- 12 hours ago
Taskmaster - S15E08 - 100% Bosco [Full Movie] [Vertical Drama]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25Fuck!
00:33APPLAUSE
00:35Hello!
00:36Hello, everyone!
00:38Hello!
00:40I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster.
00:43It's funny what counts as entertainment these days.
00:46We see people clamouring for true crime stories,
00:48and anyone can start a podcast and chat about socks or whatever,
00:52but what happened to the good old-fashioned tradition
00:54of humiliating people?
00:56As a young man, my father regularly pulled my trousers down
00:59at public events.
01:02And I always found it funny,
01:05even during the backlash at my grandmother's funeral.
01:09Can we please get back to wholesome fun?
01:12Can we?
01:12It's a complicated world, guys.
01:14Let's pull together.
01:15Let's identify the victims and all pile on.
01:18Boop, boop!
01:19Oh, here comes the victim train now!
01:20Please welcome,
01:23Frankie Boyle!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:26Ivo Graham!
01:28Jenny O'Claire!
01:30Payal Smith-Baino!
01:32And Mae Martin!
01:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:36And next to me, a man who told me his father
01:39has only ever given him one Christmas present in his life,
01:42a beautifully wrapped piece of Welsh slate
01:44that had one solitary word engraved upon it.
01:47That word?
01:48Toad!
01:49LAUGHTER
01:51It's...
01:51Little Harry Toad!
01:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54Hi, Dad.
01:56Hello, everyone.
01:58What have you got tonight?
02:00Well, I've invented a new feature for the show.
02:02Oh.
02:02It's called Taskmaster Karaoke.
02:05Yes.
02:05Yes.
02:06So all you've got to do is turn down the volume of your TVs
02:08and turn on the subtitles
02:11and then you can speak along with the show.
02:13I think you can do this with any TV show.
02:16I think it's a really good idea.
02:18It's really good.
02:19I don't know, it might be fun.
02:20It's a really good thing.
02:21It might be fun.
02:21It might catch on.
02:22I do it with the news.
02:24LAUGHTER
02:25And, er, is it all well with the world?
02:29LAUGHTER
02:30Shall we begin with the prize, Task?
02:32Yes.
02:32We have to, because that's the format.
02:34And we're simply the eye candy, Greg.
02:36Let's go.
02:37LAUGHTER
02:37This week they've been asked to bring in
02:39the best thing you take everywhere with you,
02:42but struggle to fit in your bag.
02:44Best ill-fitting thing wins five points
02:46and the best winner of the show
02:47takes them all home in a skip-sized bag, Greg.
02:51Right.
02:51First up, Frankie.
02:53It's a struggle because I do take it everywhere.
02:56This photograph of when I was doing a gig
02:58and my son wandered on stage to tell a joke.
03:03LAUGHTER
03:03He's six foot one now,
03:04but he had a uniquely penetrating voice as a child
03:08and I took him to the Scotland women's football game.
03:11The women's football, they all have their hair up in some fashion,
03:13it's all kind of scrunched up in some way,
03:14and he had a look around and he went,
03:16there's a lot of tight buns out there!
03:18LAUGHTER
03:22Quite the voice he had on him.
03:24Quite the voice.
03:25And he was going to tell a joke which,
03:27little did that crowd know,
03:28would have been an astonishing volume,
03:31but he didn't.
03:31I didn't let him.
03:32Do you know what the joke was that he had planned?
03:33He was simply going to say the word yellow.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:39How big is it?
03:40Doesn't look that big.
03:41Mmm, it's not that big, but I have quite a small bag.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:45Ivo, what did you bring in?
03:48I'm going to unusually follow Frankie down a sentimental route.
03:52I've had very few points for LOLs-based prize tasks,
03:56so here's some goddamn feeling.
03:58LAUGHTER
03:59You sound like a psychopath.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03I've brought in one of several puzzles that I do
04:06with my daughter, who is three.
04:08Here it is.
04:09My daughter and I will occasionally have to kill half an hour
04:13between nursery and ballet, for example.
04:16Nursery for her, ballet for you?
04:18That's exactly it.
04:19LAUGHTER
04:20Obviously, the box is an absolute faff,
04:22so what I've taken to doing is pouring out the pieces of the puzzle
04:25and while this is very useful for compact packing,
04:29it does mean that occasionally I've just got random pieces
04:31of dismembered horse just rolling around the bottom of my bag.
04:35I think I enjoy this. Thanks.
04:36OK. Jenny, what have you brought in that's massive
04:40and you carry around?
04:41I get very tired, Greg, I don't know about you.
04:43Oh, God.
04:44But, you know when you...
04:44You have no idea.
04:46LAUGHTER
04:46This time I just want to lie down.
04:49So, it's an inflatable bed.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:54It's a small double.
04:55It's a small double.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:58The fact that you carry a bed around with you is insane.
05:02Yes.
05:03Have you ever considered that that's maybe why you're tired?
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09David Schwimmer always sleeps in an inflatable bed.
05:12Even at home?
05:13Why does David Schwimmer sleep in an inflatable bed?
05:15It's a guess.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:19OK.
05:21Very good.
05:23Kyle?
05:24GD.
05:24Can you beat these three?
05:26Well, I mean, mine's the same as Jenny's.
05:29A folding chair.
05:31Do you carry a chair around with you, really?
05:33Occasionally.
05:34Yeah.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36I saw a make-up artist do it once, and I was like,
05:38that's sick.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:40Would it help if I told you that Matthew Perry always sits
05:42on a folding chair?
05:44LAUGHTER
05:44I think that's true.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:47One left.
05:48OK.
05:49It's up to you to save this.
05:50May?
05:51It's not going to happen.
05:53Whatever it is, I can't wait to hear about Jennifer Aniston using it.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:57What I bring around everywhere is a very fine...
06:02..whiskey.
06:03A very fine whisky.
06:05Yeah.
06:05Do continue.
06:06In a flask.
06:07Here it is.
06:08This is the reason I wish I'd gone before Frankie,
06:11because I also have a very small bag.
06:14And I have also, like, a really tiny wallet.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:26When Frankie said, oh, I've got a really small bag,
06:28you went, argh!
06:30Did you see my face?
06:31Yeah, it was exactly the same as Kael's face
06:33when Jenny brought out the bed, which is better than a chair.
06:36Yeah.
06:37How's a bed, bed and a chair?
06:38Bigger, better.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Wait, no.
06:41Yeah.
06:41Because you can sit down in public, right?
06:43Oh, yeah.
06:43I can lie down in public.
06:45I've got to do something.
06:46Why is your photograph of a child better than...
06:49..a bed, Frankie?
06:50Who gives a fuck?
06:54LAUGHTER
06:56LAUGHTER
06:59I mean, unbelievably.
07:00I'm going to give the bed five points.
07:01Yeah!
07:06Don't look at me, Kael.
07:07You don't even carry that...
07:08LAUGHTER
07:09You don't even carry that bloody thing anywhere.
07:12I mean, I do like that May made an effort.
07:15OK.
07:15You know, they put a joke together, but it's not a great one.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:20If you want to hear a good joke...
07:22YELLOW!
07:27Even though these prizes have been rubbish...
07:30Let's start the show on a high-scoring, uplifting...
07:34Why not?
07:35OK.
07:36Why not?
07:36Let's say Jenny gets five and everyone else gets four.
07:39Why not?
07:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:43Well done, everyone.
07:45We're off.
07:46Do you have a fruit-based task to start us off today, please?
07:49Would have thought so.
07:50Ready?
07:51And...
07:51Let's catch!
08:04Ah.
08:05Hi.
08:06Hello, welcome to the club.
08:08Oh, thank you so much.
08:10Hello, Alex.
08:11Hmm, and you are?
08:13Ivo Graham ah yes your name is down you can come in you may not leave I mean I
08:20leave but you may go anywhere in that direction this is the opposite of when
08:24I go to clubs trapped in VIP not a bad life I'm getting an intense whiff of
08:31kind of sewage yeah anyway unless it's you
08:41pile the pineapples on the path pile the pineapples on the path you must not get
08:48wet most pineapples piled on the path wins you have 15 minutes your time starts now
09:01is the path that's the path that's a couple of pineapples how many pineapples
09:05mmm there's the big gold pineapple there's a real pineapple there's a little
09:11lampshade there's an inflatable pineapple I don't really know what's on the
09:16inflatable pineapple it's clearly a candy floss pineapple it's a candy floss
09:19pineapple and then well then there's a tin which I reckon has got some pineapples
09:25in correct chunks
09:32okay somebody bouncer let's see them retrieve some pineapples all right then our first
09:36two golden pineapple retrievers are Frankie and Kyle okay well that's a start a
09:42magnet's a start great that sort of made things worse
10:06that's bad wow you really don't want to get this near metal well let's look at it this way we've
10:14now anchored that successfully
10:43I've got to get some points of that oh
10:49I'm just throwing a log at a pineapple
10:57what's that made out of? pineapple
11:00this whole time you've watched me trying to get that magnet on a piece of rubber
11:05yeah maybe it's my technique that's wrong
11:13good for Destin's over here oh no no no look no it's gonna fall
11:18ah three minutes 40
11:25something's in the water gotcha
11:30one pineapple five to go five wait that one's floating down a bit 45 seconds Frankie
11:43I think he's bloody got it yes
11:51it was a slightly sad end
11:53I think I'll
11:58right
12:12no good for you
12:15I'm glad
12:23quite an act of aggression there kicking that one plant pot over
12:26he knows what he's up to this is his life energy he hides those pineapples he'd be like
12:34did you not notice the pineapples or did you just not care I thought it was just they'd left him
12:39there to set up for the next contestant
12:41I don't think they were supposed to anger me in any way
12:45I don't think that we had to be on something that was magnetic I think that was bad choice
12:50I couldn't have enjoyed it more
12:53you've got twice as many pineapples as Frankie who got one
12:57if I had a good strategy for fishing rubbish out of some sewage what sort of person would I be
13:05that's very good
13:07it is the end of part one then and if you can hear your neighbours noisily making love instead of
13:12watching Taskmaster
13:13just think maybe they are watching Taskmaster
13:18maybe you're the one doing this wrong
13:27maybe you're the one doing this wrong
13:28oh hello we're just in a minute for time for part two of Taskmaster
13:33phew yes we're in the thick of a pineapple retrieval task most pineapples piled up wins and we even put
13:40easy to retrieve ones around the corner for them much easier to get than the ones in the middle of
13:43the mill pond
13:44now for the attempts of Jenny and Ivo Ivo it's off to work he goes
13:53does that is that the longest it'll go yes it's it's not very good that's rubbish
14:01it's not long enough
14:04what does this do
14:13I don't think that's happening
14:17I don't know what to do
14:30I've done it I've done a Taskmaster task
14:44five
14:46I can't just sort of rest on those laurels
14:50my trousers are falling down
14:53what's this going to do nothing nothing
15:03I can't even hear it anymore
15:08it's so far away
15:14if I had longer arms
15:16hmm
15:17you just pick up the pineapple
15:21is it tethered?
15:22it might be
15:24use the scissors
15:30no
15:31I think standing in the wheelbarrow is a non-starter
15:38oh my god
15:40is she coming downstream?
15:45getting even one will be at the triumph of the century
15:48come to mummy
15:50come to mummy
15:51come to mummy
15:51oh no
15:53oh
15:54oh
15:55okay
15:56okay
15:58oh
15:59oh
16:00oh
16:01I'm getting a bit wet
16:02but like only magnet retrieval wet
16:04not falling off a wheelbarrow wet
16:11two finals
16:15come on big boy
16:17please
16:18please
16:1930 seconds
16:20please
16:23ah
16:23ah
16:24ah
16:24I don't want something
16:28where are my chunks?
16:34not more fucking pineapples
16:42how did Jenny do using her come to mummy long arms technique?
16:46that technique yielded zero pineapples
16:49but when you cut the thread that was tethering the pineapple
16:52she piled four pineapples
16:53not bad
16:54there were two little phrases that came involuntarily out of Ivo
16:58that I think will come to define him
17:00at first I thought it was this one
17:02please
17:04please
17:05please
17:05please
17:09the escalating pleases haunted me
17:12but in fact I think this one cancelled it out
17:15where's my chunks?
17:19WHERE'S MY CHUNKS
17:19I love where's my chunks
17:21I got where's my chunks tattooed on my shin
17:23I love where's my chunks
17:26I mean he got loads of chunks didn't he?
17:29yeah we've doubled each time
17:30one two four now
17:31nine
17:32nine
17:36one left
17:38one left of course
17:39it's May Martin
17:41are there any hidden pineapples?
17:43that's what I want to know
17:44like there must be
17:46hidden pineapples
17:53okay
17:58this is pretty good
18:02oh
18:03fuck
18:03no
18:05no
18:05no
18:06no no no no no no
18:10one pineapple
18:14oh
18:16pineapple I presume
18:19yeah
18:21I like doing a task like this where I'm just on my own
18:24and I don't have to deal with anyone else's uh
18:29ideas
18:29you don't miss your teammates
18:33no
18:33no
18:34no
18:37can I have some help?
18:39yeah
18:39thank you
18:41oh yeah
18:42oh what is that?
18:45there's a pineapple in there
18:48five pineapples
18:49oh
18:49oh
18:49okay
18:50now I'm looking for hidden pineapples
18:53alright you've got five minutes ten seconds
18:59oh
19:03oh
19:04oh
19:04oh
19:05oh
19:05oh
19:05oh
19:06oh
19:07oh
19:08oh
19:09oh
19:09do you have a pen and paper?
19:11yeah
19:17thirteen pineapples there
19:19mhm
19:23oh
19:23i lost your pen
19:24yeah that was my pen
19:26okay you done mate
19:27oh no
19:28all right
19:29you owe me a pen
19:30i owe you a pen
19:32sorry
19:35oh
19:35no
19:45I just want to remind you that Frankie has argued with such passion that the word banana
19:51written on a card constitutes a banana and I will argue that again a drawing of a pineapple
19:58can be called a pineapple hey hey hey hey hey hey hey Kyle wherever you go I'm ready
20:05to follow you did very well bringing the prepared pineapples out it's just whether I allow the drawn
20:15pineapples isn't it well it's not it's not a question there are several pineapple effigies
20:21involved here that aren't really pineapples they're a bit more real than those drawings
20:27but all words and images are metaphors for the things they represent
20:36in no other environment does that sentence get whoops and cheese
20:41I think most pineapples look more like the pineapple than the candy floss pineapple as well
20:46yeah that you designed for the show that's your show and we're trying to do our best on
20:50in a conventional fashion
20:53and also I've got something else as well to go on some weird reverie about how you like
20:59being on your own because your teammates just ruin it for you and then immediately
21:02saying to Alex can you help me get this pineapple out of the water
21:14because of the nature of language man so we're allowing the pineapples are we I'm afraid we are
21:21fuck's sake okay well Frankie well done you get one point two to Kyle three to Jenny four to Ivo
21:29and five to
21:34May Martin
21:36Frankie on the bottom of five May Martin's in the lead with nine points
21:40here we are
21:40do you have a really good touch standing by Alex let's have a look yes I think this one's probably
21:50okay
22:01okay
22:02hi hi yeah Frankie oh brolly madden here barrel full of brollies before you do that pick an umbrella any
22:14umbrella
22:33you have 20 minutes and that's yours to do what you want with they were all going to be discarded
22:39you have 20 minutes and that's yours to do what you want with
22:43they were all going to be discarded these are the rescue umbrellas they are rescue umbrellas we're doing our bit
22:49I
22:50hate my umbrella
23:26are you
23:27I
23:27are you
23:27no
23:27no
23:27no
23:27no
23:28no
23:42no
23:42no
Comments