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Taskmaster - Champion of Champions IV (2025) [Full Movie] [Official Release]Full EP - Full
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00:02BIRDS CHIRP
00:30Stop it on me!
01:02APPLAUSE
01:08Hello! Hello!
01:12Thank you, welcome, I'm Greg Davis.
01:15Imagine, if you will, a world where the greatest from any era
01:19could be pitted against one another.
01:22Peek Muhammad Ali clashing with the raging youth of Tyson.
01:25Borg trading rally upon rally with Federer.
01:28Simone Biles and Olga Corbett throwing impossible shapes
01:32on the same bars.
01:33Ooh, it's a tantalising prospect, isn't it?
01:36Now, forget all that and let's see some comedians
01:39doing stupid stuff.
01:41Welcome to the Taskmaster, champion of champions!
01:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:46Please welcome back the winners from series 16 to 20,
01:52Andy Zaltzman!
01:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:55John Robin!
01:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:58Mae Zianna!
01:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:01Matthew Baker!
02:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:03And Sam Campbell!
02:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:08And next to me, a man who tells me that,
02:10unlike the vast majority of the United Kingdom,
02:13he found the felling of the sycamore gap tree
02:16absolutely hilarious.
02:18LAUGHTER
02:19It's...
02:20He-he-he!
02:22Little Alex Hart!
02:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:27Hello, Greg, hello everyone.
02:29It's the champion of champions.
02:31It must be a tough, tough prize category, am I right?
02:34Oh, he's always right, although he dresses to the left.
02:37LAUGHTER
02:38And the prize category is The Biggest Betrayal.
02:43Ooh!
02:43Yes.
02:43The audience were right to ooh, enough respect.
02:47Greg will give five points for The Biggest Betrayal
02:49in what is probably the only time ever
02:51that celebrities being duplicitous on television
02:53are rewarded and celebrated.
02:55Hmm.
02:56Right, let us begin.
02:58Hello, Andy.
02:59Hello, Greg.
03:00What betrayal have you brought in for this,
03:02most auspicious of occasions?
03:03Well, I brought in the official Taskmaster book.
03:07OK, well, this is the book.
03:08So, there you go.
03:09Definitive Truth.
03:10Definitive Truth.
03:11The real story by the real star.
03:15LAUGHTER
03:17But the real betrayal is...
03:19I'm going to have to take you to the index, Greg.
03:21Look at that.
03:22Oh.
03:23Not a single mention, mate.
03:24But this...
03:26LAUGHTER
03:31It hurts big time.
03:32It's a big betrayal.
03:33It's a big betrayal.
03:34It's a strong opener.
03:36Can you beat that, John?
03:37A book?
03:37Because it doesn't even mention me.
03:39Would it not impress you more
03:40to betray the only person on Earth
03:43you want to be betrayed?
03:45Alex, two months ago, you received an email from me.
03:48Here it is.
03:49Sorry to ask, but my pal is running a charity auction
03:51and he's a Big Horn section fan, as if...
03:54LAUGHTER
03:55..and you sought out a few signed posters.
03:58Cheers, mate.
03:58And I think I did provide the posters.
04:00Yes, you did.
04:00So what there was was a Horn section show
04:03in the Aylesbury Waterside Theatre.
04:07Yeah, we're doing quite well.
04:08Yeah.
04:09So I added Alex's signed posters for the audience
04:13to see as they walked into the show,
04:15but I did annotate them somewhat with my own messages.
04:19First off, a career low.
04:22LAUGHTER
04:25Aylsbury is a syphilis hotspot.
04:27LAUGHTER
04:30Only here to escape our Harrodin wives.
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35Exemplary.
04:36APPLAUSE
04:37Exemplary.
04:38Strong. This is strong. Who's next? Maisie?
04:41Well, I've not betrayed either of you.
04:43I have betrayed my fellow competitors.
04:47Ooh.
04:48Ooh.
04:49Yes.
04:50So there's a lot of chat forums where people want to know
04:53behind-the-scenes goss about comedians,
04:57specifically some of you guys.
04:59And the day I came home from winning my series,
05:02I set up a fake account on this chat forum
05:05to contribute scathing rumours about these lovely men.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:13All right.
05:15APPLAUSE
05:15So...
05:18Somebody was basically wanting some tea on the UK comedy scene,
05:21so I came straight in with, well, before a gig,
05:24Andy Zaltzman kept asking if tampons were a myth.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:28And then I thought I'd add in, with my good friend Matt Bainton here,
05:31I also worked with Matt Bainton, and when I said I liked football,
05:34he made me list the starting eleven of the past five FA Cup winners.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:39Luckily for you, I didn't discuss you on the chat forum.
05:43Erm, I discussed you in, erm, the very big WhatsApp group
05:46that is for female comedians.
05:51Here we go!
05:53LAUGHTER
05:54I mean, I said, first of all, Sam Campbell referred to me
05:57as that lady comic throughout the entire time of working together.
06:00Oh, my God.
06:00LAUGHTER
06:01That's...
06:01That's Lou Sanders.
06:03Lou Sanders is my landlord.
06:05LAUGHTER
06:08Disappointing but not surprising.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:11And John Robbins starts all of his sentences around women
06:14with the phrase,
06:15as one of the few good men left in comedy.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:19Is this Kath...
06:20That's Katherine Ryan.
06:21Yeah.
06:22Saying gross.
06:24Saying gross.
06:25And you didn't tell them it was a wind-up, you just put...
06:28No.
06:28It's...
06:29LAUGHTER
06:30This is lovely.
06:32Matthew.
06:33Well, I felt the biggest possible betrayal here
06:36would be to betray this show.
06:39Oh!
06:40On a very big public scale, so this is what I did.
06:46LAUGHTER
06:48I wonder if you could possibly have thrown that way.
06:53LAUGHTER
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56Yeah.
06:57APPLAUSE
07:00That is nice and, I would say, expensive.
07:03Yeah.
07:04Ā£750.
07:05Ooh!
07:06LAUGHTER
07:06The scale of it is lovely.
07:09Yeah.
07:10Sam?
07:10Well, yeah.
07:11I think it is a betrayal
07:12that there is only one female comedian on this entire dais.
07:16Yeah.
07:16So, you listen here, Mr. Alex Horne,
07:19and you listen here, Mr. Greg Walters...
07:22..G...
07:22..Davis.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:25Cos I think it's about time someone taught you
07:28the alphabet.
07:30A to Z.
07:32LAUGHTER
07:36I go on a shopping spree
07:38with Aisling B.
07:39And Bridget Christie
07:40makes my eyes misty.
07:42Oh, Catherine Boha,
07:43you are just so smart.
07:44Dame Ender
07:45should have been played by a woman.
07:47Oh, the colour may be giddy like that ever city.
07:49Fatia Elgory has best Instagram stories.
07:51You can't hold a candle to our Grace Campbell.
07:54I'm crying in my silence
07:59on female comedian.
08:04Harriet Kemsley,
08:05hope you're getting your REM sleep
08:06while joking on putty
08:07from sweet Izzy Sadi.
08:09Put your hands on the air
08:10for Jenny Eclair.
08:11There should be a monument
08:12to Gary Goleman.
08:14Lucy Beaumont,
08:15this is your moment.
08:16Forget Aladdin,
08:17wish to see Meziato.
08:18Natasha Dimitri,
08:19every TV show should feature you.
08:21Female comedians,
08:21I want you to hold me accountable.
08:23Sketch Cozo Golda,
08:25cos I'm Olivia Colman.
08:26Patty Harrison,
08:27there is no comparison.
08:28Queen Latifah
08:29is in some comedy movies.
08:31Rosie Jones,
08:32I wanna make words.
08:33Sarah Millican,
08:34make another from silicon.
08:35Tati McLeod,
08:37is cloning allowed?
08:38Can I get a multi-pack
08:39of a rouge ash rack?
08:41And what about the female comedians
08:42from other planets?
08:43Vorg,
08:44is talking the talk.
08:45She's got a new polka,
08:47sharing her thoughts.
08:48Pochita Koala,
08:49you're a comedy master.
08:50I'd like to pick your brains
08:51over a tikka masala.
08:53Sontorial Zork,
08:54I heard your polka arts with Vorg.
08:55Man you guys,
08:56have such a nice talk.
08:58Yip it's a new,
08:59your last special was you.
09:00I heard you instead of laughing,
09:02you goof.
09:03Zoe Lyons,
09:04broader sky horizons,
09:05I'm breaking my silence.
09:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:19OK.
09:23Who are you portraying?
09:27Oh, I brought in a special,
09:30a special glove.
09:31Yeah, this is what Sam
09:32has actually brought in.
09:34LAUGHTER
09:37OK.
09:40OK.
09:42Can I go back to my original question?
09:45Who are you portraying?
09:47No, no,
09:48I'm saying that we feel
09:49betrayed by you
09:50and your nasty little boys club.
09:52LAUGHTER
09:54And a lot of them
09:56have been on Taskmaster.
09:58That is a good point.
09:59LAUGHTER
10:01Well, here are my scores.
10:03You ready?
10:04Cool.
10:04I'm going to give Sam
10:05one point
10:06because I don't think
10:07you know who you've portrayed.
10:09Andy Zaltzman,
10:10two points,
10:11seems fair.
10:13John,
10:13three points.
10:14Matthew Bainton,
10:15four points
10:16because I like the scale of it.
10:17And who else
10:18can I give five points to
10:20but Maisie Adam?
10:20Well done, Maisie Adam,
10:21she wins the title!
10:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:26All right, let's let this
10:27firmest battle begin!
10:28Oh, yes,
10:29and first up,
10:30it's verses
10:31followed by curses.
10:33Ooh.
10:35Ooh.
10:39MUSIC PLAYS
10:41MUSIC PLAYS
10:42MUSIC PLAYS
10:47MUSIC PLAYS
10:49MUSIC CONTINUES
10:50Hi, Maisie.
10:51John Robbins.
10:52Alex Horne.
10:53LAUGHTER
10:57Ta-da!
10:58There he is.
10:59Hello, Andy.
11:00Hello.
11:01PHONE RINGS
11:03Hi, Sam.
11:05How have you been since the victory?
11:07Yeah, good.
11:07I haven't had any acting work.
11:09Would you say that's a coincidence or...?
11:14I've got to ask, how's your back?
11:15Yeah, all right.
11:17OK.
11:17I did wrestling.
11:18I wasn't dressed as a nun when I did that.
11:20But I landed on me back, so that's happened.
11:23Great.
11:23I'm a drugged up nun with a guitar, essentially.
11:28Write, memorise and perform
11:30the most powerful poem about being a champion.
11:33You must perform the entirety of your poem
11:35sat on the special chair.
11:36You have 15 minutes to write and memorise your poem,
11:39then a maximum of five minutes to perform it.
11:41Most Powerful Champion Poem Performance Wins.
11:45Your time starts now.
11:48Can't be that difficult.
11:49Shakespeare churned him out, didn't he?
11:51There is a whiff of Shakespeare about you.
11:53You're cute.
11:54I used to write a lot of poetry back in the day.
11:57I would write lots of pretty moving poems
11:59about girls who didn't fancy me.
12:01Oh.
12:01Did that change?
12:02No.
12:03Lady Repellent.
12:04This is how I'll remember it.
12:06I think they're called acrostic poems.
12:08I'll defo remember it,
12:09cos I've just got to remember
12:10what it is I'm spelling,
12:12which is going to be champion.
12:14OK.
12:15So now it's just learning time.
12:16Mm-hm.
12:17I need more time.
12:18I need more time.
12:21I need more time!
12:35I see.
12:36It's not a chair.
12:37A chair is something you sit on.
12:38That's not a chair.
12:39That is not a definition of a chair.
12:41It's a special chair.
12:42It's not a chair.
12:44APPLAUSE
12:49Well, well, well.
12:50Seeing them all come in one by one,
12:52it really did make me question my judgements over the series.
12:56The sister bad back and the four troubles.
13:00Let's have a look.
13:00First to orate and gyrate, yes, in those shorts...
13:05..is Matthew Bainton.
13:07I'm going to swing on this way for obvious reasons.
13:12LAUGHTER
13:15OK.
13:17A champion wins.
13:19A champion...
13:21A champion wins.
13:23A champion defeats.
13:26A champion destroys.
13:28A champion never cheats.
13:31But after the battle,
13:34after the fight,
13:35what keeps a champion up at night?
13:38The champion's burden.
13:40The champion's...
13:42The champion's burden.
13:44The champion's curse.
13:45When all is done,
13:47there can be...
13:48only one!
13:51APPLAUSE
13:54APPLAUSE
14:02Pretty powerful, Scott.
14:04Because it's not just about what it takes to be a champion,
14:06it's about what it costs to be a champion.
14:08And what it costs is your acting career.
14:10Yes.
14:12Despite the ghoulies, it was a strong poem.
14:15OK, one part of our final is done
14:17and it's so good to have our old friends back.
14:19Yes, it is.
14:20In fact, I put together a little highlight reel
14:22and I thought we could watch that before the break.
14:24If you'd like to see it, Greg.
14:25Oh, yeah.
14:26That's a good idea.
14:27Why don't you just marry them?
14:28Here's some adverts.
14:32APPLAUSE
14:40Hello.
14:41Welcome back to this tremendous tussle of the Tusk Titans.
14:45Yes, and it's nice to see Sam Campbell again too, isn't it?
14:48So...
14:49Before the break, they were performing the most powerful poem
14:52about being a champion whilst riding a bucking bronco.
14:56Now, back on the ball we go with Randy Zaltzman.
15:04Are you wearing a box?
15:06Yes, I am.
15:07The world where once the penguin feared to tread,
15:12now bestrode by this titan of Tarskmerian fate,
15:16who wields the sacred willow, and on his head that helmet,
15:21showing the world that's...
15:24that's...
15:27Where have we got to?
15:30Showing the world...
15:32It's never too late to grasp from the chasm of eternal gloom
15:36a sprig of hope, or thus the champion of series 18
15:38who sprang in triumph from human womb.
15:41Proof of the wild, the victory can be seen, even in a hero who's over 50.
15:45Ah!
15:45Ah!
15:47Fucking...
15:47Oh, shit!
15:53Vic!
15:55I'm still holding on to it.
15:56You're fine, you're fine.
15:57A victory can be seen, even in a hero who's over 50,
16:01balding, quite out of shape and locks,
16:03in Alex Horne's darkened, task-filled, harrowing room.
16:08The end.
16:09Finished?
16:10You're finished, mate.
16:12Thank you for the fire, Mandy.
16:13You're an evil fucking bastard.
16:17APPLAUSE
16:21Well, it was supposed to be a poet doing a powerful performance.
16:26Honestly, what I've written down is,
16:28it was a bit like watching an old man fail a medical.
16:31Well, potato-potato.
16:34He's next.
16:36Next up, it's the turn of John Robbins to recite his poem
16:39whilst having his nipples tossed all over the place.
16:42LAUGHTER
16:45But you can't just need to make one adjustment.
16:49There we go.
16:51Hemberton.
16:52Blessed dweeb of cryptic.
16:55Willan and Mohammed.
16:56Crowd-pleasing.
16:58Thick-o-dip-tic.
16:59McNally.
17:00Pants!
17:02Whee!
17:04Prosecco smile and Monroe nose.
17:07Our champion in Freddy pose.
17:09Hi-ya!
17:13Ow!
17:14Our champion with record score.
17:17Robbins, they cry.
17:20Let it rain once more!
17:25OK.
17:27You got to level one with that one?
17:29On that one, but on other ones I got to the max, didn't I?
17:33APPLAUSE
17:38You were writing about your fellow contestants as well.
17:41Yes.
17:41When you first got on, you said you had to make an adjustment.
17:44Yes.
17:45And I wrote down, I thought that maybe you were putting part of you inside of you.
17:50LAUGHTER
17:52No, I was very much just ensuring that the Robbins' lineage of champions can continue.
17:59LAUGHTER
18:00Good. Who's next?
18:01It is the time of Sam Campbell and Maisie.
18:07Oh.
18:09Oh.
18:09What?
18:10Are you joking?
18:11That's the magic chair?
18:13It's a special chair, yeah.
18:14Special chair.
18:16I've told you I've got a back injury, and you thought, yeah, bubber on there.
18:20You look like you're going to give birth.
18:23LAUGHTER
18:24Oh, far out!
18:26Oh, my God.
18:27Life is insane.
18:29Some people say it's a game of snakes and ladders.
18:31Champion of champions.
18:34How did we get here?
18:36Ah, so many.
18:38Blood, sweat and tears.
18:40A ladder and something happens not nice.
18:43Many have failed, but not I.
18:46Pushing through, tusk after tusk, with my eyes, oh, on the prize.
18:52And the real champions are nurses and people who designed hospitals
18:55and people who held troubled teeth.
18:58In pursuit of Big Daddy Greg's approval.
19:02And, of course, Roger Federer and Carlos Alcaraz.
19:05Oh, I'm here to stay.
19:08Ain't no removal.
19:11And I'm going to pass over to Alex Horne.
19:16Everyone's talking about this guy.
19:18They're not all playing good too.
19:20Blue Horizons beckon.
19:23Victory again, you reckon?
19:25Would you like me to stop the magic carpet?
19:27Yes.
19:28And that's the life of a champion.
19:32Maisie, thank you for your powerful performance.
19:34You're a lawsuit waiting to happen.
19:37Just so you know.
19:44That's honestly one of the saddest things I've ever seen.
19:48You look like you're microwaving me.
19:53I remember it being quicker and thinking, this'll look cool.
19:59It.
20:00Did.
20:00Not.
20:03Sam, the poem was rubbish.
20:05It's also not the poem he wrote in the room.
20:07In the room he wrote,
20:08Everyone is a champion.
20:09Roger Federer.
20:10I feel 100%.
20:11My life has been amazing.
20:12Lonely at the top.
20:13LAUGHTER
20:20It's time to score, Greg.
20:21Well, I sort of felt the same about Andy and Sam's, really.
20:25I could only give them two points because of the criteria of the poem.
20:29Right, two points.
20:29So I'm going to give them two points each.
20:31To Sam and Andy.
20:31That's correct.
20:32Now, I do think, you know, you're at a physical disadvantage
20:35because you had a terrible wrestling injury.
20:37Yeah.
20:38But I just don't think we can...
20:39No, I get what you're saying.
20:40You're saying three points and get back in the kitchen.
20:42I hear you.
20:43LAUGHTER
20:44And then, I think, Matt, you couldn't hold on long enough
20:47to give your poem the audience it deserved.
20:49Whereas John held on, he slagged off his fellow contestants
20:54and he did it in a very powerful way.
20:56Four points and five points and that's an end to it.
20:58Right, here we are.
20:59Five points to go on.
21:00There we go.
21:01I'd like to see a champion's scoreboard, please.
21:04Three of the champions cannot be wrought apart.
21:07Matt, Maisie and John all have eight points.
21:11Also Andy and Sam are there.
21:13Four and three.
21:15Then let us see the champions task some more.
21:19OK, we've had poetic metres and now for two more metres
21:22in a race against time.
21:40Hey, Matt.
21:44It's cold, Alex.
21:47Hello.
21:47Oh.
21:48How are you?
21:49You look a little bit...
21:51Stiff.
21:52There's your task.
21:54Right by the start line.
21:56Oh, what have you got in store for me?
21:58Oh, don't do this to me.
21:59No!
22:00Oh, you're cruel.
22:03Oh, wow.
22:11You all right?
22:12Win the two metre race.
22:18First to break the tape wins.
22:21You must start the race after the starters bang
22:23and behind the starting line.
22:26If any part of your body moves beyond the starting line
22:29or you break the tape before the starters bang,
22:32you are disqualified.
22:36Finally, every time the bike wheel stops spinning,
22:40your final time will be doubled.
22:42And throughout the task, you must big yourself up.
22:45Like, give myself compliments.
22:47Yeah.
22:47And make myself feel nice.
22:49You don't want that wheel to stop.
22:51I know, dude!
22:59Did anyone understand this task?
23:01No, no, no.
23:03It really did cause confusion, did it?
23:05It's a two metre sprint.
23:06That's all you need to know.
23:07Shall we start the race?
23:08Let's start the race.
23:09OK, first up, it's Series 17 versus Series 19.
23:13That's right, it's Matthew on your marks, Luke and John.
23:18What are you doing?
23:19Taking the bike off so I can ride the bike.
23:21Do you want a tool?
23:23I don't need a tool.
23:24I am a tool.
23:27So there's no other course?
23:29No, this is the course.
23:30It's a two metre running track.
23:32That's it.
23:33I'm the best.
23:35I've got this.
23:36Where's the starter?
23:37I just don't know.
23:38He works independently from me or she.
23:45Why is there someone in there?
23:51OK, I got eight minutes and 19 seconds before the bang.
23:55Right.
23:56But I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my time.
23:58Bigging yourself up, John.
24:00Do I need to big myself up any bigger?
24:04It's a waiting, isn't it?
24:06Yeah, but I'm good at waiting.
24:08LAUGHTER
24:12That's now safe.
24:13It's secure.
24:14Six, five, four, three...
24:20A specific...
24:27You've completed the course after the bang.
24:30Yeah.
24:33Don't keep that bit in.
24:39Well, I think both men made the mistake of thinking that this task was cleverer than it is basically.
24:43You were even looking for another course at one point, wasn't it?
24:46Yeah, it was the amount of time.
24:47Yeah.
24:48I've thought about it so much since.
24:50I was sure that I would come here tonight and watch it and find out there was a whole other
24:54aspect.
24:54Mm.
24:55Waiting, hiding somewhere.
24:57There wasn't.
24:57There wasn't.
24:58It was just really...
24:59There wasn't.
25:00You're not going to tell us times now, I wouldn't think.
25:03Let's see some more then.
25:04OK, two more men now.
25:05Sorry, Maisie, but they're not particularly manly men, because it's Sam and Andy.
25:11You're better than me.
25:13You don't want that wheel...
25:14I'm one of the best ever.
25:15Right.
25:16Oh, he's flying.
25:18Right.
25:19Can I move this?
25:21You do whatever you want.
25:22You've been talking about me behind my back?
25:23I'll tell you why you're behind my back, because you are in my shadow.
25:26And you are nothing to...
25:27And I'll...
25:29Yeah.
25:31I mean, this has been one of the most impressive displays of moving Alex Horn on a bicycle.
25:35Yeah.
25:36Can I move the tape?
25:39No.
25:40Not moving the tape.
25:41So you're just going to do that and wait for the bang?
25:43Yeah.
25:44Are you familiar with voodoo dolls?
25:46You piss me off sometimes.
25:48I don't know where it's love talking to you.
25:51Well, the tape's gone now.
25:52Yeah, you've got to stay this side of the starters line.
25:54The starters line?
25:57Shit.
25:58My arm is getting sore, dude.
26:00Hmm.
26:01Is it?
26:01Can I just ask?
26:02Yeah.
26:03So I'll...
26:04The bang will happen, I spin it, then I run.
26:06No, the wheel's going to spin the whole time.
26:08Every time you stop it, your final time has doubled.
26:16I need to find a starter now.
26:19Do you think Baton's doing this?
26:21Oh, Baton's just perfect.
26:23Oh, Baton.
26:23Oh, did you see Baton?
26:25Oh, Baton's just great.
26:29What?
26:29Can you press that?
26:39Oh, I just saw Baton in the play.
26:41It was scrumptious.
26:53Okay, thank you.
26:54Okay.
27:01Andy, I think you went off to have sex with an effigy of answers.
27:07No, we just watched the cricket together.
27:10Sam, you spent a lot of the time sarcastically reviewing
27:13Matthew Bainton's...
27:15Yeah.
27:16Um, I think that's like jealousy and, um,
27:19grin doesn't look good on me and I apologise and it's just,
27:22yeah, jealousy.
27:23I honestly think you're the thinking woman's crumpet and...
27:27Seriously.
27:30We're halfway through this champion of champions showdown
27:33and already it's incredibly, absolutely incredible
27:36that any of them ever won a series.
27:40And now Alex is going to do an impression
27:42of one of the Beatles.
27:44Hello.
27:45Ringo?
27:45Yes, it was Ringo.
27:46Here's to Mumford.
27:56Hello.
27:59Welcome back to the third part of this riveting competition.
28:02There is one race left.
28:04Her body might not have been match fit, but what about her brain?
28:07Let's find out.
28:08It is Maisie Adams.
28:09Oh!
28:13We'll just move this closer, won't we?
28:15Do you need a hand?
28:15Because of your terrible back injuries.
28:17Yeah.
28:17Come on.
28:19That's it, that's it.
28:20Here?
28:20No, keep going.
28:22Right, just bob it there.
28:23Bob it here?
28:24Yep.
28:28Maybe I could tie something to it and then the moment I hear the bang,
28:32break it.
28:33Uh-huh.
28:33Could you go and get me some string?
28:35String.
28:36String.
28:36String.
28:38Great.
28:38Well done.
28:46Am I looking at the starter now?
28:47No, the starter's not one of these people.
28:52Are you the starter?
28:54Yeah.
28:55Do you...
28:56Do I...
28:56Are you...
29:02Sorry.
29:04I just grabbed the button.
29:07Oh, you've got the button.
29:08Yep.
29:09Right.
29:11Three, two, one.
29:16You've broken the finish line after the bang.
29:19Very fast.
29:19See ya.
29:20Thanks, Rosie.
29:27Well, you broke the tape.
29:28Have I...
29:29Have I done well?
29:30I think you've done really well.
29:31Fuck off.
29:35Surely she can't be beaten.
29:36Let's find out.
29:37Well, we can see all five running at the same time.
29:39Yes, please.
29:40It's time for this year's two metre race.
29:43Three, two, one.
29:45BOOM!
29:48BOOM!
29:48BOOM!
29:49BOOM!
29:49BOOM!
29:52BOOM!
29:55BOOM!
29:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:04APPLAUSE
30:04What's that?
30:04Sam was pin-like for not spinning the wheel for jingling?
30:06Yes.
30:07Sam, your wheel stopped 21 times.
30:10LAUGHTER
30:11So we have to double 6.11 seconds 21 times,
30:15which works out as 213,500 minutes,
30:20which is 21 weeks.
30:24Sorry, 0.01?
30:26Yeah.
30:26Is my time?
30:27Yeah.
30:28I'm so...
30:30Like, honestly, put that on my gravestone.
30:33In top-level athletics...
30:35Oh, no.
30:36If you go within 0.1 seconds of the gun going off,
30:40it's considered to be a false start,
30:41because that's beyond the scope of human reactions.
30:44Zaltzman, shut the fuck up!
30:47So, Greg, are you happy with all the performances?
30:49I'm happy with all the performances,
30:50and nothing Zaltzman can say can change my mind on that.
30:53In which case, Sam gets one point, Andy two, John three,
30:56Matt four, but Maisie Allen get five points!
30:57Bang!
30:58Bang!
30:59Bang!
31:02OK.
31:03Lovely.
31:04Do we have one more tough task for our champs to tackle?
31:07Oh, yes, we do.
31:08And just like you, Greg, it's bold, it's big,
31:10and it's really very simple.
31:13LAUGHTER
31:27Oh, wow.
31:28Hello, Sam.
31:29Ooh.
31:30Who's that?
31:31It is I, Matthew Bainton.
31:35What? What's going on in here?
31:37Hello, Maisie.
31:39Hello.
31:39Hello.
31:40OK.
31:44Oh, that is good.
31:51Oh, right on.
31:54Be brilliant for a minute.
31:57Most brilliant minute wins.
31:59You have a total of 20 minutes.
32:01Your time starts now.
32:05I mean, it just would be tiresome if I got a guitar out again,
32:08wouldn't it?
32:09What if it's all of history in the minute?
32:13Oh, yeah.
32:14We've got Primordial, obviously Cave People.
32:16Bronze Age?
32:17Huns.
32:18Attila the Hun.
32:19Yes, Attila the Hun.
32:21This is good.
32:22I've got my idea.
32:23Oh.
32:24I want to play a game.
32:26I mean, they say you stick to what you know,
32:28but mostly what I know is cricket stats.
32:30Yeah.
32:31I'm going to go and have a think.
32:32Oh, right.
32:32OK.
32:33Don't look at it.
32:38It's just too much.
32:41I think I'm just going to do Attila the Hun.
32:44The life of Attila the Hun in a minute.
32:45Yeah.
32:46Oh.
32:47Oh, my God.
32:51However brilliant what we're about to see is,
32:54for me, nothing's going to be as brilliant as Matthew blinding
32:57himself and then smashing into small numbers.
33:00OK.
33:01Well, two brilliant champions, first of all, Andy and Maisie.
33:23Andy?
33:24I'm down here.
33:26Maisie?
33:28Maisie?
33:30Maisie?
33:34You've got three seconds.
33:35One thousand and eighty.
33:41Maisie?
33:43Maisie?
33:57Maisie?
33:58Maisie?
33:58Maisie?
34:00Maisie?
34:01One thousand and eighty seconds.
34:02One thousand and eighty seconds.
34:06Right.
34:07There we go.
34:10Ah.
34:11None in a bush.
34:12None in a bush.
34:13None in a bush.
34:13You were in there.
34:14Yep.
34:14Being brilliant at hiding.
34:17OK.
34:17OK.
34:17Thanks, Maisie.
34:20APPLAUSE
34:25This is a bit of wordplay by you, isn't it?
34:27Minute.
34:28Well, you just never know on this show what the hidden meanings are.
34:32Yeah.
34:32Most brilliant minute or most brilliant minute wins.
34:35Oh.
34:36Oh.
34:37It's clever.
34:38I love that little Andy, by the way.
34:41I love little Andy as well.
34:42He did lots of brilliant things.
34:45Maisie, how did you think it went?
34:47LAUGHTER
34:51Genuinely, on the day, I thought, smash this.
34:54Yeah.
34:55I mean, I couldn't find her.
34:56I didn't know what she was doing.
34:57She left and I couldn't find her.
34:58Yeah.
34:58And isn't that brilliant?
35:00You'd think you'd spotted none in a bush.
35:03No, she's fully inside the bush.
35:05I mean, they could be, though.
35:09Family show, Greg.
35:12She was fully inside the bush.
35:14LAUGHTER
35:15OK.
35:16Who's next?
35:17Now for a man who could do with some even more brilliant pants,
35:20it's Matt Bainton.
35:23MUSIC PLAYS
35:26WHISTLE BLOWS
35:27WHISTLE BLOWS
35:29WHISTLE BLOWS
35:30WHISTLE BLOWS
35:40WHISTLE BLOWS
35:40WHISTLE BLOWS
35:43WHISTLE BLOWS
35:43WHISTLE BLOWS
35:43WHISTLE BLOWS
35:44WHISTLE BLOWS
35:44WHISTLE BLOWS
35:46WHISTLE BLOWS
35:48WHISTLE BLOWS
35:49WHISTLE BLOWS
35:51WHISTLE BLOWS
35:52WHISTLE BLOWS
35:54WHISTLE BLOWS
35:55WHISTLE BLOWS
35:56WHISTLE BLOWS
35:57WHISTLE BLOWS
35:57WHISTLE BLOWS
36:01WHISTLE BLOWS
36:02WHISTLE BLOWS
36:16I'm gonna be brilliant the Sun is the most brilliant thing isn't in our solar system it is
36:2335.7 octillion lumens the projector at IMAX is only 4,000 so that's
36:31there wasn't the facts about the Sun you dress there was the song adapted your face to look like something
36:37which is also what I did
36:39and that was critically panned
36:42but I didn't realize it
36:47Matthew I thought it was powerful
36:48you would
36:51there is just one part left for our champions who will win and take my headless body and attach my
36:57head to
36:58it which they already own and then what will they do with me
37:13Welcome back
37:14Here we are then
37:16mere moments from the former champion rising head and shoulders above the rest to become the ultra champ
37:22but first let's finish this brilliant task
37:24We simply must and it's time for the final two guys to be brilliant for a minute
37:28It's Sam and John
37:36Welcome to the 60 second game show where the crew of Taskmaster are gonna compete to get money to their
37:42chosen charities
37:43we've got a minute on the clock Alex is gonna blow his whistle
37:46our crew are gonna shout out their charities and throw the ducks into the buckets which have
37:52didn't
37:52didn't see that didn't agree to that and that's fine but Alex are you ready to be brilliant for a
37:56minute?
37:57Yes please
37:57Okay let's do some bloody good
37:59And we're off
38:01The Hospice of St Francis
38:03Oh well that went in the hundreds
38:04Did it?
38:05Yeah it did
38:07Markinson's
38:07Markinson's
38:08That was in
38:09And as we know they come out
38:10That counts
38:11Straight over the streets
38:13Shelter UK
38:15Am I into mental health?
38:17Well that was basically it
38:22Oh
38:25Let's get a coffee please
38:26Welcome to Attila's
38:28The cafe where we think Attila the Han is just so much fun
38:31We love Attila the Han
38:33Kids against hunger
38:35Dream flight
38:36Or two
38:37And you helped that one in and I'm glad
38:39There you go
38:41Thank you
38:41That'll be 3.50
38:42All right
38:42Card?
38:43Card's great
38:45Great Ormond Street
38:46Lovely
38:47Ten seconds left
38:48And that's counting
38:49It's nice if someone goes for one of these little red ones
38:51Not a base
38:52Probably
38:53And that's going in
38:55150
38:56And that's 150
38:57Very generous John
38:57Thanks
38:59It's close to a grand
39:01It's close to a grand
39:02And
39:04Charity matters
39:06Thanks John
39:07There you go
39:08Thank you so much
39:08Great thank you
39:10Actually I'm so sorry but I don't want a receipt
39:19Welcome to Attila's
39:20Welcome to Attila's
39:21Welcome to Attila's
39:22Welcome to Attila's
39:22The cafe where we think Attila the Han
39:25Is just so much fun
39:27It's just so much fun
39:28It's just so much fun
39:47It's just so much fun
39:48Stick of the chains.
39:56I think it's brilliant that you raised that money, I do.
39:59I don't think the game show is brilliant.
40:01OK, sorry I raised so much money for charity.
40:05What was the name of the game show?
40:06The 60-second game show.
40:08I just think why go with that title when you add
40:10chuck it, duck it, book it right there?
40:14Can I just say, I can't stop thinking about little Andy.
40:16I want to see him having, like, a regular-sized meal.
40:20Like, imagine, like, the pizza that we would have,
40:22but it's little Andy having that and, like, where does he live
40:25and, like, what does he get up to?
40:26All I'm saying is I'm pretty much addicted to little Andy.
40:28Yeah.
40:30Right, the Tilly of the Hornet was a fairly awful, murderous...
40:34The Scourge of God was his nickname.
40:37Ah, I thought this might come up.
40:43I think he used to, like, boil his enemies alive.
40:46I think you've got to separate the barista from the boiling.
40:49LAUGHTER
40:52OK, I'm ready.
40:53Obviously, you know, I enjoyed seeing her painted face green
40:57and hide in a bush, dressed as a nun, but it wasn't brilliant, one point.
41:00OK.
41:01I think it's brilliant that John raised money for charity.
41:03Right.
41:03But I thought his game show was terrible.
41:06I'm giving him two points.
41:08Two points to John, OK.
41:09I'm going to give Andy three points.
41:10OK.
41:10Matthew, I'm going to give four points, and I don't know why I'm doing it.
41:15I'm giving Sam Campbell five points.
41:17That's all you got.
41:19Well done, Sam Campbell, five points.
41:21All right, here we go, then.
41:22Please head to the stage for your final, final task!
41:26APPLAUSE
41:35Hello, baby boy.
41:37Hello.
41:39Who will be reading the task?
41:40Series 18's champion...
41:42Zaltzman.
41:43Zaltzman.
41:44Andy.
41:45Using only tape, turn yourself into a famous person
41:49from the previous millennium who you'd like to see on Taskmaster.
41:55Best all-round new Taskmaster contestant wins.
41:59You have three minutes.
42:01Three minutes?
42:02Yes.
42:02Whew!
42:03That's going to be riveting television.
42:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:05Ready, Greg?
42:07Ready!
42:08They're off.
42:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:14I find that making a decision that putt is quite disturbing.
42:18Alex?
42:19Yes, John?
42:20The tape doesn't stick on your face.
42:22Yes, it does.
42:29I hesitate to ask, but how are you doing, Sam?
42:31Very well, thank you.
42:33It's anyone's game.
42:35LAUGHTER
42:37You'll be happy to know Green is not enrolled.
42:41LAUGHTER
42:43Oh, shit.
42:44And there we go.
42:46APPLAUSE
42:53Contestants, please stand on your spots.
42:58LAUGHTER
43:05Oh, my God.
43:10Oh, my God.
43:11I can't.
43:12Oh, I think I'm going to hit myself.
43:17I can only presume that Andy has become the son?
43:21No, no.
43:22Joan of Arc.
43:24LAUGHTER
43:25APPLAUSE
43:30Why do you think that Joan of Arc would be good on Taskmaster,
43:33I suppose, is the question?
43:34Well, she heard voices in her head.
43:37And that's very much like what doing this show is like.
43:41Yeah.
43:42And, of course, if Taskmaster was set during the time of Joan,
43:45we would perhaps burn people.
43:47LAUGHTER
43:48We can't rule it out.
43:49I may as well say it, because if anyone's feeling uncomfortable
43:51with that idea, strap yourself in for Joan.
43:55LAUGHTER
44:00So, next to Joan of Arc, who do we have, Greg?
44:03It's the Fuehrer, I presume.
44:06Charlie Chaplin.
44:07Ah.
44:07Oh, thank you all for that.
44:09APPLAUSE
44:10It's a great looking.
44:13What a relief.
44:15Yes.
44:15And why do you think Chaplin would be good on Taskmaster, Joan?
44:18Well, one of the great physical comedians of the last millennium,
44:23who I'd like to hear talk a bit more than I did.
44:26LAUGHTER
44:27So, our middle contestant, and who do we have?
44:30Well, I'll tell you, we've got David Bowie, surely.
44:32Oh!
44:33Yeah.
44:35APPLAUSE
44:38And why do you think the slim white duke would have been a good contestant?
44:43Well, from what I've seen, white men really do get booked.
44:47LAUGHTER
44:51Next to Bowie, Greg.
44:53Now, who is this?
44:55Is it Liza Minnelli?
44:57No.
44:58Oh.
44:59This is Dawn French.
45:01LAUGHTER
45:04APPLAUSE
45:05Can I say for the record, we agree that Dawn, you'd be great on Taskmaster.
45:09Maybe after she sees this...
45:11Oh, yeah, she'll look at this and go,
45:13that's a show that respects me.
45:17And finally, at the end of the line...
45:20Are you a person?
45:22Yes, technically, yes.
45:23I feel it might be a Power Ranger.
45:26No.
45:26Are you from a movie, Sam?
45:28Yeah.
45:29Are you a Smurf?
45:31No.
45:31Is it Avatar?
45:32Yeah.
45:33You're a character from Avatar.
45:34Jake Sully.
45:35Jake Sully.
45:36Yeah.
45:36Greg, there is a technicality. Avatar is set in 2154 and it was made in the early 2000s.
45:41It was definitely this millennium, not the last millennium.
45:43So...
45:44I'm a Smurf!
45:45No, I wasn't.
45:46APPLAUSE
45:51OK, so we have no choice, unfortunately.
45:54One point to Sam Campbell.
45:55I'm giving Andy Zaltzman two points.
45:57OK.
45:58I think I'm going to put Dawn French above Chaplin on this occasion.
46:01And I recognised the great songwriter immediately.
46:06It's five points to Maisie.
46:07There we go.
46:08Five points.
46:08To Barry!
46:11Please come down, we'll have that to your final score!
46:16APPLAUSE
46:21This has truly been a tale of Maisie and men.
46:25But now, four of them must walk away with their golden tails between their golden legs,
46:30whereas one will walk out of here waving their tail around like a flippin' lunatic.
46:35So, let's ask the man with the calculator.
46:38Oh, Mr. Calculator.
46:41Who has come out on top?
46:43Very close.
46:45Very close.
46:46The champion of champions.
46:47One point in it at the end.
46:51The winner was 20 points.
46:53It's Matt Bainton!
46:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:57Matt Bainton is the new champion of champions.
47:01Please pop off your Taskmaster trophy!
47:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:09APPLAUSE
47:50ACCEPTION
47:52Warning
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