Chung.
01:08:37In her day.
01:08:39Yeah, like a little Linda Yu.
01:08:44She's not Connie Chung.
01:08:46Ah, yeah, I was gonna say Connie Chung.
01:08:48I was gonna say Connie Chung.
01:08:50Barbers?
01:08:53Same story over and over again.
01:08:58We'll leave the change of fans.
01:09:00We'll do that point of the night.
01:09:02I've told you like 15 times.
01:09:04Wait, I thought you were kidding though.
01:09:06No, I kept telling you.
01:09:07Wait, you're seriously a fucking private investigator?
01:09:10Yeah.
01:09:10Seriously?
01:09:12Is your name on your door?
01:09:14I mean, the company name is on the door.
01:09:16There's a couple of us at work there.
01:09:17You carry a gun.
01:09:19I have once.
01:09:20Mm-hmm.
01:09:20Have you ever showed up to a crime scene and a cop's been like,
01:09:23Beat it, Brock.
01:09:24This crime scene's for real cops.
01:09:26You don't have to answer that.
01:09:27Because that question is retarded.
01:09:30I'm so sorry.
01:09:32What?
01:09:33Doesn't that happen?
01:09:34No, I'm very sorry to overload you with questions.
01:09:38I'm very sorry.
01:09:39Fine.
01:09:40Okay.
01:09:40I mean, it's a lot of surveillance.
01:09:42You know, you're serving people, you're...
01:09:44You serve people papers.
01:09:46So you go up to someone and you say,
01:09:47Oh, hey, you're so-and-so.
01:09:49Well, guess what you've been served?
01:09:51What?
01:09:52Some iteration of that.
01:09:54Okay, like what?
01:09:54I mean, okay, so the other day I pulled up to this...
01:09:56You know, I mean, I pulled up to this guy's place.
01:09:58Mm-hmm.
01:09:59Like 600-pound black guy and 10 of his best friends
01:10:01sitting on the stoop.
01:10:03Yeah.
01:10:03Bullshitting.
01:10:04I mean, those instances...
01:10:04Yeah, how did you know it was like a basketball game?
01:10:06Mm-hmm.
01:10:07You know, in that case, I call back to the office.
01:10:09There's absolutely no way...
01:10:10What if that was us, though?
01:10:11...I walk into that yard.
01:10:11What if that was me and you?
01:10:13No.
01:10:13What if we didn't do that?
01:10:15Hey, what's so fu-
01:10:16Really, Dad?
01:10:17What's so funny?
01:10:18You're gonna make a difference.
01:10:19I know I look like a pussy.
01:10:20I know I look like a pussy.
01:10:21But I'm strong as shit.
01:10:23I can totally prove it.
01:10:24You're pussy.
01:10:25Wow.
01:10:25I'm being straight, though.
01:10:26What if one day I tagged along with you?
01:10:28Can we do that?
01:10:29Don't encourage him.
01:10:31I mean, you don't have to do this.
01:10:32None.
01:10:32I want to go.
01:10:33I want to go.
01:10:34Can I come with you?
01:10:36Absolutely.
01:10:36For real.
01:10:38Are you serious?
01:10:39Do I look like I'm kidding?
01:10:40Alright.
01:10:41I don't see why not.
01:10:42For real.
01:10:43For real.
01:10:43If you're serious, I'm serious, buddy.
01:10:45I'm serious.
01:10:46Let's do it.
01:10:47That's awesome.
01:10:48You really want to.
01:10:50I do really want to.
01:10:51This guy's welcome anytime.
01:10:53Successfully.
01:10:54Into my house.
01:10:55Comes into my house, he's welcoming.
01:10:59I don't know any other names.
01:11:01They do the news in bikinis, I think.
01:11:03What do you think?
01:11:04It's like.
01:11:04It's like.
01:11:05So let's look.
01:11:07How do you know they're doing the news?
01:11:09I don't know what they're doing.
01:11:10I don't speak the language, but I'm like.
01:11:11You do like the game killer.
01:11:12You want to get more things.
01:11:14Transfix.
01:11:15Absolutely.
01:11:15I can't believe in this, though.
01:11:53PIANO PLAYS
01:12:41It should actually go a little longer just then.
01:12:55PIANO PLAYS
01:13:21PIANO PLAYS
01:13:31PIANO PLAYS
01:13:40PIANO PLAYS
01:13:48PIANO PLAYS
01:13:51PIANO PLAYS
01:13:52PIANO PLAYS
01:13:52PIANO PLAYS
01:13:55PIANO PLAYS
01:14:05PIANO PLAYS
01:14:11PIANO PLAYS
01:14:13PIANO PLAYS
01:14:13PIANO PLAYS
01:14:14PIANO PLAYS
01:14:14PIANO PLAYS
01:14:14PIANO PLAYS
01:14:15PIANO PLAYS
01:14:24PIANO PLAYS
01:14:24PIANO PLAYS
01:14:24PIANO PLAYS
01:14:24PIANO PLAYS
01:14:25PIANO PLAYS
01:14:25PIANO PLAYS
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