00:02Dan, have you seen those illegal caffeine pills I bought online?
00:05Sorry, I took the last three. I really wanted to stay up and finish writing my graphic novel.
00:09It's about a set of triplet werewolves who use their sense of smell to solve crimes.
00:14Shit, Dan, I really needed those for work.
00:16It's annual report week. How am I supposed to get through it if I'm not chemically enhanced?
00:20What's annual report week?
00:22Every year we have to spaff out this massive document for the stupid shareholders.
00:25It usually means a whole week of staying late. I'm talking 6.30, 7.
00:30That's insane. I know.
00:31It's like modern-day slavery except with a salary and health insurance.
00:35Hey, how about this afternoon you call up the office and pretend to be my doctor?
00:38Say I've got swine flu or something.
00:40I'm always up for impersonating a doctor, but I can't. I've got another salsa class with Mum.
00:44You and Mum are doing salsa classes together. Yeah, it's the worst.
00:47I just don't understand how such a delicious sauce can be such a boring activity.
00:53Why did you sign up for it, then? I didn't. Mum did.
00:55Just tell her to fuck off.
00:57Hannah! Mum gave us the gift of life. We owe her everything.
01:01Also, she threatened to cut off my allowance.
01:03That does sound pretty rough.
01:04God, you're so lucky Mum doesn't really like you.
01:06Mum doesn't like me?
01:07Oops. Sorry.
01:25Good, ladies. Very nice.
01:29Good, ladies. Very nice.
01:33Good, ladies.
01:33Very nice.
01:34Good, ladies.
01:35Very good.
01:36Keep your bodies nice and close together.
01:40Tell me, all the cavanali's not a difficult step, and that right horse could do it.
01:44I'm trying my best.
01:45Or try harder.
01:47Now put your hand on the small of Mummy's back.
01:49Mum, is there seriously no-one else you can do this with?
01:53I mean, this is so weird.
01:54Everyone else here is just retired couples.
01:57That's not true.
01:58What about Vivian and Ralph?
02:00And spin!
02:02Yeah, but Ralph's the weirdest guy I've ever met.
02:05There is nothing weird about spending quality time with your mother.
02:08Now, I'm going to the bathroom.
02:09I want to remove my bra so I can really let loose for the next moment.
02:13Keep yourself to your arms still.
02:15Hello, Daryl.
02:16Come on.
02:17Oh.
02:18Hi, Ralph.
02:19Sorry, I didn't realise you were there.
02:21I'm very light on my feet.
02:23Unlike some people.
02:25Oh, yeah.
02:25Well, I'm just sort of here as a favour to my mum.
02:28I mean, she breastfed me for five years.
02:30At least I could do.
02:31Well, if you really want to do your mum a favour, you should kill yourself.
02:35What?
02:35Just saying.
02:36It's the big recital next week.
02:38And me and my mum are going to fuck you and your mum in the ass.
02:45Dude, I told you I really don't care about this salsa stuff.
02:49So pathetic.
02:50No wonder your mum doesn't respect you.
02:52She respects me?
02:54How?
02:54What the hell?
02:55Stop chit-chatting.
02:56Now, come on.
02:56Let's get on with the practice.
03:10Hey, Lloyd.
03:11What's going on?
03:12Someone found a headless corpse in Lyft.
03:15Oh, gross!
03:17Turns out the company above us was a front for some Chinese drug ring.
03:20Oh, I mean, in retrospect, that does kind of make sense.
03:23What kind of name is Business Incorporated?
03:26So what happens now?
03:27Well, they're going to do a load of forensics.
03:28Apparently the office is shut down for a week.
03:31Kind of messes with your head, doesn't it?
03:33Something so tragic happening right where we were.
03:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:36The fragility of human life, whatever.
03:37Did you just say we get a whole week off work?
03:40What about the annual report?
03:42Um, I don't know.
03:44I guess it'll be postponed.
03:46Sweet!
03:47Bonus holiday week!
03:48Thank you, triads!
03:53Daniel, you were by far the worst dancer in the class today, and Hector is on his third set of
03:58knees.
03:59This week I want you practicing at home.
04:01I'll try, but I've got a lot on.
04:03I need to redraft the last chapter of Wolf Cops.
04:06While I'm paying for your idle life, I will be the organ grinder, you will be my dancing monkey.
04:11God, he even managed to make a dancing monkey sound boring.
04:14Shh!
04:16Is there a voice coming from my bathroom?
04:18Shit!
04:19Maybe it's a burglar and he's stopped to take a bath.
04:21Why would a burglar stop to take a bath?
04:23Might be like his calling card.
04:24He leaves a dirt ring and some pubes, so you know he's been here.
04:28Come with me.
04:30Why, you go in there and bash him on the head.
04:32Seriously?
04:33What if I hurt him?
04:34He is trespassing on my property.
04:36Let go!
04:37Ah!
04:38Ah!
04:40Marion.
04:41A little baby Dan!
04:43What a wonderful surprise!
04:45Oh, for goodness sake, Leslie.
04:47Mum, you know the burglar?
04:49It's not a burglar.
04:50It's my sister.
05:01Oh, sweet.
05:02Just in time.
05:06Oh, er, I didn't order any Cajun chicken chunks.
05:08Actually, those come as part of your meal deal.
05:11Sweet!
05:12You know, this day is shaping up to be the perfect day.
05:15On the way home, this guy shouted nice ass at me, but then he got clipped by a white van.
05:20Best of both worlds.
05:20Well, at least someone's having a good day.
05:22My last delivery turned out to be a prank call.
05:24Now I've got five pepperonis stinking out my car.
05:26Wait, wait, wait, wait.
05:27You've got five pizzas in your car.
05:29What are you going to do with them?
05:30I guess throw them out.
05:31Or you could slide them my way.
05:33What, are you going to eat six large pizzas?
05:35What are you, a pizza guy or a fucking nutritionist?
05:39Ah, yes.
05:41Oh, sorry, I would give you a tip, but I've only got notes, so...
05:49I dread to ask, Leslie, but what are you doing here?
05:53Can't a girl stop by to visit her big sister?
05:55And her favourite little nephew.
05:57Look at you, Dan.
05:58Haven't seen you since you were six and I left you with those Hells Angels.
06:05What have you been doing with yourself?
06:07Mostly chilling out.
06:09Went to prison for a bit, which was okay.
06:12I made my own version of Capri's son in the toilet.
06:14Who'd have thought?
06:15Little baby Dan turned into such a resourceful young man.
06:18I'm proud of you.
06:19What about you, Leslie?
06:20What have you been up to since you last disappeared, apart from breaking an entry?
06:23Well, I was a roadie for a bit.
06:25Dog walker.
06:27Licensed chiropractor.
06:28Unlicensed chiropractor.
06:30You know, for me, my life is my art.
06:33So, really, the last few years have been crazy fucking tapestry.
06:36It sounds like you've been a very busy bee.
06:39I'm sure you'll be needing to head off.
06:41Yeah, the thing is, Maz, I'm currently teensy bit, what's the word, homeless.
06:49I broke up with Spike.
06:51Oh, that leather-clad Welsh degenerate.
06:54Well, I was just wondering if maybe I could, like, crash here just for a couple of nights,
06:59you know, just till I get myself sorted.
07:01Absolutely not.
07:02Oh, wow.
07:04Well, my own sister doesn't care if I'm sleeping rough.
07:06She'll just find myself an alleyway and maybe I'll kill a rat and I'll roast it over an open wheelie
07:13bin.
07:13Mum, you can't let her sleep rough and eat rats for dinner.
07:16I know what I'm doing.
07:18She walks us in here every few years with some sob story and then won't get lost until I've opened
07:22my checkbook.
07:23Well, it won't work this time.
07:26Don't worry, Aunt Leslie, you can stay with me for as long as you need.
07:30Dan, you're my hero.
07:33I am a hero.
07:34A superhero.
07:36And Mum's the villain, the wicked, cruel Zilla.
07:39Shut up, Daniel.
07:40Sorry, Mum.
07:43Welcome to my bachelor pad.
07:46Or, as I like to call it, Bansylvania.
07:51Cool to sleep on this sofa?
07:52Oh, yeah, I'm sure I'll manage.
07:54I once squatted for two months in a condemned abattoir.
07:57Cool.
07:59Dan, I've had the most amazing day today.
08:01Someone got killed at the office and I've got some free pizza.
08:04Look who's here!
08:05Aunt Leslie!
08:06Oh!
08:07She just broke up with her boyfriend, so I said she could crash with us.
08:10You can take this bangle as a sort of thank you.
08:13I found that on Jim Morrison's grave.
08:15Wow, sweet.
08:17Look at this.
08:18I've got some cool jewellery and my fun, sexy aunt to hang out with.
08:21Today, it just keeps getting better.
08:22Mate, I thought you said today was going to be a paperwork Guantanamo.
08:26Yeah.
08:26But since then, not a single thing has gone wrong.
08:28I don't want to jinx it, but I think this might be the golden week.
08:33Sorry, what's the golden week?
08:35I'm glad you asked Aunt Leslie.
08:36The golden week is a special once in a lifetime phenomenon.
08:40No, please don't do this again.
08:41It's a full week of uninterrupted luck, prosperity and joy.
08:44And it's my white whale.
08:46Oh, sure.
08:47I have come mighty close more than a few times.
08:49Hannah, please stop.
08:50The first being in December 2002.
08:52I was 13.
08:53I won the gold medal at Gymkhana and I went up two bra sizes in one night.
08:58Then, to cap it all off, I had tickets to that week's recording of Top of the Pops.
09:02Was a young Hannah French giddy at the thought of being on television?
09:05Just a bit.
09:06But on the very last day of my golden week, Katie Maguire accidentally broke my nose in PE.
09:12Top of the Pops wouldn't let me on with two black eyes and my golden week was ruined.
09:17But I have a feeling that old lady fate may be giving me another chance.
09:21Hannah, don't you think you might be taking this a bit too seriously?
09:23It's just a bunch of random stuff happening.
09:26No, I think she might be onto something, Dan.
09:28I've always believed in unseen cosmic forces sort of guiding us on our journey.
09:31No, no, that's bullshit.
09:33But the golden week is definitely legit.
09:36Look, I'll prove it.
09:39I brought this scratch card earlier today.
09:41There's no way that I can lose.
09:43That's crazy.
09:44You're crazy, Hannah.
09:50Well, this crazy son of a gun has just won a two-night stay at a three-star bed and
09:54breakfast in Swanage, travel not included.
09:57I am invincible.
10:02Swanage.
10:06Now, I was in a real state after breaking up with Spike, but hanging with you these last few days,
10:11I am in a much better headspace.
10:13Come on.
10:14You're my favourite aunt.
10:16I mean, you're my only aunt, but you're still number one in my books.
10:19And that is why I'm going to treat you to a massive spread.
10:23Hope you like fancy cheese.
10:25Whoa.
10:26Did you steal that cheese?
10:27You could call it stealing.
10:28Or you could argue that cheese is a natural resource.
10:33It is of the earth.
10:34Like, putting your price on cheese, that's like putting your price on oxygen or oil.
10:39Yeah.
10:40Take this bottle of wine.
10:42Right, what is it?
10:43It's a bottle of crushed grapes.
10:46And yet they expect 12 quid for it.
10:48Can you imagine spending 12 quid on some crushed grapes?
10:52The way I see it, ownership, it's just a concept.
10:56It's just something to tie free spirits like you and I down.
10:59That is my whole philosophy.
11:02Wow.
11:03I always thought philosophy was like, what's the point of life?
11:06Or is it okay to eat toast if you drop it on the ground?
11:08But I love yours.
11:11Oh, shit.
11:12It's mum.
11:13She keeps calling to check that I'm practicing her dumb salsa steps.
11:16I'll let it ring.
11:18She'll get the hint.
11:19Really?
11:20Damn.
11:20The world is full of people who get off on telling us what to do.
11:24Parents, clergy, paramedics.
11:27Sometimes you've just got to ignore them and do your own thing.
11:30See?
11:31You've always got to trust your Aunt Leslie.
11:34Now, be a prophet.
11:36Stick that in the fridge for me.
11:44Hannah, is that you?
11:47Katie Maguire.
11:48Oh, my God.
11:49I haven't seen you since school.
11:50How's it going?
11:51Good.
11:51How are you?
11:52What are you up to?
11:54Oh, I was just looking up some horse races.
11:56I'm on a bit of a lucky streak this week.
11:57I was thinking of putting 300 quid on Philip Seymour Hoffman.
12:01No, it's crazy bumping into you.
12:03I was just talking about you.
12:04Oh, really?
12:05Yeah, about how you broke my nose in PE.
12:07Oh, God, that was so bad.
12:09There was blood everywhere and you kept, like, mumbling about Top of the Pops.
12:13I felt like such crap.
12:15Oh, hey.
12:15It was an accident.
12:17I mean, sure, it didn't ruin my golden week.
12:19But it's not like I think about that three or four times a week.
12:25Sorry.
12:26How about you?
12:26What are you up to these days?
12:27I'm trying to direct and TV promos, that kind of shiz.
12:31I'm actually making a music video at the moment.
12:33You heard that R&B guy, Zef.
12:35Zef?
12:36The one who does the songs about women sweating?
12:38Yeah, that's the one.
12:39Oh, my God.
12:39I love that guy.
12:40Gonna make you sweat till you're wet.
12:44Yeah.
12:44That's so cool.
12:46Oh, it's actually a bit stressy at the moment.
12:48We're shooting in, like, two days.
12:49One of the girls we're using slipped on some baby oil and dislocated her shoulders.
12:53I'm scrabbling to find a replacement.
12:54And none of the agencies can give me anybody at sexual notice.
12:58The golden week.
12:58And it's like great.
12:59Katie, listen.
13:00Let me be the replacement.
13:02I can do it.
13:03Really?
13:03You know we can't pay you, like, anything, right?
13:06I know, this might sound crazy.
13:07But I think that girl's shoulder snapped out of its socket for a reason.
13:10So I could star in your music video and finally achieve a golden week.
13:15Okay.
13:16Brill.
13:17Although you wouldn't really be starring in it.
13:19It's just one scene.
13:20You'd mainly be there as eye candy.
13:22Katie, please do not ruin yet another golden week for me.
13:34Oh, hi, hon.
13:35Perfect timing.
13:36I need a waz.
13:37Do you want to take my clothes?
13:42Dan?
13:42You got a ping pong table?
13:43Oh, yeah.
13:44Aunt Leslie's mate, Big Phil, needed to get rid of some stuff real quick.
13:47So he gave it to us for, like, ten quid.
13:50He threw in a bunch of this laughing gas as well.
13:53Oh, Leslie is awesome.
13:55She knows so much about life and philosophy and how to disable security tags.
14:01Clearly my golden week is rubbing off on you.
14:03Are you still going on about that?
14:05Dan, it's the real deal.
14:06Today I randomly bumped into Katie Maguire.
14:09And get this, she's putting me in her music video.
14:12Seriously?
14:13Yeah.
14:13It's for Zef's new single, It's No Sweat, open brackets, if you sweat, close brackets.
14:18Oh, my God.
14:19I've got all his albums.
14:20Slippery wine sweat.
14:21Sweat it be.
14:22You sweat your ass.
14:23Well, I've got the costume fitting for the vid tomorrow, so maybe I could snag you an
14:27autograph.
14:29Yes!
14:31Thanks for stepping in at such short notice.
14:34The shoot tomorrow should be totes standard, four or five hours, and then you're free.
14:37You could probably even keep the dress.
14:39A golden dress for a golden week.
14:41Hey, ladies.
14:43Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
14:44Hey, Zef.
14:45Oh, this is Hannah.
14:47She's the girl replacing Monique.
14:48It's great to meet you.
14:49I'm a huge fan.
14:51Ooh, girl, you so fine.
14:53Got me sweating like whoa.
14:55Nice to meet you, honey.
14:56Listen, Katie, that intern kid messed up my lunch order again.
14:59He got me a damn prawn salad and everybody knows that Zef don't fuck with the shellfish.
15:04I'm so sorry.
15:08Absolute pleasure to make you acquaintance, Hannah.
15:10I'll see you tomorrow.
15:12Not if I see you f-
15:24Actually, is that salad just up for grabs now?
15:27Um, yeah, sure.
15:29Great.
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