- 9 hours ago
Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Full Series]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me,
00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:15Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:46And that was a great time!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54I don't remember...
01:55I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:06Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:10Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58because I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:18Well...
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing,
04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14Kael, this is a scratch card
04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:53I'm very happy with this prize.
04:55You've done well.
04:56Hello, May.
04:56What have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:37You know...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:39A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39So, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s,
06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:02When I played a lot of poker,
07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,
07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30I would say...
07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,
07:37is the way I see it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43..a picture of a baby.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47Oh, God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points.
08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.
08:05Yes.
08:06OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,
08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.
08:12Four to my point.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22MUSIC
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44Oh, God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practice.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:54Too sticky.
08:55Oh, my heart.
08:57Oh.
08:57Oh, my heart.
08:59Oh.
09:00Oh, my heart.
09:01Oh, God.
09:02Oh, God.
09:03Oh, God.
09:03I think I'm dying.
09:08Perfect.
09:09Perfect.
09:11Oh!
09:13Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:18Oh!
09:19I'm going to take it to death.
09:20Oh, phew.
09:21I'm all right.
09:21I'm OK.
09:23Am I allowed to do another one?
09:24You do whatever.
09:25You've still got 18 minutes and 40 seconds.
09:26OK, I'm going to do another one.
09:27Seven minutes.
09:28Could boil an egg in this time,
09:30and then use the shower as nails.
09:32Would you like me to bring you an egg?
09:33Yes, please.
09:34Ow!
09:35Oh, oh!
09:35I just brought my nose.
09:36I think I'm having a nosebleed, Alex.
09:38Really, really bad nosebleed.
09:40I brought you an egg.
09:42Oh, thanks, mate.
09:45What's in there?
09:47Egg.
09:49Hold on.
09:49Your mum might like this bit.
09:50Your mum might like it.
09:51No.
09:52She'll say I'm messing up the people's house.
09:55I think I'm stopping now.
09:57I think I'm stopping.
09:58All right, then.
09:58I've had a bit of a trauma.
10:00Would you like some chocolates?
10:01I don't like chocolate.
10:02No.
10:02I like cheese and cash.
10:05All right, I'll bring you some cheese and cash.
10:06Thank you very much.
10:07Well, you seem to have perked up.
10:09Yes, I feel fine now.
10:12Happy?
10:14Happy?
10:15Happy.
10:2920 minutes.
10:31You wouldn't be able to slip into a room of notice with a hand.
10:35But the nails, lovely attention to detail.
10:39Jenny, I like cash and cheese.
10:41I'm with you on that.
10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,
10:44ah, ah, ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going,
10:49just die!
10:53Really good.
10:54Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.
10:57This time it's Ivo.
11:01Are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
11:05Of course I am.
11:07Great.
11:08You've not got long, Ivo.
11:09OK.
11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
11:18As ready as I'll ever be.
11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.
11:32Hello.
11:34What's your name?
11:36Woo.
11:37Oh, okay.
11:39Ah.
11:44Right.
11:45Um, not even going to woo any more.
11:48Woo!
11:52It's your time up, Ivo.
11:53What do you think?
11:55Oh!
11:57Cool.
11:58I've had a lovely time being involved in this task.
12:01APPLAUSE
12:05He really clawed it back with that stunt at the end.
12:09Because when the mummy first came in,
12:11I actually out loud whispered to myself,
12:14heart-breaking.
12:16The greatest privilege of my life to sit here
12:18and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.
12:25I do feel complete.
12:27Right.
12:28It's time for us to part with part one.
12:31What can I say?
12:32We were young.
12:32We were naive.
12:33We were stupid.
12:34It was never going to work.
12:35Fun though, wasn't it?
12:37Goodbye.
12:37I still love you.
12:47Hello!
12:49Welcome back to...
12:51Yes, Greg, I'm afraid so,
12:52because the current task
12:53sees them trying to fake something.
12:55Best Fake Wins.
12:57Next, and pitching a TV show at the same time,
12:59it's May Martin.
13:01OK.
13:08So I'm getting...
13:09It's not a grandparent or a father figure,
13:11it's like a teacher figure.
13:13Is that ringing any bells?
13:14I did have teachers.
13:16I want to say you've travelled away with?
13:18Yeah, I went on a school trip with Mr Arnold.
13:21So I'm getting Adrian.
13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrian.
13:24I haven't been in touch with him.
13:25I'm going to send him an email.
13:26Oh, really?
13:27Yeah.
13:29Um...
13:30I'm getting kind of a...
13:32A lot of noise, like...
13:34And they've passed.
13:35Oh, a long time ago.
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:37And Horace in particular is frustrated.
13:41He's very frustrated with you.
13:42Oh.
13:43Yeah.
13:44He's like telling me something about George Clooney.
13:46My cat?
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:49I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
13:52My dad was a GP.
13:53Clooney was in the AR.
13:55No.
13:55No, no, no.
13:56Fantastic Mr Fox is what I'm getting.
13:59Ah, well, I've seen that.
14:00And I used to have a toy fox.
14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
14:03What, that I loved the fox more than the cat?
14:05Yeah.
14:07Well, I hope you've got what you came for.
14:10I'm just trying to be a vessel.
14:12And give you the tools that you need moving forward
14:14to live in a more authentic way.
14:18Well, thank you for the tools.
14:20Thanks, mate.
14:21Um, do you have any money?
14:23Ah.
14:24Um, yeah, I've got some money.
14:25I charge £60.
14:27£60.
14:27I'll take £40.
14:32APPLAUSE
14:32It was actually quite good.
14:35It was good because they were faking it,
14:39I discovered afterwards.
14:40What, you mean May's not a real medium?
14:43In the lab, I was freaked out
14:45because everything they said was true.
14:46Yes.
14:47And I didn't know how they did it.
14:49Um, I'd been...
14:50I rang his wife.
14:54And my wife rang my mum.
14:56And...
14:57I've kept in touch with...
14:58with your wife.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:00Like, when we text.
15:02Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Very clever.
15:06It was horrible to be on that.
15:08LAUGHTER
15:08Very enjoyable.
15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
15:12Yeah, and £40.
15:13Good.
15:15Good.
15:16Who's last?
15:16There's only one more.
15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
15:20Here we go.
15:27In a sense, no one is to blame for this.
15:32In another, realer sense,
15:35the British security services
15:37and the creative team behind the antique roadshow
15:40are to blame.
15:44Farewell, Frankie.
16:05I empathise, Frankie, because, like me, your body is so much more shocking than your suicide could ever be.
16:11LAUGHTER
16:13We surprised a few joggers.
16:15LAUGHTER
16:16Oh, man, that was very good.
16:18This is tough.
16:19Are they all good, do you think?
16:20I feel like you're working against me, Alex.
16:23LAUGHTER
16:23I'm not.
16:24Can we have a look at it again, the hand?
16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hand.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle,
16:34but with the best will in the world.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:38But, you know, we're Jenny's fakes really good.
16:41No!
16:42LAUGHTER
16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom?
16:48So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.
16:49They do.
16:50Right.
16:51I'm going to give I both four points.
16:53Ooh, right.
16:54I'm going to give May four points as well.
16:56Right.
16:57Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise
17:01deserves on this occasion five points.
17:03Got it.
17:03Two, two, four, four, five points.
17:04There you go.
17:04Frankie Boyle.
17:08Scoreboard time.
17:09Frankie Amaya at the top with eight points each.
17:12APPLAUSE
17:16Right.
17:17Right.
17:18On we go.
17:19Yes.
17:19Next up is this.
17:46Hello, Alex.
17:47Hi, Jenny.
17:48Hello, Alex.
18:00Oh.
18:02The things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.
18:05I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
18:10Hello, Kyle.
18:11Hello.
18:12I'm going to bring you your task.
18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.
18:21Each time you play an instrument correctly,
18:23another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.
18:27Longest sequence wins.
18:28There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.
18:33The least worst.
18:35Sort of the best.
18:38Your time starts when the first light goes on.
18:42OK.
18:45So, up there there's drums.
18:47Where?
18:47Drum?
18:48Yeah.
18:49Oh, it's very badly drawn.
18:54What the fuck is that?
18:56Obviously a harmonica.
18:57It looks like a sofa.
18:58I thought it was a sofa.
19:00Yes.
19:05I just want to cut off.
19:06OK.
19:06When it comes to musical ability,
19:08you don't often hear these two names,
19:09and for good reason.
19:11It's Jenny and Ivofer.
19:13Are you ready?
19:15Yes, I am.
19:16Let's go.
19:21And that was a lovely chord.
19:22It was a lovely chord.
19:23I think it's my only chord.
19:26You've made it successfully through round one.
19:28I'm glad.
19:29Round two.
19:35Good.
19:36It's now time for round three.
19:37.
19:53There's that chord again.
19:55Sounding good.
19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
19:59.
20:04.
20:08great performance so you know the first four now yes all right okay now then
20:22correct congratulations really mm-hmm that's off around six round six yeah okay
20:43that's correct Jenny
20:53yeah I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong do you know what you did wrong nope
20:59I've put all this clobber on and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion off we go again
21:19you missed one I didn't you sort of did what you didn't play the harmonica
21:25only because it looks like a sofa I think you should go now
21:40it's a sad little walk away from old honk footer Clara
21:51I'm sorry I thought we've been grouped together as equal failures but it turns out I just found
21:55still a new depth I was very disappointing just five that's all you only remembered five things in
22:02how many did I get six six yeah Frankie Boyle and Mae Martin also did this task and they did
22:09it like this I
22:10feel like Dick Van Dyke you look like Dick Van Dyke in young yeah sure are you ready yeah I'm
22:21gonna go
22:35congratulations
22:46it's sounding lovely I'm seeing now how it's gonna get stressful
23:09correct I have to look at my feet every time
23:19what was the fucking last one
23:38correct
23:57Frankie yeah you did very well I think I'm surprised I'm also surprised
24:30yeah I had a great time hope in your eyes
24:33Frankie you look quite at home in that clobber I enjoyed being in a warehouse
24:38being in a one-man band for no apparent reason very impressive they both scored
24:44nine well done yeah sometimes it's just good to say well done isn't it we're
24:51stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-ups underneath that cheap suit the
25:05boy is
25:09let's just get on with a show as opposed to what oh quick update they're currently trying to copy a
25:18sequence of lights longest sequence wins and there's only one player left he's currently in
25:23last place in the series and last place in the series it's Kael
25:35correct
25:35correct
25:46are you gonna play your instruments hang on
26:03Correct. I'm sorry, we go on.
26:05On, John. Get the hard drum bell.
26:10What?
26:14Hello?
26:18What?
26:20What?
26:22What?
26:23What?
26:24What?
26:26.
26:28.
26:40.
26:41.
26:41.
26:46.
26:49Have you finished no, okay?
27:14Pretty impressive Kyle, I'm a music boy
27:18How much did he get? 15. I mean...
27:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:23Yeah, the only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task,
27:27you had a problem blowing a marble into a tube,
27:30and then you had another blow issue. Do you have a blow problem?
27:33I'm an asthmatic boy.
27:35He's a music boy.
27:37Music boy, he's asthmatic boy.
27:40Oh, I'm really sorry, there are two Kyle clips and I think...
27:44I'm going to fucking kick off, Alex.
27:45LAUGHTER
27:48I've played the Kyle clips in the wrong order.
27:50I'm so sorry.
27:51Oh...
27:51Can I play the other one?
27:51Yeah, yeah.
27:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:58BELL RINGS
28:05Kyle, you have finished the one-man-band task.
28:09Go on, give us another go.
28:10You want to keep going, she can go further?
28:12LAUGHTER
28:12We gave him quite a few other goes.
28:15LAUGHTER
28:15We were in there for 45 minutes.
28:18LAUGHTER
28:19It seems that music boys are cheeky boys.
28:22LAUGHTER
28:22So, Ivo and Kyle are both five.
28:24OK, OK.
28:25Right.
28:26Right.
28:27But, eventually, I got 15.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Well, in that case, Kyle wins the series, let's all go home.
28:34LAUGHTER
28:35APPLAUSE
28:37Good.
28:37So, Ivo and Kyle came joint fourth.
28:39Yeah.
28:40So, they both get two.
28:41Jenny comes third, so get three points.
28:43May and Frankie joint first, five points each.
28:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:47Oh, yes.
28:49However...
28:49However, there is, of course, one bonus point for the person who plays it
28:52the least worst.
28:54Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone...
28:56Ooh!
28:57..and the nerve of music boy, and I think, you know,
28:59give the guy a break.
29:01We'll give him the point.
29:01Bonus points for Kyle!
29:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:06Time for another task, please.
29:08OK, and this one's a team one.
29:10Here we go.
29:12MUSIC PLAYS
29:25MUSIC PLAYS
29:32Shall we...?
29:33Yes, you do, go ahead, go ahead.
29:36Salvage the most spoons.
29:39Salvage the most spoons.
29:40You may not leave the lab, and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet.
29:46Your salvager must not remove their headwear.
29:51Most salvaged spoons brought to the lab wins.
29:54Also, from now on, you must speak in a very high-pitched voice.
29:58You have 16 minutes!
30:01Your time starts... Or should I say,
30:04You have 16 minutes! Your time starts now!
30:08Do we open the laptop?
30:11Open the laptop.
30:12Hello, Alex!
30:14Hello.
30:15I have your salvager here. He has a magnet.
30:17Good luck.
30:21Where am I?
30:28May and Jenny, I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining.
30:34It horrified me the moment you started speaking.
30:37Right, let's just get on with it.
30:39OK, and we begin with the team of three.
30:42It's Kael, Jenny, and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse,
30:46it's May Martin.
30:47Kael! Kael!
30:49Hello. Yes.
30:50Are you blindfolded?
30:51Am I blindfolded, yes.
30:53Big style.
30:55OK, look around for spoons.
30:57I can't look.
30:59Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?
31:05We're presuming there's spoons.
31:07There's a spoon on top of the blue bin.
31:09I don't know where the blue bin is.
31:11Stretch your hands out, Kael.
31:14Now, inch forward.
31:16Can you tell the barrel?
31:17Oh, I've heard about it.
31:19OK.
31:20On the top, there is a spoon.
31:22That's some iron.
31:24Did you get it?
31:25Oh, God.
31:27You're so close.
31:34One spoon.
31:35Did you get it?
31:36I did.
31:36We're going to have to work out a better system than this.
31:39I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl.
31:42I wouldn't do that.
31:43Turn around.
31:44To the left.
31:45Walk forward.
31:47What can you see?
31:49Nothing.
31:49Nothing.
31:50What about now?
31:52No.
31:53Oh, yeah.
31:54By the bathtub.
31:56I don't know where the bathtub is.
31:57So if you inch forward very slowly until you feel the grass under your feet.
32:02The grass under my...
32:03And then veer slightly to your right.
32:06To my right.
32:06Kael, there's two spoons in front of you.
32:08OK.
32:09So get on all fours.
32:10Forward, forward.
32:13Rope.
32:13Rope in the grass.
32:15Rope the grass.
32:16As close to the bath as you can.
32:17I don't know where the bath is.
32:18Is it to my right or my left?
32:20What's that?
32:21To your right.
32:21There's a spoon right in front of you.
32:23I've got one.
32:25OK.
32:25By the shed.
32:27What direction is that?
32:28Yeah, you're doing it.
32:29You're doing it now.
32:31Oh!
32:31Double spoon!
32:32Kael, Kael, double spoon!
32:34Where?
32:35You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass.
32:38If you can imagine it.
32:40OK, so direct my finger.
32:42You want to be facing to your right.
32:44To my right?
32:45Like this?
32:46Yes!
32:47Yes!
32:48Kael!
32:49Yeah.
32:49Down!
32:51And sweep!
32:52Sweep!
32:53Yeah!
32:54You have five minutes.
32:55I think you should come back to the house.
32:57We're running out of time.
32:58Yeah, Kael, you'll have to come and find us in the lab.
33:02You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded with.
33:05Kael, you have to come back to the house.
33:07If you told me where the house was, yeah.
33:09Hurry to the right!
33:11Take five big steps!
33:12One, two...
33:15Stop!
33:16Go to your right!
33:17Take three big steps!
33:19Well, take one big step.
33:20One...
33:21Wait!
33:22You've got to go around that!
33:23Around which way?
33:24Around which way?
33:25To the left!
33:26To the left!
33:27Left!
33:27To the left!
33:29To the left!
33:30To the left!
33:30Right!
33:32Along the house to the front door!
33:35Face out!
33:36Stretch!
33:38You seem to be at the door!
33:40I've stopped listening to both of you!
33:42She's still here!
33:43She's plunged her along to the door!
33:45Straight there!
33:46You're almost here!
33:48Well done!
33:50Yes!
33:50How are you?
33:51Yes!
33:52Yay!
33:53Yay!
33:54Good job, Kael!
33:55Woo!
34:00The narrative to me was Kael playing an older brother who's been through this nonsense a thousand times.
34:07He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other.
34:12I found that voice so annoying.
34:14So annoying.
34:15And often, May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction and Jenny was just going,
34:19Yes, that's right!
34:23Kael was doing a lot of the work as well.
34:25He stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons.
34:26They got a total of nine.
34:28Yeah.
34:28And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare.
34:30He'd had enough, I think.
34:31Oh, yeah.
34:33Right, that's the end of part three.
34:35Soon, someone will win a spoon and a scratch card.
34:37And that's how we're going to end a prime-time TV show, whether Channel 4 like it or not.
34:46APPLAUSE
34:51Hello!
34:52Welcome back to the final part of the show and a team task involving the salvaging of spoons.
34:58Don't mind if I do.
34:59It's the team of two's turn now with Frankie directing and Ivo hunting.
35:05Ivo, can you see some spoons, my friend?
35:08I can't see anything, Frankie.
35:10I'm wearing some elaborate headwear.
35:11Are you blind, Ivo?
35:13They've blinded me, Frankie.
35:15Only you can lead me to the spoons.
35:17Turn to your left.
35:19Well, we see the caravan there.
35:21Walk forward, Ivo.
35:23Anyway, how have you?
35:24Hello?
35:25I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath.
35:28You're about to walk into the bath at knee height and hurt your shins.
35:33Stop! Stop!
35:35Don't find it!
35:36I'm at the bath!
35:37There's a spoon I can tell you.
35:39On this ledge of the bath.
35:41On the left edge or the right ledge?
35:42Both edges.
35:45Yo!
35:47Frankie, I've got a spoon.
35:48Put it in your spoon, power driver!
35:51Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie.
35:53You know you don't need to speak in this voice.
35:56Oh, no, no.
35:57I've picked up the previous spoons by Mr...
36:00Oh, Chuck, spoons!
36:00Hi, Ivo!
36:02Now, can you have a good look around, Ivo, so that I can check?
36:05There's no more spoons.
36:06Look down.
36:07Down, and then...
36:09Do a 360.
36:13No, come on, I'm worn off.
36:15Somewhere else.
36:18You're dangling it too fast, Ivo!
36:21There we are!
36:22Get them!
36:23Get them!
36:24No!
36:26Oh, there's one.
36:27Oh, there's another.
36:28You've had six minutes out of the 16.
36:30Let's case the joint one more time.
36:32There is it.
36:33By the foot in front of you.
36:35You're right over there.
36:36Yes!
36:37Can we go again?
36:38Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.
36:41Stop there.
36:42In front of you, there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high.
36:46You don't want to walk into it.
36:47Fall over and smash your face.
36:51Forward!
36:52Forward!
36:54Good, right in front of you.
36:56There you are.
36:57A treasure trove of three spoons!
37:00This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined.
37:03Any spoons on Greg?
37:04No.
37:05You've got three and a half minutes.
37:07Ooh!
37:08Frankie!
37:09Lead me to the kitchen.
37:10Where there'll be the most spoons.
37:12Keep going forward then.
37:13Keep going forward.
37:16Have a look in the door and you don't have spoons in it.
37:23Yes!
37:24And you've dragged it into another spoon.
37:27Into two?
37:28Well done!
37:28Excellent work, Ivo.
37:30Get out of there!
37:31How much time have we got?
37:33We've got to get to that kitchen.
37:34Ivo, you've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:36Of how many?
37:36All the information's on the task.
37:39How many minutes have we got in the whole task?
37:41We've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:43Really?
37:43I think we're nearly done.
37:44Come into the lab, then!
37:46But, Frankie, what about the kitchen spoons?
37:50Straight forwards!
37:51Keep going desperately, quickly!
37:54Run!
37:54It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, Ivo!
37:57No!
37:57Not in there, Ivo!
37:59What did I tell you not to do?
38:00You greedy bastard!
38:02You've got 30 seconds!
38:04Well, you don't...
38:06Watch, run, I've just...
38:09Oh...
38:10That's the spoon hob.
38:12Frankie, we've had an absolute shocker.
38:17APPLAUSE
38:23Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy?
38:28It's worth pointing out that Ivo didn't have to do the high-pitched voice.
38:32You'll notice it disappeared immediately as I started to panic about the time pressure.
38:37Did you start to panic about the time pressure, Ivo, or did you go into the kitchen?
38:42LAUGHTER
38:44When I'd expressly told you not to?
38:48I mean, it's a game of quotes for me, from Frankie as well.
38:51My favourite...
38:51I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger!
38:58They did gather 22 spoons.
39:00They were a great team!
39:02And do you know what's going to happen here, Ivo?
39:03You know what?
39:04We're both going to lose this episode and somebody's going to go up there and win 70 grand on a
39:08fucking scratch...
39:10LAUGHTER
39:12APPLAUSE
39:16You may well be right.
39:17Frankie was in the lead.
39:18He's not won a show, Ivo.
39:19You've won two!
39:21So, points-wise, Greg, only one team completed the task.
39:24So, they're the only ones who can get any points.
39:26Oh, I see.
39:26Five.
39:27LAUGHTER
39:28Jenny, Kyle and May all get five points each.
39:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:32There we go.
39:34Is it the full scores?
39:35Yeah, well, I can tell you that Kyle is now in second place, but May is in the lead with
39:3918 points.
39:40Lovely.
39:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:56APPLAUSE
40:01Having a little stretch?
40:02Gentle stretching.
40:03Why not?
40:04Who's going to read the task out, you lovely bearded boy?
40:06Frankie Boyle, another lovely bearded boy.
40:09Two lovely bearded boys.
40:11Stuff all these things in your team mate's outfit.
40:15If you're wearing a special outfit, you must stay on your spot with your hands on your head at all
40:21times.
40:22Fastest wins.
40:24Straightforward stuff.
40:25What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley.
40:28Everything but the trolley.
40:30OK.
40:32On your marks.
40:32Get set.
40:33WHISTLE BLOWS
40:34STUFF!
40:34I've got a pocket on the pocket.
40:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:41Is I not allowed to wiggle like that?
40:43I think so.
40:44It seems provocative.
40:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:50It's all going to go in.
40:51It's all going to go in.
40:52That's a sharp frying pan.
40:54LAUGHTER
41:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:16TOILET LUMBERS
41:17TOILET LUMBERS
41:17TOILET LUMBERS
41:18TOILET LUMBERS
41:18TOILET LUMBERS
41:18TOILET LUMBERS
41:19OH, OKAY!
41:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:23I got it?
41:25Yes.
41:26Toilet LUMBERS
41:27No, not up, I'm doing it.
41:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me.
41:37It made me clench my bottom up. Yes.
41:39And, Greg, that's not the end.
41:41What?
41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...
41:47This is the first for Taskmaster.
41:49This is the second part for just one of the teams.
41:51Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit.
41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled.
41:57If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.
42:00Yes, so the winning team, which is the team of three,
42:02have one minute to tell me
42:04how many things they stuffed inside Kael's outfit.
42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.
42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.
42:13That's crazy. Can we take things out of his...
42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want.
42:19You hand to me, you hand to me.
42:20Can I take my hands off my...
42:21I'm counting three, four...
42:24Six, seven...
42:26Wait, wait, wait...
42:28Don't put it.
42:29How many is that?
42:30Ten.
42:31Eleven.
42:32Twelve.
42:32Oh, God!
42:34Twenty...
42:34Five seconds.
42:37Twenty-eight.
42:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:39Twenty-nine.
42:41Sorry.
42:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:47This is the most excited I've been for ten years.
42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three.
42:52I can't say it out loud.
42:55Go with your instinct.
42:56OK.
42:57We're going to go with 29.
43:00Please show them the birthday card.
43:02Oh!
43:03Oh!
43:05It's just there on your left.
43:07Oh.
43:12You love to see it.
43:13It's 29!
43:15That's it!
43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:20Well, that's all that happens here.
43:23It's affecting the final scores.
43:24Come and join me!
43:26Well done.
43:26Well done.
43:40It's only been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise.
43:43No.
43:4415 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these.
43:48Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63, Frankie on 69.
43:54Ah.
43:54Kael on 76.
43:55May, 87.
43:56Jenny, 88.
43:59That's our halfway point of the series.
44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.
44:05And in this episode, May Martin wins it with 28 points!
44:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:10Kael Martin wins!
44:12Please leave your stage for luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:17So, what have we learnt today?
44:21In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,
44:25a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.
44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was,
44:30No, Ivo!
44:31There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:34We're halfway.
44:35See you next time.
44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today,
44:40May Martin!
45:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:01AND APPLAUSE
45:05AND APPLAUSE
Comments