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1000 Ways to Die S01E12 I See Dead People And Theyre Cracking Me Up 8bit RTN
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00:03Well, you laughed in the face of death, and now you've made it to the last show of the
00:09season. Congratulations. Here's your reward. A cliff jumper who goes down but has a problem
00:17with what goes up. A Japanese man who bows down and winds up getting some head. A death row
00:25inmate who won't stay for his own execution, and a sex-obsessed psycho who's all hot. You
00:35still laughing? Good. It's the next episode of A Thousand Ways to Die.
00:44Warning. The deaths portrayed in this show are real and extremely graphic. Names have
00:51been changed to protect the identities of a deceased. Do not attempt to try any of the
00:55actions depicted. You will die.
01:02Death is everywhere. Most of us try to avoid it. Others can't get out of its way.
01:08Every day we fight a new war against germs, toxins, injury, illness, and catastrophe. There's
01:18a lot of ways to wind up dead. The fact that we survive it all is a miracle. Because every
01:25day we live, we face a thousand ways to die. Last year, over 3,000 people died by drowning.
01:43Only one managed to do it like this. It started the way a lot of accidental deaths do. A combination
02:00of alcohol, college kids, and the prospect of wild naked sex. The reservoir was a legendary
02:11college hangout, famous for the cliff. And only the bravest took the leap.
02:18Lots of people in our society who don't do anything else than risk taking. They're professional risk
02:23takers. But those people, they're going to be very thoughtful about the risk they take.
02:28The combination of beer and booty had Patrick staring down at the water 60 feet below.
02:35It's the people who take those risks, but then don't pay heed to the warning signs. Those are the people
02:42who end up in the obituary column of social Darwinism.
02:53And what would later be reported as a freak accident, Patrick hit the surface at 30 miles an hour at
03:00the perfect
03:01angle for a powerful jet of water to shoot up his rectum and blow out his large intestine.
03:09Massive internal bleeding caused him to pass out and drown.
03:14Oh my God, he's exploding, guys!
03:17Now, if this guy had so much force built up in his colon from all that water, it probably ripped
03:22his colon apart.
03:23The colon is a very vascular tissue. There's a lot of arteries that supply it.
03:27He'd probably die of acute blood loss from all of the blood being spewed into the peritoneal cavity.
03:32If these kids had less alcohol and more blood in their brains, one of them might not have wound up
03:39like this.
03:54Everyone loves a good laugh. No one more than Chuck.
04:00Chuck would spend a good part of each day sitting in his favorite bar laughing.
04:09Chuck was obsessed with jokes. Good ones, bad ones, and any in between.
04:18He couldn't tell a joke to save his life, but he could laugh at one like no other.
04:26On this particular day, Chuck was told a joke that triggered an epic laughing binge.
04:32We all have the experience when we laugh long and hard, how we have to gasp afterwards.
04:37We're contracting forcefully when we laugh. We're sort of making a prolonged series of maneuvers that are sort of like
04:43grunting,
04:44when we strain and grunt, and that can affect things.
04:47You hear about some people that actually wet their pants when they laugh.
04:51No one knows what the joke was, but Chuck laughed, and he laughed, and he laughed.
04:58He laughed until he left, and when he came back the next night, he was still laughing.
05:06Chuck laughed for 36 straight hours.
05:10What started out as fun was now torture. Chuck was trapped in his own endless laugh track.
05:21Laughing this long and this hard was putting a tremendous strain on Chuck's heart.
05:28Laughing for an extended period of time alters how we breathe, so you increase the workload of the heart,
05:33you increase the amount of energy you're putting into breathing,
05:36and so you start to increase the amount of work your body's doing in general.
05:40The medical term is a valsalva. To take a deep breath in, close our windpipe, strain, and then let it
05:47out,
05:47that does increase the work in the heart. And if you were to do that for 36 hours, that could
05:52lead to heart attack or heart failure.
05:54Laughing
05:59Finally, Chuck's overworked heart seized up.
06:03In the end, Chuck got the last laugh, and it killed him.
06:13Laughing
06:21Coming up, in Japan, bowing isn't just a courtesy, it's deadly.
06:27And...
06:28Hello, suckers!
06:30Death row from the front row can scare you to death.
06:51This is Yoshi Nakamura. If he seems nervous, that's because... he is.
06:59Yoshi has a very important job interview.
07:02That's why he's making such a spectacle of himself.
07:08He's practicing his bow, and what he will say when he meets a certain Mr. Saichi Tanaka,
07:14an executive at a large auto parts factory.
07:18Usually, um...
07:20Average, two to three hundred times a day, the people bow.
07:26There are three different ways of bowing.
07:31Yoshi doesn't know it, but the person he's here to meet, Mr. Tanaka, is already sizing up the crazy man
07:38over there talking to himself.
07:40Neck is the most vulnerable part of the body.
07:45And in presenting neck part to opposite person is present all my body vulnerable to you to show my respect.
07:55They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
07:59If that's true, Yoshi's screwed.
08:06But poor Yoshi has a bigger problem than unemployment.
08:10Inside his head is a ticking time bomb.
08:13An aneurysm had formed deep inside his brain.
08:19Sudden contact and then deceleration caused the aneurysm to blow open.
08:23They're fragile.
08:24They're not normal vessels.
08:25They're weaker.
08:26And when that aneurysm blows open, the blood pressure drives the blood out at quite a rapid rate,
08:32filling the closed volume of the skull and squishing brain.
08:37Many people live their whole lives with an aneurysm without ever finding out.
08:42Yoshi found out about his the hard way.
08:47You usually pass out and then it gets worse from there as the aneurysm expands and really squashes normal brain
08:54next to it.
08:55Your typical Japanese businessman bows 300 times a day.
08:59On this day, Yoshi bowed out.
09:25It was a special day for the man behind the blinds.
09:28His name was Scott Randall.
09:30And this was the day he was scheduled to die by lethal injection.
09:36Randall was bad to the bone.
09:38Three people died by his hand.
09:41And you don't want to know how.
09:43What are you doing, Skippy?
09:44The families of his victims were there to make sure he got what was coming.
09:48A two-bit actor when he wasn't killing anyone, Randall relished his final role.
09:55Slip the juice to me, Bruce.
09:57A lethal injection involves a number of drugs.
10:01The first, sodium pentothal, is supposed to knock the inmate out.
10:05And then potassium chloride finishes him off.
10:08Here comes death.
10:12But there was a hitch.
10:15Nothing.
10:23Even with enough drugs in his system to drop a rhino, Randall's heart didn't skip a beat.
10:29Nada.
10:32I think that this guy wasn't Superman.
10:35And that the reason that he stayed alive was because the tourniquet was too tight on his arm.
10:39And the drug wasn't able to flow past the injection site to his heart, where it was supposed to go.
10:46The authorities were mystified.
10:49Please, sir, may I have more?
10:50Then the order came in.
10:53Release it.
10:55Scott Randall, convicted murderer and lifetime scum, had a new lease on life.
11:01Nothing to it!
11:02You couldn't kill me!
11:04You couldn't kill me!
11:06Son of a bitches!
11:14But in the middle of his fury, Randall went down.
11:23And then out.
11:25Once unstrapped, the drugs found the one thing most swore Randall never had.
11:30A heart.
11:31And finished him off.
11:33When you deliver drug, you always take the tourniquet off.
11:39Otherwise, there is no drainage of the compound into the central circulation.
11:44It was just sitting in his arm.
11:47It's hard to justify one death with another.
11:50But a creep like Scott Randall?
11:52He deserved to die.
12:01What do you think you're doing?
12:03When we return, for one thief, drinking and robbing doesn't go down too well.
12:10And an unstable pervert has a heart on the table.
12:26If this wasn't going to work, he still took the time to throw up and sat down on him.
12:29To go out.
12:33When we return to our bodies, we will come in.
12:33We need to take the time to run the wrong place, and be ready, and be careful.
12:37I need to go out.
12:37I need to go out.
12:39I need to go out.
12:45drunk who paid for his booze with his grandmother's stolen social security checks.
12:50Hello, sir. How are you today?
12:53When we are suffering from alcoholism, something happens to our brains.
12:58You don't behave like yourself. That's right where addiction lies.
13:02And you just do whatever you have to do to survive.
13:06That's what this guy was doing.
13:11If life wasn't going to reward this angry, drunken loser, he'd just go ahead and take it all himself.
13:18Hey, what do you think you're doing? Get out of my place now!
13:23Hey, stop that! What are you doing? Come on, go! Get out! Get out, you freak!
13:28The liquid lunch will have to wait, but Zack's not leaving without a snack.
13:35Zack's anger finally got the best of him.
13:38He made it out the door, hot dog in mouth, but dropped to the ground, dead.
13:44Invariably, this guy aspirated this large hot dog, which is about the perfect size to lodge right into your main
13:51stem bronchus.
13:53This isn't a tough case. He couldn't ventilate, he couldn't oxygenate, and he hit the floor from hot dog aspiration.
14:02I'm very upset. This is very upsetting. I mean, I run a good store and...
14:07Sir, please calm down. Just tell me what happened.
14:09As I told you, he appeared to be extremely drunk.
14:12There's a reason your mother told you never to eat and run. You might choke on your own wiener.
14:38We've enjoyed stories of deaths that were stupid or incredible, but what you're about to see will make you question...
14:47What kind of beast is man?
14:55Lucas wasn't exactly a ladies' man. In fact, he never even dated one.
15:01Isolated, lonely, this schizophrenic desert rat was traveling down a dark path, leading to psychopathic, sexually deviant behavior.
15:11In a smutty magazine, Lucas had learned how to rig a cow heart to a car battery and then use
15:17it as a sex toy.
15:20He brought home his new date from a local slaughterhouse. The table was set.
15:26A fresh cow heart he named Bessie, a fresh battery, and a throbbing stiffy.
15:34Lucas was ready for love.
15:37This is beyond a fetish. This is, like you said, it's beyond bestiality. It's beyond zoophilia.
15:42It makes me think of somebody who, you know, rapes and murders and does it simultaneously.
15:48And that this person could conceivably be headed into some really, really chilling waters, had he not died the way
15:55he did.
15:57Lucas was turned on by the fluttering action created by the 12-volt current flowing from the battery into the
16:04cow heart.
16:05But it wasn't getting him where he needed to go.
16:08He reasoned that if 12 felt good, then 110 volts would feel about 10 times better.
16:17When Lucas completed an electrical circuit from the wall socket into the heart, he knew he was on to something.
16:23Suddenly, Bessie was all charged up and pumping ferociously.
16:28All that was left was to screw his heart on into Bessie's socket.
16:37But as soon as the two lovers connected, Lucas went straight to premature electrocution.
16:43Bessie kept right on beating, but Lucas's heart went from on to off.
16:50I think here we have an incompatibility with modern life, the way we understand it and the way we value
16:55it, on so many different levels, on so many fundamental levels, that if you were to put this person in
17:01a different time period, he would always stand out.
17:05It goes beyond social Darwinism. It's Darwinism to the extreme.
17:11Is there a lesson to be learned from this tale of broken hearts?
17:15When you go looking for love in all the wrong places, make sure you're well grounded.
17:35Up next, a deadly cobra sends a bite victim down a dark hole.
17:40Young Bessie, you've got to go to the hospital.
17:54It should have been just a typical day at David Weather's snake farm.
17:59A wild animal and reptile handler by trade, David is well versed at wrangling some of the most deadly creatures
18:07on earth.
18:09Today, it's a monocle cobra, one of the most poisonous snakes in the world.
18:15But no matter how good or safe one is,
18:20Sooner or later, death is going to bite you.
18:24Did you blink?
18:26When tossing the snake back in its box, the cobra lunges at David.
18:34Within a fraction of a second, it's over.
18:37Oh, boy.
18:37I'm bit. We've got to go to the hospital.
18:39Yeah, no .
18:42All of a sudden, bam, I get bit.
18:44Immediately, I knew I was bit bad, so I was like, all right, we've got to get to the hospital.
18:48One drop is all that's needed to kill a human in 60 minutes.
18:54And five of those minutes have already expired for David.
18:58And as an experienced snake handler, David knows well that his life is hanging by a thread.
19:05Get me there quick, because I'm having problems breathing.
19:07I can't wait for the ambulance. I'm too far out here in a middle of nowhere.
19:09Albert said more than likely it's going to cause paralysis inside of an hour,
19:13albeit a respiratory failure inside of an hour.
19:16Every second feels like minutes. Every minute feels like hours.
19:24I got this big black spot starting to grow within five minutes,
19:27and it feels like a knife's jab in me.
19:29I try not to, like, think of how bad it was.
19:33It's been only ten minutes, and already the cobra bite is growing,
19:37beginning to eat a half-dollar-sized hole in his stomach.
19:41As we're going, it's like, all right, now the traffic's coming,
19:43it's 8 o'clock at night. I'm like, all right, there's too many cars.
19:45Like, forget the red lights, don't stop.
19:46Red lights do not exist when you're dying from cobra bites.
19:4927 minutes after the bite, David makes it to the hospital.
19:54Dizzy, nauseous, and with his kidneys failing,
19:57David fights to stay conscious as he waits for the anti-venom to be flown in
20:02from over 200 miles away.
20:04I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead.
20:06All these things are going through my head.
20:07And then finally, after the anti-venom got there,
20:09and these guys stood by my side, like, up until I was showing recovery signs.
20:14David held off death that night, but his painful recovery took months
20:19and taught him new respect for the mighty cobra.
20:22I know that I don't ever want to relive anything like that ever again.
20:27That's why you're back.
20:31I'm not hanging out.
20:32I know that I really ought to support.
20:32Get rid of it.
20:33quy contracts.
20:36Everybody's not getting this one.
20:39They're just kidding me.
20:41I'm not getting this one.
20:44They're just kidding me.
20:44They're just kidding me.
20:47They're just kidding me.
20:58It's regional.
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