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Sommore Chandelier Fly

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00:00:11There's a rhythm in Detroit, been there forever, back when jazz spilled into the streets at
00:00:182 a.m., when Motown's heartbeat was Barry, Stevie, Aretha, Marvin, Diana, and the Supremes.
00:00:26That rhythm, it never left. And that's Fly. For me, Fly is unapologetic and needs no endorsement.
00:00:35It's chandelier bright and chandelier strong. First time I touched Detroit was 78. I was a kid
00:00:43on a visit. Now I'm a woman on a mission. Detroit, I'm back. I am some more, and this is
00:00:52Chandelier Fly.
00:01:10Detroit, what up, Doug?
00:01:18I am absolutely lovin' it. Man, y'all giving me some love. I love that.
00:01:28Man, that's it. I like that. Thank y'all. Yes. Listen, y'all giving me that real love. Y'all
00:01:38giving me that Frankie Beverly love out here. I like that. Yes, indeed.
00:01:45Listen, I personally think that Frankie Beverly's song Before I Let Go should be the new black national anthem. I
00:01:52do. Whenever 50 or more black people get together, we should have to sing that shit. That's right. And for
00:01:58the white people in the house that don't understand what I'm talking about, Before I Let Go by Frankie Beverly
00:02:04is equivalent to y'all's sweet Caroline.
00:02:08Y'all giving me the Frankie Beverly love out here.
00:02:17And you gotta admit, listen, Frankie was a vibe. Frankie was a whole vibe. And black people all over the
00:02:23country love Frankie Beverly. We love Frankie so much, we knew two years before Frankie passed that he wasn't 100%.
00:02:32But we still went to the show and sang all the songs for Frankie. You laid out your white shit.
00:02:42You went to the show and sang the damn song. Keep it real, we gave Frankie Beverly the Luther Vandross
00:02:49pass. That's right. Let me tell you something. Black people love Luther Vandross. It ain't a motherfucker in here over
00:02:5740 that would admit that Luther was gay.
00:03:03Luther could show up in concert in a full gown. We'll be sitting in that bitch like they must have
00:03:09lost his luggage at the airport. We'll never admit that Luther was gay. Even if somebody pressed it, we'll be
00:03:18like, what the fuck that got to do with it?
00:03:22See, black love, you defend black love. Listen, when you love black artists, you defend that shit. Like one time
00:03:28I had to defend Usher outfit. Usher did a show. Usher showed up with a blouse, a brooch, and some
00:03:38church lady gloves on.
00:03:41And I was fucked up. First of all, I'm old enough to know the difference between a shirt and a
00:03:48blouse.
00:03:50Usher had on a motherfucking blouse.
00:03:54And I was fucked up. And here's the thing, it really wasn't a blouse. Because I think I seen Al
00:04:00Green once or twice with a blouse on back in the day.
00:04:05But it was the blouse, the brooch, and the church lady glove combination that had me fucked up.
00:04:13I'm sitting there like, why the fuck is Usher dressed like one of the golden girls? What the fuck is
00:04:18going on?
00:04:21And here's the thing, I love Usher. Never ever for one day ever, still to this day, do I ever
00:04:27think that Usher was gay.
00:04:29But whoever picked out that blouse is gay as a bitch.
00:04:34Because you ain't never seen no homeboy say no shit like this, nigga go with the blouse.
00:04:41Ain't no homeboy suggested no blouse.
00:04:46But Usher had on a motherfucking blouse.
00:04:49And I'm going to tell you why I defended it.
00:04:52Because I personally think that Usher is our modern day Billy Dee Williams.
00:04:58I do, listen.
00:04:59Y'all Billy Dee Williams, y'all remember Billy Dee Williams?
00:05:01Listen, I'm looking around the room.
00:05:03Most of the people here are old enough to know who the fuck Billy Dee Williams is.
00:05:10And my grandmother and my mother love some Billy Dee Williams.
00:05:15Listen, Billy Dee Williams was the most smooth, charismatic black man on TV you ever want to see.
00:05:20His skin was cocoa brown.
00:05:22He had a voice that was deep and sexy and smooth.
00:05:26He had an afro and that bitch was dry but it was wet but it was curly at the same
00:05:30goddamn time.
00:05:32We had never seen no shit like that.
00:05:35Billy Dee Williams was the shit.
00:05:37And as smooth as Billy Dee Williams was, you would think that he would be the face of like a
00:05:43cognac or brandy or champagne.
00:05:47But Billy Dee Williams was the face of some of the cheapest shit you could buy.
00:05:55Coke 45.
00:05:58Malt liquor.
00:06:01If you drink that shit hot, you'll fight everybody in this bitch.
00:06:07And my grandmother loved him.
00:06:10And because my grandmother loved him, my granddaddy couldn't stand his ass.
00:06:15My granddaddy didn't like him so much he only drank half a can and threw the rest of the shit
00:06:19away.
00:06:19Like, fuck that.
00:06:23But that's how I look at Usher.
00:06:25Like, our Billy Dee Williams.
00:06:27And we give him love.
00:06:29Listen, we give him black love.
00:06:30Ladies and gentlemen, I've been doing stand-up comedy for over 30 years.
00:06:34Yes.
00:06:3530 years.
00:06:38I get love.
00:06:40Let me tell you something.
00:06:42I know what black love is.
00:06:43I travel this country and black people love me.
00:06:46When I tell you black people love me, they love me.
00:06:49They really do.
00:06:55I don't care what city I'm in.
00:06:58If I'm in the hood and I go to any McDonald's and they know it's me,
00:07:02oh, they gonna put a filet of fish in the bag, dude.
00:07:06They gonna up the nuggets and throw a filet of fish in the bag.
00:07:09That's just what it is.
00:07:10That's what it is.
00:07:14I'm telling y'all, y'all should see when them kids see me.
00:07:17They lose their motherfucking mind.
00:07:18They be like, my mama love you.
00:07:20My mama love you.
00:07:22My mama love you.
00:07:24You want a pie?
00:07:25You want a pie?
00:07:27I'm like, don't lose your job over no apple pie, nigga, now.
00:07:30Don't get McFired in this bitch showing out.
00:07:35But I, listen, I know what black love is.
00:07:38I really do.
00:07:39But I learned something.
00:07:41I learned that when it comes to black people, see, not only do we love hard,
00:07:45but we love you so hard, even when you transcend, we love you even more.
00:07:48But I learned something with black people.
00:07:51I learned that you can die at the wrong time.
00:07:54Oh, yeah, you can fuck around and die at the wrong time.
00:07:59Look what happened to Tito Jackson.
00:08:04Tito Jackson died right after Frankie and right before Puffy got locked up.
00:08:10You ain't seen shit about Tito's funeral.
00:08:14You ain't seen no pictures of the repel.
00:08:17You ain't seen Catherine broke down crying.
00:08:20You ain't seen Janet in all black.
00:08:26Motherfuckers try to act like they ain't even know who Tito was.
00:08:31The morning Tito died, I went to my little cousin.
00:08:35I was like, yo, Tito died this morning.
00:08:37My little cousin was like, oh, no, not the dog from the Wiz.
00:08:43I said, bitch, that's Kodo.
00:08:45I'm talking about Tito, Tito, Michael brother, Tito.
00:08:49She was like, she ain't even know Michael had a brother.
00:08:55I said, goddamn, Tito died at the wrong time.
00:09:01Then I went to my uncle.
00:09:03And I know he old enough to know who the fuck Tito is.
00:09:06I was like, dude, we lost Tito this morning.
00:09:09He was like, I'm gonna be honest with you.
00:09:10I'm more of a great goose man myself.
00:09:12I don't really fuck with Tito like that.
00:09:15I'm like, nigga, Tito, Marlon Jermaine, jumpsuits, afro.
00:09:20Nigga, you know who the fuck Tito is.
00:09:23I said, goddamn, Tito died at the wrong time.
00:09:28Know who else died at the wrong time?
00:09:32Farrah Fawcett Majors, the actress.
00:09:35Farrah Fawcett Majors died the same day as Michael Jackson.
00:09:40Come on, bitch, now you know you can't fuck with Michael.
00:09:44You should have held on one more day, bitch, come on.
00:09:47You was already an angel.
00:09:48You was one of Charlie's angels.
00:09:50Just hold on one more day.
00:09:52She died the same day as Michael Jackson.
00:09:58They say they couldn't even find a funeral home to take the body.
00:10:02Say people was answering the phone like,
00:10:04fella who beat it, bitch, we waiting on Mike Tito to call.
00:10:07Get off of me.
00:10:11Listen, death is inevitable.
00:10:14And we will all leave here one day.
00:10:16And we should all wish for a smooth transition.
00:10:20But I'm going to keep it real with y'all.
00:10:21One of the smoothest people I've ever seen leave this bitch was OJ Simpson.
00:10:26Let me tell you, see, look, some of y'all looking like, OJ died?
00:10:29Listen, OJ left this bitch smooth.
00:10:31I ain't never seen nobody leave this bitch smooth like OJ.
00:10:35So here's how it went down.
00:10:37Two weeks before OJ passed, it was a rumor out that OJ had cancer and he was in hospice.
00:10:43That motherfucker went live.
00:10:45OJ went live from a golf course.
00:10:47He logged in on Instagram.
00:10:49He was like, hey, hey, hey, what's this shit I hear about people saying I'm sick and I'm in hospice?
00:10:56I'm out here on the golf course having a great game.
00:10:59That motherfucker logged off Instagram and was dead before that shit hit Facebook.
00:11:04I said, God damn, he was gone.
00:11:07Smooth.
00:11:11Gone.
00:11:12Gone.
00:11:15I'm one of those people I try to keep up with all the latest shit.
00:11:18I really do.
00:11:19I try to keep up with all the latest shit.
00:11:21But some of it I missed.
00:11:22I'm ashamed to say that I am probably one of the only people who did not get any of the
00:11:27subliminal messages
00:11:29in Kendrick Lamar's halftime Super Bowl performance.
00:11:33Listen, I ain't gonna lie to y'all.
00:11:34I didn't get none of that shit.
00:11:35None of it.
00:11:36And I'm gonna keep it real with y'all.
00:11:38He fucked me up at the outfit.
00:11:40That motherfucker came out.
00:11:42He had bell-bottom hip-huggers with a dick print in the front.
00:11:47I was confused like a motherfucker.
00:11:49Like, what?
00:11:52And I ain't know Kendrick was that thick.
00:11:55I ain't have my glasses on.
00:11:56I thought it was Stephanie Mills at first.
00:11:58I'm like, God damn, I ain't know Stephanie Mills was on the goddamn show.
00:12:07By the time I went and got my glasses and came back, all that shit was over.
00:12:11I was like, fuck it.
00:12:13I miss the shit.
00:12:16Y'all ain't no Kendrick with that thick.
00:12:18I ain't no Kendrick with that goddamn thick.
00:12:25And the young people, listen, the young people was mad.
00:12:28They was mad because you know they took that shit serious.
00:12:31My little cousin was like, you ain't getting none of the subliminals.
00:12:33Listen, the young people dissected that shit, analyzed that shit, broke it down, got all the subliminal messages.
00:12:39I'm like, y'all did all that shit but skimmed over Project 2025, though.
00:12:46Been reading none of that shit.
00:12:52And here we are.
00:12:54Trump 2.5.
00:12:57Oh, Trump running this bitch.
00:12:58Trump running this bitch.
00:13:01And one thing I can tell y'all, he doing everything he said he was going to do.
00:13:05He doing everything he said he was going to do.
00:13:08What did Trump say he was going to do?
00:13:10Day one.
00:13:11Trump, day one, Trump said, if you are not a citizen of the United States of America, you getting the
00:13:16fuck up out of here.
00:13:17And I don't know if y'all paying attention, but guess what?
00:13:20They getting the fuck up out of here.
00:13:22Oh, bitch, they getting the fuck up out of here.
00:13:25And if I was you, I'd keep my birth certificate on me.
00:13:30Because they ain't moving anybody.
00:13:31They moving everybody out this gate.
00:13:37And women, I don't know why y'all walking around here still with all this international hair.
00:13:42You're going to be at the border trying to explain that shit to somebody.
00:13:46No, I'm American.
00:13:47The hair is Malaysian.
00:13:49I'm not Malaysian.
00:13:51The hair is Malaysia.
00:13:53I'm from America.
00:13:56Wait, call my mama.
00:13:57Mama, you need to bring my receipt.
00:13:59Come down.
00:14:00Shit.
00:14:03Ain't no time to be fucking around with that right now.
00:14:06Bitch, I won't even wear a bang right now because that's Chinese.
00:14:09I'm like, uh-uh, bitch.
00:14:10Just give me four heads right now, eh?
00:14:12Ain't no time to be fucking around in here.
00:14:18What I'm trying to tell y'all, this might be y'all last month getting a manicure, pedicure.
00:14:24You might be doing them bitches yourself next month.
00:14:28Sitting at home like back in the day.
00:14:35Oh, they getting the fuck up out of here.
00:14:40And what else Trump said?
00:14:41What else he said?
00:14:42Trump said in the next four years, we will only acknowledge two genders.
00:14:48That's male and female.
00:14:50All that other shit we were doing in between, uh-uh.
00:14:54Trump said we building a wall and a closet.
00:14:57You gonna get your ass back in the goddamn closet.
00:15:00Oh, yeah.
00:15:03Get your ass back in the goddamn closet.
00:15:08And I got a cousin that's a dyke.
00:15:10I'm talking about a dyke, dyke, a real dyke.
00:15:12We're a dick, we're a dyke.
00:15:14I said, bitch, you better get you a ponytail and some wedges and blend in with us till this shit
00:15:19died out.
00:15:22Ain't no time to be showing out right now.
00:15:28This is real shit.
00:15:30Listen, this is what stand-up comedy is all about.
00:15:34You talk about real shit.
00:15:36You talk about real shit.
00:15:36And sometimes the shit be so bad, you gotta laugh to get to the other side.
00:15:40I'm serious.
00:15:42You gotta laugh to get to the other side.
00:15:47I've never been a political person.
00:15:48I never used to even care about politics.
00:15:51But I'm paying attention now.
00:15:53Oh, bitch, I'm paying attention.
00:15:55I even watched the inauguration.
00:15:57I didn't know we was boycotting the shit.
00:15:59I didn't know black people.
00:15:59My cousin was like, bitch, you wasn't pulled to watch.
00:16:02Well, ain't nobody tell me not to watch.
00:16:04I ended up watching the inauguration.
00:16:06And I'm going to tell you some weird shit.
00:16:08I thought it was weird.
00:16:09They had eight prayers during the inauguration.
00:16:12They prayed eight times.
00:16:13Trump didn't close his eyes not one time.
00:16:16He was praying just like this on every prayer.
00:16:21He didn't close his eyes not one time.
00:16:24But I don't blame him.
00:16:26Because if a bitch tried to kill me two times in one year,
00:16:28I ain't closing my eyes in public either.
00:16:35And I'm going to keep it real with y'all.
00:16:36One of the reasons I really tuned in
00:16:38was to see what Melania was going to have on.
00:16:41Because come on now.
00:16:42Melania be sharp as a motherfucker.
00:16:45Oh, she do that.
00:16:46Oh, she do that shit.
00:16:47She do that.
00:16:48And she did not disappoint.
00:16:51Melania sitting that bitch with a hat down this low.
00:16:55This bitch sat there for three hours.
00:16:56I said, this bitch hot as a motherfucker.
00:16:59Come on now.
00:17:01You just sit somewhere with a hat this low for three hours.
00:17:05She didn't look left.
00:17:06She didn't look right.
00:17:07Trump tried to kiss that bitch.
00:17:09She leaned up and sat back.
00:17:10I said, yeah.
00:17:12She has a motherfucker.
00:17:18Michelle didn't show up.
00:17:20And everybody went off.
00:17:21They was like, ooh, Michelle didn't even show up.
00:17:23Michelle didn't even show up.
00:17:25I didn't think it was a big deal that Michelle didn't show up.
00:17:27I'm going to tell you what I thought was shocking.
00:17:29I was shocked she let Barack go by his cell.
00:17:33Because let's be clear.
00:17:35Barack is fine as a motherfucker.
00:17:37And bitches be at Barack.
00:17:41And what I was really shocked about is usually you don't see bow-legged niggas out by theyself after 8
00:17:46o'clock.
00:17:48Come on now.
00:17:49Women know bow-legged niggas don't be out by theyself after 8.
00:17:52Not me, not me, niggas be everywhere.
00:17:54They be all over here and shit in the club.
00:17:57Goddamn, Goddamn.
00:18:00No, what I'm saying, what I'm saying, nigga, no.
00:18:06But you don't see bow-legged niggas out by theyself after 8 o'clock.
00:18:10So I was shocked.
00:18:14Now look at not me, niggas.
00:18:15They done got mad.
00:18:17They sitting here like, don't knock it till you try.
00:18:25But listen, Trump say he changing shit up.
00:18:27And we don't know if it's going to work.
00:18:29We don't know if it's for the best, for the worst.
00:18:30We don't know.
00:18:31We just riding this shit out.
00:18:33Trump changing up all kind of shit.
00:18:35Motherfucker trying to, he getting rid of Section 8.
00:18:38Motherfucker, yeah.
00:18:39Section 8.
00:18:41Medicare.
00:18:44Might get rid of Social Security.
00:18:46Trump done went in so far to say,
00:18:48next year he getting rid of Daylight Savings, bitch.
00:18:51It's going to be dark at 3.30 next year.
00:18:54Done.
00:18:56Done with it.
00:19:00And here's the thing.
00:19:01He don't even want to be president.
00:19:03He really want to be king of this bitch.
00:19:05He do.
00:19:05He really want to be king.
00:19:07He trying shit that has never been done before.
00:19:10Trump told them motherfuckers,
00:19:12I want my picture on a $200 bill.
00:19:15They was like,
00:19:15Mr. President, there is no $200 bill.
00:19:18He said,
00:19:18we're going to make a $200 bill.
00:19:20And we're going to put my picture on the motherfuckers.
00:19:23They said,
00:19:24Well, Mr. President,
00:19:25only deceased presidents are on currency.
00:19:28I said,
00:19:29Don't stop him.
00:19:29Let him cook.
00:19:30Let him cook.
00:19:32Let him cook.
00:19:33Let him cook.
00:19:38Because he's doing shit we ain't never seen before.
00:19:41And listen,
00:19:42we laughing,
00:19:42but listen,
00:19:43people going through some tough times.
00:19:44Because people are losing their jobs.
00:19:45There's a lot of people that have lost their jobs.
00:19:48And we're going through some tough times.
00:19:49And you've got to remember this in tough times.
00:19:51Even when you're going through tough times,
00:19:52tough times don't last for long.
00:19:54And understand
00:19:55that there's always somebody out there
00:19:58that's doing worse off than yourself.
00:20:01If it makes you feel any better,
00:20:03I got a girlfriend of mine.
00:20:04She having such a rough time.
00:20:06She selling pussy
00:20:07and she don't even like dick.
00:20:13So if you think you got it rough,
00:20:17this bitch be crying
00:20:18taking her drawers off of her.
00:20:32No, he running shit his way.
00:20:34He doing shit his way.
00:20:36He pardoned all the Proud Boys.
00:20:39Let all the Proud Boys out of jail.
00:20:40Pardoned all the Proud Boys.
00:20:42Dropped the charges,
00:20:42let them out of jail.
00:20:43Now y'all know who the Proud Boys are, right?
00:20:45The people that's responsible
00:20:47for the insurrection.
00:20:48That stormed the Capitol in D.C.
00:20:49Climbed the walls and shit.
00:20:50He pardoned them,
00:20:51let them all out of jail.
00:20:52I'm like, okay,
00:20:53you let the Proud Boys out.
00:20:54What about the Nasty Boys?
00:20:56Let the Nasty Boys out.
00:20:58Y'all know who the Nasty Boys are.
00:21:01R. Kelly, P. Diddy, and Mystica.
00:21:05Here I go.
00:21:12We laughing,
00:21:13but they ain't got to our shit yet.
00:21:15We just out here
00:21:15popping fans and shit,
00:21:18wearing cowboy boots
00:21:19in the summertime and shit,
00:21:21but we just showing the fuck out.
00:21:23We can't, listen,
00:21:25we can turn out any goddamn thing.
00:21:27Black people done took
00:21:28the old country do-si-do
00:21:30and added ass to it.
00:21:32Rah, rah, rah.
00:21:33You know the people
00:21:34wasn't doing that shit
00:21:34before we came.
00:21:36They done added ass
00:21:37to the do-si-do.
00:21:39Rah, rah, rah.
00:21:40Rah, rah, rah.
00:21:44Where them fans at?
00:21:46Rah, rah.
00:21:50See, that done added ass
00:21:51to the do-si-do.
00:21:56But we got to pay attention.
00:21:57Because I don't know
00:21:58if y'all paying attention,
00:21:59but they're trying to erase
00:22:00our total existence.
00:22:02They really are.
00:22:03Have y'all paid attention?
00:22:04Like, they are no longer
00:22:05teaching black history
00:22:06in the schools.
00:22:07No longer teaching
00:22:08black history in the schools.
00:22:09So here we are.
00:22:10If black history
00:22:11is important to black people,
00:22:13we got to teach
00:22:13our children ourselves.
00:22:15That's where we are.
00:22:20That's right.
00:22:21If our history
00:22:21is important to black people,
00:22:23we have to teach
00:22:24our children ourselves.
00:22:25I personally think
00:22:26all teaching
00:22:26should start at home.
00:22:27Whether it's hygiene,
00:22:29etiquette, manners,
00:22:30manners, and now
00:22:31black history.
00:22:32If it's important to us,
00:22:33we have to teach
00:22:33our children at home.
00:22:35Now, I could be
00:22:35a little bit biased.
00:22:36Because when I was
00:22:37growing up,
00:22:38my father was
00:22:39an English professor.
00:22:40My father taught English,
00:22:41and he was
00:22:41a black history teacher.
00:22:43So one thing, yeah,
00:22:45one thing,
00:22:47he stressed that we knew
00:22:49our black history.
00:22:50As a matter of fact,
00:22:51he would play
00:22:51little games with us
00:22:52just so we could remember.
00:22:53He would play
00:22:54little games.
00:22:54Like whenever we would
00:22:55sit at dinner,
00:22:55he would name all the food
00:22:57after black leaders.
00:22:58So we would sit there
00:22:59and he'd say something like,
00:23:00hand me to Martin Luther King
00:23:01fried chicken.
00:23:03Hand me to Harriet Tubman
00:23:04macaroni and cheese.
00:23:06And hand me to
00:23:06Marcus Garvey meatloaf.
00:23:09My little brother
00:23:10didn't understand
00:23:11how all the food
00:23:13was named after
00:23:13black leaders,
00:23:14but the refrigerator
00:23:15was still white.
00:23:16So when we would
00:23:18put the food
00:23:18in the refrigerator,
00:23:19he'd be standing
00:23:19in front of the refrigerator
00:23:20talking about,
00:23:21let my people go.
00:23:22I'm like, nigga,
00:23:23it's over.
00:23:24Once the food
00:23:25hit the refrigerator,
00:23:26it's over.
00:23:30But it's true.
00:23:32Listen,
00:23:33if our history,
00:23:34if it's important
00:23:34to you now,
00:23:35teach our children.
00:23:37Because if we allow
00:23:38America to teach
00:23:38our children our history,
00:23:40they gonna fuck it up.
00:23:41Listen,
00:23:42they gonna fuck it up.
00:23:43They gonna add shit
00:23:44that don't belong there.
00:23:46They gonna mix
00:23:46the stories around.
00:23:48I could clearly
00:23:48see a little girl
00:23:49go to her mother
00:23:51in the future
00:23:51and say something like this.
00:23:52So ma,
00:23:53ma, ma,
00:23:54is it true
00:23:55that back in the day
00:23:56it was an actress
00:23:58by the name
00:23:58of Jada Pinkett
00:23:59who refused to move
00:24:00to the back of the bus.
00:24:02And when she was on the bus,
00:24:04all her and her girls
00:24:05went and robbed the bank
00:24:06and they shot up the bus
00:24:07and everybody died.
00:24:10You be sitting there
00:24:11like,
00:24:11ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:24:13I know goddamn well
00:24:14they ain't put Rosa Parks
00:24:16in the movie
00:24:17Set It Off.
00:24:21They will fuck it up.
00:24:22They'll fuck it up.
00:24:26And listen,
00:24:27when you tell your children
00:24:28about our history,
00:24:30do not leave out
00:24:32the highlights.
00:24:34Oh yeah,
00:24:34because black people,
00:24:35we got some
00:24:35motherfucking highlights.
00:24:37Do not leave out
00:24:38the highlights.
00:24:39Like when Will Smith
00:24:40slapped the shit
00:24:42out of Chris Rock
00:24:43live on TV.
00:24:46And I know y'all
00:24:46don't like to bring that up.
00:24:48He slapped the fuck
00:24:49out of Chris Rock.
00:24:51He slapped him so hard
00:24:52he knocked the fire stick
00:24:54out of my TV.
00:24:55I was like,
00:24:55oh shit,
00:24:55hold on.
00:24:57Shit.
00:25:05And
00:25:06you can't leave out
00:25:07the infamous
00:25:08Cat Williams,
00:25:09Shannon Sharp,
00:25:11Club Shay Shay interview.
00:25:13Come on now.
00:25:15Listen,
00:25:15say what you want.
00:25:16Cat Williams,
00:25:17Shannon Sharp,
00:25:18Club Shay Shay interview
00:25:19shook up the stand-up comedy world.
00:25:21They shook it up.
00:25:23Listen,
00:25:24Cat Williams did a
00:25:25three-hour interview
00:25:26on Shannon Sharp.
00:25:28Shannon Sharp only asked
00:25:29that motherfucker
00:25:30one question.
00:25:32How you doing?
00:25:35And he went the fuck off.
00:25:37He went the fuck off.
00:25:39And it was a sniper situation.
00:25:43And I say a sniper situation
00:25:45because in the shootout,
00:25:46more than one person
00:25:47has a gun.
00:25:48In the shootout,
00:25:49you shoot,
00:25:49I shoot,
00:25:50you shoot,
00:25:50I shoot,
00:25:51you shoot,
00:25:51I shoot.
00:25:52But in the sniper situation,
00:25:54only one motherfucker
00:25:55got a gun.
00:25:56And Cat Williams
00:25:57was picking motherfuckers off.
00:25:59You didn't know
00:26:00who was gonna be next.
00:26:02First person out the gate
00:26:04was Steve Harvey.
00:26:06Wow.
00:26:07Cat Williams told
00:26:08the whole world
00:26:09that Steve Harvey
00:26:10had on a hairpiece.
00:26:12Pow!
00:26:12Shot the wig
00:26:13off that bitch.
00:26:15Then he flipped around
00:26:17and said he was gonna
00:26:17punch Cedric
00:26:18in the tank
00:26:18in his big,
00:26:19fat belly.
00:26:20Pow!
00:26:20Shot the belly button
00:26:21off that motherfucker.
00:26:24Cat Williams told
00:26:25the whole world
00:26:26that Ludacris
00:26:27was in the Illuminati
00:26:28and sucked dick
00:26:29to get in that.
00:26:30Pow!
00:26:31Shot the lips
00:26:32off that bitch.
00:26:35It was brutal.
00:26:38Listen,
00:26:39he was airing
00:26:39that motherfucker out.
00:26:40He talked about
00:26:42Tiffany Haddish,
00:26:43Kevin Hart,
00:26:44Michael Blackston,
00:26:45Faison Love,
00:26:46you name it.
00:26:47He was tearing
00:26:47their asses out the front.
00:26:50And I ain't gonna lie,
00:26:52out of all the people
00:26:53he talked shit about,
00:26:54the one person
00:26:55I really felt bad for
00:26:57was the comedian
00:26:59Earthquake.
00:27:00Oh!
00:27:02Because Cat Williams
00:27:02told the whole world
00:27:04that Earthquake
00:27:05couldn't read.
00:27:06Now,
00:27:08that's some
00:27:09cold-blooded shit
00:27:11for you to put
00:27:12a black man
00:27:13on the can't-read list.
00:27:14Come on, now.
00:27:18Especially,
00:27:19listen,
00:27:19especially coming
00:27:20from our era.
00:27:21Because first of all,
00:27:22we all vowed
00:27:23that we would be better
00:27:23than our ancestors,
00:27:24so motherfucker,
00:27:25we know how to read.
00:27:26And we came up,
00:27:27most of us came up
00:27:28during the time of
00:27:29conjunction, junction,
00:27:31what's your function?
00:27:32Motherfucker,
00:27:33we know how to read.
00:27:36But that's some
00:27:37cold-blooded shit
00:27:37for you to put
00:27:39a black man
00:27:39on the can't-read list.
00:27:41Now, here's the thing.
00:27:42I don't know
00:27:43how white people
00:27:43handle shit,
00:27:45but as a black person,
00:27:47when a motherfucker
00:27:48say you can't read,
00:27:49you got to prove
00:27:50to black people
00:27:50that you can read.
00:27:52That means
00:27:52everywhere you go,
00:27:54soon as you hit the door,
00:27:55you got to start reading.
00:27:57Soon as you walk
00:27:58in the barbershop,
00:27:59you stop,
00:28:00you be like,
00:28:01refreshments.
00:28:02Potato chips,
00:28:0335 cents.
00:28:04Corn chips,
00:28:0445 cents.
00:28:06Pretzels,
00:28:0635 cents.
00:28:08Ladies' room,
00:28:09this way.
00:28:09Men's room,
00:28:10this way.
00:28:11You got to read.
00:28:13Get in there
00:28:14and show motherfuckers
00:28:15you can read.
00:28:20Any funeral you go to,
00:28:21get on program,
00:28:22get up there
00:28:23and read
00:28:23in front of
00:28:23the goddamn people.
00:28:28And I'm saying this,
00:28:30listen,
00:28:31because it happened
00:28:32to a friend of mine.
00:28:33Happened to a friend of mine.
00:28:34A friend of mine
00:28:35ended up going to jail.
00:28:37Now,
00:28:37I'm not sure
00:28:38why he went to jail.
00:28:40But some kind of way,
00:28:41while he was in jail,
00:28:43he fucked around
00:28:44and got on
00:28:44the can't read list.
00:28:47He was more upset
00:28:48about being on
00:28:49the can't read list
00:28:50than being in jail.
00:28:52But he could not wait
00:28:53to come home
00:28:54to prove to everybody
00:28:55that he could read.
00:28:58The morning of the day
00:28:59he was getting out of jail,
00:29:00his sister called everybody.
00:29:01She was like,
00:29:02yo, my brother
00:29:02coming home this evening.
00:29:04Won't we meet up
00:29:04at the restaurant
00:29:05and surprise him?
00:29:06So we showed up
00:29:07with a cake,
00:29:08balloons,
00:29:09a banner,
00:29:10bitches had roses
00:29:11and surprised him, right?
00:29:13He walked in the room,
00:29:14everybody said surprise.
00:29:15They was high-fiving him,
00:29:16giving him hugs,
00:29:17they was crying and shit.
00:29:18It was real emotional.
00:29:19But he wanted to prove
00:29:20to everybody
00:29:20that he could read.
00:29:21So he ran over
00:29:22to the table,
00:29:23he picked up the menu,
00:29:26he was like,
00:29:26I'm gonna order
00:29:27for everybody.
00:29:28I'm gonna order
00:29:28for everybody.
00:29:31I said,
00:29:31ooh,
00:29:34this is gonna be expensive.
00:29:36Now the only reason
00:29:37why I said
00:29:38it's gonna be expensive
00:29:39because that's how
00:29:39it is in the hood.
00:29:41In the hood,
00:29:41if you ordered the shit,
00:29:42that means you paying
00:29:43for the shit.
00:29:44So I said,
00:29:45ooh,
00:29:45this is gonna be expensive.
00:29:47But he didn't give a fuck.
00:29:48He was determined
00:29:49to prove to us
00:29:50he could read.
00:29:51He ran over to that bitch
00:29:52and started ordering shit.
00:29:54He was like,
00:29:54let me get six orders
00:29:55of chicken quesadillas.
00:29:57I said,
00:29:58now this bitch
00:29:58jumped out the gate
00:29:59with quesadillas.
00:30:02Now y'all know
00:30:03quesadillas
00:30:04are tricky motherfucker,
00:30:05okay?
00:30:06Because first of all,
00:30:07it don't look
00:30:07the way it sounds.
00:30:09So bitch,
00:30:09you jazzy
00:30:10to fuck with quesadillas,
00:30:11all right?
00:30:12He started off,
00:30:13let me get six orders
00:30:15of chicken quesadillas.
00:30:16He was like,
00:30:17let me get some calamari,
00:30:18let me get some
00:30:19strawberry daiquiris,
00:30:20let me get some escargot,
00:30:22and give me some jambalaya.
00:30:24Everybody was like,
00:30:25ooh.
00:30:27Only thing about it,
00:30:28bitch,
00:30:28we was at Pizza Hut.
00:30:31Wasn't none of that shit
00:30:32on the menu.
00:30:40I grabbed the menu
00:30:41for that motherfucker,
00:30:42I told the waiter,
00:30:43bring us five pepperoni
00:30:44pieces to get started,
00:30:45and bring this motherfucker
00:30:47a coloring book
00:30:47so he can have
00:30:48something to do.
00:30:51You done set up in jail
00:30:52and memorize the menu
00:30:54from the wrong
00:30:54goddamn restaurant.
00:30:57No goddamn jambalaya
00:30:58at Pizza Hut.
00:31:01But Shannon was rolling
00:31:03for a minute.
00:31:04Listen,
00:31:04Shannon Sharp
00:31:04had this bitch
00:31:05on lock for a minute,
00:31:07all until he fucked around,
00:31:09and caught her,
00:31:10fucked around,
00:31:11and caught a little
00:31:11sex scandal.
00:31:14But that's the world,
00:31:15listen,
00:31:15that's the world
00:31:16we living in right now,
00:31:16and this culture right here
00:31:17ain't nothing but scandals.
00:31:18I'm telling y'all,
00:31:19this culture right now,
00:31:21these motherfuckers
00:31:21will sign an NDA
00:31:22and write a book
00:31:23with the same
00:31:24motherfucking ink pen.
00:31:25They ain't playing fair
00:31:27out this bitch.
00:31:28But I like a little
00:31:29sex scandal.
00:31:30I like when people
00:31:30have little sex scandals.
00:31:32Because when motherfuckers
00:31:33have sex scandals,
00:31:34you find out
00:31:35what they really like.
00:31:37See, people look one way
00:31:38on the outside,
00:31:40but when you find out
00:31:41all the freaky little shit
00:31:43they really like,
00:31:44that's what a sex scandal
00:31:46do for you.
00:31:46Just expose all your
00:31:48freaky little shit.
00:31:49And I like to play
00:31:50a little game.
00:31:51Like, most people look
00:31:52for the person's picture
00:31:52and be like,
00:31:53oh, this is what he did.
00:31:54Mm-mm.
00:31:54I like to keep the picture
00:31:56for last.
00:31:57I like to read all
00:31:59the little kinky shit,
00:32:00then go back
00:32:01and look at the picture.
00:32:03Read all the little shit
00:32:04they did,
00:32:05then go back
00:32:05and turn the page
00:32:06and be like,
00:32:07ah,
00:32:09this mister like
00:32:10to sniff the bicycle seats
00:32:12at the gym
00:32:13when ain't nobody looking.
00:32:21Read all the little nasty shit,
00:32:24turn the page
00:32:24and be like,
00:32:25ah,
00:32:26this the bitch
00:32:27that be pressing a box
00:32:28up against the zucchinis
00:32:30in the produce section
00:32:31when ain't nobody looking.
00:32:36Listen,
00:32:37I'm a professional at it.
00:32:40I am.
00:32:40I like to read
00:32:41all the little details
00:32:43and I can tell
00:32:44a little bit
00:32:45about the victim
00:32:45when I read the details.
00:32:48Like,
00:32:48in the Shannon Sharp situation,
00:32:50I was able to tell
00:32:51early
00:32:52that it was a young girl
00:32:53that he was messing with.
00:32:54I could tell she was young.
00:32:56First of all,
00:32:56I knew she wasn't
00:32:57a grown woman
00:32:58like myself.
00:32:59Come on now.
00:32:59I'm a full-grown
00:33:00German shepherd
00:33:01out this bitch.
00:33:05I could tell
00:33:06she was a young girl.
00:33:08Here's the reason
00:33:08why I could tell
00:33:09she was a young girl.
00:33:10Because when she was,
00:33:11like,
00:33:11when they was describing
00:33:12the shit she was saying,
00:33:13she was saying shit like,
00:33:14ooh,
00:33:14I want you to give me a baby.
00:33:16I want you to give me
00:33:16one of them big black babies.
00:33:18I want you to give me
00:33:18a big black baby.
00:33:20I was like,
00:33:21yeah,
00:33:21this a young girl.
00:33:22And ain't no grown woman
00:33:24like myself
00:33:25begging no 56-year-old man
00:33:27for no goddamn baby.
00:33:29Because we already know
00:33:31what kind of baby
00:33:32a 56-year-old man
00:33:33going to give you.
00:33:37Fuck on the spectrum
00:33:39that bitch
00:33:40going to lick the fence.
00:33:42He going to lick the fence.
00:33:44Come on now,
00:33:44you've seen them kids
00:33:45that lick the goddamn fence.
00:33:48You be sitting out there
00:33:49talking about,
00:33:50Junior,
00:33:50you wanted a bike ride
00:33:52the goddamn bike.
00:33:53I bought you a bike
00:33:54here out here
00:33:54licking the fence.
00:33:55Stop licking
00:33:56the goddamn fence.
00:34:00Ain't nothing wrong
00:34:01with Junior.
00:34:02Junior daddy just old.
00:34:04That's all.
00:34:06He an old nut baby.
00:34:07Come on now.
00:34:10You done seen
00:34:11the old nut babies.
00:34:15When the young girl
00:34:16fuck around
00:34:17and have a baby
00:34:18by the sugar daddy.
00:34:26She naming Brandon.
00:34:29Everybody be like,
00:34:30I don't know why
00:34:30the fuck she named
00:34:31that baby Brandon.
00:34:32he looked just like
00:34:34Mr. James.
00:34:39Brandon walking around here
00:34:40with the
00:34:40my daddy old face.
00:34:43This bitch got a
00:34:44receding hairline
00:34:46back here.
00:34:47He dressed like
00:34:48an insurance man
00:34:49in the house
00:34:49vacuuming and shit.
00:34:51You be begging that bitch
00:34:53to go outside.
00:34:54Go outside,
00:34:55Brandon.
00:34:56Go outside and face.
00:34:58Brandon daddy old.
00:35:02All the other kids
00:35:03want to go to
00:35:04Chuck E. Cheese
00:35:04for their birthday.
00:35:06Brandon want to go fishing.
00:35:10Damn Brandon's
00:35:11daddy's old.
00:35:13That's an old nut baby.
00:35:14Come on now.
00:35:15You seen the old nut baby.
00:35:19And I know
00:35:20what I'm talking about.
00:35:23Because I'm what you
00:35:24call an old egg.
00:35:25That's an old egg.
00:35:27That's when the woman
00:35:28have your kids
00:35:28later in life.
00:35:30Listen,
00:35:31the average childbearing
00:35:32years is 17
00:35:33to 27.
00:35:34Anything after that,
00:35:36you rolling
00:35:36the motherfucking dice.
00:35:39And when you roll
00:35:40the dice,
00:35:40you don't know
00:35:41what you're going to get.
00:35:42Listen,
00:35:42my mother rolled
00:35:43the dice.
00:35:43I am a old egg.
00:35:45That's why I can talk
00:35:45about it.
00:35:46Because I'm an old egg.
00:35:47And thank God
00:35:48I came out fine.
00:35:50Listen,
00:35:50thank God.
00:35:52She rolled
00:35:53the motherfucking dice.
00:35:56And I came out smart.
00:35:57Listen,
00:35:57as a kid,
00:35:58I was smart
00:35:58as a motherfucker.
00:35:59My ABCs,
00:36:001, 2, 3s,
00:36:01they only had to show me
00:36:02one time.
00:36:02One time.
00:36:03Caught it right off.
00:36:04I was so smart,
00:36:05they didn't even
00:36:06have to potty train me.
00:36:07I showed up
00:36:08with a pull-up on
00:36:09ready to go.
00:36:13Only thing about it,
00:36:14not only was I smart,
00:36:16but I was strong.
00:36:19Especially
00:36:19up under the arms.
00:36:21As a kid,
00:36:22I was mustered
00:36:23in a motherfucker.
00:36:24I was a full-grown woman
00:36:26up under the arms.
00:36:28Bitch,
00:36:28Tussie couldn't hold me.
00:36:29You remember Tussie.
00:36:31Tussie was for
00:36:32the funky teenagers.
00:36:33Bitch,
00:36:34Tussie,
00:36:34I ran through Tussie.
00:36:35Tussie couldn't
00:36:36fuck with me.
00:36:38Secret was no secret,
00:36:39bitch.
00:36:39I took secret down.
00:36:42I was seven years old
00:36:44on right guard.
00:36:47And you know,
00:36:48right guard was
00:36:49for construction workers,
00:36:50bitch.
00:36:50I was on right guard.
00:36:55I had to grow
00:36:56into my underarms.
00:36:58I remember being outside
00:37:00turning double dutch.
00:37:01My friends be like,
00:37:02put your arms down.
00:37:17Shannon's shit was so scandalous.
00:37:21It made us even forget
00:37:22about that Kanye
00:37:23went and hollered out
00:37:24he sucked his cousin dick
00:37:26till he was 14.
00:37:28Oh shit,
00:37:29I ain't say it,
00:37:30he said it.
00:37:34And here's my thing,
00:37:35here's my thing.
00:37:37Because I understand
00:37:37we in this culture now
00:37:39where everybody
00:37:39want to speak their piece
00:37:40and I want to clear my mind
00:37:42and I want to heal
00:37:43and they just want to
00:37:45tell their motherfucking story.
00:37:46And it's okay
00:37:47to tell your story,
00:37:48but you can't bring
00:37:49nobody else
00:37:49in your goddamn story.
00:37:51His cousin might not,
00:37:52I don't even know
00:37:53if it's true,
00:37:53his cousin might not
00:37:54want no shit like that
00:37:55for you to say
00:37:56no shit like that.
00:37:58Like for instance,
00:37:59you ever hear somebody
00:38:00admit to liking
00:38:02or doing some nasty shit
00:38:05and then when you
00:38:06call them out on it
00:38:07they try to blame it
00:38:08or where they from
00:38:09and you happen to be
00:38:10from the same place
00:38:12they from.
00:38:12So here's how I go.
00:38:14They be saying
00:38:14some shit like this.
00:38:15So you know
00:38:15I was with Brenda
00:38:16the other night.
00:38:17What?
00:38:18Hell yeah, man.
00:38:19Me and Brenda
00:38:19was having a good
00:38:20fucking time.
00:38:21Man, Brenda's still wild,
00:38:23man.
00:38:23Brenda's still wild,
00:38:24but I turned that bitch out.
00:38:25You was like,
00:38:26for real?
00:38:26You was like,
00:38:27hell yeah.
00:38:27I rolled over
00:38:28and I started
00:38:29eating her ass.
00:38:30And you be like,
00:38:31ooh.
00:38:33You be like,
00:38:33shit nigga,
00:38:34I'm from Detroit nigga.
00:38:35I'm from Detroit nigga.
00:38:37You be like,
00:38:38Detroit ain't got
00:38:38shit to do with that bitch.
00:38:40My whole family
00:38:41from Detroit.
00:38:42Don't nobody
00:38:42in my family
00:38:43eat ass.
00:38:44That's your shit.
00:38:45That ain't got
00:38:45shit to do with Detroit.
00:38:49Don't bring me
00:38:49in on that shit.
00:38:54I like my sense
00:38:55of humor.
00:38:57I do.
00:38:59Listen,
00:38:59I have a very,
00:39:00I have a very wicked
00:39:02sense of humor.
00:39:02I really do.
00:39:03And I've been like this
00:39:04all my life.
00:39:05And because I have
00:39:06a wicked sense of humor,
00:39:08it helps me
00:39:09from stressing a lot.
00:39:10I don't stress a lot.
00:39:11I really don't.
00:39:11I really don't.
00:39:12Because of my perspective
00:39:13and the way I see things.
00:39:15First of all,
00:39:16I'm a kind person.
00:39:17I'm a nice person.
00:39:18I try to not be
00:39:19a mean-spirited person.
00:39:20I am.
00:39:22I am,
00:39:22for the most part.
00:39:24And then,
00:39:25I'm one of those people
00:39:26I always look for the good.
00:39:28No matter what happens,
00:39:29look for the good.
00:39:31And when you're looking
00:39:32for the good,
00:39:32sometimes you just
00:39:33have to be patient.
00:39:34But if you be patient,
00:39:36eventually,
00:39:36you'll see the good.
00:39:37I always look for the good.
00:39:39And then,
00:39:40I'm not afraid
00:39:40to think outside
00:39:42of the box.
00:39:43Sometimes people
00:39:44just condition themselves
00:39:45to focus right here.
00:39:46I'm one of those people,
00:39:47I step back
00:39:48and think outside of the box.
00:39:50So I'm able to see things
00:39:51from a whole other
00:39:52perspective sometimes.
00:39:53And it saves me
00:39:54a lot of times
00:39:54from stress.
00:39:56Like, for instance,
00:39:56there was a situation
00:39:57that happened
00:39:58in Jacksonville, Florida.
00:40:00A crazy man
00:40:01ran up in the dollar store,
00:40:03shot up the dollar store.
00:40:05Five people died.
00:40:06It was tragic.
00:40:07It was all on CNN,
00:40:08all on the local news.
00:40:10The victim's family
00:40:11was posting pictures
00:40:12of them on Facebook
00:40:13and Instagram.
00:40:14Gone too soon.
00:40:15Rest in peace.
00:40:16I called all my family members
00:40:18that night.
00:40:18And first of all,
00:40:19I told them that I loved them.
00:40:21And then,
00:40:21I told them,
00:40:22I said,
00:40:22listen,
00:40:23if I should ever
00:40:24happen to die
00:40:25or get killed
00:40:26at the dollar store,
00:40:27don't put my motherfucking
00:40:28picture in the paper
00:40:29and tell people
00:40:30I died at the goddamn
00:40:31dollar store.
00:40:32Come on now.
00:40:33Bitch, lie and say
00:40:34it with CBS.
00:40:35I said,
00:40:36you don't tell nobody
00:40:37I died at the goddamn
00:40:38dollar store.
00:40:40Bitch,
00:40:41all the shit
00:40:42I've accomplished
00:40:42in life,
00:40:44you gonna put
00:40:44Dollar Tree on me,
00:40:46bitch?
00:40:46Come on now.
00:40:49Name the plaza.
00:40:50You don't tell nobody
00:40:51I died at the goddamn
00:40:52dollar store.
00:40:58And I'm telling you this
00:40:59because you really
00:41:00got to tell your relative
00:41:02shit like this.
00:41:03I'm telling you,
00:41:04you'll be laying
00:41:04in your casket.
00:41:05You'll be laying
00:41:06in your casket.
00:41:07Somebody will be
00:41:08reading your obituary.
00:41:09They'll be doing good
00:41:10till they get all the way
00:41:11down to the end
00:41:12and say some goofy shit.
00:41:13They'll say,
00:41:14well, one thing about her,
00:41:15she loved a dollar store.
00:41:18You'll sit right
00:41:19up in your casket
00:41:20like, who the fuck
00:41:20told you to say
00:41:21some bullshit like that?
00:41:23Don't tell nobody
00:41:24no shit like that.
00:41:28Because here's the truth
00:41:29about the dollar store.
00:41:30We fuck with
00:41:31the dollar store.
00:41:32We all fuck with it.
00:41:34But it ain't your shit.
00:41:36It ain't your shit.
00:41:38You fuck with it,
00:41:39but it ain't your shit.
00:41:40And here's how you know
00:41:42it ain't your shit.
00:41:43Whenever you're
00:41:44in the dollar store,
00:41:45you're never
00:41:45100% comfortable.
00:41:47You always keep
00:41:48your head on a swivel
00:41:50looking for somebody
00:41:51you know.
00:41:53Soon as you see
00:41:54somebody you know,
00:41:54after you speak,
00:41:56you immediately state
00:41:57why you in there.
00:41:59You be like,
00:41:59what's up, Tammy?
00:42:00How you doing, baby?
00:42:01Good to see you.
00:42:02I'm just in here
00:42:03getting my honor
00:42:04birthday card.
00:42:05How your mom doing?
00:42:06Tell your mom
00:42:06I say hi.
00:42:08That's right.
00:42:09Because you fuck with it,
00:42:11but this ain't your shit.
00:42:12Here's how you really know
00:42:14it ain't your shit.
00:42:15No matter what you buy,
00:42:17never get a cart.
00:42:19I'll be at the register
00:42:20all full of shit.
00:42:22I refuse to get a cart.
00:42:24Because you get a cart,
00:42:25that means it's your shit.
00:42:26It's your shit.
00:42:28It's your shit.
00:42:29It's what you do.
00:42:34I refuse to get a cart.
00:42:40You ever notice,
00:42:41you ever notice
00:42:42you don't see couples
00:42:43in the dollar store?
00:42:45You go in that bitch
00:42:46one at a time.
00:42:49Your husband be like,
00:42:50you go on in,
00:42:50I'm gonna sit in the car
00:42:51and wait on.
00:42:52You come out.
00:42:55You don't never want
00:42:55to be seen on no goddamn
00:42:56date at the dollar store.
00:42:59And here's rule number one.
00:43:01Rule number one
00:43:02of going to the dollar store.
00:43:04Whenever you talk about
00:43:05what you did that day,
00:43:07you never mention
00:43:09the dollar store.
00:43:12People be like,
00:43:13what you do today?
00:43:13Oh, bitch,
00:43:14I've been busy all day.
00:43:17Had to take my grandmother
00:43:18to choir rehearsal,
00:43:19pick my daughter up,
00:43:21go to cheerleading practice,
00:43:22take the dog to the vet,
00:43:23go to the laundry,
00:43:24pick up the laundry and shit.
00:43:26They be like,
00:43:26really?
00:43:27Because Tammy say
00:43:27she's seen you
00:43:28in the dollar store.
00:43:29Ah, type shit, type shit,
00:43:31yeah.
00:43:31Had to go get my
00:43:32honor birthday card
00:43:33real quick, you know.
00:43:36But you don't bring
00:43:37that shit up.
00:43:39You gotta know
00:43:40how to move
00:43:40out in these streets.
00:43:41You gotta know
00:43:41how to move.
00:43:42Because here's the one
00:43:43thing I can tell you
00:43:44and promise you
00:43:44about life.
00:43:45Life is very humbling.
00:43:47Very humbling.
00:43:48And if it hasn't
00:43:49humbled you yet,
00:43:50just wait.
00:43:52Listen, the Bible
00:43:53speaks about it.
00:43:54The Bible say
00:43:54we will all be humbled.
00:43:56All heads will bow
00:43:57and all knees
00:43:58will bend to him.
00:43:59We will all be humbled.
00:44:03Life is very humbling.
00:44:05You know how much
00:44:06Sean John shit
00:44:07is at the Goodwill
00:44:08right now?
00:44:11Homeless people
00:44:12won't even wear
00:44:13that shit.
00:44:15I seen a homeless man
00:44:17throw a jacket
00:44:17way across the room.
00:44:18He was like,
00:44:19nah, take that.
00:44:20Take that.
00:44:20Take that.
00:44:21Take that.
00:44:26Y'all know
00:44:27that was a good
00:44:27fucking joke
00:44:28right there.
00:44:28Y'all bullshitting
00:44:29right there.
00:44:30That was, listen.
00:44:33Life is very humbling.
00:44:36Here's the thing,
00:44:37the fact that
00:44:37Puffy has billions
00:44:38of dollars
00:44:39and can't get
00:44:40a bond or a bail.
00:44:42Listen,
00:44:43Puffy is in the middle
00:44:44of a scary movie
00:44:45called
00:44:46The Ghost
00:44:47of Pussy Pass.
00:44:50Now here's the thing,
00:44:52I'm not defending
00:44:52what he did,
00:44:53I'm not justifying
00:44:54what he did,
00:44:55but I just want
00:44:55y'all to do me
00:44:56one favor.
00:44:57Think outside
00:44:58of the box
00:44:59just a little bit.
00:45:00What if a motherfucker
00:45:01was judging you
00:45:02on some shit
00:45:03you did
00:45:04back in the day?
00:45:06Let's take the 80s.
00:45:07What if a motherfucker
00:45:08was judging you
00:45:09on some shit
00:45:09you did
00:45:10in the 80s?
00:45:11First of all,
00:45:12we was all different
00:45:13in the 80s.
00:45:14Life was different
00:45:15in the 80s.
00:45:17The rules
00:45:17was different
00:45:18in the 80s.
00:45:20If you describe
00:45:21some of the shit
00:45:21we was doing
00:45:22in the 80s,
00:45:23if you describe
00:45:23that shit right now,
00:45:24it don't sound right.
00:45:26It don't sound right.
00:45:27I'm talking
00:45:28about little shit.
00:45:29Like,
00:45:30describe
00:45:30Bobbin for Apples,
00:45:32the game we played
00:45:33at birthday party.
00:45:35Describe that shit today.
00:45:37You'll be like,
00:45:37okay,
00:45:37so let me get this right.
00:45:39Y'all took kids,
00:45:42blindfolded them,
00:45:43tied their hands
00:45:44behind their back.
00:45:46Had them stick
00:45:47their head
00:45:47in a bucket
00:45:48of nasty-ass water.
00:45:51For Apple?
00:45:54Yeah.
00:45:57That shit
00:45:58don't sound right.
00:46:00And you know
00:46:01that shit
00:46:01don't sound right.
00:46:02If your grandbaby
00:46:04came home tomorrow
00:46:05and was like,
00:46:06I was over
00:46:06Jennifer's house
00:46:07and we were
00:46:08playing a game
00:46:08and they tied
00:46:09my hands
00:46:10behind my back,
00:46:10you'd be like,
00:46:11what kind of
00:46:11fucking game
00:46:12was that?
00:46:13You don't tie
00:46:14kids' hands
00:46:15behind their back?
00:46:16That's the shit
00:46:17we was doing.
00:46:19Come on now.
00:46:20Some of the shit
00:46:21we was doing,
00:46:22if you listen
00:46:22to that shit today,
00:46:23it don't sound right.
00:46:26Describe
00:46:26pin the tail
00:46:27on the donkey.
00:46:29Okay, so let me
00:46:30get this right.
00:46:31Y'all took kids,
00:46:34blindfolded them,
00:46:35spin them around
00:46:36and got them dizzy.
00:46:38Then told them,
00:46:39find the ass
00:46:40in the room.
00:46:41Find the ass.
00:46:42Yeah,
00:46:42y'all motherfuckers
00:46:43going to...
00:46:46You know that shit
00:46:47don't sound right.
00:46:54Y'all remember
00:46:55the 80s.
00:46:56Life was different
00:46:57in the 80s.
00:46:59You remember
00:47:00the 80s.
00:47:00Your mom had
00:47:01that cutlass
00:47:02with no power
00:47:03steering.
00:47:04She made
00:47:05that left turn
00:47:05with all her
00:47:06motherfucking might.
00:47:07You were so
00:47:08light in the ass.
00:47:09Every time she
00:47:09made a left turn,
00:47:10you slid all the way
00:47:11to the edge
00:47:12of the goddamn seat.
00:47:14And you slid
00:47:15because you ain't
00:47:15had no seatbelt on.
00:47:17Come on now,
00:47:18it's the 80s.
00:47:19We was riding
00:47:20dirty in the 80s.
00:47:21You ain't had
00:47:21no goddamn seatbelt on.
00:47:24Listen,
00:47:24we was brought up
00:47:25rough.
00:47:26In the 80s,
00:47:27your mother would
00:47:28smoke a whole
00:47:28pack of cigarettes,
00:47:30roll the windows up
00:47:31and smoke that bitch
00:47:31with you in the car.
00:47:33She smoked
00:47:34and you smoked too.
00:47:41You didn't give a fuck
00:47:42about your lungs.
00:47:45Bitch, this was
00:47:46the 80s.
00:47:50That's why I look
00:47:52at some of the
00:47:53luxuries we have
00:47:54today, and it's
00:47:55hard to complain.
00:47:56Like, do you realize
00:47:57we have apps like
00:47:58Spotify and Apple
00:47:59Music and YouTube
00:48:00where you can go
00:48:01to any song from
00:48:02any genre and
00:48:03play it instantly?
00:48:04See, I remember
00:48:05the 80s.
00:48:06When you was in
00:48:07your room and you
00:48:07called the radio
00:48:08station five times
00:48:10in a row,
00:48:11begging the bitch
00:48:12to play the double
00:48:13Dutch bus.
00:48:15You'd be like,
00:48:15bitches, you gonna
00:48:16play the song or not
00:48:16because I got
00:48:17shit to do.
00:48:22Nowadays,
00:48:23if you call a bitch
00:48:23five times in a row,
00:48:24you're going to
00:48:25jail for stalking.
00:48:27Life was different.
00:48:30And y'all know
00:48:30life was different.
00:48:32Ladies, life was
00:48:33different.
00:48:33Y'all remember
00:48:34in the 80s,
00:48:36when you took a
00:48:36bath or took a
00:48:37shower to prove
00:48:39that you was
00:48:39fresh and clean,
00:48:40you put baby
00:48:41powder all on
00:48:42your chest.
00:48:43You put that
00:48:44shit all up to
00:48:45your neck.
00:48:46I wish the fuck
00:48:47you would put
00:48:48some baby powder
00:48:49on yourself and
00:48:50go outside right
00:48:51now.
00:48:52I tell you,
00:48:52I'll call the CDC
00:48:53on your ass.
00:48:55Yeah, we got a
00:48:56lady out here.
00:48:57I'm not sure if
00:48:58it's anthrax,
00:48:59cocaine,
00:49:01fentanyl,
00:49:02carpet fresh.
00:49:03Somebody needs
00:49:04to come check
00:49:04it out, though.
00:49:05All right.
00:49:10Life was
00:49:11different.
00:49:13So for a
00:49:14motherfucker to
00:49:14judge you on
00:49:15some shit you
00:49:16were doing back
00:49:16in the day,
00:49:17shit was
00:49:18different.
00:49:19I ain't lying.
00:49:20Listen, I had a
00:49:21scare this year.
00:49:22I had a scare.
00:49:24I am a graduate
00:49:25of Morris Brown
00:49:25College in
00:49:26Atlanta, Georgia.
00:49:30This year,
00:49:31they came out
00:49:32with a documentary
00:49:33about Freaknake.
00:49:36Friend of mine
00:49:37called me,
00:49:37she was like,
00:49:37girl, you heard
00:49:38that?
00:49:38They coming out
00:49:39with a documentary
00:49:40about Freaknake.
00:49:41First thing I said
00:49:42was, where they
00:49:43getting the footage
00:49:43from?
00:49:47She was like,
00:49:49oh, they just
00:49:50telling people
00:49:50to send it in.
00:49:51I'm sitting there
00:49:52like shit.
00:49:53I'm wondering
00:49:54if people gonna
00:49:54be able to see
00:49:55that's me with
00:49:56no eyebrows and
00:49:57shit, you know.
00:49:59Life was different
00:50:00back then.
00:50:03So I had really
00:50:04forgotten about it
00:50:05and my dude
00:50:06came to me one day.
00:50:07He was like,
00:50:07yeah, you know,
00:50:07I heard a documentary
00:50:09coming out
00:50:10about Freaknake.
00:50:11It came out,
00:50:11it's coming out
00:50:12this week.
00:50:13We gonna watch
00:50:14it on Friday.
00:50:15I said, bitch,
00:50:16I'm gonna watch
00:50:17it on Wednesday
00:50:19to see if we gonna
00:50:20watch it on Friday.
00:50:25That's right.
00:50:26And I'm one of those
00:50:27people, listen,
00:50:27I try to keep up
00:50:29with the new shit
00:50:30and I'm impressed.
00:50:31I'm impressed
00:50:32and a lot of shit
00:50:33motivates me.
00:50:34I get motivated
00:50:35by seeing people's
00:50:36success.
00:50:37Sometimes when you
00:50:38see other people's
00:50:39success, you can't
00:50:39take it as your
00:50:40failure.
00:50:41People do that
00:50:42a lot of time.
00:50:43Other people's
00:50:43success is not a
00:50:45picture of your
00:50:46failure, you know
00:50:47what I'm saying?
00:50:47I like the fact
00:50:48that we have more
00:50:49female rappers now
00:50:50than ever before.
00:50:51I do.
00:50:54Oh, I love the
00:50:56female rappers.
00:50:57We got Cash Style,
00:50:58Nicki Minaj.
00:50:59We got Cardi B
00:51:02and Glow Rilla.
00:51:03God damn, I like
00:51:04Glow.
00:51:05I like Glow.
00:51:06Glow.
00:51:07I heard Glow Rilla
00:51:08say something, I
00:51:08swear to y'all.
00:51:10Changed my outlook
00:51:10and perspective on
00:51:11some things in life.
00:51:13So Glow Rilla is
00:51:13straight out of
00:51:14Memphis, Tennessee.
00:51:15So when she speaks,
00:51:16she has a strong
00:51:17southern accent.
00:51:18So they're doing
00:51:19an interview and
00:51:20the man asked Glow
00:51:21Rilla, say, well,
00:51:21how do you like
00:51:22being famous?
00:51:23She was like, I
00:51:24ain't gonna lie.
00:51:25It's a little hard
00:51:26being famous.
00:51:27It's a little hard
00:51:28being famous.
00:51:29The man said, well,
00:51:30what's so hard
00:51:30about being famous?
00:51:31She was like, well,
00:51:32because my fans be
00:51:33bullying me online.
00:51:35He said, your fans
00:51:36bully you?
00:51:36She said, yeah, my
00:51:37fans be bullying me
00:51:38online.
00:51:39She said, they be
00:51:40making fun of my
00:51:41funny looking little
00:51:42body and my big
00:51:43ass nose, but I
00:51:45let them know, y'all
00:51:46mind will get used
00:51:47to keep seeing this
00:51:48funny looking little
00:51:49body and this big
00:51:50ass nose because
00:51:51I'm gonna keep
00:51:52making hits and
00:51:53I'm gonna keep
00:51:53getting money and
00:51:55at the end of the
00:51:55day, puss is still
00:51:57good.
00:52:04And I was like,
00:52:05what the fuck did
00:52:05pussy have to do
00:52:06with that?
00:52:08Like, I was
00:52:08confused.
00:52:11And it wasn't
00:52:13until I backed
00:52:14up, stepped
00:52:16outside of the box,
00:52:17looked at it in a
00:52:18whole nother way,
00:52:19then this is how I
00:52:20heard it.
00:52:21First of all, you
00:52:21gotta understand,
00:52:22sometimes in life,
00:52:24people are not
00:52:25gonna see you the
00:52:25way you see
00:52:26yourself.
00:52:26And that was one
00:52:27of the hardest
00:52:28lessons I ever had
00:52:29to learn in my
00:52:30life.
00:52:31Sometimes people
00:52:31just not gonna see
00:52:32you the way you
00:52:32see yourself.
00:52:34And always cheer
00:52:35for yourself.
00:52:36I don't give a
00:52:37fuck.
00:52:38Always cheer for
00:52:39yourself.
00:52:40Always.
00:52:43People ask me,
00:52:44who are your top
00:52:44five comedians?
00:52:45I say, well,
00:52:46three of them is
00:52:46some more.
00:52:49And two of them
00:52:50look just like her,
00:52:51you know.
00:52:55But always cheer
00:52:56for yourself.
00:52:57So when I said
00:52:58that, I listened
00:53:00to Cardi, I listened,
00:53:01go back and listened
00:53:02to Glowrilla thing
00:53:03again.
00:53:03So this is what I
00:53:04heard this time.
00:53:06You might not like
00:53:07my funny looking
00:53:08little body or my
00:53:10big ass nose, but
00:53:11I'm gonna keep
00:53:12making hits and
00:53:13I'm gonna keep
00:53:13getting money.
00:53:14And at the end
00:53:15of the day, if
00:53:16none of this shit
00:53:18don't work, guess
00:53:19what?
00:53:19Pussy still good.
00:53:25I said, this bitch
00:53:26just gave a pussy
00:53:28a shout out.
00:53:31She gave a pussy
00:53:32a shout out.
00:53:34I went home and
00:53:35changed the password
00:53:36to all my shit
00:53:37to pussy still good.
00:53:44That's right.
00:53:46If that don't
00:53:47motivate you, no
00:53:49matter what happens
00:53:50in life, pussy still
00:53:52good.
00:53:53Understand that.
00:53:55Understand that.
00:53:57And I know some
00:53:58women, listen, y'all
00:53:59would never use it.
00:54:00You're too dignified
00:54:01to use it.
00:54:02But I can show you
00:54:03where you can use it
00:54:05on the simplest
00:54:06terms.
00:54:07Let's say, let's say
00:54:09you got a doctor's
00:54:10appointment.
00:54:10You got a doctor's
00:54:11appointment at one
00:54:11o'clock.
00:54:12You get there early.
00:54:13You get there 1230.
00:54:15The little girl
00:54:16don't call you to
00:54:16the back till five
00:54:18after one.
00:54:20She don't come in
00:54:21there to take your
00:54:22blood pressure till
00:54:23quarter after one.
00:54:25She walking that
00:54:25bitch like ain't
00:54:26nothing wrong.
00:54:26She ain't even
00:54:27apologizing for being
00:54:28late.
00:54:29She throw the cuff
00:54:30on you and start
00:54:31pumping.
00:54:37She look at you.
00:54:38She say, mm, your
00:54:39blood pressure a
00:54:40little high.
00:54:41You look at her and
00:54:42say, it was fine at
00:54:43one o'clock.
00:54:48Listen, don't let
00:54:49this little girl fuck
00:54:50your day up.
00:54:51Now, you know you've
00:54:52been watching your
00:54:53sodium intake.
00:54:54You know you've been
00:54:55doing your 10,000
00:54:56steps a day.
00:54:57You know you've been
00:54:57drinking your water.
00:54:59When she tried to tell
00:54:59you your blood pressure
00:55:00high, this is exactly
00:55:01what I want you to do.
00:55:02I want you to look
00:55:03down, look away,
00:55:06look dead in the face
00:55:07and say, at the end
00:55:08of the day, pussy
00:55:09still good.
00:55:12Pressure high, but
00:55:14pussy good.
00:55:22I can tell you one
00:55:23better than that,
00:55:24better than that,
00:55:24better than that.
00:55:27Let's say you go
00:55:29to the bank.
00:55:29Let's say you go to
00:55:30the bank.
00:55:31You're doing a little
00:55:32deposit.
00:55:34You're doing a little
00:55:34deposit.
00:55:35You slide the check
00:55:37up under the window.
00:55:39You don't even ask
00:55:40for the balance because
00:55:40you already know where
00:55:41you at.
00:55:42You already know.
00:55:43She take it upon
00:55:44herself to write your
00:55:45balance down.
00:55:46She slide the shit
00:55:48back to you.
00:55:48You look down.
00:55:49It's a little light.
00:55:50It's a little light.
00:55:52It's a little light.
00:55:53Don't let this fuck up
00:55:54your day.
00:55:55Don't let this fuck up
00:55:56your day.
00:55:57This is exactly what I
00:55:58want you to do.
00:55:58I want you to look
00:55:59down, look away, pick
00:56:02that paper up and
00:56:03bawl it right up in her
00:56:04face and say, at the
00:56:05end of the day, puss is
00:56:06still good.
00:56:07This was still good.
00:56:15I'm one of those people,
00:56:15I used to think that
00:56:17laughter was the best
00:56:19medicine.
00:56:20All until Ozempic came
00:56:21out.
00:56:23Shit, Ozempic is the shit.
00:56:26Ozempic is the shit.
00:56:27Have you seen Oprah?
00:56:30Bitch, Oprah is a size
00:56:31eight.
00:56:32And everybody that know
00:56:33Oprah, know Oprah been a
00:56:3520 all her motherfucking
00:56:36life.
00:56:37Strong 20.
00:56:38Oprah is a eight.
00:56:40And she look good.
00:56:42God damn, she look good.
00:56:44And here's the thing,
00:56:45here's why I'm so happy
00:56:46for her.
00:56:46Because all the money
00:56:48that Oprah has, she's been
00:56:49in the struggle.
00:56:50She's just like me and
00:56:51you.
00:56:51You listen, listen.
00:56:51She's been in the struggle.
00:56:53She's been in the struggle.
00:56:54Oprah struggled so much
00:56:55with her weight, she joined
00:56:56Weight Watchers.
00:56:57She joined Weight Watchers.
00:56:59Joined Weight Watchers,
00:57:00invested money in the
00:57:01company, became the face of
00:57:02the company, became the
00:57:03spokesperson of the
00:57:04company, all until Ozempic
00:57:06came out.
00:57:07Ozempic came out.
00:57:08Oprah took three shots of
00:57:10Ozempic and broke up with
00:57:11them bitches on Twitter.
00:57:13She ain't even go to the
00:57:15meeting.
00:57:15She tweeted them hoes.
00:57:16I'm out.
00:57:19She look good.
00:57:21Listen, Oprah outside,
00:57:23outside.
00:57:24She ain't never been
00:57:25outside like this.
00:57:27Never.
00:57:28But now Oprah at parties
00:57:29turnt up.
00:57:30Listen, she gave a whole
00:57:32big shout out to Ozempic.
00:57:34Listen, Ozempic is a bad
00:57:35motherfucker.
00:57:36And it worked fast.
00:57:38You take that shit, you be
00:57:39skinny and your shadow's
00:57:41still fat.
00:57:52But you got to go to
00:57:53Oprah page to see what
00:57:55I'm talking about.
00:57:55She's an eight now and
00:57:57she look good.
00:57:58What I like about it is
00:57:59she ain't got that old
00:58:00sloppy weight.
00:58:01Like, you know, some
00:58:01people had that.
00:58:02I used to be fat.
00:58:03Look, Oprah has a total
00:58:06makeover.
00:58:07I'm talking about head to
00:58:07toe.
00:58:08All her shit is brand
00:58:09fucking new.
00:58:11She has this video on her
00:58:13page.
00:58:13She has on this purple
00:58:14dress.
00:58:15And she's walking down
00:58:16the hallway.
00:58:17And they slow the video
00:58:18down so she in slow
00:58:19motion when she walking.
00:58:20I had to zoom in.
00:58:22I said, God damn, look at
00:58:24Oprah.
00:58:24And every time she stepped,
00:58:26her hair bounced.
00:58:27I'm like, look at Oprah.
00:58:28Hair from Brazil.
00:58:30The titties is from Cuba.
00:58:32The ass is from the
00:58:34Dominican Republic.
00:58:35But them feet steal from
00:58:37Mississippi.
00:58:43I said, she's going down
00:58:44that hallway.
00:58:45I'm like, Oprah, you got
00:58:46to get new feet, baby.
00:58:48You can't put all that hot
00:58:49girl shit on them
00:58:50country ass feet.
00:59:01They got to get new feet.
00:59:05And here's the thing.
00:59:06Here's the thing.
00:59:07Why do women do that?
00:59:09Why do we go out and get
00:59:10all brand new shit?
00:59:12Head to toe.
00:59:13Top to bottom.
00:59:14New glasses, new teeth,
00:59:16new titties, flat stomach,
00:59:17bigger ass.
00:59:18Get all that shit, go
00:59:19somewhere, and your feet
00:59:20hurt.
00:59:22Why you just don't get
00:59:23new feet?
00:59:24Who going to be the first
00:59:25bitch to get new feet?
00:59:26I'm going to be the first
00:59:27bitch to get new feet.
00:59:29I'm going to show up
00:59:29at a party.
00:59:30Y'all going to be all
00:59:31sitting down because
00:59:32your feet hurt.
00:59:34I'm going to hit the room
00:59:35and hit the stage like
00:59:35this.
00:59:39Y'all going to be sitting
00:59:40there like, you know
00:59:41them feet ain't real.
00:59:44You know that bitch
00:59:45had her feet done.
00:59:50But I'm happy for Oprah.
00:59:52And she humbled.
00:59:53Listen, Oprah is humble.
00:59:54Y'all know how much
00:59:55motherfucking money
00:59:56Oprah has?
00:59:57You know you humble.
00:59:58You got all that
00:59:59fucking money and you
00:59:59still wear glasses.
01:00:01Bitch, that's humble
01:00:02than a motherfucker.
01:00:03Because if I had half
01:00:05of Oprah money, I'd have
01:00:06x-ray vision on y'all asses.
01:00:10You walked up to me,
01:00:11I'd be like, I see you
01:00:11had pizza for lunch.
01:00:18But Oprah looks good.
01:00:20She really does.
01:00:21To be honest with y'all,
01:00:22I'm worried about Stedman.
01:00:24Listen, her long-time
01:00:25boyfriend, Stedman's been
01:00:26hanging in there.
01:00:27And you know, listen,
01:00:28any man in here been with
01:00:29a woman that struggles
01:00:30with her weight, you know
01:00:31how emotional we are
01:00:32and sensitive about our
01:00:33weight.
01:00:34When we going through
01:00:35our self-esteem shit,
01:00:37our emotions go up and
01:00:38down.
01:00:38So Stedman goes through
01:00:40it when he's dealing
01:00:40with Oprah.
01:00:41And any man know,
01:00:42any woman that go from
01:00:43a 20 to an 8 is a
01:00:45totally different woman.
01:00:46Come on now.
01:00:48Mentally, that's a
01:00:49whole nother woman.
01:00:50Life is just different
01:00:51at an 8 and a 20.
01:00:53First of all, you can
01:00:53make love to an 8.
01:00:56You got to fuck a 20.
01:00:58But you got to get up
01:00:59under a 20.
01:01:00You can't be bullshit
01:01:01with no goddamn 20.
01:01:03You end up on your
01:01:05back with your legs up
01:01:06fucking with a 20.
01:01:07Like, hold on now.
01:01:08Put my leg down.
01:01:10I'm a man.
01:01:11Put my leg down.
01:01:15You can't be bullshit
01:01:16with no 20.
01:01:21Fucking a 20 is like
01:01:22a banjo, bitch.
01:01:23You can't bullshit
01:01:24with a banjo.
01:01:25If you can't play that
01:01:26bitch, you can't pull it
01:01:27out.
01:01:34There's people out here
01:01:35going through real shit.
01:01:36People going through real
01:01:37shit.
01:01:38I got a girlfriend of mine
01:01:39right now going through
01:01:41some real shit.
01:01:42Girlfriend of mine was
01:01:42married for 21 years.
01:01:4421 years.
01:01:45To the love of her life.
01:01:47He had a car accident
01:01:48and unfortunately, he died
01:01:50right there at the scene.
01:01:52Died right there at the scene.
01:01:53And she was devastated,
01:01:55which was expected to be,
01:01:56her to be devastated.
01:01:57But she bowed to everybody
01:01:59that night.
01:01:59She said, listen,
01:02:01I am going to give him
01:02:02the most memorable
01:02:02home-going ceremony
01:02:04this city has ever seen.
01:02:05She said, no expense
01:02:06will be spared.
01:02:07I'm going all out.
01:02:09Let me tell y'all something.
01:02:10She rented out
01:02:10the biggest cathedral
01:02:11in the city.
01:02:12She hired a mass choir
01:02:14to sing at the ceremony.
01:02:16She hired Yolanda Adams
01:02:17to lead the mass choir.
01:02:19She hired Kirk Franklin
01:02:21to lead Yolanda Adams.
01:02:24All out.
01:02:30She had a custom-made casket.
01:02:32It was all white
01:02:33with a glass top.
01:02:35She had him a custom-made
01:02:36tuxedo, all white
01:02:38with a gold stripe
01:02:39up the side.
01:02:40She's going to have
01:02:40a 21-gun salute
01:02:41at the gravesite.
01:02:43She's going to release
01:02:4421 doves to commemorate
01:02:45all the 21 years
01:02:46they've been together.
01:02:47She's going to have
01:02:4821 dozens of white roses
01:02:50to line the church.
01:02:52She wanted praise dancers
01:02:53to praise the dance
01:02:55all up and down the aisle.
01:02:56She wanted all the congregation
01:02:58to wear all white.
01:03:00She had all this shit
01:03:01planned out
01:03:02till she fucked around
01:03:03and needed some information
01:03:05for the insurance policy.
01:03:08She took his phone
01:03:10down to T-Mobile
01:03:11and T-Mobile
01:03:15unlocked his phone.
01:03:18Baby.
01:03:25T-Mobile
01:03:26T-Mobile
01:03:29unlocked his phone.
01:03:32First of all,
01:03:32she found out
01:03:33he had an outside baby
01:03:35that was 7 years old.
01:03:37She found out a girl
01:03:38he swore was his cousin
01:03:40wasn't his cousin at all.
01:03:42She found naked pictures
01:03:43of women all in the phone
01:03:44where he had been sexting
01:03:45and texting with women.
01:03:46She found three dick pictures.
01:03:49Two of them wasn't his.
01:03:55She found out
01:03:56he wasn't even a Scorpio.
01:03:58He was really a Gemini.
01:04:08Let me tell y'all something.
01:04:10She downgraded
01:04:12this whole motherfucking funeral.
01:04:14She called everybody
01:04:15and said,
01:04:16the funeral is over.
01:04:20She buried this man
01:04:22in a T-Mobile
01:04:23jogging suit.
01:04:31With some
01:04:32no-name tennis shoes.
01:04:35She ain't even
01:04:35getting him a haircut.
01:04:37She ain't even
01:04:38getting him a tape.
01:04:40She put glasses on him.
01:04:42He ain't even
01:04:42wear glasses.
01:04:45She put the glasses on
01:04:46and said,
01:04:46look what the fuck
01:04:47you made me do.
01:04:53She spelled
01:04:54his name wrong
01:04:55on the obituary.
01:04:58She spelled
01:04:59fuck nigga
01:04:59with two K's.
01:05:04She had the funeral
01:05:06service over Zoom.
01:05:09But ain't getting
01:05:10nobody to link.
01:05:12He was laying
01:05:13in that bitch
01:05:14no haircut
01:05:15with shades on.
01:05:16Bye, sir.
01:05:22So,
01:05:24so,
01:05:26of course
01:05:27I couldn't go
01:05:27to the service
01:05:28because I was
01:05:28flying out that day.
01:05:31But I told her,
01:05:32I said,
01:05:32when I get back to town,
01:05:34we gonna go to lunch.
01:05:36Y'all,
01:05:36I sat there
01:05:36with my friend
01:05:37and she cried.
01:05:38She cried for 20 minutes
01:05:39and I cried with her.
01:05:40She said,
01:05:41girl,
01:05:41I'm just so fucking
01:05:42embarrassed.
01:05:43This man had
01:05:44all this shit
01:05:44going on in this city
01:05:45and everybody knew
01:05:47except for me.
01:05:48I said,
01:05:48well look at it
01:05:49this way.
01:05:49He loved you enough
01:05:51that he respected you
01:05:52that he kept it
01:05:52from you.
01:05:54Okay?
01:05:54He did what he did
01:05:55but he kept it
01:05:56from you.
01:05:56She said,
01:05:57I know you're
01:05:57trying to make me
01:05:58feel good
01:05:59because you're
01:05:59my friend.
01:06:00She said,
01:06:00but the truth
01:06:01of the matter
01:06:01is I was married
01:06:02to a man
01:06:02who wasn't shit.
01:06:03I said,
01:06:04no.
01:06:04Now,
01:06:05he was a good man.
01:06:06He wasn't a perfect man
01:06:07because I seen him
01:06:08treat you good.
01:06:08So,
01:06:09he was a good man.
01:06:10He wasn't a perfect man.
01:06:11Now,
01:06:12me,
01:06:12trying to find the good,
01:06:13think outside the box.
01:06:15I said,
01:06:16now T-Mobile,
01:06:17T-Mobile ain't shit.
01:06:19Because T-Mobile
01:06:20ain't had that shit to do.
01:06:23Metro PCS
01:06:24would have never
01:06:25unlocked that
01:06:26motherfucker phone.
01:06:27Dicks could have been
01:06:28falling all out the screen.
01:06:30They wouldn't unlock that
01:06:30guy.
01:06:32T-Mobile ain't shit.
01:06:38I said,
01:06:39so what you gonna do?
01:06:40I know you're embarrassed.
01:06:41You gonna move?
01:06:42She said,
01:06:42no.
01:06:43She said,
01:06:44financially,
01:06:44he left me good.
01:06:45She said,
01:06:46I had double
01:06:46indemnity insurance
01:06:47on him,
01:06:48meaning if he died
01:06:49in an accident,
01:06:50I got double the money.
01:06:51So,
01:06:51financially,
01:06:52I'm good.
01:06:53She said,
01:06:53as a matter of fact,
01:06:54I'm gonna take
01:06:54an early retirement,
01:06:56open up me a little boutique
01:06:57just to give me
01:06:57something to do.
01:06:58She said,
01:06:59I said,
01:06:59so you're not gonna move?
01:07:00She said,
01:07:01mm-mm.
01:07:01I'm gonna stay here.
01:07:02She said,
01:07:02I'm gonna stay here
01:07:03and live my life.
01:07:04I might even
01:07:04get married again.
01:07:05I said,
01:07:06are you serious?
01:07:07She said,
01:07:07hell yeah,
01:07:08because at the end
01:07:09of the day,
01:07:10puss is still good.
01:07:12Y'all,
01:07:13my name is Samora.
01:07:14Thank y'all for coming.
01:07:16I appreciate y'all.
01:07:18Thank y'all.
01:07:23Thank y'all.
01:07:25Thank y'all.
01:07:25Thank y'all.
01:07:28Thank y'all.
01:07:29Thank y'all.
01:07:30I'm trying to fly, now I die.
01:08:07I'm trying to fly, now I die.
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