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#video #Taskmaster S21E03 A Creepy Bit of Advice
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00:03You
00:04Don't look away
00:17I might just do this all day
00:37I
00:38Five comedy show ponies put through their paces at the gymkhana of laughs the grand national of juggles
00:44The dressage of mirth who will get off to a good start on firm ground today
00:49Who will refuse at the first jump and who God forbid will have to be humanely destroyed?
00:55Find out now please welcome
00:58Amy glad hell
01:13He is surprising in so so many ways he loves to paint for example
01:18He's a keen bird watcher and he has a tattoo on his lower back that simply reads free Britney
01:28I
01:28Little Alex Hall
01:31I just think it's about time
01:33Go to the house
01:35How are you going to irritate me in the first two minutes of this show?
01:38I'm not going to irritate you I've got something that I'm going to show you that you're going to love
01:42Because I got my very first smartphone
01:47You want to see it?
01:48Yeah
01:49It's a smartphone
01:50It's a smart phone
01:52Look there's a little face
01:54Smart phone he's all dressed up smart
01:56Right
01:56I thought you'd like that
01:59I mean I think two things I'm irritated because that will be the end of the joke
02:02There'll be no
02:03Right?
02:03Or you think there should be more
02:04Is there a follow up?
02:05I knew you were going to say that
02:07Don't tell
02:07Make sure you think of a follow up to the really funny smartphone
02:10Yeah
02:12I sort of think there's something in that
02:14I think sort of moronic teenagers would buy that wouldn't they?
02:16I've got three so yeah maybe I'll ask them when we get home
02:19Put the face up again?
02:20It's my face
02:21Whee!
02:24Can we copyright that live on air?
02:27That's a thing isn't it?
02:29Copyright
02:30Copyright
02:31On with the prize task
02:32What have they brought in this time?
02:34Well Greg we've still got loads of good ideas for prize task categories
02:37But this week they've brought in the most fun thing to drag behind you on a piece of string when
02:41you go for a walk
02:43We all drag string behind us when we go for a walk but what's the most fun thing to be
02:47on that string?
02:49Well the owner of the thing judged to be most fun will be given five points by you Greg and
02:52also this is important
02:55No actually I'm done
02:57That was it
02:59You've been quite funny today
03:02Hello Kamal
03:03Greg I'm a 47 year old man Greg
03:05Yeah
03:06And to me nothing is more fun than going to bed at a reasonable hour
03:11So what I would love to drag behind me on a piece of string is an early to bed kit
03:17Let's look at it
03:18Okay
03:20It's a clock without an alarm set
03:23Melatonin
03:24Sleep mask
03:25And a diary
03:26With
03:28One plan
03:28That they cancelled on me on
03:32Oh I'm getting hard just thinking about it
03:35This is one sweet bit of kit
03:38You and I should hang out more often
03:41In one giant bed
03:42Yeah
03:44Biscuits
03:445pm dinner and then to bed
03:46Joel what's your fun thing to drag around on a bit of string?
03:49A parachute
03:52Attached to your hip
03:53Right?
03:54Here is a video of me dragging such a thing behind me
04:05You might have noticed the sort of eagle-eyed amongst you that there was some writing on that parachute
04:10Prepare yourself Greg you're going to absolutely love this here we go
04:12Shoot from the hip
04:14It's a play on words
04:15It's a play on words
04:15Don't like play on words
04:17I know you don't
04:18Don't like it
04:19I know you don't
04:20That was really
04:20Not clever puns aren't clever
04:24Not a fan of a masked singer I assume
04:27I have not missed an episode
04:31I don't mind the play on words
04:33I love you
04:34You having a parachute
04:35Because you're far too healthy and fit and bouncy and happy
04:39And I like the idea of you being slowed down occasionally
04:42Nice
04:43Amy you're next what have you brought in?
04:44Well I brought a projector on wheels
04:50All right
04:50Projecting a fun video
04:53And it is a fun video
04:56I shall be the judge of that
04:58This is what Amy brought in
05:11That's just constantly playing to charge the battery for 15 minutes and it will play that for an hour
05:17It's a
05:20Sort of a phenomena of some kind
05:24That it's only the long breast I can concentrate
05:28I thought
05:29What's fun?
05:32So you started with a blank canvas
05:34Blank sheet of paper
05:36What's in life
05:37What's fun?
05:38Circled it
05:39Yeah
05:40And then put a little circle in the middle of that circle
05:43And then wrote
05:44An even smaller one
05:46And then wrote fun bags
05:48Fun bags
05:49Fun bags
05:50Literally fun
05:51One of those bags isn't fun
05:54Joanna
05:55I have brought a hip flask in the shape of a fish full of sherry
06:01Yes
06:02Thank you
06:04At last
06:06Sensible voice
06:07Now my love of sherry started when I was about seven
06:15Shrapping
06:15I lost my appetite after chicken pox
06:18My nan who was a matron in a hospital
06:20Told my mum the best way to get my appetite back was to give me sherry
06:24It's funny how medical standards have changed over the years
06:27So my love of sherry started then
06:29It then continued when we got our first dog a spaniel
06:32Oh no
06:33Hang on
06:35You weren't eight when you got the dog were you?
06:38No I was about eight
06:39We're not going year by year
06:40We used to take our dog for a walk down Park Mill
06:45Which was this lovely place in the woods
06:47But there was a pub
06:48And then a big car park
06:50And then you'd walk out the back
06:51And there'd be the woods
06:52My dad would get the dog out
06:54And then they'd go into the pub
06:55Get me a glass of sherry
06:56And I'd have my glass of sherry
06:58And then we'd go for our walk
07:00And so that is why I think everything in life is better
07:03With a glass of sherry
07:05So if I'm going for a walk
07:06I would have a hip flask full of sherry
07:08Yeah
07:10Funny isn't it?
07:11Not only have I had time to write down Joanna one point
07:13I've...
07:16I've drawn two flowers either side
07:19Armando
07:20Right, fun
07:21I thought
07:22A person
07:23Who
07:24You'd be surprised to meet
07:26But then when you saw her
07:26You'd think
07:27Oh yeah that is fun
07:28Which is Lorraine Kelly
07:29And I thought
07:30I could drag her
07:31On an improvised trolley
07:33Okay
07:34Which is what I've done
07:35Yes?
07:35No!
07:38No!
07:38No!
07:44The winner of the episode
07:46Gets this cardboard cutout
07:48Of Lorraine Kelly
07:48On a trolley
07:49I don't know who that is
07:51How dare you?
07:53That's like me asking you
07:55Who Thomas Jefferson is
07:56Lorraine Kelly drew up our constitution
07:58200
08:00250
08:03And
08:04Every morning defends it
08:06On air
08:08I really liked all of those
08:09And it feels very mean to give Joanna one point
08:12But there we are
08:15One point to Joanna
08:16If you hadn't stuck the pun on it
08:17It'd have been right up there
08:18Two points to Joel
08:19Okay
08:20Honestly
08:20I think you'd be at the top of the pile
08:22If it wasn't for the long breast
08:23Oh!
08:25Three points
08:25Okay
08:26A man after my own heart
08:27Four points
08:28Um
08:29But how can I beat
08:30How can anyone beat Lorraine Kelly being dragged on a trolley?
08:33Of course
08:34Five points
08:38What's up first please, Alex?
08:40Well, we have an instruction heavy task that will give everyone a brand new earworm
08:47Hmm?
08:56You must now sing these words with me
09:00Hello!
09:00Hello!
09:01Are you okay?
09:02Have a seat
09:04Okay
09:07How are you?
09:08I'm good, are you comfortable?
09:10Yeah, you're loud
09:13Oh
09:14Hello
09:17Okay
09:18Before you open that
09:19Yeah
09:26Yeah
09:27demographic
09:32Ahhhh
09:33HAH!
09:38That would be better if the wind was going in a different direction
09:43They're biodegradable, Joel.
09:45I'm glad you clarified that.
09:46Oh, my God, I wish I'd put those on first.
09:50I bet it's going to say,
09:51time started when the competitive animal goes off.
09:54I've seen this show.
09:57Nice to see you.
09:58Nice to see you. It's a lovely day for Tuscan.
10:01Put on the headphones, obey the instructions and build the tower.
10:05When you think you have built the correct tower,
10:07you must clap three times.
10:10Fastest correct tower wins.
10:13Your time started when you first blinked.
10:16Yeah, you did blink when the confetti went off.
10:18Oh, well, because you... Yeah.
10:20But, you know, I've seen it. I've seen this show.
10:25By Joan Adults, who react to a confetti cannon going off
10:29in the way that normal people would react to being attacked by a tiger,
10:33have to build a tower.
10:35Yes, they do. Shall we, then?
10:36We shall.
10:37And first up, it's the Edinburgh Comedy Award-winning stand-up,
10:40Amy Gledhill, and also Joel Domiton.
10:47At the bottom of the tower, there is a red brick.
10:51At the top of the tower, there is a blue brick.
10:54On top of the bottom red brick, there is a yellow brick.
10:57You must hold up two green bricks within the next two seconds,
11:01otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
11:03Lovely.
11:04You must now sing blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
11:08Your turn.
11:09Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
11:12Now, wink at the camera.
11:15Above the lowest yellow brick, there is a yellow brick.
11:18Above that yellow brick, there are two more bricks.
11:21Then a yellow brick.
11:22You must hold up a blue brick in your left hand
11:25and a red in your right hand in the next two seconds,
11:27otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
11:30Very nice.
11:31You've got some confetti in your hair.
11:32OK.
11:33You must now sing these words.
11:35Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
11:37Blue, red.
11:38Yellow, red, red.
11:40Oh.
11:41You'd be better than that.
11:41Close.
11:42From the bottom, it goes red, something, something,
11:45red, something, something, green, something, something,
11:48blue.
11:49The bottom brick should be red.
11:51Yes.
11:51Now, wink at the camera.
11:54Wink at the camera.
11:56Now, wink at the camera.
11:58Now, wink at the camera.
11:59Ah!
12:01Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
12:03That bit's right.
12:04The bottom brick is red.
12:06Yes, I know that.
12:07Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
12:09Is that a clue?
12:10Now, wave to the camera, holding a red brick in your right hand
12:13and a blue brick in your left hand,
12:15otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
12:17What was that?
12:18Oh, fuck!
12:19I forgot which way around it was.
12:21No, please don't do it!
12:24You didn't wave to the camera, tell.
12:25You didn't wave to the camera.
12:27Let's start again.
12:28Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow, yellow.
12:32Yes.
12:32Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
12:34Yeah.
12:36Now, wave to the camera, holding a red brick
12:38and a blue brick within the next two seconds,
12:41otherwise Alex will dismantle your tower.
12:43I didn't hear it!
12:43I didn't hear what it said!
12:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
12:46I have to dismantle your tower.
12:49Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
12:52Yellow, red, yellow, yellow, blue.
12:57I've got the clock!
13:00You may remove your headphones.
13:01Is it right?
13:02Looks right to me.
13:05Fuck!
13:06You're annoying!
13:15Amy, I've got a question for you.
13:17Yeah.
13:17Have you ever winked before?
13:23I can't do that opening my mouth
13:26and sort of doing this horrible thing right to him.
13:29Can we have a look at Amy's wink?
13:30Oh, no!
13:31OK, here's her wink.
13:36Were you annoyed at any point?
13:38Erm, yeah, I was.
13:40You were very sad when you grabbed them like a child.
13:42Oh, my God!
13:43When you grabbed the tower.
13:44Well, I've never hugged a brick before, and...
13:46You've never...
13:46You said you've never held a brick before.
13:48That was the first time that I felt like I'd done manual labour.
13:53LAUGHTER
13:54The times are not that bad.
13:56Joel, 11 minutes 44.
13:57And Amy, 9 minutes 53.
13:59In the lead at the moment.
14:00Well done, Amy.
14:01Very good.
14:01Not bad.
14:04Shut up!
14:05It's the end of part one.
14:06You think of what you're talking?
14:07Shut up!
14:08LAUGHTER
14:20Welcome back to Taskmaster,
14:22where Alex is tormenting our cast
14:24with his horrible whiny voice.
14:27Red, green, yellow, green, yellow.
14:29Yes, they just have to follow my simple instructions
14:31to stack the coloured bricks in the correct order.
14:34When happy with their order,
14:36they need to clap three times to end the task.
14:38I can't stress enough how important that bit is.
14:41LAUGHTER
14:41And so comes the turn of two guys with very manly names.
14:45It's Armando and Kumail.
14:47Hunky.
14:50That...
14:51There.
14:51At the bottom of the tower,
14:53there is a red brick.
14:55At the top of the tower,
14:56there is a blue brick.
14:58Blue as the top.
14:59You must now sing these words with me.
15:02Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
15:06Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
15:09The bottom brick is red, remember?
15:12Yes.
15:12And the top one is blue.
15:14OK.
15:14Now, wink at the camera.
15:16Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
15:18Lovely.
15:19This is like Guantanamo Bay.
15:21LAUGHTER
15:22From the bottom,
15:23it goes red,
15:24something, something,
15:25red,
15:26something, something,
15:27green,
15:27something, something,
15:29Oh, my gosh!
15:32Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
15:34Ahem!
15:35Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
15:37Ahem!
15:42Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
15:44Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
15:47When you think you have built
15:48the correct tower,
15:49you must clap three times.
15:53Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
15:56The even bricks are yellow, red,
15:59yellow, yellow, blue.
16:01Yellow, red, yellow, yellow, blue.
16:05When you think you have built the correct tower, you must clap three times.
16:10Blue, red, yellow, yellow, fucking red.
16:13Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
16:17Have you nearly finished?
16:18Pardon?
16:19Have you nearly finished?
16:20I don't know.
16:23Thanks, Kimmel.
16:24How's it going?
16:25I mean, I'm miserable.
16:27You must clap three times.
16:30Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
16:33Your turn.
16:33Blue, green, yellow, green, yellow.
16:37Now, wink at the camera.
16:38Oh, stop the clock.
16:39Oh, my God.
16:41I forgot you could clap.
16:45Now, stop the clock, Amanda.
16:47I forgot I could stop it at any time.
16:49I thought I had to listen to all of this.
16:51Yeah, I enjoyed that.
16:52I'm glad you enjoyed it.
16:55You finished it half your time ago.
16:58So I did this for twice as long as I needed to?
17:01Exactly that, yeah.
17:07I mean, absolutely textbook, apart from forgetting the three claps.
17:12Your wink was incredible.
17:14Oh, my God.
17:15Oh, my God.
17:15Wow, wink.
17:16Nice.
17:16One of the loveliest winks I've ever seen.
17:18Yeah.
17:18Well, when I was very young, my dad told me you should be able to wink so that only the
17:22person you're winking at knows you're winking.
17:24Oh, wow.
17:26What a creepy bit of advice.
17:31Now, yes.
17:34Do you have a good time during that?
17:35Uh, one part of my brain, I was enjoying myself, and another part, I was thinking, why?
17:41Yeah.
17:42Oh, I mean, just reordering coloured bricks, you started weirdly coughing.
17:46Yeah.
17:47I don't know why it was coughing.
17:48I thought, maybe it's because I saw that thing about how it helped someone and who wants to be a
17:52millionaire.
17:53You know?
17:54LAUGHTER
17:55If I just went, argh, it was sort of...
18:00I don't take this the wrong way, it sort of felt like we were watching someone playing a game in
18:04an old people's home.
18:05Yeah.
18:06LAUGHTER
18:07I think I have taken it the wrong way.
18:11LAUGHTER
18:12There'll be some times.
18:14Yeah.
18:14Well, I mean, obviously, Kamal would have been the fastest so far by quite a long way.
18:18Really?
18:19Had he clapped when he was told to clap.
18:20Aww.
18:21But 12 minutes 06, literally couldn't be closer to Armando's, cos he was 12 minutes 30.
18:26Oh!
18:27Couldn't be closer.
18:28Who's next?
18:28Finally, it's time to see Joanna Page stacking it.
18:33I'm on.
18:36OK, that's for the top.
18:39Blue, red, yellow, yellow, red.
18:43What the hell is that?
18:44It's green.
18:46Then a yellow brick.
18:48Then another brick.
18:49The top is blue, so that must be green.
18:52This is...
18:53It's not right.
18:54It's not right.
18:54Is there anything else that's gonna show me?
18:59Wah!
19:00There!
19:01That's where it is.
19:03Right.
19:03Right.
19:04Right.
19:06OK, right.
19:08I've stopped the clock.
19:10I mean, I genuinely probably would have kept going all day.
19:13Yeah, I think so.
19:14You were nowhere near getting it right.
19:25Well done.
19:27Well done.
19:27Well, I didn't trust you.
19:28I knew something was up.
19:29And also, I just couldn't follow the song.
19:31She was getting nowhere near.
19:32It was just like...
19:32Yeah.
19:32It took her 8 minutes 50.
19:35Oh!
19:36If we went by who did the tower first, I would have had the shortest time.
19:40Hugh GF, you did it the best and the second one.
19:42It's life there, isn't it?
19:43If I hadn't consistently eaten pies my whole life, I'd be able to run.
19:49LAUGHTER
19:51Oh, unfortunately, Amanda, you're last with one point.
19:54Kamel, you get two points because you were so slow in the end.
19:57Don't.
19:59Joel was third, three points, four points to Amy.
20:01But Joanna Page gets the full five points.
20:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:06Feels like it's scoreboard time, is it?
20:08It is, and it's so close at this stage.
20:11Armando, Joanna and Kamel in joint second on six points.
20:14Amy's in the lead with seven points.
20:16Hooray!
20:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:20Give me more task.
20:22Yes, and just like our relationship,
20:24this task involves an equal amount of hugging and grunting.
20:27Mmm.
20:39Oh, look, right, here's the donkey.
20:42He's, oh, my God, he's got plasters on his bum.
20:44Hello, Joel.
20:46Hello, Amy.
20:47Hey.
20:47Hello, Kamel.
20:48Please don't touch that or look underneath it.
20:49Sorry?
20:50Shall we...
20:51Yes.
20:52Let's have a look.
20:53Paint the best painting of the painting while hugging.
20:58Right, excellent.
20:58Oh, that must be the painting.
21:00One person must always look at the original painting
21:03and hug the other two people with both arms.
21:08The other two people must always look at the new painting.
21:12The hugger may only grunt.
21:14LAUGHTER
21:15Did you write this?
21:16The painter may ask questions for one minute.
21:20Then for the rest of the task,
21:22they may only say colours, shapes or directions.
21:26Colours.
21:27Shapes or directions.
21:28Ten minutes.
21:29Your time starts on the whistle.
21:32I can't draw for toffee.
21:34I don't mind.
21:35Do you want to have a go?
21:36OK, I'll paint, yeah.
21:37OK.
21:37I kind of want to paint.
21:38You want to paint?
21:39You want to paint?
21:39All right.
21:40I might actually put my hands under there.
21:43Yeah.
21:43I'm going to get a paintbrush in each hand.
21:46OK.
21:48Are you looking at the painting?
21:49Oh!
21:54I had no idea, on top of all your many talents,
21:58that you could do impressions.
22:00Who's that?
22:01Oh, well, you don't know your own impression.
22:04Let's see it again.
22:06Oh!
22:07Painting, I am.
22:11Let's see them do some painting.
22:13Yes, here they all are.
22:14Painting and grunting and holding each other tightly.
22:19Is it a human?
22:20Uh-huh.
22:21It's a human.
22:22Is it the Prime Minister?
22:24Uh-uh.
22:25Is it an animal?
22:26Uh-huh.
22:27Yes, it's an animal.
22:28Is it a horse?
22:29Is it a donkey?
22:31Uh-huh.
22:31Is it a donkey?
22:32Uh-huh.
22:32No, a horse.
22:34Uh-huh.
22:34Is it a man?
22:35Uh-huh.
22:35Is it just his head or is it all in his body?
22:38Uh-huh.
22:39Uh-huh.
22:40It's a...
22:42He's on a horse.
22:43Uh-huh.
22:43He's on a horse.
22:44Is that grunting?
22:44Yeah, yeah.
22:45He's on a horse.
22:46Uh-huh.
22:47Is a horse with a jockey?
22:49Is it Putin?
22:50Uh-uh.
22:50OK.
22:55Is the horse brown?
22:56Oh!
22:57I'm gonna start on a brown horse.
22:58Is there anything?
22:59No.
23:01Colors, shapes, and directions, please.
23:03Is it blue?
23:04Is it red?
23:05Is it red?
23:05Is it yellow?
23:06Is it yellow?
23:06Is it yellow?
23:07Orange?
23:08Oh-oh.
23:09Skin color, white?
23:11Oh!
23:11Skin color?
23:12Is that as a shape?
23:15Colors, shapes, and directions, Joanna?
23:16No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
23:21Any squares?
23:23Uh-uh.
23:23Square?
23:24Uh-uh.
23:25Any circles?
23:26Circa?
23:27Any triangles?
23:28Triangle?
23:29Diamonds.
23:30Uh-uh.
23:33What other shapes are there?
23:35Rhombus?
23:37Booze, feet down!
23:39In the sky?
23:40Green?
23:41I've done quite a lot of green.
23:45Oh
23:58Please stop painting do not look back come out. You can look at what they did
24:06Honestly, it's not bad
24:19I've never heard anyone grunt. He's on a horse
24:23There was a bit of flexibility in the rules
24:25They also said leg as a shape and I guess the leg is a shape you know well. No, it
24:29isn't is it not? Oh, it isn't a shape
24:32Is it not know if someone told you to draw a leg shape you'd know exactly what to draw
24:38That's true
24:43We'll see their paintings after you have watched some adverts and Alex has flossed me
24:48Bring forth the gooch floss
25:02Welcome back to taskmaster and an ultimate team task involving painting and grunting
25:07Oh, yes one person from each team could look at the original painting while the painters held them and ask
25:12questions
25:13The answers could of course only come in the form of grunts or in Armando's case quite a lot of
25:17words
25:18Let's see the team of three's picture first of all. This is what Joel Amy and Kamel came up with
25:31You say that Freddie Mercury didn't ride horses
25:36We don't know I right look at all those beautiful leg shape
25:40Yeah, and look at the direction of the horse as we compare the two. Yeah. Oh
25:46The only thing that's let it down. It's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good quite a coquettish back leg from
25:51their horse
25:57You might not think it's quite good when you see what the team of two man should come up. Go
26:01ready. They did this
26:19I think I made the mistake by facing the man forward because that's what Putin does in the photo. I've
26:26seen
26:26So the man's forward but the horse is sideways
26:31What is the horse?
26:32It's got years
26:33Where's the horse?
26:34It's years are down this way
26:35The only way that's the horse is if it was painted seconds after it was hit by a bazooka
26:43I haven't said this in 20 series, but I sort of think you should be removed from the show
26:51Let's have a look at all three. Okay all three and then some points please Greg
26:55It says something when that painting of Freddie Mercury sitting on the back of an Anteater is by far the
27:03best picture
27:05So is that five points for the team of three? Of course
27:08Of course
27:08Right. Of course
27:09And now it's how low do we go I suppose
27:14So I was going to give you two points do you need to be penalized for Armando's flagrant cheating?
27:19So you'll have one point and you'll thank me for it
27:22It's one for the team of two it's five for the team of three
27:28Let's get on with the next task please
27:30Okay and Taskmaster gets all classy now as this task involves ascension via a gilded royal staircase upon which there
27:39are boobs
27:52Let's come out
27:54Alex come out
28:03Have you seen it?
28:05Have I seen what?
28:07This
28:08Like the echo
28:09Me too
28:10How are you?
28:12Good
28:15There's so many boobs
28:17Greg did the high ones
28:22It's the alphabet
28:24Nothing gets by me
28:25Get to the top of the staircase
28:28You must take one step at a time
28:32On each step you must discard a letter and say at least one word
28:39You must not use a word
28:40You must not use a word because I love to start it again because I'm not listening to what I'm
28:43saying
28:47Get to the top of the staircase
28:50Feels like a bit of me this
28:52You must take one step at a time
28:54On each step you must discard a letter and say at least one word
29:00You must not use a word containing a letter you have discarded
29:04And you must not repeat any words at any point
29:08Nah that's not a bit of me this
29:09Really not a bit of me
29:11Must not repeat any words at any point
29:14Otherwise you must start again
29:16Highest step reached wins
29:18You have ten minutes
29:20Your time starts on the whistle
29:22Do you understand?
29:25It's very condescending
29:27Yes, I understand
29:28It's pretty simple
29:30All the information is on the task
29:32If you want to put on the alphabet gauntlet
29:35Look at this
29:40This is going to go badly
29:42There are 25 steps
29:46Are there 25 letters in the alphabet?
29:48There are, aren't there?
29:49Are there?
29:50Roughly
29:56So early on you said, oh this is a bit of me this is
29:59Right?
30:00And then later you went, oh actually this is not a bit of me
30:03What happened to change your mind that this was a bit of you?
30:06I realised that when I said, oh this is a bit of me
30:08Yeah
30:10It was just steps
30:11Right
30:13That's what I'm between
30:16So...
30:17So the thing that's a bit of you is walking up steps
30:20Yeah
30:21And I'm always interested in digging into an actor's method
30:25Your method is to say the words but not think about them
30:33Yes
30:36Yes
30:38Right, who are we going to see first?
30:40First up it's Ian, Dom and Paige
30:42That's Ian Ucci, Domit and Joanna Paige
30:53Hi
30:54Just say the letter and then the word, that would be great
30:56Z
30:57Hi
30:57H-I?
30:58Yep, H-I
30:59OK, you've now said yeah as well so just let's not say yes again please
31:04I'm discarding the letter X
31:09Fruit
31:10I'm discarding the letter Z
31:14Dramatary
31:15Dramatary
31:17G
31:18T
31:19Hamster
31:19N
31:20Mouse
31:21T
31:21Buzzard
31:23Back
31:24What's the letter?
31:26T
31:26T back, OK
31:27What's the letter?
31:29S
31:29T
31:29Mh-H-U
31:32O
31:32What's the letter?
31:34R
31:34T
31:36T
31:36Who why to Jake who?
31:41Yeah, you've got a team helicopter unfortunately, yes, but you can't use words using any of these letters
31:49Yeah, it's hardly thought it was
31:52Same
31:54Same well, I don't think you can say that really because what was the one you just put down
31:58Free them all up and start again. I understand enough. Yeah, don't say anything else. I get it. Okay. We're
32:04in. Yeah, let's go
32:04Okay, I'm distorting the letter
32:09W be you oh
32:13Lovely we're halfway through the alphabet. Yes. Well, you can't really say yes. No
32:21Sorry about that question. Do I have to say I'm discarding the letter? I don't know why you're doing that
32:29This changes everything
32:38I
32:39I
32:39Start again, why?
32:44X soppy soppy you've had why though to start again. Oh
32:52Where we got to last time
32:59I
33:00You're saying why?
33:02Stop again
33:03The W
33:04Yeah, there's a W
33:06Not appropriate
33:07One minute thirty less
33:08Oh, no
33:09Q
33:09Fuck
33:10Sage
33:11Peace
33:12Still got a minute twenty
33:13Hey
33:14Balance
33:15Eagle
33:15Boom
33:18I
33:1945 seconds
33:24Nail
33:25How we spelling nail?
33:28Is it with an eye?
33:30No
33:33Are we spelling it wrong?
33:35Yeah
33:38Um
33:41Oh you can just like look at this
33:43Yeah, we've only got 15 seconds now
33:45Just look at this and like spell stuff off that
33:47Well, you said that twice so start again
33:49You've got ten seconds
33:51Should I just take the ten seconds just to think for like a moment?
33:54Just enjoy the fact that we're in a beautiful place
33:55Yeah, yeah, let's have a look around
34:03Uh
34:03B
34:06Thin
34:08And that is your time up
34:10Your language in the last one wasn't great
34:11Yeah, lovely
34:12Imdiscar the NLF
34:14Yes
34:15Right
34:17I'm off for some ice cream
34:24Um
34:26I wrote down that Joel Joel and Armando are very different men aren't they?
34:31Mm-hmm
34:32And my evidence for that was that your opener was high and his was dromedary
34:39Would you all like to see a grown man say a word that he knows he shouldn't be saying?
34:44Look at that
34:49What are you doing?
34:54Yeah
34:58It's so cute, it's like a lady's going to be like, we've pissed, what should we do next?
35:02And you're like
35:04Why?
35:07You'd start going fucking pissed as well
35:10I shouted bomb, which I just thought
35:12I know
35:13I wrote down something when you started bomb, I wrote
35:17Armando has started to look like a politician having a breakdown in Westminster
35:22Joanna was most confident in her decisions
35:25I thought you were
35:25I had a system and it was animals
35:28And that's
35:29Every third word you said was an animal
35:30Was it?
35:31Strange pattern of vocabulary
35:32She got the highest out of these three except for Armando
35:37He looked at the eleventh step, Armando the twelfth, Joel very pleased with his eight
35:41I'll take that
35:42I'll take eight
35:44Yeah, I'll definitely take that
35:45I just enjoyed the step
35:48Right, that's the end of part three
35:49In part four someone will wear the hip flask, a parachute, some melatonin, a video of a lady dancing in
35:56the nudge and a trolley with Lorraine Kelly in it
35:58It sounds like one hell of a night out
36:00Get me in
36:10Welcome back to the final part of the show on a task which feels like a sad metaphor for the
36:15ageing process
36:17Yes, I suppose you're right
36:18They're struggling to get up the stairs then forgetting what they're doing and heading back down again
36:22And they seem to have lost the most basic of vocabulary
36:25It's a laugh though, isn't it, Greg? It's a laugh
36:27Simple rules
36:28Simple rules
36:28Lose a letter every step
36:30Don't repeat words or say words that contain the lost letters
36:33Just two people left to go
36:34It is Amy and Kamel
36:39Box
36:41Put it on the floor
36:43Wherever you want
36:45Right, now pick it up and start again
36:49You've discarded X and then used the word box which has an X in it
36:52I wanted to do it the other way around, didn't I?
36:55Zed
36:57Hello
36:57Hello
36:59X
37:00Hi
37:00Hi
37:03Box
37:03No, you said box, you can't repeat words
37:08On the step
37:10No, you've got to be on the step
37:13You can say X, that would be helpful
37:15X
37:16Great
37:17And what word are you going to say?
37:19Cheese
37:22W
37:23Ice cream
37:24J
37:25South
37:25G
37:26North
37:26L
37:26East
37:27F
37:27Bob
37:28V
37:29Loaf
37:34Chop
37:35Plum
37:36Watch
37:36Pin
37:37Sob
37:37Whale
37:38Mend
37:38Hide
37:39C
37:43Hour
37:44Hour
37:45Spending power
37:46H-O-U-R
37:47H
37:48Hour
37:49O-U-R
37:50Bar
37:50U
37:51Bar
37:52S
37:53Tam
37:54E
37:54Ampt
37:55T
37:56Am
37:56E
37:58I
38:07N
38:08A
38:09A
38:10A
38:11A
38:14A
38:14A
38:14A
38:14A
38:14A
38:14A
38:14A
38:22What a performance from both, really. Strong. Wasn't it? Yeah. Apart from the double box nightmare. Oh, yeah. I didn't
38:29quite get it and then I got it. Then you got it. Then I got it. And I knew you
38:33were sure when you got to the word loaf.
38:34You said loaf so threateningly. Loaf. Loaf. Loaf. Very whole. Yeah. I never thought I would see a grown man
38:43discard a child's play letter and say aye and internally go, aye, so cool.
38:51I feel like that was the best I ever did on any of the tasks. Will you say that? There's
38:56a slight...
38:57Oh, no! Don't do this! Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Can I don't... What? Sorry!
39:03Hey, hey, hey, hey.
39:05Ten seconds ago, I was saying how cool you were. Yeah. Can I say something?
39:11Wiggle your boobs. When...
39:13Oh!
39:18The thing was, you ended up with two letters and Amy ended up with one letter when they got to
39:23the top. 25 steps, 26 letters, but you still have two left.
39:26Imagine if I did better.
39:30Nowhere near, John. Nowhere near.
39:33There's no way wank boy's beaten him.
39:37We love about this episode. It started with someone struggling with a wink and ended with someone struggling with a
39:42wank.
39:42Yeah! Right. Isn't it like that?
39:45That's great.
39:49Oh, that's... That's a lovely bit of work.
39:51Yeah.
39:53Once you've all gone, we'll re-record that with me, Sagan.
39:57LAUGHTER
39:58Well, we couldn't understand what happened with all the letters, so have a look at this.
40:02H.
40:03Hour.
40:04O-U-R.
40:06S.
40:07Rib.
40:08U.
40:09Was it rib or rip?
40:11Buh.
40:12R-I-B.
40:14U.
40:15U.
40:16O-U-R.
40:18O-U-R.
40:20O-U-R.
40:21O-U-R.
40:25Thank you. Congratulations.
40:27I know the alphabet.
40:31You didn't discard the U on a step until you took a second step with the U.
40:35So you took one extra step.
40:37You had already got to 20 at that point.
40:39I just want you to know that I did not cheat on purpose.
40:44That was an oversight.
40:46I would never cheat.
40:47That's what Nixon said.
40:49LAUGHTER
40:50I am not a cheat.
40:52So, points-wise, eight steps for Joel, one point.
40:55Joanna got to 11, two points.
40:56Armando, 12, three points.
40:57Camille, you got to 20 steps, you get four points.
40:59But the winner, 25 steps, all of them, and five points to Amy Carter!
41:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:06Put a look at the scores, then, shall we?
41:09Yes, I think we could have our first look at the series scoreboard,
41:12an early look at that.
41:13We have three men in their 30s.
41:15Camille's on 37, Armando, 36, and Joel, 35.
41:19Two women in their 50s.
41:21Wow!
41:22Joanna's got 50 and Amy's got 53 at this stage.
41:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:29Yes, and also...
41:32Oh, for God's sake.
41:34LAUGHTER
41:35Take it out!
41:36Take it out!
41:38Take it out!
41:40Take it out!
41:41Take it out!
41:41Take it out!
41:41Take it out!
41:41Take it out!
41:41Take it out!
41:42It's been taking so long today!
41:44Oh!
41:45Just in time.
41:46Just in time.
41:49OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
41:52No!
41:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:02Hello, you delightful cherub.
42:05Hello, Greg.
42:05These are available at just Ā£19.99.
42:09Who will be reading the task out?
42:14Armando Iannucci.
42:16The Colonel.
42:18OK, here we go.
42:20Transfer Greg's balls from your bucket to your beaker.
42:25You must wave with one hand at all times,
42:27and that hand must not touch balls or snooker cues.
42:30Also, your snooker cue must balance with one end touching the table at all times,
42:35and you can only touch your snooker cue with your non-waving hand.
42:40For every one of Alex's balls that ends up in your beaker,
42:44three of Greg's balls will be subtracted from your score.
42:48I'm already questioning this as I'm reading it.
42:51You have 100 seconds, most Greg's balls wins.
42:54They had to be Greg's balls, did they, for this task?
42:57Everyone likes them.
42:58Really?
43:00You can all grasp your cues now, as Armando is.
43:03OK.
43:04And have one hand ready to wave.
43:06So they must be waving at all times.
43:07Greg, if they don't wave, we need to be on them.
43:09Oh, I'll be on them like a puma.
43:11It's clever and go.
43:12Start waving and start transferring balls.
43:15WHISTLE BLOWS
43:16THEY'RE OFF.
43:17WHISTLE BLOWS
43:20WHISTLE BLOWS
43:22WAVING
43:22WAVING, WHISTLE BLOWS
43:23WAVING, please, Joel!
43:25WAVING, WHISTLE BLOWS
43:26WAVING!
43:26WE LIKE, JOEL!
43:30WAVING!
43:30WAVING!
43:31OH, NO!
43:34WABING!
43:39WAVING!
43:41Hello, Camille.
43:45Hello.
43:47Hello, Camille.
43:48Hello.
43:49Hello, Amy.
43:49Oh, you've got a Camille.
43:51Oh, Amanda.
43:54Your balls are everywhere, Greg.
43:57Oh, my God.
43:58Right.
43:59OK.
44:0015 seconds left, everyone.
44:078 seconds left.
44:08Wait.
44:10Waving.
44:12Oh, four, three, two, one.
44:17Stop!
44:20You got some Alex's.
44:22I got some Alex's.
44:24Well, Doug, I'm going to have to count up how many Alex's balls
44:28are in there.
44:29Beakers.
44:29Yes.
44:30I'll be honest, halfway through, I forgot which one was
44:33supposed to be in there.
44:34Oh, my God.
44:36Which one were you supposed to have in?
44:37Greg.
44:39Greg.
44:39Greg.
44:40Greg.
44:40Well, it was fun.
44:43Listen, we'll add them up.
44:44We'll add it to your final scores.
44:45Come down and join me.
44:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:54Well, well, well.
44:54Well, exactly, I can say that.
44:56Well, well, well.
44:56A lot of balls in tubes.
44:57Were they the right balls?
44:59Well, interesting.
45:00I mean, Amy and Joel both got 11 balls in tubes.
45:05Oh, Joel's like a machine, Joey.
45:07Was like a machine.
45:08But was he like a good machine?
45:10LAUGHTER
45:11Six of me, five of Greg's.
45:12That's a score of minus 13.
45:16Oh.
45:16Oh, wank.
45:38Oh, wank.
45:47LAUGHTER
45:4712 points.
45:48But in joint first by herself, it's Amy Glenhill with 22 points.
45:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:04So, what have we learnt today?
46:06Well, we've learnt a lot about people.
46:09Some actors don't think about what they're saying.
46:11They're just saying the words.
46:12Some people cough in words.
46:14Some people think that skin colour is a shape.
46:17It's been a funny old show.
46:20Started off with someone struggling with a wink.
46:23LAUGHTER
46:23And ending with someone struggling with a wink.
46:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:56OLYVIA MUNN
46:57OLYVIA MUNN
46:57HARD FYE
46:58AND A RIP-ROARING START TO YOUR WEEKEND.
47:00TF5
47:00FRIDAY'S UNCLUGGED
47:02AND BRAND-NEW
47:02FIVE PAST ELEVEN TOMORROW NIGHT.
47:04HOMER FRIT
47:05WITH BEAUTIFUL RENDITIONS
47:07OF THE KING OF ROCK AND ROLL
47:08ACROSS EDINBURR
47:09AND LIVERPOUR
47:09IN THE LATEST FROM YOUR SONG
47:11AND STREAMING NOW.
47:12NEXT TO NIGHT,
47:13IT'S BEEN DESCRIBED
47:14AS AN INSTANT CLASSIC.
47:15IT'S A DOUBLE BIG MOOD.
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