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Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me,
00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:15Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:46And that was a great time!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54I don't remember...
01:55I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:06Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:10Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58because I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:18Well...
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing,
04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14Kael, this is a scratch card
04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:53I'm very happy with this prize.
04:55You've done well.
04:56Hello, May.
04:56What have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:37You know...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:39A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39So, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s,
06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:02When I played a lot of poker,
07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,
07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30I would say...
07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,
07:37is the way I see it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43..a picture of a baby.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47Oh, God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points.
08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.
08:05Yes.
08:06OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,
08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.
08:12Four to my point.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22MUSIC
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practise.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:53too sticky oh my heart oh oh my heart oh oh oh god oh god oh god I think I'm
09:04dying
09:08perfect perfect
09:18a fake to death okay another one do whatever you still got 18 minutes another one seven minutes
09:28could boil an egg in this time and then use the showers nails we'd like me to bring you an
09:32egg
09:33yes please oh I don't know I'm a nosebleed on it really really bad nosebleed for you an egg oh
09:42thanks
09:42right what's in there egg my mom I like this bit your mom I like it no it's just how
09:52I'm messing up the
09:53people's house I think I was stopping now stop all right then I've had a bit of a trauma would
10:00you
10:00like some chocolates I don't like chocolate no I like cheese and cash well I'll bring you some
10:05cheese and cash thank you very much you seem to have perked up yes I feel fine now
10:2920 minutes you wouldn't be able to slip into a room and notice with that held but the nails lovely
10:37at
10:37attention to detail. Jenny, I like cash and cheese. I'm with you on that.
10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,
10:44ah, ah, ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going, just die!
10:51LAUGHTER
10:53Really good. Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat
10:56with a trick. This time, it's Ivo.
11:01Are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
11:05Of course I am. Great.
11:08You've not got long, Ivo. OK.
11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
11:18As ready as I'll ever be.
11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.
11:22LAUGHTER
11:32Hello.
11:34What's your name?
11:36Woo!
11:37Oh, okay.
11:39Ah.
11:43Right.
11:46Um...
11:46Not even going to woo any more.
11:48Woo!
11:49LAUGHTER
11:52WHISTLE BLOWS
11:52So, time up, Ivo?
11:53What do you think?
11:55Oh!
11:55Oh!
11:57Cool!
11:58I've had a lovely time being involved in this task.
12:05He really clawed it back with that stunt at the end.
12:09Because when the mummy first came in,
12:11I actually out loud whispered to myself,
12:14heartbreaking.
12:16The greatest privilege of my life to sit here
12:18and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.
12:21LAUGHTER
12:25I do feel complete.
12:27Right.
12:28It's time for us to part with part one.
12:31What can I say?
12:32We were young.
12:32We were naive.
12:33We were stupid.
12:34It was never going to work.
12:35Fun though, wasn't it?
12:37Goodbye.
12:37I still love you.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:47Hello!
12:49Welcome back to...
12:51Yes, Greg, I'm afraid so,
12:52because the current task sees them trying to fake something.
12:55Best fake wins.
12:57Next, and pitching a TV show at the same time,
12:59it's Mae Martin.
13:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:05OK.
13:08So I'm getting...
13:09It's not a grandparent or a father figure,
13:11it's like a teacher figure.
13:13Is that ringing any bells?
13:14I did have teachers.
13:16I want to say you've travelled away with?
13:18Yeah, I went on a school trip with Mr. Arnold.
13:21So I'm getting Adrian.
13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrian R.
13:24I haven't been in touch with him.
13:25I'm going to send him an email.
13:26Oh, really?
13:27Yeah.
13:29And...
13:30I'm getting kind of a...
13:32a lot of noise, like...
13:33Everyone counts.
13:34And they've passed.
13:35Oh, a long time ago.
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:37And Horace, in particular, is frustrated.
13:41He's very frustrated with you.
13:42Oh.
13:43Yeah.
13:44He's, like, telling me something about George Clooney.
13:46My cat?
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:49I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
13:52My dad was a GP.
13:53Clooney was in AR.
13:55No.
13:55No, no, no.
13:56Fantastic Mr. Fox is what I'm getting.
13:59Ah.
13:59Well, I've seen that.
14:00And I used to have a toy fox.
14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
14:04What, that I loved the fox more than the cat?
14:05Yeah.
14:07Well, I hope you've got what you came for.
14:10I'm just trying to be Vessel and give you the tools that you need moving forward to live in a
14:15more authentic way.
14:18Well, thank you for the tools.
14:20Thanks, mate.
14:21Um, do you have any money?
14:23Ah.
14:23Um, yeah, I've got some money.
14:25I charge £60.
14:27£60.
14:27I'll take £40.
14:32APPLAUSE
14:32It was actually quite good.
14:35It was good because they were faking it, I discovered afterwards.
14:40What, you mean May's not a real medium?
14:43In the lab I was freaked out because everything they said was true.
14:46Yes.
14:47And I didn't know how they did it.
14:49Um, I've been...
14:50I rang his wife.
14:54And my wife rang my mum.
14:57And I've kept in touch with your wife.
14:59Like, when we text.
15:02Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Very clever.
15:06It was horrible to be on that.
15:09Very enjoyable.
15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
15:12Yeah, and £40.
15:13Very good.
15:14LAUGHTER
15:15Good.
15:16Who's last?
15:16There's only one more.
15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
15:20Here we go.
15:27In a sense, no-one is to blame for this.
15:33In another, realer sense, the British security services
15:37and the creative team behind the Antiques Roadshow are to blame.
15:44Farewell, Frankie.
15:53LAUGHTER
15:58APPLAUSE
16:05I empathise, Frankie, because, like me, your body is so much more shocking
16:09than your suicide could ever be.
16:12LAUGHTER
16:13We surprised a few joggers.
16:15LAUGHTER
16:16Oh, man, that was very good.
16:18This is tough.
16:19Are they all good, do you think?
16:20I feel like you're working against me, Alex.
16:23I'm not.
16:23Can we have a look at it again, the hand?
16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hand.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle,
16:34but with the best will in the world.
16:37LAUGHTER
16:38But, you know, we're Jenny's fakes really good.
16:41No!
16:42LAUGHTER
16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom?
16:48So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.
16:49They do.
16:50Right.
16:51LAUGHTER
16:51I'm going to give I both four points.
16:53Ooh, right.
16:54I'm going to give May four points as well.
16:56Right.
16:57Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise
17:01deserves on this occasion five points.
17:03Got it.
17:03Two, two, four, four, five points for Frankie Boyle.
17:08Scoreboard time.
17:09Frankie and May are at the top with eight points each.
17:12APPLAUSE
17:16Right.
17:17Right.
17:18On we go.
17:19Yes.
17:19Next up is this.
17:46Hello, Alex.
17:47Hi, Jenny.
17:48Hello, Alex.
18:00Oh.
18:02The things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.
18:05I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
18:10Hello, Kyle.
18:11Hello.
18:12I'm going to bring you your task.
18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.
18:21Each time you play an instrument correctly,
18:23another will be added to the sequence
18:25until you make a mistake.
18:27Longest sequence wins.
18:28There is a bonus point for the person
18:30who sounds the least worst.
18:33The least worst.
18:35Sort of the best.
18:37Your time starts when the first light goes on.
18:42OK.
18:45So, up there there's drums.
18:47Where?
18:47Drum's there.
18:48Drum?
18:49What is it?
18:49Oh, it's very badly drawn.
18:54What the fuck is that?
18:56Obviously a harmonica.
18:57It looks like a sofa.
18:59I thought it was a sofa.
19:00Yes.
19:05I just want to come.
19:06OK, when it comes to musical ability,
19:08you don't often hear these two names,
19:09and for good reason.
19:11It's Jenny and Ivo first.
19:13Are you ready?
19:15Yes, I am.
19:16Let's go.
19:21And that was a lovely chord.
19:22It was a lovely chord.
19:23I think it's my only chord.
19:27You've made it successfully through round one.
19:28I'm glad.
19:29Round two.
19:35Good.
19:36It's now time for round three.
19:53And that's a chord again.
19:55Sounding good.
19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
19:58LAUGHTER
20:08Great performance.
20:10So you know the first four now?
20:11Yes.
20:13Ah, right, OK.
20:15Now then.
20:22Correct.
20:24Congratulations.
20:24Really?
20:26Mm-hm.
20:28That's all for round six.
20:29Round six?
20:31Yeah.
20:31OK.
20:43That's correct, Jenny.
20:53Yeah, I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong.
20:56Do you know what you did wrong?
20:58Nope.
20:59I put all this clobber on,
21:01and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion.
21:04Off we go again.
21:20You missed one.
21:21You missed one.
21:21I didn't!
21:22You sort of did.
21:23What?
21:24You didn't play the harmonica.
21:26Only because it looks like a sofa.
21:29I think you should go now.
21:31BUZZ
21:33BUZZ
21:34BUZZ
21:35BUZZ
21:36BUZZ
21:36BUZZ
21:37BUZZ
21:38BUZZ
21:39BUZZ
21:40That's a sad little walk away from old honk-footer-clare.
21:46Tragic.
21:46Tragic, but still better than Ivor.
21:48Oh, really?
21:49Don't say it like that!
21:51I'm sorry, I thought we'd been grouped together as equal failures,
21:54but it turns out I'd found still a new depth.
21:56LAUGHTER
21:58Ivor was very disappointing.
22:00Just five, that's all.
22:01You only remembered five things in a row.
22:02How many did I get?
22:03Six.
22:04Six.
22:05Yeah.
22:05Frankie Boyle and May Martin also did this task,
22:08and they did it like this.
22:10I feel like Dick Van Dyke.
22:12You look like Dick Van Dyke.
22:15In...
22:16In...
22:17Young...
22:18In...
22:18Are you ready?
22:20Yeah.
22:21I'm going to give a go.
22:23BUZZ
22:23BUZZ
22:27BUZZ
22:29BUZZ
22:30BUZZ
22:31BUZZ
22:33BUZZ
22:34BUZZ
22:35BUZZ
22:35BUZZ
22:35BUZZ
22:36BUZZ
22:37BUZZ
22:37BUZZ
22:37BUZZ
22:39BUZZ
22:40BUZZ
22:41BUZZ
22:41BUZZ
22:41BUZZ
22:46It's sounding lovely.
22:47I'm seeing now how it's going to get stressful.
22:50BUZZ
22:51BUZZ
22:52BUZZ
23:01BUZZ
23:03BUZZ
23:04BUZZ
23:05BUZZ
23:06BUZZ
23:07BUZZ
23:07BUZZ
23:07BUZZ
23:07BUZZ
23:10BUZZ
23:11BUZZ
23:11BUZZ
23:11BUZZ
23:11BUZZ
23:11BUZZ
23:12BUZZ
23:13BUZZ
23:13BUZZ
23:19What was the fucking last one?
23:38Correct.
23:57Thank you, yeah, you did very well, I think I'm surprised I'm also surprised.
24:03LAUGHTER
24:06BUZZER
24:09BUZZER
24:17BUZZER
24:21Oh, no!
24:23APPLAUSE
24:28Well, mate, I thought it was a childlike naivety.
24:30Yeah, I had a great time.
24:32Open your eyes.
24:33Frankie, you look quite at home in that clobber.
24:35I enjoyed being in a warehouse, being in a one-man band for no apparent reason.
24:41A lot of them.
24:42Very impressive.
24:43They both scored nine.
24:44Well done.
24:46Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say well done, isn't it?
24:48LAUGHTER
24:50Right, we're stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-ups.
24:53Underneath that cheap suit, the boy is RIPPED!
25:01APPLAUSE
25:05Yes, hello again.
25:07We're back.
25:09Let's just get on with the show.
25:11As opposed to what?
25:12Oh, quick update.
25:15LAUGHTER
25:15They're currently trying to copy a sequence of lights.
25:19Longest sequence wins, and there's only one player left.
25:22He's currently in last place in the series.
25:24It's Kael!
25:30BUZZER
25:31BUZZER
25:34BUZZER
25:35Correct.
25:36BUZZER
25:37BUZZER
25:41BUZZER
25:50BUZZER
25:52BUZZER
25:54BUZZER
25:55BUZZER
25:55BUZZER
25:55BUZZER
25:56BUZZER
25:57BUZZER
26:00BUZZER
26:00BUZZER
26:00BUZZER
26:01BUZZER
26:01BUZZER
26:01BUZZER
26:02BUZZER
26:02BUZZER
26:02BUZZER
26:02BUZZER
26:02BUZZER
26:03BUZZER
26:03BUZZER
26:04BUZZER
26:04BUZZER
26:04BUZZER
26:05BUZZER
26:06BUZZER
26:11BUZZER
26:13Hello?
26:49Have you finished?
26:50No.
26:51OK.
27:03You've finished.
27:04Goodbye, Kyle.
27:14Pretty impressive, Kyle.
27:15I'm a music boy.
27:17How many did he get?
27:1815.
27:19I mean...
27:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:24The only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task
27:27you had a problem blowing a marble into a tube
27:30and then you had another blow issue.
27:32Do you have a blow problem?
27:33I'm an asthmatic boy.
27:35It's a music boy.
27:37Music boy's asthmatic boy.
27:38Yes.
27:40Oh.
27:41I'm really sorry.
27:42There are two Kyle clips and I think I've played...
27:44I'm going to fucking kick off, Alex.
27:47I've played the Kyle clips in the wrong order.
27:50I'm so sorry.
27:51Can I play the other one now?
27:52Yeah, yeah.
27:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:06TAYL, you have finished the one-man band task.
28:09Go on, give us another go.
28:10You want to keep going so you can go further?
28:12Oh, yeah.
28:13You gave him quite a few other goes.
28:15LAUGHTER
28:15We were in there for 45 minutes.
28:22LAUGHTER
28:23Ivo and Kyle, both five.
28:24OK, OK.
28:25Right.
28:26Right.
28:27But eventually, I got 15.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Well, in that case, Kyle wins the series.
28:32Let's all go home.
28:34LAUGHTER
28:37Good.
28:38So, Ivo and Kyle came joint fourth.
28:39Yeah.
28:40So, they both get two.
28:41Jenny comes third, so get three points.
28:43May and Frankie joint first, five points each.
28:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:49However...
28:49However, there is, of course, one bonus point for the person
28:52who plays it the least worst.
28:54Just for the cheeky head-wiggle alone...
28:56Ooh!
28:57..and the nerve of Music Boy, and I think, you know,
29:00give the guy a break, we'll give him the point.
29:01Bonus points for Kyle!
29:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:06Time for another task, please.
29:08OK, and this one's a team one.
29:10Here we go.
29:12MUSIC PLAYS
29:17MUSIC PLAYS
29:18MUSIC PLAYS
29:28MUSIC CONTINUES
29:29MUSIC CONTINUES
29:32SHELLING
29:32SHELLING
29:32SHOW US
29:33YESSES
29:33Yes, you
29:33do. Go ahead. Go ahead.
29:36salvage the most spoons salvage the most spoons you may not leave the lab and all spoons must
29:44be salvaged with a magnet your salvager must not remove their headwear most salvage spoons
29:52brought to the lab wins also from now on you must speak in a very high-pitched voice you have
29:5916
30:00minutes your time starts or should I say you have 16 minutes your time starts now open the laptop
30:12oh Alex hello I have your salvager here he has a magnet good luck
30:28me and Jenny I I think you instantly became the weird children from the shining
30:35horrified me the moment you started speaking right let's just get on with it okay and we begin with
30:40the team of three it's Kyle Jenny and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse it's May Martin
30:53yes big style okay look around for spoons I can't look can you move the camera around so we can
31:02see
31:03what you're looking at we're presuming there's spoons as a spoon on top of the blue bin I don't know
31:10where
31:10the blue bin is one spoon I did we're gonna have to work out a better system than this
31:38I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl I wouldn't do that
31:43turn around to the left walk forward what can you see nothing nothing what about now
31:52no oh yeah by the bathtub I don't know where the bathtub is so if you inch forwards very slowly
32:00till you feel the grass under your feet is it to my right or my left
32:20what's that you're right there's a spoon right in front of you I've got one okay by the shed what
32:27direction is that yeah you're doing it you're doing it now oh double spoon Kyle Kyle double spoon
32:33where you need to sort of be in the middle of the grass if you can imagine it okay so
32:41direct my finger
32:42you want to be facing to your right to my right like this yeah you have five minutes I think
32:56you should
32:56come back to the house we're running out of time yeah Kyle you have to come and find us in
33:01the lab you guys
33:02have got to chat about this blindfolded work if you told me where the house was yeah
33:16well take one big step one
33:21you've got to go around that around which way
33:38you've got to be at the door I've stopped listening to both of you
34:00the narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother who's been through this nonsense a thousand
34:05times he was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other
34:12I found that voice so annoying so annoying and often May was leading the way with an attempt at
34:18instruction and Jenny was just going yes that's right I was doing a lot of the work as well he
34:25stumbled
34:25upon quite a few of the spoons they got a total of nine yeah and he got back to the
34:29lab with a
34:29minute to spare he'd had enough oh yeah right that's the end of part three soon someone will win a
34:36spoon and a scratch card and that's how we're going to end a primetime TV show with a
34:41channel for like it or not
34:52and a team task involving the salvaging of spoons mind if I do it's the team of two's turn now
35:00with
35:01Frankie directing and Ivo hunting Ivo can you see some spoons my friend
35:07I can't see anything Frankie I'm wearing some elaborate headwear are you blind Ivo
35:12they've blinded me Frankie only you can lead me to the spoons turn to your left well we see the
35:19caravan
35:20there walk forward Ivo I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath you're about to walk into the
35:29bath at knee height and hurt your shins stop stop stop stop stop I'm at the bath there's a spoon
35:38I can tell you on this ledge of the bath
35:40on the left edge or the right ledge those edges
35:46oh Frankie I've got a spoon put it in your spoon punch Ivo
35:51oh it's a strong magnet Frankie you know you don't need to speak in this voice
35:55oh no no I picked up the previous spoons by Mr.
35:59oh Chuck spoons in your pants Ivo
36:01now can you have a good look around Ivo so that I can check there's no more spoons look down
36:07down and then do a 360
36:13no come in on one now somewhere else
36:18you're dangling it too fast Ivo
36:21there they are there's one oh there's another you've had six minutes out of the 16
36:30let's case the joint one more time there is it by the foot in front of you
36:35you're right over here yes can we go again now Ivo I'm going to guide you into a situation of
36:41some danger
36:41stop there in front of you there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high
36:46you don't want to walk into it fall over and smash your face
36:52forward forward
36:54good right in front of me there you are
36:56a treasure trove of three spoons
37:00this is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined
37:02any spoons on Greg?
37:04no
37:05you've got three and a half minutes
37:08oh Frankie lead me to the kitchen
37:10where there'll be the most spoons
37:12keep going forward then
37:15have a look in the door
37:24and you've dragged it into another spoon
37:26into two well done excellent work I do get out of there
37:31how much time have we got we've got to get to that kitchen
37:34Ivo you've had 15 and a half minutes
37:36of how many? all the information's on the task
37:38how many minutes have we got in the whole task? we've had 15 and a half minutes
37:42really?
37:43I think we're nearly done
37:44come into the lab then
37:46but Frankie what about the kitchen spoons?
37:50straight forward
37:51keep going desperately
37:52desperately quickly
37:53run
37:54it doesn't matter if you hurt yourself Ivo
37:56no not in there Ivo
37:58what did I tell you not to do?
38:00you greedy bastard
38:02you've got 30 seconds
38:04well you don't
38:06watch run I've just
38:08oh
38:10that's the spoon hob
38:11Frankie
38:13we've had an absolute shocker
38:23where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy
38:28it's worth pointing out that Ivo didn't have to do the high pitch voice
38:32you'll notice it disappeared immediately as I started to panic about the time pressure
38:37did you start to panic about the time pressure Ivo or did you go into the kitchen?
38:44when I'd expressly told you not to
38:48I mean it's a game of quotes for me from Frankie as well
38:50my favourite
38:51I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger
38:58they did gather 22 spoons
39:00they were a great team
39:01and you know what's going to happen here Ivo
39:03we're both going to lose this episode
39:06and somebody's going to go up there and win 70 grand on a fucking scratch
39:16you may well be right Frankie was in the lead
39:18he's not won a show Ivo you've won two
39:21so points wise Greg
39:22only one team completed the task
39:24so they're the only ones who can get any points
39:26oh I see
39:26five
39:28Jenny, Kyle and May all get five points each
39:30there we go
39:34get the full scores?
39:35yes well I can tell you that Kyle is now in second place but May is in the lead with
39:3918 points
39:40lovely
40:04all right
40:05let's ask out you lovely bearded boy
40:06Frankie Boyle another lovely bearded boy
40:08two lovely bearded boys
40:11stuff all these things in your team mate's outfit
40:15if you're wearing a special outfit you must stay on your spot with your hands on your head at all
40:21times
40:21fastest wins
40:24straightforward stuff
40:25what I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley everything but the trolley
40:31okay on your marks gets it
40:33stuff
40:34I've got a pocket
40:35I've got a pocket
40:36I've got a pocket
40:36I've got a pocket
40:36I've got a pocket
40:39I've got a pocket
40:41I'm not allowed to wiggle like that
40:43I think so
40:44it seems provocative
40:50it's all going to go in
40:51it's all going to go in
40:52that's a sharp frying pan
41:07what's the pan in over
41:10oh no
41:11oh it's close
41:13Frankie's at the late first
41:1620 minutes
41:18oh my god
41:19oh he's getting out
41:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:24I'm going to put the plunder?
41:26No, not up.
41:29APPLAUSE
41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me.
41:37It made me clench my bottom up. Yes.
41:39And, Greg, that's not the end.
41:41What?
41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...
41:45LAUGHTER
41:47This is a first for Taskmaster.
41:49This is a second part for just one of the teams.
41:52Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit.
41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled.
41:57If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.
42:00Yes, so the winning team, which is a team of three,
42:02have one minute to tell me how many things they stuffed
42:05inside Kyle's outfit.
42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.
42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.
42:13That's crazy. Can we take things out of his...?
42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want.
42:17One minute, Doug.
42:19BUZZER
42:19You hand to me, you hand to me.
42:20Can I take my hands off my head?
42:22BUZZER
42:22I'm counting.
42:23Three, four, six, seven...
42:25Wait, wait, wait.
42:28Don't put it.
42:29How many is that?
42:30Ten.
42:31Eleven.
42:32Twelve.
42:32Oh, God!
42:33Twenty.
42:35Five seconds.
42:37Twenty-eight.
42:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:39Twenty-nine.
42:41Sorry.
42:45Mr. Connell.
42:48This is the most excited I've been for ten years.
42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three.
42:52I can't say it out loud.
42:55Go with your instinct.
42:56OK.
42:57We're going to go with 29.
43:00Please show them the birthday card.
43:02Oh!
43:05It's just there, on your left.
43:07Oh.
43:12You love to see it.
43:14It's 29!
43:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:22Well, that's all that happens here.
43:23It's affecting the final scores.
43:24Come and join me.
43:34One of the most exciting final tasks we've had, in my opinion.
43:37Oh.
43:37Yes, by miles, probably.
43:39It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise.
43:43No.
43:4415 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these.
43:48Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63,
43:52Frankie on 69.
43:53Ah.
43:54Kael on 76.
43:55May, 87.
43:56Jenny, 88.
43:58Oh!
43:59That's our halfway point of the series.
44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.
44:04LAUGHTER
44:05And in this episode, May Martin wins it with 28 points!
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:10May Martin wins!
44:12Please link your stage to luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:17So, what have we learnt today?
44:20In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,
44:25a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.
44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was,
44:30No, Ivo!
44:31There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:33LAUGHTER
44:34We're halfway.
44:35See you next time.
44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today,
44:40May Martin!
44:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:50LAUGHTER
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