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Watch Shrinking Season 3 Episode 1 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:00:14Hey, sexy. Mind if I take a shower?
00:00:17Well, it's gonna fog up my mirror.
00:00:19How about I wipe a little spot on the shower door, and then you can sneak a peek?
00:00:23Wipe two spots. One for the fun zone, and then do another one for your face.
00:00:28Yeah, deal.
00:00:46And it's a great property, but I over-leveraged myself.
00:00:50I might have to sell it at a loss, and it's hitting all my failure buttons.
00:00:53What?
00:00:54I'm sorry, are you okay?
00:00:55Yeah, I took my meds, but they don't always kick in the way they used to.
00:01:00If it bothers you, I can put my hand in my lap, and I'll cover it with this blanket.
00:01:06But then I'd look like I'm pleasuring myself to your financial troubles.
00:01:13Sorry if it's a distraction.
00:01:26What are you in for?
00:01:29Parkinson's. You?
00:01:30Just haircut.
00:01:34I deserve more of a laugh than that.
00:01:36Sorry.
00:01:37I'm just going through it today.
00:01:39You look good.
00:01:39Your voice is firm.
00:01:41It makes you sound wise.
00:01:42Yeah, I am quite wise.
00:01:44How's your balance?
00:01:46Not bad.
00:01:47The stupid exercises help.
00:01:49Me?
00:01:49I fall three times a day.
00:01:51I'm thinking I'd take it up stunt work.
00:01:55Paul.
00:01:56Jerry.
00:01:58Look at Miles Trevor.
00:01:59I would kill that fucking term like that.
00:02:01Yeah, well, I get real stiff.
00:02:05My left side hurts all the time.
00:02:07I tell my girlfriend that sex helps, but she's a doctor.
00:02:11So she knows I'm full of shit.
00:02:13That's a tough break.
00:02:15I feel stupid complaining to you.
00:02:19Oh, please.
00:02:21We're all the same shitty train to Sucksville.
00:02:23How's his brain?
00:02:24Any hallucinations?
00:02:26No, thank God.
00:02:28They're the worst.
00:02:29Bad enough your body goes, but then you start seeing shit.
00:02:32It scares you.
00:02:32Yeah, who knew that was a thing with Parkinson's?
00:02:34Although one time I saw a helly berry in the bathtub with me.
00:02:38Another time it was my mom.
00:02:40So, good and bad.
00:02:42Unless your mom's really hot.
00:02:43Well, Dad says she was a bobcat in the sack.
00:02:48Enough whining.
00:02:50I'm still here, so fuck Parkinson's.
00:02:52Yeah.
00:02:54Okay.
00:02:55You gonna say it to me to...
00:02:57Jerry, I'll grab you in a minute.
00:02:59Paul?
00:03:00You ready?
00:03:09Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:11Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:16What the fuck?
00:03:17I was here first.
00:03:19I gotta face it, Jimmy.
00:03:20The end of my life's gonna be hard.
00:03:22And I can either be a self-pitying shithead, or I could suck the marrow out of what's left of
00:03:30this amazing life.
00:03:32No more living in why me land.
00:03:35I kinda like why me land.
00:03:37I spent a couple years there recently.
00:03:39It's nice.
00:03:41Well, anyway, that's my new philosophy.
00:03:43Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:45Catchy.
00:03:46Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:48Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:49Fuck it right in the face.
00:03:50Don't fuck my disease in the face, Jimmy.
00:03:53We'll see.
00:03:55But I need a favor.
00:03:58Keep me in check.
00:04:00If you see me sinking, pull me up.
00:04:07I know that's a lot to ask.
00:04:09Paul.
00:04:11I have leaned on you so much.
00:04:15I'm just grateful I get the chance to pay you back even a little.
00:04:21That said, I still don't understand why it means I have to ride next to you in a sports car
00:04:25while you drive like a lunatic.
00:04:30Are you coming or not?
00:04:31Just because I'm not allowed on the streets doesn't mean I can't do it.
00:04:35We are.
00:04:38We are.
00:04:40We are.
00:04:41We are.
00:04:43We are.
00:04:43We are.
00:04:43Oh.
00:04:45Oh.
00:04:47Oh, good.
00:04:48Oh, slow down.
00:04:50Oh, that's triggering.
00:04:51My wife died in a car, Paul.
00:04:53Come on.
00:04:54Relax.
00:04:58Help me carry this weight.
00:05:01That's dragging me down.
00:05:03Pull me out of a dream.
00:05:05Before I start to drown.
00:05:08Let the wreckage all sink.
00:05:10To where the fishes are frightening.
00:05:13I want to hear myself think again.
00:05:17I want to hear myself think again.
00:05:28Baby, sorry I ran out of creamer because I didn't feel like getting it.
00:05:31Also, last night when you were sleeping, let's see, how do I say this one?
00:05:36Um, you started screaming like a little bitch.
00:05:39What's the dealio?
00:05:40Yeah.
00:05:41Come on.
00:05:41No, no, really.
00:05:42Like, what is it?
00:05:44Okay.
00:05:45Um, when I was ten, I threw a pine cone at a crow in my yard.
00:05:50And needless to say, he was pissed.
00:05:53And he would dive bomb me every time I went to the bus stop.
00:05:56Like, every time.
00:05:58You know crows hold grudges.
00:05:59I did not, but this is already the best story I've ever heard.
00:06:01Yeah, so I have this recurring nightmare that he's gonna find me and fuck me up.
00:06:06What, so you think he's gonna, like, rip out your eyes?
00:06:08He'll probably just take one eye.
00:06:10That way you'll be able to see him smile while he eats it.
00:06:12I'm so glad I shared this with you.
00:06:14No.
00:06:15I'm sorry, baby.
00:06:15I love you.
00:06:17I love you.
00:06:19Hmm?
00:06:20What?
00:06:20What do you mean, what?
00:06:21Did you not hear the way you said I love you just now?
00:06:23Yeah, it sounded normal.
00:06:24You sound like Morpheus.
00:06:25Try it again.
00:06:27I love you.
00:06:29Oh, wow.
00:06:31And just keep your calves, like, love ya.
00:06:34Love ya.
00:06:36You get it.
00:06:39There's racist Pam.
00:06:40I have to do something so she knows I hate her.
00:06:42Trust me, everyone you hate is already well aware you hate them.
00:06:47Well, you do something so she knows you hate her, too.
00:06:50Like what?
00:06:51I mean, how many dicks can I tell her to eat at this point?
00:06:53It's redundant.
00:06:54We're getting closer.
00:06:55Think of something.
00:06:57Good morning.
00:07:02That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen.
00:07:04You wanna go home and have a quick?
00:07:06Oh, sure.
00:07:07All right, come on.
00:07:08Let's go ahead.
00:07:10Done.
00:07:11Look at me.
00:07:12Building shed.
00:07:13So mask.
00:07:14Is it turning you on?
00:07:16It would be if you were doing it correctly.
00:07:18Come on.
00:07:18There's nothing more mask than confidently doing something incorrectly.
00:07:22Unless I was, like, standing by a grill and simultaneously over cooking and under cooking sausages.
00:07:29Appreciate it, man.
00:07:31Yo, Pops.
00:07:32Yeah?
00:07:32I put some extra peppers in that bag for Graham.
00:07:35Mm.
00:07:36And I'll see y'all at Sunday dinner.
00:07:38Where are you off to?
00:07:39He's got a booty call.
00:07:41That's, uh...
00:07:42He knows what a booty call is.
00:07:43Jeez, man.
00:07:44I'm in my forties.
00:07:45Oh, so is she.
00:07:47Oh.
00:07:50Older to buried.
00:07:51Sweeter to juice.
00:07:52Sometimes I miss when we weren't talking.
00:07:54Ah.
00:07:55Ah.
00:08:00Huge news.
00:08:01You found my last pair of clean boxers.
00:08:03What?
00:08:03No, no.
00:08:04The Wesleyan soccer coach is coming to my next game to watch me play.
00:08:08Wow.
00:08:09Yeah.
00:08:09That's exciting, too.
00:08:11Hey.
00:08:13Bingo.
00:08:13Good news keeps coming.
00:08:15Ew, you're going commando right now?
00:08:18No.
00:08:19Ew, again.
00:08:19I'm moving past it.
00:08:21I'm going to play soccer in Connecticut!
00:08:26It's weird.
00:08:27Everyone around me seems to be so full of joy lately.
00:08:30I still get knocked on my ass by the smallest things.
00:08:32It's funny.
00:08:33My friend Paul, he got me thinking.
00:08:35We all have agency.
00:08:37And maybe happiness is not this impossible thing.
00:08:41You just have to choose it.
00:08:43Why are you saying this to me?
00:08:44My mistake.
00:08:46You're like the happiest person I know.
00:08:47Listen, you don't have to try and inspire me every time we talk.
00:08:51Why can't we just sit and enjoy our coffees?
00:08:54Because the coffee from your shop is almost a hate crime.
00:08:57Fair.
00:08:58Why do you think the coyote is so sad?
00:09:00Maybe because you call it a coyote.
00:09:02What do you call it?
00:09:03That's just coyote.
00:09:05Coyote.
00:09:05Nope.
00:09:07Okay.
00:09:08I gotta ask.
00:09:09Are you happy spending your days handing out the wifi password and heating up milk?
00:09:14Hey, I also have complete creative control over how the muffins are arranged.
00:09:17Okay.
00:09:18Didn't you used to be a graphic designer?
00:09:21Yeah.
00:09:22You had a logo at the farmer's market.
00:09:24Yeah.
00:09:24That was me.
00:09:25Get the fuck out of here.
00:09:28I see that every time I go to the farmer's market.
00:09:30Yeah, that's how it works.
00:09:34At some point you're gonna have to restart your life.
00:09:37I know.
00:09:40I'm just finally feeling okay where I am.
00:09:44I think I don't wanna risk messing with that.
00:09:47Yeah.
00:09:47I get that.
00:09:49Alice and I are doing really great right now.
00:09:51She's gonna be heading off to college soon.
00:09:52Hmm.
00:09:54All I want is for her to live with me until I die peacefully.
00:09:58And then she can go off and make whatever mistakes a young woman in her 70s might make.
00:10:01Well, that sounds healthy.
00:10:04How you dealing with it?
00:10:06Same thing I tell my patients.
00:10:07Fake it till you make it.
00:10:09I'm gonna be supportive.
00:10:10Do everything I can to help her get into Wesleyan.
00:10:12Pretend I'm not dying inside.
00:10:17Goal!
00:10:24I'm just practicing.
00:10:25Cause I know you're gonna get one today.
00:10:27Are you seriously putting that much pressure on me?
00:10:30Uh, what? No.
00:10:31You don't have to score at all.
00:10:32No, if I don't, I'm doomed.
00:10:35I hope whatever you want to happen, happens without you feeling like it has to happen.
00:10:40Or-
00:10:41Hey, hey, I love it.
00:10:43You know, your mom used to wear her hair like that when we first met.
00:10:46Wait, really?
00:10:47No, I don't know why I said that.
00:10:49You made me really nervous with the whole goal versus no goal issue.
00:10:52Um, I do have one small request.
00:10:55Can we do face paint for the game today?
00:10:58She said no, Derek.
00:11:01Come on!
00:11:02Chest is still good though, yeah?
00:11:04She said no paint anywhere.
00:11:06What are we, Quakers?
00:11:08When did I join Club No Fun?
00:11:13Why did he have it on already?
00:11:14He says it gives it time to settle.
00:11:17Hey, I'm leaving!
00:11:19Okay.
00:11:19I'm coming!
00:11:21Okay, listen.
00:11:22I've been visualizing this.
00:11:24The Wesleyan coach loves you.
00:11:26You get to go to your dream college in New England.
00:11:29My turtleneck game is fire.
00:11:31I'm there for all the big games.
00:11:33Season opener.
00:11:34Homecoming.
00:11:35Neighbors weekend.
00:11:36Parents weekend.
00:11:37We'll see.
00:11:38Are you good?
00:11:39I didn't really sleep.
00:11:40I'm losing my shit a bit.
00:11:42Hey, if you start to feel nervous out there,
00:11:43I want you to look up into the stands and see all of us
00:11:46and borrow our positive energy.
00:11:49And we're gonna project it at you.
00:11:50We're gonna be like...
00:11:56Dad, what is wrong with you?
00:11:57You look like you're vomiting on her.
00:11:59I know.
00:11:59I heard it.
00:12:00Hey, Alex.
00:12:01We're really proud of you.
00:12:02I haven't played yet.
00:12:04Doesn't matter.
00:12:12Morning.
00:12:14Did I put that smile on your face?
00:12:15You did.
00:12:20I think we should end this.
00:12:22And by this, you mean the talking before the sex, right?
00:12:26When I met you, I'd just gotten divorced
00:12:28and I needed something sexy and fun.
00:12:32And along comes a hot, younger man
00:12:35who called me Dr. Sykes in bed.
00:12:38Well, there's no way I'm learning your first name now.
00:12:42I think it's time for me to stop hiding from the future.
00:12:46Okay.
00:12:46That sucks.
00:12:47Are you really gonna pretend this is super serious to you?
00:12:50Nah.
00:12:51But...
00:12:53I am gonna miss it.
00:12:55Well, I didn't say how to end this second.
00:12:58Oh.
00:12:58So we're doing a rampant alley time thing.
00:13:01Doing the gospel choir with the pop-pop fireworks.
00:13:04Yeah, but I gotta be at work in 15.
00:13:06I can do it, no frills, Tanner.
00:13:08Come here, Dr. Sykes.
00:13:09No shit.
00:13:10She really broke up with you.
00:13:12Yeah.
00:13:14You seem surprised.
00:13:15Only because she hasn't called me yet.
00:13:18We talked about it more and she said that being with me
00:13:21was keeping her from moving forward.
00:13:24Hmm.
00:13:24I understand it, but it's still annoying.
00:13:27Well, maybe it's annoying because deep down you realize
00:13:30that you should be moving on, too.
00:13:31I know you want more a real relationship.
00:13:36Your own place.
00:13:37A sailboat in Connecticut.
00:13:41Okay, the last one's mine, but the point is,
00:13:44if you're not growing, you're not living.
00:13:48Nah, I lived this morning.
00:13:50Twice.
00:13:50Twice.
00:13:51I'll make a note of that.
00:13:54Patient keeps bragging despite having been dumped.
00:13:58I missed the notebook.
00:14:00So do I, kid.
00:14:02My handwriting got too shaky.
00:14:04Have I taught you about the field?
00:14:07Is this more your crunchy-munchy spiritual crap?
00:14:10Yep.
00:14:11Life is a conversation with the universe.
00:14:14And we're off.
00:14:15The field is an intelligent energy force
00:14:18that knows who you're supposed to be,
00:14:21and it's gonna keep demonstrating to you
00:14:24what it is you need to work on most
00:14:26over and over again until you start to do it.
00:14:30Damn.
00:14:31That actually sounds like it would be very helpful
00:14:34if it were real.
00:14:37Why are you smiling?
00:14:39Because I'm just thinking about how much I'm gonna enjoy it
00:14:42when you find out that the field is real.
00:14:45And when that, I don't know,
00:14:47throw me some prayer hands.
00:14:51Like I'm a god.
00:14:53How about I hit you with a sexy wink?
00:14:57You call that sexy?
00:14:59Okay, let me see your game.
00:15:06All right, I'd hit that.
00:15:07You couldn't handle it.
00:15:10It's a lot.
00:15:12Redoing the upstairs guest bathroom.
00:15:14Mm-hmm.
00:15:14And I appreciate that my husband's
00:15:17giving me carte blanche budget-wise,
00:15:19but every time I try to tell him
00:15:22what I want to do creatively,
00:15:24he doesn't want to hear it.
00:15:26Brave women are off in silence, Kathy.
00:15:28You, Rosa Parks, Pussy Riot.
00:15:33Yeah, and I know I shouldn't have said that,
00:15:35but her problem just felt so trivial.
00:15:37I couldn't stay focused.
00:15:38Man, I zone out sometimes, too.
00:15:40I have this one patient, uh, Gregory,
00:15:42who goes by Spider.
00:15:43He's got the great nickname,
00:15:45he's covered in tats,
00:15:46he's always wearing some cool boots.
00:15:48This guy is so fucking boring.
00:15:52Hey, am I early?
00:15:53Gregory.
00:15:55Hey, hey, man.
00:15:56Dad, how goes it?
00:15:58We're gonna go do this.
00:16:00Yeah, go.
00:16:01Every time I doubt myself as a therapist,
00:16:03he goes and does something so stupid
00:16:05that it makes me feel better about myself.
00:16:08That's why I keep him around.
00:16:10Yeah.
00:16:11You know, everybody I've been treating these days
00:16:12just seems to be caught up in such low-stakes shit.
00:16:14I know suffering is suffering,
00:16:16and I'm grateful to make a living doing what we do,
00:16:20but I don't know that stuff with my sister,
00:16:22my dad being bipolar.
00:16:24Like, I got into this because I wanted to help people
00:16:26deal with real trauma.
00:16:28Mm-hmm.
00:16:29Like, sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing
00:16:31what I'm supposed to be doing.
00:16:32Does that make any sense?
00:16:35My first job was at Bellevue.
00:16:38Suicidal ideation, personality disorders,
00:16:42schizophrenia, all of it.
00:16:43How was it?
00:16:44It was the worst job I ever had.
00:16:47Really?
00:16:48And also the best.
00:16:51You'd be great there.
00:16:54Thanks, Paul.
00:16:55As a doctor, or as a patient.
00:17:00Whatever.
00:17:00Okay, I've been thinking about the color scheme
00:17:02in your nursery.
00:17:04For the curtains, I have two swatches for you to choose from.
00:17:07Tell them the truth.
00:17:08I have one swatch.
00:17:10Okay.
00:17:10And I'm really excited to hear your thoughts.
00:17:12Truth.
00:17:13I don't care what you think,
00:17:14and I also chose the wallpaper.
00:17:16Oh, you know, actually,
00:17:18Ava's coming to see us tomorrow.
00:17:19She might have some fun thoughts, decor-wise.
00:17:21You know, Derek's brother used to eat candles.
00:17:24What?
00:17:25Oh, I thought we were talking about stupid shit
00:17:26that doesn't matter.
00:17:28Okay.
00:17:28Just show me the baby's wallpaper.
00:17:30Well, not yet.
00:17:30The most important person isn't here.
00:17:32Rude!
00:17:33I told you Charlie couldn't make it.
00:17:34Who gives a shit about Charlie?
00:17:36Sup slut?
00:17:37Hey!
00:17:37No!
00:17:38Now we can begin.
00:17:42So, what do you think?
00:17:44It's so peaceful.
00:17:45Don't interrupt Gabby.
00:17:46I can't interrupt her while she's thinking.
00:17:48Brian, please!
00:17:49Damn!
00:17:49Alright, I'm sorry.
00:17:50Oh, Liz, I love it.
00:17:53It's so peaceful.
00:17:54Plus, if you're ever feeling lazy and you don't want to take the baby for a walk,
00:17:57you can just be like,
00:17:58Look up at the sky, baby.
00:17:59We're already outside.
00:18:01Babies are dumb.
00:18:02Can you believe she thinks she gets to make all these decisions about my baby?
00:18:05Yeah.
00:18:05You knew what she was getting into when you hired Nanny McLiz.
00:18:08I made it perfectly clear you would be dealing with a major control freak.
00:18:13I'm the worst.
00:18:14Oh.
00:18:15Hey.
00:18:16Um, I'm just, I'm gonna just take this out back.
00:18:21Hey, you.
00:18:22What was that about?
00:18:23I don't know.
00:18:24The past few days, he's been taking secret calls.
00:18:27It's so weird.
00:18:29Usually, he answers the phone on speakerphone.
00:18:31It makes everyone say hi to whoever it is on the line.
00:18:33It makes me crazy.
00:18:35Obviously, he's revenge cheating on you.
00:18:37What?
00:18:37Yeah, it's the one-year rule.
00:18:38He gets that much time to do the same thing you did with no consequences.
00:18:43Liz.
00:18:44Oh.
00:18:45Damn, dude, you broke her.
00:18:47Liz, I was joking.
00:18:48It was just a joke.
00:18:48Come back, girl.
00:18:49Come back.
00:18:50Hey, come on.
00:18:51We got a soccer game to get to.
00:18:52Let's go.
00:18:53Let's go.
00:18:54Let's go.
00:18:55Let's go.
00:18:56Let's go.
00:18:56Let's go.
00:18:57Let's go.
00:18:58Let's go.
00:18:59Let's go.
00:18:59What's up with her?
00:19:00Oh, she's just kind of freaked out because she thinks Derek might be cheating on her.
00:19:03The one-year rule.
00:19:04Hmm.
00:19:06It happens.
00:19:08Dude, it's real?
00:19:09Yeah.
00:19:11Come on.
00:19:11Who's pumped?
00:19:12Me.
00:19:13I pumped.
00:19:14You pumped.
00:19:15I pumped.
00:19:16You pumped.
00:19:17Wait for me.
00:19:18Wait for me.
00:19:18Wait for me.
00:19:21Are we early?
00:19:22Does everybody just hate soccer, which is ideal?
00:19:26Hey, I have a fun way to pass the time.
00:19:28I had Brian look at your new will.
00:19:31And he said it's more complicated to become each other's beneficiaries than we think.
00:19:36Gotta get that power of attorney straightened out, too.
00:19:40When it comes time to pull the plug on me, I'm pretty sure Meg's gonna chicken out, so...
00:19:47You're my girl.
00:19:49I can't wait.
00:19:50Can't wait for what?
00:19:51When I have to put Paul down.
00:19:53Ooh, cool.
00:19:53Let's get lunch after.
00:19:55Holy mackinoli.
00:19:56Look at all these beautiful faces.
00:19:58Thanks for coming, everyone.
00:20:00I just wanna say...
00:20:01Not every moment is a speech moment.
00:20:03This one is?
00:20:04It still feels like a good lesson for you.
00:20:06Look, it means the world.
00:20:07Y'all showing up like this.
00:20:09I'm not sure Alice would be such a strong young woman if it weren't for all of you.
00:20:13Haha, she wouldn't be.
00:20:14We did most of it.
00:20:15You did nothing.
00:20:16What the fuck?
00:20:17I was trying to say thank you.
00:20:18Great speech, Jimbo.
00:20:20Sit down.
00:20:20Hey, man.
00:20:21I heard Alice got her hair cut, so you might have to show me which one she is.
00:20:24No problem.
00:20:25I love you.
00:20:27I know.
00:20:28You told people?
00:20:29Only Sean, babe.
00:20:32I love you, too, ma'am.
00:20:34And everybody else.
00:20:35Sorry, babe.
00:20:37Hey!
00:20:38Come on, Alice!
00:20:39Let's go!
00:20:40You're not cheering?
00:20:41She's just stretching.
00:20:43Stretching like a beast!
00:20:45Hey.
00:20:45Don't say beast.
00:20:46Yeah, don't call women beast, dude.
00:20:48A beast is a good thing in sports.
00:20:50Oh.
00:20:51Our bad.
00:20:53I can make it complicated.
00:20:56Woo!
00:20:56Go, Alice!
00:20:58Wait.
00:20:59Why aren't you out there?
00:21:01The coach suggested I might be better as a fan.
00:21:03Shut up.
00:21:04Every coach I ever had said that to me.
00:21:07Okay.
00:21:08Let's go, Alice!
00:21:09Woo!
00:21:10But you get angry when you break less sleep.
00:21:14I'm sorry.
00:21:15Okay.
00:21:16Okay.
00:21:17All right.
00:21:18Go, go, go, go, go!
00:21:21Yes!
00:21:22Great pass!
00:21:23All right!
00:21:25Okay.
00:21:25Hey, that was a great idea, Alice.
00:21:28She likes it when I stay positive.
00:21:30Well, I'm not you.
00:21:31Hey, ponytail!
00:21:32When Alice gives you a good pass, finish it!
00:21:34Yeah, you!
00:21:35Jesus!
00:21:36Oh.
00:21:37Oh.
00:21:37He's doing it down.
00:21:39Let's go!
00:21:39Let's go!
00:21:40Let's go!
00:21:42That's it!
00:21:43Come on, Alice!
00:21:43Yes!
00:21:45Yes!
00:21:47Yes!
00:21:48Yes!
00:21:50Yes!
00:21:51Come on!
00:21:51What game are you watching?
00:21:53Put the heck out of your ass!
00:21:55Oh, my gosh.
00:21:55We are so cute!
00:21:57I don't want to let this one.
00:21:58Go!
00:21:58Go!
00:22:04Hey, you're a doctor, right?
00:22:06I'm having so much trouble focusing.
00:22:08I'm not giving you that at all.
00:22:15Hey!
00:22:16Don't touch my little girl!
00:22:17Come on!
00:22:19Come on, Alice.
00:22:20Hey, you're a doctor.
00:22:22You're nice and calm, sweetie.
00:22:29Wait.
00:22:29Wait.
00:22:30Hey, everybody.
00:22:31I need you to do what I do, okay?
00:22:40Okay?
00:22:40Like that.
00:22:40It's okay.
00:22:42Yeah!
00:22:43Okay.
00:22:44I feel like I'm scared.
00:22:45I'm sorry for the damage and banning.
00:22:48I'm sorry for the stress.
00:22:50I'm going to leave you guessing
00:22:51I'm slipping.
00:22:51The only thing that I'm doing
00:22:52is never doing enough.
00:22:54Maybe someday I'll stop fucking this up.
00:22:57Oh!
00:22:59Oh!
00:23:00Oh, my gosh!
00:23:01Oh, my gosh!
00:23:05Oh, my gosh!
00:23:15Okay, it's getting weird.
00:23:17Hey, Alice, you have a second?
00:23:19Sure.
00:23:20Is that the Wesleyan code?
00:23:21Don't look.
00:23:22I don't give a shit.
00:23:23I'm staring her down.
00:23:29Paul, do you want to just...
00:23:30Paul, I feel like that's the exact wrong approach for this moment.
00:23:35So, if you two are definitely switching your power of attorney,
00:23:38I'd also recommend updating your 401ks
00:23:40and getting Julie on the deed to your condo,
00:23:42which is a tricky process.
00:23:43You need a notary and a witness
00:23:45and the whisker of a snow leopard.
00:23:47What do I have to sign to get you to stop talking?
00:23:49Hey, you asked me, Grumpus.
00:23:52Ignore him.
00:23:53It's all just...
00:23:54I don't know, it just feels so complicated.
00:23:56What if you two just got married?
00:23:58Wouldn't that take care of most of this?
00:24:01You know, he's...
00:24:02he's not wrong.
00:24:04I mean, what little girl hasn't dreamed
00:24:05of getting married
00:24:07so that she has fewer forms to fill out?
00:24:10Yeah, I would do it.
00:24:17Did you just propose to my girlfriend for me?
00:24:27Paul, no, no, no, no, no.
00:24:29It's too delicious.
00:24:30Don't rush it.
00:24:36My bad.
00:24:49It'll be fine.
00:24:51I don't think it will.
00:24:54Hey, babe.
00:24:55Hey.
00:24:56Uh, I have a confession to make.
00:25:00The call I took yesterday...
00:25:01Wait, I knew it.
00:25:02Is it that lady from your cornhole league?
00:25:06Are you screwing the corn whore?
00:25:08No, Sharon is asexual.
00:25:09To know that, you must be talking to her way too much.
00:25:13Look, all the calls
00:25:15were Matthew.
00:25:16He got fired again.
00:25:18And he wanted my help breaking the news to you.
00:25:20Well, why wouldn't he just tell me?
00:25:22Maybe he feels like sometimes
00:25:25you can be a little hard on him.
00:25:28Hmm.
00:25:28Like when he was five
00:25:29and he scratched your car
00:25:31so you broke the bell on his tricycle.
00:25:33Eye for an eye.
00:25:34Exactly.
00:25:35I think he thinks it would just go smoother
00:25:37if I softened you up first.
00:25:39Your butt looks slamming in those pants, by the way.
00:25:44Go on.
00:25:47He needs to move back home.
00:25:50Again?
00:25:50Yes.
00:25:51When is this kid gonna get his act together?
00:25:53I know, honey.
00:25:54He's struggling.
00:25:55What else are we gonna do?
00:25:58When does he want to move back?
00:26:01About six hours ago.
00:26:03Hey, Mom.
00:26:05Your butt looks slamming in those...
00:26:07Look at the butt talk's not for you.
00:26:08All right.
00:26:09Come here.
00:26:10Give me a hug.
00:26:12You, Harvard, may continue.
00:26:14Look at those two scoops.
00:26:18Good morning.
00:26:19Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:26:21No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:21Time to face the music.
00:26:22I want to see this.
00:26:23Look, Paul, I'm sorry I proposed to your girlfriend.
00:26:27And I'm prepared to accept
00:26:28whatever punishment you deem fit.
00:26:30Office chores, silent treatment,
00:26:33even a light spanking,
00:26:34if that's still how your generation handles things.
00:26:36You're not in trouble.
00:26:38Boo, do the light spanking.
00:26:40Turns out getting married solves most of our issues.
00:26:43So we're just gonna go down
00:26:44to the justice of the peace this weekend.
00:26:47When they ask if we take each other
00:26:49to be man and wife,
00:26:50Julie's just gonna say,
00:26:53I guess so.
00:26:54And I'm gonna say,
00:26:56why not?
00:26:57Easy peasy.
00:26:58Yeah, I'm sorry, Paul.
00:26:59It's gonna be a huge no for me
00:27:00on the non-wedding wedding thing.
00:27:02Okay, I'm not in trouble,
00:27:03and this feels dangerous,
00:27:04so I'm just gonna grab some breakfast
00:27:07and exit on a win.
00:27:10Oh, uh, come on.
00:27:12You know I love you and Julie.
00:27:14Let me just throw a little something together.
00:27:18Fuck no.
00:27:20Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul.
00:27:21Weddings aren't for the people
00:27:22that are getting married.
00:27:23It's for their parents,
00:27:24their grandparents, et cetera.
00:27:26And in your case,
00:27:26they're all super dead,
00:27:27so this wedding, kind of like,
00:27:29really, when you think about it,
00:27:30it's just for me.
00:27:31Julie doesn't want anything either.
00:27:34Marty Dilinger.
00:27:35Don't do this.
00:27:36I'm doing it.
00:27:36She wants to talk to me all the time.
00:27:39Hey, Gabby.
00:27:41To what do I owe the pleasure?
00:27:42Ooh.
00:27:43Pleasure.
00:27:44Now I'm so flustered
00:27:45I forgot why I was calling.
00:27:47Okay, keep it in your pants.
00:27:49You know what you do to me, girl.
00:27:51I'm here.
00:27:52So what would you say
00:27:54if I put together
00:27:55a teeny, tiny, non-wedding wedding?
00:27:58Uh, no priests.
00:27:59They're super creepy.
00:28:00Self-serve wine bar.
00:28:01The dress code will be black tie forbidden.
00:28:03And you still get to go with me
00:28:04to pick out a pretty dress
00:28:05that shows off those gorgeous,
00:28:07sculpted angel wings you call arms.
00:28:09Okay, uh, give the phone to Paul, please.
00:28:15You really do have sculpted angel arms.
00:28:19And how do we stout this?
00:28:21I think we just have to put her down.
00:28:24Come on, Paul.
00:28:26You know I've been feeling a little lost lately.
00:28:28I need this.
00:28:29I'm just a girl
00:28:31standing in front of a boy
00:28:33asking me to marry a different girl.
00:28:35Once again,
00:28:37fuck no.
00:28:38Okay, fine.
00:28:39Yes!
00:28:41God damn it!
00:28:42You're not gonna regret it, sexy.
00:28:43Yeah, yeah.
00:28:43Okay, bye, bye.
00:28:44Bye-bye.
00:28:45I do not agree
00:28:48to this.
00:28:51Coach will be here soon.
00:28:53But that is fine.
00:28:54You know why?
00:28:55You know why?
00:28:56Because we are ready.
00:28:57All right?
00:28:58The house is clean.
00:28:59I scattered some soccer balls around
00:29:01for ambiance.
00:29:01Then I tripped on one.
00:29:03Hence, the limp.
00:29:04Then I removed them all
00:29:04because that was ridiculous.
00:29:06What about snacks?
00:29:06We good to go?
00:29:07If hors d'oeuvres could get into Wesleyan,
00:29:09this cheese board would get a full ride.
00:29:10I know I'm getting ahead of myself,
00:29:12but I'm already picturing myself
00:29:14in Connecticut.
00:29:15Like, who is she looks amazing
00:29:17in turtlenecks?
00:29:19I'm nervous.
00:29:20What if I pull a dad?
00:29:21What, act weird
00:29:22and word vomit all over her?
00:29:24Exactly.
00:29:25Right.
00:29:25If it starts to go south,
00:29:27just play the dead mom card.
00:29:31You know the thing
00:29:31where you mention your mom died
00:29:32and people give you whatever you want?
00:29:33I don't do that anymore.
00:29:35Excuse me?
00:29:37Two weeks ago,
00:29:38you got out of building sets
00:29:39and drama class
00:29:40by saying the smell of wood
00:29:41reminded you of caskets.
00:29:43I'll admit,
00:29:44this is a recent change.
00:29:45Someone pointed out
00:29:46I'm perhaps using it as a crutch,
00:29:48so I'm done.
00:29:50Wow.
00:29:52I'm proud of you
00:29:53because I might be
00:29:54casually robbed right now.
00:29:56Matthew got fired again,
00:29:57so he's home.
00:29:58But he's not at home.
00:30:00My mom said it was okay.
00:30:06Oh, Liz!
00:30:07Sean, Matthew.
00:30:08Matthew, Sean.
00:30:09You really like cheese, huh?
00:30:11Yeah.
00:30:13Absolutely not!
00:30:14Come on.
00:30:15There's no food left here.
00:30:17He keeps eating and eating.
00:30:19He's like a Pac-Man.
00:30:20It's not my problem.
00:30:22When Tia died,
00:30:23I fed your kid for a year.
00:30:31Wow!
00:30:32Liz played our dead mom card?
00:30:34And she played it well.
00:30:37Oh, yeah.
00:30:38Your wife died.
00:30:40That sucks.
00:30:41Yeah.
00:30:42Time for you to go.
00:30:43Nope.
00:30:48Holy crap.
00:30:49That's her.
00:30:49That's right.
00:30:50Can't breathe.
00:30:51I can't breathe.
00:30:51Pitt's immediately sweating.
00:30:52I do.
00:30:53I'll get the door, Jimmy.
00:30:55Say your goodbyes.
00:30:56What?
00:30:56I have to go?
00:30:57It's a shame.
00:30:58I memorized all these amazing soccer facts.
00:31:00Did you know Pele was the first spokesperson for Viagra?
00:31:03Did you know that that's gross?
00:31:05Okay.
00:31:06If you want to give any last-second advice,
00:31:07this is your chance.
00:31:09Ready?
00:31:10Okay.
00:31:10When you shake her hand,
00:31:11make sure it's firm,
00:31:12but not too firm.
00:31:14No matter what she chooses
00:31:15from that motherfucking cheese plate,
00:31:17you say,
00:31:18nice choice.
00:31:20Most of all,
00:31:21just be yourself.
00:31:24You're the best.
00:31:27Oh, hello.
00:31:30Hi.
00:31:30James Laird.
00:31:32Passionate girl dad.
00:31:33Firm, but not too firm.
00:31:35Nice choice.
00:31:36Maggie Bohan.
00:31:37You have a very impressive daughter.
00:31:39Thanks.
00:31:39Thanks.
00:31:42Also, I'm not her biological father.
00:31:44Her mother had an affair with David Beckham.
00:31:46And we're going.
00:31:47I know, Sean.
00:31:47I was there when it happened.
00:31:49Wow.
00:31:50It's so true what they say.
00:31:51You are literally glowing.
00:31:53Thanks.
00:31:54I'm so gassy.
00:31:55It makes me sweaty.
00:31:56However you got there,
00:31:57it's working for you.
00:31:58So,
00:31:59what do you think of the nursery?
00:32:01You're fine.
00:32:03Take my hand.
00:32:04I mean,
00:32:04the light is so lovely in here.
00:32:07And the crib is perfect.
00:32:09The only thing I'm not sure about
00:32:11is that wallpaper.
00:32:13I don't know.
00:32:14When I was a kid,
00:32:15I always wanted Winnie the Pooh on my wall.
00:32:17But my mom only allowed Bible characters.
00:32:20Like beautiful angels?
00:32:21Like Cain killing Abel.
00:32:23That's horrifying.
00:32:24I was a pretty lonely kid.
00:32:26The first book I ever read was Winnie the Pooh
00:32:28and he had all those friends and...
00:32:31I'm so sorry.
00:32:32I hope I'm not overstepping.
00:32:34Not at all.
00:32:34No, no.
00:32:35Totally fine.
00:32:39Oh, it's totally fine.
00:32:41I think Winnie the Pooh's a great idea.
00:32:43Winnie the Pooh could suck my dick.
00:32:44Please, no.
00:32:45Winnie don't do that.
00:32:46Well,
00:32:47you just have to dip it in honey first.
00:32:50Winnie loves honey.
00:32:51All right,
00:32:52just admit it.
00:32:53You're being petty
00:32:53because Ava didn't like your ideas
00:32:55and now you're gonna hold a grudge forever.
00:32:56Just like a crow.
00:32:57I'm not sure I love that.
00:33:00Okay.
00:33:01Yes,
00:33:01I'm petty.
00:33:02And yes,
00:33:03I've been known to hold grudges
00:33:04and yes,
00:33:05forever.
00:33:05True that.
00:33:06But this is about boundaries, Brian.
00:33:08You're about to adopt a baby.
00:33:10Have you even discussed with Ava
00:33:11how much you want her to be involved?
00:33:13Are you seriously asking
00:33:14if we've sorted something
00:33:15that important
00:33:16this close
00:33:17to the delivery date?
00:33:18Of course we haven't.
00:33:19Liz?
00:33:20Oh, everyone's here.
00:33:21Guys, go sit down.
00:33:22Brian, your thing's over.
00:33:23Great.
00:33:24Hey.
00:33:25Hey.
00:33:25Paul, Julie,
00:33:26thank you for coming.
00:33:28Why are we here?
00:33:29So,
00:33:30I can tell you about a little movie
00:33:32made in 2001
00:33:33in which Miss Jennifer Lopez
00:33:35inspired a generation
00:33:36by showing us
00:33:37that if you're hot
00:33:38and you have a heart of gold,
00:33:40you can plan the best wedding ever
00:33:41even if you're short on time
00:33:42and you want to bang the fiance.
00:33:44Shout out to Julie.
00:33:46Anyway,
00:33:46for the next few days,
00:33:48I am your
00:33:49motherfucking wedding planner.
00:33:51Yes.
00:33:52You're G-Lo.
00:33:53That's right.
00:33:54I don't get it.
00:33:55I love that movie,
00:33:55but why do we need
00:33:57a wedding planner?
00:33:58You love that movie?
00:34:00Hey, focus, please,
00:34:01because we are moving fast
00:34:02on this wedding, okay?
00:34:03It will take place
00:34:04in front of this house
00:34:05because the lovely, gorgeous Liz
00:34:07has kindly agreed to host.
00:34:08Anything for my therapist.
00:34:10I talked to you once
00:34:11on a bench.
00:34:12I don't want credit
00:34:13for any of this.
00:34:15Confidentiality.
00:34:16My bad.
00:34:17Oh, also,
00:34:18Paul, Julie,
00:34:19I know we spoke about
00:34:20keeping things small,
00:34:20but that shit is over.
00:34:22Okay?
00:34:22Things grow.
00:34:23They get more funner.
00:34:24Um, there will be food.
00:34:25Food.
00:34:26A dance floor.
00:34:27What's happening, Paul?
00:34:28And it's your fault
00:34:28for letting me in, sucker.
00:34:30Anyway,
00:34:30moving on to the
00:34:31expanded guest list.
00:34:32I spoke to Meg yesterday,
00:34:33and she and Dave
00:34:35are flying in.
00:34:36I know.
00:34:37She did say
00:34:38she was not super psyched
00:34:39to hear about her father's
00:34:39engagement from me,
00:34:40so I would give her a call.
00:34:42Also,
00:34:42because we are short on time
00:34:44and because he would
00:34:45literally cry
00:34:46if it wasn't him,
00:34:48Jimmy is going
00:34:48to be the officiant.
00:34:50Yeah!
00:34:53In your fucking face!
00:34:55In your face!
00:34:57In your face!
00:34:58I've dreamt of this!
00:34:59Okay, this is great.
00:35:01Sorry.
00:35:02I'm cool.
00:35:04I have the best
00:35:05opening joke.
00:35:07I want to tell you guys
00:35:08but I'm going to save it
00:35:09for the wedding.
00:35:10Jesus.
00:35:11Calm your ass down, Paul.
00:35:12All you have to do
00:35:13is show up.
00:35:13Like, I don't know
00:35:14how I can make it
00:35:14easier for you.
00:35:16Okay.
00:35:17Also, Jimmy,
00:35:18when Gorgeous and I
00:35:18decide a color scheme,
00:35:20I need you to take Paul
00:35:21to buy a tie
00:35:22and a pocket square
00:35:23that match.
00:35:24No, no, no.
00:35:24That's two show-ups.
00:35:25Actually, Paul,
00:35:26it's three show-ups.
00:35:27You need to show up
00:35:27to the store,
00:35:28you need to show up
00:35:29to your own goddamn wedding,
00:35:30and show up
00:35:30with a better fucking attitude.
00:35:32Come with me, queen.
00:35:33I want to talk to you
00:35:33about some stuff.
00:35:34I actually feel more
00:35:35comfortable with you
00:35:36when there's a witness.
00:35:37Oh, so you want
00:35:38somebody to watch.
00:35:39I love that.
00:35:40Great game the other day.
00:35:41The crowd was so rowdy,
00:35:43especially that older gentleman.
00:35:45Yeah.
00:35:46That was my, um,
00:35:48cranky therapist grandpa.
00:35:51And that tall lady
00:35:52wearing all the colors,
00:35:53she's my hero godmother.
00:35:54And then there was Brian,
00:35:56who's my gunkle godfather.
00:35:58And Sean.
00:35:59More people.
00:36:00And the woman
00:36:01who made our goalie cry,
00:36:02that's my neighbor mother.
00:36:03Yeah.
00:36:04Well, that's great.
00:36:05I mean, we're...
00:36:06And heads up,
00:36:06I can't be responsible
00:36:07for what any of those people do
00:36:09if you don't let me
00:36:10onto the team.
00:36:11You're lucky to have
00:36:12such a big and frighteningly
00:36:15loyal support group.
00:36:17Yeah.
00:36:18I really am.
00:36:21Okay, so look.
00:36:22We have the reputation
00:36:23of being a defensive team.
00:36:25That's why we're looking
00:36:26to add more attackers
00:36:27like yourself.
00:36:33Nice meeting you, coach.
00:36:35You too, Alice.
00:36:36Sorry it didn't work out.
00:36:39Hey.
00:36:40You're making a big mistake.
00:36:42She's great.
00:36:43You don't have to sell me.
00:36:44She turned me down.
00:36:49Sean, let's go inside.
00:36:53Oh, thanks for meeting us here.
00:36:55We're all helping
00:36:55to get ready for our friends
00:36:56and prompt you wedding.
00:36:57That's so kind.
00:36:59Wow, even Brian?
00:37:01Yes, Stuart,
00:37:02you shady little bitch.
00:37:03I know how to be kind.
00:37:04I'm just not a whore about it.
00:37:05Hi, Stuart, I'm Gabby.
00:37:06Hi, I think we...
00:37:07No time for chit-chat.
00:37:08I heard you're great
00:37:09at wrapping silverware
00:37:09with a napkin
00:37:10and putting a ribbon on it.
00:37:11Go.
00:37:13This might be the first time
00:37:14I've been attracted to a woman.
00:37:18Thank God you're here.
00:37:20Oh.
00:37:20No, Liz,
00:37:21this meeting isn't for you.
00:37:22Sister, lights are for you.
00:37:23Okay?
00:37:24Actually,
00:37:24it might be better for everybody
00:37:26if you just went inside
00:37:26and set up the bar.
00:37:27I want to stay outside
00:37:29and do the lights.
00:37:30No, you want to stay outside
00:37:31and get in their business.
00:37:32I can do both.
00:37:33You cannot.
00:37:33You're coming with me.
00:37:34Come on.
00:37:35Listen,
00:37:35you've got to figure this
00:37:36Ava stuff out right now.
00:37:38Your intrusive friend
00:37:39is not wrong.
00:37:40Well,
00:37:41I wish you'd told us that.
00:37:42I believe you have a text
00:37:43from me two weeks ago
00:37:44that says
00:37:45you should figure out
00:37:46this Ava stuff.
00:37:47Maybe follow up.
00:37:48Try going the extra mile.
00:37:49How about that?
00:37:50I am currently
00:37:51rolling silverware
00:37:52for strangers.
00:37:53But not for us, Stuart.
00:37:55Look,
00:37:56it's up to you
00:37:56to define the parameters.
00:37:58For example,
00:37:59you could create a structure
00:38:01where there's
00:38:02regular visitation annually.
00:38:04Like she's Santa?
00:38:05We can't compete with that.
00:38:06Okay.
00:38:07Or monthly,
00:38:08like a car payment,
00:38:09less of a threat
00:38:10to your fragile ego.
00:38:12Either way,
00:38:13the benefit is having
00:38:13another loving adult
00:38:15in your child's life.
00:38:16Well,
00:38:16that could be nice.
00:38:17Yeah,
00:38:18if you think shit shows
00:38:19are nice.
00:38:19Oh, boy.
00:38:20I'm back.
00:38:21She took her eye off me.
00:38:23Listen,
00:38:23when I had Matthew,
00:38:24my maternal instinct
00:38:26kicked in so hard
00:38:27that when the nurse
00:38:28came in
00:38:29to give the baby a bath,
00:38:30I went feral on her,
00:38:33bit her,
00:38:33tasted blood.
00:38:34God.
00:38:35The point is,
00:38:36it's gonna be very hard
00:38:38for Ava to let go
00:38:39of this baby.
00:38:40And if you guys
00:38:41open the door
00:38:42even a crack,
00:38:44she's gonna be
00:38:45in your lives forever.
00:38:48There's no right
00:38:49or wrong way to do it.
00:38:50Stuart,
00:38:52are you a parent?
00:38:53No.
00:38:54Then you have
00:38:54too many opinions.
00:38:55Herd you're the nanny.
00:38:57This baby is so blessed.
00:38:59I think I've been
00:39:00avoiding this
00:39:00because I'm afraid
00:39:01if I say what I really want,
00:39:02it's gonna sound selfish.
00:39:04And that's just like,
00:39:05so not me.
00:39:05I know.
00:39:06But honestly,
00:39:08I'm happy to send her
00:39:09a picture and an update
00:39:10once a year.
00:39:12But I don't want
00:39:13Ava involved.
00:39:16This is our family.
00:39:18Babe, you sound
00:39:19passionate about this.
00:39:21I am.
00:39:23We want it to be
00:39:24just the two of us.
00:39:25The three of us.
00:39:27We have to go tell her.
00:39:28Let me know how it goes.
00:39:30Okay.
00:39:33You happy with this?
00:39:35No.
00:39:40Can I help you?
00:39:42You got a gun?
00:39:43Okay.
00:39:44Easy does it, Paul.
00:39:45Hi.
00:39:46We are looking for a tie
00:39:47and a pocket square
00:39:48in this color, please.
00:39:49Oh, I love a pocket square.
00:39:51It's like your suit
00:39:53is winking at people.
00:39:54What are you guys doing here?
00:39:56We have great style.
00:39:58Jimmy dresses like Mr. Rogers.
00:40:01Sorry, that's a direct quote
00:40:02from Gabby.
00:40:03Mr. Rogers.
00:40:03Mm-hmm.
00:40:04I'm blushing.
00:40:05Fred Rogers could get it.
00:40:06Incidentally, my great aunt
00:40:08had a lost weekend
00:40:09with Mr. Rogers.
00:40:10Oh.
00:40:10Said it was a
00:40:11very good day
00:40:12in the neighborhood.
00:40:13Oh.
00:40:14So the neighborhood
00:40:15was her vagina?
00:40:17Yes, Paul.
00:40:18That could have been her butt.
00:40:19Holy shit.
00:40:19That's more of a dark alley.
00:40:21Maybe you guys could just
00:40:22check out the rest of the store.
00:40:24Yeah.
00:40:24Yeah, we'll just go.
00:40:25I'm going to stare right here.
00:40:27Damn it.
00:40:29I got you.
00:40:34Fuck Parkinson's.
00:40:37Fuck Parkinson's.
00:40:40Hey, so when I marry you,
00:40:42is there anything
00:40:42you want me to say
00:40:43in particular?
00:40:44Because I could go on
00:40:44for hours,
00:40:45but I know you'd hate that,
00:40:46so I thought I'd keep it
00:40:46under like 10, 20 minutes.
00:40:48You got one sentence.
00:40:50Try not to make it
00:40:51too seppy.
00:40:52Well, then maybe try not
00:40:55to have such a beautiful
00:40:55love story.
00:40:57Oh, Jimmy.
00:40:58When you get married,
00:41:00I am so going to torture you.
00:41:05I'm never getting married again.
00:41:10Never's a long time, kid.
00:41:13I already found my soulmate.
00:41:16We have a beautiful daughter.
00:41:17What more could I ask for?
00:41:20Look, with Alice going away
00:41:21to college,
00:41:21I've done a lot of thinking
00:41:22about being alone.
00:41:23I've got great friends.
00:41:24I've got a job that I love.
00:41:26It's a good life.
00:41:30Besides, there's a certain
00:41:31person I know
00:41:31who spent most of their life
00:41:32alone, and they seem
00:41:33to really enjoy it.
00:41:34Who?
00:41:36You, fucker.
00:41:37Oh.
00:41:39Yeah.
00:41:42Hey, not that anyone's asking.
00:41:45They don't have belts,
00:41:47which is a huge blind spot.
00:41:48Oh, yeah.
00:41:49They're just leaving money
00:41:50on the table, right?
00:41:51Also, the salesman said
00:41:53they don't have the pocket squares
00:41:54in the color that we want.
00:41:55Oh, well.
00:41:56But they do have them
00:41:57at their other boutique.
00:42:00I never go to a second boutique.
00:42:07I can't believe she turned me down.
00:42:09Well, she's gonna regret it.
00:42:10I can text my cousin, Seamus.
00:42:12He will fuck her up.
00:42:13I found him through 23andMe,
00:42:15and he's like a full-blown psycho.
00:42:18Maybe take a beat on that.
00:42:20I mean, it sucks,
00:42:21but I can always go to college
00:42:22near here.
00:42:23What are you doing?
00:42:24I talked to the coach.
00:42:25You turned her down.
00:42:27You lied to me?
00:42:28No, I wasn't lying to you.
00:42:30I was practicing
00:42:30before I lied to my dad.
00:42:32Oh, then you are 100% forgiven.
00:42:35Proud of you?
00:42:36Proud of your lies?
00:42:37I don't get it.
00:42:39You wanted this.
00:42:40When I talked to her,
00:42:41it reminded me
00:42:41how much you guys show up for me.
00:42:43You always do.
00:42:44Maybe I'm not ready to leave this.
00:42:47Feeling safe.
00:42:48I mean, you get it.
00:42:49You still live in the backyard.
00:42:51I don't live in the yard.
00:42:53There's a tiny house.
00:42:54Can you please just not narc to dad?
00:42:56Alice, I don't know.
00:42:57Sean, come on.
00:42:59My mom died.
00:43:01Sorry.
00:43:01Not doing that anymore.
00:43:05Please?
00:43:07All right, fine.
00:43:08I won't say anything.
00:43:09I hope you mean that
00:43:10because there is nothing
00:43:11Seamus hates more than a snitch.
00:43:14Except for the royal family.
00:43:16He is supes political.
00:43:18Sorry your bachelorette party
00:43:20was just you trying on a dress
00:43:21and then making a list
00:43:22of all the guys you bonked.
00:43:23Impressive body count, by the way.
00:43:25The 70s were fun.
00:43:26You know,
00:43:27I didn't even get to tell the story
00:43:28about how I went to a bachelorette party
00:43:30and the stripper was my friend's son.
00:43:33It should have been really weird,
00:43:34but honestly, I was really into it.
00:43:37He gave me eye contact the whole time.
00:43:39Feels like you did get to tell that story.
00:43:41I still think about that young man.
00:43:43I use it, if you know what I mean.
00:43:46I'm okay with my party being over.
00:43:48Jimmy went home
00:43:49and your significant others,
00:43:52whose names I can't remember,
00:43:53went to the belt store.
00:43:55You know their names.
00:43:56I truly do not.
00:43:58Say their names.
00:44:00Okay, well,
00:44:01where's your tie and pocket square?
00:44:03Oh, come on, dude.
00:44:05Who cares about this?
00:44:07We're at Liz's house.
00:44:09Not the Copacabana.
00:44:10This is so unnecessary.
00:44:13Paul!
00:44:14No, no, no.
00:44:15He...
00:44:15He's right.
00:44:16I mean, we can hit the courthouse
00:44:18and then just, I don't know,
00:44:20I'll have pizza over here or something.
00:44:21It'd be a lot less hassle.
00:44:23Exactly.
00:44:27I'll meet you in the car.
00:44:33She said exactly what I wanted her to say,
00:44:35but I felt that
00:44:36there was something not good underneath it.
00:44:39What the heck's the matter with you?
00:44:40You're mad because you had to buy a tie and a hanky?
00:44:42You weren't there.
00:44:44Jimmy sexualized Mr. Rogers
00:44:45and the Derricks would not stop talking.
00:44:48I knew you knew their names.
00:44:50Mm-hmm.
00:44:51Look, I know I'm knee-deep in your nuptials.
00:44:53And as much as I love
00:44:54doing the electric slide with white people,
00:44:56do you really think that this is all about me?
00:44:58Are you that dumb?
00:44:59Are you?
00:45:00Do you think I'd be doing all this
00:45:01if I couldn't tell Julie wanted it?
00:45:03Do you?
00:45:03Girl, sometimes it's all right to let me talk less.
00:45:06I'm sorry, I got excited.
00:45:07This is bullshit.
00:45:09Julie doesn't care.
00:45:16The car is gone.
00:45:17No way.
00:45:20All right, you can say it.
00:45:22No fucking way.
00:45:25She said I wasn't a good fit for the team.
00:45:29She comes into our house and rejects me.
00:45:32Whatever.
00:45:33You know what?
00:45:34I'm over it.
00:45:35I'm over it.
00:45:36Hey.
00:45:38Screw Wesleyan.
00:45:40Come here.
00:45:43She's lying.
00:45:45Alice is the one who said no to the coach.
00:45:47Sean, you promised you wouldn't tell him.
00:45:49That's because I didn't think he'd be dumb enough
00:45:51to actually believe you.
00:45:52What college coach flies across the country
00:45:54just to reject someone?
00:45:56A kind, respectful one?
00:45:58I don't...
00:45:59What's going on?
00:46:00I don't want to talk about it.
00:46:02She thought about how much she'd miss all of us,
00:46:03and it freaked her out.
00:46:04Could you please go back to your pool house?
00:46:07Hey, hold on.
00:46:07Sean can stay.
00:46:08He's part of this family.
00:46:10Sweet.
00:46:12Hey.
00:46:15I just don't think I'm ready to go yet.
00:46:19I know I'm not ready to leave you.
00:46:22Well, I understand that.
00:46:26It's okay not to be ready.
00:46:27You know, if you need more time,
00:46:29you can just live here at home
00:46:30and go to school around here.
00:46:33Thanks, Dad.
00:46:34That's some bullshit, Jimmy.
00:46:36That bullshit is worse than her bullshit.
00:46:38You know she could do this.
00:46:39You just don't want her to leave.
00:46:41Dammit, I just made you family.
00:46:43As of now, you are out of the family.
00:46:45Return to the pool house.
00:46:47I cannot believe Paul was right,
00:46:48and this feud thing is real.
00:46:50Now I got to wink at him all sensually.
00:46:53What are you talking about?
00:46:54You're both afraid to move forward.
00:46:57But you know you should.
00:47:00Fuck.
00:47:01All of us need to do that.
00:47:03Should we gang up on him?
00:47:05I think we should gang up on him.
00:47:06I want to so badly.
00:47:08But he's right.
00:47:10And it's very annoying.
00:47:13Kid, you can handle going away to college.
00:47:16After everything we've been through,
00:47:17it'll be a breeze.
00:47:19In a lot of ways,
00:47:20you lived on your own already.
00:47:23I sort of prepared you for this.
00:47:25Maybe that was my plan all along.
00:47:26No.
00:47:27Nice try, though.
00:47:29I think all these people
00:47:30that you're afraid of leaving,
00:47:31they're all going to be here
00:47:33and get the fuck out of here, Matthew!
00:47:36Oh, there you are.
00:47:37Sorry.
00:47:38Come on, bud.
00:47:39We've got food for you at home.
00:47:40I just got yelled at
00:47:41for eating the food at home.
00:47:42Well, yeah.
00:47:43That was the wedding cake.
00:47:46Come on in.
00:47:47Make yourselves at home.
00:47:50Please, sit.
00:47:52Great, yeah.
00:47:53You both look so handsome.
00:47:55I love the looks.
00:47:56What's the occasion?
00:47:58We may or may not be going to a wedding
00:47:59in 45 minutes.
00:48:01Fingers crossed for it to either happen
00:48:03or not happen
00:48:04in a super dramatic way.
00:48:07That's so fun.
00:48:09Yeah, my mom and dad
00:48:10never went to stuff together.
00:48:12You ever see those couples
00:48:13where you can tell
00:48:14they shouldn't be married,
00:48:15but they just stay in it
00:48:16forever and ever
00:48:16because divorce is a sin.
00:48:18Good.
00:48:19We're back to the God stuff.
00:48:20Sorry.
00:48:21You probably didn't come by
00:48:22to hear about my childhood.
00:48:23No.
00:48:27So, what did you want to talk about?
00:48:29Um.
00:48:30Hmm.
00:48:34Um.
00:48:37I made it weird.
00:48:38I do that sometimes.
00:48:39I do that, too.
00:48:40He does.
00:48:42It's just
00:48:43your family is so special
00:48:46and I feel lucky
00:48:47to be even
00:48:48a small part of it.
00:48:50I'm really grateful
00:48:51for you guys.
00:48:54Sorry.
00:48:55I'm done interrupting now.
00:48:56Your turn.
00:49:00So,
00:49:01how'd it go?
00:49:03You know,
00:49:04I bailed.
00:49:05I got one sentence in
00:49:07and asked her to spend
00:49:07the rest of her life with us.
00:49:08No.
00:49:09She said that I looked handsome
00:49:11and her family was sad
00:49:13and she said that she liked my look
00:49:15and you know I've always been
00:49:15on the fence about this jacket.
00:49:17She famously has bad taste
00:49:18as we learned
00:49:19from the Winnie the Pooh fiasco.
00:49:21I know what you're going to say.
00:49:22That I'm weak
00:49:23and I don't deserve this baby.
00:49:26It's just that Ava
00:49:28is so
00:49:33alone.
00:49:35You know?
00:49:38You
00:49:41are a weak man.
00:49:43No.
00:49:44No, I fucked up.
00:49:47And I would have done
00:49:48the same thing.
00:49:50Really?
00:49:52It sucks that we're
00:49:54such good people.
00:49:54I know, right?
00:49:56Not yet, problem drinkers.
00:49:57Where did you come from?
00:49:58Uh, what?
00:49:59Are you out of your freaking mind?
00:50:01I said no soft Jesus.
00:50:02Well, how do you have a walkie?
00:50:04Who are you talking to?
00:50:05Look, there's only a 50-50 chance
00:50:06our guests of honor
00:50:07are going to show up
00:50:07but we are going to have
00:50:09a wedding either way.
00:50:10Liz, I will marry you
00:50:11if I have to.
00:50:14Well, now I hope
00:50:16that Paul and Julie
00:50:16don't show up.
00:50:17I know.
00:50:18We all know.
00:50:20Don't drink that one.
00:50:21That one's for me.
00:50:22You take this little one.
00:50:29You're going to dress like this.
00:50:32Makes me feel like
00:50:33you're not into it.
00:50:35Hey,
00:50:37I thought we didn't care
00:50:38about any of this.
00:50:39I don't.
00:50:40I...
00:50:41I didn't.
00:50:44But then I tried on that dress
00:50:46and it was pretty.
00:50:48Plus, my 15-minute
00:50:50bachelorette party
00:50:51wasn't just me
00:50:52talking about all the guys
00:50:53I've been with.
00:50:54Excuse me?
00:50:57I...
00:50:57I told them how we met
00:50:59and about our first date
00:51:02at that Italian restaurant
00:51:03that we didn't realize
00:51:04was also a karaoke bar
00:51:06and how you talk sang
00:51:08Total Eclipse of the Heart.
00:51:10And they were oohing
00:51:12and aahing
00:51:12and I just...
00:51:13I just got sucked in
00:51:15and I...
00:51:16My God, I just...
00:51:17I feel like...
00:51:18I just feel so stupid.
00:51:20No.
00:51:21You're not the stupid one.
00:51:23I promised myself
00:51:25I'd start enjoying life
00:51:26to the fullest and...
00:51:29But unfortunately,
00:51:32what I like most
00:51:33in life is...
00:51:36being an asshole.
00:51:38You are great at it.
00:51:40Won't stop.
00:51:41Can't stop.
00:51:43What I should have been realizing
00:51:45is what we have here.
00:51:50You, me.
00:51:56That's worth celebrating.
00:52:00I mean,
00:52:01we could end up spending
00:52:03the next 50 years together.
00:52:05Oh, that's it?
00:52:07Well, then you'll probably die
00:52:08and I'll meet someone else.
00:52:12I forgot something.
00:52:14Hmm?
00:52:25Will you marry me
00:52:31in 15 minutes?
00:52:43I'll never be in your face,
00:52:46the bird.
00:52:48Pregnant?
00:52:48I knew I shouldn't have invited you.
00:52:51My wedding gift to my dad
00:52:52is that I didn't bring my husband, Dave.
00:52:54You can't put a price on that.
00:52:57It means a lot that you came.
00:52:59Of course I came.
00:53:01You should get married every weekend.
00:53:03I want as much time
00:53:04as I can get with you.
00:53:09Keep it short, okay?
00:53:11Okay.
00:53:11You want to...
00:53:12We can hug and kiss, too.
00:53:13Come on.
00:53:15I haven't been to a wedding
00:53:17on my own in a long time.
00:53:18Yeah.
00:53:19It's kind of fun.
00:53:20I don't have to be a married mom here.
00:53:22I might drink too much.
00:53:23I might ask a stranger to dance.
00:53:26I might even try some
00:53:28flirty banter.
00:53:29You want to give it a shot?
00:53:30Okay.
00:53:31Hey.
00:53:33My daddy is the groom.
00:53:35What's your daddy like?
00:53:38It was...
00:53:39You know what?
00:53:39It was...
00:53:40It was okay.
00:53:40You're gonna warm up?
00:53:41Uh-huh.
00:53:42Maybe just, like,
00:53:43say daddy less.
00:53:45I'm gonna start drinking.
00:53:46Okay.
00:53:47Have fun.
00:53:48Yeah.
00:53:49Yes, no, I understand.
00:53:50Yes, I get how it could seem
00:53:51like I'm not committed.
00:53:53It's the Wesleyan coach.
00:53:54I fucked this all up.
00:53:55Dead mom card.
00:53:56Last time ever.
00:53:59Play it hard.
00:54:02The thing is,
00:54:04I got in my head about leaving
00:54:05because my mom died
00:54:06not that long ago.
00:54:09Yeah.
00:54:10Yeah, I've been a bit of a mess
00:54:11since we lost Mama.
00:54:13Mama?
00:54:16That is so kind of you.
00:54:17Oh, you will not regret this.
00:54:19Thank you so much.
00:54:20I can't wait.
00:54:22I'm going to Wesleyan.
00:54:23Ah!
00:54:24Okay.
00:54:25We're about to get this thing rolling.
00:54:27So, please,
00:54:28take your seats.
00:54:30You like awesome speeches?
00:54:33Yes.
00:54:44Let's get going.
00:54:46Are you going to sit down?
00:54:48I'm giving you away.
00:54:50Your dad never showed up.
00:54:52I've always been glad
00:54:53that he was dead,
00:54:54but now I'm
00:54:55even more glad.
00:55:18What are you doing?
00:55:19Nothing.
00:55:20Just a bug.
00:55:23Oh, that's perfect.
00:55:35Love you.
00:55:38Could all please be seated.
00:55:41I would be remiss
00:55:43if I did not
00:55:44take a moment
00:55:45to recognize
00:55:45that right now,
00:55:47all around
00:55:47this great country of ours,
00:55:49melons
00:55:50are forced
00:55:51to have gigantic weddings
00:55:53surrounded
00:55:54by friends
00:55:55and family.
00:55:57They cantaloupe.
00:55:59Oh, wow.
00:56:00Oh, my God.
00:56:01You let that man
00:56:02inside you.
00:56:03Yeah, I'm not proud of it.
00:56:04I'm right here, guys.
00:56:05I do want to thank
00:56:06everybody for coming,
00:56:07of course,
00:56:08and now.
00:56:09Nope.
00:56:10You had your melon joke,
00:56:11which we all
00:56:13felt violated by.
00:56:15Yes.
00:56:16That's your one sentence.
00:56:18No, Paul.
00:56:19That was a greeting,
00:56:20not a sentence.
00:56:21Let the man
00:56:22have his sentence.
00:56:22He needs it.
00:56:23He needs it.
00:56:24Don't be a dick.
00:56:26Give him a phrase.
00:56:27Let him talk.
00:56:28I'm not scared
00:56:29of any of you.
00:56:29Okay, okay.
00:56:30You know what?
00:56:31Listen to me.
00:56:32Just do it for me,
00:56:33big guy, okay?
00:56:35Fine.
00:56:37Go.
00:56:38Okay.
00:56:38We are here today
00:56:40to celebrate
00:56:41Paul and Julie,
00:56:43who are living examples
00:56:45that love
00:56:46can be found
00:56:47in the most
00:56:48unlikely of times
00:56:49and in the most
00:56:50unlikely of places.
00:56:52Comma.
00:56:53Which,
00:56:54in their case,
00:56:55was a cold
00:56:56and sterile
00:56:57doctor's office
00:56:58where they first
00:56:59locked eyes
00:57:00over Julie's stethoscope.
00:57:03Comma.
00:57:03And despite
00:57:04many obstacles,
00:57:06including
00:57:06the medical
00:57:07code of ethics,
00:57:08they forged
00:57:09a connection
00:57:10so deep
00:57:11and so strong
00:57:13that they managed
00:57:15to tear down
00:57:16the walls
00:57:16of a certain
00:57:17fortress of solitude
00:57:19once
00:57:20and for all.
00:57:22Semicolon.
00:57:23So,
00:57:24Paul and Julie,
00:57:27thank you so much
00:57:28for sharing
00:57:29this moment
00:57:30and your love
00:57:31with all of us
00:57:33because every single
00:57:35one of us
00:57:36is so lucky
00:57:37to get to love
00:57:38you back.
00:57:42Period.
00:57:45Suck it.
00:57:46Exclamation point.
00:57:55And now?
00:57:56Oh, right.
00:57:56I forgot.
00:57:56I'm sorry.
00:57:57And now,
00:57:58by the power
00:57:59vested in me
00:58:00by the state
00:58:01of California,
00:58:01I now pronounce you...
00:58:03Whoa, you're just
00:58:03going to do it.
00:58:04Whoa, okay.
00:58:05We are married.
00:58:05You can just go ahead
00:58:06and kiss her
00:58:07real deep like that.
00:58:08Yeah!
00:58:10Yeah!
00:58:12Yeah!
00:58:16Bravo!
00:58:16I know a place
00:58:21Ain't nobody crying
00:58:25Hey, big guy.
00:58:26I owe you something.
00:58:30Told you.
00:58:32So, you're telling me
00:58:33I have a year
00:58:35to kiss anyone I want?
00:58:37I am so
00:58:38not telling you that.
00:58:40I'm telling you that.
00:58:42I know how I'm picking.
00:58:46Fuck that.
00:58:47If I was allowed
00:58:47to cheat,
00:58:47I would obviously
00:58:48choose Pedro Pesce,
00:58:49also my spouse.
00:58:51Mm-hmm.
00:58:51Yeah.
00:58:54This is amazing, babe.
00:58:56Really?
00:58:56Yeah, I can't believe
00:58:57you pulled it off.
00:58:59I love you.
00:59:00Oh, my God.
00:59:01You did it.
00:59:02You said it normal.
00:59:03Wow.
00:59:04Yeah, that's cool.
00:59:05Oh.
00:59:05Well, now I missed
00:59:06the weird one.
00:59:07Oh, I can make it weird.
00:59:08I can do impressions.
00:59:08I can do Smeagol.
00:59:10Do that one.
00:59:12I love you,
00:59:13my precious.
00:59:14Yes.
00:59:30You could have that, too,
00:59:32you know.
00:59:35I already did, Paul.
00:59:38I was lucky enough
00:59:39to have it for,
00:59:40I don't know,
00:59:42almost 20 years,
00:59:43so...
00:59:45I'm not certain
00:59:46I'm ever gonna top that.
00:59:47No.
00:59:49The dead wife card.
00:59:51I'm guessing you're
00:59:52the one who told Alice
00:59:53to stop using it?
00:59:56Scary,
00:59:57isn't it?
00:59:58Think about
00:59:58putting yourself out there.
01:00:02But do me a favor, will you?
01:00:06Don't be like me.
01:00:12Don't wait as long
01:00:13as I did.
01:00:26Hey, Daddy.
01:00:30Oh.
01:00:30Good to dance?
01:00:32I think it's still
01:00:33too much Daddy.
01:00:35Okay, Daddy.
01:00:36Come on, Daddy.
01:00:38What the fuck?
01:01:14Jerry, what are you doing here?
01:01:17Hey, don't get too excited.
01:01:18I just love cake.
01:01:20Hey, stud.
01:01:22Hi.
01:01:23So who are you talking to?
01:01:25Jerry.
01:01:26Who?
01:01:28Jerry.
01:01:32Oh.
01:01:34You don't see him, do you?
01:01:37You don't see him.
01:01:41Wolf.
01:01:43Yeah.
01:01:44Yeah.
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