- 19 hours ago
Holiday in Handcuffs (2007) [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:14I'm not crazy.
00:00:16I'm a long way from crazy.
00:00:20Doing one crazy thing does not make a person crazy.
00:00:24Though I have to admit this isn't how I expected to be spending my Christmas.
00:00:28And I'm sure it's not how David Martin planned on spending his.
00:00:33So, you've been walking for what, about an hour?
00:00:36And you've gone exactly 1.8 miles.
00:00:39The nearest gas station is 20 miles away.
00:00:42You do the math.
00:00:45Look, why don't you just come back to the house, we'll make some hot chocolate, okay?
00:01:00Are you okay?
00:01:02Nothing smart to say?
00:01:04Is your face frozen?
00:01:08You are the devil.
00:01:35The day started out like every other day.
00:01:37Which lately, is not necessarily a good thing.
00:02:07Is there?
00:02:08The only thing you can do when it's crazy.
00:02:13Is I'm not sure if I can reach up to the sky.
00:02:18Believe you got something special.
00:02:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:02:22There's no matter who's behind.
00:02:24Oh, crap.
00:02:26Trudy, that word is so tacky.
00:02:28Hi, Mom.
00:02:29Hi, honey.
00:02:30We're just getting organized here.
00:02:31We had to bring everything.
00:02:32You never know with a rental.
00:02:34So, you have directions and everything?
00:02:36I do.
00:02:36I'm going to be doing seating arrangements for dinner, so I just wanted to make sure that
00:02:40Nick is still coming with you.
00:02:42Of course he is.
00:02:45Cocktails?
00:02:45At six sharp?
00:02:47I know, Mom.
00:02:51We are so excited to meet him, honey.
00:02:53It's going to be a very special Christmas.
00:02:55Do you think he could be the one?
00:02:56I don't know, Mom.
00:02:58Oh.
00:02:59Yeah, maybe he could.
00:03:01Look, I don't have time to talk about this right now.
00:03:03Um, I've got to get ready for the interview.
00:03:05Oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:03:06Wear your Christmas dress.
00:03:07It's a great color on you, and the style really slims your hips.
00:03:12Mom, no, I'm already dressed.
00:03:14And please, for Christmas this year, no more pink sweaters.
00:03:17Please.
00:03:17Honey, pink is the best color on you with your blue eyes and your hair.
00:03:21Well, I don't even know if it fits anymore.
00:03:22I am telling you, you have to dress some job.
00:03:24Okay.
00:03:25Okay.
00:03:26Okay.
00:03:27No, no, no, no, no.
00:03:28I don't have time to talk to...
00:03:29Hi, Dad.
00:03:30Listen, um, you told Mr. Portnoy that...
00:03:32I don't have any sales experience, right?
00:03:34Well, what do you mean?
00:03:35You sold him lemonade.
00:03:35I sold him lemonade when I was 10, when he called me little pootie.
00:03:40Listen, never take no for an answer, and do not leave that room until the job is yours,
00:03:44okay?
00:03:44Okay, well, what did you tell him I've been doing?
00:03:47Well, I didn't.
00:03:47I just said you were a late bloomer, but that you're ready to get your life together.
00:03:51You make me proud.
00:03:52I can't wait to see you.
00:03:53Love you.
00:03:53Okay.
00:03:54Drive safe, okay?
00:03:55Bye.
00:03:55Love you.
00:03:57I can feel it, honey.
00:03:58I think things are turning around for you.
00:04:01Okay.
00:04:01Bye, Mom.
00:04:02Oh, honey, honey.
00:04:03Be sure to do something with your hair.
00:04:06Oh, my God.
00:04:08Oh, no.
00:04:10This can't be happening.
00:04:13Yep, the day started out like any other, except it was almost Christmas, and the constant
00:04:18pressure from my parents to get a real job and a serious boyfriend was taking its toll.
00:04:24It was enough to drive anyone nuts.
00:04:26But aren't most of us just a hair away from crazy anyway?
00:04:30I think the difference between sanity and insanity often comes down to timing.
00:04:40You f***ed.
00:04:56Hi, Trudy Chandler.
00:04:57I have a...
00:04:57You're late.
00:04:58I know.
00:04:58I'm sorry.
00:04:59I...
00:04:59He can't see you now.
00:05:00Oh, no, no.
00:05:01I know I'm a little late, but you don't understand.
00:05:03You see, my parents and Mr. Portnoy are neighbors, so my dad set this appointment,
00:05:06so it's very important that I see him.
00:05:08If it was so important, you should have been on time.
00:05:11He's in with his next interview.
00:05:14No.
00:05:15No, he can't be.
00:05:16No.
00:05:16I can't miss this interview.
00:05:22Don't even think about it.
00:05:29Mr. Portnoy, it's me.
00:05:31Little pootie.
00:05:32From the corner.
00:05:32Come on.
00:05:34Come on.
00:05:34You know I can sell.
00:05:35I made more money than any of those other girls on the street.
00:05:38We have a code red up here.
00:05:44Things are finally turning around for me.
00:05:59How'd it go?
00:06:00I'm pretty sure I didn't get it.
00:06:02Hey, hey, what are you doing?
00:06:03I don't pay you to chitty-tap with a friend, okay?
00:06:05Get to work, or you'll be out in the gutter.
00:06:07Shut up, Taj.
00:06:08You're gonna fire me like I'm gonna sleep with you.
00:06:11He would not keep his great-grandfather's gun here if he knew how close I come to killing him every
00:06:15day.
00:06:17Oh, my God.
00:06:18Oh, I left it in too long.
00:06:20My mom's always complaining that my hair hangs in my face.
00:06:22Oh, my God.
00:06:25It's my Christmas dress.
00:06:27My mom got it for me.
00:06:28Taj is really into Christmas this year, but he's Hindu.
00:06:35How do I look?
00:06:37Oh, sweetie.
00:06:39Oh, Lucy, I completely blew the interview.
00:06:42I can't believe I have to go home today.
00:06:43There's gonna be nowhere to hide.
00:06:45I mean, my mom wanted this to be a special Christmas,
00:06:46so she rented a cabin in the middle of nowhere.
00:06:49We're gonna be trapped like the Shining.
00:06:52I'm sorry.
00:06:54I'd offer to come with you, but Steve and I are having our first Christmas alone together.
00:06:58That's okay.
00:06:58I still have one more chance for survival.
00:07:00Nick's coming with me.
00:07:01Table two wants that check.
00:07:02Table two.
00:07:02What?
00:07:03That's a little fast, isn't it?
00:07:05No, it's been a couple months.
00:07:07Besides, I have nothing to offer these people.
00:07:08No husband, no grandchildren.
00:07:10My dad already thinks I'm a lesbian.
00:07:12So you're using Nick to get your parents off your back?
00:07:14Yes.
00:07:15No.
00:07:15He's just great at first impressions.
00:07:17My parents are gonna love him.
00:07:18I don't know what you have against him anyway.
00:07:20I guess Elita's jackhouses aren't my type.
00:07:22They're not yours either.
00:07:24So his family owns banks.
00:07:25And what's wrong with wealthy and successful for a change?
00:07:27It's easy to be wealthy and successful
00:07:29if you're born into wealth and handed success.
00:07:31Well, he's coming to pick me up at two o'clock,
00:07:32so can you please try to control the chronic bitchitis, please?
00:07:36Check, check.
00:07:36Table two, check.
00:07:38Hurry up.
00:07:40I said I wanted a hot fudge, you chowder head.
00:07:45Nice.
00:07:47Excuse me.
00:07:52When are you gonna quit this heinous job?
00:07:54Oh, you're here.
00:07:55Yes.
00:07:57Oh my God.
00:07:59What happened to you?
00:08:00Believe it or not, I was trying not to attract attention from my parents.
00:08:03Yeah, about that.
00:08:04I think I'm gonna pass on the whole holiday song and dance.
00:08:07What is that supposed to mean?
00:08:09Oh, just meeting your parents is a whole other level
00:08:10and I don't think we're there yet.
00:08:12Oh, uh-huh.
00:08:13Okay, okay.
00:08:14Uh-huh.
00:08:14Well, um, do you think that maybe in, like, the next ten minutes
00:08:17we could get to that level?
00:08:18Because my parents are expecting you to come home with me.
00:08:21I don't think we're ever gonna get there, sweetheart.
00:08:23You can't bail on me now, Nick.
00:08:25Nick, I mean, you know, cocktails are at six o'clock sharp.
00:08:29I need you.
00:08:30Yeah, the needy thing, not a turn-on.
00:08:33I can't believe this.
00:08:34I mean, this is not happening.
00:08:36Why did you tell me you were gonna come home with me for Christmas
00:08:38if you were never gonna do it?
00:08:40Because I knew that that's what you wanted to hear.
00:08:43You know, we hadn't had sex yet, so...
00:08:48Yeah, see you later.
00:08:51Wait!
00:08:53If you walk out that door now, we are so over.
00:08:59Uh, yeah.
00:09:01Okay.
00:09:09Oh, my God.
00:09:10Oh, my God.
00:09:11Oh, my God.
00:09:12Oh, my God.
00:09:12Hey, what's up?
00:09:13I'm waiting for Jessica.
00:09:14Right over there.
00:09:15Dude, of course I'm sure.
00:09:17So wish me luck, okay?
00:09:19Bye.
00:09:25Hey, hey, hey, wake up.
00:09:27Come on, hurry up.
00:09:28Customer, table 10.
00:09:29Go, go, go.
00:09:30Took you long enough.
00:09:35What can I get for you?
00:09:38Uh, I'll take a cheeseburger and fries and a Caesar salad, please.
00:09:42Dressing on the side.
00:09:47Do you need to write it down?
00:09:52Dressing on the side.
00:10:12I don't think we're ever going to get there, sweetheart.
00:10:19You okay?
00:10:20Where's Nick?
00:10:22Oh, Merry Christmas.
00:10:26Hey, what is that ringing?
00:10:31Oh, what is that?
00:10:35Hello, Mom?
00:10:37Trudy?
00:10:37I knew it. You haven't left yet, have you?
00:10:39I'm sorry, Mom.
00:10:40I said six o'clock.
00:10:41Honey, what part of that did you not understand?
00:10:44You know, Trudy, the entire world can manage to be on time.
00:10:47Why can't you do this one thing for me?
00:10:48Are you trying to ruin Christmas?
00:10:52Trudy?
00:10:53We're leaving now.
00:10:54Nick's bringing dinner clothes, right?
00:10:56Yeah.
00:10:58He's wearing a blue blazer, dress shirt, pink tie.
00:11:01Did you plan the matching thing?
00:11:02No.
00:11:03We didn't plan it.
00:11:04Get in the car.
00:11:12Excuse me.
00:11:13You're not going to the bathroom.
00:11:14Oh, this isn't the restroom?
00:11:15You're coming with me.
00:11:17No, I'm going to the bathroom.
00:11:21Look, I'm not sure what kind of government-sponsored work program you're a part of, but I...
00:11:26What the hell is that?
00:11:27It's a gun.
00:11:28Are you sure?
00:11:29Yeah, it's a gun.
00:11:30It was used to fight the British.
00:11:32Maybe you heard of a little thing called the Indian War of Independence, 1857?
00:11:36You're kidding, right?
00:11:38Move it!
00:11:39Hey, watch it!
00:11:41Move it!
00:11:53With the love of God!
00:12:00Wake up!
00:12:02Wake up!
00:12:08Ah, you.
00:12:10Blitzen.
00:12:11Excuse you?
00:12:12Mm-hmm.
00:12:13I'm looking for my boyfriend.
00:12:14Handsome.
00:12:15Nice dimples.
00:12:16Handsome.
00:12:17Nice dimples.
00:12:18Don't see him.
00:12:19Maybe this is his way of dumping you.
00:12:21Come on.
00:12:38Hi.
00:12:39Hmm?
00:12:40Hi.
00:12:41How's your head?
00:12:43Uh, how about I take the blindfold off now?
00:12:45How'd that be?
00:12:47What's your head on the same about me?
00:12:50Hi.
00:12:54Well...
00:12:58Look, I'm not sure what's going on or what you want from me, but this plan doesn't seem very
00:13:04well thought out.
00:13:06Let's face it, I'm a guy, and sooner or later, I will overpower you.
00:13:09Yeah, good point.
00:13:11Unless you knock yourself out first.
00:13:13Or I shoot you.
00:13:17You seem like a nice girl.
00:13:20Probably nothing a little lithium couldn't fix.
00:13:23Come on.
00:13:24You're not really going to shoot me with that thing.
00:13:28Ah!
00:13:31Oh, my God!
00:13:33Oh, my God!
00:13:39Sorry.
00:13:52So, this is the deal.
00:13:53You're coming home with me to spend Christmas with my family, as my boyfriend, Nick, who,
00:13:57unfortunately, couldn't make it.
00:13:59I'm not doing anything like that, Looney Tunes.
00:14:01Uh, you don't exactly have a choice, Dwayne.
00:14:04It's David.
00:14:06And...
00:14:09Your boyfriend dumped you.
00:14:11No, I told you, he couldn't make it.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:14You're one of those hairy lady man-hater types who's been rejected time after time, and now,
00:14:21you're taking it out on an innocent bystander.
00:14:23What?
00:14:23No, I'm not!
00:14:40Gas, gas station.
00:14:42Green and white sign.
00:14:43Green and white.
00:14:43Hey.
00:14:45Ha.
00:14:46You know there's no way you're going to pull this off, right?
00:14:48What are you going to do, hold the gun on me during Christmas dinner?
00:14:50The second I get to your house and tell your family how demented you are...
00:14:54Hey.
00:14:55Hey, that's getting personal.
00:14:57Hey, what are you doing?
00:14:59No cell phone?
00:15:01It's in my coat.
00:15:03At the diner.
00:15:04Where I left it before I was kidnapped.
00:15:15Man, what is this stuff made of?
00:15:19Oh, hello.
00:15:20Hi.
00:15:25Uh, just $10 worth and this.
00:15:37There you go.
00:15:43I usually pump the gas for the pretty ladies.
00:15:46Oh, please, that's not necessary.
00:15:48Oh, you wouldn't want to deny an old man one of the few pleasures he has left.
00:15:52Oh, no, really.
00:15:54You don't have to do that.
00:15:55I can handle it.
00:15:56Whoa.
00:15:56Oh, what's going on here, sweetheart?
00:15:59Oh, that's my boyfriend.
00:16:01I'm surprising him with a weekend in the woods.
00:16:02You know, the wild kind of weekend.
00:16:05The tie-me-up, tie-me-down kind.
00:16:07Yeah, you better come with me, young lady.
00:16:09Oh, I really don't have time.
00:16:28These are on the house, honey.
00:16:33Oh, thanks.
00:16:36Well, you better watch out or I'll come back for you next.
00:16:38Oh, Jesus.
00:16:43God.
00:16:46Okay.
00:16:48So, this kidnapping just got a little bit more professional.
00:16:53You're kidding.
00:17:01And more comfy, too, right?
00:17:04And just slightly more humiliating.
00:17:08Lucky little bastard.
00:17:25Look, I'd like to apologize for earlier for raising my voice and for, you know, shooting near your manhood.
00:17:37Beef jerky?
00:17:42That's very kind.
00:17:43Okay, so I think we should share a few important facts about each other.
00:17:47Oh, my gosh.
00:17:50You're some sort of a vice president of a company your father owns.
00:17:57Okay, that's a yes.
00:18:01Your parents bought your first house.
00:18:04You sail and golf.
00:18:06I'm guessing a 14 handicap.
00:18:09And you're probably some sort of a Zeta, Beta, Beta, Shmeta.
00:18:15Okay, yes, yes, and yes.
00:18:18I'm a 10 handicap.
00:18:20Oh, great for you.
00:18:22Well, I think it's safe to say I've lost my job at Taj's Diner Deluxe.
00:18:25I live in a crappy loft downtown.
00:18:27I don't golf.
00:18:28Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
00:18:53Okay, I'll be right back.
00:18:55Okay.
00:19:11Oh, there she is.
00:19:13Look who's here.
00:19:14Oh, my baby.
00:19:16Oh.
00:19:18Mom, don't cry.
00:19:19Let me look at you.
00:19:20Oh, my gosh.
00:19:20What have you done to your hair?
00:19:22You look like one of those actresses in a pornographic movie.
00:19:25I have porn star hair.
00:19:26How do you even know what a porn star looks like?
00:19:28Judy.
00:19:30Oh, well, let me look at the dress.
00:19:31Ah, it looks gorgeous.
00:19:33What do you think, Richard?
00:19:34It's too tight.
00:19:35Hi, Dad.
00:19:36So, what the hell happened today?
00:19:38I don't know.
00:19:39I was late.
00:19:39Mr. Portnoy did this as a favor.
00:19:41You know what?
00:19:42It's a reflection on me.
00:19:43I know, and I'm sorry.
00:19:44I'm sorry.
00:19:44Could we not talk about this now?
00:19:46I don't want to ruin Christmas by all this negative talk.
00:19:49Where's Nick?
00:19:50Oh, he's in the car.
00:19:51But I wanted to tell you guys.
00:19:53You know when we go to a restaurant and Dad tells jokes to the waitresses and they're stupid and embarrassing,
00:19:57but he thinks it's funny?
00:19:59Well, sometimes when Nick feels awkward in a social situation, he does this whole, I didn't want to be here,
00:20:05I've been kidnapped thing.
00:20:07Kind of weird, but he thinks it's funny, so just laugh along so it doesn't make him feel bad, okay?
00:20:15Okay.
00:20:17We're very excited to meet him.
00:20:19Okay, well, Dad, please try not to embarrass him, okay?
00:20:21Yeah, fine.
00:20:30Okay, we're on.
00:20:32No, I'm not going.
00:20:34Well, it's nice and warm in the house.
00:20:35You'll freeze to death out here.
00:20:38Fine.
00:20:38The charade's about to end right now.
00:20:51Welcome.
00:20:53Oh, this is so, so special.
00:20:55You are the first boyfriend Trudy's ever brought home.
00:20:57Yeah, we thought maybe she liked the innies, you know, not the outies.
00:21:02Richard.
00:21:03You know what I mean?
00:21:05Okay, listen to me very carefully.
00:21:08She forced me to come here.
00:21:10This woman held me at gunpoint, kidnapped me, and brought me to this house as her hostage.
00:21:22I see what you mean.
00:21:24What are you laughing at?
00:21:25Did you just hear me?
00:21:27Your daughter is a crazy, dangerous criminal.
00:21:30Yes, she is.
00:21:32Would you like some eggnog?
00:21:33I have a secret ingredient that makes all the difference.
00:21:36It's ground cloves.
00:21:39What's the matter with you people?
00:21:40Are you all nuts?
00:21:42All right, honey, that's enough.
00:21:43I will be right back.
00:21:44You have yourself a seat, Nick.
00:21:45My name is not Nick.
00:21:47Yeah, he does that too.
00:21:48And I will not have a seat.
00:21:49Okay, well, I'm going to go help Mom with the eggnog.
00:22:01Come on.
00:22:02Nick, have a seat.
00:22:03Come on.
00:22:05Mom, I was wondering if I could be key master this year.
00:22:08Really?
00:22:09Usually you hate the idea of key master.
00:22:11Yeah, you know, the idea of being forcibly trapped at the holidays used to bother me.
00:22:14But now I see the higher social purpose.
00:22:18Uh-huh.
00:22:18Well, are you sure you can handle Grandma?
00:22:20You know how she is.
00:22:21And that's before she dips into the eggnog.
00:22:23She's like 75 years old.
00:22:25Yes, but she's still freakishly strong.
00:22:27I think I can handle it.
00:22:30I'm trusting you.
00:22:43I'm trusting you.
00:23:28I'm trusting you.
00:23:37Look, sir, I think I can clear up the situation and we can forget the whole thing ever happened.
00:23:42I just need to use a phone.
00:23:44No phones in the house.
00:23:46What about a cell phone?
00:23:47Ah, the key master's got all the cell phones.
00:23:50Apparently it interferes with our quality family time.
00:23:54You're a little kid.
00:23:55What are you going to do?
00:23:56All these places.
00:23:59Gang's all here.
00:24:01Hey!
00:24:02How my kids get so good looking.
00:24:04Most beautiful girl in the world.
00:24:06Merry Christmas.
00:24:06Yeah, I want to hear all about school.
00:24:09How are you, stud?
00:24:10Good to see you.
00:24:11That's my boy.
00:24:12So glad you're here.
00:24:12Gosh, you look stunning.
00:24:14Have you lost weight?
00:24:15No.
00:24:15I cut out dairy, though.
00:24:17You look fantastic.
00:24:18Thanks, Mom.
00:24:19Mom?
00:24:19Hi!
00:24:20Wow.
00:24:20Mom, you have really made it look perfect and Christmassy.
00:24:24Yeah, some digs.
00:24:26Mom, would you cash in Dad's 401k?
00:24:28Hey.
00:24:29Hey, where's Jen?
00:24:30I thought she was coming.
00:24:30I told you she had to stay in town to work.
00:24:32I'm lucky I could take the time off.
00:24:33You work too hard.
00:24:34Well, markets don't stop when I'm not there, Ma.
00:24:36Hey, numbnuts, come here.
00:24:39Look at his hair.
00:24:40What is that?
00:24:40What is that?
00:24:41Jake, Jake, we have company.
00:24:43I would like you to meet Trudy's boyfriend, Nick.
00:24:45Hey, nice to meet you.
00:24:46I'm not her boyfriend.
00:24:48I met her today when she poked a musket in my ribs,
00:24:51tied me up with furry handcuffs,
00:24:52and drove me to wherever I am right now.
00:24:55Furry handcuffs.
00:24:56Now I'm embarrassed.
00:25:02He's, it's a, oh, it's a whole thing.
00:25:04All right, come here.
00:25:05Look, Jake, is it Jake?
00:25:06Jake, you look like a reasonable person.
00:25:08Listen to me, man.
00:25:09You may think your sister is normal,
00:25:11but she's not.
00:25:13Believe me, she is a psychopath.
00:25:16Tell me about it, huh?
00:25:19All right, I want eggnog.
00:25:21Come on, Nick.
00:25:23Merry Christmas, come on.
00:25:32Okay, Nick, you'll be in here.
00:25:34Mom, I am 27 years old.
00:25:36I'm going to sleep in the same room as my boyfriend.
00:25:38End of story.
00:25:39Oh, okay, dear.
00:25:46Yeah, you better get used to these bunk beds,
00:25:48because that's what you're going to be sharing
00:25:50with your new jail buddies, Mad Dog and Roz.
00:25:53Why don't you try and relax?
00:25:55Oh, make no mistake, freak show.
00:25:57I will find a way out of here.
00:25:59And what's going to keep me going
00:26:00is the look on your twisted face
00:26:02as they haul you off to the slammer.
00:26:05You know, you might as well settle down,
00:26:07because there's no way out of here.
00:26:08See, as the key master,
00:26:09I have control of all the car keys and cell phones,
00:26:11which I've hidden quite well,
00:26:12if I do say so myself.
00:26:15So, you might as well try and get a good night's sleep,
00:26:17because we have a couple of big days ahead of us, schnookums.
00:26:46Be the key master.
00:26:48Be the key master.
00:27:10There's got to be a neighbor somewhere.
00:27:33So, you've been walking for what, about an hour?
00:27:41Look, why don't you just come back to the house,
00:27:43we'll make some hot chocolate, okay?
00:27:54No hot chocolate for you, then?
00:28:17Hello?
00:28:19Hey, it's me.
00:28:20What happened to you yesterday?
00:28:21You looked kind of strange,
00:28:22and then I turned around and you were gone.
00:28:24Are you okay?
00:28:24Yeah, I'm fine.
00:28:26Well, not exactly fine.
00:28:29I think I had a little bit of a nervous breakdown.
00:28:31I didn't know they came in sizes.
00:28:33Yeah, and I did something kind of crazy.
00:28:48Hey, good morning.
00:28:49Good morning.
00:28:49Come on, sit down.
00:28:50I'll make you a special breakfast.
00:28:52It's not that big of a deal.
00:28:54Not that big of a deal?
00:28:57You have to let him go right now.
00:28:58What are you going to do after the holiday?
00:29:00You can't keep him.
00:29:01He's not a puppy.
00:29:01I know.
00:29:03Look, I haven't thought that far ahead, but I'll figure it out.
00:29:05Hope you like eggs, Benedict, and I hope you're hungry.
00:29:09A little fruit salad.
00:29:11Here you go.
00:29:14Mm-hmm.
00:29:19You didn't sleep in those clothes, did you?
00:29:22Yeah, I'm trying to tell you that.
00:29:23Oh, you know, in all the chaos, we forgot his suitcase.
00:29:27That's right.
00:29:28I left it at the diner.
00:29:30You know, I should really call about that bunny.
00:29:32Could I borrow your phone, please?
00:29:34Sorry, I didn't bring my phone, sweet pea.
00:29:36Yes, you did.
00:29:36It's in your...
00:29:40Trudy!
00:29:43You were supposed to put that away.
00:29:45Right.
00:29:46Forgot.
00:29:48I'll go get you something to wear while I wash your clothes.
00:29:50Richard always brings a few things he thinks he'll be able to fit into if you lose 10 pounds.
00:29:59Give me the phone.
00:30:00Come and get it.
00:30:01Give me it!
00:30:02No!
00:30:08You know, I ran track in high school.
00:30:10I played football.
00:30:11My nickname was Flash.
00:30:12Ooh, scary.
00:30:14Scary.
00:30:20You know, I was also really good at home ec.
00:30:23Really?
00:30:24That's useful.
00:30:25Right.
00:30:25It is.
00:30:26Because I was really good at making one dish.
00:30:28What's that?
00:30:29Beef tenderloin.
00:30:33Extra tender.
00:30:35Don't do it!
00:30:35Don't do it!
00:30:42Here you go, Nick.
00:30:56This sucks.
00:30:58So the sheepdog says.
00:31:00So the sheepdog don't talk.
00:31:01Is that...
00:31:02You get it?
00:31:03No.
00:31:07Oh, you don't care.
00:31:09Oh, nice look.
00:31:10Yeah, Reaganomics.
00:31:12Huh?
00:31:13No!
00:31:14No!
00:31:17I forgot the extra virgin olive oil.
00:31:19How could that have happened?
00:31:29I'd be happy to go to the store for you.
00:31:31No, Mom.
00:31:33I should go.
00:31:34It'd be rude to send a guest.
00:31:36It is a long drive.
00:31:37No, really.
00:31:38It'd be my pleasure.
00:31:40Well, Nick, thank you so much.
00:31:42But you know what?
00:31:42Richard will drive.
00:31:43You go with him.
00:31:44Mom!
00:31:44Trudy!
00:31:45Trudy!
00:31:45I'm going to need your help, honey.
00:31:46And this is a good opportunity for the men to, you know, have some quality time together.
00:31:49Mom!
00:31:50Gertrude!
00:31:50Marie!
00:31:54Well, come on, Nick.
00:31:56Richard will drive.
00:31:57You go get the keys.
00:32:13This should undo the damage.
00:32:15I don't know what you were thinking.
00:32:17Who perms their hair anymore?
00:32:20No offense, but this look says desperate.
00:32:23Guys can tell when you're trying too hard.
00:32:26So you dating anyone at law school, Katie?
00:32:28I'm dating a few guys.
00:32:29Katie?
00:32:31I didn't say I slept with them.
00:32:33I'm not a slut.
00:32:35I know.
00:32:36I just want to know how Trudy hooked up with Nick.
00:32:39He is so hot.
00:32:41Oh, I just gave him no choice.
00:32:44But to love me.
00:32:45Yeah, well, he is something.
00:32:47He's well-spoken.
00:32:48He's successful.
00:32:49He's handsome.
00:32:50I think your father's taking a liking to him.
00:32:52I'm sure they're bonding.
00:33:04Mr. You have to help me.
00:33:06I've been kidnapped.
00:33:07Let me guess.
00:33:08By a sexy lady in a pink dress.
00:33:11Yes, yes, you remember.
00:33:13And she tied you up in blindfolded.
00:33:16Yes, yes, that's right.
00:33:17That's right.
00:33:17And she spanks you and does naughty things.
00:33:22What are you doing?
00:33:23That's disgusting.
00:33:25Extra virgin olive oil.
00:33:28What does that mean?
00:33:30Can you really be an extra virgin?
00:33:35That little woman at home loves to have everything lathered up in oil.
00:33:40Not that I'm complaining.
00:33:41That's the best thing about the holidays.
00:33:44No guilt.
00:33:46Right, son?
00:33:50Oh.
00:34:03Where in God's name are we?
00:34:05I'm freezing my ta-tas off.
00:34:07Well, Merry Christmas to you too, Grandma.
00:34:09No, don't call me that.
00:34:15Ugh.
00:34:24All right, old man.
00:34:25I'm not leaving here until you help me.
00:34:27I'm coming back there and I'm going to use that phone.
00:34:29There's not going to be any trouble in my store, super freak.
00:34:33Now back that ass up nice and slow.
00:34:52I'm going to turn the radio.
00:34:53Ah!
00:34:54Ah!
00:34:55Ah!
00:34:56Ah!
00:34:58Ah!
00:35:00Get out of here!
00:35:03Calm down, son.
00:35:04I just want to go home.
00:35:07Oh, I know.
00:35:08Relationships can seem suffocating at times, but, you know, it'll be the house.
00:35:17Oh, now, don't you worry.
00:35:18This will be our little secret.
00:35:29There it is.
00:35:30Sweet.
00:35:31Wrong.
00:35:31Don't take the pieces from my side, please.
00:35:33There's pieces missing.
00:35:34Hey, hey.
00:35:35How'd it go?
00:35:37Everything's fine, honey.
00:35:38Yeah?
00:35:39Everything's fine.
00:35:43Uh-oh.
00:35:47Oh, just like Paul Newman.
00:35:51Nice, firm...
00:35:52Grandma!
00:35:53A Dolores Grant.
00:35:55Nice to meet you.
00:35:57Hey, dude, I got some clothes you can borrow.
00:35:59Come on.
00:36:00Whatever.
00:36:01Thanks, man.
00:36:10I didn't like those pants, anyway.
00:36:13Here.
00:36:15Try those.
00:36:22You have a phone?
00:36:24Yeah.
00:36:25Keep it to yourself that you know how my mom is about phones at Christmas.
00:36:31Uh, I need to make a call.
00:36:32Could I borrow it for a minute?
00:36:36Sure.
00:36:38Thanks.
00:36:56I'll be out in a minute!
00:36:58Let's go in there, sunshine.
00:37:00Hi, you've reached Jessica's voicemail.
00:37:01Damn it!
00:37:10Maria.
00:37:14Hello?
00:37:16Mrs. Barber, it's David.
00:37:17Hello, darling.
00:37:19Merry Christmas.
00:37:20I was looking for Jessica, but I don't have time for that.
00:37:22Listen, I've been taken hostage.
00:37:24Maria!
00:37:26I can't reach my drink!
00:37:29Mrs. Barber, are you there?
00:37:30Let me get Jessica for you, darling.
00:37:33Jessica!
00:37:33No, no, no, no, Mrs. Barber!
00:37:34Wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:37:35Maria!
00:37:37Maria!
00:37:38Oh, no, Mrs. Barber.
00:37:41Not again.
00:37:44Hey, where's Nick?
00:37:46He's on the phone.
00:37:48Phone?
00:37:48What phone?
00:37:49My phone.
00:37:51Oh, man!
00:38:01Hello?
00:38:03Jessica!
00:38:04Who's this?
00:38:05It's David.
00:38:06Look, I've got something really important to tell you.
00:38:08Really?
00:38:09Because you said that you had something important to say yesterday.
00:38:12And then you stood me up.
00:38:16Is my boyfriend in there?
00:38:17Daisy May has been in there primping for ten minutes.
00:38:20Open this door!
00:38:21I just get my Gamma Pie Delta alumni luncheon to meet you.
00:38:24Jessica, please listen to me.
00:38:25And I am sure that Betsy Palmer jumped at the chance to campaign for my spot as social chair.
00:38:31Open this door!
00:38:33I was on Broadway once.
00:38:36Hey!
00:38:37I was kidnapped from the restaurant yesterday by a waitress.
00:38:40She's about 5'2".
00:38:42She's got crazy hair and crazy eyes.
00:38:47If this is your way of getting out of Christmas Eve with my parents...
00:38:50Listen to me!
00:38:51I'm a couple hours outside the city.
00:38:53North, I think.
00:38:55It's a log cabin.
00:38:56Six plus four.
00:38:57Rustic charm.
00:38:58Are you drunk?
00:38:59Please, sweetheart.
00:39:01I love you.
00:39:02The important thing yesterday...
00:39:04I was going to propose.
00:39:07Propose?
00:39:09Go to the police and tell them what's happened.
00:39:13Jessica, are you there?
00:39:16You're serious?
00:39:18Yes!
00:39:21I have to go.
00:39:34Did you talk to someone on the phone?
00:39:36Nope.
00:39:37Couldn't get any reception in the bathroom.
00:39:39I don't believe you.
00:39:40You talked to someone!
00:39:42Okay.
00:39:43You're right.
00:39:44I did.
00:39:44And it's only a matter of time now until I'm broken out of this asylum.
00:39:50But I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
00:39:52Until that time, I've decided I'm going to help you.
00:39:56I'm going to be the best boyfriend ever and your parents are going to fall in love with me.
00:40:02Why would you do that?
00:40:04Because it's going to be more satisfying for me when your family learns the truth about you.
00:40:17You have to swing your hips in conjunction with your shoulders.
00:40:21If you watch Tiger, it's all connected.
00:40:23One fluid motion.
00:40:25There you go.
00:40:26Playing through.
00:40:28Okay.
00:40:30So, what is it you do, Nick?
00:40:32I work for a real estate development company.
00:40:35Really? Which one?
00:40:36Barber and Partners.
00:40:37I know Barber and Partners.
00:40:38That's a good company.
00:40:40My friend did some legal work for you on the Pinehurst condos.
00:40:43Oh, okay.
00:40:43What do you do there?
00:40:44I'm a vice president of new business.
00:40:47You know, there was a time we thought Trudy, with all her causes, might go to law school like her
00:40:52sister Katie.
00:40:53Being a Democrat is not a cause, Dad.
00:40:56But she got her degree in liberal arts.
00:40:59Fine arts, Dad.
00:40:59I don't even know what that means.
00:41:01It's an expensive way to say, do you want fries with that?
00:41:06See, that's...
00:41:09Homemade ornaments.
00:41:10Yeah.
00:41:11Trudy made that when she was five.
00:41:13She was a little withdrawn as a child.
00:41:15Okay, Mom.
00:41:16You know, her brother and sister are so outgoing, and they had so many friends, but Trudy was, I don't
00:41:20know, a little antisocial.
00:41:22Really?
00:41:23We even paid a little boy down the street to be her friend, but he gave us our money back.
00:41:27All right!
00:41:30So from then on, it was Trudy and her projects, and of course, Bobo Blonkers.
00:41:37Bobo Blonkers?
00:41:38Her imaginary friend.
00:41:39Thanks, Mom.
00:41:40Thanks a lot.
00:41:41What?
00:41:41What was that?
00:41:42Are you talking to Bobo Blonkers right now?
00:41:45I have an idea.
00:41:46Why don't we let Nick put the angel up on the tree this year?
00:41:48Um, Mom, I've been doing it since I was four years old.
00:41:52You know, remember when Dad used to hold me up to the top of the tree, and I was so
00:41:55cute up there?
00:41:56I don't know, honey.
00:41:57You don't be selfish.
00:41:58I don't know.
00:42:00Dad, it's my thing.
00:42:01I mean, this is my moment.
00:42:02You know, it's tradition.
00:42:03Does anyone care about that anymore?
00:42:05Trudy, what's wrong with starting a new tradition?
00:42:08Nick, up the tree.
00:42:10Oh, thanks.
00:42:11All right.
00:42:15Hey, there she is.
00:42:18Nick!
00:42:19Nick!
00:42:20Nick!
00:42:20Give it!
00:42:20I got him!
00:42:21I got him!
00:42:21Oh, yeah!
00:42:23No!
00:42:25Hey, get back!
00:42:26Get back!
00:42:27Get back!
00:42:28Come here!
00:42:29Ah!
00:42:35Whoo!
00:42:41Yeah!
00:42:51Oh, this is really a great place.
00:42:53You know, there's an incredible craftsmanship that goes into a cabin like this.
00:42:57I'd say this is Adirondack style with a contemporary twist.
00:43:00Yes, in the Adirondacks, I starred in a revival of Madea.
00:43:05Yes, we know that, Mother.
00:43:07You don't need to shout, dear. I'm not deaf.
00:43:13Nick, would you like another piece of pie?
00:43:15Sure.
00:43:17Trudy, would you get another piece of pie, please?
00:43:20Well, he knows where the kitchen is.
00:43:23Are you trying to ruin Christmas?
00:43:28Aw, thank you, Bunnykins!
00:43:34Nick, every Christmas Eve, we read Twas a Night Before Christmas,
00:43:38and I was wondering if maybe you would like to do the honors?
00:43:41Yes, yes, yes.
00:43:43Come on there.
00:43:44Really?
00:43:46Oh, wow.
00:43:48Okay.
00:43:49That's it.
00:43:50I've had enough.
00:43:54Oh.
00:43:59Uh, I'm gonna, yeah.
00:44:03Yeah, smart.
00:44:09What's the matter with you?
00:44:11What's the matter with me?
00:44:12They're fawning all over you like the last piece of filet mignon.
00:44:15That's what you wanted.
00:44:16Isn't that the whole point of all this?
00:44:17Yeah, but...
00:44:18But what?
00:44:20My family likes you more than they like me.
00:44:29I didn't even want to read the stupid story.
00:44:31So don't read the story.
00:44:32I don't care if you read the story.
00:44:35Well, then fine.
00:44:35Then I'm gonna read the story.
00:44:39Fine.
00:44:39Fine.
00:44:46Love this pie.
00:44:51Is, um, everything okay?
00:44:54Yeah, it's fine, Mom.
00:44:56Okay, here we go.
00:44:59T'was the night before Christmas.
00:45:01Went all through the house.
00:45:03Not a creature was stirring.
00:45:05Not even a mouse.
00:45:07The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
00:45:10in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
00:45:15The children were nestled all snug in their beds
00:45:18while visions of sugar clumps danced to me.
00:45:36Mom, we don't have to leave Oreos and milk for Santa this year.
00:45:39What if Santa's hungry?
00:45:42Will you put that away?
00:45:43Mm-hmm.
00:45:46Mom, come on.
00:45:46We're all adults here.
00:45:47We don't have to write letters.
00:45:48How is Santa gonna know what you want?
00:45:55Good night.
00:45:55Good night.
00:46:01You can't eat those.
00:46:03What's it gonna look like if Santa doesn't eat his cookies?
00:46:07Well, it figures you're a dunker.
00:46:09Of course.
00:46:10What are you, a twister?
00:46:12Oh, it's so wrong in so many ways.
00:46:16All right, let's get this over with.
00:46:20Oh, this is so dumb.
00:46:22I hope you're not expecting much from Santa.
00:46:24A federal offense probably puts you on the naughty list this year.
00:46:28Laugh it up.
00:46:29You gotta do one, too.
00:46:31Hmm?
00:46:34This may take a while.
00:46:43I'm gonna ask for a new, fully loaded SUV.
00:46:47Hmm, interesting.
00:46:49I'm gonna ask for an end to global warming.
00:46:52What, you think my list is superficial?
00:46:54I don't know.
00:46:54Let me see it.
00:46:55No.
00:46:56You want a pasta machine?
00:46:59I like to cook.
00:47:00Well, don't you want something more, you know, meaningful?
00:47:03I have everything I want.
00:47:06Great job.
00:47:07Beautiful girlfriend.
00:47:13Let me see yours.
00:47:16Tiki lights.
00:47:18Chinese teapot.
00:47:20Stop disappointing my parents.
00:47:25Come on, I'm sure that's not true.
00:47:28Believe me, it's true.
00:47:30Look, your parents are good people.
00:47:32They love you.
00:47:35I just wish for once they'd look at me, you know, the way they look at you.
00:47:41They do.
00:47:42They don't.
00:47:46The best Christmas I ever had, I was ten.
00:47:49I was taking figure skating lessons, and I was supposed to have this big recital on Christmas Eve.
00:47:54There was this huge snowstorm, and they canceled it.
00:47:56Oh, I was so upset.
00:47:59But our house had this patio on the back, and my dad shoveled it, and ran the hose over it,
00:48:03and made ice.
00:48:04And my mom put lights in all the trees in the backyard.
00:48:08The glow was so beautiful.
00:48:12It was so quiet.
00:48:16That Christmas Eve, I skated my little routine with my parents watching.
00:48:20It was like I was the only person in the whole world.
00:48:24They were so proud of me.
00:48:29Somewhere along the way, things changed, and I just wish they still felt that way about me, you know?
00:48:41You know, I think parents want the best for their kids, but sometimes they don't know what that is.
00:48:53I should probably hide the evidence.
00:49:13Hello?
00:49:16Hello?
00:49:18Hello?
00:49:20Excuse me, there's a concerned citizen here who needs help from her civil servants.
00:49:24I'm never going to guess what that is.
00:49:26I'm never going to guess what that is.
00:49:26Yoo-hoo!
00:49:27Hey!
00:49:30Somebody better pay attention to me!
00:49:32It's all yours now.
00:49:37Let me guess.
00:49:38Domestic disturbance?
00:49:40No.
00:49:42Thank you very much.
00:49:43I'm here to report a kidnapping.
00:49:48Merry Christmas.
00:49:49I'm here to record a bunch of bars on the phone.
00:49:51It's so quiet.
00:49:54When I were sick, I thought I was a baby last night.
00:49:57I'm here to put my baby last night.
00:49:57I'm here to put my baby last night.
00:49:58Merry Christmas.
00:50:00Mother isn't a little early?
00:50:02Early for who, sugar britches?
00:50:04I have to spend another entire day trap with you yahoos.
00:50:08Mama's gonna need a little help.
00:50:12okay everybody here's the schedule for today jake and katie you'll be on kitchen duty with me
00:50:17richard you're chopping firewood mother do whatever you want trudy you and nick
00:50:25go outside and have some fun i've left some warm jackets and stuff by the back door
00:50:28presents are at four dinner will be at seven
00:50:34you know about last night i didn't mean to get personal and you know
00:50:43what oh my god never mind what wait it's great you're just checking out my sister i mean
00:50:51why wouldn't you be of course you are she's gorgeous and graceful and your sister's very limber
00:51:00you're jealous i am not r2 i'm not r2 i'm not
00:51:07church kids even play hockey i played my fair share well i've been playing with my brother
00:51:11since i could walk so let's go
00:51:19i'm okay i'm okay
00:51:25you sure you want to do this yeah come on
00:51:28but i've been concentrating until i've made you my life
00:51:32oh no one is the only one who's in the air
00:51:38sorry you know i gotta give it to you pretty scrappy
00:51:41um i think you've had enough for now
00:51:47so what do you do for fun for fun
00:51:49you know what are you interested in
00:51:51i paint really what kind of paintings uh portraits mostly
00:51:57you know i like post-impressionist stuff um to focus on color over line
00:52:02i know what post-impressionism is like cezanne or more like alice neal
00:52:06i love alice neal you know alice neal
00:52:08you shouldn't jump to conclusions about people
00:52:12so what do you do besides build cookie cutter condominiums for the masses
00:52:17i didn't start out to do that
00:52:19i actually studied architecture
00:52:22for a while there i thought i was gonna go out on my own
00:52:24why didn't you
00:52:26well it's risky and there's no money in it unless you're established
00:52:29well what about your parents wouldn't they have helped you get started
00:52:32yeah they would have if they had two nickels to rub together
00:52:36they were both school teachers
00:52:37they died in a car accident when i was nine
00:52:40oh
00:52:42i'm so sorry
00:52:44but you said you grew up well off
00:52:46no you did
00:52:48i lived with my grandfather in a one-bedroom apartment until i was 18
00:52:52i worked my way through college mowing lawns for the city
00:52:56that must have been tough
00:52:57you know it actually helped me in certain ways
00:53:00i learned at an early age that we're all on our own
00:53:17would you go please
00:53:18don't rush me
00:53:28oh for the love of god
00:53:36oh that's too bad making a move like that must be killing you
00:53:40hey
00:53:41oh why didn't you keep hitting yourself
00:53:44seriously what are you doing
00:53:45trudi i'm starting to worry about you now
00:53:46oh my gosh you have to stop that right now
00:53:48stop
00:53:49no give it back i didn't mean to do that
00:53:51but you did it it's done
00:53:52it was a mistake
00:53:53you can't take something back once it's already done
00:53:58even if you realize right away
00:54:00it was wrong and
00:54:02you're sorry
00:54:08fine
00:54:10but know
00:54:11that you're a cheater
00:54:16such a cheater
00:54:22i'm gonna go get some milk for these
00:54:26it's pretty nice
00:54:27stones
00:54:28oh
00:54:29oh
00:54:32oh well we're not into uh public displays of affection
00:54:36right
00:54:36come on don't be such a prude
00:54:38yeah sorry you have no choice
00:54:40it's mistletoe
00:54:51mom
00:54:52get the milk
00:54:55oh
00:54:56this is it
00:54:57the scene of the crime
00:54:58are you gonna draw your guns
00:55:03merry christmas
00:55:04welcome to taji's diner deluxe
00:55:06we have a delicious
00:55:07ho ho hot dog special today
00:55:10we're not here to eat
00:55:11we're here because my boyfriend was kidnapped by one of your waitresses yesterday
00:55:16yeah female 5'2
00:55:17crazy hair
00:55:18crazy eyes
00:55:20do you know anyone who fits that description
00:55:22apparently he was taken at gunpoint
00:55:23do you know where she may have gotten a gun
00:55:26oh
00:55:27huh
00:55:27no no no no
00:55:29i i i don't know
00:55:30i don't know anything
00:55:31i don't
00:55:38come on
00:55:38isn't it time for presents
00:55:40who is it
00:55:41it's 4 p.m
00:55:42hmm
00:55:43what are you doing
00:55:44um
00:55:45oh i'm folding your father's jockey shorts
00:55:48sometimes i have dreams that
00:55:50hundreds of pairs of underwear envelop me
00:55:53do you ever have dreams like that
00:55:55no
00:55:56mom
00:55:56are you okay
00:55:59do you know that your father's the only man i have ever slept with
00:56:03have you slept with more than one man
00:56:08no
00:56:09oh of course you have
00:56:10it's the way of the modern world
00:56:11you
00:56:12boink a whole lot of different people
00:56:13you don't just
00:56:14pick one and
00:56:16hope for the best
00:56:18well i i'm pretty sure it's time for presents
00:56:21come on
00:56:25oh
00:56:25honey you're right
00:56:27yes
00:56:27okay
00:56:28let's
00:56:28go go go
00:56:57nick time for presents
00:57:00oh
00:57:00grandma
00:57:01thank you
00:57:02thank you
00:57:04have you noticed anything strange about mom
00:57:07like more than usual
00:57:08yeah
00:57:08i don't know i just had a weird conversation with her and i think
00:57:12she might not be so happy with dad
00:57:14that's
00:57:15that's crazy
00:57:16she used the word boink
00:57:17yeah
00:57:21nick
00:57:21for you
00:57:22judy
00:57:23for you
00:57:25can i
00:57:26okay
00:57:28nick's hand
00:57:28oh
00:57:29it's a back scrubber
00:57:31wow
00:57:32exfoliation is the key to good skin
00:57:34yeah
00:57:34that's totally true
00:57:35wow
00:57:36good job mom
00:57:36thank you
00:57:37good
00:57:37yeah
00:57:44it just lights up your face
00:57:45pink
00:57:46smile
00:57:48all beautiful
00:57:49all beautiful
00:57:50all right
00:57:51gotta lick the parts on greed is good
00:57:57your dad found that it lists every law firm in america
00:58:00okay
00:58:00but don't you
00:58:02wait i'm saying you don't have enough underwear
00:58:04oh my gosh this is really heavy
00:58:07oh great for tightening screws
00:58:10christmas time again
00:58:14oh
00:58:15i picked that out
00:58:17oh right
00:58:17oh trudy
00:58:18one more gift
00:58:19it's for you
00:58:23it's christmas time again
00:58:24it's christmas time
00:58:24it's christmas time again
00:58:33well we just thought that
00:58:37yeah
00:58:37hey look
00:58:38uh trudy i don't know what happened the other day with mr portnoy but
00:58:43i think it's time to get your head out of the clouds
00:58:45what do you mean
00:58:46you need to grow up and get focused on a legitimate career
00:58:50you're unsettled
00:58:51you're unfocused
00:58:52you need to find something to do really well
00:58:54but i have
00:58:55i do
00:58:56it's painting
00:58:57i mean it's the only thing i care about
00:58:58it's the only thing that makes me feel like me
00:59:00that has nothing to do with what i'm talking about right now
00:59:03you can paint or draw or color in your spare time
00:59:07i am talking about your life here
00:59:09so am i
00:59:09don't you want to do something
00:59:11with your life
00:59:12yes but
00:59:13honey we just
00:59:14we were just trying to help
00:59:24um mr chandler
00:59:26if you don't mind me saying sir
00:59:29i've seen trudy's paintings
00:59:31and well they're raw
00:59:33and expressive
00:59:36complex and
00:59:38well a little strange
00:59:39strange but
00:59:42really beautiful
00:59:48and
00:59:50i have one more gift for her
00:59:59gertrude chandler
01:00:02gertrude chandler
01:00:03will you marry me
01:00:11yes
01:00:22this is the best christmas present you could ever give me
01:00:27oh my god
01:00:28oh my god i'm so excited
01:00:29oh i can't wait to start planning the wedding
01:00:32sorry
01:00:35congratulations
01:00:36okay um
01:00:37next on the agenda is um dinner in three hours
01:00:39so um
01:00:41i'm sorry
01:00:41everybody just get changed
01:00:43and do whatever
01:00:44and um
01:00:44we'll meet back in the dining room
01:00:46at seven o'clock
01:00:50that's it
01:00:58i know i
01:01:00that was
01:01:01that was
01:01:02something
01:01:02well you know i figured we may as well give them all the bells and whistles
01:01:05at least for a couple more hours right
01:01:08thank you
01:01:12i assume you made up the part about the paintings
01:01:14i saw your album
01:01:16it was sticking out of your purse
01:01:18oh
01:01:18you were looking at my bag
01:01:20well the keys aren't there
01:01:21no it was an accident
01:01:23relax
01:01:26so do you just
01:01:27carry an engagement ring in your pocket all the time
01:01:29yeah
01:01:31right
01:01:34well
01:01:36look i just want to say i'm sorry about
01:01:39everything
01:01:41to tell you the truth
01:01:44hasn't been that bad
01:01:47well if you can just hang in there through christmas dinner i promise i'll take you wherever you want to
01:01:50go tomorrow
01:02:00hey mom can i help you with anything
01:02:02oh yeah um you can bundle up and take out the garbage
01:02:05thank you very much honey
01:02:13hey what are you doing out here
01:02:16i'm just enjoying a little downtime
01:02:18well
01:02:21that sounds good to me
01:02:24hey
01:02:26want one
01:02:27yeah
01:02:31so you're engaged
01:02:34man
01:02:36i'm so happy for you true
01:02:38thank you
01:02:42you know
01:02:42i really hope that happens for me someday
01:02:45what do you mean it has happened for you jen's great
01:02:48yeah about that um
01:02:52jen and i broke up like six months ago
01:02:54shut up
01:02:57and i've started seeing someone else
01:02:59shut up
01:03:01and his name is ryan
01:03:04oh my gosh
01:03:05oh my gosh
01:03:08well you know
01:03:10i think maybe i knew
01:03:14yeah i knew
01:03:15what
01:03:15you didn't know
01:03:17come on i didn't even know
01:03:18i mean
01:03:19i guess i kind of knew but
01:03:21well does anyone else know
01:03:25i thought i'd tell everyone at dinner
01:03:28are you out of your mind
01:03:49dolores
01:03:59what are you doing
01:04:00i'm going back to the city
01:04:02to get a decent steak
01:04:04and a cognac
01:04:05you can't drive
01:04:06give me the keys
01:04:06you want to come along for the ride
01:04:08rosebud
01:04:09come on
01:04:10let's blow this
01:04:11rinky-dink log cabin
01:04:14the war is
01:04:26oh my god
01:04:28grams
01:04:31oh my god
01:04:33are you okay grandma
01:04:34don't touch me
01:04:36and don't call me that
01:04:38are you alright
01:04:39yeah
01:04:41what happened to him
01:04:42not trying to escape anymore
01:04:44i was just trying to make sure
01:04:45she didn't hurt herself
01:04:47well i'm glad you're okay
01:04:54swear to god
01:04:55mary had better be giving birth
01:04:56to baby
01:04:57jesus outside
01:04:59oh just as good
01:05:00police officers
01:05:02mrs claus
01:05:03it's time for stevie
01:05:04we need to open another place
01:05:05you had it out steve
01:05:07what can i do for you
01:05:09the owner said
01:05:10that you were her best friend
01:05:13i don't know where they went
01:05:14she just took off
01:05:15you know when we catch her
01:05:17you'll be put away too
01:05:18for her accessory to kidnapping
01:05:21obstructing justice
01:05:24it's not her fault
01:05:26it's men
01:05:31they drive women crazy
01:05:48oh i'm sorry
01:05:50it's okay
01:05:52i um just
01:05:53needed the uh
01:05:56toothpaste
01:06:04do you need to take a shower
01:06:08no i'll wait till you're dry
01:06:10um dressed
01:06:11done
01:06:13whoo
01:06:15okay
01:06:19well
01:06:20i should probably go now
01:06:24probably
01:06:26do you have to go now
01:06:26we have Fort work
01:06:28you know how much
01:06:30talks about
01:06:30we'll see you
01:06:30okay
01:06:55look your way
01:07:00I didn't, uh, mean to scare you off back there.
01:07:03You didn't scare me off.
01:07:06You look great.
01:07:10So do you.
01:07:11Come on. I want to show you something.
01:07:17I'm not giving you a rematch right now.
01:07:20Hold on just one sec.
01:07:23Huh?
01:07:26Okay, put these on, please.
01:07:27What? It's almost dinner time and I'm gonna dress you, moron.
01:07:30Please, shut up.
01:07:31Shut up?
01:07:32Just put these on.
01:07:34Hi.
01:07:47Whoa.
01:07:58Oh my gosh.
01:08:01I can't believe you did all this.
01:08:06It's beautiful.
01:08:10You're welcome.
01:08:12But you owe me something in return.
01:08:14What?
01:08:16A show.
01:08:17No way.
01:08:19Come on.
01:08:19I want to see this infamous routine.
01:08:22Really?
01:08:23Okay, but if you laugh...
01:08:35I want to see this...
01:08:37This isn't right.
01:08:38Oh my gosh.
01:08:42What do you mean?
01:08:53I'll see you
01:09:13Oh, there you go.
01:09:15Warm bread.
01:09:17Your tie's crooked.
01:09:19You tied it.
01:09:20Still crooked.
01:09:25Oh, shh.
01:09:26All right.
01:09:32Mom, aren't you going to make your annual toast?
01:09:37I'm hungry.
01:09:38Let's just eat.
01:09:42Um, excuse me.
01:09:44I, uh, I have something I'd like to share with everyone.
01:09:50Actually, I have something I'd like to say first.
01:09:53It's about school.
01:09:55Oh.
01:09:56I'm not going to law school.
01:10:00What did you say?
01:10:02It's just not for me.
01:10:05I dropped out last semester.
01:10:07Last semester?
01:10:08Well, what have you been doing with all the tuition that I've been sending?
01:10:13I used it as a down payment.
01:10:15Down payment?
01:10:16On what?
01:10:17On a Pilates studio in California.
01:10:20Pilates?
01:10:21I don't know what that is.
01:10:23Somebody translate that.
01:10:25Dad, it's great.
01:10:27It's a type of exercise mixing ballet techniques with yoga used to stretch and lengthen the muscles.
01:10:33Moving to the land of fruits and nuts.
01:10:35Going to lay around all day and stretch.
01:10:40I think it's very creative.
01:10:42Kudos, Katie.
01:10:44Thanks, Mom.
01:10:45What are you talking about?
01:10:47Our daughters just made a fool out of us.
01:10:49Yeah, you did put one over on us, didn't you?
01:10:54You're not dropping out of school.
01:10:56No, no, that's not what's happening.
01:10:57I'm going to tell you what's going to happen.
01:10:59You're going to get the money back and you're going to re-enroll.
01:11:03Oh, lighten up, Dick.
01:11:14Um, everyone, I, uh, I want to say something, too.
01:11:23I'm gay.
01:11:27Oh, honey, I know.
01:11:29I'm sorry.
01:11:43For God's sake, Catherine, what is wrong with you?
01:11:46What's wrong with me?
01:11:47Huh, let me think.
01:11:48Um, I hate the way you moan when you chew your food.
01:11:52What are you talking about?
01:11:56It's disgusting.
01:11:58It makes me want to throw up.
01:11:59And also, I hate that we never talk about anything important.
01:12:03Maybe that's because we all live in your world, Catherine,
01:12:07where nobody can say anything on us because it might be upsetting.
01:12:12You are the puppet master and I am your little clown.
01:12:16Boom!
01:12:17Stop it!
01:12:18God, you two, what are you guys doing?
01:12:20You think I am controlling?
01:12:22You are the ass who is forcing your children to become mini versions of yourself.
01:12:26This isn't my world, because if this was my world,
01:12:29I wouldn't have to picture Clint Eastwood just to get through our annual birthday sex.
01:12:34Oh.
01:12:50Aren't you glad you're gay?
01:12:54Everybody freeze!
01:12:55You're up there!
01:12:56Freeze!
01:12:57Freeze!
01:12:58Whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:12:58Calm down, everybody.
01:12:59Just relax.
01:13:00Wait.
01:13:01What is going on?
01:13:02Reason to believe that woman's guilty of kidnapping.
01:13:05That can't be.
01:13:05That's absurd.
01:13:06Kidnapping?
01:13:07Who?
01:13:08David Martin.
01:13:10Who's David Martin?
01:13:14No.
01:13:15That's her boyfriend, Nick.
01:13:18No, Mom.
01:13:20It's not.
01:13:24I'm not her boyfriend.
01:13:29This is getting weird.
01:13:31I don't know who brought home the bacon,
01:13:34but I'm gonna fry it up in a pan.
01:13:37Mother, no!
01:13:38Somebody has to protect this family,
01:13:40and it looks as though it's got to be me.
01:13:42Man, put the gun down.
01:13:43She having a Civil War flashback?
01:13:45She's just had a little too much eggnog.
01:13:46Um, she's an actress,
01:13:48and the gun is probably just a prop.
01:13:51You take the big one.
01:13:53Dolores.
01:13:56Oh.
01:14:00Oh.
01:14:04I...
01:14:04I was on Broadway once.
01:14:10I know.
01:14:11I know.
01:14:16Merry Christmas.
01:14:19Merry Christmas.
01:14:29Merry Christmas.
01:14:32I know.
01:14:38Mom.
01:14:39Kidnapping?
01:14:42Kidnapping?
01:14:43Mom, look at me.
01:14:45Where did I go wrong?
01:14:47Was I not a good mother?
01:14:49Yeah, of course you were.
01:14:50This is not your fault.
01:14:51Don't...
01:14:52We'll talk about it.
01:14:53Dad.
01:14:54Not now.
01:14:56Trudy.
01:15:00Horse muck didn't press charges
01:15:06You're free to go
01:15:07Thank God
01:15:13Hi
01:15:23It's not you, Granbo
01:15:25Why, Officer?
01:15:28What did you have in mind?
01:15:31One change purse
01:15:33One can opener slash keychain
01:15:36Comes in handier than you'd think
01:15:38One...
01:15:39Holy crap, look at that rock
01:15:42Girl, you hold on to that man
01:15:49Yeah
01:15:49We are both here
01:15:53Hand in hand
01:15:56In the sun and
01:16:01You and I are talking
01:16:10Realize
01:16:12We've become
01:16:18Hi
01:16:18Hi
01:16:20Just wanted to say thanks for
01:16:22Not pressing charges
01:16:25Can't say I ever imagined saying that in a sentence
01:16:29Is, uh, everyone okay?
01:16:32Yeah, they're fine
01:16:33They're not too happy with me right now
01:16:36I really did it this time
01:16:39I wanted to give this back to you
01:16:43Thanks
01:16:45Listen, uh, this whole situation's sort of confusing
01:16:49But I wanted to say
01:16:50David
01:16:51Let's get out of here, honey
01:16:52Uh, give me one minute, okay?
01:16:55Who's this?
01:16:57Is this her?
01:17:01You have some nerve
01:17:02Look, I wanted to apologize again to both of you
01:17:04Save it
01:17:05You and your band of hooligans would still be in jail if it were up to me
01:17:10Let's go
01:17:16I, uh...
01:17:16David
01:17:23Take care of yourself
01:17:25Yeah, you too
01:17:35I am not crazy and right
01:17:41I know what we have known
01:17:50Sure you don't want your old job back?
01:17:53You want lunch?
01:17:55Sure
01:17:56Here
01:17:59What about Taj?
01:18:00Oh, please
01:18:01You know, he's a softy under all that bluster
01:18:04Besides, we've reached a new stage in our relationship
01:18:06Oh, what's that?
01:18:07Partners
01:18:08That's great
01:18:09Thank you
01:18:10Yeah
01:18:12So, how's the real job search going?
01:18:15Not so great
01:18:16Apparently I have no real skills
01:18:18Mm-hmm
01:18:19I don't know, my parents are right
01:18:21I have to be realistic
01:18:24I can't just wish for something that's never gonna happen
01:18:27There is no perfect job, perfect family, perfect guy
01:18:31So you haven't heard from him then?
01:18:32No
01:18:34See, this is what I'm talking about
01:18:35I can't believe I actually thought I had feelings for some guy I kidnapped
01:18:39I mean, what did I think was gonna happen?
01:18:40Thank you
01:18:41Please
01:18:42Please
01:18:47Yep
01:18:47Yep
01:19:03I like the capsule script
01:19:04All right
01:19:05All right
01:19:05Done
01:19:07Where is Maria with the next dress?
01:19:10Maria!
01:19:11We have three more dresses to go
01:19:12We're on
01:19:26Do you like that font?
01:19:27David?
01:19:30David
01:19:30Font
01:19:32Uh
01:19:35I'm sorry, I need some air
01:19:39Oh
01:19:51Hey
01:19:53Hey
01:19:53Hey
01:19:55It could be a bit overwhelming in there
01:19:57You don't say
01:19:58You all right?
01:19:59You all right?
01:20:26Because we make sense
01:20:28Because we make sense
01:20:29And we're gonna lead a life that most people dream of
01:20:32All right?
01:20:32Tonight you and I are gonna have a fairytale wedding
01:20:35In a fairytale life
01:20:42Maria!
01:20:44I hate my life
01:21:13Hello
01:21:16Hello?
01:21:17Trude
01:21:17Hey, it's me
01:21:18Hey
01:21:19How's it going?
01:21:20Hmm
01:21:20I've been better
01:21:21Did you talk to mom and dad yet?
01:21:24No
01:21:24I've been avoiding them
01:21:26Trude
01:21:27You should call them
01:21:29Oh my god, Jake
01:21:31I'm just saying
01:21:32You know
01:21:32Be the bigger person
01:21:33No, no, no
01:21:34I've been accepted into a show at Gallery 717
01:21:37Wow, that's great
01:21:38It's a new artist exhibit
01:21:39They want a piece from me
01:21:41Trude
01:21:41That's fantastic
01:21:43When is it?
01:21:44Uh, a week from Saturday
01:21:45Will you come with me, please?
01:21:46Yes, of course I will
01:21:48Are you gonna tell mom and dad?
01:21:50No, no
01:21:51I don't want to fight with them
01:21:52I just want this to be my night, you know?
01:21:54Unh, I don't want to fight with them
01:21:57No, I don't want to fight with them
01:22:01Why don't you find me?
01:22:02What do you want to fight with them?
01:22:03Yeah, suck it
01:22:20I'm so happy you're here
01:22:22I wouldn't miss it for the world.
01:22:24So, um, this is Ryan.
01:22:27Hi.
01:22:28Jake, you didn't do her justice.
01:22:30It's so nice to finally meet you.
01:22:31So, listen, I'm a little nervous.
01:22:33I don't know what people are saying about the piece, so go over and eavesdrop for me.
01:22:37Okay, okay, but listen, um, there is one other thing.
01:22:41What?
01:22:42Now, don't freak out, but I, uh, I brought a few more people with me.
01:22:53I told you I didn't want them here.
01:22:57I don't have time to do this tonight, okay?
01:22:59I won't do this.
01:23:00Just for one night, I don't want to feel like the black sheep, the weird one, the wrong one, okay?
01:23:05Okay, we hear you.
01:23:07What?
01:23:08Your father and I have found that keeping open lines of honest communication is the only way to restore a
01:23:13healthy relationship.
01:23:15What?
01:23:16They've been in therapy.
01:23:20It really is working.
01:23:22So, what else, honey?
01:23:23Just let it out.
01:23:26I'm tired of trying to live up to your ideals, you know?
01:23:29And I won't live my life to please you.
01:23:31I mean, sometimes I feel like you have no idea who I am.
01:23:34I'm a slob.
01:23:35I mean, sometimes, if I leave a dish in the sink too long, I just throw it away instead of
01:23:39washing it.
01:23:40And, Mom, I hate pink.
01:23:40I hate it.
01:23:41And I don't want a job in computer sales, Dad.
01:23:43You know, I'm an artist.
01:23:44That's who I am.
01:23:46And I love you guys, but if you make me choose between me and you, I choose me.
01:23:52Okay.
01:23:54Okay.
01:23:55Okay?
01:23:56Yes.
01:23:57Okay.
01:23:58We hear you.
01:24:00Okay.
01:24:03You know, we worry about you, kiddo.
01:24:06We don't want you to get hurt.
01:24:07We want you to be safe.
01:24:08I mean, if I could, I'd have you live inside of a plastic bubble.
01:24:11But I was told that's a little too impractical.
01:24:13And we never meant to make you feel weird or wrong.
01:24:18We love you.
01:24:22Whatever you want, that's what we want for you.
01:24:33Thanks, Dad.
01:24:33Come here.
01:24:37I love you so much.
01:24:39I love you too, Mom.
01:24:43No, sis.
01:24:51I love your paintings.
01:24:53I love it.
01:24:54The compositions are amazing.
01:24:59Hey.
01:25:02It's great to meet you.
01:25:07You okay, sweetheart?
01:25:10Someone bought it.
01:25:11I know.
01:25:12It's wonderful.
01:25:16What's the matter?
01:25:18It just feels different than I thought it would.
01:25:20Oh?
01:25:21How?
01:25:22I don't know.
01:25:23It's just...
01:25:24It's...
01:25:25Nick?
01:25:26No, not Nick.
01:25:28Well, maybe.
01:25:29Well, no.
01:25:29I mean, it's not Nick.
01:25:30It's David.
01:25:31Stupid is what it is.
01:25:33It's not stupid.
01:25:38If there's one thing I know, it's the corrosive nature of silence.
01:25:43It leads to regret, and it'll eat away at you bit by bit.
01:25:47Look at your dad and me.
01:25:48It's never too late.
01:25:51Actually, it is.
01:25:53He got married today.
01:25:59Cheers.
01:26:15Hey!
01:26:18Just so you know, I have a black belt, and...
01:26:21My hands are considered lethal weapons.
01:26:22Ooh, scary.
01:26:24David?
01:26:25What's going on here?
01:26:26Payback.
01:26:27It's a bitch.
01:26:28Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon or something?
01:26:32Okay, how about I take that blindfold off now?
01:26:35Huh?
01:26:36How'd that be?
01:26:39Wow.
01:26:41Where are we?
01:26:45Trudy, you are...
01:26:49unorganized.
01:26:50And pushy.
01:26:51And crazy.
01:26:52I know, and I'm working on those things, and if you'll just listen to me...
01:26:55And you talk too much.
01:26:56Okay.
01:26:59I lost a lot because of you.
01:27:03But I've realized that I don't want any of those things.
01:27:07Wait.
01:27:08You don't?
01:27:11Everything I want is right here.
01:27:17Martin Art and Architecture.
01:27:20Gallery and Studio.
01:27:24Wow.
01:27:26It's amazing.
01:27:27And I've just acquired my first piece.
01:27:38I don't know what to say.
01:27:40That's a first.
01:27:43That's a first.
01:27:47I've spent my entire life striving for things that I didn't even want, because I thought that's what I was
01:27:52supposed to do.
01:27:53I thought I had something to prove.
01:27:56But I don't have to prove anything to anyone anymore.
01:28:00You don't?
01:28:05Well, maybe one more thing.
01:28:25Can you take these off me now?
01:28:38There may be no such thing as a perfect job, a perfect family, or a perfect life.
01:28:43But there is such a thing as a perfect moment.
01:28:46So I take back what I said.
01:28:48Doing one crazy thing probably does make you crazy.
01:28:51But it can also make you happy.
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