00:07I
00:16You're useless
00:36I
00:37Juggernaut of comedians crashing off Korea Mountain soon one of them will hold aloft the golden trophy depicting my
00:45Delicious face the losers will be rightly kicked from their homes and have to live in the forest like giant
00:52human rats
00:54Please welcome
01:06I
01:12To me a man who told me that he likes attending parents evenings because his middle child's form tutor is
01:19and I quote one hot piece of
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01:37Would you rather all of the fingers on one of your hands as worms? Yeah, or would you like ten
01:43pounds cash?
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04:30Storage devices, you know
04:33These legs for the day
04:36Very good. Thank you tick who's next Bubba. I bought a biscuit tin
04:43Yeah
04:46This this thing is evil right whenever you see this you know all my days
04:51Biscuits, I love biscuits. I love Danish bar cookies, and then you open them
05:00I've got bad news for you. There's not a person in this room, okay?
05:05Who doesn't come from a household right a biscuit tin has been repurposed to store other things?
05:11So we all can agree that one that it's a container
05:18And it's commonly used as such
05:22You were supposed to bring in the best item for keeping things in that isn't just a regular item for
05:27keeping things in
05:29All right, my bad. I messed up
05:39Rosie, what thing have you brought in to contain things in why would you ever need a bag when you
05:47have a bra?
05:50Here it is Rosie's bra
05:59Is that a chicken ring?
06:01LAUGHTER
06:03So, um, if you've got eyes, you know that I have big bazookas
06:14LAUGHTER
06:15He hasn't stopped talking about this the whole thing
06:17LAUGHTER
06:18LAUGHTER
06:19So, I'll take whatever I'll pop it in my bra
06:27And they've ain't got something in my bra right now
06:36Ah, doing a riddle
06:37Ah...
06:39There you go!
06:41LAUGHTER
06:41APPLAUSE
06:52One left, Greg!
06:53Andy?
06:53Yes?
06:54What container have you brought in that wouldn't normally be used as a container?
06:57Er, well, Greg, I brought in a toilet
07:00LAUGHTER
07:01Want to see it?
07:02There it is
07:03I think...
07:03I think we can agree that's, you know, it's a nice toilet, isn't it?
07:06It's a lovely toilet, what are you storing in it, you weirdo?
07:09LAUGHTER
07:11It's...
07:11It's a very, very flexible storage device
07:13Let's open her up
07:15LAUGHTER
07:16Then, obviously, the cistern...
07:18Yep
07:18That's your prime storage area in your average toilet, I would say
07:21See, we've got your fi... filing
07:23LAUGHTER
07:25LAUGHTER
07:26You've got pens, er, and er, a model of the 19th century cricketer WG Grace
07:31Yes, just...
07:32Just to have a...
07:33To finish with a cricket reference
07:35Yeah, yeah
07:36I like it, I can score these really easily
07:38Ready?
07:38OK, who gets one point?
07:39Who do you think?
07:40Correct!
07:41OK
07:43Jack, two points, Rosie, three points
07:45Er, I enjoyed Andy's thing
07:47But I just think anyone who makes an effort to design something like that
07:50Put a loaf of bread in it
07:51She's got modelling skills
07:52She's the full package
07:53She gets the five points
07:54There we are
07:55Four to Andy, five to Emma City
07:56APPLAUSE
08:02Right, let's get going, let's have a proper task
08:03Oh, yes please
08:05And this one is called 5678 by Steps
08:24Hello Emma
08:25Hi, hi
08:25Pardon?
08:27Yeah, hi
08:27Emma
08:28Yeah
08:29Before you start
08:30Yeah
08:31Please can you give me your phone and put on that hat
08:33Give you my phone?
08:34And put on the hat
08:35Oh
08:36Please can you put that hat on and give me your mobile telephone
08:40Right
08:42Why?
08:43I think you look good in the hat
08:46Thank you
08:47OK
08:48There you go
08:49Is that my mobile?
08:51Yeah
08:52Oh, that looks pretty good
08:58Yeah
08:59I suit hats
09:00You really do
09:01I'm lucky
09:02Is it one on, one in, one out?
09:04Oh, it's...
09:05OK
09:05Is that alright?
09:06Yeah
09:07Wow
09:08Come on
09:09Come on, bro
09:10This is what I'm trying to say, bro
09:11I look good
09:15Walk exactly one furlong in exactly ten minutes
09:21You may not make use of technology except to make three five-second phone calls
09:28Also, you may not remove the hat
09:35Closest to one furlong and ten minutes wins
09:39Oh
09:41I don't know what a furlong is
09:43Do you know what a furlong is, Emma?
09:46No
09:48I'm young
09:49So, that's 600 seconds
09:51Furlong is 220 yards
09:54That's...
09:55That's ten cricket pitches, Alex
09:58You'd only be a rocket scientist to know that
10:01APPLAUSE
10:02That is amazing, isn't it?
10:03That is amazing, isn't it?
10:08Now, lack of self-esteem, as usual, with our contestants
10:13Baba has spent the whole series announcing how good he looks
10:17And I'm inclined to agree
10:19I've tried some of this positive thing
10:20I looked at myself in my pants
10:22Just this morning in the mirror
10:23And I thought I'm going to try a Baba
10:25Pow!
10:25When I look at it
10:26I tried and just the word bleak came out
10:28LAUGHTER
10:29But I like it
10:31Let's see some stuff
10:32They're allowed three five-second phone calls
10:35We're going to begin with three detectives
10:37Emma, as Inspector Clouseau
10:39Plus Detective Inspector Jack DeFrost
10:42And Lieutenant Frank Kolumbaba
10:45Here we go
10:46LAUGHTER
10:48I don't know how long a furlong is
10:50But you said I could make three five-second calls
10:55And you didn't say I couldn't call the same person three times
10:57Let's get that
10:59Come on, bro, come on my phone
11:00If I phone my agent
11:02Mm-hmm
11:03Good agent?
11:04Yes
11:04She'll get me out of here if I ask her
11:06LAUGHTER
11:10Hi
11:10Hi
11:11OK
11:12OK
11:13One of the main clients, do you think?
11:16Five seconds, do you remember?
11:18Yep
11:19Pick up your phone, bro
11:20Ah
11:20All right
11:21Call Mo Gilligan
11:26Yep
11:27Call Javan
11:28You definitely know these people
11:30Yes
11:31LAUGHTER
11:31I'm going to call my son
11:36Miles, can you work out how long a furlong is?
11:39I'm going to ring you back
11:42I can give him a minute to find out
11:44But then he might ring me back
11:46And that doesn't count as a phone call, does it?
11:48Interesting
11:48No
11:49I'd like to call my mum
11:51But I'm worried that she'll also get worried about me
11:55Miles, did you hear?
11:56I need to...
12:01How long's a furlong?
12:03Um, eight
12:07Eight
12:10Eight
12:10Eight
12:10Eight
12:11Eight
12:11Can I call you again?
12:11Third call, third call
12:13This is it, check
12:15Eight
12:15Eight
12:15How long is a furlong?
12:17How long is a furlong?
12:18How long is a furlong?
12:19Call me back
12:20LAUGHTER
12:22Oh
12:23So he ends up asking you how long a furlong was
12:25Yeah
12:26Come back
12:27How long is a furlong?
12:29I'm going to call you back in five... in a bit
12:31I'm going to call you back
12:33All right
12:34Call him back
12:35Now?
12:35Yeah
12:36How long is a furlong, bro?
12:38How long is a furlong?
12:40Furlong?
12:41Yes
12:41Oh!
12:42All right
12:44One more
12:44Straight away
12:45Straight away, bro
12:46We've got to get it
12:47Yeah, bro
12:48Quickly, quickly, quickly
12:49How long is a furlong?
12:52My guy
12:52Let's go
12:54Ah, he's called me back
12:55So I can take that
12:56He agreed, I think
12:57Yes
12:58200 metres
12:59Okay, thank you, Miles
13:00Cheers
13:01Yeah
13:02One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...
13:06Eight what?
13:07I think it's eight... eight miles?
13:09No, that's one
13:09Oh!
13:12So that's all your phone calls
13:13Eight miles
13:15Yeah, right
13:16220 yards
13:17I don't know how long a yard is
13:19LAUGHTER
13:19LAUGHTER
13:2132, 32, 32, 31, 62, 63, 63, 64, 59, 56
13:26Write this down
13:27Yeah?
13:28The first person in life didn't know anything
13:30He had to, you know what I'm saying, work it out
13:33So therefore, always be willing to work things out
13:36You get what I'm saying?
13:38How far have you walked?
13:40I don't know
13:40No
13:41LAUGHTER
13:44OK, OK, that's it
13:46I'm saying that's ten minutes
13:47Stop the clock
13:48That was ten minutes
13:49OK
13:52I'm going to stop
13:54That's the end of it, is it?
13:55Yeah, that's it, sorry
13:56OK
13:56I should say, that's the end of it
13:57Yeah
13:57Yeah
13:58Anti-climax
14:00Yeah
14:01Cheers
14:02Cheers, Jake
14:05APPLAUSE
14:07APPLAUSE
14:10What's your theory, Baba?
14:11The first person who discovered anything had to start somewhere
14:15So you're...
14:16I might have said that
14:17LAUGHTER
14:18If you play it back, you'll understand the wisdom that I hold
14:22The wisdom of Baba?
14:24Yeah, that's it
14:24You wrote down a lot of my quotes, didn't you?
14:26Yeah, you said that dirty baths make you itchy
14:28That's all I've written there
14:29LAUGHTER
14:29There you go
14:30Jack was the only person to work out that you could get a call back
14:34Which paid dividends
14:35Yeah
14:35I have a problem with that
14:37That's technology
14:38That's still using technology to answer the call, isn't it?
14:42Well, you're right
14:43I did say you can't use technology except to make three phone calls
14:45But then the phone rang and it was his son and it might have been an emergency
14:48LAUGHTER
14:50I think picking up a phone is using tech
14:54Yeah
14:54You always say that
14:56LAUGHTER
14:57You did also look at your watch and claim that it's not technology, it's decorative
15:00LAUGHTER
15:02Is this tech?
15:04It's not a Brussels sprout
15:06LAUGHTER
15:06On your wrist, is it?
15:08I'm also impressed by how confident you are that your gait is exactly one metre as well
15:13It is
15:14Oh, fine
15:15LAUGHTER
15:17No more discussion on that, it is
15:19Confidence
15:19Well, look
15:20LAUGHTER
15:21I can tell you
15:22They had to try to get exactly ten minutes and exactly one furlong
15:25Emma, you were exactly eleven minutes
15:27Not bad
15:28What?
15:29262 yards
15:30That's ten seconds
15:31But slightly closer to the furlong
15:3240 yards short
15:34Bubba
15:34You were only 23 yards over
15:36...
16:05I can tell you
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