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Taskmaster - S18E07 - Captain Jackie and the Hotdog [Full Movie] [Trending]Full EP - Full
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00:16I
00:16Mean you're useless
00:37My job is simple objectively judge the performative attempts of five comedians
00:42The complication is I don't have a rational mind being as I am
00:46Drunk on testosterone and out of my mind on cake
00:52Combine this with the undeniable facts that some of our contestants are incompetent and we've got ourselves a recipe for
00:58one hell
00:59Of a car park fight. Let us meet them again. Now. They are
01:17Sitting next to me a man who looks like a haunted lighthouse keeper drawn by a friendless child
01:31Thank you
01:35What is the price task young fellow my lad yes showtime and for this episode's prize task
01:40They've been asked to bring in the object that is bigger than your head
01:44That you would most like to carry with you for the rest of your life if you had to carry
01:48an object with you for the rest of your life
01:50Five points for the one Greg thinks is best and all five will be carried home by the episode winner
01:55J'ai fini
01:55Merci
01:58Rosie Jones what objects have you brought in you would most like to carry around with you for the rest
02:03of your life?
02:03Okay, I'm very happy
02:07Yeah
02:11Your head
02:14Here it is
02:16Here it is
02:24So here's how I will carry it
02:28For the rest of her life
02:34I
02:37I
02:38Really think it will open doors for me
02:42Do you Rosie?
02:44People would see me come in and be like
02:49Greg
02:52Well that implies I look visually
02:55Like a relatively small woman with a massive puppy and maché hair
03:01I mean it's absolutely incredible
03:03Who's next Baba?
03:05Oh no
03:06After that like mine's genuinely boring like it's practical though. I bought speakers subwoofer speakers
03:13Yes Baba brought in this
03:17Boring innit?
03:19But I'm a lover of music and I
03:22That's the only thing I could find that was bigger than my head that I would genuinely love to carry
03:26around for the rest of my life
03:27You give me Bob Marley's greatest hits and that I'm sorted
03:30You're not one of those blokes in my local park who carries one of those
03:34Hell yes I am
03:34You're that guy
03:35I am that guy
03:36Mr. Middle Class
03:37Yes I am
03:40No, I don't
03:41I think you're more
03:41You're too considerate to be the speaker guy
03:43For who? I don't give a shit about anybody
03:47What I like about it Baba
03:48Yes
03:48Is that you genuinely would like to have a speaker
03:51100
03:51And it speaks very sweetly of your love of music
03:54Ever
03:55Okay, I wanted something that looked good
03:57Yeah
03:58And was lightweight and useful to me
04:01Sick
04:01Okay, so I brought in a hat
04:03This is a hat
04:04Okay
04:05Yes
04:06I like it
04:07To be fair it is a good hat
04:08Now
04:09But obviously I wanted it to be of some use to me
04:12Okay, so within the hat is inbuilt moisturiser
04:24Is moisturising very important to you?
04:26Absolutely
04:27I'm proudly
04:29Er
04:30No
04:30I'm proud to say that I suffer with
04:33I know
04:33Say it
04:34You're proudly what?
04:35I'm proudly dry
04:36I'm a dry woman
04:37And I like to be moist
04:41Oh my God
04:41I like to be moist
04:42Someone say it
04:42That's it
04:43That's it
04:46As you know I'm a singer songwriter
04:48Oh, I didn't know that
04:49Well get over it
04:52If I have to carry around an item for the rest of my life
04:55It's bigger than my head
04:56Yeah
04:56It would be this
04:57I wrote a ditty because as I said I'm a singer songwriter
05:01And it explains the prize a bit more
05:03So here you go
05:08This is my prize
05:11It's bigger than my head
05:13This is my prize
05:15I brought him for Greg
05:20It's not for Alex
05:21Nothing rhymes with his name
05:24That's not his fault
05:26He's got his parents to blame
05:28This is the good bit, right?
05:30Oh
05:32Can you believe
05:33Your eyes
05:36It's my
05:39Taskmaster prize
05:40There you go
05:41How about that?
05:47It's really sweet, Jack
05:48There's only one left
05:49Andy Zaltzman
05:50You look fabulous
05:51Thanks, mate
05:52You're welcome
05:53Eyes up
05:56The object I brought in that's bigger than my head
05:57That I'd like to carry with me for the rest of my life
05:59Is a rhinoceros's head
06:01That fires cricket balls out of its mouth
06:04Oh, God
06:05Yeah, here we go
06:06Action
06:14I guarantee you carry that with you for the rest of your life
06:16You'll have a lot of interesting chats with strangers
06:19Is that something that the rest of you would like to win?
06:22If that was on my street
06:23That going on
06:24I would go
06:25Well, look
06:26I'm not safe
06:27I have to move boroughs
06:28Right
06:28She is
06:29She is
06:30And then
06:32As soon as you finish that sentence
06:34Off comes the lid
06:39All right, let's give some points though
06:40Yes, please
06:41Right
06:41Right, I'm going to give five points to Emma
06:43I can't really distinguish between a papier-mùché rhinoceros that fires balls and a papier-mùché me with breasts
06:50So I'll give those two four points
06:52I'll give Jack three points
06:54And I'm giving Baba two just because I like the fact that he loves music
06:57And why not reward sweetness?
06:58There he goes
07:00APPLAUSE
07:00Yeah
07:02Well done
07:03Tough time then
07:05What's in store for us first?
07:07Well, first of all, we're going to see how the cast copes with ropes
07:26Good morning Andy
07:27Morning
07:27Morning
07:28Morning Alex
07:29So what's happening?
07:31Well, I don't want you to look up
07:33You don't want me to look up?
07:34No, thank you
07:35OK
07:37Don't look up please, Rosie
07:38No
07:39Is that why you're wearing the hat?
07:43That's exactly why you're wearing the visor
07:46Ring the bell
07:50You may not look up
07:52Fewest ropes pulled wins
07:55You have a maximum of ten minutes
08:00Your time starts now
08:02The S of starts is with a five
08:04I think someone was supposed to put an S but they put a five
08:08Right
08:08So it's time start five now
08:11You don't think that was deliberate?
08:12In my...
08:13Ooh, so what?
08:14I've only got five minutes
08:15No, you've got ten minutes
08:17LAUGHTER
08:19APPLAUSE
08:21So the five font thing is causing consternation
08:25Oh, it got in their heads, Greg
08:26Got into their heads
08:28Let's go
08:29We're going to see Andy first
08:30Let's see if this rings a bell
08:33So I want to assume there's a bell above me
08:37OK, right
08:40I feel like I'm missing a clue somewhere
08:44There's nothing in there
08:45Could be B-11 rather than bell
08:48Well, maybe I'll try number one
08:53A lot of balls
08:54No bells
08:56Hang on
08:59Have you pulled rope number eight yet?
09:01Well, no, I haven't
09:03Right
09:04Does that mean I should pull it?
09:05I mean...
09:06Again...
09:06Are there any other messages in there?
09:08That's...
09:08That's half your time gone, Andy
09:10Right, OK
09:12I can't, like, call Ian Bell the cricketer on my phone
09:15That doesn't count
09:15Do you have his number?
09:17No, I don't
09:18No, I don't
09:18Well, I'll try an eight rope
09:28I see I've pulled eight
09:29Yeah, it's just a long rope
09:30I feel like this has nothing to do with the ropes
09:37That's not a bell by the looks of it
09:40Oh, looks like a number seven
09:42Might as well
09:46Why not four?
09:52Oh, that's the cat, obviously
09:56Doesn't appear to have a bell in...
09:57No, Bell, no
09:58You never know
09:59Some breeds of cat do
10:00Right
10:02There's no real way of emerging from this with any form of dignity
10:06No!
10:07No!
10:07Is that Ian Bell up there?
10:08Did I just ring Ian Bell?
10:09Right, there's two ropes left
10:16OK
10:17That's the end of the time
10:19I didn't ring a bell particularly there
10:22No, I didn't hear any bells
10:23Right
10:23No
10:24That's a shame
10:24Quite a mess as well
10:31So it's taken me a long time to work out about you
10:34Yeah
10:34You sort of have the countenance and employ the vernacular of a scientist
10:37Yes
10:37But I wrote down what you actually did there
10:40Yeah
10:40Which was to randomly pull all the ropes
10:43Yes
10:43Fail the tasks
10:45Whilst occasionally banging on about cricket again
10:48Yeah
10:50Yeah, but then you look back through the history of science, Greg
10:52What did Isaac Newton do?
10:53He just sat under trees till something fell on his head
10:56So is it really that different?
10:58Said something about Googlies
10:59Yeah, yeah
11:01Basically, Andy did very badly
11:03He pulled all the ropes
11:04There were lots of numbers hidden around the ropes
11:05But they didn't mean anything at all
11:06Next
11:07Next
11:07Right, next it's the Dee family
11:10Jack Dee and Babatunde
11:11Here we go
11:13Not all of them are connected to a bell
11:15OK
11:15It's a game of luck
11:18You know, so I'm slightly lost interest
11:20Right
11:20But we'll go for it
11:22Oh
11:24Oh
11:25I don't want to pull anything
11:26I don't want to pull anything
11:29Oh, I like that
11:29Yeah
11:30OK
11:31You know what?
11:32This one's furthest away
11:37Nobel
11:38I'm not just going to go through them
11:39There's no skill in this
11:42Right
11:45No, I see
11:47Yeah
11:47See what I mean?
11:48I was
11:48Yeah, I guess so
11:49What am I supposed to do?
11:50React
11:53No!
11:56No!
11:59That's a watermelon
12:02Umbrellas
12:04I'm tempted to do this one
12:06But I don't want to
12:07Because I just don't want nothing weird falling on me
12:10Oh, that's not traumatising
12:14No!
12:16Hey man, let's just pull, bro
12:17At the end of the day, it is what it is
12:18Bang!
12:20Bang!
12:21Bow!
12:22Not a bell!
12:23Yeah, it's furthest right twins
12:24Life is about the now
12:26Boom!
12:28There's no bell
12:29There's no bell
12:30Ken!
12:32There's no bell!
12:34Wait, what?
12:36You've got seven minutes left
12:38Oh!
12:44Oh, there might be a bell in the, er
12:47In the music
12:48Yeah
12:52Great, ah, yeah
12:53Happy?
12:54Yeah, I've stopped the clock
12:55Yeah, are you happy?
12:56Yeah, I've found the bell
12:57Yeah
12:57I've found the bell
12:58Er, I'll go and get dry now
13:00I've, um
13:01I'll just, er, yeah
13:03Yeah
13:04It's great fun
13:05Isn't it?
13:11BUZZER
13:14BUZZER
13:14BUZZER
13:15BUZZER
13:15BUZZER
13:15BUZZER
13:16BUZZER
13:18BUZZER
13:19BUZZER
13:19You look like you're having the time of your life pulling those ropes
13:21No, I was a bit traumatised to be fair
13:24Were you?
13:25Yes, because I don't like these
13:26I don't like doing things where I don't know what's on the other end
13:30Yeah
13:31You came to the wrong show
13:34Two more contrasting catchphrases you couldn't hear
13:37Baba shouting, life is about the now
13:41And Jack saying, it's entirely random so I've lost interest
13:46It was like day 34 of these tasks and it was beginning to wear thin on me and er...
13:52No way!
13:53Yeah, I know, I put all my energy into concealing that because I know it's a fun show
13:59They both did eventually ring a bell after pulling ten ropes so they got exactly the same result
14:04Break time now and a chance to continue the housework
14:08Maybe make the kids pack lunches, load the dishwasher or chuck that lump you married into the street
14:14Imagine having the bed to yourself, it's not like it's been used for anything else
14:19We'll see you in a minute
14:22APPLAUSE
14:33Hello again, welcome back into the fold
14:36It's part two and there's a rope pulling bell ringing task in play
14:40We've only got two perspective campanologists to go
14:43It's Rosie and Emma!
14:55What are you doing, Emma?
14:57I'm just, erm...
14:59I'm walking backwards
15:02Right
15:03It says you pulled it but can I shake it?
15:10When you use something you can zoom in but in real life you have to do it with your body
15:14So if you want to see something close up...
15:17You're zooming out?
15:17Yeah, I'm zooming out
15:18Right
15:19I'm not pulling it! I'm not pulling it!
15:27That didn't help actually quite as much as I wanted
15:50I'll be honest with you, it's not going well at all
15:53Look
15:57Fuck me
16:02That's her bow!
16:05Oh my god!
16:10I think I joined it
16:13Zero ropes pulled
16:14I'm just zooming out again
16:17Yep, yep
16:18Don't pull off the chair
16:20I rang it one
16:26OK
16:27I'm clausette let's
16:29See you later
16:30I'm very, very good
16:36Yet again, another example of your crushingly low self-esteem
16:40The last thing you said as you leave
16:42I'm good at this
16:43Beat
16:44I'm very good
16:47Can you argue with me though?
16:50Yeah, sure
16:51Why did you spend ages shaking the ropes?
16:53Yeah
16:56You need to get some footage
16:58You need to get some footage
17:26And this coming from a woman who appears to have a zoom lens system
17:34As it went on I was like this is actually, there's something in this
17:38There's something in zooming in and out of things
17:42With your body
17:43With your body and head
17:45People did that for thousands and thousands of years
17:47The original zoom
17:49Yeah, yeah
17:50And you would know
17:50The original zoom
17:53Oh she's turned on you Andy
17:56She's turned on you
17:59It's two Emma
18:03She ran the bell though
18:04Yep, she ran the bell
18:05She only pulled one rope
18:06OK
18:06And so it's pretty clear
18:07Andy doesn't get any points
18:09He didn't do the task
18:10Joint third
18:11Bubba and Jack both get three points
18:13Emma gets four points
18:14Rosie didn't pull any
18:15She gets five points
18:16That's it
18:17Yay
18:18Wow
18:20Do you want to look at a scoreboard then?
18:22We can
18:22Both at the top of the leaderboard with nine points
18:24Emma and Rosie
18:25Joint first
18:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:28I'd like another task please
18:30I don't believe you
18:31But here you go
18:32Anyway
18:51Wendy!
18:53Oh I see
18:53Yep
18:54Hello
18:57You're dressed as a hot dog Rosie?
18:59Yeah
19:00I'm feeling confident
19:03Andy
19:04You're in this chair
19:05So would you mind
19:05Just popping this on your lap
19:07And then poking your head through the hole
19:09If you pop your head through there
19:11It should go
19:13Oh that's perfect
19:14That's dope
19:15Suits you bro
19:16Yeah look lovely Jackie
19:19Thank you
19:20Thank you
19:21Get to Jackie and the hot dog
19:27OK
19:30Work out what is in the box
19:32You must not look, feel or inspect the box in any way
19:36Your team mate must not show you the contents of the box
19:46They may only make silent facial expressions unless answering Alex's questions
19:52Your team mate must not nod or shake their head
20:01Fastest to work out what's in the box wins
20:04Your time starts and ends on Alex's whistle
20:07Here I come
20:14Yes
20:16Yes
20:16Yes
20:18Yes
20:19Yes
20:19Yes
20:20Yes
20:36Can you get your bum out of our face
20:39The task
20:39Born to do it
20:40Every time you tell the truth
20:41Everyone in your team will lose an actual taskmaster point
20:45Your time starts when you walk into the task room
20:48And ends when you leave after the task is complete
20:55Stick out your tongue if it was a food
20:58Boat
21:05Did you not realise that this little weasel had implemented the opposite system?
21:10I feel quite sad.
21:14LAUGHTER
21:15I was doing it for your best interest, Rosie.
21:22Honestly, I would never let you down ordinarily,
21:25but there were points to play for here.
21:28It's really sweet to see that there's such sadness
21:32between two very tight team-mates.
21:35Yeah.
21:35And I think implementing the Joker on a team task
21:38shows a great deal of faith in your team-mate.
21:41Yeah.
21:41Because as soon as I found out
21:45that I was on a team of Jackie,
21:50I was like,
21:52he's my comedy hero.
21:56LAUGHTER
21:58LAUGHTER
21:59LAUGHTER
22:02He won't let me down.
22:05He won't let you down.
22:06LAUGHTER
22:07Do you think that the faith that you have in Jackie,
22:11your comedy hero, is reciprocated the other way?
22:15Let's have a look at this clip.
22:16Get to Jackie and the hot dog!
22:21LAUGHTER
22:24APPLAUSE
22:25There are loyalties about to be stretched.
22:28There are friendships at risk.
22:30Well, first we're going to see the team of three,
22:32and Andy's little face doing its best to convey
22:35what's in the box to Baba and Emma whilst lying.
22:39LAUGHTER
22:40Stick out your tongue if it was a food.
22:45So it wasn't a food?
22:48Um...
22:49Andy, stick out your tongue if it's related to one of us.
22:55There you go.
22:56Stick out your tongue if it's figurines of us.
23:02It's figurines of us?
23:03Have they worked out what's in the box yet, Andy?
23:04Er, yes.
23:06PHONE RINGS
23:06Well, I don't think you have some.
23:07Well, you two got to have it out now because he thinks it is.
23:12OK.
23:13Is the lining plush, like, velvet?
23:18The velvet lining?
23:19Andy, do you actually know what velvet is?
23:21Oh.
23:21No.
23:23Andy is lying!
23:25Everything that Andy says is a lie.
23:27Are you lying, Andy?
23:29No.
23:30This man doesn't know what velvet is.
23:31Look at him, he's Andy's altzman.
23:33He knows what velvet is.
23:35Right.
23:36Is it something you can eat?
23:37Stick out your tongue.
23:39So it is something you can eat.
23:42Is it cheese?
23:44Is it canned fish?
23:47Is it fish?
23:48Is it baked beans?
23:50Is it old bread?
23:51Is it something that a prepper would have in their house?
23:54What's a prepper?
23:55You know, so the end of the world is coming.
23:58You stock up all your cans.
24:00The end of the world isn't coming.
24:02Alec!
24:04What do we do?
24:07Andy, is it peas?
24:09Is it brussel sprouts?
24:11Is it kale?
24:12Andy, Andy.
24:13Andy, is it boiled?
24:14Did it smell?
24:15Could you pickle it?
24:16Was it an onion?
24:16Is it a cucumber?
24:17Is it an orange?
24:19Is it an angle?
24:19Is it strawberry?
24:22Oh, my God.
24:24Oh, my God.
24:27Blueberries.
24:28Kiwi.
24:29Lime.
24:30Lemon.
24:31Lemon?
24:32It's lemons!
24:34Think it's lemons, you know.
24:35Andy.
24:36Money.
24:36Is it, like, lemons and Bible or something?
24:39Hmm.
24:41Interesting.
24:42Lemons and the dictionary?
24:45Is it written text?
24:46Could you read it?
24:48Could you read it and enjoy it?
24:52No.
24:52No.
24:53It's boring.
24:54It's, like, numbers.
24:55It's lemons and reams of data.
24:57Are there any numbers in there, Andy?
25:00No.
25:01Money.
25:02It's lemons and money.
25:04It's lemons and ten quid.
25:07It's lemons and a five pound note.
25:16There's one lemon.
25:18There's one lemon.
25:19One lemon and a five pound note.
25:21Oh, my God.
25:23You've got to be kidding me, Glenn.
25:24Oh, my God.
25:26Are you joking?
25:32It's just genuinely impressive, wasn't it?
25:35Yes, it is.
25:37The turning point when you realise the system, based on the fact that it was preposterous that Andy Zaltzman wouldn't
25:43know what velvet is.
25:46You think that Zaltzman doesn't know what velvet is?
25:50He sleeps atop a velvet bed!
25:53It's all a little secret, Greg.
25:54So, Emma worked out the opposite system.
25:57She worked out it was opposites day fairly early, within about eight minutes, but then there was another half an
26:02hour before they got it.
26:05116 guesses altogether.
26:07I can tell you that Andy did not tell the truth at any point, so there's no points docked.
26:11Yes, indeed.
26:12Right, time to watch some adverts and wipe those crumbs off your chest.
26:18Yeah, they've been there the whole time.
26:26APPLAUSE
26:32Hi!
26:34Welcome back.
26:35It's part three of Taskmaster and a tricky team task is in the final throws.
26:39Yes, there's only Jack and Rosie to go and Rosie's dressed as a hot dog, so double points for her
26:44at the end of the task.
26:46But actual points can be lost if Jack tells the truth to her, so maybe potentially double negative points for
26:52Rosie?
26:52We don't know.
26:52It's all very exciting.
26:53And here we go.
26:55Is it food?
26:58Is it a fruit?
27:02A banana?
27:05Apple?
27:07Grapes?
27:08.
27:08Grapes?
27:12Oh!
27:13Oh!
27:15Oh!
27:16Oh!
27:17Um...
27:18Is it a citrus?
27:20Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:25Lemon...
27:26Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:29...lemon bleach.
27:37Jack the sheep along the right lines definitely I think it's only a matter of seconds before she
27:43guesses all the items right in the box I don't think it is a book a living
28:11creature at all a rubber duck
28:21Jack do you think Rosie should ask much much more specific questions I think her approach of just
28:27scattered gun guesses is he's eventually gonna do it all right
28:32it could take a few months
28:33is it made of glass, metal, is it made of paper
28:51I
28:53Oh
28:53Oh
28:57is it ÂŁ5
29:01Oh
29:11five
29:12were entirely arbitrary, and that wasn't helped by Jack,
29:15who was openly talking at times and never at any point,
29:21as far as I could work out, doing what he was told
29:23and doing the opposite.
29:25That's not fair.
29:27LAUGHTER
29:28You can't tell a lie with a facial expression.
29:30Yes, you can, Jack.
29:31No, no, no, you can't.
29:34Otherwise, my wife has been lying to me for a long time.
29:37LAUGHTER
29:38I do not accept.
29:39We'll repeat two of the rules.
29:42They may only make silent facial expressions.
29:45They must not nod or shake their head.
29:47Yes.
29:47OK, OK.
29:49So, that part of the task was told to me at least 20 minutes
29:52before that happened.
29:54Yeah.
29:54I can't remember stuff for that long and just make it work.
29:58Oh, oh, well...
29:59Then four points to cut and take it off.
30:01LAUGHTER
30:02How are you feeling in all this, Rosie?
30:04Why did you put me with granddad?!
30:09LAUGHTER
30:11So, the rules for the liars were a point docked for their team
30:15every time they told the truth.
30:18Yes.
30:18I would say there was generally only three occasions
30:21where she asked a question and he openly nodded or shook his head.
30:25So, we're docking three points.
30:26So, I guess the question is, do you want to dock the hot dog six points?
30:31Dock six!
30:32Dock six!
30:33Dock six!
30:33Dock six!
30:35My understanding, if you play your joker, you get double points.
30:39Correct.
30:39That's always said, yes.
30:40There's no suggestion in the event of an abject failure
30:43that you should be docked double points.
30:46But I also think that they had to stick to the rules
30:48and they didn't stick to the rules.
30:49So, this team won the task, they get five points each?
30:51Correct.
30:52Oh!
30:52Minus three to the table of two!
30:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:56No, that's OK.
30:59Come on, let's pack on. What's next, though?
31:01OK.
31:01Well, Greg, all the information is in the snacks.
31:04MUSIC PLAYS
31:14Hello.
31:16Emma.
31:17Great to see you.
31:18Great to see you.
31:19That's what I said.
31:21OK.
31:22I love fortune cookies!
31:27Eat and obey five fortune cookies.
31:30Fastest wins.
31:31Your time starts now.
31:36Oh, man.
31:39I don't want to do, like, some weird stuff, bro.
31:43LAUGHTER
31:43So I could get pedantic about what obey means,
31:46I'm into obey a fortune cookie, you know.
31:49Jump up and down!
31:50You know?
31:51LAUGHTER
31:53APPLAUSE
31:56Frequently on this show, Baba has announced that he doesn't want
31:58to do something weird and he's just come to the wrong show.
32:01LAUGHTER
32:02Genuinely loved this one.
32:04It's Rosie and Baba.
32:06LAUGHTER
32:08We're off.
32:10Um...
32:11LAUGHTER
32:12...
32:14..
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