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Beauty and the Beast X Parody (1988) [Full Movie] [Hot 2026]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:08Hello children, and now it's time for our story.
00:30I forget what I had to say, all I know is that you're the one for me.
00:41Oh, why do they say we were never meant to be?
00:49Oh, all I know is we have something no one else can see.
01:00Oh, in my eyes you're beautiful to me.
01:10Kisses are forever, and you never cry.
01:16And if you can't be next to me, I know you'll always try.
01:23Never mind the heartache, forget about the pain.
01:30And always...
01:32Once upon a time, there was a poor village, and in this village was a poor cottage.
01:38And in the cottage lived a very poor man, Lyle Notapenny.
01:43I'm not poor, I'm just...
01:45I'm between pictures.
01:47Yeah, right.
01:50Lyle Notapenny was a peddler, who often traveled to different realms to sell his wares.
01:56Alas and alack, his wife had died some years before, leaving two daughters to care for him.
02:03Alas and alack, his wife had died some years before, leaving two daughters to care for him.
02:04Excuse me.
02:05Yes?
02:07Uh, don't you think maybe the folks could just follow along on their own from here on out?
02:11They could probably figure things out, okay?
02:13Very well.
02:15She drives me crazy.
02:21Eliza, sweetheart, dear.
02:25Eliza, well, well, daughter.
02:30Beauty, excuse me.
02:32I just, I was going to just come and see you now.
02:34You know, I'm getting ready to go on my long journey and, like, say goodbye.
02:38I shall miss you, my father.
02:41Oh.
02:43Well, you know, how much I love you and I'd really like to get you, uh, you know, a special
02:48gift of some kind and bring it back from the trip and, you know, things for a little bit.
02:52Yeah, yeah, yeah, between pictures, I know.
02:54But you have already given me the greatest gift a father could give a daughter.
02:59To be raised in a wonderful, wholesome, clean home.
03:05Oh, well, I just, I, but I'd like to give you whatever you desire, you know, anything.
03:11I mean, I might do well.
03:12I could sell a good gross of leeches or a lot of, uh, I Survived the Plague t-shirts, you
03:18know, if it's possible.
03:19Well, I would like a rose.
03:24A beautiful rose.
03:26A rose?
03:28That would make me very happy.
03:30It's a rose.
03:31Oh, well, I'll see what I can do.
03:34I'll, I'll really try.
03:36Um, well, okay.
03:41Now, you beware of the lepers.
03:44Don't you let in any more trolls like you did last time, okay?
03:48That's fine, brother.
03:49Okay, fine.
03:50Brother, you have a nice journey.
03:51Yes, dearest.
03:53There you go.
03:55Yep.
03:56You can shove that in there later, sir.
03:58Yes.
03:59I sure have it.
04:00There's my hat.
04:01It's not quite this.
04:03Thank you, dear.
04:06Goodbye.
04:07Bye, Dad.
04:08Yes.
04:09Excuse me.
04:11Excuse me.
04:31Lyle, not a penny, started to make his way home.
04:34He had done quite poorly in his peddling, and to top it all off, a very clever con man had
04:41taken his last penny, he had sold him some beans.
04:45He had heard about a man, Jack, who climbed a beanstalk and made a fortune, but stupid Lyle
04:52didn't realize it was just a fairy tale.
05:02Finally, just when his tired feet could carry him no more, he came upon a beautiful castle.
05:26I wonder if the friendly baron dwells therein that might take a poor traveler who's had a
05:34long and weary voyage here.
05:38I'll check therein and see.
05:44Such are the wages of chivalry.
05:47You're a knight in shitty armor.
05:56As Shakespeare will say in about two hundred years, me thinks you'll protest too much.
06:01Why do you resist me so?
06:03After all, we're the same, you and I.
06:06Poor and passionate.
06:08I'll do better than you.
06:10You just wait and see.
06:12One day my love will come here and take me away from all this.
06:15But not before kicking your ass.
06:17We've worked here in close quarters for three years, and you still prefer some phantom prince
06:22to me.
06:23After all, a cock in the hand is worth two in the bush.
06:27That's a bird, you lowlife.
06:29Everyone has their pet name for it.
06:33You know what you are?
06:34You're a knave and a scoundrel.
06:38You know my goal is to leave this dump, and to marry someone like our master, a handsome
06:43prince.
06:45But he isn't handsome.
06:47He's beastly.
06:49No, but deep inside he's beautiful.
06:53You'll say.
06:54Get back to work.
06:55I don't pay you six pence a week to rut like weasels on my floor.
06:59Yes, my lord.
07:00Yes, my lord.
07:01Yes, my lord.
07:03Go.
07:06Yes, my lord.
07:07Yes, my lord.
07:09Yes, my lord.
07:16Yes.
07:17Oh, my God.
07:50Oh, my good woman.
07:52I'm a weary traveler who would see if he could stay here, get some lodging for his long trip.
07:59Well, I don't see why not, but it's up to me after.
08:02Who's at the door, Deborah?
08:04It's a weary traveler of great body and charm.
08:08Who wishes lodging for the evening?
08:11Do you play games?
08:14Uh, well, a little. I'm not very good at it.
08:18Great. Enter my good man.
08:25I must warn you.
08:28Oh, the floor's slippery. There's danger here.
08:32No, I'm going to have to work for my supper.
08:36It's, uh, I'll chop some wood.
08:39No, I said, uh, expecting to get your name.
08:43Oh, I'm Lyle, not a penny.
08:47Lyle, I must warn you.
08:50Master is very sensitive and he has a short fuse.
08:54He mustn't gasp for sure.
08:55He's a little devulsion when you first see his face.
08:58Why would I be so rude?
09:00My goodness, I mean, I'm not an old for sure-mannered peasant.
09:04Hello, I'm Lord Beastington.
09:06And you are?
09:07I'm Lyle.
09:07Holy shit, Jesus Christ, Mother of God.
09:10Mr. Lyle, holy shit, Jesus Christ, Mother of God.
09:14Interesting name.
09:17Religious, yet, uh, decadent.
09:22Problem?
09:23Um, um, too big, too big.
09:27Oh, really?
09:28You know, I studied a little bit of dentistry in my youth.
09:32Yes, uh, here, let me see, let me see.
09:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, um, not bad, not bad.
09:41Could use a little cleaning and maybe some braces on those lower incisors.
09:48You know, most people think braces are for children, but I've worn them up until just recently.
09:54They've done wonders for my smile.
10:01Beautiful.
10:03Well, if I could be off to bed, I'm getting a little tired.
10:06Yes, uh, I've got the crack of dawn, so I'm probably going to be seeing you again.
10:11What's the rush?
10:11Uh, what's the rush?
10:13We could have something...
10:16We could have something, uh, something, uh, to eat.
10:21And maybe, uh, perhaps you could join me in a game or two.
10:28Well, I don't want to turn down your hospitality.
10:39Uh, sir, what again did you say this game was called?
10:43Oh, this game was invented by a friend of mine, Lord Parker and his brother.
10:48It's called Monopoly.
10:50Oh.
10:52Here we go.
10:55Q-U-A-S-T-L-E.
10:58Castle.
10:59That's 30 points for me.
11:01Castle.
11:02Uh, what's that?
11:04Sir?
11:05Oh, sire.
11:05Sire, is that not, uh, quassle?
11:08Just...
11:10It's kind of like quassle to me, but...
11:13No, it's castle.
11:14Q-U-A-S-T-L-E.
11:16Castle.
11:16Castle.
11:17Castle.
11:18Isn't castle like, uh, uh, sea?
11:20Sea?
11:20Castle?
11:21What's the matter?
11:22Can't you see?
11:22Castle?
11:23Q-U-A-S-T-L-E.
11:24Castle.
11:25What's the matter?
11:25You can't see?
11:26No, no, I...
11:30I...
11:31No, I'm not.
11:33No, sir.
11:34Of course not, sire.
11:35Sire, sire.
11:36Uh, looks good to me.
11:37Good.
11:3830 points.
11:38Guys, 40 points for you.
11:39Uh, 30 points.
11:40It's enough.
11:41Just what I get.
11:42Here's your turn.
11:44Yes, sir.
11:44Sire.
11:53S-H-E-R-W-O-O-D.
11:56Sherwood.
11:57Sherwood Forrest.
11:58Just like Sherwood Forrest.
11:59Uh, thank you.
12:01Well...
12:01I win again.
12:03Uh, but that's...
12:06That's...
12:06I don't think that's...
12:07That's not a proper noun.
12:09It's not.
12:09I think it's a...
12:10It's a proper noun.
12:12It's proper.
12:13Sherwood Forrest was proper.
12:14What's the matter with you?
12:14No, no, it's a word.
12:15It's a good word, too.
12:17It's a word.
12:17But the...
12:18The capital letters for Forrest.
12:20I'm Sherwood.
12:21Capital letters.
12:23The capitals.
12:23There's, look, capitals.
12:24G, capital G.
12:27It's a capital M here, right?
12:28Is that a capital?
12:29That's a capital.
12:30Capital M, right?
12:31It's a capital to me.
12:32What's the matter with you?
12:33Yeah, but far be it from me to...
12:36But something is...
12:37It's not quite...
12:38Is it...
12:39I don't understand you.
12:40You're always complaining about when I make a word.
12:43You shouldn't do that.
12:44Yes.
12:45Sherwood Forrest is a word.
12:46What's the matter with you?
12:47It's just like a word.
12:48I win.
12:48Come on.
12:48Did I tell you that I have a new set of thumbscrews?
12:53Oh!
12:55Looks good to me!
12:57Yes.
12:58I win again.
12:59You win again.
13:00That's right.
13:00What a stupid me.
13:01Another mistake.
13:04Well, it's getting late.
13:06I'm going to have to give it up.
13:07We're bad here.
13:08Come on.
13:09We can play another game.
13:10We only...
13:10It was over so fast.
13:11Oh, that's...
13:12No, you're just too good.
13:14I'm just...
13:14I'm losing everything.
13:15It's stupid me.
13:16Make all these mistakes.
13:18But you're improving.
13:19Look, you got wife here.
13:21Yeah, I got wife.
13:23Well, I think I should just leave it at that, you know, and take off to bed.
13:27I'm not so good.
13:28I sort of warned you before.
13:29I'm not really good at games.
13:31And you're really good, boy.
13:33I'll tell you.
13:33You're the best I've ever run across.
13:35All right.
13:37Mr. Holy Jesus Christ, Mother of God.
13:40I'll join you for breakfast at dawn on a very early riser.
13:45Oh, good.
13:46Lord Beast.
13:50Tomorrow?
13:54Oh, this morning.
13:55Sure was a word, huh?
13:57It's crazy.
13:58Yeah, it's crazy.
14:03That guy is ugly.
14:07How the hell am I ever going to get to sleep?
14:09Oh.
14:11Hades, Hades, Hades.
14:14Oh.
14:16Up walking all day long, trying to sell leeches.
14:19Doesn't do a bit of good.
14:20Nobody wants leeches in this day and time.
14:24Oh.
14:25I get to think of something beautiful.
14:27I don't want to have nightmares all night long.
14:29Nightmares.
14:30I hate nightmares.
14:31Think of being shish kebab by unicorns.
14:35Gremlins.
14:38I know.
14:41I'll think of my daughter, Beauty.
14:44No.
14:45This time of night, I better not think of Beauty.
14:48It's...
14:49I know.
14:51I'll think of the Queen.
14:55Sheer a little high there, maybe.
14:58I know.
15:00I'll think of that whore at Wimbledon.
15:03After the tennis.
15:04I was happy to be leaving that ugly baron's domain.
15:09Goodbye, Lord Beast.
15:10Beast England.
15:11Beast England.
15:12Thanks a lot.
15:34Remembering the request of his daughter, Beauty, he plucked one of the roses.
15:45Hey.
15:46Hey.
15:49Who gave you permission to pick that rose?
15:51Well, I just thought it was, you know...
15:53I give you room and board.
15:55My maid bucks your brains out.
15:56Can you steal a rose from me?
15:59I should put you in my dungeon and give you a good thrashing.
16:02Well, I meant no harm.
16:02It's just that my beautiful, beauteous daughter, Beauty, asked that I bring her a rose.
16:07A little, nice little rose.
16:08And I can't give my daughter the finer things in life.
16:12Very well, very well.
16:14I'll not thrash you.
16:17You're a beautiful human being, you know?
16:19Unconditioned.
16:20That's a beautiful daughter, Beauty.
16:22Visit my home for a few days.
16:26Beauty is fine and delicate.
16:28I'm afraid that she would be maybe a little afraid, you understand?
16:34Yeah, you understand.
16:37Did I mention to you that I have snakes in my dungeon?
16:42Uh, Beauty, be right over.
16:44Take the first ox cart down.
16:45I'll send it right over.
16:46All right, good.
16:47And if you don't make good on your promise...
16:50I'll find it.
16:52Yes, sir.
16:53Sire.
16:57Have a nice day.
17:05Dodgers, I've returned.
17:07Oh, Father, Father, I have missed you so.
17:10Beauty.
17:12Look what I have brought you.
17:14Oh, it's so beautiful.
17:17Smell it.
17:20Where is Eliza?
17:22Well, where else?
17:24Oh.
17:34Sit down, Beauty.
17:36Come on.
17:44Sit down, Beauty.
17:44Can we talk?
17:45Of course.
17:47You know that really beautiful rose that I brought back for you?
17:51Yes.
17:52Yeah.
17:53Well, it wasn't exactly free.
17:56You see, I got a little bit tired on the trip, and I took this break and stayed at this
18:00mansion.
18:00Lyle explained everything.
18:02Well, almost everything.
18:04Quite a place.
18:04About the house, the hideous Lord Beesland, and so forth.
18:09But since you know all that, we thought you might want to know what's going on in Eliza's room.
18:16And so would I.
18:19But it's only going to be a couple of days.
18:22A couple of days, sweetheart.
18:24It sounds awful.
18:26It sounds terrible.
18:27Papa, please don't make me do it.
18:29But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but.
18:31Did you bring me any gifts?
18:33Uh, I'm afraid, dear daughter, I didn't.
18:39My trip wasn't too bound to fall.
18:40It was, uh, you wiener.
18:45What's the matter with little Miss Muffet?
18:47It's terrible.
18:48A wealthy baron insists that I come and spend a few days at his house
18:52because father picked one of his roses for me.
18:57Rich Barron?
18:58What are we waiting for?
19:00Uh, well, I'm afraid he only requested beauty.
19:03Do you know the psychological damage that you do to me when you favor her all the time?
19:08You don't understand.
19:09This, this baron is an extremely ugly, hideous guy.
19:13Hey, he's rich.
19:15I mean, how bad can he be?
19:17Hmm.
19:18Do you wait, Miss M. P. L. E.
19:19Castle, I'm only thin.
19:20He's a classic.
19:21Where do you get a classic from?
19:23I don't know.
19:24Very strange, man.
19:25Nice, man.
19:27I'm pretty sure I can have an awkward time.
19:29I'm pretty sure.
19:36Jesus H. Christ, son of a bitch!
19:39Art, you have a different name from your father.
19:42Perhaps you'd like to freshen up before...
19:46Before...
19:47Before...
19:48Before...
19:49Dinner.
19:51Dinner.
19:52I'll take you to your room.
19:54The beast was immediately charmed by the virginal beauty.
19:58Eliza, of course, was quite jealous.
20:03My dear.
20:09Tell me, do you know anything about Monopoly?
20:15Come, I'll show you.
20:21It's very easy.
20:23It's a game with words.
20:25See?
20:26Spell words.
20:29What's a quassel?
20:30What do you mean, quassel?
20:31It's castle.
20:32Q-U-A-S-T-L-E.
20:33Castle.
20:34What's the matter to you?
20:35You're just like your father.
20:39Meat.
20:41My favorite.
20:41What's the matter to you?
20:42Mm-hmm.
20:44Mm-hmm.
20:45Mm-hmm.
20:46Mm-hmm.
20:49Mm-hmm.
20:50Mm-hmm.
20:52Mm-hmm.
20:53Mm-hmm.
20:55Mm-hmm.
20:56Mm-hmm.
20:56Mm-hmm.
20:57Mm-hmm.
20:58Mm-hmm.
20:58Mm-hmm.
20:58Mm-hmm.
20:59Mm-hmm.
21:01Mm-hmm.
21:03Mm-hmm.
21:29Oh yeah no no no I can't eat sweets
21:33you know you're gone you're gone beauty why don't we have some brandy and some more monopoly as you please
21:52sire you know I'd really like some brandy right about now I was speaking only to beauty you may retire
22:01for the evening
22:07ah beauty
22:14it's often said beauty is only skim deep
22:17when ugliness goes to the ground
22:20do you believe that?
22:23certainly not
22:25I have so much love and passion inside me
22:29but my ugliness prevents anyone from seeing it
22:32that's very sad
22:34people don't realize that the beautiful diamond is embedded in dark black coal
22:40yeah yeah and the ugly caterpillar becomes the beautiful butterfly and the gnarled sticks and twigs of winter make way
22:50for the roses of spring and those sticky little wrinkled little babies become fully grown adult things and people birds
23:02are you finished?
23:03no quite
23:04I agree with you
23:05you agree with me
23:07oh beauty
23:09so many times in my life I've met women who have completely rebelled and won't even speak to me
23:14it's you
23:17you're different
23:19beauty
23:19could you
23:21could you find it in your heart too
23:25make love to me
23:27oh no wait a minute
23:28oh please beauty
23:29please
23:31I would be so grateful
23:33listen
23:33listen
23:34I'm nice
23:35and I'm empathetic
23:36and you know all that
23:37but I'm sorry
23:38I just
23:39I can't
23:40I'm sorry
23:42I'm the one that shouldn't be sorry
23:43I was wrong
23:44I asked
23:46let's enjoy the fire
23:48and the heat
24:23why does that bitch have all the luck? I mean why can't I have a rich landowner?
24:31would you settle for a rich landowner's son?
24:34of course
24:38who are you?
24:39just as I said
24:41the master's my father
24:43fortunately I got me mother's looks though
24:46lucky for you
24:50you know you really are quite attractive much more than your sister
24:56well
24:57you shouldn't have to say the right things
25:01do you believe in love at first sight?
25:07not only that
25:11I believe in
25:12you think he might not come?
25:15constantly
25:17why is it that we sit around waiting for some man to come along to take care of us?
25:26men are such great treasures
25:29no they aren't
25:30I mean sure we have Beastie downstairs
25:34but most men
25:36they're coarse
25:38hairy
25:40and rough
25:42they're not smooth and silky
25:46all clavacious
25:48and sleek
25:54and sleek
25:55are supple
25:56and round
25:58and understanding
26:03giving
26:04I mean
26:07man
26:08man doesn't even
26:10farewell
26:10you have been most gracious
26:15oh precious beauty
26:19please
26:20I will ask
26:22one more time
26:23and I will not ask again
26:25just one brief moment
26:26of love making
26:28please
26:29please
26:29and I will comfort
26:30and care for you
26:31for the rest of your life
26:32and give anything your heart deserves
26:33anything
26:38Lord Beastie
26:39you are so charming
26:41and brilliant
26:42and witty
26:44but
26:45I'm sorry
26:45I cannot
26:48oh
26:49no
26:49oh no
26:50why me
26:54what's the matter with him?
26:56did he find a zit on his nose this morning?
26:58no
27:00he's offered to marry me
27:01and take care of me for the rest of my life
27:04and bestow great riches upon me
27:05if only I would make love to him
27:08and I refused
27:12why you?
27:14why you?
27:15why you?
27:15um
27:16there there
27:17Lord Beastie Lee
27:18there there
27:19I'll take love to you
27:21that is
27:22if the
27:23if the deal's still on
27:24you know about the
27:25taking care of you
27:27you got a paper bag?
27:33my daughter
27:33did you return safely?
27:36did anybody call for me
27:37while I was gone?
27:38uh
27:38yes
27:39they're all waiting for you now
27:40little John?
27:42Friar Tuck?
27:43Robin and
27:44and Maid Marian?
27:45well uh
27:46Robin Hood and Friar Tuck
27:47uh called
27:47they're uh
27:48be a little bit late from
27:50Sherwood Forest
27:50but uh
27:51little John and Maid Marian
27:52they're uh
27:53wow
27:59what is wrong my dear?
28:02is the beast's ugliness
28:03emblazoned on your brain
28:04the way it is on mine?
28:07well indeed
28:08he's quite ugly on the outside
28:11but on the inside
28:13he's a man of great wit
28:15sensitivity
28:17romance
28:18he used to love to build a fire
28:20and we would sit by it
28:21and he would talk
28:23you must have done some incredible speaking
28:25you did
28:28well then why aren't they
28:29uh
28:30melancholy my guest?
28:31i'm not sure
28:34i turned him down
28:34when he wanted to make love to me
28:36ah
28:37jesus
28:38hate christ
28:39you're right to turn him down
28:41you'd regret it the rest of your life
28:42if you did
28:42but don't you see
28:44i turned him down
28:45merely because he was
28:46physically
28:47ugly
28:48i can dig it
28:50but he wept so bitterly
28:52you know he's a man of great sensitivity
28:55i hurt him
28:56now i feel so bad
28:58my naive one
28:59men will beg
29:01and they will plead
29:02and they will cry
29:03for the charms of the beautiful woman
29:05but i cared for him
29:07i cared for what he was on the inside
29:09don't you see
29:10he genuinely cared for me
29:13it's true
29:14sometimes you have to dig a little more deeply for
29:16true beauty
29:18father i must return to him
29:21i just cannot be true to myself if i don't
29:25well fine
29:26but if you fall in love
29:27and if you marry
29:28and
29:29would you consider adoption
29:31possibly
29:33a kid
29:35so beauty returned
29:37as fast as she could
29:38to beastland
29:39to fulfill her destiny
29:46lord beastington
29:48you
29:49you
29:50you
29:50beauty
29:51you've returned
29:52yes i've returned my life
29:54oh
29:55you have
29:56but
29:57why
29:59you
30:00you
30:02oh
30:04beauty
30:05may i
30:07undress you
30:09oh
30:11let me
30:12do it
30:18you
30:19you
30:19you
30:19know i am an animal
30:21yes
30:23oh my god it worked
30:25it worked
30:26beauty
30:27i love you
30:30you
30:30you're so
30:33you're incredibly handsome
30:36sure compared to before
30:37you see
30:39years ago a spell was put on me by a wicked witch
30:43and it could only be removed
30:46if a beautiful
30:47if a beautiful
30:48and kind woman
30:51who really and truly cared for me
30:53made love to me
30:56that's remarkable
30:59i guess sometimes being a self-sacrificing guilt-ridden ninny pays off
31:06absolutely
31:07absolutely
31:10beauty
31:11will you marry me
31:14yes
31:15oh
31:16yes
31:17hmm
31:23ah
31:23well
31:24here we are
31:26this
31:27is
31:28my grade school
31:29p.s. 48
31:31charlie
31:32and over here
31:37this
31:39is
31:39is
31:39my father
31:42i see the resemblance
31:46over here
31:48is my pen
31:49down
31:53here
31:57my window
31:59what a pain
32:01why didn't i ever think of fucking them
32:04it was a beast
32:06it was a beast
32:19oh my good woman
32:21have you a room for a wealthy adventurer
32:25upon whom a witch has cast a horrible spell
32:29right this way
32:36yes yes
32:38oh my very own beast
32:41wait i can't get this mask off
32:45help me please
32:47please it's hot in here
32:49please
32:51that's rough
32:52i can't get that
32:53and there you have it my children
32:56everyone came
32:57or at least almost everyone
33:01cause in my eyes you're beautiful to me
33:28and i just let it in
33:29and i can't get that
33:29at least i think it's not going to be well
33:32because it's simple to be the same thing
33:34it's cause anything
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