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Short filmTranscript
00:01Hey, Gregory, you want to watch a movie together on the plane?
00:03Oh, sorry. I prefer the raw dog flights.
00:06Just stare straight ahead, no distractions.
00:08God, you're cool.
00:09Hello, ladies.
00:11This is great and all, but I don't understand why we couldn't drive ourselves to the airport.
00:14Because, see, this way we don't have to pay for parking.
00:17Although, usually, I just borrowed Captain Rob's fire decals, and I parked that thing right by the gate.
00:22Well, I'm not complaining, because the school district is sending this mommy to Miami.
00:27Have no fear?
00:28I'm here.
00:29As soon as Janine changes, we can go.
00:32I call shotgun.
00:34What are you doing here?
00:35Yeah, Mr. J., this conference is for teachers.
00:38You're forgetting I subbed a few classes.
00:40These kids wouldn't know squat about hip replacements if it wasn't for me.
00:43Well, he did substitute teach, though.
00:45Okay, but the district didn't buy you a plane ticket.
00:47A plane what?
00:48See you later, Mr. Johnson.
00:50I can take care of everything.
00:52Guess I won't be taking my talents to South Beach, I'll throw off.
00:55I'll carry my own bag.
01:08Oh, wow.
01:10Not bad.
01:11This is good.
01:12Speaking of beautiful, hey, y'all, what's up?
01:15What's O'Shawn doing here?
01:17Yeah, what, does the hotel have an IT problem, Ava?
01:20I flew him out on the district's dime, duh.
01:22What am I supposed to do in a presidential suite by myself?
01:25Hopefully the next time I see y'all is on a plane ride home.
01:27Wow.
01:27Jacob Hill, is that you?
01:30A fan or a hater, I can never tell.
01:33You're the liaison for District 51, I'm 54.
01:36But people are saying you are a rising star.
01:39Okay, who is saying that?
01:40I want their names so I can hug them.
01:42They'll all be at the liaison's liaison liator.
01:47Wow, we are at the corny convention.
01:51Liaison liator.
01:58You guys hear about all these crazy rumors?
02:01I try to avoid rumors because I'm addicted to them.
02:04Spill the beans.
02:06Superintendent got fired from embezzling money.
02:08School of the Future is becoming AI only.
02:10They're shutting down 15 schools.
02:12And after Representative Sloss got slapped,
02:14she's using it as an excuse to get a facelift.
02:17Wait, sorry, 15 schools?
02:18That can't be true.
02:19It was a pretty hard slap.
02:20Guys, wait up!
02:22Pexa is full of rumors that always turn out to be unfounded.
02:26Yeah, our jobs will continue to be safe,
02:29miserable, and terribly paid.
02:31So just cheer up, kids.
02:33All right, well, I'm going to go find the other reps.
02:34I'm sure they want some FaceTime with their rising star.
02:38All right.
02:38You could say I'm the Chase Infinity of the ladies.
02:40We're going to go get our badges.
02:43Ooh!
02:43Putting on this badge feels like putting on an Olympic medal.
02:46Nice.
02:47My mouth feels like a badge.
02:49Come on.
02:49Hey!
02:50I didn't think I see you two here.
02:52Yeah, of course we are.
02:52Well, we wouldn't miss it.
02:53This is so exciting.
02:54You guys should come to this panel with me.
02:56I thought the panel's going to start until tomorrow.
02:58Nope.
02:59Attendance was so high this year that they had to start early.
03:01Oh, okay.
03:06Comedy and sensuality?
03:07Is this a Pexa weekend?
03:09Pexa weekend?
03:10Whoa.
03:11What are the odds?
03:12No, I'm here for the Mostly Fans convention.
03:14Oh, Mostly Fans is here.
03:18Fun.
03:19Oh, I thought that some of the teachers had a hornier vibe than usual.
03:24And if you're wondering whether I'm a fan or a creator.
03:26I'm not wondering.
03:27Of course, I dip my toes into both, if you catch my drift.
03:30I don't want to catch anything here.
03:32So, are you ready?
03:33Oh, isn't that your ex-wife over there?
03:37Which one?
03:40Wait a minute.
03:41How do you know my ex-wife?
03:44It's rare for the school to be deserted even on the weekends.
03:47Teachers like to come in and work because they're strange people.
03:51So, I'm deep cleaning the place why everyone's in Florida having fun without me.
03:56But the joke's on men.
03:58I don't even like Miami.
04:00I love it.
04:02Shoot, I forgot my book in the room.
04:04I'll be right back.
04:05Uh, what are your eyes going to do with a book while I'm sitting right here?
04:11Well, hello.
04:12Are you on Mostly Fans?
04:15Um, sorry.
04:17Out of your league.
04:18B-Y-E-B-B-L?
04:23You know what?
04:25Maybe it'll be safer if I go get your book.
04:27Until I return.
04:29Thanks, baby.
04:32Hey, sis.
04:34Thanks for saving me a seat.
04:35Oh, my goodness.
04:37I thought we weren't going to see you all weekend.
04:39Had to find out if the rumors were true.
04:41And O'Shawn was getting too much unwanted attention, so I left him in the room with the door locked.
04:45Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, flying low for some high fives.
04:50Not seeing any yet, no.
04:52I'll get one.
04:53I'll take it.
04:53Uh-oh, uh-oh.
04:54Here we go.
04:55Damn.
04:57It's dangerous.
05:00Hello, Pexa Weekend.
05:04As the saying goes, be in Veneto a Florida.
05:07Oh, we have so many wonderful things in store.
05:10We have booked an authentic Cuban band from Tampa for the, uh, famous Pexa party.
05:16There's a caricaturist by the bathroom.
05:18Numerous lectures.
05:20I'm excited to say that we finally have one of our most tenured teachers leading one tomorrow morning.
05:26Let's give it up for Barbara Howard.
05:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
05:30We've been hearing wild rumors, and we need to know what's going on.
05:34Okay, this is not a Q&A, but sure.
05:37I'll address this one real quick.
05:39It's true.
05:40Superintendent Reynolds has been let go.
05:43But, but, our new acting superintendent will be here on Sunday.
05:46We are on top of it.
05:48You may sit down.
05:50Okay, so what about AI schools?
05:53These rumors are ridiculous.
05:54I assure you, AI schools are not happening.
05:57We looked into it.
05:58It's too expensive.
05:59Okay, what about the rumor that 15 schools are closing?
06:02You cannot believe everything you hear.
06:0415 schools are not closing.
06:06I told you.
06:08It's 20 schools.
06:09What?
06:10I know, I know, I know.
06:12But I assure you, it is well thought out.
06:15This has been based on concrete criteria involving the safety of school buildings, performance, and neighborhood vulnerability.
06:22It only is partly a money issue, as we have run out of it.
06:26Only partly because of the embezzling and flying you all to Miami.
06:30Okay, which schools are closing?
06:32Guys, did you hear me say there are caricatures?
06:36Which schools?
06:37Bye.
06:38I will read the list, since you all are so concerned.
06:43The 20 schools closing are Addington Elementary, Bates Academy, Cass High.
06:52Wait, he's going in alphabetical order.
06:53That means Abbott's eight.
06:54Yeah.
06:55And all these people are losing their jobs.
06:57Once again, you're welcome.
06:58I hope you all remember my services when I'm up for re-election.
07:01Ultra Academy, Vernon Elementary, and finally, Abbott Elementary.
07:09What about the list being alphabetical?
07:11Oh, yeah.
07:12It did seem that way, huh?
07:14Funny coincidence.
07:16I can re-read them in that order if it makes you feel better.
07:18I'm going to kill him.
07:20No, no, no.
07:21Happy to let him in shot.
07:22Come on.
07:23Bates Academy.
07:24I cannot believe they're going to shut down Abbott.
07:27I mean, what am I supposed to do, not teach at Abbott?
07:30I think that's what we're all going to have to not do.
07:32We might have to go on unemployment, and I'm probably going to have to raise the rent.
07:36I have worked too long and too hard to start all over again somewhere else.
07:41This might be it for me.
07:42Thank God being principal is my lowest paying job.
07:45Well, I am not going to take this sitting down.
07:48Or maybe sitting down is exactly what I need to do.
07:51Jacob, don't do a sit-in.
07:53The pants are white.
07:54Oh.
07:56And we're just supposed to take this?
07:58No.
07:59Not me.
07:59Nope.
08:00No.
08:00I am going to do something.
08:02I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to go out there, and I'm going to figure
08:05it out, and don't you try to stop me.
08:07I know not to.
08:07There's a 24-hour naked and afraid marathon on.
08:10For whatever reason, watching them try to start a fire in the nude causes me to do my
08:12best naked.
08:13And you'll be prepared in case we need to live off the land.
08:15Exactly.
08:17You stay here.
08:18I'll walk the hotel, and when we meet back, maybe we'll have a solution.
08:23I love you.
08:24I love you, too.
08:29I can't believe I got my spark back just to lose it and my job, too.
08:36Welcome, everyone.
08:37We are Barbara Howard and Melissa Schementi from Abbott Elementary, and this is the joy of
08:44teaching.
08:45It should be called the rage of teaching.
08:47Um, Melissa, I don't think that...
08:48You know that this woman has given her whole life to this job.
08:53For what?
08:54For what?
08:55Once we're taking the nuts.
08:56That's why.
08:57What are we going to do?
08:59Well, there's nothing you can do.
09:00I...
09:01Except you take all you can while you can, because screw the man.
09:05Screw the man.
09:06Yeah, here's what you're going to do.
09:08You're going to take that per damn money.
09:09You're going to blow it all on the mini bar.
09:12Those overpriced chocolates, lick them, put them back.
09:14And those tiny tequilas, bring those to me, because school is out!
09:18Yeah!
09:20Yeah!
09:25Dang.
09:27Got my money on the warm bottle.
09:29Uh-oh.
09:31I sprayed away the parking lines.
09:34Damn.
09:35Hell no, we won't go. Hell no, we won't go.
09:37Okay, this is our enrollment. District's coming.
09:39Okay, he will not pass through our sit-in without meeting our demands.
09:42Hi, teachers. Bye, teachers.
09:48I think he's buckling.
09:51Hey, Janine. Packs are going well?
09:54Oh, Morton, I don't know. You haven't heard yet.
09:58Okay, the district announced that they're shutting Abbott down.
10:01But that school's home to me.
10:02I know, for all of us.
10:03No, it's literally home. I live there.
10:06Oh. Hey, Morton. You ready for the next panel?
10:09Janine, this is Sally. She's huge on Mostly Fans.
10:12Oh, I sit on cakes. Not as weird as it sounds.
10:15I'm fully clothed. Most of the time.
10:18Yeah.
10:18Anyway, you thinking of joining Mostly Fans?
10:21Uh, well, I do need to supplement my income. Or obtain an income.
10:28Well, then come to the panel with us.
10:30Lots of teachers have to find other ways to make money.
10:32Okay. I guess it couldn't hurt to listen.
10:35There are so many different kinds of cakes that you could sit on.
10:37Oh.
10:38I mean, sheet cakes, cupcakes, mini cupcakes, bundt cake.
10:44Oh.
10:46He's not a celebrity, you know. Don't do anything weird with that.
10:51Oh, so annoying. It's just like high school all over again.
10:54We need to, like, ugly you up.
10:56What you think? Shave my beard?
10:57And release that jawline? Get out of here.
10:59There are so many different ways to attract fans.
11:02You can give fitness advice, cooking tips, share your music.
11:06As for me, I used to think my farts were worthless.
11:08But they're not.
11:09Now I put them in jars and sell them.
11:12And that's how I bought a multi-million dollar home.
11:14And you can too.
11:15So I want you to ask yourself, what's your fart in a jar?
11:34Wow, I'm good.
11:36Maybe too good.
11:38Now I don't know if I can be seen with you.
11:39I feel free.
11:44I've been on a hunger strike since right after breakfast.
11:47Melissa, do you mind if I just smell your pigs in a blanket?
11:49Oh, listen, Gandhi.
11:50I'm telling you, keep your nose out my food.
11:53Well, it looks like the fire from your impassioned speech
11:56has been officially extinguished.
12:02Hey, what's the matter with you?
12:03I thought you were going to get wild.
12:05Reality is setting in.
12:08We're sad.
12:12You know what?
12:14No, not on my watch.
12:18Pardon me.
12:20This is an emergency.
12:24Okay, listen up, everybody.
12:26I know you're upset.
12:28And I know it isn't fair.
12:30But if this is going to be our last hurrah,
12:35let's turn this place out.
12:41And it's an open bar.
12:44No, it's not.
12:46Oh, yes, it is.
12:48An open bar.
12:51All right, screw it.
12:52My mom's a teacher.
12:54Hey!
12:56Now is the time for civil disobedience.
13:02Let's burn the place down!
13:12You went to what?
13:13With who?
13:14I know.
13:15I was desperate.
13:17Oh, my God.
13:18But you know what I learned?
13:20The gig economy is hard work.
13:23I can't hack it.
13:25I don't want to put anything in jars.
13:26I'm glad I don't know what that means.
13:28Gregory, I just want to be a teacher.
13:31But what if the universe doesn't want me to be one?
13:34The universe wants you to be happy.
13:37More importantly, that's what I want.
13:42I promise you, when we get back, we'll figure all of that stuff out, okay?
13:45But now, let's just have fun.
13:49All right, I'm going to go help Jacob.
13:51I warned him not to starve and dance.
13:53He'll pass out.
14:01I'm glad you're here.
14:03No, I'm glad you're here, because you know what?
14:05We've got to spend more time together.
14:07I guess I love you.
14:08I admire you.
14:09I love you.
14:11I actually admire you.
14:11Wait, wait, wait, I got an idea.
14:13Let's call mom until you're pregnant.
14:18Wish your many scissors back.
14:19Wish your many scissors back.
14:21Wish your many scissors back.
14:21Wish your many scissors back.
14:22Wish your many scissors back.
14:23Who wants to walk my plank with shee-bar-bar?
14:27Woo!
14:28Permission to come aboard.
14:30Permission denied.
14:35How you holding up, man?
14:37This Abbott news is crazy.
14:40I'm trying to stay positive, but you're dating, but honestly, I'm freaking out.
14:45But life was finally coming together.
14:49Teaching was going well.
14:51Honestly, no offense.
14:52I was hoping that one day, and that was your girlfriend's job.
14:55Ah, no, you don't want that smoke.
14:56But I could see you as a principal.
15:01Everything's just so up in the air now.
15:04What are our lives gonna look like now?
15:05I mean, we just got through this huge fight and was stronger for it.
15:10It made me realize I wanted to take things to the next level, but now...
15:16There's 11.
15:17You mean, you mean, like...
15:19You mean, like...
15:44Nice.
15:44We need to, like, hydrate lots of electrolytes.
15:48I just want to thank you all for not allowing me to jump into that crowd last night.
15:52Barb, you did jump into the crowd last night.
15:54All right.
15:55Look alive, everyone.
15:56Meeting with the new superintendent.
15:57This might be our last chance.
15:59Hey, you know what?
16:02Let's not go.
16:03What?
16:04I had so much fun last night, and if that's gonna be my final memory as a teacher at Abbott,
16:11then I want to hold on to it.
16:13Yeah, me too.
16:14Yeah.
16:15I'm gonna fire me twice.
16:16They already fired you twice.
16:18Well, third time ain't gonna be the charm.
16:19All right.
16:20Well, I just can't let this go yet.
16:24You got this, Jacob?
16:26We're with you.
16:27Round of shots for when he comes back defeated.
16:29Perfect.
16:30Yeah.
16:31Hair of the dog.
16:32Okay.
16:33Ava, it's just like...
16:34Hey, Mom.
16:35For the most part, these teachers will stalk you all the time.
16:38Excuse me.
16:38Oh, here we go.
16:39Hi, I'm Jacob Hill, one of the liaison reps.
16:42Are you the new superintendent?
16:43Acting superintendent.
16:45Derek Collins, nice to meet you.
16:46We have to get going.
16:47I'm sorry, but I just have to speak up for my school that you are closing, Abbott Elementary.
16:52We have gone through so much this year.
16:54A teacher fell through the ceiling.
16:56We were in a mall for a month after our furnace broke.
16:58Which cost a fortune to fix.
16:59I'm so sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, my hands are tied.
17:02Have a good day, Jacob.
17:03Yeah, but...
17:04What's that about money for a furnace?
17:06It was so expensive.
17:08Hey!
17:08Y'all want to see a dead body?
17:10I mean, who doesn't?
17:11Anyway, now that I have your attention, I got a little proposition for you.
17:15Hey, how'd you do?
17:18Well, R.I.P. Abbott Elementary.
17:20Oh, well.
17:23You can't.
17:23We had some good times at Abbott.
17:25Yeah.
17:25Yeah, we did.
17:26Remember when I set the school on fire?
17:28Yep.
17:29And I met the love of my life at Abbott Elementary.
17:31Oh, Captain Rob.
17:32No, sweet cheeks.
17:33But also Captain Rob.
17:35And I met the love of mine.
17:37Yeah.
17:37In a bathroom.
17:39Covered in pee.
17:40Standing next to a reverse seat toilet.
17:41We should come up with a new story of how we met.
17:43Yeah.
17:44Oh, I'm going to miss our kids.
17:45Oh, you snakes.
17:47How much are you driving?
17:49What are you talking about, Looney Tunes?
17:51They just made an announcement on stage.
17:53Abbott got spared.
17:54What?
17:55What?
17:57Oh, no.
17:57Oh, no.
17:58Okay.
17:59Okay, come on.
17:59Where?
18:00Where?
18:01Man.
18:02This is not worth five bucks.
18:04Seriously.
18:05Hope you take Travis, Jax.
18:09Hi, um, excuse me.
18:11What happened?
18:12You said there was no way Abbott would be safe.
18:14I did, but I received some new information that changed things.
18:17Was it our test scores?
18:18At a rate of improvement.
18:20Uh, no.
18:21No.
18:21Actually, it was your furnace.
18:23What?
18:23Yeah, it doesn't make sense for us to close a school we've already put that much money into.
18:27The only fiscally responsible thing to do is to keep it open, so you're open.
18:30Oh, my God.
18:32I can delete my mostly fans.
18:33You're what?
18:34Uh, now, there's some housekeeping to do.
18:36In order to make this work, we're going to have to let some people go.
18:38We're going to need those funds to hire an assistant principal to share the load of a bigger school.
18:43I know just the person.
18:46My friend Lena needs a job.
18:48Okay, and we kind of like to keep it in-house, if possible?
18:52Yeah, well, our first grade teacher, Gregory Eddy, was briefly interim principal.
18:55And did an excellent job.
18:56Yes.
18:56Well, that'll work.
18:57I still think y'all sleeping on Lena, but...
18:59Gregory, I guess you're my assistant principal.
19:03So I came to Miami.
19:05I lost my job, my future.
19:07My girlfriend became a cam girl.
19:09Then I got a promotion and a raise.
19:11And Janine's a teacher again.
19:12And I also got to watch that episode of Naked and Afraid where that guy loses 37 pounds and gets
19:16a flesh-eating bacteria.
19:17So I'd say it's been a perfect trip.
19:23My disguise must be wearing off.
19:25No.
19:26I'm starting to think maybe they can, since you have a good heart or whatever.
19:30Oh my God, stop fishing.
19:34So much for burning it all down.
19:36That was just an expression.
19:38Well, I set my room on fire.
19:40You do you, girl.
19:41Yeah, good for you.
19:46You know, this whole thing's got me thinking I should get more involved with the district.
19:50Maybe I can, like, make things better.
19:53Yeah, I think you'd be really good at it.
19:55You're the kind of guy we need down there.
19:59Okay, the humidity has made me a sappy son of a bitch, all right?
20:02So what?
20:04Congrats, assistant principal.
20:07Hey, you and Ava are going to make a great team.
20:10You think so?
20:10Just don't interrupt your nap time.
20:12You'll be good.
20:13Oh, yeah.
20:15Assuming your big life plans are still on, our help set up Wi-Fi on Jewelers Road could get you
20:22a discount if you're interested.
20:32Yeah, I think I might take you up on that.
20:40What the hell?
20:42Is it me or are these parking spots getting smaller?
20:45Are you painted this a blind man?
20:46Careful.
20:47What?
20:48Jacob!
20:49Oh!
20:50Don't hit my car!
20:52Oh.
20:54Okay.
20:56Now what?
20:59The one day I drive.
21:03All right.
21:06Oh!
21:08Morning.
21:10Good morning.
21:12Let's go.
21:15The one day I forget my bag.
21:22Tune in.
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