- 1 day ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500 a few times that times
00:08:49two.
00:08:50Wow!
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey, this is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:07Jacks and bones and sp...
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11Atlas of Stereos.
00:09:12Yes.
00:09:13Alright, alright, let's go.
00:09:15Yes!
00:09:17Uh-oh.
00:09:18Give me the respect.
00:09:19Give me the shame.
00:09:21Give me the death of my heart.
00:09:33Give me the shame.
00:09:37I tell myself that it was all been dreamed.
00:09:41I'm out of bed, it's a mess on Sunday
00:10:12Get a haircut and get a real job
00:10:15All right
00:10:29My head, I mean, look at it
00:10:32Does it look bigger than it did?
00:10:35Do I look like a big potato?
00:10:38Yeah, honestly
00:10:39It looks great, it really does
00:10:41Really?
00:10:42Really
00:10:43Really?
00:10:44It looks macho
00:10:46All right
00:10:47Look at these, man, look at these
00:10:50Army issue
00:10:51See, I think those are unique
00:10:53Idiotic
00:10:54No, those are unique
00:10:55See, you're distinctive
00:10:56No one has them
00:10:57Really?
00:10:58You're king
00:10:58All right
00:10:59One of a kind
00:11:00They broke them all when they made you, Jack
00:11:22Come on, I can't do it
00:11:24I can't do it, man
00:11:26Dad, I can't do it
00:11:27This is just like your childhood
00:11:29Remember
00:11:32Yeah, yeah, you're right
00:11:34You're right
00:11:34That guy is exactly like my dad
00:11:36See?
00:11:37Come on
00:11:38Wait a minute, though
00:11:39My childhood sucked
00:11:40No, I can't do it, man
00:11:41I can't handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant
00:11:46No, man
00:11:46I can't do it
00:11:47Get the hell off the truck
00:11:52Oh, whoa
00:11:54She can drill me any time
00:11:56On the double right now
00:11:59Come on
00:11:59Move it, move it
00:12:00Hello, sweet pants
00:12:02Get down
00:12:03Get down
00:12:05Rust up
00:12:06And take those glasses off
00:12:08What do you think, you're on some beach or something?
00:12:10No
00:12:10What's your name, Private?
00:12:12Phone's car, we're reporting for duty, sir
00:12:14All right
00:12:15I mean, man, sergeant, whatever
00:12:17You will address me as drill sergeant
00:12:21Don't you understand?
00:12:25Yes, but you don't need to yell
00:12:26Because, look, I'm standing right here
00:12:28I'm not yelling at you, Private
00:12:29Drill sergeants do not yell
00:12:31We simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear
00:12:34That way we all learn from each other's mistakes
00:12:37Oh, okay
00:12:38Thanks for explaining it
00:12:39From here on out, your butt is mine
00:12:42You will obey every order
00:12:45Without question
00:12:48Grunt
00:12:51Oh, you a funny boy, huh?
00:12:54Cutie pie, right?
00:12:55Well, I don't know you, but I don't even like you
00:12:57And I make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier
00:13:00For the next eight weeks
00:13:02I'll be all over your butt like white old rice
00:13:06Is that a promise?
00:13:09Give me 20
00:13:11I want my wallet
00:13:12Drop and give me 20
00:13:14I can't hold this
00:13:15Boy, you better get on that ground and give me them push-ups
00:13:19It's been a while
00:13:21All the way up and down, right?
00:13:24Pump!
00:13:37Get up!
00:13:39Get up!
00:13:40Get up!
00:13:41Get up!
00:13:43Everybody up!
00:13:56Get your butt off that wreck.
00:14:06Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:14:07Get off!
00:14:08I'm off! I'm off!
00:14:11I'm off!
00:14:12Next hand to the Lamb!
00:14:14Next hand to the Lamb!
00:14:16All right!
00:14:17Go!
00:14:22All right!
00:14:23We're going to stand up against Grassfields.
00:14:25Happy to say run in paper!
00:14:26I say go, go!
00:14:33Jack!
00:14:40Yeah?
00:14:41Run!
00:14:42Run!
00:14:43Where'd the sun go?
00:14:44Run!
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, Burris.
00:14:47Run!
00:14:48The sun is gone.
00:14:49Run!
00:14:51We died, and this is hell.
00:14:53Oh, okay. Thanks for splitting it.
00:14:55Run!
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards.
00:15:04Thanks.
00:15:14See the picture on the front of his weapon?
00:15:16Mm-hmm.
00:15:20What's put there for privates like you is idiot-proof.
00:15:28Damn it!
00:15:33The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt, through the edge of your belt buckle, down the seam
00:15:38of your zipper.
00:15:39This is a straight gig line.
00:15:42This is a straight gig line.
00:15:43See it.
00:15:44Learn it.
00:15:45Do it.
00:15:52From here on out, anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me.
00:16:02Conway.
00:16:04What the hell is this?
00:16:06Joe Sargent?
00:16:07I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:12Oh.
00:16:15Oh.
00:16:18Thank you, Joe Sargent.
00:16:20Don't thank me.
00:16:21Thank you, recruiter.
00:16:29Come on, boy.
00:16:30Come on.
00:16:30You can't do it.
00:16:31I know you can't do it.
00:16:35There are two types of bayonet fighters, the quick and the dead.
00:16:37What are you?
00:16:38Quick!
00:16:38What?
00:16:39What are they?
00:16:39What are you?
00:16:40What?
00:16:41What are they?
00:16:42What are you?
00:16:43What?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44They need volunteers!
00:16:48Are you crazy?
00:16:49I sure am.
00:16:50I'm a crazy boy.
00:16:53Hello!
00:16:55Conway!
00:16:56Yes, ma'am.
00:16:57Come here.
00:16:58I'm on my way.
00:17:00Woo!
00:17:02Huh.
00:17:03Hi.
00:17:04Hit me.
00:17:05Let's not fight.
00:17:06Come here.
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sick.
00:17:09I'm sorry.
00:17:09I can't hit you.
00:17:11You're a girl.
00:17:12And...
00:17:13I love you.
00:17:16You've got two seconds to hit me.
00:17:23Okay, but this is gonna hurt.
00:17:24Idiot about it, dear!
00:17:28Oh, shit.
00:17:30I'm sorry.
00:17:30I was just gonna...
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:17:34Never!
00:17:36Drop!
00:17:39No!
00:17:40No!
00:17:43No!
00:17:44Got it!
00:17:45Damn it.
00:17:46Can I please throw up now?
00:17:50No!
00:17:51Get up!
00:17:52Fuck!
00:17:52Get mad!
00:17:53You get mad, you!
00:17:54Get mad at me!
00:17:56Now listen to me very carefully, Private.
00:17:58This is exactly the same as practice, but this is a real live grenade.
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained.
00:18:03Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:04When I give the command to execute, I want you to drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:09Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:10Drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:12Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:14Execute.
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:25Help!
00:18:26Help!
00:18:31Thanks, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:33You saved my life.
00:18:34I owe you one.
00:18:35No, you owe me fifty!
00:18:48Fifty!
00:18:55Fifty!
00:18:57I made a man out of me!
00:18:59Drill Sergeant!
00:19:00I made a man out of me!
00:19:01And that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:06And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:10And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:13And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:16according to regulations and the uniform code of military justice so help me God
00:19:27so help me god it's the uniforms man private Conway never thought I'd say
00:19:44this but I think I've done the impossible I've turned into soldiers thank you drill sergeant carry
00:19:51on this unit three four one that's a soldier hey bones Conway here this is my partner Jack
00:20:08hi Christine nice to meet you look like we'll be working together Christine Allah G.I. Jane
00:20:14it's what brings pretty little lady like you to water pure I wanted infantry but until they
00:20:20asked that crap about women not being allowed in combat I'll just have to settle for kicking
00:20:25your little black that would be nice I see one shut up I'm gonna have to kill your friend hey
00:20:42bones
00:20:42Conway hey Fred Osthoff good to meet you you okay Fred oh man I'm fine yeah thanks thank you
00:20:52so uh what do you do when you don't purify water well I'm going into my final year of dental
00:20:58school
00:20:59wow and then now that is great no it's not why did you know that dentists are more feared and
00:21:07loathed than any other profession that's including lawyers no see I don't think people hate dentists
00:21:12it's just the sound of that drill yeah and then they stick that sucking thing in the back around
00:21:18right there and the nurse says oh yeah that and then they jam those cardboard x-ray things and then
00:21:24it
00:21:25and you know when there's you have a cabinet and they do that little pointing thing and then
00:21:32the nurse leaves and she goes to lunch and she dances out there right meanwhile there is a lead
00:21:38apron right on the thing and you're sitting there like see see that's what I'm talking about if you
00:21:51don't want to talk about it it's okay oh no no it's good we should talk about it because my
00:21:55therapist
00:21:55uh said that I need to get it out kind of like an emotional enema so we talked about it
00:22:01and said
00:22:02why not join the Army Reserve be all that you can be on the weekends maybe it helped me to
00:22:10face those
00:22:11things in my life that I'm most afraid of and what are you afraid of um well I'd have to
00:22:18say uh damn
00:22:20near everything floss hey keep it good morning purifying our water is one of the most vital
00:22:33operations in the military it is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out
00:22:46two soldiers must man the holes at all times this is for your own safety people okay never lose
00:22:55control of your home after careful training you will be able to produce potable water from the
00:23:10most disgusting swampy parasite infected diseased water guys look it's our first glass of purified water
00:23:19water all right go for it man try it nah I'm not gonna try hey you try it I'm not
00:23:28gonna try it
00:23:29we should get Christine yeah she'll taste anything
00:23:38I'm not gonna try it let's get Freddy okay oh Freddy no no thanks I'm allergic it'll make me break
00:23:46out
00:23:48well then who's gonna try it
00:24:08who's the leader of this outfit he is son I've been doing this for a long time and I've
00:24:16gotta say this is the best damn glass of purified water I ever had congratulations you keep this
00:24:23up and I'll be putting you in for private first class thank you sergeant but I could not have done
00:24:28it without the inspirational guidance of my brother the poor man
00:24:43excuse me gonna go freshen up
00:24:50you're not
00:24:51you're not gonna
00:24:53you're not gonna
00:25:28you're not gonna
00:25:43you're not gonna
00:25:48honey wait wait hold it here a second listen hey we're in the middle of the party here you know
00:25:53your friends might come in that'd be cool i don't think i think it's very rude if we stay
00:25:57away more than a couple of minutes two minutes that's perfect we'll have time to cuddle afterwards
00:26:06hold that thought somebody better be dead hello this is an official message i saw a flock of
00:26:16wild geese migrating south i say again the geese are migrating south yeah well uh my goose is about
00:26:25to lay a golden egg so you're gonna have to cruise the south solo okay have a nice flight
00:26:40look you saw the goose i'm the walrus and tall is dead and i'm trying to bury my beak here
00:26:45so give
00:26:45it a rest all right that's it
00:27:01jack get the phone who is it it's a freak going on about wild geese migrating
00:27:14which way who cares north or south south yes yes yes what
00:27:26you guys don't you remember about the code so that if we got called up for active duty then we
00:27:31would know that it was for real it's gotta be a mistake it's gotta chat hello mama it's frederick
00:27:40uh you sitting down chad is in the african country the one that libby's about to invade
00:27:45uh turn off the music
00:27:50you remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland
00:27:53bones why do you think i chose water purification
00:27:57is your brother a poor man no it's because chad is in a desert and water purification is the reserve
00:28:04occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war and there's a desert war and we're going
00:28:12oh that's it bones i'm gonna kill you well go ahead you gotta relax here okay i'm gonna get us
00:28:16out of
00:28:16this one trust me
00:28:30at ease sir i know we're going to chad but there's something that you need to know about jack and
00:28:37i
00:28:37before we go sir yes uh bones and i are very close uh friends
00:28:47very oh i see in that case boys i guess you're not going to chad
00:28:57sorry to disappoint you sir
00:29:03uh just one thing
00:29:07anything
00:29:09kiss him
00:29:12excuse me
00:29:14kiss your friend you don't have a problem with that now do you
00:29:20oh no
00:29:22he kisses me every day
00:29:41just do it
00:29:49is it hot in chad
00:29:51as the libyan raids against u.n forces near the border continue this u.s force is being ready
00:29:58to deter the invasion threatened by the libyan leader in his television broadcast last night
00:30:04and as the build-up here continues the first army reserve units arrived here today
00:30:09these units will aid in the supply and logistical support for the growing u.s presence here
00:30:14these troops are in high spirits and the morale is high and their hopes are high
00:30:19and this mission will remain
00:30:22reporting live from chad for worldwide news report this is stew creek
00:30:44i am first sergeant brandon t williams it is my intention to run this company like a clock
00:30:49if one gear slips in my clock my clock will tell the wrong time
00:30:54if one spring is loose in my clock my clock will tell the wrong time
00:30:57first sergeant williams likes his clock to tell the right time
00:31:00do you understand me
00:31:03yes sergeant
00:31:04what did he just say
00:31:05i don't know something about his clock being broken
00:31:10have my words fallen upon deaf ears
00:31:13yes sergeant
00:31:15i mean no sergeant
00:31:17don't you know i'm your first sergeant
00:31:20well actually i wish you were my first sergeant but i already had a couple ones already
00:31:27drop and give me push-ups
00:31:29you will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as first sergeant
00:31:33is that clear
00:31:34yes first sergeant
00:31:36call
00:31:36one first sergeant
00:31:38two first sergeant
00:31:39three first sergeant
00:31:40four first sergeant
00:31:42five first sergeant
00:31:43don't eyeball me
00:31:44seven first sergeant
00:31:46eight first sergeant
00:31:47eight first sergeant
00:31:48nine first sergeant
00:31:49ten first sergeant
00:31:50eleven first sergeant
00:31:52twelve first sergeant
00:31:54thirteen first sergeant
00:31:55fourteen first sergeant
00:31:57one hundred and twenty three first sergeant
00:31:59one hundred and twenty four first sergeant
00:32:00one hundred and twenty four first sergeant
00:32:01one hundred and twenty four first sergeant
00:32:01one hundred and twenty four first sergeant
00:32:01that's enough
00:32:03son
00:32:04i bet you did a lot of push-ups when you were in basic training didn't you
00:32:07yes first sergeant
00:32:09well you just did your last push-up soldier i will never ask you to do another
00:32:12Thank you, First Sergeant.
00:32:14You just graduated the Peeling Potatoes.
00:32:166,543, First Sergeant.
00:32:196,544, First Sergeant.
00:32:23First Sergeant.
00:32:256,505!
00:32:286,001.
00:32:31600, 1050, 452, First Sergeant.
00:32:35Okay.
00:32:35Shit, I lost count.
00:32:37We got it, we got it, we got it!
00:32:39Look!
00:32:42That's a good one!
00:32:43I couldn't help it!
00:32:44I was just trying to figure it out.
00:32:45You guys get...
00:32:47Oh, I am...
00:32:48Stop it!
00:32:49Okay!
00:32:50Come on, guys!
00:32:51I'm going to put the fire down!
00:32:53Oh!
00:32:57Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:01Oh!
00:33:03Oh!
00:33:20Oh!
00:33:22Oh!
00:33:22Gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag.
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:26Yeah!
00:33:28Dear Bones,
00:33:29By the time you read this, I will already be...
00:33:33What?
00:33:34I will already be in the lawn with...
00:33:37Weed-o.
00:33:39Oh!
00:33:40She dumped ya.
00:33:42Sorry, Bones.
00:33:43I must say, though, this guy sounds really nice.
00:33:45He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea.
00:33:47Jack, don't rub it in.
00:33:48No, no, no.
00:33:49You're better off.
00:33:50She's a horrible speller.
00:33:52There's only one S in loser.
00:33:54Look at that.
00:33:54And immature-ish?
00:33:55I don't even think that's a word.
00:33:57Gabriella.
00:33:59She...
00:33:59She broke my heart.
00:34:01Sorry.
00:34:01Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long.
00:34:08Mm.
00:34:09Mm.
00:34:10Uh, would you mind turning the light off, please, Jack?
00:34:12Oh, yeah.
00:34:13Fred, you checked your bag for scorpions, right?
00:34:17Scorpions?
00:34:19He's messing with you, Fred.
00:34:20No, I'm not.
00:34:22Chad is the scorpion capital of the world.
00:34:25Yep, Fred.
00:34:25They're big ones, too, about as big as my fist.
00:34:28They outnumber people two to one.
00:34:30And that margin grows with every sting.
00:34:34So have a good sleep, Fred.
00:34:36Good night, everybody.
00:34:37Good night, folks.
00:34:38Nice to Alan.
00:34:40Good night, John, boy.
00:34:42Scorpions.
00:34:45All right.
00:34:54I got one.
00:34:56I got one!
00:34:57I got one.
00:34:58I got one.
00:34:59I got one.
00:35:00I got one.
00:35:01I got one.
00:35:03I got one.
00:35:04I got one.
00:35:05I got one.
00:35:06I got one.
00:35:07I got one.
00:35:08Oh!
00:35:11Very funny!
00:35:12We're just trying to help you get over your fears, Fred, really.
00:35:16Fred, don't worry about it.
00:35:17You come and sleep with me.
00:35:18Yeah, well, I'd rather take my chances with the scorpion.
00:35:25God, I hate this.
00:35:27It's not that bad.
00:35:28It's like camp.
00:35:31John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:35That's my name, too.
00:35:38Whenever we go.
00:35:40Whenever we go.
00:35:41There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:46John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:35:50Come on.
00:35:50That's my name, too.
00:35:53Show!
00:35:54John Jacob Jingleheimer-Smith.
00:36:08I love you.
00:36:10I love you.
00:36:13I love you.
00:36:18I love you.
00:36:23Don't eat the chicken and it tastes just like frog
00:36:37Ready go
00:36:42Who do that special force
00:36:4914.11 seconds
00:36:52Try to go
00:36:56He's incredible time me
00:37:01All right
00:37:04Go
00:37:16Well, that is not good what happened that is not good
00:37:27Oh
00:37:28Great it's coming over. Just just don't look at him
00:37:32You lose something
00:37:35Yeah, thanks
00:37:38Put it in my lasagna you better call 9-1-1 get an ambulance find a doctor order toe tag
00:37:43Because I'm gonna tear off your head and spit down your neck. Do you understand me boy?
00:37:48Oh
00:37:49Hey, hey
00:37:52You have to relax a little take it easy
00:37:56We're in the middle of a war and we're on the same
00:37:59Side
00:38:03What America have won the Civil War?
00:38:08If Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt
00:38:12Right on
00:38:12A little knowledge
00:38:13A little knowledge to partay
00:38:17Go ahead, man
00:38:18If our soldiers are American soldiers
00:38:21If our soldiers are American soldiers
00:38:22Acted like this in Desert Storm
00:38:26Sodom the same would still be running Iraq
00:38:28Uh
00:38:29What?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane, right?
00:38:38It's obvious
00:38:40But you regular guys you've been here so long that your brains are fried
00:38:44Right
00:38:44Right
00:38:44So I guess what I'm really trying to say is
00:38:48Come on genius
00:38:49That doesn't mean we all can't be friends
00:38:55Please
00:38:56There's only one problem with you newbies over
00:39:00You don't eat enough
00:39:01No, that's
00:39:02No, that's
00:39:05Watch it!
00:39:06Shut it!
00:39:20As you were
00:39:28Son
00:39:29I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes
00:39:33Yes, sir!
00:39:34Can we count on you?
00:39:36Yes, sir
00:39:37Carry on
00:39:40I happen to know on this base there's not one unpeeled potato
00:39:52I opened up and got the stock in the room
00:39:55I run out of go
00:39:56I heard the Libyans are already backing down and we're gonna be out of here in two weeks
00:40:02Yeah?
00:40:03Well I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops and we're gonna be here till Christmas
00:40:08Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
00:40:10Where are you going?
00:40:13Sound like I got bad breath.
00:40:20Help!
00:40:22And until they comply with you and Resolution 991,
00:40:26I don't think anybody's going anywhere.
00:40:29Oh, you're amazing, Christine.
00:40:31How do you keep up with all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine?
00:40:38Christine?
00:40:42All right, quit screwing around.
00:40:46Chris, send some water with this mud.
00:40:55Chris!
00:41:01Jack?
00:41:07Fred!
00:41:13How does it feel to be dead, motor boy?
00:41:18I don't know.
00:41:19How does it feel to be a dick, dick?
00:41:29Damn it!
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none delivered last night, first sergeant.
00:41:38Goddamn piece of shit, newbies.
00:41:39How am I going to run a decent HQ without my coffee?
00:41:47That is truly a pathetic sight.
00:41:51Who perpetrated this?
00:42:05Who did this to you?
00:42:08Who did this to you?
00:42:08I can't tell you for a sergeant.
00:42:10What?
00:42:10You have too much honor?
00:42:12Oh, I've been threatened with death.
00:42:16Untie these clowns and give me some water!
00:42:27I have an announcement.
00:42:29Do you guys want your water because you're looking a little bit crispy.
00:42:33You better what?
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know.
00:42:35Tell me if this is right.
00:42:35I better call 976, find a doctor and tag an ambulance, because you're going to tear off
00:42:40my toe and spit down my head, right?
00:42:43Do you guys want your water or not?
00:42:45Sergeant, report to Captain Roberts.
00:42:48You've got a mission.
00:42:50Water, boys.
00:42:53Report to First Sergeant Williams.
00:42:54You've got a mission, too.
00:42:56Listen up!
00:42:57Captain Denby says we're going to resupply the forward UN peacekeeping base.
00:43:02This is a very simple, routine mission.
00:43:06You will fall into line in a very large, very prepared convoy.
00:43:09All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you.
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water.
00:43:16Conway, you look confused.
00:43:18Are you sure you want to send us to a forward area?
00:43:20We're just water, boys.
00:43:21You are soldiers.
00:43:23You will get in that convoy, and you will be a credit to the United States Army.
00:43:27Is that clear?
00:43:27Yes, First Sergeant!
00:43:29Then muscle your lollygagging bus for getting chicken.
00:43:31Move out!
00:43:31Yes, First Sergeant!
00:44:01Damn it!
00:44:02Forget it.
00:44:03They're going to send a tow truck.
00:44:08Man, what I wouldn't do for a double meat chili cheeseburger right now.
00:44:13No.
00:44:14A margarita on the rocks.
00:44:16Mmm.
00:44:18Or some fresh, buttery Jiffy Pop.
00:44:21That's not popcorn, boys.
00:44:24Hmm?
00:44:25That convoy's under attack.
00:44:29Really?
00:44:30I don't think so.
00:44:35Maniacs shooting at us!
00:44:37You're a maniac!
00:44:37It's the enemy!
00:44:38What the hell are you doing?
00:44:39Surrendering!
00:44:40Don't shoot!
00:44:41Surrendering!
00:44:46Whoa!
00:44:52Steel!
00:44:56Nice going, Christine.
00:44:58Did you have to shoot so close, huh?
00:45:00You scared the shit out of me.
00:45:01Well, excuse me for living.
00:45:03I was just trying to save your worthless little life.
00:45:05Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience, there's often a desire to have sex?
00:45:11Yeah, Jack.
00:45:12That's right.
00:45:13I feel it.
00:45:15All right.
00:45:17Just not with you.
00:45:19Ever.
00:45:20Got it?
00:45:21Yeah.
00:45:22Got it.
00:45:23I'm glad we could have this little talk.
00:45:25I didn't feel anything.
00:45:27You guys, let's get out of here.
00:45:29The truck's on fire!
00:45:31Yeah!
00:45:33Yeah!
00:45:34Yeah!
00:45:36Yeah!
00:45:36Yeah!
00:45:38Yeah!
00:45:38Yeah!
00:45:40Yeah!
00:45:48Every day long, it's gonna-
00:45:57Explode.
00:46:00Where's the phone?
00:46:04Hello!
00:46:11now rickety tick your mustering lollygaggin let's lollygaggin out of here
00:46:27isn't the road that way taking the shortcut is there one uh-huh the road curves around like this
00:46:35all we got to do is cut the desert here and catch up the convoy over there watch out come
00:46:40on i think i
00:46:41know what i'm doing here i guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys i get very easily
00:46:46car see
00:47:02bones i don't see a road
00:47:04i have the best sense of direction of anyone you know the road's over there three miles maybe four
00:47:12oh yeah maybe ten maybe twenty maybe our truck is sinking
00:47:20no
00:47:42and forget it okay just shut it down we'll kick it out now stand back stand back i'm gonna rock
00:47:47it
00:47:53you're quitting it's not working you're sucking too much sand into the air filter i order you
00:48:00to shut it down now you order me yeah but i'm private first class okay i'm ordering you come on
00:48:07the only reason you made private first class because your brother is a poor man
00:48:20huh you happy
00:48:26yeah well i hope you brought your triple a card let's see
00:48:36well look you cracked the block i could have done it if you hadn't stopped me yeah you're so full
00:48:41of it
00:48:42you know what shut up we gotta figure out what we're gonna do
00:48:46well then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here
00:48:49private first class bones one with the highest rank all you had to do jack was just
00:48:54listen to me okay i was trying to all i've ever done is listen to you and look where it's
00:48:58taken me
00:48:58look we're in the middle of some african hellhole
00:49:02under a flesh frying sun with the sky filled with vultures ready to pluck out my eyeballs
00:49:09vultures don't come around unless something's about to die
00:49:29are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket oh that's gonna look sexy
00:49:36jack tomorrow we have to walk away from this water truck we have two canteens between us we're
00:49:42gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water and then we have more water am i the only
00:49:46person
00:49:46who paid attention in survival class
00:49:52there's a scorpion on my back there's a scorpion on my back that's enough there's not a scorpion on
00:49:58your back there's nothing on your back you keep on imagining things
00:50:11thank you i needed that
00:50:14i'm sorry i snapped look you don't have to apologize
00:50:20you're right i see things very clear now all right
00:50:25look guys i want to apologize to everybody okay
00:50:29he's okay like a brand new man all right now can we get some rest
00:50:33okay thank you
00:50:44what are you doing just felt like
00:50:50he's always playing
00:50:52did you guys see that thing it was
00:51:04follow me i know exactly where i'm going
00:51:09trust me
00:51:35you guys get down i see something get down
00:51:49it's a truck there's the road we are safe i told you i had a flawless sense of direction
00:51:56what a coincidence that truck looks
00:52:00it looks like our truck
00:52:09hey listen you guys hey i figured out why we went in circles do you remember our map reading class
00:52:15we didn't follow the sun
00:52:22look this stream is due west all we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning
00:52:28and towards the sun in the afternoon we should be there by nightfall
00:52:32so you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again just to follow another one of your
00:52:38half-baked plans
00:52:40i'm not saying anything okay i mean i'm pretty sure this is gonna work
00:52:43but since i let us down before i say from here on in we put everything to a vote
00:52:49we can't vote
00:52:51you order we follow
00:52:53okay why order us to vote
00:52:55that is not how the army goes you have to tell us what to do
00:53:00what if i'm wrong
00:53:02then
00:53:04we die
00:53:10i order us
00:53:13to do a sunbaked
00:53:15plan thing
00:53:17we're dead
00:53:21hey guys
00:53:22just think of it as a
00:53:24very long day
00:53:26on a very big beach
00:53:28in a very dry year
00:53:50wait a minute it's the ocean
00:53:53i don't see anything
00:53:54what are you blind
00:53:55the waves
00:53:57it's the ocean
00:53:58it's a mirage
00:54:01it is a mirage
00:54:03and there's caesars
00:54:04and right across the street is the barbary coast
00:54:07so you can get a $3.99 buffet
00:54:09and it's the ocean
00:54:11come on
00:54:13come on
00:54:14go
00:54:16come on
00:54:17come on
00:54:34here's the canteen
00:54:35go get your boy
00:54:36cause he's bugging
00:54:51you okay man
00:54:52you okay here
00:54:54take a sip
00:54:57listen
00:54:59look jack
00:54:59we got two choices
00:55:01one
00:55:02we can put your clothes back on
00:55:04we can get ourselves out of this mess
00:55:05go back to glendale
00:55:06start up our own store
00:55:07become rich and famous
00:55:09or two
00:55:11you can lie here butt naked
00:55:12and crushed away
00:55:13leaving your skull to be found
00:55:14by a young arabic prince
00:55:16that's gonna use it for an ashtray
00:55:21you don't want that
00:55:22in your head
00:55:23you make the call
00:55:25come on
00:55:25let's get out of here
00:55:27what do you say
00:55:28come on
00:55:29here
00:55:31here
00:55:31here
00:55:32here
00:55:33here
00:55:33here
00:55:33here
00:55:33here
00:55:34here
00:55:34here
00:55:34here
00:55:34here
00:55:35here
00:55:35here
00:55:36here
00:55:41hey
00:55:43oh
00:55:43oh
00:55:44oh
00:55:44jack look at that ass
00:55:45maybe he should stay naked
00:55:47get some sun on those cheeks
00:55:57what
00:55:58oh man
00:55:59oh man
00:55:59man now i'm seeing things
00:56:00the palm trees
00:56:01the palm trees right on the horizon
00:56:02oh it's another mirage
00:56:04oh my god i see it too
00:56:06it's not a mirage
00:56:08those are the palm trees
00:56:10it's the oasis
00:56:12oh man
00:56:13you saved our life
00:56:21where's my kiss
00:56:22Christine
00:56:30the street was due west right it was on the map right where's the water
00:56:36here
00:56:37here
00:56:38this is
00:56:40sand
00:56:47nobody move
00:56:50there is a big snake right by your feet
00:56:55no
00:56:57thanks for not moving jack
00:57:01throw me
00:57:02throw me
00:57:03the gun
00:57:04if you don't attack it
00:57:06it'll go away
00:57:07i don't want it to go away i want to have it for dinner
00:57:10throw me
00:57:11the gun
00:57:23you want some of this baby huh
00:57:26there you go
00:57:27come on
00:57:27oh
00:57:29oh
00:57:29oh no
00:57:31i'm still gonna get ya
00:57:36let's die for me
00:57:37i'll kill ya
00:57:41huh
00:57:43shoulda budda da da da da
00:57:50huh
00:57:52it's a win-win situation
00:57:57will you look at that
00:57:59water from the bullet hole
00:58:14is it snake yet depends how you like it well done used to be afraid of scorpions now he's
00:58:22eating snake that is impressive for him i thought we were all gonna die but you pulled us through
00:58:33i don't know how but thank you
00:58:47that was uh
00:58:50pretty exceptional so what are you gonna do if i get us rescued
00:58:59um i will take off all your clothes
00:59:06tie you to the bed
00:59:11rub warm oil all over your body from the bottom of those feet to the top of that head
00:59:19and proceed to have the nastiest freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined
00:59:30oh that's it damn it i saw her first and look what happens same thing that happened with gabriella
00:59:37i saw her first and and and wanda tushman in the third grade i saw her first and that girl
00:59:43in palm
00:59:43springs it turned out to be the guy i saw that thing first too you know why i'm not just
00:59:49strangling you
00:59:50right now because you can't cook a snake no because no matter how long we've been friends
00:59:57i never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would save our lives let alone kill a snake
01:00:04but you did oh hey man thanks yeah
01:00:09i think it's the un flag we're safe
01:00:14guys christine and i are gonna need some time alone
01:00:17sure man
01:00:22in the situation room of the white house today and the president is scheduled to address the
01:00:28nation tomorrow at 6 p.m eastern standard time we will of course welcome you are the reservist
01:00:34from glendale california correct this all according to wnr you are presumed dead in a truck explosion
01:00:41um where are we you're on a military base well inside libya that is all you need to know oh
01:00:50i forgot to mention the war is starting tomorrow how'd you know that american tv
01:00:59your country is expected to start bombing our air bases tomorrow and when that happens we will
01:01:05unleash missiles with chemical warheads against your bases consider yourself lucky to be here
01:01:11sleep well
01:01:14you know this is fine it's like the time you got us arrested to you wanna except for in libya
01:01:20and your dad's not gonna pick us up here brother
01:01:25yo it's you guys also american
01:01:32oh see i see i was wounded and i don't feel well please sing a song to comfort me
01:01:38sing a song any song oh okay rescue me
01:01:48uh-huh i want your tinder sounds cause i don't know
01:01:53my team was on strategic recon huh you know that's when you go behind enemy lines and you try to
01:02:02locate their assets like tanks and bunkers we were on our way to resupply drop and we were ambushed the
01:02:07other guy's going to go behind enemy lines and you try to locate their assets like tanks and bunkers we
01:02:08were on our way to resupply drop and we were ambushed
01:02:08you guys were killed killed killed
01:02:09killed
01:02:13took a bullet in the leg and they brought me here
01:02:16uh-huh
01:02:17i don't know any words to this song
01:02:20kiss me baby
01:02:21kiss me baby
01:02:22kiss me baby
01:02:23kiss me baby
01:02:38look it's the duty of every p.o.w. to try and escape
01:02:41we're in the middle of a desert what good is it gonna do for us to escape
01:02:44to complete the recon mission soldier
01:02:46a special operations cargo plane was instructed to make a supply drop at a rendezvous point about 15k north here
01:02:53if we can get off this base i can get us to the rendezvous want
01:02:56you're insane okay the libyans are gonna launch chemical weapons we're much safer here
01:03:00no i'm a soldier and i got a job to do
01:03:03so are you
01:03:04now get to work
01:03:07i'm lonely
01:03:10yeah
01:03:10rescue me
01:03:24uh-huh
01:03:28my heart
01:03:30you know what you didn't scare me i just felt like screaming
01:03:34don't worry about it most men think i'm scary
01:03:40so you can't sleep huh
01:03:42i'm too excited
01:03:44excited they might torture us tomorrow they might even even kill us
01:03:47i know it's just like the night before christmas
01:03:50yeah well at my house we got presents
01:03:53i'm talking about
01:03:54the anticipation
01:03:57we might die
01:03:59we we we might escape it
01:04:01we don't know what's gonna happen
01:04:02that's the coolest thing in the whole world
01:04:04most girls are into horses and stuff
01:04:07you're weird
01:04:10most men say that too
01:04:14i like it
01:04:17you do
01:04:19yeah horses are boring
01:04:30so
01:04:31if i do get us out of here and i will
01:04:35is it true what you said about tying me up and all that wild sex stuff
01:04:40i'll have you kiss me again
01:04:50i think i got it
01:04:52wait
01:04:52look
01:04:53look at it
01:04:54you got it
01:04:54look
01:04:56oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:58oh
01:04:59oh
01:05:01stern
01:05:03stern
01:05:03you gotta wake up i can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06it's not an alarm it's an air raid silence
01:05:08oh thank god
01:05:11i thought i was having another panic attack
01:05:18oh
01:05:19oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:20oh
01:05:21oh
01:05:21oh
01:05:22oh
01:05:22oh
01:05:23oh
01:05:23oh
01:05:28oh
01:05:28oh
01:05:34oh
01:05:34oh
01:05:34oh
01:05:35oh
01:05:35oh
01:05:35oh
01:05:36oh
01:06:09that was good just a little more to the left we got him yeah you guys just keep trying do
01:06:14you
01:06:14guys realize what we are doing right now this is a scene from pirates of the caribbean all we need
01:06:21is that mangy dog right and then we can go why just try it again
01:06:57how much do you love me
01:07:09i'm sorry i don't get it what is it with us and trucks i mean we get them we break
01:07:13them we smash
01:07:14them we crash them we run out of gas i don't get it yes yes yes i understand that but
01:07:18we're not
01:07:18getting tortured by baba gadoosh right now okay no instead we're lost in the desert again without
01:07:25food and water again stuck with this special forces guy he can't even walk because he got his leg shot
01:07:31up fred we're free damn we're gonna die free or maybe not
01:07:4455 american dollars and then on top of it see this chuck serious bona fide libyan army
01:07:53fighting machine and it's all part of this amazing offer my friend and maybe if you're lucky might
01:07:59even have a cool eight track you can play a buddha buddha buddha stuff on it
01:08:04huh and you asked me how could it be why such a deal because we're crazy boys we're giving it
01:08:11away
01:08:21you like this watch is it interesting
01:08:23no no no no no no no no not the watch come on it's got the phases of the moon
01:08:29and the compass
01:08:32what this has a compass yeah really yeah well we've been stuck in the desert for three days and
01:08:38you're telling me this watch has a compass sorry oh jack oh you're gonna get some noogies later i'm
01:08:43gonna just pound you like this i forgot yeah well uh about the compass well you're gonna forget about
01:08:48your little watch here jack because it's gone here you go my friend hey you guys in my life i've
01:08:56seen
01:08:56a lot of camel's toes but i never see one in a camel i think he's got a crush on
01:09:04you bones
01:09:06really how can you tell because he's been nibbling on your ears yeah and licking on your neck
01:09:14it's okay you're just a camel
01:09:20our supply drops on the other side of that libyan base what libyan base paul are you blind
01:09:27it's a libyan base covered with a camo tint what are you talking about i guess we're gonna have to
01:09:32go around it around what see that jeep right there i see the jeep okay but i certainly don't
01:09:41you mean that libyan base the one under the camo tint i thought you guys were talking about some
01:09:48other libyan base will there be medical supplies medical supplies uniforms food water radio everything
01:09:55yeah but where is it it's supposed to be right here hey you guys come on
01:10:04hey come on you guys come on
01:10:26hot wheels
01:10:43stearn these things are intense no wonder people join the army be all that you can be in the army
01:10:52what happened to him his leg looks pretty bad i think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood
01:10:58but look at his gums they're fabulous man not a touch of gingivitis he's been flossing
01:11:03yeah but why is he acting so wasted oh that's the morphine absolutely the morphine better
01:11:12hello somebody answer us please you gotta believe us we're stuck out here in the middle please just
01:11:18get a hold of yourself soldier oh thank god it's you listen don't say my name what did i say
01:11:25to you
01:11:25when you first arrived in chad uh something about your clock being broken close enough okay calm down
01:11:33son we're gonna get you out of there now listen carefully your call sign is now glendale our call
01:11:40sign is now burbank did you recover the fast attack vehicles glendale oh you mean those doom buggies yeah
01:11:48those things are intense good this equipment was intended for the special forces team to carry out a
01:11:53vital mission you are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place say what
01:12:01you have to take over glendale listen let me explain something first of all sergeant we're water
01:12:08boys okay your soldiers first glendale now listen up the libyans have a mobile scud launching base
01:12:17right in your area these scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at u.s bases our aerial
01:12:24photographs haven't been able to find them you want us to find them well what about stern stern can find
01:12:30him he'll be up pretty soon stern daddy why can't i go to ballet class teacher says i'm a natural
01:12:38these scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage camouflage why didn't you say
01:12:46so in the first place listen we saw the thing this morning stern wrote down the coordinates right stern
01:12:51we'll tell you where it is you guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it come on
01:12:56send the air force
01:12:57it's not enough to tell us you have to go back there and paint it paint it trust me it
01:13:04looks
01:13:04perfectly fine the way it is i mean paint it with the laser the laser target designator is in your
01:13:11equipment all you have to do is return to that base point the laser at it and call me back
01:13:17on the radio
01:13:18the air force will do the rest you can be a mile away in perfect safety
01:13:24all right wait a minute chris what get over here no bones they can't make us do anything we don't
01:13:31we don't know how to use this stuff fred do you use lasers in dentistry right i know what's going
01:13:37on
01:13:37you're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser right no my laser was a little itty bitty laser
01:13:41this is a big laser there's a difference glendale glendale no no can't they just evacuate the bases
01:13:48yeah or we can take an hour out of our busy lives hop in these cool doom buggies pop the
01:13:53base with the
01:13:54laser and let the air force blow the hell out of it now you listen to me glendale please hold
01:13:58yourself
01:13:59there one second i'm just trying to have a moment with my friends is that okay just have a cup
01:14:03of java
01:14:04please chill fred when you first got here you were completely freaked right yeah and now look at
01:14:14you huh you're a regular gi joe a fighting man from head to toe and chris you wanted infantry
01:14:22well now's your chance let's see what you got
01:14:27and jack my friend you were a complete screw-up
01:14:31but now look at you you're still a screw-up but if you did this and you survive you'd have
01:14:36stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids basically you guys up to a few months ago we were
01:14:42all a bunch of minimum wage losers from glendale but this whole event has changed our lives you know
01:14:47who we owe it to the army this is something we gotta do come on go with it chris i
01:14:54know you're with me
01:14:57oh yeah
01:14:57yeah boy
01:14:58hmm fred listen if you can't handle it i understand man i can handle it
01:15:03jack what do you say man
01:15:06oh i say i say you're crazy i think you're all nuts
01:15:11but you're the the private first class i'm the private i'm gonna follow you my friend wherever
01:15:17all right you guys let's do this thing kick it man dan you ready let's go bone i know i
01:15:26know
01:15:26it's just a little bit of business i have to take care of
01:15:33i you're gonna have to go now you're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be
01:15:48all right all right troops let's go bust some scuds
01:16:16so
01:16:22so
01:16:23so
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:54Nothing.
01:16:54I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweet Pants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale.
01:17:14The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:19It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target
01:17:22until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long.
01:17:29I'm good to go.
01:17:31No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good.
01:17:34Lay low.
01:17:35And report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:09Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room
01:18:12where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorrow.
01:18:15Fuck off!
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale.
01:18:40And keep that laser on the target.
01:18:42On the target?
01:18:43We are the target!
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up!
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it.
01:18:53Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of here.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale Waterboy.
01:19:16Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:40Reload.
01:19:50Reload.
01:20:19Oh, shit.
01:20:21Missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where you going, soldiers?
01:20:26We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet.
01:20:34The bomb's messed.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit.
01:20:37You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:40Wait one.
01:20:49Lindale.
01:20:50The backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54ETA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes?
01:20:56What, are you crazy?
01:20:57We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs.
01:21:01We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:18Oh, shit.
01:21:19Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner.
01:21:23The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:25Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey!
01:21:30Hey!
01:21:31Where's he going?
01:21:39Hey!
01:21:40Hey!
01:21:40Hey!
01:21:40Hey!
01:21:41Hey!
01:21:42Hey!
01:21:42Hey!
01:21:43Hey, what?
01:21:44Hey!
01:21:45Hey!
01:21:46Hey!
01:21:50You stay right here.
01:21:52I gotta go.
01:21:57Hey!
01:22:00Oh!
01:22:01Hey!
01:22:02Hey!
01:22:03Hey!
01:22:04Hey, guys.
01:22:05Move over.
01:22:06Oh.
01:22:09Cockfiring mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:15Shut up.
01:22:28Aim to set range if known or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time when I'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a
01:22:37putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up.
01:22:39I'm not good with directions.
01:22:42Push.
01:22:43Safety.
01:22:44And hold down.
01:22:46Okay, now everybody back.
01:22:48Fire.
01:22:49My push and trick.
01:22:55Suck on this at once time!
01:23:05Sorry.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:13Whoa!
01:23:27Whoo!
01:23:29Whoo!
01:23:31Whoo!
01:23:33Yeah!
01:23:39Whoo!
01:23:41Yee-hoo!
01:23:42Yee-hoo!
01:23:43Yee-hoo!
01:23:45Yee-hoo!
01:23:47Yee-hoo!
01:23:47Yee-hoo!
01:23:48Yee-hoo!
01:23:49Yee-hoo!
01:23:50Guys, on my signal, everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:54Make them think we've got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57Okay.
01:23:57One, and go!
01:24:00Yee-hoo!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:17I can't believe we scared them!
01:24:21Yee-hoo!
01:24:21Yee-hoo!
01:24:22Yee-hoo!
01:24:24Yee-hoo!
01:24:25Yee-hoo!
01:24:25Yeah, don't mess with the Glendale Reserves!
01:24:29Behind us!
01:24:30Two weeks a year, one week in a month, we're the few!
01:24:35We're the proud!
01:24:36We're the water boys!
01:24:41All stuck!
01:24:42Get down!
01:24:44Get down!
01:25:11Get down!
01:25:14Yee-hoo!
01:25:17Whooo!
01:25:20Yes!
01:25:22Woo!
01:25:22Woo!
01:25:23Woo!
01:25:31Woo!
01:25:33Yay!
01:25:35Woo!
01:25:35Hey, all right, start phones.
01:25:38Not bad for a bunch of waterboys, huh?
01:25:40No, soldiers, I'm proud of you guys.
01:25:44Not now!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves.
01:25:56Congratulations, you did an outstanding job.
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant, it was an adventure.
01:26:35You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:26:37Come on.
01:27:17You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:36You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:37You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:39You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:40You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
01:27:41You're going to have to go get a blood test phone.
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