00:00...
00:21Oh, my God, tear it off!
00:24Saturday, I'm still recovering from last week.
00:27God, stop, I have work to do.
00:29you have a date with that hot athletic guy to do this is new okay scoot over look how much
00:40room
00:40is on your side oh you called it my side okay that's it
01:11i couldn't sleep your bed is so much more comfortable than mine i'll get you a mattress
01:14then mom why you don't like cuddling with me i'm 35 and i live with my mother i've got to
01:19draw the
01:19line somewhere i haven't slept alone since your dad died stop mom don't use dad guilt on me please
01:26well it's true look you literally do nothing on your own you're young and totally capable of taking
01:32care of yourself i am young exactly take baby steps go out and do something alone like go to dinner
01:40or
01:41movies or something just to see that it's not so bad feel some independence you might like it
01:46i don't have money for stuff like that what do you do with the allowance that i give you
01:50who can live off 200 a week you don't have any bills
01:56what really what are you doing tonight you want to come over and watch a movie oh i can't
02:04promised jim i'd stay home watch some documentary on war or something
02:06well wouldn't you rather hang out with me yeah but i can't at least you have the place to yourself
02:11tonight though right finally get olivia out of your hair she told me that i should go out to dinner
02:17by myself what does that even mean i don't know something about being independent please
02:23you're the definition of codependency you just need to find you a good husband you'll be fine
02:30okay one last sprint
02:42i am so excited to get you out oh abby just switched to pureed food and puked on me before
02:48i left so sorry if i smell like ass is that salami on a piece of bread yeah you want
02:53a bite
02:54i would destroy that but i'm off carbs that's why i've been so moody look you're a crazy person
02:59you're tiny yeah thanks to these you wear spanks under your workout clothes um i wear spanks under
03:06everything okay what are you gonna wear mom bring some of your dresses oh my god how many faces can
03:14one brick and off i mean really fantasy okay i'm coming all right
03:24what i'm sorry do you want to sleep with him or do you want to put him to sleep well
03:27it's casual like
03:30was i not clear that i was making fun of you with the pantsuits what this is ann taylor i
03:33get
03:34compliments on this all the time okay i mean you look like you're going to an insurance conference
03:38in utah i mean what are those shoes what they're heels those are not heels they're an inch off the
03:43floor yeah i never understood what a kitten heel is just try on some of mom's dresses you know for
03:47fun oh come on go go go those are not heels those aren't even kind of heels oh my god
03:54mom how do you
03:54fit in this you just have to break it in oh come on it's gonna look great no way this
03:59is ridiculous
04:00my aunt taylor's suit is dressy can we just see it please okay it's amazing i'm obviously not
04:07gonna wear this oh come on no it's fucking it's too tight no it looks great
04:14what what's going on there oh oh i haven't had just a wax it's fine you're gonna go on a
04:20date like
04:20that i'm not gonna sleep with him mom but if i'm gonna go 252 guys i gotta be picky okay
04:25well if i
04:26were you i would just shave it all of it i mean guys like it bald now you know mine
04:31is as bald as
04:32a baby's butt okay oh mom now i'm picturing it you know what i say you just keep it that
04:36way you
04:36know you're not gonna sleep with him i'm not gonna sleep with him just saying if you have a
04:40few drinks your decision making get sloppy you're definitely not gonna let anyone down there with
04:44all that nasty it's like a nasty belt i just came up with that right now i'm not hooking up
04:53with this
04:53dude okay he is 26 years old and he's wearing freaking five-toed shoes i told you that's fixable
04:58no besides just think of it as a practice date you're gonna be rusty you need someone to work
05:03out the first date kinks with now you are definitely gonna fuck this guy what mom encourages her
05:07daughter to sleep with her first date a very evolved mom okay i'm wearing this it's casual but i'll add
05:13my ankle booties to dress it up i can bend over and you don't see my underwear my arms don't
05:18look fat
05:18with these sleeves and it doesn't show wet spots if i sweat which i will because i'm really freaking
05:22nervous it looks super cute on you thanks this is going to be my first date outfit now so we
05:28don't
05:28have to do this ever again we turn off the notifications on my tinder it's like keeping
05:33me up at night jay what time is it seven oh i gotta go i can't get these out let's
05:42go okay take a breath
06:08hi i'm olivia oh hey nice to meet you griffin you rode your bike
06:13i'm always trying to squeeze an electrocardio into my day you uh ready to go inside
06:32yeah
06:44can i help you i'm just waiting for a friend she got a flat tire so i'm just gonna wait
06:51i can
06:52seat you while you wait maybe get an appetizer oh sure
07:05enjoy your meal thanks
07:11i mean we were born without shoes on so it makes total sense to have the toes separated
07:17i never take these things off never not once wow cool well we've been talking all night about
07:28what i like to do um what do you like to do for fun for fun yeah all kinds of
07:35stuff
07:37um i work in insurance i pay so much liability insurance because my business yeah i mean i don't
07:45just work in insurance that sounds boring i'm actually really close to becoming a member of the
07:49seven figure round table it's like a really big deal in my industry it's gonna help when i start my
07:53own
07:53business so i totally get that yeah i got first in the suicide sprint at the crossfit games last year
08:0019th overall and i got this flash i could just see it griffin fitness enterprises international
08:09that's the name of my business oh what personal trainer oh you just gotta get your head in the
08:14right place you know you already own your own business picture yourself behind that desk and
08:20that's what i did and look where i am now thank you you should totally come in for a training
08:27session
08:28on me oh yeah no i'm not i'm not really a gym person no you have a really great frame
08:32thank you
08:33thank you good ready to order yes yeah um i'm gonna have a vodka cranberry and then i'll just have
08:41the cheeseburger medium well okay and i will have your cleanest grain alcohol okay and i will do the
08:48white fish cooked with no oil no sauce and a side of steamed veggies please okay thank you
08:57oh and you know what i will not be needing this i don't i don't need this either
09:04no bun on my burger too bun yeah just on like salad or something protein style yeah protein
09:10fat i like it i usually don't have bun but you know what mixers they ruin a drink just empty
09:18calories you know you should follow me i give daily lessons for free totally that'd be good yeah
09:23yeah let me see your phone right now you want to see my phone yeah yeah i'll just i'll type
09:28it in
09:29okay um you'll love it cool go okay the grifster all right there you're following me i almost have 500
09:43followers wow oh wow you only have six oh i'm gonna follow you back okay social media is everything now
09:51you really want to up your game on here if you want to start your own business and i can
09:55totally help you
09:55oh cool thank you that's um you know i'm just using the bathroom really quickly but this is
10:03this is great thank you you're welcome
10:10oh my god how's it going with the how do you tell me everything oh god i want to go
10:15home jane why
10:17he was so cute correction he's gorgeous he just won't shut up all he talks about are
10:22fucking deadlifts and kettlebells he's a personal trainer trying to give me advice on how to start
10:27my own business i can't take it okay remember it's a practice day just to get your feet wet don't
10:31take
10:31it so seriously oh he's so pretty i mean he put his hand on my back when he walked in
10:36and i literally
10:36shuddered like an electric jolt going up my spine whenever he reaches for anything i can't help but
10:42stare at his arms if he touches me at all i am done i just want to like make out
10:50or something i
10:51haven't made out in so long jane okay you realize you just did a full 180 on this guy in
10:56the time it took
10:56you to pee it's so freaking hot i just wish he'd stop talking well he can't talk with your tongue
11:01down his throat true true true i like that idea oh i loved the make out phase when jim and
11:09i first
11:10started dating you guys don't make out anymore no we do well we kiss not really make out no
11:17oh i gotta go i don't want him to think i'm pooping happy making out all right go make out
11:21with your
11:50husband
11:56hey oh hey perfect timing just finished all your things
12:08why's it so dark in here
12:19waiting for one more um i was but my friend she got a flat tire she drives a prius i
12:26have the worst
12:27tires you know yeah you know it may just be me unless she comes later but i'm not holding my
12:34breath okay i'll just take this out of the way can i get you anything to drink uh kettle one
12:40martini
12:41please we were supposed to go out that's why i'm wearing this dress okay i like your dress
12:48be right back with your martini
12:53thank you
12:56oh here let me
12:57no thank you
13:11do you want me to give you a ride because i think i think your bike could probably fit in
13:15my trunk
13:16of my car you can fit your bike in my car well yeah yeah yeah that'd be great
13:21yeah you know i've already got my daily goal so let me go take my tire off my bike and
13:25meet you
13:26outside okay
13:31okay
13:32okay
13:32okay
13:42okay
13:43okay
13:43okay
13:56okay
14:19Hey.
14:23What?
14:24What hey
14:28Make out all the time
14:31All right, you know, whoever's dating and we're being in the car
14:40Yeah
14:43You woke me up to ask me that
14:47No, I just
14:51Don't know what I'm make out again
14:54Like we used to
14:58Right now?
15:02Okay, okay
15:04Let me let me go brush my teeth. I think I was open-mouth breathing. Okay, you were but it
15:08wasn't that bad
15:12Just do a quick brush
15:27What if we went out to the car to make out yeah, you know like we used to in front
15:34of my parents house that was so hot
15:37Which we can't leave
15:38Happy sleeping
15:41Let's take the monitor
15:42Come on
15:45Let's go
15:54Let's go
15:56Let's go
16:16It's smart of you to listen because
16:19I got to stay and I gotta tell you it's not great
16:25You meeting someone
16:28My friend she she got a flat tire and we were supposed to go out afterwards and I am wearing
16:34a dress
16:37Well
16:37Well, you look stunning
16:40Really stunning
16:42And don't let your friends stop you from going out because I think you probably make new friends wherever you
16:48go
16:50Hey, you're right to hell with her
16:57It kind of feels like we're already eating together. Would you care to join me come?
17:03You seem really sweet, but I'm going to be honest with you. I
17:08I'm not waiting for my friend. I just said that because well, I'm I'm trying to eat by myself because
17:13my daughter
17:13She doesn't think I'm independent
17:16But thank you really
17:19nice to talk well, I think
17:22You're doing just great and I will let you alone and leave you to it
17:28Buon appetito
17:30Thank you
17:48Thanks for the ride
17:50Oh, yeah, no problem. I had a lot of fun tonight
17:52me, too
17:55Yeah, I got I got to get you to come to a training session you just you're so
18:08Do you want to come up?
18:10Uh
18:11Um
18:13Look, I'm not sleeping with you. Okay, okay
18:18But um, we could go up and make out you want to do that?
18:25Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I'm just kidding
18:30Okay, okay
18:32I was like feeling how he's just
18:34There we are
18:36Okay, okay
18:42Do we still listen to music? I don't know
18:43No
18:44Okay, okay, so
18:52Okay, thanks
18:55Oh, she's really hot
18:57Are you cross-fitting me right now?
18:59Mm-hmm.
19:00Okay.
19:04Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
19:06If you're on your period, that's okay.
19:07I've got dark sheets under here.
19:09No, no, I'm not on my period, but I just,
19:11I just, I thought we were just gonna make out, you know?
19:14Yeah, okay, we can do that.
19:18You're gonna go on a date like that?
19:19It's like a now-study belt.
19:24Okay, you wouldn't care if I was on my period?
19:27No.
19:29Really?
19:31Okay.
19:34I'm not, I'm not on my period.
19:36I'm not here anyway.
19:49You, you really don't have any hair on your whole body.
19:52Lasered it all before the CrossFit Games last year.
19:55Prevents chafing.
19:56I have got to get you to my gym.
19:57You're gonna look so small.
20:00Mm.
20:03Mm.
20:04Mm.
20:05Mm.
20:12What?
20:15Gene, we have an entire house to make out in,
20:17and we're sitting in our car in the garage,
20:20and the baby monitor's beeping.
20:23This is silly.
20:33Come on, let's go inside.
20:49This is so cool.
20:50I've never seen a hairy pussy in real life before.
20:52I've only seen him in my dad's old playbook.
20:53Hey, shut up!
20:54Shut up!
20:55Mm.
20:56Ooh!
20:57Ooh!
20:59Mm.
21:00Mm.
21:02Mm.
21:02Ah!
21:04Ah!
21:05Ah!
21:09Ah!
21:12Ah!
21:14Ah!
21:15Ah!
21:17Ah!
21:20Oh, oh, oh, oh.
21:48Oh, oh, oh.
22:33Hey, I found the pube.
22:38S-O-S, pull up to the corner and wait.
22:48Hey, shine a light on my heart.
22:57Cause I don't know just what I'm gonna do.
23:20Hey, Mom.
23:22Hey.
23:23How was your date?
23:26What are you doing?
23:27Watching a lifetime movie.
23:29Babysitter's batshit crazy.
23:32Can I watch with you for a second?
23:35Of course.
23:46God, your bed is so uncomfortable.
23:48I told you.
23:59I waited too long to get into all this.
24:02I have no idea what I'm doing and apparently I'm old.
24:07If that's the case, we're both fucked.
24:12You just have to keep going.
24:15You have a lot of options on there and any guy would be lucky to have you.
24:27Why is there a wet spot under my butt?
24:33Mom!
24:34Ew!
24:35Mom!
24:36What?
24:37I was doing what you told me to baby steps.
24:42I guess we're sleeping in your room tonight.
24:45Subscribe to YouTube Premium and binge all of Sideswiped to see what happens next.
24:51And I just saw a girl I wanna holla at.
24:54Oh!
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