- 14 hours ago
Taskmaster - S20E07 - Drier Than You Think Chalk [Full Movie] [Vertical Drama]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:12Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:33Hello there. I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:37They say it's not the winning that counts, it's the taking part.
00:41And if you're a child watching the pre-Watershed version of this show,
00:44I'm here to tell you an uncomfortable truth.
00:47You're being told that because you're not good enough.
00:50That's the kit sorted. Now...
00:55Let's see if we can break some adults.
00:57Please welcome...
01:13And next to me, a man who secretly told me,
01:16and I really must distance myself from comments like this,
01:19that he thinks that women are like electric vehicles.
01:23Really good, as long as they're not in charge.
01:27He did a lot of times!
01:32Hello, everyone.
01:34How are you feeling?
01:35I'm feeling good, unfortunately. Lurgy!
01:37You've got the lurgy now. No returns. No returns.
01:40I've had that for two months.
01:42You've now got it? You can't get me.
01:44Oh, cheese touch, bad luck.
01:46Can't get me.
01:47You're now a social outcast.
01:50Cheese touch? Yeah, yeah.
01:52Oh, no, you've got loads of up-dog on your waistcoat.
01:55What's up-dog?
01:56Norm Marks, what about you?
02:02That has killed the atmosphere.
02:07What's the prize task?
02:08You've been very specific, yet incredibly vague with this one, Greg,
02:12as they've been asked to bring in the best thing you can either ride
02:16or rip.
02:18Yes.
02:19Ride or rip.
02:20Or is it both?
02:21That's up to Greg, my favourite host ever.
02:24The winner of the episode will take home all five things you can either ride
02:27or rip, or both maybe, which is pretty sick and gnarly,
02:30but that's quite enough for me.
02:31I'll see you all later.
02:32OK, Sanjeev.
02:33Hello.
02:34What have you brought me that I might like to ride?
02:36Or rip!
02:38I figured the most fun thing to ride would be Alex Horne.
02:46According to the internet, I agree.
02:48Yeah.
02:49I have brought something which will allow you to be able to manoeuvre him.
02:54Oh!
02:58Perfectly fits Alex Horne's head.
03:01Lovely.
03:02And obviously you've got rear-view mirrors so you can see
03:04what's coming up behind you.
03:05Yeah.
03:06And you've got a bell to warn people that your Alex Horne's coming.
03:15And I mean that in a pre-Watershed way.
03:18So anyone can ride me, can they, with this device?
03:21You could be on all fours and somebody can be sitting on your back
03:23and they've got your head.
03:25Oh, yeah.
03:26Also sitting on your shoulders like that.
03:28Oh, and leaning down.
03:29Yeah.
03:29Oh, like a penny farthing, I think.
03:31Like a penny farthing.
03:34Phil.
03:35Right, so this is something that you are ripping and riding
03:41at the same time.
03:42Hello.
03:43If you'd like to show.
03:43Here it is.
03:44Check this out.
03:47So you're ripping off a very famous Monty Python joke.
03:51And you're riding an imaginary, could be a pony, could be a horse.
03:55Could be a camel.
03:56Could be.
03:56Depends what mood you're in.
03:57And I've put a nice little ribbon on it so you can wear it round
04:00like mittens through your coat.
04:04Because if you lose one, you're just a madman waving around
04:08half a coconut.
04:09Yeah.
04:09On the M1.
04:10When you're on the M1, you've got two.
04:12Yeah, yeah.
04:12Great.
04:13They go, oh, don't beat the horn here.
04:15It'll startle her.
04:17I like it.
04:18Maisie.
04:19I've gone all ride on this one.
04:21I'm hoping it will please you, Greg.
04:24It's even been mentioned so far.
04:26It's a personalised Greg Davies...
04:30Oh, yeah.
04:32..honey-four thing.
04:34APPLAUSE
04:36It's pretty good.
04:37Yeah.
04:37It's pretty amazing.
04:39It is going to be a struggle for you to get in that seat,
04:42but, my God, it will feel brilliant.
04:45Once you're in, you're in, aren't you?
04:46Once you're in, you're in.
04:47Famously.
04:48I always say.
04:49Yeah.
04:50Oh, these are all good.
04:51Someone's going to mess up, aren't they?
04:53Rhys?
04:56Well, I've gone ride and rip,
04:59and in the 70s, we used to have daredevils.
05:02You don't get them anymore,
05:03but there was one very famous daredevil,
05:05Evil Knievel.
05:05Evil Knievel.
05:06And I had the Evil Knievel toy.
05:09Can I say it's my favourite ever toy?
05:11Amazing.
05:12Well, it's that, because you get the opportunity
05:14to sort of ride like evil,
05:17and the rip cord is the rip of the ride.
05:20There's a picture here of it.
05:22There we go.
05:22There he is.
05:23There he is.
05:23Rip cord racer.
05:25I remembered the rip.
05:26Here we go.
05:26There he is.
05:27And then, yep, he goes, he's off.
05:29And there is a...
05:33There is also another rip,
05:35because evil never made it.
05:39And he didn't actually die.
05:41It's a lovely double rip.
05:43Oh, that saved him.
05:45Up to that point, he just bought in a toy.
05:47That little joke saved him.
05:49Anya?
05:50I've brought in something that I've designed.
05:53It's based on my feeling that when I travel,
05:57have quite a weak bladder.
05:59Yeah.
05:59So I've designed something that should smoothen that situation.
06:03Smoothen.
06:03Smoothen me.
06:05LAUGHTER
06:11This is Anya demonstrating it.
06:14LAUGHTER
06:16And she is using it in both functions during that clip.
06:21Yeah.
06:21Let's say if on Monday I wanted to go to the Chelsea Flower Show.
06:25LAUGHTER
06:26You don't...
06:27You think they'd be fine with me riding this road?
06:30Yeah, 100%.
06:30Just dropping turds on the floor.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:33I think so.
06:34That's good for the soil, isn't it?
06:36They'd be welcoming you inside.
06:38They'd be going,
06:39Over here, our garden.
06:40The peace garden.
06:41The peace garden.
06:43The peace garden.
06:44LAUGHTER
06:45Quit.
06:46Feed him.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:49Can I say one more thing?
06:51It cost me four figures.
06:53LAUGHTER
06:53You had to pay over £1,000 for it?
06:57Yeah.
06:58Oh, my God, it'd be so funny if I gave you just one point.
07:02Greg, please, I'm begging you.
07:03If you do that, I will break.
07:05OK, you've seen all five?
07:06Yeah.
07:07It's hard to separate.
07:08I think they're all pretty good.
07:09I mean, Reece's is the worst,
07:11but then he saved it with that joke.
07:13Well, I'm not going to give you one.
07:14Oh.
07:15OK.
07:15Cos I liked it.
07:17I'm going to give him two points.
07:18But you are last, Reece.
07:19Yeah, apparently.
07:21Two lovely points, followed by three lovely points.
07:25Coconuts.
07:26Four points.
07:27The Penny Farthing.
07:28But third place.
07:29The third place?
07:30Yeah.
07:30No.
07:31Yeah.
07:31Second place.
07:32Joint first place.
07:33Are you kidding me?
07:34No offence, Sanjeev.
07:35This is a hat!
07:37Yeah, I loved it.
07:38So, it's four points to maybe, five points to Sanjeev and Anya.
07:41There you go.
07:42There we go.
07:43Well done.
07:44APPLAUSE
07:47I've got to be honest, I don't think I scored that very well.
07:50Right.
07:51Let's start with a team joke.
07:53OK, OK, OK.
07:54Yes, of course.
07:55But be warned, I have word from security that there's trouble going down at the Taskmaster Museum.
08:00Oh!
08:09Start from...
08:11Check.
08:16Pressure pad.
08:18Check.
08:19Statue in place.
08:22Hot room clear.
08:29Oh, God.
08:30Rhys.
08:31What's this?
08:32Are we safe?
08:32Don't know.
08:35Oh, there's a lot to take in here.
08:38What's this?
08:39Oh, God.
08:40Floor plans.
08:41Are we doing a heist?
08:42Oh, God.
08:44Where's Alex?
08:45Where is Alex?
08:46Oh, this is horrible.
08:48Look.
08:48It's the house.
08:49Steal the statue of Archimedes.
08:53Steal the statue of Archimedes.
08:55You have 15 minutes of observation and preparation in the van.
09:00Then 15 minutes to carry out your heist.
09:03Most sophisticated, successful heist wins.
09:06Your time starts now.
09:09So, we are going to have to steal that.
09:13Right.
09:14Where is that?
09:19Is that Alex?
09:20Oh, look.
09:21He's a policeman.
09:22He's got important codes.
09:23He's got important codes.
09:24Okay.
09:24Let's check out his roots.
09:25So, his root is he comes out of the house.
09:30We don't have that long, guys.
09:33Staff room.
09:34Tour alarm check.
09:35There was three beeps of two after alarm check.
09:38Shed.
09:38Check.
09:39Clear.
09:40Right, we need to get to the tour shed.
09:42Statue room.
09:44Pressure mat alarm check.
09:46Good.
09:47Good to know.
09:48Pressure pad.
09:49Yeah.
09:49Don't step on that.
09:52Functioning.
09:53Statue in place.
09:55301022, it said.
09:57301022.
09:58Excellent work.
10:04All right, he's taking his jacket off to go to the toilet.
10:06If he does a routine wee, that's the time to get the jacket and the keys.
10:10Yeah.
10:10With it round his neck.
10:12Ooh.
10:12Ooh.
10:14Oh, my God.
10:15He's not well.
10:22So, now he's in the lung.
10:27Oh, look, he's not weeing again.
10:29Two minutes.
10:30He wees every two minutes.
10:32This is such good info.
10:33Yeah, there's the key.
10:34Look, there's the key.
10:35So, they're in his top left pocket.
10:37Is there a way of keeping him in the toilet?
10:39But is there something we can wedge against it?
10:41Yeah.
10:42Let's kill him.
10:50I mean, I was genuinely drawn into the drama of it up until that point.
10:54I'm quite excited about this.
10:56Yeah.
10:56It's very dramatic.
10:57Who are we going to see first?
10:59Well, first to plot and then partake in a heist are your stereotypical gangsters,
11:03Anya, Philip and Sanjeev.
11:05The plan is go to the tool shed.
11:08Or should two of us just run in and grab as much stuff as we think is useful?
11:11Mm-hmm.
11:14Where is he?
11:15Where is he?
11:15He's there.
11:16301.
11:17Go, guys.
11:18Go.
11:18See what you can find.
11:24Hey, how's it going?
11:25Yeah.
11:25Huge wire cutter.
11:27Getting a net.
11:29Oh, yeah.
11:30Getting a net.
11:31Let's just trap him and kill him.
11:32I keep telling you.
11:34What?
11:35Where's Sanjeev?
11:37Oh, shit.
11:38Sanjeev.
11:38Oh, shit.
11:39Oh, shit.
11:40Oh, shit.
11:41Oh, shit.
11:41Right, hold on.
11:42Right, hold on, hold on, hold on.
11:46Okay.
11:51What's this?
11:52You bet something that was in there.
11:54That's what it was?
11:54That's what it was?
11:55Okay.
11:56The statue has a weight sensor.
11:57Maybe that could replace it.
11:59Right.
12:00I'm just going to have a quick look in the shed.
12:03Statue in place.
12:06Is he about to go to the news soon?
12:20We've got keys
12:30Hello? Hello?
12:36I don't think it worked
12:38Sanjeev, are you there?
12:39He's out of the loop
12:40Interesting
12:41He's heading to the camera feed room
12:43You need to hide from the cameras now
12:45Hide from the cameras
12:47Who's that?
12:48You're too big on the camera
12:49He's in the camera room, did you say?
12:51I'm going to go and investigate
12:53He's heading out the front door
13:08All the cameras have gone off
13:09All the cameras have gone off
13:12Where have they gone?
13:23Hi
13:24Hello, sir
13:25You shouldn't be here after the museum is shut
13:27What is your name?
13:28Pip
13:28Yeah, you're sorry
13:29I have a single out
13:30Where are you from?
13:31In the 90s
13:31Right
13:32Go into the car park
13:33Yeah, no, I do apologise about that
13:45I've got it, I've got it, I've got it
13:51Oh, what is that?
13:54I need someone to figure out where he is
13:56So that I can get back
13:57I've got the statue
13:59Oh, yeah, I'll go and distract him
14:00Because he can only send you back here
14:02Hello?
14:04Just sent Phil to distract him
14:05So we've got no cameras at all
14:09Sorry, me again
14:10What time do you open tomorrow?
14:12Pip, you should be open at half eight
14:13If you wouldn't mind leaving the premises
14:17How was a pleasure?
14:18It's been great
14:19So we are shut at the moment
14:20No, I do apologise
14:21All right
14:22Thanks, mate
14:23I've only got seven minutes left
14:24That's a shame
14:26Statue room
14:27Pressure pad, check
14:30Check
14:34Stat
14:37Statue's gone
14:40Statue's gone
14:41APPLAUSE
14:45You're right, you know
14:46It is weird you don't get cast in more stuff
14:49Statue's gone
14:51You know what, also, that wasn't acting
14:53I hadn't seen any of the footage
14:55Because he tore the wires out of the security
14:58Which means we didn't even record the security footage after that
15:00Because we weren't expecting anyone to rip the wires
15:03So all that footage is gone
15:05And I couldn't believe the statue'd gone
15:06Yeah, you sort of came good at the end
15:08Up until that point
15:09I don't think it's unfair to say
15:11You might be the weak link
15:14You remember the code
15:16Well done
15:17I loved finding an object to replace the weight of the statue
15:22It was all going to plan and then we had a northern man dressed as the 70s Pimp
15:31Attempt to lock him in the toilet and fail
15:34And then you became a maintenance man called Pip
15:38You gave a fake name Pip, which is short for your name
15:41Yeah
15:42I think every time we've done a team task
15:44And I say this was so much love
15:46Oh, thanks
15:48But we've been doing, one, the actual task
15:51And then the second task of wrangling Phil
15:53It's very enjoyable
15:55We've reached the end of the first part of our first heist
15:59Another lesson for you youngsters out there
16:01If you haven't got the things you like, steal them
16:04See you in a bit
16:13Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster's part two
16:16And our cast are planning and participating in heists at Taskmaster Museum
16:21Fortunately for them, the security guard is this goon
16:25Hello
16:27Yes, they're trying to steal the statue of Archimedes
16:30And there's just one crime duo left to go
16:32Chill out, Cray Twins
16:34It's time for Rhys Fearsmith and Maisie Doesn't Give a Damn
16:39Important codes
16:40We need to get that off him then
16:42He needs a wee
16:44He puts it down
16:45He puts it down
16:46Right, shall I just go in now, and he's in the loop
16:48Go now
16:52If you can hear me, I think he's coming out
16:56Oh Jesus, he's got it
16:58Quickly get in
16:59He had this code, 301 022
17:02Great
17:03Well, now it makes me think that it's not a key
17:06It's not a key
17:07It's codes that are on that
17:09Checking security cameras
17:11Is he going in the lab?
17:12Yeah, he'll be in the lab
17:13Shall I go now?
17:15301 022
17:18Any trouble?
17:20Good
17:23Oh, hang on a minute
17:25There's someone out there
17:26There's an umbrella
17:28Oh God, Rhys
17:32Excuse me, I just saw someone
17:36Please move, move, Rhys
17:37Oh, shit
17:39Rhys
17:39Excuse me, sir
17:40Hi
17:41We're shut, I'm afraid
17:42Oh, I'm sorry about that
17:43I went wrong
17:44I went wrong
17:44Back to the car
17:46Which way around is it, please?
17:47This way, sir
17:51Jesus Christ
17:52It's not a code
17:53It's a lock
17:53With a number 4 on it
17:57I'm going to have a lock down, shall I?
18:02Hang on
18:03There's someone on this camera
18:05Right, off we go again
18:09Oh, no, he's seen it
18:10Spotted it
18:15Hello
18:15Yeah, I just saw you on the camera
18:17You did?
18:17Excuse me, I didn't know which way around I'm meant to be going
18:20I was trying to
18:20I was sending you back to the car park
18:21Sorry
18:22Right, what's your name?
18:23Er, Lindsay
18:25Staff room alarm check
18:27Oh, come on
18:28Fucking hell
18:28He said he saw me on the camera
18:30Do you know what we do?
18:31What?
18:32We run in and we just grab that whole box and run out with it
18:35You reckon?
18:36When he's in the loo, now
18:37Yeah
18:37Yeah, ready?
18:39Don't step on the mat
18:39Just dank it
18:55Yes
18:57We're in
18:58Well, we've stolen it
19:00We need to make it at least appear sophisticated
19:02Shall we leave him a little note?
19:03Yeah
19:04Thank you for the free gift
19:09We're going, we're going, we're going
19:14Well, first things first
19:22Successful
19:23Yep
19:24Sophisticated
19:25Tell me about the see-through umbrella disguise
19:29I tell you what happened
19:30We didn't
19:31Our walkie-talkies didn't work
19:32They didn't work
19:33Which is why
19:34I had to resort to other modes of communication
19:37What a warning
19:39Well, it needed to attract Rhys' attention
19:42But
19:42But blend in with the atmosphere
19:45I know
19:46In a sophisticated way
19:48Shall we have a look at it
19:49Shall we have a look at it?
19:49Oh, God
19:50Rhys
19:51Ah!
19:52Ah!
19:55Sophistication
19:56It's just like watching Ocean's Eleven
19:58Incredible
20:00Both successful
20:01Yes
20:01I think the team of three were more sophisticated
20:04Five points to the team of three
20:06There we go
20:22Both very entertaining
20:23A scoreboard, please
20:24Yes, well, Sanjeev, we know, has not won an episode yet
20:27But he's joint in the lead with Anya on ten points
20:32This could be the one
20:33This could be the one
20:34On with another task, please
20:36Oh, yes, please
20:38And it's that time in the series
20:39When we get grim
20:57Good evening, Alex
20:59I know they'll never have let me out of here while I'm alive
21:03Quick pro quo
21:04I tell your things yourself
21:05You tell me things
21:06Hi
21:07Chris Eubank?
21:09Sorry?
21:10Chris Eubank?
21:11Yeah, who was it supposed to be?
21:12It was Hannibal Lecter
21:13Oh, was it?
21:13Oh, lovely, lovely
21:14Chris Eubank
21:17You look ready?
21:18Glad it looks that way
21:19This is wet
21:20Yeah, that's my fault
21:24Dribble a Technicolor picture of your hero
21:27Your Technicolor picture must only be made from things that have travelled
21:32Directly from your mouth
21:33To the tray, through the air
21:35And cannot be tampered with post-dribble
21:37Best Technicolor dribble picture wins
21:40You have 15 minutes
21:42Your time starts now
21:46Are there colours available?
21:47You may leave the room
21:49Okay
21:51May not be coming back
21:52Right
21:53Just so you know
21:59You looking forward to it, Chris Eubank?
22:05Can you do a Chris Eubank just for the record?
22:07Yes, of course I can
22:13Let's back on
22:14Okay
22:15First to demonstrate their committal to spittle are Anya, Sanjeev and Rhys Shearspit
22:22So we've got some items here, it's not many different colours, it's hard to find colours
22:27Anyway, shall I tell you afterwards who it is?
22:29Up to you
22:30I have some supplies
22:32Yes, it must be Technicolor, so this is good
22:34An artist prepares
22:41I'm going to draw
22:47Dribble
22:48Dribble
22:49Dribble
22:50William Shakespeare
22:53Getting that in there then
22:54What's the liquid?
22:55It's coffee
22:56Okay
23:18I had a question
23:19Erm, I need to go to the loo, does that come out of my time? Or do you pause it?
23:24It comes out of your time, Sanjeev
23:26It's not right, it's not right
23:37Welcome back
23:38Thank you very much
23:38Seven minutes now
23:52Very accurate
23:53Thank you
23:54Thank you
23:55Sometimes you've got to be bold
23:58Gah
24:06Gah
24:08Gah
24:08Gah
24:09Gah
24:11Gah
24:11Gah
24:13Gah
24:14Gah
24:14Gah
24:14Gah
24:15Gah
24:15Gah
24:15Gah
24:15Gah
24:25It's him and his old age. Right, he's last play.
24:38You know when you can sometimes...
24:41You don't know when to stop.
24:43I think I'm going to stop. Yeah, that's it.
24:46Done.
24:47APPLAUSE
24:50What I initially wrote down was that Anya was quite sort of
24:54traditionally ladylike in the way that she dribbled the picture
24:57until suddenly you turned into the exorcist.
25:02You achieved a 30-second dribble.
25:04A constant half-minute stream.
25:07I'm not sure that's something to be proud of.
25:09I thought Sanji was nicely controlled.
25:12He was in the toilet for most of the eternity.
25:13And...
25:14I mean, honestly, though, Rhys, you...
25:17For most of it, you look like someone in Watford High Street
25:20on a Saturday night.
25:22Honking up.
25:23I expected you to go, get my brother!
25:25Get my brother!
25:28I think it's because of what the colour was.
25:31The choice of colour did not help the overall image.
25:34OK.
25:35Let's start with Shakespeare.
25:36Let's.
25:37Everyone's hero, really.
25:38This is Anya's take on William Shakespeare.
25:41LAUGHTER
25:46So, let's focus on the rough.
25:48Yeah, the rough is excellent.
25:49The rough is there.
25:50I did actually make a note.
25:51I was surprised by how much the squirty cream looked like a rough
25:54when it was going on.
25:55It's good, isn't it?
25:56And then...
25:56So, that's his pen...
25:57His quill, the red at the bottom.
26:00I mean, honest to God, it's rubbish.
26:03And then the orange is like, because it was in medieval times,
26:07that's like what air looked like, that.
26:09LAUGHTER
26:11Pollution, because they didn't have air conditioning.
26:13Because of the smog.
26:14Because of the smog.
26:14Oh, yeah.
26:15Oh, no, it is good.
26:17LAUGHTER
26:18Sorry, sorry, because this is bugging me slightly.
26:22Yeah.
26:22It was in the late 1600s.
26:25Yeah.
26:25It was pre-smog.
26:27They didn't have factories.
26:28LAUGHTER
26:33Someone doesn't know about the Industrial Revolution.
26:36Yeah, who's next?
26:37Well, see if you can work out who Sanjeev's hero is.
26:41LAUGHTER
26:41Who?
26:42You're back in the game.
26:45Well, I mean, obviously I'm not going to be able to guess it.
26:47You'll kick yourself, it's Gene Wilder.
26:53APPLAUSE
26:55It's the smile, the smile gives it away.
26:57The smile knows.
26:59Oh, God.
26:59Once you start looking at it, you see Gene Wilder.
27:01There's Wonka.
27:02Yeah.
27:03And he's got that trademark factory smog around the edge.
27:06LAUGHTER
27:07Who's next?
27:08Well, we have a recognised artist here.
27:11Rhys Shearsmith has done this person.
27:13Can you work out who this is?
27:14Here we go.
27:14Wow.
27:15Cool.
27:16That's great.
27:17Who's the old actor Rhys keeps mentioning?
27:21Matt Boris Karloff.
27:22You're in the full part.
27:23You're in the right world.
27:24Is it Dracula?
27:25It is Dracula!
27:27Whoa!
27:28It's Dracula.
27:30You're right, you only did need those two colours.
27:33That's in the corner.
27:34Yeah.
27:34The widow's peak, the moon as well is up there.
27:36The dark, foreboding atmosphere.
27:39Oh, the eyes.
27:40The eyes.
27:41The red burning eyes.
27:42That's so haunting.
27:43OK, it's time to pause and reflect on the horrors we've just seen.
27:46Make Grandad a cup of tea and wake him up.
27:49We've got dribbling covered.
27:59Hello.
28:00Welcome to the start of part three.
28:03I'm afraid there's a drool-based art task which still needs completing.
28:07Yes, it's a horrible thing and I really, really enjoy it.
28:10We have double dribble to end with.
28:11It's Maisie and Phil.
28:14Wonderful.
28:14Right, well, you'll be surprised to know I'm not going to leave this room.
28:17I'm going to do it all from everything we've got right here.
28:20I'm only joking, that would be genuinely insane.
28:29Right.
28:39How do we feel about crayons?
28:41Oh.
28:41We're off.
28:46There he is!
28:48Oh, blue eyes himself!
28:49Oh, blue eyes himself!
28:52Drying his ink took!
28:57Oh!
29:09Can't be tampered with once it's fallen.
29:22Oh, you tit!
29:24Well, you've got two minutes now.
29:27Come in the go.
29:28Recognisable?
29:29Yeah.
29:30Spitting image.
29:31That's good.
29:34Spitting.
29:34Spitting image.
29:35Yeah, I'll write that down.
29:39Now, that is pretty good.
29:46You're welcome.
29:50Thanks for your time.
29:51I felt sick.
29:57Well, I quote Phil.
29:59I'm going to stay in the lab and just chew up the task.
30:01I'm only joking.
30:02That would be genuinely insane.
30:05Were you all told you could leave the room?
30:07No.
30:08I did leave off my own accord, if I'm honest.
30:11Sounds like you had to go to the loo.
30:12Yeah.
30:14And that time wasn't taken off.
30:15I'm still kind of shocked at that.
30:17It means if I'd had a heart attack, at some point,
30:20when the paramedics were working on me,
30:22you would have said, time's up.
30:25LAUGHTER
30:30So, yes.
30:31I guess, I presume people would think,
30:33well, I have to leave the room,
30:34because there was nothing in the room.
30:35Well, because I looked around at what I had available
30:38and thought, well, it must be the envelope.
30:40Did you eat the word technicolour first, you think?
30:43I shouldn't.
30:43LAUGHTER
30:43LAUGHTER
30:45That's perfect, mate.
30:47APPLAUSE
30:49Have a look at what this lady's done with her mouth.
30:51This is...
30:52LAUGHTER
30:52This is a technicolour picture of her hero.
30:56Look at the tie.
30:57Yeah, there's a tie.
30:59It's not as bad as I was expecting, to be fair.
31:01It's very much a face.
31:03And I've met Rod Stewart,
31:04and he looks almost exactly the same as that.
31:07It's Rod Stewart.
31:09APPLAUSE
31:12So, I haven't seen the picture yet.
31:14Mm.
31:14From the angle we've seen it at,
31:16it looks like madness.
31:18It's quite accurate.
31:20OK.
31:21There it is.
31:22LAUGHTER
31:22I remember it as a lot better than that.
31:26It's like scanners when the head blows up.
31:28LAUGHTER
31:28Is it Elvis?
31:30No.
31:31That's his gorgeous red hair.
31:33Hucknall.
31:34You know.
31:35Hucknall it is, it is.
31:36It's Hucknall!
31:36It's Hucknall!
31:38APPLAUSE
31:42Let's put all five up, then.
31:44What a line-up that would be for Taskmaster Series 21, though.
31:48LAUGHTER
31:49Some of them have only got two colours,
31:51but I won't penalise that,
31:52because the...
31:53the main thing is the likeness.
31:55And on this occasion, I'm going to give Anya one point.
31:57Ooh!
31:58Oh!
31:59I'm so sorry.
32:01LAUGHTER
32:02I like the character,
32:03but he doesn't look like Gene Wilder.
32:05I'm going to give two points to Sanjeev.
32:07OK.
32:07Against all odds,
32:08I'm giving Rod Stewart three points.
32:10Even more against the odds,
32:11I'm giving Mick Hucknall,
32:12cos there's an element of animation to it,
32:15four points.
32:15And clearly,
32:16even though there are only two colours,
32:18Dracula is the superior painting.
32:20Five points to me.
32:21Five points to me, Stuart.
32:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:24Yeah, it's cool, all right.
32:25Should we have another task?
32:26We shall.
32:27And just like Greg and his teaching days,
32:29this one involves me getting hammered at work.
32:31LAUGHTER
32:45MUSIC PLAYS
32:48Oh, nice head tattoo.
32:50Thank you, Anya.
32:51In you go.
32:52Do I look about for the task, Mary?
32:54Yeah, if you want, sure.
32:57Nice.
32:57Is it in a thing?
33:00No.
33:01What is the task and where is it?
33:06Someone's rustling.
33:07Oh.
33:08Oh.
33:11Oh.
33:12Look at it.
33:14Oh, it's there.
33:14God.
33:15Oh, hello.
33:16Oh.
33:17Do you like pantomimes?
33:18Why?
33:19So, er...
33:21Oh, yes, I do.
33:22Oh, yes, I do.
33:23Oh, no, you don't.
33:24Oh, yes, I do.
33:25Do you?
33:26Yes.
33:27This is like a really low-budget kids' show.
33:30Not low-budget.
33:31No, this is like a really high-budget kids' show.
33:33Sometimes it's behind you.
33:34It's behind you!
33:36That's the...
33:42Get exactly 63 points by bopping Alex on the head.
33:47You must shout a different type of food on each bop
33:50to register the bop.
33:52If you bop anyone other than Alex,
33:54five bops will be deducted from your total score.
33:57You must stay in the hutch.
33:59And the fastest wins.
34:00Your time starts on the whistle.
34:03Is one bop one point?
34:0563 points are on my head.
34:07There'll be other heads.
34:09So, if you get me one, that'll do it.
34:11Oh!
34:11Seems easy, then.
34:13APPLAUSE
34:17Well, looks like we're off.
34:18It's pretty straightforward.
34:19Bop this, er...
34:20This clown on the head.
34:21Yep, bit of fun.
34:22Bit of fun.
34:23Let's go.
34:24Let's go.
34:24Let's see.
34:25A marauding Maisie, a savage Sanjeev,
34:27and a rampaging Rhys bop till they drop.
34:30OK.
34:31So, I've got to try and bop you ahead and save foodstuffs.
34:34Oh, no.
34:35What are these?
34:36Oh, I see.
34:39Red.
34:40Five points, that one.
34:41OK.
34:43Apples.
34:43One.
34:45Oh, right.
34:46OK.
34:49That's Greg.
34:50So, you've got minus ten.
34:51What?
34:52Oh, rice.
34:53Oh, ten points.
34:54Bread.
34:56Still minus ten.
34:57I got him.
34:59Minus ten.
35:00I got him.
35:01I can't register the bop.
35:03Minus ten.
35:04Now, listen, I can't register any of these bops.
35:06Why?
35:07All the information's on the task.
35:11Fuck.
35:13Chocolate sauce.
35:14Right.
35:15Pears.
35:17Pasta.
35:18Apples.
35:20Couscous.
35:20Lovely.
35:22An orange.
35:24Peanuts.
35:25Need a food.
35:27A...
35:28A...
35:29A...
35:30A...
35:31Lamb stew.
35:33Fishes.
35:33Fishes.
35:36This is going to take great forever.
35:38Yeah, you're on 21 points.
35:39Oh, look at my shot!
35:42Uh...
35:44You're using the guitar now.
35:46Lettuce.
35:48I thought there was something by your waist.
35:50What?
35:51Urgh!
35:53That was a very creepy one.
35:56Oh.
35:57Can I bob that?
35:58That was a bob.
35:59Yeah, we didn't say a food.
36:00Oh!
36:02This is just annoying now.
36:03Ah!
36:04I've got my shot!
36:06Broccoli!
36:07Carrot!
36:08Cotton-up squash!
36:09Big Mac!
36:11Chicken supreme wrap.
36:13Well, what's happened to his head?
36:15Oh!
36:16Erm...
36:17Lollipop.
36:20Pistachios!
36:21Oh, wah!
36:24Yes, you got me.
36:25So now you're on plus 72.
36:27Yeah, you've gone over now.
36:28Ah!
36:29I see.
36:32Ah!
36:33Beef.
36:3449.
36:34Pork.
36:3559.
36:35Bacon.
36:3669.
36:37You've gone too many now.
36:37Now you need a few greggs.
36:39Er...
36:40mashed potato.
36:41Er...
36:43Cheese!
36:4552.
36:46Beetroot.
36:4647.
36:47Pork belly.
36:49All right.
36:50Carrot cake.
36:51Apple turnovers.
36:52Right.
36:53Right.
36:53We're now on 59.
36:56Bananas.
36:57Okay, you're on 62 now, so you just need one of me that's worth one.
37:01Bindi.
37:02Onion barges.
37:03Tikka masala.
37:04Jalfrezi.
37:05Now stop the clock.
37:07Er...
37:08Keys!
37:09Stop the clock.
37:12Aubergine!
37:13Got it.
37:14Woo!
37:14I've stopped the clock.
37:17Oh, dear.
37:18Oh, dear.
37:23Maisie, have you ever worked at a supermarket?
37:26I wrote down that run.
37:28Broccoli.
37:28Carrot.
37:29Butternut squash.
37:30Big Mac.
37:30Chicken Supreme wrap.
37:33Chicken Supreme wrap.
37:34It's really hard!
37:35It's...
37:36This task was so infuriating.
37:38Rhys was far more specialist.
37:40You were like a deli.
37:41There were only three things and they were shouted with such passion.
37:46FISHES!
37:48FISHES.
37:48Pistachio.
37:49Aubergine.
37:50Yes.
37:50I mean, the others were just as classy.
37:52Sugar snap peas.
37:53LAUGHTER
37:55Fascinating little runs from you.
37:57Lovely little concentrated runs.
37:59Not much action.
38:00Then all of a sudden, beef, pork, chicken.
38:02LAUGHTER
38:03And then there was that lovely curry run at the end.
38:06LAUGHTER
38:07Absolute poetry.
38:08I mean, runs and curry do go together.
38:12APPLAUSE
38:12It's good.
38:13It's good.
38:14All right, then.
38:15We're nearly there.
38:16In the final part of the show, someone will triumph
38:18and then travel home on a toilet courtesy of Anya Magliano.
38:26APPLAUSE
38:31Welcome back to part four of Fastmaster.
38:33Yes, hello.
38:34And a special shout-out to any funeral directors watching today.
38:39Before the break, they were trying to get exactly 63 points
38:42by bopping Alex on the head.
38:44Let's see Anya and Phil and Mallets and me.
38:47I don't know what...
38:48I don't...
38:49I don't...
38:49I don't want to just bop you on the head.
38:51What?
38:51I don't think that is you.
38:53Bop...
38:55Kumquat!
38:55No, too sorry.
38:58Fish finger.
38:59Apple crumble.
39:01Pear crumble.
39:02Lovely.
39:04Chicken.
39:04No, you missed that.
39:05Chicken.
39:06Frangipan tart.
39:08If you get my head, that'll give you a little point.
39:11But that's not your head, you're tricking me.
39:13That's Greg's head.
39:13That's correct.
39:15Chips!
39:15Oh.
39:16Macar...
39:17Macaroon.
39:18Why am I struggling?
39:20Wait a minute, there's another way.
39:21Dunno.
39:24Oh, look!
39:25Yes!
39:25Yes!
39:26Right.
39:29Ooh!
39:31Profit-a-roll.
39:32Oh, good.
39:34Tiramisu!
39:3542.
39:36Never had it.
39:38Maz pan.
39:39Moussaka!
39:40Christmas pudding.
39:41Well, you've knocked the head off that now.
39:43I got it!
39:44You're on 62, you need one more point.
39:46One more!
39:47Then you're now on 58 points.
39:48OK.
39:50Poke bowl.
39:5163.
39:53Panic!
39:54And that's your time over.
39:56Yes!
39:59Oh, there's a coin ring.
40:00Thank goodness.
40:01What?
40:02WELL!
40:08WELL!
40:08I mean, what's it?
40:10Either of those shopping baskets that's more middle-class than the other?
40:14FRANCHI-PAN-TART?
40:16Is that your go-to?
40:18I don't know what that is!
40:19WELL!
40:20Egg, potato.
40:22Loved it, although, oh man, the thing that got me is your first guess.
40:26There's a... I'm sure now a fairly offensive character
40:29called Porky Pig. Do you remember Porky Pig?
40:31Oh, yeah. And he had a bit of a speech impediment.
40:34And you did that at the beginning, you went...
40:36..cumquat!
40:40I've never had to say under pressure before.
40:43Well, should I do the timings? I did, yeah. Do the timings.
40:46The quickest in 2 minutes 29 was Anya.
40:49Well done, that's five minutes for Anya.
40:51Well done, yeah.
40:53Then we go Phil, 4 minutes 44.
40:55Sanjeev, 5.51. Maisie, 6.39.
40:58And far slower than everyone else, Rhys, 1 point.
41:008 minutes 45.
41:03APPLAUSE
41:04Yeah. Let's have a look at some scores.
41:06Yes. Well, in the series, it's still tight.
41:0811 points separating all five of them.
41:10I know.
41:11Like anyone could win the series? Anyone could win the series.
41:14In this particular episode, tight. Sanjeev, you're on 15.
41:18But Anya and Phil are in the lead with 16.
41:20Ooh!
41:21APPLAUSE
41:24OK, everyone, will you please head to the stage for the final task of the show!
41:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:35Oh!
41:36Oh! Oh, do you see that?
41:38I didn't see that!
41:40Who will be reading the task?
41:42That one. Maisie Adam.
41:44Avoid the taskmaster's big ball.
41:47LAUGHTER
41:48You must stand on the circle, but you must not step on any gold.
41:53You must be facing and staring at the taskmaster's sign at all times.
41:58And after the taskmaster releases his big ball, you may each take one step.
42:04The first person touched by the taskmaster's big ball each round is eliminated.
42:10Last player standing wins.
42:12So, after he releases his ball, we're allowed one step.
42:15Yeah, one step each round.
42:18Can we get undressed?
42:19Is that you?
42:20LAUGHTER
42:21A little bit.
42:22Why do you want to get undressed?
42:24So that there's less, like, stuff to be touched.
42:26Oh, you think this is a game of millimetres, do you?
42:31LAUGHTER
42:31Sure.
42:32Alex!
42:33Please take the contestants to the ball zone.
42:37This way, please.
42:41APPLAUSE
42:47You can take any spot, you must be facing that way.
42:50Where is he swinging it from?
42:51Swinging it from here.
42:52Well, yeah.
42:53You've got to be over here then, don't you?
42:54You must be facing that taskmaster's sign.
42:56OK, clothes off.
42:58LAUGHTER
43:02APPLAUSE
43:06Yeah, can we face it like this?
43:08You can't face it.
43:09Side on, that's side on.
43:11You can't take your eyes off the taskmaster's sign.
43:13Well, that's fine then.
43:21Here we go, good luck.
43:22Yeah!
43:24Aaaaah!
43:29Mum!
43:37This ain't cruel.
43:38Anya, standing.
43:40LAUGHTER
43:44LAUGHTER
43:46LAUGHTER
43:47Come on, mate!
44:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:03Please go and sit on the elimination card.
44:06Come on, I'm here.
44:07That is heroic!
44:09So, Phil is eliminated.
44:11OK. Right.
44:14Remember, you're looking at the Taskmaster sign, please.
44:16Yeah, you can dodge and weave, but you must be standing up.
44:19Good luck, everyone. Round two.
44:21Ready? Yeah.
44:22Yeah!
44:24LAUGHTER
44:25Oh, that's a step from Anya.
44:27Ooh!
44:29Lovely... Ooh!
44:30Oh, lovely. Ooh!
44:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:40Reece is eliminated.
44:41Hand me back the golden ball.
44:44OK.
44:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:47And I'm about to unleash the ball.
44:49Oh, my word.
44:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:51Behold my ungodly strength!
44:54Ah!
44:58One step.
44:59OK, that's a step from everyone except for...
45:02Lovely.
45:02Lovely.
45:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:06Sanjeev is out and pleased.
45:09Bring me back my ball!
45:13Terrible, isn't it?
45:14This is it.
45:19Ready.
45:20The strength is unholy!
45:22Argh!
45:25Oh, what an angle.
45:27One step. Ooh, lovely.
45:29Maisie still has hers.
45:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:31Ooh!
45:32It's another step!
45:33We've lost Anya!
45:35We've lost Anya!
45:35We have a win!
45:36Maisie is the winner!
45:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:42Let's all go down and we'll work out the final score!
45:46Oh, that was electric!
45:51Oh!
45:52Obviously, we saw the finalists were Anya and Maisie,
45:55but the five points went to Maisie in the end!
45:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:00For standing still.
46:02Well, it means that with 20 points today,
46:05our winner is at that end of the seats,
46:08it's Anya Magliano!
46:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:11Anya wins!
46:12Please go up to relish in your things to ride or rip!
46:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:21So, what have we learned today?
46:24OK, well, this is a stressful world, guys.
46:26It's full of technology, industry and noise.
46:29It's important to get away from it all,
46:31head to the glorious English countryside,
46:34be at one with nature
46:35and just let the wildlife speak to you.
46:40Ah!
46:41Ah!
46:42LAUGHTER
46:44APPLAUSE
46:47But now, let's applaud our winner on the loo,
46:50it's Anya Magliano!
46:52APPLAUSE
46:54APPLAUSE
46:56mathematics
46:56So, we're pretty sure to make us want this world!
46:56You sort of also make us have Lizzy,
47:00You are beautiful.
47:10With God18!
47:18Almost all left us!
47:21Close the chat,
47:24Now that we are scratching the ground,
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