- 6 hours ago
Adult Best Friends [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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00:00:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:46What are you doing?
00:00:48Nothing.
00:00:50Why are you in here?
00:00:52Maddie said the seventh grade boys are sneaking over for a kissing party.
00:00:55I know. I'm so nervous.
00:00:58Then don't do it.
00:00:58I'm calling my mom to pick me up.
00:01:00You can't. Maddie said we all have to kiss them.
00:01:02I don't want to kiss.
00:01:03Wear thong underpants. I hate thong underpants.
00:01:06But I'm worried if I wear normal underpants and no kissing stuff,
00:01:09then Maddie won't invite me to sleep over as anymore.
00:01:14Well, you could sleep over at mine.
00:01:17Tonight?
00:01:19Yeah. I mean, we're not allowed to watch TV, which sucks.
00:01:21But we could do braids.
00:01:23And I have a trundle bed.
00:01:24I love trundle beds.
00:01:26Do you have a best friend?
00:01:29No.
00:01:31You?
00:01:33No.
00:01:35Take me down, down, I don't know where to go.
00:01:38I can't come out today.
00:01:40And Katie's famous.
00:01:42But I don't give a shit.
00:01:43I've tried my best to live within two weeks.
00:01:47That's the best in me.
00:01:49What's wrong with my life?
00:01:51Yeah.
00:01:51So that's the next feature.
00:01:54You are going to be a doctor.
00:01:56I don't want to be a doctor.
00:02:04This is Katie's future.
00:02:07You can marry me to Daniel.
00:02:11Daniel is my boyfriend.
00:02:19I don't want to be a doctor.
00:02:22You need to take me down.
00:02:27I don't want to be a doctor.
00:02:31I'm doing my best here.
00:02:34But that's not good enough
00:02:38Try harder next year
00:02:40Don't call
00:02:44Okay, read another post. Give me a hard one.
00:02:47Okay, from Seattle to Savannah, what a long, strange trip it's been.
00:02:53Hashtag van life.
00:02:55Tom Breyer?
00:02:55How did you know that?
00:02:57Because Tom Breyer needs to get a job.
00:02:58Another one.
00:02:59Let me find a good one.
00:02:59Get a good one.
00:03:00Okay.
00:03:03Okay, this one's hard.
00:03:05Okay.
00:03:06Here's to adulting forever with this one.
00:03:08He put a ring on it.
00:03:09Singular exclamation.
00:03:11Sarah Casper.
00:03:12You're cheating.
00:03:12I'm not cheating. I'm that good.
00:03:13She's engaged?
00:03:15She's a child.
00:03:17She's 32 years old.
00:03:20Sarah Casper would throw it all away for, like, some random guy.
00:03:24That was random. They've been dating since college.
00:03:26Do you have any snacks?
00:03:27Do you have any dinner?
00:03:28I had peanut butter.
00:03:29And what?
00:03:31A spoon?
00:03:32Oh, my God. Let me make you something.
00:03:34I'll just have sultene at home.
00:03:35Oh, my God. No.
00:03:35I'll make you a turkey burger.
00:03:38I can put poblanos on top.
00:03:40What's poblanos?
00:03:41Oh, it's a giant Mexican pepper.
00:03:44It's actually our favorite pepper.
00:03:47Second only to the jalapeno.
00:03:49You'll love it. I promise.
00:03:50It's really good.
00:03:52I'm fine. Thank you.
00:03:53Well, if you're not hungry, maybe you want a joke that I heard today.
00:03:58It made me think of you instantly.
00:03:59Okay. This is very good.
00:04:01Okay. So, there are two pigs in a pit of mud.
00:04:04And the wife pig turns to the husband and says...
00:04:08No, no. The husband says to the wife.
00:04:10You're right. You're right.
00:04:12The husband pig says to the wife,
00:04:14Hey, did you see Farmer...
00:04:16Should we get going?
00:04:17Parties are at 9 o'clock, so...
00:04:19Oh, you want to go to that?
00:04:21Yeah.
00:04:22Really?
00:04:22My throat feels kind of weird.
00:04:24I feel like...
00:04:25I don't know.
00:04:25If I got everyone sick, then I...
00:04:27You don't feel warm.
00:04:28No?
00:04:29No, you feel cold.
00:04:29Do you not want to go?
00:04:32It's a crazy to stay here.
00:04:33I mean, we have food here, blankets here.
00:04:36I'm comfortable.
00:04:36You're comfortable.
00:04:37We could watch a movie.
00:04:38Yeah, but hey, if Katie doesn't want to go out with Delaney,
00:04:40I'd love to go out with you.
00:04:43Please don't make me go alone.
00:04:44I'm nervous and I'll get too fucked up.
00:04:46No, you will not.
00:04:50Like, she doesn't even come out anymore
00:04:52because she's always with her boyfriend, John.
00:04:56I don't know why I did that.
00:04:56His name is John?
00:04:57John.
00:05:00John, do you think she's okay then?
00:05:02Mm-hmm.
00:05:04Mm-hmm.
00:05:05Mm-hmm.
00:05:08I'm gonna go.
00:05:09I'm gonna go meet her.
00:05:10I don't like him.
00:05:11Is that wrong to say?
00:05:12You know, like, if you don't like your best friend's boyfriend,
00:05:15it's the way he makes her.
00:05:17If that makes sense.
00:05:18I'll be pied.
00:05:21Oh, you know what, though?
00:05:22My contacts are already out.
00:05:27That's like a whole thing.
00:05:29Only here.
00:05:30She moves in with him.
00:05:31Kind of fast, if you ask me.
00:05:33I am.
00:05:33But nobody asks me.
00:05:36I'm gonna go meet her for a little.
00:05:39Okay.
00:05:42John.
00:05:44Yes, he's hot.
00:05:45I get it.
00:05:45I see it.
00:05:46But he's boring.
00:05:48Occupied.
00:05:50I think she's fine.
00:05:51Mm-hmm.
00:05:53Yeah.
00:05:54I'll come have sex.
00:05:59How do you have the patience?
00:06:01Well, we actually had an agreement
00:06:02that if I set up his Wi-Fi,
00:06:04he promised to wear boxers under his shorts
00:06:06during our PT sessions.
00:06:08Oh, well, that could be worth it.
00:06:09It's a give and a take.
00:06:10But, uh, this looks nice, right?
00:06:13Yeah, I like it.
00:06:13In the shade.
00:06:14It's good.
00:06:15Uh, oh.
00:06:17Don't suppose I could get you to call her back, maybe?
00:06:20She gets so anxious when she's hungover.
00:06:22Yeah, no, she does.
00:06:23I just, um...
00:06:25I just wanted to ask her.
00:06:26How was it?
00:06:27No, my Uber's now 27 minutes away.
00:06:30Where are you?
00:06:31I answered a 2 a.m. text from this guy.
00:06:34The drugger he got.
00:06:35The more he talked about Julia.
00:06:37Yeah, not next.
00:06:38Just a female friend we...
00:06:39Clearly in love with.
00:06:42Did she hook up?
00:06:43Yes, he asked me to role-play.
00:06:46Uh, wow, like, be a cheerleader or something?
00:06:48That's...
00:06:48Oh, I wish.
00:06:50More like, we're best friends
00:06:52and I suddenly see him in a new light.
00:06:54Oh, my God.
00:06:55I don't know where pizza to my apartment.
00:06:56What do you want?
00:06:57Ah, that sounds good.
00:06:58No, John and I are doing a picnic.
00:07:00Do you want to come?
00:07:01You know what?
00:07:02No, I'll just try you later.
00:07:04Okay, bye.
00:07:05All right, bye.
00:07:07Well, she's fine, but she met a new guy,
00:07:12and...
00:07:13Oh, my God.
00:07:14It's okay.
00:07:14No, no, no.
00:07:15It's okay.
00:07:16It's okay.
00:07:17As long as I have your undivided attention now.
00:07:20Yeah.
00:07:21Yeah.
00:07:22When I first moved here,
00:07:23it took me a while to get adjusted.
00:07:25Yeah, you were mugged, like,
00:07:27three times that first week.
00:07:28Right, well, I thought everyone needed directions,
00:07:30but then...
00:07:32Then I met you,
00:07:33and you actually needed directions.
00:07:35And I'm so, so glad
00:07:38that I walked you into that coffee shop
00:07:41because you have made my life so much better
00:07:44than I ever thought that I deserved.
00:07:48Will you marry me?
00:07:51Yeah.
00:07:52Yeah.
00:07:53Yeah.
00:07:56I hate the art Katie left here.
00:07:58It's so gross.
00:07:59It's sentimental.
00:07:59Okay, well, I live here now,
00:08:01and I like actual art.
00:08:02Let me just ask Katie if she wants it
00:08:04before we throw it away.
00:08:05Where is Katie?
00:08:06I feel like she's usually here by now,
00:08:08like, complaining about some ugly house
00:08:10she can't sell.
00:08:11She's doing a picnic with John.
00:08:14Like, eating on the ground?
00:08:15Yeah.
00:08:16I feel so bad for her.
00:08:18You know, it's like she misses the party last night,
00:08:20and now she has to waste her entire Sunday
00:08:22doing a picnic with her boyfriend.
00:08:24Can I say something?
00:08:25I really don't buy John's whole
00:08:27I'm such a nice guy thing.
00:08:29Like, you're a pervert.
00:08:31You literally touch old ladies all day.
00:08:33That's his job.
00:08:34He's a physical therapist for old people.
00:08:36Katie would fall for a pervert.
00:08:39I mean, she's clueless.
00:08:40Remember that time she got you, like,
00:08:42a briefcase filled with old papers for your birthday?
00:08:44Those are my great-grandparents' birth certificates.
00:08:46Why would you want that?
00:08:48She likes thoughtful surprises.
00:08:50She's exactly like my sister.
00:08:52She's nothing like your sister.
00:08:54Mary had one kid,
00:08:55and now she won't shut up about her pelvic floor.
00:08:57Yeah, Mary's the worst.
00:08:59And her baby isn't even cute.
00:09:01I can't imagine having a baby right now.
00:09:02It's actually disgusting to have a baby.
00:09:05Or getting married?
00:09:06Kill me.
00:09:07But we're pretty far from that.
00:09:09We like you and me.
00:09:11No, me and Katie.
00:09:13Delaney what?
00:09:14You and Katie are on totally different paths.
00:09:17I mean, Katie lives with her boyfriend.
00:09:19They're very serious.
00:09:20And you literally still, like,
00:09:22fuck the first guy who shares a cigarette with you.
00:09:28We love you.
00:09:30Oh, thank you.
00:09:31We love you so much.
00:09:32We cannot wait to celebrate with you guys.
00:09:34No.
00:09:35Bye.
00:09:37I love your family.
00:09:38I love them.
00:09:39Did you see your sister was crying?
00:09:40Yeah, no, it's funny.
00:09:41She's known for months.
00:09:42How did I not find this ring?
00:09:44Oh, the ring was in a box, in a bin,
00:09:46in an air vent, in my office.
00:09:48You would never find me.
00:09:49That was never...
00:09:49And how were Delaney playing it?
00:09:51So cool.
00:09:52Yeah, no, I didn't tell Delaney.
00:09:55What?
00:09:57Oh, well, I figured you wanted to tell her, right?
00:10:00Yeah.
00:10:01Yeah.
00:10:01So Delaney has no idea.
00:10:04No, but we can call her right now, maybe.
00:10:07Uh, yeah.
00:10:07Um, let's do...
00:10:08Let's call her later, though,
00:10:09because I think she's probably asleep.
00:10:10No, it's fine.
00:10:11We'll just call her from my phone,
00:10:12and it'll be a big surprise, I promise.
00:10:14Yeah.
00:10:16Hey.
00:10:17Hello?
00:10:18You can just leave the pizza at the door,
00:10:19and I'll grab it.
00:10:26Does she not have my number safe?
00:10:28No, she does.
00:10:29I think she does.
00:10:31I thought you'd be pretty excited to tell her.
00:10:34I am.
00:10:36I really am.
00:10:37I just want to tell her later.
00:10:41Right.
00:10:43I know, um, I'm not her favorite person.
00:10:47That is not true, Dawn.
00:10:48She loves you.
00:10:48It's just that she has a hard time with change.
00:10:50You know, when she was younger,
00:10:52her parents sold the family minivan,
00:10:53and she asked if she could go visit it at its new house.
00:10:57That's really sweet of her to want to check in on it.
00:11:00And then remember when I told her I was moving out?
00:11:04She didn't talk to me for, like, two weeks.
00:11:06Mm-hmm.
00:11:08And whenever I passed her door,
00:11:09she'd be muttering,
00:11:10Benedict Arnold.
00:11:11Right, but this, this is a good change.
00:11:14I know, and I'm so excited,
00:11:16and I love you so much,
00:11:17and I, and I cannot wait to get married.
00:11:21But I, I just want to make sure I tell her in the,
00:11:24just in the right way for her.
00:11:27Okay.
00:11:30So let's parking lot the holiday campaign
00:11:32and dig into the meat and taters
00:11:34of our spring into content campaign.
00:11:36So this campaign is,
00:11:38it's going to be a big lift.
00:11:39So we really need to stop the scroll.
00:11:41We need some big ideas.
00:11:42We need some blue sky ideas.
00:11:45And, like, we just, like, really need everybody on this.
00:11:47But I was kind of thinking, Delaney,
00:11:50maybe you could run a point for us.
00:11:52Hmm, I don't, I don't really have the bandwidth
00:11:54for that right now.
00:11:56I copy that.
00:11:56Luca, it's all yours.
00:12:00Okay, um, wow.
00:12:01Yeah, that's, that is just, that's amazing.
00:12:04I do just want to flag that I'm working overtime
00:12:07on two major campaigns right now
00:12:08since Delaney didn't have the bandwidth last month.
00:12:11So it's just kind of all falling on my shoulders.
00:12:13So that's, that's totally fine.
00:12:14I just do just want to flag that.
00:12:16No, and thank you for flagging that.
00:12:18Delaney, do you think you could maybe, like,
00:12:20carve out some time to kind of tag team it?
00:12:24Yeah, I, I got a flag that I'm spread pretty thin over here.
00:12:28What are you working on, Delaney?
00:12:30Putting out fires.
00:12:31What kind of fires?
00:12:32Big ones with employees that you don't know.
00:12:35Right, and is that why your camera's always off?
00:12:37No, my, my camera's off, Luca,
00:12:39because it's allowed to be off.
00:12:40Okay, guys, I should finish up
00:12:42with a round of peaks and valleys.
00:12:44So my valley was missing last week's happy hour.
00:12:48Never has someone been so missed.
00:12:49But my peak is that it's on the books for next week.
00:12:52Like, popcorn to Delaney.
00:12:54I guess my valley was editing Luca's Q4 pitch,
00:12:59and then my peak was, it's done now.
00:13:03Popcorn to Alex.
00:13:05You know, my valley was that Ryan and I hit a speed bump.
00:13:13Wow.
00:13:14So he, he wants to open up the relationship,
00:13:16and I just, I don't think that I have
00:13:18the sexual confidence to withstand it.
00:13:21So we're taking some time apart
00:13:22to kind of ideate on next steps.
00:13:25But Alex, are you okay?
00:13:27How are you feeling?
00:13:29You know, like, I was upset, obviously.
00:13:32I was really upset for a beat.
00:13:33But then I had a one-on-one with my best friend.
00:13:35You know, we went out, we got some drinks,
00:13:37we blew off steam, just like old times,
00:13:39just the two of us, and that, like, really, really helped.
00:13:42Best friends just get it.
00:13:44Oh, we're so aligned on that, Luca.
00:13:48So what was Dad's reaction?
00:13:50We FaceTimed him quickly.
00:13:51Yeah, he was really happy for us.
00:13:53Yeah.
00:13:54Aw.
00:13:54Yeah.
00:13:56I mean, not that happy.
00:13:57Oh.
00:13:59Come on.
00:13:59He was really excited, it seemed.
00:14:01Yeah, or you need to call him after five.
00:14:04Speaking of alcoholics, how did Delaney take the news?
00:14:07Um, she was happy, fine, good.
00:14:10Delaney doesn't know yet.
00:14:12Katie wanted to tell her in her own way
00:14:14before we told anybody else.
00:14:15That is so classic.
00:14:17I, uh, do you know that Delaney knew
00:14:19that our parents were getting divorced before I did?
00:14:21Is that true?
00:14:22Yeah.
00:14:23I mean, uh, she's my best friend, so.
00:14:27I think you'd get it if you had a best friend.
00:14:29Well, my wife is my best friend,
00:14:31so, Daria, who's your best friend?
00:14:33No, I'd rather not say.
00:14:35We're each other's best friends.
00:14:36Yeah.
00:14:37Yeah.
00:14:38Like normal adults.
00:14:40Delaney loves Katie.
00:14:42She'll be really happy once we tell her.
00:14:44John, have you ever heard of
00:14:45expectation recalibration therapy?
00:14:47I was reading an article about it, and I think...
00:14:49Excuse me, what article?
00:14:51It's an article.
00:14:52Where was this article?
00:14:54In the journals for doctors.
00:14:56Henry, have you been listening again
00:14:59to my sessions with my patients?
00:15:01Anyway, expectation recalibration
00:15:02is basically a therapy where you work to accept
00:15:04that someone will never change, right?
00:15:06Like, they suck, like, medically.
00:15:09And in your case, that's Delaney.
00:15:10And in our case, it's our dad.
00:15:11So, I mean, Daria confirmed that he's a narcissist.
00:15:14Oh, I have never treated your father.
00:15:16And I've never made any medical claims about him.
00:15:18Excuse me.
00:15:19I mean, but you have.
00:15:20I mean, we've talked about that.
00:15:20What are you talking about?
00:15:21You know.
00:15:22What?
00:15:22Aren't you...
00:15:22I sent him 20 of my poems in the past year?
00:15:2620.
00:15:27And he never once told me that I was talented?
00:15:30Right?
00:15:32I mean, how hard is it to reply with a compliment?
00:15:34How hard is it to, like, you know,
00:15:36just say, like, a simple Henry,
00:15:37you are a brilliant artist, right?
00:15:39And it is a crime that you have to edit
00:15:41other people's much weaker novels
00:15:43instead of traveling the world
00:15:45on your own book tour, right?
00:15:46He is selfish, Katie, and so is Delaney.
00:15:49Yeah, I hear you.
00:15:51I don't think Delaney's selfish.
00:15:53I think she has a hard time with change.
00:15:55Daria was treating our neighbor the other day.
00:15:57He would know.
00:15:57He's a total freak, Daria.
00:15:58I mean, he gets off on lizards.
00:16:00And let...
00:16:01Did he say blizzards or it was lizards?
00:16:03It was lizards, right?
00:16:04It was lizards.
00:16:04He gets off on lizards
00:16:05and his wife wants to divorce him, clearly.
00:16:08And Daria said something that I think applies here.
00:16:12Tell them the thing about the change.
00:16:15Oh, well, you know,
00:16:17people's nerves about change,
00:16:19they can be calmed by the familiar.
00:16:22So, you take them to a comfortable environment
00:16:24and you break the news.
00:16:27It's kind of like you take your kids
00:16:28to their favorite ice cream shop
00:16:30and tell them you're getting a divorce.
00:16:31I mean, I think that's something
00:16:32that you should consider with Delaney.
00:16:34I mean, she's about as mature as an eight-year-old, so...
00:16:37I've seen her hork down a pint of Chubby Hubby in one sitting,
00:16:40so we know she likes ice cream.
00:16:44Yeah.
00:16:47That's not a real basketball.
00:16:49Third from the left is cake.
00:16:50You know, I decided I don't even want cake
00:16:52at my birthday this year.
00:16:53I actually think it's really weird
00:16:55to, like, bring out food
00:16:56and then make people eat it.
00:16:57Did you find a bar yet?
00:16:59I think I'm gonna do it here.
00:17:00I'm going for a very specific aesthetic,
00:17:02so if you could not invite...
00:17:03Ah, no!
00:17:05I thought you'd be asleep.
00:17:09Katie, I didn't know you still had a key.
00:17:11Uh, Delaney said I could keep one for emergencies.
00:17:13What's the emergency?
00:17:15Well, this time it's not so much an emergency,
00:17:17really, as it is a surprise for my best friend.
00:17:23Oh, man, I actually had this whole thing planned
00:17:25that I was gonna sneak in
00:17:25and, like, put clues around the apartment,
00:17:27but, okay, whatever.
00:17:28Since you're awake, I'll just show you now.
00:17:33What the fuck is that?
00:17:35I planned us a mini beach vacation.
00:17:39You don't seem excited.
00:17:40What's there to be excited about, Katie?
00:17:42It's the beach.
00:17:43I'm excited.
00:17:44I really am.
00:17:45And that poster is...
00:17:47That's your most thoughtful gift yet.
00:17:48You see the umbrella?
00:17:49I see the umbrella.
00:17:51You know these trips can be kind of weird for me.
00:17:54Is John at least bringing a friend?
00:17:55No, no, John's not coming.
00:17:58Why?
00:17:58Yeah, why?
00:18:00No reason.
00:18:01I just thought it would be great
00:18:02for the two of us to go on a trip,
00:18:05connect, have some quality time.
00:18:07Like old times?
00:18:08Yes, yes.
00:18:10Just like old times.
00:18:13Ew.
00:18:27Kiss me once.
00:18:30Kiss me twice.
00:18:32Girl.
00:18:34Girl.
00:18:34Your sugar and spice.
00:18:36Girl.
00:18:37And everything nice.
00:18:39Girl.
00:18:40Love me forever.
00:18:43And I'll be true to you.
00:18:51Girl.
00:18:52all right there we go nice we're here what time is check-in at the pelican palace surprise
00:18:59we aren't staying at the pelican palace right yeah i got us a i got us a rental house actually
00:19:05on wonder weekend wonder we can rentals kind of creep me out i don't like the idea of using other
00:19:10people's kitchen appliances but you're okay sleeping in a bed or a bunch of high schoolers
00:19:14just rounded the bases but the pelican palace is where all the parties end up i know imagine that
00:19:19noise wouldn't sleep a freaking wink is there a bar what at the rental house is it a shared space
00:19:28or private private and there's a lock box so we don't even have to meet the guy you found it
00:19:38oh
00:19:40gosh gps can be a little wonky here so so glad you guys figured it out how we doing are
00:19:46you uh
00:19:46uh are you uh douglas are you my fifth grade teacher just dougie's fine yeah i i just asked
00:19:55because the the listing had said that there was a lock box so i didn't think we'd get to meet
00:19:59here
00:20:00she is yeah i love to walk everyone through the space first only because it's a really important
00:20:06place to me oh it was my mom's she uh she died here oh gosh no not in the front
00:20:13yard oh she died inside
00:20:17katie right so you must be delaney yeah i love that name family name it was my grandfather's oh my
00:20:23gosh
00:20:24i was named after my mom's brother who we don't talk to anymore he's uh
00:20:29it's a pedophile so oh i'm sorry oh no no no he was always cool with me yeah but uh
00:20:36called a lot
00:20:37you know when he was doing time yeah i guess inmates are like really hard on child predators
00:20:42i didn't mind saying hi then but once he got out and started coming here unannounced oh my gosh i
00:20:48keep
00:20:48talking and talking you guys probably just want to see inside right pretty cute huh i love it
00:20:54yeah mom left the place to meet my sister but lauren has a family now so she let me keep
00:20:59it all to
00:21:00myself ah score yeah oh all the art on the wall is for sale oh
00:21:08what little munchkin did these i am an artist yeah well technically my day job is medical sales but
00:21:15i've been working my tush off and is there a wi-fi password uh yeah it was in the welcome
00:21:22pamphlet that
00:21:22i sent over because guests are really supposed to read the pamphlet uh before they check in so
00:21:28oh but it's okay i have a spare set of rules right here oh perfect oh i also threw in
00:21:35my favorite local
00:21:35spots you girls hot dog fans dingo's dogs yeah yeah um we know it we used to come here near
00:21:41a little
00:21:41fun yeah sisters best friends i love uh best friends any big plans for best friends night
00:21:48um i think we'll probably hang here make a cheese plate you get plenty of cheese at home
00:21:56i thought we could go to a bar i mean i brought a lot of orange wine for us to
00:22:00drink here oh that's
00:22:02a no what is no alcohol on the premises that's ridiculous um what she means is we were really just
00:22:11gonna have a glass or two yeah no exception to the rules was it just a quick scam of the
00:22:17welcome
00:22:17email because no shoes is also a big one i can't sleep with the sound of stomping i thought this
00:22:24was
00:22:25a private space yeah the upstairs is your private domain i hang my hat in the subterranean domicile
00:22:33i live in the basement what are you doing head of file has this address okay well it's a good
00:22:43thing
00:22:43we're adults i look young so what happens when you stray from places you know and love your mom got
00:22:50staff at the pelican palace the pelican palace is fun they keep beers in the ice machine you prefer
00:22:55dirty ice over a literal deathbed yeah okay i put a lot of effort into planning this trip and i
00:23:01would
00:23:01like if we could at least relax and try to connect enjoy ourselves appreciate where we are
00:23:12cameras what the hell what they're where i work there for outfitters all right those cameras aren't
00:23:17even on people just see them and are less likely to steal do you see any ironic coffee table books
00:23:23for
00:23:24sale here because i don't dougie's boarding off shoplifters he's watching us get his rocks off he's not
00:23:29camped out in front of the monitor with his hands down his pants he's nice
00:23:36no no i'm not staying here all night and being one of dougie's cheese eating cam girls okay
00:23:40i'm going to a bar all night at a bar yeah thing is though if it's loud we won't really
00:23:48be able to talk
00:23:50we talk all day
00:23:53i know that's a good point yeah let's go to a bar
00:24:01man this place has really changed it used to get packed i saw this pottery place in town and they
00:24:07have a
00:24:08morning class that teaches you how to make little bowls for your keys i kind of was hoping we'd sleep
00:24:11in yeah it's not till seven okay cheers to this weekend thank you for planning it um
00:24:18as you know we've had so many great memories here as friends and we've crossed so many milestones
00:24:23together and i thought it would be the perfect place to come to cross one more and i think that
00:24:30it's the most important thing we do if we are able to flourish together like two roses two two best
00:24:36friend i guess roses who um uh can i get a beer please yeah that guy real hot who the
00:24:43helmet guy
00:24:46okay not why we're here um okay so i was saying we we have crossed so many milestones together here
00:24:52as
00:24:52friends he looks like dennis fuller oh dennis fuller another loser should we go talk to him i i'm in
00:24:59the middle of saying something okay um you need to pick that up i'm gonna call him back
00:25:12uh i'm gonna be quick don't move
00:25:20sorry uh had to get to a quiet place delaney dragged me to a bar you're out celebrating celebrating
00:25:26the proposal uh yeah yeah yeah yeah it cut it cut out for a sec um not yeah not yet
00:25:34you said that you
00:25:35would tell her by tonight no no i know i i was i was just about to when you called
00:25:38well daria sent over
00:25:40some invitation samples and she said we should pick one by next week okay yeah sounds good i'll
00:25:45send you some photos and then you can decide or i can decide to send me photos on that uh
00:25:51whichever
00:25:51okay i'll catch you later love you bye
00:25:58checking in all right you gotta check in i'm the social chair for sigma new so i got to plan
00:26:03this
00:26:03bachelor party for my almost bro-in-law and i always go big last month we had a naughty nuns
00:26:09and a frisky
00:26:10friars party friars like ball priest tell me what do you do uh finance okay humble do you follow
00:26:18crypto because he he he created apex coin uh gq did vote at one of their up-and-coming coins
00:26:23of the
00:26:23year this year but it's not a big deal oh my god anybody could make this low itty b coin
00:26:28nobody oh so
00:26:29sorry sorry hey um i'm katie hey kaylee oh my god you look exactly like my twins look at them
00:26:38yeah is apex coin funding any strippers this weekend i don't pay for intimate experiences
00:26:43i do i wanted one real bad i found one online that's so mean to you sorry about him the
00:26:50legend
00:26:50himself it's charlie delaney katie nice to meet you katie again do you think it was a bad idea to
00:26:58have a
00:26:58college junior playing my master party uh we're actually probably gonna head out
00:27:05oh would you actually mind opening these for us all good i got it oh no party flops
00:27:13yeah you didn't you didn't want to use your party flop you thank you one beer and we go one
00:27:21beer and we go
00:27:39let's go yeah let's go i'm gonna fire up some tunes
00:27:48that smells fucking awful oh my god that smells so bad wait i didn't smell anything i didn't what's it
00:27:54smell like yo did anybody see a dog walk through here
00:28:03bottle opener on the bottom of a shoe stop smiling stop i don't know what kind of moron walks
00:28:09through dog shit and has no idea you don't even know how to get strippers for a bachelor party well
00:28:13not all guys like strippers that one i get yeah totally john really doesn't okay john actually
00:28:18doesn't because he has a sister he does you hung out with her like three times all right
00:28:26will you open the door
00:28:30you have the key you have the key no i have the key you wanted to carry it i have
00:28:36the key
00:28:38i don't have the key where'd it go it might have fallen on my pocket why can't you carry a
00:28:44purse
00:28:44i'm sorry i need to brush my teeth we can go back to the bar and look for them no
00:28:48you know what we
00:28:50have to do no yeah sorry again doggy oh that's fine i was only asleep for an hour okay good
00:28:58oh yeah
00:28:59sorry just pop those off for me oh yeah sorry it's just the rules thank you i just forgot that's
00:29:09fine
00:29:10i love those flats
00:29:14oh sorry
00:29:18before you go back down to the basement what's the deal with the cameras oh my gosh i had to
00:29:24up my
00:29:24security after a nightmare renter you ever heard of a home birth
00:29:30but the cameras don't actually record oh no they're the real deal yeah no audio of course because
00:29:36you need a permit for that and no cameras in the bedrooms or bathrooms this was all in yeah in
00:29:43the
00:29:43welcome email yeah was it just a quick skim because we can pop a squat and look things over if
00:29:48you want
00:29:48oh no we should not pop any squats we'd like to go to bed and we'd like to watch tv
00:29:53alone do you guys
00:29:56know how to work the roku yes yes i saw that in the binder she saw the i cracked myself
00:30:02up i don't have
00:30:04a roku it was a trick question you fell right into my trap i'm really gonna need you to do
00:30:11a refresher
00:30:11the rules after i leave okay gonna need a verbal k from both of you okay
00:30:26and while i'm at it why don't i throw us all in a group text just in case of emergencies
00:30:31katie i have
00:30:32heard your digits but um delaney
00:30:58what time is it it's early um it's really early go back to bed
00:31:10i'm gonna uh i'm gonna go get us coffees
00:31:35it's a matter of privacy i don't think it's a little weird for your friend's wife to post
00:31:39something before i the bride have posted anything you know i mean but you told delaney right yes yes
00:31:46i i told her we're engaged i i will ask them to take it down okay yeah i just don't
00:31:53want it up there
00:31:53okay i gotta go yeah all right i love you bye hey hi hi i almost didn't recognize you without
00:32:04the dog
00:32:04shit on your cop oh that's funny too soon i am sorry i overheard you on the phone i didn't
00:32:13realize
00:32:13you were a bride yeah yeah congratulations thank you thank you it's um it's really recent um and i'm
00:32:24really really excited i just need to figure out uh i haven't told uh my best friend yet uh delaney
00:32:32who you
00:32:32met last night so i just need to you know figure stuff out so what she doesn't like him uh
00:32:38you know
00:32:38i mean she's she's not the most emotive person so it can be it can be it was hard to
00:32:43tell in the
00:32:43beginning but yeah she likes him she does yeah she does like him yeah now say it one more time
00:32:48but
00:32:48i want you to really need it she she does like him so look a few of my friends weren't
00:32:54that happy
00:32:54for me when i got engaged i think they're just freaked out that they think your fiance is gonna
00:32:59hijack your life and they're never gonna see you again i know which is crazy one of them just straight
00:33:04up stopped inviting me places because he said i don't know how to hang anymore not that that's gonna
00:33:09happen to you i think no no i know um okay good luck with you know enjoy your coffee yeah
00:33:19bye
00:33:27you're up what time is it time to get up cold brew there you go it's beautiful out by the
00:33:34way where's
00:33:34my phone our phones are tucked away safely in the kitchen drawer why because today is about having
00:33:42fun without distractions we're gonna float around untethered to technology just like when we were
00:33:47little what happened to pottery we're not going to pottery we're gonna be wild crazy spontaneous we
00:33:54are going off the grid i think there's a left back there who's following you i'm following you
00:34:03why i'm left-brained no i'm left-brained which one's the one that's bad at math because you're that
00:34:08one that's very rude you know what's rude is those are my sneakers and you're wearing them and you
00:34:13didn't ask me katie oh my god hi and delaney hey glenn oh my god wow you two hanging out
00:34:23it's like
00:34:24stepping back into 2008 again i love it
00:34:31you have a baby congratulations yeah max she's a girl oh she's amazing she's such a great eater she
00:34:38sleeps 8 to 8. wow that's awesome um are you here for the weekend oh no my partner and i
00:34:42we live here
00:34:42full-time yeah we moved away from the city which was super scary but you know i love it wait
00:34:46did i see
00:34:47that you got married uh no no oh you know what i'm thinking about the other katie in your grade
00:34:53yeah
00:34:53the other katie she had her wedding featured on nautical nuptials amazing wow well what are you up
00:35:00to today we're probably just gonna grab some food at the deli actually in town oh my god their locks
00:35:06is
00:35:06what got me through my second trimester just the craziest cravings with this little one you know
00:35:17but we're actually having a bbq of mine today you should come is it a party it's a bbq yeah
00:35:23come
00:35:30sorry we just we get it a little crazy on the weekends well i mean as you know crazy as
00:35:36we can
00:35:36with a little one um so what is it you do theo i'm a filmmaker yeah i'm commercials
00:35:47yeah yeah he just got back from tokyo oh wow you know i hear japan's amazing what commercial were
00:35:53you shooting um it's nothing but sweetie just don't tell them oh he's being so modest he's being
00:36:00modest he was shooting a watch commercial with brad pitt and natalie portman oh wow uh that's that's so
00:36:08cool did you get to meet them the celebrities yeah that's not really why i do it though
00:36:17no of course not yeah oh hello oh oh hi oh no careful she she can bite oh she does
00:36:26uh well yeah i guess she really likes you um i've never seen her do that with anyone but me
00:36:40i think um yeah i think it's your turn daddy you know i'm pretty sure i read in the book
00:36:44that
00:36:45it's better to let him cry it out right no that's for um when we're putting her to sleep
00:36:49baby yes well and nappies no no not just nappies oh no she wants to come on yeah i want
00:36:56to
00:36:56ah yeah okay oh we're gonna look after the child as well come on yeah just excuse me okay okay
00:37:08i'm very worried about the dog i'm sorry okay i felt bad i saw them wandering the neighborhood
00:37:15looking longingly at all these families what were they supposed to be stories invite strangers in this
00:37:20house first it was the kitten in the garage now it's these spinsters from your past maybe we have a
00:37:28child we do wow i just forgot about the 46 hours of labor and my torn anus the chatty one
00:37:36is hiding
00:37:36something and i know that you don't care but the new keeps on fiddling with noodle i want them gone
00:37:41i want my life back ladies i couldn't find any weed but some ketamine
00:37:52fuck
00:38:00oh it hit my spine
00:38:04oh my god since when is petting a dog weird it's not like i was only petting tail
00:38:10i'm serious okay well i'm not hiding anything they're just freaking nuts whatever that's the
00:38:16most excitement they've seen in months so yeah her partner just shot a commercial with brad pitt but
00:38:20i hear you yeah they clearly hate each other though hate each other maybe they're a little tired
00:38:26she had a baby or maybe they were in love and then they had the baby and now they hate
00:38:31each other
00:38:31that's real nice i'm i'm sorry that's the reason i don't want kids all right i know you want kids
00:38:36i mean it i don't want kids okay you don't mean that don't say that um i do mean it
00:38:44i don't want
00:38:45kids delena you don't mean that stop can we not have this conversation because that really put a
00:38:52damper on my entire day yes okay sorry um okay what do you want to do follow me okay
00:39:24i'm gonna get this with my name on it and she's gonna get this with her name on it
00:39:31what's the other two percent um
00:39:34Um, here we go.
00:39:40Open the window.
00:39:44Get back in the saddle.
00:39:52This ain't no ghetto.
00:39:59You're on the payroll.
00:40:02You're on the payroll.
00:40:03Now sit down.
00:40:05No.
00:40:06Ooh.
00:40:08Ooh.
00:40:08Yeah.
00:40:09Woo.
00:40:09Oh my god.
00:40:12No.
00:40:13Welcome to the road.
00:40:16Don't sit down.
00:40:17Yeah, they're very humble.
00:40:21Let the grown men cry.
00:40:26How am I?
00:40:30Oh my god.
00:40:32Oh my god.
00:40:37Really?
00:40:38Yes, he cuts his toenails in the car.
00:40:40That's a good thing.
00:40:40No.
00:40:41Shots!
00:40:42Keep it going all nighter.
00:40:44Oh, hi Kyle.
00:40:46You sure you're allowed back in here?
00:40:51Dude, I'm so embarrassed.
00:40:53How can we make this up to you?
00:40:55Um, I guess one of you could eat some dog shit.
00:40:58Shit, I'll do it.
00:40:59No, I'll do it.
00:41:01I'll do it.
00:41:02I am so sorry that we keep subjecting you to this.
00:41:04Let's just do a round of fireball shots for everyone.
00:41:09You like fireball?
00:41:12I love fireball.
00:41:16Let's fucking go.
00:41:20What is with Phil?
00:41:22What's up Kaylee?
00:41:24Oh my god, dude.
00:41:26I gotta go to the bathroom.
00:41:27Well, we've been having so much fun.
00:41:29It's been hard to find the right time to tell her.
00:41:32Right.
00:41:33But more importantly, as soon as you tell her, it's gonna be weird.
00:41:37Uh, yeah, that too.
00:41:39Alright, then don't think about it and just have fun.
00:41:41I can't not think about it.
00:41:44She is going to find out.
00:41:46Mm-hmm.
00:41:48Oh my god, you're so stressed.
00:41:50I know, I know.
00:41:51I can feel your heart beating in your chest.
00:41:54I know.
00:41:56Well, my fiance wants to try for kids as soon as we get married.
00:42:00Oh.
00:42:00So this will be the last time I see my friends for the next 18 years.
00:42:07That's so sad.
00:42:08I know.
00:42:09Don't say that.
00:42:10I agree.
00:42:10The fact is, is that we're getting older.
00:42:12And we're not gonna have a lot more weekends like this.
00:42:14We're not 80 years old.
00:42:15This is not your last hurrah.
00:42:17Do you know what a bachelor party is?
00:42:18By definition, it is a last hurrah.
00:42:20I think you're being dramatic.
00:42:22I don't think so.
00:42:26Maybe we get another drink?
00:42:28Yes.
00:42:28Is that an awful idea?
00:42:29No, it's a good idea.
00:42:31Okay, twist your arm?
00:42:32Twist my arm.
00:42:33I don't really do the whole American idealization of excess, super-sized thing.
00:42:37Well, except when it comes to real estate because tiny homes scare me.
00:42:43Beijing.
00:42:45Hold those.
00:42:49What's his deal?
00:42:51Oh, he's a good dude.
00:42:52And he's, like, low-key rich now, too.
00:42:54But he only dates models.
00:42:56Sorry.
00:42:57Hey, um...
00:42:58Are...
00:42:59Are you single?
00:43:00Yeah, I'm single.
00:43:02Same.
00:43:03I mean, me and my boys have, like, a strict no-dating policy for junior year.
00:43:07I love that.
00:43:08I wish my friends got that.
00:43:11Could you be putting a good word with, uh, Tommy?
00:43:14Like to date?
00:43:15No.
00:43:16I like to smash.
00:43:17Yeah, I like to smash.
00:43:20Yeah, I'll ask him.
00:43:21Less of an ask and more of a temperature check.
00:43:23Just check it out for me.
00:43:25It's my mission to get you kissing.
00:43:28Oh!
00:43:29Phil!
00:43:30Tommy!
00:43:30Family Fireball Shots!
00:43:33Oh, fuck.
00:43:35Cheers.
00:43:54Oh, fuck!
00:43:55I forgot to vote.
00:43:57Uh-uh.
00:43:58Guys, there's nothing open.
00:43:59We really don't need to force the night.
00:44:00No!
00:44:01No!
00:44:01No!
00:44:02We said all-nighter.
00:44:04We did.
00:44:04I feel like Tommy Delaney still need to clap cheeks.
00:44:08What are you talking about?
00:44:09Nothing.
00:44:09He's drunk.
00:44:10Ignore him.
00:44:10Well, we would invite you back to the Pelican Palace Bar.
00:44:13Uh, but...
00:44:14It is, I've been told, an out-of-order vending machine in the parking lot.
00:44:19Mm.
00:44:20So...
00:44:21That's correct.
00:44:21They can't host.
00:44:22Do you...
00:44:24You guys, should we just call it?
00:44:26Yes.
00:44:27No!
00:44:27No, let's go to ours.
00:44:30What about Dougie?
00:44:31Dougie?
00:44:32No.
00:44:34We'll be quiet.
00:44:38Sorry.
00:44:39This is the only room in the house without cameras.
00:44:41I have cash.
00:44:42Yeah, I think, uh, I think I should probably take Phil home.
00:44:45No.
00:44:46No.
00:44:47You should stay here.
00:44:49Charlie and Katie, they'll be back any second.
00:44:51I'm friends with Danny.
00:44:52Or...
00:44:53We could play a game.
00:44:54Or...
00:44:54We could play a game.
00:44:54You guys ever heard of...
00:44:56Twister?
00:44:57Oh, man.
00:44:59The beta thighs brought it to, uh, the hockey house last spring.
00:45:03No, uh, seriously.
00:45:05I told Phil's wife I'd watch him.
00:45:06I think it's time for us to go.
00:45:08Phil?
00:45:09I'm good.
00:45:09Chill.
00:45:10Come on, we'll go back to the hotel.
00:45:11I think we should get Phil coffee.
00:45:12Phil, do you want a coffee?
00:45:13Don't fucking touch me.
00:45:14Haha.
00:45:15Alright, yeah, let's get Phil coffee.
00:45:18Is that okay?
00:45:19Yeah, go get me fucking coffee and get out of here.
00:45:22Great, let's get Phil coffee.
00:45:23Bye.
00:45:24This guy fucking thinks he knows what it's like to fucking live in a house with three women.
00:45:28No offense, you're awesome.
00:45:30Ooh, a smooth banana IPA.
00:45:34That could be your, that could be your wedding drink.
00:45:36Like your bride signature cocktail.
00:45:38I'm not doing any of that stuff.
00:45:40Right.
00:45:41Cause you're like...
00:45:42Cool bride.
00:45:43Yes.
00:45:44Yes, that's right.
00:45:45What's your signature cocktail?
00:45:47Well, I'm a cool groom, so I can't do that.
00:45:50Oh.
00:45:50You, you might actually be too cool of a groom if it takes you seven years to propose.
00:45:57Look, love happens in its own time.
00:46:00Oh, right.
00:46:00It's, you know, I don't make the timetable, love makes the timetable.
00:46:03And that's what you told her?
00:46:04Yeah.
00:46:04Yes, that's what I told her.
00:46:05And how much time did that buy you?
00:46:07Seven years.
00:46:09Ah, ah, ah, I see.
00:46:11What?
00:46:13What made you wait so long?
00:46:15I just wasn't sure.
00:46:17About your fiance?
00:46:18About any of it.
00:46:19I just, I just didn't know if that's what I wanted.
00:46:22You know, I just think it's this thing that we all think we're supposed to do cause everybody else does
00:46:26it, but we never stop and ask ourselves if it's what we actually want.
00:46:30And then I realized that I did want it and I do want kids and that eventually I just had
00:46:37to get out of my own way and find somebody that I liked and use good judgment and be smart
00:46:42and just, you know, pick them and be happy.
00:46:48So romantic.
00:46:49I don't care if you don't think it's romantic.
00:46:51It's honest and honesty is what sustains a marriage.
00:46:56It's not romance.
00:46:58I mean, you actually don't think that there's one person for everyone?
00:47:03I'm sorry, you can't be serious.
00:47:05What?
00:47:06One person for everyone?
00:47:07No, of course not.
00:47:08I think there are millions of people that we can connect with.
00:47:11It's just a matter of when you meet them.
00:47:14We're not marrying these people because of timing.
00:47:17Don't say we're marrying them because of soulmates because I'll leave you here with those beers.
00:47:25We are marrying them because we love them.
00:47:29Yes.
00:47:31I mean, right?
00:47:33I said yes.
00:47:35You're not selling me.
00:47:37Do you know?
00:47:38That's not my job.
00:47:40This coffee expired six years ago.
00:47:43Coffee doesn't expire.
00:47:44I got cash money, baby girl.
00:47:46Remember that stuff from the 90s?
00:47:48We'll give it some fat butter, okay?
00:47:49Or like Windex or something.
00:47:50Would you like to share a glass of wine?
00:47:52What?
00:47:54Someone found a speaker.
00:47:56Connect.
00:47:57No, I have to conserve my battery for the Uber so we can leave.
00:48:00You remember leaving?
00:48:01You can use my phone for the music.
00:48:04No offense, but you probably don't have my kind of music on your phone, so...
00:48:07What kind of music do you like?
00:48:09House.
00:48:09But a very specific kind of house.
00:48:11I like specific house.
00:48:13My God.
00:48:14Just listen to your music, okay?
00:48:16Put on your phone.
00:48:16I'm fine.
00:48:17Are you...
00:48:17Put on your phone, I'm fine.
00:48:19Oh, Tommy.
00:48:22I'm coming, Tommy.
00:48:28I'm gonna make two glasses of wine still for...
00:48:31If anyone wants to stay and drink it with me.
00:49:01Delaney, can you fire for some pizzas, hon?
00:49:05For the guys, at least?
00:49:07I mean, I'm happy to host this.
00:49:09Yeah, you don't seem anxious about it at all.
00:49:10Well, I'm just...
00:49:11I'm a little worried.
00:49:12If I get a bad review, that is on you.
00:49:14What is with you in this review?
00:49:15What?
00:49:15Are you in some sort of legal bind?
00:49:17No.
00:49:18No, but...
00:49:19I will write you a comment if they give you a shitty review.
00:49:22Oh!
00:49:22Oh!
00:49:24Um...
00:49:25We could just go back to my hotel.
00:49:27If you want.
00:49:28I mean, just say the word.
00:49:32Charlie, I can't.
00:49:34I'm engaged.
00:49:35You know, I...
00:49:37Trust me.
00:49:40I...
00:49:41I feel it, too.
00:49:42But there's not...
00:49:43I'm...
00:49:44I'm sorry.
00:49:44I meant, like...
00:49:46I meant all of us would go back to my hotel.
00:49:48Like, instead of you hosting here?
00:49:51Just because you seemed anxious about it?
00:49:53Yeah, no.
00:49:54I'm...
00:49:55I'm so sorry.
00:49:56Um, just because we'd been flirting, so I thought that you were...
00:49:59I wasn't suggesting that you and I would go back alone to my hotel.
00:50:03I hope I wasn't giving off that impression.
00:50:06I mean, did you think the friendly banter meant that I was gonna, like, cheat on my fiancee?
00:50:11No.
00:50:12No.
00:50:20I gotta...
00:50:20Okay.
00:50:22That's a fad, dude.
00:50:26Delaney, what the fuck are you doing?
00:50:28We said we'd stay in the bedroom!
00:50:30Delaney!
00:50:31Phil, buddy, time to go.
00:50:33Finally, yeah, let's go.
00:50:34No, stay.
00:50:35You can go to my room.
00:50:36I'll make it fun.
00:50:37No.
00:50:38No, thanks.
00:50:39Is it because I'm not a model?
00:50:40No, because I don't share a genuine connection with you and it feels weird to lead you on.
00:50:44Oh, fuck you.
00:50:45You know, I came here to celebrate an important time in Charlie's life.
00:50:49I tried to politely keep my distance so I could spend time with my friends, who I never see, but
00:50:53you inserted yourself into our plans and put us all in a very weird situation.
00:50:58So, honestly, fuck you, Delaney.
00:51:00No.
00:51:01No.
00:51:02No.
00:51:03No, no, no.
00:51:03Fuck you, Tommy.
00:51:05Fuck you.
00:51:06Because that, that's the dopest girl that I've ever met.
00:51:10And you may not get her.
00:51:13But I do.
00:51:22I think I love you.
00:51:29What?
00:51:31What are you talking about?
00:51:34What?
00:51:35No, no, no, no, no.
00:51:36What?
00:51:37What is going on here?
00:51:38Who are these people?
00:51:39Mom's house?
00:51:40Can you not?
00:51:41On the art?
00:51:42I'm sorry.
00:51:43I'm sorry.
00:51:43They are about to leave.
00:51:45Additional guests?
00:51:46Shoes inside?
00:51:47Alcohol?
00:51:49You agreed to the rules.
00:51:51I know.
00:51:51I know.
00:51:52I'm sorry.
00:51:52There were a lot of rules.
00:51:54And honestly, no alcohol is crazy.
00:51:55So...
00:51:56Yeah, because I don't want to relapse again.
00:51:58I'm two years sober.
00:52:00What is wrong with you people?
00:52:01This is my house.
00:52:02It kills me that I have to rent this out.
00:52:05But with my mom's leftover medical bills,
00:52:07I don't really have...
00:52:12Really?
00:52:14I'm not gonna not do the coke.
00:52:18Hi.
00:52:19Hi.
00:52:20We're here for Big Dick Phil.
00:52:23Oh my God.
00:52:24I'm him.
00:52:25Phil, please tell me that you didn't hire...
00:52:28Delaney said I could.
00:52:29I said he could.
00:52:30Because guess what?
00:52:31All guys like strippers, Katie.
00:52:33Even your lover, Charlie.
00:52:35Okay.
00:52:35Well, he's not my lover.
00:52:36I mean, you have been eye-fucking her all week, dude.
00:52:39See?
00:52:40Whoa.
00:52:41What about my sister?
00:52:43Let's not chill.
00:52:44What are you talking about?
00:52:45She's engaged.
00:52:49You knew?
00:52:52Charlie knew.
00:52:54Hey, we're drunk.
00:52:55Okay?
00:52:55Let's not talk about this right now.
00:52:57You don't want to talk about how you hid your engagement from me for an entire weekend?
00:53:01Do you stop?
00:53:02How you put our phones in a kitchen drawer?
00:53:05Stop.
00:53:05You're a psycho.
00:53:06Hey, you're a fucking bitch!
00:53:09Okay, this is just sad.
00:53:10I can't dance here.
00:53:11Same.
00:53:12Friendship stuff is super triggering.
00:53:15Yeah.
00:53:23Okay.
00:53:24I got another girl, but it'll take her 45 minutes to get here.
00:53:28Get out!
00:53:29You get out.
00:53:32You're a pervert.
00:53:34You filmed us.
00:53:36Per-vert.
00:53:38Per-vert.
00:53:39Per-vert.
00:53:41Per-vert.
00:53:42Per-vert.
00:53:44Per-vert.
00:53:44Per-vert.
00:53:45Per-vert.
00:53:45Per-vert.
00:53:45You're creepy!
00:53:47You don't treat guests this way!
00:53:52Everywhere's closed, Delaney.
00:53:54I'm talking to you.
00:53:55Okay, but nowhere's open.
00:53:56You don't know everything.
00:54:01Yes.
00:54:04Oh, hello.
00:54:07I'll have one pizza.
00:54:10For one person.
00:54:13I can go home.
00:54:16He says it's going to be five minutes, so...
00:54:19You didn't want to know what type of pizza?
00:54:20I always get pepperoni and they always know, so...
00:54:23Yeah, I didn't hear a credit card number.
00:54:25I'm paying cash from Chuck.
00:54:28Hmm.
00:54:44Tommy took my charger into his room and...
00:54:45...
00:54:45...
00:54:48...
00:54:54Tommy took my charger into his room and...
00:54:58...
00:54:59...
00:54:59...
00:54:59...
00:54:59...
00:54:59...
00:55:01...
00:55:01...
00:55:08I'm going to be home in a few hours.
00:55:14No, I'm here.
00:55:19No, my service is fine. I'll be home in a few hours, and then we can talk, okay?
00:55:33Ready.
00:55:34Great.
00:55:36Four hours and 37 minutes to destination.
00:56:34Can you please talk about last night?
00:56:37About what?
00:56:40About all of it. I mean, do you remember any of it?
00:56:46I know you can black out big chunks when you drink like that.
00:56:53I remember that you lied to me about getting engaged. I remember that.
00:56:58I tried to tell you that first night. I had this whole thing planned. It's the whole reason we did
00:57:03the trip.
00:57:05You lied to me all weekend.
00:57:08No, I tried to tell you all weekend.
00:57:11Another lie. That's great. Why do you always lie? Honestly, you lie to me all the time.
00:57:16I'm not a liar. It's just really hard to be honest with you. I mean, you hate everything. You hate
00:57:22everyone.
00:57:23I don't hate everyone.
00:57:25Admit you hate John. Admit it. You've never liked him. You roll your eyes when you talk. You don't laugh
00:57:30at his jokes. I don't know why he's so sweet, but you have always hated him.
00:57:34I hate how boring he makes you.
00:57:35Boring?
00:57:36Why? Because I don't want to babysit your fucking benders.
00:57:38At least I'm not stuck in some sad routine.
00:57:41I'm not sad. I'm happy.
00:57:43You look happy.
00:57:45Why don't you call it? I'm serious. Why don't you leave the city? Go drown your personality in white wine
00:57:51with Gwen.
00:57:52That sounds better than staying here and wasting it with you one weekend at a time.
00:57:58Why don't you try caring about something?
00:58:01Why don't you try making a fucking effort?
00:58:06Why don't you grow up?
00:58:07I am growing up!
00:58:08You still do cocaine!
00:58:10Doing cocaine is fun, Katie!
00:58:11Okay. Yeah, well, maybe we're too different now.
00:58:17Yeah.
00:58:18Maybe we are.
00:58:25Get out.
00:58:33Hey, there she is.
00:58:35How you doing?
00:58:36You feeling okay?
00:58:37Yeah.
00:58:37Let's go out of the shower.
00:58:38Okay.
00:58:43Hey, there you go.
00:58:45Hey, you ride away from me.
00:58:50Taking light and leaving grief.
00:58:55I keep the hurt I'd rather feel.
00:59:01And watch the shadow from my knees.
00:59:12There were two pigs, okay, and they're in the same pit of mud.
00:59:16And the wife pig turns over to the husband pig, and she says,
00:59:19Have you seen Farmer Joe's pants lately?
00:59:28Why would you cancel?
00:59:30The husband goes, Oh, that's so funny, I thought he said pork chop.
00:59:43Thank you so much for having me, for the next time.
00:59:54Oops, did a thing. Officially secured Series B Fundy for my startup.
01:00:01Anything posted that?
01:00:03What, uh, oh, oh, oh, um, Elon Musk.
01:00:10Uh, no, no, it's someone we know.
01:00:12Oh, oh, uh, um, I give up.
01:00:18Uh, okay, um, no, it was Diane's date from, uh, New Year's.
01:00:23Oh, no, I don't, I don't, I don't even think I've met her. Oh, is she friends with Delaney? Speaking
01:00:29of which, is Delaney coming to dinner this weekend?
01:00:32I don't think so.
01:00:35Why?
01:00:36Well, we're gonna fight.
01:00:38The two of you are fighting.
01:00:40Yeah.
01:00:40That's, maybe never happened in the history of the world.
01:00:44It happened.
01:00:44Um, it's very dumb. It was about the engagement.
01:00:48Oh.
01:00:50I, so I, I never actually told her. She found out on my phone and went ballistic and got wasted.
01:00:56What do you mean? You didn't, you didn't tell her that?
01:00:58I mean, remember I tried and you called, so I couldn't really. And then I tried later that night and
01:01:02it got extremely weird.
01:01:03No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't do that. I let you wait until the perfect moment to tell her
01:01:10how you wanted to tell her.
01:01:12And you said you would do that on the trip. You told me you would handle that on the trip
01:01:15so we could start planning our wedding.
01:01:16I mean, you're a little obsessed with planning the wedding.
01:01:19Well, yeah, I want to celebrate our marriage with our family and our friends.
01:01:23No offense. I, I don't think you really get it. You know, I don't think you get me and Delaney
01:01:27exactly. I don't think you could.
01:01:28See, how do you, how do you say that?
01:01:30I have been nothing but accommodating to you and your friend. She has a drawer in our dresser.
01:01:36You said that was fun?
01:01:36It, it was. It is.
01:01:40But I just want to know when you're gonna choose us, right?
01:01:44When, when you will stop bending our lives together for Delaney.
01:01:48It's not just Delaney.
01:01:50Hold on. No, no, no, no.
01:01:52What do you, what do you, what do you mean?
01:01:53You know, marriage can really change your life.
01:01:56And, and a lot of times it's for the better.
01:01:59Which I think will be, you know, our case. And I'm very excited, of course.
01:02:02But there's just a lot of changes. Like for example, you know, eventually we will probably want to move out
01:02:07of the city.
01:02:07And that's fine. And I'm, you know, we'll do that for you.
01:02:10And you go out there and then all of a sudden all your friends are married couples that moved out
01:02:15there too.
01:02:16And, and nobody knew you before you were a married couple.
01:02:18So it's actually a bit like you didn't exist before you were part of a married couple.
01:02:22So that's the new you.
01:02:23I'm just, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna stop you.
01:02:25I don't even know what to believe at all.
01:02:29John!
01:02:34So, anyways, popcorn to Delaney.
01:02:37I didn't have any peaks this week.
01:02:41Well, a week of valleys spends time in our cal eventually.
01:02:45Everything okay?
01:02:46Yeah, it's, everything's okay.
01:02:49Delaney, we're here if you ever want to share, obviously.
01:02:51But you seem to hate peaks and valleys, so.
01:02:53I don't hate peaks and valleys.
01:02:56Really?
01:02:57Once you thought you were muted and you screamed fuck when we started playing the game.
01:03:02Okay, fine.
01:03:04Um, my valley was, my best friend lied to me about getting engaged.
01:03:16What?
01:03:18Wow.
01:03:19Wow, that is a deep valley.
01:03:22Very deep.
01:03:24Okay, let's dive into this.
01:03:26Let's dive into this.
01:03:27Come on, we're here for you.
01:03:30Wow, your hair.
01:03:32I always pictured, pictured you as a blonde.
01:03:35Look at you.
01:03:37Okay, so wait, tell me everything.
01:03:38Who is this fiance?
01:03:39What's his name?
01:03:41John.
01:03:42Where's John from?
01:03:44Yep, John.
01:03:45The Midwest.
01:03:47What state?
01:03:49Minneapolis.
01:03:51Michigan or Minnesota.
01:03:53It's an M, I just, I can't remember right now.
01:03:56You seem like you must hate him.
01:03:58I don't hate him.
01:04:00I don't hate John.
01:04:01That's very nice.
01:04:02It's your best friend, so you're trying to be nice.
01:04:03But like, what did he do?
01:04:04He obviously cheated.
01:04:06He obviously-
01:04:06He cheated.
01:04:07He did cheat, Alex.
01:04:08He cheated off again.
01:04:09John did not cheat.
01:04:10John's not a cheater.
01:04:11He's totally obsessed with her.
01:04:15But too obsessed, probably.
01:04:18No.
01:04:19No.
01:04:20To where it's like, true crime.
01:04:23No.
01:04:25He treats her really well.
01:04:26He's a very good guy.
01:04:28So he treats her well?
01:04:32Yeah, he treats her well.
01:04:35Wait, and she, is she like, happy with him?
01:04:41Yeah.
01:04:44Okay, wait.
01:04:45Sorry for the disconnect here, but what's the problem?
01:04:49And the toy guy said that that's the most popular thing he sells.
01:04:52Yeah, no.
01:04:53The kids wanted one of these.
01:04:54Hmm.
01:04:54I just got them a new globe, but never enough.
01:04:58Where's John?
01:04:59His work thing.
01:05:01Oh, did he decide if he wanted the chicken or lamb skewers for the cocktail hour?
01:05:05Shoot.
01:05:05I'll ask him.
01:05:06I'm not sure.
01:05:07If you get that thing wet, it turns blue.
01:05:10So he's rehabbing brittle hips after sundown?
01:05:13He's really burning the midnight oil.
01:05:16And, um, if you wanted to go back to red again, you just put it in the sun.
01:05:20Is there trouble in paradise?
01:05:23You can't hide from an empath, little sister.
01:05:27Um, Delaney and I got into a fight, and now John and I are in a bit of a fight
01:05:34about that fight.
01:05:35Of course.
01:05:36No, no, no.
01:05:36We all saw this coming.
01:05:38You know, you guys are emotionally stunted.
01:05:40Daria says you both have arrested development.
01:05:43I never said that.
01:05:44Thank you very much.
01:05:44And so you just happened to leave your notebook open to a page that said never individuated into adulthood?
01:05:48Did you find the key to my office again?
01:05:50It doesn't matter.
01:05:50Look, the medical fact is you guys are basically still kids who are clinging on to each other in the
01:05:55cafeteria of life.
01:05:56You're emotionally stunted.
01:06:00Oh, that's a very mature response, Katie.
01:06:02Do you see what I'm saying?
01:06:04You're stunted.
01:06:05It's so rich coming from you.
01:06:07Look, I'm sorry.
01:06:08I really hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but it might actually be time for
01:06:12you to grow up.
01:06:13We have all had to.
01:06:15Did we?
01:06:16I mean, did we all have to?
01:06:17Maybe you're like 40 years old and you still blame everything on our parents.
01:06:20You're emotionally stunted, not me.
01:06:22Tell him, Daria.
01:06:23No, no, no, Daria.
01:06:24Tell her that she's narcissistic like Dad.
01:06:26Do you know that the DSM-5 defines narcissism as a personality disorder, right, Daria?
01:06:31A cluster B personality disorder, which I think we can both agree you have.
01:06:34Oh, I have a personality disorder?
01:06:36Yeah, honestly.
01:06:36Oh my God, you're delusional.
01:06:37You're literally medically delusional.
01:06:40You're certifiable.
01:06:41Daria, tell him.
01:06:42You have every symptom.
01:06:43Tell him.
01:06:43Tell him.
01:06:44Shut up!
01:06:45Just shut the fuck up!
01:06:51Today I listened to a man detail an intense reptilian fetish that's ruining his marriage.
01:06:58And I had to tell him, no, that's not weird.
01:07:01Do you want an iguana to act as a third?
01:07:05A girl ate rocks in front of me.
01:07:08And I had to tell a mother who told me that she lost her pregnancy.
01:07:14I had to promise her that she would get over it one day.
01:07:19Do you guys want a medical diagnosis?
01:07:23You are both ungrateful shits!
01:07:37I can't believe she said all that stuff about her patients.
01:07:42I mean, isn't that supposed to be, like, really private?
01:07:46Okay.
01:07:48I know we didn't have the ideal childhood.
01:07:53But you cannot keep using it as an excuse.
01:07:57I mean, come on.
01:07:59Can you be the adult for once?
01:08:03Can you help me for once?
01:08:07Things are gonna be okay with John.
01:08:12I don't know, actually.
01:08:15Yeah, he's...
01:08:17He's really mad.
01:08:18People get mad, Katie.
01:08:21It's part of life, and it's gonna be a long road
01:08:24if you walk around trying to make everything nice
01:08:26for everybody all the time.
01:08:27You've gotta be honest.
01:08:31I know...
01:08:32what Delaney means to you.
01:08:34And I know how much she was there for you when you were kids.
01:08:36And yes, I maybe thought that you were freaks.
01:08:40But what you had was special.
01:08:43You guys had a great run.
01:08:48So maybe it's okay that it's over.
01:08:52Sometimes the past can't last.
01:08:57Pass me my poem journal. Hurry up.
01:09:01Quick, quick, quick, quick.
01:09:04Okay, I made a guest list.
01:09:06Pretty much everyone who's coming is cool
01:09:08except for, like, one other assistant from my office.
01:09:10Have I shown you her grid before?
01:09:12She posts so much emo shit.
01:09:15It's like, we get that you have cancer.
01:09:17Maybe she won't support.
01:09:19What?
01:09:21We're seeing it helps other people.
01:09:24Oh, it doesn't help me.
01:09:25I meant other sick people.
01:09:28Right.
01:09:29Wait, how much do we hate Katie?
01:09:31Like, we haven't talked about this at all.
01:09:34Yeah.
01:09:34What she did...
01:09:36wasn't great.
01:09:37You know what I always say.
01:09:39Hate motivates.
01:09:41Liking stuff.
01:09:42I can motivate too.
01:09:43No, liking stuff is for sheep.
01:09:46Plus, hating stuff is like our thing.
01:09:47We both know the whole world sucks.
01:09:50The whole world sucks?
01:09:52Yeah.
01:10:01I think I need to leave.
01:10:03I mean, same, this place is a shithole.
01:10:05Like, it's obviously a temporary situation.
01:10:08No.
01:10:09I just don't want to be around you anymore.
01:10:14I hate that we love to hate people.
01:10:17It makes me feel sick.
01:10:20And I want to feel good.
01:10:23I want to be happy.
01:10:25I want to be happy for other people.
01:10:26I want to be happy for my family.
01:10:28I want to be happy for my friends.
01:10:33But I don't know how to do that.
01:10:35I don't know how to be happy for people.
01:10:46Did you, like, write that in your notes app to say to me?
01:10:48That's so fucking lame, Delaney.
01:10:53Okay, bye.
01:10:58Just keep breathing.
01:11:00Okay.
01:11:01Other side.
01:11:03One second, sorry.
01:11:07Delaney.
01:11:10Hi.
01:11:11What happened?
01:11:12Is everyone okay?
01:11:13What? Yeah.
01:11:17Um...
01:11:19Then, um...
01:11:20Why are you here?
01:11:25Where are you from?
01:11:31Uh...
01:11:31Illinois.
01:11:34I knew that.
01:11:38Did you like it there in Illinois?
01:11:42Do you mind?
01:11:45Sure.
01:11:47What is it?
01:11:51What's this?
01:11:53Yeah.
01:11:56Um...
01:11:57Yeah, I lived in Illinois pretty much my whole life.
01:12:01High school.
01:12:02College.
01:12:03Go Phoenixes.
01:12:05It was our college mascot.
01:12:07Yeah, my whole family went there.
01:12:08And I am so sorry that I didn't tell you that I was going to propose to Katie.
01:12:15It's okay.
01:12:18Probably made you hate me even more.
01:12:20I...
01:12:21Never hated you.
01:12:22I hated you existed.
01:12:26That was...
01:12:27I...
01:12:27Right.
01:12:30You never did anything wrong.
01:12:34I did...
01:12:36Everything to make it...
01:12:38Incredibly weird for you.
01:12:40And I'm...
01:12:41I'm...
01:12:41Really sorry.
01:12:46I'm really happy it's you.
01:12:48You...
01:12:53I will, uh...
01:12:54Let you go back to work.
01:12:55Yeah.
01:12:55Yeah.
01:12:58We're actually...
01:12:59In a fight.
01:13:01Um...
01:13:02She lied to me...
01:13:03About telling you.
01:13:04And I just don't understand why she can't be...
01:13:08Honest...
01:13:08With me.
01:13:10I don't know.
01:13:14Maybe she's...
01:13:16Afraid of losing us.
01:13:18Or maybe it's...
01:13:21Trying to protect us.
01:13:23You really don't know.
01:13:28I do know that...
01:13:32Getting older is...
01:13:35Really scary.
01:13:43I'm not paying for this.
01:13:46I got his card on file.
01:13:51Can we talk?
01:13:53I mean, what are we doing?
01:13:54I...
01:13:54I...
01:13:55I can't take more silent treatment.
01:14:00That's my client, Jerry.
01:14:05Uh...
01:14:05Yeah, I know Jerry.
01:14:07Do you know his wife, Marlene?
01:14:10You know, they've been married for years.
01:14:12Lived in four states.
01:14:14Three countries.
01:14:16They got divorced.
01:14:18Got back together.
01:14:20Lived in next door houses.
01:14:22Just for their own space.
01:14:25Until they built this place.
01:14:28Together.
01:14:31I don't know what the rest of our lives will look like.
01:14:34But it can be whatever we want it to be.
01:14:37I love you.
01:14:39I love you.
01:14:39I love you too.
01:14:41I'm sorry.
01:14:42I'm sorry.
01:14:45I'm sorry I lied.
01:14:48And I'm gonna do better.
01:14:50I know.
01:14:51I know.
01:14:52She told me.
01:14:53Who?
01:14:55Delaney.
01:14:57Um...
01:14:58When...
01:14:59When did you see Delaney?
01:15:01Today.
01:15:02She came by the office.
01:15:04Why?
01:15:05She's like...
01:15:06What?
01:15:07Like returning the stuff I had in her apartment?
01:15:09Or...
01:15:12She...
01:15:12Wanted to know where I was from.
01:15:14Can you get your girl?
01:15:17Yeah.
01:15:21Actually...
01:15:25Go get your girl.
01:15:29Go on.
01:15:30Yeah.
01:15:31Yeah.
01:15:35Open up your gate.
01:15:37There you go.
01:15:59There you go.
01:16:11Katie?
01:16:12No.
01:16:12There's a list.
01:16:14And you're not the aesthetic.
01:16:15And honestly, even if you were, there's already a Jennifer here.
01:16:18And you can't like, have a Jennifer and a Katie.
01:16:20You know?
01:16:20Yeah. Okay.
01:16:21Um, Roxy.
01:16:23I know you think I'm lame.
01:16:24But I know that you're miserable.
01:16:26And that's why you're so mean.
01:16:28I feel bad for you.
01:16:30Okay?
01:16:33Yeah.
01:16:34Same.
01:16:35Yeah.
01:16:36Where's Delaney?
01:16:37Where do you think?
01:16:40Fuck.
01:16:44Occupied.
01:16:46Occupied.
01:16:46Occupied.
01:16:46Delaney, drop the drugs.
01:16:48I said occupied.
01:16:53So I was gonna...
01:16:54I'm sorry.
01:16:55I'll come.
01:16:55Can I go first?
01:16:57Because...
01:16:57I'm feeling brave and that might go away.
01:17:01Twelve.
01:17:08I look at you and I feel like we are still twelve years old.
01:17:13And I really love that.
01:17:16But we're not twelve years old anymore.
01:17:20And we can't spend every second together anymore.
01:17:26And we don't like all the same things anymore.
01:17:28As much as I try to fight that.
01:17:32And I want to get married.
01:17:35And I want to have kids.
01:17:38And I want to save pictures of bathroom renovations I like.
01:17:45And I want to make little dishes for my keys.
01:17:48And I want to move out of the city.
01:17:50And I know you don't want that stuff.
01:17:52You don't even like that stuff.
01:17:55Actually.
01:17:56And...
01:17:57You don't even really like people who do.
01:18:00Just scary.
01:18:06And I didn't tell you about the engagement because I was afraid you wouldn't be happy for me.
01:18:12And that would just break my heart beyond repair.
01:18:18And I'm so happy about this next chapter of my life.
01:18:21But I'm terrified that you don't want to be a part of it.
01:18:27And I know I really messed up by lying.
01:18:31And I'm really, really sorry.
01:18:35And if things are different now, I understand.
01:18:40And if we end up parting ways...
01:18:43I just wanted to say thank you.
01:18:51Being your best friend has just been the highlight of my life.
01:18:59And I think we're really lucky to have lasted as long as we did.
01:19:19Well, it's not every day your kid's sister gets married.
01:19:22I'm incredibly honored to be here.
01:19:24And I was asked to put a couple words together and to try to capture the spirit of marriage.
01:19:30And what it means to our civilization.
01:19:34And particularly what it means to these two very special people.
01:19:38So, I've done my best.
01:19:40And I think you'll agree.
01:19:45Love's passion.
01:19:47Always in fashion.
01:19:50French kissing.
01:19:52Sad to be missing.
01:19:54Willows swaying.
01:19:57Willows swaying.
01:19:57Children playing.
01:19:59Love...
01:20:00Will find a way.
01:20:03Today.
01:20:05Forevermore.
01:20:07Into Dawn, Katie...
01:20:10And John.
01:20:13You have truly won.
01:20:15You have truly won.
01:20:16The game.
01:20:30Thank you for that beautiful poem, Henry.
01:20:38Okay.
01:20:40Let's do this.
01:20:43Dearly beloved.
01:20:56Isn't it so crazy you spend more time with like a hairdresser than you do with like your best friends?
01:21:03100%.
01:21:04My eyebrow woman is closer to me.
01:21:06I text her.
01:21:07We're on texting basis.
01:21:08Yeah.
01:21:08Oh, girl.
01:21:10I got.
01:21:11What you desire.
01:21:14Yeah.
01:21:16I got a love key.
01:21:19To light your fire.
01:21:22Oh, girl.
01:21:24I need to get back something.
01:21:27I need to get back something.
01:21:27It's like really fun.
01:21:28Just to like sleep, right?
01:21:30Everything.
01:21:31To be in bed for a full 24 hours.
01:21:34People say that's depression.
01:21:36I say that's a luxury.
01:21:37Exactly.
01:21:38Yeah.
01:21:38100%.
01:21:39I love you.
01:21:41I love you.
01:21:44I love you.
01:21:46I love you.
01:21:48I love you.
01:21:49I love you.
01:21:51I love you.
01:21:52I love you.
01:21:54I love you.
01:21:54I love you.
01:21:56I love you.
01:21:59I love you.
01:22:01I love you.
01:22:06I love you.
01:22:07tell you at school you never listen you know that like you're like that won't be me
01:22:23i'm fostering a bass and ham this week i know i'm so running around i need it i honestly i
01:22:31cannot even stand it i need it here
01:23:02you
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