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Watch The Claudia Winkleman Show Season 1 Episode 5 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:28Hey
00:31Thank you very much
00:33Hello and welcome to the show
00:35Thank you so much for joining us
00:37This week, Arsenal lost
00:39And then they won
00:40Somebody told me that and I tried to look
00:45Apologies
00:46We have an amazing audience
00:48And some brilliant guests are joining us on the sofa
00:51She has done it all
00:52Comedian, writer, actor, model
00:54And she's here to talk about her latest tour
00:57It's Michelle De Swart
01:08She was the girlfriend in The Girlfriend
01:11But tonight she's here to talk about dragons
01:14It's Olivia Cooke
01:24She's a Hollywood star
01:25And is here to discuss the latest
01:27Installment of the scary movie franchise
01:30It's Anna Faris
01:32Thank you so much
01:42And he has conquered the stage and screen
01:46Best known for starring in 28 years later
01:48Schindler's List and the Harry Potter films
01:50It's the magnificent
01:51Ralph Fiennes
02:07Thank you all so much for coming
02:10I have quite big news
02:12This has never happened before
02:13Anna has brought gifts
02:15They are in this
02:16Well listen, please keep expectations low
02:20No, I'm going to get them out
02:21Okay, great
02:22In this disgusting country
02:24I offer a gift from abroad as an apology
02:29Why?
02:30Just a blanket apology
02:32These are hats that I knitted during quarantine
02:35I quarantined and I learned how to knit a hat
02:39And would you do me the honor of accepting
02:41Oh my god
02:42Oh my god
02:43Hello
02:46Thank you so much
02:47Thank you
02:48Oh my god
02:50I don't know why you're taking them off guys
02:56I'm spending the next hour like this
02:58They are beautiful
02:59Oh, thank you
03:00Oh, that's so kind
03:01Thank you
03:02Thank you so much
03:02Oh, no, thank you
03:04You knitted them in quarantine
03:06Like five years ago
03:08I mean, I'm into it
03:11I had high hopes
03:12You know
03:13Like things were going to get better
03:15And I was going to be on this show
03:16Apologizing to British people
03:18For just general things
03:20You know
03:22I really did have a turn in my career
03:25You know
03:26It's a vulnerable profession that we're in
03:29But to be able to be here tonight
03:31It just means a lot to me
03:33So I'm just really grateful
03:34Well, we are so grateful
03:37Thank you
03:37I'm going to take the hats
03:38I don't think you guys will have a monologue
03:40I'm going to take
03:41You will get them
03:42You will get them back
03:42No, you'll get them back
03:43You'll get them back
03:44You'll get them back
03:45But I'm just going to put them somewhere cozy
03:48Claudia, did I ruin the show by being too serious right off the bat?
03:51No, you did not
03:53Because I can be silly and vapid
03:55No
03:57I was reading about all four of you
04:01And there is a link
04:02Which is just how fantastic
04:04All your mums were and are
04:07Olivia, your mum loves your life, right?
04:11Yeah
04:11I mean, and she loves
04:13She loves the perks that come with it
04:15Yeah
04:17It's my fault
04:18Well, I've created a monster
04:19I know
04:20So the, you know, this job
04:23It's, you know, there's some bits of it that are very gorgeous and like nice
04:27Like premieres and like fancy hotels and things like that
04:30And I invite my mum down and I get her a room at the hotel
04:33And then she goes out and goes to the premiere and she gets on it
04:37Nice
04:38And then you got her
04:40And then I'm like, all right, I think mum needs to go home now
04:42She's in the corner slumped with like a goujon
04:44In one hand and a gin and tonic in the other
04:48And so I end up taking my mum home at my own premiere
04:51Yeah
04:51Um, she loves it
04:53I've spoiled her rotten
04:54Because you're given stuff, right?
04:55They're a freebie sometimes
04:56So like I get, you know, some of the perks of this job
04:59Sometimes you're sent things that
05:01Like a candle or lotion or something
05:03Yeah, and you look online and they're quite expensive
05:05And you're like, I will never ever use this because it's awful
05:08Um, so I send it up to Manchester
05:12My mum's got like a little account on an online resell website somewhere
05:17Under a different name
05:19And I come home and I'm like, oh mum
05:21That's a new armchair, you know
05:23And she goes, yeah, thanks for the lotions
05:25Yeah, that was the handbag
05:27And I'm like, I'm never going to get sent stuff again
05:29Because some of it is really nice
05:30Yeah
05:30And I like to keep it
05:31Oh well
05:32To anyone who's watching, you would still like the stuff
05:34Because your mum needs something to match the armchair
05:36Yeah, and sometimes I do like it as well
05:38And I do wear it
05:39Yeah
05:39I do
05:40Arna, your mum was quite strict about watching TV, right?
05:43Yes
05:43She wouldn't let me watch television
05:45When she left for the grocery store
05:48I would watch television
05:49Then put a bag of frozen peas to cool down the television
05:52Because she would check
05:53Oh my god
05:54Yeah
05:55She did not want me seeing Madonna
05:58Madonna
05:59For her
06:00Like, losing my virginity was very stressful
06:04Yes
06:04Yes
06:06Yes
06:06Yeah
06:06Uh, Rafe, your mum
06:08So I like the fact how forward she was with your dad
06:11Well, she was set up on a, basically a blind date with my dad
06:15My mother cooked, I think, scrambled eggs
06:18For supper
06:18And the story was that he'd turned up
06:21And she thought he was, she was going to meet some
06:25Puny, weedy, chinless wonder
06:28And in walked my father, who was a very handsome, very big man
06:31She made him his scrambled eggs
06:33And then the story goes that he promptly fell asleep
06:37But that didn't put her off
06:38Because the next day she got on her moped
06:40Went to the farm where he lived
06:41And he'd opened the door
06:42And, uh, she said, would you like to come in for a dish of tea?
06:48She said, yes, thank you
06:50I'd like to have six children
06:53Michelle, I love the story of your mum
06:55Who said, I think she panicked when she saw you do the weakest link
06:58Yeah, yeah, is that, you really get a kind of good gauge of what your family think of you
07:04When you tell them, I said to my mum, I was like, I'm doing the weakest link
07:08And she went, oh, shit
07:12And to be honest, they weren't wrong with it
07:13Because I, I only got one question wrong
07:17But the question that I got wrong
07:18So I'm severely dyslexic, right
07:21And, uh, and it was all going well
07:23I was like, what, you're crushing this
07:25Owning this
07:26Yeah, I'm a strong link
07:27And then, um, and then Romesh was like, Michelle, name a vowel that appears twice in the word donation
07:35And I was like, vowels
07:39And so I, I said, blue
07:48Well, I need to explain my reasoning for this
07:50So I was like, my mum was like, oh, mate, what's your strategy?
07:54And I said, well, I think if I don't know the answer for something
07:57I'll just say Moby Dick
07:58Because I feel like at some point that's going to come up as an answer
08:00Yeah
08:01And so when Romesh was like, you know, the vowel that appears twice
08:04I was like, okay, it's Moby Dick time
08:07But I couldn't remember the word Moby Dick, so I thought whale, what colours are whale blue?
08:12And that's why I said
08:14So whenever I, like, forget what I'm supposed to say, I just say Moby Dick
08:19Yeah
08:20I love it
08:21Yeah
08:22I like the fact that I'm just like, we're having a chat and Rafe looks like, help me
08:28I want to talk about my play
08:31Rafe, I'm going to talk to you about your play
08:33I don't want you to panic and run away screaming
08:35I'm staying here
08:36Yeah, good boy
08:37Thank you
08:38Erm, the good boy was too much
08:43As I said that, I was like, I'm uncomfortable
08:46Erm
08:47There'll be an opening night, there will be a red carpet
08:50Do you guys like a red carpet?
08:53Look at Olivia's face
08:54Straight away
08:54It's disgusting, isn't it?
08:57Well, when you've got all those people screaming at you
09:00My reaction is to want to cry or run away
09:04And so, like, I can't, I can't sort, like, it's sort of all that energy gets put down
09:08And under my dress, my, like, right knee is quivering like that
09:11Yeah
09:11Erm
09:13But it's like, it's intense
09:14No, but it can be quite scary
09:15It's intense
09:16Oh, 100%
09:17And I don't know
09:17There isn't, at least
09:20When I, my first red carpet was in the year 2004 scary movie
09:25And it felt confusing
09:27I'm sure some of those photos I am really, like, you know, caught
09:32Caught, like, I know I don't belong, er, here on this red carpet
09:38And I think you guys know that too
09:40That's always the feeling of, like
09:43Imposter syndrome
09:44Yes
09:44I feel like it's just a necessary evil, you know what I mean?
09:48Like, you've got to do the red carpet to get into the venue to quaff the free champagne
09:52To get the video back
09:53Yeah
09:54It's the, it's the tax
09:55Yeah
09:55You know what I mean?
09:57Yeah
09:59So true
10:00In, in my life, and I'm 54, I've never met anybody who likes a red carpet
10:06And then, Rafe, I meet you
10:09Yeah
10:10I've got evidence
10:12Let's have a look
10:13Exhibit one, please
10:14Oh
10:16Oh
10:17He has a lot
10:19I know what you're thinking
10:21Guys
10:21It's a one-off
10:22Buckle up
10:24His is number two
10:26Yes
10:27He's enjoying himself
10:29That's nothing
10:31That is foreplay
10:33Let's have number three
10:37Oh
10:38And finally, as we're all going, oh and it's uncomfortable and they're saying my name
10:47Rafe Fiennes ladies and gentlemen
10:57I love you for it
10:58So, why, why do you love it? You come out of the car, you're wearing a suit, you've got something,
11:04I don't know
11:04You're just ready and they're shouting, Rafe, Rafe, and you're like, I've come along
11:07No, what happens, you get and they excite, Rafe, Rafe, or, well, I met the name
11:11And you go, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and I smile
11:14And then suddenly a boredom factor kicks in
11:20And you entertain yourself to get through the fucking thing
11:26That's a great strategy
11:29I'm going to try to embrace that
11:32You're our new hero, I would like to see the three of you next time
11:36Pretend to be an aeroplane and you know, all of you, what we're being
11:42Let's talk about this new play
11:45It's coming to the West End
11:47Grace pervades
11:48Yeah
11:49And you found the story, I believe, and gave it to David Head
11:52Well, it's the story of the Victorian actor, Henry Irving
11:57And he was probably the first leading actor to start directing plays
12:02But in our play the key, the sort of central spine
12:06Is the relationship with this wonderful actress, Ellen Terry
12:09She has a wonderful speech where he's trying to give her notes
12:13And she turns it around and starts giving him notes
12:15And he talks about how stiff he feels when he's alongside her very natural acting
12:21And she says, well, I think you take too long to prepare
12:23I'm just in my dressing room, I'm reading a book, I'm reading the newspaper
12:26When it's my cue, I just go down, I just go on stage
12:29I don't have any inhibitions, I just go on, bang, and I'm there
12:32And I have no awareness of 500 people watching me
12:35And Dave has written this wonderful speech for her about the spontaneous allowing of yourself on stage
12:42Without too much thinking and preparing and going all nervous in your head
12:45Absolutely, and also I love the fact that you said what you adore about the theatre is it's totally different
12:50every night
12:50Even if you think it's going to be the same, it's not
12:53And you should embrace it, it being different
12:56I think it's... I think you should allow it to be different every night
13:00Yeah
13:00Here's the thing, right, is that they've got this thing going on in theatres
13:04Where they think they'd sell all, like, the fancy crisps, right?
13:07The kettle chips, the crunchy, hearty crisps
13:10These are the crisps we should be selling in theatres
13:12What's its?
13:14Quavers
13:15Skips
13:16Melt in the mouth
13:17Soft, soft, thank you, soft crisps, right?
13:20And that you've put into a cup or something
13:22None of this rustling of paper
13:23Yeah, unbearable
13:24It does, my head in
13:25Yeah, have a marshmallow or eat first
13:27Yeah
13:28No, I feel the same as you
13:30Yeah, right
13:30And the worst is the popping of drink cans
13:33Mmm
13:35Yes, I feel you
13:36Just the quiet, dramatic pause
13:38Oh my God
13:39Yeah
13:41And, er, actually being in an audience
13:43When someone...
13:44Yeah
13:44And you're engaged and someone is opening a sweet paper wrap room
13:48Mm-hmm
13:48Rapping crinkly pasty
13:50And do you know what...
13:50Do you know what does my head in?
13:51You know what?
13:51Right, it's when...
13:52Someone trying to slowly eat crisps
13:56Slowly
13:56Just get them all in your mouth and just hurry up and do it
13:59It's like, oh, I'm going to quietly try and eat one crisps
14:02I'll bring you in your...
14:03Oh
14:04Do you ever say anything?
14:07Yeah, you do, you're one of them
14:08No, no, no, no
14:09You're one of them, I can tell
14:11Yeah, you do
14:12I...
14:13I...
14:13No, cos I...
14:14I...
14:14Once in a place, a mobile phone
14:17It was a monologue
14:18And the mobile phone went off and I lost it
14:20Good
14:21Don't turn off your fucking phone
14:22That's right
14:24Um, but actually it froze you
14:26That was quite hot
14:27You have the adrenaline thing, isn't it?
14:29It was what?
14:30It was quite hot
14:31It was
14:32Everybody felt it, we were all like, hmmm
14:34Yeah
14:35I don't like it when Rafe's angry, but hold on
14:39That's my phone
14:41Sorry, continue
14:49I'm scared
14:51Um, Rafe, please tell us when and where can we see the play?
14:55Cos we will all be coming
14:56Um, Grace Pervades is on at the Theatre Royal Haymarket
15:00From the 24th of April till the 11th of July
15:04Fantastic
15:07Thank you
15:08And, um, Rafe, I have to ask you about Voldemort
15:12Cos they're about to shoot a new series
15:14Everybody has been cast
15:19Nobody
15:21I'm not saying this to be nice to you, but nobody else can play the Dark Lord
15:25So would you do it again and are you doing it again?
15:27Let's just, we won't tell anyone
15:29Well, I remember being asked the question once we'd shot the Total Film Series
15:32Would I reprise the part? And this was some years ago
15:35And I said, yes, I'd love to
15:37Oh?
15:37But then, um, nothing's happened
15:39And, um, I think that ship has sailed
15:42But I tell you, there was, Tilda Swinton was mentioned somewhere as being a contender
15:46And I think she would be amazing
15:48She'd be amazing
15:49She'd be amazing
15:49Fantastic
15:51Um, Anna, when you were growing up, you had a quite specific
15:57I hope I'm not saying anything bad
15:59Imaginary friend
16:00Yes, I, um, I was a lonely, short child
16:05So, I, I don't know, I didn't have that many friends
16:08It was hard for me to make friends
16:09Which is why I'm so glad to be here tonight
16:11Because I told you guys we're friends now
16:16Gave you a hat and all
16:17Um, but I, I had a retainer
16:21My parents' strategy to keep me a virgin
16:24Was to keep me, uh, with, like, constant dental gear
16:32I had the gamut, I had the neck gear, I had braces, I had retainers of various kinds
16:37And one of them was my beloved retainer, Simon
16:42Who was British, and he
16:46He was my talking retainer
16:47I never lost Simon
16:50Um, Simon would give me advice and help me with homework
16:54We would go on talk shows
16:56We went on Oprah a couple of times, Simon and I
16:59Why? Because it was remarkable that I had a talking retainer who was also my best friend
17:04Yeah
17:05That's a lonely story about a lonely little kid
17:08No
17:09I, I don't want to offend Simon
17:11But when was Simon put away?
17:14I didn't know we were going to go here
17:16Okay
17:17Simon, um, he did get retired, I think, when some teeth came in
17:21Some more teeth
17:22Got it
17:22Had to move on to headgear, still a virgin
17:27Okay, so, Anna, we need to talk about Scary Movie
17:30Because the sixth installment is about to come out
17:34Uh, you were part of the first one
17:37That was 26 years ago
17:39And the same cast are together
17:42How much fun is it reprising the role?
17:46It's more than fun
17:47It's, like, I don't really
17:49Even though I've lived in LA for a while
17:51I don't love the idea
17:52I don't believe in closure or healing
17:55I grew up in Seattle
17:57I wanted to marry a cynical Brit, you know
18:00I had never done comedy
18:01I think Simon always thought I was funny
18:03But, uh, but no one else did
18:06Um, and the movie became a big hit
18:10And it defined the last 26 years for me, essentially
18:14And I feel honored
18:17And it also feels like people
18:18Are really hungry
18:20Yes
18:21For this movie
18:21And that feels thrilling
18:24So, thank you
18:27And the trailer alone
18:30Is majestic
18:32There it is
18:32Oh, thank you
18:33There's a serial killer on the loose
18:35Hello, Tuesday
18:36I have been preparing for this for years
18:41Hello, lover
18:42You look like shit
18:45Sandy
18:46Should we hug?
18:48I really want to
18:49But I'm a Republican now
18:50So I'm supposed to be racist
18:51Oh, girl
18:52I think all white people are racist anyway
18:54Come here
18:54Okay
18:55Aww
18:56Aww
18:58Mom
18:59Santa gave me a severed arm
19:01Be sure to thank him
19:07Thank you
19:09You took your mum to see the film, didn't you?
19:12Yes
19:12Yes
19:12At a very crowded theatre in Linwood, Washington
19:15Um, I took her to see the first scary movie in the summer of 2000
19:20And I told her
19:21Mom, when I tell you
19:25You have to
19:26When I tell you to
19:26You have to get up and go to the bathroom immediately
19:29And, uh
19:30So I did tell her
19:31I was like, Mom, go
19:31And she did
19:32Oh, that's good
19:33Yes, there is a scene
19:35Where I, um
19:39You can say
19:40My boyfriend sprays me to the ceiling of my bedroom with his ejaculate
19:48And
19:48And
19:49And then you're stuck, right?
19:50You're stuck on the ceiling
19:51And stuff
19:51So you can imagine as I was hanging from the...
19:55Why?
19:55You know
19:56This is my first movie
19:59And
20:00And
20:00Like, you know
20:00The prop people are just
20:03Spraying me with
20:05What
20:06What did they use for the ejaculate?
20:08Oh
20:08I wish I knew
20:09I would clock it now
20:11At the time I was like
20:13Don't think
20:13Don't think about anything
20:16Don't think about your mom
20:18Whatever you do
20:19There's something really magical about your parents not letting you watch TV
20:23And then you having to sit in a cinema with your mom while you're welded onto a ceiling with jizz
20:30You know what I mean?
20:32Solid
20:33Yeah
20:34Yeah
20:35Yeah
20:36It is
20:38It's been a...
20:39A wild turn
20:42Sorry, Mom, I'm not Joan of Arc yet
20:46And I have to ask you about House Bunny
20:48Yes
20:49Because
20:50Thank you
20:51Thank you
20:52You made it a while back
20:54And you produced it yourself
20:56You pushed it through
20:57You had this idea
20:58Oh boy, it was tough
20:59My original idea was
21:02And I pitched this to the writers
21:04I said, you know
21:05I was thinking about a lower echelon playboy bunny
21:08And she's getting a little old for the mansion
21:11She hasn't landed a husband
21:13She doesn't really have any skills
21:15What does she do with her life?
21:18So we pitched the movie 24 times
21:21Hi
21:22And...
21:22Um...
21:23The 24th time it sold
21:25To Adam Sandler
21:27And it was a...
21:28It felt like a big achievement
21:30Later on I realised that, of course, he wants to go film at the Playboy Mansion
21:33And...
21:35Like...
21:35Uh...
21:35But it was great
21:36It's now a cult hit
21:38Thanks
21:39I mean, people who are in their twenties, they're obsessed by it
21:42Talk to me about the creation of the demon voice, please
21:45Well...
21:46LAUGHTER
21:49Our director...
21:49Came up to me on set
21:51And he said
21:51Why don't you try a funny voice when you repeat their names?
21:55So what came out was...
21:58Gloria
22:00I can't do it for very long
22:02But I can't do it as well as I used to be able to
22:04I'll have to work on that
22:05Could I take voice lessons with you?
22:07I mean...
22:08Rafe would...
22:09Rafe would be the guy
22:10Ra...
22:11Rafe
22:12Very nice
22:14It's an honour
22:17I'll warm up...
22:18I'll warm up back into it next time I'm on the show
22:20OK
22:21LAUGHTER
22:22How great
22:23APPLAUSE
22:25Oh...
22:25You could do...
22:26I mean like...
22:27I wish...
22:28I'm gonna...
22:28I gotta get better at it
22:29At the very end of the show, can you...
22:31Do you think you could say Moby Dick in that voice?
22:35LAUGHTER
22:35I do
22:36OK
22:37Good
22:37I do
22:37When can we see Scary Movie?
22:40Um...
22:40June 5th
22:42APPLAUSE
22:44Thank you so much
22:47Erm...
22:48Please, Olivia
22:49Talk to us about House of the Dragon Series 3
22:51People loved the first two
22:54What transpires?
22:56What's Series 3 about?
22:58Well...
22:58I have accidentally put my son on the throne
23:03Oh
23:04He's sort of usurping the rightful heir, Rhaenyra Targaryen
23:07You always had good judgement
23:09What's happening?
23:09I did, but then...
23:10But then my husband, the king, he was on his deathbed
23:13And I thought I heard him say, oh, Aegon, I'd like him to be on the throne
23:16But he was talking about something else
23:18Oh no!
23:19He'd had too much milk at the poppy
23:20Oh, boy
23:21Erm...
23:22So...
23:24So...
23:24We're really...
23:25We're really facing the fallout from my mistake
23:29And we're coming to the season at the brink of civil war
23:33And I've parlayed my freedom for my son's head
23:39It's very dramatic
23:41Very dramatic
23:41Can we have a look, please?
23:42Yes
23:48Where were you?
23:53Alicent came to Dragonstone
23:54She will open the gates of the Red Keep
23:57And surrender to me
24:02You cannot...
24:03Trust her
24:04Soon or late
24:05Rhaenyra will send her new dragons here
24:08It would be the end
24:12Oh, yes
24:13Oh, yes
24:13Oh, yes
24:21Oh, yes
24:23Very dramatic, very dramatic
24:25Very dramatic
24:28It's so...
24:29All of it
24:31You're like
24:31Oh, yes
24:33You're like holding a sword
24:34Yeah
24:34I like the fact that you like to prank on set
24:37Yeah
24:38What do you do? Well, I did it once and then I was scared that I'd metooed myself. So I
24:42then didn't do it again
24:44But I had to do a sex scene
24:48where
24:49My scene partner was underneath my skirts
24:53You can imagine what was happening and
24:55Domino's dominos. Yes. Yeah, tic-tac-toe
25:03Just keep saying games
25:06Jenga
25:09Because you have to wear these you know, these
25:12The strap-ons these strap-ons
25:15We have to wear these sort of like padded sticky jock straps for you know obvious reasons and I said
25:21can you make me the biggest hairiest
25:25merkin
25:26And I want the color to be fiery red to match my hair
25:30That's power
25:33It looks incredible it looks incredible and you know
25:35I stuck it on and and the reaction that my my castmate had Fabian
25:40Which I was a bit alarmed I was like like surely you've seen my hair pubic pubes before and but
25:47he leapt to the other side of the room
25:49and he was so
25:51Shocked and disgusted and he thought it was real and I was like, oh, no, what have I done?
25:58Funny but he was like, I think he was really
26:01Stricken with anxiety from from that experience goods on you man bring back pubes
26:09Yeah
26:10I mean they never left. Yeah, my favorite thing and all of this is just race thing. Yeah
26:18He's up for it
26:20You also in series one you're all getting to know each other you asked your cast members to smell you
26:26Yeah
26:26And well you were wearing these period costume and they're very heavy and they're very
26:34They're very pinched into the arms and in these scenes. They've got all the fires on
26:39They've got all the incense burning all the candles are on and you are hot and I was going up
26:43to paddy concertine being like do I smell?
26:45Do I smell? Can you smell me? Do I smell horrible and he's like Olivia stop
26:48But you know when you just get really paranoid about anything that everyone can smell and so you have to
26:52address it before anyone before anyone says it
26:55Yes, or in their head. Yeah, this is what I find with you know
26:58Like when you're doing like press or you know, you're doing red carpet stuff and you're borrowing clothes and a
27:03stylist gets you outfits
27:05What you don't know is they don't wash them in between so then you're on the red carpet and you're
27:10like your new funk is heating up the old funk
27:14You're like I smell like about TV
27:20Rafe congratulations on the brilliant conclave. I know it was a while back, but yeah
27:25It's such a beautiful film
27:28There's some heavy roads you're wearing
27:31Voldemort also there was a gusset there no in
27:36My favorite word
27:38Yeah, I had to wear tights as Voldemort underneath the long flowing robes and the tight they kept falling down
27:46So the gusset would start somewhere here and then work its way down
27:52I couldn't walk as effortlessly as I had hoped
27:57And eventually I said can you give me a garter belt? Can you give me suspenders?
28:02And they did
28:05And I used to enjoy teasing the stunt guys by raising mine
28:10I
28:11I
28:18Libby when can we see this project? It comes out June on HBO max
28:28It's a change of subject, but if we don't discuss it then what even are we doing with our lives?
28:33Anna, you wrote a brilliant book.
28:36Oh, I better get some water, yes.
28:38Called Unqualified, where you talk about the professions
28:40that one should avoid.
28:42Yes. In dating.
28:44List some of the things we should not go near.
28:47Number one, magician.
28:48Correct.
28:49You...
28:51Somebody who is tricking you, I don't know,
28:53they won't let you in on their secrets.
28:56I had a... Also, they're going to bore you rigid
28:58with a pack of cards.
29:00LAUGHTER
29:00Like, take my bra off, I don't give a shit with a pack of cards.
29:04Number two, athlete, professional athlete.
29:08For the normal reasons, cheating and whatnot,
29:10but also because...
29:11LAUGHTER
29:12I think you're going to have to do some ego-lifting.
29:16Yeah. You know, oh, the rookie isn't that good, or...
29:19And they're going to want a smoothie.
29:20As soon as your knee gets better.
29:22LAUGHTER Yeah, yeah.
29:23Number three, chef.
29:25Mm-hm.
29:26I do think it's an environment,
29:29when I was waiting tables,
29:30where it felt like anger...
29:34wasn't managed, it was celebrated.
29:36Mm-hm.
29:37I don't think you can leave that mentality at work.
29:39Yeah.
29:40Um...
29:40I think there's only one in the list of professions
29:45you should date.
29:46Yep, and what is that, please?
29:47That is a woodworker, a canoe...
29:50Somebody who makes canoes by the coast.
29:53Carpenter. Solitary.
29:54Sorry. He's sad.
29:57LAUGHTER
29:57He's sad.
29:58He's been lonely.
29:59And he's...
30:00But he's carving that canoe and sanding it.
30:03I imagine he's quite thorough.
30:05Oh, yeah.
30:06Yes.
30:08LAUGHTER
30:09LAUGHTER
30:11Uh...
30:14APPLAUSE
30:15Sorry.
30:17Um...
30:17You know what we've got an army of in the audience?
30:20Woodworkers.
30:20Woodworkers.
30:21They're right there.
30:21No!
30:22Oh, gentlemen!
30:24Oh!
30:27Thank you, Claudia.
30:28They're amazing.
30:30Woodworkers.
30:31Thank you, woodworkers.
30:32Thank you, woodworkers.
30:33Liam.
30:33Quiet heroes.
30:35Yes.
30:37Liam, you're...
30:38I think you are...
30:38You are the speaker of the woodworkers.
30:40Is that right?
30:41I think so, yeah.
30:42OK.
30:42Um, have you ever made a canoe?
30:45Yeah.
30:46Uh...
30:47And I'm very thorough.
30:50Um...
30:50I'm standing and standing.
30:54Uh...
30:54What do you think about as you're sanding?
30:57Yeah, and...
30:58Do you think about love?
30:59All the time.
31:01LAUGHTER
31:01For the rest of you, any professions you'd steer clear of?
31:05Actors.
31:06LAUGHTER
31:07Olivia?
31:08I think if you own or created an app...
31:11I think it's...
31:12What about the man who created Wordle for his girlfriend?
31:15It's so romantic.
31:16Oh, I didn't know that story.
31:17OK, he...
31:18Not him.
31:18But all the other ones.
31:20You don't want an app creator.
31:21All the ones that are coming to mind.
31:24LAUGHTER
31:25Do you know what I keep on thinking, where you're like,
31:27a woodworker, but he's got to have, like, a story.
31:29I'm like, you need to read the Bible.
31:32LAUGHTER
31:33That's cool.
31:34All mine's going to be blown.
31:35I do.
31:36Yeah.
31:37I do.
31:38You're going to be well into that.
31:39I don't have any, um, big things that I'm like...
31:43I'm more like...
31:44If...
31:44As long as you're holding on to, like, one marble,
31:47I'll probably bang you.
31:48You know what I mean?
31:49But I do...
31:50I do, um...
31:51I do have a...
31:52A big no-no for me.
31:53Is anyone who's been to Burning Man.
31:55This festival...
31:56Yes.
31:57You know this festival in the desert,
31:58and they're like,
31:58Oh, you don't need money.
31:59We just, uh...
32:00It's a bartering system.
32:01And you're like,
32:02Didn't you just get a helicopter in?
32:03Like, what do you mean you don't need money?
32:05And, like, I'm always like,
32:06I don't plan.
32:06I'll probably end up having to, like,
32:08I don't know,
32:08give out a wristy for an egg sandwich.
32:09But it's not...
32:11But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but,
32:12but, but, but, but beside that,
32:12beside that, there's something about Burning Man.
32:15Especially if you're on the dating apps,
32:16and you see, like, these guys, um,
32:19that are at Burning Man,
32:20and they all sort of, like,
32:21look like they're dressed up like Mad Max,
32:23and they're super cool,
32:24and I just want to get my fanny
32:25and just chuck it in a bin.
32:26I'm like,
32:26It's disgusting.
32:28Michelle,
32:29you were a highly successful model.
32:32Gucci, all of them.
32:33You said it was great fun.
32:34You were in New York.
32:36Yeah.
32:36And you're still friends with all of them.
32:38Yeah, yeah, we're still friends.
32:39And also, like,
32:40we sort of shared something
32:42that's, like, very unique.
32:43And although modelling is,
32:45especially at that time,
32:46the early noughties,
32:47you had to look a certain way.
32:48But something that's kind of amazing about it
32:51is that if, as long as you looked that certain way,
32:54anyone could do it.
32:55So I was friends with people
32:56from all different backgrounds
32:57that I probably would never have met,
32:58and we all had in common
33:00the fact that we were gorgeous.
33:01LAUGHTER
33:02So it's amazing.
33:04From that, like,
33:05wild time in your life?
33:06Yeah, that wild time
33:08of getting paid loads of money
33:09and peak starvation.
33:11Yeah.
33:12There was a mishap, I believe,
33:13with Anna Wintour.
33:15Oh, yeah, yeah.
33:16There's so many, man.
33:18So many.
33:18Go on.
33:18One in particular,
33:20I was doing, like, a cruise show.
33:22I think that's what they call it.
33:24It was, like, a cruise.
33:25In between.
33:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:26Exactly.
33:26I was like, yeah, you know, isn't it?
33:27No, I don't.
33:28Yeah, you do.
33:28Yeah, you do.
33:29So, anyway, I was doing this cruise show
33:32and I walked down the runway
33:34and I'm wearing this, like, G-string
33:36sort of swimming costume
33:38and everyone's like,
33:39Oh!
33:40And I thought, yeah, that's right, bitches.
33:41Yeah!
33:42That is right.
33:43You can see it.
33:45And then I come backstage
33:46and the dresser starts sort of pulling at the gusset,
33:49your favourite word, the gusset.
33:50My knickers, she keeps going, tampons,
33:52I was like, get your fingers out of my crotch.
33:55And then I looked down
33:55and I'd done the whole runway
33:57and back with a tampon string hanging out.
34:00Oh!
34:01And that would never happen now
34:02because I don't have that kind of fire gap
34:03but it was...
34:06It was...
34:06It was...
34:07It was...
34:07It was peak fashion.
34:08How did...
34:09Or when did the stand-up happen?
34:11Because I believe you were living in New York
34:12and you started to stand-up
34:13when you were still modelling.
34:15Yeah, yeah.
34:16I start...
34:16I mean, when did it happen?
34:17I was doing stand-up for years
34:19before it happened, per se.
34:21You know, you sort of...
34:22You try these things
34:24and you think you're doing well
34:25but the reality is
34:26you're not that great in the beginning.
34:29And stand-up's just one of them things.
34:31The only way you can get good at it is to be shit.
34:34LAUGHTER
34:35Yeah, sorry.
34:36That's probably not the story you want.
34:37No, I love it.
34:38Yeah, like...
34:38No, no, I love it.
34:40I was just terrible for a long time.
34:41But you kept at it.
34:42Well, yeah, yeah.
34:43No, I'm good at it.
34:44Yeah.
34:45Now, you're brilliant at it.
34:46Also, you wouldn't have been
34:47as bad as you're saying now.
34:50Otherwise, you wouldn't have continued...
34:52Yeah, well, you know what?
34:53Yeah, exactly.
34:53And also, it's just like...
34:54I think now in the...
34:56We live in a time
34:57where everyone's trying to, like,
34:59monetise the talent really quickly.
35:00There's something really beautiful
35:02about stand-up comedy as an art form
35:04because you have to do it in front of people.
35:07Mm.
35:07And you can write all you want
35:09but you can't just write an hour show.
35:10You have to go and try it out.
35:11And so, you know, you have to make peace
35:14with this ego death that is going to happen
35:16on a daily basis.
35:18Mm.
35:18And it's...
35:19You know, it's definitely life-affirming.
35:22You know, you do one gig and you're like,
35:23I'll crush that.
35:24And then the next day, you're like,
35:27wow, I should probably look into woodworking
35:29or something.
35:30You know what I mean?
35:32Talk to me about your show
35:34that you're doing now.
35:35It's sold out, rave reviews.
35:37Yeah, it's called The Afters.
35:40Wow.
35:40And, yeah, I'll finish in May.
35:42I think I'll put on some extra dates, though.
35:44Please.
35:44But it is...
35:45I always kind of...
35:46I wanted to call this show The Afters
35:47because I sort of feel like...
35:49You know, people say your life is like seasons,
35:51but me being, you know, an ex-party girl,
35:53I like to think of your life as a night out
35:55and I think at 45, which is what I am now,
35:58I think...
35:59I know!
36:08Please do not clap.
36:10This is nothing natural about...
36:12This is sorcery.
36:13This is...
36:14No, doctor.
36:14This is under a full moon,
36:16a five-pointed star in the garden.
36:18Like, this is...
36:19I haven't frowned since, like, 2007.
36:22So...
36:23Yeah, I'm like, yeah, clap it up.
36:25I'll give you the number to my doctor.
36:26But anyway...
36:30But...
36:30You know, if I think of life as a night out,
36:32I feel like 45, you just got to the afters.
36:35Do you know what I mean?
36:36Well, I think the best part of a night out
36:38is the debrief and the afters.
36:40Exactly.
36:40Are you finding that in life?
36:43Exactly, yeah, yeah.
36:44The 40s have been my favourite decade so far.
36:47Definitely.
36:48The 40s, as a woman, is...
36:50Mwah!
36:51Chef's kiss.
36:52You know, like, you go through a little bit
36:53in the beginning where you're like,
36:54your hormones start really going out of whack
36:56and you, like, look at the landscape of your mates
36:58and you're like, wow, we're all tapped.
37:00And then...
37:01No, like, you know what I mean?
37:03You're like, this is like the opening
37:04of a Michael Jackson thriller video.
37:06You look at all your mates a bit like,
37:07you want some?
37:08You want some?
37:08Yeah, I'm all right.
37:09Yeah, we go brunch.
37:10Yeah, let's go brunch!
37:11And you're like, you sort of think,
37:12wow, we're really not being ourselves right now.
37:15And then...
37:15And then you start, you know,
37:17chatting to each other about, like,
37:19what you want?
37:19Are you on the soul?
37:20See, I'm on HRT, is it?
37:22Oh, what else?
37:22Have you tried pedestrians?
37:24Do you know that you can get,
37:25you know, sort of...
37:26Now we're talking in the shell.
37:28Yeah.
37:29And then once you get that,
37:31nicely balanced,
37:32and then you're making money and that,
37:34it's fucking unstoppable.
37:35Let me...
37:37Let me ask you this,
37:39because I also...
37:40I read, which I loved,
37:41is you go off,
37:42you're this supermodel,
37:43you're in New York,
37:43you start, stand up,
37:45and then you've come back
37:46and you're living in the same street
37:48that you were...
37:49that you grew up on.
37:51I like the fact that you've come home.
37:52Yeah, I know.
37:53I've ended up buying a place
37:54on the same road that I...
37:55which is funny,
37:56because when I left,
37:57I left arrogant.
37:58Like, I was like,
37:59see you later,
38:00I'm never coming back.
38:02You lot.
38:03Do you know what I mean?
38:03I was just like,
38:04bye.
38:05And then you're like,
38:06you know, gentrification happens,
38:07and you're like,
38:08oh, don't you...
38:08Is there brunch and polite?
38:09How am I going to be able to afford to...
38:12People serving beans in ramekins?
38:14Shit.
38:14This is going to...
38:15It's going to take me a while.
38:17So, yeah,
38:17now I'm finally back where I started.
38:19And the amount of jokes I've had to tell
38:21to be able to make enough money
38:23to afford to move back there is...
38:28Mine's how...
38:30You know what I mean?
38:33We are nearly at the end of the show,
38:36but we do this lovely thing
38:38where people from the audience
38:39can add something,
38:41or they can ask a question.
38:43We are not qualified,
38:44but if anybody has a question,
38:46is that okay?
38:46Oh, yeah.
38:47Anyone got any questions?
38:48I want a bit.
38:49Oh, I like it.
38:51Already hands.
38:52Yes, please.
38:53Um, hi.
38:54Um, I was just wondering,
38:55should I schedule a nap for my wedding day?
38:59That's a very good question.
39:01LAUGHTER
39:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:06APPLAUSE
39:08But are you doing one of those,
39:10sort of getting married at 12,
39:11then a drinks at five?
39:13No, you've got to squish it all in.
39:15Get married at eight,
39:16dinner at nine,
39:16night-night.
39:18LAUGHTER
39:19Great, should we do that?
39:22I'll just...
39:23I'll just rearrange it all.
39:24Congratulations!
39:25No, I feel bad.
39:26It's going to be an amazing 24-hour-a-thon.
39:29Michelle, would you suggest a nap?
39:30I don't.
39:31As someone who's married and divorced,
39:33I don't think you want too much time
39:34to contemplate anything.
39:37LAUGHTER
39:37Have a lovely life.
39:42Um...
39:43Anybody else, please?
39:45Yes, of course.
39:46Hi.
39:47Hi.
39:47How do you leave a first date early
39:49if you know you don't instantly like them?
39:51I tend to overcompensate,
39:52but I don't want to do that anymore.
39:54No, up and out.
39:56Yeah.
39:57Also, I've been on dates
39:59where they've gone really badly
40:01and I've just turned around to the person
40:02and been like,
40:03shall we stop?
40:04And they're always...
40:06And they're like,
40:07yes!
40:08Yeah.
40:09The feeling's mutual.
40:10If you're in a situation
40:11where you're like,
40:12I don't think this is going well,
40:13you best believe the other person's like,
40:15this ain't it.
40:16And then you can just
40:17give each other your time back.
40:20Do you know what I mean?
40:22Yeah.
40:22Do you take a shot before or...?
40:23I...
40:24Well, the thing is,
40:25then you might end up
40:26enjoying yourself more than...
40:27You know what I mean?
40:28Then like...
40:28Yeah.
40:29So I would just be like,
40:30this is not it, right?
40:32Yeah, shall we go?
40:33No.
40:35Yeah.
40:37Maybe someone's got something better to...
40:39No, I agree,
40:40because when I've been single in the past,
40:42it's always led to a sympathy snog
40:44and I've never wanted to do it.
40:46But I've just been like,
40:46I don't know how to end the date,
40:47so I'm like...
40:47Here we go!
40:56One more.
40:58My question is,
41:00what do you think is the meaning of
41:04life?
41:10I like it.
41:11I...
41:11I...
41:12I'm surprised by it
41:14and let's run with it.
41:15Rafe?
41:22Um...
41:24Is that out of the hole?
41:26Yes.
41:26Yes.
41:27Yes.
41:37Good friendships.
41:40Enjoyment of food.
41:42Um...
41:43Acceptance of death.
41:46Oh, that's...
41:47Be cool about death.
41:48Yeah.
41:49That's it.
41:50Wow.
41:51That's really good.
41:53That's...
41:55I like it.
41:55That's really good.
41:56Thank you so much.
41:58We are going to end the show.
42:00I feel bad to do this,
42:02but would you just do the magic of demon voice,
42:05Moby Dick,
42:06and then my work is done.
42:10Moby Dick.
42:15That is it.
42:16We are off to play, back down,
42:18and I'd like to thank my brilliant guests,
42:21Michelle Desuart.
42:24Olivia Cooke.
42:26Anna Faris.
42:29And Ray Fine.
42:32Thank you so much for watching tonight.
42:40Giving up their phones and bank cards,
42:43five new teams are leaving Sicily
42:44on the trip of a lifetime.
42:46Watch their race across the world.
42:48So far, on BBC iPlayer.
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