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00:00:29This video is brought to you by the
00:00:37After the three of us finished filming in Zimbabwe,
00:00:42we thought we'd never work together ever again.
00:00:46But because Amazon's lawyers are better than our lawyers,
00:00:50here we are!
00:00:53We are literally propelled onto your screen by small print,
00:00:57which I didn't read.
00:00:58I couldn't read the small print. I can't read anything.
00:01:01Exactly. Anyway, listen, here's the deal.
00:01:05Amazon's lawyers have told us that we must come together once more
00:01:10and reminisce about all of our exploits and adventures on the Grand Tour.
00:01:17But there is a bit of a problem with that,
00:01:19because my colleague here, my former colleague,
00:01:21well, my current... my colleague again, let's say, Mr. Hammond,
00:01:25has no memory at all.
00:01:27None.
00:01:27Or have you?
00:01:29I can't remember.
00:01:30I don't remember anything.
00:01:32I know we worked together.
00:01:34Yes, we did.
00:01:35But I have no recollection of doing genuinely nothing.
00:01:39Do you remember which one you were?
00:01:41Was... which supermarket we worked in? I don't know.
00:01:43Anyway, we're all here together now,
00:01:45in an old people's home,
00:01:46we're going to reminisce and you're going to try and keep up.
00:01:49Can you remember, for example, going to Morocco?
00:01:53Uh... drove down a ski slope in Jaguars?
00:01:58No, that wasn't Morocco.
00:01:59You were in an MX-5.
00:02:01In Morocco?
00:02:03Yes, and I was in that thing that went... that company that went bust.
00:02:06The orange one.
00:02:07Yeah.
00:02:08Anyway, yes, there was that.
00:02:08Because I had an MX-5 in Morocco.
00:02:10You're getting muddled up.
00:02:11We were in Colorado, Telluride.
00:02:15In an MX-5?
00:02:16No, that's the Jaguars going down the ski slopes.
00:02:18In Morocco?
00:02:19No, in Colorado.
00:02:22Go back to the beginning, the very beginning.
00:02:25Can you remember driving through a desert and we all had Mustangs,
00:02:30slightly different Mustangs, all specials?
00:02:33We got to an enormous event.
00:02:34There was a band on the stage.
00:02:35Yes, exactly, Hothouse Flowers.
00:02:37Yes!
00:02:38I can see clearly now the rain has gone
00:02:45I can see old obstacles in my way
00:02:51Gone of the dark clouds that had me blind
00:02:56It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:05Think I can make it, now the pain is gone
00:03:12All of the bad feelings have disappeared
00:03:18Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
00:03:23It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:28Oh, I can see clearly now the rain has gone
00:03:36I can see clearly now the rain has gone
00:03:38No, the bad feelings have disappeared
00:03:44I can see clearly now the rain has gone
00:03:48It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:03:55It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day
00:04:00Take it away
00:04:10guitar solo
00:04:24Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
00:04:28Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
00:04:42Oh, oh, oh, it's a tiny day Oh, oh, oh, it's a tiny day
00:04:54Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:05:10oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:05:15oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:05:16oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:05:16oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:05:16oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:05:26Nice and great day
00:05:31Nice and great day
00:05:34Nice and great day
00:05:35Nice and great day
00:05:49Hello everybody!
00:05:53Oh, hello
00:05:56Mate! Mate! Thank God you're here!
00:06:00What's the matter with him?
00:06:02Well, for the first time in my life, I'm rather glad you're here
00:06:06because he thinks he's discovered an ancient civilization
00:06:09and he got very excited
00:06:11and I couldn't say, no, Hammond, it's not real
00:06:13It's a film set
00:06:14That is where they filmed Asterix and Obelix
00:06:17and that is where they filmed Game of Thrones
00:06:29I'll tell you what this place has never been used at
00:06:32What?
00:06:34A racetrack
00:06:36Right, are we ready, James May?
00:06:38In three, two, one, begin!
00:06:49Oh, where's the bend?
00:06:55Oh, balls
00:06:56Do you know what worries me most of all?
00:06:59It's the poor little man who's mortgaged his house to start Zenos
00:07:03And that he's lent it to us on the television
00:07:05All over the world
00:07:06Which one's driving it?
00:07:08Oh, no
00:07:12Heading for Nazareth, I think
00:07:19Whoa!
00:07:21All over the place
00:07:29Round and round the thingy
00:07:32Whoa!
00:07:39Fast, faster, faster
00:07:51Well, this only goes up to 999 hours, sadly
00:07:55Right
00:07:56But it's okay, you were just in that time
00:07:59Also, James, did you manage to drive whilst dragging your face along the ground?
00:08:04A lot of dust comes in
00:08:05Why don't you wind the windows up?
00:08:08You funny men
00:08:12In three, two, one, go!
00:08:20All right, let's make this count
00:08:27Oh, no!
00:08:29Oh, no!
00:08:38Sideways in linen
00:08:53Get in!
00:08:53Get in the throne, sir
00:09:02Thunder steering
00:09:06Turn, turn!
00:09:10Come on, let's get that turbocharger singing
00:09:13Pin it now!
00:09:26Well, he arrived!
00:09:28Ready? Yes!
00:09:29In three, two, one, go!
00:09:34Right, this is it
00:09:53I can't afford a single error
00:10:07Can't afford a single error
00:10:10Oh, this is a hot lap
00:10:12Oh, this is a hot lap
00:10:21Here he comes
00:10:25Oh!
00:10:27Oh!
00:10:40Don't look over that edge
00:10:42Like there's a bit of lead that gets really steep
00:10:46People do this for fun, yeah?
00:10:47Not in old jags
00:10:48Oh, yeah, you're right
00:10:53We set off
00:10:55We set off
00:10:56Gingerly
00:10:59Just an ordinary drive
00:11:01Just an ordinary drive
00:11:03Oh!
00:11:04Oh!
00:11:12It's in case I need to bail out
00:11:16Steering wheel's working a bit
00:11:20Oh, gold
00:11:24What he won't be wary of
00:11:26Is losing the back of the car
00:11:29Oh!
00:11:29Oh, Christ!
00:11:32Practice braking, practice braking
00:11:34Nothing
00:11:37I'm just gonna write a book while we don't stop
00:11:39Yeah, here we are, still not stopping
00:11:42Picking up speed!
00:11:43Oh, my God!
00:11:45Got no control now
00:11:50Oh, my giddy heart
00:11:53This is quick now
00:11:59Maybe they change up again
00:12:00That was a mistake
00:12:01That was a massive mistake
00:12:07Just go in a straight line, you bastard
00:12:13Just turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
00:12:17Oh!
00:12:18But none of us died
00:12:20And then jack skiing started to come together
00:12:34Oh, yes, this is...
00:12:35I'm slalom skiing now is what I'm doing
00:12:37And I'm doing it well
00:12:44Eventually, we started on the final leg down into the town
00:12:50And Richard and I got into a bit of a race
00:12:55Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on
00:12:57Give me a little bit more go
00:13:01Whoa! That was a biggie
00:13:03Meanwhile, a little further back
00:13:07Oh, God!
00:13:10I've got a brake warning light on
00:13:11I don't know what that means
00:13:12Pad wear
00:13:14System failure
00:13:15God knows
00:13:18There's the town
00:13:19We're coming in hot
00:13:22And stylishly
00:13:23And we wouldn't have to walk to the hotel in silly boots
00:13:28We'd simply drive there
00:13:30Oh, hello
00:13:32Whoa!
00:13:34Whoa!
00:13:38Oh, no!
00:13:41Oh, there's been an accident
00:13:47Ah!
00:13:49Damn!
00:13:50Right
00:13:53Only we
00:13:55No, look
00:13:56We meant to park them there
00:13:58They look good
00:13:59Oh, no!
00:14:01Oh, just keep working brakes for another ten seconds or so
00:14:06Exactly where we wanted them to be
00:14:08And that's where they are, and that's good
00:14:10Anyway, the thing is
00:14:13That we got here
00:14:14Well, there
00:14:15Without a single problem
00:14:17And with a very definite conclusion
00:14:20By an ex-JR
00:14:22Whoa, no, hang on!
00:14:23The whole point of this exercise was to demonstrate Jaguar's reliability as a make
00:14:27Yes, but we have, and we've also
00:14:29What?
00:14:31Oh
00:14:35That opening in the desert, we set a very high bar with that, didn't we?
00:14:39Yep, so high, we never got near it again
00:14:43If we're honest
00:14:44No, we didn't
00:14:45We really didn't
00:14:47It is amazing though, when we're forced to sit here remembering and reminiscing
00:14:54What has stuck in the mind?
00:14:57Rationing
00:14:58Is it amazing?
00:15:00Yeah
00:15:02Well, ordinarily you go through a day and you're not thinking about what you've done with your life
00:15:05But when you're forced by Amazon's lawyers to do it, lots of things stick
00:15:11Yeah, there was an old car factory in Detroit, where we had muscle cars
00:15:17Yeah, you've got to remember that
00:15:19You designed a race track, stupidly actually, because they're muscle cars for going in a straight line
00:15:24And you designed this ridiculous
00:15:26Wait, wait, yes, I do, I do
00:15:28And then we couldn't get off a beach, and we were towing skiers and the queen was in the back
00:15:33of the car
00:15:33What a day!
00:15:37Because the track had been built by the world's most accident-prone driver
00:15:42We thought it best that the God-fearing exorcist should christen it
00:15:56It's so bumpy
00:15:59What the hell is this?
00:16:10Was that some sort of chicane he's put in there?
00:16:15Whoa!
00:16:17Slippery, that's slippery as hell
00:16:20That's unbelievably narrow
00:16:23What's he thinking of?
00:16:30Oh, hello
00:16:33Here he comes
00:16:38After his run, James couldn't wait to give Hammond some constructive feedback
00:16:44I just want to say, Hammond, you witless dishcloth
00:16:47That is the worst racetrack I've ever been around
00:16:49It's slippery, it's full of holes, it's full of obstacles for you to crash into
00:16:54It's narrow
00:16:54It's challenging, is it? Technical?
00:16:56It's not challenging, it's only about that much bigger than the car
00:16:58And it's made of butter
00:17:01And it appears to be full of asbestos waste
00:17:04Oh, it is full of asbestos
00:17:05Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that
00:17:05Oh, well, thank you
00:17:06Sorry, yeah, close your window
00:17:15All of us then set about our practice laps on Hammond's death trap
00:17:20Thin bits, oh, God
00:17:24You'll see bloody thing
00:17:29My own car doesn't fit round my own racetrack
00:17:34Oh, we're done
00:17:36Despite the peril, though, we gave it everything
00:17:43And by the end of the session, there was nothing in it
00:17:47Between the demon and the exorcist
00:17:51The Mustang, though, that was in a league of its own
00:17:55To the city
00:17:57I can sing it all right
00:17:59I can sing it all right
00:18:02I can sing it all right
00:18:03I'm not gonna take it anymore
00:18:0856.4
00:18:12Yes, you're fastest
00:18:13Well, of course it's the fastest
00:18:15It's a muscle car that handles
00:18:18However, these were just unofficial practice laps
00:18:22Now it was time for the one-shot winner-takes-all
00:18:26Real thing
00:18:29In
00:18:303
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00:20:022
00:20:022
00:20:02Deep, crisp, by the edge. Whoa!
00:20:05Oh, he's gone over the edge!
00:20:08Again.
00:20:14Hammond's lap's going well.
00:20:15Yeah, isn't it?
00:20:24Is that Madonna? That's Madonna.
00:20:26Yeah, I don't know.
00:20:29And we're in the open.
00:20:32Oh, Christ!
00:20:36Yes, Snoopy, Olsigott's got a bit of understeer there.
00:20:42That felt good.
00:20:43It felt like a quick one.
00:20:48I don't know how to put this to you, but...
00:20:53No.
00:20:55No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:20:570.4 of a second slower than James May!
00:21:02This is what death feels like.
00:21:04Yeah, okay, get out of the demon.
00:21:05We've done the demon and the exorcist.
00:21:07It's time for the blue nun.
00:21:10Blue nun?
00:21:10Yeah.
00:21:15Totally pointless waste of time, then.
00:21:18We've established the Mustang is the fastest
00:21:20by an enormous margin.
00:21:25But I'll go and do it, I suppose.
00:21:29Jeremy Smug in My Little Pony.
00:21:32Are you ready?
00:21:3210, 3, 2, 1, begin!
00:21:43Oh, yes.
00:21:46This is a properly sorted track car.
00:21:49That's what we're looking at here.
00:21:51Properly sorted, it may be.
00:21:53But I had a plan that would spoil its afternoon.
00:21:58You're running!
00:21:59I know, but you'll see.
00:22:00I've got to get down to this corner before he gets back.
00:22:03Help me tip this over.
00:22:05What is it?
00:22:06It's organic palm oil, very slippery.
00:22:08It's the revenge of the urban farmer.
00:22:13Into the blind, then.
00:22:15There is Stevie Wonder.
00:22:19You do know it's palm oil that's ruining life
00:22:21for the world's orangutans.
00:22:23Only this one.
00:22:24Come on.
00:22:25Come on.
00:22:26The sword's shifting into third.
00:22:40Right, we've just got to find a bit where we can get inland
00:22:44before the tide comes in.
00:22:51That is getting closer to that.
00:22:54When that happens, we're not in.
00:22:59But as we thundered along,
00:23:01the dunes refused to open up and let us in.
00:23:06That's the sea.
00:23:08It's the sea there.
00:23:11Oh, it's coming at me.
00:23:15I still say we can't get out here, look.
00:23:18No left turn at the moment.
00:23:23This is where you need a V8.
00:23:29Oh, shit.
00:23:31Oh, Jeremy's in trouble.
00:23:34That is not looking good.
00:23:37Come on.
00:23:38Come on.
00:23:38Whoa.
00:23:40Oh, no.
00:23:44Oh, no.
00:23:45No, no, no, no, no.
00:23:46Not a good place.
00:23:48Oh, God.
00:23:49I'm in the sea.
00:23:52Because it was a bit of an emergency,
00:23:54my colleagues decided to help for once.
00:23:57No.
00:23:58James, count us in.
00:23:59Three, two, one, away.
00:24:07Yes.
00:24:08Right, let's go.
00:24:14Jesus Christ.
00:24:17Oh, it's coming in.
00:24:23Come on.
00:24:24Come on.
00:24:24Come on.
00:24:26Come on.
00:24:29Come on.
00:24:30Come on.
00:24:30Come on.
00:24:35Whoa.
00:24:35Oh.
00:24:38Oh, it's bad.
00:24:42Come on, man.
00:24:49Come on, baby, come on.
00:24:53Mercifully, the dunes finally started to fall away,
00:24:57and we were saved.
00:25:02And we're through!
00:25:03We are. We are.
00:25:05That's a relief.
00:25:09So nearly got stuck, then.
00:25:21We were going to see which of our cars was the best at skioring,
00:25:25a sport in which you race round a frozen lake while towing a skier.
00:25:31Mad?
00:25:33You don't even know the half of it.
00:25:37One of them has only got one leg.
00:25:39What?
00:25:44But did he lose the other one doing this?
00:25:47Good afternoon, gentlemen.
00:25:48Hello.
00:25:49Good afternoon.
00:25:51There then followed a typically verbose Scandinavian conversation.
00:25:56Do you do it here because there aren't very many mountains to ski on?
00:26:00Yeah.
00:26:01How do you win?
00:26:03The fastest wins.
00:26:09Soon, though, the chat started to flow.
00:26:11How fast do you normally go?
00:26:14120.
00:26:15What?
00:26:16120.
00:26:17I wouldn't do that without a ski.
00:26:18That's kilometers an hour, yes?
00:26:19Kilometers per hour.
00:26:20It's still...
00:26:20That's still 70.
00:26:22Yes, that was 70 miles an hour.
00:26:24Closer to 80.
00:26:25What?
00:26:26Yeah.
00:26:26Well, what?
00:26:27We've never done this.
00:26:28Yes.
00:26:28So we won't go that fast, but you can still enjoy it.
00:26:31Well, that's sort of up to us, really.
00:26:32That's the problem.
00:26:32It's up to us.
00:26:34We have done a little bit of driving around this track.
00:26:36Well, I haven't.
00:26:37And when you're following the other one, he doesn't know what he's gonna do in the corner,
00:26:41how he's gonna do it.
00:26:42Is he gonna turn early inside?
00:26:43I don't know what the car's going to do.
00:26:44Yeah, but your cars are intact.
00:26:47I mean, not...
00:26:48No, his is...
00:26:49Yeah.
00:26:49But your cars.
00:26:50Yeah.
00:26:51He just looked at the middle pedal and thought, no, I don't need that.
00:26:59Here we go.
00:27:07There's a man in the rear view mirror, and he's keeping up with me.
00:27:10That's alarming.
00:27:15Where does it go?
00:27:22Oh, what bollocks, that.
00:27:28Oh, sorry.
00:27:3365 miles per hour, and he's still there.
00:27:45And that's 80 miles an hour we've just achieved.
00:27:49I want to catch Jeremy more than anything else in the world, but I don't want to kill someone else
00:27:53doing it.
00:27:57Oh, no.
00:27:58Simon's gaining, he is gaining.
00:28:00He wants me to go faster. He's bloody nuts.
00:28:05I went by.
00:28:07No!
00:28:08No!
00:28:12I had the lead.
00:28:18That's a mistake.
00:28:25Shit. I've lost him.
00:28:28Right, last lap.
00:28:31Through the chicane-y bit.
00:28:35Come on!
00:28:37Lapping's good, but it doesn't be cute.
00:28:41And I have a lot of cubes.
00:28:51Come on!
00:28:53The power of the V8 is mighty!
00:28:56Yes!
00:28:59I forgot to check. He's still there.
00:29:10I'll have it. Thank you very much.
00:29:14Having finally got the queen into the car,
00:29:17we were now faced with a perilous drive to the embassy.
00:29:22However, this did at least mean I could get back to my day job.
00:29:28Let me talk you through the car. This is the S8+.
00:29:31Now, the plus means it has 80 more horsepower than the standard car.
00:29:36That means not to 60 in 3.8 seconds. Top speed, 190.
00:29:43That's very interesting.
00:29:48The immense power is harnessed not only by all-wheel drive,
00:29:52but also by ceramic brakes and electronic differential.
00:29:58There's a time and a place for talking about that stuff, mate!
00:30:01Sitting behind a six-foot, five-inch driver means that rear legroom
00:30:04isn't rather at a premium.
00:30:06Having said that, however, for a high-performance saloon,
00:30:09the ride quality is really rather good.
00:30:11Will you two stop reviewing the car?
00:30:16Do you have an opinion, the queen?
00:30:18Not now!
00:30:23Hold it steady. I'm gonna shoot them.
00:30:28Shoot him in the face!
00:30:32Have you come far?
00:30:38Living Daylights, Transporter 2 and 3, Taken, Ronin.
00:30:42Why are you listing films?
00:30:44Because all those films had a big Audi saloon in them,
00:30:47going quickly.
00:30:48It is the car of choice for the Hollywood hero.
00:30:52Shut up!
00:30:57What's the top speed of that thing, James, do you reckon?
00:31:00What, 90 miles an hour?
00:31:01Well, here is a top tip for Hollywood heroes.
00:31:06If you're being chased by a car which is slower than the car you're in,
00:31:10simply drive faster than it.
00:31:15See, that's what Nick Cage ought to have thought about, really,
00:31:17in The Rock, and that man in Rome with the SA chasing the Citrus.
00:31:21Stop talking about films!
00:31:24There's a mogee waxing our tail.
00:31:26Oh, God!
00:31:26We're gonna shoot it to petrol tank.
00:31:28James, there's no point shooting his petrol tank.
00:31:30Petrol only blows up in films.
00:31:40Well, that's not strictly accurate.
00:31:43Where in the bloody hell is the embassy?
00:31:45Go down here.
00:31:47Ah, she's promising!
00:31:48There it is!
00:31:49There it is!
00:31:49There it is!
00:31:51Right, you get the Queen to safety.
00:31:53I'll cover you.
00:31:54Okay, I'm on it!
00:31:55Right, good.
00:31:56Go, go, go, go, go!
00:31:57Your Majesty!
00:31:59Really quick!
00:32:03We've got safety!
00:32:18Come on, Jeremy!
00:32:20Come on!
00:32:20I'm doing my best!
00:32:23Oh!
00:32:25With the blast!
00:32:26It's so low!
00:32:28I just keep moving!
00:32:31They've done it again!
00:32:33Jake, you're me!
00:32:35You cannot modernize the royalty, because royalty is, at the very best, a medieval concept.
00:32:42Oh!
00:32:43Oh!
00:32:44Jeez!
00:32:45That's gonna sting!
00:32:46It's still going!
00:32:48Keep going!
00:32:49Find the mines!
00:32:52Oh!
00:32:56It's still going!
00:33:20James!
00:33:20He's dead!
00:33:23Oh!
00:33:24Wait a minute!
00:33:24He's going again!
00:33:25He's moving again!
00:33:26Jeremy, come on!
00:33:27You can do it!
00:33:29Come on!
00:33:29Keep going!
00:33:30Come on!
00:33:31This is it!
00:33:32Hammond!
00:33:32There's the finish line!
00:33:34There it is!
00:33:34Hammond!
00:33:34There it is!
00:33:34The right way!
00:33:35More or less!
00:33:36You could maybe roll over it!
00:33:37You could do it!
00:33:39Yes!
00:33:40We have done it!
00:33:45Have you come far?
00:33:51The really strange thing is, we, all of us, loved making that film.
00:33:57When we were doing it, we were going, this is brilliant!
00:34:00And we got back, and it was edited, and we saw, well, this is fantastic!
00:34:03And it was only the second programme we'd done, wasn't it?
00:34:06It was.
00:34:06It was the second ever Grand Tour.
00:34:08And then it went on television, and everybody hated it!
00:34:11Literally everyone!
00:34:12They did!
00:34:13With the amount of people going, if that's what the Grand Tour's going to be like,
00:34:16we're never going to watch it ever again!
00:34:17But we were so proud and excited, and I do remember filming it.
00:34:21I remember the day.
00:34:22I remember it was huge fun, and we said to the world, what do you think of this?
00:34:26And the world says, we hate it!
00:34:27I think the fundamental problem is that the ladies and gentlemen at home
00:34:33don't really enjoy it when we're having fun.
00:34:37I think they prefer it when we're miserable.
00:34:42Yeah, and there's been plenty of times when we have been.
00:34:44Oh, yes.
00:34:54He's not going to do it.
00:35:00Oh, look.
00:35:13I need a tow!
00:35:14A tow!
00:35:17This is me saving James, mate.
00:35:21It's not ideal, but...
00:35:25Jeremy is ready!
00:35:31Keep going!
00:35:36What is that noise?
00:35:43That's my gearbox.
00:35:45No, no, stop!
00:35:46Oh, you pillock!
00:35:47Good luck!
00:35:57Ready, steady, and brake testing, James May.
00:36:06No!
00:36:09You're not helping with the transport of live fish.
00:36:12This is supposed to be a group effort.
00:36:14Oh, someone's fallen over in the road. Nothing I can do.
00:36:21Oh, no, red dust.
00:36:23Oh, God. Here we go.
00:36:28It doesn't look like anything much, but this soft red sand
00:36:31sits on a very hard subsurface.
00:36:34And it is simply impossible to ride a bike over.
00:36:38It just has no grip.
00:36:42Shit!
00:36:47Front end got away from me.
00:36:50There's only another hundred miles for this, haven't you?
00:36:54Oh, for sake.
00:36:58Oh!
00:36:59Oh!
00:37:00Ah!
00:37:02Come on, stop it!
00:37:04Oh, fuck!
00:37:05Oh, fuck!
00:37:08Shit!
00:37:10Oh!
00:37:11Oh, here we go again.
00:37:13Yep.
00:37:13Nope. Yep.
00:37:15Do you know, James,
00:37:17it's actually possible to get bored
00:37:19with watching Hammond fall off a motorcycle.
00:37:23Oh, fuck!
00:37:24Oh, bollocks!
00:37:25Let's find out what lies in here for you.
00:37:28Come on.
00:37:32Oh, dearie me.
00:37:38I think you've drowned your hog.
00:37:42As the afternoon wore on,
00:37:46the roads became even worse.
00:37:52Come on, James!
00:37:53And the human terrapin
00:37:55was really starting to slow me down.
00:38:02Oh, bollocks!
00:38:07Ha-ha!
00:38:08Ha-ha!
00:38:08I can go in the middle!
00:38:09You see?
00:38:12Oh!
00:38:22Yes!
00:38:23The green one 89!
00:38:26And the green one 90!
00:38:30We are screaming along now!
00:38:41Come on!
00:38:45Come on!
00:38:45Come on, come on, come on!
00:38:49Come on!
00:38:50Come on!
00:38:55That's gone, then.
00:38:56Yeah.
00:38:58But what happened there is, basically,
00:38:59we missed a train
00:39:00because you don't know to slow down
00:39:02when it says,
00:39:03finished, across the road.
00:39:05Oh, nice!
00:39:05Sorry to put it bluntly like that,
00:39:06but that's exactly what happened then.
00:39:21Uh...
00:39:21James?
00:39:24Nothing. Don't worry.
00:39:25What?
00:39:27Nothing.
00:39:29Ow!
00:39:30There's nobody else disabled down here.
00:39:32Oh, I'd be better if I could sit in that special seat
00:39:34that's reserved for me.
00:39:37It's reserved for disabled people.
00:39:39Like me!
00:39:39But you're not disabled.
00:39:41Temporarily, yes, I am!
00:39:42What do you mean?
00:39:43You've had a playground injury as a result of your own half-wittedness.
00:39:46That's not disabled.
00:39:48That's an insult to genuinely disabled people.
00:39:48I'm surprised you don't do more charity work with the differently abled.
00:39:55Oh, look.
00:39:59Oh.
00:40:00Oh, that's not worked, has it?
00:40:06What a bloody noise, honestly.
00:40:08Well, what can I do about it?
00:40:09Put some springs in them or something.
00:40:27You do realise this is not a self-propelled one.
00:40:30It hasn't got the big wheels. You'll have to push me.
00:40:32Yeah, that's all right.
00:40:33Cool.
00:40:33It's better than listening to that clink, chink, clink, chink noise
00:40:36for the rest of the day.
00:40:37Yeah, you've really suffered, mate.
00:40:38I don't know how you put up with it.
00:40:44Get everything from out of your pockets, please.
00:40:47Tap down.
00:40:51We'll have him pat it down.
00:40:53What's it?
00:40:53Pat down.
00:40:54Yeah, okay.
00:40:55All right, so I'm gonna go ahead and give you a pat down today, okay?
00:40:58All right, so the pat down consists of me starting from the top
00:41:01all the way to the top of your feet.
00:41:03For your sensitive areas, I have to use the back of my hands
00:41:05in a sliding motion from your waist going down over your groin
00:41:10and across your groin as well.
00:41:11I'm gonna go up and down, okay?
00:41:18I'm going down.
00:41:24Ow!
00:41:25Sorry.
00:41:25Has he got to go in that?
00:41:27Yes, he is.
00:41:31Okay.
00:41:32See you on board.
00:41:35Hello, welcome aboard.
00:41:36Hello.
00:41:38Oh, God.
00:41:43Yeah.
00:41:47Okay.
00:41:55How's it going in the sermon?
00:41:58It's just, like, honestly, it's a walk in the park.
00:42:01What about you?
00:42:02It's a bit squeaky, but it keeps going.
00:42:06But what I'd love to know is what's happening in the catering.
00:42:12Oh, Jesus.
00:42:14Oh!
00:42:15That is turds.
00:42:17Jesus.
00:42:20Oh!
00:42:21The water is like a bath that someone's had diarrhea in.
00:42:29Bullard.
00:42:31Ah!
00:42:34Ah!
00:42:39Oh, shitty deck.
00:42:41I'll just adjust the temperature down to, you know, 22 degrees,
00:42:45I think would be better.
00:42:47Adjust the lumbar support using this button down here.
00:42:53How much more of this is there?
00:42:56Oh, Jesus!
00:43:00Things were so bad that at the next ferry crossing,
00:43:03it looked like he was going to try and make the far bank
00:43:06without a boat.
00:43:11Wouldn't you?
00:43:12Yeah, I would.
00:43:13I mean, somebody said to me,
00:43:15yes, there are sharks in there.
00:43:17I'd still say, I don't care.
00:43:23As we left the ferry, James was much happier and cleaner.
00:43:28Oh, I'm feeling pretty good now.
00:43:30I don't know.
00:43:38Give me strength!
00:43:44Can I just say...
00:43:46What?
00:43:46The misery there that you talked about was mainly mine, wasn't it?
00:43:50Not yours.
00:43:51And a little bit of his.
00:43:52It was yours.
00:43:53It was quite rare that all three of us were miserable at the same time.
00:43:58Generally, it's one or two miserable.
00:44:00But, how about for a combination of misery and terror,
00:44:05do you remember the South China Sea?
00:44:22I'm going to throw up at this rate, not because of seasickness,
00:44:25but because of the amount of salt water in the bag.
00:44:54I'm going to go there's a lot worse than I thought it was going to be.
00:45:03Jesus Christ, one big wave goes in there, I'm going to get very nose heavy, and I cannot realistically get
00:45:10up there to put it back.
00:45:15Meanwhile, I'd finally managed to put my roof up.
00:45:18Oh yes, there's a chance, there's a chance.
00:45:22Which was time well spent.
00:45:25Holy shit!
00:45:31Oh, bollocks!
00:45:39Stop doing that!
00:45:43The good news is, Hammond, it can't be worse than that.
00:45:52But it did get worse.
00:46:03Oh, f***ing lord!
00:46:10Jeez, this is stupid!
00:46:15He's got a snap!
00:46:27I just pissed myself standing up where I was.
00:46:31Anything else is not an option.
00:46:35Oh!
00:46:36Jesus!
00:46:37F***ing works!
00:46:40What a bomb!
00:46:45One of our camera boats was in very big trouble.
00:46:49Bloody hell!
00:46:57And James had completely lost control of his antique.
00:47:01No!
00:47:02No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:47:03Oh no!
00:47:24I mean, it was a bit miserable, I'd met, but I wasn't very frightened.
00:47:27Not for me.
00:47:28I was utterly miserable and terrified.
00:47:31I was miserable and terrified.
00:47:33I hated it.
00:47:33I wasn't.
00:47:33So that's not all three of us.
00:47:35For terror, I would go for driving that Aston Martin...
00:47:42DB4, the newly built vintage...
00:47:45Oh, yeah, old chassis number.
00:47:47...around that very bank circuit in Spain.
00:47:50Because...
00:47:52I just had a sense all the time that this is going to go wrong.
00:48:0860 miles an hour as I approach...
00:48:11Whoa!
00:48:12Big pothole there.
00:48:13The first corner.
00:48:16Whoa!
00:48:17Steering's gone very weird.
00:48:20The bolts are so unnerving.
00:48:24Jesus.
00:48:25Apparently, some of them are so violent they can make the car jump...
00:48:31...four feet to the right.
00:48:38Right, this is it.
00:48:40Let's see how fast I can make this thing go.
00:48:58Oh, my giddy-o, that's...
00:49:00Jesus Christ!
00:49:09That's bumpy!
00:49:10Shit!
00:49:12Oh, me!
00:49:15Oh, my God!
00:49:28That's one of the scariest things I've ever done in a car.
00:49:32Ever.
00:49:34Terror and a sense of it could go wrong.
00:49:37Terror and a sense of it could go wrong.
00:49:37Was that as terrifying as driving a gigantic pickup truck over a spindly bridge in Columbia?
00:49:49Oh, God.
00:49:53Oh, God.
00:50:00The only way I can do this is by looking at the driver's side tire and keeping it as close
00:50:03as I can to that edge.
00:50:05And hoping to God that gives me enough.
00:50:07Oh, Christ.
00:50:15Oh, Jesus.
00:50:17I'm shaking all over.
00:50:19I can do this.
00:50:21I'm just going to look at the wood.
00:50:22Not at what's below.
00:50:23Just look at the wood.
00:50:27Oh!
00:50:32Jesus Christ.
00:50:33Now I'm too close to the edge.
00:50:46Oh, God.
00:50:52I think I might be sick.
00:50:55I will get there.
00:50:57Crossing this bridge is just part of my journey.
00:51:04Who is that clippity-clopping across my bridge?
00:51:07Oh, God.
00:51:12Not the billy goat grab game.
00:51:14Mm-hmm.
00:51:15I will move my Jeep out of your way.
00:51:17If you can answer this simple prog rock question.
00:51:21Let me off the bridge.
00:51:21I'm going to be sick. Please.
00:51:23I was gripped with...
00:51:24It was horrid.
00:51:26I was quite scared driving a panda over the spindly bridge.
00:51:29Yeah.
00:51:29No.
00:51:30Wait.
00:51:31I've got it.
00:51:33That pond bug that you two built.
00:51:36The three-wheeler aqua car.
00:51:39Oh, yes.
00:51:40Yes, you...
00:51:41Oh, yes, he said enthusiastically.
00:51:43No, I'm thinking the pond bug turned into a...
00:51:44Into a...
00:51:45Yes, and then you two built it.
00:51:47Mm-hmm.
00:51:48Mm-hmm.
00:51:48And then you said to me, you drive it.
00:51:50And while you're at it, set a new water speed record for amphibious cars.
00:51:55We gave you all the glory.
00:51:57That's right. We did the work.
00:51:59You got the prize.
00:52:12Visor down.
00:52:16It's on the plane now.
00:52:18We're on the plane.
00:52:19It's very sprayy.
00:52:21It's a badly designed hull.
00:52:25Jesus Christ, this steering.
00:52:29God.
00:52:32It's a nightmare.
00:52:35I can't steer it.
00:52:37I literally cannot steer it.
00:52:40I think he's experimenting with it.
00:52:42I think he's sort of testing.
00:52:44Oh, my God.
00:52:47God.
00:52:49It looks pretty good.
00:52:50It looks fabulous.
00:52:51I bet it handles like a dream.
00:52:53Oh, come on.
00:52:54The crash into the bloody safety boat.
00:52:58Look, he's making curds.
00:52:59That looks tremendous.
00:53:00Yes.
00:53:02Three times I tried to get the pond bug pointing in the right direction.
00:53:09Absolutely impossible.
00:53:11And then I thought, sod it.
00:53:13Put my foot down and went for it.
00:53:20Oh, Christ.
00:53:22It's only my skill that is keeping this pointing in a straight line.
00:53:30I've got a GPS speedo, but I can't read it because there isn't any GPS.
00:53:39Why have they given me such shoddy workmanship?
00:53:44Oh, heavens.
00:53:49Oh, Christ.
00:53:51That's the worst thing I've ever done.
00:53:53Ever.
00:53:53And now I've got to turn around and do it again.
00:53:57And I've got to wait for my own wash to die down.
00:53:59That's what did for Campbell.
00:54:01He went back too quickly.
00:54:06Here we go.
00:54:12That is my foot pinned to the floor.
00:54:18Caesars is starting to trainwalk.
00:54:23It's really bad.
00:54:29And then...
00:54:30Oh, my God.
00:54:32Oh, no, we've got a power problem.
00:54:34I'm losing power.
00:54:37May and Hammond have built a piece of shit here.
00:54:42It sounds a little bit inconsistent.
00:54:46That's maybe him feathering the throttle.
00:54:48He's possibly finessing it to keep it on the plane.
00:54:52Oh, no, come on!
00:55:02Jesus, a lot of smoke.
00:55:05Well, that was a disaster.
00:55:07I've got no GPS, so I don't know how fast that was.
00:55:11And the engine is cutting out all the time.
00:55:15Basically, it was time for a stern word with the engineering department.
00:55:21Right, you two.
00:55:22Yeah?
00:55:22Not only have you built something ugly and complicated.
00:55:25It's not.
00:55:26No, it's rubbish and lethal.
00:55:27In what way?
00:55:28The worst thing is the steering.
00:55:30You cannot get it going in a straight line.
00:55:32The steering is a horrible compromise,
00:55:34because it's got to work the steering wheel,
00:55:35and it's got to steer the bay.
00:55:36Well, compromise is a way of describing it.
00:55:39Oh, lethal is another way.
00:55:41It looked great.
00:55:43Great out there.
00:55:43Oh, yeah.
00:55:45I was doing about four miles an hour.
00:55:47Well, I'll have to stop.
00:55:48Secret 46 for Bomberg.
00:55:5045.
00:55:51Violet, Jeremy Barton.
00:55:52Yeah.
00:55:53South, 47.362.
00:55:57It says 48.274.
00:56:00And with 47.81, which is a new national record.
00:56:07We did it!
00:56:09What do you mean, we did it?
00:56:10Did you swam it?
00:56:12I did it!
00:56:15We did it!
00:56:16But you said, going into that bit of film,
00:56:18you said, both of you, I had all the glory,
00:56:21but you went, we did it!
00:56:22Was it really that scary?
00:56:24Yeah, it was scary.
00:56:25Can I say, I do remember that.
00:56:27And I did feel something while you were doing it.
00:56:29It wasn't concern.
00:56:31Arousal.
00:56:31A relief.
00:56:33That it wasn't you.
00:56:34Absolutely deep.
00:56:35Oh, this is brilliant.
00:56:36We're doing something cool,
00:56:37but I'm not having to do anything dangerous.
00:56:39It is.
00:56:40Just moving on, if I may, from Coniston Water.
00:56:45You threw a very expensive walkie-talkie
00:56:49into the South China Sea.
00:56:52I can see it!
00:56:58That was a strop.
00:57:00It was a strop.
00:57:01It wasn't a strop.
00:57:02I was trying to talk to the viewers.
00:57:03It was a strop.
00:57:04Which is our responsibility, or was.
00:57:07And somebody, well, he's no longer with us, but it was Mr. Willman,
00:57:11just kept interrupting.
00:57:12When I'm irritated by people interrupting on walkie-talkies,
00:57:15I simply, well, you still don't anymore, just turn them off.
00:57:18I don't go,
00:57:19Jesus, you're talking at me and throw it out of the window.
00:57:21I had a lot of other things to do.
00:57:24Let's not get bogged down.
00:57:25Ooh, lost their temper over in the South China Sea.
00:57:29But it was you.
00:57:29It was you.
00:57:31I think what the ladies and gentlemen would like to see now
00:57:34is some gratuitous driving round corners a little bit too quickly
00:57:38while shouting.
00:57:39Yeah.
00:57:40Here we go.
00:57:53Why can't more cars feel like this?
00:58:01Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus!
00:58:09This is not a particularly cultural thing to do.
00:58:12But it is very good fun.
00:58:16Yes!
00:58:21Holy crap!
00:58:26What a toy box today.
00:58:35Push launch.
00:58:39Full throttle.
00:58:41Boost building.
00:58:42Boost ready.
00:58:43We're going.
00:58:484 to 16.
00:58:50In 2.7 seconds.
00:58:53That's 120.
00:58:55150.
00:58:56100.
00:58:57Jesus.
00:58:588.
00:58:58Christ.
00:59:02We'll actually do 186 in 18 seconds
00:59:06and flat out it's 208.
00:59:09That's really alarming.
00:59:12I'm going to be sick now.
00:59:15Whoa.
00:59:16Wow.
00:59:28Construct.
00:59:29This is insane.
00:59:31I forgot dust in my face.
00:59:44What the hell?
00:59:47What the hell?
00:59:57There she is.
00:59:58There she is!
01:00:05The bell has sounded.
01:00:07The race is off.
01:00:11Now we'd find out what's what on our specially designed track.
01:00:17Right round the bell end.
01:00:28Should be able to get her heaven's sake.
01:00:30Come on!
01:00:44Oh!
01:00:44She's gone wide.
01:00:45Is there a chance here?
01:00:46Come on!
01:00:49Come on!
01:00:49You can have her!
01:00:50Oh!
01:00:50No! No!
01:00:58When it gets on soft...
01:01:02Oh, the hell!
01:01:10Whoa!
01:01:13Oh, shit!
01:01:24That's what Lamborghinis are all about.
01:01:28Oh, my word.
01:01:31Sit, Rhett.
01:01:32The entire tyre has been consumed by the heart of the monster.
01:01:37It has.
01:01:38Do you know, the thing was, the tyre pressure warning light came on.
01:01:42What could that have meant?
01:01:43Well, it meant that on this, it was specifically telling me
01:01:46there was a problem with this tyre.
01:01:48So I ignored it.
01:01:49Yes.
01:01:50It's a good job you're not an airline pilot.
01:01:52Yes.
01:01:54You really are useless.
01:01:56No. No, let's be fair.
01:01:59Because I was just thinking,
01:02:00who was that really old man that taught me how to do that sliding stuff?
01:02:05I don't know, but he didn't do a very good job, did he?
01:02:07It was at Kemble Airfield, where British Airways now store all its old jets
01:02:10near Sirencester.
01:02:12Yes.
01:02:12And we had a Lamborghini Murcielago, and I couldn't make it slide to save my life.
01:02:16And this old man said, I'll show you how to do it.
01:02:19Well, whoever he was, he would have died decades ago and he was no good,
01:02:22because you really are useless.
01:02:24Really nice chap.
01:02:25Anyway, no, I miss him. No, I've just remembered him.
01:02:28But just back to my point, he didn't do you any good because you are useless.
01:02:33You are a human being for whom there is no discernible, detectable use at all on the planet in any
01:02:39function whatsoever.
01:02:41It's only some freak set of circumstances by which you happen to invent a context in which you could operate.
01:02:48Namely, this and nothing else.
01:02:51Because essentially, left to your own devices, you can do nothing.
01:02:58Now look.
01:03:00Now look what?
01:03:01Don't let us distract you, Professor.
01:03:03Doctor.
01:03:04Listen, I have worked this out all by my own.
01:03:07The gearbox is overheated.
01:03:09Okay?
01:03:10So I'm going to put some fluid in it.
01:03:12How much do you need to put in?
01:03:14I don't know. How much do you need to put in?
01:03:16Just put enough in.
01:03:16Yeah, put some in.
01:03:18Go on.
01:03:21It's like watching a really, really old drunk pour himself a scotch.
01:03:27Just another one.
01:03:29That concentration phase is coming out. There it is.
01:03:32Good to see a man operating at his absolute limit.
01:03:36Right, I'm going to pop it into gear now. You may hear this a little bit.
01:03:45Good. First.
01:03:47Uh, put on clutch.
01:03:49And now it's time to fire up the 7-litre V12.
01:04:07It's quite normal.
01:04:12Not broken.
01:04:13Oh, that could keep you occupied for hours.
01:04:16Why won't it go on? It's ridiculous.
01:04:19The last thing I knew was I was in my thirties.
01:04:22Late thirties, admittedly.
01:04:23And then suddenly I'm standing in a field still watching.
01:04:26How is this possible?
01:04:29Oh, this is brilliant.
01:04:33Oh, wow. What a sense of achievement.
01:04:44What a sense of achievement.
01:04:45I'm 57.
01:04:50No! No! No!
01:04:58Where are you going?
01:04:59Oh, chaps.
01:05:09What balls this up completely?
01:05:13It's his Ferraro Rocher.
01:05:17Dark sod.
01:05:18Okay, that is...
01:05:20That's not very ambass...
01:05:21These people are trained to be suave.
01:05:24They're smart and cool.
01:05:26And you've knocked over their tower of Ferraro Rocher.
01:05:28Are you a cretin?
01:05:40Let's just get this straight.
01:05:42When we get over the building, we leap out of the door and grab the rope and slide down it.
01:05:48Pretty much, yeah. That's it. That's how it goes.
01:05:50You can be leader.
01:05:52Get out there, show us how it's done, we will follow.
01:05:55I don't want to.
01:05:57I've never climbed a rope or gone down one in my life before ever.
01:06:00Lead by example.
01:06:02Be an inspiration to your men.
01:06:04Yeah, exactly.
01:06:05How high will it be?
01:06:0830 feet?
01:06:09Yeah.
01:06:09You'll be fine.
01:06:10What happens if you fell 30 feet?
01:06:13Would you be going home with a head wand?
01:06:15You'd be going home in this helicopter, but not in that seat.
01:06:17You'd be in a bucket in the corner.
01:06:28Okay, here it comes. Let's do this!
01:06:37Whoa! Jesus Christ, stop!
01:06:39Oh, shit.
01:06:41I'm very scared.
01:06:42Wait, that's not the attitude. Go on, then.
01:06:45I don't like it.
01:06:46Go down the road!
01:06:47I don't want to do it.
01:06:47Loosen your hands a bit.
01:06:48I don't want to.
01:06:49Do you want me to tickle you?
01:06:51No, I don't know.
01:06:52Well, go on, then.
01:06:58I don't want to do it.
01:07:00My trousers have fallen down.
01:07:03Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck Norris.
01:07:08They're all down now.
01:07:11Oh, yes.
01:07:13I'd be rather...
01:07:14...be in your whole life...
01:07:16...seen anything...
01:07:17Ah.
01:07:25I mean, that is it. My arse is that far out of the seat.
01:07:28Oh, dear.
01:07:30Is there a bigger one?
01:07:31No.
01:07:33This is the...
01:07:34So this is the biggest?
01:07:37I won't be able to do it.
01:07:39Oh, come on. You'll miss out on our day out.
01:07:41Well, what do you want me to do?
01:07:42Be less fat.
01:07:45It's quite easy.
01:07:47Oh, God.
01:07:54I genuinely can't get out.
01:07:57Oh, dear.
01:07:59Could you...
01:07:59Could you help...
01:08:00Can you help me get out?
01:08:01Have to dismantle the car around...
01:08:04They are going to have to dismantle the car around you to get...
01:08:11We're peeling it off him like a diving suit.
01:08:17It would have been easy just to paint a race car on him.
01:08:20And then wipe it off.
01:08:29Handbrake!
01:08:36Oh, shit.
01:08:37Let's do this!
01:08:41Oh, shit.
01:08:43I may have clipped something there.
01:08:46Damn. Sorry about that, Phil.
01:08:51The gate. Take two.
01:08:54And turn and flick.
01:08:56Oh, geary me.
01:08:58He's done it again.
01:09:00A massive twat.
01:09:02You just can't do it.
01:09:03I can.
01:09:04You can't.
01:09:04Well, I clipped it once.
01:09:05I'm getting better.
01:09:06It's still not going through something, is it?
01:09:08Give me...
01:09:08Could you just rebuild it once more, honestly?
01:09:12Gate. Take three.
01:09:16And handbrake!
01:09:17Oh, shit! That's...
01:09:18Oh!
01:09:25Nothing.
01:09:29Right, just get these stragglers.
01:09:34Come on!
01:09:36Oh, shit!
01:09:40You've done one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven sheep.
01:09:46And broken the windscreen.
01:10:09Sorry.
01:10:10What a prick.
01:10:15The funny thing is, I'm struggling to think of any other TV show where the host is so appallingly useless
01:10:23at what it is he's supposed to be doing.
01:10:26No, there isn't one.
01:10:27I mean, Gordon Ramsay.
01:10:27Oh, I'm burnt in this.
01:10:28It's ruined.
01:10:30Oh, no.
01:10:30This tea towel's on fire.
01:10:32No, we're not.
01:10:33David Attenborough.
01:10:34I've trodden on it.
01:10:36That was the last egg.
01:10:38How did this happen?
01:10:40I don't know.
01:10:41And, and, I'm gonna be honest with you. It's not just me. Because you're pretty useless as well. No, you
01:10:49are. You are. Fairly.
01:10:51Ha-ha! Come on!
01:11:08Back at the finish line, my colleagues were not impressed with me.
01:11:12There's oil everywhere and coolant. All you had to do was go around pretending it was a bit dramatic.
01:11:18Exactly.
01:11:18I was hoping that a Jaguar worked properly and was durable.
01:11:21Smash through a window. Boot lid. No other words. Off. Does it actually start?
01:11:37I think he just threw a rod.
01:11:39It's all fixable.
01:11:43I'd been on the go for ten hours, and as I was heading for another late night.
01:11:48I decided to stop and grab something to eat.
01:11:53We've been given these sort of emergency ration packs.
01:11:57So what I do is take the top off there. And that's the food, which is, I don't know, beans
01:12:03and sausages.
01:12:04That goes in there. And then they add a little drop of water.
01:12:11I presume this triggers some sort of chemical reaction with whatever it is in the little bag of stuff.
01:12:20I don't think that's working. If there's no heat, I'd get more out of a hand warmer.
01:12:25Oh, wait a minute. It's inflating.
01:12:27Oh! Oh, no! Oh, my God! Oh, no, there's...
01:12:30Up! Up! Up! Up!
01:12:34It's out! Oh! Oh, that's so hot!
01:12:36Oh, I'm burning my balls!
01:12:38Oh!
01:12:39Are you ready?
01:12:42Right. Perfect.
01:12:43Now, pull me along.
01:12:46Go! Go! Power!
01:12:54Oh, give me strength.
01:12:56You pulled the bloody fishing rod holder off.
01:13:00Why didn't you tie it to the fishing rod? Why did you tie it to the fishing rod?
01:13:02I didn't tie it to the fishing rod, you blithering idiot.
01:13:05Right. Are you ready? We're setting off.
01:13:18Oh!
01:13:20Hammer's gone upside down again!
01:13:27What the... Oh, jeez!
01:13:30How has he done...
01:13:43I'll pull you in.
01:13:49You know, I'm going to let you into a little secret about when he sent that poor man's boat in.
01:13:55Yeah.
01:13:56He was wearing, as you may have noticed, a life jacket.
01:13:59What didn't you do when you went upside down again?
01:14:03What I didn't do was pull the cord that inflates it.
01:14:06So it was just an extra weight, Robert.
01:14:09And I did say, thank goodness I was wearing this.
01:14:12And somebody else pointed out, no.
01:14:15I hadn't inflated it.
01:14:16He hadn't inflated it.
01:14:17Yeah.
01:14:18Yeah, that's a true fact.
01:14:19You didn't say that right. You said when you sank that boat.
01:14:21You mean when you sank that poor man's boat that he'd spent his life savings on?
01:14:25No, I think it was his children had bought him from him.
01:14:28Oh, no, you're right.
01:14:30After he'd had a pretty bad diagnosis at the doctor's.
01:14:33They'd said he was riddled.
01:14:34Yes.
01:14:35They bought him that boat and some fishing rods.
01:14:37Because he loved fishing.
01:14:38Yes.
01:14:39And he loved his boat.
01:14:40He adored it.
01:14:42And then Richard Herman said, can I borrow your boat?
01:14:44I'm not good with boats.
01:14:45And then it isn't just that we sink boats and crash and wreck tyres.
01:14:49We never mastered the art of standing up.
01:14:54Not really.
01:15:12Oh, hello.
01:15:14Goodbye.
01:15:16Shit!
01:15:18Oh!
01:15:31All right.
01:15:55Now, of course, we can all laugh about old men falling over, but sometimes the laughter
01:16:01has to stop.
01:16:06I detect a lack of sincerity.
01:16:09I'm channelling my inner world, sir.
01:16:20Okay, you ready?
01:16:21Yes.
01:16:22James May is ready and we'll be setting off very shortly.
01:16:25Brace, brace, brace.
01:16:27Right, I've got the deck chair out and a good book.
01:16:32In your own time, begin.
01:16:38That was a brisk start for a James May.
01:17:07Big one.
01:17:08Big one.
01:17:09Big one.
01:17:10Shhh.
01:17:10Get the medics.
01:17:29Oh, I'm quite nervous.
01:17:31I'm suddenly nervous.
01:17:36Big one.
01:17:37Big one.
01:17:38Big one.
01:17:38Big one.
01:17:39Big one.
01:17:40Big one.
01:17:40Big one.
01:17:41Big one.
01:17:42Okay, here we go.
01:17:43Give me your best shot, Rich.
01:17:44Yeah.
01:17:45Watch this.
01:17:46Stop!
01:17:47Try the medics.
01:18:04Before they're from here.
01:18:10Emily!
01:18:11This guy Marketplace.
01:18:11Jazzy.
01:18:11Your predictions!
01:18:12What are those things?
01:18:13Boomly fire!
01:18:14JodICK!
01:18:14Joe.
01:18:15Oh, man.
01:18:22Let's go.
01:19:11Is that why you got a helicopter license?
01:19:13So you could fly yourself to hospital?
01:19:15I'm a frequent flyer. I don't need to. I've got a gold card.
01:19:18I mean, now you've moved in here, obviously, it's easier.
01:19:22But how many years went by without you ever having to take your own trousers off when you got home
01:19:27from work?
01:19:27Quite a few. Generally, somebody would cut them off with scissors for me.
01:19:31Exactly.
01:19:31And then they'd be gone.
01:19:32It was extraordinary, wasn't it?
01:19:33It's remarkable to see you with a pair of trousers on, actually.
01:19:37Something occurs to me.
01:19:39Hmm?
01:19:39Over all the years we made that show, you were the only one who was never grievously injured.
01:19:44What?
01:19:50Whoa!
01:19:55I was actually acting.
01:19:57Were you?
01:19:57That was pretend.
01:19:58It was pretend.
01:19:59Grievous injury.
01:20:00It was.
01:20:00Anyway, is that it?
01:20:02I think we're finished.
01:20:02No.
01:20:03What?
01:20:03No, no, no.
01:20:05The lawyers.
01:20:06What?
01:20:06The really small print.
01:20:07The small print of the small print.
01:20:09What?
01:20:09We've got to do three of these.
01:20:11Really?
01:20:11Well, we've got to do two more.
01:20:12Yes.
01:20:13Two more of these best-ofs.
01:20:15Yes.
01:20:17And on that terrible disappointment, we'll be back soon with more of this.
01:20:24See ya.
01:21:04Bye.
01:21:24Bye.
01:21:36Bye.
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