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Taskmaster - S15E05 - Old Honkfoot [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me,
00:45if you're the Taskmaster, how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson, I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool.
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:15Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:33he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:46And that was a great time!
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54I don't remember...
01:55I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:03I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:06Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:10Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:15Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54No, this is my grandson, and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58because I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up, because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:18Well...
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing,
04:04when they gave me that bag, were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14Kael, this is a scratch card
04:17bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:53I'm very happy with this prize.
04:55You've done well.
04:56Hello, May.
04:56What have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:03I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:25And those are, uh, rabbits' feet...
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:37You know...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:39A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cuss-off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:39So, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneke Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s,
06:55and I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:02When I played a lot of poker,
07:057-2 off was our lucky hand,
07:07and finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:13Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30I would say...
07:32..the hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's the much of a muchness,
07:37is the way I see it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43..a picture of a baby.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:47Oh, God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points.
08:04Frankie and Ivor, got it.
08:05Yes.
08:06OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points,
08:09because I think Kyle's made the real effort for the first time ever.
08:12Four to my point.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22MUSIC
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44Oh, God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practice.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:54Too sticky.
08:55Oh, my heart.
08:57Oh.
08:57Oh, my heart.
08:59Oh.
09:00Oh, my.
09:00Oh.
09:01Oh, God.
09:02Oh, God.
09:03Oh, God.
09:03I think I'm dying.
09:08Perfect.
09:09Perfect.
09:11Oh!
09:13Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:14Oh!
09:18Oh!
09:19Oh, God, I'll take it to death.
09:20Oh, few months.
09:21I'm all right, I'm OK.
09:23Am I allowed to do another one?
09:24You do whatever, you've still got 18 minutes and 40 seconds?
09:26OK, I'm going to do another one.
09:27Seven minutes?
09:28Could boil an egg in this time,
09:30and then use the shower's nails.
09:32Would you like me to bring you an egg?
09:33Yes, please.
09:34Ow!
09:35Oh, oh!
09:35I just brought my nose.
09:36I think I'm having a nosebleed, darling.
09:38Really, really bad nosebleed.
09:40Brought you an egg.
09:42Oh, thanks, mate.
09:45What's in there?
09:47Egg.
09:49My mum might like this bit.
09:50Your mum might like it.
09:51No.
09:52She'll say I'm messing up the people's house.
09:55I think I'm stopping now.
09:57I think I'm stopping.
09:58All right, then.
09:59I've had a bit of a trauma.
10:00Would you like some chocolates?
10:01I don't like chocolate.
10:02No.
10:02I like cheese and cash.
10:04All right, I'll bring you some cheese and cash.
10:06Thank you very much.
10:07You seem to have perked up.
10:09Yes, I feel fine now.
10:12Happy?
10:14Happy.
10:2920 minutes.
10:31You wouldn't be able to slip into a room unnoticed with that hand.
10:35But the nails.
10:37Lovely attention to detail.
10:39Jenny, I like cash and cheese.
10:41I'm with you on that.
10:42And during the death, when she immediately went,
10:44ah-ah-ah, started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
10:47And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going, just die!
10:50LAUGHTER
10:53Really good.
10:54Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.
10:57This time, it's Ivo.
11:01Are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
11:05Of course I am.
11:07Great.
11:08You've not got long, Ivo.
11:09OK.
11:15Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
11:18As ready as I'll ever be.
11:20Welcome to ancient Egypt.
11:32Hello.
11:34What's your name?
11:36Ooh.
11:37Oh, I'm dead.
11:39Ah.
11:41LAUGHTER
11:44Right.
11:45Um.
11:46Not even going to woo any more.
11:48Ooh.
11:49LAUGHTER
11:51WHISTLE BLOWS
11:52WHISTLE BLOWS
11:53WHISTLE BLOWS
11:53WHISTLE BLOWS
11:54WHISTLE BLOWS
11:55WHISTLE BLOWS
11:55Oh!
11:57Cool!
11:58I've had a lovely time being involved in this cast.
12:01APPLAUSE
12:03AND APPLAUSE
12:04AND APPLAUSE
12:04AND APPLAUSE
12:05He really clawed it back with that stunt at the end.
12:09Because when the mummy first came in,
12:11I actually out loud whispered to myself,
12:14Heartbreaking.
12:15LAUGHTER
12:16It's the greatest privilege of my life to sit here
12:18and watch your heart be put back together by my twist.
12:21LAUGHTER
12:25I do feel complete.
12:27Right.
12:28It's time for us to part with part one.
12:31What can I say?
12:32We were young.
12:32We were naive.
12:33We were stupid.
12:34It was never going to work.
12:35Fun, though, wasn't it?
12:37Goodbye.
12:37I still love you.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:47Hello!
12:49Welcome back to...
12:51Yes, Greg, I'm afraid so,
12:52because the current task
12:53sees them trying to fake something.
12:55Best fake wins.
12:57Next, and pitching a TV show at the same time,
12:59it's May Martin.
13:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:05OK.
13:08So, I'm getting...
13:09It's not a grandparent or a father figure,
13:11it's, like, a teacher figure.
13:13Is that ringing any bells?
13:14I did have teachers.
13:16I want to say you've travelled away with?
13:18Yeah, I went on a school trip with Mr Arnold.
13:21So, I'm getting Adrian.
13:22Well, genuinely, his real name was Adrian R.
13:24Haven't been in touch with him.
13:25I'm going to send him an email.
13:26Oh, really?
13:27Yeah.
13:30Um...
13:30I'm getting, kind of, a lot of noise, like...
13:33Everyone counts.
13:34And they've passed.
13:35Oh, a long time ago.
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:37And Horace, in particular, is, uh, frustrated.
13:41He's very frustrated with you.
13:42Oh.
13:43Yeah.
13:44He's, like, telling me something about George Clooney.
13:46My cat?
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:49I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
13:52My dad was a GP.
13:53Clooney was in AR.
13:55No.
13:55No, no.
13:56Fantastic Mr Fox is what I'm getting.
13:59Ah.
13:59Well, I've seen that.
14:00And I used to have a toy fox.
14:01This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
14:03What, that I loved the fox more than the cat?
14:05Yeah.
14:07Well, I hope you've got what you came for.
14:10I'm just trying to be Vessel and give you the tools that you need moving forward to live
14:15in a more authentic way.
14:18Well, thank you for the tools.
14:20Thanks, mate.
14:20Um, do you have any money?
14:23Ah.
14:23Um, yeah, I've got some money.
14:25I charge £60.
14:27£60.
14:27I'll take £40.
14:30APPLAUSE
14:33And it was actually quite good.
14:35It was good because they were faking it, I discovered afterwards.
14:40What, you mean May's not a real medium?
14:43In the lab, I was freaked out because everything they said was true.
14:46Yes.
14:47And I didn't know how they did it.
14:49Um, I've been...
14:50I rang his wife.
14:53LAUGHTER
14:54And my wife rang my mum.
14:57And I've kept in touch with your wife.
14:59Like, when we text.
15:02Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Very clever.
15:06It was horrible to be on that.
15:08LAUGHTER
15:09Very enjoyable.
15:10And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
15:12Yeah, and £40.
15:13LAUGHTER
15:15Good. Who's last?
15:16There's only one more.
15:17The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
15:20Here we go.
15:27In a sense, no-one is to blame for this.
15:33In another, realer sense,
15:35the British security services
15:37and the creative team behind the Antiques Roadshow are to blame.
16:04In with a cold-wilded night in Chicken.
16:08The Blackboard is to blame.
16:10This is your interest in lumière.
16:13We surprised a few joggers
16:16That was very good. This is tough. Are they all good? Do you think I feel like you're working against
16:22me Alex
16:25Yes, I can isolate just the hands I
16:30Really want to justify it being higher than it is clear
16:33But with the best will in the world
16:38But you know what Jennie's fakes really good
16:45What if I give them both two points down the bottom so Jenny and Kyle both get two points they
16:49do right
16:54Right, I'm gonna give May four points as well right just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's
16:59demise
17:00It deserves on this occasion five points. Two, two, four, four, five points for Frankie Boyle
17:08Scoreboard time. Frankie and May are at the top with eight points each
17:19Yes, next up is this
17:46Hey
17:47Hello Alex my Jenny
18:00Oh.
18:02The things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.
18:06I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
18:10Hello, Kyle. Hello.
18:12I'm going to bring you your task. Thank you.
18:15Play the instrument indicated by the light.
18:21Each time you play an instrument correctly,
18:23another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.
18:26Longest sequence wins.
18:28There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.
18:33The least worst.
18:35Sort of the best.
18:38Your time starts when the first light goes on.
18:42OK.
18:45So, up there, there's drums.
18:47Where? Drums there. Drum?
18:48Why does it...? Oh, it's very badly drawn.
18:54What the fuck is that?
18:56Obviously, harmonica.
18:58It looks like a sofa.
18:59I thought it was a sofa.
19:00Yes.
19:02APPLAUSE
19:05I just want to come.
19:06OK, when it comes to musical ability,
19:08you don't often hear these two names,
19:09and for good reason.
19:11It's Jenny and Ivo first.
19:13Are you ready?
19:15Yes, I am.
19:16Let's go.
19:21And that was a lovely chord.
19:22It was a lovely chord.
19:23I think it's my only chord.
19:27You've made it successfully through round one.
19:29I'm glad.
19:30Round two.
19:35Good.
19:36It's now time for round three.
19:38BUZZER
19:39BUZZER
19:44BUZZER
19:45BUZZER
19:47BUZZER
19:47BUZZER
19:48BUZZER
19:49BUZZER
19:50BUZZER
19:50BUZZER
19:50BUZZER
19:52BUZZER
19:52BUZZER
19:53There's that chord again.
19:55Sounding good.
19:56Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
20:05BUZZER
20:06BUZZER
20:08BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:11BUZZER
20:13BUZZER
20:14BUZZER
20:14BUZZER
20:17BUZZER
20:18BUZZER
20:18BUZZER
20:19BUZZER
20:20BUZZER
20:22BUZZER
20:23BUZZER
20:23BUZZER
20:23BUZZER
20:23BUZZER
20:24BUZZER
20:27BUZZER
20:28That's off around six round six. Yeah, okay
20:43That's correct Jenny
20:53Yeah, I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong
20:56Do you know what you did wrong? Nope
20:59Pull this clobber on and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion
21:04Off we go again
21:20You missed one I didn't you sort of did wow you didn't play the harmonica
21:25I mean because it looks like a sofa. I think you should go now
21:40Sad little walk away from old honk footer clever
21:43Uh-huh
21:46Tragic
21:46Tragic but still better than Ivor
21:48Oh, really?
21:49Don't say it like that
21:51I'm sorry. I thought we've been grouped together as equal failures, but it turns out I just found still a
21:55new depth
21:58Ivor was very disappointing just five that's all you only remembered five things in a row
22:02How many did I get six six? Yeah, Frankie Boyle and May Martin also did this task and they did
22:09it like this
22:10I feel like dick van dyke. You look like dick van dyke
22:16Young yeah, I'm sure. Are you ready?
22:20Yeah, I'm gonna go
22:36Congratulations
22:46It's sounding lovely I'm seeing now how it's gonna get stressful
23:08I have to look at my feet every time
23:19What was the fucking last one?
23:36What was the fucking last one?
23:38Correct
23:57Thank you
23:58Frankie yeah, you did very well. I think I'm surprised. I'm also surprised
24:21I have to see
24:22Oh, no
24:25Oh, man, I thought it was a childlike naivety
24:30Yeah, I had a great time.
24:32Open your eyes.
24:33Frankie, you look quite at home in that clobber.
24:35I enjoyed being in a warehouse,
24:38being in a one-man band for no apparent reason.
24:41A lot of them. Very impressive.
24:43They both scored nine.
24:44Well done.
24:46Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say, well done, isn't it?
24:48LAUGHTER
24:50Right, we're stopping for a break so Alex can do his push-ups.
24:53Underneath that cheap suit, the boy is RIPPED!
24:56APPLAUSE
25:05Yes, hello again. We're back.
25:09Let's just get on with the show.
25:11As opposed to...to what?
25:13Oh, quick update.
25:15THEY LAUGH
25:16They're currently trying to copy a sequence of lights.
25:19Longest sequence wins, and there's only one player left.
25:22He's currently in last place in the series.
25:24It's Kael!
25:26LAUGHTER
25:30BUZZER
25:33BUZZER
25:35Correct.
25:37BUZZER
25:38BUZZER
25:40BUZZER
25:41BUZZER
25:41BUZZER
25:42BUZZER
25:43BUZZER
25:43Are you going to play your instruments?
25:47Hang on
26:03Correct and so we go on on John get our job
26:10Hello
26:18I
26:49Have you finished no, okay?
26:52Do you?
27:03I
27:04Have you finished?
27:23The only negative thing I can think to say is that in a previous task you had problem blowing a
27:28marble into a tube and then you had another blow issue. Do you have a blow problem?
27:33I'm an asthmatic boy
27:36Music boy's asthmatic boy
27:39Oh
27:41I'm really sorry. There are two KL clips and I think I'm gonna fucking kick off Alex
27:48I've played the KL clips in the wrong order. I'm so sorry. Can I play the other one?
27:52Yeah, yeah
27:52Oh
27:53Oh
27:53Oh
27:53Oh
27:59Oh
28:05Oh
28:06Oh
28:08Go on give us another go
28:10You want to keep going so you can go further?
28:12Yeah
28:12We gave him quite a few other goes
28:15We were in there for 45 minutes
28:19It seems that music boys are cheeky boys
28:21So Ivo and KL both five
28:24Okay, okay
28:25Right
28:25Right
28:26But eventually
28:28I got 15
28:29Yeah
28:29Well in that case
28:31KL wins the series
28:32Let's all go home
28:37Good
28:37So Ivo and KL came joint fourth
28:39Yeah
28:40So they both get two
28:40Jenny comes third
28:42So get three points
28:43May and Frankie joint first
28:44Five points each
28:45Yeah
28:46Oh
28:47Yes
28:48However
28:49However there is of course one bonus point for the person who plays it the least worst
28:54Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone
28:56Ooh
28:57And the nerve of music boy
28:58And I think you know
28:59Give the guy a break
29:01We'll give him the point
29:01Bonus points for KL!
29:06Time for another task please
29:08Okay
29:08And this one's a team one
29:10Here we go
29:32Shall we?
29:33Yes you do, go ahead, go ahead
29:36Salvage the most spoons
29:39Salvage the most spoons
29:40Salvage the most spoons
29:40You may not leave the lab and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet
29:46Your salvager must not remove their headwear
29:51Most salvaged spoons brought to the lab wins
29:54Also from now on you must speak in a very high pitched voice
29:58You have 16 minutes
30:00You have 16 minutes
30:01Your time starts
30:02Or should I say
30:03You have 16 minutes
30:05Your time starts now
30:08Do we open the laptop?
30:11Open the laptop
30:12Oh
30:12Hello Alex
30:14Hello
30:14I have your salvager here
30:16He has a magnet
30:17Good luck
30:21Where am I?
30:28May and Jenny
30:29I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining
30:34You horrified me the moment you started speaking
30:37Right, let's just get on with it
30:39Okay, and we begin with the team of three
30:41It's Kael, Jenny
30:42And with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse
30:45It's May Martin
30:47Kyle
30:48Kyle
30:49Hello
30:49Yes
30:50Are you blindfolded?
30:51Am I blindfolded?
30:53Yes
30:53Big style
30:54Okay
30:55Look around for spoons
30:57I can't look
30:59Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?
31:05We're presuming there's spoons as a spoon on top of the blue bin
31:09I don't know where the blue bin is
31:11Stretch your hands out, Kyle
31:13Now inch forward
31:16Can you tell the barrel?
31:17Oh, I feel the barrel
31:18Oil from
31:19Oil from
31:19Okay
31:20On the top
31:21There is a spoon
31:22That's some iron
31:24Did you get it?
31:25Oh, God
31:26You're so close
31:34One spoon
31:35Did you get it?
31:35I did
31:36We're gonna have to work out a better system than this
31:38I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl
31:41I wouldn't do that
31:43Turn around
31:44To the left
31:45Walk forward
31:47What can you see?
31:49Nothing
31:50Nothing
31:50What about now?
31:53No
31:53Oh yeah
31:54By the bathtub
31:55I don't know where the bathtub
31:57I don't know where the bathtub is
31:57I don't know where the bathtub is
31:58So if you inch forward very slowly until you feel the grass under your feet
32:02The grass under my
32:03And then veer slightly to your right
32:05To my right
32:06Kyle, there's two spoons in front of you
32:08Okay
32:09So get on all fours
32:10Forward forward forward
32:13Rope
32:13Rope in the grass
32:15Rope the grass
32:16As close to the bath as you can
32:17I don't know where the bath is
32:18Is it to my right or my left?
32:20What's that?
32:21To your right
32:21There's a spoon right in front of you
32:23I've got one
32:24Okay
32:25By the shed
32:26What direction is that?
32:28Yeah, you're doing it
32:29You're doing it now
32:30Oh!
32:31Double spoon
32:32Kyle, Kyle
32:33Double spoon
32:33Where?
32:35You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass
32:38If you can imagine it
32:40Okay, so direct my finger
32:42You want to be facing to your right
32:44To my right?
32:45Like this?
32:46Yes
32:47Yes
32:47Kyle
32:48Yeah
32:49Down
32:49Down
32:50And sleep
32:52Sweet
32:52Yeah
32:54You have five minutes
32:55I think you should come back to the house
32:57We're running out of time
32:58Yeah
32:58Kyle, you have to come and find us in the lab
33:01You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded with
33:05Kyle, you have to come back to the house
33:07If you told me where the house was, yeah
33:09Carry to the right
33:10Take five big steps
33:12One
33:13Two
33:15Stop
33:15Down to your right
33:17Take three big steps
33:19All right
33:19Take one big step
33:20One
33:21Wait
33:21You've got to go around that
33:23Around which way?
33:25To the right
33:26To the left
33:26To the left
33:27To the left
33:29Feel your way
33:32Along the house to the front door
33:35Face out
33:36Stretch
33:38You seem to be at the door
33:40I've stopped listening to both of you
33:42She's here
33:43She's plunging along the corridor
33:45Straight there
33:46You're almost here
33:48Well done
33:49Yes, Kyle
33:50Yes
33:51Yay
33:52Yay
33:53Yay
33:54Good job, Kyle
34:00The narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother who's been through this nonsense a thousand times
34:07He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other
34:11I found that voice so annoying
34:14So annoying
34:15And often
34:16May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction
34:18And Jenny was just going
34:19Yes, that's right
34:23I was doing a lot of the work as well
34:25He stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons
34:26They got a total of nine
34:27Yeah
34:28And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare
34:30He'd had enough
34:31Oh, yeah
34:33Right
34:33That's the end of part three
34:34Soon someone will win a spoon and a scratch card
34:37And that's how we're going to end a prime-time TV show
34:41Whether Channel 4 like it or not
34:43APPLAUSE
34:51Hello
34:52Welcome back to the final part of the show
34:55And a team task involving the salvaging of spoons
34:57Don't mind if I do
34:59It's the team of two's turn now
35:00With Frankie directing
35:02And Ivo hunting
35:05Ivo, can you see some spoons, my friend?
35:08I can't see anything, Frankie
35:10I'm wearing some elaborate headwear
35:11Are you blind, Ivo?
35:13They've blinded me, Frankie
35:14Only you can lead me to the spoons
35:17Turn to your left
35:18Well, we see the caravan there
35:20Walk forward, Ivo
35:23Anyway, how have you?
35:25I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath
35:27You're about to walk into the bath at knee height
35:30And hurt your shins
35:33Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop, Ivo
35:35I'm at the bath!
35:37There's a spoon like a trunk, you know?
35:39On this ledge of the bath
35:40On the left edge or the right ledge?
35:42Both edges
35:46Oh! Frankie, I've got a spoon
35:48Put it in your spoon, Parchiver
35:51Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie
35:53You know you don't need to speak in this voice
35:56Oh, no, no
35:57I've picked up the previous spoon by Mr...
36:00Oh, no, no, no
36:00You're quite, Ivo
36:02Now, can you have a good look around, Ivo
36:04So that I can check
36:05There's no more spoons
36:05Look down
36:07Down
36:07And then
36:09Do a 360
36:13No, come in, I'm walking off
36:15Somewhere else
36:18You're dangling it too fast, Ivo
36:21Here they are!
36:22Let me take a cross
36:23Get them!
36:24No!
36:25Oh, there's one
36:26Oh, there's another
36:28You've had six minutes out of the 16
36:30Let's case the joint one more time
36:32There is it
36:33By the foot in front of you
36:35You're right over
36:36Yes!
36:37Can we go again?
36:38Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger
36:41Stop there
36:42In front of you there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high
36:46You don't want to walk into it
36:47Fall over and smash your face
36:51Forward!
36:52Forward!
36:54Right in front of me
36:56There you are
36:56A treasure trove of three spoons
37:00This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined
37:02Any spoons on Greg?
37:05No
37:05You've got three and a half minutes
37:08Oh, Frankie!
37:09Lead me to the kitchen
37:10Where they'll be the most spoons
37:12Keep going forward then
37:13Keep going forward then
37:16Have a look in the door
37:17You don't want to get spoons in it
37:23Yes!
37:24And you've dragged it into another spoon
37:26Into two?
37:27Well done!
37:28Excellent work, Ivo
37:30Get out of there
37:31How much time have we got?
37:33We've got to get to that kitchen
37:34Ivo, you've had 15 and a half minutes
37:36Of how many?
37:36All the information's on the task
37:38How many minutes have we got in the whole task?
37:41We've had 15 and a half minutes
37:43Really?
37:43I think we're nearly done
37:44Come into the lab then
37:46But, but, but Frankie
37:48What about the kitchen spoons?
37:50Straight forwards
37:51Keep going
37:52Desperately, quickly
37:53Run
37:54It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, Ivo
37:56What?
37:57No, not in there, Ivo
37:58What did I tell you not to do?
38:00You greedy bastard
38:03You've got 30 seconds
38:04Well, you don't
38:05What?
38:06Oh no!
38:10That's the spoon hob
38:11Frankie
38:13We've had an absolute shocker
38:16APPLAUSE
38:23Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy?
38:27It's worth pointing out
38:29That Ivo didn't have to do the high pitch voice
38:31LAUGHTER
38:33You'll notice it disappeared immediately
38:34As I started to panic about the time pressure
38:36LAUGHTER
38:37Did you start to panic about the time pressure, Ivo?
38:40Or did you go into the kitchen?
38:43LAUGHTER
38:44When I'd expressly told you not to
38:48I mean, it was a game of quotes for me from Frankie as well
38:50My favourite
38:51I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger
38:58They did gather 22 spoons
39:00They were a great team
39:01Oh!
39:02And do you know what's going to happen here, Ivo?
39:04We're both going to lose this episode
39:06And somebody's going to go up there and win 70 grand on a fucking scratch
39:16You may well be right, Frankie was in the lead
39:18He's not won a show, Ivo, you've won too
39:20LAUGHTER
39:21So, points-wise, Greg, only one team completed the task
39:24So they're the only ones who can get any points?
39:26Oh, I see
39:26Five
39:27Jenny, Kyle and May all get five points each
39:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:32There we go
39:34Is it the full scores?
39:35Yes, well, I can tell you that Kyle is now in second place
39:38but May is in the lead with 18 points
39:40LAUGHTER
39:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:43All right, everybody, it's time to stand up
39:45and get ready for the final task of the show!
39:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:18With your hands on your head at all times
40:21Fastest wins
40:24Straightforward stuff
40:25What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley
40:27everything but the trolley
40:29LAUGHTER
40:30OK, on your marks
40:32Get set!
40:33WHISTLE BLOWS
40:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:51It's all got to go in
40:51It's all going to go in
40:52It's all going to go in
40:52It's all going to go in
40:52That's a sharp-frying pan
40:54LAUGHTER
40:57LAUGHTER
40:57LAUGHTER
40:58WHISTLE BLOWS
40:59LAUGHTER
41:02WHISTLE BLOWS
41:03THEY CLEARLY
41:07What's the pun in, I said?
41:11Oh, no.
41:12Oh, it's close.
41:13Frankie's at the late first.
41:16.
41:18Oh, my God.
41:20Oh, yeah, yeah.
41:24I've got it.
41:26Don't know.
41:27No, not half.
41:28.
41:34Well, it's actually really exhausted me.
41:37It made me clench my bottom up.
41:39Yes.
41:39And, Greg, that's not the end.
41:41What?
41:43Frankie, would you mind reading out the second...
41:47This is the first for Taskmaster.
41:49This is the second part for just one of the teams.
41:51Say how many things you stuffed in your team-mate's outfit.
41:55If you're correct, your points are doubled.
41:57If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.
42:00Yes, so the winning team, which is the team of three,
42:02have one minute to tell me how many things they stuffed
42:05inside Kael's outfit.
42:07If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.
42:10If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.
42:13That's crazy.
42:14Can we take things out of his...
42:15You've got one minute to do whatever you want.
42:17Get one minute to do.
42:19Your hand to me.
42:20Your hand to me.
42:20Can I take my hands off my head?
42:22I'm counting.
42:23Three, four, six, seven...
42:26Wait, wait, wait.
42:28Don't put it.
42:29How many back?
42:30Ten.
42:30Ten.
42:31Eleven.
42:32Twelve.
42:33Oh, God!
42:34Twenty.
42:34Five seconds.
42:37Twenty-eight.
42:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:39Twenty-nine.
42:40Ten.
42:41Sorry.
42:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:48This is the most excited I've been for ten years.
42:51I'm going to need an answer, team of three.
42:52I can't say it out loud.
42:55Go with your instinct.
42:56OK.
42:57We're going to go with 29.
43:00Please show them the birthday card.
43:03Oh!
43:05It's just there on your left.
43:07Oh!
43:12You love to see it.
43:14It's 29!
43:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:22Well, that's all that happens here.
43:23It's affecting the final scores.
43:24Come and join me.
43:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:34One of the most exciting final tasks we've had,
43:36in my opinion.
43:37Oh.
43:37Yes, by miles, probably.
43:39LAUGHTER
43:40It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two,
43:42scoring-wise.
43:43No.
43:4415 points to these in the last two tasks,
43:47and zero to these.
43:48LAUGHTER
43:49Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63,
43:52Frankie on 69.
43:54Ah.
43:54KL on 76,
43:55May 87,
43:56Jenny 88.
43:58Oh!
43:59That's our halfway point of the series.
44:01That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.
44:04LAUGHTER
44:05And in this episode,
44:07May Martin wins it with 28 points!
44:09Oh, yeah.
44:11May Martin wins!
44:12Please lead to the stage for luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:17So, what have we learnt today?
44:20In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,
44:25a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.
44:28What none of us needed to hear tonight was,
44:30No, Ivo!
44:31There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:33LAUGHTER
44:34We're halfway.
44:35See you next time.
44:36But for now, let's hear it for the person at the top of their game today,
44:40May Martin!
44:41APPLAUSE
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