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Taskmaster - S15E08 - 100% Bosco [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
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00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25Fuck!
00:33APPLAUSE
00:35Hello!
00:36Hello, everyone!
00:38Hello!
00:40I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster.
00:43It's funny what counts as entertainment these days.
00:46We see people clamouring for true crime stories,
00:48and anyone can start a podcast and chat about socks or whatever,
00:52but what happened to the good old-fashioned tradition
00:54of humiliating people?
00:56As a young man, my father regularly pulled my trousers down
00:59at public events.
01:02And I always found it funny,
01:05even during the backlash at my grandmother's funeral.
01:09Can we please get back to wholesome fun?
01:12Can we?
01:12It's a complicated world, guys.
01:14Let's pull together.
01:15Let's identify the victims and all pile on.
01:18Boop, boop!
01:19Oh, here comes the victim train now!
01:20Please welcome,
01:23Frankie Boyle!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:26Ivo Graham!
01:28Jenny O'Claire!
01:30Payal Smith-Baino!
01:32And Mae Martin!
01:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:36And next to me, a man who told me his father
01:39has only ever given him one Christmas present in his life,
01:42a beautifully wrapped piece of Welsh slate
01:44that had one solitary word engraved upon it.
01:47That word?
01:48Toad!
01:49LAUGHTER
01:51It's...
01:51Little Harry Toad!
01:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:54Hi, Dad.
01:56Hello, everyone.
01:58What have you got tonight?
02:00Well, I've invented a new feature for the show.
02:02Oh.
02:02It's called Taskmaster Karaoke.
02:05Yes.
02:05Yes.
02:06So all you've got to do is turn down the volume of your TVs
02:08and turn on the subtitles
02:11and then you can speak along with the show.
02:13I think you can do this with any TV show.
02:16I think it's a really good idea.
02:18It's really good.
02:19I don't know, it might be fun.
02:20It's a really good thing.
02:21It might be fun.
02:21It might catch on.
02:22I do it with the news.
02:24LAUGHTER
02:25And, er, is it all well with the world?
02:29LAUGHTER
02:30Shall we begin with the prize, Task?
02:32Yes.
02:32We have to, because that's the format.
02:34And we're simply the eye candy, Greg.
02:36Let's go.
02:37LAUGHTER
02:37This week they've been asked to bring in
02:39the best thing you take everywhere with you,
02:42but struggle to fit in your bag.
02:44Best ill-fitting thing wins five points
02:46and the best winner of the show
02:47takes them all home in a skip-sized bag, Greg.
02:51Right.
02:51First up, Frankie.
02:53It's a struggle because I do take it everywhere.
02:56This photograph of when I was doing a gig
02:58and my son wandered on stage to tell a joke.
03:03LAUGHTER
03:03He's six foot one now,
03:04but he had a uniquely penetrating voice as a child
03:08and I took him to the Scotland women's football game.
03:11The women's football, they all have their hair up in some fashion,
03:13it's all kind of scrunched up in some way,
03:14and he had a look around and he went,
03:16there's a lot of tight buns out there!
03:18LAUGHTER
03:22Quite the voice he had on him.
03:24Quite the voice.
03:25And he was going to tell a joke which,
03:27little did that crowd know,
03:28would have been an astonishing volume,
03:31but he didn't.
03:31I didn't let him.
03:32Do you know what the joke was that he had planned?
03:33He was simply going to say the word yellow.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:39How big is it?
03:40Doesn't look that big.
03:41Mmm, it's not that big, but I have quite a small bag.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:45Ivo, what did you bring in?
03:48I'm going to unusually follow Frankie down a sentimental route.
03:52I've had very few points for LOLs-based prize tasks,
03:56so here's some goddamn feeling.
03:58LAUGHTER
03:59You sound like a psychopath.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03I've brought in one of several puzzles that I do
04:06with my daughter, who is three.
04:08Here it is.
04:09My daughter and I will occasionally have to kill half an hour
04:13between nursery and ballet, for example.
04:16Nursery for her, ballet for you?
04:18That's exactly it.
04:19LAUGHTER
04:20Obviously, the box is an absolute faff,
04:22so what I've taken to doing is pouring out the pieces of the puzzle
04:25and while this is very useful for compact packing,
04:29it does mean that occasionally I've just got random pieces
04:31of dismembered horse just rolling around the bottom of my bag.
04:35I think I enjoy this. Thanks.
04:36OK. Jenny, what have you brought in that's massive
04:40and you carry around?
04:41I get very tired, Greg, I don't know about you.
04:43Oh, God.
04:44But, you know when you...
04:44You have no idea.
04:46LAUGHTER
04:46This time I just want to lie down.
04:49So, it's an inflatable bed.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:54It's a small double.
04:55It's a small double.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:58The fact that you carry a bed around with you is insane.
05:02Yes.
05:03Have you ever considered that that's maybe why you're tired?
05:06LAUGHTER
05:09David Schwimmer always sleeps in an inflatable bed.
05:12Even at home?
05:13Why does David Schwimmer sleep in an inflatable bed?
05:15It's a guess.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:19OK.
05:21Very good.
05:23Kyle?
05:24GD.
05:24Can you beat these three?
05:26Well, I mean, mine's the same as Jenny's.
05:29A folding chair.
05:31Do you carry a chair around with you, really?
05:33Occasionally.
05:34Yeah.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36I saw a make-up artist do it once, and I was like,
05:38that's sick.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:40Would it help if I told you that Matthew Perry always sits
05:42on a folding chair?
05:44LAUGHTER
05:44I think that's true.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:47One left.
05:48OK.
05:49It's up to you to save this.
05:50May?
05:51It's not going to happen.
05:53Whatever it is, I can't wait to hear about Jennifer Aniston using it.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:57What I bring around everywhere is a very fine...
06:02..whiskey.
06:03A very fine whisky.
06:05Yeah.
06:05Do continue.
06:06In a flask.
06:07Here it is.
06:08This is the reason I wish I'd gone before Frankie,
06:11because I also have a very small bag.
06:14And I have also, like, a really tiny wallet.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:26When Frankie said, oh, I've got a really small bag,
06:28you went, argh!
06:30Did you see my face?
06:31Yeah, it was exactly the same as Kael's face
06:33when Jenny brought out the bed, which is better than a chair.
06:36Yeah.
06:37How's a bed, bed and a chair?
06:38Bigger, better.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Wait, no.
06:41Yeah.
06:41Because you can sit down in public, right?
06:43Oh, yeah.
06:43I can lie down in public.
06:45I've got to do something.
06:46Why is your photograph of a child better than...
06:49..a bed, Frankie?
06:50Who gives a fuck?
06:54LAUGHTER
06:56LAUGHTER
06:59I mean, unbelievably.
07:00I'm going to give the bed five points.
07:01Yeah!
07:06Don't look at me, Kael.
07:07You don't even carry that...
07:08LAUGHTER
07:09You don't even carry that bloody thing anywhere.
07:12I mean, I do like that May made an effort.
07:15OK.
07:15You know, they put a joke together, but it's not a great one.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:20If you want to hear a good joke...
07:22YELLOW!
07:27Even though these prizes have been rubbish...
07:30Let's start the show on a high-scoring, uplifting...
07:34Why not?
07:35OK.
07:36Why not?
07:36Let's say Jenny gets five and everyone else gets four.
07:39Why not?
07:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:43Well done, everyone.
07:45We're off.
07:46Do you have a fruit-based task to start us off today, please?
07:49Would have thought so.
07:50Ready?
07:51And...
07:51Let's start the show on a pitch.
07:52MUSIC
08:02THEY CONFER
08:05Ah.
08:05Hi.
08:06Hello.
08:07Welcome to the...club.
08:08Oh, thank you so much!
08:10Hello, Alex.
08:11Hmm.
08:11And you are?
08:12I-vo...
08:13Graham.
08:15Ah!
08:15Yes, your name is down. You can come in.
08:18You may not leave.
08:19I may not leave.
08:20But you may go anywhere in that direction.
08:23This is the opposite of when I go to clubs.
08:26Trapped in VIP.
08:27Not a bad life.
08:29I'm getting an intense whiff of kind of sewage.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Anyway, unless it's you.
08:41Pile the pineapples on the path.
08:44Pile the pineapples on the path.
08:47You must not get wet.
08:49Most pineapples piled on the path wins.
08:52You have 15 minutes. Your time...
08:57..starts...
08:59..now.
09:01This is the path. That's the path.
09:03That's a couple of pineapples. How many pineapples?
09:06There's the big gold pineapple.
09:08There's a real pineapple.
09:11There's a little lampshade.
09:12There's an inflatable pineapple.
09:14I don't really know what's on the inflatable pineapple.
09:17Oh, it's clearly a candyfloss pineapple.
09:19It's a candyfloss pineapple.
09:20And then, um...
09:22Well, then there's a tin,
09:23which I reckon has got some pineapples in.
09:25Correct.
09:26Chunks.
09:28APPLAUSE
09:31OK, somebody back, sir.
09:33Let's see them retrieve some pineapples.
09:35All right, then.
09:35Our first two golden pineapple retrievers are Frankie and Kael.
09:41OK, well, that's a start.
09:42A magnet's a start.
09:43Great.
09:46Oh, man.
09:52That's sort of made things worse.
09:58Hmm.
10:00Oh, man.
10:02Oh!
10:05That's bad.
10:08Wow, you really don't want to get this near metal.
10:11Well, let's look at it this way.
10:14We've now anchored that successfully.
10:18LAUGHTER
10:37Well, something happened.
10:40Ow!
10:42Oh, yeah.
10:43I've got to get some points for that.
10:45Oh!
10:46LAUGHTER
10:49I'm just throwing a log at a pineapple.
10:51LAUGHTER
10:57LAUGHTER
10:58What's that made out of?
10:59Pineapple.
11:00This whole time,
11:01you've watched me
11:02trying to get that magnet
11:04on a piece of rubber?
11:06LAUGHTER
11:07Maybe it's my technique that's wrong.
11:11LAUGHTER
11:13Good for Destin's.
11:14Over here, uh...
11:16Oh, no, no, no, look.
11:18No, it's going to fall!
11:19Ah!
11:20Three minutes, 40.
11:24LAUGHTER
11:25LAUGHTER
11:26Something's in the water.
11:27Gotcha!
11:29LAUGHTER
11:30One pineapple.
11:31Five to go.
11:32Five?
11:33Wait, that one's floating down a bit.
11:3545 seconds, Frankie.
11:3845 seconds, Frankie.
11:40What is that for?
11:42Oh.
11:44I think he's bloody got it.
11:46Yes!
11:48LAUGHTER
11:50LAUGHTER
11:52It was a slightly sad end.
11:54LAUGHTER
11:55Bye, Carl.
11:58LAUGHTER
12:13No, good for you.
12:15LAUGHTER
12:15I'm glad.
12:17APPLAUSE
12:23Quite an act of, uh, aggression there.
12:25Kicking that one plant pot over.
12:27He knows what he's up to.
12:28This is his life energy.
12:30He hides those pineapples.
12:32He'd be like...
12:33LAUGHTER
12:34LAUGHTER
12:35Did you not notice the pineapples, or did you just not care?
12:37I thought it was just they'd left them there to set up for the next contestant.
12:41LAUGHTER
12:41I didn't think they were supposed to anger me in any way.
12:44LAUGHTER
12:45I don't think that we had to be on something that was magnetic.
12:48I think that was a bad choice.
12:50I couldn't have enjoyed it more.
12:53LAUGHTER
12:53You've got twice as many pineapples as Frankie, who got one.
12:57LAUGHTER
12:57If I had a good strategy for fishing rubbish out of some sewage,
13:02what sort of person would I be?
13:03LAUGHTER
13:05LAUGHTER
13:05Very good.
13:07It is the end of part one, then.
13:09And if you can hear your neighbours noisily making love
13:12instead of watching Taskmaster, just think,
13:14maybe they are watching Taskmaster.
13:17LAUGHTER
13:17Maybe you're the one doing this wrong.
13:24APPLAUSE
13:29Oh, hello!
13:30We're just in a minute for time for part two of Taskmaster.
13:33Phew!
13:34Yes, we're in the thick of a pineapple retrieval task.
13:37Most pineapples piled up wins,
13:38and we even put easy-to-retrieve ones around the corner for them.
13:42Much easier to get than the ones in the middle of the mill pond.
13:44Now for the attempts of Jenny and Ivo.
13:47Ivo, Ivo, it's off to work, he goes.
13:51LAUGHTER
13:53Does that...
13:54Is that the longest it'll go?
13:55Yes, it's not very good.
13:57That's rubbish.
14:01It's not long enough.
14:03LAUGHTER
14:04What does this do?
14:07LAUGHTER
14:12I don't think that's happening.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:17I don't know what to do!
14:20LAUGHTER
14:30I've done it.
14:32I've done a Taskmaster task.
14:35LAUGHTER
14:44Five.
14:47I can't just sort of rest on those florals.
14:51My trousers are falling down.
14:53What's this going to do?
14:54Nothing!
14:55Nothing!
15:04I can't even hear it anymore.
15:09It's so far away!
15:14If I had longer arms...
15:17Hmm.
15:17Would you just pick up the pineapple?
15:20LAUGHTER
15:20Is it tethered?
15:23It might be.
15:24Use the scissors!
15:30No.
15:31I think standing in the wheelbarrow is a non-starter.
15:38LAUGHTER
15:39Oh, my God!
15:41Is she coming downstream?
15:45Getting even one will be the triumph of the century.
15:49Come to Mummy.
15:50Come to Mummy.
15:52Oh, no!
15:53Oh!
15:53Oh!
15:54Oh!
15:55OK.
15:56OK.
15:59Oh!
16:00Oh!
16:01I'm getting a bit wet.
16:02But, like, only magnet retrieval wet,
16:04not falling off a wheelbarrow wet.
16:11Two finalists.
16:14Come on.
16:15Come on, big boy.
16:17Please.
16:18Please.
16:20Please.
16:2030 seconds.
16:21Please!
16:23Ah!
16:24Must have much of me.
16:28Oh!
16:30What are my chunks?
16:32Oh, not more fucking pineapples!
16:36LAUGHTER
16:40APPLAUSE
16:42How did Jenny do using her come-to-mummy long-arms technique?
16:46That technique yielded zero pineapples,
16:49but when you cut the thread that was tethering the pineapple,
16:52she piled four pineapples.
16:53Not bad.
16:54There were two little phrases that came involuntarily out of Ivo
16:58that I think will come to define him.
17:00At first, I thought it was this one.
17:03Please.
17:04Please!
17:05Please!
17:10The escalating pleasers haunted me.
17:12Yeah.
17:13But, in fact, I think this one cancelled it out.
17:15Where's my chunks?
17:19I love where's my chunks.
17:21I got where's my chunks tattooed on my shin.
17:25I love where's my chunks.
17:27I mean, he got loads of chunks, didn't he?
17:29Yeah, we've doubled each time.
17:30One, two, four, now nine.
17:32Nine.
17:36One left.
17:38One left.
17:39Of course, it's May Martin.
17:41Are there any hidden pineapples?
17:43That's what I want to know.
17:44Like, there must be hidden pineapples.
17:53OK.
17:59This is pretty good.
18:02Oh!
18:03Fuck!
18:04No!
18:04No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
18:10One pineapple.
18:14Oh.
18:16Pineapple, I presume.
18:19Yeah.
18:21I like doing a task like this where I'm just on my own.
18:24And I don't have to deal with anyone else's, uh, ideas.
18:30You don't miss your teammates?
18:33No.
18:34No.
18:37Can I have some help?
18:38Yeah.
18:41Oh, yeah.
18:42Oh, what is that?
18:44There's a pineapple in there.
18:48Five pineapples.
18:49Oh!
18:50OK.
18:51Now I'm looking for hidden pineapples.
18:53Right.
18:54You've got five minutes, ten seconds.
19:09Do you have a pen and paper?
19:11Yeah.
19:17Thirteen pineapples there.
19:19Mm-hmm.
19:20Oh!
19:23I lost your pen.
19:24Yeah, that was my pen.
19:26OK, you're done, mate.
19:27Oh, no.
19:28Right.
19:30You owe me a pen.
19:31I owe you a pen.
19:32Sorry.
19:35Oh, no!
19:38APPLAUSE
19:45I just want to remind you that Frankie has argued with such passion
19:50that the word banana written on a card constitutes a banana.
19:54And I will argue that again.
19:57A drawing of a pineapple can be called a pineapple.
20:00Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
20:01Yes!
20:03Kyle, wherever you go, I'm ready to follow.
20:10You did very well, um, bringing the prepared pineapples out.
20:14It's just whether I allow the drawn pineapples, isn't it?
20:16Well, it's not.
20:17It's not a question.
20:19There are several pineapple effigies involved here
20:22that aren't really pineapples.
20:24They're a bit more real than those drawings.
20:26LAUGHTER
20:26But all words and images are metaphors for the things they represent.
20:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:56to go on some weird reverie about how you like being on your own
20:59because your team-mates just ruin it for you
21:01and then immediately saying to Alex,
21:03can you help me get this pineapple out of the water?
21:06LAUGHTER
21:07Pathetic!
21:07I am going to allow the drawn pineapples.
21:10What?!
21:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:13What, because of the banana?
21:15No, because of the nature of language, man!
21:19So we're allowing the pineapples, are we?
21:20I'm afraid we are.
21:21For fuck's sake!
21:23LAUGHTER
21:24OK, well, Frankie, well done.
21:26You get one point, two to Kyle, three to Jenny, four to Ivo,
21:29and five to May Martin!
21:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:34Scoreboard time!
21:35In this episode, it's tight.
21:37Frankie on the bottom with five.
21:38May Martin's in the lead with nine points.
21:40Here we are.
21:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:44Do you have a really good touch standard by Alex?
21:47Let's have a look.
21:47Yes!
21:48I think this one's probably OK.
21:51LAUGHTER
22:02May.
22:03Hi.
22:04Hiya.
22:04Frankie.
22:05Oh, brolly mad in here.
22:08Barrel full of brollies.
22:10LAUGHTER
22:11Before you do that, pick an umbrella.
22:14Any umbrella.
22:18Tartu.
22:19A classic, simple black.
22:22Oh, God.
22:24Oh, dear.
22:25I know that a lot will depend on this.
22:27I'm going to go big bugger.
22:29LAUGHTER
22:32Very nice.
22:34Repurpose this umbrella and demonstrate its new purpose.
22:37Most inventive repurposing of an umbrella wins.
22:40You have 20 minutes.
22:42And that's yours to do what you want with.
22:43They were all going to be discarded.
22:45These are...
22:46They're rescue umbrellas.
22:47They are rescue umbrellas.
22:48We're doing our bit.
22:49I hate my umbrella.
23:21But they would be very...
23:22I hate my umbrella.
23:37Nobody is!
23:37Yeah, I hope they've come to be a valuable way.
23:37I can trust you if you're not into anything.
23:38But still, you know, you don't need to do something.
23:38I can't take it.
23:39Because I only do not know it.
23:39You don't know what I'm talking about.
23:45It's not ALWAYS.
23:45No.
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