- 46 minutes ago
In the Army Now 1994 [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01See how I just blow those guys? Look, and there's the thing.
00:00:04Look up, look up, look up!
00:00:05No under-
00:00:06Huh?
00:00:09Game over you again!
00:00:11Shouldn't we get back to work?
00:00:12I'm working. Look, I'm testing on new products.
00:00:15What are you so paranoid for anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store.
00:00:18Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place.
00:00:21Do you think I'm scared of that?
00:00:22What is he? Looks like a lurch.
00:00:25I'm Quinn.
00:00:26Are you afraid of him? No.
00:00:28Bones!
00:00:30Quinn's looking for you.
00:00:32I told him you were playing video games.
00:00:34Here, hold this, okay? I gotta do something.
00:00:36Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh?
00:00:38Bop, bop, bop!
00:01:05This is all for you. See all the money I'm saving?
00:01:09Wow, Quinn, look at you. You're looking fantastic. Is that a new suit?
00:01:12It's gotta be Armando.
00:01:15Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Oh, it's JCPenney.
00:01:18Well, at least you wear it well.
00:01:19Is that brood I smell?
00:01:20What did we say about leaving the sales floor?
00:01:24You told me not to, and I won't. If this place catches fire, I'm selling tape decks to the firemen.
00:01:29You're not selling anything to anybody. That's why we're letting you go.
00:01:33Where?
00:01:33Home.
00:01:34No, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. Come on. I'm a crazy boy. I'm a dedicated crazy
00:01:39boy.
00:01:40Bones, let's not drag this out.
00:01:41No, Quinn, hey, look. Come on, please. I mean, my rent's due. My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please,
00:01:47come on.
00:01:47No, Bones. No, not this time.
00:01:49Please, there's a lot of personal things. Please don't let me. Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be
00:01:54crazier.
00:01:55Let go of my life.
00:01:56I could be totally insane.
00:02:00Bones, let go of my life.
00:02:01Bones, you have a customer waiting.
00:02:05You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer. A customer who evidently asked for me by name.
00:02:15Hi. May I help you, miss?
00:02:16Yes. You sold me this watchman last week, and I'm afraid I have to return it.
00:02:21See, I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small to ruin your eyesight.
00:02:25And besides, I can tell the one you really want is this one.
00:02:27This is our top of the line.
00:02:29Our very best 35-inch projection stereo color monitor with advanced super digital PMP.
00:02:36I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range.
00:02:38Not with our $200 rebate. No money down. 10-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan.
00:02:43You ask yourself, how could it be? Right?
00:02:47Because we're a crazy voice.
00:02:51Sorry, they make us do that.
00:02:52That's a very nice offer, but this is just...
00:02:55Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight.
00:02:58Really?
00:02:59Uh-huh. Four out of five optometrists recommend it.
00:03:03Okay. I'll take it.
00:03:06Okay. Here you go.
00:03:07Fantastic. I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything.
00:03:11Thank you very much.
00:03:12Come to the front. You're needed for a carry-out.
00:03:15Huh?
00:03:17Hmm?
00:03:18Come on. Am I not still a crazy boy?
00:03:23That is brute I smell, you pervert.
00:03:30Bones!
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:42Gabriella, you were outstanding.
00:03:44Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt. Okay? I work, too, you know?
00:03:49I know. It was an emergency. The guy was about to fire me.
00:03:52Right. It's always an emergency. They better take that TV back.
00:03:55Hey, they're gonna take it back.
00:03:57Now, how about just giving your little Italian sausage man a little kissy-poo?
00:04:03Chad, the U.S. has issued strong warnings that...
00:04:08You are so irresponsible.
00:04:11You should be serious for one minute.
00:04:13It's okay. I'll be serious. Let's get naked.
00:04:17Not now. Not here.
00:04:19Why? Don't you love me anymore?
00:04:21Yes, yes, of course I love you.
00:04:23Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us.
00:04:27I don't care about that perverted fat's on a JCPenney suit.
00:04:32Bones!
00:04:34Jack, turn it off.
00:04:35Turn it off!
00:04:47Well, I can't...
00:04:54I can't believe he actually fired us.
00:04:57Oh, come on. Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets.
00:05:00Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties?
00:05:01I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all those TVs.
00:05:05No problemo, my friend. I was sick of getting down on my knees for that guy anyways.
00:05:10Whoa. Bones. I had no idea.
00:05:13Begging for my job.
00:05:15You know what, Jack, though? This is amazing. You know what this does?
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:19This brings us one step closer to the, uh, store.
00:05:23No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer to living in the dumpster.
00:05:27How are we gonna get the rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment?
00:05:31Excuse me, can we play through?
00:05:33Yeah.
00:05:35Sorry, we're just...
00:05:36Disgusting.
00:05:41Oh, my God.
00:05:42Hey, Army!
00:05:44Navy!
00:05:45Air Force!
00:05:46Marines!
00:05:47No.
00:05:48Did you order a code red?
00:05:51Answer me! Did you order a code red, man?
00:05:54You want the truth. You can't handle the truth.
00:05:57Yay. He's goofing off.
00:06:00Wow, that was my Nicholson impression.
00:06:03Good.
00:06:04I do it sometimes when I play golf.
00:06:08Bones, come on, man.
00:06:09See, I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.
00:06:11When you join the Army, is it true that you have to give your whole life away?
00:06:14Nah, something like that with us.
00:06:16We're in the reserves.
00:06:18What's that?
00:06:20Let's just get this straight here.
00:06:22After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year, one week and a month, for which we get
00:06:26paid.
00:06:27And then on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up?
00:06:33Basically, yes.
00:06:35Wow.
00:06:36Well, then how come everybody isn't in the reserves?
00:06:39Do people actually know about this stuff?
00:06:42Well, we do try to advertise.
00:06:45Oh, yeah, it's not a job, it's an adventure.
00:06:48No, that's the Navy.
00:06:50The few and the proud?
00:06:51No, that's the Marines.
00:06:53Keep going, going, and gone?
00:06:55No, no, that's the Energizer, buddy.
00:06:58Gentlemen, we're be-all-you-can-be.
00:07:01Yeah.
00:07:02In the Army.
00:07:05You need us, and we need you.
00:07:07It's a win-win situation.
00:07:09I got one more question.
00:07:11Can I get a pen?
00:07:12Oh, no, actually, could we just have a second, uh, amongst ourselves?
00:07:16Certainly.
00:07:17Take all the time you need.
00:07:19Just hold that ballpoint.
00:07:23Whew.
00:07:25This is insane!
00:07:27Why doesn't everybody join when you're listening to him in there?
00:07:30Shh.
00:07:31It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us.
00:07:34Oh, my God, you're going nuts.
00:07:35Okay, we are the beneficiaries.
00:07:37We get a guaranteed check for eight years and a special skill.
00:07:41A special skill.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:43Look at the payments.
00:07:44Here we go.
00:07:45Land combat missile op.
00:07:48Opportunities.
00:07:48Tactical fire specialist.
00:07:50You heard him talking about combat pay, right?
00:07:52You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right?
00:07:56He said reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict.
00:07:59When was the last war, huh?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02World War II?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Twenty years ago.
00:08:04Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
00:08:06Huh?
00:08:06Desert storm?
00:08:08No.
00:08:08Uh-uh.
00:08:09What?
00:08:10I'm kidding.
00:08:11Give me the brochure.
00:08:12We're going to go to the unemployment office.
00:08:14No, just let me see.
00:08:15Let me just try it.
00:08:16Tank tour repair, land mining specialist, water purification?
00:08:21Water purification.
00:08:23That's it.
00:08:24What?
00:08:25Water purification.
00:08:26I'm telling you it's a snap.
00:08:27My brother's a pool man.
00:08:29Hey, look.
00:08:29You take dirty water and you make it clean.
00:08:32How hard can that be?
00:08:33I don't know.
00:08:34And hey, if there is a war, what are we going to go in there with?
00:08:37Water balloons?
00:08:40That's...
00:08:40I mean, but...
00:08:41But...
00:08:41Yeah.
00:08:42This is for our future.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:44If we could sign up right now, we'd get a guarantee check for $2,500.
00:08:48A few times that times two.
00:08:50Wow.
00:08:53That's $6,000.
00:08:56That's a nice chunk of change.
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58But...
00:08:59Hey.
00:09:00This is for our storm.
00:09:03Yeah.
00:09:04Look, I'll even give you first billing.
00:09:06No, you don't have to do that.
00:09:07Jacks and bones and sp...
00:09:10Oh.
00:09:11And Alice's and Rios.
00:09:12I did too much.
00:09:13Alright.
00:09:14Alright.
00:09:14Alright, let's go.
00:09:16Yes!
00:09:16Get a haircut, get a real job.
00:09:32I need a try.
00:09:35See, I told myself that it was a bad dream.
00:09:41I found a bad some good songs for me.
00:09:47Hi, um, see, okay, everybody knows me for my hair, okay, what I need you to do is just,
00:09:57just a little bit on the side, not a whole bunch, and kind of keep, like, it's so still.
00:10:01I'd like to see you in something short, but sassy, a real 90s look, something that works
00:10:05as well on the rifle range as it does in the disco. Okay, that's perfect.
00:10:15All right.
00:10:29My head, I mean, look at it. Does it look bigger than it?
00:10:35Do I look like a big potato? Honestly? Yeah, honestly.
00:10:39It looks great. It really does. Really? Really.
00:10:43Really? It looks macho. All right. Look at these, man. Look at these.
00:10:50Army issue. See, I think those are unique. Idiotic.
00:10:54No, those are unique. See, you're distinctive. No one has them.
00:10:57Really? You're king.
00:10:59All right. One of a kind. They broke them all when they made you, Jack.
00:11:11Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on, go.
00:11:21Come on. I can't. I can't do it.
00:11:24Jack, come on. I can't do it, man. I can't do it.
00:11:27This is just like your childhood, remember?
00:11:32Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. That guy is exactly like my dad.
00:11:36See? Come on.
00:11:38Wait a minute, though. My childhood sucked.
00:11:40No, I can't do it, man. I can't handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant.
00:11:46No, man. I can't do it.
00:11:48Get the hell off the truck.
00:11:53Oh, whoa.
00:11:55She can drill me any time.
00:11:57On the double right now. Come on. Move it. Move it.
00:12:00Hello, sweet pants.
00:12:02Get down here. Get down here.
00:12:05Rust up.
00:12:06And take those messes off.
00:12:08What do you think? You want something? Beat yourself?
00:12:10No.
00:12:10What's your name, private?
00:12:11Bones car. We're reporting for duty, sir.
00:12:14All right.
00:12:15I mean, man, sergeant. Whatever.
00:12:18You will address me as drill sergeant.
00:12:21Don't you understand?
00:12:25Yes, but you don't need to yell, because look, I'm standing right here.
00:12:28I'm not yelling at you, private. Drill sergeants do not yell.
00:12:31We simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear.
00:12:34That way we all learn from each other's mistakes.
00:12:37Oh, okay. Thanks for explaining it.
00:12:39From here on out, your buddy's mind.
00:12:42You will obey every order without question.
00:12:48Grunt.
00:12:51Oh, you a funny boy, huh?
00:12:54Cutie pie, right?
00:12:55Well, I don't know you, but I don't even like you.
00:12:57And I make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier.
00:13:01For the next eight weeks, I'll be all over your butt like white old rice.
00:13:06Is that a promise?
00:13:09Give me 20.
00:13:11I want my wallet.
00:13:13Drop and give me 20.
00:13:14I can't hold this.
00:13:15Boy, you better get on that ground and give me them push-ups.
00:13:19It's been a while.
00:13:21All the way up and down, right?
00:13:24Pump!
00:13:28Is that good?
00:13:56Get your butt off that rack.
00:13:59Get your butt off that rack.
00:14:06Ow!
00:14:07Ow!
00:14:07Ow!
00:14:08I'm out!
00:14:09I'm out!
00:14:10I'm out!
00:14:12Next hand to the lamp.
00:14:14Next hand to the lamp!
00:14:16All right!
00:14:17Go!
00:14:22All right, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to be getting grass fields.
00:14:25Happy day, buddy.
00:14:26I'm going to play.
00:14:26I'm going to say, go, go!
00:14:28Go!
00:14:39Jack!
00:14:41Jack!
00:14:41Run!
00:14:43Where'd the sun go?
00:14:44Run!
00:14:45There is no sun anymore, boys.
00:14:47Run!
00:14:48Run!
00:14:48The sun is gone.
00:14:49Run!
00:14:51We died, and this is hell.
00:14:53Oh, okay.
00:14:54Thanks for splitting it.
00:14:55All right.
00:15:00Private, he's got that weapon around backwards.
00:15:04Thanks.
00:15:14See the picture on the front of this weapon?
00:15:20Let's put there for privates like you.
00:15:25It's idiot proof.
00:15:33The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt, through the edge of your belt buckle, down the seam
00:15:38of your zipper.
00:15:39Look, this is a straight gig line.
00:15:42See it, learn it, do it.
00:15:52From here on out, anyone without a straight gig line will have to answer to me.
00:16:03Conway, what the hell is this?
00:16:06Just sergeant, I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh?
00:16:09Come on.
00:16:12Come on.
00:16:14Come on.
00:16:15Oh.
00:16:18Thank you, just sergeant.
00:16:20Don't thank me.
00:16:21Thank you, recruiter.
00:16:29Come on, boy.
00:16:30Come on.
00:16:30You can't do it.
00:16:31I know you can't do it.
00:16:33Oh!
00:16:35There are two types of bayonet fighters, the quick and the dead.
00:16:37What are you?
00:16:38Quick!
00:16:38What?
00:16:39What are they?
00:16:39What are you?
00:16:40What?
00:16:41What are they?
00:16:42What are you?
00:16:43What are they?
00:16:44They need volunteers!
00:16:48Are you crazy?
00:16:49I sure am.
00:16:50I'm a crazy boy.
00:16:53Hello!
00:16:55Conway!
00:16:56Yes, ma'am.
00:16:57Come here.
00:16:58I'm on my way.
00:17:00Woo!
00:17:03Hi.
00:17:04Hit me.
00:17:05Let's not fight.
00:17:06Come here.
00:17:07Hit me or you'll be sorry.
00:17:09I can't hit you.
00:17:11You're a girl.
00:17:12And...
00:17:13I love you.
00:17:16You've got two seconds to hit me.
00:17:23Okay, but this is gonna hurt.
00:17:24Idiot of volunteers!
00:17:28Oh, shit.
00:17:30I'm sorry.
00:17:30I was just gonna...
00:17:31I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:17:35Never!
00:17:37Drop!
00:17:38Ah!
00:17:39Ah!
00:17:43Ah!
00:17:44Got it!
00:17:45Damn it.
00:17:46Can I please throw up now?
00:17:49Ah!
00:17:51Ah!
00:17:51Ah!
00:17:51Get up!
00:17:52Get mad!
00:17:53You get mad, you!
00:17:54Get mad at me!
00:17:56Now listen to me very carefully, Private.
00:17:58This is exactly the same as practice, but this is a real live grenade.
00:18:01I want you to do exactly as you've been trained.
00:18:04Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:05When I give the command to execute, I want you to drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:09Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:10Drop the pin, throw the grenade.
00:18:12Yes, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:15Execute.
00:18:18Move it!
00:18:20Oh!
00:18:21Oh!
00:18:25Oh!
00:18:26Oh!
00:18:29Oh!
00:18:31Oh!
00:18:32Oh!
00:18:32Oh!
00:18:32Thanks, Joe Sergeant.
00:18:33You saved my life.
00:18:34I owe you one.
00:18:36No, you owe me 50!
00:18:4950!
00:18:50Mama, mama, can't you see?
00:18:53Mama, mama, can't you see?
00:18:56Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:18:59Drill Sergeant Lamb made a man out of me!
00:19:01And then I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:06And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States.
00:19:10And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:13And the orders of the officers appointed over me.
00:19:16According to regulations.
00:19:18According to regulations.
00:19:20And the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
00:19:23And the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
00:19:26So help me God.
00:19:27So help me God.
00:19:34it's the uniforms man private conway never thought i'd say this but i think i've done
00:19:45the impossible i've turned you into soldiers thank you drill sergeant carry on
00:20:01uh is this uh unit 341 that's us soldier hey bones conway here this is my partner jack hi christine
00:20:09nice to meet you look like we'll be working together christine a la gi j right what brings
00:20:15pretty little lady like you to water pure i wanted infantry but until they ask that crap about women
00:20:22not being allowed in combat i'll just have to settle for kicking your little boy oh that would
00:20:27be nice heisty one huh i like that shut up i'm gonna have to kill your friend hey bones conway
00:20:43hey uh fred austroff good to meet you you okay fred oh man i'm fine yeah thanks thank you
00:20:52so uh what do you do when you don't purify water well i'm going into my uh final year of
00:20:57dental school
00:20:59wow and then now that is great no it's not why did you know that dentists are more feared
00:21:06and loathed than any other profession that's including lawyers no see i don't think people
00:21:11hate dentists it's just the sound of that drill yeah and then they stick that sucking thing in the
00:21:17backyard right there and the nurse says oh yeah that and then they jam those cardboard x-ray things
00:21:24and then it and you know when there's you have a cabinet and they do that little pointy thing and
00:21:29the nurse leaves and she goes to lunch and she dances back there right meanwhile there is a lead
00:21:38apron right on the thing and you're sitting there like
00:21:48see see that's what i'm talking about if you don't want to talk about it it's okay
00:21:52oh no no no it's good we should talk about it because my therapist uh said that i need to
00:21:56get
00:21:57it out kind of like an emotional enema so we talked about it and uh said why not join the
00:22:03army
00:22:03reserve be all that you can be on the weekends maybe it helped me to face those things in my
00:22:12life
00:22:12that i'm most afraid of and what are you afraid of uh well i'd have to say uh damn near
00:22:20everything
00:22:21floss hey keep it
00:22:29good morning purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military
00:22:34it is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside and out
00:22:46two soldiers must man the hose at all times this is for your own safety people okay never lose control
00:22:55of your homes
00:22:56turn it off
00:22:59turn it off
00:23:05after careful training you will be able to produce potable water from the most disgusting
00:23:11swampy parasite infected diseased water
00:23:14guys look it's our first glass of purified water
00:23:19all right
00:23:21go for it man try it
00:23:23nah i'm not gonna try hey you try it i'm not gonna try it
00:23:29we should get christine yeah she'll taste anything
00:23:38i'm not gonna try it
00:23:40let's get freddie okay oh freddie no no thanks i'm allergic it'll make me break out
00:23:48well then who's gonna try it
00:24:07who's the leader of this outfit
00:24:09he is
00:24:12son
00:24:13i've been doing this for a long time and i gotta say
00:24:17this is the best damn glass of purified water i ever had
00:24:21congratulations
00:24:22you keep this up and i'll be putting you in for private first class
00:24:26thank you sergeant but i could not have done it
00:24:29without the inspirational guidance
00:24:31of my brother the poor man
00:24:35what you need is what you want me to meet
00:24:39just raise money
00:24:40we're back honey
00:24:43excuse me
00:24:45gonna go freshen up
00:24:50you're not gonna
00:25:30i'm gonna go freshen up
00:25:30this is the best way for you to be the leader of this
00:25:30all right
00:25:30what you mean
00:25:31it's easy to play
00:25:48Oh, man.
00:25:49Wait, wait, hold it here a second.
00:25:51Listen, hey, we're in the middle of the party here.
00:25:53You know, your friends might come in.
00:25:54That'd be cool.
00:25:55I don't think so.
00:25:56I think it's very rude if we stay away more than a couple of minutes.
00:25:59Two minutes?
00:26:00It's perfect.
00:26:01We'll have time to cuddle afterwards.
00:26:06Hold that thought.
00:26:09Somebody better be dead.
00:26:11Hello?
00:26:12This is an official message.
00:26:14I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south.
00:26:19I say again, the geese are migrating south.
00:26:23Yeah, well, my goose is about to lay a golden egg.
00:26:26So you're going to have to cruise the south solo, okay?
00:26:29Have a nice flight.
00:26:31Who was it?
00:26:32Someone who's into birds.
00:26:33Who do you know here?
00:26:34Uh-uh!
00:26:40Look, you saw the goose, I'm the walrus, and tall as dead.
00:26:43And I'm trying to bury my beak here, so give it a rest.
00:26:46All right, that's it.
00:27:01Jack, get the phone.
00:27:03Who is it?
00:27:04What's the freak going on about wild geese migrating?
00:27:07Bone!
00:27:12What?
00:27:12No, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
00:27:16Which way?
00:27:17Who cares?
00:27:18North or south?
00:27:19South.
00:27:22Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:27:23What?
00:27:26You guys, don't you remember?
00:27:28About the cold?
00:27:29So that if we got called up for active duty, then we would know that it was for real.
00:27:33It's gotta be a mistake.
00:27:35It's gotta be Chad.
00:27:36Hello, Mama?
00:27:38It's Frederick.
00:27:39Uh, you sitting down?
00:27:42Chad is in the African country, the one that Libby's about to invade.
00:27:45Uh, turn off the music.
00:27:50You remember when you told me that every black man should visit the motherland?
00:27:54Bones, why do you think I chose water purification?
00:27:57Is your brother a poor man?
00:27:59No, it's because Chad is in a desert.
00:28:02And water purification is the reserve occupation most likely to be called up if there's a desert war.
00:28:08And there's a desert war, and we're going!
00:28:12That's it, Bones, I'm gonna kill you.
00:28:14Well, go ahead, and you gotta relax here, okay?
00:28:16I'm gonna get us out of this one.
00:28:19Trust me.
00:28:30At ease.
00:28:32Sir, I know we're going to Chad, but there's something that you need to know about Jack and I before
00:28:38we go, sir.
00:28:39Yes?
00:28:41Uh, uh, Bones and I are very close, uh, friends.
00:28:47Very.
00:28:48Oh, I see.
00:28:51In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad.
00:28:57Sorry to disappoint you, sir.
00:29:03Uh, just one thing.
00:29:08Anything.
00:29:10Kiss him.
00:29:12Excuse me?
00:29:14Kiss your friend.
00:29:16You don't have a problem with that, now, do you?
00:29:20Oh, no.
00:29:21No.
00:29:22He kisses me every day.
00:29:41Just do it.
00:29:49Is it hot in Chad?
00:29:51As the Libyan raids against UN forces near the border continue, this US force is being ready to deter the
00:29:59invasion threatened by the Libyan leader in his television broadcast last night.
00:30:04And as the buildup here continues, the first Army Reserve units arrived here today.
00:30:09These units will aid in the supply and logistical support for the growing US presence here.
00:30:14These troops are in high spirits, and the morale is high, and their hopes are high, and this mission will
00:30:20remain a peaceful.
00:30:22Reporting live from Chad for World Wide News Report, this is Stu Krieger.
00:30:44I am 1st Sergeant Brandon T. Williams.
00:30:47It is my intention to run this company like a clock.
00:30:50If one gear slips in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:54If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock will tell the wrong time.
00:30:571st Sergeant Williams likes his clock to tell the right time.
00:31:00Do you understand me?
00:31:02Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:04What did he just say?
00:31:05I don't know. Something about his clock being broken.
00:31:10Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?
00:31:13Yes, Sergeant!
00:31:15I mean, no, Sergeant.
00:31:17Don't you know I'm your 1st Sergeant?
00:31:21Well, actually, I wish you were my 1st Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.
00:31:27Drop!
00:31:28And give me push-ups!
00:31:29You will continue to do push-ups until you learn to address me as 1st Sergeant.
00:31:33Is that clear?
00:31:34Yes, 1st Sergeant!
00:31:36Call!
00:31:361 1st Sergeant, 2 1st Sergeant, 3 1st Sergeant, 4 1st Sergeant, 5 1st Sergeant, 6 1st Sergeant, 7 1st
00:31:45Sergeant, 8 1st Sergeant, 9 1st Sergeant, 10 1st Sergeant, 11 1st Sergeant, 12 1st Sergeant.
00:31:5413 first sergeant 14 first sergeant 123 first sergeant 124 first sergeant that's enough
00:32:04son i bet you did a lot of push-ups when you were in basic training didn't you
00:32:07yes first sergeant well you just did your last push-up soldier i will never ask you to do another
00:32:12thank you first sergeant you just graduated peeling potatoes
00:32:156 543 first sergeant 6 544 first sergeant for sergeant 6 50 50 452 first sergeant
00:32:35cut shit i lost count
00:32:37wait we got it we got it we got it look
00:32:41that's my butt
00:32:43i couldn't help it i was just trying to figure you guys get
00:32:46oh my god
00:32:48stop it
00:32:58oh look hey it's the sunroof
00:33:20oh
00:33:20look gabrielle tucked in a little note into my duffel bag
00:33:26oh yeah
00:33:27dear bones
00:33:29by the time you read this i will already be
00:33:33what
00:33:33i will already be in milan with
00:33:37guido
00:33:39oh
00:33:40she dumped you
00:33:42sorry bones
00:33:43i must say though this guy sounds really nice he's got a villa right on the adriatic sea
00:33:47jack don't rub it in
00:33:48no no you're better off
00:33:50she's a horrible speller there's only one s in loser look at that
00:33:54and immatureish i don't even think that's a word
00:33:57gabriella
00:33:58she broke my heart
00:34:01sorry
00:34:01well fortunately i'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long
00:34:09uh would you mind turn the light off please jack
00:34:12oh yeah
00:34:13fred you checked your your bag for scorpions right
00:34:17scorpions
00:34:18he's messing with you fred
00:34:20no i'm not
00:34:22chad is the scorpion capital of the world
00:34:24yep fred they're big ones too about as big as my fist
00:34:28they outnumber people two to one
00:34:30and that margin grows with every sting
00:34:33so have a good sleep fred
00:34:36good night everybody
00:34:38nice to alan
00:34:39nice john boy
00:34:42scorpions
00:34:54i got one
00:34:55i got one
00:34:57i got one
00:34:58i got one
00:34:59i got one
00:35:01i got one
00:35:02i got one
00:35:04i got one
00:35:05i got one
00:35:06i got one
00:35:07i got one
00:35:08ah
00:35:10very funny
00:35:12we're just trying to help you get over your fears fred really
00:35:16fred don't worry about it you come and sleep with me
00:35:18yeah well i i'd rather take my chances with the scorpion thank you
00:35:24god i hate this
00:35:26it's not that bad
00:35:28it's like camp
00:35:31john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:35that's my name too
00:35:38whenever we go
00:35:39whenever we go
00:35:41there goes john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:44john jacob jingelheimer smith
00:35:49come on
00:35:50that's my name too
00:35:53shakob jingelheimer smith
00:35:59shakob jingelheimer smith
00:36:11shakob jingelheimer smith
00:36:14shakob jingelheimer smith
00:36:15shakob jingelheimer smith
00:36:17shakob jingelheimer smith
00:36:19shakob jingelheimer smith
00:36:20shakob jingelheimer smith
00:36:23Don't eat the chicken and it tastes just like frog
00:36:36Ready go
00:36:41Who are that special force
00:36:4914.11 seconds
00:36:53Try it again
00:36:56He's incredible
00:36:58Time me
00:37:01All right
00:37:04Go
00:37:12Well, that is not good what happened that is not good
00:37:27Oh great, it's coming over. Just just don't look at him
00:37:32You lose something
00:37:35Yeah, thanks
00:37:38Put it in my lasagna
00:37:40You better call 9-1-1 get an ambulance find a doctor order toe tag cuz I'm gonna tear off
00:37:44your head and spit down your neck
00:37:45Do you understand me boy?
00:37:48Oh
00:37:49Hey, hey
00:37:52You have to relax a little take it easy
00:37:56We're in the middle of a war and we're on the same side
00:38:03Would America have won the civil war if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt
00:38:12Right on
00:38:12A little knowledge
00:38:13A little knowledge to partay
00:38:17Go ahead man
00:38:18Go ahead man
00:38:19If our soldiers, our American soldiers acted like this in Desert Storm
00:38:26Saddam Hussein would still be running Iraq
00:38:28Uh
00:38:29What?
00:38:35So maybe we're a bunch of reservists fresh off the plane right?
00:38:38It's obvious
00:38:39But you regular guys you've been here so long that your brains are fried
00:38:44Right
00:38:44So I guess what I'm really trying to say is
00:38:48Come on genius
00:38:49Sit down
00:38:51That doesn't mean we all can't be friends
00:38:55Please
00:38:56There's only one problem with you newbies over
00:38:58We got the truth man
00:38:59You don't eat enough
00:39:01No that's
00:39:05Attention
00:39:05Attention
00:39:19As you were
00:39:27Son
00:39:28I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer to peel potatoes
00:39:32Yes sir
00:39:33Can I count on you?
00:39:36Yes sir
00:39:37Carry on
00:39:40I happen to know on this base there's not one unpeeled potato
00:39:58I heard the Libyans are already backing down and we're gonna be out of here in two weeks
00:40:02Yeah?
00:40:03Well I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops and we're gonna be here till Christmas
00:40:07All right
00:40:08Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
00:40:10Wait, wait, wait, wait
00:40:11Where you going?
00:40:13Not like I got bad breath
00:40:20Help!
00:40:22Until they comply with you in resolution 991 I don't think anybody's going anywhere
00:40:28Oh you're amazing Christine
00:40:30How do you keep up with all that stuff?
00:40:36Christine?
00:40:38Christine?
00:40:42All right, quit screwing around
00:40:46Chris!
00:40:48Send some water with this mud
00:40:55Guys
00:41:01Chris!
00:41:06Fred!
00:41:08Ah!
00:41:09Ah!
00:41:11Ah!
00:41:12Ah!
00:41:13How does it feel to be dead, motor boy?
00:41:16Ah!
00:41:18I don't know, how does it feel to be a dick?
00:41:20Dick
00:41:29Dammit!
00:41:30Where's my water?
00:41:31There was none delivered last night, first sergeant
00:41:37Goddamn piece of shit, newbies
00:41:39How am I gonna run a decent HQ without my coffee?
00:41:48That is truly a pathetic sight
00:41:51Who perpetrated this?
00:42:00Ow!
00:42:06Who did this to you?
00:42:08I can't tell you for a sergeant
00:42:09What?
00:42:10You have too much honor?
00:42:12Oh!
00:42:14I've been threatened with death
00:42:16Untie these clowns
00:42:17And get me some water!
00:42:19Ah!
00:42:26Ahem, I have an announcement
00:42:29Do you guys want your water?
00:42:31Because you're looking a little bit crispy
00:42:32You better what?
00:42:33Oh, I know, I know, I know
00:42:34Tell me if this is right
00:42:35I better call 976
00:42:38Find a doctor and tag an ambulance
00:42:40Cause you're gonna tear off my toe
00:42:41And spit down my head, right?
00:42:43You guess what?
00:42:44You're watered or not?
00:42:45Sergeant
00:42:47Report to Captain Roberts
00:42:48You've got a mission
00:42:50Water boys
00:42:53Report to First Sergeant Williams
00:42:54You've got a mission too
00:42:55Listen up!
00:42:57Captain Denby says we're gonna resupply
00:43:00The forward UN peacekeeping base
00:43:02This is a very simple, routine mission
00:43:05You will fall into line in the very large, very prepared convoy
00:43:09All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you
00:43:13When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water
00:43:16Conway, you look confused
00:43:17Are you sure you want to send us to a forward area?
00:43:20We're just water boys
00:43:21You are soldiers
00:43:23You will get in that convoy
00:43:24And you will be a credit to the United States Army
00:43:26Is that clear?
00:43:28Yes, First Sergeant!
00:43:29Then muscle your lollygagging bus for getting ticket
00:43:30Move out!
00:43:31Yes, First Sergeant!
00:43:36No!
00:43:46No!
00:43:48No!
00:44:01No!
00:44:02Damn it!
00:44:02Forget it!
00:44:03They're gonna send a tow truck
00:44:06Man, what I wouldn't do for a double meat chili cheese burger right now
00:44:13No, a margarita on the rocks
00:44:18or some fresh buttery jiffy pop that's not popcorn boys
00:44:24that convoy's under attack
00:44:29really i don't think so
00:44:35mania shooting at us a maniac it's the enemy what the hell are you doing surrendering don't shoot
00:44:56nice going christine did you have to shoot so close huh you scared the shit out of me excuse me
00:45:03for
00:45:03living i was just trying to save your worthless little life christine are you aware that after
00:45:08near-death experience there's often a desire to have sex yeah jack that's right i feel it
00:45:14all right just not with you ever got it yeah got it i'm glad we could have this little talk
00:45:25i didn't feel anything you guys let's get out of here the truck's on fire
00:45:48day long it's gonna
00:45:56explode
00:46:09now rickety ticker mustering lollygaggin let's lollygaggin out of here
00:46:27isn't the road that way taking the shortcut is there one the road curves around like this
00:46:34all we got to do is cut the desert here and catch up the convoy over there watch out come
00:46:40on
00:46:40i think i think i don't know what i'm doing here i guess this is the wrong time to tell
00:46:44you guys i get very easily car see
00:47:02bones i don't see a road i have the best sense of direction of anyone you know the road's over
00:47:09there three miles maybe four
00:47:12oh yeah maybe 10 maybe 20 maybe our truck is sinking
00:47:21no
00:47:21no
00:47:22no
00:47:23no
00:47:30no
00:47:33no
00:47:41no
00:47:42no
00:47:43no
00:47:43no
00:47:44no
00:47:53work
00:47:54no
00:47:56no
00:47:58no
00:48:00no
00:48:01You got it down now. You order me?
00:48:04Yeah, but I'm private first class, okay? I'm ordering you. Come on.
00:48:08The only reason you made private first class
00:48:12is because your brother's a poor man.
00:48:20Huh? You happy? You happy?
00:48:26Yeah, well, I hope you brought your triple-A card. Let's see.
00:48:36Well, look, you cracked the block.
00:48:38I could have done it if you hadn't stopped me.
00:48:40Yeah, you're so full of it. You know what?
00:48:43Shut up! We gotta figure out what we're gonna do!
00:48:46Then why don't you just ask our fearless leader here?
00:48:49Private first class bones, the one with the highest rank.
00:48:52All you had to do, Jack, was just listen to me, okay?
00:48:55All I've ever done is listen to you, and look where it's taken me.
00:48:58Look! We're in the middle of some African hellhole!
00:49:02Under a flesh-frying sun with the sky filled with vultures
00:49:06ready to pluck out my eyeballs.
00:49:09Vultures don't come around unless something's about to die.
00:49:29What are you... Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket?
00:49:33Oh, that's gonna look sexy.
00:49:36Jack, tomorrow we have to walk away from this water truck.
00:49:40We have two canteens between us.
00:49:42We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jackets with water,
00:49:44and then we have more water.
00:49:45Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class?
00:49:52There's a scorpion on my back! There's a scorpion on my back!
00:50:04Fred! There's nothing on your back!
00:50:07You keep on imagining things!
00:50:11Thank you. I needed that.
00:50:16I'm sorry I snapped.
00:50:18Look, you don't have to apologize.
00:50:20You're right! I see things very clear now.
00:50:25All right, Fred.
00:50:26Look, guys, I wanna apologize to everybody.
00:50:28He's okay? He's okay.
00:50:30You're like a brand new man.
00:50:31All right.
00:50:31Now, can we get some rest?
00:50:33Okay.
00:50:34Okay.
00:50:44What are you doing?
00:50:46Just felt like...
00:50:50He's always playing.
00:50:53Did you guys see that thing? It was...
00:51:04Follow me. I know exactly where I'm going.
00:51:09Trust me.
00:51:35You guys, get down. I see something. Get down!
00:51:49It's a truck. There's the road. We are safe.
00:51:52I told you I had a flawless sense of direction.
00:51:56What a coincidence. That truck looks...
00:52:00That looks like our truck.
00:52:09Hey, listen, you guys. Hey.
00:52:11I figured out why we went in circles.
00:52:14Do you remember our map reading class?
00:52:16We didn't follow the sun.
00:52:21Look.
00:52:23This stream is due west.
00:52:25All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning
00:52:28and towards the sun in the afternoon.
00:52:30We should be there by nightfall.
00:52:32So you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again
00:52:37just to follow another one of your half-baked plans?
00:52:40I'm not saying anything, okay?
00:52:42I mean, I'm pretty sure this is gonna work.
00:52:43But since I let us down before, I say from here on in,
00:52:47we put everything to a vote.
00:52:49We can't vote.
00:52:51You order, we follow.
00:52:53Okay, why order us to vote?
00:52:55That is not how the army goes.
00:52:57You have to tell us what to do.
00:53:00Well, what if I'm wrong?
00:53:03Then...
00:53:04we die.
00:53:10I order us to do a sun-baked plan thing.
00:53:17We're dead.
00:53:21Hey, guys, just think of it as a very long day
00:53:26on a very big beach in a very dry year.
00:53:49Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:53:50Wait a minute.
00:53:51It's the ocean.
00:53:53I don't see anything.
00:53:55What are you, blind?
00:53:56The waves.
00:53:57It's the ocean!
00:53:59It's a mirage.
00:54:01It is a mirage.
00:54:03And there's Caesars.
00:54:05And right across the street is the Barbary Coast
00:54:07so we can get a $3.99 buffet.
00:54:09And it's the ocean!
00:54:11Come on!
00:54:13Come on!
00:54:14Go!
00:54:16Come on!
00:54:18We're spotted!
00:54:21Come on!
00:54:33Come on!
00:54:34Here's the canteen.
00:54:35Go get your boy, because he's bugging.
00:54:51You okay, man?
00:54:53You okay?
00:54:54Here, take a sip.
00:54:57Listen.
00:54:59Look, Jack, we got two choices.
00:55:02One, we can put your clothes back on.
00:55:04We can get ourselves out of this mess,
00:55:05go back to Glendale, start up our own store,
00:55:07become rich and famous.
00:55:09Or two, you can lie here butt naked and crushed away,
00:55:13leaving your skull to be found by a young Arabic prince
00:55:16that's gonna use it for an ashtray.
00:55:21You don't want that in your head.
00:55:24You make the call.
00:55:25Come on, let's get out of here.
00:55:27What do you say?
00:55:28Come on.
00:55:29Here.
00:55:31Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:32Here.
00:55:33Here.
00:55:34Here.
00:55:35Come on.
00:55:36Come on.
00:55:37Here.
00:55:38Come on.
00:55:39Here.
00:55:41Hey.
00:55:43Oh, oh, Jack, look at that ass!
00:55:45Maybe you should stay naked.
00:55:47Get some sun on those cheeks.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58Oh, man.
00:55:59Now, I'm seeing things.
00:56:01The palm trees right on the horizon.
00:56:03Oh, it's another mirage.
00:56:05Oh, my God, I see it, too.
00:56:07It's not a mirage!
00:56:09Those are the palm trees!
00:56:11It's the oasis!
00:56:12Oh, man!
00:56:13We saved our life!
00:56:20Where's my kiss?
00:56:23Christine!
00:56:30The street was due west, right?
00:56:33It was on the map, right?
00:56:35Where's the water?
00:56:39This is sand!
00:56:47Nobody move.
00:56:51There is a big snake right by your feet.
00:56:55No!
00:56:57Thanks for not moving, Jack.
00:57:01Throw me the gun.
00:57:04If you don't attack it, it'll go away.
00:57:07I don't want it to go away.
00:57:09I want to have it for dinner.
00:57:10Throw me the gun.
00:57:24You want some of this, baby, huh?
00:57:26There you go!
00:57:27Come on!
00:57:28Oh!
00:57:29Oh!
00:57:30Oh, no!
00:57:31I'm still gonna get ya!
00:57:36Let's die for me!
00:57:38I'll kill ya!
00:57:41Huh?
00:57:43Shoulda-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da!
00:57:50Huh?
00:57:52It's a win-win situation.
00:57:56Will you look at that?
00:57:59Water from the bullet hole!
00:58:05Water!
00:58:06Yeah!
00:58:07Water!
00:58:08Yeah!
00:58:10Water!
00:58:10Fresh water!
00:58:12I can't believe it!
00:58:13Water!
00:58:14Water!
00:58:15Is it snake yet?
00:58:16Depends how you like it.
00:58:18Well done.
00:58:20Used to be afraid of scorpions.
00:58:22Now he's eating snake.
00:58:23That is impressive for him.
00:58:26Hmm.
00:58:27I thought we were all gonna die.
00:58:30But you pulled us through.
00:58:32I don't know how, but thank you.
00:58:47That was, uh, pretty exceptional.
00:58:53So what are you gonna do if I get us rescued?
00:58:59Um, I will take off all your clothes, tie you to the bed, rub warm oil all over your
00:59:14body from the bottom of those feet to the top of that head, and proceed to have the nastiest,
00:59:24freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined.
00:59:30Oh, that's it.
00:59:31Damn it!
00:59:32I saw her first.
00:59:33And look what happens.
00:59:35Same thing that happened with Gabriella.
00:59:37I saw her first.
00:59:39And-and-and Wanda Tushman in the third grade.
00:59:41I saw her first.
00:59:42And that girl in Palm Springs that turned out to be the guy.
00:59:45I saw that thing first, too.
00:59:47You know why I'm not just strangling you right now?
00:59:51Because you can't cook a snake?
00:59:53No.
00:59:55Because no matter how long we've been friends, I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that
01:00:00would save our lives.
01:00:02Let alone kill a snake.
01:00:05But you did.
01:00:06Oh, hey, man.
01:00:07Thanks.
01:00:08Yeah.
01:00:09I-I think it's the UN flag.
01:00:12We're safe!
01:00:14Guys, Christine and I are gonna need some time alone.
01:00:17Sure, man.
01:00:18I'm gonna need some time.
01:00:20Let's go.
01:00:20This is the president in the situation room of the White House today.
01:00:26And the president is scheduled to address the nation tomorrow at 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
01:00:31We will, of course-
01:00:32Welcome.
01:00:33You are the reservists from Glendale, California, correct?
01:00:36This all fuels-
01:00:37According to WNR, you are presumed dead in a truck explosion.
01:00:41Um, where are we?
01:00:45you're on a military base well inside libya that is all you need to know oh i forgot to mention
01:00:53the war is starting tomorrow how'd you know that american tv your country is expected to start
01:01:01bombing our air bases tomorrow and when that happens we will unleash missiles with chemical
01:01:06warheads against your bases consider yourself lucky to be here sleep well you know this is fine it's
01:01:16like the time you got us arrested to you wanna except we're in libya and your dad's not gonna
01:01:22pick us up here brother yo it's you guys also american
01:01:32oh see i see i was wounded and i don't feel well please sing a song to comfort me sing
01:01:38a song
01:01:39any song oh okay rescue me sing uh-huh what i want to attend that sounds good
01:01:55my team was on strategic recon huh you know that's when you go behind enemy lines and you try to
01:02:02locate their assets like tanks and bunkers we were on our way to a resupply drop and we were ambushed
01:02:07the other guys were killed killed
01:02:09i took a bullet in the leg and they brought me here
01:02:16uh-huh i don't know any words to this song
01:02:20kiss me baby
01:02:21kiss me baby
01:02:22kiss me baby
01:02:23kiss me baby
01:02:24kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:25kiss me baby
01:02:26kiss me baby
01:02:26use this to dig around the base of the bars on the window i got one of them loose all
01:02:32they want to escape what are you crazy
01:02:38look it's the duty of every pow to try and escape we're in the middle of a desert what good
01:02:43is it
01:02:43gonna do for us to escape to complete the recon mission soldier a special operations cargo plane
01:02:48was instructed to make a supply drop at a rendezvous point about 15k north here if we can get off
01:02:54this space i can get us to the rendezvous one you're insane okay the libyans are gonna launch
01:02:58chemical weapons we're much safer here no i'm a soldier and i got a job to do so are you
01:03:04now get to work
01:03:07get to see that i'm lonely
01:03:10rescue me
01:03:12rescue me
01:03:13baby
01:03:27my heart
01:03:30you know what you didn't scare me i just fell like screaming don't worry about it most men
01:03:36think i'm scary
01:03:40so you can't sleep
01:03:42i'm too excited excited they might torture us tomorrow they might even even kill us
01:03:47i know it's just like the night before christmas yeah well at my house we got presents
01:03:53i'm talking about the anticipation we might die we we might escape it we don't know what's gonna
01:04:02happen that's the coolest thing in the whole world most girls are into horses and stuff you're weird
01:04:11most men say that too i like it
01:04:31so if i do get us out of here and i will is it true what you said about tying
01:04:37me up and all that
01:04:38wild sex stuff i'll have you kiss me again
01:04:44okay
01:04:50wait i think i got it
01:04:52wait
01:04:52i'm looking
01:04:53you got it
01:04:54yeah look
01:04:55look
01:04:55look
01:04:56look
01:04:56oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:57oh
01:04:58oh
01:04:58oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:00oh
01:05:01stern
01:05:02stern
01:05:03you gotta wake up i can't turn the alarm off
01:05:06it's not an alarm it's an air raid silence oh thank god
01:05:11i thought i was having another panic attack
01:05:27oh
01:05:33oh
01:05:34oh
01:05:34oh
01:05:52Okay.
01:05:53Yes.
01:05:59Almost.
01:06:00Try again.
01:06:02Okay, Cush.
01:06:09That was good, just a little more to the left, and we got him.
01:06:12Yeah, you guys just keep trying.
01:06:14Do you guys realize what we are doing right now?
01:06:17This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean.
01:06:20All we need is that mangy dog, right?
01:06:23And then we can go...
01:06:25Why? Just try it again.
01:06:35How much do you love me?
01:06:36We can go.
01:06:36We can go.
01:06:37We can go!
01:06:40We can go.
01:06:48We can go.
01:06:51We can go.
01:06:53We can go.
01:06:56We can go.
01:07:09uh i'm sorry i don't get it what is it with us and trucks i mean we get them we
01:07:13break them we
01:07:13smash them we crash them we run out of gas i don't get it yes yes yes i understand that
01:07:18but
01:07:18we're not getting tortured by baba gadoosh right now okay no instead we're lost in the desert
01:07:24again without food and water again stuck with this special forces guy he can't even walk because
01:07:31he got his legs shot off red we're free damn we're gonna die free or maybe not
01:07:4455 american dollars and then on top of it see this chuck serious bona fide libyan army
01:07:53fighting machine and it's all part of this amazing offer my friend and maybe if you're lucky might
01:07:59even have a cool eight track you can play a buddha buddha buddha stuff on it
01:08:04huh and you asked me how could it be why such a deal because we're crazy boys we're giving it
01:08:11away
01:08:21you like this watch is it interesting no no no no no no no no no no no no no
01:08:25no no no no he
01:08:26likes it come on it's got the phases of the moon and the compass
01:08:32what this has a compass yeah really yeah well we've been stuck in the desert for three days and
01:08:38you're telling me this watch has a compass sorry oh jack oh you're gonna get some noogies later i'm
01:08:43gonna just pound you like this i forgot yeah well uh about the compass well you're gonna forget about
01:08:48your little watch here jack because it's gone uh-huh here you go my friend hey you guys in my
01:08:56life
01:08:56i've seen a lot of camels toes but i never see one in a camel i think he's got a
01:09:04crush on you bones
01:09:06really how can you tell because he's been nibbling on your ears yeah and licking on your neck
01:09:14it's okay you're just a camel
01:09:20our supply drops on the other side of that libyan base
01:09:23what libyan base paul are you blind it's a libyan base covered with a camo tent what are you
01:09:30talking about i guess we're gonna have to go around it around what see that jeep right there
01:09:36i see the jeep okay but i certainly don't oh you mean that libyan base the one under the camo
01:09:44tent
01:09:46i thought you guys were talking about some other libyan base
01:09:50will there be medical supplies medical supplies uniforms food water radio everything you need
01:09:56yeah but where is it it's supposed to be right here
01:09:59hey you guys come on
01:10:02hey come on you guys come on
01:10:26hot wheels
01:10:43stern these things are intense no wonder people join the army
01:10:47be all that you can be in the army
01:10:52what happened to him his leg looks pretty bad i think it's infected because he lost a lot of blood
01:10:58but look at his gums they're fabulous man not a touch of gingivitis he's been flossing
01:11:03yeah but why is he acting so wasted oh that's the morphine
01:11:07absolutely the morphine better
01:11:12hello somebody answer us please you gotta believe us we're stuck out here in the middle please just help
01:11:18get a hold of yourself soldier oh thank god it's you listen don't say my name
01:11:23what did i say to you when you first arrived in chad
01:11:28uh something about your clock being broken
01:11:30close enough okay calm down son we're gonna get you out of there now listen carefully
01:11:36your call sign is now glendale our call sign is now burbank
01:11:42did you recover the fast attack vehicles glendale
01:11:45oh you mean those doom buggies yeah those things are intense
01:11:48good this equipment was intended for the special forces team to carry out a vital mission
01:11:54you are our only assets on the ground with the right equipment in the right place
01:12:00say what you have to take over glendale listen let me explain something first of all sergeant
01:12:07we're water boys okay your soldiers first glendale now listen up the libyans
01:12:15have a mobile scud launching base right in your area these scuds are loaded with chemical weapons
01:12:21and targeted at u.s bases our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them you want us to find
01:12:27them but what about stern stern can find them he'll be up pretty soon stern daddy why can't i go
01:12:34to ballet
01:12:34class teacher says i'm a natural these scuds can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage
01:12:44camouflage camouflage why didn't you say so in the first place listen we saw the thing this
01:12:49morning stern wrote down the coordinates right stern we'll tell you where it is you guys can come here
01:12:54bomb the hell out of it come on send the air force it's not enough to tell us you have
01:13:00to go back there
01:13:01and paint it paint it trust me it looks perfectly fine the way it is i mean paint it with
01:13:08the laser
01:13:08the laser target designator is in your equipment all you have to do is return to that base point the
01:13:15laser at it and call me back on the radio the air force will do the rest you can be
01:13:21a mile away in
01:13:22perfect safety all right wait a minute chris what get over here no bones they can't make us do anything
01:13:30we don't we don't know how to use this stuff fred do you use lasers in dentistry right i know
01:13:36what's going
01:13:37on you're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser right no my laser was a little itty bitty
01:13:41laser this is a big laser there's a difference glendale glendale no no can't they just evacuate
01:13:47the bases yeah or we can take an hour out of our busy lives hop in these cool doom buggies
01:13:52pop the base with the laser and let the air force blow the hell out of it now you listen
01:13:57to me glendale
01:13:57please hold yourself there one second i'm just trying to have a moment with my friends is that okay
01:14:02just have a cup of java please chill fred when you first got here you were completely freaked right
01:14:12yeah and now look at you huh you're a regular gi joe a fighting man from head to toe
01:14:19and chris you wanted infantry well now's your chance let's see what you got
01:14:27and jack my friend you were a complete screw-up but now look at you you're still a screw-up
01:14:34but if
01:14:35you did this and you survived you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids basically you
01:14:40guys up to a few months ago we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from glendale but this
01:14:45whole
01:14:45event has changed our lives you know who we owe it to the army this is something we gotta do
01:14:52come on
01:14:52go with it chris i know you're with me yeah fred listen if you can't handle it i understand man
01:15:01i can handle it jack what do you say man oh i say i say you're crazy i think you're
01:15:09all nuts
01:15:11but you're the the private first class i'm the private i'm gonna follow you my friend wherever
01:15:17all right you guys let's do this thing kick it man man you ready let's go i know i know
01:15:26it's just
01:15:27a little bit of business i have to take care of
01:15:33i you're gonna have to go now you're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be
01:15:48all right all right troops let's go bust some scuds
01:16:16so
01:16:23so
01:16:48All right, Glendale to Burbank, come in.
01:16:50I wish we had cooler codenames.
01:16:52What was that, Glendale?
01:16:53Nothing.
01:16:54I was just saying that these codenames suck.
01:16:57Can I call you General Sweetpants?
01:16:59You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale.
01:17:01Are you in position?
01:17:02Guy's got no sense of humor.
01:17:04Yeah, we can see the target.
01:17:06Have you painted it with the laser?
01:17:11Just did.
01:17:13Good going, Glendale.
01:17:14The airstrike is inbound.
01:17:16You should acquire the target in seven minutes.
01:17:19It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed.
01:17:24Can you hold it there for seven minutes?
01:17:26I got it propped up here on the rock.
01:17:28I can hold it here all day long.
01:17:29I'm good to go.
01:17:30No problem, Burbank.
01:17:33Good.
01:17:34Lay low and report any change in situation.
01:17:37We'll be standing by.
01:17:39Out.
01:17:55Come on.
01:17:57Come on.
01:18:04Tell me again about the store.
01:18:07Oh, the store.
01:18:09Well, it's going to be great.
01:18:10We're going to have our own room where people can get their feet massaged.
01:18:14Sorrow.
01:18:15Fuck off!
01:18:38Hold your position, Glendale.
01:18:40And keep that laser on the target.
01:18:42On the target?
01:18:43We are the target!
01:18:47Tell them to hurry up!
01:18:48You better hurry.
01:18:49We got 60 pissed off Libyans heading towards us.
01:18:52Stay with it.
01:18:53Stay with it.
01:18:57Let's get these guys here.
01:18:59Come on.
01:19:00Okay.
01:19:02Get out of here.
01:19:03All right.
01:19:04This is for the Glendale Waterboy.
01:19:09Oh, my God!
01:19:15Not bad, huh?
01:19:17Woo!
01:19:24Not bad, huh?
01:19:32Woo!
01:19:41Reload.
01:19:42No, no, no!
01:19:50Out!
01:19:51Hit it!
01:20:19Shit, they missed.
01:20:21Yeah, well, at least they didn't blow up my head.
01:20:25Where you going, soldiers? We know you can do it.
01:20:27Oh, perfect.
01:20:28I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad.
01:20:32Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet. The bomb's best.
01:20:35The base wasn't hit.
01:20:37You better send another airstrike here and send it fast.
01:20:40Wait one.
01:20:49Lindale.
01:20:50The backup strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target.
01:20:54GTA, three minutes.
01:20:55Three minutes? What are you, crazy? We don't have three minutes.
01:20:59In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs.
01:21:01We're under serious attack.
01:21:03You'll have to hold them.
01:21:06There he is.
01:21:09There he is.
01:21:13Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
01:21:21You better get the planes here sooner.
01:21:23The scuds are ready to fire.
01:21:24Two minutes and 30 seconds.
01:21:29Hey, hey!
01:21:31Where's he going?
01:21:50You stay right here.
01:21:52I gotta go.
01:22:02Hey guys, move out. Move over.
01:22:06Oh, whoa.
01:22:07Well...
01:22:08Cock-firing mechanism.
01:22:11Report the situation.
01:22:14Whoa.
01:22:15Shut up.
01:22:28Aim to set range if known or estimate.
01:22:31Who came up with these directions?
01:22:33I don't know.
01:22:34Tell me to shut up one more time when I'm going to rip your spine out and use it for
01:22:37a putting iron.
01:22:38Shut up.
01:22:39I'm not good with directions.
01:22:42Push, safety, and hold down.
01:22:46Okay, now everybody back.
01:22:48Fire by pushing, trick.
01:22:55Suck on this at once time.
01:23:05Sorry.
01:23:10Last chance, my friend.
01:23:13Whoa.
01:23:14Oh, no!
01:23:38Yes!
01:23:39Yeah!
01:23:40Yeah!
01:23:41Yeah!
01:23:42Yeah!
01:23:43Yeah!
01:23:45Yeah!
01:23:47Yeah!
01:23:47Oh, man!
01:23:48Yeah!
01:23:49Oh!
01:23:50Oh!
01:23:51Guys, on my signal, everybody scream like crazy.
01:23:54Make them think we've got 50 guys up here, okay?
01:23:57Okay.
01:23:57One, and go!
01:24:00Yeah!
01:24:01Yeah!
01:24:04Yeah!
01:24:05Yeah!
01:24:07Yeah!
01:24:08Yeah!
01:24:08Yeah!
01:24:08Oh!
01:24:14We scared them!
01:24:17We scared them!
01:24:18I can't believe we scared them!
01:24:20Yeah!
01:24:21I can't believe we scared them!
01:24:33Ah!
01:24:35Yeah!
01:24:35We're the Browns!
01:24:37We're the Water Boys!
01:24:41All stuck!
01:24:42Get down!
01:25:08Oh, yes!
01:25:11Oh, yes!
01:25:13Oh, yes!
01:25:14Oh, yes!
01:25:16Woo!
01:25:20Go!
01:25:22Go!
01:25:34Yeah!
01:25:34Hey!
01:25:35All right!
01:25:36Stir the bones!
01:25:38Not bad for a bunch of Water Boys, huh?
01:25:40No!
01:25:41Soldiers!
01:25:42I'm proud of you guys!
01:25:44Redmail!
01:25:52You ought to be damn pleased with yourselves!
01:25:56Congratulations!
01:25:57You did an outstanding job!
01:25:59It wasn't a job for a sergeant!
01:26:01It was an adventure!
01:26:28Let's take as long!
01:26:30You got a job for...
01:26:32No!
01:26:32Oh!
01:26:32Oh!
01:26:33Oh!
01:26:33Oh!
01:26:33Oh!
01:26:35You're going to have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:14You're going to have to go get a blood test, Bone.
01:27:34You're going to have to go get a blood test, Bone.
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