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Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me,
00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:15Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:46And that was a great time!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54I don't remember...
01:55I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:06Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:10Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58because I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:18Well...
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing,
04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14Kael, this is a scratch card
04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:53I'm very happy with this prize.
04:55You've done well.
04:56Hello, May.
04:56What have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:37You know...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:39A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39So, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s,
06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:02When I played a lot of poker,
07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,
07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30I would say...
07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,
07:37is the way I see it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43..a picture of a baby.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47Oh, God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points.
08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.
08:05Yes.
08:06OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,
08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.
08:12Four to my point.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22MUSIC
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44Oh, God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practice.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:54Too sticky.
08:55Oh, my heart.
08:57Oh.
08:57Oh, my heart.
08:59Oh.
09:00Oh, my heart.
09:01Oh, God.
09:02Oh, God.
09:03Oh, God.
09:03I think I'm dying.
09:08Perfect.
09:09Perfect.
09:11Oh!
09:13Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:18Oh!
09:19I'm going to take it to death.
09:20Oh, few months.
09:20Good.
09:21I'm all right.
09:21I'm OK.
09:23Am I allowed to do another one?
09:24You do whatever.
09:25You've still got 18 minutes and 40 seconds.
09:26OK, I'm going to do another one.
09:27Seven minutes.
09:28Could boil an egg in this time,
09:30and then use the shell as nails.
09:32Would you like me to bring you an egg?
09:33Yes, please.
09:34Ow!
09:35Oh, oh!
09:35I just brought my nose.
09:36I think I'm having a nosebleed, Alex.
09:38Really, really bad nosebleed.
09:40Brought you an egg.
09:42Oh, thanks, mate.
09:45What's in there?
09:47Egg.
09:49Hold on.
09:49Your mum might like this bit.
09:50Your mum might like it.
09:51No.
09:52She'll say I'm messing up the people's house.
09:55I think I'm stopping now.
09:57I think I'm stopping.
09:58All right, then.
09:58I've had a bit of a trauma.
10:00Would you like some chocolates?
10:01I don't like chocolate.
10:02No.
10:02I like cheese and cash.
10:05All right, I'll bring you some cheese and cash.
10:06Thank you very much.
10:07Well, you seem to have perked up.
10:09Yes, I feel fine now.
10:12Happy?
10:14Happy?
10:2920 minutes.
10:31You wouldn't be able to slip into a room on notice with a hand.
10:35But the nails, lovely attention to detail.
10:39Jenny, I like cash and cheese.
10:41I'm with you on that.
10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,
10:44ah, ah, ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going,
10:49just die!
10:53Really good.
10:54Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.
10:57This time it's Ivo.
11:01Are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
11:05Of course I am.
11:07Great.
11:08You've not got long, Ivo.
11:09OK.
11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
11:18As ready as I'll ever be.
11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.
11:32Hello.
11:34What's your name?
11:36Woo.
11:37Oh, okay.
11:39Ah.
11:44Right.
11:45Um, not even going to woo any more.
11:48Woo!
11:52It's your time up, Ivo.
11:53What do you think?
11:55Oh.
11:57Cool.
11:58I've had a lovely time being involved in this task.
12:01APPLAUSE
12:05He really clawed it back with that stunt at the end.
12:09Because when the mummy first came in,
12:11I actually out loud whispered to myself,
12:14heart-breaking.
12:16The greatest privilege of my life to sit here
12:18and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.
12:25I do feel complete.
12:27Right.
12:28It's time for us to part with part one.
12:31What can I say?
12:32We were young.
12:32We were naive.
12:33We were stupid.
12:34It was never going to work.
12:35Fun though, wasn't it?
12:37Goodbye.
12:37I still love you.
12:47Hello!
12:49Welcome back to...
12:51Yes, Greg, I'm afraid so,
12:52because the current task
12:53sees them trying to fake something.
12:55Best Fake Wins.
12:57Next, and pitching a TV show at the same time,
12:59it's May Martin.
13:02OK.
13:08So, I'm getting...
13:09It's not a grandparent or a father figure.
13:11It's, like, a teacher figure.
13:13Is that ringing any bells?
13:14I did have teachers.
13:16I want to say you've travelled away with?
13:18Yeah, I went on a school trip with Mr Arnold.
13:21So, I'm getting Adrian.
13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrian.
13:24I haven't been in touch with him.
13:25I'm going to send him an email.
13:26Oh, really?
13:27Yeah.
13:29Um...
13:30I'm getting kind of a...
13:32A lot of noise, like...
13:34And they've passed.
13:35Oh, a long time ago.
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:37And Horace, in particular, is, uh, frustrated.
13:41He's very frustrated with you.
13:42Oh.
13:43Yeah.
13:44He's, like, telling me something about George Clooney.
13:46My cat?
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:49I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
13:52My dad was a GP.
13:53Clooney was in AR.
13:55No.
13:55No, no, no.
13:56Fantastic Mr Fox is what I'm getting.
13:59Ah, well, I've seen that.
14:00And I used to have a toy fox.
14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
14:03What, that I loved the fox more than the cat?
14:05Yeah.
14:07Well, I-I hope you've got what you came for.
14:10I'm just trying to be a vessel
14:12and give you the tools that you need moving forward
14:14to live in a more authentic way.
14:18Well, thank you for the tools.
14:20Thanks, mate.
14:21Um, do you have any money?
14:23Ah.
14:24Um, yeah, I've got some money.
14:25I charge £60.
14:27£60.
14:27I'll take £40.
14:32APPLAUSE
14:32It was actually quite good.
14:35It was good because they were faking it,
14:39I discovered afterwards.
14:40What, you mean May's not a real medium?
14:43In the lab, I was freaked out
14:45because everything they said was true.
14:46Yes.
14:47And I didn't know how they did it.
14:49Um, I've been a...
14:50I rang his wife.
14:54And my wife rang my mum.
14:56And...
14:57I've kept in touch with...
14:58with your wife.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:00Like, when we text.
15:02Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Very clever.
15:06It was horrible to be on that.
15:08LAUGHTER
15:08Very enjoyable.
15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
15:12Yeah, and £40.
15:13Good.
15:15Good.
15:16Who's last?
15:16There's only one more.
15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
15:20Here we go.
15:27In a sense, no one is to blame for this.
15:32In another, realer sense,
15:35the British security services
15:37and the creative team behind the antique roadshow
15:40are to blame.
15:44Farewell, Frankie.
16:05I empathise, Frankie, because, like me, your body is so much more shocking than your suicide could ever be.
16:11LAUGHTER
16:13We surprised a few joggers.
16:15LAUGHTER
16:16Oh, man, that was very good.
16:18This is tough.
16:19Are they all good, do you think?
16:20I feel like you're working against me, Alex.
16:23LAUGHTER
16:23I'm not.
16:24Can we have a look at it again, the hand?
16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hand.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle,
16:34but with the best will in the world.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:38But, you know, we're Jenny's fakes really good.
16:41No!
16:42LAUGHTER
16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom?
16:48So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.
16:49They do.
16:50Right.
16:51I'm going to give I both four points.
16:53Ooh, right.
16:54I'm going to give May four points as well.
16:56Right.
16:57Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise
17:01deserves on this occasion five points.
17:03Got it.
17:03Two, two, four, four, five points.
17:04There you go.
17:04Frankie Boyle.
17:08Scoreboard time.
17:09Frankie Amaya at the top with eight points each.
17:12APPLAUSE
17:16Right.
17:17Right.
17:18On we go.
17:19Yes.
17:19Next up is this.
17:46Hello, Alex.
17:47Hi, Jenny.
17:48Hello, Alex.
18:00Oh.
18:02The things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.
18:05I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
18:10Hello, Kyle.
18:11Hello.
18:12I'm going to bring you your task.
18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.
18:21Each time you play an instrument correctly,
18:23another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.
18:27Longest sequence wins.
18:28There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.
18:33The least worst.
18:35Sort of the best.
18:38Your time starts when the first light goes on.
18:42OK.
18:45So, up there there's drums.
18:47Where?
18:47Drum?
18:48Yeah.
18:49Oh, it's very badly drawn.
18:54What the fuck is that?
18:56Obviously a harmonica.
18:57It looks like a sofa.
18:58I thought it was a sofa.
19:00Yes.
19:05I just want to cut off.
19:06OK.
19:06When it comes to musical ability,
19:08you don't often hear these two names,
19:09and for good reason.
19:11It's Jenny and Ivofer.
19:13Are you ready?
19:15Yes, I am.
19:16Let's go.
19:21And that was a lovely chord.
19:22It was a lovely chord.
19:23I think it's my only chord.
19:26You've made it successfully through round one.
19:28I'm glad.
19:29Round two.
19:35Good.
19:36It's now time for round three.
19:37.
19:53Is that chord again?
19:55Sounding good.
19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
19:58.
20:06BUZZER
20:07BUZZER
20:07BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09Great performance. So you know the first four now.
20:12BUZZER
20:13BUZZER
20:14BUZZER
20:16BUZZER
20:17BUZZER
20:20BUZZER
20:21BUZZER
20:27BUZZER
20:28That's all for round six. Round six?
20:31Yeah. Okay.
20:37BUZZER
20:37BUZZER
20:39BUZZER
20:40BUZZER
20:42BUZZER
20:43BUZZER
20:43BUZZER
20:44BUZZER
20:44BUZZER
20:45BUZZER
20:46BUZZER
20:49BUZZER
20:52BUZZER
20:59BUZZER
21:09BUZZER
21:13BUZZER
21:14BUZZER
21:16BUZZER
21:17BUZZER
21:17BUZZER
21:18BUZZER
21:19BUZZER
21:19BUZZER
21:19BUZZER
21:20BUZZER
21:23BUZZER
21:24You didn't play the harmonica.
21:26Only because it looks like a sofa.
21:28LAUGHTER
21:29I think you should go now.
21:32BUZZER
21:33BUZZER
21:35BUZZER
21:35BUZZER
21:36BUZZER
21:36BUZZER
21:39BUZZER
21:40That's a sad little walk away from old honk-footer-clare.
21:44LAUGHTER
21:46Tragic.
21:46Tragic, but still better than Ivor.
21:48Oh, really?
21:49Don't say it like that.
21:51I'm sorry, I thought we'd been grouped together as equal failures,
21:53but it turns out I'd found still a new depth.
21:57LAUGHTER
21:58Ivor was very disappointing.
22:00Just five, that's all. You only remembered five things in a row.
22:02How many did I get?
22:03Six. Six. Yeah.
22:05Frankie Boyle and Mae Martin also did this task,
22:08and they did it like this.
22:10I feel like Dick Van Dyke.
22:12You look like Dick Van Dyke.
22:15In...
22:15LAUGHTER
22:17..young...
22:18Are you ready?
22:19LAUGHTER
22:20Yeah.
22:21I'm going to give a go.
22:21I'm going to give a go.
22:27BUZZER
22:28BUZZER
22:32BUZZER
22:32BUZZER
22:34BUZZER
22:35BUZZER
22:35BUZZER
22:36BUZZER
22:38BUZZER
22:39BUZZER
22:40BUZZER
22:43BUZZER
22:44BUZZER
22:44BUZZER
22:44BUZZER
22:44BUZZER
22:46It's sounding lovely.
22:47I'm seeing now how it's going to get stressful.
23:03BUZZER
23:04BUZZER
23:05BUZZER
23:06BUZZER
23:07BUZZER
23:07BUZZER
23:08BUZZER
23:08BUZZER
23:08BUZZER
23:08BUZZER
23:09BUZZER
23:09BUZZER
23:09BUZZER
23:09BUZZER
23:09BUZZER
23:15BUZZER
23:18BUZZER
23:19What was the fucking last one?
23:38Correct.
23:57Frankie, you did very well.
24:00I'm surprised.
24:02I'm also surprised.
24:21BUZZER
24:21Oh, no!
24:25Well, I thought it was a childlike naivety.
24:31Yeah, I had a great time.
24:32Open your eyes.
24:33Frankie, you look quite at home in that clobber.
24:35I enjoyed being in a warehouse,
24:38being in a one-man band for an apparent reason.
24:41A lot of them. Very impressive.
24:43They both scored nine.
24:44Well done.
24:46Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say, well done, isn't it?
24:48LAUGHTER
24:50Right, we're stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-ups.
24:53Underneath that cheap suit, the boy is RIPPED!
25:01Yes, hello again.
25:07We're back.
25:09Let's just get on with the show.
25:11As opposed to...to what?
25:13Oh, quick update.
25:14LAUGHTER
25:16They're currently trying to copy a sequence of lights.
25:19Longest sequence wins.
25:20And there's only one player left.
25:22He's currently in last place in the series.
25:24It's Kael!
25:35Correct.
25:36Down.
25:37Down.
25:38Down.
25:39Down.
25:39Down.
25:43Shit.
25:46Are you going to play your instruments?
25:47Hang on!
25:50BEEP.
25:52BEEP.
25:55BEEP.
25:56BEEP.
25:57BEEP.
25:58BEEP.
26:00BEEP.
26:02BEEP.
26:02BEEP.
26:03BEEP.
26:04Correct, so we go on.
26:05Oh, John.
26:06Guitar drumbell.
26:07BEEP.
26:08What?
26:13Hello?
26:38No.
26:49Have you finished?
26:50No.
26:51OK.
27:02Thank you. You've finished. Goodbye, Kyle.
27:09APPLAUSE
27:14Pretty impressive, Kyle. I'm a music boy.
27:17How many did he get? 15.
27:19I mean...
27:23The only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task,
27:27you had a problem blowing a marble into a tube,
27:30and then you had another blow issue.
27:32Do you have a blow problem? I'm an asthmatic boy.
27:34LAUGHTER
27:35It's a music boy.
27:37Music boy, it's asthmatic boy.
27:40Oh...
27:41I'm really sorry.
27:42There are two Kyle clips, and I think I played...
27:44I'm going to fucking kick off, Alex.
27:47I've played the Kyle clips in the wrong order.
27:50I'm so sorry.
27:51Can I play the other one?
27:51Yeah, yeah.
27:52LAUGHTER
27:53Oh...
27:53No...
27:53Ooh!
28:03BUZZER
28:03BUZZER
28:03BUZZER
28:05BUZZER
28:06Well, you have finished the one-round-band task.
28:09Come on, give us another go.
28:10You wanna keep going later?
28:12You gave him quite a few other goes.
28:15We were in there for 45 minutes.
28:18LAUGHTER
28:19It seems that music boys are cheeky boys
28:24Okay, okay, right, right, but eventually I got 15. Yeah, well in that case Kyle wins the series. Let's all
28:32go home
28:37Good Ivo and Kyle came joint fourth. Yeah, they both get to Jenny comes third to get three points may
28:43and Frankie joint first
28:49However, there is of course one bonus point for the person who plays it the least worst
28:53Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone
28:57And the nerve of music boy, and I think you know give the guy a break. We'll give him the
29:01point
29:06Time for another task please. Okay, and this one's a team one. Here we go
29:19I
29:32Shall we yes you do go ahead go ahead
29:36Salvage the most spoons
29:39salvage the most spoons
29:40We may not leave the lab and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet your salvager must not remove
29:48their headware
29:51Most salvage spoons brought to the lab wins also from now on you must speak in a very high-pitched
29:57voice
29:58Your time starts or should I say you have 16 minutes your time starts now
30:08Hello
30:09Do we open the laptop?
30:11Open the laptop
30:12Oh
30:13Hello Alex
30:14Hello
30:15I have your salvager here. He has a magnet. Good luck
30:21Where am I?
30:28May and Jenny I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining
30:34Absolutely horrified me the moment you started speaking
30:37Right, let's just get on with this
30:39Okay, and we begin with the team of three
30:41It's Kael, Jenny, and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse, it's May Martin
30:47Kael! Kael!
30:49Hello, yes
30:50Are you blindfolded?
30:51Am I?
30:52Blindfolded, yes
30:53Big style
30:54Okay, look around for spoons
30:57I can't look
31:00Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?
31:05We're presuming there's spoons, there's a spoon on top of the blue bin
31:09I don't know where the blue bin is
31:11Stretch your hands out, Kael
31:14Now inch forward
31:16Until the barrel
31:17Oh, I've thought about it
31:18Oil drum
31:19Okay
31:20On the top
31:21There is a spoon
31:22That's some iron
31:24Did you get it?
31:25Oh, God
31:26You're so close
31:34One spoon
31:35Did you get it?
31:35I did
31:36We're gonna have to work out a better system than this
31:38I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl
31:41I wouldn't do that
31:43Turn around, to the left
31:45Walk forward
31:47What can you see?
31:49Nothing
31:49Nothing
31:50What about now?
31:53No
31:53Oh, yeah
31:54By the bathtub
31:55I don't know where the bathtub is
31:57So if you inch forward very slowly until you feel the grass under your feet
32:02The grass under my
32:03And then this slightly to your right
32:05To my right
32:06Kael, there's two spoons in front of you
32:08Okay
32:09So get on all fours
32:10Forward, forward
32:13Rope
32:13Rope in the grass
32:15Rope the grass
32:16As much as you can
32:17I don't know where the bath is
32:18Is it to my right or my left?
32:20What's that?
32:21To your right?
32:21There's a spoon right in front of you
32:23I've got one
32:24Okay
32:25By the shed
32:26What direction is that?
32:28Yeah, you're doing it
32:29You're doing it now
32:30Oh!
32:31Double spoon
32:32Kyle, Kyle
32:33Double spoon
32:34Where?
32:35You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass
32:37If you can imagine it
32:40Okay, so direct my finger
32:42You want to be facing to your right
32:44To my right?
32:45Like this?
32:47Yeah
32:47Yeah
32:47Kyle
32:48Yeah
32:49Down
32:49Down
32:50And sweep
32:52Yeah
32:54You have five minutes
32:55I think you should come back to the house
32:57We're running out of time
32:58Yeah, Kyle
32:59You have to come and find us in the lab
33:01You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded with
33:05Kyle, you have to come back to the house
33:07If you told me where the house was, yeah
33:08Hurry to the right
33:10Take five big steps
33:12One
33:12Two
33:15Stop
33:15Turn to your right
33:17Take three big steps
33:19Well, take one big step
33:20One
33:21Wait
33:22You've got to go around that
33:23Around which way?
33:24Around which way?
33:25To the right
33:26To the left
33:27Left
33:27To the left
33:29Feel your way
33:32Along the house to the front door
33:35Hands out
33:36Stretch
33:38You seem to be at the door
33:40I've stopped listening to both of you
33:42She's plunging along the corridor
33:45Straight there
33:46You're almost here
33:48Well done
33:49Yes, Kyle
33:50Yes
33:51Yay
33:52Yay
33:53Yay
33:54Good job, Kyle
33:55Yay
33:56Yay
33:56Good job, Kyle
34:00The narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother
34:03Who's been through this nonsense a thousand times
34:07He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other
34:12I found that voice so annoying
34:14So annoying
34:15And often, May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction
34:18And Jenny was just going
34:19Yes, that's right
34:23Kyle was doing a lot of the work as well
34:25He stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons
34:26They got a total of nine
34:27Yeah
34:28And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare
34:30He'd had enough
34:31Oh, yeah
34:33Right, that's the end of part three
34:34Soon, someone will win a spoon and a scratch card
34:37And that's how we're going to end a prime time TV show
34:41Whether Channel 4 like it or not
34:47Hello
34:52Welcome back to the final part of the show
34:55And a team task involving the salvaging of spoons
34:57Don't mind if I do
34:59It's the team of two's turn now
35:00With Frankie directing
35:02And Ivo hunting
35:05Ivo?
35:06Can you see some spoons, my friend?
35:08I can't see anything, Frankie
35:10I'm wearing some elaborate headwear
35:11Are you blind, Ivo?
35:13They've blinded me, Frankie
35:14Only you can lead me to the spoons
35:17Turn to your left
35:18Well, we see the caravan there
35:20Walk forward, Ivo
35:23Anyway, I have you
35:25I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath
35:27You're about to walk into the bath at knee height
35:30And hurt your shins
35:33Stop! Stop!
35:35Stop, Ivo!
35:36I'm at the bath!
35:37There's a spoon I can tell you
35:38On this ledge of the bath
35:40On the left edge or the right ledge?
35:42Both edges
35:46Oh! Frankie, I've got a spoon
35:48Put it in your spoon, Parch Ivo
35:51Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie
35:53You know you don't need to speak in this voice
35:56Oh, no, no
35:57I've picked up the previous spoons by Mr...
36:00Put your spoons in your Parch Ivo
36:02Now, can you have a good look around, Ivo
36:04So that I can check there's no more spoons
36:05Look down
36:07Down
36:07And then...
36:08Do a 360
36:13No, come in, I'm walking off somewhere else
36:18You're dangling it too fast, Ivo!
36:21There you are!
36:22That was quite cross
36:23Get them!
36:24Nooo!
36:26Oh, there's one
36:26Oh, there's another
36:28You've had six minutes out of the 16
36:30Let's case the joint one more time
36:32There is it
36:33You've had a foot in front of you
36:35You're right over here
36:36Yes!
36:37Can we go again?
36:38Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger
36:41Stop there
36:42In front of you there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high
36:46You don't want to walk into it
36:47Fall over and smash your face
36:51Forward!
36:52Forward!
36:54Good!
36:55Right in front of you
36:56There you are
36:57A treasure trove of three spoons
37:00This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined
37:03Any spoons on Greg?
37:05No
37:05You've got three and a half minutes
37:07Ooh! Frankie!
37:09Lead me to the kitchen
37:10Where there'll be the most spoons
37:11Keep going forward then
37:13Keep going forward
37:14Have a look in the door
37:17You don't like it's spoons in it
37:23Yes!
37:24And you've dragged it into another spoon
37:26Into two?
37:27Well done!
37:28Excellent work, Ivo!
37:30Get out of there!
37:31How much time have we got?
37:33We've got to get to that kitchen
37:34Ivo, you've had fifteen and a half minutes
37:36Of how many?
37:36All the information's on the task
37:38How many minutes have we got in the whole task?
37:41We've had fifteen and a half minutes
37:42Really?
37:43I think we're nearly done
37:44Come into the lab then
37:46But, but, but, Frankie
37:48What about the kitchen spoons?
37:50Straight forwards
37:51Keep going desperately
37:52Quickly
37:53Run
37:54It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself
37:55Ivo
37:56No, no
37:57Not in there, Ivo
37:58What did I tell you not to do?
38:00You greedy bastard
38:02You've got thirty seconds
38:04Well, you don't
38:05Watch your life
38:07Oh
38:09That's the spoon hob
38:11Frankie
38:13We've had an absolute shocker
38:15APPLAUSE
38:23Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy
38:28It's worth pointing out that Ivo didn't have to do the high pitch voice
38:32You'll notice it disappeared immediately as I started to panic about the time pressure
38:37Did you start to panic about the time pressure Ivo or did you go into the kitchen?
38:42LAUGHTER
38:44When I'd expressly told you not to
38:48I mean, it's a game of quotes for me from Frankie as well
38:50My favourite
38:51I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger
38:55LAUGHTER
38:58They did gather twenty-two spoons
39:00They were a great team
39:01Oh
39:01And do you know what's going to happen here Ivo?
39:04We're both going to lose this episode
39:06And somebody's going to go up there and win seventy grand on a fucking scratch
39:09LAUGHTER
39:12APPLAUSE
39:16You may well be right, Frankie was in the lead
39:18He's not won a show Ivo, you've won two
39:21LAUGHTER
39:21So points-wise, Greg, only one team completed the task
39:24So they're the only ones who can get any points?
39:26Oh, I see
39:26Five?
39:27Er, Jenny, Kyle, and May all get five points each
39:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:32There we go
39:34Is it the first scores?
39:35Yeah, well, I can tell you that Kyle is now in second place
39:38But May is in the lead with 18 points
39:40LAUGHTER
39:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:43All right, everybody, it's time to stand up
39:45and get ready for the final task of the show!
40:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:01Having a little stretch?
40:02Gentle stretching
40:03Why not?
40:04Who's going to read the task out, you lovely bearded boy?
40:06Frankie Boyle, another lovely bearded boy
40:08Two lovely bearded boys
40:10LAUGHTER
40:11Stuff all these things in your team mate's outfit
40:15If you're wearing a special outfit, you must stay on your spot
40:18with your hands on your head at all times
40:22Fastest wins
40:24Straightforward stuff
40:25What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley
40:27everything but the trolley
40:29LAUGHTER
40:31OK
40:31On your marks
40:32Get set
40:33WHISTLE BLOWS
40:34STUFF
40:34I've got a pocket in the pocket
40:36I've got a pocket in the pocket
40:37I've got a pocket in the pocket
40:38I've got a pocket in the pocket
40:38I've got a pocket in the pocket
40:39Look
40:41Is I allowed to wiggle like that?
40:43I think so
40:44It seems provocative
40:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:07What's the pun in, I suppose?
41:09Ding-a-ding-a-ding
41:11Oh, no
41:12Oh, it's close
41:13Frankie's at the late first
41:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:17Oh, my God
41:19Oh, get me now
41:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me
41:37It made me clench my bottom up
41:38Yes
41:39And Greg, that's not the end
41:41What?
41:43Oh...
41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...
41:46LAUGHTER
41:47This is the first for Taskmaster
41:49This is the second part for just one of the teams
41:51Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit
41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled
41:56If you're wrong, the other team gets your points
42:00Yes, so the winning team, which is the team of three
42:02Have one minute to tell me how many things they stuffed inside Kael's outfit
42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each
42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each
42:13That's crazy
42:14Can we take things out of his...
42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want
42:17Get one minute, Doug
42:18Your hand to me
42:19Your hand to me
42:20Can I take my hands off my head?
42:22I'm counting
42:22Three
42:23Four
42:24Six
42:25Seven
42:26Wait, wait
42:27Wait, wait
42:28Don't put it
42:29How many is that?
42:30Ten
42:31Eleven
42:32Twelve
42:32Oh, God
42:34Twenty
42:34Five
42:35Five seconds
42:36Seven
42:36Twenty-eight
42:38Yeah, yeah, yeah, twenty-nine
42:41Sorry
42:41CHEERING
42:43CHEERING
42:45APPLAUSE
42:48This is the most excited I've been for ten years
42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three
42:52I can't say it out loud
42:55Go with your instinct
42:56OK
42:57We're going to go with 29
43:00Please show them the birthday card
43:02Oh!
43:05It's just there on your left
43:07Oh!
43:12You love to see it
43:13It's 29!
43:15CHEERING
43:17CHEERING
43:17CHEERING
43:22Well, that's all that happens here. It's affecting the final scores. Come and join me!
43:26APPLAUSE
43:34One of the most exciting final tasks we've had, in my opinion
43:37Oh!
43:37Yes, by miles, probably
43:39It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise
43:43No
43:44No
43:4415 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these
43:48LAUGHTER
43:48Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63, Frankie on 69
43:53Ah
43:54KL on 76
43:55May, 87
43:56Jenny, 88
43:57Oh!
43:59That's our halfway point of the series
44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt
44:04LAUGHTER
44:05And in this episode, May Martin wins over 28 points!
44:09CHEERING
44:10May Martin wins! Please leave your stage for luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:16CHEERING
44:17So, what have we learnt today?
44:21In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest, a show like this should provide much-needed light relief
44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was
44:30No, Ivo! There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:34We're halfway, see you next time
44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today
44:40May Martin!
45:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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