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Watch Zero Stars Season 1 Episode 1 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:21Let's go.
00:25Oh-oh.
00:3390% of it is a wonderful, relaxing experience with just 10% assault.
00:39Woo-hoo!
00:42We're here, baby.
00:43Most travellers avoid bad reviews.
00:46Let's see what the review says.
00:47One star.
00:48One star.
00:48One star.
00:49I've never seen anything more stupid.
00:50If I could give it zero stars, I would.
00:52But not us.
00:53I'm a woman in a man's world.
00:55I make up my own mind.
00:56I'm Sarah Pascoe.
00:58I'm brilliant at this.
00:59I'm Roisin Conaty.
01:00Come on, fishy, fishy.
01:02We're comedians, but more importantly, best friends.
01:06As someone who has received bad reviews, I will always try to look to the good.
01:09So we're turning the tables on the review sites.
01:12They were so busy typing in their phone only that they've got to look out.
01:15And visiting places based on the worst reviews.
01:18I'm closer.
01:19It's nothing to be afraid of.
01:21My review is 100 stars.
01:23But will this Journey of Salvation be a five-star fun fest?
01:27I'm an absolute killer.
01:28Yes!
01:30Yes!
01:30Or are we in for a holiday from hell?
01:33Ah!
01:36Ah!
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02:25Ah!
02:25Europe which one online reviewer says is smelly packed and gave her husband food poisoning so
02:32we're here to find out if she's right we've got reviews optimism and a jumbo pack of Imodium so
02:40what's the name of the hotel uh elite it's like a comedy show oh that's great I love it only
02:48we
02:48were not laughing a lot like my gigs we're staying at the elite world hotel and at first glance it
02:55looks luxurious opulent in fact but we're here because this five-star hotel has a secret oh the
03:05lobby looks nice so reassuring I think this is stunning it is pretty very five-starry yeah
03:16glamour oh oh oh oh yeah they've all had hair transplant yeah because it's a stair it's a hair
03:37chance imagine you come on your honeymoon all the vans are for the clinic what have you signed me up
03:45for
03:46this isn't me I'm anti-plastic surgery this isn't me I think you're all beautiful as you are not you
03:53you made the right plastic surgery in terms of beauty treatments is probably one of the biggest tourist
04:00attractions in Istanbul and the hotel we're staying at has got loads of people who are ostensibly on
04:07holiday have come from other countries to get hair transplants to get all different kinds of surgery
04:13in fact hair transplants make up half of Turkey's medical tourism industry worth over one billion
04:20dollars a year that's a lot of cash sloshing around speaking of sloshing around we're off to Istanbul's
04:26legendary waterway the bosphorus the only time I've ever missed a flight was in Istanbul left the hotel
04:32five hours before my flight and wasn't even close to making it taxi driver gave me a packet of cigarettes
04:37to
04:37ease the stress start smoking you're never gonna make your plane you're gonna live here and you're
04:42gonna you're gonna smoke sometimes you don't move for up to 20 minutes and up that's not even the worst
04:47part the constant honking while nothing is moving is well we've not heard any honking it's all been very
04:53civilized there's the honking Wow guys you manifested it that is what you focus on phosphorus now you point it
05:03out everyone's honking let's get the home that's not noticed before everyone's honking 24-7 okay it's
05:11a honk off this place be honking thankfully I've got a more peaceful way of getting around the sites
05:20water bikes on the phosphorus yep that sounds fun beautiful open water you seem to be skipping over
05:28the word water bikes what I'm really hoping to get out of it it's 45 minutes of seeing all the
05:33best parts
05:33of Istanbul I've done it tick it off the list hello hello we're here to do the water bikes yes
05:46and this
05:46is not like a normal bicycle you are doing back and this boat is going to back and you are
05:51doing forward
05:52this boat go forward that's easy right and this is like that I'll take your photos with your phone
05:57it's very sunshine photos not only 45 minutes has anyone ever fallen in the water no I believe that
06:03we could be the first people to fall in ever off a water bike in the Bosphorus yes I've never
06:08seen
06:08anything like this it's a bike it's a boat and it's a decking for your back garden when I first
06:17saw the
06:17bike oh yeah it's just an ironing board on a lilo you should go first and she's come to your
06:24back
06:24sir okay okay you're leading I don't know if that's the best of the plan oh okay don't I'd rather
06:29not
06:30be out on my own okay all right are you okay yep okay right you're right behind you okay careful
06:35Sarah
06:36careful why imagine if we drove cars Roisin how dangerous the roads would be I'm backing up okay it's
06:45one of the dirtiest waterways in the world so the jeopardy of falling in is more than it's ever been
06:51it's time to get out of this canal and onto the Bosphorus if we can there's a big boat coming
06:58okay you
06:59should be we've got right of way because we're basically pedestrians you should go left left this
07:04way yeah left left left I have to let the boat past yeah I'm making a TV program it should
07:11wait for
07:11me I don't think it's that relaxing do you not feel relaxed no and there's a there's a canoe coming
07:17towards me as well I've got a boat and a canoe we're just drifting we're just drifting embarrassingly
07:22there's another boat there's loads of boats oh no no we shouldn't be going down here but I'm
07:29going to have to back out oh Roisin right I'm backing out I'm backing out it's not safe don't crash
07:34into
07:34the back of me it's about to hit us I don't know my left from right can you tell him
07:38I don't know my
07:38left from right all of a sudden it was rush hour you are about to hit canoe you're gonna hit
07:43canoe
07:43sorry I can't avoid you canoe hellish hellish it's hellish I think the key is to go fast and make
07:51people avoid us I'm happy here Roisin I'm on the open water catch me up there's a canoe can someone
08:01help me wait wait wait wait there's a canoe and a boat I can't even see you Roisin I'm coming
08:08back for
08:09you I'm turning as fast as I can there's a fast boat coming I mean I'm turning as fast as
08:16I can
08:18Sarah this is the worst maybe this way is better is this way better back and right right I don't
08:28know
08:28my right from left I can't see anything there's another bloody ship coming it's going the rules of
08:35the water no problem Sarah at least you've got some action I've been parked up for most of it
08:40come on during the fun it's just dodging boats I keep trying to and I keep getting bullied back in
08:44careful you're gonna squish me we did struggle to command the water have you ever tried to drive
08:48an ironing board I'm coming Sarah it's like a spin class a hellish spin class it's like SoulCycle
09:07with jeopardy man you should do back do it back you again you're very bossy me and Ebo I've guys
09:16fell
09:16out right from the beginning really call me madam madam is my mother and yeah just telling me right
09:23left backwards forwards I don't respond well to alpha males I'm in a woman in a man's world I make
09:29up my
09:29own mind this is it the open water Roisin this is why we came on holiday oh my god Roisin
09:38is the sea
09:39finally we've made it to the Bosphorus you get down the end and it's really beautiful it is you
09:45get to the main waterway and it's open water and you're on an ironing board and it you feel like
09:52Tom
09:52Hanks in Castaway you're like I shouldn't be allowed out here the time has come to ironing board our way
10:02to
10:02some Byzantine history so there was a moment where it did get really good I got to the end of
10:09the
10:09waterway I can see the expanse of the rippling blue ocean it's about to get amazing turn it back my
10:23time
10:23time was up I had to turn around and come back same time back what do you want us to
10:27do okay so we've
10:28mainly had a tour of the canal we haven't made it to the UNESCO World Heritage Sites but we have
10:34seen
10:35a lot of angry canoeists and there's the trip back down the canal to enjoy Roisin's chatting the locals up
10:42he's got the broom out for me he's gonna shoo me away thank you thank you here I am getting
10:58the brush off
10:58as per thank you so much thank you I think if it had been very uh relaxing it might not
11:06have been
11:06as memorable yeah she's nervous she leapt off that boat like a baby deer oh my god I've got
11:13survivor's euphoria sorry about my attitude oh you got off nice and graceful I crawled off he hates me
11:19I've made a really powerful enemy on the water my legs are all shaky like a spin class well we've
11:25worked
11:25hard it's absolutely a long time on the river I thought that was all the things it was chaotic
11:33terrifying and brilliant I was like this is so boring this waterway it's full of other canoeists
11:39and other boats oh my god why would anyone do this and then right at the end I was like
11:43oh my god it's
11:51amazing we're in Istanbul exploring the European side of the city and we're starting with an ancient
11:57Turkish tradition every country I've ever been to I go to a fortune teller and do you find looking for
12:03a
12:03new story you know yeah do you find that they all say the same thing pretty much you know I'll
12:07try
12:07again in Istanbul oh here we go okay cheers cheers do you like Turkish coffee oh boy oh boy do
12:16I watch
12:16yours bigger maybe they like me more this is not a good start this is absolutely shocking start to the
12:25trip so gritty look at my teeth look at my tooth that's my future oh you're gonna meet a lovely
12:38guy
12:43coffee reading is the ancient Turkish art of telling people's fortunes by looking at the sludge in the
12:49bottom of a coffee cup remember people didn't have the internet for ages hello hello lovely to meet you
13:03I'm Roisin this is Gamzee Gamzee this is Sarah local psychic Gamzee gets straight down to business
13:33I've gone to fortune tellers all over the world and normally they sort of show a little bit of
13:38interest she didn't try and guess one single thing she said if I had a sister and this is
13:55going to have a good business and that was it will I ever go to the Nashville Country Music Awards
14:08as a guest or a performer okay you said then to play the guitar can I get it get that
14:16hat she had a nice
14:17Amina but 50 euros she's out of her mind he's some needy Sarah Sarah'cim çok energy olarak çok yükseksin
14:29yani çok iyi bir konumdasın zaten bu enerjini etrafa da yayıyorsun sen fortune teller or superfan
14:37she basically fell in love with me wow oh my dreams must be nice seriously and for a lovely time
14:47an
14:48absolute lovely time seriously why is there sludge so much better than my sludge we're looking for
14:52adventure in Istanbul what should we do a magic tree that grants wishes onto the itinerary it goes
15:07seems like we're all really busying up you need a receptionist I know she might be a receptionist
15:15she's giving them my reading my woman area be specific
15:31well I'm guessing the poor reviews are for the constant phone calls
15:44and she's answering halfway through a sentence and it could be quite important like you've got a
15:49huge problem with your health hello you were saying I had really good energy
16:07right we know we're not wanted so we've left Gamzee to it and we're taking our women's parts off on
16:12a
16:13tour of the worst reviewed spots on the European side of the city have the review sites done I'm wrong
16:25well the internet says that one of the things that tourists do yeah in Istanbul is you go to like
16:31um traditional Turkish barbers which is like a male beauticians yes so hairy men hairy men and we are
16:41delicate ladies I'll see you m'lady thank you my love hello hello how you doing I'm Roisin this is
16:50Sarah
16:52hello so this is a traditional Turkish barber yes yes okay I instantly saw the barber I wanted to run
16:58away the chairs were sellotaped together I don't know how hygienic it was either I've never been in a
17:04barber's before yeah have you yeah wax why did you look at me and say wax oh you have to
17:13pretend we
17:14don't need anything done this is like a broken chair a man with a towel sort of going to me
17:18you
17:19need your whole face done got to make out like what could you ladies even be here for but he's
17:23like
17:23wax right yeah I'm gonna get my nose done yeah works I'm gonna get it done I've said yeah I
17:29think
17:29I've got a few stragglers okay there was no just no looping me up straight in but there's no like
17:35um relaxing music playing no it's business magazines would you like some tea madam this is
17:42I quite like it thank you do you more business life okay okay oh nice should we have a um
17:49safe word
17:50right works not my lips no my lips it's not this is not ideal I get laser treatment thank you
17:57very
17:57much I just get a treatment if that's what we're calling what just happened to me so he's got like
18:01a little globule on her cotton buds and he's blowing it this feels like a really bad choice
18:05you're very brave don't break my little nose oh my gosh she does have a very small nose but much
18:11smaller than not only men but also normal-sized women what have I agreed to I'm on holiday
18:20it's not great for the confident though I can't watch this now I can't watch oh you're okay do you
18:24need to hold your hand I was really sore well I was really sore really oh my god amazing I
18:31think
18:31it made my nose bigger well you're not getting wind and dined you're getting you're getting the
18:35hairs ripped out of your face publicly dogs sort of looking in the window
18:41no I'm all I'm good you'll never see me again thank you very much that's not how I want to
18:46get
18:46waxed absolutely not by someone just dipping I'm shoving it everywhere that's no well you'll go
18:54that's fair I'm okay thank you okay okay see you later the chairs are set of tape together so this
19:02is
19:02because your fortune teller told you you're lucky I'm very lucky that you went first because I don't
19:05want to do it Sarah watched me and said absolutely no way I can't I can't rush it's bleeding just
19:12that
19:12one thank you thank you unbelievable I love it says I love my hairy nose come on it's lunchtime and
19:24how
19:24better to show off my beautiful new nostrils than with a trip to Sir Dancy Mehmet a famous food spot
19:31that has definitely got tongues wagging on the review sites so there are a lot of these are one
19:35stars people wishing they'd never gone you know really regretting their experience and definitely
19:40do not try it says another one star review you're not the boss of me I'm trying it pretty busy
19:46isn't
19:46it okay it's like stars in their eyes tonight Matthew I am going to be disgusted by the food
19:55first up the appetizers come on thank you very much so this is a drink of yogurt and milk and
20:07salt
20:14it's yogurt with salt it's sort of delicious but also mad absolutely bonkers little did I know
20:24this was only starter level mad I think it's raw meatballs I can't for meatballs okay I'm not eating
20:34more meatballs you got meatballs and then you say what if we don't cook them not more no no no
20:40we're
20:40good we're good they've misinterpreted you saying raw meatballs bring more there's some absolute meals
20:46going around this restaurant I just saw sausages that are like 20 long fingers they're awful it's awful
20:50it's not sausages it's all innards oh yeah it's really good and he does look a lot of fun this
20:59guy
20:59very fine the stuff what's that what's happening what's happened no no no then there was another
21:04mystery looking yogurt that I thought well this is more yogurt wasn't yogurt not yogurt not yogurt
21:13what's happened meat meat happened meat in this white sauce I just wasn't expecting it white liquid
21:19meat meat it was yogurt texture with stew flavor and my brain said sexy that bread's very lovely what's
21:33this is lovely really really tasty onions and tomato now they're all like undisguised I feel like this
21:39could be cereal oh yeah like that show like is it cake is it yogurt yeah game shows don't make
21:47the
21:48best dining experiences we beat a hasty retreat before any more mystery foods came out and luckily
21:54I've got the perfect non-gross pampering session lined up leeches is something that you can't get very
22:01many places in the world turkey might be known for its medical services but these little guys are less
22:10popular ding ding ding is there a bell or something oh sorry hello leech leech so we entered the clinic
22:20full of um hope and interest actually uh you hear a lot about um proper medicine you don't hear a
22:28lot
22:28about bloodletting anymore leech leech leech leech leech okay leech okay okay leech okay okay
22:42leech leech okay okay I decided there and then I will never say the word leech again unfortunately it
22:50was time to get leeched so I sort of had to felt really great actually because um I knew I
22:56wasn't
22:57going to get the leeches sisters no no leeches she wishes oh are you a doctor I don't know that
23:15he is a real doctor he could just be a man he popped out of nowhere he said leech a
23:25few times
23:28fortune teller told me that in a few months time I'm going to have problems with my woman's areas
23:33so it would be great to sort of be prepped great Istanbul is actually a hot spot for leech therapy
23:44the practice boom during the so-called leech craze in the 19th century and is relatively common to this
23:50day leeches are said to improve blood flow and are used to treat everything from cardiovascular diseases
23:56to if you're brave enough hemorrhoids cacot too late it's gonna be a leech in a second
24:06because I'm a vegan I don't eat animals I do feel this is a bit like me giving them something
24:10back
24:10right you take my blood for a change yeah stick another one on oh god this one looks more aggressive
24:17I don't know if it's worse to watch that one's just getting bigger it was supposed to be I'm feed
24:22they're feeding on me Roche they're gonna be the size of a garden slug by the end they are feeding
24:27on you you think they're turning their nose up because I don't eat any protein I think there's
24:31not enough we're just mating they looked like they were mating on her so it was kind of I'll be
24:41honest
24:41erotic I can feel teeth in my skin there's definitely something happening oh now he's in now he's in it's
24:48a
24:49very strange sensation because it's not not a sensation you can feel something so you can feel
24:53little prickles and then I think it's like a massive mosquito there's a free one there's one loose
24:57there's a loose leech loosely there's two loose leeches what's this guy doing in this place just a
25:04couple got away and I thought this is exciting stuff if I hadn't seen it there was two people's
25:11legs guys watch out for leeches all those certificates you're not keeping an eye on them
25:17are you my review of this clinic it's two leeches out of five it's our third day in Istanbul and
25:27back
25:27at transplant towers we've managed to make a friend so we're staying in a hotel where you can't swing a
25:32cap without hitting a guy who's had a hair transplant so today we've ensnared one Chris
25:37and we're gonna follow him and you know watch him have it done I'm heading over to Vera clinic today
25:43to get my consultation for my second hair transplant oh really American yes I'm from the USA I flew out
25:48of
25:48Boston just yesterday come all the way to Turkey I did I did it I'm super excited do you mind
25:53if we come
25:54let's do it why did you come to Turkey for a hair transplant in the States it's extremely expensive to
26:00get a hair transplant how much around 20 to 30 K for this operation and in Turkey it's around 5k
26:06wow yeah it's cheap and it's the exact same operation it takes about eight hours for the
26:11whole operation you're awake the whole time what do you do for eight hours they have a TV playing with
26:15some stuff but usually it's you know in a different language to be honest it makes me sad that some
26:24people really want hair and I've got so much that I don't want the world's not fair that's what I
26:29said I said to everybody I'm like I got hair everywhere where I don't want hair but I didn't
26:35have any on my head Chris has shared his hair regrowth journey on his tiktok account which
26:40has tens of thousands of followers go on Chris and this is his second hair transplant very brave
26:46considering what the procedure involves a surgeon individually extracting thousands of follicles
26:52from the lower scalp and then implanting them in the required area like a French exchange only
26:57permanent but what is it actually like in one of these places oh swanky it's a bit like being at
27:06the vets you know when all the animals are in their cones there are a lot of very sore heads
27:11you brought
27:12a friend didn't you I did yes yes it's like a proper holiday because you've got a friend exactly exactly
27:17because we get to have a good time and go some tourist attractions like we did yesterday we went to
27:21the
27:21I believe it's called the Sophia or something like that idea Sophia yeah yeah yeah and we went there
27:26was all we went to a nice restaurant had dinner outside it was awesome I guess I'm getting a bit
27:30of a taste of what it's like people to come here because it's partly a holiday 20 percent 80 percent
27:35medical procedure nice to meet you nice to meet you too if you're ready sir I'll take you to doctor
27:40consultation first time sir oh good luck Chris thank you guys I appreciate it I'll see you guys soon all
27:45right
27:45see you in a bit and while Chris gets ready we've got just enough time to check out the clinic's
27:51cabaret area Sarah there's a piano to let you know you're on holiday come on join me join me at
28:02the
28:02table you're gonna sing could you know I need a hair row I learned I had real music abilities to
28:14soothe
28:22I felt all of their attention leave their body when they heard my tunes
28:26get in your head get in your head don't be scared there's a lot of men who just stopped crying
28:43not
28:44only is there a piano we found a nice coffee bar in this clinic we are on holiday we got
28:50some ice
28:51coffee so now they're about to take some blood from me and I'm gonna be getting the stem cell
29:03treatments you have your bloods taken now don't let us stop you we're just here on holiday watching
29:11before they start doing the hair transplant you have to be completely bald it's like backwards to
29:15go forwards never done this before Chris yeah you can do my legs afterwards you're lucky this isn't
29:21a Turkish barbers if you straight up your nose we shaved him because it needed to be done I'm breaking
29:26ground I'm coming in I'd go on holiday just to do this to shave the heads of strangers yeah book
29:34me up
29:35it's a bit like a petting zoo but you get to shave exactly it's very stress relieving shaving a human
29:41being I had no idea I now think there should be sort of like sanctuaries for busy business women
29:46like myself get given a razor and a kid you know just a student he can't afford a hairdresser I
29:52need
29:52to unwind this is get me on dragon's den and does it feel emotional seeing yourself like this it's
29:57definitely it definitely is a crazy feeling the time has come to leave Chris to his hairy destiny
30:15and eight hours of Turkish telly oh so we leave you it's go time it's now time for the operation
30:22nice to meet you guys seriously good luck with the stem cells thank you so much thank you so much
30:26it's
30:27lovely to meet you thank you for the haircut I feel very fresh it's life-changing if you're a 22
30:31year old
30:32man and you're really depressed and feeling sad about going bald it seems like it's a proper
30:37establishment it's not like he's gonna wake up and he's got like a wig stapled on or like tufts of
30:41head or a tail or something you know which I'm sure some places won't be reputable and no doubt
30:48Chris's transplant will be a complete success thanks to our expert shaving it's like painting
30:53and decorating 90% of it's in the prep and as a reward for our hard work we're off for
31:05a treatment
31:06that's a bit more our speed a Turkish classic where we going Sarah traditional Turkish hamam which is
31:13like I think like a day spa okay but it's the kind of thing people do in Turkey and people
31:19love this
31:19kind of stuff don't know so it must be really relaxing to massages please hamam hamam 22 euros is
31:39very cheap that's the thing isn't it we're cheap there's good shape and there's dangerously cheap
31:44this feels dangerous this is what I imagine a really nice women's prison would look like
32:07I think it evolved because there was one slab and so we did Sarah I thought about a cuck chair
32:18to watch my friend get lathered up there's no way to watch this and not look like a pervert
32:23although Sheen's role in the spa as a watcher I think unnerved us all
32:28do you like watching you rub her down money for this what's happening oh it's more the unknown
32:36oh it's a lot of suds that is a lot of suds straight off the bat no messing
32:40it was a lovely lady tickled me to death with the biggest sponge you've ever seen
32:54and then kept stopping me like I'd done something wrong here we go now we're clicking on gas it was
33:00really fun to watch Sarah keep trying to close her eyes and then going like that that was my favorite
33:17bit
33:21sadism because I think it's funny
33:23I definitely feel like she's in charge.
33:25Maybe I wouldn't like a governatrix.
33:28I've never thought that,
33:29cos I can get them to tell me to do my admin.
33:32It looks very much...
33:37There's something about watching someone
33:40really purposely
33:41try to relax
33:43that brings out in me
33:45something of, like, not on my watch.
33:48I think I should finish.
33:49The cut does not get involved.
33:54I'm so sorry.
33:56I'm so sorry.
33:57I'm so sorry.
33:59I have to get Sarah now.
34:02I'm so sorry.
34:03I'll do it to me.
34:03I'll do it to me.
34:06Forgive.
34:07I'll do it to me.
34:10She looked more confused by me chucking it over
34:13myself in my gown.
34:14She was like, what is happening? What game is this?
34:17I think that's our cue to leave.
34:22It's the last day of our Zero Stars experience in Istanbul,
34:25and we can deny destiny no longer.
34:28Gamzee, the phone-addicted fortune teller,
34:31has told us we must visit a local mystical island.
34:33So we're boarding the mystical ferry to meet our fate.
34:39So the island we're going to doesn't have any cars.
34:43Uh-huh.
34:44So what you have is bikes.
34:46Yeah.
34:46But you cycle and you go to the monastery,
34:48which has got that wishing tree.
34:50You've got the fortune teller who loves you.
34:52My friend.
34:53Your best friend.
34:55She foretold you would make a wish.
34:57And it's a place loads of people go to
34:59to make a special wish.
35:00Like pilgrims.
35:01Yeah.
35:02Like wish pilgrims.
35:04Would you like some reviews of this boat trip?
35:06Sure thing.
35:07This is one star, horrible experience.
35:10After a disappointing day on the boat,
35:12we were unexpectedly forced to attend a fashion show
35:17before heading back to the bus.
35:19None of us are informed about this.
35:21They tried to sell us leather coats.
35:24The outrage!
35:25I mean...
35:26A fashion show?
35:27I hope we get made to go to a fashion show.
35:30Let's put one on with these guys.
35:33We've arrived at Buyukada,
35:35which in Turkish means big island.
35:39Such a poetic language.
35:56I'm looking out for bikes, wherever I can see them.
35:59I'm looking out for love.
36:01That man's offering you some doughnut, I think.
36:04I'll have it.
36:05Oh, my God.
36:06I won't say no.
36:06Rose, you don't know what it is.
36:10I don't know.
36:14I'm making a cooking programme now.
36:17It's really good.
36:19Sarah.
36:20I don't take food off strange men.
36:22I'm not a strange man.
36:24I'm your friend.
36:24No, that he is.
36:25Come on.
36:25We've got bikes.
36:26It's really good.
36:28What's her name?
36:29Roisin.
36:30Roisin!
36:34We've got a big island.
36:37That was a very big voice for Big Island.
36:40Hello, ladies.
36:42How are you, ladies?
36:44Oh, she's got breasts.
36:46What's that?
36:47It's an old woman.
36:48It's an old woman.
36:53I love it.
36:54I'll eat the breasts.
36:57I'm not getting one.
36:58I don't want to be insulted in ice cream.
37:01I'm not insulted.
37:02I had enough of that at the waxing studio.
37:04What flavour's that blue one?
37:05Breast milk.
37:09I like these bikes because they've got flowers on the front.
37:13We're hiring bikes to take us to Big Island's big tourist attraction,
37:17a monastery where you can make a wish on a mystical wishing tree.
37:23Oh, that was broken.
37:24Well used, I'd say.
37:26Experienced bikes.
37:28We are here now.
37:28Follow the lens.
37:29You go from here to the top.
37:31OK.
37:31And come back.
37:32So it's a half an hour cycle.
37:34Nice 20 minute walk.
37:35Yeah.
37:35Make a wish.
37:36That's a nice day out.
37:38Sure.
37:39It's seven kilometers.
37:40Oh, OK.
37:40Go ahead and come back.
37:41What?
37:41OK.
37:42There and back.
37:43So it's four kilometers.
37:44The wish.
37:44Think of your wish.
37:45Listen, before the ice cream, I was struggling with the idea of this.
37:48We set off.
37:50Our basket's full of flowers.
37:51Our hearts full of wishes.
37:53Roisin full of ice cream.
37:57Sorry, I'm driving on the wrong side of the road.
37:59It was humbling because Pascoe flew up the hill.
38:03This is just sort of a low-level hill and I'm already struggling.
38:07I don't know how much further I've got, Sarah.
38:16That's me done.
38:17You're sold the idea of a bike.
38:19You think, well, it must be a really nice cycle route.
38:21It's not.
38:21Oh, it's so steep.
38:23There we go.
38:24Oh!
38:25I broke it.
38:26I'm becoming a danger.
38:28Oh!
38:28Ah!
38:29Oh, God!
38:30We should be like, one, two, three.
38:32Ah!
38:33What have I done to it?
38:34Oh!
38:35Oh!
38:36Take it and hide it in a hedge.
38:39Oh, no!
38:39Don't worry, there's only seven and a half kilometers to go.
38:42Oh, no!
38:44Oh!
38:44What do you mean?
38:47It's a vertical road to the monastery.
38:51Vertical.
38:52This is like last of the summer wine.
38:55We decided to walk our piles of scrap metal up the hill.
38:59Can you see my wishes have already come true?
39:01It's just more hills, Sarah.
39:12It's an insane way to travel.
39:14You're basically just bringing luggage.
39:23I'm going to make a wish.
39:24Yeah.
39:25No more hills.
39:30As the saying goes, when you're going through tough times,
39:35remember that difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.
39:40Not always.
39:41Oh, wow.
39:44This view is beautiful.
39:45Yeah.
39:45Look at this side.
39:46Yeah.
39:46Because this side is really upsetting.
39:49It's really beautiful.
39:49And then there's loads of bins.
39:51Oh, my God, though.
39:51Who brought a mattress up here, Sarah?
39:54OK, we've ticked the sacred stained mattress off our list,
39:57but where is the magic wishing tree?
40:00That little one.
40:02That's the one from the picture.
40:03This one feels like the main one.
40:06There's lots of little ribbons and bows.
40:10They're not ribbons.
40:12And these are bounty wrappers.
40:15Your favourite.
40:16Have you been here before?
40:17But look, Sarah.
40:17They are bounty wrappers.
40:19They're just junk.
40:20Whether it was the spirits at work or heat exhaustion,
40:24we were grateful to have reached the ancient bin bag tree.
40:28We made it.
40:29We did.
40:30We did.
40:31Thank you, God.
40:33The wishing tree.
40:33The small wishing tree covered in rubbish.
40:37Amazing that we're now going to get our wishes to come true.
40:40Did you bring anything?
40:42Alas, we'd forgotten to bring our magic bin bag,
40:44so we had to make do.
40:47I've got a tampon.
40:49Tampon?
40:50Yeah.
40:51I've got a little bit of ribbon.
40:53Yeah, pretty.
40:54This has got, like, a string,
40:55which is why I thought it would be perfect.
40:57Wishing.
40:58We're doing wishing.
41:01Wishing.
41:03On the tree.
41:04I feel bad about tying the tampon,
41:06and that's disrespectful.
41:07That's a rompford in me.
41:08You can't take me on holiday.
41:09Do you know what I'm wishing for?
41:10What?
41:11I wish I'd got my nose waxed.
41:12I've regretted it for days.
41:14Yeah, I can smell a lot, actually.
41:15But I'm going to do my wish now.
41:17I'm really putting my whole spirit into it.
41:23Wishing, wishing, wishing on the tree.
41:27Thank you, tree.
41:31Would you like to hear some of the bad reviews of this place?
41:33Bad reviews?
41:33What's not to like?
41:35It won't surprise you that a lot of them are about the hill.
41:38It is very tiring.
41:39Walking is like death, someone's written.
41:41These are my people.
41:42Then with a comma, nothing else.
41:44So maybe they died halfway through the sentence, sadly.
41:46Let's see what else we've got.
41:48Don't go up the hill.
41:49Don't go up the hill.
41:50Don't go up the hill, everyone's saying.
41:53Too late for us.
41:54Can we have a look in the monastery?
41:56I don't think so.
41:57We're not monks.
41:58Is that real?
41:59Yeah.
42:00So this is it.
42:01What?
42:03This is the...
42:04This is it.
42:05No, no, no.
42:06We don't go in the monastery.
42:07But there's a church.
42:09We don't go in it.
42:10It's not for us.
42:11Why not?
42:12It's this.
42:13This is people walk up here just for this tree, Roche.
42:15Come off it.
42:16You brought me up here.
42:18I knew you didn't understand.
42:19You said the word monastery so many times.
42:21It's because it's the tree at the monastery.
42:23But we could have gone the tree at the road.
42:25The monastery's got nothing to do with the tree.
42:27I'm having...
42:28What do you mean?
42:29You can't go in it and light a candle even.
42:32You cannot invite people up to a tree.
42:34Sarah, get the reviews up.
42:37Because I've got something to say.
42:47We've come to Turkey hoping to feel like new people
42:50and I've discovered a lot about myself.
42:53I found out that I love shaving men,
42:55that canal boating is not for me
42:57and that I could be a sex therapist for leeches.
43:00I would have wished more ambitiously
43:02if I knew they were all going to become true.
43:04I give this trip three and a half stars out of five.
43:08Apart from the non-monastery, I've had a good time.
43:12I got to watch Sarah get sapped about
43:13and I was able to smell her fear all the better
43:15thanks to a very no-nonsense barber.
43:17It's a solid four out of five for me.
43:21Sarah.
43:22Yeah.
43:22Do you know what it is now?
43:24Yeah.
43:24Downhill.
43:25Yeah.
43:25It's all downhill from here, as they say.
43:28And that is pleasure.
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