- 11 minutes ago
Taskmaster - S15E10 - The Final - A Yardstick for Failure [Full Movie] [Full Storyline]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:18No!
00:25Fuck!
00:36Hello! Yes! Yes, it is!
00:39It's the Taskmaster Grand Final!
00:46Welcome to you all. I'm Greg Davison.
00:49I'm here to lead you through this magnificent final hour.
00:52What does it take to become a champion?
00:55Well, if you want the most prized trophy in television,
00:58you need to tap into your own soul.
01:00You need an energy source that hitherto
01:02you may only have been vaguely aware of.
01:05Each of these people, if they really want it,
01:08will have to meet whatever their own version of God might be.
01:13Or, and I mean this, I'll fix it for 15 grand.
01:17Anyone who pays 15 grand into my can can win it.
01:19I don't care. Why would I care?
01:22So here they are.
01:23For the last time, please welcome your five fearless fighters.
01:27Frankie Boyle!
01:30Ivo Graham!
01:32Jenny Eclair!
01:34Payal Smith-Bynow!
01:37And May Martin!
01:42And next to me, a man who told me that as a young person,
01:46he used to practice kissing on his grandfather's pet carp,
01:50Mr. Suckles.
01:51It's...
01:52Little Alex Hall!
01:54APPLAUSE
01:58Hello, everyone.
01:59It's the final, Greg. It's the final.
02:01I'm going to miss you, Greg.
02:03Are you?
02:03Yes, I like sitting next to you.
02:05What's this, though?
02:06Well, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my birthday party.
02:09You're going to be the first person I invited.
02:13That is a lovely way to start the grand final.
02:15Great.
02:15Alex is turning 50. It's in six years.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:21Alex would like the pleasure of Greg's company
02:23at my 50th birthday.
02:24Dress code naughty but nice.
02:26Arrival half 3pm, carriages 4.30am.
02:28It's just you and me.
02:32Then you, TBC, probably a farm,
02:34and then you just tear off that bit and return it.
02:36If you're coming, it's an RSVP slip at the bottom.
02:38Right, let's get on with the show, shall we?
02:40What have we got for the final prize task of the show, Alex?
02:43It's a real money spinner, Greg,
02:45because you've asked him to bring in
02:47the best Greg Davis merchandise
02:49that isn't on the market
02:50but should be on the market.
02:52LAUGHTER
02:54Of course, there's already a lot of great stuff out there,
02:56enough to make quite an alarming shrine, let me tell you.
03:01But Greg's going to judge his favourite one
03:03and then the lucky episode winner will win
03:05a lot of Greg Davis merchandise
03:06which I can drop round to them at a later date.
03:09Well, mate, Martin.
03:10Hi.
03:10Have you got some good me merchandise?
03:13Yeah, um, my...my dad was involved.
03:15How was your dad involved?
03:17Basically, in lockdown,
03:18he kind of became, like, Geppetto.
03:21So he and I together designed a Greg Davis puppet.
03:25Yeah, this is what Mr Martin made.
03:29I really want to show you.
03:31Should have been on the market, Greg.
03:32Ho-ho-ho-ho!
03:39OK, the mouth opens.
03:41And also, it says one of your famous catchphrases
03:44if you press a button.
03:46OK.
03:46I'm so full of hate!
03:49Oh, thank you, May.
03:54Oh, God.
03:56Looks like Lord Sugar.
03:57What?
03:58The 75-year-old tycoon?
03:59Yes, it does.
04:01It's absolutely incredible.
04:02Is your dad a carpenter?
04:03No.
04:04Well, how's he made you?
04:06Eh?
04:07I don't think he likes me.
04:08He doesn't like me.
04:10And there's two of us now.
04:13I'm going to eat your shit party in six years.
04:16I'm going to do a poo in the carpet.
04:22He's a monster!
04:24He's horrible.
04:25Yeah, I think he's horrible.
04:26This is going to take some beating.
04:28Thank you, May.
04:29He's absolutely amazing.
04:30I'm so full of hate!
04:33That is a strong start.
04:35That's a high bar, isn't it?
04:37That's really annoying, actually.
04:38Yeah.
04:40Very good.
04:42Ivo.
04:43Um, Greg, I've actually been a fan of your work
04:45since before this show even came into existence.
04:47In 2008, I've been a fan of your work.
04:482010 at the Edinburgh Fringe, I watched your debut show.
04:51What was that show called, Greg?
04:52It's called Firing Cheeseballs as a Dog, Ivo.
04:55Let's look at what the prize is.
04:56It's this.
04:57It's your very own Greg Davies cheeseball catapult.
05:02Take that, damn pooch!
05:05That's lovely.
05:06And even though it's less and less acceptable
05:08to fire stacks into the faces of dogs...
05:11I hate this woke shit.
05:12Yeah!
05:14I mean, one of the dogs' jobs is to catch snacks, surely?
05:17Why can't they catch them at velocity?
05:21I think it's delightful.
05:23OK.
05:23Jenny.
05:24OK, Greg, for you, I had commissioned a coffee stencil
05:29and I thought, oh, just buying a coffee with your face on it.
05:33Maybe if you got together with that cafe place
05:36that has the same name as you,
05:38and then you could have a Greg's Greg coffee...
05:40Yeah, I mean...
05:41And then you could give some of the money to charity.
05:44Yeah, yeah.
05:46There's a lot relying on this picture, I feel.
05:48This is what...
05:49Let's have a look!
05:50LAUGHTER
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53LAUGHTER
05:53LAUGHTER
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55That's the way to the magic.
05:57That's the before and this is the coffee.
05:59Aw!
06:00Why do I suddenly feel like chicken?
06:04LAUGHTER
06:04LAUGHTER
06:06It's not bad at all, Jenny.
06:08Hi, Al, you all right?
06:10Well, erm...
06:12I think as much as people would like to have, like,
06:15bits and pieces to play with,
06:17I think it's much more fun to be you.
06:20Oh, it is not.
06:23LAUGHTER
06:24Keep talking!
06:25Well, when you last felt like that,
06:28you might have wanted something like this.
06:29Have a look.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:32It's a Greg Davis morph suit.
06:35LAUGHTER
06:36It's so awful.
06:38LAUGHTER
06:39I think if this goes on sale,
06:40I'm going to be arrested for multiple attacks on it.
06:44Well, thanks, Kyle.
06:46That's all right.
06:47Hi, Frankie.
06:47Do you know how we're both essentially trembling
06:49on the brink of death?
06:51LAUGHTER
06:52With every morning,
06:53I cannot believe I see the sun again.
06:56LAUGHTER
06:56And the real test of the ageing process is the bean bag.
07:01Once you have to commando roll out of a bean bag...
07:04Yeah.
07:04..that's a sign it's pretty much game over.
07:06LAUGHTER
07:07So what I've developed is a euthaniser bean bag...
07:12LAUGHTER
07:12..that if you sit in it for more than an hour,
07:15it folds itself round you and euthanises you...
07:19LAUGHTER
07:20..and then zips itself up like a body bag.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24Yeah, so this is Frankie's Greg Davies merch.
07:27LAUGHTER
07:28So it's just got Greg Davies written.
07:30LAUGHTER
07:32After a while, this would happen.
07:35LAUGHTER
07:36He would start to be subsumed by the bean bag.
07:40And then...
07:41And then...
07:41LAUGHTER
07:43He's gone.
07:44Mercy is delivered.
07:46LAUGHTER
07:48So it's a bean bag that determines...
07:51Whether you'll ever die.
07:53LAUGHTER
07:53OK, we've been on a journey.
07:55Who has won the journey?
07:57Well...
07:57Then this is going to surprise you.
07:59Not Frankie!
08:00LAUGHTER
08:01I don't want the Greg Davies death bean bag to be on the market.
08:04LAUGHTER
08:05So is it one point to Frankie?
08:06One point.
08:07Yes.
08:08Kyle, two points.
08:09You're joking!
08:10Yeah.
08:11No, it's better than yours.
08:12It's mine that was better than yours.
08:14LAUGHTER
08:15OK, two points to Kyle.
08:17Jenny gets three points.
08:18I sort of don't want to give...
08:20LAUGHTER
08:21That horrible thing.
08:22Look at him...
08:23Five points, but I have to acknowledge the amount of work that's going on.
08:25And you are talking about the puppet, not me.
08:27Yeah.
08:29So, I'm going to give Ivo four points.
08:31You stuck a sticker of Greg's face on a catapult,
08:35and that's better than my high-concept death bag.
08:40Ivo's admittedly cheap, but well-researched catapult, that's four.
08:44OK.
08:44And my animated corpse gets five.
08:47APPLAUSE
08:47Ladies and gentlemen, they're not in.
08:48High points.
08:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:52Right, let's have the first proper task of the final.
08:55Gotcha.
08:55And I hope you find this one deeply fulfilling.
09:09MUSIC PLAYS
09:13Hello, Alex.
09:14Mate.
09:15Alex.
09:17Remember me?
09:18How could I forget?
09:20Everything all right with you?
09:22Yeah, pretty good.
09:24Can't complain.
09:25No, but I do.
09:26LAUGHTER
09:27Fill the glass up to the line from the furthest distance.
09:30If you use a hose and someone else uses a hose,
09:33both hose users are disqualified.
09:35Will somebody have used the hose
09:37because of the danger of being disqualified?
09:40Furthest distance between contestant and pint glass
09:42while filling wins.
09:43You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
09:46Your time starts now.
09:48Surely, why doesn't it just say, if you use the hose,
09:51you'll be disqualified or you must not use the hose?
09:54Who else is going to use the hose with me?
09:55So, in Taskmaster, it's you against four other people?
09:58Yeah.
09:59And if one of them also uses a hose...
10:02Yeah.
10:02..then you'll both be disqualified.
10:04Ah!
10:06LAUGHTER
10:06Now you've suggested it,
10:08we're all locked in a complex game of quadruple bluff.
10:12APPLAUSE
10:16Well, we're not going to get a better intro to this whole task
10:18than the quote,
10:20now the hose has been mentioned,
10:21we're all locked in a game of quadruple bluff.
10:23It's a sort of classic Taskmaster task.
10:26First up, Ivo, Jenny, Frankie and May.
10:29I think Kyle's going to use the hose.
10:32I'm convinced he's going to go, nah.
10:35I can, that's my impersonation of him.
10:37Nah, I'm using the hose.
10:39I think I can win this task hose-free.
10:42I think it might be down to pipes.
10:44Where's the glass?
10:45The glass is in the bath.
10:47Ah.
10:56It's not full.
10:57Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
10:59You've got five minutes, Ivo.
11:02Not even on the string yet.
11:04Oh.
11:08Right, so that's just going to fill that glass, is it?
11:10Yeah.
11:11I'm pretty confident about it.
11:12I'm just going to get out of the way of it slowly.
11:14Yeah, I'd like to do that.
11:19That's what I need to do.
11:20I need, um, tubes.
11:22Because that's not working.
11:24I've never tidied glass two pieces of string before.
11:26You haven't got that long, Ivo.
11:28How confident are you in your system?
11:30I think it's very flawed.
11:32OK.
11:32I bet no other bastard used that hose.
11:35OK, now I'm going to get a big jug of water.
11:38Yeah.
11:38And it's going to flow.
11:40I can't see what's going to go wrong.
11:42There was sarcasm.
11:44Yeah.
11:44Yeah.
11:45A lot.
11:55I have another idea.
11:57Oh, good.
11:59Does it come out the other end, Alex?
12:02No.
12:06I have a theory.
12:07Ah.
12:08Perhaps some bubbles will dead in the fall.
12:10Right.
12:10You've got three minutes.
12:15Someone's going to use the hose, and the hose is long.
12:17Oh, the hose is long, yeah.
12:21OK, we'll start that again, there.
12:25It's filling.
12:26Jenny, I've logged that distance.
12:28You still have five minutes if you want to have a second attempt.
12:31OK.
12:31I'd like a balloon of water and a dart.
12:34Oh, we've got a couple of minutes.
12:35You've got one minute and a half, Frankie.
12:37I'm going to log the glass.
12:39I'm going to log the glass.
12:39It'll be cushioned by the bubbles.
12:41I'll fill up with water.
12:43LAUGHTER
12:43And, er, I've completed the task.
12:46Thank you for being my assistant, Alex.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:49All or nothing.
12:58That wasn't an encouraging noise.
13:01No, it didn't sound great, but...
13:03Could have been some bubbles bursting.
13:07You've got four seconds.
13:08Three, two, one.
13:15We lost a bit.
13:16We lost a bit on entry.
13:20Watch your eyes!
13:25It's not to the line, but you've got one more balloon.
13:27OK.
13:36Did it say over the line?
13:39As long as it's to the line.
13:41It's to the line.
13:42You done?
13:43OK.
13:44Right, Jenny, you've got one minute.
13:46OK.
13:48So close.
13:58It's over the line.
13:59OK.
13:59Thank you, everyone.
14:01APPLAUSE
14:01That was great, Jenny.
14:03It was probably the best thing you've done on the whole series, I think.
14:06Honestly, it was possibly one of the coolest things I've ever done in my life.
14:10It was so cool.
14:12And you filled it twice, so...
14:14Yeah, doubler.
14:14Doubler.
14:14Yeah, it was a doubler, yeah.
14:16Oh, I have written it down.
14:17Doubler!
14:18Doubler!
14:18I'll double it.
14:203.8 metres, half a London bus.
14:23OK.
14:23Well done.
14:23Well done.
14:24May, was it genuinely your intention to just throw a pint of water in the air and hope that
14:31it's all landed in the glass?
14:32Yeah.
14:33I think in my head I was a cartoon, and it would be like...
14:36Blah!
14:37Yeah, yeah.
14:38You did manage to get eight metres ten, the same as a London bus.
14:42Well done, mate.
14:43Exactly.
14:44Well done.
14:45Exactly.
14:46Frankie, I thought the initial thing you put some thought into.
14:50Yeah.
14:50But when I saw you just tossing fairy liquid into a bath, you thought,
14:57I'm going to burn this whole task to the ground.
14:59I thought it might work.
15:01I still think it might have worked, because all the glass was submerged.
15:05It was broken, but it was submerged, so in a way the water was over the line.
15:09Doesn't say that you don't have to break the glass.
15:13I mean, it wasn't full, but it was covered in water.
15:16It was filler, because it was covered in water on both sides.
15:21On to Ivo's cascading rollercoaster.
15:25From the very beginning it looked like a sure-fire addition to your list of failures,
15:28I thought, but in fact a partial success.
15:31Yeah, the system worked, but he was let down because he didn't put enough water in the glass.
15:34And was he a good distance from there?
15:36He was.
15:36He was about two and a bit London buses, 18 metres 30.
15:39Oh, that's good.
15:39Yeah, frankly, was two-thirds of a London bus, 5 metres 40.
15:43But the outside of your glass dries a bone.
15:47LAUGHTER
15:49Break time now, and as an inspiration for our competitors,
15:52I've been training Alex to fart land of hope and glory.
15:55So, please, Alex, take it away.
15:59BUZZER
16:00Oh, no, Daddy, it's whoops.
16:05BUZZER
16:06BUZZER
16:13BUZZER
16:14Hello! Welcome back.
16:16It's great to have me here for this almighty final.
16:20And it's time to see whether Kael did opt for the hose option in the glass-filling task.
16:26I feel like no-one else is going to use the hose.
16:28BUZZER
16:29Even though you might get disqualified if someone else uses the hose?
16:32No risk, no reward.
16:33Is that true?
16:34I don't know.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:37Right, if I'm someone else, and I've read that...
16:40Who are you pretending to be?
16:41Me.
16:42What are you doing?
16:44I'm not going to use the hose.
16:46It's too scary.
16:48BUZZER
16:49So, I'd quite like you to be Frankie now.
16:50BUZZER
16:51I think that the hose should be left alone.
16:55BUZZER
16:55I'll do the rest, just because I'm here.
16:57Yeah, Ivo.
16:58Hose?
16:59No, I don't think so.
17:01Well, maybe...
17:02No.
17:03I'm not going to use the hose.
17:04And then, Jenny...
17:06Jenny...
17:06BUZZER
17:07Where is the hose?
17:08Where is it?
17:09I can't be bothered with it.
17:10I've changed my mind.
17:12BUZZER
17:12Right, you're going to use the hose then?
17:13Yes.
17:14BUZZER
17:15Nobody else is going to do this.
17:16No way, hose-y.
17:18BUZZER
17:19BUZZER
17:22BUZZER
17:22Oh, shit!
17:23BUZZER
17:24Oh, my God!
17:26BUZZER
17:26Make it stop!
17:28The children!
17:29BUZZER
17:29On, please.
17:31Hose on.
17:33BUZZER
17:33Come on.
17:35Yeah!
17:36BUZZER
17:37Is it doing it?
17:38It doesn't look like it is.
17:41BUZZER
17:41Is there anything in that cup?
17:45BUZZER
17:45You've got to be kidding me.
17:46BUZZER
17:47I might need to get closer.
17:48BUZZER
17:49I will move the measuring now.
17:51BUZZER
17:51I thought this was going to be really easy.
17:53BUZZER
17:54Come on.
17:55BUZZER
17:55That's nowhere near it.
17:5745 seconds left.
17:59Sip!
18:03BUZZER
18:05BUZZER
18:05BUZZER
18:06BUZZER
18:06BUZZER
18:07Oh, boy.
18:08BUZZER
18:08Please turn the hose off.
18:16BUZZER
18:17BUZZER
18:18BUZZER
18:18BUZZER
18:19BUZZER
18:20BUZZER
18:22BUZZER
18:22What a drama.
18:24Oh, yeah.
18:25We certainly couldn't have predicted a grown man shouting,
18:28at water, go in the glass, bruv.
18:32I thought it was going to be so easy.
18:34You made the hose sound like it was, like, the dream.
18:37That's what he does.
18:37He lews people in.
18:39No, it is, it is the dream.
18:40Did you just watch that?
18:41I think I'm not the only one here thinking,
18:43put the end of the hose in the glass,
18:45make it as long as possible, go to the tap.
18:48BUZZER
18:50BUZZER
18:51BUZZER
19:06BUZZER
19:07BUZZER
19:07BUZZER
19:08BUZZER
19:09BUZZER
19:10Oh, dear, dear.
19:11No points to Kael, amazingly.
19:14No points to Ivo, no points, probably to Frankie.
19:17That's up to you.
19:17Come on.
19:18I'm not giving Frankie a point of having water outside the broken...
19:22It's very creative, but come on.
19:24No to Frankie, which means it's four to Jenny,
19:26with the darts and solid tube technique,
19:28and five to May Martin.
19:29BUZZER
19:31BUZZER
19:32Can we see what's happening in the scoreboard, please?
19:34Yes.
19:34We have Frankie on one point,
19:36and at the other end of the table,
19:37May Martin has a full ten points.
19:39BUZZER
19:41BUZZER
19:42BUZZER
19:43Right, what's next?
19:45Oh, thank goodness.
19:47It's chess o'clock.
19:50BUZZER
19:51BUZZER
19:52BUZZER
19:53BUZZER
19:53BUZZER
19:54BUZZER
19:55BUZZER
19:56BUZZER
19:56BUZZER
19:56BUZZER
19:56BUZZER
19:57BUZZER
19:58BUZZER
20:01BUZZER
20:04BUZZER
20:04BUZZER
20:06BUZZER
20:07BUZZER
20:07BUZZER
20:08BUZZER
20:08BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:09BUZZER
20:10BUZZER
20:11BUZZER
20:11BUZZER
20:12BUZZER
20:12BUZZER
20:13BUZZER
20:14BUZZER
20:15BUZZER
20:16BUZZER
20:16BUZZER
20:17BUZZER
20:17BUZZER
20:19BUZZER
20:21BUZZER
20:26BUZZER
20:27If you do not complete an activity, 10 seconds will be added to your time.
20:32Closest to the same total time. Wince.
20:36The time starts when Alex presses his button.
20:44We haven't started yet.
20:46So we take turns, yes?
20:48We're playing chess.
20:50Oh.
20:50This clock will tell you what time...
20:53Is there any point in me looking at that?
20:54No.
20:57OK, so it's a sort of copycat chess.
20:59Exactly that.
21:00I just wanted to point out that Jenny's version of Hello has morphed across this series
21:03to be almost always something along the lines of,
21:07Oh, no.
21:08Oh, dear.
21:10I think something horrible happens.
21:13Yes, it does.
21:16All right, then. It's intense.
21:18Forget Kasparov versus Deep Blue.
21:20This is Kayelle and May versus Deep Horn.
21:23AHHHHH!
21:25Good luck, May.
21:26Good luck, Kayelle.
21:27Good luck, Alex.
21:30I'm going to eat a banana now.
21:40I don't know.
22:03I'm not gonna sharpen a pencil
22:09And you sharpen a pencil
22:16I'm gonna have 40 wings
22:25And I get it mass oh Christ. I'm gonna do some baths
22:35I
22:36Should've shopped this pencil probably
22:37I don't know, I don't know if I'm about to do this
22:41I did some
22:42I'm gonna put five rubber bands on my face
22:54You avoided your eyes
22:57Yeah
22:57Yeah, smart
23:01I'm gonna open the box
23:12How can I open the box?
23:13Oh you need the code
23:15Where's the code?
23:16I don't know the code
23:17You should have a four-digit number, mate
23:19Should I?
23:21Should I just hold this for a sec?
23:32I'm gonna inflate the entire balloon
23:39I'm now gonna put my banana skin in the Vaseline pot
23:42Okay
23:57I'm gonna make a dog
24:03Oh my god
24:04Oh my god
24:09I'm gonna use this to tie that
24:14It's loose
24:16It's loose
24:18I've got a short back legs
24:25We finis
24:28Thank you Alex
24:29Good game
24:31LAUGHTER
24:34APPLAUSE
24:35Kael, why do you take so long without the knife?
24:38I like to enjoy my meals. Interesting.
24:41And sinister for some reason.
24:44They both did pretty well.
24:45Kael was three minutes, five seconds slower than me.
24:48May, who has been very good at Taskmaster throughout Taskmaster,
24:51two minutes and eight seconds slower than me,
24:53which is pretty impressive.
24:55APPLAUSE
24:57Next, here's a very Jenny attempt by Jenny.
25:00Oh, God.
25:02Yes, are you ready, Jenny? Yeah, I'm ready, Alex.
25:04Here we go.
25:05I'm going to eat a banana.
25:11I'm going to eat a banana.
25:14LAUGHTER
25:24It's my fist, to be honest, today.
25:27LAUGHTER
25:30OK. Right.
25:32I've finished that banana.
25:34I'm going to sharpen my pencil.
25:38Shed your face, as well.
25:40Do you want to go? Yeah.
25:41Oh.
25:47I'm going to do some maths.
25:49I'm going to do some maths.
25:50It takes 56.
25:52Can you find...
25:54It is a...
25:57I know you could use your mouth.
26:03Instantly facelifted.
26:04Oh, my gosh, I've done that.
26:06I'm going to open the box.
26:08Well, I'm going to open the box.
26:09OK.
26:12OK.
26:12I've done a fucking song.
26:14I've done a fucking song wrong.
26:15OK, give me a minute.
26:18OK.
26:20This is 460.
26:23This is 460.
26:23860s.
26:25Yeah.
26:28PHONE RINGS
26:30PHONE RINGS
26:36It's like the worst birthday party ever.
26:41I'm going to put my banana skin in my Vaseline pot.
26:44You fucking weird freak.
26:51Oh, Ike, it's very good.
26:52There he is.
26:54There he is.
27:00It's curled up in its basket.
27:02Yeah.
27:03I'm going to pop my dog.
27:05AHHHHH!
27:22AHHHHH!
27:23I only understood the trust thing because I've seen that rather good drama with...
27:28What's that girl called?
27:33Queen's Gambit.
27:34Queen's Gambit.
27:34Yeah.
27:35Yeah, yeah.
27:35I've never seen anything that's further removed from the Queen's Gambit.
27:40Your balloon dog looked like intestines.
27:42I was amazed that you hadn't shat yourself because you had so many bananas.
27:46It was just very stressful to watch you out, to be honest.
27:52Good. We're halfway through the final.
27:54Before long, one person will take home some Greg Davis merchandise
27:57and one person will take home this Greg Davis trophy.
28:01But who will take home Greg Davis?
28:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:17Hello!
28:18Welcome back to the penultimate part of this Taskmaster final.
28:22Alex, please sit on the edge of your chair, recap the current task
28:25like it's a half-time pep talk for a sports team.
28:28Ten little tasks.
28:30Four minutes on the clock.
28:31Closest to those four minutes wins.
28:34Ivo. Frankie.
28:35You're going to smash it?
28:37OK, ready?
28:37Let's go.
28:39OK, I'm just going to marry you in every way.
28:41In every way.
28:42Every way.
28:45Good luck.
28:49Here we go.
28:52I'm going to eat a banana.
28:53I'm going to eat a banana.
29:00I think I've got plenty of time.
29:02You seem to be quite slow here.
29:04It's like you were trying to establish an alibi.
29:09I'm going to sharpen my pencil.
29:10I'm going to sharpen my pencil.
29:13You did that quickly and with some bitterness behind it.
29:18I'm going to have 40 winks.
29:26I'm going to do some maths now.
29:35You can always take the hit and press the button.
29:41OK, I'm going to put five rubber bands on my face.
29:46Oh, yeah.
29:47That's a good idea.
29:48Oh, yeah.
29:51That's a good idea.
29:52What?
29:56Ow.
30:05Opened.
30:07All right.
30:14I'm going to put the banana skin in the tub.
30:22I'm going to put the banana skin in the tub.
30:24All the way in, please.
30:47What is your nose?
30:50Let go.
30:50Run over I'll stick it down with the Vaseline. Oh, yeah. I need to pop the dog
31:06I know to think it was something you did that might have sabotage your attempt a little narrow down
31:11Where you blinded yourself with?
31:15When when I was on the train about five hours after this task someone on the train asked if I'd
31:21been in an accident
31:26Like an Ann summers party that had gone wrong, you know the balloons and the Vaseline and all that gone,
31:33right?
31:36Were you surprised when Frankie stamped all over the little box?
31:41I'm not great when I'm under pressure
31:44Or when I'm not
31:47But you were great at this kind of thing you've got there one minute 32 after me
31:52Ivo Ivo had two ten-second penalties because he didn't open the box so he didn't get the gloves and
31:58that was funny and
32:00He also didn't make a dog because of his moist moist hands, but Frankie won 32 Ivo won
32:0535
32:06It's a five
32:08I'm sorry, but pretty good which means that Jenny one point for your eight minutes 50
32:14Kiel two points may three points Ivo four points, but Frankie will get five points
32:19Thank you
32:22Come on have another one please
32:24You may but it's the last one
32:27Awwww
32:28I know and then bedtime
32:30BELL $200
32:33BELL ARCHES
32:46Hello Frankie
32:48Hello Ivo
32:49Hello Alex
32:51Oh, lovely. I thought I stole this pen.
32:55The outside of the task says,
32:57write the name of a profession in this hole,
33:01then open the task.
33:03Mm-mm. Plumber, architect, that's smart.
33:06I'm trying to think what the task is going to be.
33:08Something that's going to be easy.
33:11If we pick dog walker, we might at least get to meet a dog.
33:15Isn't that artist?
33:16Yeah, because it's a bit open-ended.
33:18Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do artist.
33:21All right. I'm writing artist.
33:22Artist.
33:23So you're counting dog walker as a profession?
33:25Yeah.
33:26I don't want to be too down on...
33:29Yeah.
33:29It's very rarely in the drop-down menu.
33:32LAUGHTER
33:34But nor is, you know, nor is stand-up.
33:37LAUGHTER
33:41Perform an original lullaby for a dog walker.
33:45Perform an original lullaby for an artist.
33:48Most soporific, profession-specific lullaby wins.
33:52You have 30 minutes.
33:54Your time starts now.
33:56What sort of artist is this?
33:58Water colours.
33:59We can go through all the paint colours, can't we?
34:02Could we find a dog that would fall asleep?
34:04Something that's really on its last legs from the vet.
34:07You want to use our allotted half-hour?
34:10LAUGHTER
34:10To seek out a nearly dead dog.
34:12LAUGHTER
34:14Aquamarine, that's a good word.
34:17Can you harmonise?
34:19No, not really.
34:20But I can certainly think of some dog species that rhyme.
34:26What unbirthed that space...
34:27Look at this new artist!
34:29There, I've put the body, so it's got...
34:32Oh, I'm glad you've had that.
34:33Let's wrap that back up.
34:34Let's wrap that back up like that.
34:36Let's swaddle.
34:39APPLAUSE
34:41Well, a limbless potato baby and a dead dog.
34:45I'm feeling lovely and sleepy already.
34:48Can you harmonise?
34:49No, but I can certainly think of some dog species that rhyme.
34:52And with that, the new Lennon and McCartney report.
34:56LAUGHTER
34:58Performing a lullaby for a dog walker, it's Frankie B and Ivo G.
35:02It's a long day walking with a Labrador
35:06Now you're coming home through your own front door
35:10Your legs are tired and your knees are weak
35:14Soon, like a dog, you will be put to sleep
35:18Your work is vital, don't misconstrue it
35:21Without you, we'd have to walk our own dogs or get a neighbour to do it
35:27Your bed is where you feel nice and smug
35:31Wrinkle your face up like an ancient pug
35:34You live your whole life with eight dogs on a lead
35:38Trying to work out if they pood or they peed
35:42You spend your whole life in your local park
35:45But no more dogging for you after dark
35:49It's a long day walking with a Labrador
35:53Now you're coming home through your own front door
35:57Your legs are tired and your knees are weak
36:01Soon, like a dog, you will be put to sleep
36:04Dog walker, you sure ain't cheap
36:08Dog walker, go the fuck to sleep
36:17What a kind reaction
36:19What a kind reaction
36:20Yeah, within four lines something was euthanised
36:24Were you playing percussion on a dog mass bag?
36:26Yep
36:28Nice touch
36:29And then, right at the end, Ivo referenced group sex
36:33It's the most horrific love about it
36:36It seems like an attack on dog walkers
36:38But if you don't tune in, it is soporific, I think
36:40It was soporific, yeah
36:41I was hoping for a bridge
36:45I'd have jumped off anything by the end
36:47But we will stop again
36:49With just one part to go before our winner is crowned
36:52But, before the break
36:54I just want to give you this, Alex
36:59I'm really looking forward to it
37:01It's the greatest day of my life
37:04APPLAUSE
37:15Hello! And welcome back to our grand final
37:18I can't believe it's nearly over
37:20I need soothing, Alex
37:21Well then, I've got good news, my big baby boy
37:24Because I have a soothing lullaby for you all good to go
37:28It's Jenny, Kael and May with their song, Baby Artist
37:45Sleep, baby artist, you're very, very tired
37:52Sleep, baby artist, your pains have expired
37:59You're breathing in terms
38:03We'll give you a birth
38:08You're our baby artist
38:11You're a loved baby artist tonight
38:22Aquamarine
38:23Green
38:25Catmium
38:26Yellow
38:28Viridian
38:31Mars
38:32Black
38:35Burnt
38:35Umber
38:36Vintage blue blue
38:42Moor Sienna
38:45Light
38:47Ochre
38:49Alizarin
38:50Alizarin
38:50Crimson
38:52Legend
38:55Ultra
38:57Marine
39:00Cerulean
39:02Blue
39:04Blue
39:17The eyes of the baby
39:18Like that at the end
39:19That was horrible
39:21When Jenny started randomly listing colours
39:23I swear I saw that baby's eyes pop open
39:27His head span
39:29She was very much the bears in the group
39:34Which one was most soothing, Greg?
39:36I mean, there wasn't much in it, if I'm honest
39:38What, you think they were the same?
39:40I'm judging on what was the most soporific
39:42What would make me go to sleep
39:44And I think that the group of three may, may only just clinch it
39:48And that's only because every now and again
39:50I might come out of my lovely slumber to hear something's being murdered
39:55OK, so we're giving five points to the team of three, are we?
39:57Yeah, but I'm giving them four
39:58Well, there we go, four points to the team of two, five to the team of three
40:04OK, everyone, for the last time
40:06Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
40:12APPLAUSE
40:21Welcome
40:22Hi Greg
40:23Hello mate
40:24I've got my whistle and my iPad, I'm happy
40:25Yeah, it's the final, final task
40:27Are you excited?
40:28I'm so excited about this one
40:29And who's going to redetect?
40:31Jenny, eclair
40:33This is such an honour, thank you very much
40:36Convince the taskmaster that your feet are not in ice when they are in ice
40:41Or that your feet aren't in ice when they are in ice
40:45You must keep your feet either in ice or not in ice for 30 seconds
40:51Before the taskmaster makes his judgement
40:55If the taskmaster is correct, you are disqualified
41:00Last player standing wins
41:03Yeah, so just to explain, there is ice in their boxes
41:06There's little trays of ice
41:07You're going to have 30 seconds to either get in it or not get in it
41:11Greg will be watching you, so you can do whatever you want within that box
41:14To convince him you are not what you are
41:17OK, everyone ready?
41:19Yes
41:34You've got 15 seconds if you want to change your mind
41:39OK, now, stay put for 30 seconds
41:43Greg, examine.
41:45Oh.
41:47Oh.
41:52I take it your feet are really ice cold, are they, Jenny?
41:55You might think that.
42:00Or are they?
42:01Oh.
42:02I don't think, Jenny, they're all...
42:08So, we're going to go down the line.
42:10Ready?
42:11Ready.
42:12Frankie.
42:15Ice.
42:22I for Graham.
42:25Not ice.
42:30A bad actor.
42:32We've lost...
42:38Not ice.
42:41Oh.
42:42Oh.
42:46Oh.
42:49Not ice.
42:53We've lost another one.
42:54This might be Jenny's game.
42:56It's my skill at last.
43:00May Martin.
43:04Not ice.
43:06Oh.
43:09Oh.
43:11Oh.
43:13Oh.
43:13Oh.
43:14Oh, who's that?
43:15Oh.
43:15Oh, the final.
43:17Please come down.
43:18We'll see how to finish the final score.
43:23Jimmy.
43:25Oh.
43:26What an ending.
43:27It's the way we always wanted it to end
43:31Only Jenny Eclair fooling you which means that Jenny Eclair gets a full five points
43:39It does mean something's happened to the school board is there a cat amongst the pigeons
43:43There's two cats amongst the pigeons if we look at the top with 18 points. We have Mae Martin and
43:48Jenny Eclair
43:49No
43:56Yes, it's the first of the series simple task scream the loudest with your mouth closed
44:03And here's how they both got on
44:05Right silently screaming. Okay. Well not silently ideal but yeah, yeah, yeah, okay
44:28Yeah
44:29Yes, Mae Martin's closed-mouth scream registered 98.4 decibels whereas Jenny's was 114.7 decibels, which means that Jenny's
44:36the winner
44:49I
45:07The bittersweet celebration that is the end of a series a new champion just moments from glory
45:13Damn, they fought hard
45:16And for one of them that's a nation's tasking was actually worthwhile
45:20So please allow me to back and forth my faithful up dog to prove his reason for being little Alex
45:27Horne
45:27Pray tell what are the final scores?
45:32In fifth place. It's Ivo with 131 points
45:38The next three are all in the 150s. We've got Frankie Boyle on 150 points
45:45With 152 points suddenly in third is Jenny Eclair
45:51Just above them with 158 points. It's Kael Smith by now
45:59The winner has been up there for quite a while now. They've got 174 points
46:04Over to you, Greg. Whoa. Our new Taskmaster champion is
46:10Mae Martin
46:44The winner has been up there for me and the winner of the Order of the Order of the Order
46:50of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the
46:50Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of
46:50the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order
46:50of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the
46:51Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of
46:52the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order
46:52of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the
46:52Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of
46:52the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order
46:52of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the Order of the
46:53Order
46:53You
Comments