- 19 hours ago
Doc - Season 2 (2025) - Episode 22: Happy Birthday
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00:00You've been different since you came back from Chicago.
00:03You've changed since this whole thing with Rachel.
00:05Previously on Doc, how much prednisone does it take to get you through a shift?
00:10Dr. Ben Grant, I saw you speak in New York.
00:13George Baker died.
00:14It's twice as contagious as Ebola.
00:16All individuals are asked to shelter in place.
00:19Was that a memory seizure?
00:20There's always phenobarb.
00:22It has so many side effects.
00:24We need to decompress.
00:25We're losing it.
00:26Needle stick protocol.
00:27What's going on? What's happened?
00:36Mom, you okay?
00:41So, you said you wanted to know if...
00:44You're sick?
00:45I tested positive.
00:47But I feel okay, and I don't have any pre-existing conditions, so...
00:52You think I didn't look this up?
00:53I know how dangerous it is.
00:57I love you, Katie, Dad.
01:01And I'm sorry for anything that I...
01:05Don't, Mom.
01:07We've already done this.
01:09You're forgiven.
01:11Please.
01:13I can't bear the idea that you don't know that.
01:17Please tell me you know that.
01:23I know.
01:27I know.
01:27I do know that.
01:29We're good, Mom.
01:32You're good.
01:50I'm not micromanaging, Sophie.
01:53I'm trying to keep our mother alive.
01:58Little sister.
02:00Is it that obvious?
02:02I've got one myself.
02:03Has she taken years off your life?
02:05Well, it's too soon to tell.
02:07She's been sick for a while.
02:08I wish I lived closer so I could do more.
02:18Ella Moran just tested positive.
02:21She was infected prior to her surgery,
02:23so Dr. Grant, Peter, TJ, and Marcy may have been exposed as well.
02:28We're waiting on all their results.
02:29Now, as of now, the rest of the staff are still negative,
02:33but we should continue to test every 12 hours.
02:35What's the latest on the antiviral cocktails?
02:37Three had minimal to no impact.
02:40One seems to be very effective at killing the virus.
02:43But it nearly killed Richard, right?
02:45Yeah, it fired his liver.
02:46Can't rely on that one.
02:47If he makes it to the other side,
02:48we could use his blood to produce a convalescent plasma serum.
02:52That's a big if.
02:53Can't just sit around and wait.
02:54What if we use the cocktail that worked on Richard
02:57but attempt to mitigate the liver damage?
03:00With what?
03:00NEC would be my pick.
03:02This could also just cause more harm.
03:04I don't see how that's possible.
03:05So what do you want to do, just treat them like lab rats?
03:07Rats don't get consent.
03:08And what else are we supposed to do?
03:10Continue supportive care.
03:11Let the immune system do its job.
03:13You saw the autopsy images.
03:15There is no supportive care.
03:19I can't keep anything down.
03:22I just gave you an IV antiemetic.
03:24It'll kick in soon.
03:29Thank you for...
03:32for helping him.
03:35You were scared.
03:36And your leader,
03:37this cowardice, didn't help.
03:42Yeah, you should help with the chills.
03:45You performed a surgery.
03:47Did I give it to you?
03:49No.
03:49I got my test back 20 minutes ago,
03:51and I'm still negative, okay?
03:54Shouldn't you be in bed?
03:56As long as I can keep working, I will.
03:59How are you feeling?
04:01A lot worse than yesterday.
04:03Yes, you know it's not because of the antivirals.
04:11I heard you told Katie.
04:13Yeah, it was brutal.
04:14Do you want me to explain what happened?
04:17No.
04:18But thank you.
04:20Hold on a minute.
04:22I need everyone's attention.
04:24It seems only one antiviral cocktail
04:27combats the virus effectively.
04:29But it comes with potentially lethal side effects.
04:33So it's not effective.
04:34We're working on a way to counteract the dangers
04:36so we can still use it to try and save you.
04:39For those unable to weigh in,
04:41we've spoken with their families.
04:43For the rest of you,
04:44the decision of whether to try this is your own.
04:47Without it, what are our chances?
04:50Obviously, everyone is starting
04:51with different individual risk factors.
04:54But broadly, Marburg and Angola
04:57had a 90% fatality rate.
04:59Here, with such advanced medicine,
05:01it can be as low as one in five.
05:04Still, this is a very strong variant.
05:06So the fatality rate will likely be higher.
05:09Well, it sounds like you don't know a thing.
05:10How do you not have any answers?
05:12He has the decency to tell you the truth.
05:15That's what you want, right?
05:18I'll try it.
05:21No way.
05:22Like I said, it's up to you.
05:24But we recommend this course of treatment.
05:29I'm game.
05:31Me too.
05:40We'll get you started on it right away.
05:45Must be so scary out there.
05:47Like nothing I've ever seen.
05:48Those suits you wear, they're keeping you safe?
05:51Yeah, I'm negative.
05:52Renee, and I'm going to stay that way.
05:53Sure.
05:54You're having too much fun flirting with that pretty doctor.
05:57What are you talking about?
05:58I know you, big bro.
06:00There was something more at that conference
06:01than what you told her.
06:02And I think your imagination is starting
06:04to run wild on you in there.
06:09It looks like you just got saved by the bell.
06:11Rumi's getting a call.
06:12Stay safe or I'll kill you.
06:15I will.
06:18Hey, you.
06:19How you doing?
06:20A little stir crazy, but I'm fine.
06:23Any better out there?
06:24Three more positive cases.
06:25One of them's Amy.
06:27Oh, no.
06:28Jake.
06:28Yeah, she took some meds that distracted her.
06:30Didn't tell me till afterwards.
06:32I'm so sorry.
06:33That sounds horrible.
06:36Um, anyway, how's Mia doing?
06:38Well, when your aunt thinks cheese puffs are protein,
06:40all's right with the world.
06:42Maybe we need to fly in your mom.
06:43Oh, no.
06:45Don't even joke about that.
06:48Maybe I have innate cross-reactivity
06:50in my T-cells with the Marburg virus.
06:53And you think you were exposed to something similar?
06:55Years ago, my ex-wife and I were in Uganda
06:57for a heritage tour.
06:59Given your level of contact with these two patients
07:01and the fact that you're still asymptomatic,
07:03it is possible you already have immunoglobulins.
07:07And if I do, could my CD8 T-cells be clearing veremia?
07:11We haven't given it enough time.
07:12I don't like it.
07:13Okay, her AST's 1100.
07:15We gotta pull her off this.
07:16What's going on?
07:17What are you doing?
07:18She's not reacting well to the antiviral.
07:20I knew it was a bad idea.
07:22Okay, can you stop mine too?
07:24Everyone is different, Lance.
07:25You and Mr. Zweig are both showing some improvement.
07:27That is only temporary.
07:28Herman is jaundiced.
07:29Chase has peripheral edema.
07:30Herman's viral load is dropping,
07:32and Chase's swelling could just be the Marbury.
07:33I want to stop the meds too.
07:35Amy, we pulled Liz off
07:36because her liver enzymes are too high.
07:38But yours are still in a safe range.
07:40The data points are trending upward for everyone.
07:43There's a tipping point.
07:44We're all gonna get there,
07:46and we're gonna wind up like Richard.
07:47Hey, wait, what are you talking about over there?
07:49What's happening?
07:50Barry, have you been to medical school
07:51since our last conversation?
07:53Right, this is doctors only.
07:55Well, at the moment, you're a patient.
07:56You need to find another way.
07:58I won't risk everyone else's chances
08:00because you're scared.
08:01You want to pull yourself off,
08:02do it discreetly.
08:03But the course of treatment stands.
08:19Just tell me you're still okay.
08:21I'm fine.
08:22Are the antivirals working?
08:24Uh, it's a mixed bag at the moment.
08:27Then maybe you need my antibodies.
08:29Gina, there are plenty of us who still don't have it.
08:31Who worked on the code and treated Mr. Santiago?
08:34I spoke to two immunologists in D.C.
08:37and a renowned virologist in Colorado.
08:39They believe it's possible.
08:41Dr. Walker was wrong.
08:43She doesn't have antibodies.
08:45Well, then why didn't she get it yet?
08:46She's not gonna get it.
08:48Ever.
08:49If she's not immune, how can you know that?
08:52No, I don't want...
08:54What's happening with me?
08:56Stop.
08:57It's too much.
08:58He's delirious.
09:00You don't care about me.
09:03He's talking about how we made him drink.
09:07We wouldn't even be here if we hadn't done that to him.
09:09You don't care about me.
09:14Everyone's saying that you're the one who figured this out, hmm?
09:17The virus.
09:19I could never have forgiven myself if I went home
09:21and spread this thing to my grandkids.
09:24So thank you.
09:26You're welcome.
09:30Gina.
09:31No.
09:32You have it, too?
09:33Nope.
09:33I'm resistant.
09:34What?
09:35How?
09:35It turns out this strain hijacks the cholesterol pathway
09:38to get into your cells.
09:39I have a genetic mutation that blocks that access point
09:42so the virus can't get in.
09:43So you don't have antibodies, but Richard does.
09:48Which means, now that they know where to look,
09:50pathologists can access that antibody within hours instead of months.
09:55If it works, then we have a cure, at least for this strain.
10:00The problem is going to be getting his blood.
10:02He's too sick.
10:03I just, I have to figure out how to make him better.
10:08Okay, there's a lot of doctors working on this.
10:11Let's get you into bed.
10:18Close your eyes.
10:19It's okay.
10:22I can't get her temperature down.
10:24It won't be long now.
10:26Was it the cocktail?
10:28He has T's 850.
10:29She has the virus, an ulcer.
10:38Take everyone off the antiviral.
10:53Hello?
10:54Hi, Sophie.
10:55It's Dr. Grant.
10:56Is she okay?
10:57Well, we tried everything we could,
11:00but unfortunately, Ellen...
11:02wait, wait.
11:05Please.
11:09She's a pain in the ass, you know.
11:13Bossy, patronizing.
11:16But she's my big sister.
11:18And there's no one I love more.
11:21And no one who will ever love me the way she does.
11:24So just...
11:26Give me another minute before you say it out loud.
11:29Sure.
11:31Sure.
11:33Sure.
11:35I think...
11:37Maybe she pissed me off so much,
11:39because she was right.
11:41My mom needs better,
11:43and I can't do this.
11:45That's not what she said to me.
11:48What...
11:48What exactly did she say?
11:50My sister?
11:54She's got this.
11:56Tell her.
12:04I'm...
12:05I'm sorry.
12:06I've got to go.
12:10That was kind.
12:13I'm sorry?
12:16I'm sure Ella wasn't lucid at the end.
12:36You threw everything at it.
12:40First, do no harm.
12:43I'm sure Hippocrates understood there was some room for nuance.
12:46Not sure Amy does.
12:48When things go wrong, she has a tendency to assign blame.
12:53Richard's our only chance now.
12:55But he is not getting better fast enough.
12:58His O2's at 94%,
13:00and LFTs are down to just over 100.
13:02He is getting better.
13:04L-carnitine with colostrumming could accelerate his recovery.
13:08I did that already.
13:09Then add Flumazanil.
13:10That could trigger a seizure.
13:12Oh, now you're getting cautious?
13:24Do it.
13:35No, no, no, there's nothing you can do.
13:42Tell Ma not to worry.
13:45I'm going to take my 30 now.
13:48How are your folks?
13:50A lot of unresolved stuff they'll have to deal with if I go down.
13:54You're not going down.
13:57You talked to your parents yet?
14:00They've been through a lot with me already.
14:02They have faith.
14:07I'm going to get through this.
14:14I'll check Valproate trough levels.
14:16Okay, let's repeat the EEG tomorrow.
14:21How's TJ?
14:22He's worried.
14:23Feels guilty about Amy.
14:25It's definitely not on him.
14:27What does that mean?
14:28Hey, I just broke my sister.
14:31Rachel has a fever.
14:33Yeah, okay.
14:45Wait, we can't even talk inside our own house?
14:47I was exposed to someone yesterday.
14:49There's no vaccine for Mia yet.
14:50There's nothing I can do.
14:51Well, Mia's going to Eliana's this weekend,
14:53and I am going to Cabo with my girlfriends.
14:55Okay, great.
14:56You have fun.
14:57That's it.
14:58What do you want me to say?
15:01How about no, Rach?
15:04Let's you and me go instead.
15:06You know I can't do that.
15:07Right, because the whole world will die
15:08if you leave work for three days.
15:09I took an oath on my patience.
15:11Before that, you made a vow to me.
15:12Come on, Rachel.
15:14Give me a break.
15:14We don't even belong here.
15:15We're supposed to be in Maryland.
15:17There's plenty of COVID in Maryland.
15:20We are losing us, Jake.
15:23And you don't even see it.
15:41Nora?
15:43Amy, how are you feeling?
15:45Not great.
15:47Is there something you need?
15:48I tried calling Michael.
15:51He didn't pick up.
15:54Katie called.
15:55She's scared, so I'm going to go to the house and be with her.
15:59Okay.
16:01You should go be with her then.
16:05Good.
16:05I didn't want to overstep.
16:08Right.
16:08Well, it never stopped you before.
16:10Excuse me?
16:13I'm sorry.
16:14I...
16:17Look, I know that you were there for her when I couldn't be.
16:24You helped her through a really dark time.
16:29So I need to thank you for that.
16:33Um...
16:36I'm going to walk into your house,
16:37and I'm going to look after your daughter the best I can right now.
16:41But when you get out of there...
16:44If you and Michael are meant to be together,
16:46I really hope that happens.
16:49For both of you.
16:52Give her a hug for me, okay?
16:57I will.
17:02Wow.
17:03You must really think we're going to die.
17:06No, I just wouldn't want to leave anything unsaid.
17:10I know you think I'm one of these conspiracy kooks.
17:14But I wasn't always like this.
17:16What happened?
17:17COVID.
17:18And I listened to the experts.
17:20I followed all the rules.
17:23My son, he was 10.
17:26And the masks and isolation.
17:29He's a shell of himself now.
17:32And I couldn't help him.
17:34He still can't.
17:36But that's a tough age to begin with.
17:40You remember being 10?
17:41Sure.
17:43On my 10th birthday, we won the war.
17:46It was a good day.
17:49But the world promises us nothing.
17:54I lost both my parents and my sisters in the camps.
17:59And later, I lost both my wives to cancer and even my son.
18:11But all we can do is try to be grateful for what we have when we have it.
18:16And treat everyone with dignity and generosity when they make mistakes.
18:39Dr. Heller?
18:40We have Rachel's test results.
18:44Just help me.
18:45You have the flu.
18:50It's probably from our daughter, the Petri dish.
18:53Wait, but Mia doesn't even have it.
18:55Yeah, I just got off the phone with Allie.
18:57I guess she's starting to get some symptoms.
18:58She just didn't want to worry us.
18:59Well, that might have been good to know.
19:01Yeah.
19:04You dodged another bullet.
19:06I'm lucky.
19:08More than I ever realized.
19:26How am I doing?
19:27You scared us there for a while.
19:30But lungs are better.
19:31Abdomen soft.
19:32I expect a full recovery.
19:35Now, Zami, Julie told me she got infected, saving me.
19:52Can I do anything for you?
19:54You can stop feeling responsible.
19:58I was off my game.
20:00You did everything right.
20:03I need you to tell me that you hear me.
20:18What you prescribed for Richard is working.
20:23Just hold on.
20:25Okay?
20:26Yeah.
20:31So, Richard's viral load finally hit zero.
20:34The only problem is, we need a very high concentration of antibodies,
20:38and he's too weak to give us more than a couple of units.
20:41Which is enough for how much serum?
20:42Three doses, if we're lucky.
20:45Then who do we give it to?
20:50If we knew it was a surefire cure, it would go to the sickest.
20:54Yeah, but we're not, and we can't let it go to waste.
20:56Okay, so what do you want?
20:57We just forget about Herman, give it to the frat boys because they're younger?
20:59I didn't say that, Jake.
21:01But we know where this is going.
21:02So, you want to deny the frat boys because you don't like them?
21:04Does that mean Mr. Conspiracy's out too?
21:07What do we do about the fact that our own people are in there?
21:09We can't rule them out just because we're afraid of being accused of bias.
21:12What, nobody wants to say it?
21:15Amy needs to get one.
21:16I don't care about philosophical debates.
21:19She needs to get one.
21:22Where are you?
21:23You think I don't want to give it to her?
21:29I don't know, Gina.
21:31We took an oath, so I don't know how to deal with this.
21:33We can't play God.
21:35How would we live with ourselves when some of them don't survive?
21:38We need to take ourselves out of this.
21:43I need a hat.
21:57Oh, don't look at me like that.
22:01I'm going to be fine.
22:09How are Liz's sats?
22:1286.
22:13That's bad.
22:16AST?
22:17Stuck at 600.
22:19Who's going to get my serum?
22:21I don't know.
22:45Please have the serum.
22:47Okay.
22:56Everyone, there's something new we want to try.
22:59Since Dr. Miller is recovering, it involves using his blood.
23:03Unfortunately, we only have enough for three patients.
23:06Each of you will get an IV bag.
23:09Three have Dr. Miller's serum.
23:11The rest are placebos.
23:12No, it was chosen randomly.
23:14None of you will know who's getting the actual treatment.
23:17And once again, we need your consent.
23:24Uh-huh.
23:47Amy!
23:57Dr. Coleman, I need your help.
23:58What happened?
23:59Hypotensive LOC.
24:00Focus shows thoracic aortic dissection from the Marburg.
24:03We threw a shower of clots, so she also has ischemic kidneys.
24:06So, you got anticoagulant?
24:07Can't.
24:08Now with the dissection.
24:09Need to fix the kidneys and the aorta at the same time.
24:11A lap and a thoracotomy, that's two surgeries at once.
24:13Which is why I need another surgeon.
24:14Scrub up.
24:15Suit up.
24:15Let's go.
24:21While I work on her heart, you'll clear the renal artery clots.
24:24Midline incision.
24:25Exactly.
24:25Now, after you clear the clots, you'll assess the kidney tissue viability,
24:28and you'll probably need to do a wedge resection.
24:30Yeah, I've only done one appendectomy, and even then, I'm...
24:33I can talk you through it.
24:37Scalpel.
24:38Scalpel.
24:43Scalpel.
24:48I'm going to take care of our girls.
24:56You guys need an assist?
25:00I'm told you're pretty good.
25:02You were misinformed.
25:04I'm spectacular.
25:09I know you're scared, honey, but she's in good hands.
25:13But she still has the virus, which is like Ebola.
25:15I know, but...
25:20Dad.
25:22I'm sorry.
25:23I, um...
25:27Dad.
25:31I'm okay.
25:33It's okay.
25:37TJ, dab above my forceps.
25:40Suction is fully exposed.
25:43What do you see?
25:44Distal to the left subclavian.
25:46That's fortunate.
25:47Excellent candidate for replacement with the Dacron graph.
25:50Vascular cross clamp.
25:52Cross clamping now.
25:53No!
25:54I need to stop the blood flow so I can remove the dissection.
25:57You cut off the blood flow even for a minute, you deprive the kidneys of oxygen, that'll destroy them.
26:02What about ECMO?
26:03We only have one, and it's connected to another patient.
26:07We need to do our very own Red River diversion.
26:10What are you talking about?
26:11Come on, TJ.
26:12Fargo and Moorhead divert the river to stop all the flooding.
26:15You want me to reroute the blood flow from above the dissection to below?
26:19I get the blood.
26:20You get it, Dryfield.
26:21Win-win.
26:23I like it.
26:24You done it before?
26:25Never.
26:25Give me a 404 lean on a needle driver.
26:42How are we looking?
26:44My field is nice and dry.
26:49And I've got happy kidneys.
26:52Oh, I spoke too soon, maybe not.
26:55What's wrong?
26:56I've got multiple segments with necrotic tissue.
26:59If we reconstruct the renal arteries, we could do focused nephron sparing resections.
27:03It'll save her kidneys.
27:09I need 100 milligrams of hydrocortisone.
27:12Yes, ma'am.
27:15Not for her.
27:17For me.
27:25I won't get through this without that.
27:28Do it, Peter.
27:30Now.
27:53Arterial reconstruction is good.
27:55Just have two more segments of non-viable kidneys to deal with.
28:00CO2 is climbing.
28:01Up the respirae.
28:02Blow off some of that acid.
28:07That's her heart now.
28:08Potassium must be spiking too.
28:10Kitty's been down too long.
28:11I am repairing as fast as I can.
28:13Push beta blockers, Peter.
28:15We need time.
28:15On it.
28:16TJ, I need you to suture that small segment for me.
28:20Give me a 4-0.
28:29SVT runs now.
28:30Getting nervous here.
28:32Not helpful.
28:42Done.
28:43How's that?
28:45Perfect.
28:46The aortic flow is restored.
28:54It's impressive.
28:56You're not the only one who's spectacular.
29:03Can you close for me, please?
29:07Yes.
29:08Yes.
29:11Yes.
29:13Yes.
29:13Yes.
29:23Do you know what?
29:23Oh, how...
29:25Oh...
29:26Yeah.
29:27Oh, everything hurts.
29:29Yeah, yeah.
29:29That's to be expected.
29:32Do I even want to know?
29:34Well, let's just say, you know, you and I are closer than we used to be.
29:42you you operated on me not just me secondary to the marburg you had an aortic aneurysm and
29:51ischemic kidneys so dr. grant took the former and i did the latter and tj assisted brilliantly
29:59and all fixed up your marburg's getting better too oh i got the serum no you did not
30:09it must have been a hard decision no one decided had to make it random or it would have been
30:17unethical so my body is fighting it i would expect nothing less what about the others
30:25lance didn't make it but the other boy did and liz and her got the serum plus barry richards on
30:33the
30:33men too i guess we gotta be glad that he came back to the hospital huh somebody works in mysterious
30:40ways and now here you are with another bite at the apple
30:48okay rest
30:52joan you all right it's hot in this helmet and i've been wearing it a while
31:01joan
31:04what did you do
31:07i've given
31:10all i had now
31:15but you you amy you've got plenty more to give
31:22so give
31:31i will
31:35promise i will
31:48yeah i know
31:52i heard the same thing yeah i know i know same
32:02i got better so fast
32:05i think maybe i got the real thing
32:08could be
32:15are you sure you want to go mr zwag
32:17are you kidding me
32:19you stay strong
32:21and be your own man
32:22i will
32:26hey herman
32:27i'm sorry you had to miss your birthday
32:29ah i missed the party
32:31technically i had my birthday
32:32thanks to that serum you know
32:35i might have a few more
32:37luck of the draw
32:38yeah
32:39well
32:40i'm old
32:41it was wasted on me
32:42ah come on you really gonna start questioning the plan now
32:46the host of punk dr heller
32:48i can't say i know that one
32:49it's yiddish
32:51means touche
32:51more or less
32:53okay
32:53to host a punk
32:55now you keep wearing that necklace
32:56loud and proud
32:57yes sir
32:59i will
33:00goodbye
33:01ready
33:09you summoned
33:10how's amy
33:12she's better
33:12yeah yeah she's gonna be okay now
33:14good
33:17rage
33:19what is it
33:20when i had the fever
33:22and we thought it was the virus
33:25you know how they say when a plane's going down
33:27your life flashes before your eyes
33:31all this time i thought you were being so selfish
33:36but
33:37it was me
33:39i did not understand what you were going through
33:41and i screwed up
33:42in the worst way
33:45i regret it
33:46every
33:47day
33:50and i am so sorry
33:58i've waited a long time to hear that
34:03but i realized that
34:04you tried telling me how alone you were all those months when i was here in the hospital
34:09you were fighting for us then and i just i didn't hear you
34:14so that's on me
34:29i did get his blood right
34:31i guess that makes you even
34:51sorry i gave you the virus
34:53it's not like it was intentional
34:56it wasn't was it
35:01sorry i thought you killed george baker
35:04well that was the reason that you found the virus as quickly as you did so
35:08a lot more people could have died if you didn't hate me so much
35:11i don't hate you
35:13well whatever you do feel
35:15i don't think you'll have to put up with me much longer
35:19what do you mean
35:20i think it's best
35:22if i just move on
35:24i'll leave on my account
35:28everyone deserves a second chance richard
35:32i just got a third
35:40thank you ben
35:42for everything
35:43thank you my friend
35:44you were a rock
35:46i must put on a good show
35:48totally shared better than east side
35:50and the early contract tracing you did
35:52really prevented the spread
35:53well cdc says it's pretty well contained in the city now
35:56that's good
35:58renee's blood work looks good so i'm gonna take her home
36:00any chance you'd want to move here
36:02so you can be closer to her
36:05she'd pay you to ask that
36:06no it's just
36:07we have an opening in surgery
36:12you will
36:20i put you in a tough spot before
36:22about amy
36:25she's your sister
36:41you didn't tell me you were struggling with your memories
36:45i came to you
36:47i saw something was wrong
36:49instead of bringing me in you just pushed me away
36:54day and a half looking at me and telling me everything was fine and you were popping pills to deal
36:57with it
36:58i know
37:01it just kind of makes me wonder what we really are
37:05it's it's what i do
37:07when i'm scared
37:09why are you scared it's me
37:11what are you scared of
37:13at your dad's funeral
37:16ali told me that
37:18you and rachel would never shake each other
37:20that
37:22it was only a matter of time
37:24before you were back together
37:25well ali's got a big mouth
37:27she's not wrong is she
37:33i don't think this is really about me and rachel
37:38what happened in chicago amy
37:40not saying i would have to hide
37:42that's what you've been doing you've been hiding
37:44really
37:46what have you and rachel been talking about
37:48all these days in here
37:50i saw you jake i saw you in the hallway
37:52i saw how you looked at her through her window
37:54so just be honest
37:58she's mia's mother
37:59and he is katie's father
38:03but it's more than that
38:06for both of us
38:07even if we don't want to admit it
38:11you convinced us that we could deal with that but
38:20what if we can't
38:26yes of course
38:28thank you max i appreciate that
38:32okay bye bye
38:36that sounded almost chummy
38:39yeah he likes me better from a distance
38:44i'm sorry i turned on you
38:47i mean you didn't agree with me about the antivirals
38:50feels like five years ago
38:52but it wasn't it was five days ago
38:55and i can't believe i'm still doing that
38:58doing what
39:01there's just this feeling inside me
39:03whenever someone i count on
39:06disappoints me
39:07this
39:09rage
39:09this
39:10betrayal
39:11and then the way i react
39:13it's it's out of whack
39:14and it's
39:15wrong
39:15and i
39:16i can't control it
39:18if i felt that way
39:20because you gave the wrong meds
39:21to some strangers
39:22i can't imagine
39:23how i was when danny died
39:28i've been trying to figure out since chicago
39:33and i think that the reason that i didn't say yes the first time you proposed was because
39:40deep down i knew that when
39:44you eventually disappointed me i wouldn't be able to handle it
39:49and i hate that i'm built that way
39:53you withdraw
39:56but you always come back
39:58but i didn't
39:59michael
40:00i had a 12 year old daughter and i did the same thing to her
40:06we lost a son
40:09but that can't be an excuse anymore
40:12we can work on this
40:15together
40:16i love you
40:19and i am sure that i always will
40:21but if we got back together now
40:23i would make the same mistake
40:24but that's what you're doing right now
40:28withdrawing to protect yourself
40:30that's the mistake
40:31i'm not i'm not withdrawing
40:32i'm not shutting down
40:34i'm not hiding michael
40:39i need to be of service
40:41and that that is something that we can do together
40:44in your department
40:48but i can't live in the past anymore
40:53i need to move forward
41:01i'll take my pride
41:03i'll stay here for you
41:06now i'm not blind
41:09just seeing it through
41:12you take my life
41:15just for the thrill
41:18i'll take tonight
41:21and die on this hill
41:26i always will
41:32i know that i love
41:34i just take a page out
41:37to be loved
41:40to be loved
41:42and nothing more
41:43and you kept your word
41:46that you wouldn't matter
41:48the way that someone leaves this world
41:52so just love
41:54to me now
41:56oh
41:58to me now
42:03well i'll stay tonight
42:07and die on this hill
42:10i always
42:16will
42:21okay
42:22i know we never text
42:24or put anything in writing
42:25but i am breaking the rule
42:27just this one time
42:29because
42:29it's your birthday
42:31but since we can't be
42:34in that great suite
42:35in the four seasons
42:37to celebrate properly
42:40i am making you this ridiculous video
42:44i uh
42:45i don't know what
42:47this is
42:48or we are
42:48but i i do know
42:51that you make me smile
42:53and i haven't smiled
42:55in a very long time
42:57so happy birthday
42:58benjamin
42:59this video will not
43:00self-destruct
43:01after viewing
43:02so make sure
43:03you destroy it
43:05so it doesn't get
43:06into the wrong hands
43:08i know i'm bad
43:11but i'm trying to be good
43:14sort of
43:45and i'll see you next time
43:45but i will
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