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Taskmaster - S16E07 - I'm Off to Find a Robin [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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00:34Hello!
00:36Thank you. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies and I'm a smorgasbord of tasks for you from a wondrous gang of loons.
00:43And if that's not enough, I've also got a second camera trained on me at all times.
00:47Felt cute. Might delete later.
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01:08Sinclair
01:08He told me that if he sees the pilot of any plane he boards is a woman he immediately leaves
01:15He believes and I quote that their concentration spans and motor skills are not suited to the job
01:28Hi there. Thank you for my introduction. You're welcome. Well, I do worry about these bits Greg
01:32I worry that sometimes they create an atmosphere that isn't
01:35Entirely pleasant or useful for the show. They do. I'm worried that I've created a rod for my own back
01:40Would you like to see it? Yeah
01:44I've created a rod for my
01:45I've created a rod for my own back and then I talked about this the rod set up
01:51So what's the punchline something about hook?
01:54Yeah, oh, I think I've got a bite. Oh, I think I've got a bite. It's fine. Yeah
02:03Botox
02:09No, but why would you ask because I just got in the light I can see how smooth it all
02:15is
02:15I'm younger than me
02:17I'm a lot like I know you're younger than me
02:20I know you're younger than me
02:21You had some fillers or something? No
02:23On we go with the price tag
02:27Oh
02:28Well, Greg, they've been asked to bring in the thing that is most guaranteed to make you groan
02:33Oh
02:35Oh dear
02:36I know
02:36The potential for some awful things is high
02:39The thing most guaranteed to make you groan in Greg's opinion gets the big five and the winners going to
02:43groan their way home with five groan worthy things
02:46Oh
02:46Oh
02:48I mean the chances of these not being sexual based on what I've seen from these people so far
02:54Are zero
02:55I'll be less surprised than I was when I found out Alex's dad
03:00Cosmetic surgery
03:03What thing have you brought in that makes you groan? Oh this thing is disgusting
03:07Let's have a look at it. It's a toothbrush
03:09Oh
03:11Oh
03:13That's against God
03:16There's a lot going on there isn't there?
03:18I mean I can barely look at this thing
03:19It's just don't you find that just really grotty?
03:22I think I'm grotty because I'm so bemused by you
03:28Thanks, Sam
03:29It's a serious thing
03:31It's a lesson in the importance of cartilage
03:37I've taken the form of this skeleton
03:40So it's pointing obviously to the areas that have cartilage
03:45Why is this supposed to make me groan?
03:47If you don't have cartilage you'll groan when you bend and lift
03:53And giving a gift to whoever wins to say
03:58Look after your cartilage
03:59Look after your cartilage
04:00And how do we look after our cartilage?
04:02I don't know
04:03I mean both of them have made me groan
04:08So I suppose yeah successful so far
04:11OK
04:11Hello Julian
04:12Hello
04:13What have you brought in that might make one groan?
04:16Oh it's so awful this
04:17Every year for my birthday my husband goes into a shop
04:21And asks them for the most hideous thing
04:23They've got on sale
04:25Right
04:26And this is what he got me a couple of years ago
04:28And I every time I look at it I groan
04:35It's so awful
04:36Someone said it looks like Alex without his beard
04:40I don't know he's got a normal width neck
04:43And it does make me groan every time I see it
04:45Which is quite often
04:46But you can't bring yourself to throw it away because you're
04:49This is the golden opportunity to pass it on
04:53Good
04:54Hello Sue
04:55Hello
04:55What have you brought in that might make a man or a woman groan?
04:58I thought what would be the best way to make everyone groan?
05:00And I thought well maybe if I asked an authority figure
05:03And so I asked the king of the birdmen and he said yes
05:07I've got a voice that could stun a goat from over a mile away
05:11And when I ask for a loud noise it gets done
05:16Just ask the winged birdman, Brian Blessed
05:20You groan like your life depends on it
05:23Come on come on
05:27Groan you feckless bastards
05:30No
05:33The full recording is on this memory stick
05:35You've really outdone yourself there Perkins
05:37That's amazing
05:37That is stupendous
05:39Susan
05:39Oh
05:41Traditionally
05:42This is not your strongest round
05:44No
05:44And you're following a recording of Brian Blessed
05:47I
05:48Good luck
05:48As Greg so kindly said
05:51I have been performing quite poorly when it comes to the prizes
05:55And here are a few of the shit prizes
06:00That's actually very good
06:01One big present to make you groan
06:05So if you collected these from the previous winners of the show
06:07Yes I have
06:08They're all so shit that all these guys actually gave them back to me
06:13That's very good
06:14Right
06:15I'm going to give out some quick points
06:17All right then
06:17Who is the least likely to make you groan?
06:19Well I'm not going to give anyone one point because I liked all of them
06:21So that's good isn't it?
06:22That's surprising
06:23I'm going to give Sam and Lucy two points
06:25And I'll tell you why
06:26It's because it was their explanation that made me groan
06:28Not the item
06:29Right, two points each
06:30Well done
06:30Yeah, that's good isn't it?
06:32Sorry
06:32I'm going to give
06:36I'm going to give Julian three points
06:38Ask me why
06:39Why are you going to give Julian three points?
06:40Because that thing's awful
06:41It does make me groan
06:42But the sentiment behind it is rather lovely I think
06:44Oh
06:45And so I'm sort of not giving him too many points to celebrate his wonderful marriage
06:49Oh
06:49There's a logic there somewhere
06:50Okay
06:51I'm going to give Susan because my god she's had a nightmare in this series
06:55I'm going to give her four points for her very clever idea of getting her shit prizes back
06:59And putting them all together
07:00And of course
07:01Brian Blessed will get the five points
07:03There we go
07:04It's five points to Sue Perkins
07:05Yeah
07:08Right, let's stop talking about cosmetic surgery
07:12And let the task in commence
07:15But be warned, it's a minefield out there Greg
07:29Hello
07:31Can I come in?
07:33Please do
07:34This looks fiendish
07:35Look at all these bells
07:37Ah
07:39That says don't on it
07:40But I do
07:42I want to
07:42I won't
07:44Okay
07:44Oh
07:45Piss it
07:46I know
07:48Right
07:48I found some little bits of paper that say vibration danger
07:53Big light
07:55Leaves
07:56Sound
07:57UV light
07:59Smoke
08:01Vibration
08:02It's going on summer's party
08:04Do whatever you like with these switches for five minutes
08:07Okay
08:08You will then do a task in the lab for five minutes
08:11All right
08:12The conditions in the lab will change according to when you switch the switches in here
08:17So there's a cause and effect situation
08:20The annoying thing is I don't know what the switches do
08:23I have told you what the switches do, it's all on those labels
08:25Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task
08:32Confident and Alex are two words one doesn't associate
08:37I wonder what the task is
08:38What do we put in there?
08:40Leaves
08:40Leaves
08:41Surely that's the main switch
08:42I expect danger is that one
08:44I don't know
08:46I don't think I trust you
08:48What's that one?
08:49I don't know what that one is
08:50So like with this what's the point of like trying to like
08:53Tch
08:54Well we will be
08:55I really think that piss it is an underrated
09:01Exclamation
09:01I really enjoy piss it
09:03It's lovely isn't it?
09:05It's nice it's harmless it's warm
09:09The task as far as I can work out before we get on a bit is it's largely arbitrary
09:13That they don't know which label goes with which switch
09:16Bit like giving a toy to a child and saying don't play with that for five minutes
09:18Yeah
09:19And probably they all did
09:20Let's crack on
09:21Yeah
09:22Okay get ready Greg
09:23Here they all are
09:24Flicking themselves silly
09:26Oh God
09:28I'm confident you understand the task
09:30Your time starts now
09:32Oh something a bit of leaves
09:35If I leave it under leaves keep coming
09:37Well it depends if it is leaves of course
09:38Of course
09:39Yeah
09:40I turn it off again then
09:41Right
09:41That one's already on so I don't even turn that one off
09:49I mean that's danger right there that nearly took my hand off
09:52Well it does say don't
09:53I mean lights
09:54They're not going to bother me are they?
09:56I'm going to give myself a bit of time once I'm in there just to muck around
10:07Blimey it's all happening
10:09This one?
10:10That one?
10:12All right now we're going to
10:14Oh no wait a second would you?
10:21It wasn't a very long rest
10:23No
10:24I'm going to have a bit of this one
10:26I don't what though?
10:27I don't like going upside down
10:30I don't like going upside down
10:30Spiders
10:31Hot dogs
10:32You know the ones in tins
10:34You know if you pull cotton wool apart
10:44Folk music
10:45I don't like ice cubes
10:49What if that's leaves?
10:51What if that's leaves?
10:51I've been denied the pleasure of leaves
10:5330 seconds
11:01Almost done there?
11:02Three seconds
11:08What if that's leaves?
11:14What if that's leaves?
11:28You seem a very intelligent man to me and yet you spent a long time flicking those switches on a
11:33knot
11:33Well there was nothing else to do
11:36There was no cheery chat from Alex
11:38No
11:38There never is
11:40Well Sam said
11:42I want to buy myself some time once I'm in there to muck around
11:47Yeah
11:47It is about that in a way
11:51You know when two samurai encounter
11:54This is real
11:55Yeah
11:55When they encounter each other
11:57Yeah
11:58Do you know what I mean?
11:59And the first one to move will often be slain
12:04And also a samurai can tell if he will defeat another samurai
12:07Just by watching them make a cup of tea
12:09Because they're like they see how effective they are
12:14I've moved
12:15I'm happy to be slain just to get out of this chat
12:19What's next Alex?
12:20Here are Sam and Susan and the results of their switching
12:31Oh my god
12:34So you've decided
12:35Oh my god
12:36Yeah
12:36You've decided the conditions for this task
12:38Yeah
12:39I'm scared
12:41What happens in here is all your fault
12:43OK
12:46Feet close together please
12:48Why?
12:48It's important
12:51That's not good for balance
12:52No
12:53Balance the most teas on the shelves
12:55So these are the teas
12:56Uh huh
12:56OK
12:57Oh you must stay on the platform throughout the task
13:00You have five minutes
13:02Your time starts when Alex is confident you understand the task
13:06Where are the golf teas?
13:08Here
13:08Where are the shelves?
13:09Here
13:10I'm going to start the clock now
13:14Absolutely terrified
13:24Do you like it?
13:30My method was kind of doing everything at once
13:33So I guess everything wild will happen
13:41Sam Campbell
13:43Sam Campbell
13:44Sam Campbell
13:46Sam Campbell
13:47Sam Campbell
13:48Sam Campbell
13:48Why is it saying my name?
13:49Well you switch the sound button on
13:50Sam Campbell
13:51No
13:52I can't work under these conditions
13:53Oh my God
13:56Oh my God
13:57Oh my God
14:01Sam Campbell
14:01Sam Campbell
14:03Sam Campbell
14:04Sam Campbell
14:05Sam Campbell
14:07No
14:07What time are we up to?
14:10You've got two minutes and fifty left
14:11Yeah
14:11No teas yet
14:17Can you remember what you did now in the
14:19Oh this is when I have a break?
14:20Yes
14:21Right fine
14:21Well then this is the most that I'm going to get on
14:24Oh yeah it was only like 30 seconds wasn't it?
14:2620
14:26Sam Campbell
14:29Sam Campbell
14:30I mean how is that falling off even through that
14:32Sam Campbell
14:33When you turned on the vibration switch
14:34Now I know I shouldn't have touched any of the bloody switches
14:37That's going to ruin it
14:42That's going to ruin it
14:46Oh yeah
14:50Sam Campbell
14:53Sam Campbell
14:54Sam Campbell
14:55Sam Campbell
14:55That was really tough
15:05I think that's pretty bloody good
15:11I think that being juggled around on a vibrating platform
15:15It sort of suits you
15:16Yes
15:17Does that make sense?
15:19You're not the first person to say that
15:23Well we saw just two
15:25But she did realise halfway through
15:26If she hadn't pressed any of the switches at all
15:28The conditions would have been perfect
15:29And that's sort of key to this really
15:31If they'd not flicked any switches
15:33Yeah just chilled out
15:34Sam actually did pretty well right?
15:37Well he created a method
15:37He did all of his flicking in a short period of time
15:39He did well despite that I'd say
15:41So he created a method of balancing the tees within a task
15:44Which was balancing on it
15:45And he also balanced a bowl on the bottom of the shell
15:47So I don't know if that counts
15:48I thought that creation was legit
15:51Oh?
15:52OK
15:52Well then he got sort of 87 I suppose
15:54Wait wait wait wait wait
15:55Really?
15:56Wow
15:56I know
15:57Yeah I guess I'll take 87 yeah
15:58Yeah
15:59Right join us after the break
16:01If I were you I'd leave that guff soaked sofa
16:03And get some fresh air for a few minutes
16:05Fart outside
16:06Live in it at all
16:18Hello! Hello!
16:20I'm afraid to say you've woken me from my power nap
16:23And I'm not a happy boy
16:24Chill out dude
16:26Before the break the cast were presented with some switches
16:29Fully aware that how and when and if they were switched
16:32Would directly affect the conditions of the next task
16:34Here is everyone else
16:37Your time starts now
16:40I'll start with a bit of leaves
16:50Immediately with the leaves
16:52Oh but see
16:53Oh it was leaves
16:54It was leaves
16:55It was leaves
16:56I need to
16:57Oops
16:59What do I say?
17:06Fucking hell sorry
17:08Please
17:09Please
17:12Oh for God's sake
17:14Sue Perkins
17:16Sue Perkins
17:17Sue Perkins
17:18Oh I don't want to listen to that
17:18Sue Perkins
17:19No I don't want to listen to that
17:20Sue Perkins
17:21Sue Perkins
17:23Sue Perkins
17:26Sue Perkins
17:30Yeah
17:31Sue Perkins
17:31Sue Perkins
17:31Sue Perkins
17:32Don't make me pause in the darkness into my own name
17:35Sue Perkins
17:37Don't like UV light very much
17:40My mum thinks it was because I was in an incubator
17:44To help me grow
17:48Sue Perkins
17:49Sue Perkins
17:50Sue Perkins
17:51Sue Perkins
17:52Sue Perkins
17:55Oh
17:58And we're done
17:59Can you stop me vibrating?
18:01Yeah
18:04Thank you Julian
18:05Thank you
18:07Goodbye Sue
18:07That sounded very final
18:09And after what I've done in this room
18:10I don't play
18:11I'm so sorry for everyone
18:20Did you enjoy that tufts Julian?
18:22I did quite
18:23I mean it was very sensory wasn't it with all the lights and the movement
18:26Yeah
18:27It was better than some I've sat through anyway
18:29There was a slight issue with Julian's which we didn't really show there but the vibration
18:33machine it wouldn't turn off afterwards so he was
18:35Remember you were on it for another minute after
18:38Get your thrills where you can at my age
18:41Sue
18:41You said in my opinion the greatest thing that's ever been said on this show
18:46Please don't make me fart in the dark listening to my own name
18:54Can I ask you about Sue's technique of balance?
18:57They're not balanced
18:57You poke them through the shelf
18:59I was really desperate at that point
19:01Yeah I know because the
19:04Yeah
19:05But is it more balanced than me just putting a bowl on the table?
19:08Yeah you did allow 87 from Sam
19:11Yeah
19:11In that bottle plunk on the bottom shelf
19:13Oh
19:14No I wasn't allowing that I was allowing
19:16Sorry there's been some confusion
19:18Ah
19:18I was allowing his system of hanging things
19:22Ah
19:22Sorry
19:23Now I feel really bad
19:24No
19:25No
19:25No
19:25Yeah you've really fucked Sam over there
19:27Yeah you're pretty good at sticking things into other places
19:30Yeah
19:30No one's into bags
19:32It's balanced man
19:33It's balanced man
19:34So we're saying that Sue didn't balance any teas
19:36I'm afraid we are because they were quite clearly pushed through the shelf
19:40That is very harsh but I accept it always
19:42I should also tell you then that Julian did manage to balance nine teas on his shelves
19:47WHISTLE BLOWS
19:48Lucy 19
19:50Wow
19:53What we haven't seen yet is the don't switch
19:56Danger did go with don't
19:57Should we see what the danger switch did?
19:59Yes please
20:00Okay good luck everyone
20:01Here we go
20:03I've spent however long just trying to avoid that button
20:06That's all I've thought about the moment I've walked in
20:09I mean I've been brought up well
20:11If something tells me not to touch it I'm not going to touch it
20:15Right I'm going to start the task now
20:20I can't say I wasn't warned
20:23Still got one minute 45
20:26Oh
20:27I'm going to go for this one
20:30How much danger can I endure? 10 seconds worth?
20:32Well you have now
20:3310 seconds left
20:365 seconds left
20:375 seconds left
20:41Do you want me to press the button?
20:43You can't now unfortunately
20:45Bush is guilty
20:48I'm going to go for this one
20:56Do you know I was 10 seconds away from avoiding my baby
20:58I'm going to chase her instincts
20:59And I failed
21:02Oh
21:06I really like it when you're disappointed in us
21:09Is that something wrong with me?
21:12Well we weren't to know that was going to happen
21:14We did say don't
21:15Yeah
21:17Heartbreaking but good news to old Lucy
21:19Yes
21:20I think she only didn't press it because she ran out of time
21:22She wanted to
21:23No I wasn't going to
21:24No
21:25Were you a well behaved child?
21:27I had to be
21:28Yeah
21:28Oh even me too
21:29My mum was incredibly violent
21:32LAUGHTER
21:35How does one not leave us?
21:37Well it means that no one gets any points
21:39They were all disqualified except for Lucy Byamon who gets 5 points
21:41CHEERING
21:44Let's have a look at the scoreboard can we?
21:46We can and unsurprisingly Lucy's in the lead with 7 points
21:49Well done Lucy
21:50CHEERING
21:53Let's have another one please
21:54Yes
21:54In your face Greg
22:09Sorry I didn't mean to kick the door sorry
22:12What larks
22:13Already this is my favourite
22:15Yeah me too
22:16I've always wanted to be a clown
22:18Mixed emotions
22:20Mainly joy
22:24Oh that's not edible
22:26Now fear
22:28Any sign of that secret task yet?
22:33Pie Wayne in the face
22:35Don't know who Wayne is
22:37Do you know many Waynes?
22:39Rooney
22:41Not him
22:42Wayne is outside the front door
22:43You may not touch Wayne
22:45Nor step on the red green
22:49The red green?
22:51Now what the hell is that?
22:53Well you know a green?
22:54Yeah
22:54I read one of them
22:55If you miss Wayne with a pie
22:57You must copy Wayne's dance moves for 10 seconds
23:01You must not touch Wayne
23:03Fastest wins
23:04Your time starts when you open the front door
23:07Who is Wayne?
23:08Do you know him?
23:09I don't know him well
23:11You can't touch any part of Wayne
23:12I need to make that clear
23:13I understand boundaries
23:15OK
23:16Are these top-ups?
23:17Yeah
23:17OK
23:19Not a lot of faith for me then is there?
23:21Do I take more than one pie?
23:23I'm not likely to miss him I might
23:30I'll start the clock as soon as you open the door
23:38Oh I see
23:40Are you Wayne?
23:43Are you Wayne?
23:48That's Wayne
23:49Oh yeah there he is
23:53In the face
23:55In the face
23:55In the face
24:02I don't
24:03I'm Evaluant
24:12I love that
24:13I'm sticking it
24:14I love that
24:14I love that
24:14Do you think sometimes you've lost some of the innocent joy of childhood Julian?
24:19Because everybody else saw Wayne and went
24:21Oh, I started laughing and you went, oh, I see.
24:26I was like that as a child, I'm afraid.
24:30Nothing's changed.
24:32So basically, they're going to be pie-ing one of those wavy-armed men
24:36from outside garages in the face.
24:38Not a great incentive to come back, is it, Alex?
24:40No, but I could sing my favourite hymn.
24:43Yes?
24:44Yeah, all right, that'll do.
24:46APPLAUSE
24:56Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
25:03nought be all else to me, save that thou art...
25:12Welcome back to Taskmaster, it's part three,
25:15and I want to see wavy man Wayne get pie-ed in the face.
25:18Oh, I do too, Greg.
25:20LAUGHTER
25:22Remember, as is common practice on Taskmaster,
25:24they can't stand on the red-green,
25:26so let's begin with Susie and Susanna.
25:30So, Wayne's going to be operated by a switch.
25:32I've got to try and find the switch.
25:34That's part of him, that's his umbilical cord.
25:37Oh, so I can't...
25:39MUSIC PLAYS
25:47That's not his face.
25:51You must dance.
25:53AHHHHH!
25:55MUSIC PLAYS
25:59MUSIC CONTINUES
26:01MUSIC CONTINUES
26:02MUSIC CONTINUES
26:04MUSIC CONTINUES
26:04Is that ten seconds?
26:05That's ten seconds.
26:07Be careful.
26:08Lovely.
26:09Thank you, Sue.
26:14OK.
26:17Mummy.
26:18Oh, oh.
26:19Oh.
26:20Ah!
26:23Sue.
26:31Thank you, Sue.
26:33Wayne's my favourite.
26:35Come on, you little shit.
26:37MUSIC CONTINUES
26:37Oh, Christ.
26:42So...
26:42Oh, Christ.
26:52MUSIC CONTINUES
26:53Say anything now.
26:57Basically, did this as rather.
26:58OK.
26:59Yeah, that's ten seconds.
27:00Oof.
27:03Why did you have to pick this one after lunch?
27:05Come on.
27:12I
27:13Stop the clock
27:21Where is his umbilicus
27:32The naughty flamingo is going to touch him
27:35Naughty flamingo
27:42Little fucker
27:43Don't touch him
27:46Come on naughty flamingo
27:47You've won my top
27:49Stop the film
27:53Pen him
27:57Take it
27:59Let's go for the clock tree
28:05It felt like it was a bit of a grudge for you in the end
28:07Yeah
28:08I mean
28:09Take it you little fucker
28:12Yeah
28:12There's only so much expressive dance I can do
28:14And I don't have the training
28:15Susan's got training
28:16She's got you know
28:17The depth of experience
28:18She understands the biomechanics of the human form and art in general
28:21I was just very very frustrated
28:23And then blind
28:24And then the naughty flamingo spared my blood
28:27I like to see that sort of lateral thinking
28:29The naughty flamingo was allowed to touch Wayne
28:31Yes yes the flamingo could touch Wayne
28:33Yeah
28:34And did
28:35And did
28:35Now
28:37Susan's told us repeatedly that she trained for three years at RADA
28:40I put it to you Susan
28:42You weren't even attempting to pie Wayne for most of it
28:44You were just enjoying the interpretive dance
28:47Yeah yeah and that's I just was so as you say when I saw him it was so glorious and
28:52I'd sort of forgot the point of it
28:55Yeah but I had a good time
28:56But the final pieing was
28:58Well it caught us by surprise
28:59It caught me by surprise
29:01Three awful throws got nowhere near the fourth right in the face only took her a minute thirty-nine
29:09And what a great old grudge match over there
29:11Naughty flamingo ladies
29:12Yeah
29:12Uh seven minutes twenty-five
29:14Wow
29:15A little bit longer
29:16Who's next
29:17Okay we've seen the Seuss now for Julian
29:19Sam
29:19Lucy
29:19And Wayne again
29:25Julian
29:26Julian
29:26That's not his face
29:28Now you have to dance on the dancing mat
29:37No I'm afraid not
29:37That's lovely Julian
29:38Julian
29:43Are you okay?
29:45Whoa!
29:45What are you looking for?
29:46Something to get Wayne down
29:53Is that on his face?
29:55No I'm afraid not
29:56No, I'm afraid not
29:59I'm afraid not
29:59No I'm afraid not
29:59Well I'm afraid not
30:00You are trying to dance to it
30:00Oh
30:03that's lovely julian i'll go get another pie okay
30:11i bought this from home can i try and pursue him
30:19now you have to dance julian
30:25my enthusiasm for the dancing yeah has rained doesn't it look it has waned
30:30so
30:50pretty close
31:01can you hold the other end of that to trap him to trap what i'll do what i'm told
31:07oh no no no stop that i gotta get this way
31:13i got him surely surely surely i got him i got him i got him i got him big time
31:20yep
31:33Yeah, that's not my problem, is it?
31:38There you are. I've stopped the clock. Thank you.
31:51Wait, don't touch me, Wayne.
31:56I've stopped the clock.
32:00Wow. Got him. I got Wayne.
32:07Julian, your pie technique was dreadful,
32:10but I thought you were a very graceful dancer.
32:13Oh, thank you. You're welcome.
32:15Anything else to say? Nope.
32:18I thought the most dramatic thing we were going to see
32:20in those attempts was Sam shouting,
32:25I got him big time.
32:27He had it too good for too long.
32:30What turned out to be the most dramatic thing
32:32was Julian Clary taking Wayne down with a swing ball.
32:36Yeah. That was the most dramatic thing.
32:37Lucy, did you think the task was touch Wayne as much as you can?
32:42The swing ball touched him. As well, yeah.
32:44Oh, you touched him big time. How?
32:47With your hands.
32:48He touched me.
32:52You did touch Wayne, and even if you didn't,
32:54there was one other rule which you may have broken as well.
32:57What?
32:57You weren't allowed to touch the red-green.
32:58Of course, we always know that. This is what happened.
33:12Well over.
33:13Oh, no.
33:14Why are you zooming in on people's feet, you sucker?
33:18LAUGHTER
33:18That's the fetish, that is.
33:21I mean, I am going to disqualify them, but I also agree with them.
33:24You are sick.
33:26LAUGHTER
33:27The three of them, very similar times.
33:29Lucy actually 3 minutes 25.
33:31Right.
33:31As relevant as that is.
33:32Yeah.
33:33Julian 3.32.
33:34Sam 3 minutes 40.
33:36So what that means is that Sue and Lucy don't get any points.
33:40Oh, fuck you.
33:42LAUGHTER
33:45You know what?
33:46He's smiling, but he's hurting.
33:48The reason you can't see he's hurting.
33:52LAUGHTER
33:57You do look like you have had to.
34:00He does.
34:00You look as smooth as fiberglass.
34:03LAUGHTER
34:04He's right.
34:05You look like a canoe.
34:06Right.
34:06LAUGHTER
34:08So, Sam, you get three points.
34:10Julian, four.
34:10But five points goes to Susan Wakoma.
34:12APPLAUSE
34:16OK.
34:17And now, time for some product placement.
34:30MUSIC PLAYS
34:32There's a bee out there.
34:34Is there?
34:35Yeah.
34:35OK.
34:38Sorry.
34:39Shouldn't have come in too big, should I?
34:43Perkins.
34:44Horne.
34:48Oh, God.
34:52Oh, look, it's me.
34:53You both look great.
35:04She's pretty.
35:07Erm...
35:08Come on.
35:11Oh, it's me with my eyes shut.
35:14Oh, I do all of my pictures like this.
35:17I should have...
35:17I never told you, did I?
35:24LAUGHTER
35:24Put yourself somewhere within...
35:28Put yourself somewhere within the...
35:30She's putting me off.
35:32LAUGHTER
35:33Put yourself...
35:34LAUGHTER
35:40Put yourself somewhere within the boundary.
35:44Put yourself somewhere within the boundary.
35:47That's what my therapist says.
35:49The person furthest from everyone else wins.
35:52The people closest together both lose two points.
35:55Also, throughout the task, you must behave really weirdly.
36:00You must behave really weirdly.
36:04Really weirdly?
36:05Weirdly.
36:06Weirdly.
36:07You have to tell me twice.
36:10You've got a maximum of ten minutes.
36:12Your time starts now.
36:15So, you've just got to think,
36:16where would Sue Perkins put Sue Perkins?
36:19Well, there's no way of knowing, is there?
36:21No.
36:22No, there isn't.
36:24APPLAUSE
36:26I think that some tasks are unfairly stacked
36:28in favour of some contestants.
36:30I mean, I don't want to pick on people,
36:32but I have written down that throughout this,
36:34sometimes Lucy and Sam have come across as,
36:37well, I've written absolutely deranged.
36:40LAUGHTER
36:46That's another part complete.
36:48If you want to see someone
36:49forced to take home Susan's prizes for a second time,
36:53then by all means, please join us again for part four by...
36:56APPLAUSE
37:07Hello! Welcome back to the final part of the show.
37:12Yes, and welcome to those who aren't watching Taskmaster 2.
37:14That's absolutely fine.
37:16It's about time we found out where the five competitors
37:18placed the cut-outs of themselves.
37:20The person furthest from everyone else wins,
37:22but the two people closest together each lose two points.
37:25Ouch!
37:26Here's what they did.
37:28Behave weirdly.
37:29Dean Chicken, can I behave like you?
37:31Yes, please.
37:33LAUGHTER
37:34Well...
37:34..that happens, that's a bit of help.
37:40kiedy I want to play?
37:42LEUNG
37:42L.A.
37:47OLE OLE. OLE. OLE OLE. OLE OLE. OLE OLE. OLE. OLE OLEなんです.
38:00I don't think anyone would be as obvious as, I don't think anyone would be as obvious as this.
38:10There's an argument for just popping myself just there.
38:17Oddly, oddly, oddly, oddly, oddly, oddly, oddly.
38:24Where do you think Sue Perkins is going to put herself?
38:27Erm, there.
38:28Sam Campbell? Erm, there.
38:31Susan Wacoma? Erm, there.
38:35And Julian Clary?
38:37There.
38:38That's quite near your one. Yeah.
38:40Why have you put it so close to Julian Clary?
38:42I didn't know at the time.
38:45Can I move it again?
38:47Well, you've still got eight minutes.
38:49OK.
38:54OK.
38:57Ole, ole, ole.
38:59Oh!
39:00So, say I'll tear his head off.
39:03Is that me, then?
39:05Like, what makes you, you?
39:06Well, this...
39:07Where your head is, or your heart, or your...
39:09It'll be a discussion.
39:12To be honest, for some people this isn't weird.
39:14This is exercise.
39:15To me, I don't know where it gets.
39:19Oh!
39:24I'm off fishing now.
39:27So, is it me that likes fishing in this scenario?
39:29Don't you like fishing?
39:31I don't think so.
39:32Or bird watching?
39:32Yes, please.
39:33There is something boring.
39:34Right.
39:36We'll have to find a robbie.
39:38Where do you think Julian Clary's going to put himself?
39:41Probably, like, bad hair, isn't it?
39:43Sam Campbell?
39:44They're going to be doing this.
39:45They're going to be like, woo!
39:48Oh.
39:49Ole, ole, ole!
39:50Ooh!
39:52I think it's now not near anybody.
39:56Oh!
39:58Could do that.
40:00But will that be far enough away?
40:05OK.
40:07Something about the boundary line.
40:09Right.
40:10On the horns.
40:11By the boundary line.
40:13Throw a coin on you.
40:14Then the coin toss it.
40:19Thanks, Sam.
40:21Heads for that deer's head.
40:23Tails for on the boundary line.
40:27APPLAUSE
40:31Julian displays a continual, and to me, delightful contempt for Alex.
40:37And this is the Zenith, I think, doing an insulting impression of him.
40:42Can I see it again?
40:42Yes.
40:45I've nothing I can do to help you.
40:47Is that enough?
40:49That was before his surgery.
40:51LAUGHTER
40:56It's a really creditable impression.
40:58Thank you, it just came over me.
41:00He's irritating, isn't he?
41:02What we need to know is what the coin decided for Sue, of course.
41:06Yeah.
41:06Before we do, I'll appraise you for a very creditable Chewbacca impression.
41:10No!
41:10OK, so we're going to find out if Sue is near the tossed head on the deer.
41:15This is it.
41:16This is the cliffhanger.
41:18Yeah.
41:18It's all about the toss.
41:19Here we go.
41:20Heads for that deer's head.
41:22Tails for...
41:23..on the boundary line.
41:28MUSIC PLAYS
41:30Thank you, Sue.
41:39MUSIC PLAYS
41:50That's so good.
41:51I mean, I knew what happened and even I was swept along by the narrative.
41:55LAUGHTER
41:56The coin was so cruel.
41:58Unfortunately, the people closest to each other lost two points.
42:01Listen, I'm just grateful I don't think I was disqualified in that round.
42:03You weren't, but you don't get any points.
42:06LAUGHTER
42:06Because the distances from one another...
42:08We can see it here.
42:09Sam was 14.24 metres away from everyone.
42:12Lucy, second, 13.
42:14Julian, third.
42:15Sue, fourth.
42:15Susan, fifth.
42:17But Julian and Susan both lose two points.
42:18So it ends up being one point to Susan, none to Sue.
42:21One to Julian, four to Lucy and five points to Sam Campbell.
42:24APPLAUSE
42:27I think that's a very satisfactory outcome.
42:29And it's progress, Sue, in a way, because you've been disqualified for two.
42:32But at least you've got no points this time.
42:35LAUGHTER
42:35Let's have a glance at the scores.
42:36It's tight, except for Sue.
42:38Lucy, you're still in the lead with 11 points.
42:41APPLAUSE
42:44OK, everyone, please make you race the stage for a final task of the show!
42:49APPLAUSE
42:56Who will be reading the task?
42:58Sue Perkins.
42:59Catch three balls on your head.
43:02After you've caught a ball, you must shout,
43:05ball!
43:06You may not step off your circles, move your circles,
43:11adjust your arms, or touch the balls with your hands.
43:15The fastest wins.
43:16Can we co-operate?
43:19I guess we'll find out.
43:22Good luck.
43:23On your marks!
43:24Get set!
43:25And they're off.
43:27Well, they're immediately off, I think.
43:29Ball!
43:30Ball!
43:33Ball!
43:35Ball!
43:36Oh, you've got another one.
43:37It was in there for a bit, does that go?
43:39Ball!
43:40Ball!
43:41Ball!
43:42Ball!
43:43Ball!
43:46Ball!
43:46Ball!
43:47Ball!
43:47Ball!
43:48Ball!
43:50Ball!
43:55Ball!
43:56How's that? How's that? How's that? How are you finished?
44:00Oh!
44:04Susan, Susan, you're done. You're finished.
44:06Oh, am I?
44:07It's just Lucy.
44:09Oh!
44:15It's never a very good sport.
44:17I'm on... There's one... Hang on.
44:19There's one coming... Incoming.
44:20This is a... This is a... Say ball!
44:23Say ball against ball!
44:24And then say it one more time.
44:27Oh!
44:28Come down. We'll now back to the final scores.
44:31Come and join me.
44:36That was exciting.
44:37Not for the first time, the group confounded us by working together.
44:41They did.
44:41One to Sue, two to Susan, three to Lucy, four to Sam,
44:45five to Julian Clary.
44:46Well done.
44:49So, let's reflect the things in many ways.
44:51We have three people in the 90s now in terms of the series.
44:53Susan, you are in last place on 92.
44:56Yes. Lovely.
44:56Sue, 95.
44:57Lucy, 99.
44:58Then jump up to Julian on 108.
45:00Sam's in the lead on 120.
45:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:05Incredible.
45:06Yes.
45:07What's the final scoreboard for today?
45:08Well, it's a tight one.
45:10Sue, stranded on six.
45:12The rest, it goes 12, 13, 14, 14.
45:14Lucy and Sam, joint winners.
45:16Yay!
45:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:19So, we have a tile break situation.
45:21Yes, tile breaks are very serious matters
45:23and we're going to settle this one right here on the studio floor.
45:27In my drawer, I have two party poppers.
45:30Oh, I don't like them.
45:32What are you going to do?
45:33Sam and Lucy will fire their party poppers from their seated positions
45:36and the person who fires the contents of their party popper furthest wins.
45:39Simple as that.
45:39We're all out of budget.
45:41LAUGHTER
45:42Lucy, are you ready?
45:44Three, two, one.
45:47Pop.
45:47Set.
45:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:07One hundred and twenty-three!
46:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:12Lucy, Beaumont Williams.
46:15Please go and gather your dicks and groans.
46:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:20I like that.
46:23So, what have we learnt today?
46:26We've learnt that in a thousand years, when the people of the future look back
46:29and somehow try to understand how our society worked, what were we all about?
46:34There is one thing alone that they will be sure of.
46:36Show them a picture of Sue Perkins and they'll all go,
46:39oh, yeah, that's the lady who didn't like farting in the dark
46:42to the sound of her own name.
46:44LAUGHTER
46:44Only three episodes to go, so let's appreciate tonight's winner once more.
46:49It's Lucy Beaumont!
46:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:07APPLAUSE
47:08MUSIC
47:08MUSIC
47:08MUSIC
47:09MUSIC
47:09MUSIC
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