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The.Miniature.Wife.S01E09.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:07New Year, new us.
00:09I've arranged to get the Vermont gang back together.
00:11Are Gary and Meg going to be there?
00:13Terry.
00:14Girl, we did it.
00:15You famously fictionalized your difficult relationship with your mother.
00:18I can barely show my face at Wine Club Wednesday.
00:22Your mother needs your Wine Club Wednesdays.
00:24That's not a stretch.
00:25Your mother was protecting you from your father.
00:27You are without a doubt your father's son.
00:30I would rather die a six-inch death than see Les win a fucking Nobel.
00:36Hilton is going to sell the tech to the military.
00:40We can't be party to that.
00:42Let's finish what we started.
00:44Limitless stabilization!
00:46It is time you knew the truth about Les, little John.
00:49You have no choice but to eliminate them.
00:54Tell me.
00:55Why?
00:56Why Les?
00:59We'll take Manhattan.
01:02Slow down, Terry.
01:04Be clear.
01:05What is she saying?
01:06Lindy.
01:07Quiet.
01:07Okay.
01:07Oh, hell.
01:08Oh, God.
01:09I know.
01:10Okay.
01:12She said yes.
01:14Yes?
01:14Yes.
01:14She said yes?
01:15Yes!
01:16Yes!
01:17Oh, my God.
01:22Congratulations.
01:23You're getting married.
01:24Good luck.
01:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:25She wrote a novel.
01:26And it's getting brothers!
01:27Yes!
01:27Nobody cares.
01:28It's New York.
01:29Swing a cat.
01:30I love this city.
01:31Huh?
01:32Married.
01:32Oh, why would we ever ruin us by getting married?
01:36I know.
01:37I mean, we live together.
01:38We love each other.
01:39What more do we need?
01:40I mean, it's silly.
01:41Silly.
01:42Right.
01:43Lindy, will you not be my wife?
01:46Les, I will not.
01:48And will I not be your husband?
01:51You will not, Les!
01:52And will you...
01:54What?
01:58What is this?
02:00Watch this.
02:02Uh-huh.
02:02Whoa, it's the fast fingers there, mister.
02:07Not marry me?
02:11Absolutely not.
02:12Never ever.
02:17What the fuck is happening?
02:20Well, I thought we could maybe make it not official.
02:26Are we not doing this?
02:29Are we not not doing this?
02:31I don't know.
02:33I mean, we always said we wouldn't do the icky marriage stuff, but...
02:37But?
02:38But maybe...
02:39Maybe two-nose make a yes.
02:43We've sworn for years that we were never, ever...
02:47I know, I know.
02:48But maybe the really defiant, non-conformist, rebellious thing would be for us to...
02:56Get fucking married.
02:57Yeah.
02:58But?
02:59But, but, like a non-traditional, non-bridezilla, non-wedding wedding...
03:05Yeah.
03:07Yeah.
03:34I cannot believe that you did all the same thing.
03:38Alice!
03:39Alice!
03:39Right here, ma'am.
03:39Oh.
03:40There you are.
03:41Always, ma'am.
03:41Let's put this someplace safe.
03:43Under lock and key.
03:45Nothing can happen to them.
04:14Check.
04:16Happy marriage.
04:45Happy marriage.
04:45What do I not want?
04:46Advice.
04:46Remember when.
04:46Well wishes.
04:46I need to begin again.
04:46Hold on.
04:47What are you doing?
04:47I am preventing a nuclear fallout.
04:50She always does this.
04:52Who?
04:53Diane.
04:53Does what?
04:54Pushes my dad out.
05:24But he's coming, right?
05:25No meals.
05:26No food.
05:26No absorption.
05:27We talked about this.
05:28She can...
05:29Whoa, whoa.
05:29Let's take a breath.
05:30We're losing sight.
05:31We're losing sight.
05:32Thank you for using we.
05:34Yeah.
05:35We hate.
05:36What does that mean?
05:37We hate this.
05:38Right.
05:39Right.
05:40Oh my God.
05:40We do not want this and that's why.
05:42Oh.
05:43It's fun.
05:44Okay?
05:44Everything that goes bad is good.
05:47Mm-hmm.
05:47Because it makes for a better story.
05:48Our not wedding wedding, for our not marriage marriage, it's all nots.
05:53Okay?
05:54Rebels of the altar.
05:55It's just us.
05:57Right.
05:58It's you and me.
05:58You and me.
05:59You and me.
06:00Okay.
06:00Okay?
06:02Yeah, okay.
06:03But like, what if I lose control?
06:06Yeah.
06:07What if you lose control?
06:08Because I'm really on the edge.
06:09I think, I think that perhaps we need a safe word.
06:11That'd be good.
06:12Yeah.
06:13Okay.
06:13Like, um...
06:15Um...
06:16Uh...
06:17I know.
06:18Like, like, um, Halloween, 1999.
06:21Yeah.
06:22In a sea of Bill Clinton's and Monica Lewinsky's and Linda Tripps.
06:25There were only two...
06:27Janet Reno's.
06:29Oh, Janet Reno.
06:30Janet Reno.
06:31Safe word.
06:31I love it.
06:33I fucking love you.
06:34Come on.
06:35Okay.
06:36Okay.
06:37Okay, but that flower is not in the center.
06:39Hey, hey, hey.
06:39Come on.
06:40Okay, I'm gonna...
06:41I'm gonna let it go.
06:42Countdown guests arrival.
06:43T-minus 25 minutes.
06:4525.
06:46I did, I did.
06:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:48Hey, hey!
06:48Martin!
06:49How are you?
06:51Congratulations!
06:53Oh!
06:55Oh!
06:56Oh!
06:56Oh!
06:57Oh!
06:57Sweet Redeemer.
06:58Am I the first?
06:59You're punctual!
07:00I'm...
07:01Where's the...
07:01Is it Dana?
07:02Uh, Dana and I are exploring our options in a good way.
07:07Cool.
07:07Okay.
07:08I need you in the kitchen.
07:10Uh, I'm greeting guests.
07:11I'm supposed to be here.
07:14What?
07:19Okay.
07:21Okay.
07:22It's nothing.
07:22Okay.
07:23Nothing.
07:23Is everything okay?
07:24Yes.
07:24Good.
07:25Um, so?
07:26Dana felt that she needed something.
07:28No, no, no.
07:28About the...
07:29Oh, oh, oh.
07:29You know what?
07:30Let's not talk tomato.
07:31Oh, they passed!
07:32They fucking passed!
07:34What?
07:35Feezy assholes.
07:36They've got no vision.
07:37They've got no fucking balls.
07:40Hey, hey.
07:40We'll get there, okay?
07:41I know a guy at Monsanto.
07:42Kill me if we end up at Monsanto.
07:45Hey.
07:47So how was your nothing?
07:48It's fine.
07:49Yes, it'll be fine.
07:50Good.
07:51How's everything?
07:52Everything fine?
07:53Fine, fine, fine.
07:53Good.
07:54Oh, they passed.
07:55No, no, no.
07:56It's Dana.
07:57We're hoping she'll come through, right?
07:58Uh, yeah.
08:00Um, hey, you know, I'll be at the bar.
08:02Okay.
08:05Diane!
08:06Walt!
08:07Walt needs to use the restroom.
08:10The signage here lacking.
08:12Uh, down the hall, first left, on the left.
08:14Left?
08:15Right.
08:16No, left.
08:17Okay.
08:18Right.
08:20Good luck.
08:23Okay.
08:25Snub.
08:26Noted.
08:28Les, has he canceled yet?
08:30Who?
08:30Jim.
08:31Uh, no, no, no.
08:32He's confirmed.
08:32Who said?
08:33Lindy said.
08:34No, he's not coming.
08:35You need to prepare.
08:36Prepare for what?
08:37Heartbreak.
08:38Drama.
08:39Tears.
08:39Walt will walk Lindy down the aisle.
08:41I think Lindy wanted her to do that.
08:43It's handled.
08:43Walt will step in for Jim.
08:45Crisis averted, less drama, fewer tears.
09:02Ready?
09:03And what is the secret to a happy marriage?
09:07There is no secret, Walt.
09:11Nope.
09:11And happy, unsustainable.
09:14Enough said.
09:15But I will say, I know it's fashionable these days for everyone to express every single feeling at every single
09:24moment.
09:24But as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't do anyone the slightest bit of good.
09:29And marriage...
09:32Walt?
09:33Be nice.
09:36And if you can't be nice, be silent, Walt.
09:52Why the fuck are you two doing this?
09:55Terry!
09:56Why are we doing marriage?
09:58Ugh.
09:58Hey, hey.
10:00Hi.
10:00Hi, hi.
10:01Be nice.
10:02Okay.
10:03I do have the greatest wedding present ever.
10:06Open it now.
10:08No, we're doing gifts now.
10:09Dumb it.
10:10Okay, is this what I think it is?
10:13You have a ton of work to do.
10:15Oh.
10:15No, we don't.
10:15Stop.
10:16It can't wait.
10:19No, it has to wait.
10:20I mean, I have to be here.
10:22Well, you want to be here.
10:24Yes, I want to be here.
10:25You have to be here.
10:26All right, Stepford.
10:27I want to be here.
10:28It's my wedding.
10:29We agreed that we wouldn't do any work on the wedding.
10:31Right.
10:31Does your book go to print Monday, Tomato Head?
10:34What?
10:34You told her about the tomato?
10:36Was it a secret?
10:37Yeah.
10:37Work or get out.
10:38I don't have any secrets.
10:39Get used to it, Leslie.
10:40You can get out.
10:41You have no right to call me Leslie.
10:43Is it not your name?
10:44You have no emotional right.
10:45Hey, hey, hey, hey.
10:45Hey, look who's here.
10:47Your mom and dad.
10:49Oh.
10:51Lindy.
10:52Mom and dad, I'm here.
10:52I'm right behind you.
10:53I'm right behind you.
10:56Mom and dad, how sweet.
10:58Yeah.
10:59I am going all fucking in on this new normal family.
11:01There is no normal.
11:03Do you want your book and bonds when I go at one?
11:04Yeah, of course I do.
11:05Take a drink.
11:06We're getting blurbs from France.
11:07We're getting blurbs from Donna Tartt.
11:09She doesn't blurb.
11:10Here you are worrying about the fucking canapes.
11:12Oh, my God.
11:14What happened to our pact?
11:17Terry.
11:17We marry our careers.
11:18We breed success only.
11:20We date and dump.
11:23No marriage.
11:23No traditional gender roles.
11:25No midwesterners.
11:25No cowboys.
11:26New Yorkers.
11:27Need only apply.
11:28We were young and we were not serious.
11:32We were deadly serious.
11:33Yeah, but that was when I didn't think I was ever going to have actual love in my life.
11:38Don't say love in my life.
11:38I will throw myself off the roof of this hotel.
11:40Is it the wedding you're mad about?
11:43Or is it Les?
11:45Fine.
11:45I don't like either.
11:46But my concern is less about Les and more about you moving to the fucking suburbs and being unable to
11:52write.
11:52I am not moving to the suburbs less as a moment either.
11:55I will never not write.
11:56And I don't vacuum.
11:58So I will be me.
11:59Now I know I'm fucked.
12:01It's a wedding.
12:02It's not a death sentence.
12:04They're one and the same.
12:08How was the journey down?
12:10How was the drive down?
12:12Oh, Lord.
12:13Oh, my leg ramped up.
12:15Oh, no.
12:15Mom, it is.
12:16Did I get you anything?
12:18Like ice or aspirin?
12:19Oh, no.
12:20I'm not crying about it.
12:21The little gods are here.
12:23Hey, where can we get a real drink of this stuff?
12:26Yeah.
12:29Lindy looking hot.
12:31Oh, okay, Sam.
12:31Well, your wife's right there.
12:32Okay.
12:34Congrats, bro.
12:35Thanks, buddy.
12:38Watch the family tools, sir.
12:42Mommy's not going to come to your defense anymore, Lesley.
12:45Uh, that's Lindy's job now.
12:47Yeah, well, I'm gonna...
12:50Okay, guys, we're gonna do that, you know?
12:52Yeah, good to see you.
12:54Great to see you.
12:57Do you need ice or anything?
12:59Are you gonna throw up?
13:06Yay, here we go!
13:12Welcome, everyone.
13:13Welcome.
13:14Um, we can't tell you how honored we are to have you all here.
13:18Yeah, as many of you know that Les and I never planned to do any of this.
13:24Nope.
13:24Nope.
13:24Not at all.
13:25Nope.
13:26No way.
13:27Uh, but I did know, I did know, I will tell you this, that I did know that when, um,
13:31the
13:31first moment that I, that I met her, something inside me changed.
13:36And I knew that I wanted to, um, I wanted her in my life forever.
13:41And ever.
13:42And ever.
13:43Yes.
13:45Um, well, alcohol and a sexy Halloween costume will do that to you.
13:50That's what got me.
13:51Um, I, I will say that our first date got off to a bit of a rocky start, though, because
13:56I had asked her to, um, the classiest restaurant that my, my grad student's stipend would allow,
14:02the Olive Garden.
14:03Oh.
14:04Wonderful.
14:05I was so scared, anticipating Lindy's arrival.
14:09I was sitting there waiting, waiting, and waiting until it became obvious to me and
14:14to the entire restaurant that she wasn't coming.
14:17And she had stood me up at the Olive Garden.
14:21Uh, and finally the waiter came over and asked if there was anything else I needed.
14:25Um, my dignity, my, my pride, maybe.
14:29Um, and I was about to ask for the check when a voice rang out.
14:33Your finest house red, unlimited breadsticks, and an apology for the sad sexy sack at table
14:41nine.
14:41I'm glad I waited.
14:43Those breadsticks were really good.
14:48To you.
14:50And to me.
14:51And to forever.
14:56To all of those things.
14:58And to you.
14:59To you for, for making the trip.
15:01We really, we love you all so much.
15:03Let's eat.
15:04Yes.
15:08Lovely speech.
15:09Thank you both.
15:12Cute, right?
15:22Attention, we're having a small issue in the kitchen, a tiny delay with dinner.
15:28So we're bringing cocktails for everyone to enjoy in the interim.
15:32Great.
15:32No, I have to.
15:33No, no, no, no.
15:34We hate this.
15:36More cocktails?
15:37You know how many cocktails she's already had?
15:39We hate this.
15:39This is a recipe for disaster.
15:41We hate this.
15:42Gasoline.
15:43A match is lit.
15:44A match is lit.
15:47You know.
15:48Guess what it is, isn't it?
15:57Keeping romance alive.
16:00Les is a hopeless romantic at heart.
16:04Do you remember those sweet poems he used to, he used to write when he was little dear?
16:08Mm-hmm.
16:09He would, he would put them on our pillow every night before he went to sleep.
16:14Mm-hmm.
16:14Bloody grew out of that one.
16:16I, I remember, um, twinkle, twinkle, little me, how I wonder what I'll be.
16:31Yeah, okay.
16:35Yeah, Les is my best friend.
16:37How come our paths have never crossed?
16:40I don't like him.
16:41I mean, do you?
16:43I never thought about it.
16:45Huh.
16:45You didn't say yes.
16:46Oh, well, you caught me off guard.
16:48Well, isn't, doesn't best friend imply yes?
16:51Not always.
16:54I get the impression you don't want to be here?
16:56Well, Lindy wants me here, so I'm here.
17:00You here with a plus one?
17:03Why, no.
17:05Where's your date?
17:07It's complicated.
17:08Ugh, complicated leads to all of this.
17:12You're very direct.
17:13You like it.
17:15I don't know if I do.
17:16You will.
17:18I don't know if I will.
17:21Just wait.
17:25So you ready for the show?
17:26Oh, yes.
17:27Gary, when do you think the show will start?
17:29What show?
17:30Wait, is this your first McMichael event?
17:32Have you never been to a McMichael event?
17:34Yeah.
17:34No.
17:35Why?
17:35Things are gonna get nuts.
17:36Oh, we guarantee it.
17:38Nuts.
17:39I predict blood?
17:40Yes.
17:41Blood.
17:43What kind of blood?
17:45What?
17:46Look at me.
17:48Tell me.
17:50Is this what you really want?
17:55Terry.
17:56Ha?
17:56You didn't say yes.
17:58Are you working at your wedding?
18:01My book goes to print Monday.
18:03Hi.
18:04Welcome.
18:04How many is that?
18:08I told Les, Walt will walk you down the aisle.
18:12Dad will.
18:14Optimism is naive, and not you.
18:16You have been perfectly cast as negativity.
18:19Hi, Cost.
18:20Hi, Diane.
18:20You're not helping.
18:22Hi, Terry.
18:23Need I remind you how many times your father was a no-show?
18:26Pick an event.
18:27Mom, your grievances are not my grievances.
18:30I was the one left to pick up the pieces.
18:33Oh, you mean kick the pieces and say I told you so.
18:38If you don't want to follow in your father's footsteps, you should be over there with your
18:42husband-to-be.
18:43That is your duty as wife-to-be.
18:47Don't mess this up, too.
18:54Mother of ice.
18:56What an accent.
18:58Duty?
18:59Well, you are a wife-to-be.
19:01Oh, is that the book?
19:04Yeah.
19:04Am I in it?
19:05Okay, no one's in it.
19:07It's fiction.
19:07I cannot believe that you are getting married when you always said you never wanted to.
19:14And I always wanted to.
19:15But I could never find the one.
19:18Not that there is like a one, but I found him.
19:21Oh!
19:22Tim, this is my-
19:25Has anyone seen Tim?
19:27Um, Aaron?
19:29Is that him?
19:30Oh, God.
19:32Uh, yeah.
19:33Isn't he great?
19:35I'll be right back.
19:36Hi, Terry.
19:37Bye.
19:39I don't know what love is.
19:41I don't know.
19:42None of us do, but they know.
19:44They know.
19:45Last time I spoke to this many people was for the launch of the Ford Taurus that some of
19:49you probably know I designed.
19:51Sorry, I'm going to bring this down to human height.
19:54I've known you a long time.
19:56Long time.
19:58Long time.
19:58Remember?
19:58Yeah.
19:59I do.
20:00Oh, this, um, is Les' favorite song when he was little.
20:04You'll remember it, Les.
20:05I used to play the lady, old low, banjo, low, and red, lest it, old on my need-a-a
20:09-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a
20:10-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a
20:13-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a.
20:18Happy for you!
20:20To my much older sister, who found the one.
20:24So easily.
20:26Because, of course.
20:27Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, Lindy.
20:29You are...
20:30You are hot.
20:32I'm not allowed the streetlings are meddling and sort of...
20:35They saw the long-night seedling for you to...
20:38Anyway, I'm hopeful.
20:40You know, I have my Tim.
20:43We should ask them what love is.
20:46Right?
20:49Drunk.
20:51Has anyone seen Tim?
20:52They saw the long-night seedling for you to...
20:57Love.
21:02It's a beautiful thing.
21:08Where the fuck is the food?
21:10Minutes away, ma'am.
21:11I mean, miss.
21:12Alice, you said that five minutes ago.
21:14I know, I know, it's...
21:18Daddy.
21:19You know, Lindy was born on my birthday.
21:21Stealing my thunder from day one.
21:24From the moment my baby girl breathed air, she screamed.
21:28And not just been born screaming, no.
21:30This one...
21:32This one had something to say.
21:34And I thought, holy shit, now I got two women screaming at me.
21:38Hi, Diane.
21:42Then, I held her in my arms.
21:45And she suddenly stopped screaming.
21:47Silence.
21:48The nurse said she'd never seen anything like it.
21:51She said, you two belong together.
21:55Like peas and carrots.
21:57I was in Milwaukee the day she was born.
22:00And to see her now.
22:01Young, in love, getting married.
22:06Bright futures ahead of you.
22:08It makes a man feel a little bit giddy just sharing the air with you.
22:13As long as there's no screaming.
22:17You know, when you've got kids, you see a little bit of you in them.
22:24And when they find someone who loves them, it's like that little piece of you is getting that love, too.
22:36Makes this old man feel.
22:41Very proud.
22:44Congratulations to you both.
22:45I couldn't be happier.
22:47Hey, you're the peas and carrots now.
22:50Let's go.
22:57Speech of the night.
22:58Speech of the night.
23:00At least it didn't regale us for the so-called baseball career.
23:06That one, baby.
23:11I'm so happy you're here.
23:13Gotta have someone on your team, kiddo.
23:15Daddy.
23:17This is less.
23:18Mr. McMichael, an honor, sir.
23:21Jim, never served.
23:24And the honor is mine.
23:25But there's an obligation I have as a father.
23:28And that is that if you break her heart, I will break your son.
23:34I'm kidding.
23:36Clear, direct, threatening.
23:38With warmth and jest.
23:40I can see where Lindy gets it.
23:44Hey, hey.
23:46Diane.
23:47Jim.
23:49Jim.
23:50Less.
23:51Oh, Kevin.
23:52Mom.
23:54Lindy.
23:58So how about that book of hers?
24:01You read it?
24:03It's incredible.
24:04You're a big talent, Lindy.
24:06Dad.
24:06Chip off the old block.
24:07And boy, did you get the Diane character down to a T.
24:11Dad.
24:11Yeah, it kept me looking over my shoulder, kiddo.
24:13I'm, I'm, I'm in it.
24:15No, nobody's in it.
24:16It's fiction.
24:16I'm a, I'm a character in your book and you managed to send him an advanced copy to address unknown,
24:22but not me.
24:22Mom.
24:24Mom.
24:26Diane.
24:27Mom.
24:29Kevin!
24:34Leslie, show dad what you were showing.
24:36Oh, no, no.
24:37It's early days.
24:38Show him.
24:39It's extraordinary, Frank.
24:41Yeah, show me.
24:42Come on.
24:42Yeah.
24:43Okay, if you're sure.
24:44Food's not here yet.
24:45See, it's the perfect time.
24:47Go on, dear.
24:47Okay, well, um, Dad, I, I am on the brink of inventing the GMO tomato.
24:56Wow.
24:57It's the, so the genetically modified tomato really has the potential to, um, change agriculture as we know it.
25:03And Monsanto, uh, is interested, actually.
25:05Hasn't the tomato already been invented?
25:07Yeah, but this is a new kind of, this is a different kind of tomato.
25:10You love tomatoes, Frank.
25:11I do love tomatoes in the sandwich.
25:16Does it, does it look like a tomato?
25:18Yeah, but it's genetically modified.
25:20And it tastes like a tomato.
25:21Yes, but, yeah.
25:24It's a tomato.
25:25It is.
25:25It is, yeah.
25:26Nice.
25:28Yeah, yeah.
25:29You see, he's impressed.
25:31Haha, yeah.
25:43Uh, bullshit to marriage.
25:45Bullshit to happy.
25:46Do you want to know what genre I file romance under?
25:48Fantasy.
25:49And as for Lindy and the Nutty Professor?
25:50Science fiction.
25:52I'm just waiting for the day my phone rings and she's accidentally got two heads.
25:57Attention, distinguished guests.
25:59The food is on its way.
26:02Please return to your seats in a timely manner and we'll-
26:05Chapter 9, Mother of Ice.
26:10Oh, fuck.
26:11My mother was not kind or warm.
26:15Walt, go stop her.
26:16Do something.
26:17I'm no hero.
26:18Okay, alright, everybody take your seat, sit down, don't worry.
26:22Everybody, mom.
26:22Her feelings frozen into harsh jagged edges, ready to impale anyone who got to-
26:29Stop it.
26:29You're ruining mom.
26:30What the fuck are you doing?
26:31You're ruining my wedding.
26:32Diane, would you like some coffee?
26:34Where's, uh, Kevin?
26:34As soon as-
26:35You know what, let's just-
26:36Heaven?
26:36I'm- I'm-
26:37Heaven!
26:38Heaven!
26:39Temperature dropped.
26:40The air stopped.
26:41The air stopped.
26:43We need coffee!
26:45Can I unplug this?
26:47Good idea.
26:48Great idea.
26:49Scorned my mother's love-
26:50Unplug it.
26:51Mom, what are you doing?
26:52Hell hath no fury like a repressed middle-aged mother scorned my mother's love conditional.
26:59It had to be earned.
27:00It had to be controlled.
27:01Heaven!
27:01I don't know where-
27:03Ah!
27:04I'm burning!
27:05He's fine!
27:06He's fine.
27:07He's not burning.
27:08My mother was not one to forget or forgive.
27:12Stop!
27:13God!
27:13We're getting out of here.
27:15Whoa!
27:15Stop!
27:16Jesus!
27:17Fuck, Diane!
27:18Fuck the knife!
27:20Put the knife down!
27:21Oh!
27:23Oh!
27:23Oh!
27:24Oh!
27:24Oh!
27:25Oh!
27:27Oh!
27:28I can bleed out!
27:29I'm gonna pull it out!
27:29No!
27:30Don't pull it out!
27:31I don't think you can.
27:32I can't fight with me!
27:34I really don't think you can.
27:35Five!
27:35Two!
27:39everybody's getting stabbed
27:41oh let's get you out of here dear
27:49Walter could you restrain your fucking wife
27:52don't tell me what to do
27:54come on go up there
27:56I fucking will
28:04holy gracious savior you called it
28:07double stabbing
28:09should have put money on it
28:10marriage bloodsport
28:12everybody please sit down and enjoy the fucking tuna tartar
28:25what happened exactly
28:28rehearsal dinner
28:32got it
28:34by the way I liked your speech a lot
28:39by the way
28:41I liked your face a lot
28:46my room let's go now
28:50bless the shepherd
28:51I should probably introduce myself
28:58what's the secret to a happy marriage
29:00being in sync
29:05what a shit show
29:11oh my god my family
29:14always with the drama
29:16I mean I only wanted to get married
29:18to join your normal family
29:19so I could escape from the madness of my own
29:23only
29:27only
29:31less
29:33you only wanted to get married
29:35to join my normal family
29:38do you have any idea
29:40how small that makes me feel
29:44oh hey
29:47nothing's changed
29:50and I love you
29:51not enough to not
29:54work
29:54that I rehearsed dinner
29:56right
29:57maybe I could
29:58maybe I could still feel my thigh
30:01what happened to everything that goes bad is good
30:04makes for a better story
30:06we're not even doing this for real
30:09are we
30:10I don't know
30:10are we
30:13what's happening
30:15is this maybe the drugs talking
30:17uh
30:18maybe
30:19maybe
30:20maybe not
30:21my god where are you going
30:23going to my room
30:24come bless
30:25let's just fuck that
30:27traditional wedding
30:28superstition stuff
30:29well you wanna
30:29you wanna fuck the wedding
30:33that is not what I just said
30:34but that's what you meant
30:35no
30:36wait
30:38what's this
30:39I
30:40I
30:41I
30:41let
30:42that's your vow
30:43let's do this thing
30:44come on
30:45that
30:46that's
30:47I
30:47I'm tomorrow
30:48I'm gonna
30:48I got it
30:49I got it
30:50it really is a fucking wedding
30:51I understand
30:52hang on
30:53where
30:54where
30:54wait
30:57am I gonna see you tomorrow
30:59am I gonna see you tomorrow
31:17hey
31:18hey
31:21cold feet
31:22maybe
31:24drink
31:26yeah
31:27you alright
31:34I'm sorry about your arm
31:35ah
31:36she's been waiting 20 years
31:37to stab me with something
31:39it's okay
31:43I think this wedding was a mistake
31:47the wedding or the marriage
31:51gotta say I never thought I'd see my little firecracker settle down
31:57but you like less right
32:00you chose dependable over exciting
32:02is that bad
32:03we don't do dependable
32:05me and you
32:11I wanted normal
32:15never had normal
32:18well
32:20not normal
32:22fueled your talent
32:23hell you wrote a fantastic book because of it
32:28normal can kill a creative spark
32:33that's why I can't write my vows maybe
32:36could be
32:38I should know
32:41before I met Diane I was a lock for the majors
32:44but you know the story
32:45yep
32:46yeah you got married and then the armoire
32:49the armoire
32:50the dresser thing she wanted upstairs had to have it upstairs and then tore a ligament
32:55and
32:55how is that
32:56by baseball career
32:58you really think you would have been a baseball star if you hadn't married mom
33:06after we divorced
33:07I started playing down in the Mexican Pacific League
33:10everyone thought I was washed up
33:12coach was forced to sign me
33:14so
33:14he benched me
33:15game after game
33:16and
33:18one day
33:18their star player
33:21got injured
33:22and coach had no choice but to
33:23send me into the bat
33:25first pitch
33:26swing and a miss
33:27second pitch
33:28another whiff
33:29if I blow it
33:30I'm done
33:31that next pitch
33:32I hit that goddamn ball so hard
33:34it smashes out the stadium lights
33:36sparks flying onto the field
33:38crowd goes wild
33:39and
33:40I knew
33:41I mean I remembered
33:42in that moment
33:45for great talent to thrive
33:47you gotta put you first
33:50you hear me kiddo
33:54yeah
33:55yeah
33:56yeah
33:57I'll have the car running tomorrow morning
33:59if you wanna make a run for it
34:03we both know this isn't you
34:04peas and carrots
34:08I'll drive back
34:08I ain't gonna see a man about a horse
34:16um
34:17you do know
34:18that was the plot of the natural
34:20right
34:22oh yeah
34:22Kevin
34:24I know
34:37Even生
34:38you know
34:38I
34:38you
34:40you
34:41I
34:41you
34:53you
34:54you
35:00are you crying no are you smoking no
35:07is it because i stabbed you no is it because you stabbed me yes
35:18what did she say or what did she do
35:22she was so excited fear cloaked in excitement and now she wants to run well she didn't say that she
35:39didn't have to lindia's like jim but she's more like me and she realizes the more she loves someone
35:46the more she fears they will run we have the endlessly charming jim to thank for that say
35:55what you will about me but i stuck around i know i am not easy or charming
36:03and contrary to popular belief i am not a monster after jim left
36:13my heart broke
36:16yes mother of ice has a heart
36:19i vowed i'd never marry again
36:24then i met walt
36:26he's a good one i may be the only one who sees that
36:30but everyone else can fuck right off
36:33now you less
36:37you are one of the good ones too
36:43and lindy knows it
36:46and that's why she's trying so hard not to run
36:56this conversation never happened
36:59diane thank you
37:01not bad for an emotional icicle
37:29fuck
37:52oh daddy
37:55janet reno
38:17let's do this thing
38:27you took my fucking bullhorn
38:31kevin
38:41this is not us
38:44it's not us
38:49but is it you
38:52be honest
39:00yeah
39:01i wanted to get married
39:03to you
39:07and i wanted a wedding
39:12i did
39:14but you
39:15um
39:15didn't
39:16no
39:20so why did you say yes
39:22because i didn't want to lose you
39:24or my family
39:26but you see why now right
39:31i just wanted
39:34was longing for some
39:37sense of
39:38normal
39:39yeah i said
39:41i'd do
39:43what i'd always said i wouldn't do
39:47because i didn't want you to go
39:49go
39:50go
39:51i'm an overly educated
39:53uh science nerd
39:55nobody
39:56with
39:57with one
39:58dumb
39:59idea
40:00no one gives a shit about
40:02you
40:03are
40:03brilliant
40:04and you're gonna change the world
40:07i truly believe you will
40:09and i can't wrap my head around
40:12why you wanna
40:14stay with a dum-dum like me
40:18when you tell me i can change the world
40:20then i believe
40:23and there is nothing i want more
40:25than to be with a dum-dum like you
40:27forever
40:30fuck the paperwork
40:31but you want the paperwork
40:32you don't
40:33you don't
40:34so fuck it
40:38but you saying fuck it really makes me fucking happy
40:42i fucking love you
40:45i fucking love you
40:53now i just want to un-fuck it and just get married
40:59what fuck it for real
41:00but for us
41:02like our
41:04our thing
41:05our
41:05our
41:06normal
41:06our version
41:07and
41:08and
41:09no drama
41:10yes no violence
41:11no police
41:12no family
41:13no
41:18i know a perfect place
41:23the gray house
41:24the gray house
41:40the secret
41:42not having a wedding
41:46having two
41:48diane
41:49don't make me come over there
41:55i
41:55less little john
41:57do not take you
41:59lindy mcmichael
42:00to be my wedded wife
42:02i
42:03lindy mcmichael
42:04do not
42:05take you less little john
42:07to be my wedded husband
42:08not
42:09never
42:10never
42:11ever
42:11you are signing the papers yes
42:13yes
42:13yeah
42:14okay
42:15okay well
42:16i now pronounce you
42:17not husband and wife
42:19john
42:21k
42:21no
42:21no
42:30no
42:31i
42:48hate you
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