- 16 hours ago
The Office UK S01 E01
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00:24I don't give shitty jobs.
00:25If a good man comes to me and says, thank you, David, for the opportunity and continued support in the
00:33work-related arena, but I've done that, I want to better myself, I want to move on, then I can
00:37make that dream come true to, a.k.a., for you.
00:42The point is, you talk the talk, you do not walk the walk, vis-a-vis you have not yet
00:46passed your forklift driver's test.
00:48The man who gives the jobs in the warehouse is a personal friend of mine, all right?
00:52I know the man for the job.
00:56Sammy, you old slag, the Brentmeister General.
01:00Have you advertised for the forklift driver's job?
01:03No, good, don't bother.
01:04I've got the man here.
01:04He's perfect.
01:06As he passed his forklift driver's test, he gives the tests.
01:11Yeah, yeah.
01:12His first aid trained, yeah.
01:15Yeah, yeah.
01:16We'll get a CV over to you this afternoon.
01:20I'm seeing you Sunday, aren't I?
01:22For my sins.
01:23Oh, he's Elaine.
01:24She left it yet?
01:26Yeah.
01:27All right, see you then.
01:30She has left him, I forgot about that.
01:36David Brent.
01:37Yes?
01:38I've been in the business for 12 years.
01:40Yeah, no worries.
01:41Been at Wernham Hager's general manager for eight of those.
01:44So we're putting together my team.
01:48Lovely Dawn.
01:49Dawn Tinsley.
01:51Receptionist.
01:52What?
01:53Do this for ages, haven't you?
01:54Yeah.
01:55I'd say, uh, at one time or another, every bloke in the office has woken up at the crack of
01:59Dawn.
02:00What?
02:04Can I have the mail, please?
02:06Yeah.
02:07Just a fax.
02:09Oh.
02:11Dawn, this is from head office.
02:12I know.
02:12How many times have I told you there's a special filing cabinet for things from head office?
02:15Yeah, but...
02:16Well, the waste paper basket.
02:18You're fine.
02:19Don't get that back.
02:20People say I'm the best boss.
02:21They go, oh, you know, we've never worked in a place like this before.
02:24You're such a laugh.
02:25You get the best out of us.
02:26And I go, you know, c'est la vie.
02:28If that's true, excellent.
02:32Be, uh, be gentle with me today, Dawn.
02:34Yeah, why is that?
02:35Oh, God.
02:36I had a skin fall last night.
02:37I was out with Finchy, Chris Finch.
02:39Had us in a pub crawl.
02:41Elvino did flow.
02:43It's a bit of blooded.
02:44Blood.
02:45Bladdered.
02:46Blottoed.
02:47Oh, don't ever come up with me and Finchy.
02:50No, I won't.
02:51Oh, you've got to go through it.
02:53There's guys my age, and they look 50.
02:56How old do you think I look?
02:5730.
02:5830, yeah.
02:59Yep.
03:00Like that.
03:01But I would have to slow down.
03:03Drinking a bit too much.
03:04If, uh, every single night of the week's too much.
03:07And every lunchtime.
03:14How many have I had this week?
03:15What?
03:16How many pints have I drunk this week, if you're counting?
03:18What counting?
03:18Aren't you?
03:19Hmm, you seem to know a lot about my drinking.
03:21Does it offend you?
03:22Yeah.
03:24You know, getting a little bit, a little bit personal.
03:27Like, imagine if I started doing that with you.
03:31I could look at you and come up with something really witty and biting, like you're a bit.
03:35But I don't.
03:36Because I'm a professional.
03:39And professionism is...
03:41And that is what I want.
03:42Okay?
03:43That's all.
03:46That's a shame.
03:57What's that?
03:58Don't do that!
04:02Oh, eh?
04:03Was it time of the month?
04:06Just the eight pints for me last night, then.
04:08That's all.
04:14Oh, no.
04:15Oh, God.
04:17Boss and team leader in drunken night out shock horror.
04:20It says here.
04:24It's not like I'm out again tonight with Oggie.
04:26There'll be a quiet night in at the library.
04:28Not.
04:30I don't think.
04:32I'm a sales rep, which means that my job is to speak to clients on the phone about quantity
04:39and type of paper and whether we can supply it with them and whether they can pay for it.
04:47And I'm boring myself talking about it.
04:52What's up?
04:54Hey, what's up?
04:55What's up?
04:56Oh.
04:57You're fired, Keenan.
04:58Drunkard.
05:00Hypocrite warning.
05:03Oh, God.
05:05What's he been saying?
05:06It's all true.
05:08Guilty as charged.
05:09Oh, yeah.
05:09Went out with a few of his mates, didn't we?
05:12And he goes, well, tag along if you want, but I must warn you, David, they do get a bit
05:16rowdy after a few pints.
05:17I went, oh, I'll see if I can stand it.
05:18I was worse than them by the end.
05:20They're going, who's that nutter?
05:22That's my boss.
05:23Well, we can't stand it anymore.
05:24We're going.
05:24They just left, didn't they?
05:25I told you.
05:26Oh, God.
05:27Absolutely mental.
05:31Myself.
05:35Well, I think...
05:41See you later.
05:42See you later.
05:43Take care.
05:53Head office don't really interfere with me at all.
05:55Um, uh, Jennifer might come down once a week.
05:58Jennifer Taylor-Clark.
06:00Call her, uh, Camilla Parker Bowles.
06:02Not to her face, but I mean, not because I'm scared of her.
06:05And I've got him off, um, you know, knobby boat and he comes round with a suitcase.
06:08Two for a tenner.
06:09Yes, please, four.
06:10So, okay, meeting with Jennifer Taylor-Clark.
06:14Present.
06:15Hmm.
06:16Right.
06:16Shoot.
06:17Was there anything that you wanted to add to the agenda?
06:19Did no get an agenda.
06:20Sorry?
06:21Did not get an agenda, no.
06:23I did fax you on this morning.
06:24Don't think we got a fax, have we, Don?
06:26Yeah, we may have.
06:27Then why isn't it in my hand?
06:30Because a company runs on efficiency of communication.
06:34You, um, put it in the bin that was a special filing cabinet.
06:37As a joke, yeah.
06:38It's not even my joke, it's a brother's joke.
06:40And it's meant to be with bills.
06:41Doesn't really work with faxes.
06:42Do you want to have a look at mine?
06:45Yeah, sure.
06:45She, she, she'd say she's the boss, yeah.
06:47But there should be no ego when you're pulling together to do something good.
06:54Yeah?
06:55It's like comic relief.
06:58Yeah?
06:59I'm out here in Africa and I'm seeing the flies and the starvation.
07:03And she, if she is the boss, she's in the studio with, you know, Jonathan Ross and Lenny Henry.
07:08They've got their suits on.
07:09They're doing their bit, they're counting their money.
07:10Good luck to them.
07:10But their hands are clean while I'm down here in the office with little starving kids.
07:16Yeah.
07:16Right.
07:17Since the last meeting, Alan and the board have decided that we can't justify a Swindon branch
07:22under Slough.
07:23Oh, OK.
07:24Go on.
07:24No, no, no, no.
07:24Listen, David, don't panic.
07:25Should be good.
07:26This is it.
07:26Go on.
07:27No, listen, David.
07:27No, no, no, no, no, no.
07:28Don't panic.
07:29We haven't made any decision.
07:30Don't panic.
07:31We haven't made any decision, Shad.
07:32I've spoken to Neil in Swindon.
07:34I've told him the same as you.
07:35Yeah.
07:36And it's up to either you or him to convince me that your branch could incorporate the other.
07:40OK.
07:41No problem.
07:42This does, however, mean that there are going to be redundancies.
07:44Oh, I see.
07:45Did I no one to hear that, Jenny?
07:47Because redundancies are a tragedy always.
07:50I wouldn't wish that on Neil's men.
07:51I certainly wish that on my men or women.
07:53Present company accepted.
07:55Is Neil concerned about redundancies?
07:56Well, he is, of course, yes.
07:57Because I'm very concerned about redundancies.
08:00Although I understand if they're absolutely necessary, as a businessman, then does he understand
08:03if they're up to you?
08:03Go on.
08:04Can we not talk about redundancies?
08:05Well, too soon or later.
08:08Yes, but at the moment, what we have to decide is do you take on Swindon's people at this branch
08:11or the other way around?
08:13Yeah, we take on theirs.
08:15No.
08:16No.
08:16You and I don't decide.
08:18I decide.
08:19You do decide, but...
08:19Yeah, once you've made your case.
08:20Based on factors.
08:21OK.
08:22Is there a time limit on...
08:24...that are going to answer machine?
08:25All right.
08:26Not around at the moment, so please...
08:27...leave a massage.
08:29I like Dave.
08:30It's the Finch.
08:31Chris Finch.
08:31Bloody good rep.
08:32There you've got to hang on with your big puff.
08:33Ah, that's derogatory.
08:34That's a shame.
08:35Now, you're in with that Jennifer Watson face today, aren't you?
08:37Give her one for me, sir.
08:38Aw.
08:39Cheers, big ears.
08:40Awful.
08:40Awful man.
08:41Stop looking at my skirt.
08:42David.
08:43I wasn't.
08:43Can we keep a lid on this for the time being?
08:45I really don't want to worry people unduly.
08:47No.
08:48Under this regime, Jenny, this will not leave the office.
08:51So what does redundancy actually mean?
08:53So you'd just go, would you?
08:55I'd see.
08:57I don't know.
08:58Keith and Jamie and I are going to all sort of like having these weird sort of clandestine
09:02little chats about the fact that, oh God, we're going to be out of work.
09:05I could give a shit.
09:16This is Mr. Brent.
09:18All right.
09:19Hi.
09:21That's Ricky Howard from the temporary end.
09:23Oh, yeah.
09:23Furness sent me down to start today.
09:25Temporary.
09:27Staff only.
09:28Ricky?
09:29Yeah.
09:30Ricky!
09:31Ricky, no, Ricky.
09:33What is his girlfriend's name in these tenders?
09:34Yeah, Bianca.
09:35Ricky, leave it!
09:37Did you tell you I was mad?
09:39Well, yeah, she said you had a nervous breakdown.
09:40I haven't had a nervous breakdown.
09:42So...
09:42No, Ricky, sorry, that was a joke.
09:43Yeah.
09:43She said you had a really good laugh.
09:44You know, it's a sorry trait.
09:46We all are, aren't we?
09:48Part of my job description, aren't we?
09:50Unofficially.
09:51Okay, let's get you started.
09:52Into the fray!
09:53Right.
09:54What upsets me about the job.
09:58Um...
09:59Wasted talent, yeah?
10:01People could come to me and they'd go,
10:03Excuse me, David, but you've been in the business 12 years.
10:06Can you just spare us a moment to tell us how to, you know, run a team,
10:09how to keep them task-orientated as well as, you know, happy?
10:13But they don't.
10:14That's the tragedy.
10:17This is the, uh, accounts department.
10:21Right?
10:23The number bods.
10:25Do not be fooled by their job descriptions.
10:27They are absolutely mad, all of them.
10:32Especially that one.
10:33He's mental.
10:35Not literally, obviously.
10:37That wouldn't work.
10:38Last place you'd want something like that is in accounts.
10:42This is the, uh, recycling bin.
10:44Right.
10:45Obviously we get through a lot of paper.
10:47We make a lot.
10:49Sell it.
10:50Yeah.
10:50Doesn't grow on trees.
10:52You know, it's, yeah, it's pulp.
10:54Yeah.
10:55Yeah.
10:56Okay, Mr Davis, can I just call you back?
10:58Something just come up.
10:59Two minutes.
11:00Thanks very much.
11:00All right.
11:01What are you doing?
11:02All right.
11:03Gareth, what are you doing?
11:03I'm just pushing the stuff off my desk.
11:05I can't concentrate.
11:06It wasn't my own desk.
11:06It was.
11:07It's all overlapping.
11:08It's all coming over the edge here.
11:10All right?
11:11One word, two syllables.
11:12Demarcation.
11:13All right?
11:14David Brent, I presume.
11:16Let's just do that to cheer these lot up.
11:18All right.
11:20Send them out to get the plants.
11:21The girls can make them a little bit happier.
11:23Uh, because they can sometimes get a little bit.
11:29All right, let's run out of barracks.
11:30Do you want to get some barracks for Billy Big Mouth?
11:32Take out our petty cash.
11:35Can't put a price on comedy.
11:37Uh...
11:38You're a twat, Gareth.
11:39You're a twat on a nub end.
11:40I'm still not listening, so it's not offending me.
11:42Right, okay, so you won't hear this.
11:43You're the cock, you're the cock, you're the cock.
11:47You're the cock.
11:48Yeah, look.
11:49This is the sort of work we're doing.
11:52Cartoons.
11:54Does my bum look big in these?
11:56It's not sexist, that's the bloke saying it.
11:58At last.
11:59So, all for that.
12:01All for that in the workplace.
12:06Well, it's a scraper first, isn't it?
12:14You've met Tim, haven't you?
12:15All right.
12:16Oh, careful.
12:17Watch this one.
12:18Gareth Keenan in the area.
12:20You're looking new to him.
12:22Injury yourself.
12:22Good to see you.
12:23Um, Gareth Keenan, assistant regional manager.
12:25Assistant to the regional manager.
12:26Gareth's my right-hand man.
12:27Immediately.
12:28Beneath me.
12:29Oh, there's an actor who's said to a visual.
12:30No, he's not.
12:31I'm not.
12:33Tell me about your car and your kung fu and everything.
12:35Uh, yeah, I've got a TR3.
12:36I bought it for $1,200.
12:38Uh, done it up.
12:38Now it's worth three grand.
12:40Profit on that.
12:41New suspension, new engine.
12:42Just a wreck.
12:43Respet.
12:43I've got some fun.
12:43Do him, Sal.
12:45Oh, what is that?
12:46Car, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
12:47Dave, right, that is it.
12:48Slow down, you move too fast.
12:49Solomon's here.
12:50All part of the job.
12:51What's going on?
12:52Put my staper inside a jelly again.
12:54That's the third time he's done it.
12:55It wasn't even funny the first time.
12:56Why has he done that?
12:58Told him once that I don't like jelly.
13:00Don't trust the way it moves.
13:01Yeah, you showed him a weakness.
13:03He pounced.
13:03You should know about that.
13:05Oh, what is it then?
13:06It's my stapler.
13:07Well, don't do that.
13:08Well, eat it out.
13:10There's people starving the world, which I hate.
13:11So, and it's a waste.
13:13So, I don't know it's yours.
13:14Because it's got my name on it in Tippex.
13:16Yeah, don't eat it now.
13:17I'm chemicals.
13:18Right, you can be my witness.
13:20Give him an official warning.
13:21How do you know it was me?
13:22It's always you.
13:24Can you discipline him?
13:25Oh, kinky.
13:30Now, the thing about practical jokes is you've got to know when to stop as well as start.
13:33And now's the time to stop putting Gareth's personal possessions in jelly.
13:35All right?
13:36Gareth, it's only a trifling matter.
13:39Here we go.
13:40We're always like this.
13:41You should put him in custody.
13:43He's going to fit in here.
13:44We're like the Vic and Bob, aren't we?
13:46And one extra one.
13:47Oh, God.
13:48Yeah, I'm more worried, really, about damage to company property, that's all.
13:57Yeah, it's all right here, but people do sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed.
14:06You know, I like to have a laugh just as much as an ex-man, but this is a place
14:11of work.
14:12I was in the Territorial Army for three years, and you can't muck about there.
14:15That's sort of one of the rules.
14:20Hey, dude.
14:21Give it back.
14:22I'm just using it for a second.
14:24It's got my name on it.
14:25Gareth.
14:25Yeah, it says Gareth, actually, but...
14:27Ask if you want to borrow it.
14:28Yeah, you always say no, mate.
14:30Perhaps that's where you should ask.
14:31Gareth, it was just there, OK?
14:33Yeah?
14:33That's his home.
14:34Leave it there.
14:36OK.
14:37OK.
14:39OK.
14:42Philip, get that off him.
14:43Get that off him.
14:44I'm going to stay where you are, OK?
14:44I'm going to let this go, right, unless you stop acting like a fool.
14:47Well, you won't, so...
14:48Well, I have, so...
14:51What if they kill someone?
14:52Oh, kill...
14:53Well, they'll think you're the murderer.
14:54It's got your name on it.
14:56Why would a murderer put his name on a murder weapon?
14:58To stop people borrowing it.
15:01David.
15:02Hey, well, I hate the fact you bring me down to this.
15:04I really do...
15:05I'm sent to it.
15:05Don't wear your laugh.
15:07Well, leave her out of it.
15:07Well done.
15:08You carry on.
15:09Listen, you bring me down to this, mate.
15:14There.
15:16What's that?
15:18Popcorn.
15:19Ben Elton.
15:20Funny?
15:21It's all right, yeah.
15:25Had a bit of a scare earlier.
15:28You too?
15:29I thought I found a lump.
15:31I'm always on myself regularly, but...
15:33It's fine.
15:35Terrifying.
15:37Testicular cancer.
15:39Cancer with them old testicles.
15:43What's that?
15:44It's a bit of prey.
15:46What have you done, then?
15:46No.
15:50See you later.
15:56I've just got a complaint from a very important client
15:59saying that the figures I gave him were wrong.
16:02And...
16:03Yeah, well, basically, I've checked all other possibilities
16:06and it's come down to the calculator.
16:09Whoa.
16:10I don't know.
16:10Circuitry?
16:11Sorry, who is this I'm talking to?
16:13Redundancy.
16:13Is it true or not?
16:14Okay.
16:15I don't know what source your little bird is from.
16:20All right.
16:21You give me a sum, then.
16:22No.
16:22No.
16:23You give me a sum.
16:24I'll try it out.
16:25All right.
16:26Yeah.
16:29Plus 52.
16:30I put 141.
16:33All right.
16:33Well, that time it was correct.
16:35There's nothing set in stone.
16:36Be straight with us.
16:36I will.
16:37I'm being straight with you.
16:38I'm going to be straight with you now.
16:39Because...
16:39I can't tell you at the moment.
16:41I don't like acting like a kid.
16:43Do you know what I mean?
16:44But it's...
16:47What are you doing?
16:48I don't actually want to have to look at you, Gareth.
16:50Can't do that.
16:51Why not?
16:52Health and safety.
16:54Health...
16:55Um, why?
16:55Is it crushed by cardboard or what?
16:57No.
16:58Number one, blocking out light.
17:00Number two, misuse of company firewall.
17:03Misuse of firewall.
17:04Yeah.
17:04See, this is why the redundancy thing doesn't bother me.
17:07Because if I have to work with him for another day, I will slit my throat.
17:13You won't do it like that, though.
17:14Get the knife in behind the windpipe.
17:16Put it down, like that.
17:20Or I could just apply for another job.
17:22Be careful.
17:29Okay.
17:30Um, thanks for coming in.
17:32Um, this will take a minute.
17:33Uh, right.
17:34I am aware of the rumours that have been circulating.
17:37And I just want to take this opportunity to put the record straight.
17:39Yeah.
17:39I'm a team leader.
17:40I should know first.
17:41Yeah, I'm telling everyone now.
17:42Yeah.
17:43Just tell me very quickly.
17:44Just whisper it to me.
17:44Can you just...
17:45Yeah.
17:46Yeah, all right.
17:47All right.
17:47Should I tell him?
17:48You don't know what it is?
17:49All right.
17:50You tell him, then, with my permission.
17:52I don't need your permission.
17:54Permission granted.
17:55Use as you wish.
17:56Head office have deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me.
18:03And Jennifer is talking of either downsizing Swindon Branch or this branch.
18:09Oh, that's just...
18:10And are you going to let her...
18:11No, Malcolm, because you didn't see me in there, were there?
18:14For his eyes only.
18:15I said, if head office try and come here and interfere, they've got me to contend with.
18:18Okay?
18:19You can go and fiddle with Neil's people, but I'm the head of this family.
18:21And you're not going to fiddle with my children, I am, if anyone does.
18:23Yeah, but, David, if they do downsize here, then...
18:26Well, what?
18:27You think I'd let that happen?
18:28It won't be out of your hands, then.
18:29It won't be out of my hands, Malcolm.
18:31And that's a promise.
18:32Okay?
18:32Can you promise that?
18:33Well, in his mother's grief.
18:35Well, I have promised it, okay?
18:38And it insults me that you don't even have to ask.
18:40It's just that we need to...
18:41Sorry, Malcolm, Dawn wants to speak.
18:43Go on, Dawn.
18:43It was just that I was in a meeting with Jennifer,
18:46and she said that it could be this branch that gets the chop.
18:49Oh, my God.
18:52If you were in the meeting with Jennifer,
18:54then maybe you should adhere to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meeting.
18:59Yeah, information is power.
19:01So you can't say for certain whether it's going to be our soul, then, can you?
19:04Right, this is my ship, and I'm asking you to trust me, and you can't go wrong.
19:07It's not a question of trust.
19:08Yeah, it is a question of trust, Malcolm.
19:09Yeah, yeah, it is a question of trust.
19:10Do you trust me?
19:11Do you trust me, yes or no?
19:13Yes, I trust you.
19:14I trust you.
19:15He does.
19:17So, meeting adjourned.
19:19Good, excellent.
19:20I would have said much to say, in fact, I would have chaired a very simple...
19:23Can I just ask, do you trust me?
19:25Hands up if you trust me.
19:26You don't have to.
19:27Yeah, well, you ask them.
19:28Yeah, put your hand down.
19:28No, I need to know.
19:29I'm assistant to regional manager.
19:30Assistant to regional manager, yeah.
19:31Go on.
19:34I'm not worried for me.
19:35I'll be all right.
19:36But if there does have to be a cull, then so be it.
19:39I mean, that's just natural selection.
19:41In the wild, some people wouldn't survive.
19:44I mean, imagine a warehouse where a little midget fella is driving a forklift.
19:52OK, he can't stay over the top.
19:54He's got great big platform shoes on, so he can reach the pedals, because his little legs.
20:01I mean, Anton's a lovely bloke, don't get me wrong, but should he be working here?
20:09Have you got a price for mat-coated SRA1?
20:12If I can't see you, I can't hear you again.
20:16Just tell me, will you?
20:18No, I can't hear you.
20:19If you want to speak to me, give me a ring, OK?
20:30It's on voicemail.
20:31Leave a message.
20:35Hi, it's me, Gareth.
20:37I need a price on mat-coated...
20:39Oh, this is stupid.
20:41Yeah, it is.
20:41This is stupid.
20:43It's so...
20:44Sorry, mate, what do you want?
20:45Uh, I need a tonnage price on mat-coated SRA1, so I've got 160 down here, but I'm sure that
20:51isn't right, because when I spoke to Glyn earlier on, he's...
20:55Right, I know you're not there, and obviously you can't hear that, but I'm not talking to myself, because they're
21:02filming.
21:07That feels nice, actually.
21:09Doing all that with the nails.
21:11Shh.
21:16You actually can't do anything with your hair at all.
21:19Right.
21:20Oh, no, trouble.
21:21Sange.
21:21This is Sange, this is Ricky.
21:23I love it.
21:24Nice to see you, all right?
21:24Yeah, you're all right.
21:25This guy does the best Ali G impersonation.
21:28Aye, I can't do it.
21:30I...
21:30Go on.
21:31I don't.
21:31I think there's someone else.
21:33Oh, sorry, no, it's not you, it's the other one.
21:35The other...
21:35The other what?
21:37Um...
21:37Packy.
21:38Ah.
21:40That's racist.
21:43Sorry.
21:44No, I don't have a...
21:45a great many ethnic employees, that's true, but it's not company policy.
21:51I haven't got a sign on the door that says white people only, you know.
21:54I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow, you know, Orientals make very good workers, for example.
22:01You like a drink?
22:02Yeah.
22:02At the end of the week?
22:04Yeah.
22:04Well, this is why we're going out, so we can have a...
22:07When are you going out then?
22:07...end of the week drink.
22:08When are you going out then?
22:09Well, tonight, hopefully, I thought.
22:11Aye.
22:12Hi.
22:13Hi.
22:13Hi.
22:14Thanks for that.
22:14You ready, yeah?
22:15Yeah.
22:16Um, well, do you mind me if I want to have a drink with this lot?
22:18No, no, no.
22:19Come on, let's go home, yeah.
22:20Okay.
22:20Well, um, I'll be a couple of minutes, because it's only past five.
22:24Right, you should come, you know, be alive.
22:25No, I'd love to, mate.
22:26No, you're all right.
22:26Seriously, we've got to get on.
22:27Okay, mate.
22:41Um.
22:46What's in the boat?
22:47Tell her I'll see you later.
22:48Yeah, certainly.
22:48All right, mate.
22:50Take care.
22:55Dreaded first, eh?
22:57Yeah.
22:57All right?
22:58Yeah, no, all right, yeah.
23:00You've seen the vibe.
23:01Yeah.
23:02Chilled out.
23:03You know.
23:05Oh, dear.
23:06We work hard.
23:08I mean, we play hard.
23:10Play hard, which we're working hard sometimes.
23:12Partly down to me, sure.
23:14Um.
23:15I let them get her with murder.
23:17In return, they let me get her with murder.
23:18You know, the girls love me.
23:19But, uh, not in that way.
23:22But, uh, you know.
23:24I suppose I've created an atmosphere where I'm a friend first and a boss second.
23:29Probably an entertainer third.
23:31Hold on!
23:32Practical jokes.
23:33Yeah.
23:34Right.
23:34Right.
23:35Okay.
23:35Practical jokes.
23:36All right, let's do it.
23:36Don't give me away.
23:37Here you are.
23:39Come in.
23:42Ah.
23:43And then the head office said, uh, yeah, so that'll be good either.
23:46That's for you.
23:46Thanks.
23:47Don't go, uh, dog.
23:48Can you put up a chair?
23:49I was going to call you in anyway.
23:50I need a quick word.
23:55Um.
23:56Right.
23:57As you are aware, there are going to be redundancies, and you've made my life easier, in as much as
24:03I'm going to have to let you go first.
24:05What?
24:06Why?
24:07Why?
24:09Stealing.
24:10Thieving.
24:12Thieving?
24:13Thieving?
24:13Yeah.
24:15And, uh, what am I meant to have stolen?
24:18Post-it notes.
24:19Post-it notes?
24:22What are they worth about 12p?
24:24Oh, got your Bible on you, Mickey.
24:25Yeah.
24:25Thou shalt not steal, and this is only worth 12p.
24:27You steal a thousand post-it notes at 12p, and you've made a profit on that.
24:32Why would I steal post-it notes?
24:34No, to make the little, what, things on the end of joints?
24:37Brunches.
24:37Brunches.
24:38Call you a drug addict.
24:39No, I'm just kidding.
24:40Are you serious?
24:40Yeah.
24:42I can't.
24:43Come on.
24:45I've never stolen as much as a paper clip, and you're firing me.
24:48And the good news is, I don't need to give you any severance pay, because it's gross
24:51misconduct, so you can go straight away.
25:04Oh, now.
25:07That was the joke there.
25:23Good girl.
25:24What's the joke you're doing?
25:26Well done settling in.
25:29Practical jokes for the good.
25:31Thanks for these.
25:32Check them out.
25:34I'll do these now, actually.
25:41You wanker.
25:43Come on.
25:46You're such a sad little man.
25:49Am I?
25:53I didn't know that.
25:57What is the single most important thing for a company?
26:01Is it the building?
26:02Is it the stock?
26:03Is it the turnover?
26:07It's the people.
26:08Investment in people.
26:11My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profit by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing
26:16a single member of staff.
26:18It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but
26:22he came to me, and he went, Mr. Brent, will you be the godfather to my child?
26:31Didn't happen in the end.
26:32We had to let him go.
26:32He was rubbish.
26:33He was rubbish.
26:40So what becomes of you, my love, when may I find this script you are?
26:50The handbags and the glass racks that your granddad had to swear so you could buy.
26:56Now, how will the great feeling?
26:59Now, he will have never seen you room for others.
27:00He will be the genius 회ist.
27:00But I think this will come, ifai asked us, he continues to be nothing.
27:02You were like, we're looking for an extraordinary moment here.
27:02We're looking for it.
27:03We're looking for pages.
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