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Short filmTranscript
00:00The summer I turned 18, Asher made me cross a line I could never take back.
00:04I bit my lip through the ache, glowing secretly all night,
00:07convinced that six long years of loving him from a distance had finally, finally paid off.
00:12Then the next morning, I heard his friend laughing outside the classroom door.
00:16Okay, okay. Got the nerd to give it up, huh?
00:19My face burned, and I turned to slip away before anyone saw me.
00:23I'm trying to get with Chloe, but she'd think I was too inexperienced.
00:26So I'll use Stella to get some practice in first.
00:29I didn't say a single word.
00:30I just quietly changed my college application from NYU to a school thousand miles away in California.
00:36His words hit me like a thunderclap out of a cloudless summer sky.
00:40No warning at all. My mind went completely blank.
00:43It was a scorching July afternoon, but I felt like ice was spreading through every inch of my body.
00:48The guys inside kept talking, pausing only for a half second before someone else piped up.
00:54Classic Ashen, even Stella was just a warm-up for him.
00:57Everyone knows how hard it is to get into her pants.
01:03So what does that make her? Like, a practice dully?
01:07Asher just laughed it off.
01:10Relax. She got something out of it, too.
01:13I mean, Stella's cute and all, but compared to Chloe, yeah, no contest.
01:16Right.
01:17Asher threw a textbook at him to shut him up.
01:21It was just a vibe, okay? The moment happened, and honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying herself.
01:26The guys all exchanged knowing looks and started roasting him.
01:30Who knew the book bird was that freaky under all those cardigans?
01:33Bro, Asher's just built different. Why leave free food on the table, right?
01:37She's been chasing him for years. Technically, she got what she wanted.
01:41The laughter inside the room got noticeably louder.
01:44I pressed my teeth into my lower lips so hard I tasted copper.
01:48Both hands balled into white-knuckled fists.
01:50It took every single ounce of willpower I had to stay upright,
01:54to not just crumple right there in the doorway.
01:56Footsteps echoed down the hall toward me.
01:58I snapped back to reality and bolted, shoving my way blindly through the corridor.
02:02In my panic, I threw myself into the nearest bathroom stall and locked the door behind me.
02:11The tears came like a dam breaking, grief and humiliation pouring out all at once.
02:16Asher's words played on a loop inside my head.
02:19Every single syllable.
02:21They shredded what little self-worth I had left.
02:23If I hadn't heard it with my own ears,
02:25I never could have believed that the guy talking in there was the same one who had held me
02:30like I was something precious just last night.
02:32Turns out, you don't actually need to love someone to do that with them.
02:35Turns out, you can look a girl dead in the eyes,
02:38make her feel everything,
02:39and still be lying through every single second of it.
02:42The thing I thought was my happily ever after
02:45was just a punchline someone else got to laugh at.
02:47The more I cried, the worse it got.
02:50I couldn't make a sound.
02:51My whole body was shaking so hard I could barely breathe.
02:55A long time passed.
02:56My phone buzzed.
02:57It was Asher.
02:58Just grab an Uber back.
03:00My crew's got a party tonight,
03:01and it'd be awkward to bring you.
03:03I didn't reply.
03:04He sent a follow-up.
03:05Also, pick up a morning after pill yourself.
03:07I'm busy today.
03:08Don't forget to take it.
03:10Good girl.
03:10I stared at those two texts for a very, very long time without moving.
03:15From dusk until nearly sunrise,
03:17Asher had been relentless,
03:18like he had a point to sleep.
03:20By the end, we were both completely wrecked.
03:22And right before he drifted off,
03:24his arms were happy.
03:25He murmured the same thing twice.
03:26And we weren't really prepared for the first time.
03:32Get you the pill first day of the morning.
03:34He'd even given me this little lecture about how he was needed to take care of themselves.
03:39Said the morning after pill was really important,
03:41and that skipping it could mess up my body.
03:44And I had actually thought,
03:45this is it.
03:46He's the one.
03:47He's being so responsible.
03:49I finally got my purse out.
03:51And now,
03:52the clarity hit me like a slap.
03:53I dug my nails into my own palm until the pain forced the tears to stop.
03:58I wiped my face,
03:59straightened my glasses,
04:01and walked out of that bathroom like nothing had happened.
04:03I was too embarrassed to go to a real pharmacy,
04:06so I ordered the pill online instead.
04:08When the delivery guy left the package at my door,
04:11I waited another long stretch for where I could even bring myself to go get it.
04:15I swallowed it with a mouthful of my own tears.
04:17Then I just sat down on the floor,
04:20staring at nothing,
04:21completely empty.
04:24Ever since Asher's family had moved next door to mine,
04:28I trailed after the light shadow.
04:30That had been 10 years of my life.
04:32I had genuinely never stopped to think about what a world without him would even look like.
04:36I couldn't picture it,
04:38but starting right now,
04:39I was going to have to figure it out alone.
04:41Outside the floor-to-ceiling window,
04:43the neighborhood lights blinked on,
04:45one by one,
04:46and then off again.
04:47At some point,
04:48I really didn't know how long I'd been sitting there.
04:50Mia called me on FaceTime.
04:56Stella,
04:57why didn't you come to the party tonight with Ashler?
04:59That girl Chloe from the AP track is here, by the way.
05:01She has been all over him since you did the show.
05:04It's actually disgusting.
05:05In the dark corner of the VIP booth,
05:07Asher and Chloe were sitting so close together,
05:10their thighs were touching.
05:11Chloe had worn a crop top and a curve-hugging mini skirt,
05:14long tan legs,
05:16tiny waist.
05:17Even the way they were talking looked more like whispering secrets
05:20than having a conversation.
05:21I could feel the charged energy between them through the screen.
05:25Something in my chest locked up.
05:27He'd only said he wanted to chase her this afternoon,
05:29and apparently,
05:30tonight was all the time he needed.
05:32The game switched to truth or dare,
05:34and Chloe drew a card that said,
05:38Do a push-up challenge with a guy hovering over me.
05:44Predictably,
05:44Asher volunteered before anyone else could open their mouth.
05:47Chloe blushed bright pink
05:49and lay back against the couch cushions.
05:51Asher planted his hands on either side of her.
05:54He was controlled the whole time,
05:56deliberately keeping his body from making contact with hers,
05:59until the very last one.
06:01His arms gave out,
06:02and his entire weight came down directly on top of her.
06:05The room erupted.
06:07Everyone screaming so loud,
06:09the walls practically shook.
06:10Asher's and Chloe's faces went even redder.
06:13With the whole crowd going absolutely feral around them,
06:16Asher just tilted his head down and kissed her.
06:18Not a quick peck,
06:19a full, deep,
06:21for the whole room to see kiss.
06:23Three full minutes before they finally pulled apart.
06:25For all three of those minutes,
06:27I sat completely frozen,
06:28eyes locked on the screen,
06:30barely remembering to breathe.
06:32I wanted to cry so badly.
06:34Oh my God, Stella,
06:36did you see that?
06:37He literally kissed her in front of everyone.
06:40He is so into her.
06:42Mia shook her head and stepped out of the booth,
06:45turning the camera as she went.
06:46Don't be mad at me.
06:47If I hadn't shown you,
06:49you never would have let yourself move on.
06:50I'm not mad at you.
06:52I'm only mad at myself for wasting so many years.
06:56I had always assumed that the spot beside Asher was mine,
06:59that it would always be mine.
07:00I am so done with him, Stella.
07:02Who does he think he is,
07:03watching you love him for years,
07:05acting all innocent like he had no idea,
07:06just letting you fall deeper and deeper?
07:08You saw what I showed you.
07:10I'm not giving myself the chance.
07:12Mia,
07:13I've already decided I'm going to California with you.
07:16But you have to promise me you'll keep it quiet for now.
07:19Right after I said it,
07:20I flipped open my laptop right in front of her.
07:22Without a single second of hesitation,
07:24I changed my first choice school to the one in California.
07:27One minute before the deadline.
07:29Mia basically levitated off the ground.
07:32She'd been begging me for months to apply to the same school as her.
07:36But back when we started high school,
07:38Asher and I had made this pact.
07:39We'd work hard together
07:40and go to his dream school up in Boston after graduation.
07:44It had his aerospace engineering program,
07:46the one he'd been obsessed with since we were kids.
07:48So even though I didn't particularly love the idea of brutal winters,
07:52and even though that school was a technical institute
07:55that didn't even have my major,
07:56I'd spent three years treating it like my only option.
08:00Our families had lived next door to each other for so long
08:02that both sets of parents thought it was basically a done deal
08:05we'd end up at the same school.
08:07Everyone, including me,
08:09assumed Asher and I would just naturally become official
08:11once we got to college.
08:12But right now,
08:14I couldn't think of a single reason to still go to Boston.
08:17Because honestly,
08:18after today,
08:19if I kept following Asher around the way I always had,
08:22I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again.
08:25I just needed to go somewhere far away.
08:27It didn't even matter where,
08:29as long as he wasn't there.
08:30He was going east,
08:31so I was going west.
08:32Before bed,
08:33I filled the entire bathtub.
08:35I needed to scrub every inch of myself clean.
08:38But when I took off my clothes,
08:40the bruises on my skin were still so vivid,
08:43it made me flinch.
08:44The memories from last night rushed back before I could stop them.
08:48The burning heat of his skin pressed against mine.
08:51The sound of his breath ragged and warm against my ear.
08:54The ghost of it all still seemed to linger in the air around me.
08:58I shook my head hard,
08:59physically trying to shake myself free of it.
09:02Then,
09:02I grabbed the roughest loofah I owned
09:04and scrubbed myself raw,
09:06over and over,
09:07until my whole body was flushed pink
09:10and singing.
09:11I was trying,
09:12clumsily,
09:13desperately,
09:13to erase what was officially
09:15the worst night of my entire life.
09:18The result was that the pain kept me awake the whole night anyway.
09:22Asher didn't text.
09:23For the first time in six years,
09:25ever since we both got phones,
09:27we didn't say goodnight to each other.
09:28That was fine.
09:29It was going to happen eventually anyway.
09:31Tonight was as good a time as any to start letting go.
09:34I didn't fall asleep until just before sunrise,
09:37drifting in and out of exhaustion.
09:39Early the next morning,
09:40while I was still buried in sleep,
09:42I felt,
09:43in that foggy space between dream and awake,
09:46the soft press of lips against my forehead.
09:48I jolted awake.
09:50The first thing my eyes landed on was a jaw I knew too well,
09:53and the soft dip of a throat right above me.
09:56The scent hit me next.
09:57Cedarwood.
09:58That cologne he always wore.
10:00And underneath it,
10:01the faintest trace of something new.
10:03Something citrusy that wasn't his.
10:05Right.
10:06I'd completely forgotten that Asher still knew my front door code.
10:09Seeing me awake,
10:10he shifted lower
10:11and tilted his face down toward my lips.
10:14I shoved him back with both hands
10:15and scrambled to the far edge of the bed.
10:17He blinked,
10:18then let out a short laugh like I'd surprised him.
10:23Since when are you shy?
10:24I didn't answer.
10:26I just yanked the blanket over my head
10:27and disappeared under it.
10:29Asher started talking.
10:32Stella, seriously.
10:34You didn't say goodnight,
10:35you turned your phone off
10:36and now you're hiding under a blanket?
10:38Still avoiding me?
10:40Then he just lifted the blanket
10:41and slid himself right in.
10:45Hey, how many times have I told you
10:47you can't skip breakfast?
10:49I ran half a mile to get you those croissants
10:52from your favorite place
10:53and it stood in line forever.
10:55Want to get up and eat now,
10:57or get eaten?
11:01Reality crashed back in
11:02and I fought like my life depended on it.
11:05But I'm 5'2 in sneakers
11:06and Asher is literally 6'2 of solid muscle.
11:09I honestly could not figure out
11:11what game he was playing.
11:12He had Chloe now,
11:13so what was he even doing in my bed?
11:15I tried to push him away
11:17only to be held even tighter.
11:19Let go of me!
11:21After what felt like forever of thrashing around,
11:23I was panting and had accomplished nothing
11:25except being held even tighter.
11:27What's the tantrum about?
11:30You're mad because I didn't bring you
11:32to the party last night
11:32over something that small?
11:34I said nothing.
11:35He buried his face in the curve of my neck
11:37and actually laughed.
11:39Let me guess.
11:40Mia told you something?
11:42It was a party game, Stella.
11:44Is it really worth getting jealous over?
11:46You're doing that thing you always do.
11:48I get slightly close to another girl
11:50and you go all silent and sulky.
11:52I was so furious
11:54I couldn't even form a sentence.
11:56I dredged up something
11:57from a self-defense unit in gym class,
11:59snapped my knee up hard between us,
12:01and the second he doubled over,
12:03I launched myself out of that bed.
12:05Stella.
12:06Asher's jaw went tight,
12:07his whole face going red.
12:08I grabbed a hoodie off the floor
12:10and yanked it on over my pajamas.
12:13I did not want to be in any room with him
12:15and especially not my bedroom.
12:27Hey, you took that pill yesterday, right?
12:29Because I really don't need that kind of drama
12:31and I definitely don't want to have
12:32that conversation with your parents.
12:42Come on, be reasonable.
12:43Eat something before you pick a fight.
12:48You know your stomach's sensitive.
12:58What is actually going on?
13:00Stella, even a tantrum needs a reason.
13:03There have to be some limits here.
13:05I kept my voice ice cold and set it flat.
13:08I don't deserve to have any say.
13:11Asher snapped.
13:12He slammed the cup down on the coffee table
13:14so hard it cracked.
13:15The plastic split
13:16and the smoothie spilled out in a wave,
13:18soaking into the rug.
13:20What is that supposed to mean?
13:23Who do you think you are, Stella?
13:26Who do you think you are?
13:29We slept together once.
13:31It was consensual.
13:32And now you think you own me?
13:35Do you know how suffocating that is?
13:37His voice had a viciousness to it
13:39I had never heard before.
13:41The second he finished speaking,
13:43my eyes flooded.
13:44No warning.
13:45No buildup.
13:46Just instant tears.
13:47Yesterday's humiliation came crashing back,
13:50hitting me all over again like a fresh wound.
13:52Asher clearly hadn't expected me to cry this hard this fast.
13:56He looked genuinely thrown,
13:58scrambling for what to do.
13:59He crouched down and said he was sorry.
14:02I'm sorry.
14:03I drank too much last night and I was out of line just now.
14:06He reached out to wipe my face,
14:07but I twisted away,
14:09putting distance between us.
14:10His hand froze in midair,
14:11hovering there.
14:12He opened his mouth to keep trying,
14:14but his phone buzzed.
14:15He glanced at the screen once,
14:17and his entire expression shifted,
14:19and he stood up and moved toward the door.
14:21I've got something urgent.
14:22Take a minute to calm down.
14:24We're going to college soon.
14:26You can't keep throwing fits like a little kid.
14:29Who's going to put up with that?
14:36He hadn't been gone 30 minutes when Mia sent me a screenshot.
14:39Chloe's Instagram story just said,
14:42I'm hungry and breakfast appeared like magic.
14:44Pretty sure this is mutual now with a little heart.
14:47The photo was of the exact same croissants
14:50that were sitting on my kitchen counter.
14:52I didn't respond.
14:53I just quietly wiped my eyes,
14:55got on my hands and knees,
14:56and started cleaning up the smoothie Asher had spilled.
14:59I scrubbed for a long time before I accepted,
15:01with a hollow feeling in my chest,
15:03that the stain had soaked all the way through the wool rug
15:06and wasn't coming out.
15:07So, I just threw the whole rug in the trash.
15:10It didn't matter anyway.
15:11That rug was something Asher and his parents
15:13had spent an entire afternoon picking out on a family trip,
15:17and he'd lugged it home in his carry-on himself.
15:19Then, I went through everything else.
15:21Every single thing Asher had ever left at my place.
15:24Every gift he'd given me over the years.
15:26Every photo of the two of us.
15:28Every small souvenir and keepsake.
15:30It took the rest of the day,
15:32but I packed every last bit of it up
15:34and threw it all out.
15:38I doubted he'd want any of it back anyway.
15:41After he left that day,
15:42the silence stretched.
15:43Days went by,
15:44and he didn't reach out at all.
15:46Things with Chloe were probably going great,
15:48or maybe he was waiting for me
15:49to be the one who caved first.
15:51In every fight we'd ever had,
15:53I was always the one who broke first.
15:55Every single time.
15:57No exceptions.
15:58But this time I didn't go looking for him,
15:59and I didn't have any reason to.
16:01I blocked him on everything.
16:03Texts, all social media,
16:05changed my front door code,
16:06and deleted every account he might use to find me.
16:09After that,
16:09I called my parents,
16:10who were both traveling for work.
16:12I told them I wanted to spend the summer
16:14visiting my aunt on the other side of the country.
16:16My plan was to stay there until school started,
16:18then head straight to California with Mia
16:20instead of coming home.
16:22Other than Mia,
16:23no one else knew yet
16:24that I'd changed my application.
16:26This plan should work perfectly.
16:28There was basically zero chance
16:30I'd run into Asher
16:31if I pulled this off right.
16:32My mom actually laughed over the phone.
16:36Oh, so you and Ashler
16:37are taking a vacation together?
16:39I made up a quick excuse
16:41and didn't go into detail.
16:42I just told her I wanted to visit my aunt and grandma.
16:45I begged my dad to book me
16:46the first available flight,
16:47and I was ready to leave that same night.
16:50Of course,
16:50because the universe has no chill,
16:53I ran into Asher's mom
16:54right at our front door on my way out.
16:56She grabbed my arm warmly
16:58and started chattering.
17:00Stella, honey, where's Asher?
17:02He's not coming to pick you up?
17:03Didn't he say he was going to pick you up?
17:04He was taking you on that ski trip?
17:07Go have fun.
17:09I am 100% behind you two.
17:12I was confused.
17:13I had mentioned once during senior year
17:16that I'd always wanted to try skiing in Colorado,
17:19just offhand.
17:20But given everything that had happened between us,
17:22the idea of going on a trip together
17:24seemed completely impossible.
17:26I was running out of time, though,
17:27so I said something vague and non-committal
17:30and slipped away.
17:31What I never expected
17:32was that at the airport,
17:33I would come face to face with Asher.
17:38He was with a group of friends.
17:39Chloe was there, too.
17:41Asher had her designer bag in one hand
17:43and his other arms slung around her shoulder.
17:45They were trailing at the back of the group.
17:47Every so often,
17:48Chloe would lean her head toward him to say something.
17:50And every single time,
17:52without any hesitation,
17:54he would bend down to listen.
17:55He never did that with me.
17:57Asher had always been taller than me,
17:59and the gap had only gotten bigger over the years.
18:01When it was the two of us,
18:03I was always the one bouncing on my toes,
18:05craning my neck up just to catch his eyes.
18:07Turns out, for the right person,
18:09he would be the one who bends.
18:11I breathed in slowly.
18:13I told myself I needed to have some dignity about this.
18:16Whatever he did was none of my business.
18:18If I let myself overthink it,
18:20I deserved to be slapped.
18:21But there seemed to be only one path to the gate.
18:24All I could do was stay far enough behind
18:27that he wouldn't notice me.
18:28By some miracle,
18:29we eventually reached a fork in the terminal
18:31where the path split.
18:33Asher seemed to get distracted around that.
18:34He made a bunch of calls,
18:36none of which seemed to go through,
18:37and then spent a long time staring at his phone.
18:40Eventually, he borrowed someone else's phone,
18:43his face dark and unreadable,
18:44and disappeared into a nearby bathroom.
18:47A moment later,
18:47my phone rang.
18:49Unknown number.
18:51So you've got a real attitude on you this time.
18:53You're just not going to come to me first?
18:56You actually blocked me?
18:59Fine.
19:00Keep it up.
19:00See how great you do
19:01when we're both in Boston
19:02and you don't know anyone
19:03and there's no one to look out for you.
19:05Asher came out swinging,
19:06rattling off complaints
19:07in one long, irritated breath.
19:10I had absolutely nothing to say to any of that,
19:12but Asher seemed to get angrier at my silence.
19:16I'm done talking about this.
19:17Just unblock me.
19:19I'm heading out of the country
19:20for a couple days with some friends.
19:22Probably won't have great reception.
19:26Don't get all weepy about it.
19:28I couldn't even be bothered
19:29to say a single word
19:30back.
19:31I hung up and turned my phone off.
19:32From across the terminal,
19:34I watched Asher stalk back to his group,
19:36his expression stormy.
19:38He grabbed Chloe's hand,
19:39didn't hesitate for a second,
19:41and walked toward the left gate.
19:42I let out a long breath,
19:44turned around,
19:45and headed right.
19:47With my family,
19:48I performed happiness.
19:50And honestly,
19:51I got pretty good at it.
19:52I deliberately kept myself slammed with plans,
19:55filling every gap in the day,
19:57so I had no room to spiral.
19:58I definitely didn't add Asher back the way he demanded.
20:02But Mia and some others kept me updated on his life anyway.
20:05Asher and his friends had apparently been screaming Colorado for days.
20:08For some reason,
20:10he was suddenly posting on social media every single day,
20:13which was completely unlike the version of him who used to go months without posting anything.
20:18Sometimes it was slow motion clips of him carving down the slopes.
20:21Sometimes it was food and late night parties.
20:24But mostly,
20:24it was big group shots of everyone clowning around in the snow.
20:27Even though I genuinely didn't want to see it.
20:30Somehow,
20:31people kept sending it to me unprompted.
20:33Everyone was very casually curious about why I hadn't gone with Asher.
20:37I didn't know what to say,
20:38so I just told people I had family stuff going on.
20:41Mia was the only one who openly called him a trash human.
20:44Everyone else around me seemed to be constantly stopping themselves from saying something.
20:49I knew,
20:49they'd probably figured out something was wrong.
20:53In every single group photo Asher posted,
20:56he and Chloe were glued together,
20:57inseparable.
20:58But that spot beside him had been mine for years.
21:01Just mine.
21:02Every time I saw one of those photos,
21:04my face stayed completely neutral.
21:05But something deep in my chest would clench.
21:08He was the first person I ever fell for.
21:10Someone I had genuinely,
21:11completely,
21:13embarrassingly loved for such a long time.
21:15In the middle of the night,
21:16alone,
21:17I would fall apart a little.
21:18And sometimes I felt this stubborn,
21:20stupid feeling that I wasn't ready to let go.
21:22But every time that feeling started rising,
21:25I'd replay his words and give myself a mental slap.
21:28I'd repeat it to myself over and over.
21:30Stella,
21:31don't be pathetic.
21:32That's the fastest way to make yourself even less worth respecting.
21:35Just hold on a little longer.
21:37Once the detox period was over,
21:39everything would be fine.
21:40We went a full month without any contact.
21:43The longest we'd ever gone since the day we met.
21:45Distance and time turned out to be the best medicine.
21:48I ground through the worst of it and came out the other side.
21:51Just when I'd reached the point where I didn't think about him every hour of every day,
21:55he switched to a new number and called me from across the country.
22:01So you're just that bold?
22:03Running off without me and staying this long?
22:06Summer's almost over, Stella.
22:09Did you forget you promised to go on a trip with me?
22:12Maybe it was because we'd gone so long without talking.
22:15But underneath all the complaints,
22:17his voice had this edge to it.
22:18Almost careful, I still didn't want to talk to him.
22:21I was about to hang up when his mom snatched the phone.
22:24Stella!
22:25Sweetheart!
22:26Are you having fun out there?
22:28This boy won't tell me anything.
22:30I only just found out you two had a fight.
22:33Don't be too hard on him, honey.
22:35When you come back,
22:36I'll make him apologize to your face.
22:39Oh, and Ashler just got his acceptance letter today.
22:42Yours should come soon too.
22:44Have you thought about when you'll come home for your going away party?
22:47I've got a little surprise planned.
22:50Asher's mom had been like a second family to me since I was little.
22:53I couldn't bring myself to hang up on her,
22:55so I stayed on and let her talk.
22:57I'm not really planning to have a party.
22:59My parents are always traveling,
23:00and honestly, we can just do a video call thing with family.
23:04I probably won't be back before school starts anyway.
23:07I'll just come home right before move-in.
23:09I didn't even finish the sentence before Asher took the phone back.
23:12His breathing was heavy.
23:13I could feel the anger coming through from 3,000 miles away.
23:19Stella, I'm literally the one reaching out first here.
23:22How much longer are you going to keep this up?
23:25If you don't come back, don't expect me to wait for you.
23:28I'll head to Boston without you.
23:30He delivered the threat in this cold, flat voice.
23:33Waited and waited without getting the answer he wanted.
23:36My acceptance letter had already arrived at home.
23:39When they saw the school name on the letter,
23:41my parents finally found out I'd changed my application.
23:45My mom video called me.
23:46Hi, baby.
23:47Why didn't you talk to us before changing your application?
23:51Does Asher know?
23:52His mom called this morning, asking if your letter had come yet.
23:56I had no words.
24:01Baby, how are we supposed to feel okay
24:02about you going all the way to California alone?
24:04Aren't you the kid who's terrified of bugs
24:07and can't handle heat?
24:08You really think you can manage?
24:10Don't call me to come deal with it for you.
24:13That school has a lot to offer
24:15and Mia will be going there too.
24:17You don't have to worry.
24:18Is this about a fight with Asher?
24:21Because that's not a reason
24:23to switch schools across the country.
24:26What if you change your mind in a week
24:28and want him back, then what?
24:30It's hard at your caption.
24:32I just decided to say it straight.
24:35Asher has a girlfriend.
24:37Mom, Dad, I have my own life
24:40and I don't want to just orbit around his forever.
24:44So please support my choice
24:46and please keep it between us for now.
24:49My parents looked at each other
24:50for a long time without speaking.
24:53The only thing they asked
24:54was that I come home sooner rather than later.
24:57School was starting soon
24:58and they wanted time with me.
25:00My mom mentioned that Asher had gone off
25:02on another trip with friends
25:03the very next day after getting his acceptance letter.
25:05He'd been gone for days.
25:07His mom was apparently calling my mom regularly
25:10asking when I was flying back.
25:12On the day I landed,
25:13my parents showed up at the airport
25:15dressed like they were going somewhere formal.
25:17I woke up from my nap on the drive.
25:19I realized they'd pulled up to a five-star hotel.
25:22I was still half asleep
25:24when my mom grabbed my arm
25:25and steered me through the lobby.
25:27And right there, standing in the middle of it,
25:29was Asher, who I hadn't seen in months.
25:32My feet stopped moving on their own.
25:35Asher was in a perfectly fitted black suit
25:37leaning casually beside the lobby fountain
25:40like something out of a magazine spread.
25:42Just one summer was all it took.
25:44The boyish edge had faded
25:45and he looked exactly like the version of him
25:47I used to imagine
25:48when I tried to picture him grown up.
25:51Something complicated twisted in my chest.
25:53I'd avoided this moment for months
25:55and now here it was,
25:56sprung on me with no warning.
25:58Stella, it's Asher's going away party.
26:01We figured we'd pick you up
26:02and bring you straight here.
26:04You said you didn't want a party of your own, right?
26:07Ashley asked his parents to set the date
26:09for the day you got back
26:11so you can kind of both celebrate together.
26:12Asher seemed to sense something
26:14because right then he casually glanced over
26:17and his gaze landed directly on mine.
26:19My heart lurched sideways,
26:21still felt like the floor dropped out
26:23but Asher moved first.
26:25He took one step toward us
26:26and then Chloe appeared out of nowhere
26:28and slipped her arm through his.
26:30She pulled him along with her,
26:31smiling wide,
26:32and walked right over to us.
26:35Oh my gosh, Stella, you're back!
26:38I've been wanting to properly meet you forever.
26:41I always saw you around with Asher.
26:44I'm from the AP track,
26:46so we never officially met
26:47and I'm genuinely sad about that.
26:52Yeah.
26:53Asher looked vaguely uncomfortable.
26:54Why would you want to get to know her?
26:57She's just a drama queen who throws fits.
27:00I honestly thought she'd stayed in her aunt's state forever.
27:03The world will keep on turning
27:05and your name will be forgotten.
27:06I had nothing to say to that.
27:08There was genuinely no response.
27:10Chloe's silver bodycon dress
27:12was covered in tiny crystals
27:14that caught every bit of light in the room.
27:16I glanced down at myself.
27:17White tea, jeans, sneakers,
27:19hair that still had a slight slept-on wave from the plane.
27:22I looked like I'd made a wrong turn
27:24on the way to a convenience store.
27:25I brought a dress for you, baby.
27:27You can go change in the powder room.
27:28I nodded, then shook my head.
27:30There was no point.
27:31This wasn't my party.
27:33Asher kept staring at me
27:34with this unreadable expression.
27:36Chloe's eyes kept flicking back and forth
27:38between the two of us.
27:39Luckily, a few more guests arrived just then,
27:41and Chloe immediately pulled Asher over to greet them.
27:44Like she was already the hostess.
27:46Mom, let's go in.
27:47I'm a little hungry.
27:50It was a small gathering.
27:52Asher had only invited close family
27:53and a handful of friends.
27:55Every single person I knew
27:56looked visibly shocked when they saw me walk in.
27:59I just smiled and said hello
28:01and acted like I didn't notice.
28:02But nobody was subtle about their curiosity.
28:05The people watching energy was off the charts.
28:10I slipped out to the terrace for some air
28:12and could immediately hear a small group in the hallway
28:14cornering Asher for the gossip.
28:18Wait, didn't Stella fall out with you over the Chloe thing?
28:21Why is she here?
28:22Did she come crawling back?
28:24She's just quick-tempered and in a mood.
28:26She always comes around after a couple of days.
28:28We've known each other our whole lives.
28:29She's not actually going to cut me off.
28:30I mean, Stella's genuinely great.
28:32She's been ride or died for you for years.
28:33All of us are low-key jealous of how she treats you.
28:36But, like, one is your childhood best friend.
28:38Honestly, Stella's amazing.
28:40But it also feels kind of limiting.
28:43I'm young.
28:44I don't want to only ever have one person.
28:45That's too predictable.
28:47I need to see what else is out there.
28:49But that doesn't mean anything has to end.
28:51As long as I know there's always a light on at home for me.
28:54You're such a player.
28:56I'd heard enough.
28:57I backed away as quietly as I could.
28:59The evening breeze hit my face and I felt my eyes go hot.
29:02I just hated myself for spending so many years being blind to who he actually was.
29:08I was in absolutely the worst mood of the entire summer.
29:13But Asher's mom was thrilled to see me and spent most of dinner doting on me,
29:17refusing to let go of my hand.
29:19Stella, Boston can get really dry in winter.
29:22Let Asher take you shopping tomorrow and stock up on some good moisturizers.
29:26Oh, it's fine.
29:27There are plenty of shops out there and online shopping is so easy.
29:30She nodded warmly and turned to my mom.
29:32I already picked out all the bedding for the dorms.
29:35Got a set for Asher and one for Stella at the same time.
29:38All four seasons covered.
29:39Boston winters are brutal.
29:41I went with really thick comforters and got a few winter coats for Stella too.
29:45Don't you worry about a thing.
29:47My mom made a face like she'd swallowed something.
29:49All of that would be completely useless in California.
29:52But she didn't want to embarrass anyone.
29:54So she thanked her graciously.
29:55Chloe, sitting nearby, looked like she was biting through her own cheek.
29:59Asher's mom didn't seem to notice.
30:01She kept right on talking, addressing both of us.
30:05Once you're both in Boston, you'll be each other's family.
30:08Asher, you better take good care of Stella and stop making her upset.
30:12You hear me?
30:13Asher threw a glance my way with zero expression.
30:16She doesn't need anyone to look after her.
30:18She's perfectly capable of flying on her own.
30:20The table got a little stiff and that's when Chloe smoothly cut in.
30:24Oh, don't worry.
30:25My school is in Boston too.
30:26I'll be there to look after Asher.
30:28And Stella will be all the way in California anyway.
30:31So it's not really practical.
30:33Before she even finished the sentence, Asher and his parents' faces changed.
30:38California?
30:39Every single one of them looked at me and asked it at the same time.
30:44Asher, you didn't know?
30:46It's been on the school's honor board.
30:48Oh wait, you haven't been back to campus.
30:50Every pair of eyes at the table swiveled to me.
30:53Under the weight of all that attention, I quietly nodded.
30:56My mom stepped in to explain.
30:59Stella made a last minute decision to change her application.
31:03She's going to a great school in California.
31:06And it's actually the perfect program for her.
31:09Asher didn't believe it.
31:10He grabbed my hand and made me look at him.
31:13Stella, I literally watched you fill out that application.
31:17We were going to the same school.
31:19His grip was tight enough to actually hurt.
31:21And it pushed me over the edge.
31:23Yeah, I changed it.
31:24What does it have to do with you?
31:26Asher looked stunned for a second.
31:28Then started laughing like I'd said something ridiculous.
31:31You're joking.
31:32You're literally the girl who jumps onto my back at the sight of a bug.
31:36And you're moving to California?
31:38And you're moving to California?
31:40I pulled out my phone, found the crystal clear photo of my acceptance letter,
31:44and held it up in his face.
31:46Asher took the phone, zoomed in, zoomed out, read it over and over,
31:50and finally let out a laugh that had no humor in it at all.
31:54In the middle of everyone's gasps, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the dining room.
32:01He pulled me into a side room and locked the door behind us.
32:04Asher planted himself against it, cutting off any escape, and came at me hard.
32:08Stella, I cannot believe you.
32:10You're so mad that you just forget our whole plan, go behind my back,
32:14and commit Mitt to a school across the country.
32:16I lifted my head.
32:17I took a breath and made myself look him straight in the eye.
32:20I have my own plans.
32:22Since when do I have to build my entire future around what you want?
32:26Asher, be honest with yourself.
32:28Are you actually upset about the plan?
32:31Or are you upset because I'm not available to be your fallback girl anymore?
32:35The color drained from his face.
32:36What is that supposed to mean?
32:38Could you not phrase things like that?
32:40We're adults.
32:41That night was completely mutual.
32:43Are you seriously still bringing that up?
32:45I was embarrassed, but I held his gaze anyway.
32:47Asher, if you like someone else, you could have just said so.
32:50I'm not so shameless that I would have kept throwing myself at you.
32:53But you knew you didn't like me back,
32:55and you just watched me walk straight into the flame.
32:57That was fun for you, wasn't it?
32:58Even now, he still didn't get it.
33:00People don't say goodbye until they've completely run out of hope.
33:03He flushed.
33:04Something in what I said hit.
33:05His face went from white to red, and he visibly swayed.
33:09What do you even...
33:10Listen to what you're saying, you...
33:12He couldn't finish the sentence.
33:15Stella, we've known each other since we were 8 years old, and we're 18 now.
33:19If you're choosing to walk away from what we have,
33:22then we don't have to be friends either.
33:24And with just that, he turned and walked out of the hotel.
33:34From that day until the day I left for school, I never saw Asher again.
33:38Mia sent me a screenshot of his official couple's post with Chloe.
33:42I deleted it without even opening it.
33:44Every mutual friend connected to him, I blocked.
33:47There was genuinely no point in following any of it anymore.
33:53The only exception was the day I flew out to California.
33:56Of course, because the universe has a terrible sense of humor,
33:59I walked straight into Asher at the airport again,
34:02with Chloe still glued to his side.
34:04When we passed each other, he said a stiff hello to my parents and kept walking,
34:08clearly still angry.
34:10He didn't look at me once.
34:11We scattered in different directions, and neither of us looked back.
34:14Right before I got to the security line,
34:16I glanced over and caught Asher at his gate, about to board.
34:20He gave me one cold, flat look,
34:22and then disappeared through the door without turning around.
34:25The person who had been part of every chapter of my growing up,
34:28we were finally completely done.
34:30Different destinations at last, and I hope yours goes well.
34:34I said it only to myself.
34:35After that, a long, long time passed,
34:38without either of us hearing a single thing about the other.
34:41I specifically asked my parents not to bring up anything related to Asher
34:45or his family in front of me.
34:47Over New Year's break, a girl from our high school came to visit.
34:50He's nothing like that cold, focused, straight-A guy he was in high school.
34:55He's completely different.
34:59Honestly, if you ran into him now, you might not even recognize him.
35:04I didn't say anything.
35:05Nia kicked her under the table and smoothly changed the subject,
35:08and the girl dropped it.
35:09We did the New Year's countdown by the water,
35:11and Nia told me to make a wish.
35:14Hope New Year, Syria Parent Healthy,
35:16can keating under the world.
35:17I realized it was the first wish I'd ever made
35:20that had absolutely nothing to do with him.
35:22For a full six years of my life,
35:24every single wish I made had involved Asher in some way.
35:29Nia, Happy New Year!
35:31I felt genuinely happy.
35:33I knew I had finally, actually, completely let go.
35:37The first winter break of college, I missed my parents so badly I couldn't stand it.
35:42The second my last exam was done, I was on the first flight home.
35:46What I didn't expect was that Asher had come to the airport with my parents to pick me up.
35:51After half a year apart, we had both changed.
35:54He was thinner, had dyed his hair, but was still, honestly, annoyingly good-looking.
35:59I've always had terrible judgment about people, but my taste has never been the problem.
36:03Why else would I have been trailing after him since we were five?
36:06Hey there, big bro Asher.
36:08He stared at me like I'd spoken a different language.
36:11We ran into him outside.
36:13He insisted on coming along to help.
36:15I smiled and waved her off.
36:17It was fine.
36:20In the car, I immediately launched into all the funny things that had happened at school,
36:24and my parents were the whole ride.
36:26No one was paying any attention to Asher.
36:30You've worked hard.
36:31Please send our regards to your parents.
36:33He seemed like he wanted to come inside when we got home,
36:35but all three of us politely turned him down together.
36:37My grandma and my aunt had both come back to celebrate the holidays that year.
36:42New Year's Eve was loud and packed with family.
36:45After the big dinner, the older relatives parked themselves in front of the TV,
36:48while the rest of us were teaching each other card games.
36:51That's when Asher showed up at the door with his parents, arms full of bags.
36:55Our house is too quiet tonight.
36:57Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.
37:03Our house is too quiet tonight.
37:05Hope you don't mind us crashing your game.
37:06Asher's mom laughed as she walked in.
37:08Every year growing up, the two families had spent the holiday together.
37:12This year, because of everything that had happened,
37:15my mom had turned down the invitation to share the big dinner.
37:18But you can't exactly turn people away once they're at your door.
37:21Asher settled himself naturally.
37:23My cousins had no idea about any of the drama,
37:26and kept teasing us like they always had.
37:28I laughed it off.
37:30It's not what you think.
37:32Asher's expression went a little flat.
37:33When midnight came, and we all went outside for sparklers,
37:38he caught my arm, and looked like he was working up to say something.
37:42My phone rang.
37:43My face went a little warm.
37:44It was a guy from one of my clubs at school.
37:48Hi, Stella.
37:49I'm just a bit bored and wanted to say Happy New Year to you.
37:52A local California boy named Jake.
37:55He was good looking too.
37:56Not in that cold, aloof way.
37:58More like the guy who's always laughing at everything,
38:01and making you laugh right along with him.
38:03He never ran out of things to say,
38:05and he had a way of making me completely lose it at the most random things.
38:09We talked for a while longer,
38:10and when he finally hung up,
38:12Asher was standing right behind me with a face like a thundercloud.
38:17Boyfriend?
38:19Not yet, I guess.
38:23Not yet, I guess.
38:25I thought about it, and answered honestly.
38:27I assumed he was done, but then he spoke again.
38:30Long distance guys aren't always reliable.
38:32You should find someone local, someone you actually know.
38:38I nodded.
38:39Something in that seemed to land somewhere tender.
38:41You're right.
38:42You really can't tell with people.
38:43I'll keep my guard up.
38:45Asher went quiet for a very long time.
38:48I assumed he was done.
38:49I didn't think too hard about it.
38:52Thanks for the advice, big bro.
38:54You should figure out your own situation too.
38:56He'd always been unpredictable like that.
38:58After that, I spent the rest of break bouncing around
39:01visiting relatives with my grandma and parents,
39:03and then we did a little road trip.
39:05I was barely home.
39:06I didn't run into Asher once.
39:08The break was short, and soon enough I was back at school.
39:10But the very next day after I arrived, Asher was standing outside my campus gate.
39:17Asher, what are you doing here?
39:19I wanted to see what your school looks like,
39:22and check if you're actually doing okay out here.
39:26Really well, actually.
39:27The food here is amazing.
39:28You should look up some spots and try them.
39:30Stella, can't you come eat with me just once?
39:37Sorry about that, man.
39:38I've already got Stella booked.
39:39You'll have to get in line.
39:42Stella, you came back to school this early for him?
39:47Sorry, Asher.
39:48We're heading out to eat.
39:50I'll see you.
39:51Let's go.
39:52Didn't you say the place was far?
39:53Stop standing there.
39:54Asher was still standing at the campus gate watching us,
39:57and under the shadow of the trees,
39:59he looked incredibly alone.
40:01He suddenly started showing up in my world constantly.
40:05I never found out what excuse he gave his school,
40:07but he kept appearing in California out of nowhere.
40:10He started showing up with gifts,
40:11flowers, bags, jewelry,
40:13and I turned every single one down.
40:15When there was nothing else to do,
40:17he'd just sit outside my dorm building
40:19and refuse to leave no matter how many times I asked.
40:22Whenever he managed to catch me,
40:24he'd fall into step beside me to every single class,
40:27then follow me to the dining hall.
40:29Jake was visibly miserable about the whole thing.
40:31Asher's mom had been calling and messaging me from multiple angles.
40:34She begged me to please talk some sense into him.
40:37I was beyond done.
40:38I genuinely could not figure out what Asher thought he was doing.
40:44Stella, why does Jake get to pursue you but I don't?
40:47Son of a whitest ass.
40:50He's known you for what, a few months?
40:52How many years have I known you?
40:55No one in this world understands you the way I do,
40:58not even your parents.
40:59And no one is better for you than me.
41:06Ashler,
41:08do you genuinely not remember what you did?
41:11Ask yourself honestly.
41:13Did you ever actually treat my feelings like they mattered?
41:18You just liked the ego boost of having me chase after you.
41:22You knew no matter what you did,
41:23I wouldn't leave,
41:24so you just did whatever you felt like with my heart.
41:28Yeah, I did some things wrong back then.
41:31I was young,
41:32I thought the whole world was waiting for me,
41:34and I didn't want to feel like I was tied to any one person.
41:37I owe you a real apology, Stella.
41:39I'm sorry.
41:41But even if you treat me like a stranger,
41:43can I at least have the chance to start over and earn it back?
41:46After you left,
41:47I realized I don't know how to live without you in it.
41:50I can't imagine going forward
41:52and not having anyone to share everything with.
41:54Honestly,
41:55since leaving you,
41:56I figured out that real,
41:58mutual feelings don't require you to shrink yourself down to nothing.
42:01I can just be myself.
42:02My mood doesn't have to orbit around someone else's,
42:05and when I realized that,
42:07I started to wonder if what I felt back then was ever real love,
42:11or just something a younger,
42:12more naive version of me invented.
42:16But,
42:17but,
42:20we made promises.
42:23We said we'd go to college together,
42:25study abroad together,
42:26travel the whole world together.
42:28Are you going to walk away from all of that too?
42:30Stella,
42:31are you going to leave all this behind too?
42:33You broke the promises first,
42:36and I've already found someone
42:37I want to do all of those things with.
42:42Stop, Stella.
42:43Please, just stop.
42:49Maybe you're not actually in love with me.
42:51Maybe you just can't stand the idea of losing.
42:54Asher, honestly,
42:56it's time for you to move on too.
43:01I didn't wait for a response.
43:02Jake had been waiting across the street for a while.
43:05I jogged over,
43:06and he immediately reached down and took my hand.
43:10Finally shook the X?
43:13Did you tell him I've got full bug patrol rights now?
43:16He doesn't get a single one.
43:19Everyone is going through their own goodbyes.
43:21As for us,
43:23it's finally completely over.
43:26Fading away like the rain.
43:28Everyone in the middle of their own goodbye.
43:29And just like that,
43:31the two of us were finally completely over.
43:34Scattered like rain.
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