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Boyzone No Matter What S01E03 (2025) [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
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00:14You're living in a bubble, you're living in a dream.
00:19I was 18 when we started, catapulted into this superstardom.
00:24Look at us now! Look at us now!
00:27Because I loved what we did for seven years, and now it was being taken from me.
00:32Do boyzones still exist? I don't know.
00:35The world we just lived has disappeared. What is my new world? Who the fuck am I?
00:42Although nothing has been confirmed officially, it's thought Gatelyn...
00:45Everything had changed. Everything had changed.
00:48I should have gone back. I know that I should have gone back.
00:53To get those years would have been everything.
01:05WRAPOR MARTIN
01:05The World
01:17Boyzone Is Over Forever by Paul Martin.
01:21Yeah, fucking hell.
01:24Just reading what he told me, I mean, that is just,
01:27this really sums up how pissed off Shane was with Ronan.
01:33Honestly, all you had to do was talk to me about how you feel about Ronan and off he went.
01:39I was angry at Ro for years and I found myself in this dark world.
01:45It didn't take a lot to upset me and it would come out in any environment,
01:50any space, live TV, to concerts, to interviews.
01:54Do you get upset that they keep saying nasty things about you?
01:57No, you know what, so be it.
02:00We're all getting on with our lives.
02:02I don't think they're going to get back together pretty much
02:04and if the guys want to get back together, you know, wish them the best, I hope they do well.
02:08We had decided to take a year off and then get back together.
02:14But one year later, I couldn't see it happening.
02:19A bad lemon, oh, a ball's lemon.
02:21A ball.
02:25What did you all take before you came?
02:29I was getting plenty of work, but it just wasn't fulfilling my dreams, I suppose, my goals.
02:37I really wanted to perform.
02:38I had to get out, I had to find something.
02:40I had to find something that gave me a bit of hope in life.
02:49Growing up, cars are with my life.
02:52My dad working as a car mechanic, me lying under any car, under any bonnet, it's who I am.
03:02I was blessed with an opportunity to drive in a show called Autosport Show.
03:07The best in the world were there.
03:11And this dickhead.
03:14I came toward in that race.
03:16And from there, I got signed to Ford Motorsport.
03:20When you stand on stage, that energy that you got, I got that from cars.
03:26In Boyzone, I lacked purpose in my own mind.
03:30All of a sudden now, shit, this is your time to shine.
03:46Out of the blue, I got a phone call from Coronation Street.
03:51Out of my comfort zone, to say the least, but nevertheless, I gave it my best shot.
03:57I went into Corrie for two or three episodes.
03:59I ended up staying on and off for ten years.
04:03Coronation Street gave me an identity.
04:05It gave me belief in myself.
04:07It gave me confidence.
04:08All of a sudden, I was somebody.
04:10That was Keith Duffy.
04:12It wasn't the big one in the back with the broken teeth.
04:14Now, did you watch your pal?
04:16Keith, yeah, I did, yeah.
04:18I thought it was fantastic.
04:19And do you all still keep in touch?
04:21I haven't spoke to Ronan in a while, or Mikey.
04:23Just that you're all so busy, you know, doing your own thing.
04:26You know, it's quite hard.
04:28I'd always make time for boys on.
04:31After my solo album, it was very, very difficult.
04:34More difficult than I thought it was going to be.
04:37You know, quit for about a year.
04:39Came back and done some theatre.
04:42I loved doing that, but I just felt it really difficult being on my own.
04:47And, you know, being with four guys who you consider your brothers, and then just kind of
04:52not seeing them for a long time, none compares to being with the lads.
05:07It was unbelievable there in the noughties.
05:10Madness.
05:12My manager, Louis, at the time is saying, record company are pushing you.
05:15You've got to make the album.
05:17We know we need it.
05:17We need the album made.
05:19I was very hungry, and I wanted to be great, and I wanted to have my opportunities, so I
05:23kept going.
05:25But it was quantity over quality.
05:29I'd loads of ideas for him.
05:31As a big, middle-of-the-road artist, he appeals to older women and stuff.
05:36And there's nobody better.
05:38That was his market.
05:40That was his lane.
05:40It just, he, he, he just got it wrong.
05:43He just made the wrong choices.
05:47He didn't even know where the fuck I was.
05:49I opened in Sydney to 10,000 people.
05:51He didn't know I was on tour.
05:54Get ready for another TV phenomenon.
05:56Pop stars The Rivals is coming in autumn.
05:59Well, it's good, it's good.
06:00We are going to get good singers at the end of the day.
06:03Louis became a TV personality.
06:06He was given that chance because he was the manager of Boyzone.
06:09And that obviously gave Louis an opportunity, but that took a lot of his time.
06:14I was on the phone to Ronin all the time.
06:17I talked to him every day, and he always wanted more.
06:21Things start to fall into place, and you realize, Louis's not a great manager.
06:27I gave him multiple opportunities to fix the problems.
06:31So I went and met him, and I said it to his face.
06:34He just said he didn't want to be a karaoke artist, and he wanted to record his own songs.
06:39He wanted to write his own songs, and he wanted to be a proper artist.
06:43I've got one shot in my career, and he didn't give a fuck.
06:47That shocked me.
06:48The fact that he wasn't happy with the songs.
06:51They were all hits.
06:52Hey, that's what you're in the business for, having hits.
06:56Just fell on deaf ears.
06:59I always told him the truth.
07:00What was the truth?
07:02You're a lucky fucker.
07:03You know, this is great.
07:05Enjoy it.
07:06And I remember going in and saying, right, that's it.
07:10And what did you say?
07:12I said, okay.
07:13Nothing I could have done.
07:14I couldn't have changed his mind.
07:15It was a divorce.
07:20Battle lines are drawn, and you did have to pick a side.
07:23I picked Louis.
07:25I knew Westlife were going to be bigger than Boyzone.
07:27It was in my own selfish interest.
07:29But you had to pick somebody, and Louis made that very clear.
07:34It's this monumental shift in the media.
07:37Just the language in the newspapers changed, and he was demeaned and diminished.
07:43I called him talentless and different things here and there in the press.
07:48He knew how to hurt me.
07:50Vicious fucking bitchy, vicious, horrible things.
07:55He tried to ruin me and my career.
08:00Do I regret it?
08:01Yeah, a little bit.
08:03Do you think he knows that you regret it?
08:04No, he doesn't know.
08:07It was an incredible show of the strength of somebody who has the media that they think
08:13at it.
08:13You are who you are because I made you who you are.
08:19I was with Ronan all the time, you know.
08:22I was there working with him every day.
08:25So it was just inevitable that I would just take over eventually.
08:31Mark Plunkett, thank God for Mark.
08:33I kept my sanity because of Mark.
08:36We had a great time, lots of touring, lots of international trips, lots of TVs all over
08:43the world.
08:44You're mad busy because you're promoting your new album.
08:48But there's inevitably going to come to a point where the sales dipped slightly.
08:53You know, the hits weren't quite as big as they'd been.
09:26I made my third album.
09:27I just kind of went back to North to the boys.
09:412006, Gary Barrow was putting Take That back together.
09:47So I went along to see the show.
09:51All the fans noticed me.
09:53And the whole place started chanting my name and clapping.
09:57And I was like, I thought I had been completely forgotten about.
10:02So that was quite a surprise.
10:08And then when I seen their show, I was kind of feeling the bug again, you know.
10:18We just slowly but surely got to chat again to each other and little kind of whispers here
10:23and there.
10:24You know, Steven would definitely be the one that would be pushing it with them.
10:27This is going to be great.
10:28You know, we have to do this.
10:29And just all spiraled into kind of, I was having a meeting.
10:32Let's get into a room.
10:34That was all.
10:35That's all.
10:35It was test the water.
10:41I was worried about the boys' reaction.
10:44I hadn't seen them for years.
10:47There was resentment, bitterness.
10:51I was shitting myself going into the room.
10:53Yeah, 100%.
10:53I was nervous as hell.
11:09You know, you could feel there was a lot of scars.
11:12People were unsure, unsure it was going to work.
11:16Unsure they wanted to do it at all.
11:19The rage that I had with Ro.
11:21In my mind, when I saw I was going to fucking destroy him.
11:25I was going to abort him.
11:28Very, very, very spiky.
11:30That first moment, walking into the room again.
11:34I was fuming.
11:35And when I saw his face, I could do nothing but hug the fella.
11:39Oh, I'm just going in.
11:40Oh, you're skinhead.
11:41What's happening?
11:42I'm just going down.
11:43Like, I miss you.
11:45That actually gave me a good insight to,
11:49it's not always as bad as you think in your mind.
11:52I would just like to apologise if anything I have said or done
11:55in the past seven years has hurt or affected anybody
11:58in a negative or unhappy fashion.
12:02I wasn't the reason the band broke up,
12:03but I was definitely the reason the band didn't get back together before now,
12:06and I apologise for that.
12:08I made choices that I'm not proud of.
12:11I left them behind.
12:15For success.
12:18I did have blinkers on.
12:19Notion.
12:20Yeah.
12:21Didn't end right.
12:22We need to do it right.
12:25I asked him if he thought there was any scope for the band getting back together.
12:29Things haven't always been as good as they are tonight.
12:32It was great going in so successful as an actor,
12:35but every now and again you'd get a surge of memories.
12:38The audience being blown away.
12:42And you go, wow.
12:44I'd love just one more chance.
12:46Maybe this could work now if we're all really on the same page.
12:50You know, it was there for the taking.
12:53Personally, you know what I mean?
12:55I'd like to do a little something.
12:56I really fucking missed all of you.
12:59I mean, I think it's just amazing being here.
13:00I mean, it's bad.
13:02It excited me, you know?
13:05I think everyone was kind of, let's do it.
13:08Let's do a tour.
13:09Let's get to see if people are bothered with boys on anymore.
13:29Who's idea were those fucking outfits?
13:40Oh my God.
13:43Our first performance in eight years.
13:46We're climbing underneath the stage to go on these trapdoors
13:49to be sprung loaded onto stage.
13:54So nervous going up in that lift and kind of going,
13:57oh my God, I don't know where I'm going.
13:58It's like you're rubbing the headlights.
14:00You get a panic attack.
14:02You get this kind of, oh shit.
14:05And it's amazing.
14:11I remember that excitement.
14:13How we felt in that exact moment with that countdown.
14:17You can feel the breath.
14:19You can feel the energy from the crowd.
14:21And you cannot imagine what that's like.
14:24It's unreal.
14:34Oh man, that gives me goosebumps.
14:48I couldn't hear the first two songs, to be honest.
14:50Because the crowd was so loud.
14:54I'm not there for glory.
14:56I'm there to go, look at all you people
14:59and look at the joy that we can bring you.
15:12We designed a moment, everybody would get their own little moment.
15:15And I think that's why it felt so different.
15:20I felt a part of the band for the first time.
15:28That my efforts were being appreciated.
15:32That we could now really be a band.
15:37We'd fill each other's spaces without even thinking about it.
15:40Without even looking at each other.
15:42If Shane was out far right, you know, I'd see him starting to move in.
15:46If Mikey was in the middle, he'd move over to fill my space
15:49and you'd just fill each other's voids.
15:52And it's a real art.
15:57We're back.
15:58We were back.
16:00I just felt, you know, unbelievable.
16:03That was pretty magic then.
16:06Getting the band back together.
16:12That reunion tour was huge.
16:14You know, multiple nights in arenas.
16:17Then when they got back together,
16:18they asked me to take over the managing.
16:20I was glad to be involved.
16:22I've been there since day one in the UK.
16:26And, you know, I didn't want anyone else to carry on writing those chapters.
16:30See, we're the vocal harmony group we are.
16:33We're now a boy band, right?
16:34The plan was then to, you know, work on a new album.
16:37Everyone was in a great place.
16:41We, as a collective now, had more control over the music.
16:45For the first time, I was enjoying the music that Boyzone was doing.
16:50Took us 15 years to do that.
16:5507 to 09 were the best years of the band.
16:58We were the most comfortable in our own skin that we'd ever been.
17:02As soon as I get in a room with them boys,
17:03I'm the silliest fella I was back when I was 17 years old.
17:07It's just kindergarten kids.
17:09It was absolutely brilliant to be back with those fellas.
17:11Like nothing had changed.
17:14Like nothing had changed.
17:16Who farted?
17:17Who farted?
17:19Just seemed to share even more laughs than we had before.
17:24I don't know, just a better understanding of each other.
17:27You've got to get this right, go on, go on.
17:29Some people really came in through Rome, Steven in particular.
17:33It was the best version of him I'd ever seen.
17:37The other guys have got girls to dance with, you've got a bloke.
17:40Yeah, I don't have to be true to myself and that's how it turned out.
17:43And I think it works beautifully with the song.
17:46He was looking great.
17:48He had a book going.
17:49He had met someone new.
17:51Andy.
17:52They were just in love and got married.
17:56Very happy.
17:57Everything was going as planned.
17:59Presumably you're going to be working on new music together.
18:01Four singles, a brand new song.
18:02And you have it already?
18:03Yeah, well we think so.
18:05We had done the better tour.
18:06We had new songs for a new album.
18:08And that brother album is our finest hour.
18:11Everybody was really, really happy and in a good place.
18:14It's a blessing.
18:15Be given a second chance.
18:17And I'm loving every minute of it.
18:31My phone rang.
18:33It was a solicitor by the name of Gerald Keane, who Boyzone had used in the 90s.
18:40The phone rang.
18:41Picked it up.
18:43And Gerald Keane says to me,
18:49I'm sorry to tell you,
18:55but Stephen has passed away.
18:59And I said, Stephen who?
19:10The Boyzone singer Stephen Gately has died while on holiday on the Spanish island of Mallorca at the age of
19:1633.
19:22I had to call Louie and the guys.
19:27And give them the news.
19:31It was late.
19:33We were in the bar, we were drinking.
19:34And as I left the crowd, Ro's voice came louder in my phone.
19:40He's like, Steele, Steele, he's gone.
19:42I said, what, our Stephen?
19:45He said, yeah.
19:46He said, he's gone.
19:48It just wouldn't go in.
19:51What?
19:51No, no, not our Stephen.
19:53And I hear him screaming.
19:56It's freaking hard.
19:57You still hear it.
20:03Can't breathe.
20:05Your legs got from under you.
20:08It would get through in little bits.
20:10And then it would be complete, just break down.
20:18My wall just fell apart.
20:24Numb.
20:31We tried to put a plan together to get down to see Steele.
20:36Our instinct was just to get together.
20:39So that force of companionship and that force of like, okay, where are you?
20:44How can I get to you?
20:45What do you need?
20:46I couldn't tell you the journey.
20:48Couldn't tell you anything.
20:49I just know we got on a fucking plane.
21:00The body of Stephen Gately was found by police officers.
21:03So far, Gately's family have made no comments.
21:04What caused Stephen Starr's death on Saturday remains unexplained.
21:08Miriam got me on a flight to Mallorca the next morning.
21:12I get out there and it is heaving.
21:18There was press everywhere.
21:20It was crazy having the boys there.
21:22They just couldn't move.
21:23It was horrible.
21:24It was horrible.
21:26The kind of cesspit of journalism that sometimes it can all descend into.
21:30Well, what can you tell us?
21:32What's the latest?
21:33Well, Karen, there's been quite a lot of movement here at the apartment.
21:35This is the apartment just beyond me here where Stephen actually passed away.
21:39Suddenly it's immediately like, get the story.
21:45What has happened?
21:46What has happened?
21:49Nobody really speaking in the boys' own camp officially yet.
21:52But obviously there's quite a lot of speculation behind the scenes.
21:55So then you're starting to get around the hotels and what clubs was he in?
21:58You're trying to put this together.
21:59He was found by police and taken here to one of the island's mortuaries.
22:03Although nothing has been confirmed officially, it's thought Gately and his partner arrived back here.
22:08You know, we had no idea what happened to him.
22:10You know, it's only what we've read and, you know, in the press and stuff.
22:15Conspiracy theories are running wild.
22:17All the reporters, they're exchanging stories.
22:19Well, I heard this and I heard that.
22:20Lots of innuendo, lots of chatter about the circumstances around his death.
22:25Some of the rubbish that was written was just horrible.
22:28The worst for me was they were saying it must have been drugs.
22:33I was, like, screaming inside because, like, I knew there was absolutely no way.
22:40It was quite incredible, the most ridiculous articles that were written.
22:44There was one in particular.
22:47Stephen's sexuality had led to his death.
22:51If he's gay, it must mean that he's got this incredibly, you know, outrageous hidden lifestyle.
23:00Oh, he'd been out on a bender and overdosed on drugs.
23:04We were hearing everything.
23:07Having known Stephen for over a decade, he was the last man to, you know, have a hedonistic lifestyle or
23:16a dangerous lifestyle.
23:17It's the first time I've ever looked at my own industry, my own world, what I'd been part of and
23:21gone, you scumbags.
23:23My mother found two men at the end of her bed taking pictures of my parents as they woke, basically
23:34broke into our house and went up the stairs and took pictures.
23:40With everything that was happening, I was just waiting for the autopsy report to confirm that it was something else,
23:47because I knew it was something else.
23:52Pathologists here have concluded that he did not die as a result of alcohol nor drugs.
23:58He had a heart defect that nobody knew about.
24:02Because of the heart defect, his lungs filled with fluid.
24:08We found out I have the same heart condition Stephen has.
24:13Funny how just, you know, a little tablet every day just sort of keeps that under control and Stephen only
24:19knew.
24:21People didn't bother their arses to really read up on what happened.
24:25They just see the headlines in the newspapers and they just assume that he's overdosed.
24:31Oh, you were in that band with that dead guy.
24:34Did he kill himself?
24:35I've gone from not to ten in a second at times.
24:39If you want to insult my brother, I'll fucking kill you, you know.
24:42I don't care how big or strong you are.
24:44You'd have to kill me to stop me.
24:47But to hear that they were now putting, like, a name, you know, to what he died from makes it
24:53a little bit easier just because it was just like you could breathe again, you know.
25:09We brought Stephen home.
25:13Margaret Stephen's mum asked us to look after the funeral arrangements.
25:22We didn't like the idea of him being alone in the church overnight.
25:28He didn't like the cold. He didn't like being alone.
25:32So we offered to stay the night with him in the church to keep him company.
25:42When everybody else left and there was just the five of us, there was a great sense of peace, of
25:52unity.
25:59I don't want to say sadness because, believe it or not, we actually had quite a comedic night.
26:07And the usual joking that used to go on in the very early days when everything was innocent and naive.
26:22For that night, that emerged.
26:27We put easels all around the church of pictures of Stephen.
26:31And we walked around looking at the different pictures, the different smiles, the energy in his face.
26:36And we talked to him.
26:38We knew what his part would be.
26:40We all knew it. We didn't have to say it.
26:42We could feel his voice and his energy.
26:44And we joked and we laughed and we talked about old stories.
26:48And what a thing to share with those boys and with Steele, those very last moments.
26:54We still had him, you know, in some way. We still had him.
26:58Just the five of us together.
27:00And you hold on as long as you can.
27:05Yeah, but the morning came around real fast.
27:16We had a mass, a special mass prepared for Stephen.
27:20It was really only family and the lads and friends, close friends.
27:24And when we turned up at the church, there was people lined for miles and miles.
27:33There was an ocean of photographers, as well, flashing away as we were going in.
27:40So, I went over to the photographers and I said,
27:43You're welcome to come in.
27:44I said, Everybody can come in.
27:46And they all, like, sort of stepped up to come in.
27:48And I said, You can leave your cameras there.
27:50And then you can come in and pay your respects.
27:54You know, because you didn't pay your respects to him when he was alive.
27:58You know.
28:00None of them came in.
28:06We can only have so many in here in the church.
28:09And I know we have so many, many people outside.
28:10So, just thanks to you for coming along to share in this special day to remember Stephen.
28:17Stephen was a force to be reckoned with.
28:20A true friend full of love and friendship.
28:24He brought colour to the band.
28:25And that band now simply feels black and white without him.
28:30We're gonna really miss you, brother.
28:32Love you.
28:34We always will.
28:43Carrying his coffin with the other guys.
28:47You could have heard a pin drop.
28:53And this is on a street that was the toughest part to grow up in Dublin.
29:00And the height of respect that the people showed for this boy from their neighbourhood.
29:09It broke me.
29:15The love he had was fucking gorgeous to witness.
29:19It's a rare thing.
29:21Everybody loved him.
29:23Everybody loved him.
29:24He was a true pop star.
29:26He loved life.
29:28You know, he paved the way for so many to know it was okay.
29:32I mean, I hope that's not a legacy, what is?
29:37When I think of Stephen, all I can see is him being like four years of age,
29:45with his little t-shirt on with Miss Piggy on the front of it.
29:49He was very innocent and shy and just looking up, wanting to give you his hand for you to just
29:56take him.
29:57Just so lovable and kind and, you know, just a lovely person.
30:16It felt better to be in each other's company than not to be.
30:33We decided that maybe, you know, the right thing to do in Stephen's memory is to keep going.
30:42Shouldn't have.
30:45The dynamic changed what it felt like to be in the band.
30:49Sometimes it was hard just to do the gig.
30:51The three fellas and one missing.
30:56The void was massive.
30:58And it made you feel so self-conscious.
31:00It made you feel like we were shit.
31:02It made you feel that the audience just wasn't buying us anymore, you know?
31:10We went on and off over the years that followed.
31:14Ten years.
31:16Couple of tours.
31:19Never felt the same.
31:21For me, it wasn't until he was gone that I realised how much he was the glue that kept a
31:27lot of the band together.
31:31Whilst boys were still being successful, still selling a lot of tickets, still touring all over the world.
31:37To me, it felt as if it was time to take a break.
31:41But rather than splitting up and falling out, announce the farewell tour.
31:48I'm not saying anything's flagging anything, but I'm just saying.
31:53It got more and more intense and relationships broke down within the band.
32:01I spotted arrogance, the growth of ego.
32:07It just became hard work.
32:09Left, left, left, left, left, left, left, left, left.
32:11People started just behaving fucking badly.
32:17And when that happens, something's gonna give.
32:22It came to a head in 2019.
32:29I saw it all. I was ready to get the fuck out of there.
32:33It's when the band imploded.
32:40I'm always ready for it.
32:42You know what I mean?
32:542019 was a tough tour. We went everywhere.
33:00I got a sense that towards the end, people were just holding on tight, enjoying the ride, having fun.
33:08When I can't.
33:12I can't, I can't. I've got to sing every day.
33:14I've got to last two hours on stage and, you know, I've got to be able to perform.
33:17And in Tokyo, I just felt the piss was being taken.
33:27If you're coming tonight, have a great time because we certainly are going to have a fantastic time.
33:32See you later.
33:33I always found going on stage a bit of a party anyway.
33:37It's everyone out there is having a great time.
33:39I needed a great time too.
33:41I mean, they had been out all day and they were drinking all day.
33:44And, yeah, it was messy.
33:50We certainly partied a little harder than we usually did.
34:03It was the end of the road.
34:08I think that they interpreted me as seeing their carry-on as infantile.
34:19Well, that is how I seen it.
34:22I'm sure if you talk to any one of the fans at any one of those shows, they'll tell you
34:26that they had the best night of their lives.
34:28It was the worst.
34:30It was the worst I had seen in all of our years.
34:38So I went at the mall, told them how I felt.
34:41It was a tennis match.
34:43From that guy, to that guy, to that guy.
34:45You're not pulling your weight like I'm pulling my weight.
34:48The job is always done.
34:49You know, he's done a great job.
34:51And we did our job the way we did.
34:53You know, I gave it all at my detriment.
34:58I gave everything.
34:59To be the lead man, you take on most of the work.
35:02Don't complain about us who aren't working as hard.
35:05We don't have the opportunity.
35:07It's very different.
35:09You were the dude who wanted to be in the front.
35:11So take your fucking role and do it.
35:14It had reached a complete stage of malignancy.
35:21I had enough.
35:23The next night, there was a clash between Keith and Mikey in the dressing room.
35:27There were things that happened that were cruel.
35:33And I'm not going to express any more than that.
35:37My mother always said, if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything.
35:42We left Japan.
35:45Some of us not talking with each other.
35:49And yet we still had to do the final five nights in the Palladium.
36:04All the venues we played, however big the venue might have been,
36:07we always shared a dressing room.
36:10Always shared a dressing room.
36:12And when we turned up at the Palladium,
36:16our names are on different doors.
36:19We lasted 25 years flying on the same plane, in the same cars, in the same room.
36:26And the final five shows that we were ever going to do,
36:30we were going to do it on our own.
36:35We went through the motions, got through the five shows.
36:38There was a very, very big anti-climax.
36:40There was no hullabaloo.
36:42There was no group hug.
36:44There was no well done.
36:47There was no one from the record company walking on stage with a ten times platinum disc and saying thanks
36:52for everything.
36:54I just wanted to get out of there.
36:58Get away from that toxic environment.
37:03The realisation came that this is the end of the road.
37:07It's over.
37:08I've been out.
37:21I haven't seen anybody since that night.
37:28that's when i began to understand i need to make some changes you know
37:42i've spent the last 10 years saying yes looking after everyone else making sure everyone else is
37:48all right but only now am i saying no no i gotta think of me so that i can be
37:55here to watch my
37:56children grow up for me personally i wouldn't be able to survive in that that world anymore i i had
38:05to get out and i cannot do that to my family go back in there it's an addictive drug
38:15because i took a back seat for such a long time over my career i feel that i still have
38:21so much left to
38:22prove to myself it's a real head fuck we've all moved on i've got westlife you know i've had a
38:33great career
38:33in music so i'm happy i wouldn't have changed anything it wasn't perfect but it was perfect for me
38:54the music and the stage and the lights i can leave that behind but the friendship i think is what
39:03it
39:03is more than anything else as much as we had had enough of being around each other hello hello
39:12yay boys i couldn't bear to lose any of the boys i hope you haven't been here too long
39:17all the morning all morning put his glasses on too close too close
39:24how are you good to see you luckily jane elson john oh man that's mad you're blind as a bat
39:29i have a lot
39:30of anxiety and i feel a lot of of the pain stuff that we've all gone through but put me
39:37together with
39:38them and that doesn't exist looking well as always you too you're lovely where'd you get it
39:46kindergarten kids
39:50as soon as they walk in the room it's like we've never left no no here we go here we
39:54go here we go
39:55my head's better than yours i'm keeping it it's like we're frozen in time
40:07i wish them the absolute best in their lives i wish them nothing but happiness i hold no grudges no
40:14animosity nothing however
40:21i don't want to go back
40:26to how i felt for many years and to see them
40:33if it were for too long would remind me of that and my future is far too important to me
40:44to waste it looking back at my past
40:49but i wish everybody well
40:53for me one of the biggest regrets is that i clashed a lot with mikey and me and him are
41:00very
41:00very alike the the the amount of time that we didn't get on that took its toll on me as
41:06a human
41:06being you know what i mean it's really sad the time wasted yeah but that's you can't get those years
41:10back it didn't have to be that way if we all had have had better skills at understanding each other
41:22better we're boys and we're men and we don't talk like that it was never in me to go oh
41:29lads i don't
41:30feel great today it doesn't exist in a man's world i wish it had i have parked all of that
41:36emotion
41:37but we were kids row yeah we were kids i was incredibly insecure and i think we all were you
41:43know what i mean like that's they were fundamental years of of you know growth multi-mental mental
41:53there's nothing more therapeutic than reminiscing about the best times of your life
41:59it reminds you of how lucky you have been the rds show the first biggest show back in the rds
42:04i'm looking back at that you know the song that i used to do when i pulled my trousers off
42:08yeah it's
42:08hard to fathom do you know what i mean can you remember the times with steel
42:15i remember being in kuala lumpur and i didn't know if that was south america or asia
42:18you and i with our ghetto blaster listening to bleeding enya you know in 94 95 don't tell any hip
42:24-hop
42:24i am so grateful for all that i have endured and experienced good and bad because it's brought me to
42:40be the man i am today every single day i have something to do with music waking up with a
42:52spring
42:52in my step the guy before i joined boys on was slim healthy fit full of vitality full of confidence
43:03full
43:04of passion that that's the guy that's returning
43:13there's a great sense of liberation
43:19hey lovely holland how's bellies
43:24i think we'll always be what we always are
43:29and that's brothers in arms boys who grew up on the north side of dublin
43:37that got catapulted around the world
43:41there could have been you know a million other lads in ireland that got in that band
43:47but i don't think they would have been as up as the five of us were
43:52and that's what made us brilliant
43:56and when you think about it starting off playing in front of 25 people on the back of a truck
44:01to
44:01to play into 100 000 people in hyde park how amazing was that it's a hell of a ride success
44:11and all of the good times really do outweigh all the bad times
44:18these boys are my boys and i will love them forever in the day
44:24and when we're together stephen gately is alive again and that's what's the most special part
44:31we did have a great laugh
44:35and it's like looking back at a picture saying god this is amazing
44:46that's our story it was a good one
44:52they came to you and asked you should we get back together and do a reunion show what would you
44:56say
44:59well well that's a question
45:04look i'll be lying to you if i said there isn't a spark of excitement in my mind people as
45:11far as
45:11the eye can see and the roar of the crowd that yeah i would love to experience that again who
45:18wouldn't
45:20but there's so much more going on backstage so perhaps leave well enough alone
45:28or maybe i know i said i'll never go on tour again but they stayed there going on tour
45:34i'm not getting left behind you're mad who knows
45:56so
46:00so
46:13you
46:14you
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