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Short filmTranscript
00:00:02Ramu!
00:00:07Papa!
00:00:09Get in!
00:00:19You have to do everything possible to endear yourself to Ramu's dad, don't you?
00:00:40Oh, my love is like a red, red rose that is newly sprung in joy.
00:00:46Oh, my love is like a melody that is sweetly played in tune.
00:00:50To the chariot!
00:00:55What am I supposed to do?
00:00:58Exist.
00:01:03I will take money from the donors.
00:01:06I will take money from the donors, anything like foreigners.
00:01:07I will take force management.
00:01:20Phone, phone, phone.
00:01:22Phone, phone, phone.
00:01:22Phone, phone.
00:01:24Phone, phone.
00:01:27Phone, phone, phone.
00:01:39Hey, Suza, she's not a Dhamman.
00:01:42So?
00:01:42She's not even a Hindu.
00:01:44So?
00:01:45She's a Christian, bro.
00:01:48In Brahman tradition, one would be joined with the servant classes in order to transfer our sins to them.
00:01:53Because they're fucked anyway.
00:01:55Testification.
00:01:56Do you know how the Jesuits possibly converted most of us to Christianity?
00:02:00Her grandparents are probably Brahman.
00:02:02Testification.
00:02:04The scriptures say that the role of a Brahman is to uplift the downtrodden classes.
00:02:09Miss D'Souza will be my project.
00:02:11Infatuation.
00:02:21Dear Rita, shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
00:02:25But then, I'm not the bard.
00:02:27Interestingly, did you know that Colonel Gaddafi of Libya claimed that William Shakespeare was actually a Muslim Libyan named Wali
00:02:35Mia Sheikh Subair?
00:02:38There is also loose talk that a certain Sheshapa Iyer, a Brahman from Mysore, went to England and authored the
00:02:44plays.
00:02:47But enough of Avon.
00:02:49The butler, in his immortal piece of poesy titled, rather appropriately, a drinking song, he quotes,
00:02:59Thank you, Father.
00:03:09Thank you, Mother.
00:03:11Which Roman Catholic saint who was burnt at the stake was also known as the Virgin Warrior?
00:03:19D'Souza Pee, D'Souza Pee.
00:03:22Hello, operator.
00:03:24You know that I've been waiting on this call.
00:03:27I said, hey, operator.
00:03:30D'Souza Pee, bingo.
00:03:31You make me nervous because the line's engaged.
00:03:35I can't believe you let it get to the stage.
00:03:38Ssshh, shh.
00:03:41Hello.
00:03:42Hi, Rita.
00:03:43Rita, Gita, Osita.
00:03:45You boys are just going to be to your meter.
00:03:59Devastating wit.
00:04:00I'm impressed.
00:04:02Smart boy.
00:04:03But while you guys were busy polishing your pathetic one-liners, we just won the cricket championship.
00:04:08Let joy be unconfined.
00:04:09Tell me one physical activity that you guys can do better than us.
00:04:13Consume alcohol.
00:04:13In industrial quantities.
00:04:16Done.
00:04:17It's a challenge.
00:04:17A royal challenge?
00:04:19Tomorrow at home.
00:04:21Our victory party.
00:04:22Get yourselves to Siddharth Shivnagar and ask anyone for palace tower.
00:04:25Well, then see who's this bigger.
00:04:26We don't go for half measures.
00:04:28Ronnie.
00:04:29I'm hungry.
00:04:31Burger?
00:04:40I can't believe we get the brains and they get the girls.
00:04:43That too, Coco Panties herself.
00:04:47Many a boat has sailed up that coconut lagoon.
00:05:09Rich bastard.
00:05:14Ramu, a man of wealth has many enemies, while a man of knowledge has many friends.
00:05:35So kind of you all to drag yourselves away from your busy schedules, must have been
00:05:40a drag.
00:05:42Ever used one of these babies before?
00:05:44You have overcompensation issues.
00:05:46So you don't know how to use it?
00:05:48Just pose.
00:05:50Girls?
00:05:56So, what do you think of the old fad? Pretty impressive, huh?
00:06:00Very Las Vegas.
00:06:02Dad's favourite city, we go every year.
00:06:04And where do you go for your house, big boy?
00:06:07I must inform you that we have an excellent bovine maintenance facility.
00:06:11A cow farm! Ramu goes to a cow farm!
00:06:14I also heard you make your cows.
00:06:17Hey, that's our joke.
00:06:19Here, have a drink better than your normal swill, I'm sure.
00:06:24Be you, be you. What else?
00:06:31Do you do everything so far?
00:06:34He wouldn't know, baby. He's never done it.
00:06:37Oh!
00:06:37Those who can't drink should not throw stones.
00:06:39Okay, bugger.
00:06:40Put your mouth where the bottle is.
00:06:46Premonitus, premonitus.
00:06:48Huh?
00:06:48Forewarn is forearmed.
00:06:50Treatises of fistula, circa 1425, Jay Arden.
00:06:53Also Don Quixote, Alventus.
00:06:55Just shut up and drink quiz fox.
00:06:56Whoo!
00:07:10There's the drinks I see!
00:07:26I think my father is calling me.
00:07:40Look what I found.
00:07:42Now one takes the bottle, uncocks it and sniffs it deeply.
00:07:54A deep, rich and complex nose.
00:08:00Dry orange peel, espresso and incandescent notes of rouillet and smoked pava hab.
00:08:10But you're vegetarian.
00:08:16I'm married, so you flick, I'll flick.
00:08:23Okay.
00:08:31I can't do it.
00:08:36It's the fault of our caste.
00:08:39Why are we Brahmans so conservative?
00:08:42Oh, for a bit of labour in these Tory times.
00:08:46Such a waste.
00:08:53There is, however, another course of action.
00:09:14So, back again from Hyderabad.
00:09:17On a plane.
00:09:19Business class of course.
00:09:21There's this girl next to me.
00:09:25So you started feeling her up.
00:09:27Why didn't you fuck?
00:09:29Who said I didn't?
00:09:31There's this toilet.
00:09:33And you joined the mile high club.
00:09:35Coffee tea or me?
00:09:36The uninhibited memoirs of two airlines to a decision.
00:09:39Rachel Jones.
00:09:40Trudy Baker.
00:09:41No, no.
00:09:42I used Pleasure Sutra condoms.
00:09:46God promised, huh?
00:09:54Wow.
00:09:55You guys are actually attending class.
00:09:59It's Wednesday.
00:10:01Cocoa panties day.
00:10:03What is the colour of the colour TV?
00:10:04Bum!
00:10:06Bum!
00:10:07Bum!
00:10:08Bum!
00:10:09Bum!
00:10:13I can't hear you.
00:10:20I can't hear you.
00:10:22What is the color of the Color TV?
00:10:38I say white. I'm a dirty fellow, so I would say yellow. Pink. Think pink. Red.
00:10:55Class, today, that sonnet without equal, the 18th.
00:10:59Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
00:11:06Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and summer's leaves hath all too short a date.
00:11:13And your leaves will also expire shortly if you don't stop that infernal giggling.
00:11:18In that case, my darling buds of May kindly pollinate away.
00:11:23This is a first. Ronnie wanting to contribute to a class. Speak.
00:11:28Or forever hold your piss.
00:11:29Quiz team, out. Now.
00:11:32Sir, by pollinate away, are you asking the girls to F off?
00:11:37Your private tutions are helping. Exit stage right. Pursued by bear.
00:11:43Looks like the cricket team comes in a package deal.
00:11:46Good things come in big packages. You can touch my silly point with your fine leg anytime.
00:11:56Your middle stump is very long. Stiches on your balls seem quite nice.
00:12:06I'm sure you had something to do with this. Thanks.
00:12:08Oh, and uh, enjoy your pocket billiards.
00:12:21Fucking lounge lizards.
00:12:41Enough is enough. Let's call Henry.
00:12:52Coming, coming. Coming. Coming, coming.
00:12:59Save some cum for the bitches.
00:13:02A man and his cum are soon parted.
00:13:06Something to get us in the mood.
00:13:09What mood?
00:13:10All you need is a hooker and a hard-on.
00:13:38I always like a starter before the men goes. Best way to start the endings.
00:13:4550 rupees lollipops, 75 rupees mouthwash, 100 rupees full.
00:13:50Lollipop.
00:13:51Get inside.
00:13:56No, no, no, no, no. Stay.
00:13:59When stadium is full, batsmen always performs better. Come on.
00:14:02lying.
00:14:29Hmm.
00:14:30Hmm.
00:14:30Huh-me-me.
00:14:35If you miss 75 rupes, mouthwash.
00:14:3951 sakes.
00:14:59Now, your chance.
00:15:07This is it, boys.
00:15:09Oh, Henry.
00:15:09Hey!
00:15:11You Brahmin boys have got the guts in, I'll know.
00:15:13Maybe for safety's sake, just a lollipop.
00:15:15Required immune deficiency syndrome and all that.
00:15:19Your money, your choice.
00:15:22Come.
00:15:35My friends, they want blowjobs, mouthwash, lollipop.
00:15:45What?
00:15:46Friends?
00:15:47Huh?
00:15:49What?
00:16:10Friends?
00:16:11What?
00:16:12I'mご, noam.
00:16:26I run.
00:16:42Did you know that this area was gerrymandered?
00:16:44Gerry who?
00:16:46Named after Massachusetts governor, Elbridge Gerry,
00:16:48who manipulated his electoral district
00:16:50so that the people who voted for him the last time
00:16:52voted in a block for him the next time.
00:16:54And cut away the people who did not vote for him
00:16:56and put them into another district.
00:16:58Correct.
00:16:59They did the same thing here to prevent the Muslim candidate
00:17:03from winning again.
00:17:05Adding a large Hindu majority to dilute the vote man.
00:17:09What?
00:17:11Right now we could have been in between the thighs of whores,
00:17:14losing our virginities.
00:17:16And here we are trading electoral trivia.
00:17:21That's all we have, Ajay.
00:17:25Trivia.
00:17:33Rubberon.
00:17:36Rubberon.
00:17:36Set up in the year 1972, with a dogged determination to achieve world-class standards,
00:17:43Rubberon is India's finest rubberized coir mattress.
00:17:47With technology imported from Austria, a dedicated workforce of more than 70,
00:17:55Rubberon strives to be the mattress of copulation to the nation's population.
00:18:00A mattress that always ensures a healthy hump, optimizing orgasm frequency and facilitating fluid flow.
00:18:10As is said by the Holy Rita, a bed with the best booby bounds results in deeper penetration.
00:18:18Rubbing, rubbing, rubbing, rubbing.
00:18:22Who do you think I built up the business for?
00:18:28After my retirement, Rubberon will be only for you.
00:18:32Coffee?
00:18:32Butter milk?
00:18:33Half a cup for me.
00:18:35Nothing for me, ma.
00:18:37When I was your age, I used to wake up at 4 a.m., milk the cow, wake up my
00:18:43brothers, make myself coffee, have a bath, and then go all the way to the Christian house to give their
00:18:49children match tuition.
00:18:50Then I would go...
00:18:51Go to grandfather's accountancy firm.
00:18:53Tell me something new, Appa.
00:18:55Hard work was our only ethic.
00:18:58And here you are drunk every night.
00:19:00You worked so hard so that I wouldn't have to up power.
00:19:03Plus, I'm paying for my drinks with my own quizzing money.
00:19:05Quizzing?
00:19:07What will happen after college?
00:19:09Will your quizzing feed you for the rest of your life?
00:19:12To keep up with the times, I'm importing new machinery from Austria.
00:19:16The unique feature of this main sheeting plant is that it facilitates vertical fiber orientation.
00:19:23A process that results in the deeper penetration of the latex into the sheet.
00:19:28Making it very classic.
00:19:31This provides the mattress with a uniform density throughout and an extra cushioning effect.
00:19:38There you have a mattress that is healthy for your back.
00:19:43What?
00:19:44Time for another quiz?
00:19:46Calcutta, Appa.
00:19:47What was the American title of the 1966 British comedy crime film, Drop Dead Dali?
00:20:01Namad!
00:20:05Namad!
00:20:06Namad!
00:20:06What?
00:20:07I just came to wish you good luck.
00:20:10And goodbye.
00:20:11Well, you have.
00:20:13Therefore, last with Anya.
00:20:15Arrivederci.
00:20:17Is there anything you need for the journey?
00:20:20No.
00:20:22Actually, yes.
00:20:24Come with me.
00:20:27Hello, Ash.
00:20:37Ask for Rita.
00:20:38It's easy if it's a girl's wife.
00:20:43Hello?
00:20:44May I speak to Rita, please?
00:21:03Hello?
00:21:06Hello?
00:21:08Hi, Rita.
00:21:11Who's this?
00:21:12This is an admirer.
00:21:16Admirer?
00:21:18I'd send you that letter.
00:21:20What letter?
00:21:22The one with the perfume.
00:21:27Hello?
00:21:29Hello?
00:21:31Hello?
00:21:32Hello?
00:21:34Are you in the station?
00:21:37Yes.
00:21:39Are you coming?
00:21:41Or going?
00:21:43I...
00:21:43I don't know.
00:21:48Hello?
00:21:50You are the most beautiful person on the...
00:21:53Hello?
00:21:55Hello?
00:21:56I love you.
00:21:59I love you.
00:22:00Get out!
00:22:01Get out.
00:22:02Come on!
00:22:07Come on!
00:22:16You made it.
00:22:18I was going to pull the chain.
00:22:20What happened to Rami?
00:22:22Idiot didn't ask his father for permission.
00:22:24There was a fourth member for the quiz.
00:22:27I may be old, but I'm not dead yet.
00:22:31According to the rules of the championship,
00:22:32your chaperone is allowed to step into the breach.
00:22:36That's all good then.
00:22:39Sir, can we play some music?
00:22:41What? Can you repeat the question?
00:22:43Can we play some music?
00:22:45If music be the food of love, play on.
00:23:11What is this noise?
00:23:13The other people, sir, complain, you know?
00:23:16Sir, we are young. Can enjoy only once, no?
00:23:20Maintain decency.
00:23:21Please? Definitely, sir.
00:23:53Padma R, F-18.
00:23:55Naina K, F-18.
00:23:58These F-18s can bomb my hair base in time.
00:24:01Rani P, F-17.
00:24:04Augusta D, F-58.
00:24:09Unfortunately, here, if I'm not very much mistaken,
00:24:11are the exhibits themselves.
00:24:13These look one dropkick away from an arranged marriage.
00:24:28Sir, why does Madras exist as a congressman?
00:24:31You know, I have a deathly relationship with Madras.
00:24:35The first time I passed through the city,
00:24:37the chief minister died.
00:24:39The second time, the governor died.
00:24:41This time, I hope the cursed minorities die.
00:24:44Sir, surely that's a bit bigoted.
00:24:46Bigoted, shigoted.
00:24:48We Brahmins are the biggest bigots and racists on this planet.
00:24:52Why be ashamed of it?
00:24:53Revel in your supremacy, I say.
00:24:56Quarter kilo.
00:25:01Brahman.
00:25:02Sir?
00:25:03Take out that gin bottle.
00:25:05Sir?
00:25:06I may be old, but I'm not blind.
00:25:08Yet.
00:25:09An old man is allowed to enjoy his drink, too.
00:25:13Cherry in the gin is cherry on the cake.
00:25:22Are all of you in your cups?
00:25:24Cheese to the bees.
00:25:25Cheers to the bees.
00:25:26Diamonds are forever.
00:25:28Cherries to the berries.
00:25:33The aspiring chief minister is not dead yet.
00:25:36But that can change.
00:25:39You know, she used to live down my street
00:25:42when she was a schoolgirl.
00:25:43The bitch in her green school uniform.
00:25:47Skirt ending just below her panties.
00:25:51She literally dripped as she walked along the street.
00:25:54And the dogs on heat followed the bitch in heat.
00:26:08Chrysalis.
00:26:08I believe that's the word you were struggling for.
00:26:11Away from the parental cocoon.
00:26:13Not to mention the most conservative city in the world.
00:26:18Madras.
00:26:19The nymphah become butterflies.
00:26:21Interesting that you use the word nymphah.
00:26:23If you're going to flog that old nymphomaniac joke, forget it.
00:26:27Be that as it may, whatever mania you girls subscribe to,
00:26:31you seem to be of the quizzing persuasion.
00:26:34You don't need much persuasion in a Brahman family, sir.
00:26:38Study, study, study.
00:26:40Quizzing is good for you.
00:26:42I mean, who'll marry you if you don't have at least a post-graduate degree?
00:26:46That is correct.
00:26:47Who will indeed?
00:26:51Have we seen you in Bangalore quizzes?
00:26:53We've seen you.
00:26:54We were at the South Zone Championship.
00:26:56Which we won.
00:26:56Oh really?
00:26:57How could you tell?
00:27:02I'm Randeep.
00:27:04Randy.
00:27:05Padma.
00:27:06Paddy.
00:27:07No predictable Irish jokes, please.
00:27:10I was going for the rice theme.
00:27:12I'm Ajay.
00:27:13Rani.
00:27:14Yasmin.
00:27:16Nana.
00:27:18He's Naaman, our team captain.
00:27:20I've seen Travis Monk speak more than your team captain.
00:27:24Forget it.
00:27:26He's in love.
00:27:28With me.
00:27:32Where was she all my wife?
00:27:35Madras.
00:27:39You really must be in love.
00:27:42What makes you say that?
00:27:45Physical action instead of a smart verbal comeback.
00:27:47But what can I do?
00:27:51Talk to her maybe.
00:27:53It's been known to work.
00:27:58I'm going to try and chat with Paddy.
00:28:01How about Rita?
00:28:03Who?
00:28:04In which 1949 landmark of feminist literature did Simone de Beauvoir quote Greek dramatist Menander's infamous line?
00:28:11Woman is a pain that never goes away.
00:28:13So, the essence of my book, which I'm titling, Not the Promised Inevitable Hinduism, is that your superstar Christ was
00:28:20in fact sired by a Roman god, Tiberius Ulius Abdes Pantera.
00:28:25Centurion, much higher than a god.
00:28:27How quaint.
00:28:29Clearly there were traces of miscegenation in your own family tree, hence your out-to-tained Christianity.
00:28:34No, no, no, there is proof.
00:28:36The Greek philosopher Celsus said so in his work Alpheus Lugos.
00:28:41Which was refuted by his friend Origeni.
00:28:43In his eight-volume work Contra Celsun.
00:28:47Liana,
00:28:49can I have a word with you alone?
00:28:54No.
00:28:55No mixing with boys.
00:28:57What would your father say?
00:28:58Let her go, Augusta Delphin.
00:29:01They are typical quiz boys.
00:29:03Armless.
00:29:04Gutless.
00:29:08Clearly you're protégés then, Bernard Jute Kumar Iridayarasan.
00:29:13I'll have you know, Miss Augusta, that in 1968, when I used to come to your school, there was not
00:29:20a single nun woman.
00:29:24Well, nun for me, a beaker full of the warm south.
00:29:28The blushful hippo cream.
00:29:33You know your stuff.
00:29:37It's a funny thing about knowledge.
00:29:40It's been known for more than one person to have it.
00:29:43That's not what I meant.
00:29:44That is exactly what you meant.
00:29:46But you wouldn't say what you meant when you said that.
00:29:49That you were in love with me.
00:29:52It's painfully obvious.
00:29:54I'm good-looking.
00:29:56Smart.
00:29:58Female.
00:29:59Brahman.
00:30:01Now imbibing alcoholic libations with you.
00:30:03I even speak in that funny convoluted way that quizzers seem to automatically adopt.
00:30:09And if I were to ask you for that cigar, you'd propose right away.
00:30:14And I'm not awed by your quiz champ status.
00:30:20You know so much about me.
00:30:22How?
00:30:23I've seen you on stage.
00:30:25Admire me from afar.
00:30:28Seen you on stage.
00:30:29You're a great quizzer.
00:30:31Brahman fundamentalist.
00:30:34Alcoholic.
00:30:36Sexist.
00:30:37Etcetera.
00:30:38Etcetera.
00:30:38Thanks.
00:30:40And only you would take that as a compliment.
00:30:44You still haven't answered.
00:30:47I still don't know what the question is.
00:30:52Are these coming or going?
00:30:54Forget it.
00:30:56Brahman family.
00:30:57Naman.
00:30:58Nana.
00:30:59Nana.
00:31:02But what was worse, was that I lost the fortune due to termites getting into my deposit box.
00:31:09Sir, what happened?
00:31:11We stuck at the Orissa-Bengal border.
00:31:13The ruling party has called for a ban.
00:31:15The general's strike.
00:31:16No movement for the next 12 hours.
00:31:22And the reserves, sir?
00:31:23I finished it all while you were asleep.
00:31:25Miss Agusta helped.
00:31:28And the train has run out of food.
00:31:31The bastards.
00:31:33Chimpanzee in the garden.
00:31:35Come on.
00:31:36Come on.
00:32:01To give birth to the night!
00:32:03Who was sick.
00:32:06New life begins to dream.
00:32:08Oops, the Israelites are not alone and what could walk away.
00:32:12It isn't just the source of the suffering.
00:32:12The man knows the strength of the identity has done.
00:32:13He is also the strength of the life.
00:32:28Nipple.
00:32:32Or you lay.
00:32:38We need food.
00:32:41Booze.
00:32:42Train.
00:32:49Stop.
00:32:51Food.
00:32:52Food.
00:32:54And booze.
00:32:57Booze.
00:33:04Booze.
00:33:06Booze.
00:33:36Gosh.
00:33:38No!
00:33:43Ah yes.
00:33:48See.
00:33:49Go season two and care.
00:33:54See.
00:33:56Going to Sie, man.
00:33:58Stay back.
00:34:01There's more than any time and energy.
00:34:04upcompar Sayration機 dammit!
00:34:19Oh, sorry.
00:34:25In China, belting is considered to be a sign of gratitude and satisfaction, I know.
00:34:33Always a step ahead.
00:34:35Obviously.
00:34:38Anyway, I am grateful and satisfied.
00:34:42Thank you for getting all this.
00:34:44Well, when one is described as gutless and harmless...
00:34:48Ha, you left out feckless.
00:34:51James Joyce used the word feck as a cinema for steaming.
00:34:54In a portrait of the artist as a young man.
00:34:58Not bad.
00:35:00For a girl.
00:35:03Oh, no bad per se.
00:35:05Oh, compliment.
00:35:07Not grudging.
00:35:11You were right when you said that.
00:35:14I don't really even understand that.
00:35:17Naman, don't you have a girlfriend?
00:35:20Yes.
00:35:21No.
00:35:23Not yet.
00:35:25Either way, you are unfaithful.
00:35:27No doubt you have some twisted rum and justification to explain it away.
00:35:33He does.
00:35:34No.
00:35:35No.
00:35:36No.
00:35:42No.
00:35:58No.
00:35:59No.
00:35:59No.
00:35:59No.
00:36:01No.
00:36:05No.
00:36:06No.
00:36:06No.
00:36:09Female man.
00:36:09Female man.
00:36:15So, if you fuck her, it will be like fucking yourself.
00:36:26That makes it homosex.
00:36:37Good evening, everybody. How's Kaltada doing today?
00:36:42How's Kaltada doing today?
00:36:44Very good.
00:36:46This year is a very special year.
00:36:49Because we're celebrating the 17th anniversary of quizzing in India.
00:36:54Which as you all know began right here in Calcutta.
00:36:57Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Quiz Superstars.
00:37:01The biggest quiz in India.
00:37:03And I'm Brian DeCosta.
00:37:07As usual, we have teams from all across India.
00:37:11From Delhi, Bombay, Bangalore, Padras,
00:37:16and of course, our very own Kololini, Kolkata.
00:37:22I have great news for you.
00:37:24This year, our sponsors are not only hosting the outstation team,
00:37:29but are also paying for their food and beverage expenses.
00:37:33What did he say?
00:37:35He said drinks around the house.
00:37:39India has a proud tradition of quizzing.
00:37:43This is because we Indians thirst for knowledge.
00:37:47We stop TV from the start.
00:37:50We Indians also revel in displaying said knowledge.
00:37:54Trivia, esoterica, science, technology.
00:38:03A very lovely scorer for tonight, Kitty Chatterjee.
00:38:09You look absolutely gorgeous. Come along.
00:38:13Wonderful.
00:38:15May we have a big round of applause for Kitty tonight.
00:38:19Thank you so much.
00:38:21All right.
00:38:22My next question is for Bangalore.
00:38:24Bangalore, are you ready with this question?
00:38:26On Kolkata suburban trains, what are the pen sellers called?
00:38:31Your time starts now.
00:38:34This is a pass on round.
00:38:37Yes?
00:38:39That is the right answer.
00:38:41Big round of applause for them, please.
00:38:43Thank you so much, Kitty.
00:38:44Two points for Bangalore.
00:38:46Jelly, my next question.
00:38:47Who was the co-writer of Laila along with Eric Clapton?
00:38:51George Harrison.
00:38:53I'm sorry.
00:38:53That's the correct answer.
00:38:55The question now passes to Madras.
00:38:58What is the answer?
00:38:58Jim Gordon.
00:39:00Absolutely right.
00:39:01Perfect.
00:39:03Team Bangalore.
00:39:04Which 1942 painting by Edward Hopper depicts people in a down time house?
00:39:11Perfect.
00:39:11Thank you so much.
00:39:13Two points for Bangalore.
00:39:14Talcata, the nationality of Christopher Columbus.
00:39:18Because he was Spanish?
00:39:20I am so sorry.
00:39:21That's the incorrect answer.
00:39:22The question now passes to Bangalore.
00:39:26Italy.
00:39:27Absolutely right.
00:39:28Bangalore is on a roll tonight.
00:39:31Who bold hit that first ball?
00:39:33Graham Mackenzie.
00:39:34That is perfectly right.
00:39:36All right.
00:39:36Talcata, what is the answer?
00:39:38It's $90.
00:39:39Absolutely right.
00:39:40There you have a big round of applause for Talcata.
00:39:44This is a first.
00:39:47A tie.
00:39:48The reigning champions, Calcata, and challengers Bangalore are both tied on 32 points.
00:39:56As this is a winner-takes-all quiz, I shall now have to ask a final tiebreaker question.
00:40:02Are you ready?
00:40:05Bangalore.
00:40:07The tiebreaker question is for you.
00:40:09What is the American popular slang for motels run by Indians?
00:40:15Most US motels are of migrants.
00:40:21The time is running out, Bangalore.
00:40:23I'm sorry.
00:40:24Can you please repeat the question?
00:40:26Oh, yes.
00:40:26What is the American popular slang for motels run by Indians?
00:40:32Simple.
00:40:33Hotels.
00:40:34Motels run by hotels.
00:40:38Bangalore, that is the wrong answer.
00:40:43Calcata.
00:40:44It's your turn.
00:40:45What?
00:40:45I believe the correct answer would be Patels.
00:40:48That is absolutely right.
00:40:49The right answer is Calcata wins the game.
00:40:54Patels, not Patels, is the correct answer, sir.
00:40:57Patels.
00:40:58Patels.
00:40:59Patels, Calcata.
00:41:00Patels.
00:41:01Patels.
00:41:02Patels.
00:41:02It's a fix.
00:41:04Come on.
00:41:05I did it.
00:41:14I curse you, you fucking brainless Brian baboon.
00:41:24Om, U.S. Polam, completely loathsome, pain in the bum.
00:41:31Bauram, chewam like bubble gum.
00:41:34Raman, Raman, fuck you up.
00:41:55I'm sorry, Raman. You deserve to win.
00:41:58It's a fix, that fucking brain.
00:42:02Raman, this is my father.
00:42:04Sorry, Uncle Idas.
00:42:05It's just that...
00:42:06Whatever the scenario, the use of foul language is not appropriating, man.
00:42:11Sorry, Uncle.
00:42:12What do we study?
00:42:16Commerce. St. James, Bangalore, sir.
00:42:19It's a good college.
00:42:20And what are your plans?
00:42:23Plans?
00:42:23I mean, career plans.
00:42:26You're studying B.Com.
00:42:28Hello.
00:42:29You're studying B.Com. Next CA or MBA?
00:42:32Sir, I haven't really decided the...
00:42:35Well, that's a problem with today's voice.
00:42:38Look at my Nana.
00:42:40She's already preparing for her MBA entrance.
00:42:45Nana, let me go and check the tickets.
00:42:50I'm so sorry.
00:42:52He's not as bad as he sounds.
00:42:54My father asked me the same questions.
00:42:58Anyway, what was he saying about the tickets?
00:43:01Aren't you returning with us?
00:43:03No.
00:43:04We're going to Jamshedpur to see my aunt.
00:43:07So when...
00:43:09Who knows?
00:43:13And us?
00:43:14Naman, just because a girl spends time with you on equal terms doesn't qualify for an us.
00:43:25Do you even like me?
00:43:30You're oddly likable.
00:43:32Or likable, which is odd.
00:43:48On the quiz stand.
00:44:09Naman, if you don't mind, I have a suggestion.
00:44:15What can you possibly add to this wonderful evening?
00:44:20Why don't you give Rita a call?
00:44:22She was...
00:44:22Plan A after all.
00:44:28Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings.
00:44:32Radimaster.
00:44:44Details?
00:44:46So, was Padma aka Paddy a virgin?
00:44:49Rivers of blood etc?
00:44:51We didn't really...
00:44:52What?
00:44:52But you were with her all night.
00:44:54Actually, we didn't do it.
00:44:56Why, Bambi?
00:44:57No lead in the old pencil.
00:44:58No, you didn't let me finish.
00:45:00I was going to say...
00:45:01Actually, we didn't do it.
00:45:03With a condom.
00:45:05Bear back.
00:45:07It slipped in smooth.
00:45:09With no obstacles.
00:45:11So, who popped it?
00:45:12The milkman.
00:45:13She said it broke from excessive cycle riding.
00:45:15Not from excessive ajay riding.
00:45:20Wonder what she'll tell her husband.
00:45:22I believe hymenoplasty is an option these days.
00:45:26Hmm.
00:45:31She didn't have her.
00:45:35I think it's done for my son.
00:45:39I think it's done.
00:45:43I don't know.
00:45:44Then, if I have no clue, I can swim by love somewhere.
00:46:00Finally, she needed to collect enough energy and fueling by loving it.
00:46:01I see the insomnia Gaston
00:46:04I don't know. I don't know. Where did you go? I am in pain. You are in pain. I am
00:46:27in pain.
00:46:30Are you in pain? Is this a game? This is a shame. This is a game.
00:46:46I am in pain.
00:46:54Quick. These are out. On the tracks. Where else?
00:47:07Which Beatles song supposedly arose from when a female traffic warden named Mehta Davis issued a parking ticket to Paul
00:47:15McCartney?
00:47:19I am in pain.
00:47:29I am in pain.
00:47:50I am in pain.
00:47:51I am in pain.
00:47:52I am in pain.
00:48:10Oh!
00:48:16Hmm!
00:48:25listen you can't keep calling me like this my parents have been wandering and then you keep
00:48:33that's because i want to talk only to you can i call you darling darling
00:48:42you're looking beautiful hello hello hello you're looking beautiful
00:48:55how do you know those girls look beautiful when they're angry but i don't even know what you look
00:49:02like in the fullness of time at the appropriate juncture hello hello at the pro juncture hello
00:49:09hello at least give me a clue i wrote an article in the same james college magazine last year
00:49:16hello hello what was it called hello it was called depression retreaties
00:49:32hello there you are i looked everywhere what do you want
00:49:37i just heard about calcutta and you've come to gloat about our defeat
00:49:42you know i would never ever even dream of anything like that good news good news the
00:49:47lord is coming the savior is coming but i am already here no no lord jesus christ is coming
00:49:54austin tower football ground 7 p.m venus day is he coming in person
00:50:11are you neiman
00:50:21are you neiman
00:50:25depression depression a treatise indeed and you know what the stupid language of your stupid piece
00:50:32totally match the stupid language of your stupid letter stupid
00:50:39so you're the one who's been calling me all this while
00:50:45never ever call me again coward
00:50:57at least she spoke for you face to face
00:51:08never ever call me again
00:51:10never ever call me again
00:51:12fuckers
00:51:13with friends like you who needs enemas
00:51:15this is what i told you in the beginning
00:51:17don't have anything to do with girls they are stupid
00:51:20how about your fling with padma in calcutta
00:51:48that night after the quiz a boyfriend had followed her to calcutta to get time alone with her
00:51:52miss agasta let her go with me because bernie told her we were harmless
00:51:56i took her to her boyfriend's hotel and waited while she went upstairs
00:52:00she took hours and hours to come back
00:52:13hey why chase after nenas and retas when you have her
00:52:15yes i wouldn't go there i would so what if she's got pimples nice tits nice ass cover the face
00:52:23fire the vase
00:52:27i know i'm not invited here but rita told me what she said to you for a change you aren't
00:52:32gloating
00:52:32i want green salad
00:52:53i want green salad
00:53:05i would revenge bloody leper rita
00:53:12you'll get your revenge baba if you trick us
00:53:16do we not bleed if you tickle us do we not laugh if you poison us do we not die
00:53:22and if you wrong us
00:53:24shall we not revenge shakespeare
00:53:28i want green salad hey you come down come down now
00:53:34what are you doing but i want green
00:53:36salad please please just come down please
00:53:40no green no women
00:53:44no salad
00:53:48what's the point in living
00:53:53what's the point in living
00:53:55don't make a scene here
00:53:56please wait a salad now
00:53:58it's going
00:53:59this way come down please
00:54:01careful careful careful
00:54:04careful
00:54:05oh
00:54:05There's a green salad.
00:54:30Recession is the key.
00:54:39Good.
00:54:41What have I created?
00:54:54Watch and learn.
00:54:56The revenge of the Brahmin.
00:55:15Where to now?
00:55:17You want to see something you've never seen before?
00:55:22Romantic, soft, bouncy.
00:55:24I would love to!
00:55:32Joseph!
00:55:35Joseph!
00:55:38Sir!
00:55:39You're so late!
00:55:40Joseph, light, turn on Madu and go back to bed.
00:55:42Understand?
00:55:51It's done.
00:55:54Impressive.
00:55:55My father imports these machines from Austria.
00:56:40For matter, the finest rubberized coiled latex featuring a fabulous jute hessian quilted
00:56:47cloth or perhaps this one this one thinks to make perfect contours for your body or should
00:56:57I say contours for your perfect body I have a surprise for you
00:57:30A brahman cannot sip from the same bottle as you
00:57:34Our lips are going to touch anyway
00:57:37Besides, I am a brahman too
00:58:04Ow! Nahman! Ow! Ow! Ow! What are you thinking?
00:58:11Sorry
00:58:14How bad is it?
00:58:26Can you just wait?
00:58:30Cover the face
00:58:35Fire the face
00:59:17I made it so long for this now, honey.
00:59:42Where are you going, bastard?
01:00:01I'm sorry for you, Naaman.
01:00:03I'm very sorry.
01:00:06I came here tonight because I loved you, despite the constant mocking, and underneath I thought
01:00:13that there was some affection for me.
01:00:16I was so wrong.
01:00:18Your arrogance is just a front for your ugliness.
01:00:23Yes, Naaman, you're ugly.
01:00:32It's the reader who's right.
01:00:34You're nothing but a coward.
01:00:37You think because you've all the answers, you're so clever.
01:00:40You don't.
01:00:42And you're not.
01:00:44Once your cheerleader friends grow up and see through you, you're going to be left all alone
01:00:49for the rest of your miserable life.
01:00:52You're not.
01:01:52What are you doing?
01:01:52What are you waiting for?
01:01:54Fuck off.
01:01:58It's a long walk back.
01:01:59I said fuck off.
01:02:22I said fuck off.
01:02:33I said fuck off.
01:02:56I said fuck off.
01:03:04I said fuck off.
01:03:07I said fuck off.
01:03:09I said fuck off.
01:03:25Guess what?
01:03:27Hyderabad.
01:03:28I was coming back on a coach.
01:03:30Luxury class of course.
01:03:32This sexy mom was in the seat next to me.
01:03:36Male or female?
01:03:39She fell asleep with her head on my shoulders so I fiddled with her.
01:03:44She pretended to stay asleep so I stuck a finger in her pussy and I smelt it.
01:03:53Did it smell of fish?
01:03:54It was heavenly da, like your grandmom's freshly cooked biryani?
01:03:59Veg or non-veg?
01:04:01Did you fuck off?
01:04:03Who wrote the 1928 study, Coming of Age in Samoa?
01:04:07A psychological study of primitive youth for western civilization.
01:04:11Welcome Bangalore.
01:04:14Welcome to the finals of the annual Sodaya Mary Memorial Quiz.
01:04:21Now before we begin this event, let me inform you about certain shameful shenanigans
01:04:28at the Quiz Superstars event held in Calcutta.
01:04:32Upset at being beaten by a superior team, the Bangalore team abused our hospitality
01:04:39and ran up a bill of 4,000 rupees, including two bottles of single mock.
01:04:50So this is for you, Naman Baba.
01:04:53You and your entire team are henceforth banned from this quiz.
01:05:00If I had my way, from every other quiz.
01:05:07Please leave the hall.
01:05:11Now.
01:05:13Now.
01:05:15Will the other finalists please come up on stage?
01:05:22What the hell are you doing, Naman?
01:05:25If this is your apology, then you are too late for it.
01:05:27Trust me.
01:05:34There is a word.
01:05:38There is a word in the English language, derived from the Latin of course, that is an expression
01:05:45of contrition.
01:05:48I have committed an offence, and perception of that offence can compound over time, otherwise
01:05:58known as compounding remorse.
01:06:00What I am doing here is to compunctulate.
01:06:05No.
01:06:07To recompunctulate.
01:06:23I have decided.
01:06:25What?
01:06:25I'll marry Ash and make an honest woman out of her.
01:06:28Where did that come from?
01:06:30If you are looking for context, young apprentice, the events of the last few days must not have
01:06:34escaped your notice.
01:06:36And she is Brahman.
01:06:38While Ramu here gets ready to get deflowered by a bull.
01:06:42Unless he has already lost his hymen to a milkman or other assorted menial help.
01:06:47It was a bull.
01:06:49That broke my foot.
01:06:55Where was I?
01:06:56Ramu was getting fucked.
01:06:59No, I was an ass.
01:07:00But I will be once we are joined together in holy matrimony.
01:07:04Hi honchos.
01:07:09Coming for alcoholic libations at the Daba?
01:07:36RAC185
01:07:37Show me the way to the next whiskey bar.
01:07:42Oh, don't I stride.
01:07:46Oh, don't I stride.
01:07:47Show me the way to the next whiskey bar
01:07:53Oh, don't ask why
01:07:56Oh, don't ask why
01:07:58For if we don't find the next whiskey bar
01:08:03I tell you we must die
01:08:06I tell you we must die
01:08:09I tell you, I tell you, I tell you we must die
01:08:26Oh, don't ask why
01:08:27Oh, don't ask why
01:08:28Oh, don't ask why
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