حين رحلت من حياته

Hachii Channel

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Transcript

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00:05:34أتضاء أنه قلت لنا يزالها سريعاDER

00:05:37وبدأ أنه قامت بأس قليل

00:05:39تنهي مدد

00:05:40وقالت نفسه لم يتجفد

00:05:41وقالت لدر وقالت

00:05:43أجده على أن تنهي

00:05:46دائما كان يقلت على معاك

00:05:50تنك كلمة

00:05:50فقط الأمر نحو كان أكيد بخيرًا

00:05:54يمكن أن تنهي غير مما

00:05:55تشاهده بنك بإغني

00:05:56وضعت ما في التوجه

00:05:58وقالت رسمي

00:05:59أحيانه الاني

00:06:01هي بنجود أنه المسجع

00:06:03هو تحسن الكلام

00:06:03وما يتشغل الهواته إلى الآن

00:06:06من تهاية المصدرات

00:06:06مناسبت ثقافي

00:06:08ومقام الهيارة

00:06:10وتمسل المكسد في يطلق مطابقها

00:06:13فلم تنميس الهواته

00:06:15وروجات الى حفظ تحرق

00:06:16تحرق الهواته

00:06:17وممتزل الهواتف الهواتف

00:06:18وممتزل الهواتف بفعل

00:06:21وممتزل الهاتف إلى الهواتف

00:06:23خلال الهواتف يخبر الهواتف

00:06:35ترجمة نانسي قنقر

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00:11:04ترجمة نانسي قنقر

00:11:06تقربي بارك لا يمكن أن تتقربي بارك

00:11:14الراعطة

00:11:14محفة

00:11:14حقاً محفة

00:11:17لكن أنا متحدد 5'2''

00:11:18وصحة صورة

00:11:19وحفة حفة محفة

00:11:20وليسون أعني كنت أفضل

00:11:23ما يدعوه

00:11:25إنه أخوة محفة

00:11:26ما حفة لنه يفعله بارك

00:11:28لن تقربي بارك

00:11:28إلا تقربي بارك

00:11:29أفضل

00:11:32لغاً

00:11:33افضل

00:11:34بعد ما أفعل ذلك فارغة في ايام التحركي دائما

00:11:36و أجب أن أصبحت نجحه و أصبحت بشكل جيد

00:11:40مستعدني بشكل مدعي

00:11:43لما أنت تحرير لسهت لديك في العمل لتبعك في المنزل

00:11:46مستعدني على شيئاً

00:11:47أكبر بشكل مدعي

00:11:49ما أحضر بشكل مالي

00:11:52و و و و أحدها

00:11:52أعلم تحرير

00:11:55بحية تحرير

00:12:00الأسفل بشكل مضيح

00:12:01هل معك في المنزل

00:12:03القرآن تحرير

00:12:04سلون محاولا míس بك

00:12:06اماظ كفر اماظ تعرقها

00:12:08كيف تجد كبير لتحدث سنتيح

00:12:09محصلة منظمة جمالي أيضا

00:12:13بعض المقبع قبل وقتين

00:12:14وعقة إلى المتحدث

00:12:15اجلت فقط من المضح

00:12:16سلوبت

00:12:16امثلت بها روحق

00:12:20اماظتنا باستكبار

00:12:24وينكت بباستكبار

00:12:26و هلون أحدتك بإن بجانب

00:12:30وبهما خمام الجديد

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00:15:58معظل التنفسير

00:15:58انه تساعدhood تشد

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00:16:03وربما كان و Sesدراعين عنه

00:16:04و لم أجده رضي هم

00:16:06عندما خارجه

00:16:08و مجد المبتوضة

00:16:08و من أشغل مقابل

00:16:11و من الثاني

00:16:11بعد ذلك

00:16:11و أشغل الانت

00:16:13و مجده

00:16:13و أيضا

00:16:14بل اجلبهم

00:16:16and I didn't have any reason to I blocked him on everything

00:16:19text all social media changed my front door code and deleted every account he might use to find me

00:16:25after that I called my parents who were both traveling for work

00:16:29I told them I wanted to spend the summer visiting my aunt on the other side of the country

00:16:33my plan was to stay there until school started then head straight to California with Mia

00:16:37instead of coming home other than Mia, no one else knew yet

00:16:41that I change my application

00:16:42هذا plan يعمل بشكل جدًا، بشكل جدًا لم أحر أنت بقيتها بالفعل.

00:16:49فمتع حقًا عادت على المفعل.

00:16:53أصدت بحقًا وآش العيشان.

00:16:56أصدت تحقًا ولم تضيلي عن الغسان.

00:16:59أحر أنت شتريت أن أحر بقيتها وقوة بقيتها المرة أولا وقالي لدى أخرى.

00:17:02ومتعني لله بحقًا لذلك فقط.

00:17:05وأنا كان بحقًا لذلك أيضا لذلك.

00:17:07أكبر، بسبب الناس لم تكن في المشاركة،

00:17:10أخذت إلى الشباب الأن في سمسكة تجربت من الوصول على الأخرى.

00:17:14تضعت أمي بأم ورمي وقفتت تجربة.

00:17:17أصببت بتقديم أصبح أصبحت أصبحت أصبحك.

00:17:20لماذا يقولون أنه لكي تسبيت أصبحك.

00:17:26أنا من أكثر عثرت.

00:17:30أصبحت محلوقك.

00:17:31أصبحت محلوقك الآن في سنعة أصبحت تجربة.

00:17:34في وقت خلال التعريب في طولة من غرفة تلك الأشخاص والسرقات في دائما

00:17:37ولكن من كل ما تحدثت بيننا

00:17:40الآن أجل المشروح على طرق بفضل

00:17:43ويقفت بقيت طويلة تنسيطة في حياتي

00:17:46ويقفت بشكل مزيد ونهجزة من المصرفة

00:17:48ويقفت بإنشار أبداً

00:17:49أجلما أن أكون في حياتي فهو صديقه

00:17:55فهو وفقه في مجرد من قصية

00:17:57ويقفت بسرعة من معينة

00:17:57ويقفت بسرعة كفتبه

00:17:58ومعها بسرعة من قمت بسرعه

00:18:03They were trailing at the back of the group

00:18:05Every so often Chloe would lean her head toward him to say something

00:18:08And every single time, without any hesitation

00:18:11He would bend down to listen

00:18:13He never did that with me

00:18:15Asher had always been taller than me

00:18:17And the gap had only gotten bigger over the years

00:18:19When it was the two of us

00:18:21I was always the one bouncing on my toes

00:18:23Craning my neck up just to catch his eyes

00:18:26Turns out, for the right person

00:18:28He would be the one who bends

00:18:30I breathed in slowly

00:18:31سأخبرني أن أجل لتحصل على هذا المهزل.

00:18:34ما هو أجعله ليس لديه ليس لديه بشكل مكسي.

00:18:37إذا أجعل ذلك لن يقف بشكل مكسي.

00:18:40لكن هنا بشكل مكسي لي أحد بطريقك.

00:18:43كل أجعل بشكل مكسي ليس كه there جاهزاً لن يمكن أن يشتغل.

00:18:46بعد ذلك لن تجعله لن يجعله العديد على المنزل بطريقة.

00:18:51أجعله من أجل أن يكون هناك يساعد لها.

00:18:53فلن يجعله ليس لن يجعل الهيئة بالتقالي.

00:18:59Eventually, he borrowed someone else's phone,

00:19:01his face dark and unreadable,

00:19:03and disappeared into a nearby bathroom.

00:19:05A moment later, my phone rang.

00:19:07Unown number.

00:19:10So you've got a real attitude on you this time.

00:19:12You're just not gonna come to me first?

00:19:15You actually blocked me?

00:19:18Fine.

00:19:18Keep it up.

00:19:19See how great you do when we're both in Boston

00:19:21and you don't know anyone and there's no one to look out for you.

00:19:24Asher came out swinging,

00:19:25rattling off complaints in one long, irritated breath.

00:19:28I had absolutely nothing to say to any of that,

00:19:32but Asher seemed to get angrier at my silence.

00:19:35I'm done talking about this.

00:19:36Just unblock me.

00:19:38I'm heading out of the country for a couple of days

00:19:40with some friends.

00:19:41Probably won't have great reception.

00:19:45Don't get all weepy about it.

00:19:47I couldn't even be bothered to say a single word back.

00:19:50I hung up and turned my phone off.

00:19:52From across the terminal,

00:19:53I watched Asher stalk back to his group,

00:19:56his expression stormy.

00:19:57He grabbed Chloe's hand,

00:19:59didn't hesitate for a second,

00:20:00and walked toward the left gate.

00:20:02I let out a long breath,

00:20:04turned around,

00:20:05and headed right.

00:20:07With my family,

00:20:08I performed happiness.

00:20:10And honestly,

00:20:10I got pretty good at it.

00:20:12I deliberately kept myself slammed with plans,

00:20:15filling every gap in the day,

00:20:16so I had no room to spiral.

00:20:18I definitely didn't add Asher back the way he demanded.

00:20:21But Mia and some others kept me updated on his life anyway.

00:20:25Asher and his friends had apparently been skiing in Colorado for days.

00:20:29For some reason,

00:20:30he was suddenly posting on social media every single day,

00:20:33which was completely unlike the version of him,

00:20:35who used to go months without posting anything.

00:20:38Sometimes, it was slow motion clips of him carving down the slopes.

00:20:41Sometimes, it was food and late night parties.

00:20:44But mostly, it was big group shots of everyone clowning around in the snow.

00:20:47Even though I genuinely didn't want to see it,

00:20:50somehow, people kept sending it to me unprompted.

00:20:53Everyone was very casually curious about why I hadn't gone with Asher.

00:20:57I didn't know what to say,

00:20:58so I just told people I had family stuff going on.

00:21:01Mia was the only one who openly called him a trash human.

00:21:05Everyone else around me seemed to be constantly stopping themselves from saying something.

00:21:09I knew, they'd probably figured out something was wrong.

00:21:13In every single group photo Asher posted,

00:21:16he and Chloe were glued together, inseparable.

00:21:18But that spot beside him had been mine for years, just mine.

00:21:22Every time I saw one of those photos, my face stayed completely neutral,

00:21:26but something deep in my chest would clench.

00:21:28He was the first person I ever fell for.

00:21:31Someone I had genuinely, completely, embarrassingly loved for such a long time.

00:21:36In the middle of the night, alone, I would fall apart a little.

00:21:39And sometimes, I felt this stubborn,

00:21:41stupid feeling that I wasn't ready to let go.

00:21:43But every time that feeling started rising,

00:21:46I'd replay his words and give myself a mental slap.

00:21:49I'd repeat it to myself over and over.

00:21:51Stella, don't be pathetic.

00:21:53That's the fastest way to make yourself even less worth respecting.

00:21:56Just hold on a little longer.

00:21:58Once the detox period was over, everything would be fine.

00:22:01We went a full month without any contact.

00:22:04The longest we'd ever gone since the day we met.

00:22:06Distance and time turned out to be the best medicine.

00:22:09I ground through the worst of it and came out the other side.

00:22:12Just when I'd reached the point where I didn't think about him every hour of every day,

00:22:16he switched to a new number and called me from across the country.

00:22:22So you're just that bold, running off without me and staying this long?

00:22:28Summer's almost over, Stella.

00:22:31Did you forget you promised to go on a trip with me?

00:22:33Maybe it was because we'd gone so long without talking.

00:22:36But underneath all the complaints, his voice had this edge to it.

00:22:40Almost careful.

00:22:41I still didn't want to talk to him.

00:22:43I was about to hang up when his mom snatched the phone.

00:22:46Stella, sweetheart, are you having fun out there?

00:22:49This boy won't tell me anything.

00:22:51I only just found out you two had a fight.

00:22:55Don't be too hard on him, honey.

00:22:57When you come back, I'll make him apologize to your face.

00:23:00Oh, and Ashler just got his acceptance letter today.

00:23:04Yours should come soon, too.

00:23:05Have you thought about when you'll come home for your going away party?

00:23:09I've got a little surprise planned.

00:23:12Asher's mom had been like a second family to me since I was little.

00:23:15I couldn't bring myself to hang up on her, so I stayed on and let her talk.

00:23:19I'm not really planning to have a party.

00:23:21My parents are always traveling, and honestly, we can just do a video call thing with family.

00:23:27I probably won't be back before school starts anyway.

00:23:29I'll just come home right before move in.

00:23:31I didn't even finish the sentence before Ashler took the phone back.

00:23:35His breathing was heavy.

00:23:36I could feel the anger coming through from 3,000 miles away.

00:23:41Stella, I'm literally the one reaching out first here.

00:23:44How much longer are you going to keep this up?

00:23:47If you don't come back, don't expect me to wait for you.

00:23:50I'll head to Boston without you.

00:23:53He delivered the threat in this cold, flat voice.

00:23:56Waited, and waited, without getting the answer he wanted.

00:23:59My acceptance letter had already arrived at home.

00:24:02When they saw the school name on the letter, my parents finally found out I'd changed my application.

00:24:07My mom video called me.

00:24:09Hi, baby.

00:24:10Why didn't you talk to us before changing your application?

00:24:13Does Asher know?

00:24:15His mom called this morning, asking if your letter had come yet.

00:24:19I had no words.

00:24:24Baby, how are we supposed to feel okay about you going all the way to California alone?

00:24:27Aren't you the kid who's terrified of bugs and can't handle heat?

00:24:31You really think you can manage?

00:24:34Don't call me to come deal with it for you.

00:24:36That school has a lot to offer, and Mia will be going there too.

00:24:40You don't have to worry.

00:24:41Is this about a fight with Asher?

00:24:44Because that's not a reason to switch schools across the country.

00:24:49What if you change your mind in a week and want him back, then what?

00:24:53It's heart your caption.

00:24:55I just decided to say it straight.

00:24:59Asher has a girlfriend.

00:25:00Mom, Dad, I have my own life, and I don't want to just orbit around his forever.

00:25:07So please support my choice, and please keep it between us for now.

00:25:12My parents looked at each other for a long time without speaking.

00:25:16The only thing they asked was that I come home sooner rather than later.

00:25:20School was starting soon, and they wanted time with me.

00:25:24My mom mentioned that Asher had gone off on another trip with friends the very next day after getting his

00:25:28acceptance letter.

00:25:29He'd been gone for days.

00:25:31His mom was apparently calling my mom regularly, asking when I was flying back.

00:25:36On the day I landed, my parents showed up at the airport, dressed like they were going somewhere formal.

00:25:41I woke up from my nap on the drive, and realized they'd pulled up to a five-star hotel.

00:25:46I was still half asleep when my mom grabbed my arm and steered me through the lobby.

00:25:51And right there, standing in the middle of it, was Asher, who I hadn't seen in months.

00:25:56My feet stopped moving on their own.

00:25:59Asher was in a perfectly fitted black suit, leaning casually beside the lobby fountain,

00:26:04like something out of a magazine spread.

00:26:06Just one summer was all it took.

00:26:08The boyish edge had faded, and he looked exactly like the version of him I used to imagine

00:26:13when I tried to picture him grown up.

00:26:15Something complicated twisted in my chest.

00:26:17I'd avoided this moment for months, and now here it was, sprung on me with no warning.

00:26:22Stella, it's Ashler's going away party. We figured we'd pick you up and bring you straight here.

00:26:28You said you didn't want a party of your own, right?

00:26:32Ashley asked his parents to set the date for the day you got back,

00:26:35so you can kind of both celebrate together.

00:26:37Asher seemed to sense something, because right then, he casually glanced over,

00:26:41and his gaze landed directly on mine.

00:26:44My heart lurched sideways, still felt like the floor dropped out.

00:26:48But Asher moved first.

00:26:49He took one step toward us, and then Chloe appeared out of nowhere,

00:26:53and slipped her arm through his.

00:26:55She pulled him along with her, smiling wide, and walked right over to us.

00:27:00Oh my gosh, Stella, you're back!

00:27:03I've been wanting to properly meet you forever.

00:27:06I always saw you around with Asher.

00:27:09I'm from the AP track, so we never officially met, and I'm genuinely sad about that.

00:27:17Yeah, Asher looked vaguely uncomfortable.

00:27:20Why would you want to get to know her?

00:27:22She's just a drama queen who throws fits.

00:27:25I honestly thought she'd stayed in her aunt's state forever.

00:27:29The world will keep on turning, and your name will be forgotten.

00:27:32I had nothing to say to that. There was genuinely no response.

00:27:36Chloe's silver bodycon dress was covered in tiny crystals that caught every bit of light in the room.

00:27:41I glanced down at myself. White tea, jeans, sneakers, hair that still had a slight slept on way from the

00:27:47plane.

00:27:48I looked like I'd made a wrong turn on the way to a convenience store.

00:27:51I brought a dress for you, baby. You can go change in the powder room.

00:27:54I nodded, then shook my head.

00:27:56There was no point. This wasn't my party.

00:27:58Asher kept staring at me with this unreadable expression.

00:28:02Chloe's eyes kept flicking back and forth between the two of us.

00:28:05Luckily, a few more guests arrived just then, and Chloe immediately pulled Asher over to greet them.

00:28:10Like she was already the hostess.

00:28:12Mom, let's go in. I'm a little hungry.

00:28:16It was a small gathering. Asher had only invited close family and a handful of friends.

00:28:21Every single person I knew looked visibly shocked when they saw me walk in.

00:28:25I just smiled and said hello and acted like I didn't notice.

00:28:29But nobody was subtle about their curiosity. The people watching energy was off the charts.

00:28:36I slipped out to the terrace for some air and could immediately hear a small group in

00:28:40the hallway cornering Asher for the gossip.

00:28:44Wait, didn't Stella fall out with you over the Chloe thing? Why is she here? Did she come crawling back?

00:28:50She's just quick-tempered and in a mood. She always comes around after a couple of days.

00:28:54We've known each other our whole lives. She's not actually going to cut me off.

00:28:57I mean, Stella's genuinely great. She's been ride or died for you for years.

00:29:00All of us are low-key jealous of how she treats you. But like, one is your childhood best friend.

00:29:05Honestly, Stella's amazing. But it also feels kind of limiting. I'm young. I don't want to

00:29:11only ever have one person. That's too predictable. I need to see what else is out there. But that

00:29:16doesn't mean anything has to end. As long as I know there's always a light on at home for me.

00:29:21You're such a player. I'd heard enough. I backed away as quietly as I could.

00:29:25The evening breeze hit my face and I felt my eyes go hot. I just hated myself for spending so

00:29:32many years being blind to who he actually was. I was in absolutely the worst mood of the entire

00:29:39summer. But Asher's mom was thrilled to see me and spent most of dinner doting on me,

00:29:44refusing to let go of my hand. Stella, Boston can get really dry in winter. Let Asher take you shopping

00:29:50tomorrow and stock up on some good moisturizers. Oh, it's fine. There are plenty of shops out

00:29:55there and online shopping is so easy. She nodded warmly and turned to my mom. I already picked out

00:30:01all the bedding for the dorms. Got a set for Asher and one for Stella at the same time, all

00:30:05four seasons

00:30:06covered. Boston winters are brutal. I went with really thick comforters and got a few winter coats

00:30:12for Stella too. Don't you worry about a thing. My mom made a face like she'd swallowed something.

00:30:17All of that would be completely useless in California. But she didn't want to embarrass anyone.

00:30:22So she thanked her graciously. Chloe, sitting nearby, looked like she was biting through her

00:30:26own cheek. Asher's mom didn't seem to notice. She kept right on talking, addressing both of us.

00:30:32Once you're both in Boston, you'll be each other's family. Asher, you better take good care of Stella

00:30:38and stop making her upset. You hear me? Asher threw a glance my way with zero expression.

00:30:44She doesn't need anyone to look after her. She's perfectly capable of flying on her own.

00:30:49The table got a little stiff and that's when Chloe smoothly cut in. Oh, don't worry. My school

00:30:54is in Boston too. I'll be there to look after Asher. And Stella will be all the way in California

00:30:58anyway, so it's not really practical. Before she even finished the sentence, Asher and his parents'

00:31:05faces changed. California? Every single one of them looked at me and asked it at the same time.

00:31:13Asher, you didn't know? It's been on the school's honor board. Oh wait, you haven't been back to

00:31:18campus. Every pair of eyes at the table swiveled to me. Under the weight of all that attention,

00:31:23I quietly nodded. My mom stepped in to explain. Stella made a last minute decision to change her

00:31:30application. She's going to a great school in California and it's actually the perfect program

00:31:37for her. Asher didn't believe it. He grabbed my hand and made me look at him. Stella, I literally

00:31:43watched you fill out that application. We were going to the same school. His grip was tight enough to

00:31:49actually hurt and it pushed me over the edge. Yeah, I changed it. What does it have to do with

00:31:55you? Asher looked stunned for a second, then started laughing like I'd said something ridiculous.

00:32:00You're joking. You're literally the girl who jumps onto my back at the sight of a bug. And you're

00:32:05moving to California? And you're moving to California? I pulled out my phone, found the crystal

00:32:11clear photo of my acceptance letter, and held it up in his face. Asher took the phone, zoomed in,

00:32:17out, read it over and over, and finally let out a laugh that had no humor in it at all.

00:32:24In the

00:32:24middle of everyone's gasps, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the dining room.

00:32:30He pulled me into a side room and locked the door behind us. Asher planted himself against it,

00:32:35cutting off any escape, and came at me hard. Stella, I cannot believe you. You're so mad that

00:32:41you just forget our whole plan, go behind my back, and commitment to a school across the country.

00:32:46I lifted my head. I took a breath and made myself look him straight in the eye.

00:32:49I have my own plans. Since when do I have to build my entire future around what you want?

00:32:56Asher, be honest with yourself. Are you actually upset about the plan? Or are you upset because

00:33:02I'm not available to be your fallback girl anymore? The color drained from his face.

00:33:06What is that supposed to mean? Could you not phrase things like that? We're adults. That night

00:33:12was completely mutual. Are you seriously still bringing that up? I was embarrassed, but I held

00:33:16his gaze anyway. Asher, if you like someone else, you could have just said so. I'm not so shameless

00:33:21that I would have kept throwing myself at you. But you knew you didn't like me back, and you just

00:33:25watched me walk straight into the flame. That was fun for you, wasn't it? Even now, he still didn't get

00:33:30it.

00:33:30People don't say goodbye until they've completely run out of hope. He flushed. Something in what I

00:33:35said hit. His face went from white to red, and he visibly swayed. What do you even listen to what

00:33:41you're saying? He couldn't finish the sentence. Stella, we've known each other since we were eight

00:33:48years old, and we're 18 now. If you're choosing to walk away from what we have, then we don't have

00:33:53to be friends either. And with just that, he turned and walked out of the hotel.

00:34:05From that day until the day I left for school, I never saw Asher again. Mia sent me a screenshot

00:34:10of

00:34:11his official couple's post with Chloe. I deleted it without even opening it. Every mutual friend

00:34:16connected to him, I blocked. There was genuinely no point in following any of it anymore.

00:34:24The only exception was the day I flew out to California. Of course, because the universe has

00:34:29a terrible sense of humor, I walked straight into Asher at the airport again, with Chloe still glued

00:34:34to his side. When we passed each other, he said a stiff hello to my parents and kept walking,

00:34:39clearly still angry. He didn't look at me once. We scattered in different directions, and neither of

00:34:45us looked back. Right before I got to the security line, I glanced over and caught Asher at his gate,

00:34:50about to board. He gave me one cold, flat look, and then disappeared through the door without

00:34:55turning around. The person who had been part of every chapter of my growing up. We were finally,

00:35:01completely done. Different destinations at last, and I hope yours goes well. I said it only to myself.

00:35:07After that, a long, long time passed without either of us hearing a single thing about the other. I

00:35:13specifically asked my parents not to bring up anything related to Asher or his family in front

00:35:19of me. Over New Year's break, a girl from our high school came to visit. He's nothing like that cold,

00:35:24focused, straight-A guy he was in high school. He's completely different.

00:35:31Honestly, if you ran into him now, you might not even recognize him.

00:35:35I didn't say anything. Mia kicked her under the table and smoothly changed the subject,

00:35:40and the girl dropped it. We did the New Year's countdown by the water, and Mia told me to make

00:35:45a wish. Hope New Year, Syria parent and healthy, competing under the world. I realized it was the

00:35:51first wish I'd ever made that had absolutely nothing to do with him. For a full six years of my

00:35:56life,

00:35:56every single wish I made had involved Asher in some way.

00:36:03I felt genuinely happy. I knew I had finally, actually, completely let go.

00:36:10The first winter break of college, I missed my parents so badly I couldn't stand it. The second

00:36:15my last exam was done, I was on the first flight home. What I didn't expect was that Asher had

00:36:21come

00:36:21to the airport with my parents to pick me up. After half a year apart, we had both changed.

00:36:26He was thinner, had dyed his hair, but was still, honestly, annoyingly good looking. I've always

00:36:32had terrible judgment about people, but my taste has never been the problem. Why else would I have

00:36:37been trailing after him since we were five? Hey there, big bro Asher. He stared at me like I'd spoken

00:36:42a different language. We ran into him outside. He insisted on coming along to help. I smiled and

00:36:49waved her off. It was fine. In the car, I immediately launched into all the funny things that

00:36:56had happened at school, and my parents were the whole ride. No one was paying any attention to Asher.

00:37:03You've worked hard. Please send our regards to your parents. He seemed like he wanted to come inside

00:37:08when we got home, but all three of us politely turned him down together. My grandma and my aunt

00:37:12had both come back to celebrate the holidays that year. New Year's Eve was loud and packed with family.

00:37:18After the big dinner, the older relatives parked themselves in front of the TV, while the rest of

00:37:23were teaching each other card games. That's when Asher showed up at the door with his parents,

00:37:27arms full of bags. Our house is too quiet tonight. Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.

00:37:36Our house is too quiet tonight. Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.

00:37:40Asher's mom laughed as she walked in. Every year growing up, the two families had spent the holiday

00:37:45together. This year, because of everything that had happened, my mom had turned down the invitation

00:37:50to share the big dinner. But you can't exactly turn people away once they're at your door. Asher

00:37:56settled himself naturally. My cousins had no idea about any of the drama and kept teasing us like

00:38:01they always had. I laughed it off. It's not what you think. Asher's expression went a little flat.

00:38:08When midnight came and we all went outside for sparklers,

00:38:12He caught my arm and looked like he was working up to say something. My phone rang.

00:38:17My face went a little warm. It was a guy from one of my clubs at school.

00:38:22Hi, Stella. I'm just a bit bored and wanted to say Happy New Year to you.

00:38:27A local California boy named Jake. He was good looking too. Not in that cold, aloof way. More like

00:38:33the guy who's always laughing at everything and making you laugh right along with him. He never ran out of

00:38:38things to say and he had a way of making me completely lose it at the most random things.

00:38:43We talked for a while longer and when he finally hung up, Asher was standing right behind me with

00:38:48a face like a thundercloud. Boyfriend? Not yet, I guess.

00:38:58Not yet, I guess. I thought about it and answered honestly. I assumed he was done, but then he spoke

00:39:04again. Long distance guys aren't always reliable. You should find someone local, someone you actually

00:39:10know. I nodded. Something in that seemed to land somewhere tender. You're right. You really can't

00:39:17tell with people. I'll keep my guard up. Asher went quiet for a very long time. I assumed he was

00:39:24done.

00:39:24I didn't think too hard about it. Thanks for the advice, big bro. You should figure out your own

00:39:30situation too. He'd always been unpredictable like that. After that, I spent the rest of break

00:39:35bouncing around visiting relatives with my grandma and parents and then we did a little road trip.

00:39:40I was barely home. I didn't run into Asher once. The break was short and soon enough I was back

00:39:45at

00:39:46school. But the very next day after I arrived, Asher was standing outside my campus gate.

00:39:52Asher, what are you doing here? I wanted to see what your school looks like and check if you're

00:39:59actually doing okay out here. Really well, actually. The food here is amazing. You should

00:40:04look up some spots and try them. Stella, can't you come eat with me just once?

00:40:12Sorry about that, man. I've already got Stella booked. You'll have to get in line.

00:40:18Stella, you came back to school this early for him?

00:40:23Sorry, Asher. We're heading out to eat. I'll see you. Let's go. Didn't you say the place was

00:40:29far? Stop standing there. Asher was still standing at the campus gate watching us and under the shadow

00:40:34of the trees, he looked incredibly alone. He suddenly started showing up in my world constantly.

00:40:41I never found out what excuse he gave his school, but he kept appearing in California out of nowhere.

00:40:46He started showing up with gifts, flowers, bags, jewelry, and I turned every single one down.

00:40:52When there was nothing else to do, he'd just sit outside my dorm building and refuse to leave no

00:40:57matter how many times I asked. Whenever he managed to catch me, he'd fall into step beside me to every

00:41:02single class, then follow me to the dining hall. Jake was visibly miserable about the whole thing.

00:41:08Asher's mom had been calling and messaging me from multiple angles. She begged me to please talk

00:41:13some sense into him. I was beyond done. I genuinely could not figure out what Asher thought he was

00:41:18doing.

00:41:20Stella, why does Jake get to pursue you but I don't?

00:41:26He's known you for what, a few months? How many years have I known you? No one in this world

00:41:33understands you the way I do, not even your parents. And no one is better for you than me.

00:41:44Ashler, do you genuinely not remember what you did?

00:41:48Ask yourself honestly, did you ever actually treat my feelings like they mattered?

00:41:55You just liked the ego boost of having me chase after you. You knew no matter what you did,

00:42:01I wouldn't leave. So you just did whatever you felt like with my heart.

00:42:06Yeah, I did some things wrong back then. I was young, I thought the whole world was waiting for

00:42:11me. And I didn't want to feel like I was tied to any one person. I owe you a real

00:42:15apology, Stella.

00:42:17I'm sorry. But even if you treat me like a stranger, can I at least have the chance to

00:42:22start over and earn it back? After you left, I realized I don't know how to live without you in

00:42:27it.

00:42:28I can't imagine going forward and not having anyone to share everything with. Honestly, since leaving

00:42:34you, I figured out that real mutual feelings don't require you to shrink yourself down to nothing.

00:42:39I can just be myself. My mood doesn't have to orbit around someone else's. And when I realized that,

00:42:45I started to wonder if what I felt back then was ever real love or just something a younger,

00:42:50more naive version of me invented. But, but we made promises.

00:43:01We said we'd go to college together, study abroad together, travel the whole world together.

00:43:06Are you going to walk away from all of that too? Stella, are you going to leave all this behind

00:43:10too?

00:43:11You broke the promises first. And I've already found someone I want to do all of those things with.

00:43:20Stop, Stella, please. Just stop.

00:43:27Maybe you're not actually in love with me. Maybe you just can't stand the idea of losing.

00:43:33Asher, honestly, it's time for you to move on too.

00:43:39I didn't wait for a response. Jake had been waiting across the street for a while.

00:43:43I jogged over and he immediately reached down and took my hand.

00:43:49Finally shook the ex?

00:43:52Did you tell him I've got full bug patrol rights now? He doesn't get a single one.

00:43:58Everyone is going through their own goodbyes. As for us, it's finally completely over.

00:44:05Fading away like the rain.

00:44:07Everyone in the middle of their own goodbye. And just like that, the two of us were finally,

00:44:12completely, over. Scattered like rain.

00:44:14The summer I turned 18, Asher made me cross a line I could never take back.

00:44:19I bit my lip through the ache, glowing secretly all night, convinced that six long years of loving

00:44:24him from a distance had finally, finally paid off. Then the next morning, I heard his friend

00:44:29laughing outside the classroom door. Okay, okay. Got the nerd to give it up, huh?

00:44:34My face burned and I turned to slip away before anyone saw me. I'm trying to get with Chloe,

00:44:39but she'd think I was too inexperienced. So I'll use Stella to get some practice in first.

00:44:44I didn't say a single word. I just quietly changed my college application from NYU

00:44:49to a school thousand miles away in California. His words hit me like a thunderclap out of a

00:44:54cloudless summer sky. No warning at all. My mind went completely blank. It was a scorching July

00:45:00afternoon, but I felt like ice was spreading through every inch of my body. The guys inside kept

00:45:05talking, pausing only for a half second before someone else piped up. Classic Ashen, even Stella was

00:45:12just a warm up for him. Everyone knows how hard it is to get into her pants.

00:45:19So what does that make her like a practice dully? Asher just laughed it off.

00:45:26Relax. She got something out of it too. I mean, Stella's cute and all, but compared to Chloe,

00:45:31yeah, no contest. Right. Asher threw a textbook at him to shut him up.

00:45:37It was just a vibe. Okay. The moment happened and honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying herself.

00:45:42The guys all exchanged knowing looks and started roasting him. Who knew the bookberg was that freaky

00:45:47under all those cardigans? Bro, Asher's just built different. Why leave free food on the table,

00:45:53right? She's been chasing him for years. Technically, she got what she wanted. The laughter inside the room

00:45:59got noticeably louder. I pressed my teeth into my lower lips so hard I tasted copper. Both hands balled into

00:46:06white knuckled fists. It took every single ounce of willpower I had to stay upright. To not just

00:46:11crumple right there in the doorway. Footsteps echoed down the hall toward me. I snapped back to reality

00:46:16and bolted, shoving my way blindly through the corridor. In my panic, I threw myself into the

00:46:21nearest bathroom stall and locked the door behind me. The tears came like a dam breaking. Grief and

00:46:31humiliation pouring out all at once. Asher's words played on a loop inside my head. Every single

00:46:37syllable. They shredded what little self-worth I had left. If I hadn't heard it with my own ears,

00:46:42I never could have believed that the guy talking in there was the same one who had held me like

00:46:47I was

00:46:47something precious just last night. Turns out you don't actually need to love someone to do that

00:46:52with them. Turns out you can look a girl dead in the eyes, make her feel everything, and still be

00:46:57lying through every single second of it. The thing I thought was my happily ever after was just a

00:47:03punchline someone else got to laugh at. The more I cried, the worse it got. But I couldn't make a

00:47:08sound.

00:47:08My whole body was shaking so hard I could barely breathe. A long time passed. My phone buzzed. It was

00:47:15Asher. Just grab an Uber back. My crew's got a party tonight and it'd be awkward to bring you.

00:47:20I didn't reply. He sent a follow-up. Also, pick up a morning after pill yourself. I'm busy today.

00:47:26Don't forget to take it. Good girl. I stared at those two texts for a very, very long time without

00:47:32moving. From dusk until nearly sunrise, Asher had been relentless, like he had a point to prove.

00:47:37By the end we were both completely wrecked, and right before he drifted off with his arms around me,

00:47:42he'd murmured the same thing twice. We weren't really prepared for your first time.

00:47:50I'll get you the pill first thing tomorrow morning. He'd even given me this little lecture about how

00:47:55girls needed to take care of themselves, said the morning after pill was really important,

00:47:59and that skipping it could mess up my body. And I had actually thought, this is it. He's the one.

00:48:05He's

00:48:05being so responsible, I finally got my person. And now, the clarity hit me like a slap. I dug my

00:48:12nails into my own palm until the pain forced the tears to stop. I wiped my face, straightened my

00:48:18glasses, and walked out of that bathroom like nothing had happened. I was too embarrassed to go

00:48:23to a real pharmacy, so I ordered the pill online instead. When the delivery guy left the package at

00:48:28my door, I waited another long stretch before I could even bring myself to go get it. I swallowed it

00:48:34with a mouthful of my own tears, and then I just sat down on the floor, staring at nothing,

00:48:39completely empty. Ever since Asher's family had moved next door to mine, I'd trailed after him

00:48:48like a shadow. And that had been 10 years of my life. I had genuinely never stopped to think about

00:48:53what a world without him would even look like. I couldn't picture it. But starting right now,

00:48:58I was going to have to figure it out alone. Outside the floor-to-ceiling window,

00:49:02the neighborhood lights blinked on, one by one, and then off again. At some point,

00:49:07I really didn't know how long I'd been sitting there. Mia called me on FaceTime.

00:49:15Stella, why didn't you come to the party tonight with Ashler? That girl Chloe from the AP track is

00:49:20here by the way. She has been all over him since you didn't show. It's actually disgusting. In the dark

00:49:25corner of the VIP booth, Asher and Chloe were sitting so close together, their thighs were touching.

00:49:30Chloe had worn a crop top and a curve-hugging mini skirt. Long tan legs, tiny waist. Even the way

00:49:37they were talking looked more like whispering secrets than having a conversation. I could feel

00:49:42the charged energy between them through the screen. Something in my chest locked up. He'd only said he

00:49:47wanted to chase her this afternoon. And apparently, tonight was all the time he needed. The game switched to

00:49:53truth or dare. And Chloe drew a card that said,

00:49:58Do a push-up challenge with a guy hovering over me.

00:50:03Predictably, Asher got on the stairs before anyone else could open their mouth. Chloe blushed

00:50:08bright pink and lay back against the couch cushions. Asher planted his hands on either side of her.

00:50:13He was controlled the whole time, deliberately keeping his body from making contact with hers. Until

00:50:19the very last one. His arms gave out, and his entire weight came down directly on top of her.

00:50:25The room erupted. Everyone screaming so loud, the walls practically shook. Asher's and Chloe's

00:50:31faces went even redder. With the whole crowd going absolutely feral around them, Asher just tilted

00:50:37his head down and kissed her. Not a quick peck. A full, deep, for the whole room to see kiss.

00:50:43Three full

00:50:43minutes before they finally pulled apart. For all three of those minutes, I sat completely frozen. Eyes locked

00:50:50on the screen, barely remembering to breathe. I wanted to cry so badly. Oh my god. Stella, did you

00:50:57see that? He literally kissed her in front of everyone. He is so into her. Mia shook her head and

00:51:04stepped out of the booth, turning the camera as she went. Don't be mad at me. If I hadn't shown

00:51:09you,

00:51:09you never would have let yourself move on. I'm not mad at you. I'm only mad at myself for wasting

00:51:15so many

00:51:15years. I had always assumed that the spot beside Asher was mine, that it would always be mine. I am

00:51:22so done with him, Stella. Who does he think he is, watching you love him for years, acting all innocent

00:51:26like he had no idea, just letting you fall deeper and deeper? You saw what I showed you. I'm not

00:51:31giving

00:51:32myself the chance. Mia, I've already decided I'm going to California with you, but you have to promise

00:51:38me you'll keep it quiet for now. Right after I said it, I flipped open my laptop right in front

00:51:43of her,

00:51:43without a single second of hesitation. I changed my first choice school to the one in California,

00:51:49one minute before the deadline. Mia basically levitated off the ground. She'd been begging me

00:51:55for months to apply to the same school as her. But back when we started high school, Asher and I

00:52:00had

00:52:00made this pact. We'd work hard together and go to his dream school up in Boston after graduation. It had

00:52:06his aerospace engineering program, the one he'd been obsessed with since we were kids. So even though I

00:52:11didn't particularly love the idea of brutal winters, and even though that school was a technical

00:52:16institute that didn't even have my major, I'd spent three years treating it like my only option.

00:52:21Our families had lived next door to each other for so long that both sets of parents thought it was

00:52:26basically a done deal we'd end up at the same school. Everyone, including me, assumed Asher and I

00:52:32would just naturally become official once we got to college. But right now, I couldn't think of a single

00:52:37reason to still go to Boston. Because honestly, after today, if I kept following Asher around the

00:52:43way I always had, I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again. I just needed to

00:52:48go

00:52:48somewhere far away. It didn't even matter where, as long as he wasn't there. He was going east,

00:52:53so I was going west. Before bed, I filled the entire bathtub. I needed to scrub every inch of myself

00:53:00clean.

00:53:01But when I took off my clothes, the bruises on my skin were still so vivid it made me flinch.

00:53:07The memories from last night rushed back before I could stop them. The burning heat of his skin

00:53:12pressed against mine. The sound of his breath ragged and warm against my ear. The ghost of it all

00:53:18still seemed to linger in the air around me. I shook my head hard, physically trying to shake myself

00:53:23free of it. Then I grabbed the roughest loofah I owned and scrubbed myself raw, over and over,

00:53:30until my whole body was flushed pink and stinging. I was trying, clumsily, desperately, to erase what

00:53:37was officially the worst night of my entire life. The result was that the pain kept me awake the whole

00:53:44night anyway. Asher didn't text. For the first time in six years, ever since we both got phones,

00:53:49we didn't say goodnight to each other. That was fine. It was going to happen eventually anyway.

00:53:54Tonight was as good a time as any to start letting go. I didn't fall asleep until just before sunrise,

00:54:00drifting in and out of exhaustion. Early the next morning, while I was still buried in sleep,

00:54:05I felt, in that foggy space between dream and awake, the soft press of lips against my forehead.

00:54:12I jolted awake. The first thing my eyes landed on was a jaw I knew too well, and the soft

00:54:18dip of a throat

00:54:18right above me. The scent hit me next. Cedarwood. That cologne he always wore. And underneath it,

00:54:24the faintest trace of something new. Something citrusy that wasn't his. Right. I'd completely

00:54:30forgotten that Asher still knew my front door code. Seeing me awake, he shifted lower and tilted his face

00:54:36down toward my lips. I shoved him back with both hands and scrambled to the far edge of the bed.

00:54:41He blinked, then let out a short laugh like I'd surprised him.

00:54:47Since when are you shy? I didn't answer. I just yanked the blanket over my head and

00:54:51disappeared under it. Asher started talking.

00:54:57Stella, seriously. You didn't say goodnight, you turned your phone off and now you're hiding under a

00:55:01blanket? Still avoiding me? Then he just lifted the blanket and slid himself right in.

00:55:09Hey, how many times have I told you you can't skip breakfast? I ran half a mile to get you

00:55:15those

00:55:16croissants from your favorite place and stood in line forever. Want to get up and eat now or

00:55:23get eaten? Reality crashed back in and I fought like my life depended on it, but I'm 5'2 in

00:55:30sneakers,

00:55:30and Asher is literally 6'2 of solid muscle. I honestly could not figure out what game he was

00:55:36playing. He had Chloe now, so what was he even doing in my bed? I tried to push him away

00:55:41only to

00:55:42be held even tighter. Let go of me! After what felt like forever of thrashing around, I was panting

00:55:49and had accomplished nothing except being held even tighter. What's the tantrum about?

00:55:55You're mad because I didn't bring you to the party last night over something that small?

00:55:59I said nothing. He buried his face in the curve of my neck and actually laughed.

00:56:04Let me guess. Mia told you something? It was a party game, Stella. Is it really worth getting

00:56:10jealous over? You're doing that thing you always do. I get slightly close to another girl and you go

00:56:16all silent and sulky. I was so furious I couldn't even form a sentence. I dredged up something from a

00:56:23self-defense unit in gym class, snapped my knee up hard between us, and the second he doubled over,

00:56:28I launched myself out of that bed. Asher's jaw went tight, his whole face going red. I grabbed

00:56:34a hoodie off the floor and yanked it on over my pajamas. I did not want to be in any

00:56:40room with him,

00:56:41and especially not my bedroom.

00:56:53Hey, you took that pill yesterday, right? Because I really don't need that kind of drama

00:56:57and I definitely don't want to have that conversation with your parents.

00:57:07Come on, be reasonable. Eat something before you pick a fight.

00:57:14You know your stomach's sensitive.

00:57:24What is actually going on? Stella, even a tantrum needs a reason. There have to be some limits here.

00:57:31I kept my voice ice cold and set it flat.

00:57:34I don't deserve to have any say. Asher snapped. He slammed the cup down on the coffee table so hard

00:57:41it cracked. The plastic split and the smoothie spilled out in a wave, soaking into the rug.

00:57:46What is that supposed to mean? Who do you think you are, Stella? Who do you think you are?

00:57:56We slept together once, it was consensual, and now you think you own me? Do you know how

00:58:02suffocating that is? His voice had a viciousness to it I had never heard before. The second he

00:58:08finished speaking, my eyes flooded. No warning, no buildup, just instant tears. Yesterday's humiliation

00:58:15came crashing back, hitting me all over again like a fresh wound. Asher clearly hadn't expected me to

00:58:21cry this hard this fast. He looked genuinely thrown, scrambling for what to do. He crouched

00:58:26down and said he was sorry. I'm sorry. I drank too much last night and I was out of line

00:58:32just now.

00:58:32He reached out to wipe my face, but I twisted away, putting distance between us. His hand froze in

00:58:38midair, hovering there. He opened his mouth to keep trying, but his phone buzzed. He glanced at the

00:58:43screen once, and his entire expression shifted, and he stood up and moved toward the door.

00:58:48I've got something urgent. Take a minute to calm down. We're going to college soon.

00:58:53You can't keep throwing fits like a little kid who's going to put up with that.

00:59:03He hadn't been gone 30 minutes when Mia sent me a screenshot. Chloe's Instagram story

00:59:08just said, I'm hungry, and breakfast appeared like magic. Pretty sure this is mutual now.

00:59:13with a little heart. The photo was of the exact same croissants that were sitting on my kitchen

00:59:19counter. I didn't respond. I just quietly wiped my eyes, got on my hands and knees, and started

00:59:24cleaning up the smoothie Asher had spilled. I scrubbed for a long time before I accepted with a

00:59:29hollow feeling in my chest that the stain had soaked all the way through the wool rug and wasn't

00:59:35coming out. So, I just threw the whole rug in the trash. It didn't matter anyway. That rug was

00:59:40something Asher and his parents had spent an entire afternoon picking out on a family trip,

00:59:44and he'd lugged it home in his carry-on himself. Then, I went through everything else. Every single

00:59:50thing Asher had ever left at my place. Every gift he'd given me over the years. Every photo of the

00:59:55two of

00:59:56us, every small souvenir and keepsake. It took the rest of the day, but I packed every last bit

01:00:01of it up and threw it all out. I doubted he'd want any of it back anyway. After he left

01:00:10that day,

01:00:10the silence stretched. Days went by, and he didn't reach out at all. Things with Chloe were probably

01:00:15going great. Or maybe he was waiting for me to be the one who caved first. In every fight we'd

01:00:20ever had,

01:00:21I was always the one who broke first. Every single time. No exceptions. But this time I didn't

01:00:27go looking for him. And I didn't have any reason to. I blocked him on everything. Text all social media,

01:00:33changed my front door code, and deleted every account he might use to find me. After that,

01:00:38I called my parents, who were both traveling for work. I told them I wanted to spend the summer

01:00:42visiting my aunt on the other side of the country. My plan was to stay there until school started,

01:00:47then head straight to California with Mia instead of coming home. Other than Mia,

01:00:51no one else knew yet that I'd changed my application. This plan should work perfectly.

01:00:57There was basically zero chance I'd run into Asher if I pulled this off right.

01:01:01My mom actually laughed over the phone.

01:01:05So you and Ashler are taking a vacation together? I made up a quick excuse and didn't go into detail.

01:01:11I just told her I wanted to visit my aunt and grandma. I begged my dad to book me the

01:01:15first available

01:01:16flight and I was ready to leave that same night. Of course, because the universe has no chill,

01:01:22I ran into Asher's mom right at our front door on my way out. She grabbed my arm warmly and

01:01:27started

01:01:28chattering. Stella, honey, where's Asher? He's not coming to pick you up? Didn't he say he was taking

01:01:33you on that ski trip? Go have fun. I am 100% behind you two. I was confused. I had

01:01:43mentioned once

01:01:44during senior year that I'd always wanted to try skiing in Colorado, just off hand. But given

01:01:50everything that had happened between us, the idea of going on a trip together seemed completely

01:01:54impossible. I was running out of time though, so I said something vague and non-committal and slipped

01:02:00away. What I never expected was that at the airport, I would come face to face with Asher.

01:02:07He was with a group of friends. Chloe was there too. Asher had her designer bag in one hand,

01:02:13and his other arms slung around her shoulder. They were trailing at the back of the group.

01:02:17Every so often, Chloe would lean her head toward him to say something. And every single time,

01:02:22without any hesitation, he would bend down to listen. He never did that with me. Asher had always

01:02:28been taller than me, and the gap had only gotten bigger over the years. When it was the two of

01:02:32us,

01:02:33I was always the one bouncing on my toes, craning my neck up just to catch his eyes. Turns out,

01:02:38for the right person, he would be the one who bends.

01:02:42I breathed in slowly. I told myself I needed to have some dignity about this. Whatever he did

01:02:47was none of my business. If I let myself overthink it, I deserved to be slapped. But there seemed to

01:02:53be only one path to the gate. All I could do was stay far enough behind that he wouldn't notice

01:02:58me.

01:02:58By some miracle, we eventually reached a fork in the terminal where the path split. Asher seemed to get

01:03:04distracted around then. He made a bunch of calls, none of which seemed to go through,

01:03:08and then spent a long time staring at his phone. Eventually, he borrowed someone else's phone,

01:03:13his face dark and unreadable, and disappeared into a nearby bathroom. A moment later, my phone rang,

01:03:19unknown number.

01:03:22So you've got a real attitude on you this time. You're just not going to come to me first?

01:03:27You actually blocked me? Fine, keep it up. See how great you do when we're both in Boston and you

01:03:33don't know anyone and there's no one to look out for you. Asher came out swinging,

01:03:37rattling off complaints in one long, irritated breath. I had absolutely nothing to say to any

01:03:43of that. But Asher seemed to get angrier at my silence. I'm done talking about this. Just unblock me.

01:03:50I'm heading out of the country for a couple days with some friends. Probably won't have great reception.

01:03:57Don't get all weepy about it. I couldn't even be bothered to say a single word back.

01:04:01I hung up and turned my phone off. From across the terminal, I watched Asher stalk back to his

01:04:07roof, his expression stormy. He grabbed Chloe's hand, didn't hesitate for a second, and walked

01:04:13toward the left gate. I let out a long breath, turned around, and headed right.

01:04:19With my family, I performed happiness. And honestly, I got pretty good at it. I deliberately kept myself

01:04:25slammed with plans, filling every gap in the day so I had no room to spiral. I definitely didn't add

01:04:31Asher back the way he'd demanded. But Mia and some others kept me updated on his life anyway.

01:04:37Asher and his friends had apparently been swimming in Colorado for days. For some reason, he was

01:04:42suddenly posting on social media every single day. Which was completely unlike the version of him,

01:04:47who used to go months without posting anything. Sometimes it was slow motion clips of him carving

01:04:52down the slopes. Sometimes it was food and late night parties. But mostly, it was big group shots of

01:04:58everyone clowning around in the snow. Even though I genuinely didn't want to see it. Somehow,

01:05:03people kept sending it to me unprompted. Everyone was very casually curious about why I hadn't gone

01:05:08with Asher. I didn't know what to say, so I just told people I had family stuff going on. Mia

01:05:14was the

01:05:14only one who openly called him a trash human. Everyone else around me seemed to be constantly stopping

01:05:19themselves from saying something. I knew. They'd probably figured out something was wrong.

01:05:25In every single group photo Asher posted, he and Chloe were glued together. Inseparable. But that

01:05:31spot beside him had been mine for years. Just mine. Every time I saw one of those photos, my face

01:05:36stayed

01:05:37completely neutral. But something deep in my chest would clench. He was the first person I ever fell for.

01:05:42Someone I had genuinely, completely, embarrassingly loved for such a long time. In the middle of the night,

01:05:48alone, I would fall apart a little. And sometimes I felt this stubborn,

01:05:53stupid feeling that I wasn't ready to let go. But every time that feeling started rising,

01:05:58I'd replay his words and give myself a mental slap. I'd repeat it to myself over and over.

01:06:03Stella, don't be pathetic. That's the fastest way to make yourself even less worth respecting.

01:06:08Just hold on a little longer. Once the detox period was over, everything would be fine. We went a full

01:06:14month without any contact. The longest we'd ever gone since the day we met. Distance and time turned

01:06:19out to be the best medicine. I ground through the worst of it and came out the other side.

01:06:24Just when I'd reached the point where I didn't think about him every hour of every day,

01:06:28he switched to a new number and called me from across the country.

01:06:34So you're just that bold? Running off without me and staying this long?

01:06:39Summer's almost over, Stella. Did you forget you promised to go on a trip with me?

01:06:45Maybe it was because we'd gone so long without talking. But underneath all the complaints,

01:06:50his voice had this edge to it. Almost careful. I still didn't want to talk to him. I was about

01:06:55to

01:06:55hang up when his mom snatched the phone. Stella, sweetheart, are you having fun out there?

01:07:01This boy won't tell me anything. I only just found out you two had a fight.

01:07:06Don't be too hard on him, honey. When you come back, I'll make him apologize to your face.

01:07:12Oh, and Ashler just got his acceptance letter today. Yours should come soon too. Have you thought about

01:07:18when you'll come home for your going away party? I've got a little surprise planned.

01:07:23Asher's mom had been like a second family to me since I was little. I couldn't bring myself to

01:07:28hang up on her. So I stayed on and let her talk. I'm not really planning to have a party.

01:07:33My parents

01:07:34are always traveling. And honestly, we can just do a video call thing with family. I probably won't be

01:07:39back before school starts anyway. I'll just come home right before move in. I didn't even finish the

01:07:44sentence before Ashler took the phone back. His breathing was heavy. I could feel the anger coming

01:07:49through from 3000 miles away.

01:07:53Stella, I'm literally the one reaching out first here. How much longer are you going to keep this up?

01:07:59If you don't come back, don't expect me to wait for you. I'll head to Boston without you.

01:08:04He delivered the threat in this cold, flat voice, waited and waited without getting the answer he

01:08:10wanted. My acceptance letter had already arrived at home. When they saw the school name on the letter,

01:08:16my parents finally found out I'd changed my application. My mom video called me.

01:08:21Hi, baby. Why didn't you talk to us before changing your application? Does Asher know?

01:08:27His mom called this morning asking if your letter had come yet. I had no words.

01:08:36Baby, how are we supposed to feel okay about you going all the way to California alone?

01:08:39aren't you the kid who's terrified of bugs and can't handle heat? You really think you can manage?

01:08:45Don't call me to come deal with it for you. That school has a lot to offer and Mia will

01:08:50be going

01:08:51there too. You don't have to worry. Is this about a fight with Asher? Because that's not a reason to

01:08:58switch schools across the country. What if you change your mind in a week and want him back? Then what?

01:09:07I just decided to say it straight. Asher has a girlfriend. Mom, Dad, I have my own life and I

01:09:16don't want to just orbit around his forever. So please support my choice and please keep it between us for

01:09:23now. My parents looked at each other for a long time without speaking. The only thing they asked

01:09:29was that I come home sooner rather than later. School was starting soon and they wanted time with

01:09:35me. My mom mentioned that Asher had gone off on another trip with friends the very next day after

01:09:40getting his acceptance letter. He'd been gone for days. His mom was apparently calling my mom regularly,

01:09:46asking when I was flying back. On the day I landed, my parents showed up at the airport,

01:09:51dressed like they were going somewhere formal. I woke up from my nap on the drive. I realized they'd

01:09:56pulled up to a five star hotel. I was still half asleep when my mom grabbed my arm and steered

01:10:02me through the lobby. And right there, standing in the middle of it, was Asher, who I hadn't seen

01:10:07in months. My feet stopped moving on their own. Asher was in a perfectly fitted black suit,

01:10:14leaning casually beside the lobby fountain, like something out of a magazine spread. Just one summer

01:10:19was all it took. The boyish edge had faded and he looked exactly like the version of him I used

01:10:24to

01:10:24imagine when I tried to picture him grown up. Something complicated twisted in my chest.

01:10:29I'd avoided this moment for months and now here it was, sprung on me with no warning.

01:10:34Stella, it's Ashler's going away party. We figured we'd pick you up and bring you straight here.

01:10:40You said you didn't want a party of your own, right? Ashley asked his parents to set the date for

01:10:46the

01:10:46the day you got back so you can kind of both celebrate together. Asher seemed to sense something,

01:10:50because right then, he casually glanced over and his gaze landed directly on mine.

01:10:56My heart lurched sideways, still felt like the floor dropped out. But Asher moved first. He took

01:11:01one step toward us and then Chloe appeared out of nowhere and slipped her arm through his.

01:11:06She pulled him along with her, smiling wide, and walked right over to us.

01:11:12Oh my gosh, Stella, you're back! I've been wanting to properly meet you forever.

01:11:18I always saw you around with Asher. I'm from the AP track, so we never officially met, and I'm genuinely

01:11:27sad about that. Yeah, Asher looked vaguely uncomfortable. Why would you want to get to know her?

01:11:34She's just a drama queen who throws fits. I honestly thought she'd stayed in her aunt state

01:11:40forever. The world will keep on turning and your name will be forgotten. I had nothing to say to

01:11:45that. There was genuinely no response. Chloe's silver bodycon dress was covered in tiny crystals

01:11:51that caught every bit of light in the room. I glanced down at myself. White tea, jeans, sneakers,

01:11:56hair that still had a slight slept-on wave from the plane. I looked like I'd made a wrong turn

01:12:01on

01:12:01the way to a convenience store. I brought a dress for you, baby. You can go change in the

01:12:05powder room. I nodded, then shook my head. There was no point. This wasn't my party. Asher kept

01:12:11staring at me with this unreadable expression. Chloe's eyes kept flicking back and forth between

01:12:16the two of us. Luckily, a few more guests arrived just then, and Chloe immediately pulled Asher over

01:12:21to greet them. Like she was already the hostess. Mom, let's go in. I'm a little hungry.

01:12:28It was a small gathering. Asher had only invited close family and a handful of friends. Every single

01:12:33person I knew looked visibly shocked when they saw me walk in. I just smiled and said hello and

01:12:39acted like I didn't notice, but nobody was subtle about their curiosity. The people watching energy

01:12:44was off the charts. I slipped out to the terrace for some air and could immediately hear a small

01:12:51group in the hallway cornering Asher for the gossip.

01:12:56Wait, didn't Stella fall out with you over the Chloe thing? Why is she here? Did she come crawling

01:13:01back? She's just quick tempered and in a mood. She always comes around after a couple of days.

01:13:06We've known each other our whole lives. She's not actually going to cut me off. I mean, Stella's

01:13:10genuinely great. She's been ride or died for you for years. All of us are low-key jealous of how

01:13:13she

01:13:13treats you. But like, one is your childhood best friend and honestly, Stella's amazing. But it also

01:13:20feels kind of limiting. I'm young. I don't want to only ever have one person. That's too predictable.

01:13:25I need to see what else is out there. But that doesn't mean anything has to end. As long as

01:13:30I

01:13:30know there's always a light on at home for me. You're such a player. I'd heard enough. I backed away

01:13:36as quietly as I could. The evening breeze hit my face and I felt my eyes go hot. I just

01:13:42hated myself for

01:13:43spending so many years being blind to who he actually was. I was in absolutely the worst mood

01:13:50of the entire summer. But Asher's mom was thrilled to see me and spent most of dinner doting on me,

01:13:56refusing to let go of my hand. Stella, Boston can get really dry in winter. Let Asher take you

01:14:02shopping tomorrow and stock up on some good moisturizers. Oh, it's fine. There are plenty of

01:14:07shops out there and online shopping is so easy. She nodded warmly and turned to my mom.

01:14:11I already picked out all the bedding for the dorms. Got a set for Asher and one for Stella at

01:14:16the same

01:14:17time. All four seasons covered. Boston winters are brutal. I went with really thick comforters

01:14:22and got a few winter coats for Stella too. Don't you worry about a thing. My mom made a face

01:14:27like she'd

01:14:28swallowed something. All of that would be completely useless in California. But she didn't want to

01:14:32embarrass anyone. So she thanked her graciously. Chloe, sitting nearby, looked like she was biting

01:14:38through her own cheek. Asher's mom didn't seem to notice. She kept right on talking, addressing both

01:14:43of us. Once you're both in Boston, you'll be each other's family. Asher, you better take good care

01:14:50of Stella and stop making her upset. You hear me? Asher threw a glance my way with zero expression.

01:14:56She doesn't need anyone to look after her. She's perfectly capable of flying on her own.

01:15:00The table got a little stiff, and that's when Chloe smoothly cut in.

01:15:04Oh, don't worry. My school is in Boston too. I'll be there to look after Asher.

01:15:08And Stella will be all the way in California anyway, so it's not really practical.

01:15:14Before she even finished the sentence, Asher and his parents' faces changed.

01:15:18California?

01:15:19Every single one of them looked at me and asked it at the same time.

01:15:25Asher, you didn't know? It's been on the school's honor board.

01:15:28Oh wait, you haven't been back to campus. Every pair of eyes at the table swiveled to me.

01:15:34Under the weight of all that attention, I quietly nodded. My mom stepped in to explain.

01:15:39Stella made a last-minute decision to change her application.

01:15:43She's going to a great school in California, and it's actually the perfect program for her.

01:15:49Asher didn't believe it. He grabbed my hand and made me look at him.

01:15:53Stella, I literally watched you fill out that application. We were going to the same school.

01:15:59His grip was tight enough to actually hurt, and it pushed me over the edge.

01:16:04Yeah, I changed it. What does it have to do with you?

01:16:07Asher looked stunned for a second, then started laughing like I'd said something ridiculous.

01:16:12You're joking. You're literally the girl who jumps onto my back at the sight of a bug.

01:16:16You're joking. You're literally the girl who jumps onto my back at the sight of a bug.

01:16:17And you're moving to California?

01:16:19And you're moving to California?

01:16:21I pulled out my phone, found the crystal clear photo of my acceptance letter, and held it up in his

01:16:26face.

01:16:27Asher took the phone, zoomed in, zoomed out, read it over and over, and finally let out a laugh that

01:16:34had no humor in it at all.

01:16:35In the middle of everyone's gasps, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the dining room.

01:16:42He pulled me into a side room and locked the door behind us.

01:16:45Asher planted himself against it, cutting off any escape, and came at me hard.

01:16:50Stella, I cannot believe you.

01:16:51You're so mad that you just forget our whole plan, go behind my back, and commit Mitt to a school

01:16:57across the country.

01:16:57I lifted my head. I took a breath and made myself look him straight in the eye.

01:17:01I have my own plans.

01:17:04Since when do I have to build my entire future around what you want?

01:17:07Asher, be honest with yourself.

01:17:10Are you actually upset about the plan?

01:17:12Or are you upset because I'm not available to be your fallback girl anymore?

01:17:16The color drained from his face.

01:17:18What is that supposed to mean?

01:17:19Could you not phrase things like that?

01:17:22We're adults.

01:17:23That night was completely mutual. Are you seriously still bringing that up?

01:17:27I was embarrassed, but I held his gaze anyway.

01:17:29Asher, if you like someone else, you could have just said so.

01:17:32I'm not so shameless that I would have kept throwing myself at you.

01:17:35But you knew you didn't like me back, and you just watched me walk straight into the flame.

01:17:39That was fun for you, wasn't it?

01:17:40Even now, he still didn't get it.

01:17:42People don't say goodbye until they've completely run out of hope.

01:17:45He flushed. Something in what I said hit.

01:17:48His face went from white to red, and he visibly swayed.

01:17:51What do you even listen to what you're saying?

01:17:54You-

01:17:54He couldn't finish the sentence.

01:17:58Stella, we've known each other since we were eight years old, and we're 18 now.

01:18:02If you're choosing to walk away from what we have, then we don't have to be friends either.

01:18:06And with just that, he turned and walked out of the hotel.

01:18:17From that day until the day I left for school, I never saw Asher again.

01:18:21Mia sent me a screenshot of his official couple's post with Chloe.

01:18:25I deleted it without even opening it.

01:18:27Every mutual friend connected to him, I blocked.

01:18:29There was genuinely no point in following any of it anymore.

01:18:36The only exception was the day I flew out to California.

01:18:39Of course, because the universe has a terrible sense of humor,

01:18:42I walked straight into Asher at the airport again, with Chloe still glued to his side.

01:18:47When we passed each other, he said a stiff hello to my parents and kept walking, clearly still angry.

01:18:53He didn't look at me once.

01:18:54We scattered in different directions, and neither of us looked back.

01:18:57Right before I got to the security line, I glanced over and caught Asher at his gate,

01:19:02about to board.

01:19:03He gave me one cold, flat look, and then disappeared through the door without turning around.

01:19:08The person who had been part of every chapter of my growing up,

01:19:11we were finally completely done.

01:19:14Different destinations at last, and I hope yours goes well.

01:19:17I said it only to myself.

01:19:19After that, a long, long time passed without either of us hearing a single thing about the other.

01:19:24I specifically asked my parents not to bring up anything related to Asher or his family in front of me.

01:19:31Over New Year's break, a girl from our high school came to visit.

01:19:34He's nothing like that cold, focused, straight-A guy he was in high school.

01:19:38He's completely different.

01:19:42Honestly, if you ran into him now, you might not even recognize him.

01:19:47I didn't say anything.

01:19:49Mia kicked her under the table and smoothly changed the subject, and the girl dropped it.

01:19:53We did the New Year's countdown by the water, and Mia told me to make a wish.

01:19:57Don't make a wish!

01:19:58Hope New Year, Syria parent and healthy, conceding under the world.

01:20:01I realized it was the first wish I'd ever made that had absolutely nothing to do with him.

01:20:06For a full six years of my life, every single wish I made had involved Asher in some way.

01:20:13Mia, Happy New Year!

01:20:15I felt genuinely happy. I knew I had finally, actually, completely let go.

01:20:22The first winter break of college, I missed my parents so badly I couldn't stand it.

01:20:27The second my last exam was done, I was on the first flight home.

01:20:30What I didn't expect was that Asher had come to the airport with my parents to pick me up.

01:20:35After half a year apart, we had both changed.

01:20:38He was thinner, had dyed his hair, but was still, honestly, annoyingly good looking.

01:20:44I've always had terrible judgement about people, but my taste has never been the problem.

01:20:48Why else would I have been trailing after him since we were five?

01:20:51Hey there, big bro Asher.

01:20:53He stared at me like I'd spoken a different language.

01:20:56We ran into him outside. He insisted on coming along to help.

01:21:00I smiled and waved her off. It was fine.

01:21:04In the car, I immediately launched into all the funny things that had happened at school.

01:21:09And my parents were the whole ride. No one was paying any attention to Asher.

01:21:15You've worked hard. Please send our regards to your parents.

01:21:18He seemed like he wanted to come inside when we got home.

01:21:20But all three of us politely turned him down together.

01:21:23My grandma and my aunt had both come back to celebrate the holidays that year.

01:21:27New Year's Eve was loud and packed with family.

01:21:29After the big dinner, the older relatives parked themselves in front of the TV,

01:21:34while the rest of us were teaching each other card games.

01:21:36That's when Asher showed up at the door with his parents, arms full of bags.

01:21:40Our house is too quiet tonight. Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.

01:21:48Our house is too quiet tonight. Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.

01:21:52Asher's mom laughed as she walked in. Every year growing up, the two families had spent the holiday together.

01:21:57This year, because of everything that had happened, my mom had turned down the invitation to share the big dinner.

01:22:03But you can't exactly turn people away once they're at your door.

01:22:07Asher settled himself naturally.

01:22:09My cousins had no idea about any of the drama and kept teasing us like they always had.

01:22:14I laughed it off.

01:22:16It's not what you think.

01:22:17Asher's expression went a little flat.

01:22:19When midnight came and we all went outside for sparklers, he caught my arm and looked like he was working

01:22:27up to say something.

01:22:28My phone rang. My face went a little warm. It was a guy from one of my clubs at school.

01:22:34Hi, Stella. I'm just a bit bored and wanted to say Happy New Year to you.

01:22:38A local California boy named Jake. He was good looking too. Not in that cold, aloof way.

01:22:44More like the guy who's always laughing at everything and making you laugh right along with him.

01:22:49He never ran out of things to say and he had a way of making me completely lose it at

01:22:54the most random things.

01:22:55We talked for a while longer and when he finally hung up, Asher was standing right behind me with a

01:23:00face like a thundercloud.

01:23:03Boyfriend?

01:23:05Not yet, I guess.

01:23:10Not yet, I guess.

01:23:12I thought about it and answered honestly. I assumed he was done, but then he spoke again.

01:23:17Long distance guys aren't always reliable. You should find someone local, someone you actually know.

01:23:25I nodded. Something in that seemed to land somewhere tender.

01:23:28You're right. You really can't tell with people. I'll keep my guard up.

01:23:32Asher went quiet for a very long time. I assumed he was done. I didn't think too hard about it.

01:23:39Thanks for the advice, big bro. You should figure out your own situation too.

01:23:43He'd always been unpredictable like that. After that, I spent the rest of break bouncing around

01:23:48visiting relatives with my grandma and parents and then we did a little road trip. I was barely home.

01:23:53I didn't run into Asher once. The break was short and soon enough I was back at school.

01:23:58But the very next day after I arrived, Asher was standing outside my campus gate.

01:24:04Asher, what are you doing here?

01:24:06I wanted to see what your school looks like and check if you're actually doing okay out here.

01:24:13Really well, actually. The food here is amazing. You should look up some spots and try them.

01:24:17Stella, can't you come eat with me just once?

01:24:24Sorry about that, man. I've already got Stella booked. You'll have to get in line.

01:24:29Stella, you came back to school this early for him?

01:24:35Sorry, Asher. We're heading out to eat. I'll see you.

01:24:39Let's go. Didn't you say the place was far? Stop standing there.

01:24:42Asher was still standing at the campus gate watching us and under the shadow of the trees,

01:24:47he looked incredibly alone. He suddenly started showing up in my world constantly. I never found

01:24:53out what excuse he gave his school, but he kept appearing in California out of nowhere. He started

01:24:58showing up with gifts, flowers, bags, jewelry, and I turned every single one down. When there was

01:25:04nothing else to do, he'd just sit outside my dorm building and refuse to leave no matter how many

01:25:09times I asked. Whenever he managed to catch me, he'd fallen to step beside me to every single

01:25:15class, then follow me to the dining hall. Jake was visibly miserable about the whole thing. Asher's

01:25:20mom had been calling and messaging me from multiple angles. She begged me to please talk some sense into

01:25:25him. I was beyond done. I genuinely could not figure out what Asher thought he was doing.

01:25:32Stella, why does Jake get to pursue you, but I don't? He's known you for what, a few months?

01:25:41How many years have I known you? No one in this world understands you the way I do,

01:25:47not even your parents. And no one is better for you than me.

01:25:56Ashler, do you genuinely not remember what you did? Ask yourself honestly, did you ever

01:26:03actually treat my feelings like they mattered? You just liked the ego boost of having me chase after

01:26:10you. You knew no matter what you did, I wouldn't leave, so you just did whatever you felt like with

01:26:15my heart. Yeah, I did some things wrong back then. I was young, I thought the whole world was

01:26:22waiting for me, and I didn't want to feel like I was tied to any one person. I owe you

01:26:27a real apology,

01:26:28Stella. I'm sorry. But even if you treat me like a stranger, can I at least have the chance to

01:26:34start

01:26:34over and earn it back? After you left, I realized I don't know how to live without you in it.

01:26:40I can't imagine going forward and not having anyone to share everything with.

01:26:44Honestly, since leaving you, I figured out that real, mutual feelings don't require you to

01:26:49shrink yourself down to nothing. I can just be myself. My mood doesn't have to orbit around

01:26:54someone else's, and when I realized that, I started to wonder if what I felt back then

01:26:59was ever real love, or just something a younger, more naive version of me invented.

01:27:10You said we'd go to college together, study abroad together, travel the whole world together.

01:27:17Are you going to walk away from all of that too? Stella, are you going to leave all this behind

01:27:22too?

01:27:23You broke the promises first, and I've already found someone I want to do all of those things with.

01:27:32Stop, Stella, please. Just stop.

01:27:35Stop.

01:27:39Maybe you're not actually in love with me. Maybe you just can't stand the idea of losing.

01:27:44Asher, honestly, it's time for you to move on too.

01:27:51I didn't wait for a response. Jake had been waiting across the street for a while.

01:27:55I jogged over, and he immediately reached down and took my hand.

01:28:01Finally shook the X?

01:28:04Did you tell him I've got full bug patrol rights now? He doesn't get a single one.

01:28:09Everyone is going through their own goodbyes.

01:28:12As for us, it's finally completely over.

01:28:17Fading away like the rain.

01:28:19Everyone in the middle of their own goodbye.

01:28:20And just like that, the two of us were finally completely over.

01:28:25Scattered like rain.

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