- 6 hours ago
Rooster - Season 1 Episode 8
Category
šŗ
TVTranscript
00:11you okay it's just so sad Rudolph they're just all making fun of his nose like so what if he's
00:20different and Santa's thinking can't be part of the team like he's so perfect Santa's a fat bug
00:30hey there hey how'd your Thanksgiving go ah good good you write stories for a living Greg do better
00:39good to see you Walt uh it was fine Katie and I were here only bummer was that she
00:47was a little bothered by something she really wouldn't tell me what it was
00:50and she was kind of sad oh I love the whipped cream on the bottom how many of those do
00:55you have a week
00:56it is not your problem it is my problem and I never want to fix it hey just a quick
01:01heads up
01:01there Greg Crystal's back if you want to say hi or something how's she doing you know what I'll uh
01:08I'll talk to her later thanks Walt yeah are you avoiding me oh hi no I was actually just coming
01:15to see you we don't have to do any of that Greg in fact I've made a list of ground
01:20rules so we can
01:21navigate our last eight days as co-workers okay no tight khakis in the office or crotch defining
01:27casual slacks all right I think that applies more to me than to you I'll be doing it too okay
01:32all right
01:33no acts of chivalry to make me swoon I'm still going to be nice to you
01:40okay no smiling or showing any tongue around the office this one's important to me sure no smiling
01:45I don't know if I've ever shown tongue around the office well anytime you open your mouth you're
01:49showing your tongue okay I will um yeah you got it I'm gonna leave now so please don't undress me
01:55with your eyes I will do my best
02:00you're doing it I kind of am
02:02oh I oh I I played before I laugh at me I'm trying trying falling sometimes sometimes flying
02:18cry me and I'll shine up one-liners cool cool cool as I'm sure you all remember the name of
02:31this class
02:32is the art of the page turner so a lot of the notes that you're getting on these has to
02:37do with that
02:37first chapter engaging the audience I wrote a book called swamp blossom in it rooster receives a letter
02:44from an old flame and it says letting you go was the biggest mistake that I ever made but if
02:52you're
02:52reading this right now I'm probably dead thoughts dude who writes a letter yeah and why didn't she
02:59finish it and explain it more maybe she was in danger but she still had time to buy a stamp
03:06and
03:07mail it uh no a lot of old people already have stamps I what's wrong with stamps it makes sense
03:13if you read it it's actually an awesome book Tommy I can't tell you how great it is to have
03:18you in
03:18this class participating again you never say anything when I participate I know here you go
03:26hey minus that's it for today get to work on those revisions that is for you
03:33check it Adderall and Celsius works every time see you girl see ya
03:41are we good I have this psych major helping me visualize you without any sex organs
03:47just a blank hairless front okay I would like to help you get back on track the other classes
03:56yeah I mean I need it my office 3 p.m. sharp right on right on that's for you you
04:03got some work to do
04:16I absolutely love this vest thank you the neoprene raises your core body temperature by 12% plus
04:22makes your guns look good I'd wear it to dinner any updates on all things biotech are you any closer
04:28to a decision moving to New York is complicated Archie's shown that he's a little more invested in
04:34the baby he even put together a list of pretentious British names well I personally would not have a
04:39son or daughter named Robin who would but if he's not going to be super involved I should just take
04:44the job and move right do you mind if I quote Theodore Roosevelt I'd prefer it if you do not
04:51fine look at your life's gonna be full of tests sonny you gotta just keep your eyes open and see
04:56what the world tells you you'll figure it out thank you believe you can and you're halfway there
05:03snuck a little TR there in the end didn't you couldn't help myself
05:09so um why are we all wearing the same bucket hat like it could be our thing we'd be the
05:15the bucket
05:15boys fuck that that was a nice try pig tits you're always gonna be pig tits hey guys
05:20Kirk Rooster hey uh did you see Tommy anywhere you're supposed to be in my office and he never showed
05:27nah he wasn't an econ either maybe he's all sad somewhere because this guy didn't ask him to be
05:32a bucket boy fuck you guys he's on my dad bucket boy you don't even know what a bucket boy
05:38is do you
05:38no I don't gentlemen piggy titty well got your text no I will not create a task force to find
05:45out
05:45who stole the school's mascot nice try don't call back he's gonna call back sorry no it's all right
05:51like seeing you in this boss mode thanks uh ignore I wanted to talk to you about your poem
05:57cherry pop you you get that I'm the cherry popper and that Eli is a cherry right okay not everyone
06:02needs to know I was a virgin you're my muse king but you gotta wait outside I love this poem
06:08it's the
06:09first time you've written something that feels personal so thank you I think that this is a piece
06:15that could get into the review so I just made a few marks to show you where you could push
06:21even
06:21further with yourself be more vulnerable what do you say I'm gonna go microdose my balls off and
06:27give it a shot don't need to know how you get there I'm just excited to have a student with
06:32some promise
06:33Eva is so talented she is don't you encourage her too much she's mine the world has plenty of fiction
06:41writers I mean what the hell is this no they're only doing that because I'm in town do you know
06:47what
06:47they do when poets come to town everybody goes crazy you are not funny your face you are so mad
06:58hey Greg oh hey entering but leaving the door open for both of our safety I know that must have
07:06looked strange but I wasn't checking out my belly button it's okay because it's good for me to see
07:11how deeply troubled you are I am thank you but I need your help what's going on Tommy says he's
07:19dropping out of school oh no no I'm so mad this is such a huge opportunity for him I'm not
07:24going to
07:24let that happen okay may I have your permission to get involved yeah feel free to hit him if you
07:30need
07:30to no I'm not gonna hit him I love him but sometimes I hate him sure did you know he
07:35was a 14 pound
07:36baby no I would have never guessed thank you okay crystal I got this don't do this what don't make
07:51me fall for you again oh I'm not trying to do that I just want to help your son I
07:54just just want to help
07:56your son thank you Greg you're welcome right Yugoslavia's split from the Soviets coming up in
08:05this episode we've got some forged letters even got a cameo from the Greeks my god I love those
08:09swarthy bastards uh actually don't write that down yeah I'm just gonna take that great okay right
08:16let's get it popping what caused this lover's quarrel yes Liv um Tito resisted Stalin's attempts to
08:22control Yugoslavia's policies brilliant as always thank you guys you're so back calm down don't take
08:28your top off at least he knows my name he knows my name even seen a growing resistance across the
08:33rest of the USSR yes Liv yeah Heather here was just saying that economic pressure from the west
08:39also contributed to the split great job Heather thank you great job Heather fucking cut
08:48ah ladies me casa as your casa yeet wow you're a little more pleased with yourself than usual that's
08:55actually pretty hard to do I've got to say lately I feel like I've been teaching at a virtuosic level
09:01uh good moms have scary thoughts what's that oh this is uh this is just one of my parenting books
09:07did you know that 90% of new mothers have intrusive thoughts I have heard that yeah like what if
09:12my
09:12baby gets ill what if I drop my baby could happen what if my baby thinks my hair is prettier
09:16than hers
09:17and shaves my head in the middle of the night very possible gosh that's a lot of hormones running
09:21through your body there darling I don't think you're clocking what's going on emotionally she's
09:28correct but I got you the Montessori book if you want to read up with me though uh see parenting
09:34is
09:34just this kind of instinctual thing you know you really don't have to worry about me being a father
09:39my entire day is just spent molding young minds it's actually funny you say that I was just perusing
09:44your rate my professor reviews online for no reason at all this one tickled me professor Bates is
09:50arrogant and completely self-involved but I don't really take arrogant as a negative so
09:55ah professor Bates is terrible with criticism petulant and defensive well that's bollocks
10:00I'm not defensive in the slightest who'd take time to write lies no okay I can hear myself now okay
10:04well good I'm happy to have the feedback here's a fun one professor Bates has led those biggest
10:10asshole that's not really on there is it no I just wanted to say it Tommy just sit down for
10:15a
10:15second leave me alone I gotta work hey sit down please what are you doing man you can't just drop
10:25out of college wait what don't do that man we need you why not look I only went to college
10:30because my
10:30mom made me and it's not like I'm killing it totally come on is that all college is about
10:36I think so yeah my pop says grades are everything dude my dad just married a chick two years older
10:41than me she's hot it's confusing but you still hit right do they do it in porn guys this is
10:47all very
10:47important stuff but I'm going to continue our discussion over here congrats to your dad by the
10:52way thank you Kirk come on join me rooster you never went to college man no I didn't and I
11:00regret it
11:02when I was a kid I was really unhappy I was kind of a loner still kind of am
11:11I see you walking around campus and you are surrounded by people I wish I had that when I
11:18was your age these guys behind you are such complete idiots but they're your idiots
11:27don't leave them behind
11:31well I live here I'll still see him we'll still hang out right guys yeah stop helping
11:37don't worry I'm not going to be a waiter for the rest of my life there's tons of shit I
11:41can do
11:44I've actually always really wanted to be a cop they are badass excuse me if I could just have
11:48everyone's attention real quick just retracing my steps I was here yesterday has anybody seen my gun
11:56look under your tables look under your chairs how's the rewrite come oh uh it's not you need some
12:05more time no it's just I dove into the vulnerable thing um I hated it it just made me feel
12:14exposed
12:14like not the way that I like to be exposed you know it's scary to put yourself in your work
12:20but
12:21it's what an artist does see that's the thing I'm not like an artist I'm a business major I had
12:29to
12:29promise my dad I'd either be a finance bro or a crypto douche this poetry stuff is fun but it's
12:35an
12:35oasis this isn't gonna be my life
12:43and now Tommy is going on a ride along to see if he wants to be a police officer how
12:48insane is that
12:49sorry is this the kid who sometimes lives at your house who you secretly wish was your son honey come
12:54on it's not a secret are you okay you seem like you're in a bit of a funk these days
13:03don't you have to coach feel like this whole thing started the morning after Walt's party
13:09when I saw you with the two coffees in my business that's what we call a clue trail so I
13:16I think I know what's going on you do you're seeing somebody else you feel guilty about it because of
13:26arching wow nailed it well I am a professional banter driven action mystery writer so true
13:36who's the guy is he here he uh yeah oh really yeah where um right there he's Hunter the guy
13:46from the
13:47bar oh oh yeah I like him he doesn't skimp on the nuts that's what hooked me why don't you
13:54go sit with
13:54them I know I'm gonna sit away honey don't worry about Archie's feelings yeah take care of yourself
14:02okay ask him if he nope I was gonna say ask him if he has any nuts I'm not gonna
14:06do that I will sit
14:07with him to stop this conversation okay love you love you here we go come on come on skate faster
14:15you know they're just warming up right yeah I know me too uh kill him hi hey
14:21rip him up rip him up guys um I'm gonna I'm gonna put my head on your shoulder now
14:29but I'm here on a date she'll be fine
14:37uh huh ah outstanding mascot's back
14:49oh that's not our guy somebody stop him hey
14:55right yes I am the police here hold my beer I'm coming back for that I am the police I
15:01got it
15:02hey
15:09ah hello you hey morning uh been a minute yeah
15:16how was Thanksgiving in Wisconsin interesting yeah Sonny's family are really into this um
15:22uh electronic game called Simon uh sort of this has these flashing lights I know what Simon is
15:27everybody knows okay well I did not uh so much so that they all sort of took turns screaming at
15:32me
15:33oh good I'm glad that amuses you oh I wanted to thank you for getting me hooked on croissants
15:38ah yes yeah it's like a heroin dealer well you know what they say first one's always free
15:43I know right yeah and then you stop bringing them
15:49Katie I should you can't promise someone a thousand days to make a decision and then only give them two
15:55right it's not fair and now I'm getting sad in front of you and I just wanted to come and
15:59get my
15:59three croissants yeah I'm on three now because I'm an animal don't cry darling don't call me darling
16:04and don't tell me not to cry I can fucking cry if I want to and I don't currently want
16:08to
16:08but I'm just having a little trouble stopping thank you okay I hope you're better to Sonny
16:23hey guys what you doing cop stuff he's introducing me to this band called Creed
16:31can we chat outside for a sec so how's it been going guys you've been writing a lot of tickets
16:41we really haven't I mean cars still stopped at that red light back there even after we turned
16:47it off that's too bad wait what I just wish I could show this kid a little bit of action
16:51but
16:52only outstanding felony in town is that stolen mascot costume hey man I'm having a blast he showed
16:58me how to use the radar gun that's right I can run eight miles an hour yeah should have done
17:02track
17:03oh yeah don't think that's fast also I know it's a cliche but they actually give you free donuts
17:07ah think they'll give me some more only one way to find out sport yeah Tommy
17:17officer Tommy whatever his last name is yeah his mom really wants him to finish college
17:22okay my mom really wants me to come visit her and her girlfriend but no thank you Greg if the
17:29kid has
17:29the calling who are you on I to stand in the way of that he's this is not the priesthood
17:33look you need
17:34to back off you need to just let him finish you need to visit your mom just to be clear
17:39I'm not not
17:40visiting because she has a girlfriend it's because her girlfriend is Sharon who happens to be the
17:45absolute worst Tommy is a grown man who can make decisions for himself as can I Sharon you're forcing
17:57me to do this no you're gonna use your get out of jail free card now that is how important
18:03this is
18:04to me that I am giving you that meaningless thing doesn't glaze oh great in the bag oh it's your
18:11gun oh
18:12yeah they said you left it in there last time yes I did and yes that's mine so officer Donnie
18:18was
18:18telling me that there are some downsides to being a cop yeah yeah yeah I was actually um Tommy it
18:28sucks
18:29being a cop sucks wait but you just told me that it was awesome and I lied to you Tommy
18:36because I lie
18:36to kids that's what cops do let's get out of here you can drive yes no no Tommy no give
18:45me that what
18:45I'm driving you take this I got the gun I got the gun I got the gun I got the
18:50gun I still don't see a
19:14downside of being a cop I mean short training good benefits free car yeah at first it is it's quite
19:27a rush
19:28the power you realize you can pull over Vince Martinelli guy who was addicted in high school
19:34whenever you want then you find yourself pulling them over two three times a week just so you can feel
19:42something your captain's yelling at you he's up your ass he's telling you he's gonna lawyer up and
19:48he's probably right you think the guys at the station you think they got your back but they don't they
19:54are all planning a trip to Foxwoods without you no and everybody went they even fucking took Sharon how the
20:06fuck do they even know her I think what Donnie is trying to say is that you have to give
20:11this
20:11whole thing some thought yeah at the end of the day it's just a job yes not that exciting exactly
20:21wait turn on the light nobody's spoken
20:39you're going in the game
20:45hey please
20:47She's going through a time, come on.
20:49Keep the look and have fun.
20:51How the fuck are you?
20:54We're finding in the backseat.
20:56Freeze!
20:57Stop!
20:59Quick, run it!
21:01Come on, her.
21:02Come on, her!
21:09You know, it really bothered me when you said you weren't going to be an artist.
21:14Oh, my bad, Deva.
21:15You know why?
21:17You already are an artist.
21:20And don't get me wrong, I'm not going to call your dad and say she shouldn't work for Goldman
21:24Sachs, she should just be a street poet.
21:26Yeah, yeah, he wouldn't dig that.
21:28All right.
21:29Hey!
21:30Stop in the name of the law!
21:34Okay, look, you said poetry makes you happy.
21:37That's enough, because I know that if I'm struggling, I can always lean on my art.
21:44Anyways, I wanted you to see the mock-up.
21:52Damn it!
21:54Turn to page 20.
21:59I won't put it in there for real if you don't want me to.
22:04Oh, no.
22:05I, uh...
22:07I want you to.
22:11Diva.
22:12I like it.
22:14Can you call me that all the time?
22:15Oh, forever, Diva.
22:17Here comes the hammer!
22:19Let's go!
22:21Let's go!
22:24Taste it!
22:25Huh?
22:26Huh?
22:27Yeah!
22:28Eight miles an hour, bitch!
22:31Pig tits?
22:32Oh, God.
22:33What the hell?
22:34What are you doing?
22:36How can you run so fast with that giant head?
22:39Me or him?
22:41I can't be pig tits anymore.
22:43I thought this would change things for me.
22:45Dude, people are just going to say pig tits stole the mascot costume.
22:50Oh, fuck.
22:52Look, I'll stop calling you pig tits, okay?
22:55That rooster?
22:55Yeah, I'll try.
22:58Oh, man, I'm so fucked.
23:00I got you.
23:01Now, get out of here.
23:01Okay.
23:02Run!
23:04Hey!
23:05Hey!
23:06Found my keys.
23:07They're in the ignition.
23:08Car was on the whole time.
23:10Yeah, I got the head.
23:11Oh, he went that way.
23:12Yep!
23:13Are you sure?
23:14That's where he is.
23:16I hate backing up.
23:18I'm good back there?
23:19You're good.
23:20Go, go!
23:20Can you see?
23:21Yep, go!
23:22Oh.
23:28You're actually ridden it.
23:29Of course I am.
23:30I knew you wanted me to.
23:31Look, bug boy, girl, whatever comes, they will not defeat us.
23:36We can do this shit.
23:41I got a job offer at Bioteca.
23:44What?
23:45Yeah.
23:46Salary's good.
23:47That's amazing.
23:48And they want me to start in New York in January.
23:52But that's not where I am.
23:55I'm not taking it.
23:59I think you're at Don Brady.
24:01Why?
24:01I was learning about...
24:02Oh, now I see why.
24:04This is a lot more fun.
24:07Huge mistake!
24:08Take the job!
24:11You know, I think I'd be a shitty cop.
24:14And I'd let everyone go.
24:16You're just being a good friend to Pig.
24:19J.D.
24:20Wow.
24:21That is going to be a hard habit to break.
24:23We don't have to stop calling him Pig Tits.
24:25You're just not to his face.
24:26Okay, I take back the good friend part.
24:28Bye.
24:32I don't want to sound like a broken record about all this college stuff.
24:36It's not for me.
24:38Look, okay, I can struggle through, you know, skate by with some Ds.
24:44What's the point?
24:46Writing is the only thing that I like, and I even suck at that, so...
24:50What are you talking about?
24:51My chapter.
24:53The red marks everywhere.
24:55Oh.
24:55It looked like my face before Accutane.
24:57And Spooner's was spotless, okay?
24:59Just a big check bus.
25:01Yeah, well, Spooner's paper.
25:04Don't tell him I told you this, but Spooner's not going to be a writer.
25:07Oh, I know.
25:08He's going to run his dad's oil company.
25:11Probably hook up with his stepmom.
25:12Tommy, the reason yours was marked up was because I think that you have potential.
25:18Now, you're just bullshitting because you don't want me to drop out.
25:26Bernice stared down at him on the ground, his blood peeking past his shadow, and she laughed.
25:37One perfect ha.
25:42That's my story.
25:43Yeah, I know.
25:44I have a knack for remembering really good sentences.
25:48I wish I'd written that.
25:50Really?
25:51Yeah.
25:53So I'm good?
25:55Uh, not yet.
25:56But with a little work, I think you could be pretty good.
26:00Yeah.
26:06Good night.
26:09I wish I hadn't seen your dick.
26:11Me too, Tommy.
26:13Me too.
26:22Me too.
26:41Hey.
26:43You okay?
26:44No.
26:45I'm all out of jam.
26:47I thought you dropped out.
26:49I changed my mind.
26:51Good choice.
26:52You know, if something's bothering you, your dad is the greatest.
26:57Cool.
26:57Still not your dad.
26:59Yeah, no, I know.
27:00I wish he was.
27:02My dad does not give a shit.
27:06You're so lucky.
27:08You can, you can go now.
27:10Yeah, cool.
27:12Yeah, yeah.
27:25Hey, sweetie.
27:26Hi.
27:26Hey.
27:28I'm glad you're here.
27:29I got something for you.
27:35Really?
27:36Yeah.
27:37Oh, my God.
27:39Dad.
27:40Got your little helmet.
27:42Please wear the helmet.
27:43Of course.
27:44This is so cool.
27:49What's up?
27:54Um.
27:58I have to tell you something.
28:05So, um...
28:08He's gone
28:11Two thousand miles
28:16It's very far
28:21The snow's falling down
28:25Gets colder day by day
28:30I miss you
28:37The children will sing
28:40He'll be back at Christmas time
28:50In these frozen and silent nights
28:55Sometimes in a dream
28:59You appear
29:05Outside under the purple sky
29:09Diamonds in the snow
29:13Sparkle
29:29Bye bye
29:31I miss you
Comments