- 4 hours ago
The Boys Season 5 Episode 5
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:05I'll fucking kill you.
00:00:11I got you something.
00:00:12Tear.
00:00:13Does he still hump everything?
00:00:14He does his best.
00:00:15My grandma was diagnosed with leukemia.
00:00:17I discovered a cure.
00:00:19They laughed at me.
00:00:20Fuck.
00:00:20Them.
00:00:22Oh.
00:00:22It's a bad thing!
00:00:23What's that smell?
00:00:24I felt your boy.
00:00:25I can smell him all over here.
00:00:26We're smart.
00:00:27He just disappears every afternoon.
00:00:28Won't say where he's going.
00:00:30Won't say shit.
00:00:30I trusted you.
00:00:31Are you still buggered about me bringing in Stan Edgar?
00:00:33I thought we were friends.
00:00:34I knew you'd win from Homelander.
00:00:36Edgar was hit.
00:00:37We get the V1 first.
00:00:38We save Annie.
00:00:38We save Kimiko.
00:00:39Homelander gets it.
00:00:40He's immortal.
00:00:40Punch luck at bleeding sledgehammer.
00:00:42Lot of dice for fucking smike.
00:00:44Bombsite.
00:00:45It enriched your radio.
00:00:46Good luck getting out of a soup-proof cell while you're bleeding out of your ass.
00:00:50The V1 wasn't here.
00:00:52Just fucking do it already.
00:00:54I was visited by an angel.
00:00:56Today, we commit ourselves to a divine rebranding.
00:01:01I am the Messiah.
00:01:02The Democratic Church of America!
00:01:09They're up before dawn.
00:01:11They got a thousand heads of cattle to herd.
00:01:14It's hard work and strong coffee.
00:01:18Old leather saddles and the worn stock of a trusty Remington.
00:01:22And when the sun finally rises over the range, the cowboys know America is God's country.
00:01:30And Americans, God's chosen people.
00:01:33So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans?
00:01:36With American grit and American values.
00:01:39Founded by the greatest American of us all.
00:01:43A true American prophet.
00:01:44Come home to the Democratic Church of America.
00:01:48Come home to Homelander.
00:01:51Already, the campaign's aided awareness outpaces the norm by plus 22 points.
00:01:57Led by white men and women ages 36 to 54 and 55 to 72.
00:02:03We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.
00:02:07Yeah?
00:02:08I'm seeing massive growth myself.
00:02:14Church attendance is up.
00:02:16And our online donation CTR is at 44%.
00:02:19That's a new record.
00:02:20Amen.
00:02:20Amen.
00:02:22Next up is a 500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital.
00:02:30Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America and its chosen prophet.
00:02:41Prophets are servants.
00:02:44Of course.
00:02:45Sir, great point.
00:02:47We're just trying to ease people into it.
00:02:50No, no, no.
00:02:50We need to prepare America for my ascension.
00:02:55We must be honest.
00:02:56We must be direct.
00:02:58I like savior.
00:02:59Or, or...
00:03:00Lord.
00:03:02Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.
00:03:04Religion is not about being meek.
00:03:07We should dominate the seven mountains of society.
00:03:11Bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.
00:03:13Amen.
00:03:13Amen.
00:03:14I love all that.
00:03:16So fucking dope.
00:03:17Easter is just around the corner.
00:03:19How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
00:03:26Second coming?
00:03:27Let's be clear.
00:03:28I am not the son of God.
00:03:32Well, of course.
00:03:34Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
00:03:38Well, that's just confusing.
00:03:39I don't want my church getting involved in all of that.
00:03:43Exactly.
00:03:44Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have this.
00:03:49Yes.
00:03:49Yes.
00:04:01We gonna drag our feet because of a book?
00:04:03Not a book.
00:04:05The book.
00:04:07The Homelander Bible.
00:04:14Heavy.
00:04:17It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament written
00:04:25by AI, trained on the works of Pat Robertson.
00:04:26See, we need to pass the torch, sir.
00:04:30From Jesus to you, sir.
00:04:33And we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.
00:04:38Are we really gonna rush something this important?
00:04:42We ain't Arby's after all.
00:04:45No.
00:04:47We're the Cheesecake Factory.
00:04:51Hmm.
00:04:53Okay.
00:04:55We'll do it your way.
00:05:01You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
00:05:08Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:05:13Oh, just recall all soups stationed overseas.
00:05:15American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:05:20Great idea.
00:05:29Something wrong?
00:05:31Everything's beachy.
00:05:40Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.
00:05:44How could you with all that racket?
00:05:46You get used to it.
00:05:48You seem to have.
00:05:49City life seems to suit you.
00:05:51I guess.
00:05:54I was surprised you called, Reverend.
00:05:57Well, I was surprised you answered.
00:05:58It's been a while, and I said things I regret.
00:06:02You both did.
00:06:06You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?
00:06:09Use your powers to light our candles?
00:06:12I remember staying for supper.
00:06:15Oh, man.
00:06:16Those fish fry Fridays.
00:06:18I never liked eating alone.
00:06:20Well, were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?
00:06:27Reverend, is something the matter?
00:06:29I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.
00:06:35We've been bleeding congregates to the Democratic Church of America, and what folks are sticking around, they're scared.
00:06:42Why?
00:06:43Because last Sunday, somebody melted our stained glass window of Mary.
00:06:48Melted it?
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:50It was their local soup.
00:06:52Prey and mantis.
00:06:54He sprayed acid out of his butt.
00:06:57I mean, his glands, his whatever.
00:06:59Yeah, I know him.
00:07:00It was a message.
00:07:02I called the sheriff, I called the mayor, I've called half of Florida.
00:07:06You're all I got left.
00:07:09Reverend, I don't know what I could do.
00:07:11Well, you gotta be able to do something.
00:07:13Your Homelander's right hand.
00:07:17Well, Homelander's not too keen on being challenged.
00:07:23Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?
00:07:25Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.
00:07:29Besides, the Democratic Church of America.
00:07:33God does not favor one nation over another.
00:07:36Doesn't he, though?
00:07:37No.
00:07:38Name one way God's ever blessed Canada.
00:07:44Just cause Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.
00:07:52You still have that Jesus action figure.
00:07:56I'm surprised you remember that.
00:07:58How could I forget it?
00:07:59You carried it with you everywhere you went.
00:08:00You almost wore the face off the thing.
00:08:03You still carry him?
00:08:09It's complicated.
00:08:11No, it's...
00:08:12I don't think it is.
00:08:15Homelander's a great American.
00:08:17He can stop bullets.
00:08:18He can fly and do amazing things.
00:08:21Those aren't miracles.
00:08:22Those aren't miracles.
00:08:23And he is not God.
00:08:27If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to over Fish,
00:08:31I think you know it too.
00:08:49We ain't doing that again.
00:08:51That's what you said the last six times.
00:08:53Well, I really mean it, the sound.
00:08:58You seem a little out of it.
00:09:00Did you nut?
00:09:02As usual, you nut.
00:09:07Were you baptized?
00:09:13Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.
00:09:15Governor Sproul did the honors.
00:09:17My family kept up appearances, of course.
00:09:20Then we never set foot in church again.
00:09:23I had lunch today with the Reverend who baptized me.
00:09:25He's been getting the heat to switch over to our church.
00:09:30You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him?
00:09:33Just give him a little more time.
00:09:36I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
00:09:42So you didn't nut.
00:09:46You know, this whole Homelander is God shit.
00:09:49It's...
00:09:50It's fucking ridiculous.
00:09:52Really? You think so?
00:09:54If he's a second coming, then what does that make me?
00:09:57Joseph?
00:09:58We talk about the biggest cuck in history.
00:10:00Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin.
00:10:04And then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet.
00:10:09Fuck that.
00:10:11I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
00:10:19Okay.
00:10:21Of course I worship Homelander.
00:10:23I mean, he's always been a God to me.
00:10:26Look, I'll tell you this.
00:10:27If there is a God,
00:10:30sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.
00:10:33I gotta go.
00:10:34Where are you off to?
00:10:36L.A.
00:10:38I fucking hate L.A.
00:10:44Homelander?
00:10:47Homelander?
00:10:51Hello?
00:10:56Does Homelander know you're here?
00:10:58Yeah, of course.
00:11:00Some of our church's followers generously donated their milk for our Savior's sustenance.
00:11:05I mean, he gotta get his liquid gold from somewhere, am I right?
00:11:09You need something.
00:11:11Where's Homelander?
00:11:12Oh, uh, he didn't tell you.
00:11:14Yeah, he had to fly off to L.A.
00:11:16Strange he didn't mention anything.
00:11:18Well, I've been real busy working for his glory, so not much time for chit chat.
00:11:22Of course.
00:11:23Look at us.
00:11:24A regular Peter and John just bearing witness and spreading the gospel.
00:11:27A real blessing.
00:11:29Amen.
00:11:30Amen.
00:11:30A real blessing.
00:11:32Oh, uh, by the way,
00:11:35after our meeting, I checked in on the timeline of that Homelander Bible,
00:11:40and, uh, the printers were happy to rush it to make Easter.
00:11:44Well, ain't you full of get up and go?
00:11:47Thing is, they said it wasn't a problem.
00:11:50So I wondered why you were so bent on holding it up.
00:11:55I wasn't.
00:11:57See, I just wanted to make sure everything was just right.
00:12:01Listen, if you are ever feeling any doubts, come to me.
00:12:07I could be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear.
00:12:11Well, bless your heart.
00:12:15I'll do that.
00:12:19What'd you want to talk to Homelander about?
00:12:21Maybe I could help.
00:12:23That is so kind to you.
00:12:27But it wasn't important.
00:12:39What's up?
00:12:41Um, got a tip from our Southeastern-er.
00:12:46Praying Mantis raided half a dozen churches in Daytona.
00:12:49Was one of them Holy Baptist?
00:12:53The man upstairs wants us, you, to run with it top of show.
00:12:58He thinks with it being your home church and all, it'll make a strong statement.
00:13:02So I'll have Chris load the new graphics.
00:13:05I gotta finish getting ready.
00:13:17Welcome to Truth Bomb.
00:13:19Our top story tonight's a personal one.
00:13:22It's the story of my hometown church.
00:13:25Holy Baptist of Daytona.
00:13:27It was the church I grew up in.
00:13:29Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday.
00:13:32But that church...
00:13:37That church...
00:13:43That church...
00:13:48Has become a hotbed of starlight infestation.
00:13:55And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by starlight seditious propaganda.
00:14:08Now...
00:14:12I never told a soul of this, but...
00:14:14When I was a little girl, the Reverend regularly had me over for supper.
00:14:20Alone.
00:14:22No.
00:14:23Nothing ever happened to me, but...
00:14:27I heard stories...
00:14:30About his...
00:14:32Fish fry Fridays.
00:14:34And...
00:14:34If that ain't code for child grooming, I don't know what is.
00:14:41How much longer...
00:14:43Are we gonna let these institutional, pedo churches diddle our babies?
00:14:52Americans deserve better.
00:14:57They deserve...
00:15:00Homelander.
00:15:03They deserve...
00:15:05The Democratic Church...
00:15:08Of America.
00:15:24Something wrong?
00:15:26Everything's peachy.
00:15:31Would you like some knee pads?
00:15:32I'm sorry?
00:15:33You're looking at me like you wanna suck my hog.
00:15:37So I'm asking if you would like some knee pads.
00:15:41I...
00:15:41Take it easy on the little guy.
00:15:43You brought me Stan Edgar.
00:15:46Thank you, sir.
00:16:10Harry Gibb. B-G. There's no B-G's without me.
00:16:14B-G means the brother's Gibb.
00:16:16What, you think that falsetto makes you boss?
00:16:18I think Saturday Night Fever going platinum 16 times makes me boss.
00:16:22We made that album together and nothing without me and Maurice.
00:16:26Don't you dare bring Maurice into this.
00:16:29I don't know, it feels inauthentic for Barry to move like this.
00:16:32Oh, yeah?
00:16:36In what way?
00:16:38Egomaniacs like Barry are really just insecure.
00:16:41I think he's threatened by Robin's talent.
00:16:43So maybe he, uh, expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead.
00:16:51Never mind. Sorry, I broke character. I didn't mean to...
00:16:54Yeah.
00:16:55You need to apologize, alright?
00:16:58For being a fucking genius.
00:17:01Are you fucking kidding me? A barrel roll?
00:17:05Holy shit.
00:17:07It's brilliant.
00:17:09Justin, I don't know who you are, or where you came from, or anything about you, but my god, if
00:17:15you were not a fucking talent.
00:17:18Well, thank you.
00:17:19No.
00:17:22Let's take ten, everybody.
00:17:27Alright.
00:17:30Lay it on me, Justin.
00:17:32What do you mean?
00:17:33You're acting.
00:17:34Up there. Stop acting.
00:17:36Stop acting.
00:17:38Don't...
00:17:39Act.
00:17:40Don't.
00:17:41Because I don't need an actor.
00:17:45I need Barry Gibb.
00:17:46You're right, boss. I'm sorry.
00:17:48My process has been all over the map.
00:17:50But just...
00:17:51This scene is a little close to home.
00:17:54Alright, then I guess the egomaniac we're talking about, that's someone in your life?
00:17:58Someone I work with.
00:18:00In my...
00:18:01Day job.
00:18:02Alright, what are you doing? So quit.
00:18:03There's no way this gig is more important than the fucking theater.
00:18:05I thought this guy was my brother.
00:18:07But he straight up hijacked something I did and took all the credit for it.
00:18:11Alright.
00:18:14I've been trying to keep this on the TL, but...
00:18:18In addition to my theater work, I also happen to be a massive feature director.
00:18:22For Saturn Wars to prove it.
00:18:24So I was working on this little film.
00:18:26I don't know, you may have heard of it called Dawn of the Seven.
00:18:29Billion Dollar Gross, but who's counting?
00:18:31It was this fucking guy.
00:18:33The Deep.
00:18:35He just kept upstaging everyone with his trite, shitty improvs.
00:18:40I heard he's a real baby.
00:18:42He's a Jared Leto-level baby bitch.
00:18:44But you gotta put people like that in their place, right?
00:18:48So whoever's upstaging you, you fucking upstage them right back.
00:18:53Okay?
00:18:53Yeah.
00:18:54Alright.
00:18:54You got this, Puebla.
00:19:00So great you're here, bro.
00:19:03Yes.
00:19:03Well, we need to meet young men where they are if we plan to usher them into the fold of
00:19:09our lord.
00:19:09Mm, totes my goats.
00:19:11So listen, you know, I've got some ideas about how to take this whole church thing to the next level.
00:19:17Oh yeah?
00:19:17So you know how communion wafers taste like dried shit?
00:19:21What if they were Nilla wafers instead, huh?
00:19:26Oh yeah, and if you could throw in a commandment about how it's not cool to try and bone another
00:19:31bro's girl?
00:19:33We have that.
00:19:34That already exists.
00:19:36Great minds then, eh?
00:19:38The point is, me and homeowner, we go way back.
00:19:40I know what he likes, doesn't like, so...
00:19:42You ever wanna bounce my ideas back?
00:19:44Don't listen to him, bro.
00:19:46Oh, shit.
00:19:48He talks.
00:19:49No, he does not.
00:19:50He's not trying to help you.
00:19:51He's like those fish who suck on whales.
00:19:53He's talking about a sucker fish?
00:19:55He latches onto every new soup.
00:19:57Starlight, me, sage.
00:19:59He pretends he's a guy, but he's not the guy.
00:20:01He's a joke.
00:20:02That smell in his breath?
00:20:03It's because he's been clam diving.
00:20:05On clams.
00:20:06What?
00:20:07I have not done that.
00:20:08I have definitely never done that.
00:20:10Look, if you really wanna impress Homelander, bring me on stage for Easter.
00:20:14Homelander can heal me, I'll get my voice back, and then I'll fly.
00:20:18You know I can fly, right?
00:20:20That's so fucking stupid, bro.
00:20:22Well, now, I'm gonna have to run this by Homelander, but, uh...
00:20:25An honest-to-God faith healing.
00:20:26That's like a nine-point bump with Pentecostals right there.
00:20:29Goddamn.
00:20:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:20:31Goddamn.
00:20:48There's my guy.
00:20:50Little pep in the step, huh?
00:20:54Sir, I did what you said, and I upstaged that fuckhead at work.
00:20:58I'm proud of you.
00:20:59You know that's exactly how I handled that motherfucker Paul Rudd.
00:21:03He's not who you think he is.
00:21:04I appreciate the help, boss.
00:21:06You...
00:21:07Oh, my God, kid.
00:21:08You know what?
00:21:08Keep this between us, bud.
00:21:10You know Vought Studios hung me out to dry after they shelved training atrium?
00:21:14Yeah.
00:21:15Oh, yeah.
00:21:16And at first I drowned my sorrows in crack.
00:21:19Nitrous, huffin' glue, huffin' paint, paint thinners, cough medicine, guns, high-risk sex.
00:21:23Codeine.
00:21:24Did you ever fuck on codeine?
00:21:28But that's not the answer.
00:21:32This play...
00:21:34It saved me.
00:21:36You saved me.
00:21:38Wow.
00:21:40No.
00:21:41Kid, thank you.
00:21:43Because I got some big news.
00:21:46We're going to Broadway.
00:21:47Yes, no more mindless studio bullshit.
00:21:50I can finally be the artist I always dreamed of, and you.
00:21:52Kid, you have no idea, but you're gonna be a fuckin' star.
00:21:56So you ditch that office, kid, because you and I, we're gonna save the world.
00:22:02With our talent.
00:22:03Oh, my God, you have no idea how much this means to me.
00:22:08I love you, kid.
00:22:12You start your focal warm-ups.
00:22:14Yeah.
00:22:15I'm gonna drop a juice.
00:22:17Okay.
00:22:23Fuckin' Tony Gilroy.
00:22:31No way.
00:22:37Adam?!
00:22:39Get over!
00:22:41Holy idiot!
00:22:42Get it out!
00:22:48God.
00:22:51Come here.
00:22:55Closer.
00:23:01My ass hurts so fucking much.
00:23:10Get over here.
00:23:28Hey bro.
00:23:29Don't you fucking hate bromee? What the fuck is wrong with you!
00:23:33Nothing. Why?
00:23:34What's wrong with you?
00:23:35I call you a clam diver, and you send an eel to ass-murder Adam Bork?
00:23:39Did something terrible happen at your play rehearsal today?
00:23:42Which is definitely not your job.
00:23:43The lead producer's stepping away. They're shuttering the production.
00:23:47Get it coming.
00:23:49Fucker didn't use my improvs in Dawn of the Seven.
00:23:51He believed in me, you fuckwit!
00:23:53And for what? Because I fucking upstaged you with Oh Father?
00:23:57Here's what's gonna happen now.
00:23:59You are gonna fucking do whatever I say, whenever I say it.
00:24:03Let me tell Homelander you are in some pussy play.
00:24:06Which is a definite conflict of interest,
00:24:09since Homelander outlawed the National Endowment for the Arts.
00:24:14You have nothing to say?
00:24:16Nice.
00:24:18You were getting the hang of that Meisner technique, huh?
00:24:28Hey buddy, good boy, good boy.
00:24:37You wanna fuck me?
00:24:39You wanna fuck me like a good boy?
00:24:59Hold on.
00:25:01What are you doing?
00:25:02Frenchie won't cook my steak past,
00:25:03opinion rare.
00:25:04And I like mine burnt with ketchup.
00:25:06Okay, and why don't you tell him that?
00:25:08I have.
00:25:10Maybe we just don't like the same steak, you know?
00:25:18Jesus Christ, has Butcher ever washed this thing?
00:25:22Oh, that thing is like glazed in dog semen.
00:25:25Like a cum donut.
00:25:26Cum nut?
00:25:27Did I just invent a new word?
00:25:29You know what, I'm gonna do us all a favor and wash this.
00:25:31Terror, your boyfriend is about to become a virgin all over again.
00:25:34Phew, good boy.
00:25:56What the fuck is that?
00:25:57You're finally building yourself a fuckbot?
00:25:59Something me and Frenchie you're working on.
00:26:03Proper preparation and planning, my son.
00:26:05None of my fucking business got it.
00:26:07Yeah, that's the one.
00:26:08And he leaves on bombsite?
00:26:09Not a damn thing.
00:26:10Well, he's an unbreakable cunt that flies through the air.
00:26:12How hard can it be?
00:26:13Well, if it's so easy, why don't you look for him?
00:26:16I've hit every single dead end and then some.
00:26:19How about Legend?
00:26:20That old bastard knows everyone.
00:26:22He's in the wind.
00:26:23If I had as much shit on Vod as he did, I'd fuck off too.
00:26:27Oh, shit.
00:26:28Wait, wait, wait.
00:26:29Wait, Tara, no.
00:26:30Hey, get down.
00:26:32Good boy.
00:26:32No, Tara, good boy.
00:26:33Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:26:34No, you can't have no chocolate, mate.
00:26:36Yeah, get your own chocolate.
00:26:44What?
00:26:46Three Mississippi rule.
00:26:47Howdy hell.
00:26:48I never thought I'd see the day.
00:26:49It's got a fucking pubic ear on it and all.
00:26:51Tasty, too.
00:26:56You know what's funny?
00:26:59Here we are, parked in the middle of hell, and I've never slept or shit so good my entire life.
00:27:06What's different?
00:27:08Well, like you, I just finally realized that I'm already dead.
00:27:13And once I just gave up that stress of needing to stay alive, it's like,
00:27:20Shit got easier.
00:27:22You know, I spent my whole life going after Soulja Boy for what he did to my family.
00:27:27Yet, he's immortal.
00:27:30He's immune.
00:27:33What kind of fucking cosmic joke is that?
00:27:36So you tell me, Butcher.
00:27:39Why should I keep going?
00:27:41Well, you keep going for Monique, for Janine.
00:27:46They're better off without me.
00:27:47How can a man so smart be so fucking daft?
00:27:50They are.
00:27:51And I'm better off without them.
00:27:54Because if I thought that there was a snowball's chance in hell, then I might see him again.
00:28:02Then I might be too scared to do what you and me both need me to do.
00:28:28Oh, bonsoir, mon toutou.
00:28:30You wonder what am I doing?
00:28:32Well, first, I made Kimiko the perfect French rebuy.
00:28:39You know, she loves my steak.
00:28:42And for dessert, my souffle en chocolat.
00:28:46It's a thing of legend.
00:28:55You know, she wants one of you, too.
00:28:59I don't know.
00:29:00What is it that you do?
00:29:03Eat, sleep, or fetch?
00:29:06Ha-ha.
00:29:07I throw the ball, you bring it back.
00:29:10I throw the ball, you bring it back.
00:29:12It's a nightmare of futility.
00:29:16What would I do with one of you?
00:29:18I've killed every plant I've owned.
00:29:21I'll surely kill you, too.
00:29:23I know.
00:29:28She deserves peace.
00:29:32A normal life.
00:29:35But I...
00:29:41I don't know how to give her this.
00:29:47If I even can.
00:29:52Oh, la, la, la, la, la.
00:29:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:30:01Oh, fut de brunt.
00:30:07I need fresh air.
00:30:09You want to come?
00:30:10Outside?
00:30:11No?
00:30:13Okay.
00:30:19If you and M.M. still think...
00:30:21Oh, for fuck's sakes, Huey.
00:30:22Knock it off with this V1 shite.
00:30:23You're doing me fucking head in.
00:30:26Oi.
00:30:27Terror.
00:30:28Cut it out.
00:30:29Come on.
00:30:30Now, listen.
00:30:31If we do find that stuff,
00:30:32we're not making any fucking vaccines out of it, all right?
00:30:35We're not the department of fucking health.
00:30:36We burn this shit before Omelander gets his paws on it,
00:30:39and that's it.
00:30:40Well, if you want to kill yourself, knock yourself out.
00:30:42But why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
00:30:44Oh, because I'm fucking right.
00:30:45Because I've always been right.
00:30:47I've been telling you lot, from the fucking start,
00:30:49the sky has fallen.
00:30:50And guess what?
00:30:51The sky fucking fell.
00:30:53Well, you kinda helped bring it down.
00:30:54Oh, don't give me that bollocks.
00:30:56Listen.
00:30:57Omelander thinks he's a fucking god.
00:30:59Once he becomes immortal, he's gonna start killing like one,
00:31:03and we are talking millions of people.
00:31:05Now, are you telling me you're honestly happy to risk all of that
00:31:09for a life on the run with your girl,
00:31:13knowing that you could have stopped it?
00:31:17You can live with that, can you?
00:31:21What if it was Becca?
00:31:25You just let her die?
00:31:32I did let her die.
00:31:34Look.
00:31:36I know that Homelander comes first.
00:31:39I really do.
00:31:41All I'm asking is that we try.
00:31:45Annie and Kimiko deserve that much.
00:31:50Hey, Tara, no.
00:31:53Hey, get out of there.
00:31:55Oh, bloody hell.
00:31:55Is that chocolate?
00:31:56Isn't chocolate bad for dogs?
00:31:58For a dog that soda's fucking lethal.
00:32:00Hey, first of your cunt.
00:32:01Get me some hydrogen peroxide, would ya?
00:32:03Okay, we have some in the first aid kit.
00:32:04Give me one second.
00:32:05What happened?
00:32:06You poisoned me fucking dog.
00:32:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:32:10Look, all you need is charcoal.
00:32:12We should call a vet.
00:32:13They're gonna tell you you need charcoal.
00:32:14Guys, we got this.
00:32:14Just give him some room.
00:32:15I'll hold his mouth open.
00:32:16You pour, right?
00:32:17On the count of three.
00:32:18One, two, three.
00:32:20Sorry, buddy.
00:32:29Oh, that's it.
00:32:30That's a good boy.
00:32:31All right.
00:32:32You're gonna be all right, boy.
00:32:35Fucking hell.
00:32:44Turkey?
00:32:45Well, first you gotta fuck me, then I'll give you the turkey.
00:32:56Oi.
00:32:58There he is, eh?
00:33:01Oi.
00:33:02Hey, were you having a dream, were you?
00:33:04Was it a goodie?
00:33:08How's he doing?
00:33:09Yeah, he's all right.
00:33:12Thank you for, uh...
00:33:15Yeah.
00:33:16It's all good.
00:33:27Oi.
00:33:29Huey.
00:33:33Listen, uh...
00:33:35If we do find that B1,
00:33:38and if it don't fuck us,
00:33:42you can have some.
00:33:46For Annie and Camino.
00:33:50What about you?
00:33:54Oi.
00:33:54But as soon as Frenchie's got that shite sorted,
00:33:57we're using it, all right?
00:33:58Ready or not?
00:34:04Hmm.
00:34:12What you looking at?
00:34:16Nothing.
00:34:21And as for you,
00:34:23don't you ever fucking do that to me again, all right?
00:34:26Good boy.
00:34:29Now, I caught Blondie trying to give you Wankplush the boy wash,
00:34:33I all know how you love the crunchy bits.
00:34:36Yes, I do.
00:34:37I know how you love those crunchy bits.
00:34:39Yeah.
00:34:52You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval
00:34:56is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
00:34:59Local law can handle the suburbs,
00:35:00but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:35:02All right.
00:35:02Well, recall all the soups stationed overseas.
00:35:05American heroes should be protecting America,
00:35:07not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:35:10Great idea.
00:35:22Where to?
00:35:24Grime analytics.
00:35:30That was thrilling, wasn't it?
00:35:34What a bright future we have ahead of us.
00:35:37It was a real Gucci-oni piss party.
00:35:40Imagine how much more exciting it'll be when Homelander becomes immortal.
00:35:47Have you found Livy Ward?
00:35:51No.
00:35:53Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar.
00:35:56No.
00:35:57But I haven't had a crack at him yet.
00:36:10Jesus, give me a little personal space, will you Garth?
00:36:13Oh, 24-7 agents must be hard for someone so into scat play.
00:36:17You realize I do actually work.
00:36:19I was this close to convincing the FCC to pull every broadcast license but VNN.
00:36:24Homelander feels this is more important.
00:36:28What now?
00:36:29The president and I stand by this decision.
00:36:32We need our American soups here in America.
00:36:35Well, isn't it kind of sorta your fault for being invaded?
00:36:38You might as well have been wearing a short skirt.
00:36:41Man, those Ukrainians sure have a fucking mouth on them.
00:36:45Remember, you're doing the Lord's work.
00:36:47Word's out.
00:36:48Vod's stock is tanking.
00:36:49The international markets are in free fall and you're not the least bit concerned.
00:36:53It's not about what I think.
00:36:55It's what the man wants.
00:36:58It's always what the man wants.
00:37:05You want a drink?
00:37:07So we're at the climate change summit in Reykjavik
00:37:09when the Swiss Chancellor says we should all race our Gulf Streams.
00:37:13The amount of CO2 we splooched out.
00:37:15The air was chewy the next day.
00:37:17Lolz.
00:37:22Come on.
00:37:23What do you want from me, Sage?
00:37:25What makes you think I want anything from you?
00:37:26You haven't called me the poster child for late-term abortion once today.
00:37:30Truth be told, you're not the one I want.
00:37:33I know you know what Homelander's doing.
00:37:36He's going after the V1.
00:37:37Wait, what?
00:37:39And if he gets any.
00:37:40He lives forever.
00:37:41What is V1?
00:37:42And what do you mean Homelander lives forever?
00:37:45I've done what I can to make sure he doesn't find any.
00:37:48How do you know about this and I don't?
00:37:50Have you two been talking without me?
00:37:53Homelander is an open baby book, but Soldier Boy is tricky.
00:37:56I need you to read his mind.
00:37:57What he knows, where they're headed next, and most importantly,
00:38:01if Soldier Boy is warming up to his sadistic regret.
00:38:05Okay, I'm in.
00:38:06The fuck you are?
00:38:08We are not conspiring against Homelander.
00:38:10Hey, don't forget the Aung San Suu Kyi quote tramp stamped on our ass.
00:38:14The only real prison is fear.
00:38:16No, the only real prison is prison.
00:38:18Ashley, what do you think happens to you if I die?
00:38:22I'm not about to risk my neck because I let an overgrown boil do my thinking for me.
00:38:27Okay, fine. Just stay.
00:38:29Why? So you can play more mind games?
00:38:31You gave me your answer. I heard you.
00:38:33Now, don't make me drink alone.
00:38:39I'm starving.
00:38:40Are you starving?
00:38:41I'd kill for a chalupa right now.
00:38:43I'd kill for a big juicy dick.
00:38:45Well, we should call Gavin. His girth was amazing.
00:38:48And oh man, the amount of spunky shot back here.
00:38:50We looked like Pepe Le Pew.
00:38:51We are not booty calling my high school boyfriend.
00:38:54But he was so sweet and mom loved him, remember?
00:38:56Yeah, well mom's dead, so she doesn't get a say.
00:38:59And neither do you.
00:38:59What happened to her?
00:39:01Cancer.
00:39:03My grandmother too.
00:39:04What was she like?
00:39:06Your mother.
00:39:08Tiny.
00:39:10Terrifying.
00:39:12This one bitch, Harper Hewitt, used to make fun of my nose.
00:39:15So my mom tells Mr. Hewitt that Mrs. Hewitt has been railing the UPS guy.
00:39:20Which she was.
00:39:21That was mom, bringing a nuke to a knife fight.
00:39:27So they moved.
00:39:29And the rest of kindergarten was no sweat.
00:39:32My folks shot me out with V, thinking I'd be a meal ticket.
00:39:36And then my power turned out to be smarts.
00:39:39Which is the worst fucking one.
00:39:41Try knowing what everyone really thinks of you all day.
00:39:43Ooh, trust me.
00:39:44The thing people hate more than just about anything is feeling stupid.
00:39:49So when a three-year-old corrects your grammar, or, oh, tells them their life dream yogurt shop
00:39:56is doomed to fail, they start to hate you too.
00:39:58At least my parents did.
00:40:00So they dumped me at my grandma's.
00:40:03But grandma, you know, she was the only one who ever thought it was a gift.
00:40:08I would quote Othello to her, word for word, and, and she'd clap.
00:40:15And laugh her big laugh.
00:40:19I'm still so pissed she is gone.
00:40:23I used to want to be like my mom.
00:40:27Strong.
00:40:28Pushy as fuck.
00:40:30Didn't take shit from anyone.
00:40:31You still can.
00:40:34If you help me.
00:40:38Fuck you.
00:40:40You knew about my mom the whole time.
00:40:41You drew it out of me just to soften me up.
00:40:44Did it work?
00:40:44No.
00:40:45This is my fucking problem with you.
00:40:47I know you've been working some big plan all year.
00:40:49How am I supposed to trust you if I'm just a pawn in your fucked up chess game?
00:40:53All right.
00:40:55If I tell you, will you help me?
00:40:58I would heavily consider it.
00:41:00Helping Homelander take control of the country is phase one.
00:41:04It was only ever the beginning.
00:41:06Phase two is the end.
00:41:07The end of what?
00:41:08The world.
00:41:10After this soup-killing virus is released.
00:41:13Wait, you want it released?
00:41:14Oh, you bet I do.
00:41:16After soups you realize humans are behind it, all hell will break loose.
00:41:22Soups butchering humans.
00:41:23Virus butchering soups.
00:41:25Oh, fucking world war soup.
00:41:26I don't believe you.
00:41:28Swear on my grandma's soul.
00:41:30Why would you possibly want that?
00:41:32Because I'll be watching from my cozy bunker outside Colorado Springs.
00:41:36And when it's all over, I can read all day every day.
00:41:41No one bothering me.
00:41:44Nothing but peace and quiet forever.
00:41:49Which is why Homelander can't survive.
00:41:52That needy asshole would never give me a moment's rest.
00:41:55And it defeats the whole purpose.
00:41:58Don't worry.
00:41:59You're invited to my bunker.
00:42:01You too, Ashley.
00:42:06Fuck.
00:42:10Would you like some knee pads?
00:42:12Sorry, what?
00:42:13You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.
00:42:18So I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.
00:42:21Go easy on the little guy.
00:42:23You brought me Stan Edgar.
00:42:24Thank you, sir.
00:42:26You may leave.
00:42:38What crawled up your shithole?
00:42:39No idea what you mean.
00:42:41When you're pissy, you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too.
00:42:47Stan Edgar, still stonewalling you?
00:42:50I've talked to him three times now.
00:42:51Says he has no idea where the V1 is.
00:42:53Heart rate steady as a rock.
00:42:55I'm starting to believe him.
00:42:57That slippery fuck used to fetch my cocaine.
00:43:03You know what?
00:43:04I have an idea.
00:43:08Why don't I take a crack at him?
00:43:12What, you don't trust me?
00:43:13Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material and tried to stop me getting the V1.
00:43:20So I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.
00:43:25You could have killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't.
00:43:28Maybe I feel like I owe you.
00:43:29Or maybe you're lying.
00:43:31Maybe.
00:43:37Give me an hour.
00:43:39I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.
00:43:51My, my, now the mighty have fucked themselves square in the ass.
00:43:57Don't shit where you eat, Stan.
00:43:59So you've called in reinforcements?
00:44:00I wanted to see the prick that sold me out to the Reds.
00:44:03It wasn't personal.
00:44:04It was a business decision.
00:44:05We had your replacement model on the way.
00:44:08Even as a toddler, Homelander showed more promise than you ever did.
00:44:14Not that it amounted to much.
00:44:16When have you ever done anything remotely interesting or original?
00:44:23My power is absolute, Stan.
00:44:27At heights no one's even dreamed of.
00:44:30I'd call that pretty fucking original.
00:44:32Nothing that the lowest speck of this pointless species couldn't have thought of
00:44:37were they to be granted your level of power.
00:44:40Why am I still alive?
00:44:44Because you're useful, Stan.
00:44:47But I always wanted a pet.
00:44:49Perhaps.
00:44:50Or is it because you are so desperate for daddy figures
00:44:53that you can't even bring yourself to kill the ones who hate you?
00:44:57At least that's something he and I have in common.
00:45:01Do you want to die, Stan?
00:45:09Jesus, you'd get pregnant with all the eye-fucking.
00:45:14Tempe, Arizona.
00:45:15Is that supposed to mean something?
00:45:17Well, I had the eggheads and crime analytics track down your granddaughter,
00:45:22Zoe, and her dad.
00:45:24They're in Tempe, Arizona.
00:45:30So, where is the V1?
00:45:35As I told you, I genuinely don't know.
00:45:46But I may know someone who does.
00:45:49You should go and see Mr. Marathon in LA.
00:45:53He's always had an intense interest in Vaught's history.
00:45:57It should be a delightful reunion.
00:46:04Hooray for Hollywood.
00:46:06That screwy-bally-hoo-y Hollywood.
00:46:09Go out and try your luck.
00:46:11You might be Donald Duck.
00:46:13Hooray for Hollywood.
00:46:16Homelander, it's really, uh, really good to see you.
00:46:18Um, why?
00:46:19But, uh, you know, what brings you by?
00:46:20Relax.
00:46:21We're just here to talk.
00:46:22Yeah, great.
00:46:23Awesome.
00:46:23It's soldier boy.
00:46:24Wow.
00:46:25Big fan, sir.
00:46:25I actually, uh, popped my cherry in your underoos.
00:46:29Nice.
00:46:30So you were part of the seven?
00:46:31I was.
00:46:32I was.
00:46:32You know, until this one replaced me with A train.
00:46:35Check it out.
00:46:35Come on.
00:46:37Well, you're only the world's fastest man as long as you're the world's fastest man,
00:46:41champ, and you got slow.
00:46:42It was one race.
00:46:43You never gave me the chance to win it back, boss.
00:46:50Hey, check this one out.
00:46:52Gross 35 mil.
00:46:53On a $200 million budget.
00:46:55These aren't even VOD films.
00:46:56What's the difference?
00:46:57These were made where washed-up soups go to die.
00:47:00Sony Pictures TV.
00:47:02It's a legit studio.
00:47:03And I save half on their TVs.
00:47:06And maybe we're not part of the official VCU.
00:47:08And maybe we can't mention VOD or, you know, any licensed VOD hero.
00:47:12But, hey, I'm still making magic.
00:47:15That and I, uh, I sling a little bit.
00:47:17On the side.
00:47:18Blow pills.
00:47:18Ozembeck.
00:47:19Whatever you need.
00:47:19Fastest dealer in town.
00:47:21All right, come on.
00:47:22The gang will be psyched to meet you.
00:47:28Did you guys hear they rounded up Aziz, McCauley, Joaquin, Kiefer,
00:47:33Meryl?
00:47:33I also heard they got Benedict.
00:47:35Wong or Cumberbatch?
00:47:36Oh, fuck.
00:47:37I know, dude.
00:47:38What the fuck, Mel Chemical?
00:47:39Get your boys in check, huh?
00:47:40Just because I'm a soup doesn't mean I truck in that fascist shit.
00:47:42We need to do something.
00:47:44Counterpoint, why?
00:47:45Because we're storytellers, dude.
00:47:47Yeah.
00:47:47Our superpower is we inspire hearts and minds.
00:47:50Look at the characters we create.
00:47:51Luke Skywalker, Katniss, Condi.
00:47:54Oh, bitch, please.
00:47:55Come on, like Mark Hamill, J-Law, and Sir Ben Kingsley.
00:47:58Do anything but collect their fucking residuals.
00:48:00They're very engaged.
00:48:02Look, here's what we do.
00:48:03We all post about this simultaneously on Instagram.
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:07Black squares on the main feed.
00:48:09Black Lives Matter did black squares.
00:48:10Fuck.
00:48:11You're right.
00:48:11We do blue squares on the grid.
00:48:13Because blue lives matter.
00:48:14I wouldn't post that.
00:48:16Is there any color that hasn't been taken by some fucking group?
00:48:19What about white?
00:48:20Brown.
00:48:21Oh, ooh, ooh.
00:48:22I'll get Lena Dunham to write an editorial for The Atlantic.
00:48:25Oh, yes.
00:48:25That'll really equal that.
00:48:26That is great readership.
00:48:28She's a great writer.
00:48:28She's very persuasive.
00:48:29Whatever fuck sticks.
00:48:31Look, best day of my life was when they executed Hater, right?
00:48:34More offer onlys for the forte.
00:48:37Hey, do you think Michael Cera's a starlighter?
00:48:38Because we're up for the same part right now, and it'd be pretty good if he got Vanish.
00:48:41We've been friends with him for 20 years, Chris.
00:48:43Yeah, but I really need this part, man.
00:48:45Oh, no.
00:48:46Oh, no.
00:48:47What's up?
00:48:48Homelander.
00:48:49Soldier Boy.
00:48:50Wow.
00:48:50I'm Will.
00:48:51Remember me?
00:48:52I'm the one who turned in Channing Tatum.
00:48:57Seth Rogen.
00:48:58We actually met once before with Black Noir, the premiere for Silent Vengeance 3, Vengeance Reloaded.
00:49:05Big fan.
00:49:06I'm actually testifying in front of Congress for you, you know, outing suspected starlighters.
00:49:10Spoiler alert, Post Malone.
00:49:13You need to get the fuck away from me right now.
00:49:15You bet, yeah.
00:49:17We came here looking for something.
00:49:19What do you know about V1?
00:49:23You come to the right place.
00:49:33Here you go.
00:49:37Oh, yeah.
00:49:38Law yanked that one from the newsstands after Kent State.
00:49:43Good times.
00:49:44How'd you end up with it?
00:49:45Some old bitch on eBay.
00:49:47I paid 20 bucks.
00:49:47I mean, it'll go for half a mil at auction.
00:49:50Easy.
00:49:59Yeah, Dr. Vaught was a titan.
00:50:01A visionary.
00:50:02He was a pansy with a German accent and sweaty palms.
00:50:06He was a complicated guy.
00:50:16Do you or do you not have V1?
00:50:21I don't.
00:50:23But Bombside does.
00:50:24He does.
00:50:26That piece of shit's still alive.
00:50:28Yeah, he was my best customer for a long time.
00:50:30What makes you think he has it?
00:50:31One night he was tweaked out of his gourd and he told me he has some and I believe him.
00:50:36Where is he?
00:50:36Me and Bombside are so cool.
00:50:37Why don't we all just hang out for a sec and I'll call him.
00:50:40He'll fly right over.
00:50:49Let's get this up in Bogota where you were taking a pass.
00:50:51Hmm.
00:50:52You mean for the soldier boy?
00:50:54Nothing but the best.
00:50:55Hmm.
00:51:00Seth?
00:51:02Oh, no.
00:51:03I actually hate weed.
00:51:04I just pretend to like it from my brand so I can sell ashtrays to suckers.
00:51:10Um, yo, Homelander.
00:51:13Uh, you wanna hit this?
00:51:15It is my life goal to smoke you out, homie.
00:51:21Don't call me that.
00:51:25Homelander, it's good to see you again.
00:51:30Do I know you?
00:51:31Yeah, uh, we met like six times.
00:51:33Malchemical.
00:51:34Make deadly gases.
00:51:36Did that whole campaign with Gas X.
00:51:42That's embarrassing.
00:51:44Homelander's still as weird as he was when I was there.
00:51:47Well, I wasn't there back then, but yes.
00:51:50Let's get this one.
00:51:51One time, at Ledoux, Misha Barton wanted to suck him off, right?
00:51:54He spent two hours talking to her about Nietzsche, then left when she stepped on his cape.
00:51:58Oh, that fucking cape.
00:52:00Like a baby with a blanket.
00:52:02Pretty sure he jerks off into it.
00:52:03Probably why it's so stiff.
00:52:05Say that again.
00:52:10Oh, can't you take a fucking joke?
00:52:15Say it again.
00:52:18I thought as much.
00:52:20If bombsite's not coming, I'm leaving.
00:52:21No, he's on his way.
00:52:22Be here any minute.
00:52:23I swear.
00:52:27Nah, I'm done.
00:52:31Oh, shit.
00:52:32By the way, hey, I heard you all, and I want you all to know that very soon, gentlemen,
00:52:38you are going to pay for your sick posts and your hateful memes, especially the memes.
00:52:48No, no, no, no, no.
00:52:49It was Kamail and Seth's idea.
00:52:51What?
00:52:51I was against you.
00:52:52Fuck you, Farté.
00:52:52It was fucking his idea, man.
00:52:54He is just sucking your dick so you can help his shitty fucking career.
00:52:57Take them, okay?
00:52:58Shit, I'll take him out for you right now.
00:52:59Oh, really?
00:53:00Yeah.
00:53:00You want to take me, bitch?
00:53:01I'm fucking yoked.
00:53:02No.
00:53:02Shut up, Farté.
00:53:03Okay, Farté.
00:53:03You're making this worse.
00:53:04Stop that!
00:53:05Stop!
00:53:07We really should round up Michael Cera.
00:53:11Oh, Leonard.
00:53:13Sorry, quick question.
00:53:14What?
00:53:15Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:53:23Who's memorable now?
00:53:24What the fuck?
00:53:25Easy, easy, easy.
00:53:26Can we fuck off, please?
00:53:27Sure, MacGruber.
00:53:28Everything is cool.
00:53:29Hey, man, we don't have a problem with you, honest.
00:53:31But, but, but, but fuck this fucking guy.
00:53:33You know, he fucked my life.
00:53:35If you help us get rid of him, then we all win.
00:53:37And you, you can have the seven.
00:53:40And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.
00:53:42I don't need to kill him to get the seven.
00:53:44No, yeah, of course not.
00:53:45But what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church?
00:53:47I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool.
00:53:49All the hookers, the drug dealers.
00:53:51They want to ban porn.
00:53:52I mean, they want to ban fucking abortions.
00:53:55Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.
00:53:59Exactly, for all of us.
00:54:00So if we kill him, we can stop worrying about being cops or gods or asexual weirdos.
00:54:06You know, we can go back to fucking and being fucking awesome.
00:54:10Look, we know you've got that fucked up chest blast thing.
00:54:13I mean, I was at hero gas and I saw it.
00:54:15Just finish him now.
00:54:16Take away his powers so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance.
00:54:27He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
00:54:30Yeah, yeah.
00:54:31But as much as it pains me to say this, he's my fucking asexual weirdo.
00:54:41Nobody fucks my son but me.
00:54:43What?
00:54:44That came out wrong.
00:54:58Fuck!
00:55:08Danny Treo needs to stick to acting up top of us.
00:55:11Fuck my shit up.
00:55:13Soldier boy!
00:55:17911, what's your emergency?
00:55:19Yeah, please send police right now.
00:55:20What is the address?
00:55:21I don't know the address.
00:55:22Do you know the address?
00:55:23I don't know the address.
00:55:24Oh, fuck.
00:55:25Fuck.
00:55:26Don't kill me.
00:55:26Shut up.
00:55:26Shut up.
00:55:27I'm not going to kill you.
00:55:28I'm going to get you out of here, but you need to do exactly as I say.
00:55:38Go.
00:55:38Go.
00:55:43Fuck!
00:55:54No!
00:55:55No!
00:55:56No!
00:55:56No!
00:55:57No!
00:55:57No!
00:55:57No!
00:56:03No!
00:56:03What you doing to me, man?
00:56:05Seth!
00:56:07Fuck!
00:56:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:56:09Is it bad?
00:56:10Well, uh, I didn't mean to.
00:56:13I don't want to die, man.
00:56:15It's gonna be okay.
00:56:17I'll remember you every time I watch An American Pickle.
00:56:21What?
00:57:08I'm gonna rip your balls off and stuff up.
00:57:11That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.
00:57:15Does PopSite have the V1s?
00:57:19Oh, God!
00:57:21Yes, yes, okay, yes.
00:57:22That part was true.
00:57:23I swear to fucking God, man.
00:57:24He's got it.
00:57:25Where is he?
00:57:26I don't know.
00:57:26Where the fuck is he?
00:57:27I don't know.
00:57:28I haven't talked to him in like five years.
00:57:29I swear to God.
00:57:30Please.
00:57:44What happened?
00:57:45I took care of it.
00:57:50Why?
00:57:52Because fuck them.
00:57:55That's why.
00:57:57I don't think this micro prick was lying.
00:58:00Bombsite has to be one.
00:58:01I'm just gonna find him.
00:58:04Also, um, I've been fucking firecracker.
00:58:11But, out of respect for you, that's, uh, that's done.
00:58:18Plus, her pillow talk was gonna be a real drag.
00:58:24Pillow talk?
00:58:27Um...
00:58:45Um...
00:58:47Uh...
00:58:47Uh...
00:58:48Uh...
00:58:56Home Lander
00:59:00How was LA?
00:59:03Did you catch tonight's truth bomb?
00:59:06I did indeed
00:59:07And it was a real barn burner
00:59:09Well done
00:59:10Thank you sir
00:59:11That means the world
00:59:14How's sex with my father?
00:59:19Is he good at it?
00:59:21Are you thinking about me
00:59:24When you're making love to him?
00:59:28I never meant to cross a line
00:59:30Or offend you
00:59:31No, no, no
00:59:32Don't fret little one
00:59:34I don't care about the sex
00:59:35Really
00:59:38But I do care about your little chats after sex
00:59:41Sir whatever soldier boy told you
00:59:43I can assure you that
00:59:44You mean your inner turmoil
00:59:46When it comes to me
00:59:48And uh
00:59:52Jesus
00:59:52Are you thinking of Jesus
00:59:54When you're praising me?
00:59:56No, you
00:59:57Are my one and only savior
01:00:00You say that
01:00:01But your jagged little heart
01:00:03Is whirring like a hummingbird
01:00:09You're supposed to worship me
01:00:12Love me
01:00:13And me
01:00:14And me
01:00:15I do
01:00:15I believed in you
01:00:17Turns out
01:00:20You don't believe in me
01:00:25I need you to collect your things
01:00:28And leave
01:00:32But I do believe in you
01:00:33I love you
01:00:35I am the only one here
01:00:37Who ever has
01:00:38I gave you everything
01:00:41I gave you my soul
01:00:43And everybody else here
01:00:44They're just
01:00:45They're just scared of you
01:00:47Or they want something from you
01:00:49But I have always loved you
01:00:52For you
01:00:53Just the strongest
01:00:57Smartest
01:00:59Best man on earth
01:01:01Man
01:01:02No, no, no, no, no
01:01:03God, no
01:01:04No, no, be
01:01:05God
01:01:07My lord
01:01:08That look you used to get
01:01:10When you'd suck on me
01:01:12I felt like Mother Mary herself
01:01:15I felt blessed
01:01:17To nourish someone
01:01:19As important as you
01:01:26But nothing I ever did
01:01:27Was good enough, was it?
01:01:29You cast me out to the cold
01:01:32Which was so much worse
01:01:34Than never feeling your warmth
01:01:35In the first place
01:01:37So all I have been trying to do
01:01:39Is to get you to see me
01:01:41The way that you used to
01:01:44Hell, the only reason
01:01:45I was with Soldier Boy
01:01:45Was because your
01:01:47Reflected light
01:01:50Is better than no light at all
01:01:53Please, sir
01:01:56I love you
01:01:58We all need love, don't we?
01:02:03Even God
01:02:04God
01:02:04God
01:02:04God
01:02:07God
01:02:13God
01:02:24I don't know.
01:02:47Hooray for Hollywood, that screwy ballyhoo-y Hollywood, where any office boy or young mechanic can be a panic with
01:02:58just a good-looking pant, and any barmaid can be a star maid if she dances with or without a
01:03:06fan.
01:03:07Hooray for Hollywood, where you're terrific if you're even good, where anyone at all from Shirley Temple to Amy Semple
01:03:16is equally understood.
01:03:19Go out and try your luck, you might be Donald Duck, hooray for Hollywood.
01:03:26Go out and try your luck.
01:03:27Go out and try your luck.
01:04:03Hooray for Hollywood, that phony super-cony Hollywood.
01:04:08They come from Chillicotties and Paducahs with their bazookas to get their names up in lights, all armed with photos
01:04:18from local rotos, with a hair and ribbon and legs and tights.
01:04:22Hooray for Hollywood, you may be homely in your neighborhood, but if you think that you can be an actor,
01:04:30see Mr. Factor, he'll make a monkey look good.
01:04:34And within a half an hour, you'll look like Tyrone Power.
01:04:39Hooray for Hollywood.
01:04:46Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:04Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:05Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:10Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:13Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:16Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:17Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:17Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:18Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:18Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:20Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:21Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:22Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:23Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:23Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:24Hooray for Hollywood.
01:05:33Hooray for Hollywood.
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