- 12 hours ago
Rented A Billionaire Husband For Christmas Hd
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:04Alright, it's about that time.
00:00:06So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:15Yeah, him.
00:00:17Hi!
00:00:18Just play him on.
00:00:20Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:26Happy year!
00:00:49You have a cute scar.
00:00:51It's just my birthmark.
00:00:54If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:00:57Hmm.
00:01:09I was so drunk last night.
00:01:11I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:16I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:25Happy New Year.
00:01:26Sam, it's me.
00:01:27Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:30I don't care how.
00:01:31Just do it.
00:01:32I will find you.
00:01:38Maximus, can you get married already?
00:01:41Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:01:44I need grandkids.
00:01:46I need you to...
00:01:47Message received, Mom.
00:01:48I need to go now.
00:01:49I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:01:59Seven years.
00:02:01Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:03And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:13Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:15Boss, it's been years.
00:02:19I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:22Your vest, sir.
00:02:24But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:02:26She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:27Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:29And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:32We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO
00:02:33or she'll jack up the price.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:02:41Hi.
00:02:42One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:02:43And one hot chocolate.
00:02:46I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:02:50Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:02:55Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:02:57It's just for Christmas.
00:02:59But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:01Where's my real one?
00:03:05Uh...
00:03:10I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:12Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:22Daddy!
00:03:23Oh!
00:03:23What?
00:03:30Daddy!
00:03:31Oh!
00:03:31I'm sorry.
00:03:33I'm not your dad.
00:03:35No, I know you're my daddy.
00:03:36Just as handsome as I thought.
00:03:38Oh.
00:03:39Mommy, hurry!
00:03:40Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:03:50I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:03:53He's gorgeous.
00:04:00Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:03She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:05Blonde hair, red dot.
00:04:07You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:09So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:04:12See, I knew you were the new daddy we hired, right?
00:04:15Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:16What's your name?
00:04:17Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:20Max, Aurelius.
00:04:21Eva.
00:04:23I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:27I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:30I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:04:33So, per hour agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:04:39$1,000 an hour?
00:04:41Well, yeah.
00:04:43It's $500 a day.
00:04:44Is that enough?
00:04:46That's the most that I can pay you.
00:04:47Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:04:49That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:04:51You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:04:53Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:04:56Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:04:58and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:01And then my family will get off my back,
00:05:03so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:07So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:10Fine.
00:05:11But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:16Okay.
00:05:17Deal.
00:05:20Ready to go get married?
00:05:34Wow.
00:05:36You cleaned up nice.
00:05:37This is my wedding day, after all.
00:05:39Pictures.
00:05:48Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:05:55You're in love.
00:05:58You're in love.
00:06:34Happy holidays, Mom.
00:06:36From my family to you.
00:06:46Bad news, boss.
00:06:48The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:06:52Wait, she bailed?
00:06:53Then who is...
00:06:57Who is she?
00:06:59Whatever.
00:07:00It doesn't matter.
00:07:02I've got what I need.
00:07:05Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:07I already found some more.
00:07:13Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:16Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:18Christmas shopping?
00:07:20I should come.
00:07:21Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:25I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:27It'll make it more believable.
00:07:32Fine.
00:07:33Yeah, fine.
00:07:34Okay.
00:07:34You can come.
00:07:43Let's go.
00:07:43Which mall are we going to?
00:07:45Um, let's go to that one.
00:07:47Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:07:53What the actual fuck?
00:07:59Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:04Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:10She does kind of look like him.
00:08:12Um, so when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:21Here, let me get this.
00:08:23They're going to love you, Max.
00:08:27Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married,
00:08:32we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:08:38Okay.
00:08:39Should we use our tongues or?
00:08:41No, no, definitely not.
00:08:42And absolutely no...
00:08:44Sex?
00:08:45Yes.
00:08:47Strictly business.
00:08:49Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:08:52What?
00:08:53Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:08:56I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
00:08:59getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:02Let's go.
00:09:09Here.
00:09:10What are you doing?
00:09:11I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:15Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:09:22Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:2550% off pies?
00:09:26Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:2812 pumpkin pies.
00:09:29I hear this right?
00:09:30They're the best kind.
00:09:31Hurry up and go.
00:09:32Go.
00:09:32What are you standing here for?
00:09:36Hello there.
00:09:37Hi.
00:09:37You ready?
00:09:38Yes.
00:09:38Yeah, just these things.
00:09:39Okay, great.
00:09:40We have a holiday special today.
00:09:42Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:09:48deal.
00:09:48Oh, great.
00:09:49Yeah.
00:09:50What do you have that's just $15?
00:09:51Will you get a move on?
00:09:54I just got here.
00:09:56Relax.
00:09:57Yeah, yeah.
00:10:00Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:02Okay, thank you.
00:10:04Hurry up and pay.
00:10:08I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:10You can wait your turn.
00:10:16Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:19Okay.
00:10:24Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:25Not the pies.
00:10:25Not the pies.
00:10:26You can just set those on top.
00:10:29Hmm.
00:10:31Okay.
00:10:33Hi, guys.
00:10:35I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:10:40Of course.
00:10:42Thank you so much.
00:10:43Of course.
00:10:43I hope you like pumpkin.
00:10:46She bought all 12 pies.
00:10:48Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:10:49Just to give it away.
00:10:50Yeah.
00:10:52Merry Christmas.
00:10:53Merry Christmas.
00:10:59What?
00:11:00You do that often?
00:11:02As often as I can.
00:11:07We should go.
00:11:08We got to pick up paper.
00:11:13Watch out.
00:11:14Watch out.
00:11:15Watch out.
00:11:32You done feeling me up?
00:11:35Shut up.
00:11:36Oh, sorry.
00:11:36I was just in character, wifey.
00:11:38Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:11:45And don't be late.
00:11:58Harrison Group?
00:11:59Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:02Sort of.
00:12:04Not that I'm judging.
00:12:05I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:10Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:13I think that's respectable.
00:12:16Can we pick another company?
00:12:18No.
00:12:19Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:20But they'll find it impressive.
00:12:22My cousin's husband works for them too.
00:12:23So, it's perfect.
00:12:29Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:12:32Don't worry.
00:12:34Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:12:35I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:12:38Too much.
00:12:40Okay.
00:13:00Let's go, Sam.
00:13:01It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:03Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:13:09It's my daughter's.
00:13:11Daughters.
00:13:12Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:29Hey, there they are!
00:13:31Hey!
00:13:32That's me again!
00:13:34Oh, my God.
00:13:35That's so much you made it.
00:13:37Oh, I missed you.
00:13:38So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:13:42He's coming.
00:13:44Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:13:46Good, good, good.
00:13:48So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:13:52When's he arriving?
00:13:53Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:13:58Poor thing.
00:13:59Not surprising.
00:14:00I mean, she's 30.
00:14:01Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:05Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:11This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:14Auntie Pamela?
00:14:16Debbie?
00:14:16My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:19We're only worried about you.
00:14:21All these years without a husband.
00:14:24Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:26You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:29And look what happened.
00:14:30She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:14:34I'm not alone.
00:14:35Mm-hmm.
00:14:36And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:14:42He's a manager.
00:14:44Manager?
00:14:45Of what?
00:14:46Trash?
00:14:48Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:14:52You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:14:57Actually, he's right here.
00:15:01Oh, wow.
00:15:03Wow.
00:15:04He is really good looking.
00:15:07Ah, must be AI.
00:15:09Mm-hmm.
00:15:10Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:13Fake.
00:15:13That's enough.
00:15:14She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:17Show some respect.
00:15:18Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned him down?
00:15:25Well, guess what?
00:15:26William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:29Makes 500 grand a year.
00:15:32That's half a million.
00:15:34Half a million.
00:15:36Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:15:39And speak of the devil.
00:15:44Willie, you made it.
00:15:56There you are.
00:15:58Oh, look at you now.
00:16:01Living the dream.
00:16:02Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:04Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:16:10So married, huh?
00:16:12Yeah.
00:16:12Is it serious?
00:16:14That's what marriage is.
00:16:16It's pretty serious.
00:16:18Wow.
00:16:18You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:21Makes sense, though.
00:16:22You not being a hot-looking thing anymore.
00:16:26Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:28Ugh, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:31Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:16:34That's right.
00:16:36Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:16:40Women love a man in red.
00:16:42Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:16:45Want to sit on my lap?
00:16:47Don't touch me.
00:16:48Oh, so entitled.
00:16:51William's a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:16:55And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:16:59I mean, look at that car.
00:17:01Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:04Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:08Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:12I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:19My mom would never marry.
00:17:21She already has a husband and he's going to kick your butt.
00:17:27Is that so?
00:17:29Well, then, where is he?
00:17:31Because I don't see him.
00:17:33Does anyone see him?
00:17:37No.
00:17:38Just like I thought.
00:17:40Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:17:42That puts you on the naughty list.
00:17:45And let me show you what happens to the naughty children.
00:17:50Hey, hey.
00:17:51Mommy.
00:17:52Mommy.
00:17:53Are you okay?
00:17:54See your hands.
00:17:55Oh, my God.
00:17:56I'm going to take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:17:58Come on.
00:17:59Let's go.
00:18:01What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:03How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:08Let me go.
00:18:09Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:14Let me go.
00:18:16Let me go.
00:18:29Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:18:36So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:18:39All right.
00:18:40It's about that time.
00:18:41So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:18:44Um, uh, uh, yeah, him.
00:18:53Hi.
00:18:54Just play along.
00:18:56Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:19:23You have a cute scar.
00:19:26It's just my birthmark.
00:19:29If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:19:33Hmm.
00:19:45I was so drunk last night.
00:19:47I can't remember who I was with.
00:19:52I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:20:00Happy New Year.
00:20:01Sam, it's me.
00:20:02Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:20:05I don't care how.
00:20:06Just do it.
00:20:07I will find you.
00:20:14Maximus, can you get married already?
00:20:17Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:20:19I need grandkids.
00:20:22I need you to...
00:20:22Message received, Mom.
00:20:24I need to go now.
00:20:25I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:20:35Seven years.
00:20:36Why can't I ever find you?
00:20:39And why do you still haunt me?
00:20:48Still thinking about that girl?
00:20:50Boss, it's been years.
00:20:55I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:20:57Your vest, sir.
00:20:59But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:21:01She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:21:03Blonde hair, red top.
00:21:04And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:21:07We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO, or she'll jack up the price.
00:21:10Good.
00:21:12Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:21:16Hi.
00:21:17One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:21:19And one hot chocolate.
00:21:22I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:21:25Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:21:30Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:21:32It's just for Christmas.
00:21:34But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:21:37Where's my real one?
00:21:45I'll tell you when you're older.
00:21:47Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:21:48I'll tell you when you're older.
00:21:57Daddy!
00:21:58Oh!
00:21:59What?
00:22:05Daddy!
00:22:06Oh!
00:22:07I'm sorry.
00:22:09I'm not your dad.
00:22:10No, I know you're my daddy.
00:22:12Just as handsome as I thought.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:15Mommy, hurry!
00:22:16Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:22:25I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:22:28He's gorgeous.
00:22:35Why does she feel so familiar?
00:22:38She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:22:40Blonde hair, red top.
00:22:42You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:22:45So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:22:47See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:22:50Hi, my name's Cybert.
00:22:51What's your name?
00:22:53Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:22:55Max, Aurelius.
00:22:57Eva.
00:22:58I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:23:02I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:23:05I guess Mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:23:09So, per hour agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:23:14$1,000 an hour?
00:23:16Well, yeah.
00:23:18It's $500 a day.
00:23:20Is that enough?
00:23:21That's the most that I can pay you.
00:23:23Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:23:25That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:23:27You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:23:29Look, my requirements are simple.
00:23:31Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:23:33and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:23:36And then my family will get off my back,
00:23:38so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:23:43So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:23:46Fine.
00:23:47But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:23:51Okay.
00:23:52Deal.
00:23:56Ready to go get married?
00:24:10Wow.
00:24:11Clean up nice.
00:24:12This is my wedding day, after all.
00:24:15Pictures!
00:24:23Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love!
00:24:30Hmm.
00:24:49I need some photos of us together, too.
00:24:55To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:24:57and have a happy family.
00:24:59Yeah.
00:24:59Of course.
00:25:01Hmm.
00:25:10Happy holidays, Mom.
00:25:12From my family to you.
00:25:22Bad news, boss.
00:25:23The agency said that the girl that they recruited
00:25:25to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:25:27Wait, she bailed?
00:25:28Then who is...
00:25:32Who is she?
00:25:34Whatever.
00:25:35It doesn't matter.
00:25:37I've got what I need.
00:25:40Sam, don't worry about it.
00:25:42I already found some more.
00:25:48Okay.
00:25:49Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:25:52Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:25:53Christmas shopping?
00:25:55I should come.
00:25:57Look, if you want me to be the husband
00:25:58in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:26:00I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:26:03It'll make it more believable.
00:26:07Fine.
00:26:08Yeah, fine.
00:26:09Okay.
00:26:10You can come.
00:26:18Let's go.
00:26:19Which mall are we going to?
00:26:20Um, let's go to that one.
00:26:22Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:26:28What the actual fuck?
00:26:34Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:26:39Sam, get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:26:46She does kind of look like him.
00:26:51So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:26:56Here, let me get this.
00:26:58I'm going to love you, Max.
00:27:01Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married,
00:27:07we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:27:13Okay.
00:27:14Should we use our tongues or...?
00:27:16No, no, definitely not.
00:27:18And absolutely no...
00:27:19Sex?
00:27:20Yes.
00:27:22Strictly business.
00:27:24Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:27:27What?
00:27:29Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:27:32I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
00:27:34getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:27:38Let's go.
00:27:45Here.
00:27:46What are you doing?
00:27:47I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:27:51Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:27:57Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:28:0050% off pies?
00:28:02Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:28:0412 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:28:05They're the best kind.
00:28:07Hurry up and go.
00:28:08Go.
00:28:08What are you standing here for?
00:28:11Hello there.
00:28:12Hi.
00:28:13You ready?
00:28:13Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:28:14Okay, great.
00:28:16We have a holiday special today.
00:28:18Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:28:23deal.
00:28:24Oh, great.
00:28:25Yeah, what do you have that's just $15?
00:28:27Will you get a move on?
00:28:29I just got here.
00:28:31Relax.
00:28:32Yeah, yeah.
00:28:35Here, this will do the trick.
00:28:37Okay, thank you.
00:28:40Hurry up and pay.
00:28:44I will pay when I'm ready.
00:28:46You can wait your turn.
00:28:52Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:29:00Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:29:00Not the pies, not the pies.
00:29:01You can just set those on top.
00:29:06Okay.
00:29:08Hi, guys.
00:29:10And I hand you all these pies.
00:29:15Of course.
00:29:17Thank you so much.
00:29:19Of course.
00:29:19I hope you like pumpkin.
00:29:21She bought all 12 pies.
00:29:23Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:29:25Just to give it away.
00:29:28Merry Christmas.
00:29:29Merry Christmas.
00:29:34Merry Christmas.
00:29:35You do that often?
00:29:37As often as I can.
00:29:43We should go.
00:29:44We gotta pick up paper.
00:29:48Watch out.
00:29:51Merry Christmas.
00:30:00Merry Christmas.
00:30:01Merry Christmas.
00:30:03Merry Christmas.
00:30:05Merry Christmas.
00:30:07You done feeling me up?
00:30:10Shut up.
00:30:11Sorry, I was just in character, wifey.
00:30:14Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:30:21And don't be late.
00:30:33Harrison Group?
00:30:35Do you do construction for them or something?
00:30:38Sort of.
00:30:39Not that I'm judging.
00:30:40I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:30:46Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:30:49I think that's respectable.
00:30:51Can we pick another company?
00:30:53No.
00:30:54Harrison Group is perfect.
00:30:56But they'll find it impressive.
00:30:57My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:30:59So, it's perfect.
00:31:04Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:31:08Don't worry.
00:31:09Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:31:10I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:31:14Too much.
00:31:15Okay.
00:31:35Let's go, Sam.
00:31:36It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:31:38Well, Don, you're covered in water, and you have a hair on your shoulder, and it's not yours.
00:31:44It's my daughter's.
00:31:46Daughter's?
00:31:47Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:32:05Hey, there they are!
00:32:06Hey, you guys make it!
00:32:10Dad!
00:32:11Oh, I'm so glad you made it.
00:32:12Oh, I missed you.
00:32:14So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:32:18He's coming.
00:32:19Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:32:21Good, good, good.
00:32:23So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:32:27When's he arriving?
00:32:29Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:32:33Poor thing.
00:32:34Not surprising.
00:32:35I mean, she's 30.
00:32:37Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:32:40Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:32:46This is exactly why I refused to come home single this Christmas.
00:32:49Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:32:55We're only worried about you.
00:32:57All these years without a husband.
00:32:59Zip it, Pamela.
00:33:02You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:33:04And look what happened.
00:33:06She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:33:10I'm not alone.
00:33:11Mm-hmm.
00:33:12And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:33:17He's a manager.
00:33:18Manager of what?
00:33:22Trash?
00:33:24Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:33:28You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:33:32Actually, he's right here.
00:33:36Oh, wow.
00:33:38Wow.
00:33:39He is really good looking.
00:33:42Ah, must be AI.
00:33:44Mm-hmm.
00:33:45Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:33:49That's enough.
00:33:49She's our daughter and your niece.
00:33:52Show some respect.
00:33:53Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
00:33:59him down?
00:34:00Well, guess what?
00:34:02William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:34:04Makes 500 grand a year.
00:34:07That's half a million.
00:34:10Half a million.
00:34:11Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:34:15And speak of the devil.
00:34:20Willie, you made it.
00:34:24Mm-hmm.
00:34:27Mm-hmm.
00:34:31There you are.
00:34:33Oh, look at you now, living the dream.
00:34:38Oh, just think, Eva.
00:34:40Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal
00:34:44waste manager.
00:34:45So married, huh?
00:34:47Yeah.
00:34:48Is it serious?
00:34:50That's what marriage is.
00:34:51It's pretty serious.
00:34:53Wow.
00:34:54You must have rushed the tie the knot, huh?
00:34:57Makes sense, though.
00:34:58You not being a hot, young thing anymore.
00:35:01Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:35:03Ugh, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:35:06Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:35:10That's right.
00:35:11Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:35:15Women love a man in red.
00:35:17Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:35:20When I sit on my lap.
00:35:22Don't touch me.
00:35:23Oh, so entitled.
00:35:26Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:35:29And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:35:34I mean, look at that car!
00:35:36Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:35:39Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:35:43Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:35:48I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:35:55My mom would never marry.
00:35:56She already has a husband.
00:35:58He's going to kick your butt.
00:36:03Is that so?
00:36:04Well, then, where is he?
00:36:07Because I don't see him.
00:36:08Does anyone see him?
00:36:13Now, just like I thought, telling lies just like Mommy.
00:36:18That puts you on the naughty list.
00:36:20And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:36:26Hey, hey.
00:36:27Mommy.
00:36:27Is he okay?
00:36:29I see your hands.
00:36:30Oh, my God.
00:36:32I'm going to take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:36:34Come on, honey.
00:36:34Let's go.
00:36:36What the hell's the matter with you?
00:36:39How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:36:43Let me go.
00:36:44Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:36:49Let me go.
00:37:05Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:37:11So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:37:15All right.
00:37:15It's about that time.
00:37:16So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:37:26Yeah, him.
00:37:28Hi.
00:37:29Just play along.
00:37:31Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:37:36Happy year!
00:37:39Happy year!
00:37:40Happy year!
00:37:42Happy year!
00:37:43Happy year!
00:37:44Happy year!
00:37:45Happy year!
00:37:45Happy year!
00:37:46Happy year!
00:38:00Happy year!
00:38:02Happy year!
00:38:03Happy year!
00:38:04Happy year!
00:38:04Happy year!
00:38:04Happy year!
00:38:04Happy year!
00:38:05Happy year!
00:38:06Happy year!
00:38:08Happy year!
00:38:10Happy year!
00:38:20I was so drunk last night. I can't remember who I was with.
00:38:27I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:38:35Happy New Year.
00:38:37Sam, it's me. Hey, find me the girl from last night. I don't care how. Just do it.
00:38:43I will find you.
00:38:49Maximus, can you get married already? Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend. I need grandkids. I need
00:38:57you to...
00:38:58Message received, Mom. I need to go now. I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:39:10Seven years. Why can't I ever find you? And why do you still haunt me?
00:39:24Still thinking about that girl? Boss, it's been years.
00:39:30I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:39:32Your vest, sir. But first, we found your fake Christmas wife. She's waiting in the coffee shop. Blonde hair, red
00:39:39top. And, sir, make sure you use an alias. We can't have her know you the
00:39:43Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:39:46Good. Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:39:52Hi. One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:39:54And one hot chocolate.
00:39:57I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy. Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy
00:40:04anymore.
00:40:06Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend. It's just for Christmas.
00:40:10But, Mommy, why do we have to rent, Daddy? Where's my real one?
00:40:21I'll tell you when you're older. Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:40:33Daddy!
00:40:33Daddy!
00:40:34No! What?
00:40:40Daddy!
00:40:41No! I'm sorry. I'm not your dad.
00:40:46No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I've had.
00:40:49Oh.
00:40:50Mommy, hurry! Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:41:01I asked the agency for an average looking guy. He's gorgeous.
00:41:11Why does she feel so familiar?
00:41:12Why does she feel so familiar?
00:41:14She's waiting in the coffee shop. Blonde hair, red top.
00:41:17You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:41:20So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:41:23See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:41:25Hi, my name's Cybert. What's your name?
00:41:28Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:41:31Max, Aurelius.
00:41:32Eva.
00:41:33I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:41:38I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:41:40I guess Mom gets her grandkid too.
00:41:44So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:41:50$1,000 an hour?
00:41:51Well, yeah.
00:41:53It's $500 a day.
00:41:55Is that enough?
00:41:57That's the most that I can pay you.
00:41:58Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:42:00That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:42:02You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:42:04Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:42:06Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:42:09and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:42:11And then my family will get off my back,
00:42:14so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:42:18So she's getting pressure from her folks too.
00:42:21Fine.
00:42:22But you have to help me get my mom off my case too.
00:42:27Okay. Deal.
00:42:31Ready to go get married?
00:42:45Wow.
00:42:46You cleaned up nice.
00:42:48This is my wedding day, after all.
00:42:50Pictures!
00:42:59Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love!
00:43:22Coo-ching!
00:43:24Okay.
00:43:25Uh, I think we got it.
00:43:27Ooh.
00:43:27I need some photos of us together too.
00:43:30To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:43:34Yeah.
00:43:35Of course.
00:43:45Happy holidays, Mom.
00:43:47From my family to you.
00:43:57Bad news, boss.
00:43:58The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:44:02Wait, she bailed?
00:44:04Then who is...
00:44:08Who is she?
00:44:09Whatever.
00:44:11It doesn't matter.
00:44:12I've got what I need.
00:44:16Sam, don't worry about it.
00:44:17I already found some more.
00:44:24Okay.
00:44:25Okay.
00:44:25Well,
00:44:25I think it's time for us to go.
00:44:27Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:44:29Christmas shopping?
00:44:30I should come.
00:44:32Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:44:36I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:44:38It'll make it more believable.
00:44:43Fine.
00:44:44Yeah, fine.
00:44:44Okay.
00:44:45Okay.
00:44:45You can come.
00:44:53Let's go.
00:44:54Which mall are we going to?
00:44:56Um, let's go to that one.
00:44:58Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:45:04What the actual fuck?
00:45:09Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:45:15Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:45:21She does kind of look like him.
00:45:26So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:45:31Geez.
00:45:32Here, let me get this.
00:45:34They're gonna love you, Max.
00:45:36Oh, so, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice.
00:45:47In front of them.
00:45:48Okay.
00:45:49Should we use our tongues, or?
00:45:52No.
00:45:52No, definitely not.
00:45:53And absolutely no-
00:45:55Sex?
00:45:56Yes.
00:45:57Strictly business.
00:45:59Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:46:03What?
00:46:04Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:46:07I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:46:13Let's go.
00:46:20Here.
00:46:21What are you doing?
00:46:22I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:46:26Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:46:33Attention shoppers.
00:46:34All bakery items are now 50% off.
00:46:3650% off pies?
00:46:37Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:46:39Twelve pumpkin pies.
00:46:40I hear this right?
00:46:41They're the best kind.
00:46:42Hurry up and go.
00:46:43Go.
00:46:43What are you standing here for?
00:46:46Hello there.
00:46:48Hi.
00:46:48You ready?
00:46:48Yes, yeah.
00:46:49Just these things.
00:46:50Okay, great.
00:46:51We have a holiday special today.
00:46:53Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:46:59deal.
00:46:59Oh, great.
00:47:00Yeah.
00:47:00What do you have that's just $15?
00:47:02Will you get a move on?
00:47:05I just got here.
00:47:06Relax.
00:47:07Yeah, yeah.
00:47:11Here.
00:47:11This will do the trick.
00:47:13Okay, thank you.
00:47:15Hurry up and pay.
00:47:19I will pay when I'm ready.
00:47:21You can wait your turn.
00:47:27Damn.
00:47:28My fake wife has some fire in her.
00:47:35Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:47:36Not the pies.
00:47:36Not the pies.
00:47:37You can just set those on top.
00:47:43Hi, guys.
00:47:45And I'll hand you all these pies.
00:47:51Of course.
00:47:53Thank you so much.
00:47:54Of course.
00:47:54I hope you like pumpkin.
00:47:57She bought all 12 pies.
00:47:58Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:48:00Just to give it away.
00:48:03Merry Christmas.
00:48:04Merry Christmas.
00:48:10What?
00:48:10You do that often?
00:48:13As often as I can.
00:48:18We should go.
00:48:19We gotta pick up paper.
00:48:23Watch out.
00:48:43You done feeling me up?
00:48:46Shut up.
00:48:47Oh, sorry.
00:48:47I was just in character, wifey.
00:48:49Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:48:56And don't be late.
00:49:09Harrison Group?
00:49:10Do you do construction for them or something?
00:49:13Sorta.
00:49:15Not that I'm judging.
00:49:16I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:49:21Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:49:24I think that's respectable.
00:49:26Can we pick another company?
00:49:28No.
00:49:29Harrison Group is perfect.
00:49:31And they'll find it impressive.
00:49:32My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:49:34So.
00:49:35It's perfect.
00:49:39Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:49:43Don't worry.
00:49:44Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:49:46I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:49:49Too much.
00:50:10Let's go, Sam.
00:50:12It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:50:14Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:50:19It's my daughter's.
00:50:22Daughter's?
00:50:23Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:50:42Oh, I'm so glad you made it.
00:50:47Oh, I missed you.
00:50:49So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:50:53He's coming.
00:50:54Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:50:57Good, good, good.
00:50:59So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:51:02When's he arriving?
00:51:04Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:51:09Poor thing.
00:51:10Not surprising.
00:51:10I mean, she's 30.
00:51:12Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:51:16Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:51:21This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:51:25Auntie Pamela?
00:51:26Debbie?
00:51:27My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:51:30We're only worried about you.
00:51:33All these years without a husband.
00:51:35Zip it, Pamela.
00:51:37You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:51:40And look what happened.
00:51:41She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:51:45I'm not alone.
00:51:46Mm-hmm.
00:51:47And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:51:53He's a manager.
00:51:55Manager?
00:51:56Of what?
00:51:57Trash?
00:51:59Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:52:03You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:52:06Actually...
00:52:08He's right here.
00:52:12Oh, wow.
00:52:14Wow.
00:52:15He is really good looking.
00:52:18Must be AI.
00:52:20Mm-hmm.
00:52:20Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:52:24Fake.
00:52:24That's enough.
00:52:25She's our daughter and your niece.
00:52:28Show some respect.
00:52:28Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned him down?
00:52:36Well, guess what?
00:52:37William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:52:40Makes 500 grand a year.
00:52:43That's half a million.
00:52:45Half a million.
00:52:47Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:52:50And speak of the devil!
00:52:55Willie, you made it!
00:53:07There you are.
00:53:09Oh, look at you now.
00:53:11Living the dream.
00:53:12Oh, just think, Eva.
00:53:15Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:53:21So married, huh?
00:53:22Yeah.
00:53:23Is it serious?
00:53:25That's what marriage is.
00:53:26It's pretty serious.
00:53:28Wow.
00:53:29You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:53:32Makes sense, though.
00:53:33You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:53:36Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:53:39Ugh.
00:53:39A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:53:42Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:53:45Mm-hmm.
00:53:45That's right.
00:53:47Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:53:50Women love a man in red.
00:53:53Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:53:56When I sit on my lap.
00:53:58Don't touch me.
00:53:59Oh, so entitled.
00:54:01Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:54:05And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:54:09I mean, look at that car!
00:54:11Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:54:15Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:54:18Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:54:23I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:54:30My mom would never marry.
00:54:32She already has a husband.
00:54:33He's gonna kick your butt.
00:54:38Is that so?
00:54:40Well then...
00:54:41Where is he?
00:54:42Because...
00:54:43I don't see him.
00:54:44Does anyone see him?
00:54:47No.
00:54:48Just like I thought.
00:54:50Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:54:53That puts you on the naughty list.
00:54:56And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:55:01Hey, hey.
00:55:02Mommy!
00:55:03Is he okay?
00:55:05See your hands?
00:55:06Oh my God!
00:55:07I'm gonna take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:55:09Come on, honey.
00:55:10Let's go.
00:55:12What the hell's the matter with you?
00:55:14How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter!
00:55:18Let me go!
00:55:20Now why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:55:25Let me go!
00:55:40Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:55:46So I'm finding the space shuttle for the second time.
00:55:49And this guy passes out.
00:55:50Alright, it's about that time.
00:55:52So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:55:54Uh...
00:55:59Uh...
00:56:01Yeah.
00:56:02Him.
00:56:03Hi!
00:56:05Just play along.
00:56:066...
00:56:075...
00:56:084...
00:56:093...
00:56:102...
00:56:111...
00:56:12A year!
00:56:35You have a cute scar.
00:56:37It's just my birthmark.
00:56:40If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:56:44I was going down.
00:56:55I was so drunk last night.
00:56:58I can't remember who I was with.
00:57:03I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:57:11Happy New Year.
00:57:12Sam, it's me.
00:57:13Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:57:16I don't care how. Just do it.
00:57:18I will find you.
00:57:25Maximus, can you get married already?
00:57:27Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:57:30I need grandkids. I need you to...
00:57:33Message received, Mom.
00:57:34I need to go now. I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:57:46Seven years.
00:57:47Why can't I ever find you?
00:57:49And why do you still haunt me?
00:57:59Still thinking about that girl?
00:58:01Boss, it's been years.
00:58:05I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:58:08Your vest, sir?
00:58:10But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:58:12She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:58:13Blonde hair, red top.
00:58:15And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:58:18We can't have her knowing you're the Harrison Group CEO
00:58:20or she'll jack up the price.
00:58:21Good.
00:58:22Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:58:27Hi.
00:58:28One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:58:30And one hot chocolate.
00:58:33I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:58:36Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:58:41Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:58:43It's just for Christmas.
00:58:45But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:58:47Where's my real one?
00:58:56I'll tell you when you're older.
00:58:58Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:59:08Tell me!
00:59:09Yo!
00:59:10What?
00:59:16Tell me!
00:59:17Yo!
00:59:17I'm sorry.
00:59:19I'm not your dad.
00:59:21No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I thought.
00:59:24Oh.
00:59:25Mommy, hurry!
00:59:27Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:59:36I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:59:39He's gorgeous.
00:59:46Why does she feel so familiar?
00:59:48Why does she feel so familiar?
00:59:49She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:59:51Blonde hair, red top.
00:59:53You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:59:56So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:59:58See, I knew you were the new daddy we hired, right?
01:00:01Hi, my name's Hyper.
01:00:02What's your name?
01:00:03Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
01:00:06Max, Aurelius.
01:00:07Eva.
01:00:09I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
01:00:13I just need a wife for the holidays.
01:00:16I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
01:00:19So, per hour agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
01:00:25$1,000 an hour?
01:00:27Well, yeah.
01:00:29It's $500 a day.
01:00:31Is that enough?
01:00:32That's the most that I can pay you.
01:00:34Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
01:00:35That's what I agreed with the agency.
01:00:38You'll make your thousands over the week.
01:00:40Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
01:00:42Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
01:00:44and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
01:00:47And then my family will get off my back,
01:00:49so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
01:00:53So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
01:00:56Fine.
01:00:57But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
01:01:02Okay.
01:01:03Deal.
01:01:06Ready to go get married?
01:01:21Wow.
01:01:22You clean up nice.
01:01:23This is my wedding day, after all.
01:01:26Pictures.
01:01:34Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
01:01:41Hmm.
01:01:42Hmm.
01:01:57I think we got it.
01:02:02Oh, I need some photos of us together, too.
01:02:05To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
01:02:08and have a happy family.
01:02:09Yeah.
01:02:10Of course.
01:02:21Happy holidays, Mom.
01:02:23From my family to you.
01:02:32Bad news, boss.
01:02:34The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife
01:02:36failed last minute.
01:02:38Wait, she bailed?
01:02:39Then who is...
01:02:43Who is she?
01:02:45Whatever.
01:02:46It doesn't matter.
01:02:48I've got what I need.
01:02:51Sam, don't worry about it.
01:02:53I already found some more.
01:02:59Okay.
01:03:00Well, I think it's time for us to go.
01:03:02Christmas shopping waits for no one.
01:03:04Christmas shopping?
01:03:06I should come.
01:03:08Look, if you want me to be the husband
01:03:09in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
01:03:11I think I should have some say in the gifts.
01:03:14It'll make it more believable.
01:03:18Fine.
01:03:19Yeah, fine.
01:03:20Okay.
01:03:20You can come.
01:03:29Let's go.
01:03:30Which mall are we going to?
01:03:31Um, let's go to that one.
01:03:33Oh, let's go to the bank.
01:03:39Oh, what the actual fuck?
01:03:45Sam, is Maximus pulling another one
01:03:48of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:03:50Give me a DNA test for that little girl
01:03:53that he's with.
01:03:57She does kind of look like him.
01:04:01So when we give these gifts to my parents,
01:04:04we will say they're from you.
01:04:06Oh, jeez.
01:04:07Here, let me get this.
01:04:09They're going to love you, Max.
01:04:12Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married,
01:04:18we should probably kiss once or twice
01:04:22in front of them.
01:04:24Okay.
01:04:25Should we use our tongues or...?
01:04:27No, no, definitely not.
01:04:29And absolutely no...
01:04:30Sex?
01:04:31Yes.
01:04:33Strictly business.
01:04:35Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
01:04:38What?
01:04:39Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:04:43I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
01:04:45getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
01:04:49Let's go.
01:04:56Here.
01:04:57What are you doing?
01:04:58I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
01:05:01Well, I'm not your woman,
01:05:03and this isn't a real relationship,
01:05:04and I don't want your money.
01:05:08Attention shoppers,
01:05:09all bakery items are now 50% off.
01:05:1150% off pies?
01:05:12Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
01:05:14Twelve pumpkin pies.
01:05:15Did I hear this right?
01:05:16They're the best kind.
01:05:18Hurry up and go.
01:05:18Go.
01:05:19What are you standing here for?
01:05:22Hello there.
01:05:23Hi.
01:05:23You ready?
01:05:24Yes, yeah.
01:05:24Just these things.
01:05:25Okay, great.
01:05:27We have a holiday special today.
01:05:29Spend $500, get 10% off,
01:05:31and you are just short $15
01:05:33if you want to take advantage of the deal.
01:05:34Oh, great.
01:05:35Yeah.
01:05:36What do you have that's just $15?
01:05:38Will you get a move on?
01:05:40I just got here.
01:05:42Relax.
01:05:43Yeah, yeah.
01:05:46Here, this will do the trick.
01:05:48Okay, thank you.
01:05:51Hurry up and pay.
01:05:55I will pay when I'm ready.
01:05:57You can wait your turn.
01:06:03Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
01:06:10Oh, wait, wait, wait.
01:06:11Not the pies, not the pies.
01:06:12You can just zip those on top.
01:06:16Look.
01:06:19Hi, guys.
01:06:21And I hand you all these pies.
01:06:26Of course.
01:06:28Thank you so much.
01:06:29Of course.
01:06:30I hope you like pumpkin.
01:06:32She bought all 12 pies.
01:06:34Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
01:06:36Just to give it away.
01:06:37Yeah.
01:06:38Merry Christmas.
01:06:40Merry Christmas.
01:06:45What?
01:06:46You do that often?
01:06:48As often as I can.
01:06:53We should go.
01:06:54We got to pick up paper.
01:06:58It's...
01:06:59Watch out.
01:07:18You done feeling me up?
01:07:21Shut up.
01:07:22Oh, sorry.
01:07:23I was just in character, wifey.
01:07:24Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
01:07:32And don't be late.
01:07:44Harrison Group?
01:07:46Do you do construction for them or something?
01:07:49Sort of.
01:07:50Not that I'm judging.
01:07:51I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
01:07:56Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
01:07:59I think that's respectable.
01:08:02Can we pick another company?
01:08:04No.
01:08:05Harrison Group is perfect.
01:08:06And they'll find it impressive.
01:08:08My cousin's husband works for them, too.
01:08:10So, it's perfect.
01:08:15Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas, Timmer?
01:08:19Don't worry.
01:08:20Okay, I clean up nicely.
01:08:21I wouldn't embarrass you.
01:08:25Too much.
01:08:46Let's go, Sam.
01:08:47It's time to check out the new HQ set.
01:08:49Well, Don, you're covered in water, and you have a hair on your shoulder, and it's not yours.
01:08:55It's my daughter's.
01:08:57Daughter's?
01:08:58Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
01:09:15Hey, there they are!
01:09:17Hey!
01:09:18Nice to meet you!
01:09:20Oh, my God.
01:09:21Dad.
01:09:22I'm so glad you made it.
01:09:23Oh, I missed you.
01:09:25So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
01:09:29He's coming.
01:09:30Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
01:09:32Good, good, good.
01:09:34So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
01:09:38When's he arriving?
01:09:39Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
01:09:44Poor thing.
01:09:45Not surprising.
01:09:46I mean, she's 30.
01:09:48Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
01:09:51Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
01:09:57This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
01:10:01Auntie Pamela?
01:10:02Debbie?
01:10:02My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
01:10:06We're only worried about you.
01:10:08All these years without a husband.
01:10:10Zip it, Pamela.
01:10:12You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
01:10:15And look what happened.
01:10:16She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
01:10:20I'm not alone.
01:10:21Mm-hmm.
01:10:23And what does this mysterious husband do?
01:10:28He's a manager.
01:10:30Manager?
01:10:31Of what?
01:10:32Trash?
01:10:35Probably a cover for criminal activity.
01:10:39You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
01:10:43Actually, he's right here.
01:10:47Oh, wow.
01:10:49Wow.
01:10:50He is really good looking.
01:10:53Ah, must be AI.
01:10:55Mm-hmm.
01:10:56Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
01:11:00That's enough.
01:11:00She's our daughter and your niece.
01:11:03Show some respect.
01:11:04Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned him down?
01:11:11Well, guess what?
01:11:13William works for the Harrison Group now.
01:11:15Makes 500 grand a year.
01:11:18That's half a million.
01:11:20Half a million.
01:11:22Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
01:11:26And speak of the devil.
01:11:30Willie, you made it.
01:11:42There you are.
01:11:44Oh, look at you now.
01:11:47Living the dream.
01:11:48Oh, just think, Eva.
01:11:50Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
01:11:56So married, huh?
01:11:58Yeah.
01:11:58Is it serious?
01:12:00That's what marriage is.
01:12:02It's pretty serious.
01:12:03Huh.
01:12:04Wow.
01:12:05You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
01:12:07Makes sense, though.
01:12:09You not being a hot-looking thing anymore.
01:12:12Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
01:12:14Ugh, a bullet dodged, Willie.
01:12:17Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
01:12:20That's right.
01:12:22Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
01:12:25Women love a man in red sexy like Santa Claus when I sit on my lap.
01:12:33Don't touch me.
01:12:34Oh, so entitled.
01:12:37Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
01:12:41And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
01:12:44I mean, look at that car.
01:12:47Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
01:12:50Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
01:12:54Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
01:12:58I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
01:13:05My mom would never marry.
01:13:07She already has a husband.
01:13:08He's going to kick your butt.
01:13:13Is that so?
01:13:15Well, then, where is he?
01:13:17Because I don't see him.
01:13:19Does anyone see him?
01:13:23No.
01:13:24Just like I thought.
01:13:26Telling lies just like Mommy.
01:13:28That puts you on the naughty list.
01:13:31And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
01:13:35What?
01:13:37Mommy!
01:13:38Mommy, are you okay?
01:13:40I see your hands.
01:13:41Oh, my God.
01:13:42I'm going to take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
01:13:44Come on, honey.
01:13:45Let's go.
01:13:47What the hell's the matter with you?
01:13:50How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
01:13:54Let me go.
01:13:55Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
01:14:00Let me go!
01:14:15Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:14:19Let me go.
01:14:20Then let me go.
01:14:21You
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