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Taskmaster - S19E04 - Midnight Picnic [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
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00:02This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:36Hello!
00:37I am Greg Davies.
00:40Welcome once more to Taskmaster.
00:42We all know the score, five trophy-hungry comedians,
00:45rip open some medieval envelopes
00:47and then run around having a breakdown,
00:50which I mark out of five.
00:51I'm a dreamer, and one day those cowards at Channel 4
00:55will take my Squid Games crossover proposal seriously.
00:58But for now, regrettably,
01:00it's only their careers that are in danger.
01:03Their names?
01:04Fatih Al Ghori!
01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:08Jason Manzuka!
01:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:11Matthew Bainter!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Rosie Ramsey!
01:15And Stevie Martin!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19And next to me, a man who wrote under a pseudonym
01:23to his local paper saying that he thinks
01:25disabled access regulations in shops
01:28are political correctness gone mad.
01:30LAUGHTER
01:31In the Cheshire Gazette, he's Dr Stephen Morris,
01:34but we know him...
01:35LAUGHTER
01:37..and little Alex Hall!
01:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44Hi, Greg.
01:46I've created something just for you.
01:47OK.
01:48I've been working with the National Highways.
01:50I know you love driving.
01:53LAUGHTER
01:53He's good at it.
01:55I've come up with some new road signs.
01:57I used to help everyone, really.
01:58This is, um...
01:59You know, sometimes there's quite a lot of flies.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:02So you'll drive more carefully.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:05Oh, gosh.
02:06OK, there's one.
02:07I've got a lot of these.
02:07This is, um...
02:09Quiet Zone on the road.
02:11Just...
02:11How many...
02:12How many of these are there?
02:13We're halfway.
02:15LAUGHTER
02:15OK, this is a little section of the road.
02:17Well, it's back to the flies, really.
02:18Don't open your windows,
02:19open your mouth because of the fly.
02:20Same fly.
02:21LAUGHTER
02:22OK, this one's for outside our house.
02:23Just try it more carefully.
02:26LAUGHTER
02:28LAUGHTER
02:28A little smile.
02:29There's a little smile.
02:31LAUGHTER
02:31LAUGHTER
02:32That's a good one, eh?
02:33Careful.
02:33Yes, it's a very clever technique of lowering the comedic bar so low.
02:38But just the slightest hint of a joke...
02:40Yeah.
02:41..gets something.
02:42I know what I'm doing.
02:43LAUGHTER
02:44Right, let's crack on with the prize task.
02:46Oh, boring.
02:47Not really, of course.
02:48I love the prize task.
02:50And this time, the category is...
02:51The thing that least suits its name if you shout it loudly
02:55while we're all looking at it on the screen.
02:57Whoa!
02:58Oh, my...
02:59Oh, Greg.
03:00We're not running out of ideas.
03:01And yes, Greg.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03You will give five points to the thing you think least suits its name
03:07when shouted loudly while we're all looking at it on the screen.
03:10And that is horn over and out.
03:12Right.
03:12Jason.
03:14What thing have you brought in that doesn't suit its name
03:16when it's shouted?
03:17So, will we show it and have the audience shout it
03:20immediately upon its arrival on screen?
03:22If that's what you'd like.
03:23This is your moment.
03:24That's what we're going to do.
03:25So, this is an album that I brought you by a great, wonderful band.
03:29Could we throw it up now, Alex?
03:32Fanny!
03:33LAUGHTER
03:35Now, where I come from, Fanny is a tush.
03:38It's a bum.
03:38Yeah.
03:39Right?
03:39But here I've been told it's not.
03:41And it's quite rude.
03:43What have you been told it is here?
03:45Yeah.
03:45It's a front bum.
03:46Oh.
03:47That's what I call mine.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50I've never heard anyone call it a front bum except my mum.
03:52Oh, I call it that because your mum calls it that.
03:55LAUGHTER
04:01I'm just happy she's getting laid.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04Great start.
04:05OK.
04:06Who's next?
04:07Certainly Stevie.
04:08I suppose the same.
04:09We just put it up and everyone shouts it.
04:11Show it!
04:12Show it!
04:14Shuttlecock!
04:15It's got cock in it.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:19Should we discuss this or should we just move on to whoever's got tits?
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24We call this a birdie.
04:25That's just as weird as shuttlecock.
04:27Agreed.
04:28Well, let's find out.
04:29Just shout birdie at it for me.
04:31Birdie!
04:32I think that's better than a shuttlecock.
04:33I think it is.
04:34This is strong.
04:35It does not look like a shuttlecock.
04:37Matthew.
04:38I'm going to shout this because people might mistake it.
04:41So what have you brought in, Matthew?
04:44Mummy!
04:46LAUGHTER
04:48APPLAUSE
04:52You've been raiding the old tombs again, haven't you?
04:55Like our forefathers before us.
04:58Grab it, bring it back to Britain.
05:00Why not?
05:02Elgin Mark II.
05:03Rosie.
05:04I have brought with me...
05:06A LIAR!
05:08LAUGHTER
05:10L-Y-R-E.
05:13LIAR!
05:14And I feel like that's not the first time you've shouted that at some point.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18I'm a bit thrown by these because normally they all bring such terrible ones in.
05:23And it's quite good.
05:24It's quite strong, isn't it?
05:26Oh, Fatia.
05:27Is it OK if we do the thing where...?
05:29But you'd like the audience to shout your ones?
05:31Please, yeah.
05:31OK, so Fatia's brought in this.
05:34Broom!
05:35I brought in a broom because what is a broom?
05:38Like, that's a sweeper, isn't it?
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41The name doesn't do what it says.
05:43Like, a cooker cooks.
05:44What would you call a car?
05:45Are you saying a car should be called a broom because it goes broom?
05:48Broom, broom.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50It's actually called an automobile, but we call it car because it's...
05:55And after Alan Carr.
05:59LAUGHTER
06:02She had faith in that sentence all the way up.
06:04LAUGHTER
06:06A car should be called an automobile.
06:07It is called an automobile.
06:09Because it...?
06:10It's mobile, but it's automatically mobile.
06:13That's why it's called that.
06:14What do you call a chair?
06:16What do you call a chair?
06:16Listen, brav!
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19I don't know if she's got a point.
06:21Or...
06:22Absolute madness.
06:23I don't...
06:24I'm going to give Fanny one point because I don't mind it.
06:27I don't mind it.
06:27OK, one point to chase.
06:28I mean, Matt's very clever because you could shout Mummy in such a way
06:31that it does suit it, but he shouted it in a sort of
06:34I've wet my pants way.
06:36LAUGHTER
06:36What's the matter to you?
06:37Broom, three points, and you can thank me for it.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Liar.
06:41What a beautiful instrument that is.
06:43So, four points to Liar.
06:44Five points to Shuttlecock.
06:46APPLAUSE
06:49I would very much like a task proper, please, young man.
06:53OK, well, what are your two favourite things, Greg?
06:56Mannequins and wetsuits.
06:58Oh, bingo!
06:59LAUGHTER
07:14Jason.
07:16Alex.
07:17You've got lovely wrists.
07:18Do you mind giving me your wrist?
07:20Which one?
07:24Let's just finish the afternoon.
07:29All right.
07:30Ready?
07:31Yes.
07:31Put the most wetsuits on mannequins.
07:36The mannequins must be wearing their wetsuits properly.
07:40Also, you must tiptoe throughout.
07:42And put your finger on your lips and say shh at least once every 20 seconds.
07:48You have 15 minutes.
07:50And you're going to give me the buzz for that...
07:52Yeah.
07:5320 seconds?
07:54A very small electric shock.
07:55OK.
07:56It seems cruel, but OK.
08:00That'll buzz every 20 seconds to remind you to shh.
08:04Too much...
08:07Shhh.
08:08OK.
08:08Your time starts now.
08:10Tiptoe, please.
08:11Oh!
08:16Pretty straightforward game, I would say.
08:18But before we start, who would like to see Matthew adopt his tiptoe position?
08:23LAUGHTER
08:27APPLAUSE
08:30LAUGHTER
08:32LAUGHTER
08:32APPLAUSE
08:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:34Wonderful.
08:35The toxic masculinity coming off you is disgusting.
08:40Right, I'm going to start by showing you three people, including Matthew, trying to put wetsuits on mannequins whilst shushing.
08:47and those people are Manzoukas, Elghori and, of course, Payton.
08:51Where are the mannequins? Tiptoe, please.
08:54Shhh! Where are the mannequins?
08:58LAUGHTER
09:01Shhh!
09:05LAUGHTER
09:09Have you found a wetsuit?
09:11Shhh!
09:13None in there!
09:14I can see another one in there.
09:17Shhh!
09:18Why is this locked?
09:20Alex, do you know where the key to this is?
09:22Yeah.
09:23Can you tell me?
09:24Normal place.
09:27Shhh!
09:30Well, here we go with the nonsense. Here we go.
09:33There's a lot of keys there.
09:34Shhh!
09:35Is there a key in there?
09:37In the lollipop.
09:41Oh! Under doormat. Thank you.
09:45Oh, my God!
09:47I'm not going to get anything done.
09:49This has got something to do with it.
09:52I'm...fucking hate me.
09:54LAUGHTER
09:56Oh, my God. Sorry, it's dead.
10:00SHHH!
10:01Shhh!
10:04Where are the wetsuits?
10:10Where are the wetsuits?
10:11That's crafting materials.
10:13Where are all the fucking wetsuits?
10:16I see my wetsuits.
10:22I've located several mannequins.
10:24I'm not certain I should be whispering.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:27And I can't find you in wetsuits.
10:30You've got ten minutes to go.
10:31SHHH!
10:35SHHH!
10:37SHHH!
10:38SHHH!
10:40SHHH!
10:40You can get a wetsuit!
10:42Oh!
10:43How much time do we have left?
10:44Five minutes to run it.
10:45I can't.
11:05..
11:05You've seen it.
11:06You've seen it.
11:06You've seen it.
11:06We haven't.
11:07We have lift-up.
11:07Who's in is there?
11:15maybe there's that baby mannequin somewhere yeah maybe come on you little
11:20fucker one minute forty left shut up three seconds left okay
11:28that's a wetsuit
11:34please why would I be pleased I definitely took my finger off my lips so I was you take your
11:41finger off
11:41your lips that was part of the task wasn't it
11:59that was part of the task right I mean he was so upset he thought he'd been disqualified because he
12:03took it off at one point yeah I've thought about that more than once a day every day since
12:10I mean the devastation at the end of both of your scenes was quite similar and yet you increasingly are
12:17coming across as a serial killer you know
12:19you found the child mannequin and within seconds you said come on you little fuck
12:25yeah I don't have time to waste
12:28now the question is am I going to allow wetsuit
12:30you bloody better
12:33I will allow wetsuit
12:34thank you
12:35it was because it was a bit of lateral thinking and we've got to reward that
12:38thank you
12:39thank you
12:39oh
12:43this place is going to be called mosque master from
12:51right time for the first ad break of the episode and a chance for you to take a few moments
12:56away from the intensity of this competition
12:59I'm not going to tell you how to relax
13:01you do you Alex
13:17hello welcome back it's the start of part two
13:21mannequins wetsuit and shushing are the name of the game and the names of the people playing the game right
13:25now are Stevie and Rosie
13:30ah yes found a kid
13:33shhh
13:35lovely
13:36come on
13:37under the doormat
13:39yeah you always keep them under the doormat
13:44right okay
13:47wet suit
13:49oh
13:50the suit's wet
13:51is it
13:52yeah
13:53I thought these things were like illegal
13:55not on people weirdly
13:57just on dogs
14:00come on
14:01I imagine this is what marrying all the man's like
14:05yeah
14:06yeah
14:10come on mate
14:17there you go that's fine
14:19I need some more wet suits
14:20can I have that one that you've got on?
14:23if you don't mind
14:24I don't want to be awkward or weird
14:26I
14:26I
14:27I
14:28I
14:29I
14:30I
14:30I
14:30I
14:30I
14:30I
14:30I
14:31I
14:32I
14:32I
14:33I
14:35I
14:37I
14:37I
14:39I
14:39I
14:39I
14:39I
14:39I
14:40I
14:40I
14:40I
14:45Right, I'm going in. OK.
14:48Oh, jackpot!
14:55He's got a very...
14:57The floor's back!
14:59This is weird.
15:02I'm getting paid enough for this.
15:08Oh, you...
15:09Can you get me your other suits that you've got?
15:11Good to be putting one on later on.
15:18Yeah, the time's up.
15:24Thank you, Stevie.
15:26Bye-bye.
15:27Bye-bye.
15:35Well, Stevie, I thoroughly enjoyed you
15:39repeatedly punching a mannequin in the gooch.
15:44Apparently the mannequins that I found in the bushes
15:47were not part of the task.
15:49Well, it was like a mannequin graveyard, wasn't it?
15:51Yeah, we used mannequins over the years,
15:53and the ones that had been too, I guess, punched over the years,
15:56we'd just chuck under a tree,
15:58and we weren't expecting someone to go foraging for mannequins
16:01under the tree.
16:03Rosie, talk me through the narrative of the way
16:05that you look after this old man.
16:07Oh.
16:08Quite a bit attached to him, actually.
16:09I'm sure I named him.
16:10Yeah, you gave him names, yeah.
16:11Yeah, I named quite a lot of them.
16:12Yeah, it was Eric, Eric's brother, and their son, Shearer.
16:15Yes.
16:16So, Eric was the old man...
16:18The older guy.
16:18..that you were in a relationship with.
16:19Yeah.
16:19And you put his trousers on so violently his arm fell off.
16:22Yeah.
16:23He gets right on me fucking nerves.
16:28Erm...
16:28Did they do well?
16:29Yes.
16:29Matt, nearly sort of three quarters of one wetsuit onto one mannequin.
16:34Oh.
16:35In fact, she's got a total of one.
16:37Jason really went for it and got a total of two and a quarter wetsuits.
16:41Stevie, you got three and a half.
16:42Rosie, because she used the suits and made them wet,
16:45four in total, so she gets a full five points.
16:48There it is.
16:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:53Let's see the scoreboard.
16:55All right, well, it's interesting.
16:57Our winner of the first three episodes is in last place on three points,
17:00whereas Rosie and Stevie are three times as many.
17:02They've got nine points each and a joint first.
17:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:11Right, ten of the task, please.
17:13Hmm.
17:13There is no task.
17:15Ooh.
17:16No, there is one, really.
17:17I was lying.
17:18Here we go.
17:28Hello, Rosie.
17:29Hello, Alex.
17:30Hello.
17:31Alex, how are you?
17:32I'm great.
17:33Would you like to?
17:34After you, please.
17:35OK.
17:36OK.
17:39Convince the other team that the following things
17:41are the opposite of what they are.
17:43The liquid in the cup is very hot
17:45or very cold.
17:47The bag is really heavy
17:49or really light.
17:50The paste in the tube is delicious
17:52or disgusting.
17:54Alex is or isn't behind the curtain.
17:58Two of you have or haven't met the same really famous person.
18:01Most deceptive team wins.
18:04You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
18:07Your time starts now.
18:10OK.
18:11I get this.
18:12And you're an actor,
18:13so you'll be really good at this.
18:14So we have to...
18:15Oh, what about me?
18:16Yeah, you'll be fine.
18:17Are they inclined to believe us?
18:19I mean, A, we're phenomenal actors.
18:22So if I go like this...
18:25Pretend it's hot.
18:26That was very rubbish, bruv.
18:28The paste in the tube is delicious or disgusting.
18:30OK.
18:31It's so hard.
18:32And it's empty.
18:34Who's the most famous person you've met?
18:36Well, weirdly,
18:38you were just talking about Anne or Ed Sheeran
18:39and you just did a thing with him.
18:41You both met Ed Sheeran.
18:42Have you not?
18:44Not yet.
18:45Bruv, they let anyone on this show.
18:46Swear darn.
18:47Bruv.
18:51Good luck team.
18:53Yes.
18:53Thank you, Alex.
18:57Let's go.
18:58OK.
18:59So one team is going to try to convince the other team
19:01that things are not what they are.
19:03We're going to see, first of all,
19:04the team of three trying to convince the team of two
19:06that the liquid in the cup is very hot or very cold,
19:09the bag is really heavy or really light,
19:11and the paste in the tube is delicious or disgusting.
19:43Well, that was nice, that.
19:50OK.
19:51This is so soothing.
19:52Lovely and hot.
19:57OK.
19:58Interesting.
19:58Did you go to RADA?
20:03If I don't get a BAFTA for this, I swear, guys.
20:08Erm, well, there you go.
20:09We've never done a live guessing.
20:11No, this is interesting stuff.
20:12This is interesting.
20:12OK.
20:13Have a little check.
20:13I'm going to go over there.
20:14Oh, right.
20:15Oh, this is nice.
20:16Stevie, you could go over there.
20:17Yeah, all right.
20:23This is nice.
20:25I like this.
20:27But also, let's do this.
20:28Yeah.
20:28OK.
20:30I'm so sorry to interrupt the children's midnight picnic.
20:34Is there any reason why they can't confer out loud?
20:36No, no, no.
20:37It would be much easier all round.
20:38You do whatever you want.
20:39That is cold.
20:41Are you whispering?
20:41I was going to...
20:47It would be nice if we could hear this, because it's a telly show.
20:54It's your fault for giving us this opportunity to do something we've never done before.
20:58Look at the ceiling!
21:00What's going to happen when we graduate?
21:10So you think you've been Matthew's double bluffing and that it is, in fact, heavy?
21:14Matthew's is the only one I think I'm not sure about.
21:17I feel like it was disgusting for Rosie.
21:19I feel like it was cold for Fatih.
21:22Am I sounding up?
21:23Um...
21:23Sit down.
21:24It's just making me really...
21:26Sit down!
21:27Stop making your own rules up!
21:30We've got rules already!
21:32OK!
21:33What are your answers?
21:34Cold.
21:36Disgusting.
21:37Heavy.
21:38OK.
21:38Well, let's see.
21:39Here's the truth.
21:51What is it?
21:54Vegan mayonnaise.
21:55Vegan mayonnaise.
21:55Delicious?
21:57No, whole lot.
21:583 of 3.
22:00Nailed it.
22:00Very good.
22:06Really good!
22:07Really good!
22:08Jason and Stevie, either lying or not lying, so watch closely.
22:14OK.
22:16Heavy. Heavy. Heavy.
22:18We want it as heavy as possible.
22:21OK. OK.
22:29Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
22:31Hey, Stevie. Hi.
22:33I made you some tea. Thank you so much.
22:35You're so relevant to the task.
22:37Ooh.
22:42All right. OK. Cheers.
22:45Bottoms up.
22:51That's absolutely delicious.
22:53Oh, really?
22:55Sure.
22:58That's quite good. That's quite good.
22:59That's not bad at all.
23:02Before the dressing style, I'd just like to point out
23:04that those two have the energy of an educational theatre.
23:09LAUGHTER
23:09OK, guys, let's talk periods.
23:14Right. Team of three, what do you think?
23:16I think it's light, and they thought the sound of the pebbles
23:18would make us think that they'd kept them in.
23:20I think it was really hot.
23:22I think it might be a talent that she's got, where she's like,
23:24I can drink really hot stuff.
23:26And I think it was hot.
23:27I agree.
23:28I think it was cold like ours, cos the steam disappeared immediately.
23:31No, it still kept a little bit.
23:32What?
23:33I think they just did a better job of not having...
23:36LAUGHTER
23:40APPLAUSE
23:46Like a fawn that had been scared.
23:48You did the thing as well.
23:50LAUGHTER
23:54Sorry, the audible ice cubes, I think that's what got us.
23:58Not your acting.
24:00And I think it was delicious, but it hit the back of his throat
24:03and made him gag.
24:04Do you think?
24:05I think it was disgusting.
24:06I'd back use whatever you said.
24:07I promise I won't kick off.
24:10LAUGHTER
24:10So, we're going light, hot, delicious.
24:15If you fucking get this wrong.
24:18This is what I was afraid of.
24:20Well, let's see how many of the three you got right.
24:22Oh, no.
24:23Here we go, guys.
24:25OK.
24:28Now, we've got to empty it.
24:30So, I just want to make sure there will be a cut here, right?
24:33LAUGHTER
24:34Yeah, yeah, OK.
24:35Please tell us, what was in the cup?
24:37Cold water.
24:39What was in the tube?
24:41Marmite.
24:42Peanut butter.
24:43Water.
24:46And...gravy pellets?
24:47Bisto.
24:48Oh.
24:48Bisto.
24:50LAUGHTER
24:51Really nice.
24:52It was fine.
24:53LAUGHTER
24:54Two out of three.
24:55Not bad.
24:56I'll do anything.
24:57APPLAUSE
24:59Whoo!
25:01Well, has another part break come along quickly?
25:03Same drill.
25:04You do what you want.
25:05Me and Alex will do our thing.
25:08What?
25:09LAUGHTER
25:19Hello.
25:21Welcome back to Taskmaster Part Three.
25:23Good morning, darling.
25:24Now, we're going to see all of them lying, or not lying,
25:28about whether they've met the same famous person
25:30and whether I'm behind a shower curtain.
25:33Weird, isn't it?
25:34Good luck.
25:34Here we go.
25:37Welcome.
25:38Alex Horne is behind the curtain.
25:41Please show them.
25:46Disgusting clipboard.
25:48Hello.
25:53So, I met James Bay.
25:55My husband, Chris, is a comedian, and he was doing the comedy...
26:02Where did you meet James Bay?
26:04I met James Bay at Old Trafford.
26:07That's a charity football match.
26:10Yeah, I haven't met him.
26:11She hasn't met James Bay.
26:12I'm not famous enough, sorry.
26:13We've met James Bay.
26:14We've met James Bay.
26:15Nice guy.
26:16I've met some famous people.
26:17You've met loads of famous...
26:18Oh!
26:19I've met Tom Cruise.
26:20Oh, I've met Tom Cruise.
26:21No, you haven't.
26:21I tested for a Mission Impossible movie.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:24For, like, one of the computer guys.
26:25He was leaving as I was coming in, and he was like,
26:27hello.
26:28I used to be a journalist.
26:29But he walked right past me, but he did go,
26:30how you doing?
26:31Yes!
26:32That's enough, isn't it?
26:32Yes!
26:33Tom Cruise.
26:33Tom Cruise!
26:36Interesting.
26:37I think maybe the team of three should do the guessing.
26:39Mm-hmm.
26:39And I don't want to influence you, but if you're behind the curtain
26:42for Jason and Stevie's attempt, I will pull my trousers and pants down.
26:47LAUGHTER
26:50That was very good.
26:51You make your own decision.
26:52I thought he might be behind the dummy that they were punching.
26:55That's what I thought.
26:56And that, I will come to regret that.
26:58Technically behind.
26:58LAUGHTER
27:00OK, and the famous person?
27:02I doubt it.
27:03Yeah, I doubt it.
27:04I've seen all of Missions Impossibles.
27:06He ain't in it.
27:06OK.
27:08That's a lie.
27:09So it's a lie.
27:10One or both of them.
27:11So we're saying no to the famous person,
27:13yes to me being behind the shelter.
27:14Yes.
27:15All right, team of two.
27:16What do you think?
27:17Now, who is it that you guys are saying you've met?
27:19I don't know him either.
27:21The singer James Bale.
27:22Possibly they've met him because he seems very accessible.
27:25He's not Tom Cruise, is he?
27:26No offence to James Bale, his loyal friends.
27:28Wow.
27:29He's really...
27:29He's really famous.
27:30He's genuinely really famous.
27:32Yeah.
27:32He's from Hitchin.
27:33Oh, in that case, I mean, in that case,
27:35they're definitely not bluffing because that's huge.
27:38LAUGHTER
27:40Let's say it.
27:40OK.
27:41And then, is Alex behind the thing?
27:43Oh.
27:43They took the clipboard out?
27:44No, I think they balanced the clipboard on a mannequin
27:47and then did that.
27:48All right.
27:48So let's find out if they were telling the truth.
27:52Hello, team.
27:52Hello.
27:53Please raise your hands if you've met James Bale.
28:00Have you met Tom Cruise?
28:02No.
28:04APPLAUSE
28:09Oh.
28:12Ho-ho!
28:14Yes!
28:19So, do some summaries.
28:21Well, not before you take your trousers and pants down.
28:23LAUGHTER
28:29I am a man of my word and I told you, you would all get an opportunity to see me
28:35take my trousers and pants down, but I didn't say when or where.
28:38Ah.
28:39I'm going to meet you all individually.
28:42Individually.
28:43That's the time and place of my shoes.
28:44LAUGHTER
28:45We're all looking forward to that.
28:46But that final round really changed things.
28:48It turned out that the team of three ended up getting four out of the five right.
28:51The team of two only got three out of the five right.
28:53So, the team of three get five points.
28:55It's up to you how many the team of two get.
28:57We should give them three points.
28:58Three to the team of two, five to the team of three!
29:01APPLAUSE
29:04Very good. What's next, please?
29:05We are going to have a glorious yet infuriating lightbulb moment.
29:17MUSIC PLAYS
29:20Hello.
29:23Lovely smile.
29:25You too.
29:26Oh!
29:28Oh!
29:29Oh!
29:30Oh!
29:32Oh!
29:33Oh!
29:35Oh!
29:37Tell Alex why the lightbulb turns on.
29:44You may not touch or tamper with the lightbulb.
29:49Fastest correct answer wins.
29:51Your time starts now.
29:53I don't understand what that means.
29:57So, I need to...
30:01APPLAUSE
30:06I don't know how the lightbulb turns on, but Rosie was certainly having a good time.
30:10LAUGHTER
30:11Let's see some stuff.
30:12Yes, it's not how it turns on, it's why it turns on.
30:14And first to go, it's Rosie Ramsey and Matty Batty.
30:19LAUGHTER
30:23No.
30:27Ooh.
30:31How did it just turn on?
30:34The speed of light.
30:37Is it when I talk?
30:39No.
30:40When I...
30:41Smile?
30:42No.
30:45When I look at it, do you turn it on when I...
30:48LAUGHTER
30:49I don't...
30:51Oh!
30:53LAUGHTER
30:53Oh, there's another!
31:00Fastest wins, remember.
31:02Right.
31:03Oh, my...
31:04Oh, my word.
31:04Right.
31:05Read this out loud and in full.
31:06If you fail to read this out loud and in full, you will fail the current task.
31:14Dear Rosie, congratulations.
31:16You have looked under the table and found this.
31:18A letter just for you.
31:19This is bullshit.
31:20This is gonna be bullshit.
31:21You didn't have such curious instincts.
31:23You wouldn't now be reading this personal note.
31:26No, this is bullshit.
31:27I think you are funny.
31:28I like your hair.
31:30In almost every drawer and almost every shelf, beneath almost every stone...
31:34I've always thought you're the sort of person who would look under the table.
31:38The truth is our taskmaster is not just about the taskmaster.
31:41You're a humble person and they don't have to carry on.
31:44Like, if you discover there's a little box inside your mouth,
31:47it's about opening that box and carry something like a trickle in that box.
31:51OK, then, I'd better go now.
31:53Well done again on finding this valuable paper.
31:55OK, carry on.
31:56Yours, Greg.
31:57That's...
31:58That's...
31:59That's not anything, is it?
32:00I don't think that means anything.
32:01Right, yeah, you've got to tell me why the lightbulb turned off.
32:05What's this?
32:05Plus two, plus two, plus two.
32:09It's his facial expressions.
32:15It's extraordinary.
32:20I've got to cry.
32:22Can you cry on cue?
32:23Probably.
32:24It's worth a try.
32:30OK, yeah?
32:32Oh, dear.
32:37Oh, dear.
32:41It's not crying, is it?
32:43No.
32:43No, OK.
32:44You mentioned my smile when I came in.
32:48Something to do with facial expressions two times.
32:52Is it smiling?
32:53And then being sad.
32:55And then smile.
32:57And then being sad.
32:59And then being sad.
33:01Two seconds after I smile.
33:03I've stopped the clock.
33:04When I smile, and then I go sad, two seconds later, it goes on.
33:09I'm going to stop the clock.
33:15Well done.
33:18This should be a jolly task, but there were moments of great sadness there, won't there?
33:21Well done.
33:22Rosie's crying.
33:23Matthew appeared to have some sort of existential crisis.
33:26It's nice to have a task that fractures your relationship with the concept of smiling.
33:31LAUGHTER
33:34Exactly what we hoped for.
33:35Rosie thought it might be smiling very early on and then moved on very quickly, but you got it in
33:38the end in 16 minutes 54, Matthew 13 minutes 54.
33:4213?
33:4313, yeah.
33:44Wow, it felt like a lot longer.
33:48Right, soon, someone will be taking home a liar and a fanny, which reminds me of a date with my
33:55ex.
33:56As in, she was dishonest and her name was Fungita.
34:01LAUGHTER
34:11Hello!
34:12And here we go.
34:13It's the final part of the show and there's a really annoying task in play.
34:17They're the best ones.
34:18And now it's Jason and Stevie's turn to work out what's turning the light bulb on.
34:23All right.
34:24Let's see.
34:25I'm going to try...
34:30It's when I tip to the right.
34:32It's not.
34:34I've got raisins in this little hole.
34:37Can't imagine this is what I'm meant to do, but there is something oddly satisfying about it.
34:41No, you look happy.
34:42I appreciate it.
34:45You're looking at me as a red herring.
34:50Plus two.
34:51Plus two.
34:52Hmm.
34:53I'll do two raisins.
34:55I...
34:55Oh, boy.
34:57That only tells me I'm on the right path.
35:03Is it every time I look at the bulb?
35:10Oh, I hate it.
35:20You haven't put the bulb on for eight...
35:22What?!
35:33If you've turned that bulb on...
35:40Is that you?
35:41No.
35:42Okay.
35:43Looks like you.
35:44Is it when I make this space?
35:49Nope.
35:51Fuck off!
35:55Speed of light, question mark miles, divided by two seconds.
35:59What do you want me to do with that information?
36:01Like, what?
36:02Speed of light?
36:04So that is relevant.
36:05Oh, is it?
36:06This clue is relevant to the goddamn task?
36:10Shocking.
36:11It's almost like he's asking me how many miles...
36:16smiles...
36:16smiles per two seconds.
36:19So I go off two seconds after I put raisins in the little hole?
36:22Here we go!
36:23No!
36:24I mean...
36:26No.
36:26No.
36:27Oh, wait a minute!
36:29Oh, no!
36:31Oh, no!
36:34No!
36:36Does it go after?
36:36Two seconds after I'm angry.
36:38Two seconds after I've laughed.
36:40After I say, okay.
36:41Two seconds after I'm thinking.
36:44It's everything in my power right now to not flip this table.
36:48Is it two seconds after I stop smiling?
36:51Can you try it out?
36:56Ah!
36:57Ah!
36:58Yes!
37:02The light goes on two seconds after I stop smiling.
37:06I've stopped the clock, but I need you to go now because I need to take that box apart because
37:09it's full of raisins.
37:10You know what?
37:11Put some water in.
37:12You'll have grapes.
37:16Oh, God.
37:20I don't think so far we've seen you quite as crazed during a task.
37:25I think it really got to you, right?
37:26Yeah, that was the angriest I was.
37:27But what a celebration.
37:30Jason.
37:31Yes, Greg.
37:31I thought it was quite clever.
37:33On the first attempt of popping raisins into the little hole,
37:36I was less convinced of your intelligence by the third time you started.
37:41I'm not going to lie, they cut many times out.
37:45Do you want to tell us how they did?
37:47Yes, Stevie.
37:47You were 28 minutes.
37:49Oh, my God.
37:49Jesus Christ.
37:51That's why I'm so upset.
37:52What about old raisin popper?
37:54Yeah.
37:5552.
37:5652 minutes.
38:03We had a six-minute debate about whether it's math or maths.
38:06Can you cut it?
38:08We had to cut it, Jason.
38:11Now, this will be interesting.
38:12Can the angriest Taskmaster contestant of all time, can she even smile?
38:18We don't know.
38:20We don't know.
38:22You're quite right, Greg.
38:23It's time for fabulous Fatia final.
38:26What's this?
38:27Can I use this?
38:28Ooh.
38:31What happened?
38:34What happened?
38:37Is it when I smile?
38:45Do you remember we used to do that in school?
38:46That's a fake smile.
38:47Do you remember that?
38:48We didn't go to the same school.
38:49No.
38:51Oh, hell no.
38:53OK, wait.
38:54This says, yeah, two plus smiles.
38:57Oh, has it got to do with time?
38:59I got it.
39:00I got it, honey.
39:02OK.
39:02I smile, two-second break, and then it comes on.
39:05Let's see.
39:07OK.
39:08Smile.
39:09One, two, luck comes on.
39:12Got it?
39:12You got it.
39:15Somebody call the vet because these swans are sick.
39:23Did you make up someone call a vet because these swans are sick?
39:26No, man.
39:26The swans aren't actually sick.
39:28And if they were...
39:29They're not really swans, are they?
39:29But also, it's not the vet you call for the...
39:31They've got this domestic stuff.
39:33Yeah.
39:33What you actually should say,
39:35someone call whoever's responsible for the swan community.
39:40That's directly linked to the royal family because these swans are sick.
39:43And not many people are qualified to deal with it.
39:47Give me some times.
39:48Well, obviously, Jason gets one point for his nearly an hour.
39:51Stevie, two points, nearly half an hour.
39:53Rosie, three points for your 16 minutes.
39:55Matt, four points for 13 minutes.
39:57Fatia, seven minutes, five points.
39:59There we go.
40:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:05I can't believe it.
40:06We've seen some scores.
40:08Fatia, you are now in second place, just two points behind Rosie,
40:11who's on 17 points.
40:13Wow.
40:15OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage
40:20for the final task of the show!
40:23APPLAUSE
40:31Hi there, baby boy.
40:33Hello.
40:37Who's going to read the task out?
40:38It's fattier.
40:40Win a game of...
40:43..front ham.
40:46One at a time, each person must discard three socks
40:50from the washing line and add one.
40:52If all your coloured socks are removed, you are eliminated.
40:57Last player standing wins the game of front ham.
41:01We all know front ham, so it's a...
41:04..traditional game.
41:04You may not be aware of it, Jason, but the others will be.
41:09Um...
41:09In your black socks, you've got a secret sock.
41:11That is your colour.
41:13Don't let anyone else see the colour of your sock.
41:15The aim of front ham, as we all know, is to leave your coloured sock
41:18standing on the washing line.
41:21So, on your go, you're going to go first fattier.
41:22You can remove three socks, any socks,
41:24and then you've got to put one sock on from your bucket.
41:28As soon as your colour disappears, you're out.
41:29It's front ham, I mean, I don't know why I'm...
41:33This is sock chess.
41:34This is...
41:35Yeah.
41:35This is cerebral.
41:36So, why don't you all have a look secretly inside your secret sock.
41:40Remember your colour, don't reveal it,
41:41cos there's a lot of tactics involved in this.
41:43As always, we go right to left.
41:45That's you, first fattier, so you can remove three socks.
41:48I'm going to be tactical here.
41:50I have to be.
41:51I'm so sorry.
41:54Oh, my God.
41:55If you...
41:56Yeah.
41:57And now what?
41:58Pick one and put it on.
41:59Absolutely.
42:00Just bring it back to its folk, Mr Friends.
42:02Yeah.
42:03I wonder what your secret sock colour is.
42:06You don't know.
42:07It could be a double bluff.
42:08That's front ham.
42:10Jason's up now.
42:10He could eliminate orange from the game.
42:12I mean, he'd be a fucking psycho if he did.
42:15Let's see.
42:17Ooh.
42:18Ooh.
42:18Oh, wow.
42:19Oh, my God.
42:19He's mixing his colours.
42:20These Americans are so flash.
42:22So, green is back to normal now.
42:24OK.
42:25Perilous for orange, but he's still got to put one back on.
42:27Oh, my God.
42:29Matthew, that's front ham.
42:31Oh, my gosh.
42:32Oh, Jesus.
42:33Oh, my God.
42:34Don't reveal your orange yet.
42:35Don't reveal your orange yet.
42:36You pig.
42:37Again, don't reveal if you're orange yet.
42:40LAUGHTER
42:41Not even a clue, Rosie, if possible.
42:44OK.
42:44Oh.
42:45Back to the half dozen yellows.
42:47So, would you like the orange to reveal themselves?
42:49Do I need to?
42:51Asking?
42:52It's me.
42:53Oh.
42:54Oh.
42:54Oh.
42:58Oh.
42:58Rosie, a master of deception.
43:00Let's front ham.
43:01OK.
43:02This is tricky.
43:03OK.
43:03It's a full board at the moment.
43:07Oh.
43:08Lovely.
43:10I'm all right.
43:11Yeah.
43:12Oh, I've got to put one up, don't I?
43:14She takes a blue off.
43:15She puts a blue back on.
43:18Psychologically.
43:19LAUGHTER
43:24For a second, I thought it was a masterful game of psychological warfare,
43:29but she just forgot she took the blue off.
43:32Fatia, back to you, I believe.
43:34Oh, one.
43:35There's an aggression here.
43:36Two.
43:36Oh.
43:38Oh, Christ.
43:41Red's back up to full strength, Greg.
43:43I've not seen that for a few years.
43:47Lovely.
43:48Oh, my God.
43:49That's great.
43:52Oh.
43:54Cautious.
43:55So, Matthew, the door is open on blues.
43:57If you want to eliminate blues, that means you do go up on the leaderboard.
44:02Greg, remind me, why wouldn't he go for blue at this stage?
44:06Matthew's his own man.
44:07We've seen this in previous tournaments.
44:09Interesting.
44:12And then one back on.
44:13Is there another blue back on?
44:15No.
44:15Oh, it is.
44:16That's unbelievable.
44:17That's...
44:18Wow.
44:19Works for Rosie.
44:21Is it the end?
44:23Yes!
44:24Wow!
44:25Very good.
44:26Very good.
44:29And there we go.
44:29So, we've lost Green, but let's see who she puts up.
44:32Even Stevens.
44:33And three.
44:33She's taken two people to a full compliment.
44:36Yeah.
44:36And we've lost someone.
44:37Green?
44:38It's me.
44:39Oh!
44:40Jason Mantouka gets two points.
44:42Join the team, mate.
44:44Yeah.
44:44Yeah.
44:46I know I'm going to have to do this, like, come on.
44:48Of course.
44:49You do a double blue now, I'm going to lose my goddamn mind.
44:52Oh, I've gone.
44:54So, this is it.
44:55We might find out what colour she is.
44:57Hmm.
44:58Ooh.
44:59It might be chick, mate.
45:01Oh.
45:02Oh.
45:04Oh, she's set up the ultimate head-to-head.
45:07Unbelievable.
45:08We've lost blue, finally.
45:09They clung on for a while.
45:10Go blue step forward.
45:13LAUGHTER
45:15APPLAUSE
45:15And now we're winning.
45:18Rosie, it is your turn.
45:19You can't eliminate your opposition yet.
45:22Please step up to the line.
45:23North-South divide.
45:25LAUGHTER
45:29And a red.
45:29Why would you do that?
45:30She might be red.
45:32She might be red.
45:33She might be red.
45:33If she was red.
45:34Yeah, but they both know who the other one is.
45:37Yes.
45:40The numbers will go down.
45:42It will dwindle.
45:43It has to dwindle.
45:47It's the only move.
45:48It's the only move.
45:48Oh, God.
45:49Sorry.
45:50Sorry.
45:51Tricky for you now, Rose.
45:58She's lost three yellow.
46:00It's a desperate bit, though,
46:01cos there's not a lot she can do.
46:03LAUGHTER
46:07She's staying brave.
46:08We've got a real situation.
46:10At this stage, it's really whether or not Fatty remembers what colour her sock is.
46:13LAUGHTER
46:15Right, let's have it, bruv.
46:18And we'll last go.
46:20OK.
46:20She's won Front Ham!
46:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:25Oh, listen, I'll have those two final scores.
46:26Come down and join me!
46:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:34One of the greatest games of Front Ham I've ever witnessed.
46:37I know.
46:37It has changed the scores.
46:39Very tight at the top, but with 21 points, the winner of this episode is Rosie Ramsey!
46:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:50Rosie Ramsey has won Fiend Starwood Ogle, your ugly men number two!
46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:13And we'll see you next time.
47:23Bye.
47:26Bye.
47:29Bye.
47:29Bye.
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