- 9 hours ago
Taskmaster - S18E04 - Im a Girl Who Likes a Clean Line [Full Movie] [Full Series]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:16I
00:16Mean you're useless
00:34The answer to the question where can I say an overweight but dashing man get a feckless weasel with a
00:41wonky tooth to torture his peer group for pointless tasks
00:44Channel 4 that's where silly let's meet them now
01:03I
01:03Next to me a man who says that he loves to holiday in Wales because it is so beautiful
01:09But longs for the day when its people are driven into the sea
01:22Hello, Greg
01:24I've got your present. Thank you. Do you like cars?
01:27Do I get do you yes? Good. Oh, do you like Greg Davis?
01:33Barely stop looking in the mirror
01:35Well, I think you'll like genuine personalized number plates
01:47First size I'm a plate for Greg Davis does it say Gary Davis
01:57Surprised us today this time they've brought in the thing most likely to make you say war Christ now that
02:05is butter
02:10Badass
02:11Yes, sure we've all probably said badass and sure we've all probably had badass, but Greg wants to see something
02:17That makes him say it like he means it and that will result in five really really big points you
02:23Emma City. Yes. How are you gonna make me say now that is badass?
02:27This is something that I own
02:31It's very precious to me, and I think it speaks for itself
02:35React to this Greg. Okay. I know what I've got to say if it doesn't elicit the response here we
02:41go
02:41I
02:43I
02:50Nothing
02:53Now that is badass
02:54I
02:56Hate it. I find it religiously insensitive. Yes
03:01I think God and Jesus would love that
03:13Think any of the big three would like that
03:15I think it's horrible. Yeah, you should be ashamed
03:22Yo, are you gonna make me say why this is badass 100%? Well, how's your footwear nowadays bro?
03:28You've got your sock game on on lock. I won't lie. Yeah, I got something that better than these shoes
03:34100% way better than your shoes
03:40He's gonna get you these shoes Greg. All right
03:43Nike Air Force One let me tell you something. Yeah, so now when you come to like the ends, right?
03:49You wear white air forces when I come to the ends the ends bro watch top boy, bruv, okay?
03:57There's a lot of work for me to do before I can say these are badass
04:02All you need to do is just rock up with a pair of white air forces, but this is the
04:05thing you can't just rock up with a pair
04:07Air forces, right? You've got a laugh, but the laugh has to be smooth. You've got to be like
04:15What situations am I gonna do this in brother?
04:18I'm just trying to inject some youth into you. You're the one that's turned like what did you say like
04:2175?
04:22It feels like
04:24Feels like it, but I don't know whether I'm gonna feel more useful if I go into any situation and
04:29go
04:31With a pair of white trainers. I'm not gonna lie, that laugh was good though
04:35Yeah, and it felt good
04:36Hello, Rosie
04:37Oh, yeah
04:38What have you brought in?
04:39So I brought in something and then I've also brought in a promise
04:48Mmm
04:49Ooh
04:50Ooh
04:51Let's dance
04:53Well, there's nothing more bad at that than a tattoo
04:59I got two, one, two
05:02And I got a third one
05:05Here
05:06Yeah
05:07LAUGHTER
05:11APPLAUSE
05:12And I'm thinking you've heard of it
05:14Wow, that's quite badass
05:16So the promise is if you don't award me quite highly
05:27Yeah
05:27I'll do it again
05:30LAUGHTER
05:33APPLAUSE
05:34Good
05:35Thank you, Rosie
05:36Jack
05:37Yeah
05:38Are you badass?
05:39I'm unpopular in the world of hip-hop and rap
05:42And so I borrowed something from a rapper friend of mine
05:46And he sent me one of his outfits
05:49And he's pretty famous as well, so I...
05:53You draft it up?
05:53No, he's... I'll give you the name, he's called TK Maxx
05:56LAUGHTER
05:59I know that guy
06:00Yeah
06:00And he just said, whatever you need, I'm sending it to you
06:03Greg, is this badass?
06:06LAUGHTER
06:08Er, no
06:09LAUGHTER
06:10That would be the outfit I would wear
06:13If I was unloading an angel from the back of a van
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19Anyway, it's your choice
06:21I've made my choice
06:23It is not badass
06:24Yeah
06:25Only Andy Zaltzman can save us
06:27Those are dangerous words, Greg
06:29Well, I thought, you know, what would make you say badass
06:32Oh, I made you a work of art
06:34Let's reveal Andy's work of art
06:36Here we go
06:37LAUGHTER
06:40APPLAUSE
06:45Now, that is a badass
06:46Also, I mean, let's look at the quality of the painting
06:49LAUGHTER
06:51That's...
06:51That's bad, isn't it?
06:52Oh, it's just that badass
06:54It's a badass
06:55Yeah
06:55And it's badass
06:56Yes
06:57See, Emma, how this works?
07:00LAUGHTER
07:00Go back and see that cherub
07:02Cos after all this, you're going to be like, well, my God
07:04Stick the cherub back up for us
07:06OK, here is the badass cherub
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08Yeah
07:09LAUGHTER
07:11LAUGHTER
07:12Shit
07:13LAUGHTER
07:15Which one would make you say badass least?
07:17It's between Jack's awful moving outfit
07:20And Emma's badass angel
07:22Shall I be really nice and give them both two?
07:24A pair of trainers as well in that mix?
07:25Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
07:27Let him make his decision
07:29Oh, no, he's right, though
07:31Oh, no, he's not right
07:32He is right
07:33What are you doing?
07:34Well picked up on
07:35I'll give two points to all of those people
07:36And then we'll jump up
07:37I think we've got to reward Zaltzman
07:39He created the correct ass for the situation
07:42I'm going to give him five points
07:44And I'll give this merger a four
07:45Five points
07:46Two, two, two
07:47Very well
07:48APPLAUSE
07:50Right, let's get going
07:52OK, let's take things to the next level
08:10Oh, Alex
08:11Howdy
08:13It's gold this time
08:15It's nice, nice little touch
08:18Ooh
08:19LAUGHTER
08:20Can I open this as task probably?
08:23Here we go
08:25Here we go
08:26That's what we want
08:28Not that gold shit
08:31LAUGHTER
08:33Push...
08:34Push the envelope the furthest
08:37You have half an hour
08:39Your time starts...
08:41Now
08:42I could say some outrageous things
08:44See if that pushes the envelope
08:46Get myself cancelled
08:48Is it a prize?
08:51What?
08:51Is it rude?
08:53Like
08:55Boxing the envelope
08:57LAUGHTER
08:59What's this pillow for?
09:00What's this supposed to do?
09:01Present my nuts on it to my wife
09:03LAUGHTER
09:06Have you ever pushed the envelope before?
09:07Yeah
09:08What did he do?
09:09Erm
09:10I dressed as Spongebob Squarepants
09:13To a fancy dress party
09:15And everyone's like
09:16We don't do that in Guildford
09:18And I was like, I do
09:20LAUGHTER
09:21You do that when I come into the room
09:22Like, yay
09:24Happy Valentine's
09:25LAUGHTER
09:27Right, I'm going to take the envelope
09:31Excuse me
09:34Oh, that's better
09:35OK
09:35Two and a half an hour or so
09:37LAUGHTER
09:43You were surprisingly heavily sexual
09:46From three out of five of you
09:47LAUGHTER
09:48You were asked to push the envelope
09:50And within seconds
09:51Jones had compared it
09:52To a vagina, I presume
09:53Of course!
09:57I haven't advised
10:00Push the envelope
10:03Ever
10:04It could be rude!
10:06What you're saying is
10:08If you don't understand
10:09Any phrase in the English language
10:11You assume it's sexual
10:13Yeah
10:14Right, fine
10:14So, like, some people have
10:16Walked past you and said
10:18Oh, a rolling stone gathers no moss
10:19And you've gone
10:20Tell me about it
10:21Yeah!
10:26I think we should
10:27I think we should
10:28We're going to begin by watching Emma and Rosie push their envelopes
10:31Oh, God
10:32I'm going to push the envelope within myself
10:40You're going to push the envelope within yourself, what does that mean?
10:42I'm going to eat the envelope!
10:51I'm going to eat the envelope!
10:53I'm going to push the envelope the farthest!
10:57Here I go!
11:06Maybe I can get my own cooking show
11:13Nigella meets Raymond's
11:20You're gonna push the envelope
11:22You're gonna push the envelope
11:24Xiao
11:24Xiao
11:25A little bit of a can
11:29Oh, I must sit briefly
11:37all right there you go to Greg taskmaster love hearts there's actually a letter inside but
11:52it's private there you go mate push this change in bottom job
12:08okay way
12:14I must have driven you over the edge a smoothie
12:19well I just hope you give her enough shit for being a smoothie girl as well she's revealed
12:23their true colors there she loves the smoothie yeah they made you turn it into your own safety yes
12:37you shouldn't eat an envelope you also shouldn't drink an envelope pushing the envelope
12:43I will say I thought you did great cartwheels thank you you could still be in the game because I
13:12haven't read your letter yet oh my god letter I don't know what I said no one knows what you
13:17said
13:17because you said it was private oh no I think I was having a weird week
13:27oh well it is polite
13:35it literally says I hope you've had a good week
13:41okay who's next okay well next up it's a b c d jack d
13:55there's your envelope
14:01how's your day going Jack not as dignified as I thought it would
14:09it didn't work I wasn't happy with that
14:10yeah
14:11I don't know
14:11but it's okay
14:35I don't know
14:36I don't know
14:47Oh, my God.
15:20All I've written is, well, that will save BAFTA some money for your in-memorandum film.
15:28Yeah.
15:30And the sooner they play it, the better.
15:34Absolutely heartbreaking.
15:36It pushed the envelope, it made me genuinely feel quite emotional.
15:40Yeah.
15:40In total on that day, he pushed the envelope three miles.
15:45I would have carried on when the crew caught up with me and said I had to stop.
15:49Well, the time had run out quite a long time.
15:50About the two-mile mark, the time had run out, yeah.
15:53Kept on going.
15:54Oh, nice.
15:56Right, break time.
15:58Let's end on a high with some of Alex's impressions.
16:01It's Alex's Impression Hour.
16:03Ready?
16:03No.
16:04Donald Trump.
16:05Hey, how are you, guys?
16:07I can't do impressions.
16:08Greg Wallace.
16:09You want to eat your dinner?
16:11Come in at Parker Bowles.
16:14Good evening, everyone.
16:15See you in the Bastards.
16:17I can't do impressions.
16:24APPLAUSE
16:29Hello, guys.
16:31Welcome back to Trustmaster, where the competitors are pushing the envelope.
16:35Oh, yes.
16:35They could do pretty much anything to impress Greg with this one,
16:38to extend the limits of what's possible.
16:40Or you could just pace about a bit with a letter in a wheelbarrow.
16:43Last up, it's Bubba and Andy.
16:46All right, how do I push this thing?
16:48I could make a bowl out of it.
16:50Look, it's a bowl.
16:52Someone get me milk and cereal.
16:54Are you talking to me?
16:56Yes.
17:01Right, you little paper monstrosity.
17:03Where is it, you pathetic little failed origami pigeon?
17:06I wouldn't lick you if you were the last envelope on Earth.
17:09Where is it?
17:10Tell me where it is.
17:12How do you make cereal?
17:13Do you put the milk...
17:13You look like you put the milk in first, don't you?
17:15Always milk first.
17:16How very dare you?
17:17Who does that?
17:21Want to talk now, my slightly crumpled friend?
17:27Answer the question!
17:28Answer the question!
17:32I ain't got to eat this.
17:33I think you should eat a little bit.
17:34Nah, my guy.
17:36I don't drink cow's milk.
17:37If I drink this, you'll hear me in the toilet going, moo, you know what I'm saying?
17:41Like, I'll really be moving up that toilet.
17:44Maybe this will make you talk.
17:46All right.
17:47Do you want to be next?
17:49Tell me what you know.
17:50Well, God help me.
17:50I will shred you.
17:51I will shred you.
17:54Last chance.
17:55I know you want to tell me.
17:56Talk.
17:59I knew it.
18:00I did it.
18:01I stole the life cast of Alex Horne.
18:03I shrank it, and I hid it in a wooden box under a cow.
18:07I knew you'd break eventually.
18:08Here comes the aeroplane.
18:10Yay!
18:13Come on!
18:14Nicely!
18:16Right.
18:21There it is.
18:23It's like he's been working out.
18:25Mystery solved.
18:26I'll push that envelope good and proper.
18:32Andy, very creative.
18:35Genuinely disturbing.
18:37Thanks.
18:38I just think this show is just revealing you to be just not the person everyone thought you were.
18:44It's just not revealing me to be not the person I thought I was, to be honest.
18:47From episode to episode, you're getting more and more terrified.
18:52It's very good, Andy.
18:53And quite the contrast, jumping from that,
18:56to Baba feeding cereal into your stupid face from an envelope.
19:02Can I just say something?
19:03I pushed the envelope to its limits.
19:05I made it into a bowl.
19:08I mean, it doesn't matter how emphatically you take it out.
19:13Do you scream nice in it into the face of your young children when you're feeding them?
19:16LAUGHTER
19:22I do as well.
19:25LAUGHTER
19:29OK, but who pushed it the least far?
19:32Who pushed it the furthest?
19:33I feel like I'm...
19:34Do you feel like I'm a bit picked on today?
19:36I can't think how I'm going to not put you last when you did three cartwheels and then wrote me
19:40a letter asking how I was.
19:43LAUGHTER
19:43LAUGHTER
19:44So it's one to Emma.
19:46Baba, two points.
19:47Two to you, Baba.
19:47Hmm.
19:48OK, I'm going to give Rosie three points.
19:50HE WANTS!
19:52HE WANTS!
19:52HE WANTS!
19:53HE WANTS!
19:53HE WANTS!
19:54HE WANTS!
19:56HE WANTS!
19:56HE WANTS!
19:57HE WANTS!
20:12HE WANTS!
20:13Hey, hmm, let's have a scoreboard.
20:15All right, well, the team of two, Jack and Rosie, are in joint. Second with seven points, but in the
20:19lead, it's Andy Zoltzman with nine points!
20:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:25What's next, please, Horne?
20:27Well, we're off to a scare maze.
20:32HE WANTS!
20:32HE WANTS!
20:34HE WANTS!
20:36HE WANTS!
20:38HE WANTS!
20:39HE WANTS!
20:40HE WANTS!
20:40HE WANTS!
20:42HE WANTS!
20:42HE WANTS!
20:43HE WANTS!
20:46HE WANTS!
20:56HE WANTS!
20:58HE WANTS!
20:59HE WANTS!
21:01HE WANTS!
21:03HE WANTS!
21:04HE WANTS!
21:05HE WANTS!
21:05HE WILL!
21:06HE WANTS!
21:06Al Luna, come on, man. Look at that outfit, bro. I'll make this look good. I'm not gonna lie to
21:09you, bro.
21:10I'm the hottest hot dog you've ever seen in your life.
21:13I agree with... Oh, you're still talking, yeah. Come on.
21:15So, whatever you do on this task will be worth twice the number of points for you.
21:18See you in a minute.
21:20PHONE RINGS
21:23PHONE RINGS
21:24PHONE RINGS
21:24Bye-bye. Bye.
21:25PHONE RINGS
21:25Carrot on your back.
21:29PHONE RINGS
21:30Take a bite out of Alex's carrot.
21:34Alex's carrot, is that a euphemism? Is that an actual carrot?
21:38PHONE RINGS
21:38Alex will ring his bell every ten seconds.
21:41PHONE RINGS
21:42You must laugh constantly throughout.
21:44No problem, man!
21:47PHONE RINGS
21:50You must both only walk at a gentle pace.
21:53No problem, man!
21:57PHONE RINGS
21:58Fast and the wind.
22:05PHONE RINGS
22:06Fastest winds
22:06The time starts now, I won't.
22:11XXX
22:11LAUGHS
22:12Oh
22:35You actually did look quite good
22:37Come on bro, this is what I'm saying bro. Should have brought it to the trainers
22:44We're gonna start with a happy Jack and a rambling Rosie
23:24Oh
23:28You're not Alex
23:42Oh
24:07Oh
24:38Oh
24:53Alex
24:56Yeah, yeah
24:59Well, I know the way out. I will see you outside. Goodbye
25:02Oh
25:12Well an absolute vision of hell in many ways watching both of you go through that
25:17Dystopian nightmare made so much worse by me realizing for the first time that Rosie Jones has got daddy written
25:24across her back
25:27I
25:29Thought she was relentless. Well, she was got me in three minutes 49
25:34Jack has the best laughter carrot noise that I think we'll see tonight. He went
25:4326 for Jack. It was a pretty oh pretty close race just over three minutes. Mm-hmm lovely now. It's
25:49time to get giddy with MSD. Oh
25:55Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:05ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:11ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:11ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:11ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:11ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:11ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:13ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:14ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:14ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:16ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
26:17ha ha ha
26:18Hahahaha!
26:21You bastard!
26:23Hahahaha!
26:35Oh, there are two bells!
26:40Hahahaha!
26:42Ahhhhh!
26:44Oh
26:57Swapping bells you bastards
27:20Hello, Emma.
27:23Really infuriating, that.
27:25That other bloke.
27:27Other bloke.
27:28No, I'm not doing that.
27:30No?
27:31Blinder.
27:32Bye-bye.
27:36I wish more people would shut him down like that.
27:40No, I'm not doing that.
27:42It works a treat.
27:43I've clearly had enough, which really worries me.
27:46How long was that?
27:47It felt like a long time, and I felt like you went from someone
27:50doing quite a fun comedy laugh to someone who could kill.
27:56And the tipping point for me was this.
27:58Ha-ha-ha-ha.
27:59He-he.
28:01All three of you walked 300 metres.
28:03They took three minutes.
28:04You took eight minutes.
28:05It could have been longer.
28:06I could have kept that going for hours, I think.
28:10There was no way you were going to catch me.
28:14Because...
28:15It's because she was going too slow.
28:17We will have fun.
28:18He-he-he-he-he.
28:20OK, time for another break.
28:21Hopefully, there will be an overseas advert that has been badly
28:24dubbed in English, so that the company could save money.
28:27Followed quickly, I hope, by a nuclear apocalypse.
28:30It's what we deserve.
28:33It's genuinely my birthday.
28:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:00Without the enforcement and playing for double points,
29:02it's BabbesandĆ³a alache.
29:04BRR oderda
29:05Ha-ha-ha-ha
29:06HA-HA ha-ha
29:12HA-HA ha
29:15HA-HA HA HA HA
29:55I
29:56Oh
30:10What I did it in 35 seconds so
30:17So Andy you get four points but Baba you get ten points
30:26Pop a piece small boy
30:28I'm the man sure thing thing-a-ling get ready to check out my versatile new jacket
30:51Can I help no, I'm on it. I'm on a turntable Jack mm-hmm
30:56Spinning round
30:59Not really are you, you're turning round
31:04Oh look, it feels a bit personal
31:09Pick the taskmaster's locket from its pocket
31:12Every time you pick an incorrect pocket you must high-five Alex
31:17If you touch temper with or peek into a pocket you must pick it
31:21For you it's pockets picked wounds
31:27You have a maximum of 15 minutes your time starts now
31:31May I touch you
31:38Why are you spinning?
31:40It's just the setting
31:44Just wind up
31:50Have you got a moment just to replay what I think might be the creepiest moment in Taskmaster history?
31:59Yeah, I think I know what you mean
32:00Here it is
32:01May I touch
32:0618 series and I've never felt a shudder like it
32:11What is wrong with that?
32:15It's about consent
32:18Yeah
32:18It is about consent
32:24Thank you
32:25First to locate the locket it's Jack and Baba
32:29Okay, so I'm thinking there's gonna be a
32:33Some sort of locket in one of those pockets
32:35Yeah, yeah
32:38Is that the locket?
32:40No, it's lipstick
32:40Do I put it there?
32:41Yeah, I'll put it here
32:42What's this?
32:43Chinese Five Spice
32:45Chinese Five Spice
32:47There's nothing in there is other than that
32:52Bloody raisin
32:53Okay
32:56Bow!
32:57Found the locket yet?
32:58No, that's a dog biscuit
33:00Okay
33:01What's in here?
33:01Nope
33:02It's the bloody locket
33:04Bow!
33:08You take a lot of stuff around with you, don't you?
33:11Yep
33:11108 pockets
33:12Let's see
33:13Pick up yourself
33:15No
33:16That's
33:16That's nothing else
33:18That's just a bag of
33:20That's my bag of yellow
33:21Yeah
33:21Bag of yellow
33:23Fair enough
33:26Pick up yourself
33:29Don't trust sound people or makeup artists
33:34That's a bit bad isn't it?
33:35I trust
33:35Sound people or makeup artists
33:37Why wouldn't you?
33:38You shouldn't
33:39Yeah, good advice
33:40Thank you
33:41But not what we're after
33:42Right
33:43Geez
33:44What do I open this with?
33:46Ah
33:46This might be it
33:47No, it's a compass
33:49It's a compass with my name on it
33:51Babatunde
33:52Hey, it says my name on it
33:53Come on
33:53There's a picture of me
33:54Yeah, I've just got a couple of things with your names on it
33:58That's very thoughtful
34:00Oh my days with this stupid-ass rocket, mate
34:03Getting on my nerves
34:05Stone with Y written on it
34:06Ah
34:07Things are starting to annoy me
34:09Rockets?
34:09Too many of them
34:10Why have you got milk?
34:11Thirsty
34:12Yuck
34:13It's an eye
34:14Mm-hmm
34:14So
34:16Yeah
34:17Hey
34:19Pick the locket from the pocket
34:22That's a padlock
34:23Oh, for goodness sake
34:24It's a man out one
34:25What the hell?
34:26Five and a half minutes left
34:28To find this locket
34:28Left
34:29Oh, a pebble
34:30So it spells you
34:31Right
34:32I don't think that's got any relevance
34:34Right
34:34Okay
34:35Yeah
34:35I found the other eye though
34:36Ah
34:37There you go
34:42The locket is in your pocket
34:44The locket is in your pocket
34:45No, it ain't
34:46I've got no locket in my pocket
34:56There you are
34:57You got the locket
34:58Yeah, how do you do that?
34:59You're David Copperfield now, are you?
35:02And there's a piece of hair in there as well
35:04You got my own hair
35:05That's...that's...okay
35:05Well, I should treasure that
35:08APPLAUSE
35:12I mean, these of you thought there might be a faster way of doing this
35:16Just went route one
35:17How are we supposed to know that?
35:19Yeah
35:19There was a locket in our pocket
35:20I realised after this
35:21Because someone took my jacket to do something
35:23And I should have
35:24Yeah
35:25You know, trustingly, I said
35:26Yeah, of course, thank you
35:27I thanked them
35:28I thanked them
35:29Do you know how many pockets they picked?
35:31Yes, please
35:32Baba Tunde, 41 incorrect pockets
35:35Jack, 70
35:36LAUGHTER
35:37Would you like to see Rosie Jones' Locket Adventure?
35:41Let's go
35:41Rosie Jones
35:42I don't think it's in this
35:47Cos that would be obvious
35:53Who can I pick that one?
35:58Don't trust sound people on make-up artists?
36:06Well, you don't need to tell me that
36:10They've got pieces of shit
36:13Is it in your pocket?
36:19You said no, but I don't trust you
36:32You guys want it?
36:33Yeah
36:34You guys want it?
36:39Oh, is it on me?
36:44Oh, my God
36:52You sneaky bugger
36:56Well done, Rosie
36:57Don't trust anyone
37:03APPLAUSE
37:07I just want to make it clear that when Rosie was told not to trust sound and lighting people, she
37:13said, and I quote,
37:14You don't need to tell me that, they're all pieces of shit
37:17LAUGHTER
37:21I mean it!
37:24LAUGHTER
37:25And you then went on to blatantly steal money from a sound man's wife
37:30LAUGHTER
37:31Yeah!
37:33Neil was lying to me
37:36The least they could do was rob it
37:41LAUGHTER
37:43He wasn't lying to you
37:44Of course
37:44It was fast, surely
37:46Well, it's all about the number of pockets picked
37:48Yes
37:48Five of Neil's, five of her own, three of mine, so 13 in total
37:5213 in total
37:5313 in total
38:00He was immediately out of the studio carrying a sculpture of a cherub wearing sunglasses
38:04And a painting of a banged up donkey
38:06This isn't a cheese dream
38:08We're all being paid for this
38:10LAUGHTER
38:10We'll see you in part four
38:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:25Welcome back, it's part four and Alex has a stupid jacket on
38:29It's not stupid actually, you're stupid
38:32Lee attractive
38:34LAUGHTER
38:35Yes, I...
38:37They have to find the locket by picking the fewest pockets possible
38:40Two left, it's Andy and Emma
38:44OK, I'm just going to take a second
38:49The taskmaster's locket
38:51Doesn't necessarily, it's one of your pockets though, is it?
38:53Are there clues in your pockets?
38:55All I do is spin round
38:56OK
38:58So there's bits of paper in some of these pockets, by the looks of it
39:00Are you peeking?
39:02Overviewing
39:03Peeking is, that's a specific pocket, I'd say
39:06Right
39:08LAUGHTER
39:14Well, some action
39:16There's a great big statue of the taskmaster outside
39:19Hmm
39:20Can that count as a locket?
39:21It's not a locket and it wasn't in a pocket Andy
39:24OK, I think I'm going to have to pick a pocket
39:26Excuse me
39:29So that appears to be Richard Herring on a red fish
39:35Half your time gone
39:39Chinese five spice
39:40It's the spice for me
39:43Right, I need an alternative pocket again
39:45How many minutes I've got left?
39:46Four and a half
39:46Four and a half, OK, I'll use it wisely
39:52You've got three minutes Andy
39:57Right, I've found a pineapple and some string
39:59Was it in a pocket?
40:00Well, not yet, but I could put it in a pocket
40:02From that one
40:03Jack, two points for you
40:05Three to Bubba, four to Rosie, but five to Emma City
40:08Congratulations
40:11You
40:12Let's see the scoreboard
40:13Yes, please
40:13Well, I think the hot dog helped
40:14Bubba's on the top with 17 points
40:20Right, everyone, will you please make your way to the stage
40:22For the final task of the show
40:30Who will be reading the task of the following?
40:33That's Bubba
40:34OK
40:36Gather a herd of animals with exactly 22 legs
40:41You may not harm any animals
40:44You may only use animals on either side of this wall
40:49And you may not use each other
40:51On Alex's whistle
40:53You must hurl one of your herd over the wall
40:57When your herd has 22 legs
41:00Only then may you don your tutus
41:02First team in tutus wins
41:04Each of them have six animals on their bench
41:08Right
41:09And that's where the herd lives
41:10You've got a flamingo with one leg
41:12A kangaroo with two
41:13A sick dog with three legs
41:14Patatas the cat with four legs
41:17A monster there with six
41:18You've got to throw something every 15 seconds
41:21That's when I'll blow the whistle
41:22If you don't do the maths correctly
41:24Within the 15 seconds
41:25And another animal comes over
41:26And you've missed the tutu opportunity
41:27It carries on
41:28Got it
41:29Good luck
41:30Right, choose your animals
41:31We're going for three
41:32OK, well, maybe don't say it out
41:37Pick up an animal
41:38Get ready to throw
41:39You're going to be throwing on the whistle
41:40Three
41:40Two
41:41One
41:43Lovely
41:43Put that on the bench
41:45That's what he said
41:46That's what he said
41:46That's what he said
41:46That's what he said
41:49That's what he said
41:50That's what he said
41:53That's what he said
41:53Task complete, done
42:00Wow, they did it
42:02Well, not many people would be brave enough to say it
42:04I will
42:05Well, the show's been great
42:06That was rubbish
42:10Come down here, we'll add that to the final score
42:12APPLAUSE
42:18What a glorious anticlimit
42:21Maybe one of my favourite tasks
42:25It's really made the scoreboard interesting
42:27Because the team of three gets five points each for that
42:29The team of two
42:30Zero
42:31Aww
42:32And the winner is
42:34Baba with 22 points
42:36Yes!
42:37Yes!
42:38Yes!
42:39Baba Kandare Vashay wins
42:42Please, bowl up to brandish your badass belongings
42:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:50So, what have we learnt from today's show?
42:53We've learnt that Taskmaster, it's a silly old show really
42:56But at times, it has the capacity to move
42:59The haunting image of Jack Dee strolling heroically into the sunset
43:04His destination unknown
43:05Pushing that envelope
43:07Will forever be etched on all of our minds
43:11And let's also not forget
43:13Baba's nuts on a pillow
43:15And here he is again tonight
43:18Cos he's the winner
43:18It's Baba Tunde Alessi!
43:20APPLAUSE
43:21Get off!
43:32APPLAUSE
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