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The Young Offenders S05E04 [Full Movie] [English Subs]Full EP - Full
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00:02Whoever said that a week's work makes a man was obviously some rich prick.
00:06A week's work makes me a depressed man.
00:08He stinks of fish guts.
00:09Five, ten, two laurels.
00:13Fifty, twelve, fifty.
00:14Ten, fifteen, sixteen, sixteen, fifty. I'm done.
00:19Boy, we've been working all week, like.
00:21Stop giving away so much fish for free.
00:24No, boy. Then we'd just be as bad as the rich pricks.
00:26Yeah, that Bezos prick.
00:30I was running a drink.
00:31Yeah, please, thanks.
00:33No worries.
00:34Ma'am!
00:36Ma'am, we're toast. Do you need a drink?
00:39Any juice?
00:42Ma'raide!
00:44Ma'raide!
00:46Ma'raide!
00:47Ma'am!
00:48What's she doing, boy?
00:50It's the middle of the day and we want something.
00:52She's hardly dead, is she?
00:53No, if she was dead, she'd be haunting us by now.
00:56Ma'am!
00:57Ma'am!
00:58What the fuck?
00:59What's my name?
01:02What's that?
01:03What?
01:04What are you saying?
01:05Oak. Oak. Oak. Oak.
01:07What?
01:09What?
01:10Who?
01:11Who?
01:12Why?
01:13That stuff!
01:14That is disgusting!
01:16Dirty guys!
01:17Jesus Christ!
01:18The guards are coming!
01:19The guards are coming!
01:21You're a little!
01:22You're a little.
01:23Why are you giving a...
01:24Why are you giving a...
01:25Stop smiling!
01:26Why are you giving a...
01:27What?
01:28Jesus Christ!
01:29It seems like everyone was added apart from us.
01:32Oh!
01:34Whoa.
01:36Why, how many times have you had the ride?
01:38Since we got out of prison?
01:39I...
01:40I don't know, do hand jobs count?
01:41It depends on who gave them to you, like.
01:43I know.
01:43I know. They were with my left hand, though, some of them.
01:46Still doesn't count, boy.
01:47Yeah, I know. Then zero for sure.
01:49I'm zero too.
01:50Have you ever tried sitting on your hand and doing it?
01:52Oh, can't. We can't live like this, boy.
01:53Listen to yourself, all right?
01:55We are two of the biggest catches I know, boy.
01:57Women...
01:58Women should be throwing themselves at us, boy.
01:59I know.
02:00Can't. We have to. We have to go out in the pool, boy.
02:02Just all the apps are just full of cash.
02:03Oh, we don't need apps, boy.
02:04We're going to old school, okay?
02:06We're going to old school, all right?
02:07All right.
02:07Pubs, clubs, chippers, and schools.
02:11Yeah.
02:11Our schools.
02:13Yeah, mams only.
02:13Mams only.
02:14All right, but we can't just sit around and rot, okay?
02:17No.
02:17We're better than that, boy.
02:18I mean, we're lads.
02:19We're lads of Cork.
02:21We don't just sit around and wait to get our holes away.
02:24We stand up and we say enough is enough.
02:26Enough is enough.
02:27Now you look at me, boy.
02:29We are going out into that town.
02:30And we are not coming back until we have SDI.
02:38Get changed.
02:40Get changed.
02:40Yeah, we get changed.
02:41I see the smell of fish.
02:43Yeah, we get changed, boy.
02:44Come on.
02:55What are you doing, boy?
03:02What?
03:04Oh.
03:05Oh, God.
03:07I have a scene.
03:11Hold up.
03:13Hold up.
03:15Hold up.
03:16Hold up.
03:17Hold up.
03:22Let me hit you with something, something slow, something lovely.
03:26She likes the country, oh, she likes the country.
03:30She don't like that bad shit, that sucks.
03:38Right, boy.
03:39It's all about the four C's, yeah?
03:42Confidence, compliments, and crack.
03:44Now, what's the fourth one?
03:46Yeah, I know, I know, it's way.
03:47Obviously, the number one priority is that we get our hold.
03:50Yeah, well, like, you don't want to come on too strong, either.
03:52No, no, no, definitely don't come on too strong.
03:54But if we're smart, yeah, we can make a bit of kind, too.
03:57Oh, boy, I don't know if I get paid for troubling up giving it away for free, like.
04:00Kind, what did you say? Confidence, boy.
04:03Right, it's the summer, town's full of beers.
04:04All right, all you have to do is find two, two rich, two...
04:08Shut the fuck up, Cain!
04:10You find somewhere else to practice.
04:12Two rich, out of town beers, show them a good time, and at the end, you know, we steal a
04:16few things.
04:16So two lucky ladies will get their haul away with two of the best-looking lads in Cork.
04:20Nice, Conor and Jack.
04:21Then, in exchange, we take some jewellery that they don't even care about.
04:26What? So at the end, we ask them if they care about their jewellery?
04:29Oh, boy, no, right?
04:30Cain, Cain, we're on the bread line, all right?
04:32Yeah.
04:32Yeah, sure. It's annoying for them if they lose a sparkly piece of jewellery.
04:36But that sparkly piece of jewellery, boy, could rescue us from a lifetime of grief and poverty.
04:41All right, so we're stealing from them.
04:43Yeah.
04:43But in a good way.
04:44Exactly.
04:45All right.
04:46And anyway, they probably have, like, insurance, so everybody wins.
04:49Insurance?
04:50Yeah, like insurance, insurance.
04:53So when you pay someone money, then if anything happens to your stuff or your money, then that person has
04:57to pay you back.
04:58You're telling me some people are so rich that they pay someone else money just in case they lose their
05:02money just so they can get their original money back?
05:04Yeah, exactly.
05:05All right, boy, I'm gullible, but I'm not thick.
05:07No, but that is what it is.
05:08You're pulling women can be complicated, but not if you use jock's easy-to-follow steps.
05:13He calls them the four Cs.
05:16Firstly, you compliment them.
05:18Secondly, you make them laugh.
05:19He calls that the crack.
05:23Third, you conquer them with confidence, ideally by demonstrating your brute masculinity.
05:29And if all else fails, which, of course, it rarely does, it's time for the mysterious fourth C.
05:35Linda once told me I looked mysterious when we first met.
05:38But the truth is, that look was me being so nervous I was trying not to get sick.
05:43My strategy is slightly different to jock's, but just as effective.
05:47What are you doing, boy? I'm not homeless.
05:50I find that just simply listening to what women have to say gets them in bed every time.
05:55What's even the point in having a boyfriend if he's not even going to talk to you?
05:58Sounds like he's just not very good at expressing his emotions.
06:01Just not my bed.
06:03Who have you got to communicate?
06:06I do love her.
06:08Do you think it might be good for her to know that?
06:20Good stuff.
06:21Have a good one, Ari.
06:22You know, boy, I think if those two work on their communication, they should be all right.
06:26Yeah.
06:27Why am I getting worried about you?
06:28I'm already after shifting three beers, and look, I've stolen five light doors.
06:32You know, boy, I've lost my spare.
06:34What?
06:34No, boy, you just have to get the first one out of the way, okay?
06:36It's like getting washed off to, like, a...
06:38No!
06:39No!
06:39No!
06:39No!
06:40No!
06:41No!
06:41No!
06:42No!
06:42Are you all right, guys?
06:47Are you okay?
06:47No, we're not okay.
06:48We've just been mulled.
06:49No, no, you haven't.
06:49I stopped it.
06:50Look, I have everything.
06:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:52You all right?
06:53What is it?
06:54You mean the boys?
06:55What do you mean the boys?
06:55Well, you mean the boys?
06:55Is he speaking Gaelic?
06:56You know what?
06:57He's actually just worried that fine women such as yourselves are getting taken advantage
07:00of like that.
07:01I'm sorry about that.
07:02Yeah.
07:02Terrible.
07:02Two of y'all having a gas through the city.
07:04You gotta save these alleyways like some savoury types.
07:07Oh, is that Gaelic?
07:08Yeah, that is Gaelic.
07:10Yeah, so you wish.
07:10Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:11Well, let us get you some drinks to repay you.
07:14A drink?
07:15Yeah.
07:16Fabio.
07:17Absolutely.
07:17That's unbelievable.
07:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:19But I wore a shower on us.
07:20Oh, are you sure?
07:22Yeah.
07:22You're not sure because if two women want to buy us a drink, that's it.
07:25They're body, they're tight.
07:26Yeah, sure.
07:26Yeah, but no, no, no.
07:27We do insist.
07:28We do insist.
07:28I'm sorry about that.
07:29We'd love to.
07:30Well, we're not going to turn down a free drink.
07:32Yeah.
07:32Why would you?
07:33Because you're not a fucking idiot.
07:34Haha.
07:37I'm Charlotte, by the way.
07:38She's an influencer.
07:39Has over 100,000 followers.
07:41Charlotte, nice to meet you.
07:42My name's Jack.
07:43Emma.
07:44Emma, lovely to meet you.
07:45Emma.
07:46Beautiful, Emma.
07:47Whoa.
07:47Oh, yeah.
07:49Connor.
07:49Oh, sorry.
07:50All right.
07:51You smell really like fruit.
07:53Aha.
07:54Yeah.
07:56After you, girls.
07:59What the fuck are you doing?
08:00What?
08:00What are you doing, boy?
08:02We can't afford these drinks.
08:03Yeah, obviously not, boy.
08:04We're going to have to steal them.
08:05But look, we can't have them taking more grifters, all right?
08:07Oh, yeah.
08:08They're hot, rich and clueless, boy.
08:10It's perfect.
08:11Really?
08:12Yeah, boy.
08:13We're going to get our hold and make a mint.
08:14You watch?
08:15What are you, pervert?
08:16We don't want to watch.
08:18You didn't mean that, you fool.
08:20I'm not watching you and writing something.
08:23Okay, boy.
08:24We'll just go get a drink.
08:25Good.
08:26You head upstairs there when we get you a drink, all right?
08:28Perfect.
08:29All right, fine.
08:30See you in a sec.
08:31What?
08:32What are we doing?
08:32The jackpot.
08:34Holy shit, boy.
08:37We're going to rob a plane.
08:39What?
08:40No, boy.
08:41I'm showing you how rich they are.
08:43All right.
08:43Shit.
08:48Me and Jock were Cork's most eligible bachelors.
08:51But love is not cheap.
08:53And the most expensive part is dating.
08:55And the most expensive part of that is drinking.
08:58Women love cocktails.
08:59Especially the classy ones.
09:00And everyone knows cocktails are just a load of booze mixed together and given a fancy name.
09:05Sweet ladies.
09:07Hi.
09:07Here we are.
09:08This is another type of little mincery.
09:10Really, y'all?
09:11Yeah.
09:12We'd assumed you'd done a runner.
09:14No, you're stuck with us now.
09:15Oh, we'll see about that.
09:17Yeah, cheers to muggers, eh?
09:19Cheers muggers!
09:20Cheers!
09:25Daddy's savage.
09:26Unbelievable.
09:28Is that lipstick?
09:29Yeah, you have to be a part of the presentation.
09:31Yeah, it's called a kiss from Cork.
09:34Aw, that's so cute.
09:35Aw, a kiss from Cork.
09:37Hopefully not the last.
09:39Oh, honey, yeah.
09:41How are you going here?
09:42Oh my god, is this a crack?
09:43Are we having a crack?
09:44That's it, you got it.
09:46Welcome to the crack.
09:47Yay!
09:48Come on.
09:51Mmm.
09:52Ah.
09:55Oh, it sounds sort of beefy, but in an amazing way.
09:59Yeah.
10:00Yeah, he's listening to us there.
10:01Worcestershire sauce, isn't he?
10:02Yeah.
10:02Would you boys be up for grabbing an early dinner after this?
10:05Oh, absolutely, yeah.
10:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:08Cheers!
10:08Cheers!
10:09Cheers!
10:10Cheers!
10:11Cheers!
10:11Yeah!
10:16Yeah!
10:16Yeah!
10:17Yeah!
10:18Yeah!
10:20Nice big chair!
10:21Ah, here we go!
10:22Here we go!
10:22Thanks, D!
10:23Thanks, mate!
10:25Wait, what are you...
10:27What are you doing with that team, mate?
10:28He's just burning the shit out of them.
10:30Why is this place so posh, they just burn the food for the crack, do they?
10:34Where do you think you're...
10:35Hey!
10:35Now!
10:36Pudding!
10:37No, we have to send that back.
10:38The fellas after the burn on the top off the thing.
10:40You're alive!
10:41What you can't do...
10:43No, it's...
10:43It's meant to be like that.
10:46Or...
10:46Or...
10:47Is this fire custard?
10:48Or...
10:48Yes, no, we didn't...
10:50Usually we get it...
10:51A real...
10:52A juicy real fry, yeah.
10:53No.
10:53Right.
10:54Yeah.
10:56Are you interested to try this now?
10:58Thanks a million.
11:05Oh, my God.
11:08Man, that's...
11:10Oh, my God, it's so hard and soft at the same time.
11:12Right.
11:13Oh, that's amazing, mate.
11:16Oh!
11:20Oh!
11:21Oh!
11:21Oh, boy.
11:22Fucking egg!
11:25So...
11:25Do you boys want to get the bill and then come back to us?
11:30Oh, yeah.
11:31Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, please.
11:32That sounds...
11:33Eh?
11:33Yeah.
11:35We can...
11:35We can do that.
11:36And when we do that, Tom, and we'll meet you outside.
11:41Oh, wow, wow, look.
11:42Ah.
11:43Hey, thank you.
11:44I hope that tasted okay.
11:46It was...
11:47Grand.
11:48Grand.
11:49Grand.
11:50You're all yourself, huh?
11:51Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:52We'll see you outside.
11:53Ha, ha, ha.
11:54One, two.
11:56What are we gonna do?
11:57We can't afford all this.
11:58I don't know.
11:58We got you the plan.
11:59What?
12:00Who's following you?
12:01You just said, we'll get this.
12:05Holy shit.
12:06Sorry, boy, alright?
12:07No, Josh.
12:08You can't afford the book.
12:17Hey, man!
12:18Honey!
12:19Honey!
12:19Honey!
12:20Honey!
12:21Honey!
12:21Honey!
12:22Honey!
12:22Come on!
12:23Back, you!
12:33Shit!
12:33Come on, you're right, you're right!
12:37It's here to get your butt back.
12:39Here, go back, go back.
12:41I'm not going to lie to Harry.
12:43We're not actually rich.
12:44Yeah, no shit.
12:45We're trying to show you a good time, so we're making the most of it.
12:47We ran out on the bill.
12:49And whose cash is that?
12:52I just borrowed it off some fella who doesn't know it yet.
12:55So you stole it?
12:55Yeah, so we stole it. We did steal it.
12:58I'm not going to prison for some petty thief.
13:00Don't let a little bit of stealing get in the way of a good time.
13:03This is so bloody authentic.
13:06Fine, but if you steal anything from us, I'll have you both arrested.
13:10Deal, deal, deal.
13:13Can we get out of this pissy alleyway?
13:15We can all go back to our hotel.
13:18Yeah, you're everything.
13:19Yeah, all right.
13:21No, all right, all right.
13:35Holy shit, mate.
13:37We did not cark at the palace.
13:38Have you seen this guy, Bob?
13:42What am I doing?
13:43Are we lost, gentlemen?
13:45It's okay.
13:46They're Irish.
13:47And they're with us.
13:48Yeah, we're Irish and we're with them.
13:59Yo, the bed's so massive, my feet don't even come off the end.
14:03Are you boys still sleeping in bunk beds then?
14:05No. What?
14:07Do you think Conor's alright? He's been in there for a while.
14:10Should I go check on him?
14:11You relax, I check on him, alright?
14:13Hey!
14:16Hey, you're pleased that shit me, are you?
14:18Well, we'll never get a hole if you sink up the place, boy.
14:21I said, boy, you know I only take a shit twice a week.
14:24I'm loading up.
14:26I'm already taking, boy, bitch. I'm only smoking, boy.
14:29I'm on my shampoo.
14:30Body wash, boy. I've vanity you.
14:32I've lost the conditioner.
14:34Right, I'll show you the other bar now.
14:36Toothbrush, boy.
14:37Soap and...
14:38Boys, I miss you tonight here.
14:41A what?
14:43A what?
14:43A what?
14:44A wee wee!
14:45Yeah.
14:46We're coming!
14:47Yeah.
14:49Do you want a drink?
14:50Do you want a drink?
14:51I don't know.
14:57Oh, Conor.
14:58Yeah?
14:59Conor, you gotta do this, boy.
15:01I've never felt like anything like this in my life.
15:03No, I hear, boy.
15:05I don't want to get my bits out.
15:09Why just cover yourself in the towel.
15:11I'm not doing it, alright, Jack?
15:15Uhhhhhhhhh.
15:15She's just wiling about a girl, mate.
15:17Don't I?
15:17Fuck.
15:18I didn't even know they could.
15:20Is she okay?
15:22If you like, I can give you a nice pedicure.
15:24What'd you say?
15:26Pedicure.
15:26Alright, I'm not into kids, okay, you sicko?
15:28Excuse me.
15:29You are!
15:30What'd he say?
15:31He's not a sicko!
15:32Conor, a pedicure is getting your toenails trimmed.
15:36What?
15:37Rich people get other people to clip their toenails.
15:40Yeah.
15:44Sorry about earlier.
15:47It's okay.
15:49Out of interest, have you ever given a pedicure to a pedophile?
15:56There's something in my water.
15:58Oh, that's cucumber.
16:00Oh, I don't think we have that in Ireland.
16:04Geez boy, I could get used to being rich.
16:06I think I'm gonna go take a dip in the jacuzzi.
16:10Are you coming?
16:12I'm gonna do that, Jack.
16:22Oh, boy, that's warm.
16:23That's nice, isn't it?
16:24Now, will I get a photo of you?
16:25I'll go get my photo of you.
16:26Oh, no!
16:27No, I shouldn't have to do the pedicure.
16:29You're right.
16:30Oh, it's okay.
16:32No, I'm just gonna stay here and look at the lovely view of Cock City, eh?
16:35Jack, bye!
16:36Don't worry.
16:37If you can't swim, it doesn't matter.
16:40It's not that deep.
16:41I can't swim.
16:42You know, we can all swim.
16:43We can all swim.
16:43Come and just get in and stuff.
16:44You're weird.
16:45Leave some warm, mate, look.
16:46Yeah!
16:47Leave some warm.
16:48All right.
16:48Come on.
16:48All right.
16:50Come on.
16:52Watch out the floor, boy.
16:54You don't want any of that.
16:55Don't worry, Mason, boy.
16:56What are you missing, boy?
16:56All that.
16:58She was getting in the big cup.
17:01What the fuck are you wearing, mate?
17:03What the fuck are you wearing?!
17:04Give me a laugh, boy.
17:06One of those things, boy.
17:08Just tell me, man.
17:09Oh, my Lord.
17:10What are you wearing, play?
17:11Don't use them.
17:12What are they supposed to, alright?
17:13You didn't have any clean ones.
17:14I didn't know you'd be seeing them today.
17:15I don't want you having laughs.
17:16Come on, boy, come on, sorry.
17:17i think they're sweet really yeah get in hurry is it too hot is it hot no it's nice and
17:26warm
17:26yes boy very good all right all right yeah it's just time it is actually quite hot
17:55yeah going in for a kiss is a bit like stealing a bike it's exciting risky
18:03but at a certain point you just gotta do it oh god you're so indigenous and then you gotta do
18:12it again
18:20never have i ever been to prison
18:30really yeah it wasn't for anything bad like it was just a bit of a misunderstanding
18:36you're not a young offender anymore you're an adult and an international drug smuggler
18:40you're sentenced to six years in prison basically wasn't even our fault like
18:44yeah oh gosh excuse me it's daddy oh daddy i know stop shouting oh yeah well i wish that
18:59you weren't my father either oh my dad's dead oh should we leave i'll go no no i i i
19:08i
19:08leave it to me i i just enjoy yourselves all right
19:11all right
19:21you all right no what happened
19:27you made by a fucking arsehole happened my dad was a prick too what about your mom
19:32she's actually dead
19:35i'm sorry so what are you sorry for you didn't kill her did you i mean it'd be fairly awkward
19:40if you
19:40did like
19:42did you no okay
19:55should we maybe check on them all right leave it to them
20:00unless that's not the custom here oh yeah yeah i'm not really sure what the custom is here to be
20:08honest
20:09i need a lot of oysters there
20:12you're not that bad you know despite all the stealing
20:18i'm not really in the mood anymore sorry
20:24don't worry about me neither to be honest i uh fairly wrecked after the massage
20:31is it is it supposed to do that to you
20:35i'd still like you to spend the night
20:38what are you um can i borrow your toothbrush though
20:43i don't think we should have sex anymore
20:47oh it didn't even cross my mind
20:50you can still tell jock we did it if you like
20:54thanks
20:57on a spoon
21:00can i be a teaspoon
21:02oh
21:17i don't want to steal anything
21:19no it wasn't quite
21:20no it's just i don't think we should
21:23i never wanted to
21:24all right all right all right quite
21:28josh josh
21:29do you want me to put back the shambos
21:32no no no we'll take them we'll take them
22:02no no
22:04no no
22:04so
22:04charlie
22:05You want me?
22:07Hey, man!
22:09Charlotte!
22:10What you do with your chain, boy?
22:14Chain.
22:15What you do with your chain?
22:17What?
22:19What you mean?
22:21Where's your watch?
22:24Boy, Charlotte!
22:26Hey, man!
22:27Hey, boy, where'd you put the cash?
22:28I didn't touch the cash. You had the cash.
22:30Why'd you put the cash? You didn't touch the cash!
22:32Where's my phone coming?
22:34Where's my phone?
22:36He's on the table there.
22:38He's on the table, why'd you open your ears?
22:42Charlotte!
22:43Hey, man!
22:44Hey, man!
22:45They must have it, boy. They've got it.
22:49Coin, coin, coin.
22:53Nuts.
22:54Who's that?
22:54Who's that?
22:58Truly top boys here.
23:00Isn't that right, Emma?
23:01I can't believe you dopes fell for it.
23:04We only took them from school.
23:04That's Emma!
23:05That's them, boy.
23:06We're better looking.
23:07Sorry we ditched you, but you were setting us me.
23:10They're from court!
23:11Sorry we lied.
23:13And about stealing from you.
23:16And about stealing from me.
23:16That's our money, boy!
23:18Traitors, boy.
23:19Little rat bags.
23:20We didn't lie about everything.
23:21My dad is an arsehole.
23:23And I did want to pop my Irish hair in.
23:26Deceived by our own!
23:27Love you, lads.
23:28Thanks for covering all this.
23:30Love you, lads.
23:31Emma spoon me and everything, if that is your real name.
23:34Boy, we'd never have done that to them.
23:35Never.
23:35There's some things we would do, but we would never have done that.
23:38Not in a million years, boy.
23:39I'm joking, man.
23:40But what are they on about as well?
23:41Thanks for covering the hotel.
23:43No, we didn't cover the room.
23:44We didn't cover anyone.
23:45What does that even mean?
23:46Boy, they left us.
23:47No, what?
23:49How much?
23:51Two thousand euro.
23:52They didn't buy the hotel room.
23:54I'm sorry, madam, but it was the penthouse.
23:56The penthouse!
23:57It wasn't our fault, ma'am.
23:59It was Charlotte and Emma.
24:00Yeah.
24:00What the hell are Charlotte and Emma?
24:02There were a couple of girls that we thought were rich and were going to give us the ride.
24:05Two grand for the ride.
24:07There's not a hope I'm paying this.
24:08I'm sorry, madam, but they did spend the night.
24:11Are their names on the reservation?
24:13No.
24:13Yeah, no.
24:14We're out of here.
24:15Let's go.
24:17Tell me you actually did get the ride.
24:18I won't.
24:20Oh, idiots.
24:21It's not our fault we were out.
24:24Catfished by a couple of girls.
24:25It's all right.
24:25We got insurance.
24:26What the hell do you think insurance actually is?
24:29What have we got you, shampoo?
24:31I finally got my head around the whole insurance thing.
24:35As it turns out, they don't cover catfishing.
24:38But we did get SDIs from the hot tub.
24:40But not one of the bad ones.
24:42Just an itchy knob.
24:43I'm sorry.
24:44I fired many people.
24:45We said SDIs from the greenhouse.
24:45It's a wet thing.
24:45I passed a damon.
24:45I passed that wheels in too fast.
24:45I was just trying to get a fat man.
24:45Anyway, whatever, told me about you.
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