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Taskmaster - S20E05 - Bats Bats Hang Up [Full Movie] [Official Release]Full EP - Full
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02:00Evet.
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02:53abone olmalı.
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04:11Now then Rhys, how are you going to confuse an archaeologist?
04:14I thought it would be unusual to be buried with something that could be...
04:18You can't quite work out what it is,
04:21whether it's an omen, a portent, a curse.
04:25So I came up with being buried with this.
04:30It's a mirror with the words,
04:32''Is this you?'' on it.
04:33So they'll open it up,
04:35snap the bones,
04:38and they're looking at themselves,
04:39but they don't quite know what the message means.
04:41''Did I do it?''
04:41''Is it me?''
04:42''Is it me?'' ''Is it meant for them?''
04:43''Is it just a mirror with Tippex on it?''
04:48There have been quite a few examples of mirrors found at burial sites.
04:51Oh, right.
04:52And it has confused archaeologists.
04:54No-one knows quite why they were buried with them.
04:56Amanda Holden said she'd want to be buried with her mobile phone
04:59in case she wasn't dead and she could use Insta.
05:03Anya, what have you got?
05:04I brought in limited edition jelly beans.
05:09Yes, she made them.
05:10They look...
05:12Like this.
05:15Dual flavour jelly beans.
05:17I did it all by hand.
05:19Cutting in half jelly beans, sticking them back together.
05:21So, yeah, I didn't actually think of using scissors.
05:23About halfway through, my partner said you could use a knife.
05:27What were you using?
05:28What were you using?
05:28I was using my teeth, yeah.
05:31I was sticking them back together.
05:33Some of them just went naturally and then some of them needed
05:35a bit of lubrication from the old tongue.
05:39Eww!
05:41So, you think the archaeologists are going,
05:42oh, there's some jelly beans here.
05:44Wait a minute!
05:46Yeah!
05:47They've been bitten in half by some mad woman!
05:50Oh, please, this is really nice that I did this.
05:54Anya, I'm telling you now, I've written down Anya one point.
05:58And I haven't even heard everyone's yet.
06:01Can I just say, the mind is like a parachute,
06:03it works best when it's open.
06:05LAUGHTER
06:07You may say that.
06:10Sanjeev is all to play for here.
06:12Well, this would be more confusing
06:14if someone else was found buried with it.
06:16OK, this is what Sanjeev has brought in.
06:18Oh.
06:19So, that is a sample of urine.
06:22LAUGHTER
06:23So, now, someone else found buried
06:26holding a sample of my urine.
06:28Yeah, OK.
06:29And a pet treat gun.
06:31OK.
06:32A pet treat gun?
06:33Yeah.
06:34It launches treats into the air for the...
06:36Yeah, and then the creature jumps up and bites it.
06:37And then they jump up and get it.
06:38The creature!
06:39LAUGHTER
06:41You know, the gorilla.
06:43You're a big dog lover, Rita.
06:45LAUGHTER
06:46Is there a link between the dog catcher and the urine?
06:50You're the archaeologist, who told me.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:52I think he's made his point very well.
06:55Well, shall we deal with Anya first?
06:56Yeah, Anya one point.
06:57Oh.
06:58Dog boy.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:00Let's give him two.
07:01Two to Phil. Well done, Phil.
07:02Let's give the mirror three.
07:04I'm going to give four points to Sanjeev.
07:07Oh.
07:08So, five points to Maisie!
07:09Well done, Maisie Ellen!
07:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:14Right, on we go.
07:16What have you got for me, Alex?
07:17Well, Greg, why don't you have a good old yank on this?
07:36Hi.
07:40Anya.
07:41Hello.
07:41You blend in.
07:42To what? To the wall?
07:44Yeah, you look like the wall.
07:46Looks like an obstacle course of some kind.
07:49Yeah, quite an expensive one.
07:57Impressive.
07:57Thank you.
07:58Pull something from that red-green onto this red-green using this string.
08:06Throughout your pull, you must remain on this red-green.
08:09Your thing must travel through or over all the obstacles.
08:14The biggest thing pulled onto this red-green wins.
08:19You have 15 minutes and one attempt.
08:22Your time starts now.
08:24OK, let me just have a look.
08:25Let me just walk the course, like in golf.
08:28LAUGHTER
08:30Very good.
08:32Urine.
08:33Didn't expect that.
08:35Yep.
08:37OK, so these are the things that...
08:40..I can choose?
08:41No, that's a rhino.
08:42That's going to be firing balls at your thing.
08:44Oh, OK.
08:52Well, I don't think we need to mess around.
08:54Let's fire balls.
08:56That's a salt course.
08:57We start by watching Anya, Maisie and Rhys pulling on a thread.
09:00Here we go.
09:01Put a little person on that, maybe.
09:03Oh, that's lovely.
09:05Oh.
09:05I think he's going to go on there.
09:10Yeah.
09:11Nice, nice.
09:12Those are good wheels.
09:13Fuck off.
09:18That's pretty big.
09:19It's going to look like a baby.
09:21You're going to be dragging a baby through the obstacles.
09:23Yeah, it's like a metaphor for giving birth.
09:25Is it?
09:35Right, I'm doing it.
09:36Pulling.
09:38She's ready.
09:41So it's a steady pull of a pig.
09:43Yeah.
09:43A steady pig pull.
09:44Pulled pork.
09:49Stop firing balls at my baby.
09:52If you had a doctor firing tennis balls as you were pulling it out of your...
09:56Are you allowed to say vagina on this show?
09:59Yeah, you can say vagina if you want.
10:00Vagina?
10:02Why is it going over to the other side?
10:05I specifically put the wheels so that it would come to me.
10:08It's going toward the rhino.
10:10Oh, come on.
10:12I don't understand what's happening with it.
10:14Oh, no.
10:15Alex, please, if you could help me out a little bit.
10:20Oh, thank you.
10:24Oh!
10:25Straightening the pig.
10:28You on the bridge?
10:32I think you might have to drag him.
10:33I'm going to drag him.
10:34You have a minute and a half.
10:36OK.
10:38We have movement.
10:41Fuck off, Rhino.
10:43She's through the door.
10:45Don't lose your momentum.
11:00I could cry.
11:02Can I go?
11:03Yes.
11:03Thanks.
11:05It survived the saloon doors.
11:07What is a cervix if not a set of saloon doors?
11:13Uh-oh.
11:15Oh, no.
11:16She's caught on the ledge of the womb.
11:18I was going to snap.
11:19OK.
11:19What would you like me to do?
11:20Could you lift it higher, please?
11:23Yeah.
11:24Thank you.
11:25Yeah, that worked.
11:26Final push.
11:29Congratulations.
11:30But I will have to tell Greg what I did.
11:32You were the midwife.
11:34LAUGHTER
11:38No!
11:39Oh!
11:41He snapped!
11:42That's failed in its failure.
11:43Can I go and tie it?
11:45No.
11:45I'm going to do it.
11:46I don't care.
11:47OK.
11:48Come on.
11:49Oh, no.
11:50Come on!
11:54I'm just doing it round its neck.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Come on!
11:58Oh, the scarecrows!
12:00Oh, it's locked!
12:09Well done.
12:12APPLAUSE
12:12So easy.
12:13Sorry about the sheep.
12:19You're a lot angrier than I imagined you to be, Maisie,
12:22before you came on the show.
12:23It's like a red mist that descends.
12:26And I've got points to bring up, by the way.
12:28Oh!
12:29You had assistants.
12:30You re-tied your knots.
12:32It said, stay on your green, pull something onto the green.
12:34It didn't say you couldn't have help, did it, in the task?
12:36Well, I...
12:37I can't just, like, open the envelope and then ring people
12:40and be like, can you come and help me?
12:41Well, unless it says you can't do that.
12:44You can.
12:47All the information is on the task.
12:49Fuck off, Greg!
12:52Who would you have run and how would they have helped?
12:54My friend Jordan, he lives not too far from where...
12:57You know Jordan?
12:58Yeah.
12:58I like her.
13:02I don't mean I'd have run Katie Price.
13:04No?
13:05Why wouldn't you not have run Katie Price?
13:06I don't think she would have been best suited to the...
13:08We're getting off topic.
13:10What?
13:12My rope snapped and I accepted it and walked off.
13:16You've had your baby lifted up by him.
13:18I like torn.
13:19And then...
13:21You've gone and...
13:22You've come off your green to go and re-tie them.
13:25Yes.
13:25That's right.
13:25Yet, somehow, I'm the knobhead for not ringing Katie Price.
13:31That saves me some in it, I think.
13:34Anya, this is one of those moments where a person's time on Taskmaster
13:39will be defined by one moment.
13:41And I've asked Alex to capture it.
13:43Yes.
13:43Oh, God.
13:43This is you, Anya.
13:45A vagina.
13:48I don't think I've ever said it like that before in my life.
13:52Um, she did well.
13:54Whatever Maisie might think, she stuck to the rules.
13:57Eh?
13:58I can't see a rule that Anya broke.
14:00Well, you lifted out her object out the pool.
14:05Yes.
14:05Because...
14:05Yeah.
14:06Because Anya asked him to, and it doesn't say in the task
14:09that you shouldn't ask.
14:10It just seems like you're maybe not okay asking other people for help.
14:18That is such a beautiful moment on this show.
14:21We're talking about a task given to one competitor,
14:26and now...
14:27Yes, I cut your nose out.
14:30It's got nothing to do with you.
14:32What happened I had?
14:32Well, it's got nothing to do with you.
14:33Thank you, Rhys.
14:35It's got so a doing...
14:35We haven't even gone through down all...
14:36The fight in again!
14:38The fight in again!
14:39The fight in again!
14:39We've had enough of it!
14:41Okay, I...
14:42I do love the way that you're contributing to the session.
14:48İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
15:16Bu videoda görüşmek üzere.�
15:19B Biraz daha keyont tranquilструкal LG'e İZLED
15:27jetzt bir biber Collins.'
15:29Çalışları da gene bir düğün oluşuyor.
15:40İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
15:46Tежtzone Wiragenler 2 erkeklerimiz var.
15:55Yeni Kırmızı bakıma.
15:56Bir mesela İmizsaltı.
15:58Hatır.
15:59Histicam sağlamı.
16:01Hıbır.
16:14Her zamanlerden bir sanatçı olmalı.
16:16Özellilerden iyi bir sanatçı şu.
16:18Bu of alliydi.
16:20Üfersiz.
16:21Üfasız.
16:21Üfersiz.
16:22Üfersiz.
16:23Müzik
16:54Bu ne?
16:55Bu ne?
16:57Ben, bu ne?
16:5810 minutes left.
17:00Ben, bu ne?
17:0220 quid.
17:0620 quid.
17:0720 quid.
17:08Ben, bu ne?
17:11Ben, 25.
17:13Ben, bu ne?
17:14No, ne?
17:16Ben, bu ne?
17:173 minutes 30.
17:18Perfect.
17:21Ben, bir de bir chance.
17:23Okay, I've got a few things here.
17:25I mean, that's obviously got a handle on it.
17:27Yeah, I like that.
17:27Yeah, that's good.
17:28I just want you just to protect your head...
17:31Right.
17:31...as well.
17:33Right.
17:34Here we go.
17:37Oh.
17:39We're off.
17:39I'm feeling a tug.
17:40Come on, Ben.
17:43Come on, boy.
17:44Doesn't look happy.
17:45Come on.
17:45Let's get you to that glue factory, pal.
17:48I know what it's like.
17:49And what the hell was that?
17:50That's the rhino firing balls at himself.
17:52Don't do it.
17:53There's only three of you left.
17:56Whoo!
17:57Whoo!
17:58Good use of shield.
18:06Come on, Bernard!
18:07I'm going to put a small child on your back
18:09and charge the money for the privilege.
18:11You've got one minute.
18:14Nice work, Alex.
18:16Nice and steady.
18:19Come on, Bernard!
18:20He's doing all right, isn't he?
18:21Hey!
18:23There's not much pleasure you get in life
18:24that could be dragging a lifeless horse
18:26over a child's paddling pool.
18:31What happens here, Sanjay?
18:33I mean, feel free to duck.
18:34I can't.
18:34Oh, can't you?
18:37How long have I got?
18:39Three...
18:39Oh, God, don't speak.
18:42How's that?
18:43Pretty good, isn't it?
18:50Excellent.
18:53Well done.
18:54Safe and sound.
18:55Helpful, Alex.
18:5625 quid.
18:57And that.
19:05Did you receive the £25 from Sanjeev?
19:09No.
19:11Oh, shit.
19:14I didn't have it on me then, but I do now.
19:18Because I made sure...
19:20So I didn't know when the task was on,
19:22but every show...
19:23Oh, shit!
19:25I'm carrying this around.
19:28It's the end of the year.
19:29Thank you.
19:34Are you all right with this?
19:35No, no, no.
19:37Are you all right with this?
19:38I think I may get enough points that I can be all right with it.
19:44I'm over.
19:47Phil, you've got incredibly emotionally attached
19:50to an inanimate object.
19:52Genuinely sweet.
19:53Well, I've never been involved in any kind of teamwork
19:55or, someone would say, long-term friendship.
19:58So...
19:59You find love where you can.
20:00You make your own friends.
20:01Exactly.
20:02Size-wise, it was about the size
20:04of the objects that made it over.
20:06Yeah.
20:06Sanjeev's was the size of a baby, I suppose.
20:09Sanjeev's was the same size as me.
20:11Weirdly, Phil's horse was the same size as you.
20:13It was 4.8 cubic feet, which famously you are.
20:17I think there's no doubt that Phil wins the task
20:19and gets five points.
20:20I think what a great task as well I'd like to see.
20:24Are you happy that Sanjeev dragged me to the other end?
20:26I'm afraid I am.
20:27Four points to Sanjeev.
20:28Well done.
20:29Are you happy that Anya, with some help,
20:32got the baby to the other end?
20:33I am.
20:34Three points to Anjeev.
20:35OK.
20:36So, I guess rules-wise, zero points to Maisie.
20:38And Rhys?
20:39He didn't complete the task, he broke the rules,
20:41so he can't have any points either.
20:42So, 0-0, but Phil Ellis is the winner of the task of five points!
20:45To the Maisie!
20:46APPLAUSE
20:50Can we see the scores, please?
20:52Yes, well, I can tell you, that was the first time that Phil
20:54has won a task so far.
20:56Yes!
20:59Well done, Phil!
21:00And what a task to win as well.
21:02Oh, I know.
21:03And just by following the rules...
21:06It means, Phil, you're in second place,
21:08but in the lead with eight points, it's Sanjeev Bhaskar!
21:13Shall we have another task?
21:15Ah, yes.
21:16Now, would you...
21:17I don't want to make things tricky, but do you mind if I...
21:20Just...
21:21Do you...? Yeah.
21:22Would that be all right if I just...
21:23Yeah.
21:25Oh.
21:31OK. Happy?
21:32Yeah.
21:34You?
21:35Not as happy as you.
21:37No.
21:39OK, well, here we go.
21:53Tanya!
21:53Hello.
21:55Sanjeev!
21:58Nothing for me, OK.
22:00Have a seat.
22:05No, go on.
22:06Are you sure?
22:07Yeah.
22:08I mean, we're both meant to.
22:09Shall we both try it?
22:09Yes, let's.
22:12You look like we're about to do a duet.
22:13I know.
22:15Let's go one cheek each.
22:16I've got a tiny arse, to be honest.
22:18I can probably do this.
22:23Oh, it's awkward.
22:24I'm not getting cramped.
22:26Make things genuinely awkward.
22:29Most genuine awkwardness wins.
22:31You have 20 minutes.
22:33Your time starts now.
22:35That's really hard.
22:36Wait, wait!
22:37For who?
22:38For who?
22:38It doesn't have to be for us.
22:41We can make Alex awkward.
22:48Just turn the light.
22:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:51It's really awkward.
22:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:53Can we just ask you some more questions?
22:58So, you know...
22:59Alex, just look away.
22:59I'm going to start taking my clothes off.
23:02Alex, look at me.
23:02I'm about to start taking my clothes off.
23:04Oh, you want me to look at you?
23:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:06I'm going to look at you.
23:07Right.
23:07Who do you think is the funniest?
23:08Me or you?
23:11Er...
23:11Alex, who's funnier?
23:13And who has been funnier?
23:14Have you two?
23:15Yeah.
23:16Oh, that's difficult.
23:17Is it awkward?
23:18But...
23:18For me? No.
23:19No, maybe it's been funnier.
23:29I can't wait to see the horrors of what you've got planned.
23:34I was immediately awkward by everything that happened in that.
23:37But I know it gets worse.
23:39Well, let's see the first team's attempt, and slightly awkwardly,
23:41it's the team of two, with Sir Shearsmith and Madam Adam.
23:49Thank you, everyone, for coming to Josh's memorial.
23:55As my son, he was obviously the apple of my eye, and we had such high hopes for him.
24:01Yeah?
24:01And one of the teachers that always used to inspire him was Miss Reuben.
24:06Miss Reuben's here, who has very kindly said, agreed to say a few words.
24:13On...
24:13About Josh.
24:14I'll just go now.
24:15OK.
24:15Thank you.
24:16Thanks so much.
24:19So, um...
24:20Yeah, it's, um...
24:22What was your name, sorry?
24:24Alex.
24:25Alex.
24:25Alex.
24:26My son was Josh.
24:27Yeah, yeah.
24:28He died.
24:28Yeah, yeah.
24:29So, as Alex has just said, I was fortunate enough to teach Jack...
24:36Josh, Josh.
24:37Yeah, Josh.
24:38..a lively character.
24:40Not now, obviously.
24:42But, um...
24:43Frankly, we had, uh...
24:45We had quite a few...
24:46Quite a few cleverer kids in the class.
24:50Um, in fact, I used to say cleverer, and then he'd put his hand up and go,
24:53cleverer's not a word, actually!
24:55Um, which did used to rile me up.
24:58Just one of those people that thought you were smarter than he is.
25:00I'm not sure.
25:01And, uh, I always used to think, like, you know, like father, like son.
25:04Cos I remember you from a lot of parents' evenings.
25:07You never lost faith.
25:08I'll give that to you.
25:09You would always go, oh, it's in there somewhere.
25:11And it wasn't.
25:12It was never there.
25:13It wasn't.
25:13And I tried, so...
25:15Thank you.
25:16But thanks again for coming.
25:17Thanks again for coming.
25:18And God bless...
25:20Thank you.
25:21..us all.
25:22Now my wife would like to say a few words.
25:24You know my wife, don't you?
25:25Yeah, I do know your wife.
25:26Cos I've seen you both together.
25:28Oh!
25:31Thank you for coming.
25:32Right.
25:33I'm leaving.
25:34OK.
25:34My own son's memorial.
25:35Cheers.
25:36That's Alex, Josh's dad there.
25:39Um, cake is served in the, um...
25:43..by the font.
25:46LAUGHTER
25:46Wow.
25:48APPLAUSE
25:52It was pretty strong, I thought.
25:54Yeah.
25:54Pretty excruciating.
25:55So they left the room.
25:56They just decided to do some improv about a funeral.
25:59Came back in.
26:00So they didn't know what they were going to say.
26:01And it was tense in the room.
26:02And the teacher's having a lesbian affair?
26:06Mm-hm.
26:07Well...
26:07We think so.
26:08We...
26:09We think so.
26:11Our idea was to do bad improv.
26:13Because there's nothing worse or more awkward than improv when it's bad.
26:19Oh, I just thought you were bad at improv, but...
26:22LAUGHTER
26:23We're at the halfway point of the episode.
26:25Advert time.
26:26What are you going to do about it?
26:28What are you looking at?
26:28Shut up.
26:33APPLAUSE
26:38Hello, and welcome back to the start of part three.
26:40Things were awkward before the break,
26:42and it's not about to get any less awkward now, is it, Alex?
26:44That's right.
26:45Most genuine awkwardness wins, and now it's time for the team of three,
26:48who, let's face it, are awkward just to look at.
26:51It's Anya, Phil and Sanjeev.
26:55You're back.
26:56Thanks.
26:56Would you mind...
26:57Just come in and sit in there.
26:58Just have a seat.
27:00If you could...
27:01Just grab that.
27:03Thank you.
27:04Do I need this?
27:05No, you don't need that.
27:09Thank you, Sanjeev.
27:10Hello, Anya.
27:14It's better for us, if you're just honest.
27:16You know, which one of us would you rather have sex with?
27:26Yes.
27:26Your answer here would either make you a racist or a sexist.
27:31So...
27:32Bearing in mind I'm 15.
27:36How old are you, Sanjeev?
27:38I'm older than 15.
27:39I'll have sex with you, Sanjeev.
27:41I think that's sexist.
27:43Because, I mean, during the week you were very happy to kind of contemplate the bits.
27:48of my body.
27:49Yeah, exactly.
27:50You remember what you called my hole?
27:54It was French.
27:56Sound French.
27:56Was it Les Coles, a school?
27:58You called my bumhole a school.
28:01Wow.
28:02We have got another thing you could help us with to maybe make it feel better,
28:06which is that you could wash our baby.
28:09I don't mind washing your baby.
28:11Hey, take?
28:13Hi, baby.
28:22Baby, so dirty.
28:24Right.
28:24Don't like that.
28:26Please be thorough.
28:28Thorough.
28:34Do your knees.
28:35Are you still dirty?
28:37Baby hungry.
28:39No, no, no.
28:39Baby hungry.
28:41Baby hungry.
28:43Baby hungry.
28:47Mmm.
28:55Go to sleep.
28:57I'm 43.
28:59Yeah, I'm 46.
29:00Mmm.
29:09I mean, what's wrong with you?
29:15The word hole.
29:18The word hole was horrible.
29:20But I wasn't expected to be.
29:23OK.
29:23To be an anal sex rusher.
29:26Yeah, it was not the vagina.
29:30This is going to be a challenge for the children's version of this show.
29:35I would argue you can't show footage of a grown man sucking from another man's teeth.
29:43We did not plan that bit.
29:45No.
29:45Which bit?
29:46But they left me on my own.
29:46Oh, was that spontaneous, that?
29:48I panicked.
29:51We're also very aware that you've played the very short version of what happened.
29:57I mean, I'm horrified by both teams' efforts.
30:00but I would give one more point to the team of three.
30:04So I would give them five points and the team of two, four points.
30:07There we go.
30:07Well done, both teams.
30:08Well done, both teams.
30:09APPLAUSE
30:12Right, let's have another task, Alex.
30:14Sure.
30:15And guess who forgot where he put the paintbrushes?
30:38Oh, hello!
30:41Hello, Anya.
30:42How are you?
30:44Er, tickety-boo?
30:45Yeah.
30:46Erm, I'm well, if you're bothered.
30:49No, I'm just here to record what happens.
30:51Right.
30:53Do the most accurate finger-painting of the person on the other end of the phone.
30:59You may only use four-letter words when speaking to them.
31:03And every other reply will be a lie.
31:07You have a total of ten minutes.
31:09Your time starts when the phone rings.
31:11Good luck.
31:13OK.
31:14PHONE RINGS
31:15And we're off.
31:16PHONE RINGS
31:18Erm, hello?
31:19PHONE RINGS
31:21Hi-hi!
31:24APPLAUSE
31:24Hi-hi!
31:28Four-letter word seems an unusually cruel rule.
31:31It's tricky. Very tricky.
31:33I don't think there's much to discuss.
31:34Let's just crack on and do some finger-painting.
31:36Yes, the person they are painting can only say the truth every other answer.
31:40First to finger-paint are Anya and Sanjeev.
31:45PHONE RINGS
31:47Hiya.
31:48Hello. How are you?
31:51Er, fine, thank you.
31:54Erm...
31:55Er...
31:56Cool.
31:57Er...
31:57Cool?
31:59I'm cool, yeah.
32:00Great.
32:02What...
32:03Er...
32:04Head?
32:06I do have a head.
32:08Face?
32:09I do have a face, yes.
32:11Chin?
32:11Er, I have three chins.
32:15That's...
32:15OK.
32:16A little more complicated than I thought.
32:20Size?
32:21Nose?
32:22Er, I don't have a nose.
32:23They don't have a nose.
32:24Oh, that's a lie.
32:25We're narrowing this down.
32:26Er, name?
32:28Er, John.
32:30John.
32:32So this is something that I do want to know.
32:37Sexy?
32:39Er, very.
32:41Very.
32:42And that's true.
32:44John?
32:45No, my name's not John, my name's Andrew.
32:48OK.
32:49Er, John?
32:50Hi, yes, my name's John.
32:52Erm, hair?
32:54Er, no, I'm bald.
32:55Oh.
32:56Hair?
32:57Er, yes, I do have hair.
32:59Are you working out a tactic here?
33:01Not really.
33:02What I'm doing.
33:05What wear...
33:07...use?
33:08Yeah.
33:09I keep straight from work, straight from the kitchen.
33:12So I do think they're in a chef outfit.
33:13Any idea what John's wearing?
33:15No, I can't find another word in my head for...
33:19...clothes.
33:20Mess upon your garb?
33:24No, I wouldn't say suit.
33:26Suit.
33:27I'm not wearing a suit, no.
33:28Suit.
33:28Er, yes, I am wearing a suit.
33:32Long hand?
33:33Er, yeah, I do have a long hand.
33:34Oh, that's a lie.
33:35Oh, shoe size?
33:37Er, small.
33:39Small.
33:40He's got small feet with his short hands, has he?
33:42Sounds like a right catch.
33:45Ring?
33:46No, I wouldn't say so.
33:54You haven't said anything to John for a minute now.
33:56I can't multitask.
33:58That's the problem.
33:58Ah, wrong show.
34:00You're going to have to hang up on John in a second.
34:02Any final words?
34:02Erm, lo-love?
34:06Y-you.
34:08I do love.
34:11I think we had a real connection there.
34:13Bats.
34:16Bats.
34:17I love bats.
34:20Excellent.
34:22Right, well, thank you so much, Sandy.
34:24Thank you very much for that.
34:26Ah!
34:27You're kidding!
34:29Oh, my God.
34:33LAUGHTER
34:36Were you behind me the whole time?
34:38Yeah.
34:41APPLAUSE
34:46What did you mean?
34:47Bats.
34:49Bats?
34:50Yeah, I mean, it didn't mean anything other than bats.
34:52It was a minute and a half of silence, then bats, bats, hang out.
34:57Anya just seemed to be on a dating app, as far as I could.
35:00LAUGHTER
35:01It looked like...
35:01I think I looked like I was on a dating app,
35:03and then I say this with the utmost respect to Sanjeev,
35:06it looked like he was a person getting scammed.
35:10LAUGHTER
35:11LAUGHTER
35:13We can see Anya's and Sanjeev while we're on the subject of them.
35:16So, Anya drew this.
35:18Not...
35:19Not terrible.
35:20The right sort of clothing.
35:22The gentleman is here.
35:23That's pretty good.
35:24The essence of the show.
35:25It's surprisingly all right, isn't it?
35:27Flip over to Sanjeev.
35:29Bats, bats!
35:30Oh, my God!
35:31You see the bat?
35:32I think if you took his hat off, I don't think that's too far off.
35:35Well, let's have a look at him.
35:36It's not a million miles...
35:37It's not as far as I thought it'd be.
35:38Well, it's a man.
35:40LAUGHTER
35:41Both better than I thought they would be.
35:43Right.
35:44One part to go.
35:45Who will amass the points needed to stand victorious on the stage?
35:49Sanjeev's second urine sample of the series
35:51is not going to win itself!
35:54APPLAUSE
36:02Hello!
36:03Thank you.
36:04It's the final part of the show,
36:05and we've gone back to preschool for some finger-painting.
36:08Yes, Mr Davis.
36:09They're trying to paint the man on the other end of the phone.
36:11in the phone box that was directly behind them.
36:14Remember, they may only use four-letter words when speaking to him,
36:17and every other reply will be a lie.
36:20Remember that.
36:21Maisie, Phil and Rhys, remember that.
36:25PHONE RINGS
36:29Hello?
36:30Well, they won't reply to that.
36:31Hiya.
36:32Hello.
36:35Erm...
36:35Face?
36:37I do have a face, yes.
36:39Nice face.
36:40I've actually got a pretty ugly face, to be honest.
36:44Oh, OK.
36:45Sorry to hear that.
36:51Erm...
36:55Erm...
36:55Name.
36:57Andrew.
37:01Am I expected to know this, Andrew?
37:03You were expected to paint him?
37:05Hair.
37:06I don't have any hair.
37:09Eyes?
37:11I do have eyes.
37:13Blue?
37:14They are blue, yes.
37:15Ah.
37:17We're off.
37:17We're off. Great.
37:19Eyes blue?
37:20My eyes are not blue.
37:22They're hazel.
37:23Right.
37:24I don't even think that's a colour.
37:26That's grey.
37:27How have I got grey from green and red?
37:29You don't have to answer that.
37:30They weren't four-letter words.
37:31It's just nice to know you're there.
37:32High nose?
37:33Have...
37:34Have high nose?
37:35Er, yes, high.
37:37Blue nose?
37:38I also have a blue nose, yes.
37:40You have a blue nose?
37:41Oh, come on.
37:42This is Papa Smurf.
37:44Hair?
37:45I do have hair, yes.
37:46Lots?
37:47No, I'm bald.
37:48You just said you had hair, mate.
37:51I was going to ask him if he had big ears, but...
37:55If I'd have said ears, he wouldn't know that.
37:57I mean, size, would he?
37:59Ears?
38:00Size?
38:02I've got small ears.
38:04Oh, I've got big ones.
38:06Body?
38:07I do have a body, yes.
38:09Bigs?
38:11Er, yes, large.
38:12He's got a bigs body.
38:14Coat?
38:15Yes, I am wearing a coat.
38:16Cool coat?
38:17I would say it was quite cool, yeah.
38:19He's got a cool coat, has he?
38:20Yeah, it's a black leather jacket.
38:22I think it might be Danny Zuko.
38:24What make jobs?
38:27I make spaghetti bolognese.
38:29That's your job?
38:30Spag, bowl, two Ls.
38:33No, that's not right.
38:34That's not right.
38:35I don't think I care.
38:37Can I ask you something, Rhys?
38:39Yeah.
38:39How are you getting on with the truth and lie system of this?
38:42Have you remembered that?
38:43Oh.
38:45LAUGHTER
38:52I hadn't been considering that.
38:55Right, I'm off now.
38:57You've been really, really unhelpful.
39:01Goodbye, Andrew.
39:02Nice talking to you, liar.
39:06I'm going to miss our chats.
39:08Not good for my blood pressure, this, you know.
39:10I need this.
39:13LAUGHTER
39:20The fact that they all made the same mistake is fascinating enough.
39:24I think we should just see the pictures.
39:25Yeah.
39:25Let's get to the goods.
39:26Maisie was furious that he wasn't apparently telling the complete truth,
39:30and this is what she painted with her fingers.
39:32You liar!
39:34LAUGHTER
39:37The info I got was blue nose, spaghetti bolognese and no body.
39:42So I think I...
39:43I genuinely left that caravan thinking, nailed that.
39:46I've smashed this.
39:47Yeah.
39:48You thought that man was on the end of the line.
39:51LAUGHTER
39:51So Maisie did that.
39:52Phil did this.
39:53Ooh.
39:54Ooh.
39:55That'd be cool.
39:55Yeah, I mean, straight away you went to Fonz.
39:58Yes.
40:00Rhys, renowned artist, did this.
40:03LAUGHTER
40:09So, can I...
40:11What was the answer to the question, Biggs?
40:14LAUGHTER
40:15Why did I think very definitely red shoes?
40:18How could I have got that from him?
40:19And that's the thing that worries you about your drawings.
40:22LAUGHTER
40:23All five with our chef, Andrew.
40:25That's his name, here.
40:28It's not really about who's good at art, cos maybe...
40:30You know, you could say I've captured his spirit.
40:33LAUGHTER
40:34The rule was, do the most accurate...
40:36Oh, now we're in the rules, are we?
40:39LAUGHTER
40:39So, here we go.
40:40What's the point?
40:41Yes.
40:42Least accurate first, please, Greg.
40:43Well, I don't think that Maisie will be annoyed with me for this.
40:47You think wrong.
40:49LAUGHTER
40:49But, because with the best will in the world,
40:52as charming a character as that is,
40:54it does not look like a human.
40:56LAUGHTER
40:56So, one point for Maisie.
40:57One to Maisie, good.
40:58And I'll give Sanjeev two points.
41:00Ooh, I love you, Sanjeev, two points.
41:02Phil, three points.
41:03Phil, three, OK.
41:04Um, Rhys has captured his haunted look.
41:08See?
41:08But, you know, Anya's...
41:10I mean, somehow, that...
41:12LAUGHTER
41:12Forgive me, Anya.
41:14Shit painting...
41:16LAUGHTER
41:16Does look most like the chef.
41:19Wow.
41:20So, against all odds, she takes five points.
41:22Wow, there we go.
41:23And, yeah, five points!
41:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:27Right.
41:28One of the scores, Alex.
41:29I can tell you that in the series,
41:32Phil and Sanjeev are joint last with 70 points each,
41:35but in this episode, they're joint first with 15 points each!
41:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:42Yes, that's magnificent.
41:44All right, everyone, can you make your way from the stage
41:46for the final task of the show?
41:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:52Hello, you angel!
41:55Hello!
41:55Who will be reading the task?
41:57I think Sanjeev should.
41:59OK.
42:02Eat the lame duck or don't eat the lame duck?
42:06I'm going to stop you there.
42:07Is there an accent on the E?
42:10LAUGHTER
42:14Yes, there is.
42:16I ate the lame duck.
42:19LAUGHTER
42:20That's good!
42:21APPLAUSE
42:23That's good.
42:24Thank you very much.
42:25OK, here we go.
42:26Eat the lame duck or don't eat the lame duck.
42:30If you are the only person to eat the lame duck,
42:33you win five points and everybody else loses one point.
42:37If more than one person eats the lame duck,
42:40all lame duck eaters lose three points
42:43and the lame duck refusers gain three points.
42:47What?
42:48If no-one eats the lame duck,
42:49you must each give Greg 25 pounds.
42:53LAUGHTER
42:56If everyone eats the lame duck,
42:58Alex will give you each 25 pounds.
43:01You have two minutes.
43:03LAUGHTER
43:03You've got to make the choice.
43:05Do you eat the duck or not eat the duck?
43:07Vegan chocolate, I will tell you now,
43:09it's delicious.
43:10Are you ready?
43:11Yeah.
43:12Eat or not eat vegan lame ducks!
43:15Listen, I say we all eat it.
43:17Yeah.
43:17We all get 25 quid.
43:19Yeah.
43:19We all lose three points.
43:21Yeah.
43:21What?
43:21We don't lose three points if you eat it.
43:24Because if more than one person eats the duck,
43:26all the duck eaters lose three points.
43:28Well, that is true.
43:28But that leaves us where we are anyway.
43:29We're all 25 quid richer.
43:32Yeah.
43:33But three points less.
43:34Yeah, but across the board.
43:36Yeah.
43:36But you're already 25 quid down today.
43:39Well, don't worry about me.
43:42But...
43:43I want to eat the duck because it smells really good.
43:46Not a good reason.
43:47Well, then, good news, you can eat the duck and get 25 pounds.
43:49That feels like the win-win.
43:51How do you do that?
43:52By eating the duck.
43:53We all eat the duck.
43:54We all eat the duck.
43:55We all eat the duck.
44:00We'll all get 25 pound and no points.
44:03But if one of you fails to uphold their end of the bargain...
44:06Yeah, but we won't because we'll all eat the duck.
44:08Why don't you all pass me your ducks?
44:11Now.
44:12And then we'll now, won't we?
44:15Quick as you can.
44:16Yeah, but do we trust Phil not to eat all the ducks?
44:19Well, that would be the thing, wouldn't it?
44:20We each have our duck.
44:22We can eat it.
44:22If all of us do it.
44:25I was voted most trustworthy person in my primary school.
44:3122 seconds of decision-making.
44:33What do we reckon?
44:38Guys, I ate mine.
44:39You're going to eat yours?
44:40I'm going to eat mine.
44:42No!
44:42What?
44:44Are you eating them?
44:45Five seconds left.
44:46Are we eating them now?
44:47Yes.
44:48We're eating them.
44:49Eight!
44:50Eight!
44:56Did someone not eat their ducks?
44:58We will find out.
45:00We will find out.
45:01I did not expect that to be so exciting.
45:05Alex, go and clear up.
45:07Come down here and join me,
45:08and we'll see how that's affected the final scores!
45:14APPLAUSE
45:18Well, well, well, well.
45:20Any duck gobbling treachery?
45:22There was a bit.
45:23I think they all agreed to eat their duck.
45:25Did somebody not?
45:27Somebody did not.
45:28Oh!
45:30Murder most foul!
45:33Are you...
45:34Who?
45:35Who?
45:36Rhys, is it you?
45:38Yeah.
45:39Oh!
45:40Rhys!
45:42Sheersmith did not eat his duck,
45:44and if only one person didn't eat his duck,
45:46everyone else loses three,
45:47and he gains three.
45:49Wow.
45:50Wow.
45:50Wow.
45:50Wow.
45:50Noted.
45:51You know why that happened?
45:52I didn't understand the rules.
45:55Sure you didn't get the rules, Macbeth.
45:59Great.
46:00But there's more, Greg.
46:05And this time I want to show you this.
46:07What do you mean?
46:10He didn't eat his duck.
46:11Oh!
46:13I've still got it.
46:15I sucked all the gold off.
46:18What does that mean, though?
46:20Wow.
46:20It means I'm now worth more than I ever have been.
46:25If more than one person eats the lame duck,
46:27all lame duck eaters,
46:29that's Anya,
46:30that's Maisie,
46:30that's Sanjeev,
46:31lose three points,
46:32and the lame duck refuses.
46:33That's Phil,
46:34that's Rhys,
46:35gain three points.
46:36So, well done, Phil.
46:37Well done, Rhys.
46:40Wow.
46:41Which means that Maisie's now at the bottom of the table
46:43with seven points,
46:44but way above her,
46:45with 18 points.
46:46For the first time he's won an episode,
46:48it's Phil Ellis!
46:49Oh!
46:50Phil Ellis has won!
46:52Please let me get your seeds from a tree
46:54in your future archaeological tree!
47:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:07caught in one point.
47:18Happyunkt House.
47:24P DIRECTOR Сп every Sunday!
47:26I want to get the idea of a growing engine
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