- 2 weeks ago
The Worst Film Festival Ever [Full Movie] [Free Online HD]Full EP - Full
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00:00:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:40CastingWords
00:01:28CastingWords
00:01:46CastingWords
00:01:47What a shit. Solid gold shit.
00:01:52Tug Speedman, I'm just not the biggest fan.
00:01:56A father with money and an idiot with an expensive habit,
00:01:59the transition from drugs to movie-making has been glorious for us.
00:02:04The problem with Tug Speedman movies are his endings.
00:02:06Well, it's not just the endings. We even got shortchanged on the nudity.
00:02:11Esme Presley used a body double.
00:02:15I just had a thought.
00:02:17What do you think if I asked you to present the awards?
00:02:19Oh, Gabriel, let me stop you there. I'm not presenting these awards.
00:02:23Well, that would be a mistake.
00:02:25A missed opportunity for you, Will the Farmer.
00:02:29With some brand.
00:02:31Gabriel, your little festival, it's a low-rent nightmare.
00:02:34Whatever bullshit you've done to get this accredited by the Academy,
00:02:37it's a win here. Honestly, I don't want to be part of it when it all goes tits up.
00:02:41It's all showbiz, Will. And you are one of the greats.
00:02:45This is an opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands.
00:02:47Gabriel, please, please don't bullshit me.
00:02:50Put on a show, Will. Razzle dazzle them.
00:02:55It will be you that they'll remember.
00:02:57I don't want to present an award to a shit Tarantino wannabe Tug Speedman.
00:03:01Truth is stranger than fiction, Will. Look, why don't you stay,
00:03:05listen to the key speaker talk and then see how you feel.
00:03:10Do you know what?
00:03:11I don't feel well, Gabriel.
00:03:14That was funny, isn't it?
00:03:15If you've got a tractor, you're a farmer.
00:03:17If you don't, you're just a gardener.
00:03:19Do you know what? I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:25Gabriel? Are you alright?
00:03:28Uh-huh.
00:04:02Hello.
00:04:10Hello, giggles.
00:04:11Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh, shit. Sorry, no. I've been avoiding my dad all day, so...
00:04:21Phone.
00:04:23I'm breaking up with you.
00:04:26Okay.
00:04:27It's not you.
00:04:28It's your dad.
00:04:31Yeah?
00:04:32Not in that way.
00:04:34Just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad.
00:04:47Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:52Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with giggles.
00:04:58Caroline.
00:05:01I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:07You know, you know what? I think I'm just gonna...
00:05:25Oh, God. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:05:27You know what?
00:05:30Oh.
00:05:56Dad, where have you been?
00:05:57He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer?
00:06:01And a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad.
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's going to be okay.
00:06:06Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16Um, how sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20Shit, no, the film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital.
00:06:29Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:32No, Dad, Dad, cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan, I am not willing to donate a kidney, but I am willing to watch you die slowly if
00:06:40you're looking for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:44Um, any idea what you're going to do?
00:06:47Uh, no, no, Will, I don't.
00:06:49Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:49Um, Will the Farmer to present Best Picture.
00:06:54Aw.
00:06:55Aw.
00:07:13Somebody I'm not.
00:07:15I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:07:20Standing in the shoes of someone I'm not.
00:07:24I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:07:25I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:07:30Standing in my shoes.
00:07:32I got this feeling that I'm always gonna lose.
00:07:37I guess I know someday I'm gonna have to choose.
00:07:41Cause I don't wanna hide away.
00:07:45Yeah, yeah.
00:07:47Somebody I'm not.
00:07:50I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:07:54I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:07:55Standing in the shoes of someone I'm not.
00:07:58Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:08:04Standing in the line.
00:08:07I never know when it's gonna be my time.
00:08:11I got some merchants that I really wanna shine.
00:08:15Cause I don't wanna hide away.
00:08:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:08:21Somebody I'm not.
00:08:24I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:08:28Standing in the shoes of someone I'm not.
00:08:32Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not.
00:08:36I'm not.
00:08:39Cause, oh.
00:08:40It goes.
00:08:42Seems like I'm running blind.
00:08:48But, oh, you know,
00:08:53It's like I'm stuck in town.
00:09:16Somebody I'm not
00:09:19I don't want to be
00:09:21Somebody I'm not
00:09:23Standing in the shoes of somebody
00:09:26I'm not
00:09:29You know
00:09:30I think I'm going to faint if we don't eat soon
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station
00:09:36I can get those anywhere
00:09:38I need authentic Edinburghan food
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word
00:09:44But it is now anyway
00:09:47Um, there's a greasy spoon three blocks from here
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe it says
00:09:54Perfect word
00:09:55I'm going to use it in a sentence
00:09:58I just did
00:10:05Where are all these Scottish fruits have been sold about?
00:10:10You're going to cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters
00:10:15At her butt
00:10:17Oh my god
00:10:24Are you sure?
00:10:27Of course
00:10:29He's got no reason to lie, I sure
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out
00:10:36That can't be good
00:10:42Come on
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues
00:10:56But then again it's an old laptop
00:10:58So I probably need some replacing
00:11:00She means your dad, Alan
00:11:01Oh god
00:11:02Um, yeah, better, I think
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning that he signed off with
00:11:09And don't mess this up
00:11:11So safe to say he's better the farm on this first door
00:11:16That'll be fine
00:11:19See, he's working
00:11:21And gone again
00:11:27He's fucked
00:11:33Will!
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend, that's good
00:11:36Will, I still need a key speaker
00:11:38Please check out time for me
00:11:40No, Will, please
00:11:41I'll give you anything, okay
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have
00:11:44It's barely been used
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists
00:11:48Don't play dead
00:12:06Er, is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:14I'm sorry
00:12:14I'll just bung it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip
00:12:21No, no, no
00:12:22Seriously
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge
00:12:35So bad then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good
00:12:36One of my key speakers has pulled out
00:12:38He's got the flu
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an Academy Award
00:12:42Is you must provide at least two key speakers
00:12:46To tell you movies are good
00:12:49Alright, okay, it's fine
00:12:50Just breathe
00:12:53That's it
00:12:54Not the first guy to have a panic attack on us
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me
00:12:59Tug Speedman will
00:13:00Godswell's a good movie
00:13:01The ending won't much though
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault
00:13:10Right, first things last
00:13:12What's the key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know
00:13:15It's got to be an actor or a celebrity
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience
00:13:19Making movies with the other filmmakers
00:13:27Rachel
00:13:28Oh shit, yeah, Rachel Warren
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:32Rachel, Rachel
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess
00:13:38It's in the festival
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her well
00:13:42I'm sure she'd love to come and be your celebrity
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going
00:13:52Yes, I do
00:13:58It's this way
00:13:59Come on
00:14:00It's this way
00:14:00Come on
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters
00:14:12This country makes no sense
00:14:15Yes.
00:14:20You can't get married this day.
00:14:23You don't have anything.
00:14:26I hate you!
00:14:31This family has to understand
00:14:33that our lives are easy.
00:14:48Hey, remember what we spoke about?
00:14:51Yeah, yeah, Dad. No day joking.
00:14:55Hi, we're Ashraf and...
00:14:58Millie.
00:15:00I thought we was going home with Millicent.
00:15:02We made Milicious Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win?
00:15:12Fuck yeah! Right, babe?
00:15:15Well, forget winning.
00:15:16I mean, I'm just here for the fit guys
00:15:18with their sexy Scottish brogue.
00:15:21I mean, I haven't met any just yet,
00:15:23but I did spot this guy.
00:15:24He looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane.
00:15:26You know, the guy from Thor.
00:15:28I mean, give him the chance.
00:15:29I didn't. I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals, don't you?
00:15:35You know I can't just un-hear this stuff.
00:15:38I will.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry.
00:15:43Nominations for Best Actress are...
00:15:47Fran Whittaker for Hey, Mr. DJ.
00:15:49Where are you?
00:16:00I can explain.
00:16:01I want you to leave.
00:16:04Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding?
00:16:15It's pork with beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried.
00:16:18Are we in the same country?
00:16:21No.
00:16:21We're in Scotland.
00:16:23Esme Presley, poor gods of Shoreditch.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice, sir.
00:16:29The seal calls to you.
00:16:32But it is lying.
00:16:34That may be so.
00:16:35The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:38It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:42How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh, yeah.
00:16:44It's in the back.
00:16:58Hi, guys.
00:17:00We're the Kidnap Gang.
00:17:01And we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner, Darren.
00:17:05Hello, hello.
00:17:07Now, obviously, we've entered two films into the festivals,
00:17:10which doubles our chances of winning something.
00:17:14But, look, I've got to warn you, when we're about,
00:17:16there's always some fuckery afoot.
00:17:19Idiots.
00:17:20Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival,
00:17:24he invited us along.
00:17:25He thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:42Joking, we got her.
00:17:43You didn't.
00:17:44She said she'd do it.
00:17:45Thanks, little madam.
00:17:46Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
00:17:49Sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she'd like working with me.
00:17:53And the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill?
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now.
00:18:00You have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Doug, you're here!
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:08That's good, that's good things, dude.
00:18:10No, seriously.
00:18:11Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:20Hmm.
00:18:21Well, your film sounds interesting and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor.
00:18:33Writer.
00:18:33Filmmaker.
00:18:35Triple tread.
00:18:36Pow!
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet?
00:18:38It's actually just this way.
00:18:39I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49Listen man, I didn't want to say anything in there.
00:18:53I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:57Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what?
00:19:01Technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together, man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is.
00:19:07To have me and my movie playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:19That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:22No, this...
00:19:24This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge for my movie.
00:19:32And for your festival.
00:19:36Yeah, so get it together.
00:19:44We're in room 175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55Don't mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:05He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small c.
00:20:11No, he's definitely something with a small c.
00:20:14Any questions?
00:20:15Excuse me.
00:20:15Neither.
00:20:22Let's go.
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh.
00:20:26Like a twin room.
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Todd likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36you can put that down oh god yeah sorry um is there a turndown service or do i tip
00:20:44oh no no i'm i'm i'm just helping just a thanks then
00:20:51instant coffee uh i i liked your movie well no i liked your role in it
00:21:00it's okay you can say it's crap it is no no it's not crap it's just uh it's it's unusual
00:21:05uh it's time traveling gangsters so but it's it's up for best picture and it's probably going to get
00:21:11the oscar qualifying spot so what do i know alan that's your name right the festival director's
00:21:17son tug speedman's a hack and worse a hack with a father with money the writer's inspiration for
00:21:25gods of shoreditch was a story with strong female characters who brought about the end of the world
00:21:29of men instead tug turned a brilliant script into a wannabe gangster action movie with so much nudity
00:21:37it could have been set in ancient rome oh i mean i i thought that it was sorry darling body
00:21:43doubles
00:21:43for those scenes oh no no i wasn't being weird i was just alan it's fine i limit who sees
00:21:48me naked
00:21:49including tug oh you thought alan no hasn't been like that for a very long time
00:21:57tug i imagine is currently down in the bar flirting with any tart unlucky enough to be with an air
00:22:02shot
00:22:10i know his father paid for the movie to win and i'm fine with it
00:22:13oh alan yes do you want a coffee
00:22:25that that's that's my dad um i should i didn't see him learn something okay
00:22:31complicated uh but yeah
00:22:59hello
00:23:01well then
00:23:03you all right um yeah all good um the abjudicator is here
00:23:07okay
00:23:14yes we made a movie called sex
00:23:28at first there was nothing
00:23:31then there was woman
00:23:45so the role of the woman is the sole provider the one given the pain is the only one that
00:23:50can take it away
00:23:50my role is to assist of clients but i'm also an actress
00:23:54oh not again with that stupid werewolf movie with rachel
00:24:00rachel was amazing to work with
00:24:03and you too
00:24:04yeah but both equally
00:24:06yeah of course
00:24:08do you know what whatever i don't care
00:24:10you have 12 finalists in your festival this year
00:24:28uh yes they are the final 12 the opening ceremony is tonight and there will be a party
00:24:36not quite a party person
00:24:40each film has been individually assessed and announced within the required time period
00:24:46yes uh no formal queries from the other candidates uh and my father has done all of the uh assessments
00:24:54your father
00:24:55your father yes spoke to him many times on the phone never met
00:25:02where is he currently sorting out um something or other you know what these crazy filmmakers are like
00:25:21i'm absolutely mortified
00:25:23i didn't mind really it was kind of fun
00:25:26a bunch of kids them too honestly
00:25:36very amusing
00:25:37my preference is to sit
00:25:41near the back
00:25:43and on the aisle
00:25:44for each showing
00:25:45yes we can accommodate that
00:25:47your father
00:25:49is the signatory for the festival
00:25:51have him speak to me at his earliest convenience
00:25:54of course
00:25:55no problem
00:25:57would you excuse me i i need to go and sort out a thing
00:26:49as if he's like some old guy
00:26:54you play your cards right
00:26:56i might just let you audition for me sometime
00:26:59so obviously networking is the best part of these events
00:27:03before tug realizes i'm a tease
00:27:06this next movie will already be out starring me
00:27:13i thought you might be hungry
00:27:14thank you
00:27:16but the breakfasts are meant to be for the film contestants
00:27:20but yeah they're not going to miss it are they
00:27:22the adjudicated by your story
00:27:25jade
00:27:26ah
00:27:27how is your father doing
00:27:28still in the hospital
00:27:30and i think
00:27:31i think
00:27:32tug speedman might just kill me when he finds out
00:27:34so have you
00:27:35i always wanted to be an actress then
00:27:37come on move along romeo
00:27:39there's a queue here
00:27:42i'll talk to you later
00:27:47you seem to be doing okay so far
00:27:49just a few more days
00:27:50tug will be happy once he gets his coveted academy place
00:27:53do you like working with him
00:27:55you don't work with tug
00:27:57you experience the carnage he leaves in his wake
00:28:00you get used to the crazy after a few years
00:28:02yeah i was going to pitch my film to him
00:28:04the god particle
00:28:06yeah i optioned the third book
00:28:07but i tell you what
00:28:09an award-nominated actress would look great on the cast list
00:28:12this is a shit business alan
00:28:14you can do your best performance
00:28:15and some hack director fumbles the ball in the edit
00:28:19hey no your character joe marsh in gods of shortage was amazing
00:28:22tets and ass don't make a movie
00:28:24at least my body double had a good bum
00:28:30the god particle
00:28:31is a black ops super soldier
00:28:35who seeks vengeance after they have been betrayed on a mission gone terribly wrong
00:28:39good pitch
00:28:40yeah but without esme presley in it
00:28:43it's just another silly spy adventure
00:28:48actually can you just give me a full second please
00:28:53alan my man how are we
00:28:55right are you all set for my screening
00:28:57yes of course um
00:28:58emmets
00:28:59emmets yes
00:29:00yes no it's only because i heard there was some like technical issues
00:29:03who told you that
00:29:04no never mind uh no everything's fine we're good to go
00:29:07perfect
00:29:07so yeah we made a horror movie
00:29:09yes i play a maid
00:29:11don't you play a maid in jade's movie too
00:29:14typecasting is a good thing
00:29:16do you actually watch the movies
00:29:17have you seen mine
00:29:18it's got rachel on it
00:29:19uh no my dad watches the films it's more his thing oh hi
00:29:22hey um the breakfasts are actually just for the film candidates so uh
00:29:28i appreciate it
00:29:29yeah yeah no so that that that means sorry
00:29:34but what if i was a phone contestant
00:29:39okay okay look if you want to go like just like wait in the lobby and wait till they're all
00:29:44gone i'll come give you a shout and
00:29:46how'd they print the application form from the library that was a nightmare while i think so like sorry i
00:29:51ain't taking the blame for that
00:29:53hang on you've made a movie
00:29:54sure just like all the cats up in this geth
00:29:57it's a personal story a flick about loving on the streets
00:30:01mic in your face
00:30:03that's that's actually really impressive i'm not sure how you do that
00:30:08check it
00:30:09shot on a phone edited at a library
00:30:12the equipment was 90s
00:30:13but it's all good
00:30:15uh well that that is all good but um
00:30:18the applications closed uh two months ago now so
00:30:22understands completely but listen here i ain't interested in what you're selling
00:30:26for me this is a golden opportunity of honest food
00:30:29and a bed for the night
00:30:32please i i really don't know how else to say this but
00:30:35all of the final films have been announced
00:30:39we can't add this
00:30:41that's how it is
00:30:44sorry what's your name
00:30:45mike
00:30:46iron mike
00:30:47wow intimidating name
00:30:49it's cause where i'm bedding down
00:30:50i have like three iron baths tied together
00:30:52so iron mike
00:30:54makes perfect sense
00:30:55listen
00:30:57alan's gonna take your application because he's good at problem solving and he very much wants to impress me
00:31:05what was that
00:31:06simple you did a very kind thing for homeless man and it did impress me
00:31:10okay yeah that is very nice but all the films have already been announced esme
00:31:14i don't think he cares
00:31:17morning
00:31:17oh shit i i mean morning
00:31:20morning
00:31:21your father down for breakfast
00:31:23oh you know he was but he's an early riser so you know how it is
00:31:27we're just going to meet him now
00:31:29the signatory is a very important part of the process
00:31:33of course
00:31:41i played lord harrington of mortar
00:31:48beast must die
00:31:52whatever you think's best
00:31:59i'm now unarmed
00:32:02i'll prevent you from doing your duty
00:32:07maybe she should kill us both
00:32:10you've been bitten mistress
00:32:15the wolf
00:32:19courses
00:32:20through my veins
00:32:23run
00:32:27so yeah
00:32:28it's a movie with a werewolf in it
00:32:31is this the heights that we're together
00:32:34in the movie
00:32:36look
00:32:37i spent a lot of time and energy into this ending
00:32:40and trust me
00:32:42once people see what we've done here
00:32:45it's supposed to be a woman as mine
00:32:47ours
00:32:49and everyone that was in the movie
00:32:53oh
00:32:54oh
00:32:54oh
00:32:55oh
00:32:56oh
00:32:56oh
00:32:57oh
00:32:57oh
00:33:02oh
00:33:02oh
00:33:02oh
00:33:03oh
00:33:04oh
00:33:13oh
00:33:13oh
00:33:30oh
00:33:31oh
00:33:32oh
00:33:32oh
00:33:36oh
00:33:38Adam, go back to the house.
00:33:41Elizabeth.
00:33:45Now.
00:34:09Shit. No, no, not now.
00:34:12Everyone look into the...
00:34:20God damn it!
00:34:21No one saw the ending.
00:34:33I'm here.
00:34:38It was just an utter shit show.
00:34:42I was pretty awesome as the maid.
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:35:05Are you fucking kidding me?!
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water.
00:35:13Fuck water! I want some fucking cocaine!
00:35:17Oh fuck. Just call my fucking sponsor.
00:35:23You.
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not? Tell me.
00:35:28Uh, I don't know but I'm obviously hoping.
00:35:32It's not his fault.
00:35:36Of course you knew!
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug!
00:35:41It wasn't like that.
00:35:43Look, as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out, we're fine.
00:35:45We're fine.
00:35:47We're fine.
00:35:48Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:50Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:51Until he visits your poor little Siebel dad on his fucking deathbed!
00:35:56Tug, his father's still alive. Take that back.
00:35:59I'll tell you one thing, boyo.
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him.
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up!
00:36:10Yeah.
00:36:13I'm going to the bar.
00:36:15Fuck my sponsor.
00:36:21Bailey.
00:36:38I thought you had to call your sponsor.
00:36:42You didn't drink it.
00:36:44Right, you thought about it.
00:36:46And you promised.
00:36:49Go away, Esme.
00:36:51I'm not cleaning up after you again.
00:36:55Well, do you know what, Mum?
00:36:57Do you know what I'm gonna get you for Christmas?
00:37:00A nice big wooden cross.
00:37:02So next time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices,
00:37:06you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it.
00:37:22Look, it's...
00:37:26I love you.
00:37:27I love you.
00:37:31I love you.
00:37:34Yes, the movie did well. We are very proud.
00:37:39I love you.
00:37:40I love you.
00:37:42I love you.
00:37:44I love you.
00:37:46I love you.
00:37:46The adjudicator, of course, he picks the winner.
00:37:50You are the best, right?
00:37:52Yes, you are.
00:37:53That is not correct.
00:37:55He's just an official.
00:37:56Gabriel chose the winner.
00:37:58I know, Alan, and I hope we have made a big impression on him and his father Gabriel.
00:38:03We do rap movie next.
00:38:07We do rap movie next.
00:38:25There was a lot of nudity in gods.
00:38:29Yes, well, nudity was very important in our story of gods of Shoreditch.
00:38:34But, uh, some were more comfortable than others.
00:38:39I think sometimes nudity is considered controversial in some cultures
00:38:44because it challenges the standards of modesty.
00:38:48Yes, exactly. Nudity, it's a state of mind.
00:38:52I'll happily wander around the house all day with no clothes on,
00:38:56just let it all hang out, feel that breeze.
00:39:00It's quite liberating.
00:39:03Would I be shallow if I said size doesn't matter?
00:39:11It's perfectly adequate.
00:39:17Is it true that it's all a farce?
00:39:21I don't really know.
00:39:23Well, you seem very close with Alan.
00:39:26He must have told you something.
00:39:28This is starting to feel like an intervention.
00:39:30Or maybe an interrogation.
00:39:32It's because everyone is hiding something.
00:39:35Esme, we're just curious.
00:39:38This festival is really important to us.
00:39:41We have vested interest.
00:39:45Look, I don't want to speak out of turn,
00:39:47and I understand that you guys are anxious,
00:39:50but really, you have to speak to Alan about this.
00:39:52Oh, we will. Don't you worry about that.
00:39:55Mm.
00:39:58The mountain has arrived.
00:40:01You know, we all know that you're here.
00:40:04Can you help with this, please?
00:40:05They know, Alan.
00:40:06You might as well just tell me the truth.
00:40:08The truth will set you free.
00:40:10Okay.
00:40:11I've spoken to my dad in the hospital.
00:40:13He is getting better.
00:40:14It is a question of whether he can do the sign-off, though.
00:40:17No, he can't.
00:40:19Not while he's in hospital.
00:40:20What's the sign-off?
00:40:22The, uh, festival director has to sign off on the adjudicator's paperwork.
00:40:26Can't Alan do that?
00:40:28Are you the festival director, Alan?
00:40:30No, I'm...
00:40:31Yeah, not the festival director, then.
00:40:34What's that smell?
00:40:37Listen, monkey boy, I swear to God and the Sonny Jesus,
00:40:42if you don't find a solution, I'm going to dropkick your head.
00:40:46And I've done seven days, intensive stage combat.
00:40:50You watch yourself.
00:41:03Forget the gold particle this is producing.
00:41:06Oh, yeah, just without the money or the credit.
00:41:09You'll cut out for greater things.
00:41:11Yeah, well, you clearly haven't met my dad.
00:41:13He's going to kill my movie.
00:41:16Still living in his shadow, just like Tug.
00:41:18He'd own himself, Peter.
00:41:20Yeah, well, that's really easy for you to say.
00:41:22You're an award-winning actress with a string of movie titles behind you,
00:41:25and I'm just...
00:41:25And you're currently a festival director.
00:41:29Ah, yeah, I see.
00:41:30Trying to sway influence with the festival director to try and win an award.
00:41:33It's not going to work.
00:41:35Oh, my, what's a girl got to do?
00:41:39Mate, borrow your shaver?
00:41:42Yeah, sure, whatever you need.
00:41:44Keep that towel on, and I'll cut your hair.
00:41:48Hotel cleaning service?
00:41:49For sure.
00:41:51Mike, can we grab a look at your movie?
00:41:54Sure.
00:41:55It's your funeral.
00:42:04Well, this is it.
00:42:06This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight, because I did have three iron bath tubs.
00:42:13They were all tied together.
00:42:15And it was really, really, really good.
00:42:17Always get a wee check on the buns, because you just don't know what's in these buns.
00:42:22Mike, this is good.
00:42:26And phone boxes.
00:42:29Always keep your eye out, Phileam.
00:42:30A lot of people muscle.
00:42:32It's really good.
00:42:33You're good.
00:42:50Fuck.
00:42:52Huh.
00:42:56Wow.
00:43:12You, uh, you calm down, yeah?
00:43:17Any sit?
00:43:18Help yourself, you usually do.
00:43:21I wake up this morning and you're gone.
00:43:23I didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring.
00:43:28I'm at a loss here, Esme.
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:33Do you remember the little talk me and you had?
00:43:35I support you, you support me.
00:43:39That's all I ever do, is support you.
00:43:42Yeah, well, you've been missing in action all weekend.
00:43:46I've been here all this time.
00:43:48The question is, where have you been?
00:43:51Clever.
00:43:53How's that working out for you?
00:43:54Yeah.
00:43:56That's the thing about relationships.
00:43:59They give you reason to live.
00:44:02Revenge.
00:44:04Hey, hey.
00:44:05Do you remember this?
00:44:07I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:44:10No.
00:44:10No.
00:44:10That David played it pleased the Lord.
00:44:14But you don't really care for movies, do ya?
00:44:19It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
00:44:23Sit down.
00:44:24The major falls, the minor lifts.
00:44:28The baffled king composing hallelujah.
00:44:34No?
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't going to work on me anymore.
00:44:39I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you.
00:44:41How are you going to face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:45The question is, babe, do you feel paid for?
00:45:01Esme!
00:45:06That's bad, GG mate.
00:45:07You need to let her take a moment.
00:45:08But she's upset.
00:45:11Having your bridges burned is never going to be easy.
00:45:13But she's strong.
00:45:27I think he's better from an older person.
00:45:31But this is your fault, Jess.
00:45:33You were in a fucking movie!
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress.
00:45:37Okay, can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Rachel can't do it.
00:45:45We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so bitchy she's probably playing the werewolf.
00:45:51Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role!
00:46:00Wow, what a transformation.
00:46:04Hey, got meself some new threads.
00:46:09It's going to be a long night.
00:46:24I mean, this is getting ridiculous.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Caroline! Hi!
00:46:31Um.
00:46:33Hey, Alan.
00:46:35Could I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:38Uh, Caroline, wow.
00:46:41What are you doing here?
00:46:42I mean, I'm glad that you are, but why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage.
00:46:50Except you, of course.
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake.
00:46:56I'll still do your announcements.
00:46:57If you want me.
00:46:59Really?
00:47:00Oh, Caroline, absolutely!
00:47:01That would be amazing!
00:47:02Yes, yes!
00:47:03Thank you!
00:47:03Thank you so much!
00:47:05Wow, slaying it, Mike.
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a sud.
00:47:10Ah, she's just getting a bit excited.
00:47:12Our film's showing today.
00:47:14Malicious intent, gangster comedy.
00:47:16Has malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than Tug's film, but hopefully we spent the money where it really mattered.
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient.
00:47:27Me? I'm the secret ingredient.
00:47:30Well, look, when Millie was ten, we'd done a short film together called Daddy's Girl.
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent. It's like the story picks up from that point.
00:47:45She was much cuter then. Not such a pain in the arse.
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who's going to grow up to be famous,
00:47:57so just make yourself available.
00:47:59Oh, don't be a tart.
00:48:00Well, I wish it was Beyonce.
00:48:06I've been looking for you.
00:48:08Found me.
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
00:48:11Good choice.
00:48:13Or you could just kill all the girls prettier than me.
00:48:15Or maybe just Tug, so.
00:48:20Where are all the good guys, Dad? In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something, you don't do it.
00:48:30So, maybe when it tells you not to, that's when you should.
00:48:35Oh.
00:48:37Read the room, Alan. This is the consensual kissing part.
00:48:44Caroline's back.
00:48:45Caroline's back.
00:48:50Your ex that caught with your best friend, Caroline.
00:48:53Yeah. She wants to present the awards.
00:48:57That's good, I guess. Great for you.
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake.
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so, but I guess she's realised it too, so...
00:49:05Yeah, no, great. So pleased to be here.
00:49:09Are you okay?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy. Learning lessons all the time.
00:49:15Right, um, sorry, just one second, thank you.
00:49:17Oh, my God.
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen, I would be happy to present our next film, Malicious Intent.
00:49:36No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait!
00:49:44Um...
00:49:47My apologies.
00:49:49There will now be a short interval as I need a word with the festival director.
00:49:55Young man.
00:49:58This is totally irregular.
00:50:01My paperwork should have been signed and she mailed off this morning.
00:50:07Look, I understand. He's just busy.
00:50:10You've fobbed me off with that before.
00:50:12Where is your father? He is festival director.
00:50:15Fully understand.
00:50:16End of the next movie, he'll be here.
00:50:18Yeah, listen, young man.
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you, but it's also my job.
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers that I can't manage a simple task such as getting a...
00:50:31Signature!
00:50:33Stand on me. I will sort it.
00:50:37It's our big day.
00:50:40Er, yeah. It is.
00:51:03I curse them to hell, as her both fought the swell.
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth in the firelight.
00:51:12Wild horses rode high as the devil passed by.
00:51:17Taking souls into Hades by twilight.
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea, we were now forty-three.
00:51:28We buried our comrades each morning.
00:51:32In our own slime, we were lost in the time.
00:51:36Endless night we were dawning.
00:51:43Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry.
00:51:51Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry.
00:51:55So essentially, it's like a black ops agent.
00:51:57Oh, oh, Caroline, you have to meet our president movie star, Esme Presley.
00:52:02Today everyone's a star, they're all billed as Star Rangle.
00:52:05Also starring without earning that recognition.
00:52:08Caroline, you're back.
00:52:10From outer space.
00:52:12I notice you cry a lot in your films.
00:52:15Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder.
00:52:18Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20All these Best Actress nominees and I'm just thinking, shut up and get a salad.
00:52:25Uh, so, um, Caroline thinks that we should just come clean with your adjudicator.
00:52:30Not the best idea.
00:52:32Is that your own thought or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:37Caroline, we should be friends.
00:52:41Yes, I agree. Best friends.
00:52:46I think that ending needs work.
00:52:48How about less silly questions and a bit more shut the hell up?
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film? Was that computer stuff?
00:52:56This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.
00:53:00I ain't saying anything.
00:53:01So then, your, uh, your style's clearly more gangster than it is horror.
00:53:07Hey, that cat who played Dudley in your movie?
00:53:10He was awesome.
00:53:15Joy.
00:53:16Alright, ladies and gentlemen, our next film is...
00:53:22Sex.
00:53:24Have fun.
00:54:05Turn around and bend over.
00:54:09I can't wait forever.
00:54:14I think it's time to leave.
00:54:15But I'm a way for you.
00:54:17I'm young. I'm all dressed up.
00:54:19I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening.
00:54:22And there's 290 years separating me from the films of Kevin Smith.
00:54:26But that doesn't mean it's true.
00:54:32That's it.
00:54:42Tough love.
00:54:43Tough love.
00:54:44Tough love.
00:54:47It's complete love.
00:54:50It's complete love.
00:54:52That's it.
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast.
00:55:07Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug.
00:55:10It might blindside him.
00:55:13We can hope so.
00:55:14But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here, so I win.
00:55:20Secrets and lies.
00:55:23Come with me.
00:55:28This is bang out of order.
00:55:30Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day off today?
00:55:33This ain't my day job, you know.
00:55:35It's not Alan's fault.
00:55:37Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door.
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film, can we screen it again, maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you.
00:55:50No problem is too big.
00:55:52We can't fix it if we work together.
00:55:55Esme, you're beautiful on the inside.
00:55:57But it's important you understand your limitations.
00:56:01Alan, what I'm saying is, if anyone actually saw the ending of the film,
00:56:05then people would know that my character disguises itself as older.
00:56:08I will play your dad, and I will sign off this whole festival.
00:56:15What?
00:56:17I've got range.
00:56:21Him.
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel.
00:56:25That accent's incredibly tricky.
00:56:27If you don't do it, then all of this is over for everyone.
00:56:32Hello, son.
00:56:34How are you?
00:56:35Oh, God, this has disaster written all over it.
00:56:39Something is missing.
00:56:40Could be range.
00:56:43The meanness.
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an arsehole.
00:56:48Oi, I'm not happy, and I don't like it.
00:56:50Oh, my God.
00:56:53Esme.
00:56:55Is my foot scrub in there?
00:56:58Yes, it's got to be brilliant.
00:57:02And bring me a razor as well, will you?
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold me all day.
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world.
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that.
00:57:31This is a big day for us.
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug.
00:57:35Hardly meritable.
00:57:37I read a book about this once.
00:57:38You sure it was a book?
00:57:40You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business.
00:57:43Not care business.
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.
00:57:49And do you not want to meet a producer?
00:57:53And just for that, when the movie comes out,
00:57:55I'm going to get Matt Damon to play you.
00:57:57Oh.
00:57:58Well, maybe I'll get Jade to play you, then.
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah.
00:58:03Your new producing partner.
00:58:06A little girl-on-girl action.
00:58:10I'm joking.
00:58:12Unless, unless you'd be up for it.
00:58:22Jeez, I was only joking.
00:58:24It's not a joke.
00:58:25I'm feeling lost.
00:58:27Hey.
00:58:28I've heard there was a secret code.
00:58:31Stop.
00:58:31That Michael played to please the Lord.
00:58:33Stop!
00:58:33Stop her.
00:58:36If I explained it, I think I'd only confuse you.
00:58:41Do you know what?
00:58:43I think it's times like this.
00:58:44If I wasn't a multi-award-winning, talented filmmaker and you were just an ordinary girl,
00:58:50then we wouldn't have these problems.
00:58:53On Gods of Shoreditch, I was supposed to be an associate producer, but in reality, I was more of a
00:58:59dog's body.
00:59:00Seriously, this again.
00:59:02I told you.
00:59:04It's whatever it takes to get to Shaw.
00:59:09Look.
00:59:10You can produce the next one in full.
00:59:13Yeah, my dad's already on board.
00:59:16Take that back, and I'll kill you.
00:59:19You're the producer.
00:59:22Game face on.
00:59:24Hooray for a Hollywood.
00:59:37Didn't you hold the bloody lift?
00:59:39Oh, didn't I?
00:59:43Come on.
00:59:44Come on.
00:59:49Oh, God.
01:00:09Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing.
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this.
01:00:18Listen, son.
01:00:19I've got this old routine work there.
01:00:21No, routine, okay?
01:00:22This isn't an audition.
01:00:23Just say hello, and then sign the pissing document.
01:00:26Where's your wife?
01:00:27I think we should just come clean.
01:00:29Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:00:31Hello.
01:00:31You must be the adjudicator.
01:00:34My son, Alan, has been telling me all about you.
01:00:36Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:00:38Sorry for being a bit busy.
01:00:40This film festival malarkey kept me on me toes.
01:00:43Yes.
01:00:44Seems to have ramped up a notch
01:00:46with the screening of Gods of Shoreditch.
01:00:48One of my personal favourites.
01:00:50Um, now that you're here,
01:00:54my paperwork needs a signature.
01:00:59Absolutely.
01:01:00Happy to.
01:01:06Oh, sorry.
01:01:08Forgot who I was there for a second.
01:01:12Is that a what?
01:01:13Yeah.
01:01:15I'll need a final signing off
01:01:17when the winners are announced.
01:01:21Your accent seems off.
01:01:25Oh.
01:01:27It's...
01:01:28It's posh voice.
01:01:30A posh telephone voice.
01:01:33Yeah.
01:01:33I should use it all the time, really.
01:01:35Heh, heh, heh.
01:01:36Right.
01:01:37Your Honour,
01:01:38may I show you to the next screening?
01:01:43Oh.
01:01:46You know, my movies
01:01:47are inherently amazing.
01:01:50It's all about the big screen.
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star.
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there
01:02:04now that you're here?
01:02:06Yes.
01:02:07Uh, absolutely.
01:02:09He is such a star
01:02:11when it comes to these things.
01:02:17Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
01:02:18I'd like to
01:02:20introduce to you
01:02:22Gods of
01:02:24Shoreditch.
01:02:25And it stars...
01:02:27Big round of applause
01:02:27for it stars
01:02:29Esme Presley
01:02:30and
01:02:31Tugs Beatman.
01:02:46Good entrance.
01:02:48You want to see the one
01:02:49I'm going to make
01:02:50when I, uh,
01:02:50win my award?
01:02:54What?
01:02:55No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:57Come on!
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers
01:02:59trying to draw attention
01:03:01to their film.
01:03:02I thought they were
01:03:04quite fun.
01:03:08You know,
01:03:08they do say
01:03:09I'm the new
01:03:09Robert Rodriguez.
01:03:10Except I
01:03:11star in my own movies
01:03:12as well.
01:03:13Maybe Robert
01:03:14was smarter.
01:03:21You fought well
01:03:22despite the
01:03:23twisted ankle.
01:03:25You will live
01:03:26to fight another day.
01:03:28And I assure you
01:03:29it is not serious.
01:03:30I took the liberty
01:03:31of feeling the bone.
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound.
01:03:36Oh, sir.
01:03:37How will I ever
01:03:38thank you?
01:03:39Please
01:03:40do not think of it.
01:03:41It is my honour
01:03:43to serve you.
01:03:45Will you not
01:03:45be seated?
01:03:47Pray
01:03:47excuse me.
01:03:49I do not wish
01:03:50to leave a watermark.
01:03:54Permit me
01:03:54to call
01:03:55tomorrow afternoon
01:03:57so that I may
01:03:58inquire
01:03:58after you.
01:04:05Fight hard.
01:04:06Fight for me.
01:04:08Fight for me.
01:04:14Alan's pitching me
01:04:15some shitty
01:04:16book movie.
01:04:18The God Particle
01:04:19is the third
01:04:20book in a series.
01:04:23That guy.
01:04:24The Irish Connection.
01:04:26Massaca
01:04:26and fucking
01:04:27Chips.
01:04:28Shit.
01:04:29That director
01:04:30is the worst.
01:04:32He couldn't even
01:04:32direct traffic.
01:04:34You know,
01:04:34they should have
01:04:35came to
01:04:35me,
01:04:36Thug Speedman.
01:04:39You know
01:04:40I'm right, babe.
01:04:55Fun and happiness
01:04:56in short supply.
01:04:57Out of the frying pan
01:04:58and into the fire.
01:05:00It's always difficult
01:05:01when one person
01:05:01moves on.
01:05:02Hmm.
01:05:04I spoke to Dad
01:05:05this morning.
01:05:06He's recovering
01:05:07but no mention
01:05:08of my movie,
01:05:09so...
01:05:10nice guys
01:05:11don't finish
01:05:11last.
01:05:12Oh.
01:05:15You're planning
01:05:16something that's
01:05:17going to get me
01:05:17in trouble,
01:05:17aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most
01:05:19definitely.
01:05:42You best move out of the way
01:05:43and let me be.
01:05:44This is not how it works.
01:05:46Those times,
01:05:48stump boys!
01:05:49Oh,
01:05:49oh,
01:05:50oh,
01:05:50oh,
01:05:50oh,
01:05:52oh,
01:05:53oh,
01:05:53oh,
01:05:56oh,
01:05:56oh,
01:05:57oh,
01:05:57oh,
01:06:14oh.
01:06:19Alan?
01:06:23Thank you everyone for your kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided for yours truly.
01:06:29Fill your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know they have a meal before their wards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that. What happened to the group?
01:06:58This is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this?
01:07:08Naughty movies?
01:07:10Or my ransom demands?
01:07:13We have a late entry to the film festival.
01:07:18And I wanted you to experience it in my full company.
01:07:27Late entries are highly irregular.
01:07:36But this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it.
01:07:42This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight.
01:07:46Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
01:07:49They were all tied together.
01:07:51And it was really, really, really good.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say.
01:07:58Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best.
01:08:01I have no patience with fairness.
01:08:04Life is not fair.
01:08:05Love is not fair.
01:08:07And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society,
01:08:13business will never be fair.
01:08:17Sacrifice, Alan.
01:08:20Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:23Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:26Hemorrhoids cause discomfort.
01:08:28This is open heart surgery.
01:08:36Fuck the phone, Alan.
01:08:38You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the fuck out right here, right now.
01:08:44We did the right thing.
01:08:47Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad.
01:08:58But Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:01And I suppose the bros code is over now,
01:09:04you fucking tugs wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:09We're bloody ruins.
01:09:23Oh, Alan!
01:09:24You know what I'm going to say.
01:09:25Yes, I know, you're ending.
01:09:26But I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival.
01:09:29Eyes front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this.
01:09:35Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too.
01:09:39If she shows up.
01:09:41Hmm?
01:09:42Hmm.
01:09:43I do love surprises.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together
01:09:59for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:16To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:21For the first category, Best Actress in a Feature Film.
01:10:27Millie Ward.
01:10:28Millie Schmidt.
01:10:31Millie Schmidt.
01:10:33Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:39And Fran Walsh in The Hey Mister DJ.
01:10:45And the winner is...
01:10:47This is just a start.
01:10:48Esme Presley.
01:10:53Esme Presley.
01:10:55So very well done.
01:10:57I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mister DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to thank me.
01:11:16The man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:24Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What'd you throw up there?
01:11:36Just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:41Right, get yourself freshened up.
01:11:42Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey!
01:11:46You're single now, remember?
01:11:47Half an hour off.
01:11:51And the next category is...
01:11:54Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lynn Chang for Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02And Jess Bronski in Mysterious.
01:12:07And the winner is...
01:12:09Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:17Oh my God, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards, then meet me at 7th.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, doesn't you?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous and I got one.
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's going to save me a ton of berries.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:13:04And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:09We have Emmett Bronski in Mysterious.
01:13:13Target Speedman for Gods of Shoreditch.
01:13:17George Chang for Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:23Well, this is a vindication considering no one saw the ending.
01:13:27And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch, a story about time-travelling gangsters.
01:13:36By night one way, by day another, this shall be the norm.
01:13:40Until you take true love's first kiss, and love takes its true form.
01:13:50And a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees.
01:13:59We have George Chang in Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:14:04And Shraff Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:08And Todd Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:16And the winner is...
01:14:17Todd Speedman.
01:14:20Gutted, mate. Proper gutted.
01:14:24Honestly, four hours in movies chat.
01:14:28Me too.
01:14:29I was the best actor.
01:14:31And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:34I didn't know nothing about no fourth nomination.
01:14:37...is a work of modern day art versus immense need.
01:14:41Now, let's have a look at Homelessness and The Man by Mike Reed.
01:14:45So there's certain things that you would do, well, certain things you look for.
01:14:49Like shopping centre.
01:14:51Pounds out of the trolleyes.
01:14:52That's a pound, like...
01:14:54Pounds, like...
01:14:57200 pound.
01:14:59And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:01Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:07Hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Reed.
01:15:25Well, it looks like Mike is my best film title.
01:15:30Thanks and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable.
01:15:38This isn't right!
01:15:40This fucking film wasn't even in the program!
01:15:43What the hell even is this fucking shit film?
01:15:46My daddy paid for all of this!
01:15:48What are you talking about?
01:15:50This was all paid for!
01:15:52No, not him!
01:15:54That's just a shit actor!
01:15:56This is outrageous.
01:15:57I knew something was wrong.
01:16:01Okay.
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing.
01:16:05You've falsified records.
01:16:07There may well be charges.
01:16:09What charges?
01:16:11No, no, no, please. All right, look, I'm sorry.
01:16:12This whole thing was my fault.
01:16:14Don't punish or charge anyone else.
01:16:16My dad, Gabriel, guy from the phone, had a massive heart attack.
01:16:21And he had so much money invested in this festival.
01:16:24And is Tug Speedman telling the truth?
01:16:27Technically, yes. Most of it was his money.
01:16:30His father's money.
01:16:31Yes, but we went with our hearts, and that's why Mike won Best Film.
01:16:36I don't judge the films.
01:16:38I'm merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly.
01:16:41From what you're telling me, this has been an absolute farce.
01:16:52Mr. Audjudicator, excuse me for interrupting.
01:16:56I have known Esme a long time.
01:16:59And, well, if my word has any bearing,
01:17:04Esme, she always speaks from her heart.
01:17:07Miss Warren.
01:17:11Miss Warren.
01:17:14Miss Warren.
01:17:17I am a huge fan of your movies.
01:17:23And your words do carry significant weight.
01:17:27But this is an official matter.
01:17:30Hmm.
01:17:31I fully understand that.
01:17:35But if Esme says that Homeless Man is the best film,
01:17:42I would not disagree.
01:17:45Thank you, Rachel.
01:17:47You're welcome.
01:17:48You're welcome.
01:18:13Producers.
01:18:15Is this jacket okay?
01:18:16It feels a bit big.
01:18:21Sometimes he's got to take the chances.
01:18:24Do you regret taking a chance on me?
01:18:26Who am I to argue with the producer?
01:18:32Do you miss Tuck?
01:18:35Wherever he is and whatever he's doing,
01:18:37let's just hope he's not missing us.
01:18:51Total submission, bitches.
01:18:54Is this gonna hurt?
01:18:56True love is pain.
01:18:58No.
01:19:00No.
01:19:13No.
01:19:15No.
01:19:16No.
01:19:26We shall be in the beginning.
01:19:27We'll see if we can.
01:19:27No.
01:19:27No.
01:19:27No.
01:19:27No.
01:19:53Turn over and action.
01:20:02I'm not playing a streetwalker.
01:20:05It's a tart with a heart.
01:20:07What, a second rate streetwalker wearing an outfit like this? I'm first class, one best newcomer.
01:20:11Just do it at Harry's Griton please, babe.
01:20:16Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals.
01:20:24Loves me really.
01:20:25Bye.
01:20:26Bye.
01:20:26Bye.
01:20:27Bye.
01:20:27Bye.
01:20:28Bye.
01:20:47Bye.
01:20:49Bye.
01:21:01Bye.
01:21:03Bye.
01:21:11Bye.
01:21:12Bye.
01:21:15Bye.
01:21:17Bye.
01:21:44Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.
01:21:50I never did thank you, did I?
01:21:56Emmet!
01:22:00I've got something for you.
01:22:02Oh, God, please do not kidnap me now.
01:22:05You'll like this.
01:22:10Oh, please, he did it to himself when we went back on his word.
01:22:15You're welcome.
01:22:18Why did you just not leave us alone?
01:22:21We told you time and time again, but you still don't listen, do you, sister?
01:22:30Oh, okay.
01:22:31Bye-bye.
01:22:32Bye-bye.
01:22:34Bye-bye.
01:22:35Bye-bye.
01:22:37Bye-bye.
01:22:45You
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